00:00:00
This is exactly right. Bro, from the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill?
00:00:10
Because this is our life. Backstage, on the road, it's loud, messy, real. And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving.
00:00:19
Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes. Late nights, road trips, all of it.
00:00:26
That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. Power.
00:00:33
Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com slash awards.
00:00:44
Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown. Missatisfying breads and pastas and want to add protein without going overboard on calories?
00:00:53
stacked sandwiches, fully loaded bagels, noodles built for serious sauce. Hero Bread delivers up to 19 grams of protein.
00:01:01
Think bagels and elbow noodles with nearly twice the protein of national bestsellers,
00:01:05
but less than half the calories. Plus, you can get up to 32 grams of fiber per serving,
00:01:09
a bonus when you're trying to stay full and fueled. So whether you're grilling burgers, building a serious sandwich, or digging into pasta,
00:01:16
you're getting real flavor with a smarter protein-to-calorie balance. Hero makes loaves, buns, tortillas, bagels, and noodles with 5 to 19 grams of protein per serving that all go the distance.
00:01:27
Shop now at Hero.co. Use code IHART for 10% off. That's H-E-R-O dot C-O. All figures per serving.
00:01:34
See nutrition info on Hero.co. 39% and 61% fewer calories than regular plain bagels and noodles, respectively.
00:01:40
Calorie content has been reduced from 270 to 130 and 200 to 80 calories per serving for plain bagels and noodles, respectively.
00:01:46
Data accurate as of 220-26. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.
00:01:53
Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
00:02:00
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment.
00:02:06
Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan,
00:02:12
equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available.
00:02:16
Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. What's up, Amsterdam? Amsterdam!
00:02:41
I can't believe we're here. I can't believe we just said that sentence. I know. Amazing.
00:02:51
I've never been here. You've never been here. Oh, no, you were here. I have been here, yeah.
00:02:55
Shit. All right, let's start over. But when I was here, I was here in high school on one of those tours where you go to one country a day.
00:03:09
Oh. Yeah. So it's just like, we were just in France, and we got drunk in France.
00:03:14
Now we're going to get drunk in Amsterdam. Whose idea was that? You know, my high schools.
00:03:21
I'm working high schools, you guys. They were real stupid. Yes, we got high. She's cheering for a high school, yeah, we did.
00:03:30
Well, I've never been here, and I am madly in love with it. I met four cats yesterday.
00:03:37
Oh, and each one was cuter than the next. They're all happy to see me. In the beginning.
00:03:45
And then I just got real grabby. That one, it looked like you guys, it looked like you were going to take that first one home.
00:03:53
Yeah. Then. It was this moment of, like, joy. Because we went and sat down at this outdoor cafe by a canal.
00:04:00
It was so beautiful. I had this great dress on. And we were having a beer. And it was, like, my fucking ideal day.
00:04:06
And then this fucking, the first cat comes up and we're just like, oh my God, this is
00:04:12
so cool. And then it, I was going to like try to put it on my lap, but I was scared I was going
00:04:17
to get scratched and everything. And instead it was like, give me a minute and just jumped on my lap without even me
00:04:21
asking. And I was just in heaven and I was petting it and petting it and petting it.
00:04:27
You took so many pictures. Yep. So many pictures. And then it was done. So it bit me and ran away.
00:04:33
Yeah. Which I totally respected. It was like, I'm done. Bite. Goodbye. And now I'd say she has about four days to live, roughly.
00:04:43
It was a bite like Mimi's. I was used to it where it was like no breaking of skin.
00:04:47
Just fuck you. Goodbye. Fuck you. Goodbye. But what's funny is when that cat first walked up, it was like the cutest cat you've ever seen.
00:04:55
And when that cat bit you and ran, I was like, God, that cat was dirty. Suddenly I was like, oh, it's covered in soot.
00:05:04
Yeah. What's it doing? I definitely wouldn't have done that if I were home because I could just bring my dirty dress back to the hotel room
00:05:12
and put it somewhere, but I wouldn't have brought it home to my house. What I loved is that I would say about 20 minutes later,
00:05:19
George was like, I'm covered in fleas. That cat had fleas. That cat had lice. What were you saying?
00:05:24
Fleas, fleas. Fleas. Yeah. It was really funny. It definitely had fleas. She was like full body fleas.
00:05:29
I'm like, the cat was on your dress. The fleas haven't had time to leave that dress area.
00:05:36
They're sticking around. Yeah. Speaking of, we had our laundry done. We've been on tour for not very long, but we had our first day off yesterday.
00:05:44
And, oh, my God, we smelled so bad. Our clothes, these dresses. Mine still does.
00:05:51
Oh, right. I couldn machine wash this dress Yeah And I was like I should just roll the dice and try it because talk about cats This dress smells like 19 cats panicked and peed all over it It not a good smell at all
00:06:09
And, but when I collected up all my laundry to get done, I was just like, no, just get the key
00:06:15
items that like are depressing me the most. I have one sweatshirt that smelled so much like yogurt.
00:06:20
it was just it was really horrible and i was like i'll just power through it and then yeah
00:06:26
then we got our laundry done our like then some miraculous signed a fucking partner who will go
00:06:31
do laundry in a foreign country where he doesn't know understand the directions on how to do the
00:06:38
laundry it was just like he's like they smell clean i don't know if they're actually clean
00:06:42
yeah that's all that matters it's amazing yeah amazing that was uh this same night uh we went
00:06:49
to sleep, we got there, we got into town, got here, sorry, and there. We got that town that
00:06:56
we're all staying in. When we got to town, I went to sleep, I think immediately. And then I woke up
00:07:03
at like 1130, like, oh no, now I'm hungry. I didn't eat dinner. I don't know what to do. So I just
00:07:08
walked out of the hotel, started walking around this neighborhood, walked and walked and walked.
00:07:12
Yeah. And then- By yourself at night? Yeah. I was like, look at all these beautiful canals. What bad thing could happen to me down this side alley?
00:07:23
Yeah. The next day when I saw it, I was like, that was a huge mistake. I should not have done that.
00:07:30
But eventually I found my way to a McDonald's, of course. Of course. It's kind of fun, though. I ended up in that McDonald's. They have self-serve.
00:07:39
Like, we don't have these in the States, which is hilarious because no one can be trusted to do anything by themselves.
00:07:44
But they have actually big computer boards where you walk up and touch things and order your own food.
00:07:51
You're like, yes, we know. I've never seen it before. And I don't speak this language even remotely, like even slightly.
00:08:01
So I was just touching green buttons that seemed like a good idea to touch. And then there was finally one where it came down.
00:08:09
I couldn't figure out what to touch. and the only thing that looked right was a red button
00:08:13
where I'm like, they can't have done it that. That's tricky as fuck if they made it a red button.
00:08:18
So I looked it up. The go is not red button. The order isn't going to be a red button.
00:08:22
It's rarely red. So I looked it up on my phone and the word meant destroy. I was like, I should probably just press this button
00:08:32
and get back to my hotel room. I think either way, it's true. It's all destruction.
00:08:37
It's all destruction at McDonald's. Dude, I get it. Oh, so yesterday we were riding around.
00:08:47
No, we weren't. We were walking around. We were trying to avoid people riding around.
00:08:53
I did hit a guy in the leg, and I was just like, oh, like a bicycler, and I felt like such a fucking asshole American.
00:08:59
It's just like, da-da-da, you know? Yeah. With your camera all out in front of you.
00:09:03
Yeah. Then this guy on a bike who looked like he's this tall blonde. and he looked like he was an Olympic swimmer,
00:09:12
and he was just riding his bike. They're like, we all look like that. Pretty standard over here.
00:09:20
He has headphones on, and we hear him as he goes by. You go, I'm going to do it to you.
00:09:24
He goes, poke, poke, poke, poke her face. I poke, poke her face. Just out loud, and then zooms away.
00:09:31
It was the most amazing. Picture me riding a bike, and I'm looking Nordic. Poke, poke, poke.
00:09:36
Now, when I heard it, and I can't remember if it was before or after we had visited a coffee house or whatever they're called.
00:09:42
Pretty sure it was after. A pot cafe. It just sounded to me like, book, book, book, book, book, book.
00:09:50
I was like, that's kind of brave that he's just making sounds on his bike. Maybe that's a thing they do here.
00:09:56
We'll have to learn about it later. And Georgia turns to me and goes, that was fucking Lady Gaga he was singing.
00:10:02
I was like, that's rad. It was this moment of like, I feel like the stone gods, you know,
00:10:08
because when I smoke pot, I get really fucking paranoid usually and kind of screwed up and I'm not good at it.
00:10:12
But it was during the day and I was in Amsterdam. I was like, I'm going to do this.
00:10:16
And it was just this moment. I think we had just walked out of the cafe and it was like God going, here you go.
00:10:21
It's going to be a good one. It was the right thing to do. Poke, poke, poke, poke our face.
00:10:26
Thank you. God was like, I'm going to make this funny for you. You're going to love it.
00:10:32
I was smoking pot in that way where I was just like, I'm expecting to have happen to me
00:10:37
what happens to most of my American friends that come here. And they're like, oh, man, I went to Amsterdam.
00:10:44
And then I ate this thing someone gave me. And then I had a nervous breakdown in my hotel room.
00:10:49
And I was in the fetal position for four days. The second we started smoking that pot, I was like, this could go very badly for one or all of us.
00:10:58
But let's just do it and see what happens. And instead, it was fucking delightful and perfect all day long.
00:11:05
Because we didn't eat anything strangers handed out. Oh, except for a meatball sandwich.
00:11:10
Oh, that's true. That someone gave us. But we were in a restaurant. Yeah, yeah. They didn't just hand it to us.
00:11:14
What if the poker face guy rides by it? He's like, poker face, eat this. Georgia.
00:11:19
I'm already swallowing it before you guys were like, you shouldn't eat it. No, no, no.
00:11:22
Oh, I ate it already. Don't eat magic meatball sandwich. That's a bad idea. I know.
00:11:30
Also, I bet that we walked through the market area. where there was like every, it's so smart.
00:11:38
It's just like, have a pot cafe here, and then just set up a stand of bullshit, and everyone's going to come out and be like,
00:11:45
oh, it's this necklace that reminds me of my mother. How many do you want? 19? Okay, I don't, it's meaningless to me.
00:11:53
I almost bought a fucking menorah and I barely Jewish Like I don celebrate I don like the candles at Hanukkah But you were like it meaningful This is a sign It an Amsterdam menorah
00:12:06
This is symbolic of my experience here. And then you get home, and it's just a candelabra. You're like, wait,
00:12:13
what the fuck? I was so stoned, I thought something was Jewish symbolism, and it's not.
00:12:17
I was seeing double. There was only four candles on this. Woo! But you did buy a necklace.
00:12:25
I bought a necklace that reminded me of a necklace my mom used to wear until I got home, and I was like, this is nothing like that necklace at all.
00:12:34
Seriously? And I bought it at the first stand I saw it at, which it cost $8, and then I saw it incrementally as we walked.
00:12:43
It was like $6.50, $5.00, fucking $3.50. I was just like, fine, what did I buy? Then the last one, they're like, please take this.
00:12:51
Just please take this necklace. They're like, we're giving these necklaces away.
00:12:55
Oh, I did also, I bought what I thought was a pot lollipop at one of those stands.
00:13:01
And we were both, Vince and I, were like, oh, be careful. But it was just a lollipop.
00:13:06
Like, I got... It was just green. I wish I had video, like, time-lapse video of me eating this lollipop,
00:13:14
because I was, like, doing stuff on my laptop, and I would, like, take it, and I would have it in my mouth, and I would, like, literally time it out.
00:13:21
Like, five minutes, now put it down. Be careful. Now wait 20 minutes. Now see. Okay, now five more minutes.
00:13:28
Because I was not going to be the one that was like wandering the streets with my shirt off or whatever.
00:13:34
3 a.m. Vince and I hear a knock at our hotel. You guys, I'm crying. Can I sleep with you?
00:13:38
Can I get in bed with you guys? Please, I'm scared. So it was like I was like dosing myself like I was at a hospital.
00:13:46
Like just fucking like taking my own pulse. I got to the fucking center. There was gum.
00:13:52
I was like, this was not a pot lollipop in any fucking way. I just paid five bucks for candy.
00:14:00
For a lollipop. For just a plain old lollipop at the market. Steven! You idiot! You idiot!
00:14:07
You bought just a lollipop! He's not here, by the way. It wasn't his fault. Don't awe.
00:14:14
No, my cats aren't going to take care of themselves. And they're also, if he wasn't there,
00:14:18
then Elvis wouldn't have had anyone's laptop to barf on today. Not fucking kidding.
00:14:23
Guess who has to buy Stephen a new laptop? Here's some breaking news from the podcast Homefront.
00:14:30
Stephen sent a text where I was like today, I was like, hey, can you look this thing up for me really quick?
00:14:35
And then he texted me back, Elvis just barfed on my laptop and then sent me a short video of him trying to start up the laptop.
00:14:43
And it's starting and immediately shutting down. And I was just like, all right, talk to you later.
00:14:50
Of course, he's like, I'm so sorry. and you're like, you just had your laptop parked on. You don't have to apologize.
00:14:55
He's apologizing to us. You guys, I'm sorry, but the Elvis and Mimi and Dot Instagram is about to go fucking
00:15:01
advertising, advertising, because they need to make some fucking money. Because laptops are not cheap.
00:15:07
What kind of advertising are you going to do on that one? I don't know. Cat food?
00:15:11
Maybe some kind of anti-nausea pill? Exactly. ModiumAD is something we have over there?
00:15:18
I said backstage that, sorry Stephen, and you're getting a Dell. They still make those.
00:15:24
What's a cheap computer? You're just like, make your own computer, and then bill me.
00:15:29
What if I was like, well, you can have my old laptop or my old MacBook Pro that's as heavy as this table
00:15:35
and about as large. Yeah, those ones that had blue on the back, and then you could see through.
00:15:41
You're like, Stephen, we got you a computer. Don't worry about it. Yes. You just have to leave it at George's house
00:15:47
and come here to use it. But don't come over too often, Stephen. It'll be like an internet cafe that's only open from three to four.
00:15:55
It'll be like a cat cafe. I wonder if a cat barfed on your laptop at a cat cafe, would they have to buy you one?
00:16:02
Probably not. Those are the same rules go for my house then. Because it's essentially a cat cafe.
00:16:07
I mean, I'm still on that question of like, whoa, is there a certain insurance you have to buy for a cat cafe?
00:16:14
Or if they bite you and then put fleas on your dress? Yes. I'm suing Amsterdam if I get fleas.
00:16:20
What an asshole. Everywhere we went, because we probably ended up going to like four of those cafes.
00:16:27
We would just walk and then be like, look, let's go in there. It says, feel good.
00:16:31
Let's go in there. We just kept doing that. And everywhere we'd go, I'd be like, oh, I fucking love this song.
00:16:38
And then we'd write it down for like, this is going to be the Amsterdam mix. I tried to put the Amsterdam mix in the green room backstage.
00:16:45
Me or George and I were both like, the fuck is this song? turn it off we were feeling good last night yesterday every song terrible music
00:16:55
we did end up in what we oh i have to tell you something we were heading back to the hotel to
00:17:02
like go to sleep and we walked by this bar and i was like this is the most beautiful bar from the
00:17:08
outside like exactly what i want to kind of divey we go in it was the fucking cutest bar i was like
00:17:12
from the past, right? Which we don't have in Los Angeles. Yeah, but it wasn't dirty.
00:17:19
To be near the best. It wasn't grimy. Right. It was the best bar I've ever been to.
00:17:23
I'm not going to pronounce the name right. But it turns out it was the first lesbian bar in Amsterdam.
00:17:28
No way! The first gay bar in Amsterdam. Look it up. You'll find it. It was amazing.
00:17:33
It was, well, it had the best music. It had the best music. Oh, no, it didn't. And it had those little, for some reason, it had these little tables that folded out from the wall.
00:17:47
Are you guys familiar with, you always have these? Because they fold out and there's a light in a mirror.
00:17:52
I was like, that's the perfect table for me. What if we were just at McDonald We were so high we were at McDonald the whole time They serve these burgers It was the best burger I ever had We like I love this song It ba I loving it
00:18:06
We got the fish and chips. We got a fucking filet of fish and french fries. The best fish and chips I've ever had.
00:18:11
Then we destroyed it all. Destroy! Destroy! Oh, wait. Remember that, should we not relive it, that disturbing moment at the laundry mount when we were walking back to the hotel?
00:18:22
on our way home. Don't remember that. What happened? Oh, no. You don't remember?
00:18:28
Yes, I remember. We're walking by. We pass the laundry mat. Vince goes, oh, that's where I took all the clothes.
00:18:35
And we're like, oh, me. And then there's a cat laying in the window. And Georgia, we're all far enough along that we're like, cat again.
00:18:43
I took a photo of every cat I met, including. Including this cat that's just laying on its back all cute.
00:18:49
And I go like, oh, I'm going to take a picture. And there's a girl sitting with her back to the window next to the cat.
00:18:54
And she starts, it looks like she's just playing with the cat, like it's cute for the picture.
00:19:00
But then she covers the cat's face from the picture and fucking moves it really hard away from the window.
00:19:08
I was like, is this like the red light district rule where you can't take pictures?
00:19:13
You should post something. It was like no photos. She was no photos about the cat.
00:19:18
But then I read an article that's really kind of interesting about how tourism has gotten so essentially bad in Amsterdam.
00:19:26
There's so much tourism that, like, there was a woman they interviewed who lives right down there in, like, the beautiful part by Canal,
00:19:33
who's like, there's just fucking drunk douchebags that are stoned walking by and barfing into her, like, planter all the time.
00:19:40
Oh, no, welcome to college, I guess. Right? People are, like, second year collaging here in Amsterdam.
00:19:47
And the one thing she said about that was, the problem is you have to scoop it out.
00:19:52
Ew! So I'd be pissed too. I was just trying to figure out what the cat lady's problem was.
00:19:58
And I was like, maybe she has a point. Maybe somebody took pictures of that cat, put out a calendar, made $25 million.
00:20:06
She got nothing. The cat got nothing. People keep coming by to take photos of the famous cat for free.
00:20:11
She's like, fuck all y'all. You got to have an Instagram account. should we sit down?
00:20:18
Oh, this is my favorite murder of the podcast. Oh, hi. Hi. Thank you. That's Karen Kilgariff.
00:20:24
This is Georgia Hardstark. Hi. We're in Amsterdam. What? You know, I wash my hands.
00:20:33
Georgia keeps doing this thing instead of holding hands with me where she's holding it
00:20:36
like a crab and I don't understand it. Is it because this dress smells so bad? Yeah.
00:20:41
Didn't want to tell you but you said it first. It's not on my hands though. we've been to Amsterdam
00:20:47
and we went to Sweden and we got Swedish massages because of course we did and we went to Oslo
00:20:53
thank you so much this is crazy let's sit down do you want to? well alright so this
00:21:00
you guys hold on I would have this in my house yeah it's a good one oh it's from Servi
00:21:06
it's a good one gorgeous this is a very special live show this is the first time
00:21:12
we've ever had a square table I'm not kidding. I like it. I know. It's so Amsterdam, you know.
00:21:21
Because it's made of wood and there's tourist barf underneath it. Yeah. All right.
00:21:28
I was looking for a mint before I left the dressing room just to have a quick mint,
00:21:33
and I couldn't find one, so then I put this piece of candy in my mouth, which is not good for the top of a talking show.
00:21:40
What if, no, don't put it on mine. I didn't. What if, okay, let's see this scenario.
00:21:45
You accidentally pulled the wrong piece of pot candy out last night. You didn't eat it, and it turns out it's this,
00:21:49
and so you suck on it during the show, get really fucking baked. Then I'd be like, I love this song.
00:21:55
And they're like, there's no song. No song. Let's carve our initials into this. When no one's looking?
00:22:05
Yeah. This is a true crime comedy podcast. It gets confusing. we had to tell the customs dude in Ireland about it
00:22:14
and he was like what are you guys doing here and it was just really awkward for a minute
00:22:18
and we told him and then you do it better than I do the voice well because he said what is the purpose of your visit
00:22:26
and then we were like work and then he's like what kind of work and then we have to say it's a podcast
00:22:33
which we're figuring most people don't know or understand especially a live podcast
00:22:38
where it's like, no, you know, it's like a radio show except where we do it in front of people.
00:22:42
We make them come to a theater and look at us in our dresses at our table. It's nothing special.
00:22:49
We're apologizing. And then he asks the name of it. So then Georgia says the name,
00:22:54
hoping that we don't get arrested in Dublin. And instead of having any kind of a negative reaction,
00:23:00
he goes, oh, yeah, there was some American girl came through here on Friday. She told me all about it.
00:23:08
Right? And then he goes, she wasn't seeing. We're like, that sounds right. That sounds exactly right.
00:23:20
That's what it is. That was Kelly. That was our listener, Kelly. And then when we came through Customs Here, we said like, oh, we're doing a live podcast.
00:23:29
And the guy goes, I'm not going to do the accent, obviously. He goes, what, like in a bar?
00:23:34
We were like, okay. Yeah, you're right. it totally should be in an empty bar but i was so mad i know i'm just like do you have bars that
00:23:43
hold over 800 oh forget it why am i yelling at a customs officer that's a bad idea karen back off
00:23:51
karen stop it you're gonna get us arrested why is it always chaos when we link up because nobody
00:23:57
plans anything bro good thing the rogue's like that for real rain dirt whatever available all-wheel drive five modes we still outside and
00:24:06
they got some kick too that turbo torque is crazy the most in its class it moves moves rogue doesn't
00:24:13
mess around and peep the space merch on merch gear mics all the fits load up we out 2026 nissan
00:24:21
rogue built for all of it auto pacific segmentation 2026 rogue versus latest in-market competitors in
00:24:28
the ex-SUV Mainstream Mid-Sites class, excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites.
00:24:35
Missatisfying breads and pastas and want to add protein without going overboard on calories?
00:24:40
Stacked sandwiches, fully loaded bagels, noodles built for serious sauce. Hero Bread delivers up to
00:24:46
19 grams of protein. Think bagels and elbow noodles with nearly twice the protein of national
00:24:51
bestsellers, but less than half the calories. Plus, you can get up to 32 grams of fiber per
00:24:55
serving. A bonus when you're trying to stay full and fueled. So whether you're grilling burgers,
00:25:00
building a serious sandwich, or digging into pasta, you're getting real flavor with a smarter
00:25:04
protein-to-calorie balance. Hero makes loaves, buns, tortillas, bagels, and noodles with 5 to
00:25:10
19 grams of protein per serving that all go the distance. Shop now at hero.co. Use code
00:25:16
iHeart for 10% off. That's H-E-R-O dot C-O. All figures per serving. See nutrition info on hero.co.
00:25:22
39% and 61% fewer calories than regular plain bagels and noodles, respectively. Calorie content has been reduced from 270 to 130 and 200 to 80 calories per serving for plain bagels and noodles, respectively.
00:25:32
Data accurate as of 220-26. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.
00:25:40
Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
00:25:46
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment.
00:25:51
Anyway, give it a try at MintMobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan,
00:25:58
equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available.
00:26:02
Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at MintMobile.com. Okay, are you going first?
00:26:07
Is it me? Yeah, right? Is it? Do you want to? Yes. Okay, great. Go for it. I'm going to do Willem van Eyck.
00:26:18
They don't know him. They don't know him or they don't like him. Or he's here and it's awkward.
00:26:24
I mean, I thought there would at least be a smattering of applause. Like, it's just some golf applause.
00:26:30
That's it. That's it. That's it. No, no, no. That's not a smattering. No, Amsterdam.
00:26:34
It is too late. They're like, well, wouldn't it be wrong to applaud for a serial killer?
00:26:40
You're right. Yes, you're right. Just some recognition, for Christ's sake. because this man is considered one of the few real serial killers that's from here oh okay so
00:26:53
i thought they'd be like oh i went to high school with him or whatever fine um so a lot of the
00:27:00
information that's in this i'm about to tell you it's it's very much wikipedia based um as most of
00:27:07
my work is but there's also um a book called anatomy of a serial killer that's written by
00:27:13
I want to pronounce his name Steez, but I bet you that's not how you pronounce it.
00:27:18
Oh, we need to pick a translator. Listen, we're picking a translator. Poker face.
00:27:26
Oh, okay. I know how to pronounce it now. We are going to pick a translator. This is what we've been doing.
00:27:32
These two ladies, they look very professional. They're the only ones who can yell at us.
00:27:39
This is how we've gotten to control the yelling. Yeah. What's your name? Leanne.
00:27:44
Leanne? Kim. Kim? And you're from here? Yes. Okay, great. What if they're from, like, North Carolina, but they're like, oh, quickly, do the accent.
00:27:54
Do an accent like a person from Amsterdam would have. Are those the names that, like, when we were in Sweden, they would tell us their name, you know,
00:28:01
or, like, introduce themselves to it, and a name we couldn't pronounce, and then we'd go, what?
00:28:04
Try to pronounce it, and then they'd go, just Christy. It's Christy. Just call us Christy, because we know you fucking Americans can't get it.
00:28:10
Willem van Eek. That's the other thing is I think when you, American English is like super nasal and it's just like, right?
00:28:22
You know, you've heard us over and over. Then like you go to other countries and then it's kind of like, I feel like this language is more like you're inhaling.
00:28:31
It's like, keep it in. Shut up. Willem von Ike. Ike? Is it Ike? But it's not Ike.
00:28:42
It's... It's... I'm choking on a steak. Okay. Willem van Eyck is born August 13, 1941 in Kotaar, Netherlands.
00:29:02
They don't even know how to help you. Should I show you the paper? Kotaar. Really?
00:29:07
Really? Yeah. Where? Where is it? Oh, I don't know. Corduar. I said Corduar. You can't be like that if you're going to be the translator.
00:29:28
This is not about perfection. It's about barely getting over the finish line. Please.
00:29:34
Oh, my God. It's a complicated... Okay, so his, Willems, is a complicated birth.
00:29:39
Also, I'd never heard of anyone with the name Willem, except for Willem Dafoe, the American
00:29:44
doctor. So I found this exciting also. So his is a complicated birth. Later in his life,
00:29:51
doctors would speculate that he probably sustained some brain damage during it So he basically starts life with a head injury which we all know is very bad for the child Also his home life is an ideal His father is known as honest and
00:30:07
a passionate man, whereas his mother is described as a bad housekeeper, withdrawn, unreliable,
00:30:14
suspicious, and cold. Oh, sounds fun. I wonder if they mean that she was suspicious of other people
00:30:24
or if she was like, mm, touching stuff all the time. She was the Hamburglar? She was.
00:30:31
She just had cold hands and weird eyes. Also, bad housekeeper? That's a judgment call.
00:30:38
And that should, compared to who? Not me. That's for sure. Also, a bad woman, that doesn't make, you know?
00:30:45
A what? A bad woman that doesn't make. It's the worst way I could have said that.
00:30:50
Bless you. Yeah, no, I thought suddenly you were speaking. Oh, I didn't tell you I speak Dutch.
00:30:57
Please don't start doing that. Not now. Okay, in elementary school, he's an outcast.
00:31:04
Of course, it always starts the same way. He gets the nickname Crazy Little Willem, which sounds like it could be fun and cute, but I apparently was not.
00:31:15
He's bullied. school is hellish and it turns out later that he is like when he grows up he's almost completely
00:31:23
illiterate. So he starts collecting dead frogs and bugs. I know. Right? What you do when you're a social outcast.
00:31:32
Then people in the village start to notice that he's also very cruel to living animals.
00:31:37
So his interest is in the deadness. He's especially cruel to dogs, cats, and ducks
00:31:45
which is very sad. How can you even catch a duck to be cruel to it? You know? I think you just run after it and you just outrun it.
00:31:56
It's a duck. That sounds hard. They don't have great running feet. Then when he's 10, he gets another concussion,
00:32:05
or he gets his first outside-the-womb concussion. And for two years, he suffers from severe headaches.
00:32:13
Gotta get that Tylenol with Cody Right? In high school he's a loner And according to him
00:32:22
Women found him very creepy and disgusting According to him? Jesus Well a lot of this is according to him
00:32:29
Because the book Anatomy of a Serial Killer Is like interviews with him I thought you were going to say he wrote it
00:32:35
I was like oh no No he can't Maybe he had a transcriber Yeah, he could dictate it into a...
00:32:43
Dictaphone. Yeah, a dictaphone. That's right. Okay, so he brings that up a lot later on in his crimes,
00:32:54
that he basically blames the fact that women rejected him for the fact that he had to go ahead and end their lives,
00:33:01
which I always think is so interesting. It's like you know they found you creepy and disgusting,
00:33:05
so you don't try to reverse that in any way or just work on anything. Just stop having weird eyes like your mom or whatever.
00:33:15
Nope, just kill. Or find a chick who's into creepy and disgusting. That's right.
00:33:20
There's girls out there, ladies. Don't you have a creepy and disgusting club at your high school?
00:33:25
Join it. Lost my place. So in high school, that's when he starts breaking into houses.
00:33:38
It's always the same. breaking into houses, stealing stuff, petty crimes, and when he's 21,
00:33:46
he starts to have these vivid dreams, which is what he told that author about, about raping and killing women,
00:33:53
which most people call those nightmares, Willem, but whatever. Oh, no. He's quoted as saying,
00:34:00
at first they were beautiful, but they became increasingly violent and inhumane.
00:34:05
They were beautiful? Well, like they were just plain old beautiful dreams. Got it.
00:34:10
Then they became increasingly violent and inhumane. I dreamed of cutting. Never firearms.
00:34:15
Great. Thank you. Good sign. And from women I knew from our village or from the neighborhood.
00:34:22
In the long run, it got worse. And when I was 29, 30, it became a real drama. Drama.
00:34:30
Oh, my God. So much drama. So then he says that he would walk around all day thinking about these violent, horrible dreams that he was having
00:34:39
and basically stay in this creepy, disgusting fantasy all day long. So, you know, you wonder why no one was attracted to you.
00:34:48
Maybe you're just like... So 1966, he's 25. He very briefly marries and is divorced.
00:34:56
In August of the same year, he serves eight months in prison because he helped steal, I don't know if this is translation
00:35:03
or if it's just he's boring, but he helped steal lead and batteries with two other people.
00:35:11
Sounds boring. You got to get that sweet, sweet lead. What if it was something super cool like a fucking time machine
00:35:17
but it translated to lead and batteries, right? And wires. And wires. Or maybe he was just making his own pencils.
00:35:25
Either way, he's a creep. So he goes under court-ordered supervision. oh, shit, I never looked this up.
00:35:32
Maybe you'll know what this means. Court-ordered supervision of the Protestant probation.
00:35:40
No. Like, as if on cue, they both looked at each other and were like, what? It probably just means that, um, I don't know.
00:35:51
Yeah. I highlighted it in everything. To be like go talk about it Yeah Find out what that means Then I just started putting on eyeshadow and I was like I don really care i don care maybe some kind of a church thing sure he had to go he had to go to
00:36:05
church so anyway they do a psychological exam they find out he has a tendencies toward anger
00:36:10
and aggression um and they also the examination shows that he has gross gaps intellectually but
00:36:18
not i don't think that's a judgment call i think they mean large okay he's just like yeah yeah it's just like you're this old and you only know that many words
00:36:29
what the fuck willem okay so on in june 1971 15 year old cora mantel is taking the bus to
00:36:39
amsterdam to meet up with her boyfriend on the 20th of that month she misses her oh shit she
00:36:45
misses her bus home to... I torn. I can say that. I torn. I mean, now we're at the point where I just don't
00:37:05
believe I can pronounce anything. So that's where she's from. Cora's from I torn. So basically, she goes into
00:37:11
Amsterdam to meet up with her boyfriend. She misses the bus because they're like, stay in bed for five minutes longer or whatever.
00:37:16
Or I mean in the park, whatever they're doing. In love. So she ends up, she decides that she's going to hitchhike home.
00:37:25
Yes. And it's 1971. Just the height of hitchhiking. So she ends up getting picked up by Van Eyck.
00:37:36
Did I say it right? Ike? She hates you. You're sweet. Okay, so she has no idea anything's amiss, other than he's creepy and disgusting.
00:37:52
But it's a ride, whatever. Until they get to Eidhorn, and he drives her almost all the way home.
00:37:59
And then he goes a different direction. And then she starts to panic. He stops the car and according to his account, he says to her, we are going to say goodbye to each other.
00:38:14
That's the creepiest thing. Yes. She's like, you mean out here in the middle of fucking nowhere?
00:38:19
We're going to say goodbye to each other. So she tries to get out of the car. He grabs her scarf and he strangles her with her own scarf and then rapes her, drives her body to a dead end road, strips her naked, throws her body into a ditch.
00:38:34
she's not discovered until two days later on june 22nd 1971 she was supposed to start a new job
00:38:42
at a jewelry store in alzmir oh the face you gave everyone about it did you hear that guy goes yeah
00:38:52
she didn't even ask kim brand new karen so she was supposed to she was supposed to she had gotten
00:39:03
this new job at a jewelry store. She was supposed to start it. She doesn't show up. And so, and her
00:39:08
body hadn't been found, but she was missing. So then the jeweler becomes a suspect. Oh no. Yes.
00:39:14
And until they find her body. So nothing's proven. The case goes cold. Then three years later,
00:39:21
on August 19th, 1974, the lifeless body of 43 year old, a 43 year old nurse named Alget van der
00:39:29
plot is found behind some manure near a cornfield. This is terrible. She's been raped. Her stomach
00:39:35
has been ripped open. She's been disemboweled and her left breast has been mutilated. She's
00:39:40
been stabbed a total of 27 times. Holy shit. So there are six witnesses that report that
00:39:47
they see Willem riding his moped around the scene of the crime that night after it happens.
00:39:54
Before her body is found? No, the night her body is discovered He's just fucking buzzing the area
00:40:01
On his moped Super chill, can you imagine Oh, this awful thing Poke, poke, poke, poke her face
00:40:07
Yes He's poker facing it all around But more like this On a moped A creep on a moped is the worst kind of moped driver
00:40:18
You want that person to be like carefree Totally Kind of like, yay, I've got the world on a string
00:40:24
More Wes Anderson and less fucking... Dracula? Yeah. Okay. So it turns out... So all these people tell the police, like, this guy is disgusting.
00:40:36
I love it. And they find out that Willem lives down the street on a houseboat called...
00:40:42
The English translation is The Freedom. So the police go... They question him about the murder, and he immediately confesses,
00:40:52
and he gets arrested on his dumb houseboat. I'm, like, very interested in houseboats.
00:40:59
I think it would be super cool to live on one. Here it's like we came out of a couple of those fucking cafes
00:41:05
and we're like, look at the boat. At one point Vince was like, ooh, we could take a tour of the city on a boat.
00:41:12
And I was like, but what if I can't get off the boat? I was just completely picturing myself of, like, I step on the boat,
00:41:18
they shut whatever the gate is, we take off. And then I'm like, I can't do that!
00:41:24
She jumped in the water. International incident. There was a cat boat. Puss and boat.
00:41:31
But we didn't go on it because I already had fleas. That's right. If that cat hadn't bit you, you would have been the captain of Puss and Boat.
00:41:39
That's true. I would have fucking moved on to it yesterday. Bye, guys. You've been like, the show's canceled because Georgia won't get off the cat boat.
00:41:49
Steven's like, I understand. Stephen's like, I'll be there in 48 hours. Okay So he confesses is arrested He basically tells the police I relieved He explains that he saw Alcha walking down the road He got the idea to quote do something with the woman
00:42:10
He goes back to the houseboat. He grabs a knife. He rides up behind her on his moped.
00:42:16
He shows her the knife. He threatens her, says, you have to come with me. He pulls her to the area where her body's found.
00:42:23
When she tries to fight him off as he's raping her, that's when he stabs her. On August 21st, Willem's arrested on his houseboat.
00:42:32
I said that already, but it's written here twice. And he confesses to the murders of both Alja and Cora Mantel.
00:42:39
So at age 33, William Von Icke is tried and sentenced to 18 years in prison and voluntary commitment to psychiatric hospital.
00:42:48
So the details of the murder are so horrifying that when the trial, when everyone gives their testimony in court, two or several, it says, of the guards vomit in the courtroom.
00:43:02
Oh, my God. Because it's so awful to hear. And the press describes him as a man without emotion and someone who has no remorse for his crimes.
00:43:09
And he's sentenced to 18 years. Yeah, I think that's Max here. I bet he gets out quicker than that.
00:43:15
Well, five years later, he's still in jail. He's still in jail. Thank God. But he's lonely, so he puts out a personal ad in the newspaper.
00:43:28
And from jail? From jail, explaining that he's a 38-year-old man who loves houseboats and mopeds,
00:43:36
and he's looking for a relationship with a woman. Wow. And he specifies in his ad that children are not a problem.
00:43:46
Oh, great. Yeah. So gather around, children. So a woman named Audrey responds to the ad.
00:43:55
They begin to correspond. I think over here they call them pen friends, which makes me laugh.
00:44:01
Because in America we call them pen pals. So stupid to you, right? So pen pals is dumb to you.
00:44:07
Pen friends is dumb to us. Isn't the world a crazy place anyway? It's a small world after all.
00:44:15
Okay, so eventually she comes to visit him in prison. He tells her that he has murdered two women.
00:44:21
He fesses up to her. You think she would have asked about that beforehand? The first letter.
00:44:26
What are you in for? Hey, hey, quick question. I bet she's not typing on a computer.
00:44:30
Hey, quick question. What about a wall computer? What if she's typing on that McDonald's menu board?
00:44:37
Destroy that shit. maybe she was on a typewriter that's what I was doing well anyway either way
00:44:47
he keeps it from her until they meet in person then he says I've murdered two women
00:44:51
she's like look we've all had a tough time of it oh honey or some shit because while
00:44:58
he's still in jail in 1982 they get married alright don't do that she ends up because she's the only one who understands him,
00:45:09
ends up hiding this marriage from her family, including her five children. It's tons.
00:45:18
Like, it's bad enough to have to get a new stepdad, and then it's fucking William?
00:45:24
Willem? Willem. Willem. Defoe. So when it is time for him to be paroled, because of this marriage,
00:45:35
the authorities believe that he can assimilate back into normal society. Because they're like he has somewhere to go and a person to look after him.
00:45:44
And he's clearly, he couldn't do it before, but now. All he needed was the love of a good woman.
00:45:50
Right? Again, it's women's fault. They're in the center of everything. And they need to fix it.
00:45:56
If they would just do what that creepy, disgusting man says, then he'll stop killing.
00:46:00
so his relationship they do say it could prevent him from murdering but they warn that more female rejection
00:46:12
could trigger a relapse because quote the core of his problem has not been treated substantially
00:46:18
anyway, bye Willem, see you later, good luck, there's your shit don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out
00:46:24
as we say in my family so when he's released in 1990 he and his wife of eight years, who he doesn't know that well,
00:46:34
they move in into a house in Harksteed. That means you got it right or they don't know.
00:46:45
No, her whole head went over to the side like this. That can't be positive. But nobody else said anything either.
00:46:50
I think they're just being polite. Oh. No. It doesn't matter. They're basically trying to tell us it doesn't matter.
00:46:57
Okay. Thanks, guys. So watch this. He goes to a clinic in Groningen. Groningen. Okay, so he starts going to that clinic in Groningen for psychiatric care.
00:47:11
He's described by the staff as one of the most difficult patients they've ever treated.
00:47:16
Oh, can you imagine? At a mental hospital. That's bad. Yeah, yeah. It's not at Starbucks.
00:47:24
And then, so that's like outpatient treatment, apparently. but then for a job and for a business him and his wife start a pet sitting business
00:47:35
i got problems with that yeah because remember his history with ducks and puppies
00:47:40
and dead frogs um steven steven so within six months as we might have all guessed um problems
00:47:49
begin to arise in the home william starts drinking and heavily and then pretty soon his wife takes
00:47:55
who gathers up her five children and gets the fuck out. So that's when he begins to recognize
00:48:00
particularly hire sex workers in his home. So in November of 1993, the body of 23-year-old Michelle Fatol
00:48:08
is found in a ditch near the village of Enumatil. Got it. Keep going. They've just abandoned us entirely.
00:48:20
We asked you to do something. You don't even know what I'm saying? It's that bad?
00:48:25
Really? I'm so mad at you right now. E-N-U-M-A-T-I-L? That doesn't exist. In a...
00:48:38
It doesn't matter anymore. In a village. The body of a 23-year-old sex worker is found in a ditch,
00:48:48
and she has been strangled to death. And then 14 months later, January 21, 1995,
00:48:54
the body of a 31-year-old sex worker named Annalise Randier, is found in the Emskinal near Appingedem.
00:49:04
Yeah? Wow! I'm going to move here. I'm going to teach English classes. Okay, later that same year, the torso of a 24-year-old sex worker,
00:49:17
Antoinette Bont, is found in Winchester Dipe. and then later on other body parts of hers are found in a duffel bag so basically just
00:49:29
it did dead sex workers just start showing up over and over less than two years after that the
00:49:36
body of 19 year old sex worker named shirley hargers is found and then when they find her
00:49:43
body the police find out that her friend yolanda meyer is also missing so then about three years
00:49:50
after Shirley's body is discovered on July 17, 2001, the body of 34-year-old Sasha Schenker is found in a canal.
00:50:00
Police discover that Willem von Icke is a regular customer of hers, and, of course, then he becomes prime suspect.
00:50:08
When her clothes are found several months later in the same canal near his house
00:50:13
in a plastic bag weighted down with stones, that's when they arrest him. Why? Why, that's crazy.
00:50:22
The stones had his name on them? So four months after they find her personal items on November 12, 2001,
00:50:29
William Van Icke is arrested upon suspicion of murder. He confesses to killing Michelle Fatol, Annalise Randiers, and Saskia Schenker.
00:50:38
Police also suspect him of two other unsolved murders, Antoinette Bont and Yolanda Meyer,
00:50:44
but he does not confess to those crimes. so authorities excavate the ground all around his house but they don't find anything they think
00:50:54
they're going to find missing bodies but they don't find anything and they can't find any hard
00:50:59
evidence linking him to those two crimes but between his release and his first release in 1990
00:51:06
and his second arrest there were eight sex workers and several other young women murdered in and
00:51:11
around the area where he lived. But why wouldn't he confess to all of them? I don't know.
00:51:16
Because he's a big fucking asshole, I think. Yeah, but maybe he didn't do it. That's scary.
00:51:20
What's scary is that maybe there were like four fucking murderers going on at once.
00:51:25
Always. That's always a possibility. It's always definitely happening. So on November 7, 2002, he's tried, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison for the murder
00:51:35
of Michelle Fatal, Annalise Rangers, and Saskia Schenker. he tries to appeal the supreme court of the netherlands is like go fuck yourself forever
00:51:44
all of his requests for clemency are denied they're just like no we we we we did it wrong
00:51:51
the first time this shit is over his lawyer go ahead what year was that sorry that was 2002
00:51:59
um his lawyer reads his statement and it says quote i killed those women it's terrible
00:52:04
I did not want that. It happened to me. Dude, no. I did not think of it before, and it's still a mystery to me what has caused me to act like that.
00:52:18
I am not a monster. Disagree. I did not want all this, too. To say that you are sorry is easy, but that is not what it is meant to be.
00:52:27
I am sorry. I wish I could undo it, even if it would be at the expense of my own life.
00:52:32
Sounds great. And as of 2013, Yolanda Meyer's body has not been found. That's the most recent.
00:52:40
I was doing that thing. Have you done the thing where you look up an article on Google and you hit Google Translate?
00:52:46
Yes. And then the article comes up in the most insane English that you're just like, what is this, a fairy tale of some kind?
00:52:53
I'm trying to read these stories. Yes. But from what I could, and that is like five years ago, so there might be an update since, but her body has not been found from the last thing I could find on Google.
00:53:03
And although it was never proven that Willem was responsible for her disappearance, it's publicly believed that he killed both Shirley Higers and Yolanda Meyer.
00:53:14
So that's what everyone around town thinks. And that is Willem von Eich, everybody.
00:53:19
Oh, my God. Good job. it's just so crazy that there are these like huge murders and serial killers and all over the
00:53:33
world and i've never heard of them i know every time every story we've done here on our trip is
00:53:38
like what the fuck this would have been i should have known about this yeah well they didn't know
00:53:43
that's true okay bro from the show last night to this drive why is it never chill because this is
00:53:51
our life backstage on the road it loud messy real and that the best part whole crew no plan just moving good thing nissan builds for that kind of chaos not just test tracks real life scenes late nights road trips all of it that why it
00:54:08
holds up nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by jd power yeah
00:54:14
you can tell 2026 nissan rogue built for what really happens for jd power 2025 u.s initial
00:54:21
quality study award information, visit jdpower.com slash awards. Awards based on 2025 model year,
00:54:27
newer models may be shown. Hero Bread delivers the stacked sandwiches, loaded bagels, rich mac
00:54:33
and cheese you love, just with a better protein to calorie balance that may help fuel you longer.
00:54:37
Made with high quality ingredients, every bite lands soft and satisfying with up to 19 grams
00:54:43
of protein, plus up to 32 grams of fiber per serving. Shop now at hero.co. Code IHEART for
00:54:49
10% off. All figures per serving. See calorie info at hero.co. 34 to 48% fewer calories than
00:54:54
regular products. Calorie content has been reduced on average from 162 to 92 calories per serving.
00:54:57
Data accurate as of 2-20-26. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this,
00:55:02
but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.
00:55:07
It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants
00:55:12
switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch.
00:55:18
Upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required.
00:55:23
Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra.
00:55:27
Default terms at MintMobile.com. Okay, I want to say this name right. Good fucking luck.
00:55:36
I am doing the story of the murderer Elsia Christians. I've never heard of that.
00:55:44
Or I said it wrong. It could be my fault. Elsia is her name. Okay. So Elsia Christian, or just Christian, was born in 1646 in Denmark.
00:55:56
A while ago then. A while. This is an oldie. That's why they don't know her. Yeah.
00:56:00
This is a classic. It's, you know, from the old time. You know. It's one of these.
00:56:07
It's one of these. All right. We do this a lot on the podcast. You can't see us.
00:56:10
Yeah. When we talk about back in the day, it's usually a hitchhiking motion. Okay, born in 1646.
00:56:20
There's not a ton of shit known about her life from beforehand, because it's fucking old.
00:56:25
You didn't undo some scrolls and try to get some information off? And from what it sounds like, she's just a normal human being.
00:56:33
But in the spring of 1664, she's 18 years old, and she leaves Denmark, wants a new life, and moves to Amsterdam,
00:56:42
which is a booming fucking town at this point. There's not a ton of information about this murder, so let me tell you about Amsterdam in the 17th century.
00:56:52
I need to hear about this. Okay, great. I should have known about this beforehand.
00:56:58
The 17th century was Amsterdam's golden age, Karen. Was it? I think now is. I mean, right.
00:57:05
Barfing tourists? In the year 1600, Amsterdam emerges as one of the world's most important centers of trade, everyone.
00:57:15
You know this. You went to school here. They're like, yeah, I did this report in sixth grade.
00:57:19
You're fucking copying my report right now. With trade, Karen, obviously came wealth and a blossoming arts and science scene.
00:57:28
I was fucking scrounging. Yeah. What was their main export? Chrome? Well, it also became a vibrant cultural hub.
00:57:38
And one of three Amsterdamers was an immigrant, it turns out. Wow. The Sephardic Jews were fleeing persecution in Spain and Portugal, you know, over there.
00:57:49
So your menorah was real. That's right. Yeah. Shit, I should have bought it. It was from the 1650s, isn't it?
00:57:55
Okay. Whatever. And then... Is that around the time cheese was invented? Yeah. And then I wrote again, with trade came wealth and blossoming arts and science.
00:58:10
Oh, and then she drew a picture of downtown Amsterdam, like you used to do in book reports, to fill up a whole page.
00:58:18
Remember that? You'd be like, here's Abe Lincoln's house, pretty sure. They didn't do that.
00:58:23
We did that. Yeah, that was us. That was our guy. Sorry. They're like, we like school.
00:58:28
Okay. Also, listen, ships from the ships. Foreign devices. What did ships do? What the fuck is this like?
00:58:41
It's shit, I know. We basically accidentally started a podcast where now we have to travel the world giving book reports to cities about their own cities.
00:58:54
We're both college dropouts. This is ridiculous. And you bought a ticket for it.
00:59:02
I don't know what's happening. I might still be high from yesterday. Oh, that'd be cool if like a second high kicked in and we're just like, tell me about ships.
00:59:13
Imports. Exports. Keep hitting my teeth with this microphone. Okay, but then... Spices?
00:59:19
Spices happen. Did they bring spices in? Goods of Europe, leading financial center.
00:59:25
Then I write about something that interests me, which is the bubonic plague. Oh.
00:59:30
The bubonic plague fucking comes around. And from 1663 to 1666, more than 10% of the population died of the plague.
00:59:40
Fuck. That's fucking fun, right? By 1670, no fewer than 220,000 people lived in the city.
00:59:48
It was fucking crowded. They built more of it. You guys know the story. But back to 1664 when our gal Elsia is 18 years old she comes to Amsterdam She like I want to live here She finds a place to live She rents a room with a landlord lady
01:00:07
Wow, that's so independent for a gal in the 1600s. I know. I wonder what she was like.
01:00:11
She wants to be a maid, so she starts looking for a job to be a maid. But within two weeks, she can't find a job.
01:00:17
She's running out of money. She can't pay rent. And let's see. She lived on the Damrak.
01:00:28
Damrak. Thank you. You guys, then you'll know that it's an avenue and partially filled canal in the center of Amsterdam.
01:00:34
Oh, yes, yes, the Damrak, yes. Running between Amsterdam Central and the northern Dam Square in the south.
01:00:40
And she looks for a job. I hear there's a great McDonald's over there. And then I wrote about poor people back then in Amsterdam.
01:00:51
What were they like? Well, they did have a system of civic poor relief and charitable institutions.
01:00:57
Well, that's nice. Yeah. So the old and the insane, the sick, and orphans were supported, whatever.
01:01:03
Just emotionally? Yeah. It's like, yeah, keep it up, you guys. You'll get there someday.
01:01:08
Don't give up. Don't drop out of college. So she can't find a job. The landlady's fucking pissed about it.
01:01:15
One morning she wakes Elsia up and is like, pay me rent. And Elsie's like, I can't.
01:01:20
and the landlady grabs a fucking broom and starts hitting her with it. Shit. That's old school.
01:01:26
Pay me rent. Elsa does what any fucking normal person does and sees a fucking axe lying there and picks it up.
01:01:37
Yeah. Because they were just but a big axe shipment that morning. Right. One of the many axes.
01:01:44
Imported from Canada. And even though the landlady's right, Elsa's like, no, I can't, and then hits her with the axe.
01:01:50
I think it was a couple times. It's hard, you know, there's not a lot. And she falls down the flight of stairs into the cellar and she lays there dead.
01:02:00
Shit. Meanwhile, the neighbors, because it seems like every wall is shared in the city,
01:02:05
are like, that sounded bad. So they come over. Was there a broom axe fight in here just a second ago?
01:02:13
Because we are positive, I heard. The distinct sounds of a broom slash axe fight.
01:02:18
Broom axe fight. It's like... Yeah. Stairs. Someone brought a broom to an axe fight.
01:02:27
Yes. I didn't want to... Thank you. Thank you. Don't bring a broom to an axe fight.
01:02:36
It's true, though. But how would you... Okay. So she answers the door to the neighbors, and she's, like, covered in blood.
01:02:46
And they're like, something's going on. She runs out to try to run away, and they go in and discover the body.
01:02:53
I think they must chase after her or something because she jumps into one of the canals.
01:02:57
I would too. You know? But she can't swim, so... Oh, I would not. So the bystanders help her out of the water, and they bring her before the city magistrates.
01:03:09
When questioned, though, she eventually confesses to the murder of her landlady.
01:03:13
She's taken to trial. She's found guilty and sentenced to death. Shit, that was fast for her.
01:03:18
huh? Yeah, she's like looking for a job one day. She's like, here's me and the big
01:03:24
so shit. Now I'm going to be killed by the government. So this is the first execution of a woman in Amsterdam
01:03:34
in 21 years. So of course the public goes fucking crazy and it's a big spectacle.
01:03:40
And they do it in front of everyone back then. Executions. Executions were like HBO back then.
01:03:46
It was just like primo cable television. Exactly. So everyone wanted to come watch.
01:03:52
But, okay, so the method of execution is also controversial. So even for that back then in the 1600s,
01:04:00
which is like fucking drawn and quartered at times. When you, like, the standard way was being, like, tarred and feathered, I think?
01:04:07
Sure. Right? I didn't look that part up. Let's just keep naming ways people used to get killed.
01:04:13
Let's see. Well, here's one. Oh. she would be strangled with a grot remember that from JonBenet Ramsey
01:04:21
yes thank you my cap and at the same time she would be hit in the head with an axe
01:04:28
not just any axe but the axe that she used to kill her fucking landlady yeah that's some vengeance
01:04:34
I hope you learn your lesson oh wait you're dead like fuck and people were like great
01:04:41
what time do we get there to watch. I want to pull my kids out of school. Is it going to be at one or two?
01:04:46
Yeah. I got to start dinner at three, so it better be quick. Because it's old and done time. Right. We have to eat before the sun goes down.
01:04:54
That's right. Or we'll die of the bubonic plague. That's right. Because that's what they thought caused it back then.
01:04:58
That's not true. Don't quote me on this. This is when the book report goes way out of control. Well, we found out recently from a friend that
01:05:06
the show Drunk History, which is so great, that they're using our research for their new season.
01:05:12
And we're like, don't do that. Don't do that. All right. Do it. It's going to be a good season, I guess.
01:05:18
Blah, blah, blah. Same axe. Public execution. That's not how you say it. What was it?
01:05:24
Took place in the central dam square, Dom Square in Amsterdam. You guys have been there.
01:05:29
They used to kill people there. Okay. So not only is she going to get fucking strangled
01:05:36
and then some guy has to hit her in the head with the axe. afterwards they're going to publicly display her body
01:05:42
which is the thing they did back then with particularly bad criminals to humiliate them in their death
01:05:49
but also to be like don't kill your landlady with an axe to everyone, this is what happens to you
01:05:54
this is the only way you learn because the bible hadn been invented Who knows Okay Nobody knows We don know And we can find out
01:06:05
Anyway. Moving on. I tried to look it up on the McDonald's screen, but it wouldn't fucking tell me.
01:06:13
Destroy. I destroyed the Bible. What I love is, sorry, sidebar, I just, you had to order ketchups on that screen.
01:06:22
McDonald's is getting cheap, y'all. They will not give you ketchup unless you beg for it like a peasant.
01:06:29
And so I was like, fine, I'll pay for an extra for a ketchup or whatever. And then when I went to walk away, I opened the bag and there was no ketchup.
01:06:37
And I went back with just a hideous American tourist and I just held up the receipt.
01:06:45
You were not fucking around. But how good was the McDonald's? It was so much better than American McDonald's.
01:06:50
It was like clearly made with love. And I thank you for that. I've just realized I've had McDonald's three times on this trip.
01:07:01
Let's make it one more. Okay. It was better than in Dublin. And when we were in Oslo, that was the best McDonald's we had so far.
01:07:08
We get to a lot of places very late. We're like, we're staying at hotels. We're like, oh, no, we stopped serving.
01:07:14
We stopped serving everything at 7. We're like, please help us. We don't know what time it is.
01:07:19
We haven't slept in hours. That's right. In hours? I need to sleep for at least 16 hours a day, or this shit falls apart.
01:07:33
I need to sleep every two hours. I need a nap. I'm like a six-month-old baby. You have to feed me and then put me to bed every two fucking hours.
01:07:42
I'm like a six-month pregnant woman, and I need to eat for two and take a nap all the time.
01:07:49
Okay. All right. How's my hair? It's great. I just don't know what I'm doing with it.
01:07:52
Shoes it up on this side a little bit more. Yeah. There it is. Okay. There we go.
01:07:58
Thanks. No. Stop it. I can't. McDonald's. Okay. It's what if I greased my hair with McDonald's.
01:08:15
As an American, when you come to Europe, you try to be not American. Like you try to just not talk and pretend.
01:08:22
You just apologize the whole time. Yeah, try to pretend that you're from somewhere else.
01:08:26
And we've just fucking Americaned it up. I mean, there's just no mistaking it. No.
01:08:31
Like, you guys McDonald's. Okay. Okay. Okay, her body was displayed, quote, to be digested by the air and the birds.
01:08:42
Oh. Yeah. So lift it to rock. Yep, at the gallows field. There's a whole area for it.
01:08:48
Outside the city. Okay. there so her her body was hung on a gibbet do you know what that is?
01:08:55
sure let me tell you what it is okay in great detail great no I'm just kidding it's a gallows type structure
01:09:01
from which the dead or dying bodies of criminals are hung on public display and sometimes
01:09:06
it's like the body shaped cage so that they can't even like they have to stay in like human looking form
01:09:12
the whole fucking time you know what I mean? so they can't even like oh my nose itches?
01:09:16
no I think it's like the dead people too where it's like they can't fall off of it. They have to stay in this, they're like kept in this cage. That's horrifying. I know.
01:09:26
You know what I mean? Yes. So it almost is like a sewing mannequin, but you can see through it. Yes.
01:09:32
There you go. And then there's a person in there rotting. Uh-huh. Okay. It's supposed to deter
01:09:38
other existing or potential criminals. Doesn't do it. Nope. No. Bet that doesn't work. Okay.
01:09:43
so okay and then alongside her body so she's hung up and then next to her hanging next to her head
01:09:50
is the axe shit like they cannot get over this fucking axe yeah she's just like randomly picked
01:09:57
it up it wasn't like it was her axe and she loved it i know i'm so glad it wasn't something
01:10:02
embarrassing like her own bra or like whatever would be kind of humiliating yeah like strong
01:10:08
underwear i don't know what it would be that would actually kill somebody yeah at least an axe is
01:10:13
kind of scary. Right. Yeah. Totally. Totally. Oh, I mean it. Okay. Hung next to her head.
01:10:22
So her death probably would have been forgotten, right? Except, and you aren't history majors, should fucking know this,
01:10:28
a certain painter was interested in her death. So your dude, Rembrandt. Ooh. And congratulations
01:10:37
on Rembrandt, by the way. And Van Gogh. Pretty much all of them. Yeah, a lot of them are from around here. 1664.
01:10:46
So Rembrandt's almost 60 years old at this point. He didn't go to the public execution, but later that same day
01:10:53
by the time she had been hung up, he rose his boat from his modest house on Rosengracht.
01:11:01
Thank you. To the Vol...wick. Volchik. V-O-L-E-W-I-J-K. Wait, they're stoned. Oh, shit.
01:11:15
You ate the meatballs, didn't you? And so he fucking rowed his boat over there. Sure.
01:11:21
And he fucking sees her up there, and he sketches two drawings of her. Oh. It's one up close and one profile, and they're so fucking creepy,
01:11:34
and there's so much feeling in them, even though they're just basic sketches. her face shows a look of disbelief
01:11:42
and resignation it's just this sad look on her face that you can just tell what it says
01:11:47
even just with this basic drawing he was good pretty good the work is officially known as a woman
01:11:55
hanging on a gibbet and at this point in his life he had already buried two wives, one recently from the plague, and three children, and he was in financial straight.
01:12:05
Like, he wasn't fucking doing well. Even Rembrandt didn't do well, you guys, so fucking don't worry about your shit.
01:12:10
Don't feel bad. Yeah. There's so many Rembrandts in this audience tonight. You're going to be fine in a hundred years.
01:12:20
Yeah. So he wasn't the only artist who drew something from him. There's also a pen and ink drawing with watercolor by Anthony Van Borsum,
01:12:31
in which her body was seen hanging alongside other criminals at an execution site.
01:12:36
So Rembrandt's is special because it's just her, you know, as the subject, but his is this kind of interesting looking,
01:12:43
it's like what you would fucking see back then, which is a lot of dead bodies. So back then it was drawn.
01:12:50
Recently, people were trying to identify the date of the sketch of Rembrandt's, and they were like, it's 1665.
01:12:59
All these, like, no-but-all art people were like, I know where it's from. But because it was one of his rare drawings that he drew of a current event,
01:13:08
they could then place it because of her back to 1664. So in their face. Yeah. Okay.
01:13:18
Okay, so Tom DeFreston, an artist based in Oxford, said this about the case. The law courts had obviously felt that a public hanging would act as a deterrent,
01:13:28
but from its punishments such as this that we should be deterred. I can't help but see an irony in the fact that her surname is Christian,
01:13:36
for it was a Christian society that preached forgiveness but was happy to sanction and support the barbaric acts of cruel punishment.
01:13:42
She is without a victim of a system whose crimes, hanging an impoverished 18-year-old girl
01:13:47
were far worse. And both of Rembrandt's drawings of this event are at the Metropolitan Museum of Art
01:13:57
in New York. And that's the murderer Elsia Christians. Wow. Thanks. Do we have time for a hometown?
01:14:11
Let's do it. All right. Listen to the, there's some rules. Oh my God. You guys, there've been so many great hometown murders during this tour.
01:14:20
It's been so awesome. Um, so you probably know this. If you listen to the podcast we just tell you really quickly you don seem like a super drunk audience or stone But if you under the influence in any way that fine with us As long as you can tell your own story coherently and follow it all the way through
01:14:36
That's key. It needs to have a beginning and a middle and an end. And not just tonight, but any time you tell a story, please don't be one of those people that just fucking start shit and then wanders off.
01:14:49
It's very irritating. Let's see. We want it to be local. We would love for it to be from Amsterdam proper, but, like, again, we don't want to hear from back in Arizona.
01:15:02
Everyone hates you. And just make it quick, because if you get picked, all the people that didn't get picked hate your guts.
01:15:09
And now Georgia will put her special picking magic. There's Vince, our tour manager.
01:15:15
Okay, can I have a lights up? Anyone have a hometown? Look at this. Am I going to have to pick the only person with her hand up?
01:15:25
Come on up. Yeah, you. You had your hand up. Go to Vince. This way. You got it. All right.
01:15:37
Nice. We love running. Yay. Okay. Don't yell. Okay, put the lights down or she'll freak out.
01:15:46
Oh, there's people up there too. Hi. Hi, guys. That's crazy. Hi. Hi. It's Tatiana, you guys.
01:15:55
Tatiana, everybody. Hi. Oh, she's got... It's okay, come here. She's got our jacket on, too. Turn around.
01:16:03
Look at that. Oh, my God. So awesome. Oh, yes, that, too. Yes, that, too. Where are you from, Tatiana?
01:16:12
I'm actually from Canada. Okay. Wait, what? Wait, wait. Okay, okay. I live in Switzerland.
01:16:18
Okay. Yeah, I work for the UN. Okay. And then I found out you were touring, and so I was like, oh, let's go to Amsterdam.
01:16:28
Thank you. What's your hometown? My hometown is Winnipeg, Manitoba. Okay. She just doesn't give a fuck about the rules.
01:16:38
No. No, but I lived all over Canada. My dad is a PhD, so you go where the contract is.
01:16:46
And I had a crush on a boy who is now in prison for murder for hire. Oh. Yes Okay what happened So I was in the seventh and eighth grade in Ontario and his name was Dennis And so we used to walk home together
01:17:05
And so I ended up moving around a lot as a child. And then about ten years ago, a dear friend named Katie emailed me and says,
01:17:15
hey, do you remember Dennis? I'm like, yes, I do. And she's like, he's in prison for murder.
01:17:22
And I'm like, oh. And so, yeah, he unfortunately got involved in a murder-for-hire case in Kitchener, Ontario.
01:17:33
And he currently is in appeals. What did he do? So there is a woman who is married to a man.
01:17:40
I don't know the woman. I don't know the man. But she was apparently married to a man who didn't want to be married to her anymore.
01:17:49
And he hired two people, one of them being this boy. Dennis. Did he do it? Currently in the Canadian court system
01:17:58
they're in appeals as to who held the gun. Oh no. So he did it. Tatiana everybody.
01:18:06
Good job. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well that's it Amsterdam. That was our show for you.
01:18:14
Yeah thanks Amsterdam. We can't believe that we are so freaking lucky that we got to come here to your city and to Europe in general for this podcast that we started
01:18:27
in my living room with cats everywhere. So thank you guys so much for making that happen.
01:18:33
Also, thank you guys for becoming your own community. That's kind of the coolest thing
01:18:38
that we keep watching and hearing about and seeing is the listeners of this show have now
01:18:44
become murderinos and the murderinos have started communities all throughout the world
01:18:50
and with each other. And so often when we do meet and greets at our show, we have people come up and say they have extreme anxiety,
01:18:58
they've never gone anywhere by themselves, and they come to our show by themselves,
01:19:02
and then they meet friends at the shows. And that is... We also have people telling us they've gone back to college
01:19:13
to become forensic, pathological investigators. There are people that come up. There was a girl and a woman in London who came and showed us her acceptance her college acceptance letters to two different colleges because she was going to study forensics and she had already dropped out of college and thought she would never finish And she decided after listening to this podcast that she was going to go back And is she here
01:19:37
Is that why you're pointing? No. Oh, I thought somebody was like, and she's here tonight.
01:19:45
But it's just like, it's just so funny. It's a personal conversation George and I started having
01:19:50
two years ago that we thought we'd record to see if anybody else cared about it.
01:19:55
And now all of a sudden, all this other amazing stuff is happening, and we get the credit for it.
01:19:59
It's so amazing. So thank you so much for being here, for being so awesome, for being so supportive.
01:20:05
We can't thank you enough. And please stay sexy. And don't get harder. Goodbye, Amsterdam.
01:20:12
Thank you. Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro.
01:20:19
good thing the rogue's ready like that for real rain dirt whatever available all-wheel drive
01:20:25
five modes we still outside and they got some kick too that turbo torque is crazy the most in
01:20:31
its class it moves moves rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space merch on merch gear mics all
01:20:39
of it fits load up we out 2026 nissan rogue built for all of it auto pacific segmentation 2026
01:20:46
rogue versus latest in-market competitors in the ex-SUV mainstream mid-sites class,
01:20:52
excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites. This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms.
01:20:58
Have you noticed that the egg section at the grocery store has gotten very complicated lately?
01:21:02
But Vital Farms makes it simple. Pasture-raised eggs traceable to the farm. Their hens have outdoor access year-round with fresh air and sunshine
01:21:09
and forage on rotated pastures with local grasses. Every carton can be traced back to the farm it came from,
01:21:15
so you can see the pasture where the hens live by visiting vitalfarms.com slash farm.
01:21:20
Look for the black carton in the egg aisle and visit vitalfarms.com to learn more.
01:21:24
Vital Farms, good eggs, no shortcuts. Goodbye. Identity theft can cost more than you think.
01:21:30
Drained investment accounts, stolen tax returns, lost wages, expenses for lawyers.
01:21:35
It's a lot. That's why LifeLock is backed by the Million Dollar Protection Package,
01:21:39
which covers up to $1 million each for stolen funds, fees for experts and lawyers, and out-of-pocket expenses.
01:21:46
Don't face the burden of identity theft alone. Protect your future and finances with LifeLock.
01:21:51
Join now and save up to 30% your first year at lifelock.com slash iHeart. Terms apply.