00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them,
00:00:40
you should check out a podcast called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn.
00:00:46
Each episode spotlights standout audiobooks on Audible across all kinds of genres.
00:00:51
Sci-fi, comedy, romance, thrillers, and more. With Cal talking to guests who help break down what makes each story worth listening to.
00:00:57
It's a fun, easy way to discover your next great audiobook. Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:06
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00:01:47
And welcome to My Favorite Murder, the mini-sode, where we read you your stuff that you've written us.
00:01:53
Congratulations. You wrote it in. thanks for doing our work for us you did the work now we get the rewards
00:02:01
we literally couldn't do it without you literally thank you sis so much do you want me to go first?
00:02:08
okay also we're recording this the week before it's airing anything's possible in our culture
00:02:15
in our world right now but we hope you're safe and strong and fighting the good fight
00:02:20
that's right and in the meantime let me tell you about when Claire's great-grandfather stayed sexy and was subsequently murdered because of it.
00:02:30
Great. I went ahead and labeled this as geographically accurate as possible in case you do D.C. hometowns.
00:02:36
While I was home in the suburbs of D.C. for Thanksgiving, I was finally able to get the story of how my mom's grandfather was murdered.
00:02:44
For years, she never spoke about it and would always change the subject when I asked.
00:02:49
After a few glasses of wine and light prying, I finally got the story that I simply had to share with you all.
00:02:54
My grandfather was the youngest of nine children, and his father, my great-grandfather John, was a butcher.
00:03:00
My family jokes that my great-grandmother married him to make sure she always had enough food for her kids.
00:03:05
My grandma, too. Married a butcher. Hell yes. Great-grandfather John worked in Virginia as a butcher during the Great Depression,
00:03:13
a time where, as you can imagine, no one could afford to buy meat. It is important to note that this was pre-civil rights era and Virginia was deeply segregated.
00:03:21
This meant the people of color could only purchase meat from butchers through the side or back doors and could not go through the front door.
00:03:29
Fuck that shit. Am I right? In parentheses. My great grandfather, John, thought the rules were stupid and wanted anyone who could afford meat to feel welcome in his store.
00:03:38
Apparently, one day, John was seen by some local Klansman, quote unquote, letting people of color come through the front door to buy meat from him.
00:03:45
that night the local chapter of the kkk murdered my great-grandfather outside his store while he
00:03:51
was locking up in a weird way i'm extremely proud that he was murdered for being ahead of his time
00:03:55
by not being a racist piece of shit so while he was indeed murdered i would also argue that he
00:04:01
stayed sexy by not being a discriminating asshole oh and don't worry about my grandfather and his
00:04:07
eight siblings my great-grandmother married another butcher after john's murder love you guys can't
00:04:14
wait to see y'all in D.C., Claire. Wow. I mean, yeah, you sacrificed your life for the greater good
00:04:22
and not being a piece of shit. Like, what more could you wish for? It's, you know...
00:04:29
A lot more. It makes you think that maybe we should all donate 50 bucks to Black Lives Matter if we can. Why not?
00:04:36
Or any of the associated jail fund or bail funds out there. There's lots of things you can find
00:04:44
on social media to be an active participant in helping this movement and the people that are
00:04:49
that are on the front lines. ACLU is a great place to do it. Okay, a lot of great ones.
00:04:56
So I thought we'd get real dark and deep and sad and do someone wrote in the hometown murder of
00:05:01
Matthew Shepard. Wow, which somehow we've never done. It's an important story. So let's get to it.
00:05:06
I'm from the good state of Wyoming. And for those who don't know, because I get the question a lot,
00:05:10
Wyoming is located in the Midwest United States above Colorado. Thank you. The total population for the state is 50,000, which is fucking crazy.
00:05:20
It's tiny and is overall a laid back state. My story is about the murder of Matthew Shepard.
00:05:26
Matthew Shepard was born in Casper, Wyoming in 1976. He was strongly present in the theater community, attending the American School in Switzerland,
00:05:34
Catawaba College, Casper College, and became a first-year political science major at the
00:05:42
University of Wyoming in Laramie, with a minor in languages. In 1995, Shepard was beaten and
00:05:48
raped during a high school trip to Morocco. According to his mom, this caused him to suffer
00:05:53
from extreme depression and anxiety ultimately believed to be the reason that he returned to go to school back home Not long after his return home on the night of October 6 1998
00:06:05
fuck it, I was 18. I remember this fucking clearly. Matthew was approached by Aaron McKinney and
00:06:10
Russell Henderson at the Fireside Lodge in Laramie. All three of them were in their early
00:06:16
20s. McKinney and Henderson offered to give Matthew a ride home. They drove to a remote area
00:06:22
in Laramie, where they robbed, pistol whipped and tortured Matthew and then tied him to a fence and
00:06:27
left him to die. Matthew was found 18 hours later in a coma by a biker and died six days later at
00:06:34
the age of 21. At McKinney's November 1998 pre-trial hearing, McKinney had stated in an
00:06:41
interview on October 9th that he and Henderson had identified Shepard as a robbery target and
00:06:46
pretended to be gay to lure him out to their truck and that McKinney had attacked Shepard
00:06:50
after Shepard put his hand on McKinney's knee. Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson were charged
00:06:56
with first-degree murder following Shepard's death. Both McKinney and Henderson were convicted
00:07:01
of the murder and each received two consecutive life sentences. Matthew's murder brought national
00:07:06
and international attention to hate crime legislation at the state and federal levels.
00:07:11
In October 2009, the United States Congress passed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr.
00:07:17
Hate Crimes Prevention Act, commonly known as the Matthew Shepard Act. On October 28, 2009, President Barack Obama signed and established the Matthew Shepard Foundation.
00:07:30
Shepard's death inspired films, novels, plays, and songs, most commonly American Triangle by Elton John and the Laramie Project,
00:07:38
which I performed when I was in high school as my theater teacher was best friends with Matthew.
00:07:43
The play is all 100 interviews compiled together by Moises Kaufman. All of those who were around the area during the time who knew Matthew, the protesters, both good and bad, officers on the scene, and even some transcripts from trial.
00:08:02
His dad described him as an optimistic and accepting young man who had a special gift of relating to almost everyone.
00:08:08
He was the type of person who was very approachable and always looked to new challenges.
00:08:13
Matthew had a great passion for equality and always stood up for the acceptance of people's differences.
00:08:18
I know this story is heavy, but with Pride Month and current events of the world, I think it's important to share as things are changing, but not changing enough.
00:08:25
I attached a link to the Matthew Shepard Foundation, which is an LGB nonprofit organization headquartered in Casper, Wyoming, by Dennis and Judy Shepard in the memory of Matthew.
00:08:35
The foundation runs education, outreach and advocacy programs should anyone want to donate.
00:08:40
Stay sexy and be the voice for the voiceless. Ashton. Amazing job, Ashton. That was great.
00:08:48
I remember so well. I mean, it's so horrible. It's such a horrible, horrible story.
00:08:53
But also, I think that's, you know, they make a great point in an email, which is kind of like it's Pride Month.
00:09:00
And that's that's the reason that that there is Pride Month. It's like it's it's parties.
00:09:05
It's parades. I mean, not this year, not quarantine. What will they do? quarantine. But I mean, there's the fun aspect, which is basically living your life and celebrating
00:09:17
your life. But then there also is like what people have had to come through in this country
00:09:23
because they were gay. And it's important to talk about it. And it's important to talk about
00:09:26
those struggles. The subject of this email is baby Jessica's predecessor. Now, this happens a lot
00:09:33
when we do a story or talk about one specific thing. It happens more with recommendations,
00:09:38
where you'll recommend one show and then there'll be all these people that come to me on Twitter
00:09:43
going, have you ever watched this? And it's like, yes, I was talking about the other thing that
00:09:48
person did. But that doesn't mean that I don't know about every other thing they've done. You
00:09:52
would maybe want to assume I would know it. It's really hilarious to me. But so these got brought
00:09:58
up a lot. But I actually read about all of these because this story of somebody caught trapped in
00:10:05
a place in capturing the imagination of America has happened. Well, there were two big ones before baby Jessica.
00:10:12
And so this is one of when I saw this, I was like, oh, great, because now someone's done
00:10:16
the work for me. OK. And I'm going to look like I'm a weird trapped in a well obsessive, which we all know you
00:10:22
are, which I am. Yes. Now, imagine if there was a pervert trapped in a well inside of a well and he's a pervert.
00:10:32
He's a pervert, but he's perverted for treasure, just like me. Baby Jessica's predecessor.
00:10:36
Hey, Queens, I just finished your May 7th episode, Symbolic Violins, and I was struck by the similarities between Baby Jessica's story and something that happened back in 1925.
00:10:47
Have you read about Floyd Collins? Yes, I have. Fair warning, it's not a happy ending.
00:10:53
I don't think I know this one. It's pretty amazing. In the early 20th century, Kentucky went through a period known as the Cave Wars, where explorers were constantly competing to commercialize the biggest and best cave system underground, which is hilarious.
00:11:07
Do you remember the mystery spot up in Northern California? I know the stickers.
00:11:11
I don't know the spot. Yeah. The bumper stickers you see all the time. Yeah. They're so cool.
00:11:16
They're the original ones from the 50s because there's a classic picture of my dad's family.
00:11:22
they lived in the Sunset District in San Francisco nine Irish kids and apparently their kitchen table
00:11:31
or their dining room table where they all ate had bedrooms bordering the room I'm sure it was just a tiny house
00:11:37
so there's one picture my dad showed me he goes hey that was my bedroom and it's them sitting at the dinner table
00:11:44
but behind them is a bedroom door with a mystery spot bumper sticker on the door
00:11:48
oh my god so long ago Yeah I know It like literally from 1958 Okay Anyway that was just a personal brag that I knew about the mystery spot But I just love this idea This was early entertainment for early Americans Go to a cave Caves
00:12:05
No, we have a better cave. Cave Wars. Okay. Okay. Okay, I'm into it. Okay. Floyd had already had some moderate success with his crystal cave, but it was remote and he was super ambitious.
00:12:20
He wanted to open a cave closer to the public and make a pretty penny. So he made an agreement to open up a new option called Sand Cave on his neighbor's property and share the profits.
00:12:30
While he was working, parentheses, crawling through a all caps literal hole in the ground in order to widen the passengers passageways and parentheses, close parentheses.
00:12:41
A falling rock pinned his left leg and trapped him 150 feet underground, stuck in a freaking crawl space with his lamp extinguished and no food or water.
00:12:52
He was found the next day by his family and friends who sent him crackers to eat and an electric lamp for light and warmth.
00:12:59
He managed to survive underground for more than a week while the folks above organized rescue options.
00:13:06
A local journalist, Skeets Miller, Skeets, Skeets Miller reported daily on the rescue efforts.
00:13:13
He was a smallish dude, so he was able to crawl down into the hole for an interview with Floyd.
00:13:18
in parentheses, all caps. An underground interview. Come on, journalism. I hope they gave him
00:13:24
fucking opium, too, because what a bummer. For real. That's such a nice idea. Here, Floyd, put this in your cheek
00:13:32
and just let it dissolve. He was even able to dig a lot of the earth away from Floyd's body in an attempt to
00:13:40
aid rescuers. His reports were distributed and printed in papers all across the country, which led to a national
00:13:47
interest in Floyd's situation. Radio broadcasts and news bulletins drew unimaginable crowds to the scene, and the grounds above the cave were covered with vendors, reporters, and thousands of tourists.
00:13:58
It was the third biggest media event of its time. It was a goddamn circus complete with popcorn.
00:14:05
Wow. Unfortunately, the cave passage suffered a collapse in two places during rescue attempts.
00:14:09
Maybe because all the fucking popcorn makers and tourists are above him. I think this was back before people understood that you could absolutely set a perimeter and people will stand wherever you say.
00:14:20
You don't have to let him come right up to the mouth of the hole. Right. Which is the same thing as the mouth and the hole.
00:14:27
Leaders tried to dig a lateral tunnel above Floyd, but by the time his body was reached, he had already died of exposure.
00:14:34
They left his body there and filled the shaft with debris while the whole mess of media and tourists quickly dispersed.
00:14:41
Two months later, Floyd's brother Homer ended up digging a new tunnel on the opposite side of the cave passage to retrieve his body and give him a proper burial.
00:14:51
And if that wasn't enough, in 1927, Floyd's father sold the homestead and the cave and the new owner, all caps, displayed Floyd's body in a glass topped coffin inside Crystal Cave.
00:15:04
Two years later, yeah, his fucking body was stolen. When it was recovered, the injured left leg was missing.
00:15:11
Jesus, just let the dude rest in peace. The reason I know so much about a man dying in a Kentucky cave, it's a musical.
00:15:19
It's called Floyd Collins, and it was the first show I did with Syracuse University's musical theater program.
00:15:25
I won't force feed you any of the videos of me in the show. I wish you would. I fucking love that.
00:15:31
We're in a quarantine. I won't force feed you any videos of me in the show, but I will share with you this Spotify link to one of the most beautifully heartbreaking songs I've ever heard.
00:15:41
It's called How Glory Goes. This is Floyd stuck in the cave contemplating what heaven will be like when he gets there.
00:15:47
Oh, my God. Wow. Anyway, I live in Manhattan, which means I've barely left my apartment since mid-March.
00:15:52
I've taken to climbing all the stairs in my building for exercise. And the only thing that gets me through this torture is your podcast.
00:16:00
Thank you for all the incredible philanthropic work you do and for always making me laugh out loud.
00:16:05
Love, Victoria. Philanthropic. Philanthropic. That's so nice. that is nice thank you like we're in the philharmonic i always george i didn't know
00:16:16
you played the oboe great that's a great one like if you're like karen do you know this one
00:16:22
just send the hometown instead i'm like you describe it i love the like follow-ups you know
00:16:27
like oh well actually my mother-in-law was there the thing you're telling and here's her experience
00:16:31
and here's the story you didn't know about that those are great it's like a telephone game through
00:16:36
the podcast where it's like, you know, you mentioned Floyd being stuck in a cave. Well,
00:16:39
there was also, it's the best. Right. Those are great. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer,
00:16:46
Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are
00:16:50
already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time
00:16:58
to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation and Hyundai doesn't either.
00:17:02
Hyundai has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:17:08
Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day.
00:17:15
From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:17:21
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:17:26
If you're always on the lookout for a great audiobook or just want help figuring out what to listen to next,
00:17:31
there's a podcast you should know about. It's called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart
00:17:35
Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn. Each episode takes a closer look at some of the most talked
00:17:40
about new audiobooks on Audible, spanning a wide range of genres from sci-fi and literary fiction
00:17:45
to rom-coms, thrillers, and comedy. Cal is joined by guests who dig into what these stories are
00:17:50
about, what makes them stand out as audiobooks, and why they're connecting with listeners right
00:17:54
now If you looking for your next listen this is a great place to start Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Goodbye
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00:18:56
Goodbye. Okay, I'm not going to read the subject line. Okay. Hey there, ladies, and happy almost birthday to my birthday twin, Georgia.
00:19:06
That's me. Oh. Okay, here goes. We're a little early with almost birthday. Well, this is for next week, though.
00:19:13
Look, that's fine. Oh, wait. Today's my birthday, considering this is going up next Monday.
00:19:19
So today's our birthday. Me and Kendall. Really? Are you sure? Happy birthday. No.
00:19:23
Isn't your birthday June 8th? Yeah. Isn't next week June 8th? Next Monday is... Yeah, next Monday is June 8th.
00:19:30
Happy birthday. It's canceled this year. I'm donating my birthday to anyone who needs it.
00:19:39
I didn't even think to do the forward time math of being the one that says happy birthday to you at the top of the show next year in Paris oh we're
00:19:50
going to have a birthday bash on the Eiffel Tower okay happy birthday we love you Georgia thank you
00:19:56
happy birthday Kendall too um oh yeah okay here goes in the early 2000s a couple in my town we'll
00:20:02
call them Rich and Diane we're going through a bitter divorce and there were disputes over the
00:20:06
rock quarry that they own together which rock quarries in any fucking disappearance story
00:20:11
red flags. Bad news. Yeah, not good. Not good. As well as custody of their two daughters who
00:20:17
were splitting time between each parent's house. One evening, Rich brought his daughters to Diane's
00:20:21
house to stay for the week. But when they get there, they realize she was gone, like done
00:20:25
disappeared, gone. No sign of her and no indication that she took anything with her, which was, of
00:20:31
course, very suspicious. Fast forward two years and she's still missing and rumors are swirling
00:20:36
around our small town because it's always the husband, right? Right. But Rich has an alibi and
00:20:41
have been cleared by the cops. Due to Diane's disappearance, Rich got all rights to the rock
00:20:46
quarry and was still running it like before. One day, he and his business partner were digging near
00:20:52
a damaged well, and they hid a large chunk of concrete, which shouldn't have been there,
00:20:57
which they thought was really curious. They kept digging and uncovered a dead dog. Okay,
00:21:02
that's even weirder, they thought, and then they pulled up a chunk of concrete with a human hand
00:21:07
sticking out of it. Yep, they accidentally dug up Diane's discarded body. It took the police a while
00:21:13
to unravel the mystery, but it turns out that Diane was seeing a much younger man that worked
00:21:18
at their quarry at the time of her disappearance, and they went on a date to go sight in some rifles,
00:21:23
and this says small town shit. Turns out the guy ended up accidentally shooting her in the head in
00:21:29
his truck as they were getting out, and he freaked out and didn't think anyone would believe him,
00:21:33
So he dismembered and hid her body on the very quarry that she owned. Oh, unfortunately, he wasn't a prime spot picker and ended up getting caught in his recklessness.
00:21:42
It turned out to be Diane's pet dog that was buried above her to throw off anyone digging.
00:21:48
He must have gotten this idea by watching really bad true crime TV shows like my sister and I used to,
00:21:53
because this is how I found out my sister was a murderino when we were kids, when she casually told me, quote,
00:21:58
If you want to hide a body, just bury it standing up and put a dead dog above it to throw off whoever is digging.
00:22:04
What the fuck, Cassie? You're nine. Cassie, you can come into my room if you want to.
00:22:12
Cassie, you're cool. Although I think this story disproves that theory and shows that anything can happen to solve a cold case when you least expect it.
00:22:19
SSDGM, Kendall. Wow. Yeah. And also that the husband had to find his own missing.
00:22:25
Yeah. And was, of course, a suspect. Right. I mean, I'm sure some people still think he has something to do with it because it's so suspicious.
00:22:34
But right. All right. So I'm going to I'm going to turn. I'm going to now take another left turn for us.
00:22:39
Let's do it. And the subject line of this email is a classic MFM perv. Hi, everybody. We love those guys.
00:22:46
Hi, everybody. For your consideration, I am submitting this entry for inclusion in the lengthy canon of MFM pervs.
00:22:53
He didn't jerk off with cheese that I know of, but I think he's still worthy. Okay.
00:22:59
Oh, my God. I love it. This guy, we should have done a perv trigger warning before for anybody.
00:23:04
You're doing it. We don't know. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. This could be really not that big of a deal.
00:23:09
This guy terrorized my hometown of Newark, Delaware. So it might not be pronounced Newark because you know how they do the state to state name change.
00:23:18
Yeah, I love to do that. They love to do it. I'm going to do the New Jersey pronunciation.
00:23:22
New York, Newark, Delaware, when I was a student at the university there in August of 2010,
00:23:27
Then he started breaking into the houses of female students and making his way to their bedrooms where he would proceed to get under the covers and start spooning them.
00:23:36
Oh, God. When the girls woke up to the random ass stranger cuddling them, he would flee into the night.
00:23:43
Naturally, the town was quickly ablaze with rumor and suspicion about a man who became known as the Newark Knapper.
00:23:50
Fortunately, one day a police officer saw the Napper walking down the street and recognized his face from a composite sketch made from victim accounts.
00:24:00
All the time. He was arrested and charged with burglary, unlawful sexual contact, and offensive touching.
00:24:05
As far as I know, he was convicted because the attacks stopped as quickly as they began.
00:24:10
When the Napper's identity was revealed, I was shocked to discover that I had once hung out with him.
00:24:16
Fuck! Small towns! That was a real... I didn't see that coming. I love small towns.
00:24:22
He played in the university jazz ensemble. Well, of course. Get your trombone. You child.
00:24:28
What do you think is happening? Take your oboe and shove an oboe and get the hell out of my bed.
00:24:34
That's right. He played in the university jazz ensemble with a good friend of mine.
00:24:37
One night, my roommates and I had a party, and that friend brought a few of his jazz bandmates.
00:24:42
I have a vivid memory of being in my living room, and the person I would later learn was the Newark Napper bursting into song, singing several acapella verses of some Brazilian bossa nova tune.
00:24:54
I remember thinking, huh, this guy seems a little off. And how. This is one of the most beautifully written hometowns we've gotten ever.
00:25:04
That's good shit. Such a good job. Okay. Anyway, thanks for reading and for creating something as reliably entertaining as this
00:25:10
podcast. You guys are hilarious. Also, shout out to my wife, Kate, who's been listening to MFM for years and told me several
00:25:17
times that I needed to start. She was right per usual. Oh, good job. Stay sexy. And if someone starts singing Brazilian acapella at your college party, call the fucking FBI.
00:25:27
Mike. Nice one, Mike. It's not an overreaction. Just do it. It's the real deal. Anytime
00:25:35
acapella comes up in a non-acapella festival situation, it is your right to call the authority.
00:25:42
If you're going to go to Asphalt on the Green or whatever and go to the acapella fucking concert, fine.
00:25:48
Sing it. But not at a fucking college party. If it's a voluntary thing you bought tickets for because
00:25:53
you just love Pitch Perfect so much as a film, and that on you no if someone brings acapella into your natural environs right and you get you get to absolutely how about unprompted acapella Is it fucking a crime Sorry Okay Here my last one
00:26:11
So sorry. Sorry that we're right. I'm sorry about your party. Okay. This one's a meet cute.
00:26:18
Okay. This one, I'm not going to read you the title, but the beginning starts spooky quarantine,
00:26:24
which I guess is the new one. Here we go. Spooky quarantine. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just heard you lovely ladies discussing all the reasons never to go in a balcony at a party.
00:26:35
But I have one. I was living in Baltimore in my early 20s in a cute little row home when my roommates and I decided to host a Fourth of July barbecue.
00:26:44
We each invited people and through a crazy series of serendipitous events, a man from Alabama who was living in my home city of Philly ended up at the party with a friend.
00:26:53
Neither of them really knowing anyone. When we all went up to the roof deck to watch the fireworks, we sat on the deck railing and struck up a conversation about how much we love Philadelphia.
00:27:02
With that, he fell backwards off the railing, falling flat off. He's fine. Falling flat on the roof next door, about a 10 foot drop.
00:27:12
Oh, shit. I immediately burst into tears, convinced I would be charged in the death of a complete stranger at my house.
00:27:19
But he popped up, dusted himself off and asked me out to the bar. The rest is history.
00:27:25
we've been married for two years and had our first child a few months ago. So moral of the story, if you're going to go to the deck at a party,
00:27:34
it better be to meet your spouse. Oh, SSD GM and stay the fuck home. Anna. Isn't that sweet?
00:27:42
I hope that they got married on both of those routes. He stood on the lower road.
00:27:48
Oh my God. If you propose from the lower roof and got down to one week. Listen, remember,
00:27:52
Remember when we went through the hardest thing in your life and not that big of a deal to me?
00:27:56
Let's make it. How about I fell for you. I fallen in love with you and I can get up out of love with you So please marry me I can get out of love with you because I an old 78 year old woman in my own kitchen Emotionally emotionally for you
00:28:17
Yes. Send help. Get a strong neighbor to come by and pick up my body. That's how hard I've fallen for you.
00:28:24
That was great. It's, you know, it's funny after we talked about those porch like things, because we were
00:28:31
going, oh, was it this one? No, it was that one. There's been so many. there's been so many over the years
00:28:37
and I'm sure in every single city there's a horrible I feel like every party city that you can think of
00:28:43
there's been a balcony collapse and I bet you at a two story party city there's been one as well
00:28:48
that's right at every party city from all over across this fine land I feel like this quarantine
00:28:55
I've missed party city the most out of everything I've missed if you could go back and do one thing
00:29:02
I would go to party city and lick all the Balloons, pre-cor, pre-corona. I wish I could go to the poorly named Sue Plantation and just stick my hands in those garbanzo bean tubs, squish them around.
00:29:16
I love doing that. I wish that I could take a couple pieces of pizza with my bare hand and then change my mind and put them back with the other bare hand.
00:29:26
That's right. Just in case. I'm going to touch all the toothpicks before I figure out which toothpick I want to use on my teeth.
00:29:35
That was the first in this quarantine, the first time I went grocery shopping, I would stand there and look at everything because I always do want to kind of like touch things or at least check expirations dates.
00:29:45
Sure. And I would just stand there staring and then grab something really fast. You can't touch it.
00:29:49
You can't touch things like you used to and then just put them back. And one time I actually found a bunch of apples and picked four of them out and then realized that the better apples were over right behind me.
00:29:59
So I went over to the produce guy and I was like, hey, I just picked these and I don't want to put them back.
00:30:04
And the guy goes, it's fine. Put him back. He was so over it. He just like lady lady just put him back If you care if you like that conscientious then you probably you probably wash your hands regularly He knew that I wash my hands at my home Right I did the old Purell in the car I not trying to spread misinformation but
00:30:23
Yeah, but still. Stay home, stay safe, stay. Strong. Cool and strong. Oh, stay cool for sure.
00:30:32
Yeah. And stay in school conceptually, but we know that most of you are out of school.
00:30:37
In the fall if you can, but otherwise do it from online at home. Yeah, there's also great courses on Amazon Prime.
00:30:46
But mostly stay sexy. Don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them,
00:30:57
you should check out a podcast called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn.
00:31:03
Each episode spotlights standout audiobooks on Audible across all kinds of genres.
00:31:07
Sci-fi, comedy, romance, thrillers, and more. With Cal talking to guests who help break down what makes each story worth listening to.
00:31:14
It's a fun, easy way to discover your next great audiobook. Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:31:22
Goodbye! While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:31:29
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Because next doesn't wait for an invitation.
00:31:34
And Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:31:41
And by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day because the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:31:49
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:31:54
Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.
00:32:00
With Cheap Caribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.
00:32:05
You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder. Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to Budget Beach Bliss at your fingertips.
00:32:13
Go to CheapCaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.
00:32:20
Goodbye.