00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When a charming neurosurgeon rode into Frontier Town
00:00:39
selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
00:00:45
and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
00:00:58
or binge the entire series right now only with Audible. Goodbye. The best parts of summer aren't just places, they're feelings.
00:01:07
It's the scent of fresh ocean air, sun-warmed skin, and long evenings outside. Pura's new summer collection is designed to capture those fleeting moments and make them last.
00:01:16
Restore your sense of place with clean, premium fragrances you control from your phone.
00:01:21
Bring the feeling of summer home. Discover the collection at Pura.com. Goodbye. Goodbye.
00:01:28
My favorite murder Hello! Hello! And welcome to My Favorite Murder. The mini-sode!
00:01:46
The mini-sode! That's Karen Kilgara. That's Georgia Hardstark. It's Friday night.
00:01:52
We're about to party with females. Going. Email party. Going, going, going. and it's gone.
00:02:00
What? Do you want to go first? It's been a long week. Do you want to go first? Do you want me to go first again?
00:02:05
Actually, do you have like a sweet little ending one? I like my ending one. If you want to go first.
00:02:13
Look at us. Okay. 2021. Okay. This is called The One with the Grandpa Murder. Hi, Stephen, Georgia, and Karen.
00:02:21
Love the pod, etc., etc. I'm here to tell you a good old-fashioned hometown murder.
00:02:26
In fact, it's such a classic. It's on the original Unsolved Mysteries. Nice. So I was like, you're famous.
00:02:35
It says season six, episode 10. It's the story of the time my grandpa got murdered.
00:02:41
Oh, no. I know. On the night of May 15th, 1981, my grandfather was attending a political fundraiser when he was shot in the head, point blank and killed.
00:02:52
Despite the roughly 400 people in attendance that night, no one saw a thing. And most of the people interviewed refused to disclose any information because they feared for their own lives.
00:03:03
Now, here's where it gets fishy. So I'm going to there's a it's already. I know, right?
00:03:09
There's a name in it, but I'm just going to use the initial of the last name because it's alleged.
00:03:15
But if you watch the episode, I'm sure they say it. Now, here's where it gets fishy.
00:03:18
Though he was off duty when the police arrived, Deputy Chief John C. was already on the scene.
00:03:24
And throughout the investigation, he gave several reasons for his attendance at the fundraiser that evening.
00:03:29
The bullet used in the killing was recovered and sent for testing. But even though it was being kept in a locked drawer in C.'s desk, the lab was having trouble processing it because they said the bullet had a hole punched into it in an effort to prevent tracing.
00:03:45
the bullet had a hole punched into it in an effort to prevent tracing what kind of weapon was used.
00:03:51
Despite this, they managed to identify the gun used. And guess who's the only fucking officer on the force who used that kind of gun?
00:04:00
John C. Yep. John C. I really wanted to guess. You were right. Yeah. He also failed a polygraph test.
00:04:08
So, yeah, though his death is labeled a cold case, a cursory study of the evidence makes it pretty fucking obvious who did it.
00:04:15
The last bit is just some spooky stuff that happened after the murder. Nights after his father was murdered, my dad awoke to a bullet being shot through their living room window.
00:04:25
They also got calls in the middle of the night with a mysterious voice saying, I know who killed Jay, the name of the grandpa.
00:04:32
My uncle also claims he once paid for something at a corner store and one of the bills he got as change had, quote, I know who killed Jay scrawled on it.
00:04:42
no one in my family talks about the murder so hopefully none of them are listening
00:04:45
when i asked my dad about it he doesn't say much but i thank him for instilling a fear of police
00:04:50
in me at a young age and always reminding me that quote the cops can lie to you stay sexy and please
00:04:57
get my dad into therapy hannah isn't that heavy yeah it's awful it's so awful i hope i hope that
00:05:06
But also, it sounds like it sounds like a mafia stuff or like how is how are 400 people in the room when something happens and no one's saying I mean, exactly.
00:05:16
It feels I don't she doesn't say where it's from, but it feels small towny. But it could be like Boston.
00:05:22
Who knows? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. But small town would make sense because it's like everyone knows not to say anything or one of those kind of things.
00:05:29
Scary. OK, my first email. it's the subject line is panamanian mom out crazy to mugger yes hello all in all caps when i heard
00:05:40
the scottish dad head-butting story i knew i had to write in my mom is from panama basically the
00:05:45
opposite of scotland and thusly had an opposite approach to self-defense she and her mom my
00:05:52
grandma were walking in panama in the 70s through a bad part of town in broad daylight albeit alone with me a baby my sister a toddler and my brother who is probably like 10 when they noticed a man had been following them They tried to speed up
00:06:07
and make odd turns to get away or find safety. But with three kids and an old lady, they hadn't
00:06:13
had any success. My badass mom had the sense that he wanted her and told my grandma to take us kids
00:06:19
and walk the other direction past the guy. She did, and the guy kept following my mom,
00:06:24
now alone, like she had predicted. Knowing this guy was probably going to rob her or worse,
00:06:29
she started acting, all caps, crazy. She immediately started kicking over nearby trash cans,
00:06:37
punching the air, jumping on the buildings, and screaming at the top of her lungs,
00:06:41
both plain old screams and curse words. She started pulling at her hair and hitting herself in the face
00:06:46
and freaking out, all while walking forward. She turned around and made direct eye contact with the man.
00:06:53
He looked freaked out, turned down the other street, and jogged the fuck away. Fuck!
00:06:59
My mom met back up with us, and they proceeded home to safety. My mom is still a total badass, and kind of an insane one at that, but you know, fun insane.
00:07:08
And we love her so much for it. Thank you for everything you do. Because of the way you two have destigmatized therapy,
00:07:15
I finally found the courage to go for the first time about two years ago. And I'm now increasing to two sessions a week.
00:07:21
And then it says, woohoo. I agree. I agree with that sentiment. Me too. And then it's just signed fuck politeness and SSDGM.
00:07:32
Wow. What an incredible tactic. Like what a fucking brilliant. Perfect. Perfect.
00:07:39
Yeah. Look like someone they don't want to mess with because you just don't know how they'll react.
00:07:44
Yeah. It's really smart and good. Totally. And it's like this person's not going to go easy.
00:07:51
You know? Yes, exactly. It's basically like saying, come at me, motherfucker, but indirectly, basically, putting on a little play of how I'm going to make your life hell.
00:08:02
I'm more unpredictable than you are. Love it. Yeah. Love it. Okay. This is called Hometown Story.
00:08:09
Oh. And then it just starts like this. I know that I'm too socially awkward to even try and write a greeting that won't end up with me getting yelled at.
00:08:19
Easy. So just pretend I'm charming and eloquent. It'll work for all of us. You did it.
00:08:25
You fucking did it. Congratulations. It's really easy to pretend because you make it easy.
00:08:31
Okay. So back in 1993, I was a six-year-old girl in Australia, focusing on whatever six-year-olds focus on.
00:08:39
Unbeknownst to me, there was a serial killer in my local area abducting, slashing and stabbing teen girls and women and killing them and their cats.
00:08:50
What? Where? My dad became a suspect in the investigations. Dear old dad had the same naked model of car seen at the abduction sites, frequented the area where the bodies were discovered and has a criminal record.
00:09:03
And then it says, not for murder. and had no alibis for the times of the different murders and abductions.
00:09:09
With the suspicions and the investigation and the rumor mill, it was useless trying to keep us five kids out of the loop.
00:09:16
And my dad, spoiler alert, not the serial killer, managed to get a murder groupie.
00:09:21
One of my sister's friends, 16 years old and an adult to me as a six-year-old, kept coming into our house and following my dad around and asking questions to us about him.
00:09:31
The final straw for my mom was what was that the murder groupie started to come into the house to watch my dad sleep.
00:09:38
My mom found her standing over my dad fast asleep and staring. And my mom promptly grabbed the nearest broom and aggressively swept chase at her feet, yelling at her to never set foot near any of us ever again.
00:09:53
For good. Mom was hospitalized abruptly during this time, which did not help my dad look innocent.
00:10:00
Oh, but I and my siblings were separated, taken out of school and plonked in many different family friends' homes until whatever process needed to be done was done.
00:10:10
So he must have been a major suspect if they were taken out of the home. It's not good that he had the same make and model car that even though, like, obviously, the story is about that.
00:10:20
The fact that that turned out to be a coincidence, it's not good. It doesn't bode well. None of those things do.
00:10:25
No, it adds up real good. It does. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for helping me more than you'll ever know. Stay sexy and don't break into your friend's home to gawk at a sleeping murder suspect. F.
00:10:37
I mean, this was a weird enough story as it was. And F, I would just like to say, and I don't mean to attack you, knowing how sensitive you are and how eloquent you are.
00:10:47
It would have been nice to hear how the dad got off. How the dad got off? Did the person get caught?
00:10:53
Yeah. Is it because they got caught? Can we have a little closure for the beginning part of the story?
00:10:58
Then you introduce this total like random element. What happened to her? Where is she now?
00:11:04
I want to know where she is now. I bet she's an investigative law enforcement or something like that.
00:11:10
I hope. The groupie? Yeah. Or are you the person writing the email? The groupie.
00:11:14
It's almost like. The groupie. No. She's like a 90s. Then she got cleaned. Yes. But then she cleaned herself up, got her life together, went to school.
00:11:25
And now she's worshiping Christ somewhere. I mean, that's we look, she is borderline.
00:11:32
She's basically a murderino that's writing that line. Yeah. Full depravity. It's almost like the ones who are murderino like us.
00:11:41
And then they're like, but I wrote letters to serial killers in prison. And you're like, oh, let's take a really quick step.
00:11:47
That's not what we're doing. That's not it. That's not how we do it. Although, but it could have been like the fascination of like, does she think she's a detective?
00:11:54
That what I was thinking she gonna figure something out I bet she got some Nancy Drew fantasies It just that then I want to go with that so badly
00:12:06
Watching him sleep now takes us way the fuck over the line. And now we're in our own horrible.
00:12:14
What is she? And I feel like a little too old for this. But what if she thought he was going to make some sleeping admission?
00:12:20
I killed her. You know what I mean? I mean, that would be a good alibi for her. Yeah.
00:12:27
To have said, oh, this is all justified. But I love the mom is like, no bullshit.
00:12:31
Get the fuck. 16 year old girl. I'm not going to get you help. I'm going to get you to get the fuck out of my house.
00:12:36
I just think this is a podcast series waiting to happen. So what's sorry? How did they sign us from somewhere in Australia?
00:12:44
Please let us know. Please, please fill in these gaps for us. Because it's all. Yeah, it could go so many different ways now.
00:12:51
Truly. Is this the best story ever or is the most disturbing story ever? Okay, this is just says hometown story.
00:12:58
Hi, friends. A few years ago, I was on my way home from work when I saw a dog running loose near a busy street.
00:13:05
Being the animal lover that I am, I stopped to pick her up. I knelt down and called to her and she ran full speed and jumped into my arms.
00:13:12
Her name was Chili Pepper. It's my dream right now, by the way. I want to pet an animal so bad that I'm just like, and I please just come jump in my arms, someone.
00:13:22
Just some stray someone. You know, you have two strays. That's true. You say, I want an animal so bad like you don't have two in your house.
00:13:31
Probably on your lap right now. Those motherfuckers won't cuddle with me. No, they're not on my lap because they don't understand how lucky they are and they don't
00:13:38
appreciate what they have. Well, Mimi is her own person. That's right. I'm sorry.
00:13:41
I called my cats motherfuckers. I must defend Mimi. Dottie is who Dottie is. Right.
00:13:48
But Mimi, I think she has. It's like Mimi has like an impacted tooth where she's just always in a bad mood.
00:13:54
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Chili pepper. Sorry. Yeah. Her name was chili pepper. I called the number on the tag and got no answer.
00:14:00
So I left a voicemail letting them know that I had their dog. The tag didn't have an address.
00:14:05
So I took her home with me until I heard back from the owner. At the time I was living in my first apartment with my ex.
00:14:12
He was at work and I was out on the shared balcony potting some plants with chili pepper.
00:14:15
our neighbor's adult son came over and asked if he could have some laundry detergent.
00:14:20
I left the door open and had him wait there. While I was inside getting the detergent, he asked me if I was home alone.
00:14:27
I instantly got creeped out. I lied and told him my boyfriend was sleeping. Since I actually was home alone at the time,
00:14:33
I scooped up Chili Pepper and went to my family's house to wait until my ex came home.
00:14:38
Chili Pepper's owner finally gave me a call back, and I was able to reunite her with her family.
00:14:43
later that night i told my ex what happened and he insisted that i was overreacting
00:14:47
motherfucker we went to the megan's law website and guess who we saw son he was listed as a violent rapist
00:14:58
good thing i knew to trust my murderino senses and get out of there i can't help but wonder
00:15:05
if chili pepper being there had saved had saved me no i believe it because it's you
00:15:11
no it was you for sure but like it was you yes yes i was picturing the way this story is told
00:15:19
and maybe she just didn't give chili pepper credit it's like chili pepper's over in the
00:15:23
corner like chilling so stoked to be out of traffic i was either chili pepper's gonna attack
00:15:27
the guy or chili pepper's gonna run out the door and so she won't be in her house apartment alone
00:15:32
to be attacked you know what i mean but no okay true but oh sorry okay here's the here's the
00:15:38
sense is going to pull it together for both of us. Maybe the guy was afraid that she would attack him or bark
00:15:44
and draw attention. Jesus. Yeah. So that, yeah, I'm seeing it. You're right. Chili pepper,
00:15:50
full credit. I'm solving all of these hometowns today. We moved out shortly after.
00:15:56
The building management gave us a hard time about breaking out of the lease early, but at least
00:16:00
I knew that it would be safer than living next to a violent rapist. Stay sexy and pick up that runaway dog.
00:16:05
They just might save you too. Nicole. Oh, my God, Nicole. I think Nicole's giving the credit away, though.
00:16:12
We love Chili Pepper and God bless her. But that was all you, Nicole. It's all you, Nicole.
00:16:17
I'm glad that you preemptively told us that he's your ex because someone who doesn't believe and gaslights your realistic fear isn't someone you should be with.
00:16:29
yeah or if they have if they're a minimizer and you go over to that megan's law website and then
00:16:35
you're right you have the ultimate uh card to play every single time they doubt you about anything
00:16:42
anywhere anytime do you want to get mozzarella sticks i don't know if they're going to be good
00:16:46
oh really because remember the time that you didn't believe me that the violent also your
00:16:51
mozzarella sticks not good mother are you crazy i've had you know what like you rustic they just
00:16:58
basically take string cheese and then cut it in half and fucking deep fry it. It's terrible. It's the best
00:17:04
mozzarella sticks I've ever had. It solves all problems. Everything. Mozzarella sticks.
00:17:09
We hate this guy so much because of the thing I made up that he didn't agree to.
00:17:14
He's such a dick. And why can't he be a foodie like everyone else? A foodie at Applebee's. A foodie?
00:17:22
A foodie who doubts here. Okay. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer
00:17:32
stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed,
00:17:37
scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time
00:17:41
to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai
00:17:46
has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every
00:17:51
vehicle Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra charging capability And Hyundai continues doing it every day From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game the future isn some far off concept It already here
00:18:05
Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by
00:18:11
Squarespace. It's 2026. And if you have an alternative career like food photography or
00:18:16
professional mixtape making or witchcraft, you're gonna need an online presence. Whatever your thing
00:18:21
is Squarespace helps you build a website that's as unique as you are. Squarespace provides you
00:18:26
everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to
00:18:31
events and experiences, you can showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed
00:18:35
to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional invoices and online
00:18:40
payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing
00:18:44
tools. With Squarespace's collection of cutting-edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful
00:18:49
professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Head to squarespace.com slash murder for a free trial.
00:18:55
And when you're ready to launch, use offer code murder to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
00:19:00
Goodbye. Summer clothes should feel easy and still look polished. Low maintenance, high reward.
00:19:07
That's how we live our lives. For summer clothes you will actually wear, there's Quince.
00:19:11
Quince has beautiful everyday pieces like 100% European linen pants, dresses, and tops with styles starting at $32.
00:19:18
Their denim is soft and easy to wear, and their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for layering on cool summer nights.
00:19:24
Everything at Quince is priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories.
00:19:29
So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. And it's not just clothing. Quince has become a destination for elevated essentials across the home, kitchen, bedding, and beyond,
00:19:39
making it easy to bring a more premium feel into everyday life. I am a fan of Quince.
00:19:44
Yeah, Karen's wardrobe is Quince-centric. I'm a lazy basics person. And the things that I get from them, I always go, oh, yeah, now I'm wearing these.
00:19:53
They work. They're cute. They're stylish. And they're classy. Yeah. Like, it doesn't look lazy.
00:19:58
It looks classy. And it's so affordable. Yeah. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash MFM for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
00:20:08
Now available in Canada, too. That's quince.com slash MFM for free shipping and 365 day returns.
00:20:15
Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. Here we go. It's Friday. Hometown story. Dear humans and pets.
00:20:23
Happy New Year. A long, long time ago, you asked for secret relative discoveries.
00:20:28
And I have been sitting on this story for a while, but think you'll really get a kick out of it.
00:20:32
Earlier this year, my father called me with some crazy news. He told me he received a call from a man who, through DNA matching, I had recently done the Ancestry.com DNA lineage thing,
00:20:44
had discovered my father was his father, meaning I had an unknown half brother. I,
00:20:51
being a mystery loving murderino and an only child was floored and so excited. After quizzing my dad for details, the story seemed to check out. My dad offered to give me
00:21:03
contact details for this mystery mysterious brother, but I was on my way to work. So I had
00:21:07
to call him later. Anyways, fast forward to a few hours later when I decided I could not wait any
00:21:12
longer and called my dad while still at work to get the contact info. That's when things got weird.
00:21:19
My dad told me the guy on the phone didn't have his own email address, but instead used his mother's.
00:21:25
Weird, right? Yes. I started getting concerned that my dad was getting scammed. I asked if the
00:21:31
man on the phone asked for money or if my dad really believed his story. He didn't have a great
00:21:37
answer. So I decided to get the email from my dad and investigate myself. I wrote it down and took a
00:21:44
look. The email read April Fool's Day at gmail.com. Did I forget to mention this all happened on April
00:21:51
1? Then it says big sigh. My dad is quite the jokester. So I should have seen this coming.
00:22:01
but he really had me. My mom apologized for marrying a psychopath and the rest of my family
00:22:07
called and berated him. He told everyone. Called and berated him for days after on my behalf.
00:22:16
Can you imagine being an only child, which is hard enough and then being like, I have a brother.
00:22:21
This is the funniest April Fool's prank and I am completely on the dad's side and entirely not on the family side.
00:22:28
You'd never expect a parent to play in April. Like if any friend called me on April Fool's Day, I'd answer the phone. I'd be like,
00:22:33
fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. But right. It's a parent A. It's a parent who figured out
00:22:39
how to sign up for Gmail, which is like a miracle. And it's hilarious to be like, I was basically like
00:22:47
a male slut. And now you have a half brother guess your whole mind is blown. And then he's like,
00:22:53
haha. It's a little sad. It's a little like one. If you didn't like your dad, it'd be one step too
00:22:58
far because the promise of a disagree the promise of a sibling a sibling after being an only child
00:23:04
siblings what some weirdo that you don't even know that kind of has your nose like no don't
00:23:10
worry about it it never was happening in the first place you have to remove yourself that reality was
00:23:15
never there it your dad just put up a hilarious like like a roadrunner fucking you know what you're
00:23:22
right and you slammed right into it because you don't have a sibling but you have the funniest
00:23:26
father on the fucking face of the earth, which is like three siblings, basically. Yes, your
00:23:30
father's doing sibling shit with you. That's love. That's exactly what siblings do. Yes, that's your dad
00:23:36
saying I love you this much that I'd sign up for Gmail. And then she says thanks for secondhandedly experiencing
00:23:42
this trauma with me. It's not trauma. Stay sexy and don't believe everything your parents tell you, Megan.
00:23:50
Megan, don't believe everything your parents tell you on April Fool's You got got baby.
00:23:56
Sorry. It's your daddy. she also didn't have siblings to make you a little not you know like i don't trust anyone
00:24:05
because my siblings fucked with me so much as a kid so she didn't have that experience too you
00:24:10
know you're right that's it's a difficult thing when either when you're the oldest or when you
00:24:15
have no siblings you go into the world like such a dipshit yeah but here's the thing i'm i don't
00:24:20
think megan is young i think megan's been around the block a time or two and at the very least
00:24:25
on March 31st, put an alert into your phone that says prepare to be fucked with in some way
00:24:31
tomorrow. It's not cool. Doubt everything you read. Doubt everything you're told.
00:24:35
Get ready because this is the day people are allowed to do it. And your dad is a prankster. This couldn't
00:24:41
be his first time. Absolutely not. You're right. Because that was high level. You have
00:24:47
a half brother. You've never met. It's sad and hilarious and wonderful. It's not
00:24:53
sad. It's not sad. Actually, I just realized all my stories were father stories. Oh, happy
00:24:59
Father's Day, Georgia. Thank you. I'm like, what day is it? Wait, what day? It's fucking hot like
00:25:06
June, even though it's January. So maybe that's what it is. 88 degrees in Los Angeles. It's the
00:25:10
middle of January. This is just hometown story. And it says, hi, all. In 1987, I was five years
00:25:18
old celebrating some Girl Scout event at Chuck E. Cheese. I'm not sure how I came to learn this,
00:25:24
but I used to slip into the ball pit and slowly. Oh, my God. No, what? Slowly what?
00:25:30
And slowly move my feet over the bottom, waiting to feel lumps of tickets and prizes that had
00:25:35
fallen out of other children. You are a brilliant human being. How did I not know to do that as a
00:25:40
kid? You're a hero. You also have so many germs and bacteria on your face right now. But whatever.
00:25:46
But they don't care because their eyes are literally on the prize or their feet are on the prize of getting that weird stuffed animal.
00:25:56
Can I say I always thought it'd be really fun to like clean up after a festival or like a big show.
00:26:02
Like I know there was a party at UCB, UCB Franklin, the comedy place, New Year's Eve.
00:26:09
And I know the people cleaning up the fucking sad interns found a big old bag of Coke on the floor.
00:26:13
cleaning up after new year yeah so it's like this is like the kid version that would be like
00:26:20
an unopened bag of skittles on the bottom of the ball or just a skittle you know a fucking kid would
00:26:26
pop that thing in their goddamn mouth one delicious orange skittle here's the thing i'd like to say
00:26:31
and this is something i'm just discovering as we're talking and as we're as this is the topic
00:26:35
I grew up as we know I old I grew up in the 70s and a little bit in the 80s Ball pits didn come out until like I was a teenager
00:26:46
Is that true? I've never been in a ball pit. And like that one that's at Ikea where you can look through a hole and like watch kids.
00:26:55
It looks like the funnest thing in the world to me. And I've never, I just think it's too late and I'm too old and whatever.
00:27:03
I don't know what it feels like. I don't know anything about ball pits. It's like being in a pool, but you're not wet.
00:27:10
As I was saying, I'm saying this as if it's better than it actually. But I will say, I have so many thoughts.
00:27:18
It's one of those things that you don't realize are invented. So the fact that it had to be invented and wasn't when you were a kid is fascinating.
00:27:26
My next thing is the fucking, man, we keep adding to the exactly right party when this is over.
00:27:32
but motherfucking ball pit and one more thing can you have like a traveling ball pit?
00:27:39
well I was going to say Rachel Bloom of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fame, I follow her you had to get her in there
00:27:45
had to get her in there she just seems fun because for her husband's birthday she taped up
00:27:51
their office, filled it with balls, ball pit balls because his favorite thing was a ball pit
00:27:57
and they turned an entire room in their house into a ball pit for the party how do you get into that ball pit without opening the door and having all the balls?
00:28:05
They put a trash bag up to block it. So they dropped in from the ceiling somehow?
00:28:10
No, it came up to your waist. You just climbed over the... Listen, logistics don't matter. We'll figure this out for you, okay?
00:28:17
A, she's lying. B, I want to. I saw pictures, I swear. Yeah, I don't even... I've been in a bouncy house because it's like,
00:28:28
oh, I'll go in with the kids, sure, acting like I'm mad, and then I get to do that. But you can't
00:28:32
really get into a ball pit as an adult unattended. Like, you can't even, if you have a kid, you're not supposed to get in a ball pit.
00:28:38
You can when it's your fucking party. Ooh, chat things are gonna get easy. That's right. Eric Andre has, like,
00:28:46
the craziest parties, too, where he has, like, the slides and shit. I bet he's had a
00:28:50
fucking ball pit at his... I need an adult ball pit. Yeah, we're gonna do it. An adult.
00:28:56
We're gonna do it for you. Here we go. 2022. Stop name-dropping, people. Okay. Oh, no, I was. I'm not friends with Rachel Bloom. She doesn't know who I am.
00:29:07
Eric Andre has been to his parties. He doesn't know who I am. Oh, he will. Okay, here we go. So we're back with this child in the ball pit.
00:29:15
Let me tell you some more people I know who don know me What other parties have you gone to Listen Look listen I never told anyone I was doing this I would just make my way around the pit with my little eyes shifting back and forth slyly filling my own pockets
00:29:32
I want to know. It's so good. So good. So on this day, I was on my secret ball pit treasure hunt when my toes felt something cold.
00:29:41
No, no. My toes tickled along the object and I realized it was also really long.
00:29:47
I reached down into the pit and pulled up an all caps full size pair of Taylor scissors.
00:29:55
These scissors have six inch long blades. Oh, my God. When I recount the memory, I like to think that as I pulled the scissors dramatically up from the pit, they made that shink noise that happens in movies when someone unsheathed the soldier.
00:30:12
Let's do it. Oh, my God. Shank out of the ball pit. She's got her pigtails and her six-year-old have braces and she shank.
00:30:26
Once I realized what I was holding, I just yelled, Mom! She sauntered over asking what through the little net that surrounded the pit.
00:30:34
When she saw the enormous blades, she yanked me out and we went over to inform the manager.
00:30:40
I don't remember much of their conversation. What I do remember is that we went directly to eat pizza.
00:30:44
the ball pit remained open and I went in again after watching the animatronic show.
00:30:50
Yes. Click, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, machine noises. Not one person was alarmed by this.
00:31:03
I recently brought this up at a family party and my mom was just like, oh yeah, you were fine.
00:31:09
Stay sexy and beware of ball pits. Nah. huge missed opportunity on her mother's part to get a fucking shit ton of tickets.
00:31:18
Lawsuit. No, you're like a kid lawyer comes in and it's just like, I declare you're guilty.
00:31:25
Gives me the top level prize we'll do. We'll take that radio that doesn't actually work.
00:31:31
We'll take the digital radio, clock radio. What's that? G.I. Joe. We'll take that guy.
00:31:35
One of those phones that are see-through and you can see all the colored wires that everyone loves.
00:31:40
Yep. We'll take two of those. I rest my case, your honor. Nat, thank you. That was the visuals.
00:31:50
Truly. The visuals. Guys, you have those stories and you're like, oh, I can send that in?
00:31:53
I can send that stupid story I have from child. Yes. Honestly if you want to send ball pit stories of any form please I would listen with bated breath to every ball pit story Please tell me what I missed out on I
00:32:09
honestly longingly looked at the McDonald's playland sometimes. I'm just like, you luckies. I feel like deprived
00:32:15
is the word. And you need to bring this up in therapy. I think this is really what's at the center
00:32:21
of a lot of my bullshit. Your bullshit. I know. It's been a while since we got a good one in.
00:32:28
Happy 2021. You're the pun. We did it. All right. We did it. We've done it. Thank you all so much for your wonderful slices of life.
00:32:38
That was actually also there was a lot of really personal family stories in this.
00:32:43
And again, we thank you for sharing of yourself. And be yourself. Always. Unless you're not that cool.
00:32:52
Okay. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn.
00:33:04
I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast,
00:33:08
Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible.
00:33:18
It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club
00:33:25
on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. We learned how to love dogs from the dogs that loved us and waited for us to get home from school.
00:34:20
They were the dogs that raised us. We returned the love with Pedigree dog food. It was good then. It's better now.
00:34:27
For 40 years, Pedigree has been bringing out the goodness in dogs. Every bowl serves up 100% of the nutrition your dog needs, supporting six health essentials.
00:34:39
That's the Pedigree goodness promise. Pedigree. Good then. Better now.