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See full terms at mintmobile.com. My savior. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder.
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The mini-sode. That's Karen Kilgarrow. Oh, that's Georgia Hartstark. We're going to read your shit back to you.
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Are you ready to hear your own emails in your face? Are you ready for this? Yeah, let's do it.
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This first email subject line, Tales from the County Morgue. I work at a mortuary.
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No greeting. Again, I'm into this. Do it your way. I work at a mortuary in Kentucky.
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I was picking up a body at the county morgue as a funeral home van pulled in with a drop-off.
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The funeral director began chatting with the security guard, beginning with, Have I got a story for you?
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After months of doing corner runs, I knew these stories were always good. In parentheses, murderino caliber good.
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So I slowed down my work so I could listen in. That's right. That's right. He's dropping at the morgue.
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That's what's fucking, that's what we're here for. That's hardcore. Okay. it's the bodies the funeral director was bringing in were from a trailer park in an adjacent county
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a man returned home to find his wife waiting for him and reveals she had found out he was having an
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affair they argue shouts escalate to threats the husband pulls out a gun and the wife gets in her
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truck to escape he shoots her twice in the head through the back window of the truck as she
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attempts to drive away she dies behind the wheel and the truck crashes bursting into flame
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The husband then douses the trailer with gasoline, lights it, takes his gun back inside, and sits down in his comfy chair.
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He calls his sister, confesses to the murder, and asks her to look in his freezer in the trailer's outbuilding.
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He hangs up, takes his gun, and shoots himself in the head as the trailer goes up in flames around him.
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Afterward, his devastated sister follows his instructions, goes to his freezer in the outbuilding to find,
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packaged in individual bags, the dismembered body parts of his mistress. I spoke to the embalmer who had the job of arranging these parts for an ID viewing,
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who noted that, one, the parts were all in different stages of decay, and two, the torso was missing.
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I later found out the likely reason why from a co-worker who had friends in that county, the lady was pregnant.
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Which is likely why he decided his mistress had to go. Yikes. SSDGM, Katie. Well, that is just a whole bunch of fucked up-edness.
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It's so intense and horrible. And it's that kind of thing where everybody loses it.
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It's not fair to the women. That guy just fucking plows through everyone's life and ruins it for everyone.
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And dies himself. Yeah. On his own fucking terms. Right. And and but it's like somewhere somewhere there has to be the realization that getting help.
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Yeah. Is better than ending up like that. Yeah. Somewhere at some point. Yeah. Hopefully.
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I think a lot of people do. And some people just don't have that fucking capacity.
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Yeah. True. And then it just becomes just tragedy stories that people are overhearing because then the people at the morgue all those bodies are it a worse and worse state of I mean good God
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This one's called Uncovered Juicy Family Secrets. And I'm reading it because I want everyone to send us their family secrets, please.
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Yes. Like your fucked up juicy family secrets. Please. That's all we're here for.
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It starts, hey gang, I know you hate cheesy intros, so let's get started. My father died a few years ago, but something I found out after he died was that his father
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tried to kill him as an infant, suffocate him with a pillow. And my dad had a restraining order
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on him, which is why we never knew my dad's parental side of the family. So I've never known
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anybody with my last name. But anyway, this year to cope with his grief, my brother did some digging
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into my dad's dad's side. And turns out he had a secret half brother who was a locally famous
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radio personality. My brother met with him and said he looked to talk and acted so creepily
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similar to my dad. Also turns out my piece of shit grandfather also tried to kill him and his mom.
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What? So they cut off that side of the family as well never knowing any family since his
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mom didn't have any. They would have been such great friends. Which is so sad. They would have been brothers. Yeah.
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Both were only children of single moms. Another development. My brother kept digging and it turns out my dad has
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nine more siblings. Shitty grandpa had seven kids with a woman, got rich somehow, and had
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a ton of grandchildren who adored him. And then it says, ugh, which is very confusing since he was literally a monster
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to my dad and his secret semi famous half brother. I don't know how much of this my dad knew. Probably none
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of it. It may have been too painful for him. Anyway, my piece of shit grandfather is dead
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now for the past decade, but I will never stop digging. Seems like the older you get,
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the more family secrets come out. Yeah. Anyway, I love you guys so fucking much. Lauren.
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God, is this like the new thing because of the all these ancestry and 23andMe where people are like, it's secrets that for decades people have been able to hide.
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It's like, well, now here it is. And it doesn't happen. A lot of people don't suspect something and so don't do it until their parents die.
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And then like, that wasn't my dad. And they have no one they can ask questions to.
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Yeah. And no one to kind of confront and go, is there a reason this was happening?
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Look, I wasn't not stoked. Wait. I wasn't not bummed that I didn't have a secret sibling when I did my DNA test.
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you know what I mean? Or that I wasn't adopted. Right. Because I don't look exactly like my dad.
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There's no way. But I wasn't like, I was hoping for some, some little drama. A little branch off that family tree.
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Sure. That kind of went somewhere else. Yeah. That kind of went all curly and weird.
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Nope. It's fascinating. Well, and also I think it's, it might be nice to people here.
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And then they're like, oh, I'm not the only one with this weird secret family with all this crazy shit.
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You guys, everyone has crazy shit in their family. Just because my family is actually my family.
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doesn't mean we don't have a bunch of crazy fucking secrets and shit for real you know for
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real my dad knows how to use a switchblade that's all i'm saying okay so this just says hometown
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story is the subject line hello karen georgia and the pack yeah i love that the pack can you
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imagine if my dogs and your cats all got together and like ran as a pack oh that would be cute
00:08:22
Elvis jumps on to George's back to go in the trash can. Yep. And they all, they make a pyramid and they go to Hawaii together.
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Okay. When I was a 21 year old college student, I had this sense that I was invincible.
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Oh God. Hello. This meant a lot of solo night walks home from the bar and parentheses.
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Kids don't try this at home. One night I was less than half a block from my apartment when it happened.
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I felt large hands firmly grabbing my shoulders from behind. I froze. I couldn't move, scream, or react in any way.
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All I could think was, it's happening, this is it. As the hands grip on my shoulders got tighter and forced me into the street, where they
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then abruptly let go. I spun around to look and took in the following scene. Standing at the front gate of the house that I was just about to walk past was a frat bro
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drunkenly pissing onto the sidewalk. In the street next to me was the gentleman who saw that I was just about to unknowingly
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walk into a non-consensual golden shower. and recognizing that there was no time to intervene in any other way,
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grabbed me mere inches from disaster and pulled me out of harm's way. I thanked him.
00:09:30
He said, you're welcome. And we parted ways. If you're out there, kind sir, I still appreciate what you did for me that day.
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Stay sexy and don't walk home alone at night and don't get peed on by strangers.
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Jana. Oh, my God. That's like the best possible outcome. It is the perfect turn.
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It's the perfect turn. That's amazing. Isn't that crazy? I wonder, was the guy his friend or something?
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Or he was... If it was just a bunch of people walking home from a bar, you just had better vision than
00:09:57
she did or something? Lucky. Yeah. Okay. This is a grandma squirreling story. Squirreling?
00:10:04
Squirreling away. Oh, okay. Yes, yes. Squirreling shit away. Got it. Hey, friends, human and furry.
00:10:10
I just listened to the Minnesota grandparents squirreling random items, so I remembered my
00:10:14
own grandmother's story. My grandmother told me when she and my grandfather were young and just starting out that my grandpa would constantly complain about the amount of shoes she had Not much changes over the years do they Well this major complaint was not just that she had so many shoes but that she had too many pairs of shoes that were too worn down to wear again anyway
00:10:33
As you can imagine, a newly married couple living in Montana in the early 60s did not have the biggest home, so he wanted her to clear out some room in the house.
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My grandma refused and thought that was that until one day she came home to her husband burning the trash in a metal barrel.
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No. They lived on a small ranch in Montana, so this was pretty normal. She didn't think anything of it until she noticed multiple pairs of her old shoes were gone.
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Yet my grandpa took it upon himself to clear out the closet of my grandma's old shoes.
00:11:00
Now, I told you this is a squirreling story. So my grandma went running out of the house, cursing my grandpa and trying to put out the fire.
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She exclaimed that inside those shoes is where she hid all her extra cash. that she would make from odd jobs and babysitting from other ranch families.
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Apparently, my stubborn grandpa burnt over $100 in cash by simply trying to clean up the closet.
00:11:21
And then it says to save you, well, Stephen, time, that's around $800 to $1,000 now.
00:11:26
Oh, no. Stay sexy and don't hide money in your shoes, Whitney. I'm so glad that I was immediately thinking
00:11:36
it was going to be like tens of thousands of dollars. So thank God. Yeah, $800 to $1,000 when you're fucking living on a ranch trying to make ends meet.
00:11:45
Young newlyweds. That's so much money. You know what's funny is that immediately the picture in my mind was this pair of shoes that I had when I was 19 that I loved so much that were these little slip-on.
00:11:57
They almost look like rich guy slippers where they were black, flat, and they had a weird little crest at the top.
00:12:04
and I wore them until they had a hole in the bottom, and then I put electrician's tape over the hole,
00:12:11
because I couldn't find them anywhere else. So I just kept doing that, and that's the first pair of shoes I imagine were in that grandma's closet.
00:12:18
Well, I don't really understand where the money would have gone, but that's not our business.
00:12:21
I guess maybe in the toe. Yeah, but also, why is she hiding it? I mean, like, what?
00:12:27
Anyway. A lot of questions. I looked. No answers. That money got burnt. And listen, hopefully after that, they started sharing some secrets with each other.
00:12:37
You got to at least tell your life partner where you're hiding money. Yes, especially because you'll forget.
00:12:42
I told Minzor I was hiding money once because I was like, never let me throw that coat away.
00:12:48
OK. Hello, beautiful. I'm Amy Erick, founder of Madison Reed, a hair color company I named after my daughter.
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The future of hair color is here at Madison Reed. Bro, from the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill?
00:13:23
Because this is our life backstage on the road. It's loud, messy, real. And that's the best part.
00:13:29
whole crew, no plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks,
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real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it. That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked
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number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. Power. Yeah, you can tell. 2026
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Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial Quality Study Award
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information, visit jdpower.com slash awards. Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models
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wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird.
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Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. I'm not going to read this subject line
00:14:35
Hello lovely friends and animals I listen all the time to get through my boring desk job
00:14:41
And you guys keep me laughing and make the time fly by I'm always trying to remember different things
00:14:45
That have happened to me to write in about But I never have any luck Which is why I was excited when I realized
00:14:51
my grandma is a badass bitch that spent her younger life as a nurse in the Bronx,
00:14:56
jumping buildings at rooftop parties and doing things I can never imagine my Irish Catholic
00:15:00
grandma doing. It's so amazing. Because also, Irish Catholics were very bottom heavy, usually.
00:15:07
It's not easy to jump from roof to roof. Okay, so she's let a few stories slip. Like the one time she told us on her way to work one day, she stopped at the phone booth
00:15:17
to make a call and went to lean her elbow down when she felt something squishy. No.
00:15:22
She immediately pulled her arm away to see a fucking human eyeball. She knew it was a human eye because she was a nurse and she had no idea how it got there But she figured she better just leave it for whoever left it there to find I can do eyeballs You can
00:15:36
I have a hard time with eyeballs. You did the eyeball killer. I did. It was hard.
00:15:40
It is really gross. And also, did that person go in there to call 911? What are you making calls for?
00:15:49
Oh, God. Or it could have just been someone that was trying to fuck with people and it wasn't real.
00:15:54
Let's pretend it was a cow's eyeball. Let's pretend it was a cow's eyeball that was also not real.
00:15:59
Right. Okay. Another story. It was like a fake cow. Another story my grandma loves is how on long shifts at the hospital, when she would need a nap, all the break rooms would be full of other people sleeping or doing the do.
00:16:13
And it was almost never a nice, quiet space where she could get some rest. So she decided to start taking naps in the morgue on the fucking examination tables.
00:16:22
Apparently, she was friends with the mortician and he didn't mind. I love to hear her crazy stories and hopefully one day she'll spill more of the beans.
00:16:29
But until then, SSDGM Finn. Yeah. I love those. I want to talk to grandma. I mean, you're a nurse in the Bronx back in the day.
00:16:38
You've got some fucking stories. There's some stories to tell. Uh-huh. Oh, the eyeballs.
00:16:43
Oh, the eyeballs. Okay. This one's very lighthearted. It says, it starts, stop. When I was five years old, my mom woke me up at around 6 a.m.
00:16:52
and frantically scurried me and my brother into my parents' bed. She was shaking and I could hear my dad clacking around the house.
00:16:59
Clattering around the house. She was shaking and I could hear my dad clattering around the house.
00:17:04
About five minutes later, I heard the back door close and a couple minutes after that, the police were knocking on our door.
00:17:10
Once my parents had chilled the fuck out and the cops were gone, I was told what had gone down.
00:17:14
When my dad had gotten up to start his day, he walked into the bathroom to find a man taking a bubble bath.
00:17:20
What? What? dad started yelling to mom to quote call 9-1-1 call 9-1-1 side note i'm from melbourne australia
00:17:31
so you should 100 dial 000 but hollywood and panic are powerful entities so he said call 9-1-1
00:17:38
even though it was even though that wasn't their emergency number that's hilarious dad was hiding
00:17:41
all the knives while my mom was protecting the children when they heard a little voice say excuse
00:17:45
me would you be able to close the door oh and can someone grab me a towel after the intruder had
00:17:51
soaked himself spa jets on and everything he quietly let himself out of the back door and
00:17:56
sauntered off to start his day the police didn't quite know how to handle it to be honest they
00:18:00
probably thought it was fucking hilarious so he added an extra lock to the back door and gave that
00:18:05
tub a good scrub it yeah love everything you do stay sexy and never underestimate the importance
00:18:10
of a good soak hashtag self-care hillary what i don't know where i don't know i agree
00:18:19
oh my god that's hilarious nothing he wasn't doing anything he wasn't and he kind of wasn't
00:18:26
worried about it it seems like alright send us your stories drugs the answer is always drugs
00:18:33
my favorite murder at gmail send us your weird stories family secrets let's do this
00:18:38
we love it all and stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye Elvis you want a cookie
00:18:44
bro from the show last night to this drive why is it never chill because this is our life backstage on the road it's loud messy
00:18:54
real and that's the best part whole crew no plan just moving good thing nissan builds for that kind
00:19:01
of chaos not just test tracks real life scenes late nights road trips all of it that's why it
00:19:08
holds up nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by jd power yeah
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You can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial
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