252 - The Great La-Z-Boy Uprising: Advice Q&A | My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

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Own the dream. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder. That's Georgia Hartstar.

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That's Karen Kilgarith. I was going to call it a maxi-sode, but I think we've gone into that whole joke.

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Yeah. But it's one too many. One too many times. I mean, we're going to have to start recycling our hilarious jokes because what else to do with you?

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Because there's only 12. That's right. And there's only three of them are period jokes.

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So if you want this to go 10 years, you're going to have to hear some of the same.

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Hold on. Who wants it to go 10 years? Wait a second. Wait a second. What are we doing?

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Six and three quarters or so? A hard. Really interesting right now. Say how many years you think it's going to go.

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Shit. Two. Fifteen. Oh. Somewhere in between two and fifteen. Is that the queen?

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Okay, great. Thirteen. That's perfect. Is the queen on your mug? Is that what? The queen?

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Oh, no. Okay. No, this is a thing that I've always thought was hilarious. It's a line of cards by someone named Ann Tainter.

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I don't know if that's a real person or not. Yeah. But it's like she says it's a 50s picture and it's like you can lead a horse to water, but I need a triple espresso.

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It's very much like office humor. I love those. it's like an old timey lady with a like I'm gonna kill your husband kind of thing yeah I found a

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card from my mom and it said um it's a lady that's like looks like she's from the 40s that

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looks like it was taken from a cigarette ad and then it's this typewritten thing over it that says

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maybe I want to look cheap can I say that's the last thing that I would think that you would be

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into like I would I don't know why I don't know why I find it delightful and oftentimes this line

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And especially this one's a little muted. Usually it's more the comedy is more along those lines.

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And it just always makes me laugh. There's like magnets. Yeah. You find them in like Madison on like the main dragon.

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Those like those like hipster kind of alternative stores that have tons of gifts and socks and prayer candles, but with like share on it or whatever.

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Exactly. And like these are like you like retro stuff. You also like a sharp sense of humor.

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It's that thing. And I had this friend that I used to work with, Karen Anderson.

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And finally, one day she goes, you love that, don't you? And I was just like, what do you mean?

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Every time it was her birthday, anything, I always got her that card. I was always giving her those magnets.

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And she's just like, yeah, you're really into this. And I'd never noticed before that it was just this weird kind of go-to thing that I have.

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That makes my life so much easier as far as giving gifts to you. Because I would never have gotten you one of those because I'd be like, she thinks this is cheesy.

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but I've seen you with like a couple different versions of it thinking like someone must have

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given it to you and you just kept it but that's good to know. But like it's like when someone gives me something I was trying to like look at it like what are they

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trying to you know it's almost like a person going this is what you seem like to me.

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Oh yeah. And so you can't really deny it. In fact I'm pretty sure a listener gave me this mug.

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I've seen them for sure backstage at live shows. Someone has given you like a makeup bag that says that on it or something.

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maybe I want to look cheap I don't know I think it's funny I love that that is so true about gift giving

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it's like someone saw a thing and thought of you whether it made them think she'll laugh at this or she'll

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cry at this or it's like when you get a black cat and then for the rest of your life

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your family gives you black cat stuff for example my sister she only gets black cat stuff now

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I must drive her insane like after a while But she really? Oh, good. She's never been enough to tell me. My mom got into chickens and four years in she was like, if I ever fucking see a chicken again, I'm gonna lose my mind.

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My mom penguins That all we got her is penguin shit You say you like one animal and that the fucking rest of your life You done for Also because then I think people have like a natural like

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oh it's fun to get a person a thing if you see the thing they love. Yeah. This will make them happy. Yeah.

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That's a nice idea. Yeah. Meanwhile you're over there with your penguins surrounding

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you going I other I like other things as well. You're up to your fucking beak and penguin shit at that

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point. I've seen that movie. I know. Yes. The goddamn figurines are everywhere. They're all over the place.

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What's up? How are we? What do people give you as gifts? Let's see. Vince gets like, Vince is really good at it.

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It's annoying. What does he get me? Is he the kind of person that listens to stuff you say six months before Christmas or the holidays and then writes it down and then you're getting it as a gift?

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Yes. Do you know how stressful that is as a person who's kind of bad at gifts? And I can't keep a seat.

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I gave him a gift today. Okay, I got something. For Hanukkah? For Christmas. I mean, he celebrates Christmas.

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But I was like, you need this today instead of in two weeks. So, you know, we've gotten to this place in the quarantine where it's like, no one's going to be in our house for a while.

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So let's just be comfortable. So we took out the like, you know, mid-century modern West Elm, like beautiful chair.

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And he got a straight up lazy boy. Yes. Like called the company. I was like, give me a lazy boy.

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So, yes, just like kind of killed me a little inside as someone who's very like stylistic.

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You know how everything in my house. Yes. Thank you. That's exactly right. When he moved in, when he moved in with me, partly, I'm sure had to do with the fact that he had moved to L.A. with no possessions at all.

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so I was like sure you can fit in my house with all my things but like because you're not bringing

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your like you're like college fucking coffee table or whatever yeah that one ikea bookshelf

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that everyone's had that's either white black or fake wood right that I have to be like no it fits

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right in um so now I'm a lazy boy I feel like they now understand that people want the comfort

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and the style and they've updated their shit this isn't one of those okay yes they do have some good

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ones. He wanted it like, you know, he and his dad used to have them and it reminds me

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of his dad. So it's like special. And also Kristen Bell does ads for them. So I'm like, well, if she has the

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actress, if she says it's okay, then I'm okay with it. Yeah. So we got him that and now I'm just like getting

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him Christmas accessories for the like lazy boy to like build off of it. Sure. You need a little side

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table where you can put his beer. Yeah, and like a little pouch where you can put his computer and his joints.

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And his TV guide. It really is. I mean, that really is. If you are into retro stuff, and that is very retro.

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That is like 1975, in my opinion. No, you're totally right. Wait, is it a Naga Hyde, like a brown Naga Hyde chair that reclines?

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No, it's one of those. I don't know what Naga Hyde is. Fake leather? No, it's like corduroy.

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It's like blue corduroy, like straight up. And is that the one he had at his dad's house?

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It must be. Yeah. And it's like, it's puffy. It's like the bottom line. Like he didn't want a fancy one.

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He wanted like the cheapest kind. It's so loud when he has to like, you know, the leg thing.

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And then you put the leg down. It's like, clunk, clunk, like scares the cats. Yep.

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That's the declaration. You're either going back for the evening or coming down to go do something.

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But now he's never on the couch with me. So like sometimes I have to feel like, can you just come sit next to me?

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We don't haven't touched in like three days. And he's like, I will in a half an hour.

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I just need to keep my legs up. It's pretty cool. I definitely use it when he's not around.

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Yeah, they really I feel like the Lazy Boys. It's a it's an American tradition for a reason.

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Yes. We had a green Naugahyde one, which is, you know, just green fake leather, olive green

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fake leather that we used to fight over. And then when my mom got home, it was like everyone had to clear the area.

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That was her. That was her spot. That's awesome that everyone was like, no one tries to take it from mom.

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She's a fucking nurse, first of all. Oh, yeah. And she's been on her feet all day.

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And she'll freeze you with her eyes. So you just have already learned your lesson about that.

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But yeah, I love that. That's fun. Yeah. So that's it. That's it. That's it. Goodbye.

00:10:34

Thanks for listening to our podcast. Goodbye. We'll see you in 13 years. when we took our last episode

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when we took a 13 year hiatus how many quilts do we have left what do you got what are you doing

00:10:52

loving we have to talk about the final episode of murder on middle beach is it murder in middle beach or on middle beach

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I think it's on why though there's no beach involved in that TV show in middle beach

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and the name of the town is Madison which is also his name it's on steven murder on middle beach well middle beach must be the

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little neighborhood so it'd still be in i don't know i mean i don't know i don't know what they're

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doing but let's call him what a final what a final episode what a final episode you and i

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were texting beforehand and we're like you think you thought it was this person i thought it was

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this person you said how about a friendly five thousand dollar wager which i was joking about

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by the way. I know you were. I was like, absolutely. And then you're like, you know, we share all our money,

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right? Which was so funny because it wouldn't matter. Basically, I could just move, yeah, move

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some money from this side of the bank account over to that side. Exactly. But I felt

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very strongly about who my pick was. And then, of course, and I might as well say it because I'm sure, I

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think I said something about it last week which Well we don know who the We actually don know who the killer is Which is how I got out of paying Georgia five thousand dollars Well when the charges are brought I will send you a check

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But spoiler alert here so we can actually talk about. Oh, yes. Spoiler, spoiler. Definitely go

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watch this if you haven't, because now all four episodes are up. So you HBO and yeah, and it is

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really good documentary filmmaking and fascinating. And it goes on. He made this thing for 10 years

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and it's his family. It's like, it's, it's really fascinating. It kills me. The dad stuff is so hard to watch.

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The every part is hard to watch. Okay, you're right. Yeah, that's in a show of hard parts. For me, the dad part is the hardest.

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Well, because now there you're, it feels like you're dealing with someone who is

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very different than your average dad. Yeah. And doing things that. and you want to yeah i want to stick up for him and he can't do it because it's his dad and he

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still wants a relationship but i want to be in the backseat of that car out front and be like

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what are you fucking talking about it's just right it's the thing you realize where if you

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when you love someone it's impossible to understand their motive because it might crush you

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you know what i mean very true and also the he was pulling some things while talking about his

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side, which was all the son was asking for, was just explain to me how things ended up like this.

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And in doing so, he begins to completely shit on the mother and who she was as a person,

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which I was like, this is not a good look for you. And it is not making me think you're any less

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guilty or it's not making you think you're a good person. No, no. And imagine he's not guilty.

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And he's still just berating this child's your child's dead mother. Yeah. Like, who do you think you are?

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I think that's what it really triggered in me is that this father clearly has no understanding of how anything he does or anything he says affects his own kid who has pure intentions.

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Like you are dad. You were a piece of shit, whether or not you killed the kid because you're kind of an asshole.

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But your kid is pure at heart and has good intentions and lost his mommy. And you're such an asshole, you know, it's the coldness is shocking.

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And it's the kind of thing where I'm coming from people who are not entirely like forthcoming or feelings oriented.

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Warm kind of. It's like to a degree, but it just isn't acceptable. It isn't acceptable for somebody to do that to the memory of it.

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It was just like a shocking moment. And you see him. Anyway, this is so much spoiler.

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But it's a personality disorder that that man has. For sure. And and clearly. Yeah, because you because the proof is in the paperwork that they find.

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And yeah, well, I really thought it was the sister. Yeah. And the sister showed all these signs that I was just like, oh, oh, oh.

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And then I was just like kind of building the story around what I was looking at and also based on what other people in the show were saying.

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And it was just an it's so great to watch one of those things that make makes you go.

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I'm positive. This is it. Oh, my God, I was entirely wrong. Totally. That's kind of what I think a lot of true crime is about.

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Yeah. She's actually a lovely person that your heart goes out to because she's just doing her best with what she was given, just like him.

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With massive trauma. She was there. Yeah. It's like she saw her mom's dead body. Like it's unbelievable. How do you get past that but move to fucking Argentina or whatever and like join a family that hopefully seems pretty together. And you're like, right. My heart is warm for her that she has this welcoming family now.

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And that she did the things like when she finally gets to say her side of it, it makes so much sense.

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And it's really healthy of like, I want to get the life I wanted. And I know that's what mom would want.

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I was blown out at that turn. It was real. But also, that's the filmmaking part is they lead you down these paths.

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They lead you into that kind of like, oh, I know who it is. And then those turns are just like such good lessons.

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Well, officially, what I think happened, and this is giving that father a lot of letting him off the hook in a way I don't totally want to.

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But I think that maybe it was some of his shady associates that sent him a message or took collateral and went and claimed their collateral.

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So I don't totally think that it was him who attacked her. But it was because like, it would make sense to me that because of him, these things happen. And that's why he won't discuss his shady doings, because he's putting his son at risk to perhaps or he's still it's he's still responsible for it. It's still, you know, he could still be tried and everything. So right.

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Well, but then also the thing that is so fascinating about this whole story is that that's still just one piece of the pie because it's like it could be the ladies from the tables.

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It could be people she absolutely she was starting to bring in like addicts and people who didn't have the money.

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It could be a spouse of one of the people who she kind of not scammed, but whose money she took.

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And it was their entire life savings. And that spouse got upset and killed her easily.

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I mean, but who knows? I don't think so. But yes. Please let there be a season two as quickly as possible.

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Yeah. I need to see that paperwork. We need to get into it. It's just like, oh, my God.

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Anyway. Anyway, this is all speculation, by the way. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.

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allegedly and also spoilers Rama like left right and center these people stayed for the spoilers spoilers are over because they watched it So they want to be they want to hear the discussion That right Cool That right That exactly right

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Boom. Now, I went to the other end of the spectrum. And once I was finished with that show, I started watching Murder on the Bayou.

00:18:15

Have you? It's older. Have you watched that at Showtime? No. Oh, what's that about?

00:18:20

It is a story about a town in Louisiana, a small town, where women who in the local press, they kept being referred to as women with high risk lifestyles, start showing up dead.

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And it is one of the most heart wrenching things to watch. It really is about this line between poverty and not poverty in America.

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It's about drug use and the way people get eaten up and the value of human life based on how much money you have in the bank.

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Or the decisions you've made that have led you down a path. But yeah. That you don't, there's no out.

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I mean, it's really it's a very it was a very kind of I didn't do it on purpose as somebody had recommended it to me.

00:19:13

And I started watching it and just went, wow, this is like this is the story that you should definitely watch after murder in Middle Beach, because it's like, OK, that's the story we always get in true crime about.

00:19:27

Can you believe this beautiful, rich, blonde mom was murdered in the middle of the day?

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And then you switch over to this other show where it's like, I've never even heard of this story of I think it ended up being seven or eight women.

00:19:41

The bodies being found all over this town over a very it was like a couple year period.

00:19:47

But it's shocking. And it's yeah, it was it's I'm still in the middle of it. So I'm not sure where we're going.

00:19:54

But man, is it like disturbing and and and, you know, stuff needs to get done. I think I think they're always remember about stuff like that, like especially for people listening who who like our show is when you see stuff like that and you say to yourself, well, they were they were living a risky lifestyle or they, you know, were asking for it somehow by doing it.

00:20:16

Why would anyone do those things is that both you and I lived very risky lifestyles.

00:20:22

And, you know, I was a drug addict. You're an alcoholic. Like it's by the fucking grace of God, am I was I not deeper in it than than I was?

00:20:33

Well, and there's a really great reporter in this TV show that is talking about how that phrase got used and how unacceptable that phrase is that that basically it was a phrase that was being reported on because the sheriff used the phrase.

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And it was essentially telling the town, you don't have to care about these women.

00:20:54

don't worry. It's not like it was a way of them basically saying they're not not causing a panic

00:21:00

by saying they by implying they brought it on themselves. And it's so crazy to think of like,

00:21:06

when you hear that phrase, you think of like, okay, they must have been on the streets and like a

00:21:11

total, you know, meth head or whatever, when really, it's like, we've all fucking done a

00:21:15

little coke at a party and gone to a second party. And there was a there. And if you if that,

00:21:22

But that is a that's a person they would label someone who's putting themselves at risk when really the amount of people who do those little things and get away with it.

00:21:31

So they don't think of themselves as at risk is most of us, you know, sure. At least the fun.

00:21:37

And in a town like that, you start doing something like meth where you're addicted the first, second, third time you do it.

00:21:43

then you're in a lifestyle that it doesn't really matter what your life was before that,

00:21:49

because you just need, then you're just kind of in it. And it's just a fascinating, it's such an interesting, fascinating story that should,

00:21:59

really needs to be told and is told beautifully. It's shot beautifully. It's just, it's, and the people, it's just fascinating.

00:22:07

Murder on the Bayou. Yeah. It's been up for a while. It sounds familiar. I've heard of it before.

00:22:11

Yeah. But I just assumed it was like one of those, you know, how the ID channel sometimes does it.

00:22:17

It's like murder in the South, murder in a red bra or whatever. Yeah. So I just I think I thought that's what it was.

00:22:24

And then, yeah. And then someone said, no, no, it's you should watch it. It's great.

00:22:28

I have a couple podcasts I'm listening to and a book I'm listening to that is definitely like I'm going to decide to bake bread now because I just want to listen to this book.

00:22:38

Kind of. Is this going along with more of your cottagecore stuff that you've decided to get into?

00:22:43

No, I've given up on that. But now I'm following this new. So wait, what's going on?

00:22:47

Did you order bees? How far along are the bees? I haven't ordered bees, but I'm following a bee lady that I am obsessed with.

00:22:57

So many people tagged me in her shit because she's just incredible. You sent it to me.

00:23:04

Georgia sent to me. It's a lady cupping handfuls of bees to get them out. And I just wrote back, you've lost it.

00:23:10

I was sending you like, see, it's not just me. And Karen was like, you're out of your fucking mind.

00:23:15

You've lost it. I don't know what this is. This woman is called her. The Instagram is Texas Bee Works.

00:23:22

Her name is Erica Thompson. She's a beekeeper. And she does really beautiful, like ASMR style, you know, stories about her going to save all these bees and how and what she does.

00:23:33

And it's so fascinating. And she's so cool. like i want to get a non-alcoholic beer with her if we're ever in texas again um she's amazing so

00:23:42

texas bee works i'm digging awesome and it's important i make jokes i'm teasing georgia because

00:23:48

it's fun but it is important because we can't lose the bees so anyone that's doing that work

00:23:54

it is crucial and and i know that but it won't be respect don't worry um No, the other stuff doesn't have to do with my cottagecore.

00:24:03

But listening to a book, it's Little House on the Prairie. Little House on the Prairie.

00:24:08

It's How to Knit and Sew Your Own Bonnet by Amelia Bedelia. Oh, cool. Great. Remember Amelia Bedelia?

00:24:18

Sure do. That's me. She didn't know what the fuck she was doing. She was out of her GD mind.

00:24:23

That lady couldn't clean for shit. She made a bigger mess. That was the great part.

00:24:29

It was nuts. This book's by Brit Bennett, and it's called The Vanishing Half. It's so good.

00:24:36

It's like, you know, the generational stories of each person in that family and what happened to them and how they got there.

00:24:42

But essentially, it's twin. The story revolves around twin sisters, and one of them vanishes.

00:24:48

And the search for her, but the twin who stayed, like her daughter and her husband and what happens to her life.

00:24:56

And the daughter goes to L.A. and becomes a track star. But it's heartfelt and beautiful and really well written.

00:25:03

And it's just great. Awesome. And then I have two podcasts I'm listening to. You know how I love sleeping podcasts that help you go to sleep at night, like Sleep With Me.

00:25:14

There's one that I've been listening to called Nothing Much Happens. It's hosted by Catherine Nicolai.

00:25:20

And she has this beautiful, soothing voice. And she writes a story that's straight up.

00:25:26

it's almost like a fairy tale that she writes this beautiful little story where nothing much happens

00:25:33

but they're still like lovely so that if you want they're almost cottagecore stories actually

00:25:37

where she lives in a cabin it's snow if I'm being honest she finds a kitten and invites

00:25:45

the kitten into her house and meets her cat that she used to have maybe she'll do one with bees

00:25:51

and she tells the story twice once you know a 15 minute story that she wrote and then tells it again slower and you're I'm out within five minutes. But the

00:26:00

stories are beautiful. So even if you can't fall asleep, you're listening. So that's great.

00:26:04

Nothing much happens. Nothing much happens. That's such a good idea. That's that's like

00:26:09

Rosemary and Thyme, even though their murders do happen. And it's right crazy because they're

00:26:14

groundskeepers, essentially. Yeah. Everywhere they go, someone gets killed. But it's the same feel

00:26:19

of British rhythmic speaking and kind of low key. No one yells. There's no gunshot. Right.

00:26:24

And you can picture yourself in the cabin with the they're like cozy stories. You know, that's great.

00:26:30

It's very smart. And then the other one is, have you heard of terrible? Thanks for asking.

00:26:36

No. Yeah. So my friend Melissa Boyle text me this link to it. And I've seen I've seen it on iTunes a million times.

00:26:44

But she sent me specifically a link to like that. She did. It's her name is Nora McInerney.

00:26:50

And she did a three part story about like childhood trauma. which is such a huge epidemic now they're saying so that was really good but then i was looking at

00:27:00

other episodes and it's just a really like it's a cool podcast where like you know when you ask

00:27:05

someone how is how is everything and they're like fine well these are all interviews with people

00:27:09

where shit was not fine you know and it's like really it's it's it's like a higher level smart

00:27:15

people produced podcast you know and uh it's really cool it's really good that's cool so

00:27:21

That's terrible. Thanks for asking. Terrible. Thanks for asking. That's good. I should write that down.

00:27:26

Yeah, you'd like it. You'd like it a lot. I, yeah, because that's what I love. I really love people telling a story.

00:27:35

That's what I love about this is actually happening is people who are past the trauma point that can go back and say, here's, listen to this.

00:27:44

Here's what happened to me. It's so, I love that. So I found this podcast because people were posting, say, their top five podcasts and showing them to us as like, hey, you are on my list, which is lovely.

00:27:59

And thank you, everybody, for doing that. But on many of the lists, there was a podcast called Let's Not Meet.

00:28:07

Have you heard of this? No. Okay. The host's name is Andrew Tate. And he basically reads.

00:28:12

Sometimes they're from Reddit threads. Sometimes people email them in. but essentially it's a horrible moment a scary moment a creepy moment from someone's life

00:28:23

and so that the end it's like so guy from the water park let's not meet and it's this it is

00:28:29

so good and and when it when i first started it i was like oh it's not the people telling

00:28:34

the stories themselves so i don't know if i like that it's like narrating episodes later i was just

00:28:39

like i i have been binging it for like three days like what kind of stories like just oh it's like

00:28:45

it's basically red flag bonanza. Like your worst day or I did something fucked up.

00:28:50

No, no, no. Your worst like moment of we moved into this apartment. Okay. So here's the one I'll,

00:28:55

I'll tell you the one that got me hooked. Okay. And this was like on, in the first episode,

00:28:59

a woman's on the road for work. And so this group of people from her work are staying in all the same,

00:29:05

the same hotel together and they have to go to work every day. They come back at six and then they go out to dinner together.

00:29:11

And this one day, so this one day her friend from work has the room across the hall in this hotel she they come back

00:29:19

at five that a little early they're going to go down to the pool it's like their last day

00:29:22

she walks into her hotel her hotel room and she realizes someone's in the bathroom

00:29:26

the first thing she assumes is that it's the um it's the hotel cleaning lady yeah and so she says

00:29:33

oh hello is someone here and then just some lady walks out and she's holding a bag and then the

00:29:40

woman realizes her stuff is all on the bed there's stuff everywhere and she's like wait who are you and the woman goes no no no it's fine I just I'm leaving

00:29:48

don't worry it's fine she looks over there's a mini like a like a baseball bat that you would be given at the at the at the ballpark on like a night or whatever yeah there one of those laying on the bed with a flashlight taped to it There all this weird shit all around and the lady walking out with a bag

00:30:06

So she stops her and goes, hold on a second. Are you taking any of my stuff? And she goes, no, no, look, it's all my stuff.

00:30:10

Opens the bag. The lady let like she looks into the bag. None of her stuff is there.

00:30:14

So she just she's so weirded out that she lets the lady leave her friend across the hall

00:30:19

who had just been walking into her room kind of hears this and comes out. So she saw the lady leave, too.

00:30:25

And then they're both kind of like, what was that? So they go. So her friend comes back into the room with her.

00:30:30

They start looking around. Stuff has been moved around. A bunch of her clothes have been stuffed into a bag.

00:30:35

Her passport's been stuffed into a bag. There's all kinds of things in flux of like, it looks like she was about to get robbed.

00:30:42

Yeah, yeah. And they're looking. And then she goes into the bathroom and realizes some of her medicine has been stolen, which I took to mean like Valium and stuff like that.

00:30:51

I know they're not taking your fucking Wellbutrin or whatever. Yeah, exactly. so she calls down to the front and is like hey just so you know

00:30:57

I just caught a lady in my room and they're like that doesn't make sense they call the cops

00:31:01

the cops show up and they take the report but they're kind of like yeah you probably like they're kind of giving

00:31:09

her the we don't believe you or like did she take anything? yeah did you give your key to someone

00:31:14

this doesn't really make sense whatever so the cop they take the report and they leave

00:31:20

and then her and her friend go into the bathroom to check if there's anything else missing. And she notices there's a bunch of

00:31:26

drywall on the bathroom sink. So they pull the mirror away from the wall. There's a two-foot hole. That lady had been living

00:31:35

in the wall. Holy shit. So apparently when they built this hotel, I'm just telling you the story that I heard

00:31:42

on this podcast word for word, but she had basically crawled in there and was living in the walls of this hotel so she

00:31:50

could go into any room that she could get access from that inner walk space there's like a so when

00:31:57

they looked into the hole there was a pillow and it's crazy so they thought the baseball bat with

00:32:03

the flashlight was like her thing in the wall that she walked around with did they catch her

00:32:08

yeah don't tell us anymore that i mean the thing about that is like why would you make a mess you're

00:32:15

spoiling your entire operation. She didn't think the girl was coming back for two

00:32:19

hours. Because every day she came back at seven. There's a documentary. Hey, Vince?

00:32:26

What's that documentary about the hotel the motel owner? Oh, yes. I've seen it where he's peeking

00:32:33

down. Yeah, what's it called? The guy, the motel owner who can peek into his rooms.

00:32:41

Vince has laid all the way out in that easy boy. He's completely flat. It looks like a massage table.

00:32:47

I asked him to get me something that only he knew where it was. And he goes, why don't you do it?

00:32:53

Which is, if you know Vince, the least Vince thing that's ever been said. He's never said that to me in my life.

00:32:59

This is the great lazy boy uprising. I was like, okay, well, just tell me where it is.

00:33:04

And he just gave me these elaborate instructions. And I was like, okay. Voyeur on Netflix.

00:33:10

What is it? Voyeur. Voyeur. Voyeur. on Netflix is about a motel owner who like built his motel so that he could watch people. It's a

00:33:22

really fascinating documentary. The thing I just want to say really quick about Let's Not Meet,

00:33:26

there are so many stories where young women say, I didn't want to be rude. I didn't want to be mean.

00:33:33

I didn't da da da. I wasn't sure what to say. And we've gone over this. I didn't believe myself.

00:33:39

kind of thing. But then most of them, because whatever happens, they're like, but I had this feeling. I had this feeling.

00:33:48

Or they tell stories of their mom being like, get the fuck away. And that's how they got away from a person. But

00:33:54

it's really, if you are like a young woman, it's a really good listen of just things to consider. Just things

00:34:03

to, the possibilities of the way people try to get into a building when they start out real nice,

00:34:09

but if you contradict them at all, their personality changes. Those kinds of things,

00:34:13

those red flag moments that every time I listened, of course, I was creeped out, but I was also like, good to know.

00:34:19

Yeah. Well, that's so true that when you hear experiences of other people standing up for themselves, you're more likely to do it

00:34:25

yourself. And it actually happened to me. When we first started the podcast, when

00:34:29

Fuck Politeness first was a thing we were talking about, I went to this this gym that was like private gym, they were promising they were going to help me with my back.

00:34:40

But he didn't explain anything correctly. This is like big guy. And he didn't explain really how

00:34:46

the back works and how it was going to help me, but was really pressuring me to like sign a

00:34:51

$500, you know, contract when really I he had not convinced me at all. But I didn't want to be rude.

00:34:58

And I had gotten like, my ID out and my credit card out. And I was about to do it because I

00:35:02

didn't want to be rude and then suddenly i was like how am i going to tell the podcast about this

00:35:07

you know like i've been saying fuck a million times like they're not gonna i have to live up

00:35:13

to what i'm saying and i was just like never mind i don't i'll call you bye and like took my shit and

00:35:18

left and was yeah it was fine and he was an asshole about it and i was so glad i did that

00:35:24

yeah but it's hard it's fucking hard so well especially when someone has kind of lured you

00:35:30

with quote unquote kindness. Right. That's why I think it's so interesting to check.

00:35:35

That same thing happened to me at a vet where this vet, Frank was like doing these weird

00:35:41

yelps. And I thought either he pulled his back, he did something. And I was really worried about him.

00:35:47

Yeah. So I bring him in. And this guy who I'd never, I'd been going to this vet for a while.

00:35:51

And all of a sudden it was a new guy. And he immediately started trying to sell me these homeopathic remedies And he kept saying he needs this and he needs that he needs that And finally I said why don you do the x first Because we don even know what he needs

00:36:05

And then this guy got so pissed. He was and then I just was like, they took they went and took the x-ray.

00:36:11

I made sure that Frank's back wasn't broken. Nothing was like over. And then I left and I never went back.

00:36:16

I was just like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Like, that guy was so aggro and weird.

00:36:21

And the second I asserted myself, he was pissed like and didn't think he had to keep it from me that he was pissed.

00:36:29

Right. It's like it's your business. Rude to you about your natural fucking response.

00:36:37

Like if you're giving the hard sell, I get to say, hey, stop giving the hard sell.

00:36:43

Right. You don't have to scream it. You just get to say it. Hey, I'm not going to buy a bunch of homeopathic shit when we don't know what's wrong with the dog.

00:36:51

Totally. And that was like, oh, well, I guess you like he had all these reactions where I'm like, oh, you're crazy.

00:36:56

This is weird. So it's OK now. Oh, that was like three years ago. Now, it's hard, but it's important.

00:37:04

It's never going to be totally comfortable if you're not comfortable saying calling people out.

00:37:09

It'll never be comfortable. But I think that's not true, though, to be like the practice of it makes you comfortable with it.

00:37:15

Because you get to prove to yourself that it's actually your right and it's not that big of a deal to do it.

00:37:22

Like you might you might have a little bit of a but it's going to be way more comfortable than people getting to manipulate you and take money out of your hand because you're trapped by that.

00:37:35

I don't think it'll ever be comfortable for me. But I think what I've learned is that discomfort is OK sometimes.

00:37:41

sometimes. And like being in a not happy, everyone's stoked and I didn't upset anyone

00:37:47

situation happens. And it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you've ruined someone's

00:37:54

day. And it doesn't matter either. It's hard for someone who, you know, is like taught to be nice

00:38:01

all the time and is scared of not like even having to wear a mask in public is hard for me because I

00:38:07

can't smile at people and show that I'm friendly. It's like a dog wagging its tail. You know, it's

00:38:12

like, it's been really insight, insightful, insightful to me. Well, because I think having

00:38:20

to put that down for a little bit, you get to question what that is actually about, right?

00:38:26

Because it's not about everyone's happy. That is not true. Like, just because people are smiling

00:38:33

or laughing doesn't mean people are happy at all. It means people are being manipulated into

00:38:38

feeling pressured to act that way. And I think the feeling of like, what's the truth of this

00:38:46

scenario, as opposed to make sure everyone's like showing their teeth. Yeah. Or you can control

00:38:53

every situation as long as they know you're friendly and you're friendly. And so they're

00:38:56

not going to do bad things to you and you're friendly. And so no one will be mad at you.

00:39:00

Or if you fuck something up, it's okay because you're nice and friendly and so they won't hate you.

00:39:05

And that's about me and my insecurities. And I think it bites you in the ass later because when it doesn't work out or whatever, then you're really mad.

00:39:15

And then you have like a recoil feeling that makes you feel worse. You know what I mean?

00:39:20

You get yourself into this kind of it needs to be this way and it has to do. It's like a lot of rules that actually don't apply to anything.

00:39:28

Luckily, there's a little something else. I've got a little Janet in me where I can turn a smile into an angry, an angry smile pretty quickly.

00:39:37

Do you know what happened to me? I had my first experience of asking someone to put their mask on in public.

00:39:43

Oh, how'd that go? Which, God damn it, that feels good. Can I tell you who it was?

00:39:47

My fucking pharmacist. Oh, wow. All the people who should have a mask on in my mom and pop pharmacy that I go to.

00:39:57

Indoors. He's indoors, dealing with the medicine of sick people, and he doesn't have a mask on.

00:40:05

That's ridiculous. The guy who works at the counter, he's an employee there, and he's known me forever because I'm highly medicated.

00:40:12

So I've dealt with him a lot. He's an older guy, and so he seems like you should wear a mask around this older guy to make sure he stays healthy.

00:40:21

So I said, like, why doesn't that guy have his mask on? And he goes, well, he's the owner, so I can't really say anything.

00:40:27

He said he he says he puts it on when he comes out from behind the farm, the counter.

00:40:32

But it's like it's there's an open wind. It doesn't it's open. So I said, well, I should say something.

00:40:37

And and then he goes, do it. He like whispered to me, do it. It's like, OK. And it's so not like me, you know, to call people out.

00:40:45

And I fucking, hey, sir, why don't you have a mask on? I said it very curiously.

00:40:49

And and he got so I thought we were going to fight and he got so sheepish. Oh, it's in my pocket.

00:40:54

And I was like, well, there's sick people here. And he and then he made some excuse about on the phone how no one can understand him on the phone.

00:41:03

Bullshit. Sorry, Rudy Giuliani. That's not true. That's right. So he took it out of his pocket and put it the fuck on.

00:41:09

And I think my Wellbutrin is going to be free from now on from this fucking. But like how many articles have we all read that it's if you're indoors with no windows or no direct ventilation,

00:41:22

you have three minutes before somebody that has it and could be asymptomatic would be spreading

00:41:30

it around and you could be in a place the size of Walmart. Yeah. If there's one person in Walmart

00:41:35

that's not wearing a mask that has it, you've got three and a half minutes in that building before

00:41:40

you could possibly inhale what their exhale. Nobody in Walmart's not wearing a mask though.

00:41:45

Oh no, everyone's, they're not mad. They're not fighting with the greeter. Everything's fine.

00:41:50

It just so inconsiderate Like at the same time there was a woman there who was clearly ill from something and you not wearing your mask and you handling her her fucking meds It just unconscionable wow well good job thank you i felt really it was fun it felt good and it also sounds

00:42:05

like you did it right where you didn't it wasn't you didn't have to scream or point your finger it

00:42:10

was a genuine question of hey am i wrong here or shouldn't you the pharmacist be wearing a mask

00:42:16

it's that thing of raising your voice so that everyone's going to hear it is so hard to do

00:42:20

when you're not like that. But you're calling attention to yourself, which is scary.

00:42:27

Do you want to know the trick of that? Yeah. You go... Really? You're just like, no, no.

00:42:35

Erin! I thought you were going to give me some fucking... Me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me.

00:42:40

Hey, you fucker! Hey, you fuck! Hey, you fuck! Here's what you do. You put up the Polly Walnut's devil finger

00:42:47

and you pointed him with your index and pinky. Pinky and index out. It's like rock and roll, but to the side.

00:42:55

Yeah, to the side. Hey, man. This is Devil Horns Metal Concert. This is Polly Walnuts.

00:43:01

Great. Don't do the wrong one or they'll think you're a Satanist. If you go down, that's you trying to find water.

00:43:10

Oh, you got anything else or should we do? Those are my things. Should we do a little what's going on on the Exactly Right Network?

00:43:19

Yeah, let's do it. Hey, you guys, we have a network. Hi. Well, what's exciting is our new Law & Order SVU recap slash true crime slash interview podcast called That's Messed Up,

00:43:35

hosted by Kara Clank and Lisa Trager. Two hilarious comedians who are so funny. Such hilarious women.

00:43:43

That premiered on Tuesday. and they had the cast member Kate Burton on and it's it's such a good podcast they're so funny

00:43:54

and great and if you like Law & Order Law & Order SVU whatever you can get on there you'll know

00:43:59

exactly what they're talking about and it's just the best and you don't need to watch the episode

00:44:03

to know it's just they're really funny women if you think we're your aunts these are your fucking

00:44:07

aunts like these two women they're like you want them at your family parties they're just such

00:44:13

incredible funny people. So check that out, please. That's messed up. Yeah. And another new Exactly Right

00:44:19

podcast, Tenfold More Wicked, which is killing it and doing so incredible. You guys love it

00:44:25

and we love that. So they're continuing the story of Edward Roloff. So make sure to check in on that.

00:44:34

Yeah, that's really good. Oh, I'm going to skip down because my friend Michelle Bouteau was on Bananas

00:44:39

this week. She's a hilarious stand-up comic. She's a good friend of mine. She also has a book out. It just came out, I think,

00:44:46

Tuesday. It's called Survival of the Thickest. She is a hilarious genius, and she's on there

00:44:52

with Kurt and Scotty. So that's going to be a very good time. She is a fucking national treasure.

00:44:58

She's the greatest international treasure, really. On Murder Squad, Billy and Paul discussed the

00:45:03

unsolved murder of 12-year-old Jennifer Odom. She disappeared after getting off the school bus

00:45:09

on February 19th, 1993. Her remains were found six days later. The case is unsolved. And of course, Billy

00:45:14

and Paul do an incredible job of covering that case. Yeah, that's really good. Millie and

00:45:20

Danielle over on I Saw What You Did. The movies they're talking about this week are Fame and Step Up.

00:45:27

Come on! The prequel to Step Up to the Streets. So go that came out on Tuesday. So go listen to that.

00:45:36

On Stephen Ray Morris and Sarah Iyer's podcast, The Purrcast, talking to cat people because they can't talk to your cat.

00:45:44

They speak with author and editor Stephanie Cook. So make sure to check out The Purrcast.

00:45:50

And of course, this week on I Said No Gifts, you'll never believe it. But Bridger has on the great Georgia Hardstart.

00:45:56

He disobeys him and brings him a gift. Yay. I think I did good with the gift. I think I did really good.

00:46:01

Do you want to give us a hint? Can I tell you? Do you know? I got him. My thing when I buy people gifts is I put in the word, in Etsy, I put in the word vintage and whatever state they're from and find a vintage souvenir from their state.

00:46:16

That's a great idea. Isn't it? It's a great gift giving tip. It's my favorite. And then the other thing I got was...

00:46:21

Wait, sorry. So what did you find? He's from Utah. I had to ask Jay. So I found like a shot glass.

00:46:27

But then when I was on it, I also found... So there's this artist named Amber Cher who draws these beautiful state park drawings.

00:46:36

And then she goes on to Yelp and finds the State Parks review. And she finds one star reviews of State Parks and puts a quote from that review beautifully across her drawing of State Parks.

00:46:53

So I got him one from a Utah State Park and it said it disappointed us in beautiful script or something like that.

00:47:03

That is genius. It was like, oh, it was a disappointment to us, which I just, I love it.

00:47:09

So that's her name is Amber Share. Amber Share. And the Instagram is called Subpar Parks.

00:47:17

And I think this is just there's there's like beaches that say not worth the hype.

00:47:23

And there's a mountain that says went on for too long. And then a rocky outpost that says nothing, just rocks.

00:47:31

Total, total rubbish. Not very interesting. quite boring of like these beautiful drawings that she does.

00:47:37

Wow. Oh, that's great. Isn't that cool? Amazing. Nobody needs to have seen this lake that she took from a Yelp review of a

00:47:45

fucking park. So just genius. Yeah. But actually I think Bridger and I, I had a really good time talking to him.

00:47:53

Isn't he the best interviewer of all time? Good. I felt like, I felt like we were best friends,

00:47:58

even though we've only talked at parks. parties awkwardly like twice. He doesn't drink, right? Right. So I don't think so. Okay. Well,

00:48:05

then we spoke with drinks at parties a couple times, but I felt like we were best friends. So

00:48:11

he's so good at it. You know why? He's a great listener. I think that's what it is at the end

00:48:16

of the day. That's kind of the key to all hosting. But he's a great listener. And it's like he's

00:48:21

meant to be a podcast. He's just kind of built for it. And especially around that idea, because

00:48:27

it's totally suits him perfectly such a great idea and i felt like i was in the room with him

00:48:32

even though we were on zoom it was cool so check out i said no gifts with moi bro from the show

00:48:39

last night to this drive why is it never chill because this is our life backstage on the road

00:48:44

it's loud messy real and that's the best part whole crew no plan just moving good thing nissan

00:48:52

builds for that kind of chaos not just test tracks real life scenes late nights road trips

00:48:57

all of it. That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among

00:49:02

mainstream brands by J.D. Power. Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really

00:49:08

happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com

00:49:15

slash awards. Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown. Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

00:49:26

This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Will Wheaton, who played Gordy Lachance in Stand By Me 40 years ago and now narrates Stephen King's The Body, the novella that inspired it all.

00:49:39

We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life, channeling his memories of River Phoenix in the recording booth, and why the friendships you have at 12 might be the most important ones you'll ever have.

00:49:51

I know Gordy Lachance. I am Gordy Lachance. Like, I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordy Lachance when I didn't know it.

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Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:50:37

All right, well, should we move into this special, this special, this very special episode?

00:50:43

Yeah, you want to tell them about it, what we're doing? So we're going to do another Q&A, which we've done a bunch. But, you know, how many times can we talk about picking one big horse or 20 little horses or whatever? So we decided to guide the Q&A this time and give and offer our unqualified advice on on low stakes problems.

00:51:03

That's right. So that's that's how we phrase it, because we know, especially a year like this, there's people who would probably want to bring up really big, very philosophical problems, difficult problems, which we empathize with you. We are there with you. We don't have answers to those problems.

00:51:20

Pretend we're your sister's best friends who've had a couple wine coolers. Like, that's the advice we're giving you is like, you're adamant, strong.

00:51:32

You better take our advice, but you don't have to. You probably shouldn't. And also, we're in the Taco Bell drive-thru.

00:51:38

So either way, we're all going to be happy at the end of this. Either way, it'll work out fine.

00:51:43

Right, right. It's that vibe is what we're giving. I'm excited. I feel like we're going to be good at this.

00:51:49

This might be an offshoot podcast that we should have done this whole time. Yeah, that's true.

00:51:54

So we should definitely start more podcasts. That's what that's what I'd like to be doing.

00:51:58

So we had Jay and our new awesome social media manager, Aaron, collect your questions.

00:52:06

There were so many good ones that I kept seeing. So they better be in here or Jay and Aaron are fired.

00:52:11

Easy. Easy. Jesus Christ. Come on. Fire them with me. It's fun. No. And I also say that I've known Erin, our new social media person, since LiveJournal days.

00:52:25

And we've been friends since then in real life, not just on LiveJournal. So it's really exciting.

00:52:31

Nice. I'm old. It's fun. It's very exciting to get to pull our friends into. It's what we get to do with the podcast.

00:52:38

And now we get to do it with people that we work with. It's just like, oh, yeah, we're building this company.

00:52:42

And we definitely know lots of talented people. Yeah, I feel like I've always supposed to be closer friends with her at some point in our lives.

00:52:48

And now this gets to happen. So once we get to see each other in person again and not on a Zoom meeting, we'll be

00:52:54

a best of you. So just, you know, I would say just to help that friendship, let's cut out the part where

00:52:59

you threaten her job. I would say, you know, but that's me being judgmental. Yeah.

00:53:04

But also, like, if I'm going to be friends with someone, I need to have an upper hand

00:53:07

somehow or they're not going to be friends with me because I'm terrible. I hope my therapist is listening to this because I'm terrible and no one wants to be friends

00:53:14

with me, really. So I have to threaten them. I see. You know what I mean? You should absolutely always have the upper hand.

00:53:21

And then they can never break up. Whether it's love, friendship, the mailman. Threatening.

00:53:24

Keep it. Get that upper hand. Live journal. Whatever it is. That's right. Hopefully we can address a problem like that in these questions.

00:53:35

All right. Let's do it. You go first. All right. I'm going to close my eyes and point.

00:53:40

Okay. This is from Chantal Brianne. Brianne. My live-in boyfriend wants to split the fridge in half like we're roommates.

00:53:51

I just need to know I validated and thinking this is weird A thousand percent But Karen what if has like food allergies and food issues She would have said it You right She would have said it

00:54:05

You're right. That is, but I feel like I went on a date with a guy a couple times where for me, when I order food, it's like you get that and I'll get that and we'll have these everything.

00:54:16

Like, I love that. I'll never order my own entree. And he was weirded out by it.

00:54:20

But eventually he understood it because he was raised in a house that was like, don't touch my fucking food.

00:54:27

So maybe it just takes time. But it's her live-in boyfriend, which to me, unless she, I think she would have specified if they just moved in together.

00:54:36

Exactly, exactly. So to me, it feels like, because we've gotten a couple of roommate questions.

00:54:42

Yeah. And so I will put this out there. I think sometimes you choose people to live with for fun times because you have a great time at a bar.

00:54:49

or a great time somewhere else. Living together is a totally different story. And that's when the mask comes down.

00:54:56

That's when the truth comes out. So I would say yes to split. What's the threat that he is interpreting

00:55:05

from combining the food? Like, does that mean that he's also only buying his own food

00:55:10

and you're buying your own food? And if you eat my food, I'll be mad. Like, don't touch my tapenade

00:55:16

because I don't like when people touch it. It's mine. I think there's a discussion to be had around this area.

00:55:24

And if you, Chantal. Brianne. Brianne. The question is, ask yourself how you feel about it.

00:55:32

Because ultimately, this is the kind of thing that you have to start. You know, in the beginning, in my early days of being in relationships, it would always just be like, what's he doing as opposed to what do I want to be happening?

00:55:43

Yeah. And there's a lot of that kind of like, oh, I hope he this that or whatever, as opposed to me going, yeah, I don't.

00:55:50

This is not cool to me. And I'm not going to do this with you. I think the thing I think the thing to think of like is, yeah, is this a pattern that he's starting?

00:55:58

Because I think doing something new after having lived together is a sign that something isn't going right for that person.

00:56:06

And if you really look at it, that there might be other signs that things aren't right.

00:56:10

And that might be a problem with you of not a way you want to live in a relationship and not a way you want to connect with someone.

00:56:18

Is he speaking to you through putting a piece of tape down the center of the refrigerator and basically saying, I need better boundaries or I need you to get out of my shit or whatever it is?

00:56:29

because also I this might point to a discomfort about money and that money will kill a relationship

00:56:38

if you have different attitudes and and approaches toward how money is spent and how people handle

00:56:44

money it's a make or break thing that you can you can handle for a while but it it'll come down to

00:56:51

it eventually so if he's like I bought this and I don't want you ruining it or whatever you just

00:56:58

have to figure out what if that matters to you. But another way to think about that, too, is if he

00:57:02

has an issue, if that is the case, and he has an issue with money, which absolutely could be a thing,

00:57:05

and he's not talking to you about it, and instead putting up these weird arbitrary rules,

00:57:10

do you want to be with someone who won't address a big issue? Right. Yes, for sure. Can't find the words or can't

00:57:17

actually have an honest conversation. Also, maybe he was just like, you know, like a superstar frat boy. And he's like, I don't want to let

00:57:25

go these my old days at the blah, blah, blah, which is another kind of thing to figure out.

00:57:32

You know what I mean? Where it's just like, if you're in a relationship and you live together,

00:57:36

what are the levels of what are the boundaries? And those things need to be kind of declared and

00:57:41

the reasons why should maybe be out there, you know, because then it might not be that big of

00:57:47

a deal. Totally. Okay. But it's weird. Did we? It's weird. I think we covered that. It is weird.

00:57:52

Don't eat his top. Maybe he's hiding shit in his top and odd that he doesn't want you to see.

00:57:56

Money. Money. Signing $100 bills. Two grants. Maybe he's hiding your engagement ring in his top and odd.

00:58:05

Don't touch it. But I'm not going to give it to you for eight months. What? Don't put it in there.

00:58:11

Okay. This one I picked because we got so many of them that this is just the easiest way to say it.

00:58:17

But this question was asked a bunch of times in a bunch of different ways. And this is from LJ Favorites.

00:58:23

It says, is it better to have, quote unquote, closure or just let a relationship slash friendship fade away?

00:58:34

Relationship. So lots of people trying to talk about that in different ways, friendship wise or relationship wise.

00:58:40

OK, so like dating wise or I don't think there's a such thing as either of those fading away or closure.

00:58:47

but closure makes people go less crazy. And if you really do care about that person or did it one time,

00:58:54

the best thing to do is to give them closure. Right. Or to have an honest conversation.

00:59:00

I think you're right in saying, I think closure is a bit of a fantasy. Yes. Because that's like saying,

00:59:05

and now I say this perfect thing and then the problem is solved and we never have that problem again.

00:59:10

If I explain it well enough, they'll understand that'll never happen. But if you do it with integrity on,

00:59:16

you know you did your best, then whatever, however they react is on them and it's their

00:59:22

own reaction. It's not about you anymore. And I think going away from the relationship aspect more and going to friendship, which

00:59:29

I think is the much stickier area, because I think every I'm assuming this person is

00:59:35

maybe a little bit on the younger side where it's like is if it's a friendship, it's so

00:59:39

much harder when it's a friendship. Yeah, I'm almost not even talking about that because I'm bad at that, too.

00:59:46

Well everyone uncomfortable about it because there something but that like say you friends with someone in college Now you moved out and you live in the city But suddenly the things that used to make sense to you five years ago are no longer okay with you And what it really comes down to is you asserting yourself to say hey I don want to do this anymore or I don like this anymore or this doesn work for me

01:00:09

anymore. And sometimes we get so cowed by other people's potential reactions that we just swallow

01:00:17

our own needs because this person has set it up. If you say this to me, I'll freak out. If you do

01:00:24

this to me, I will, I will go crazy and attack you, whatever it is. That's just that person

01:00:30

basically saying, I always get my way. So you don't have to live by those rules. And you don't

01:00:37

have to live any way you don't want to live. I think it's also important because in my mind,

01:00:41

it's like, okay, you've the thing that the problem is, you've seen the way they are and the thoughts

01:00:45

they have and the beliefs they have on Facebook, and you don't want to be friends with someone

01:00:49

anymore who's a fucking anti-masker or whatever the fuck and so you just want to uh you they keep

01:00:56

trying to be friends with you i think in that case you can fade them out and just not or i don't know

01:01:03

well but it's almost like the conditions or the circumstances there could be a million different

01:01:10

ones but at the end it's the discomfort of a person who's continually trying to be friends

01:01:15

with you and you don't want to do it anymore. And sometimes it's like, sometimes, yeah,

01:01:20

just not answering a text four times in a row sends that message. And then that's that. And if

01:01:27

that's the place that you're at or they're at, like there's, there's not a lot of point in kind

01:01:34

of like trying to get blood from a stone, picking up, picking up on a message. Like it might be a

01:01:40

good thing to go, how much do I do this where I'm not picking up on the message someone's sending me

01:01:44

They don't want this isn't working anymore. Yeah. But I'm just trying to nice it out or I'm just trying to, like, keep it going.

01:01:52

If that's what maybe if you're feeling like that's what's going on, that's not a really a very healthy friendship anyway.

01:01:59

Yeah, that's true. So you kind of have to do it where it's like, yeah, sometimes sometimes it's a bummer.

01:02:04

Maybe that you're still going to see them or it's going to keep coming up. But there's kind of no point in going back over and over to something that's really not working for you.

01:02:19

I think what's an important thing to think about, too, is that you're going to outgrow friendships.

01:02:25

That's just how life is. I've seen people who try to hold on so tight to their high school and even elementary school friendships

01:02:32

in their friendships in their 20s that were based on going out or, you know, between jobs,

01:02:37

between boyfriends jobs. And it's okay. And you're not a bad person for outgrowing those things. And,

01:02:45

you know, life is long, hopefully for you. So it might come back around, but you don't,

01:02:50

you don't need to keep those friendships or relationships to be a good person. And also doesn't it doesn't have to be the last chapter like you.

01:03:01

It doesn't have to be like that. I think that's the closure problem is you thinking I have to go deliver a speech and never speak to this person again.

01:03:09

Sometimes people just fade away. They don't like it. You don't like it. But that's kind of that's how life is.

01:03:15

And also when you're younger, this was a big realization for me in therapy when my therapist said, how many close friends do you have?

01:03:22

And I said 30. And she went, absolutely not. And then we talked about it and I was like, oh, that's true. They're not actually my friend. Do you call them to talk to them about things that bother you? Would they come and pick you up somewhere? Blah, blah, blah. Then stop calling them your close friends because that's not accurate. Right. That's socializing and trying to seem popular. Really, you have about four people in your inner circle and those people should understand you and love you no matter what the things are that are going on in your life.

01:03:50

And if you have people that that get really either judgy or like very reactive to if you're having a hard time, that's not a good friend.

01:03:59

Yeah. Like you have to really start analyzing what you need in friendships and how people support you as a friend and how they allow you to support them.

01:04:08

Yeah. It's a bigger deal. It's not just like who you meet for to go to the party with, you know.

01:04:12

Definitely. OK. All right. Here's my next one. Sarah dot Lovegood says, how do I stop looking at people from my past online?

01:04:23

I know it's I know it's detrimental to my mental health, but I can't stop. Love you guys.

01:04:30

X, X, X, X. That's what online was created. And that's why it's so hard not to do it.

01:04:37

Well, and also maybe ask yourself, why is it detrimental? Huh? Right. Because you don't want to see people happy, then maybe you didn't get the right closure.

01:04:49

Right? Right. Or like, are you living in a weird fantasy world where seeing them is hurting you because they seem like it's a thing of like, you're buying into social media.

01:05:01

Right. So that maybe is the detrimental part where it's like that they all seem to be at a party or they all seem to be beautiful.

01:05:08

And, you know, it's just fake. fake? Or is it that seeing other people happy makes you feel like it's that you that it takes

01:05:19

something away from your happiness that that other people can't be fine without you and other people

01:05:24

can't move on with, you know, it impacts you and your happiness when that really doesn't match.

01:05:30

I'm really good at not looking up exes and ex friends and that sort of thing, because it's

01:05:36

almost like I put them out of my head at that point. It's like they can go on and live their

01:05:40

lives and be who they want to be. But it doesn't take away anything from me. It doesn't like,

01:05:46

it's not going to add anything to my life if they're happier than I am, or if they're thriving,

01:05:51

and I not you know right Well and part of that is because you have a happy relationship So oftentimes I think when people are online trying to dredge up some stuff or whatever it is it because there a lack in your own life

01:06:07

Right. So knowing you're not going to and that person, it sounds like they already know that that's not that they're not going to get anything from doing it.

01:06:16

They're just doing it. First of all, guess what? You're in a quarantine. You can do whatever the fuck you want.

01:06:23

And the struggle is real with scrolling. Like you're just going to keep looking for stuff to scroll about.

01:06:28

Right. And like, so, you know, do a puzzle, start painting to get a different get a hobby so that you can you get a hobby where you're starting to learn something.

01:06:39

Learn to play the guitar. Learn a thing where you're you don't know how to do it now.

01:06:44

And in six months, you might actually really know how to do it so that you are living a life where you are benefiting yourself.

01:06:52

Right. As opposed to feeling like this outsider that's looking into the bakery window at everybody else's life.

01:06:57

Start building the life you want. It's almost like if you're continuing, if you're continuing to work on yourself, which is something I always feel like I'm doing, then it doesn't matter if someone's doing better than you or worse than you because you're always growing.

01:07:09

And so someone beating you at fucking life or having babies or whatever isn't a person who has gotten over you and is better than you.

01:07:19

It's just someone who's working on themselves and you could have. Also, it's not a contest.

01:07:25

Like it's sadly it would be easier if it were a contest because then you could pretend like you were ahead or behind and have emotions based on those fantasies.

01:07:36

None of that's real. The being online isn't real at all. So go on there, have the feeling festival that you want to have. Enjoy it. That's part of what it's all for. And then come back out of it and make sure when you come out of it, there's you're building a life around you that you actually like just as much.

01:07:54

And also you can just block them too. That's very true. Or give your best friend your Instagram password or whatever.

01:08:03

And when you want to look at it, she should have a series of questions to ask you before she gives you the password back.

01:08:10

Have you been drinking? It's that five times. How sad are you? Be honest about the drinking.

01:08:17

Again, I'm going to ask you. I have to do a breathalyzer test and send me the results.

01:08:23

Also, here's... Wait. Here's an actual this might help if you're already in it. Look, you've already you're drunk and you're in it.

01:08:29

You're looking at your ex-boyfriend and he's got three new girlfriends, all incrementally better than you in all these different ways.

01:08:36

Check out of that current fake reality that you are actually making up in your head and start.

01:08:42

You can get a little pad of paper and write down all your worst memories from that person.

01:08:47

Because romanticizing people is a is a one way street that you are doing all by yourself.

01:08:53

So you're basically telling yourself a sad story about how sad it is for you on purpose just to pass the time.

01:09:01

Nobody. OK, nobody changes significantly unless they have a ton of fucking serious help.

01:09:08

So whenever a girlfriend would be like, now he's with so and so and everything's going to be great.

01:09:13

It's like, well, he's still going to fucking show up 45 minutes late to your date, like her date.

01:09:18

He's the same person with someone else. He has not changed because that person is so wonderful that they made him want to change or made her want to change.

01:09:28

It's the same person you had in a different relationship that is part of the reason why you broke up or is all apart.

01:09:36

And if it's a crush thing, just start. This has helped me a lot. Like self-generating a crush online because somebody looks a certain way and says a certain thing.

01:09:47

Reads the books that you fucking think are cool. that's all fake. So start going. He's rude to waiters.

01:09:55

He doesn't like dogs. Like just start making a list of things you couldn't live with.

01:10:00

Right. He actually has he has the kind of breath where it smells like he doesn't floss.

01:10:06

Oh, God. There's like kind of deal breaker things and just go. If you're going to picture all the great things that you're totally making up anyway,

01:10:14

make up equally bad things and counteract your own fantasy. I love it. OK, listen to this one.

01:10:19

Okay. This is from Spitty Vitty. Great. And I don't know if this is true or not,

01:10:24

but it really sounds true. And I really love it. Hi, I found a bowl in my room in the shape of

01:10:29

two hands cupped together, which I have never seen before. It's very, it's very detailed.

01:10:37

You can see all the little hand crevices and make out fingerprints. None of my flatmates,

01:10:43

aka roommates. Thank you, British person for your condescending translation. We know what a flatmate is.

01:10:49

Know where it came from either. How do I find out where the bowl came from? It's a fucking witch who has a crush on you.

01:10:56

Does this mean that I have someone living in my attic trying to leave me some kind of message?

01:11:01

My flatmates are convinced I purchased this weird bowl a while ago and just forgot about it.

01:11:05

But that's just not true. Please help. XOXO. Okay, so embarrassing story. When I was in junior high and reading witchy books that I'd steal from the fucking chain bookstores, what was the one?

01:11:20

You know the Dream Dictionary, tarot-y witch books? And one was like, if you want someone to have a crush on you, take a photo of yourself and wrap it between two mirrors.

01:11:31

So I snapped off the mirrors from... A car? No. What is the makeup that's from that they have the museum in Hollywood?

01:11:44

Max Factor. So I snapped off two Max Factor mirrors that I had stolen from Target.

01:11:48

And then you rubber band the whole thing together. And I was like, how do I get to Brett's house to hide?

01:11:53

And then you have to hide it in their house. And they'll fall in love with you. I know, but I never went to their house.

01:11:58

But I was like, ready. to fucking witch this shit up. And that's what that sounds like to me.

01:12:03

Yeah. Is there anything in that bowl? How about getting those fingerprints processed somehow?

01:12:11

That's a great idea. What if I had done it and Brett had found it and was like, why is there a photo of Georgia?

01:12:18

And then he calls the police. Yeah. Well, here's a couple of possibilities that I'll throw out there.

01:12:23

If you guys had a party recently and you and your flatmates had a party, just a quick one after the pub maybe some drunk came in and they shoplifted it from somewhere and

01:12:35

left it in your house maybe your neighbor maybe your name there's a there's a couple of let's not

01:12:41

meet stories about people finding stuff in their house and it was people breaking into their house

01:12:46

so the fear is real but it's so specific and in a bowl an arty bowl i feel like it's like one of

01:12:52

your flatmates girlfriends like got the wrong room it was an ashtray it sounds like an ashtray

01:12:58

kind of she's in community college what do they call community college in fucking england they call it uh at the hedgerow down the school in the hedgerow

01:13:07

secondary school secondary hedgerow here's the thing go get a fucking nanny cam stick it in a

01:13:15

teddy bear your flatmates are fucking with you yeah the end solved so okay I was about to ask this question

01:13:25

And then I saw that it's from Stephen Ray Morris Let's hear it I snuck one in I appreciate that

01:13:32

Who would be better at dodgeball Can I tell you I used to play like hipster dodgeball

01:13:39

You remember like in the late 2010s It was like hipstery Of course you did Man I looked cute but I was bad at it

01:13:46

But I'm really competitive and get angry I had to take a Xanax before because I would just get so hyped up about it.

01:13:53

I imagine that you would wear like 80s style, the shorts with the white band around the bottom

01:14:00

and then like wristband, sweatband. Steven, can we include the photo of me playing in this dodgeball outfit?

01:14:08

Knee-high socks, vintage fucking... Did you ask him to put that question there so you could post that picture?

01:14:13

Because then we have to start talking about your problem with online reality. Oh, no.

01:14:18

Online reality Georgia Of dodgeball era was very depressed And anorexic so Well I will give you

01:14:27

If you're good at dodgeball I'll just say no one can beat me I didn't say I'm good

01:14:32

I just said I played I just said I played and looked cute I wasn't good Is that the question

01:14:40

Between you and I Who would be better I mean I'm just saying If it was tetherball I would know the answer

01:14:47

tetherball tetherball was my passion grades one through four it was my passion girl oh

01:14:54

yeah you just like hit it you catch it there's all those weird rules how you could touch it and

01:14:59

not touch it oh so and the my grammar school wilson school um so competitive everybody everybody

01:15:08

was like crazy about tetherball when i was growing up tetherball and handball the this

01:15:13

kind of handball though not like the middle-aged oh yeah wall ball yeah yeah okay how about this

01:15:19

from alana banana okay what's the best way to remind people your birthday's coming up without

01:15:25

appearing self-absorbed oh my god tell me please i am so bad at birthdays how do you do it oh you're

01:15:32

saying just be direct no i need to know i don't know like my friends have all have birthdays it

01:15:38

turns out but i've never written one of them down and they'll be like hey it's my birthday

01:15:42

Like what? How do you? I think you have to say, OK, here's what this is. This is I think this question is hilarious.

01:15:50

I think it's definitely from someone who is 26. OK. Oh, they care about their birthdays.

01:15:54

You mean? Yeah. When you get older, you stop. You really stop caring. And it's not so much like, oh, I fear being older, which I don't.

01:16:02

I actually really adore being older. Great. But the idea that it's birthdays are just like New Year's.

01:16:08

They're just like the prom. you're making up what it needs to be for you to be happy and it never ever it can't do it.

01:16:16

I completely disagree. Your birthday is for everyone else to feel good about themselves.

01:16:21

So unfortunately, right now in quarantine, it's very odd because people because, you know,

01:16:27

when we're not in quarantine, we can say, hey, my birthday is this week, Friday night,

01:16:31

go to the roost. And people want to go out and party. And so having your birthday as an excuse,

01:16:36

And then they also don't miss your birthday. Everyone's happy. It's not for you.

01:16:40

It's for everyone else. But in quarantine, it's all about you. And I just I when I find out that, you know, one of my 10 friends who I give a shit about, like had a birthday and I fucking missed it, then I feel awful.

01:16:55

Like I want we want to give someone attention. Yes. And you should feel awful if it's one of your 10 good friends, because you should have written it down by now.

01:17:05

Which you and I have done where literally every year I was like, is the 13th, right?

01:17:10

The 11th, the 9th. I know you're 16th, right? I only you're the only person whose birthday I know.

01:17:17

Like I get wrong. When we hired Jay, the first thing I did was say, go around and ask everyone what their

01:17:24

birthday is and put it in our calendar. But we're not addressing the question. We're just now talking about ourselves.

01:17:29

I think the thing is to do is right. Oh, you know, it's great. Right now, today, text all your friends.

01:17:35

Hey, I've got a new calendar app. When's your birthday? I'm putting them all in my calendar app.

01:17:41

Nice. Right. And then they'll say, yeah, good. When's yours? Yes. Yep. And then actually do it.

01:17:46

And actually, like recently, I said to my dad, he's like, well, let me know if you need

01:17:50

any help with the podcast or anything. And I was like you know you can do is tell me when it my siblings birthdays or anniversaries And so now that his job is my brother My God every fucking year for the past 15 years I got two days later wished him a happy birthday because I just completely forget

01:18:07

So that's my dad's job now. So I think I just love that you're the thing you said in the beginning was like, it's about everybody else.

01:18:13

And then you're just like, and I don't participate. Look, your birthday is for everybody else.

01:18:21

Yeah, that's I think that's the perfect solution. Like, don't do it around your birthday.

01:18:26

Then that does make you look like needy or whatever you're worried about. Do it three, four, six months away.

01:18:32

It's the only reason. And make it seem like you're being considerate to other people.

01:18:36

And you got a new app for your... It's the only reason I miss Facebook is that I just keep missing people's birthdays.

01:18:42

That's right. If you're on social media in any way, birthdays are pretty easy. I think so.

01:18:49

Yeah, but not everyone's on the same app and you don't check it every day. And I think I think a text and then it also, yeah, it makes them be like, oh, I should know theirs, too.

01:18:57

Yeah, I think that's I think that is the perfect plan. I'd also just begin to release the concept of birthdays being the way people show you they love you, because that's not it's not that I like that.

01:19:10

It happens much more if you can just open up to other times of the year where people can love you.

01:19:16

Where you see a mug in that store in Madison with all the tchotchkes and you say, Karen would love this.

01:19:22

And you send it to her for that reason. Not because. For no reason. It's their stupid birthday and fucking time.

01:19:27

Time doesn't even exist. There's no fucking calendar. Okay, go ahead. Okay, great.

01:19:33

This is from Jamie Lee Inc. Hey there. How did you guys separate your spiritual lives from your parents?

01:19:42

i.e. not going to church, temple, expressing doubts, etc. That's a great question.

01:19:49

When? I can be very specific about this. In the 90s, when the beginning of the spotlight Catholic priest molestation cases began,

01:20:01

my mother was like, that's it, I've had it, and was like, I'm not going to church anymore.

01:20:07

so then my sister and I jump bandwagoned on her and we're like right us either and my dad was

01:20:13

livid really my father was livid my father still goes to church every Sunday he was raised in an

01:20:20

intensely Irish Catholic family they used to say the rosary every Friday night on their knees in

01:20:25

the fucking living room it got said on TV they did it too you didn't go out for Friday night until

01:20:31

you did that like intense, intense. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. So it's a big part of my family.

01:20:39

But I think, well, first of all, we were just willing to fight with my dad, which was

01:20:44

scary and very loud. And you had your mom on your side, which probably helped a lot.

01:20:49

It helped immensely. But also it was the kind of thing of ultimately, you can't I mean,

01:20:56

it doesn't being forced to do something is going to automatically make you not want to do it

01:21:02

anymore. So if my dad knew his stuff, he would have been like, great, never come to church again.

01:21:07

And we would have been like, I miss it. Oh, the incense or whatever, which is what ended up,

01:21:13

I ended up doing when I got into my 30s. And I was like, well, actually, that made me it did make

01:21:18

me feel good to have the structure and to be thinking about something like once a week,

01:21:23

instead of just myself every goddamn day. I do. I think with Judaism, it's a little because we were so lax, it's easier.

01:21:30

But I did have a bat mitzvah and I did have a really unpleasant experience with Hebrew school.

01:21:38

And so then and then, you know, with punk rock and sci fi and shit. Yeah, I just went really anti God and that and that in this the structure and, you know, organized religion.

01:21:51

rebelled against that uh also it's spirituality is in you so they can't really what you believe

01:21:58

or don't believe believe you know if you're if what you're saying is i don't go i won't go to

01:22:02

this place anymore i won't do this thing with you that's you living your life there's not a lot there's

01:22:07

not a lot they can do bro from the show last night to this drive why is it never chill because this

01:22:14

is our life backstage on the road it's loud messy real and that's the best part whole crew

01:22:21

No plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it.

01:22:31

That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. Power.

01:22:37

Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 US Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com slash awards.

01:22:48

Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown. Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

01:23:00

This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook Project Hail Mary.

01:23:09

Massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth.

01:23:16

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections.

01:23:24

And it's like, OK, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

01:23:27

I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it.

01:23:36

But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic.

01:23:43

That's great. Because it served the story. people will say like oh my god i cried at the end it's like yeah dude me too

01:23:48

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01:24:26

pets age 0 to 10. Well, this is a good one. Any job interview advice. I'm about to graduate nursing

01:24:34

school and I'm a little anxious about some curveballs they might throw my way. Oh, sorry.

01:24:39

That's Julian. Sorry. That's Juliana Georges. When they say, what are some of your weaknesses? The correct answer

01:24:47

is, I don't know. I guess I sometimes I just try too hard to be perfect. that's always the answer

01:24:54

I don't know sometimes I get too invested in a project and just give it you know so much attention

01:25:00

like they just want you to be they're all saying stupid fucking questions lies here's my piece of advice for you

01:25:08

is when you go to be interviewed pretend you already got another job that's better

01:25:13

because when you're in a job interview what people are looking for is confidence

01:25:18

and experience and so if you're there like kind of in that oh i hope they pick me mode which affects you mentally and physically and kind

01:25:28

of joie joie de vivre style um then they'll they'll see you as lesser if you go in with kind

01:25:36

of confidence and like a bit of a spring in your step like you're i'm the one you should pick and

01:25:41

it's up to you whether or not you want this but but actually i already have another gig you're

01:25:45

lucky to be beating me kind of a thing yes that's it's all about confidence because and we all know

01:25:51

this, once you get the job, it's all about confidence. You're trying to tell that person,

01:25:55

I'm, I'm smart, I'm competent, I have, I have what it takes to have this job. So you have to believe

01:26:01

it. And you have to convey it. And so you don't, you don't have the choice of being not being

01:26:09

confident, because you just won't get the job. If you go in there kind of like, hoping with that

01:26:14

kind of like, yeah, pick me that energy never gets picked. Because you have to think if they're

01:26:19

interviewing 10 people, they're going to be looking for the person that kind of comes in and

01:26:23

shines. So think of yourself when you're really shiny, what the circumstances are when you feel

01:26:28

that way about yourself, and then fake it in that way. And also dress up no matter what job you're

01:26:35

fucking interviewing for, where you're fucking nicest, don't wear a fucking ball gown, but like

01:26:42

your Sunday best, like look like you give a shit what they think about you. And so you look

01:26:48

like clean cut. You've got your shit together, you know, and you cared about this interview.

01:26:54

Look like you care about the interview if you really want the job. Yeah. You know, they're like,

01:27:00

that nurse is really overdressed. Why is that nurse wearing a fucking ball gown and like finger gloves or whatever?

01:27:07

She can't wear that in the ER. Okay. This is from H. Heinz. a random woman had been giving my cell phone number to companies that spam call me for years

01:27:22

literally has been happening since i was in high school and i'm 28 now the only thing i know is

01:27:28

that her name is lindsey any advice about how to get it to stop change your phone

01:27:35

it's high time i know you think everyone who's ever known you is going to call you and be like

01:27:42

well, this is not her number anymore. I guess I'm never going to hear from her again. Click.

01:27:47

It's just change the fucking phone number. Change the number. Also, that's easy to random women out

01:27:52

there. Don't give out an actual phone number to an actual wrong number. That's an actual number.

01:27:57

You're fucking someone over. Yeah, whatever that person's doing. And for whatever reason,

01:28:03

they're doing it. Just remove yourself from the situation. It's not interesting. It's not

01:28:08

there's no like you're not going to get revenge or something. It's just a weirdo being weird.

01:28:13

I don't want to give you my number instead of and also say it with me now. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9.

01:28:19

That's the number you give out. Right? All the youngsters who've never heard that song before

01:28:26

are just like, oh, wait, is that the carpet cleaning company? Write it down. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 with whatever area code.

01:28:33

Change that number. It's time to update. It's going to be good to shed a bunch of other people

01:28:37

that, you know, make them work for it. Yeah. Why not? Oh, here's a good one. This is from Hannah Banana 93.

01:28:46

Yay! It's gotta be. Hannah Banana 93 asks, How do you know what to talk about in therapy every time?

01:28:55

Sometimes no pressing issues come up and others feel too big to start talking about.

01:29:00

And then I'm just like cringe face emoji when she asks me what I want to talk about.

01:29:06

Oh, God. Last answer? talk about this. This is you talking to your therapist about how hard it is for you

01:29:14

to crack open. And you're worried about levels, sizes, blah, blah, blah. And what I have to provide people. Yes. It's not a one way street. It's a two way street.

01:29:27

That's such a that is such a great point. I have a big, hard time with this. And my

01:29:31

main therapist now is catching on to this that like, I need you to talk. I need you to talk.

01:29:37

And the reason is because I don't I don't open up to people and I need you to pull it

01:29:43

out of me. And that might take six fucking months. And that's OK, as long as they know that.

01:29:49

Also, you don't need to go to therapy with a monologue. And any good therapist will know that you know this is awkward for you and weird And like with my mom my therapy with my mom I was like talking to my therapist about it like I guess I just let her lead And I

01:30:07

say things when I need to say things. And she was like, that's not your job. Like, you don't have to

01:30:12

give it over to the therapist. You just have to be there. It's not your job to know how the therapy

01:30:19

session is going to go. And also, this is actually we can widen this out to life. Yeah, is you don't

01:30:26

have to control interactions. You don't have to control anything. It's all an improvisation. So

01:30:33

you can show up and not know and just be quiet. You can feel awkwardness and do nothing about it.

01:30:40

You can sit there and be it. People aren't going to be like, what's her fucking problem? Like,

01:30:45

That never happens. That's just anxiety in your mind going, it's supposed to be this, but I'm doing this. That's made up. It's you. So if you go to therapy and you have something that you think is wrong size that you want to talk about, you need to start talking about what you're that. That's the first step worry of I'm not sure how to do this. I need you to help me more.

01:31:09

Well, the first the two things I've learned is that the moment the times when I go into therapy, being like, I have nothing to talk about are the best sessions. Yes, always sessions, because sometimes it's like, I need to talk about what Vince said to me this week. And it's like, well, then you're only talking about that. But when I have nothing to talk about, then some weird shit that I didn't expect comes up. And that's when you're the most honest and, you know, the most insightful.

01:31:34

Yeah, like let it surprise you. Because when you have a plan, oftentimes it's like, I'm here to lodge my complaint.

01:31:41

Right. And it's like, that's actually kind of not that interesting because you're not talking about yourself.

01:31:46

Right. You're trying to get someone on your side. Right. So to get to, which you can do, and like that's valid too.

01:31:52

Yeah. But if you actually want to make a little internal progress that you can feel, you're going to have to barf up some shit.

01:31:59

And sometimes. Well, I was just gonna say, and that's, that's a way harder thing to do. You can't just do it on your own. Like, it can't just be that. If you have a therapist that sits there in silence, like an 80s movie of therapy, it's I would never be able to have a therapist like that. Yeah, it wouldn't work.

01:32:17

As a joke in my family when we went to family therapy is that when I was a kid was the therapist always says, and how does that make you feel?

01:32:25

And it's just like shitty. Why are you asked? That's like a terrible fucking leading question.

01:32:29

Of course, it makes me feel shitty when my brother fucking punches things like what do you expect?

01:32:34

But the other thing, too, about that is like opening up like that. It might take a long time and you need to come every session with an issue that you want to discuss.

01:32:43

And that's OK. they're finding out about you and your personality. And then suddenly in month five,

01:32:51

they have been there for all of those problems you've had. And so you finally trust them.

01:32:58

And they can ask some question. And also those awkward silences that I've always felt like I

01:33:02

needed to fill. And it was my responsibility. And if it's awkward, then it's my fault. And how am I

01:33:07

going to fix that? Is that not everyone feels those and silences don't have to be awkward.

01:33:13

They could be thoughtful and they could be. Well, and there's more people than you in the mix.

01:33:19

Right. So whatever you're feeling doesn't dictate what's happening. It's like, that's just that's something that you have to deal with.

01:33:27

And like, but in a therapy session, if you're starting to feel like there's a way to do it or something or that there's some kind that you're being judged, maybe, then you have to talk to your therapist about that.

01:33:40

and you have to put it on the table because then whatever information they give you will let you

01:33:44

know, should I even be in this therapy relationship with you? Are you not the right therapist?

01:33:50

Yeah, they might not be. Yeah. But I feel like more often than not, they're intuitive enough to

01:33:56

know what you're doing and what angle you're trying to push and how you're trying to lead it

01:34:01

and how deflective that is about, and I'm talking about you person, but I'm talking about me,

01:34:09

how deflective it is to always have an issue to bring and always have a thing you want to talk

01:34:13

about and intellectualize your issues. They're fucking smarter than that. And they know and

01:34:19

eventually they're going to figure out a way to break that down. And that's when you get into the

01:34:23

real, the real shit. And look, it's scary to do that. It's very hard to do that. And to start

01:34:30

really getting into real shit is it doesn't happen the first like Georgia saying the first

01:34:35

couple months, like you do have to kind of get warmed up and, and get to know each other and get

01:34:41

into it a little bit so that they can start guiding you through to the places where you

01:34:45

really need to go to be talking about yourself. Because ultimately, that's, you know, the first

01:34:51

four years of therapy, I had so many complaint lists and things I needed to report on. And,

01:34:59

and I was right, you know what I mean? There's like, my mom was sick, my job sucked, my sister,

01:35:03

this my there was lots of stuff eventually though you you start to you start to realize that all of

01:35:14

that is your way of deflecting and your way of basically pointing the finger at someone else

01:35:20

because you feel like if you point the finger at yourself you're gonna die right and you're not

01:35:25

it's it just takes a long time it's patterns that they notice whenever my therapist is like

01:35:30

Well, I remember one time you mentioned this and it's something I said three fucking months ago and it mirrors what I'm saying today.

01:35:37

It's just it blows my mind because you don't think they're paying that much attention.

01:35:42

But really, they're not. It's just who they know who you are at that point. Right.

01:35:46

Which is really comforting. Guys, that's it. That's what we're doing. That was our that's the advice.

01:35:51

Q&A. Yeah. Did it help? We'll never know. All right. Fucking raise. My fucking hooray is after four years of trying and one.

01:36:00

traumatizing loss I spent today wrapping gifts for my seven-month-old daughter's first Christmas.

01:36:06

Despite COVID, I am so excited about my first holiday season as a mom. And then a little heart.

01:36:13

Yay. That's beautiful. What an amazing moment. Such an amazing holiday because of that.

01:36:20

I know. There's nothing better than kids and the holidays. It really makes it real.

01:36:25

It's so sweet. That's the reason for the season. That's right. And cats. and for cats too.

01:36:31

Okay. This is from Piper Bryn. My fucking hooray is that today I'm celebrating seven years of recovery

01:36:38

from my eating disorder. Oh, yes. Thank you ladies for your transparency about the topic

01:36:44

and other mental health issues on the show. You both serve as a constant inspiration

01:36:48

and I am so thankful for the podcast. Congratulations, Piper. That's huge. Seven years.

01:36:55

That's huge. That's incredible. It's great. Wow. Okay. This is from the fan cult.

01:37:02

It's from Leonie. And it says, my fucking hooray is I'm an indigenous bead artist.

01:37:09

And in mid-September, I put a call out on Instagram for people to send me their extra or unused beads so I could put beading kits together for incarcerated indigenous people in Canada.

01:37:21

Wow. The response was enormous. And we have received literally hundreds of pounds of beads and beading supplies.

01:37:27

We're going to be able to supply many correctional facilities with beading supplies and even have enough to offer kits to other organizations that work with indigenous families, people in recovery and at risk youth.

01:37:39

To many indigenous people, including myself, beadwork is medicine. I'm so grateful to have such amazing Instagram followers who have come together to bring this medicine to indigenous people who need it.

01:37:51

Fucking hooray. And then on Instagram, they're at only child handicrafts. So only child and then handy with an eye crafts.

01:38:01

That is amazing. Lahani. That's beautiful work. And I bet you there's a ton of Bernardino crafters, beaters who have leftover beads that would love to get in on that action.

01:38:13

Absolutely. That's so rad. That's great. Okay let see This one is from Bonsair Ryan And it says this is also from I believe from the fan cult And it says fun fact at the top I apparently can spell hooray without spell check

01:38:31

I can get it. Anyhow, after nearly a year of random episodes of excruciating abdominal pain, I told my anxiety around hospitals to take a walk and went to the doctor.

01:38:42

That's big. She sent me out for an ultrasound because she suspected it may be more serious than the ulcers I thought I was dealing with.

01:38:51

2020 has been a party. Lo and behold, she was right. I have been developing gallstones and it had been going on for so long that my gallbladder is pretty much just a sack of rock.

01:39:02

I had my consult with my surgeon this week and I'll be getting my gallbladder out just before Christmas.

01:39:09

What a kind gift, body. You really shouldn't have. thankfully it's a super minor surgery so i'll be able to go home a few hours after oh thank god

01:39:17

and the recovery time is pretty fast anyway don't ignore your body signs of distress and

01:39:23

fucking hooray for doctors especially during a pandemic wear your goddamn masks and for the

01:39:29

medical advances we've made throughout history that taking out an organ can be considered a minor

01:39:35

thing love ryan p.s if you're concerned about having gallstones yourself talk to a doctor

01:39:41

Google is not an adequate substitution for medical care. Don't make my mistake of trying to self-diagnose and treat.

01:39:49

That's such an important message because especially right now, like I'm not going to the dentist, which is really hard for me and troubling.

01:39:56

And like I could have some mouth cancer. It's so important just to like go and get these little things that have been bugging you.

01:40:02

Like you shouldn't be in discomfort and you shouldn't be in pain. It's a sign of things.

01:40:10

Yeah. And, you know, like what you just said, when you let things go or you don't address things that you're worried about, your anxiety starts telling you terrible stories.

01:40:20

And then you're in a whole other area that you do not need to be in. Georgia, you don't have mouth cancer.

01:40:25

You just don't. It's not true. It's the thing of like when you've been in pain for three and a half years or dizzy and you don't know what it is and you're just too scared to go to the doctor.

01:40:34

And then you go and it takes one fucking appointment with the right person to fix it completely and then you can pay attention to other things Or sometimes just like a good dentist that puts his hand on your arm and says you don have gum cancer which is what I thought when I finally went to the dentist

01:40:51

after four years of not going. And I had split gums and all these things that I was so I was

01:40:56

just like, he's going to send me from here straight to Cedars because this is so bad.

01:41:01

And I was telling myself all those kinds of stories. And he was just like, no, none of that

01:41:05

is true. You need to go to the hygienist and get your plaque removed. That's all.

01:41:09

You had the, what was inspiring to me is a mammogram and I'm 40 now and I haven't had one

01:41:14

and I'm really scared of it. And you had one and it was scary, but it was, now you don't have to

01:41:21

worry for the next couple of years about this huge thing. Right. And just like so many things,

01:41:26

it was only scary beforehand. When you go to, and I'm sure, you know, the place UCLA is the

01:41:33

greatest and the people that work there are amazing and murderinos work there. There's all

01:41:38

kinds of lovely people all over the place. It is not a scary experience. There are really qualified

01:41:44

women's medical, women's nurses, medical techs and doctors who know exactly what they're doing.

01:41:51

They guide you so nicely and they know everyone is scared because it's like this possibility is so worrisome and they're so good at guiding you through it.

01:42:01

It's the unknown, I think, in every facet of life that's scary. And, you know, if you take care of yourself, there's always a way to figure shit out.

01:42:10

And just, yeah, and just the story you tell yourself is usually 100 times worse than the reality.

01:42:15

With anything, everything we've answered, every question we've answered today is that the reality is that not knowing and not asking and not finding out is way scarier than knowing.

01:42:27

because then you have no action steps to take and you don't know how to move forward,

01:42:30

which is the most important thing in life, I feel like. Yeah. And also sometimes people don't know it's your birthday

01:42:35

and you're fine. You're the only one that knows it's your birthday and it'll be fine.

01:42:41

You'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, you will be. All right. Well, it will be. We did it.

01:42:47

Well, look, it's over. And we did it. We will do it again. It's back in December.

01:42:55

it's the last couple weeks of 2020 we're all getting through this together a silver lining is dawning good things are happening all over the place I saw on CNN I saw a clip on Twitter of a thing on CNN a 90 year old man in England got vaccinated for COVID this morning and they interviewed him

01:43:15

It was one. Look it up. It's so funny and great. And he's so he's just said, I haven't died so far.

01:43:21

I might as well keep keep living. It was the greatest quote. Yes. Old people. Yeah, it's like there's the here comes the sun, everybody.

01:43:31

So now more than ever, stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Yeah. Elvis, you want a cookie?

01:43:42

Good boy. Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro.

01:43:48

Good thing the rug's ready like that. For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all wheel drive.

01:43:54

Five modes. We still outside. And they got some kick too. That turbo? Torque is crazy. The most in its class. It moves, moves.

01:44:02

Rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space. Merch on merch, gear, mics, all of it fits.

01:44:08

Load up, we out. 2026 Nissan Rogue. Built for all of it. Auto Pacific Segmentation. 2026 Rogue versus latest in-market competitors in the ex-SUV

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My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgi

252 - The Great La-Z-Boy Uprising: Advice Q&A

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