00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them,
00:00:40
you should check out a podcast called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn.
00:00:46
Each episode spotlights standout audiobooks on Audible across all kinds of genres.
00:00:51
Sci-fi, comedy, romance, thrillers, and more. With Cal talking to guests who help break down what makes each story worth listening to.
00:00:57
It's a fun, easy way to discover your next great audiobook. Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:06
Goodbye! The best parts of summer aren't just places. They're feelings. It's the scent of fresh ocean air, sun-warmed skin, and long evenings outside.
00:01:15
Pure's new summer collection is designed to capture those fleeting moments and make them last.
00:01:20
Restore your sense of place with clean, premium fragrances you control from your phone.
00:01:24
Bring the feeling of summer home. Discover the collection at Pura.com. Goodbye. Hello.
00:01:47
Hello. And welcome. To my favorite murder? The mini-sode. That's right. The mini-sode was your line.
00:01:55
shit you were looking over like off to the side so i thought maybe you were holding your breath
00:02:00
before you that was my way of cuing you by looking away i wasn't trying to mad dog you
00:02:06
and saying the line i was trying to give you space thank you to say your say your line thank you and
00:02:11
i did it you're welcome that's karen kilgariff that's georgia hardstart hi um our entire state
00:02:18
is burning to the ground but we're here for you yeah so but we're podcasting through it that's
00:02:24
Right. That's what we do. Just like in any good disaster movie. We're the people that are getting the exposition out as it melts down.
00:02:32
That's right. You want to go first? Sure. This one is a postal worker hero story.
00:02:39
Cool. Hi, all. I was listening to the latest MFM Minisode 190 this morning. The story from the postal worker reminded me that I had an amazing story about a postal worker hero.
00:02:50
Way back in 2005, I was going to the University of Arizona. go fill in the blank. I was in my last year of school and of course keeping college student
00:03:00
hours and burning the candle at both ends. This meant that I was taking a nice nap on my couch
00:03:04
in the early afternoon when I was awoken to a frantic knocking on my door. I looked at the
00:03:09
peephole and saw it was my mail carrier so I opened the door. He asked me, are you okay?
00:03:12
I heard screaming. I sleepily shook my head and let him know that everything was okay
00:03:17
here and we both heard a scream again the the postal worker said close and lock your door and
00:03:24
then took off oh my god it turned out the scream was coming from next door the girls who were
00:03:29
living in the house next to ours had someone new moving in no one else was home and the girl was
00:03:34
moving boxes from her car into the house and of course keeping the front door open while she was
00:03:38
going back and forth well a man had apparently been watching her and assessed that she was alone
00:03:43
So during one of her trips from her car to the house, he followed her inside and tried to assault her.
00:03:49
Thankfully, the asshole left the door open. The mail carrier ran in and scared the guy off.
00:03:54
Oh, my God. He called the police and stayed with her until her roommates were able to get there.
00:03:59
Unfortunately, I don't know if the asshole assaulter was ever caught, but our mail carrier was forever our hero.
00:04:05
Stay sexy and thank a mail carrier by posted and send someone a letter. Bree. Wow.
00:04:10
Wow. We don't need another hero. Nice. That's so good. He could have saved her life.
00:04:20
I just, you know, so many people are just like, that's not my problem. Not my problem.
00:04:25
I feel like mail carriers, though, everyone is their problem. Totally. Because they have to go to every single house.
00:04:31
They deal with like, my poor mail carrier at my old house. My dogs would jump at the front window and bark like she was trying to do something terrible.
00:04:40
For years. Every single day. For years. Every day. I mean, they really deal with so much bullshit.
00:04:47
Sure. You know who else does? Oh, you know what we need is stories from parking ticket people.
00:04:53
Oh, like meter maids? I guess they probably don't call them that anymore. That's probably not.
00:04:57
Parking attendants? Parking attendant stories. Or is that a valet? No, I don't know.
00:05:02
Parking attendant. It's not a tent. Ticket. You know what we need is someone to tell us what that is and then write us stories.
00:05:10
Tater waiter? it's like hold on we can figure this out we'll figure it out okay this one's called family curse
00:05:16
and grandparent stuff hello and welcome to my email yeah love it yeah top 10 i've been meaning to send this bad boy in for a very long time so
00:05:28
now so let's cut the shit and get right to it please ever since is she a kill here it's from
00:05:34
my sister ever since i was little my grandmother has been telling me the story of our family curse
00:05:40
and the number 21. In fact, she would often tell me the story right before bedtime when I would
00:05:45
sleep over as a child. Thank you for the nightmares. So here's the basic premise. Every firstborn female
00:05:51
on each family branch dies an untimely death and it always correlates with the number 21 What Is this that Jim Carrey movie He writes it all over the wall Is this from Jim Carrey
00:06:06
He writes in the plot of his own movie from 2005. This isn't a hometown, but it is the plot of a movie that I was in.
00:06:13
But it's a pretty good movie, if I do say so myself. Here is Liar Liar. It starts with my great grandmother who had a daughter named Shirley.
00:06:21
Shirley passed away when she was just 21 days old from the measles. Luckily, my great grandmother went on to have two other daughters that after that, both who are alive and well to this day.
00:06:32
One daughter being my great aunt Pat and the other being my very own grandmother, Joan, including names in here because I know you love it.
00:06:40
Yes. My aunt Pat went on to have her firstborn child, a daughter, to be named Tiffany.
00:06:45
Tiffany sadly died exactly 21 days before her due date. my aunt pat never had any other children after that i know heartbreaking that brings us to my
00:06:56
grandmother who went on to have three children and you guessed it the first one was a girl
00:07:00
her name was beverly beverly goes on to pass away in a freak car accident on her 21st birthday
00:07:07
what tragic weird spooky all of the above and hey guess what it gets worse all caps i am the first
00:07:15
born girl for the following generation. Also, my name is Beverly, which is such a good name.
00:07:22
Bring it back. I fucking love it. That is a great name, especially for like a three-year-old girl named Beverly.
00:07:29
Are you joking? Can you get my Virginia lights? Bev, darling. Bev, can you take off those cat eye sunglasses for one second?
00:07:38
I'm trying to talk to you. I am named after my late Aunt Beverly mentioned above.
00:07:44
Hopefully this means I will pass away when I am still kicking ass at 121 years old or something.
00:07:50
But let me tell you one thing. I am always hella cautious on the 21st of every month.
00:07:56
Phew, it gives me the willies, she says. Thanks for reading my email and thanks for doing the cool shit you do.
00:08:02
I will not miss your live show when you come back to Philly again. Also, my grandparents' names are Joan and Ed and they are amazing and badass.
00:08:09
If I do die an untimely death involving the number 21, I will try to haunt everyone and give you guys an update on how it all went down.
00:08:18
TTYL, Beverly. And then it says, my friends call me Beef. Oh, Beverly. That was a full journey of an email.
00:08:28
I mean, really great, entertaining, great information. A family fucking curse is a first, I think.
00:08:35
I think so. and incredible and horrifying like horrifying awful but then like light funny parts so you're
00:08:44
not like it's just everything you want it's it's really you know what beverly and i hope i hope you
00:08:50
do live to 121 but if you go early at least you wrote that email a perfect email just kidding
00:08:57
your life's goal is now complete georgia georgia just did the classic comedy take of
00:09:04
nodding along with me until I got to the end and then her eyes went wide. I don't agree. I don't agree. What are you saying? Okay. This just starts. Hey, ladies,
00:09:13
this isn't really a murder story, but I do have some stories about Action Park. Yes. Right. Yes. A first hander Action Park. Sorry, I got this one because it was your story.
00:09:23
No, I got an Action Park one, too, but I didn't pick it. Oh, right. We haven't done the full.
00:09:29
Has anyone you might do the full? No. But has anyone? Okay. Just for anyone who doesn't know
00:09:33
action park is this incredible read your letter whatever yeah they might here okay i live in
00:09:38
northern new jersey i'm only 22 but my dad was a frequent guest of action park as a teenager
00:09:44
whenever he talks about action park he says you didn't have fun if you didn't get hurt
00:09:48
that's the 80s saying you're not having fun unless you get hurt it's like a dude with um
00:09:59
his hair parted down the middle and wearing a jean jacket and he says that and he smiles and then his front tooth
00:10:05
falls out. And his arm's in a sling but he's doing a thumbs up in traction. You didn't have fun
00:10:11
if you didn't get hurt. Big hole. I love it. Okay so oh then they say which is not really
00:10:19
my definition of fun but it was the 80s I guess. There you go. That's right. He was
00:10:23
one of those people who got to go on the cannonball loop slide before no he busted his nose pretty badly but he did say it was worth it
00:10:36
not sure if he got scraped up by the teeth embedded in the slide did you hear about that is that in the documentary teeth embedded in the slide that other kids get
00:10:47
yeah that is like that is me me beyond but i'm assuming he did get uh he did because he mentioned
00:10:56
it right before it got brought up in the documentary. Oh, nice. Aside from the various other
00:11:00
minor injuries, he came out relatively unscathed, though he did have a friend ride the Alpine Slide
00:11:06
shirtless. Oh, shit. Read it, read it, read it, read it, read it. I'm sorry, this is just such a weird
00:11:12
throwback. It's like, it's so... I did have a friend ride the Alpine Slide shirtless and have his
00:11:18
entire back completely covered in road rash. Oh, my God. Like, the 80s was the last era
00:11:24
of shirtless dudes in public just chilling out yeah that was a thing tiny short where tiny they had to put up signs
00:11:32
at mcdonald's saying you're not allowed to do that in here it was very common yeah yes and
00:11:38
tiny corduroy op short yeah bring it back one thing i thought was wild that they didn't mention
00:11:44
in the documentary was the fact that the park had actually bought the town of vernon new ambulances
00:11:50
because their first aid squad was called out to the park so often. Stay sexy and don go to poorly designed water parks Tori Oh that was great Tori Everyone ask your mom or dad what happened to them
00:12:05
Children of New Jersey. Yeah. Love it. Amazing. This one's called CIA Grandfather.
00:12:11
It's short and sweet, but I like it. Karen in Georgia. A few minisodes ago, you read a story about someone's CIA grandfather.
00:12:20
My family similarly believes that my grandfather was in the CIA. He traveled a lot for work, often narrowly missing significant historical events, most notably leaving Tehran just hours before the Iran hostage crisis.
00:12:34
He knew. Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah. When my sister and I graduated high school, we were both targeted by the CIA for recruitment.
00:12:44
How come that didn't happen to me? Is it because I didn't go to college? Because your grandfather wasn't in the CIA.
00:12:49
Right. And I barely graduated high school. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, were you there to be recruited?
00:12:54
You have to be present to be recruited. Probably not. And I would have been like, fuck the government.
00:12:58
Not like, that's awesome. Yes. Our theory is that as grandchildren of one of their best, we seem like the perfect candidates,
00:13:07
although other high schoolers in our neighborhood were targeted, including a childhood friend
00:13:11
of mine who mysteriously gained the ability to speak perfect Russian in the past few years
00:13:17
after having her college seemingly entirely paid for by a nameless prospective employer.
00:13:23
Oh, you are just gossiping now. And that's rude. Oh, my God. Wait for that. Wait for this. Although my grandfather died when I was young.
00:13:29
One thing I learned from him was to always take a different route home every day. 15 extra minutes
00:13:35
won't kill you, but the people tailing you might. XOXO. Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl like the TV show?
00:13:42
Yeah, you said gossiping. psychic powers. Oh my God. Total CIA psychic powers. Yeah. I think they never recruited me
00:13:51
and they really, they missed out. I really did. I just liked that one. It was short and sweet
00:13:55
with like a lot of information packed in there. You know, it was good. It was great. I mean,
00:13:59
there's always time for the CIA, any information that we can get. That's right. If you spend all day waiting to take your bra off, it might be time for third love.
00:14:09
If you're looking for breathable, lightweight comfort this summer, you're gonna love Third Love. Third Love is built around getting the fit right instead of expecting
00:14:16
you to put up with something that doesn't work. And Third Love offers a full range of sizes from
00:14:20
AA to H, including their exclusive half cup sizes so you can find a fit that feels just right
00:14:26
instead of close enough. Stop settling for bad bras. Whether you're looking for more lift,
00:14:31
back smoothing, or straps that stay put, Third Love can find your fit fast. Their virtual fitting
00:14:36
room gets you in the right size and matches you with the best styles for your shape. If you've
00:14:40
ever been fitted for the right size bra, you are in for a treat. It actually changes the whole game
00:14:45
with bras. I thought I was like a something, something A cup. I'm a something, something B
00:14:50
cup. And it's just changed my bra game. I thought I just hated bras, but I was wearing the wrong
00:14:55
size. And with Third Love, like they're so comfortable that it doesn't even feel like
00:14:59
I'm wearing a bra. Use code MFM15 for $15 off your first purchase at thirdlove.com. Goodbye.
00:15:05
Bye. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:15:12
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense,
00:15:20
rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either.
00:15:27
Hyundai has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:15:32
Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day.
00:15:39
From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here.
00:15:46
Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. Pandora Jewelry brings the sparkle to summer, now with even better prices.
00:15:55
Shop now for up to 50% off select jewelry featuring personalized pieces to must-have summer favorites.
00:16:00
Timeless jewelry made to move with you through every moment. Shop in-store or online now through July 5th.
00:16:06
Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Okay, this subject line is drug dealer saved a life.
00:16:15
Love it. Hello to my favorite ladies, pets, and mustache. Just kidding, Stephen.
00:16:19
You're more than just a mustache. I was listening to Minisode 189 when you gals asked for drug dealer stories and how they saved your life.
00:16:27
Yes, you really did ask for that. knows us way too well yeah i'm like it doesn't sound familiar um okay well here's here's mine
00:16:36
there was this quiet guy in my college dorm that i was interested in you are singing my song girl the quiet ones make me extra loud yeah then they really don't like you
00:16:48
before they just regular didn't like me and then it would be like oh god that loud girl's coming
00:16:52
over here again it's because you make her nervous because you won't speak so she talks too much you
00:16:57
You're brooding. Would take a brooding break and chit chat with me. Son of a bitch.
00:17:05
He was new to campus and I'd see him in passing and was so intrigued by this mysterious man.
00:17:10
One crazy college night, my friend was working the night shift at the front desk of the dorm.
00:17:15
I sat down there with her to help keep her awake and watch the drunks roll in. Late that night, in walks the mystery man.
00:17:22
He was completely covered in mud, sticks and missing his shirt. we just sat there with our mouths open confused and staring he walks in gives us a couple finger
00:17:32
guns and heads upstairs saying nothing a few months later i end up having this guy as my
00:17:37
accounting tutor and i ask i ask him about that night turns out that he was at a party with some
00:17:44
shady characters and he did a few too many shots of everclear he stumbled out of the house and was
00:17:49
offered cocaine from a dealer which he accepted his quote-unquote friend told him to go home
00:17:54
and put him on the public bus which goes to campus However it was the wrong bus Of course it was This bus took him over two miles away from campus
00:18:05
on the edge of a marsh-slash-pond. It was October in the Midwest and about 40 degrees out.
00:18:10
So instead of taking the long way home, he just decided to cut through a mile of wet marsh and swampland to get home,
00:18:18
hence the mud sticks and missing shirt. I'm convinced that the cocaine actually saved his life.
00:18:25
Frankly, it's a miracle. He could have passed out in the marsh and died from hypothermia or drowned and no one would have known.
00:18:30
But the cocaine kept him going and he was able to make it back. I love it. We've since been together six years and are getting married in 2021.
00:18:45
I didn't read the last paragraph. Oh, my God. This is my favorite. That's amazing.
00:18:52
She married his party days. She married the guy covered in mud. Cocaine guy covered in mud.
00:19:00
She married muddy finger guns. Hey, mom and dad, how did you guys meet? When did you first know you loved dad?
00:19:09
It's hard to explain. Also, I need to know, the part of the story is how you figured out how to get him to be your accounting tutor.
00:19:19
did you you find out he was tutoring people in accounting yeah and then sign up for an accounting
00:19:24
class that's probably what she did and like hey i'm bad at this yeah god this class it's like i
00:19:29
never wanted to take it or plan to enroll in it ever at all it's like it has nothing to do with my
00:19:34
my major in zoology but oops i guess i gotta take this accounting class you know what zoos make
00:19:39
money someone's gotta bounce those books so you better teach me how someone's gotta account for
00:19:45
all that tiger feed might as well be me um his party days are done and he's now a full-time
00:19:53
accountant yes if if it wasn't for the drug dealer i would have missed out on marrying the love of my
00:19:58
life don't do drugs stay in school stay sexy and don't get murdered tea tea that is i love how
00:20:05
unthorough i was and i gave myself my own surprise at the end we're coming to your wedding good we're
00:20:11
coming to your wedding. We'll bring the cocaine. She got a quiet guy. I know. Well, quiet guys are
00:20:18
sometimes just shy. Vince was a quiet guy when I met him. Really? Yeah. And I was just and I knew
00:20:22
he wasn't because when we met, we had like a great conversation all night. And then we went on dates
00:20:26
and he wouldn't fucking speak. And I was just like, I know you're cool. Like, and so I had to
00:20:31
say to him, I need you to talk or I'm just gonna keep I'm gonna talk too much and hate myself
00:20:36
because you know, you like fill in the silence because yes, so it's just like, but I can't eat
00:20:40
in silence and so i finally kind of yelled at him and he's like okay like i got it and now he's like
00:20:45
busted busted it out i know i can't even imagine him being that way that's what's funny yeah yeah
00:20:49
he's such a mr like hey everybody who needs a totally he can figure he can find anything to
00:20:55
talk about okay this one but you made him shy georgia you made him shy i mean we were still
00:21:01
making out every date but you were working through it and that's what's important the chemistry was
00:21:08
there baby yeah um this all of us are a little bit connected this one is a mailman story yes so
00:21:15
hey guys i'm a canadian mail lady and i'll let uh i'll and let me tell you there's some fucked
00:21:22
up shit out there i've been greeted by basically naked men more times than i care to count i've
00:21:27
delivered active sex toys live bees a chicken and even a whole black bear but this story isn't about that as with all mail mail carriers i have a few favorite customers on
00:21:41
my route a few years ago on my old route my favorite was jimmy mcgraw a lovely 70 something
00:21:46
widower living off the grid on the mountainside jimmy was my last stop so i'd always stay and
00:21:51
chat with him as he didn't get much company he would typically offer me a cup of coffee or
00:21:56
whatever sweets he had baked up this particular visit started with the usual small talk and then
00:22:01
this sweet man looked me dead in the eyes and asked, can I interest you in a line? A line,
00:22:07
I reply, would you like a little cocaine? Feel free to come up over the weekend. Bring your
00:22:13
husband. It turns out I had delivered that very cocaine the day before. You really can mail
00:22:20
anything. I never did take him up on the offer, but I'm fairly certain I know where he got his
00:22:24
remarkable energy and it's just signed kale s okay the idea of going out like living a respectable
00:22:33
life and doing what needs to get done for whatever you think that is yeah becoming a widower then
00:22:38
you're just like guess what i'm just gonna i'm just gonna roll on out of here like drug style
00:22:45
off the grid i'm not bothering anyone i'm not like making cocaine person noises for my neighbors to
00:22:50
get annoyed by you know blasting fucking free bird and shit i'm just like living my life on the
00:22:55
mountainside i have my mail carrier friends the animals i'm kind of excited i yeah i get a lot i
00:23:01
get a lot of baking done i like marlboro reds for some reason but hey it's good for the in the
00:23:07
nature i thought about opening a restaurant but it has to be off the grid there's no one to talk
00:23:12
to about exactly i don't want any customers is the thing oh i love that yeah wow yeah
00:23:20
You should sit. Don't do drugs until you're 75. That's right. Then do all the drugs you want.
00:23:26
That means, Dad, you have a year until you get to start doing drugs. We can't talk shit to you at all.
00:23:32
That's right. Marty gets to start doing that shit. Oh, I bet he'll enjoy it for the first time when he's 75.
00:23:37
Yeah, because he's been sober his whole life. His whole life. My dad's such a square.
00:23:43
Send us all your stories about anything. Ticket taker. Are you a ticket taker or a ticket giver?
00:23:49
Are you a ticket giver? And what are you called? If you understand what we're saying right now, and you know it's you, explain everything
00:23:56
to us, please. Park it ticket attendant. Ballet. stories would be great too. Valley stories would be amazing. But I don't think you're an attendant
00:24:05
because they have to keep moving. Yeah. You're attending to the tickets, not to the cars.
00:24:10
Can we just have the reveal now and find out what the fuck we're trying to say? Okay. Let me look it up. Let's pause it. Parking enforcement officer. Yay.
00:24:19
Oh, God. Parking enforcement officer. Enforcing parking all day long. doing it for the people
00:24:27
the good of the people even if they hate you hey look that's what enforcement is all about
00:24:34
it's forcing things and forcing things alright we're done with this right? we're fucking done
00:24:40
we've given all we can what more do you guys want? this might be the mini-sode of all time
00:24:47
we've been huffing wildfire fumes for days I mean I don't even know what's going on anymore
00:24:54
Well, thanks for listening. If you've gotten this far. Yeah. Thanks for sticking in there. Stay sexy.
00:25:01
And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.
00:25:14
With Cheap Caribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.
00:25:19
You save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to Budget Beach Bliss at your fingertips Go to CheapCaribbean to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress vacation planning should be
00:25:33
Goodbye. Bro, from the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill? Because this is our life.
00:25:40
Backstage, on the road, it's loud, messy, real. And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving.
00:25:48
Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it.
00:25:55
That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. Power.
00:26:01
Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com slash awards.
00:26:13
Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown. This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms.
00:26:19
Have you noticed that the egg section at the grocery store has gotten very complicated lately?
00:26:23
But Vital Farms makes it simple. Pasture-raised eggs traceable to the farm. Their hens have outdoor access year-round with fresh air and sunshine and forage on rotated pastures with local grasses.
00:26:33
Every carton can be traced back to the farm it came from so you can see the pasture where the hens live by visiting vitalfarms.com.
00:26:40
Look for the black carton in the egg aisle and visit vitalfarms.com to learn more.
00:26:45
Vital Farms, good eggs, no shortcuts. Goodbye.