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MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents

July 22, 2019 /

This episode of My Favorite Murder features stories including a childhood encounter with a glowing-eyed figure, a grandfather stopping a robbery with rugby players, and a woman discovering her grandparents' swinger past.

The first story recounts a childhood experience in a small Wisconsin town where two girls encounter a glowing-eyed figure in a church basement. They later discover it was an elderly woman who needed help after falling off a ladder.

Next, a listener shares a tale about her grandfather, a police officer in New Zealand, who enlisted the help of local rugby players to catch robbers in a TV repair shop. The rugby players successfully apprehended the robbers, leading to a memorable night for the town.

Another story reveals a woman cleaning her grandparents' house and stumbling upon photos of their swinger parties, leading to shock and humor as she realizes her grandparents had a wild side.

The episode also includes a story about a grandmother who bravely defends her home from a burglar using a golf club, showcasing her fearless nature and quick thinking.

TLDR

Listeners share wild stories about glowing eyes, rugby players, and surprising grandparents.

Episode

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For full offer details, visit BoostMobile.com. My favorite murder And begin. Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, The Minnesota, where we read your shit to you.
00:02:42
Do you like it? We like it. Okay, this one's called Glowing Eyes in the Basement Window.
00:02:48
No. And there's no intro. Okay. Because this is for real. Because we got to get to it.
00:02:53
This episode's for real. Yeah. I grew up in a super small town in northern Wisconsin.
00:02:58
I was around 10 years old, and my best friend and I were excited to go to a youth group
00:03:02
at her church that night. Since her mom was part of the church's band, we had to get there early for them to rehearse.
00:03:07
We got there. We were the only kids. We went down to the basement where the group rooms were located to play around until the
00:03:11
group started. The basement was broken up into four quadrants, each with their own lights.
00:03:18
so we only had the lights on in our quadrant of the basement and the rest of the rooms were dark
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it was also dark outside by this time so i'm feeling a little creeped out by being
00:03:27
in this old church there's also a window in that room that was at ground level and that says important so we find a bouncy ball and we're bouncing it back and forth to each other
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when my friend bounces it wildly to me and i missed the catch the ball proceeds to bounce
00:03:42
off the walls and into the windowsill that is kind of pushed back into the wall we follow the
00:03:47
ball around the room and when it reaches said windowsill we both freeze because in this window
00:03:54
we can make out the outline of a head with the biggest glowing white eyes we both look at each
00:04:02
other with the same terrified face and start screaming as if we aren't scared enough already
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as we start to run up the stairs we can hear the figure fucking yelling no help me no
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we were practically in tears at this point and we run to her mom and explain what we saw
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she didn't believe us at first of course but we were both really distraught so she finally
00:04:24
agreed to investigate as we went outside we could hear someone still yelling help me no
00:04:31
this is when my mom's face turned to uh this is when her mom's face turned to an oh shit look
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yeah not knowing what the fuck could be behind this old church my mom decided to call the cops
00:04:40
so they could investigate. Good. Once they arrived, we went behind the church to find
00:04:44
not a terrifying glowing-eyed creature, but in fact, a poor old lady who had fallen off a ladder
00:04:51
in her backyard. She had broken her legs so when she saw the basement light turn on,
00:04:56
she crawled her way to the ground level window to see if we could help. Oh my god,
00:05:00
it's scarier. It's scarier. Her huge old lady glasses were reflecting the light coming from the basement,
00:05:05
which made her look absolutely terrifying. I felt so bad afterwards that I'd taken a...
00:05:10
long to get her help but hey better safe than sorry ssggm your favorite rugby player shelby
00:05:16
shit shelby hells yeah i know first of all my favorite girl's name shelby i'm assuming
00:05:23
that is fucking how scary is that they were they really were seeing something they it was real and
00:05:31
it was yelling help me it was real it was a poor old lady lady what are you doing on your room lady
00:05:39
Why are you on a ladder? You're an old lady. Ask your neighbor to help. If your glasses are this thick, you should not get up on a ladder.
00:05:46
Absolutely not. That's the sign I put next to all old lady ladders. And then she has the army crawl to the basement window and is like, help me.
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Help me. My neck's broken. And then these little kids start screaming at you Also like oh it like she been laying there all day And it like the light comes on She like oh oh oh
00:06:05
I'm so thirsty. Oh, God. I want a cup of tea. All I want is a cup of tea. A lemon balm tea.
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Oh, it's awful. So sad. Shit, that was a good one. Yeah. Shelbs. Okay, the subject line of this one is,
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Grandpa stops a robbery with some unlikely help. All right. Great. Page two. Sup, Karen and Georgia and Stephen.
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Hi. My dad and I were on a road trip and we swung by a little house he grew up in with his seven brothers and sisters, his mom and his dad, who was the only police officer in town.
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Their house was also the police station. Where is this? New Zealand. Okay. That suddenly makes total sense.
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Right. Seriously, the front two rooms were for police business and the family kept the bedrooms to live in.
00:06:51
And I think they shared the kitchen. Oh my god. It's amazing. When I asked my dad what the hell they did when they needed to lock somebody
00:06:57
up, he said, there was a shed in the garden. I don't know if he was joking. So good. Can you
00:07:03
imagine growing up at a police station? I asked dad what it was like for grandpa to be the one and
00:07:08
only cop in town. And he said he needed to improvise sometimes. Then he told me this story.
00:07:13
Late one night, grandpa spotted men with flashlights inside the TV and appliance repair shop,
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obviously robbing the place. Back up from New Plymouth would take over an hour to get there. Grandpa didn't want to wait because of
00:07:26
course he knew the people who own the repair shop and he couldn't just watch while robbers ruin their business. That's when he saw the lights in the local
00:07:33
rugby club were on. I like to imagine that he now said fuck protocol before he took off running for the club.
00:07:41
He burst into the room of drinking rugby players Oh, my God. And asked if anyone would like to help him catch some bad guys.
00:07:50
They were into it. The town didn't have streetlights back then, so Grandpa had to shepherd the rugby players through the pitch dark,
00:07:58
desperately trying to keep them quiet. He positioned them at the front of the shop.
00:08:03
Then he snuck around back, took a deep breath, and kicked in the back door shouting, freeze, police.
00:08:09
The robbers dropped what they were holding and bolted out the front door right into about a dozen drunk, enthusiastic rugby players.
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Amazing! As my dad said, quote, they weren't cops, so they didn't have to hold anything back.
00:08:22
Holy shit. I feel sorry for the robbers. They had not signed up for anything like what happened to them,
00:08:28
and it was dark, so they literally didn't know what hit them. Oh, my God. They were scraped off the pavement and sent to New Plymouth for processing,
00:08:36
and the rugby guys would talk about nothing else for days. I think we all dream that one day we'll get to help take down a criminal.
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Hopefully we'll be sober and not one of the 12 other huge ass men when it happens.
00:08:47
Stay sexy and help out your local cop, Lorraine. That is a perfect story. Isn't that?
00:08:53
I mean, you can just see it all happening. And as soon as you said rugby players, I'm like, oh, so fun.
00:08:59
Yes. And drunk ones to the best kind. Are there any other kind? Are there any other kind?
00:09:03
Yeah. A. B. How good are they at tackling? And punching. Punching. Punching and tackling.
00:09:09
Yes. It's what they do. And it's like you can't get by them. That's their whole job.
00:09:13
No. Is to keep you from getting by them. That's a brilliant story. God bless Lorraine.
00:09:18
I'm not going to tell you the name of this one, but I will tell you that the theme of
00:09:21
my stories today is grandparents. Okay. Because here's another one. Hello, all the wonderful people and animals of MFM.
00:09:28
Hey, that's one of the best ones yet. Easy. Love it. I have quite the slew of stories I've been meaning to write into you.
00:09:35
murderous great uncle, survivor friend's mom, high school murderers. However, once you mentioned writing in stories about secretives,
00:09:45
my cousin, can't be right. No, I get it. She wrote Secret Lives, but it was in one word.
00:09:52
Oh, she forgot to do this. Secret Lives. About secretives, which is the professional name for it.
00:09:57
That's right. My cousin, who introduced me to your podcast, insisted I finally buckle down and write this thing.
00:10:02
So here it is. Around April, I was cleaning out my grandparents' house where they lived for 62 years now.
00:10:09
They didn't pass, just had a lot of shit that needed to go and came across some interesting
00:10:14
things in the process. My grandmother, who we call Batchie, has always... It sounds like Batchie.
00:10:21
It does. B-A-T-C-H-I-E. Batchie. Batchie. Okay. Has always been known for the insane amount of photos she takes.
00:10:28
So naturally, a lot of what I found was pictures. Lots of family from growing up.
00:10:32
some of my mom and her sister when they were kids, etc. As I was working in the living room, cleaning all the wine glasses on display with Batchy,
00:10:41
she was telling me about the good old days and how all her, quote, intimate friends would come over and they would have a great time.
00:10:49
But, quote, of course not when the children were around. I was taken back by that statement, but I chalked it up to an 84-year-old woman with dementia
00:10:57
talking about throwing crazy parties with her friends, getting drunk, playing cards,
00:11:00
listening to Elvis records. I'm into all of those things. And so is Elvis. In the next few days, I found some interesting birthday cards from my nanny and grandpa Meatball.
00:11:10
What the fuck? My cousin's grandparents. Is this a cartoon character writing into us?
00:11:15
I just love that. Funny names are the best. In the hall closet, which I again was like, hmm, they have a very uncomfortable sense of humor, but chalked it up to nothing other than that.
00:11:29
and then the next paragraph says okay so I was wrong it certainly wasn't nothing
00:11:36
I moved on to clean their bedroom at this point my Batchy and Papa were staying at my mom's house so I could be slightly
00:11:42
more productive and found a box of pictures under the bed not being at all surprised
00:11:48
by this because they were quite literally boxes of pictures everywhere I opened the box
00:11:52
to look at the photos and possibly have a few laughs about my mom old boyfriends or whatever all caps nope not pictures of my mom old boyfriends or photos of us growing up Instead I found photos of my grand but from my grandparents
00:12:05
All caps. Swinger parties. No, no, no, no. Steven is pointing at the. You have photos.
00:12:12
What? Holy shit. Oh, my God. Oh, no. What I'm looking at right now. She sent them to us.
00:12:22
Oh, no. She took them and sent them to us. I love her, love her, love her. Are they old people or are they young?
00:12:29
They're middle-aged people, but it's in the 60s or 70s. I mean, 70s or 80s. But look, they're all in one bed like Charlie Bucket's grandparents.
00:12:38
It's a bunch of adults in a bed under a sheet together, smiling like little devils.
00:12:43
Oh, my God. They are having so much fun. Oh, she's touching his penis in that photo, but you can't tell.
00:12:49
And laughing her ass off, too. Oh, my God. they're like all like in one bed together let me see more let me see more holy shit there's a lot
00:13:00
of them you guys oh my god they're like all naked and how many of these can we post i don't i feel
00:13:07
like we can't post these i don't even shaking his head unless steven goes through and puts tiny black
00:13:12
bars across everybody's eyes look at this one the thing is like they're in these suggested positions
00:13:17
but they're cracking up. They're just being kind of funny, dirty drunk. Yeah. That's kind of what it seems like.
00:13:24
But also in a room that's paneled in... Wood paneling. Toil wallpaper and then wood paneling on the bottom half.
00:13:33
It's a 70... This looks like 1980 to me. It's so brown. And they look like 1980s, 40s.
00:13:40
You know what I mean? Like they're in their 40s. Yes. They look old to us. Okay.
00:13:42
It also looks like people who probably drank a ton and were bored. Yeah. And they were like, well, you look, you all have a mustache or a beard.
00:13:51
Right. We might as well just fuck each other. Like you two fucked each other in high school.
00:13:54
Like you've already seen his dick. Let's just all, I want to see your honey's dick or whatever.
00:13:59
Yes, exactly. Okay. Let me finish this. No, don't put that away. I want to keep looking at it.
00:14:03
Okay. So my grandparents, so those are her grandparents, swinger parties and a few sex toys from way
00:14:12
back in the day when my mom and aunts were growing up. and then I was mortified.
00:14:19
I immediately took pictures of the photos and sent them to my cousins so they could be just as scarred as I was.
00:14:25
That's what I would do. And had to take a break from cleaning the house for a little while.
00:14:29
Yeah, I bet you did. As I pieced all these things together, I realized what I had just stumbled upon.
00:14:34
These were all old people that I knew, all people I had dinner with and played cards with when I was young.
00:14:39
My nanny and Grandpa Meatball were both featured in these photos, as well as a few other close friends of my grandparents.
00:14:47
Needless to say, I can never really look at my grandparents the same way ever again.
00:14:50
Oh, shit. The grandparents are still alive? Yeah, she was just cleaning their house.
00:14:54
No, no. They're batches fucking kicking it. And I took my cousins down with me. There's still a lot of that house that needs to get cleaned out.
00:15:03
But quite frankly, I'm horrified to do so. Yep. So, yeah, that's the story of how I learned my grandparents were swingers.
00:15:09
Stay sexy and don't look under your grandparents' bed. delaney okay delaney delaney like melanie but with a d okay oh i'm just saying she just blew
00:15:21
up her grandpa her grandparents spot so hard like because not that many people call their
00:15:26
grandmother batchy yeah totally so people are gonna know there's gonna be people in that hometown
00:15:31
that are like excuse me oh what huh yeah that's really insane this is just like it's just they're
00:15:38
having so much fun guys sex is natural and sex is fun and everyone does it everybody everyone's
00:15:44
grandparents do it and take pictures of it oh my god it also looks like they're doing it just to
00:15:49
be like yeah just take a picture of this we're being dirty on purpose could be um and what a
00:15:55
gorgeous expression of human love that was fun and then just the photo like the fact that there
00:16:00
are photos just made it i mean i was i'm shocked hello beautiful i'm amy eric founder of madison
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off with code cry at grooms.co that's code cry at g-r-u-n-s dot c-o This is a lighthearted one that really veers from the standard norm If you have children in the car and you listening to this this is definitely rated NC
00:18:08
Fun. Ex-husband. Steven, plug your ears. Steven, get out of the room, but keep it recording.
00:18:15
The subject line of this is ex-husband's grandpa's porn. Oh, dear. Okay. Hey, Karen, Georgia, Steven, and assorted animals.
00:18:22
Before I got married, in parentheses, never again, my now ex and I moved into his parents' in-law apartment in their house.
00:18:30
Also a bad idea. His paternal grandparents lived there previously and had passed away, and some of their items were left in the apartment.
00:18:38
My ex was unpacking the linen closet and suddenly started yelling for me to come upstairs.
00:18:43
When I came up, he was pissing his pants laughing and holding an old VHS tape in his hands.
00:18:48
Apparently, he found a box of tapes at the bottom of the closet. he remembered that his grandpa took tons of photos
00:18:54
and had a camcorder running all the time my ex said he was wondering what nostalgic footage he would find
00:19:00
and he was planning on hooking up an old VCR to watch it when he flipped the first tape over to read the handwritten label
00:19:06
instead of seeing baby's first Christmas or Uncle Fred and Aunt Jane's wedding he saw printed neatly in his grandfather's handwriting
00:19:13
big tits and pink clits we both fucking died laughing and i was tempted to include the anecdote in my speech at the
00:19:31
upcoming wedding but his parents would have spontaneously combusted so i was sworn to
00:19:36
secrecy uh but i'm divorced now so fuck it stay sexy and get rid of your porn before your
00:19:42
grandchildren find it laura oh or don't and like what if that was just really was just like a baby's
00:19:48
birthday but he was like i'm gonna fuck with my grandkids when they go through my shit oh my god
00:19:53
that would be fucking hilarious he's maybe he's a little older maybe he's going a little organic
00:19:57
in the brain he's like this is funny i don't care there's what they get for looking for my thing
00:20:02
that is wow most uh that's her new t-shirt i mean for real it's so it's so disturbing i won't
00:20:10
repeat it but you'll see it in our t-shirt we're gonna get made is gonna be an old the drawing of
00:20:15
a very old man's hand holding a vhs and the writing's gonna be really small so you can't
00:20:21
see it unless you're close yeah okay i love it damn that made me laugh can i just do a real
00:20:25
quick one please this one's called my grandmother bit a nazi yes i feel like we all it's like a good
00:20:30
time in our lives hell's yeah this hello long-time listener first-time writer my grandmother wilma
00:20:35
grew up in germany in world war ii some of the families in her community took turns hiding
00:20:40
a box in their houses. This box contained valuables that belonged to the other Jewish
00:20:45
families in town. Once the Nazi soldiers heard of this, they wanted to put a stop to it.
00:20:49
When the soldiers came to my grandmother's door, her dog was barking. This gets sad.
00:20:54
So a fucking Nazi shot and killed her dog. Wilma, who was 10 to 12 years old at this time,
00:21:00
was so upset she bit the Nazi. Yes. Her family was punished and she eventually was able to flee to England before settling in Canada.
00:21:10
She never spoke much about her childhood, but someone from a community paper interviewed her and published her story in a paper.
00:21:17
I thought you would like the story about a badass little girl biting a Nazi, Erin.
00:21:22
Now I'm crying. Now I'm crying. I hate Nazis so much. Also, it's just like, think of any fucking World War II Nazi movie that you've seen and how oppressive and awful their presence is.
00:21:34
And they go into these towns and take over and fucking turn people against each other.
00:21:39
And they're monsters. And this little girl is just like, you fucking killed my dog.
00:21:45
I don't give a shit what you do. You killed my dog. I'm going to do the only thing I can.
00:21:49
I'm going to bite you. Yeah. And you fucking deserve it. You goddamn Nazi. I love Wilma.
00:21:58
Wilma. Wilma. Yay. I also love, it's, that's such a great idea that like, then she emigrates to England.
00:22:04
she emigrates to Canada. She fucking lives her private life. Yeah. And then somebody sits her
00:22:09
down and goes, Hey, what's give me some highlights. Any stories? Yeah, I got a story for you. I've
00:22:15
been a Nazi once. Yeah, as a child. And I'm here to tell the tale. So it's the subject line is
00:22:22
golf wielding grandmother. Lighthearted. Great. Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen and animals. I stumbled
00:22:28
upon your show recently, and it has made my commute to work in law school so much more enjoyable.
00:22:32
I did make the mistake of listening to your episode about the leaf man too close to bedtime
00:22:38
and ended up sleeping with the lights on because obviously murderers wait until you turn them off
00:22:43
but otherwise I'm so impressed with your wonderful mix of humor and tragedy with these dark and fascinating stories
00:22:49
my hometown isn't about a murder but an attempted robbery one day my grandma phoned to say that she was in the hospital for a broken arm
00:22:58
which on its face seems rather ordinary However, the story comes out that my grandma woke up in the middle of the night to noises coming from down the hall.
00:23:06
She lives alone and doesn't have any pets, so she knew something was up. Naturally, she grabs one of my grandpa's old golf clubs, sneaks out of her room to investigate,
00:23:14
and finds a large man rifling through her things in the living room. At this point, most people would call for help, but apparently my badass grandma thought that she would handle the situation on her own.
00:23:25
After all, she had lived through World War II in Latvia before she was... That's where my family's from.
00:23:30
Is that right? Yes. Fuck yeah. So she was forced to flee to the U.S. as a teenager after some of her family were killed.
00:23:39
Yeah, she doesn't fuck around. She's not fucking around. She doesn't scare easy.
00:23:43
So she looked around her house to make sure the man was alone, smart, popped out with her golf club raised and started beating the thief over the head
00:23:51
while shouting at him in Latvian. Good girl. He was so startled and probably concussed that he dropped what he grabbed,
00:23:57
resisted the grandma attack very briefly, which is when my grandma's arm was broken and then fled into the night.
00:24:03
He was never caught by the police, but thankfully he also never returned. Afterwards, my mom gave my grandma a lecture about the importance of calling the cops,
00:24:11
the risks of attacking intruders without knowing if they are armed or not, and how she could have made an escape instead.
00:24:17
My grandma promised that she would be more responsible, but when we visited her next, we discovered that she had placed a golf club in every room of her house.
00:24:25
Oh, grandma! anyways you're awesome so make sure you stay sexy and always carry a golf club love erica
00:24:32
oh my god fuck yeah latvian grandma doesn't take shit she couldn't have hit that hard with that
00:24:39
right like i mean just surprised the shit out of this dude yeah well it probably hurt and maybe
00:24:45
like knocked him a little senseless but yeah and then also this woman screaming at you in a foreign
00:24:51
language yeah wow that's so good incredible and i like that one yeah i do too those were all
00:24:59
amazing those were great and listen any story you have that's fucking crazy just send them to us
00:25:04
my favorite murder at gmail and stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye elvis you want a cookie good boy nice one bro from the show last night to this drive
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00:27:02
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00:27:08
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This episode stands out for the following:

  • 60
    Funniest

Episode Highlights

  • The Future of Hair Color
    Madison Reed transforms hair coloring with salon-quality products you can use at home.
    “The future of hair color is here at Madison Reed.”
    @ 01m 03s
    July 22, 2019
  • Glowing Eyes in the Basement Window
    A childhood encounter turns terrifying when two friends see a figure with glowing eyes.
    “Oh my god, it's scarier.”
    @ 05m 00s
    July 22, 2019
  • Grandparents' Swinger Parties
    A cleaning session reveals shocking photos of grandparents' wild past.
    “Needless to say, I can never really look at my grandparents the same way ever again.”
    @ 14m 50s
    July 22, 2019
  • Ex-Husband's Grandpa's Porn
    A hilarious discovery of an old VHS tape leads to unexpected laughter and embarrassment.
    “Big tits and pink clits.”
    @ 19m 13s
    July 22, 2019
  • Wilma's Defiance
    A little girl bites a Nazi after he kills her dog, showcasing her bravery.
    “You killed my dog. I'm going to bite you.”
    @ 21m 45s
    July 22, 2019
  • Badass Grandma
    A Latvian grandmother fights off a thief with a golf club, proving she's not to be messed with.
    “Oh, grandma!”
    @ 24m 25s
    July 22, 2019

Episode Quotes

  • Why is it never chill?
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents
  • Oh my god, it's scarier.
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents
  • Stay sexy and don't look under your grandparents' bed.
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents
  • Big tits and pink clits.
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents
  • You killed my dog. I'm going to bite you.
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents
  • Oh, grandma!
    MFM Minisode 132 - The Grandparents

Key Moments

  • Hair Color Revolution01:03
  • Creepy Basement Encounter05:00
  • Shocking Grandparent Discovery14:50
  • Unexpected VHS Find19:13
  • Nazi Dog Incident20:54
  • Grandma's Heroics22:54
  • Life on the Road25:16

Tension Over Time

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown