00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
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selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
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and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
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This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
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00:01:22
Goodbye. My favorite murder Hello! And welcome to My Favorite Murder. The mini-sode.
00:01:44
That's right. That's Karen Kilgariff over there. That's George R. Stark way over there.
00:01:48
Hi. Welcome. What's up, everybody? What's going on? What's up? This isn't the episode where we talk about that, but just keep in mind.
00:01:55
Let us know what's up. couple days oh george and frank are letting us know what's up sorry they're out i have neighbors
00:02:04
who are partying and i want to judge them and i want to like you know call whoever uh-huh but
00:02:13
uh then i remembered and all they're doing is like every once in a while there'll be one dude
00:02:17
that goes like, whoa, like super loud. And there's, you know, like the the old rebel in me is just like, fuck them.
00:02:30
And then I remembered in my when I was in my 20s and we subletted a house. We made the next door neighbors move away, sell their home and move away.
00:02:41
We were so loud every single night. Oh, my God. Do you think it's like an Airbnb or sublet next door?
00:02:46
it's a sublet but it just started and i think it's like people that are excited to have
00:02:51
the place that they have maybe yeah it's really not so so george like my dogs will
00:02:58
bark if a car door closes because they assume it's always coming here sure and yeah anyway so
00:03:05
they were like no that would drive me crazy that would drive me fucking crazy but it's like it's a
00:03:10
little bit like it made me go like the first wave of emotion was like god fucking damn it and then i
00:03:16
was gonna like text you know text the owner or whatever because he's super cool guy and then i
00:03:21
was just like um if i could have five friends over and yell have one of them be a dude that yells
00:03:27
woohoo i would do it right now totally and it's also like you were that person once so i was that
00:03:32
person i'm jealous of those people i've ruined people's real estate investments i've ruined with
00:03:39
my alcoholism i've ruined plenty of other people's good times i can't say a word you've been the i
00:03:46
I've been the woohoo guy. I've been in love with the woohoo guy. I've followed the woohoo guy around from party to party.
00:03:54
I mean, there's so much that I just kind of was like, I was standing in my bathroom because of course,
00:04:00
it's really quiet in here most of the time. And then all of a sudden it's like, wow,
00:04:04
it's literally like this guy's having the time of his life. But I'm like, you know what?
00:04:09
In the middle of COVID, he can still woohoo. Meanwhile, you're fucking quarantining and like masking yourself
00:04:16
And I don't get to drink Malibu coconut rum the way I really would like to. Sometimes I don't get to anymore.
00:04:22
And this motherfucker is woohooing in a pandemic. He's woohooing it down his gullet, just partying in my face.
00:04:30
He's partying right in your fucking face. He's partying right in my face. And I have to take it and I have to eat it.
00:04:36
And that's my lot in life because of the life I already lived. It's a test from the, from, it's like if you were Buddhist, this would be the perfect test.
00:04:44
You know what it is? Instead of calling and being a narc, the question I have to ask myself is how do I get some more woohoo into my life?
00:04:51
Because it's not impossible. I need to open up to it. We all need just a little extra woohoo in our lives.
00:04:57
I need to find some fucking dude in cargo shorts. No, no, no. Karen, you need to be the woohoo guy that you want to see in other people.
00:05:08
No, I don't. I don't want to do the woohooing anymore. I've done it all. I've been the woohoo guy.
00:05:12
You need to have the woohoo boyfriend that you want to see in other people. Yes.
00:05:17
I need to start taking applications for woohoo guys in my own backyard and stop being jealous
00:05:23
and trying to keep up with the Joneses in the other backyard. There's definitely the cargo shorts.
00:05:27
There's puka shell necklace. There's flip flops. Flip flops. Absolutely. Okay. Whatever it takes to get him into the yard.
00:05:38
Yeah. Into your woohoo. I'll just line up a bunch of white claws down the driveway.
00:05:42
And you line them up right into your heart. Oh, get over here, you little so-and-so.
00:05:53
Bring your cheers over here It was a real this just happened like 10 minutes before we started recording And I was like standing in the bathroom like they too loud And then I was like what You fucking hypocrite
00:06:05
You're a hundred. How dare you? You're a hundred. You're a hundred. You're bitter.
00:06:10
And you made people move out of their home. You were so loud. That's amazing. Okay.
00:06:16
Okay. Anyway, so my apologies. My apologies to everybody. Let's read everyone else's stories.
00:06:20
Can you guys send us your worst partying or, oh no, send us your worst neighbor stories.
00:06:25
right that's a great idea creepy crazy weirdo neighbors neighbors that almost made you move
00:06:30
or made you move or like what did they what's the worst thing a neighbor has done that like
00:06:36
or that you've done to other neighbors true true but we do want remember not just like don't
00:06:42
complain about your neighbors we there needs to be an element of creepiness yeah a good story
00:06:47
part of it something creepy yes exactly um make sure that there's something there's something
00:06:54
out of the ordinary. And again, we still want hometown murder stories. Like, we still want fucked up hometowns.
00:07:00
So keep sending those to you. Yeah, but we're just trying to give you a little bit of an idea. Like, here's
00:07:05
the thing. It makes me think of, like, everybody in college lived near it didn't have to be, like, right next door.
00:07:10
Live near a creepy person that later on you're like, then we found out. Blah, blah, blah.
00:07:15
Exactly. The mean neighbor was an asshole. Cats started disappearing and then it turned out he had made a cat
00:07:21
army. And one night they all attacked. their owners. Are you ready? That was the cue.
00:07:30
And then they all came over the hill. Cats. Yeah. Motherfucker. Here we go. I'd be like, take me.
00:07:38
You're like, fine. You win. I'd hold my wrists out. I'd sacrifice myself to the take me.
00:07:46
Okay. Should we do it? Yeah. Do you have a sweet ending? I have a funny ending. Okay.
00:07:52
We should go first. Okay. Well, this first one is badass grandma and a family murder.
00:07:57
Great. Which is a great combination. Right. Hey, pals. I've been listening for the last few days and I can't wait to listen every Monday.
00:08:05
Sorry. Hey, pals. I've been listening for the past few years. Hold on. Sorry. I was like, wow.
00:08:14
Hey, pals. I've been listening for the past few years and I can't wait to listen every Monday and Thursday.
00:08:20
I wake up excited for my morning commute. Oh, this must be an old one. Anyways, like Karen always says, everyone in the 80s got divorced, giving me four grandmas.
00:08:31
And then in parentheses, I'm I'm 21. LOL. Honestly, I'm kind of glad it all happened because all of my grandmas are my best friends.
00:08:39
They're all badass women fighting 13 different rounds of cancers, the patriarchy, all while raising a ton of children.
00:08:46
One of my favorite stories is how in the last two elections, all of them secretly voted for Hillary because they all wanted to see a woman in the White House before they die.
00:08:55
Yes, they all are married to very conservative men in the South and didn't want to cause drama like the Southern Bells they are.
00:09:02
But they wanted to see that dream come true. I knew that was we all like knew that was happening.
00:09:08
Right. Yes, that's definitely. And you can do it again this year, everyone. More so.
00:09:13
More so. OK, on to the murder is what it says. In the email, that wasn't me to you.
00:09:19
My mother's stepmom, my Mimi, is an icon who drove sports cars in her 20s, but became a southern housewife who's now obsessed with Magnolia and keeping her house beautiful.
00:09:30
When I was younger, I was staying with her and I asked how her dad died being nosy.
00:09:34
I thought it was going to be a heart attack or something. However, I was immediately shocked and interested when she told me he was murdered by my great great uncle.
00:09:42
A 12 year old murderino's dream. this story is sort of unclear because this happened about 70 years ago however it was something like
00:09:50
this my great-grandfather was with his brother chopping wood when his brother decided to start
00:09:55
hacking away at him with one of the axes my grandfather began to run away while being chopped
00:10:01
at they lived in the middle of nowhere north carolina so the next closest house was about a
00:10:05
house was about a half a mile away as he struggled to run he got to the neighbor's home
00:10:10
and as he got to the window, his brother hit him with the axe for the last time and he died.
00:10:16
As he was hit, he fell into the window covering it in blood, highly disturbing the family watching the evening news.
00:10:23
The family said it was like something out of a horror film. Imagine it, a bloody chopped up man falling into your living room window while you watch the news.
00:10:31
My great uncle was then arrested and he admitted that he did it because he was jealous of my grandfather's success.
00:10:37
He killed him in hopes to acquire his land and other possessions. Thankfully, he did not receive any of it. My grandmother got remarried and her youngest
00:10:44
daughter now lives in the same house he bought for them. That grandmother outlived three husbands,
00:10:50
the other two dying of old age. A baddie. What can I say? I've truly lost track of the grandmothers
00:10:55
at this point. Well, anyways, thank you for all you do. As a kindergarten teacher at a school who
00:11:00
decided to open during this pandemic, there can be a lot of anxiety involved. Very true. I'm in
00:11:07
nursing school while teaching and I've been exhausted a lot of days, but I love Mondays
00:11:11
and Thursday mornings. Thank you for giving me a little break twice every week. I always look
00:11:15
forward to it. Love y'all. Dylan. Here's Dylan out here in the world being a teacher and studying
00:11:20
to be a nurse. She's just like double downing on all of us. It's a boy, Dylan. D-I-L-L-O-N.
00:11:25
And he wrote he, him. So it's a boy, Dylan, being a teacher and a nurse. Amazing. I love it. I love
00:11:31
every aspect of it. I know. Welcome, Dylan. He's been here a couple years. He's been here a couple years. I originally read your first
00:11:39
line that you'd been listening for a couple days. I feel like Stephen should leave that in.
00:11:44
Yeah, okay. Oh, wow. That family was never the same who was watching the news, probably. Also, it's just like, you're
00:11:52
just out you know in the country in the olden days chopping wood with your brother and suddenly he just tries he kills you Yeah That insanity Like chop chop wood and then you turn and chop again But at this time it your brother
00:12:06
Yeah. Dude. Okay. This one's called It's a Summer Camp Murder. Okay. Hello, Karen, Georgia and friends.
00:12:13
Thank you for having me. Now, it's not technically a hometown, but I did spend 11 summers where this happened.
00:12:20
So I think that counts for something, which absolutely. Here we go, they said. Like most kids growing up in a predominantly Jewish suburb in New York, I was an avid sleepaway camper for most of my life.
00:12:32
It's like it goes without saying that if you grew up Jewish in any way, shape or form, you went to camp.
00:12:39
Totally. We were we were hardcore camp people. You're camp people because our parents are like, get away for two weeks.
00:12:45
We can't fucking talk to you. Minimum, if not all summer. Exactly. Let it be known, I was and still am obsessed with my camp experience and literally had the best time of my life there.
00:12:57
I have some of my best memories from camp. Absolutely. Despite the events that had occurred on the camp property in the 1940s.
00:13:04
And since I fear authority and getting in trouble, I'm changing all of the names in the story.
00:13:08
So back then, the camp was actually an, quote, adult resort. And then it says up for your interpretation.
00:13:16
And was owned by John and Laura Baker. When John Baker died from heart disease, his distraught wife found comfort in a new lover who we will call Henry, who was actually the resort's chef.
00:13:27
Sorry. Anytime I talk about a camp, a fucking like camp or resort in like the Catskills, I just think dirty dancing the whole time.
00:13:34
Right. Yeah. So he looks like Patrick Swayze. Yeah. It's all unfolding in your mind.
00:13:39
Yes. Always. From early on, Laura felt that her relationship with Henry wasn't built to last.
00:13:44
And it says they did get married. hey look it happens sometimes but henry became extremely controlling of her and the property
00:13:54
being smart because she's a woman laura had a document created stating that in the event of
00:13:58
her death the property would be given to her two teenage sons oh soon after laura and henry decided
00:14:04
to divorce henry found the document you guessed it he was pissed a few nights later laura had
00:14:09
planned to meet one of her sons and his girlfriend for bingo in town when laura didn't show up his
00:14:14
son went to the camp to see what was going on. Upon arriving, he entered one of the main buildings
00:14:20
to find his mother dead from being bludgeoned with a hammer. When the police investigated the
00:14:26
scene, they also found Henry's body and concluded that he had taken his own life. Unfortunately,
00:14:31
since Laura's sons were teens at the time, they were too young to take over the property.
00:14:35
So it went on to be sold to new owners, eventually becoming a kid's summer camp.
00:14:40
So you can only imagine the rumors and stories that circulated throughout the years. The building
00:14:44
where Laura was murdered became the arts and crafts building. And as an indoor kid,
00:14:50
I spent a ton of time there. I was young at the time, but there's no age requirement for
00:14:54
knowing when the vibe is spooky, but not spooky enough for me to play sports. So I continued
00:14:59
making mediocre summer camp art in the murder building for many years. I think the building
00:15:04
is now the camp's main office. Stay sexy and don't marry the chef from an adult resort and
00:15:09
maybe find somewhere else to do your arts and crafts. Yes. What? I mean, he's kind of explaining,
00:15:16
isn't that basically the, sorry, they're kind of explaining the premise to Friday the 13th.
00:15:21
Oh, we're film series. Right. Isn't that the one where Jason's in the lake? Friday the 13th.
00:15:27
I don't remember. Steven. No one. Nightmare on Elm Street, right? Yeah. No, that takes place on Elm Street.
00:15:32
Oh yeah. Do the negligence of the, whoops. Wait, is that night of the living dead?
00:15:38
I think it's. No, Oh, that's the zombies. Is that the mall one? Camp Crystal Lake, the negligence of the camp staff.
00:15:46
Yeah. I gotta rewatch that. Jason Drown in the lake. Yeah. Right. But it's like, camp is scary just on its own because you're out in the woods.
00:15:55
It's cabins. There's really no, there's like minimal adult supervision. Right. And so much.
00:16:02
It's all about. Activities happen at night. Like you still are doing things at night and walking around.
00:16:06
Oh, yeah. Sneaking around and trying to hang out. In my camp in the Santa Monica Hills, you had to go long trails of dark surrounded by forest.
00:16:16
It was fucking terrifying. Dude, I went to camp. Well, because I went to the same camp, Camp St. Andrews, for like 12 years or some insane amount of time.
00:16:25
I loved it, too. Catholics can do it, too. But one of the camps that we went to, because it kind of changed everywhere based on where they would rent.
00:16:34
Right. And one time it was in the Santa Cruz Mountains where Ed Kemper killed people.
00:16:39
And the Santa Cruz Mountains were lots of bad stories we have talked about on this show.
00:16:45
Dishearted. Yes. Wow. Uh-huh. Welcome. Welcome to camp, kids. Camp, everybody. I like it.
00:16:52
If you have any really horrifying camp stories, and they have to be true, no creepypastas,
00:16:57
you 14-year-old nerd. That's right. Okay, ready for this one? Yes. It just starts.
00:17:01
Hi, friends. I'm just going to jump right in. I spent a portion of my upbringing in southeast Michigan, but my dad's family comes from the west side of the state.
00:17:09
My great-grandpa Richard was a police chief in Wyoming Township. This town had a local pastor, who I'll just call Pastor Frank.
00:17:17
In 1939, the 18-year-old daughter of Pastor Frank died of a heart attack and was buried following a very brief investigation.
00:17:25
Years later, Pastor Frank came onto the police's radar because he was accused of attacking a church elder with a lead pipe.
00:17:31
this is the game clue what's up and i don't appreciate this is creepy it's not even creepy
00:17:37
pasta it's a fucking game and how dare you you can't repeat games still a great game by the way
00:17:42
you guys should we got at the beginning of quarantine played it twice loved it haven't
00:17:46
thought about it since but it's a great game now you have to move on to watching the movie
00:17:49
and every love the movie the movies this is serious uh okay now get let get real the accuser also suggested Pastor Frank tried to give him quote chemically tainted candy Basically my great grandpa got super suspicious and he found out that Pastor Frank first wife had died an quote untimely death in Illinois several years earlier
00:18:11
Against the advice of his fellow officers and seven years after the death of the pastor's daughter, my great grandpa brought Pastor Frank into the police station.
00:18:19
after being questioned pastor frank confessed to not only attacking the church elder but poisoning
00:18:25
his daughter with cyanide oh my god the crime had been committed on a sunday morning before the
00:18:31
pastor went to deliver his weekly sermon dude what the fuck says that right there pastor frank was
00:18:38
found guilty and sentenced to life in prison years later when asked why he was suspicious of a young
00:18:43
pastor committing murder my great grandpa responded quote he was a man and one thing i learned in
00:18:49
World War I is that men are capable of anything, unquote. Words to live by, which it also says that.
00:18:56
I've also been interested in true crime since I was very young. And although I think there are so
00:19:00
many problems with policing, and I fully support actions to divert money to other resources,
00:19:05
I can't help but wonder if my great grandpa passed down this interest to me. He died well
00:19:10
before I was born. So unfortunately, I never got to talk with him about it. I am now a clinical
00:19:16
psychology PhD student studying the assessment of the dark triad, psychopathy, narcissism,
00:19:22
and Machiavellianism. Oh, my God. So safe to say, I feel I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
00:19:30
Yes, you are. So good. Wow. I want to look up the dark triad. Yeah. How come when you were a kid and you did the testing to see what you're going to be when
00:19:40
you grew up or your fucking career counselor wasn't like, guess what? You could study if you wanted to.
00:19:44
Like, why didn't they tell you? because even if you could have they would have been like oh that's inappropriate for girls right
00:19:50
right right right and also you won't even take your sats because you barely go to class goodbye
00:19:55
um if you can't write a book report on silas marner if you don't read silas marner sorry
00:20:01
literally barely graduating high school so that's right if you're only going to write book reports
00:20:07
based on the picture the cover art of the book you're fucked you won't even read the cliff notes
00:20:12
Karen can we please just pretend I used to truly write write book reports based on the picture I'd
00:20:17
just be like this is the moving and uh unequivocal story of an old man with a beard
00:20:25
just describe what the picture is that is amazing thank you so much for the podcast you're both so
00:20:31
great and I hope you're each hanging in there despite the wildfires and the pandemic thank you
00:20:36
I don't really know how to end this so I'll just it's really hard it is hard So endings are the hardest in writing.
00:20:44
So I'll just say stay sexy and always suspect cyanide poisoning. Kayla. Amazing.
00:20:50
Amazing. I want her to finish school so you can tell us like I get a psychopath, right?
00:20:56
Who's like a murderer. But then what? But then also joining the priesthood and becoming a priest or whatever, like is like you're purposely trying to trick people.
00:21:07
Yes. That's like a purpose. You know, you're going to going to and want to hurt people.
00:21:11
and so you do that. Yes, it's a cover. It's so extra. It's very much what those people do.
00:21:21
They're like, what's the best way to get people to trust me without being trustworthy?
00:21:25
And I don't want to kill strangers. I want to kill people who trust me. Yeah. What the fuck? I mean, dude.
00:21:31
What is it all about? This one's called Morbid Theme Park Story. Nice. And it just starts, my queens.
00:21:38
you asked for more theme park stories and having worked several hellish theme park performing
00:21:44
contracts i finally have something to write y'all about disclaimer if you think sketchy
00:21:49
dangerous theme parks died with action park think again oh shit the summer after my freshman year
00:21:55
at college i got a job performing at a theme park outside of pittsburgh called idyll wild
00:21:59
the park opened in 1878 and honestly it felt like it had not been updated much since then
00:22:06
run run away slip the slivers alone oh my god uh however the park had added several outdoor
00:22:16
performance spaces where i had the joy of performing in the heat and the rain for crowds
00:22:21
of usually less than 10 people all day every day yes do it that's called that's called working on
00:22:29
your craft that's right the most popular show we did was one where i had the great pleasure of
00:22:34
wearing a giant tiger suit in which I got to enjoy the aromas of three other people's buckets of sweat for 30 minutes at a time in the blazing sun.
00:22:43
Oh, shit. Here's the worst line I've ever read. Sometimes I even got to have some spider friends in the head with me.
00:22:50
No. And then she writes, so fun. Spiders. In the head. I can't. I don't like surprises with spiders.
00:22:58
And you're like a six-year-old walking around this shitty theme park, and then you walk by a fake tiger that you can hear humans screaming from within.
00:23:09
I gotta go to this theme park. Okay. Anyways, the premise of the show, this is necessary to the story, was that the tiger, Daniel, was trying to convince his friend, Katerina Kitty Cat, to go on the roller coaster with him.
00:23:25
She was very scared and didn't want to, but Daniel, in a very creepy, non-consensual way, kept pushing her to do it until she agreed.
00:23:36
Problematic. Throughout the show, we constantly pointed to the park's old roller coaster, the Rolo Coaster.
00:23:42
This thing was built in 1938, and even though it allowed kids as short as 36 inches to ride, it didn't even have seatbelts.
00:23:51
Sorry, wait. How short is that? Three feet tall. Okay. Three feet tall. I feel like when you become a parent, you say how your kid is 38 and
00:24:00
and they're 36 inches tall. And please know that people without kids don't fucking know how tall they're.
00:24:05
Don't know. Don't care. The specific. Congratulations on being in the 90th percentile.
00:24:09
We don't give a shit. We know it's your life. We nod and try to speak our language.
00:24:14
We're happy for you. We are. We just want to drink. Okay. They're like, so do we.
00:24:21
That's where we started the mom wine trend. That's why we're all having drinks while we talk about this.
00:24:25
So it didn't have seatbelts. Nope. Just a little bar. I refused to go on it because it seemed so rickety and always felt weird about promoting it in the show.
00:24:34
But kids want fucking bananas for both Daniel Tiger and the roller coaster. So there wasn't much I could do about it.
00:24:40
One day, while getting ready to head over to the Tiger show, we got news that a three-year-old child had fallen off the roller coaster.
00:24:48
No. And was being flown to the hospital in critical condition. However, our show is about to start.
00:24:54
And since it was one of the park's biggest attractions, our supervisor made us do it in the midst of the chaos.
00:25:01
So here I am in a tiger suit singing and dancing about how fun the roller coaster is moments after a helicopter left the park with an unconscious child.
00:25:10
Clearly, everyone in the unusually packed audience knew what had happened. And through the mesh cartoon tiger eyes, I received the dirtiest looks from parents who seemed to think that I had any autonomy in this situation.
00:25:23
You know that? Daniel the tiger or you're projecting. Or you knew it was terrible.
00:25:29
Family by family, the crowd started to empty out, tossing back disappointed head shakes as they left.
00:25:36
Right before Katerina agreed to go on the roller coaster, a supervisor cut the sound and announced that Daniel had to take a nap.
00:25:42
The show was canceled for the rest of the summer. But don't worry. I still got to wear the tiger suit for meet and greets.
00:25:49
I've tried to find more information on the child many times since that day, and I've never learned what happened to him.
00:25:54
The kids running the rides at this park seemed like they were 13, and it should have never been a child's responsibility to determine that another child was safe on an octogenarian roller coaster.
00:26:05
The roller coaster is still open, and finally, after almost a century, has seatbelts.
00:26:11
Stay sexy and don't go to sketchy theme parks, especially during COVID, Zoe. It's still open?
00:26:17
It's still open. They just added seatbelts. That's horrifying. Yeah. At first, when you first started telling the story, I was like, oh, wow, like more action park style things.
00:26:26
And it's like, yeah, more tragedies. Yeah. I mean, because whether they're an unincorporated rando theme park or paying off the fucking local government so they don't have to have safety checks and shit.
00:26:38
Or it's the big ones. I mean, those accidents happen all the time. It's horrifying.
00:26:42
I have no. Aside from funnel cakes and corndogs, I have no fucking interest in going to an amusement park ever.
00:26:48
I mean, there's some good ones, but I have to say that for the future, for three years from now, when we can all start going back to them, there's nothing better.
00:27:00
The best ride right now at Disneyland is in California Adventure and it's soaring over California, although now it's soaring over the world.
00:27:07
I never got a chance to get on that one. Oh, my God. You have to. It's so and there's like no risk because you're actually not going anywhere.
00:27:13
You're just in this thing that gets lifted up and you get moved into like a... I went on the Tower of Terror right before the Weed Rice Krispie Treat I kicked in and I had to leave.
00:27:26
Oh. So I didn't get a chance to go on and I had a fucking... So did you go up, up, up and then back down?
00:27:30
I loved it. Like you had to walk down? It was the most... Well, I was on that ride and I was like, it's hydraulics.
00:27:34
I get it. I love it. It was like the most fun I've ever had. And then we went in the Muppet 3D ride and I fucking had a...
00:27:40
I lost it. I had a panic attack. I ran out of there and I was like, we're leaving.
00:27:43
right now so i didn't get to go on soaring over whatever the fuck oh because you had to cut you
00:27:49
had to cut your day short i think a lot of people don't do edibles you guys you don't need to do
00:27:53
what's going to happen to you and don't do that in public right you can't just surprise ride
00:28:00
edibles definitely over overstimulation edibles are not a thing not at a theme park not at the
00:28:08
place that's like that we're but we're bending over backwards to blow your mind and you're like
00:28:12
Hold on, let me take a little bit of this first. Yeah, that was 20s Georgia. She made a lot of mistakes.
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00:30:31
Hi, everyone. I just realized I have a good weird pervert story for you with a flight attendant flair for spice.
00:30:38
What a kickoff. What more does one want? I love spice. When you're a flight attendant, many people ask you your weirdest or worst experience on a flight
00:30:47
because many people cannot fathom the idea of spending your life on a plane when airports are such pure torture to so many.
00:30:54
While I've now lived through restraining aggressive passengers, strange and wonderful encounters with celebrities,
00:31:01
horrible weather, diverting to a different airport unexpectedly, unexpectedly and working long crazy hours when things go wrong, I don't think I can top the story
00:31:11
that one of my favorite senior flight attendants told me. Back in the day, things were a lot more
00:31:16
relaxed in the way of security, but our main job has always been safety first, service second.
00:31:22
That means looking out for any signs of danger, making sure people have seatbelts on when it gets
00:31:26
turbulent, and also things like monitoring the laboratories for anything wrong. One day, my friend
00:31:32
was walking the aisles and giving out water as usual when she passed by one of the laboratories
00:31:36
near the back of the plane and noticed a weird odor it smelled like smoke which is always a huge
00:31:43
emergency because fire on a plane can be deadly but not cause for panic a lot of people will sneak
00:31:48
into the laboratories thinking they won't get caught sneaking a few quick puffs they always
00:31:53
and this is in parentheses they always get caught i've had friends whip open the doors the second the
00:31:58
smoke alarms go off and catch people red-handed holy shit she then realized after a second sniff
00:32:04
that it wasn't normal smoke oh yes that was marijuana smoke great so she does the normal
00:32:11
knock on the door hello are you smoking in there no response uh she knocks again saying hello are
00:32:17
you smoking in there nothing i'm coming in she unlocked the door and then in parentheses yes we
00:32:24
can do that rad it's just good to know yeah and opened it before staring in shock on the toilet
00:32:30
was a man smoking a joint naked he was however completely wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap
00:32:37
what she quickly closed the door and went to her in-charge flight attendant and told him what was
00:32:43
going on he immediately stomped to the back of the plane and yelled to the man that he was to put his
00:32:47
clothes on right now or the authorities would meet them on the ground and arrest him like i said
00:32:52
earlier it was a different time not sure when exactly but definitely before 9 11 these days
00:32:57
if a man was caught with all that the police definitely would have been called and the man
00:33:01
might have been charged but back then he was allowed to just walk off the plane like nothing
00:33:06
if you behave from now on we want to it's like you can do the bad thing but when we tell you you
00:33:12
have to behave you have to comply and then you're fine oh you said that the saran wrap okay wait i'm
00:33:18
going to finish this and I have some ideas. Okay. So thanks for reading. And if you know a flight
00:33:23
attendant, buy them wine and press them for juicy stories because we all have them. Also, we really
00:33:28
need the wine right now. Since COVID started, thousands and thousands of flight attendants
00:33:33
have been laid off and many of us have been left devastated by losing a job that we live with all
00:33:38
our hearts And those who could never imagine anything worth giving up flying have been forced to find something else and start back at square one We are resilient and we can wait to fly again
00:33:50
but we are all so heartbroken to have our wings clipped. I'm lucky enough to work for an amazing Canadian company
00:33:55
that did not leave us completely out in the dark, but many others are not nearly as lucky.
00:34:01
Stay sexy and always wear shoes while going into the airplane bathroom. Lots of love, Arielle.
00:34:07
can we have a moment to fucking shout out flight attendants and i mean how you and i have experienced
00:34:14
so many of them and it's they're just the hardest working badass people who deal yeah even before
00:34:21
all this stuff dealt with so much bullshit from so much bullshit so much bullshit and they always
00:34:28
were i mean all the all the ones i've dealt with and i've also had some in my family right who are
00:34:34
just their pros they know how to like handle people they know good psychology totally they
00:34:40
know how to get people to do things they can immediately be like tell what kind of person
00:34:44
they're dealing with and know how to switch over to whatever the oh my god and then also like not
00:34:48
deal with your bullshit and be good at it yeah and so and there's so many who have lost jobs
00:34:53
there's been huge layoffs seriously everywhere so yeah jobs have to deal with so many assholes
00:34:59
double assholes and just i mean yeah here's my theory about this guy on this plane in this story
00:35:05
to go back to that the first thing i thought it was because first of all how stupid do you have
00:35:10
to be to smoke pot on a plane oh my god even if it was 1974 and it was like the height of it all
00:35:16
but the saran wrap i was like is that like a crazy guy who was trying to lose weight
00:35:22
and so he was like yeah sweating it out and yeah he's like doing a sweat thing maybe some weird
00:35:28
actor or a long distance runner. Maybe he read in Marie Claire that this is the best way to lose weight.
00:35:34
If you're above the earth and in air and you wrap yourself, this is the way to lose weight. This is a new way.
00:35:42
Next up, fun sex tips that involve a scrunchie. Oh, no scrunchies and sex. That was a real
00:35:50
I used to do that in my act. That was a real headline on Cosmo one time. 10 great sex trips.
00:35:58
sex tips for Thanksgiving or whatever. And like, and one involves a scrunchie. And I was just like,
00:36:03
what is happening? What is happening? Don't put a scrunchie on anyone's balls, friends.
00:36:08
Like, that's just unnecessary. I don't even want a scrunchie in my hair. It's not just to tie up all your stuff. Get it out of the way.
00:36:16
That's got to be it. Okay. This is called Robbie Story. And then it says in the title,
00:36:21
Robbie still exists. Remember, we were talking about people named Robbie. Yes, that's right.
00:36:24
And then it says with bonus crazy hitchhiker. Great start. Starts howdy. I'd like to preface
00:36:31
the story by saying, I love my fiance deeply. And then it says, but Lord, has he done some
00:36:41
dumb shit before we got together? And yes, his name is Robbie. They do still exist.
00:36:47
Nice. So my fiance, Robbie, likes to tell me tales of the adventures he's had before we got
00:36:51
together. Stories like how he jumped off a dam into water that was over 100 feet below.
00:36:59
How he threw house parties with nothing but strangers. That's like your neighbors. How he has been in multiple bar fights, etc. And then it says he was
00:37:10
a wackadoodle. Slash alcoholic. Slash unmedicated bipolar. The scariest and most interesting story
00:37:21
happened to him one night on one of his typical and then in parentheses, what the fuck? 3am cruises
00:37:26
around town. So per his usual routine, Robbie would casually decide to get up in the middle
00:37:31
of the night and cruise around in his Camaro, his literal pride and joy while listening to music.
00:37:38
Being the offensively overtrusting person that he is, he decided to pick up a hitchhiker that he saw
00:37:43
on the side of the road during one of these drives. The ride starts out normally. Once again,
00:37:48
what the fuck and who does this with them listening to music and Robbie asking the hitchhiker where
00:37:53
he's headed. The side of the road guy names a town that's within 30 minutes. So they begin to
00:37:59
head that way. About 10 minutes into the drive, the hitchhiker pulls a knife on my fiance. He
00:38:05
holds a knife near Robbie's throat and tells him that he needs to hand over all his money and cards
00:38:11
or he will fucking die. So what does my fiance do with his midlife crisis car? He speeds the fuck up.
00:38:19
Oh. Robbie starts going 70 and then 80 and then 90 down this back road all the while
00:38:25
the knife is still held up to him. Robbie looks over while holding the pedal to the floor and says I ready to die Are you fucking Robbie Robbie Fuck yes Robbie Robbie
00:38:42
Yes. Apparently this works. The knife goes down. The hitchhiker goes silent. Yeah.
00:38:47
Robbie slows down and tells him to get the fuck out of the vehicle. And the hitchhiker does as he is told.
00:38:53
I guess the moral of the story is stay sexy and don't pick up hitchhikers at 3 a.m.
00:38:58
or maybe ever. Jesse. That's Jesse and Robbie are our favorite couple. I think John Cougar Mellencamp wrote a song about them.
00:39:08
Okay, I just want to say this. We were being very facetious about Robbie. We were being judgmental.
00:39:15
We were putting a lot on him. But guess what? If you're going to go out at 3 a.m. in your Camaro and pick up hitchhikers because you like to listen to music and meet people or whatever your reasons are,
00:39:27
then you do that like the warrior robbie and basically you're ready to die to do that and
00:39:34
then if the people are going to threaten you you're like yeah i expected this you double down
00:39:39
because it's three yeah and i'm being crazy i didn't want to get crazy pick up a fucking
00:39:44
like dude on his way to the office you know right you're out there to like mix it up with the bad
00:39:51
boys and you because you are the king of the bad boys what you're wanting is experiences to tell
00:39:56
your future fiance about. So she's all like, that's crazy. But inside she's like,
00:40:01
my heart is racing. I love him so much. She'll never be bored of you if you have cool.
00:40:05
No. Holy shit. You can't bore Jesse, man. She's like, tell me everything. She's like,
00:40:12
I want to hear it. Robbie, I'm ready to die. Are you? I'm ready to die. I mean, it's the ultimate upper hand.
00:40:18
Also, just remember that in any situation, you don't actually literally have to be ready to die.
00:40:23
You have to be a good actor and you have to be willing to say the sentence. and roll the dice that maybe the other person's like,
00:40:29
you know what I am? I am actually. Let's do this. Yeah. And ideally be a man, I'm guessing, too, named Robbie.
00:40:35
That'd be helpful. Yeah. I'm seeing Robbie as being a bit broad chested, maybe even barrel chested.
00:40:41
Yeah. Kind of like a, he's got like a motorhead shirt with a fleece over it. Definitely.
00:40:47
That's Robbie. So, you know, he's going to pull that off. He's going to pull the,
00:40:52
are you ready to die with me? Only Robbie can pull that off. Tonight. Is that it?
00:40:56
No, you have one more. No. Nope. Do I? Oh, no, you don't. Nope, that's it. That was six.
00:41:03
Keep going, keep going. Oh, man, I would have read that one slower. That was the perfect ending.
00:41:08
That was the perfect ending. Philosophical. Robbie, you rule. And high fives to all the flight attendants out there and nurses and teachers and, you know.
00:41:19
God. And Robbie. Yeah. Yep. Link arms, everybody, because we need to support each other.
00:41:25
That's right. These are tough times. We're here for you. You're here for you and us and everyone and all the murderers.
00:41:30
And also stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:41:38
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That's stitchfix.com slash murder. Goodbye. If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them,
00:43:01
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Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:43:26
Goodbye.