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Own the dream. Hello! And welcome to my favorite murder. The mini-sode. It's tiny.
00:01:59
It's cute. You love it. You sent it to us. We're reading it. Do you want me to go first?
00:02:06
Do you have a solid ending? Sure. Okay. Always. Good. It's got to end on a high, sweet, kind, funny note.
00:02:16
Right? Yeah. Something. Okay. My father, the 16-year-old brothel rum runner. Hey, y'all.
00:02:27
You asked for crazy job stories. And while I don't have one, my dad's high school job really takes the cake.
00:02:33
My dad grew up in New Orleans. When he was 16 years old, he got a job with his next-door neighbor slash best friend's family.
00:02:41
This family owned a few bars on Bourbon Street and hired my dad to work at one of the bars.
00:02:45
He and his best friend would go to work from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. every weekend during the summers and most of the school year, too.
00:02:54
This was Bourbon Street in the 1960s, just as raucous, but with a lot fewer rules.
00:03:00
Exactly the place you want to send a 16 year old to work. No rules. Nope. Lots of booze.
00:03:06
Of age at that point, probably. My dad describes the job as, quote, we'd bring beer to the front and glasses to the back and do it all over again.
00:03:15
But this wasn't fully the truth. Soon into their employment, the bar owner asked them to start running a nightly errand.
00:03:23
Each night around 9 p.m., they would bring a case of alcohol to Miss Wallace at her, quote, home.
00:03:29
They were told to, quote, wait there until Miss Wallace pays you and only accept cash.
00:03:35
My dad and his friend knew exactly who Miss Wallace was and were rightfully excited to do this delivery, especially, again, as 16-year-old boys.
00:03:43
Miss Wallace was none other than Norma Wallace, the last madam of New Orleans. Whoa.
00:03:51
Brothel owner extraordinaire. And then it says she's credited with hosting the first strip teases on Bourbon Street and helping the FBI with capturing mobsters.
00:04:02
Whoa, girl. Each evening, they would gather up the liquor, drive over to her brothel and were let in by the bouncer to wait in the hall.
00:04:11
Still sitting there, they saw all the clientele coming and going. Police chiefs, prominent businessmen, politicians, even the mayor, allegedly on many occasions.
00:04:22
Every night, Ms. Wallace would come downstairs with a wad of cash and they'd be on their way.
00:04:27
They continued this job for nearly three years. Wow. Later in life, Ms. Wallace tried to revamp her reputation by opening a fancy restaurant on an old plantation.
00:04:37
My grandmother chose to go there for her birthday shortly after it opened. Miss Wallace was making the rounds, greeting guests.
00:04:44
And when she saw my dad came over and warmly welcomed him by name. As she left, my grandmother, who didn't recognize Miss Wallace, asked, how do you know that woman?
00:04:55
My dad replied, I've eaten here before. Just stay sexy, Melanie. immediately I'm you're telling me the story but I'm picturing the Simpsons where Bart goes to the
00:05:07
you remember that one yeah we're just like wait a second I've heard this story before
00:05:14
is it miss Krabappel yeah do you think yeah do you think the boss said only accept cash like
00:05:22
do not exchange sex for this liquor oh is that what or it's like don't trust this lady on credit
00:05:28
even though she probably had all the cash in the freaking world but maybe has someone before i think
00:05:35
it was like don't let her say boys would you like to go upstairs instead of getting paid
00:05:40
nice one a little historical brothel story okay uh the subject line gives us away so i'll just
00:05:49
read it to you hi mfm crew and pets listening to your episode 270 about pam hub karen remark about what could be less effective for a stabbing than a ballpoint pen reminded me of my hometown murder known in the Netherlands as the ballpoint murder or the
00:06:07
ballpoint affair. In my hometown of Leiden in 1991, a 53-year-old woman, Mary DeMayer,
00:06:18
this person is writing in pronounced blank and they're doing it perfectly. It seems like I
00:06:24
know how to pronounce these names, but they are writing it in for me. Okay, so a 53-year-old woman named Mary
00:06:32
Demare was found dead by her 19-year-old son. An autopsy showed that she died because a Bic ballpoint pen
00:06:41
was wedged into her brain that apparently entered, trigger warning, via her eye socket.
00:06:46
Oh, no. Oh, no. Knock it. No. It had gotten so far inside her brain that it was not visible from the outside
00:06:54
and it only showed up on the x-ray. Oh, my God. Yeah. After a few years of fruitless police investigation,
00:07:02
the authorities arrest her 19-year-old son for murder because his therapist came forward to say that he had told her
00:07:09
he shot his mother with a crossbow and then in parentheses loaded with the Bic pen.
00:07:16
Later, a caretaker from his school also comes forward to say he overheard the son and another discuss, quote,
00:07:23
the perfect murder. After a court case in 1995, the son is convicted to a sentence of 12 years
00:07:31
for murder. His lawyers claim the cause of death could have been an unfortunate fall where Mary
00:07:37
fell on top of the pen which lodged into her brain. After the conviction, an ophthalmologist
00:07:43
independently tests the crossbow theory but concludes a small crossbow couldn't have been
00:07:49
used because the pen would have fractured while it was found in the victim's skull intact.
00:07:56
Another ophthalmologist carried out the same test and found a small crossbow could not shoot a BIC
00:08:01
pen into a human skull without being fractured. And then in parentheses, he did this using actual
00:08:08
human heads from cadavers. That's horrifying. Yeah. Okay. So after these findings, the son,
00:08:16
who's now in his 20s was provisionally released. More research and testing is done, which experts
00:08:22
say proves a fall could have resulted in the injury scene. Apparently, there was a similar case
00:08:29
where somebody fell and impaled themselves on a pencil, which also completely disappeared into
00:08:34
the skull without breaking. And then in parentheses, I have a headache just thinking about it.
00:08:39
I'm like plucking on my eyebrows right now. It's very, this one is, I guess, the trigger warning
00:08:46
You should have come way at the beginning because this is such a specific like I things are so specifically terrifying and awful.
00:08:53
On appeal in 1996, the son was acquitted because of lack of evidence. When the therapist was called to the stand again on appeal, she claimed doctor patient privilege.
00:09:05
Not with that. Yeah, not before. All this is to say, in some cases, ballpoint pens can be deadly.
00:09:12
Thanks for your great podcast. Your style partly inspired my own very niche war crimes and international justice podcast called Asymmetrical Haircuts.
00:09:27
Yes, yes, yes. Truth in naming. I love it. Are you OK? Karen's losing it. What the fuck?
00:09:39
That is so funny. It's so funny. That's the funniest name. Sorry. It's everyone to listen to my haircuts.
00:09:49
You know, you know, sometimes I skim these so that they can be a surprise to me.
00:09:53
And that part really surprised me. Stay sexy and don't fall on your ballpoint pen, Stephanie.
00:10:00
I mean, that is horrific in so many ways. It really is. And it's also this thing that I think comes up in in true crime stories a lot.
00:10:09
And I think maybe now, now more because of modern forensics and stuff is this thing of like of look into the science of what happened to make sure that someone isn't going to jail because like in the worst case scenario, which is their mother died in a terrible accident.
00:10:29
And now they're going to jail. Yeah, that's that's totally crazy. Wow. Horrifying.
00:10:36
Yeah, very. I have so many thoughts on that. This also reminds me. You what? I have so many thoughts on that and I can't keep them straight because I'm just so blown away.
00:10:45
Because it's so creepy. Well, can I tell you my thought is that this reminds me in third grade.
00:10:51
I'll never forget this because I witnessed it with my own eyes on the playground.
00:10:55
It was after school. And for some reason, two of I'd say the most popular boys at Wilson School.
00:11:03
Jimmy Martin and Billy Bertolucci were standing on the playground throwing a pencil back and forth at each other
00:11:15
and like arcing it up into the air and yes and they were pretty far away from each other they kept backing up
00:11:23
and throwing it it was like it was a 70s like it was like a PSA of like here's what you do not do
00:11:31
except for stuff like this is what happens in the 70s and of course and now i can't remember in my mind
00:11:39
i remember that it happened to billy bertolucci um one of them threw it the other one went to
00:11:46
catch it turned his head and the pencil went into their ear yes no no no no no no and the whole thing
00:11:54
i just remember standing there i saw the whole thing happen and it was just like in my mind i kind of was just like yeah that was probably going to happen Like yeah you throwing a pencil at each other
00:12:05
Can we get listeners right in the dumbest thing you witnessed as a child of other children doing your own children anonymously?
00:12:13
You know, you don't have to out your kid. But just those things are like names. Well, what did you think was going to happen?
00:12:20
And I have two stories of stitch getting stitches in my face of like, yeah, what did you think was going to happen as a little kid?
00:12:29
Wait, you got stitches in your face twice as a little kid. What? Yes. Where? One in my eyebrow.
00:12:36
I have a little scar right here and one in my chin from, believe it or not, the bottom of the kiddie pool at the at the local pool.
00:12:44
Did you dive? I didn't dive. I rolled into the pool. I was like, this will be fine.
00:12:48
I saw some quote teenagers doing it. They're probably like 12 rolling each other in.
00:12:52
And then they left. And I was like, oh, that looks cool. Clonked my fucking chin, bleeding into the water, which is always shark bait.
00:13:00
Gross. And I had to be restrained. I remember it to get stitches because I was losing my mind.
00:13:06
My mom was holding my hand the whole time. It was just like traumatic. Does it hurt so bad?
00:13:10
I mean, because it's like you're in a hospital with someone coming at you with fucking sewing your pencils.
00:13:17
Yes. Yeah. And you're like, bitch, no, I don't care how much my chin is bleeding.
00:13:22
I mean, when I got my ears pierced, I wanted them so bad. When I was like four, I begged and I saw my watch my sister do it.
00:13:29
And the like pharmacy was where it was at. I got one done and they went to do the other one and I ran out screaming.
00:13:36
I was like a four year old. I was like, no, maybe I saw her do it. They went to do it on me halfway through.
00:13:43
Ran out screaming. and then body piercing started happening and I was fine with it somehow. All right.
00:13:51
That was next. That was okay. All right. This one's called I Might Be on the No Fly List.
00:13:57
Hello, et al. I'm listening to your latest episode about mace and I thought I'd like to
00:14:03
share with you my own mace story. In 2006 or so, I was fresh out of college and moved to the
00:14:09
mountains of Colorado to have a year of fun. The year turned into eight, but I don't regret a second
00:14:15
of it. My story starts with a typical day of work as a bellman slash valet at a very large hotel in
00:14:22
Snowmass Village, Colorado, Aspen specifically. While working, I was in the back doing a quote
00:14:30
key audit of all the key valet keys, making sure they had tags, were on the appropriate peg,
00:14:36
were marked correctly and so forth. I came upon a set of keys with dozens of tchotchkes and began
00:14:42
to look through them. I really appreciate using the word and correct spelling of tchotchkes.
00:14:47
Being from a smallish city in Michigan and not really the most, quote, worldly man, I wasn't sure
00:14:53
what the pink cylinder dangling from the keys was or what it was for. I looked it over and I cannot
00:15:00
tell you what I was thinking, but pressing the little handle seemed like the next step in my
00:15:04
evolutionary process. Soon a spray came flowing forth and my eyes began to water. I put the keys
00:15:13
back upon the pegboard and closed the door behind me as I walked out of the back office to get some
00:15:18
fresh mountain air. Another eye story. Yeah. As I stood in our valet circle, I noticed people
00:15:24
beginning to walk out of the double doors from our lobby. I saw my services manager ushering people
00:15:30
out, but I was still oblivious to what was happening. You see, the funny thing about our
00:15:34
back office in our valet area was that the air handler for the entire lobby sat in the corner.
00:15:40
When I closed the door behind me, I thought that was the end of the story. But the air handler had
00:15:45
started to suck in all the fumes and was literally airing my mistake to the entire space. This is the
00:15:52
post office fart story all over again. Now, I'm usually a very honest man, but once the fire
00:15:59
department showed up. I wasn't about to say anything. Speculation abound. Terrorist attack.
00:16:07
Gas leak? Biological weapon? Nope. Just a dumbass 23-year-old who'd never seen a can of mace.
00:16:14
Stay sexy and don't press the button just because it's a button, Corey. Corey, that is some of the best advice that you can give a person. Don't press buttons.
00:16:26
don't air just randomly press buttons because there's a button don't do it no don't do it no
00:16:32
it's only trouble unless you're in an elevator and even then yeah careful only the one with numbers
00:16:38
that's got to be on a shirt somewhere but wait if he maced himself a little wouldn't like wasn't he
00:16:45
the one standing there with bright red eyes but everyone was at that point i think oh true
00:16:50
he blended in perfectly yeah this who does that what's happening around here terrorist attack it must be a skiing terrorist attack in a small ski town okay this one okay
00:17:05
oh i won't read you this subject line hi karen georgia i just want to start out by saying i love
00:17:10
you i love the podcast and i love the pets oh thank you um great start my my mom and i are huge
00:17:17
fans. Hi, Mom. And she has been waiting for an interesting murder to, quote unquote, suddenly
00:17:23
occur just to email it to you both. Please don't wish for that. Yeah, we both listen.
00:17:30
You can email. What you need to tell your mom is that she can email about pretty much
00:17:35
anything in the world at this point. It doesn't have to be about. Yeah, we both listen every
00:17:40
Monday and Thursday. So it's not convenient listening to gruesome murders on the way to
00:17:44
pulling out to my Christian middle school, but I still love you both. Oh, she's a middle school.
00:17:49
This is a middle schooler? Oh, honey. Or is it a person who founded their own middle school Oh my God They open their own I own a middle school I make a ton of money Oh it Christian OK Any anyways moving on So Hotel Galvez Hotel Galvez is
00:18:12
located in Galveston, Texas, sort of near the seawall. Oh, now that you know, that's you all
00:18:18
down by the seawall. That wall. Yeah. Yeah. Down there. I first heard of this story from my mom,
00:18:24
but I did some extra research to make sure I wrote this correctly. Good job. Audra, couldn't find her last name, was a 25-year-old bride-to-be in the 1950s.
00:18:34
She was engaged to a mariner who would often leave her alone while he was out sailing.
00:18:40
Whenever this mariner's ship was due to port, Audra would go to room 501. It has been said before that she would also rent the room.
00:18:49
She would choose to go to room 501 because it was in particular proximity to the elevator, which she would use to access the ladder.
00:18:58
Audra would climb the ladder to the rooftop and spend her time there while her soon-to-be newlywed was away at work.
00:19:05
After a violent storm, Audra was informed her fiancé would not return because his ship was capsized.
00:19:12
Overcome with fear, despair, and heartbreak, Audra hung herself on the hotel's west turret.
00:19:18
To make matters worse, a couple of days later, Audra's fiance returned. He had somehow survived the storm and was eager to see his beautiful wife.
00:19:30
While waiting for his soon-to-be bride, he was told that she had previously just died by suicide.
00:19:36
Years later, guests visiting the hotel say they can feel a cold chill overcome them.
00:19:42
Others report doors slamming shut and some have even reported lights flickering.
00:19:48
There have been more reports such as televisions turning off with no explanation.
00:19:53
And like I said, there was more. But I'm too lazy to tie the rest out. You've come to the right place, sweetheart.
00:20:01
Well, hello. So that was the story of the infamous Hotel Galvez. So while it wasn't a vicious murder, I still thought it was a pretty interesting story.
00:20:10
Thank you for taking the time to make the best podcast I've heard. And thank you for being so close to your fans.
00:20:16
Oh, I hope you found this somewhat interesting. And I really hope you guys haven't read the story before, because sometimes my mom listens without me.
00:20:24
Oh, my God. Rude. How do you expect to raise a child of merit? How dare. Thank you both so much.
00:20:33
Again, three exclamation points. Much love. Jen, in parentheses, my mom and Julia, in parentheses.
00:20:40
It's me. Oh, Julia. Thank you, Julia. That was beautifully written. And I love that story because it's like a ghost origin story.
00:20:50
Oh, so good. So sad. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:21:02
This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook Project Hail Mary.
00:21:10
massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone
00:21:16
very far from earth. I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that
00:21:21
frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like,
00:21:26
okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no,
00:21:29
at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have
00:21:35
in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me,
00:21:43
and I left it on the mic. That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like,
00:21:48
oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club
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00:22:58
here's one that's there's my last one and they said murder would be the worst outcome
00:23:04
is the name of it and they said murder would be the worst outcome that's how i'm supposed to say it
00:23:09
yeah it starts karen in georgia i apparently live under a rock and that rock is called central
00:23:17
illinois this one's really sweet actually i love this one i it took to being held prisoner in my
00:23:23
own home, aka quarantining, to start quarantining, to start listening to your podcast. And now I am
00:23:28
obsessed, it says, but not in a creepy, obsessed kind of way. Small backstory on myself, I have
00:23:34
grown up in and still live in a small and very conservative hometown. I have known since childhood
00:23:40
that I wasn't attracted to men, but coming to terms with knowing you're a gay in any incredibly
00:23:44
religious town also comes with along with feelings and fear and disappointment in yourself.
00:23:50
I myself have always believed in and still believe in a higher power, but it took this
00:23:56
experience to come along for me to be like, okay, that's what I'm doing. love them most in this world need to know the real you. And it reminds me of Fortune Fumester's
00:24:06
beautiful stand-up special. What's it called? Sweet and Salty. Sweet and Salty. And just her
00:24:11
journey and story is so inspiring. And I think everyone needs to listen to it. Don't read it,
00:24:16
as I was going to say. Nice plug. She'll enjoy that. I love her. After many failed attempts at
00:24:21
dating men because the younger me had truly hoped that my feelings would change, I decided to try
00:24:26
one last ditch effort and be matched with someone online. We're talking early 2000s eHarmony
00:24:33
situation. I knew I needed to be so incredibly careful because we've all seen online horror
00:24:38
stories, but I was as honest as I could be with my personal likes and dislikes. The end goal to
00:24:44
maybe have a successful relationship with a man. After submitting my profile, I stepped away from
00:24:49
my computer for the rest of the evening. I went to bed that night praying that if a heterosexual
00:24:54
relationship was truly what God wanted for me. Let this last effort decision be the answer to my
00:24:59
prayers. The following morning, I was excited and nervous because I received an overnight match that
00:25:04
shared 98% of interest with me. In eager anticipation, I clicked on this gentleman's
00:25:10
profile. And although his picture wasn't a close up, he looked oddly familiar. I know at this point
00:25:15
in the story, most murderinos are hoping that would be some well known psycho. But alas, it was
00:25:20
a nice young man who happens to be in quite a few of my family photos. My cousin, Matt.
00:25:31
Turns out we do have quite a few things in common. The most important being a set of grandparents.
00:25:40
It was at that point that I knew that God or maybe my own inner big girl voice was finally
00:25:45
telling me that I am enough and to move on. Fast forward to 10 years later, and although I'm quite,
00:25:51
I'm still quite closeted, I am out to those I truly want to know and finally feel a sense of
00:25:57
peace within myself. I even took motherhood in my own hands. With the help of a donor,
00:26:03
I have the world's coolest eight-year-old son. I made sure to use a cryobank from incredibly far
00:26:10
away because I couldn risk my child donor being a cousin as well Thank you ladies for the crazy stories and endless laughter Your big hearts and acceptance of others are what this world needs more of
00:26:22
Stay sexy and don't let online dating sites set you up with family members. Corey.
00:26:29
Corey, what a beautiful story to share. That's so, you know, personal, but then also hilarious.
00:26:37
I mean, like if that you would be that's like proof God exists. Totally. It's just like you you just got what you prayed for.
00:26:45
A sign. Your cousin showing up. Yeah. It's like, here's the best you can hope for, Corey.
00:26:50
And then so what are you going to. And I just love that. It's your sign. God is yours, too.
00:26:55
Higher power is yours, too. And that you don't let anyone fucking take it away from you.
00:27:01
There's no the God's rules are not your rules. It's it's not God's rules either.
00:27:06
It's manmade. Also, I it's just so I wonder if Corey is like older because I just feel like it's when people like you central Illinois or you live in a small town or you live in an ultra conservative area or something like that.
00:27:24
You get served up this idea of what you have to do based on what your family believes, what your you know, what school you go to or whatever.
00:27:32
And that idea that it's what's inside you. It's what you know to be true is what matters the most.
00:27:39
So this last one, the subject line is, so are we doing St. Joseph statue stories now?
00:27:44
Okay. Hi, all. I'm just going to start this as if I've not written in a bunch of hometowns before that have not been read.
00:27:53
Bitter right off the bat. Fucking so bitter. Yes, I absolutely support it. It says, don't worry, no hard feelings.
00:28:00
Bullshit. We read that first sentence. We know how you feel. My family doesn't have any good murder stories, apparently, but we do have a St. Joseph statue story.
00:28:10
Good. All good. Everything is accepted. Here we go. My parents were trying to unload a real piece of shit house.
00:28:21
My parents are trying to unload a real piece of shit house with foundation issues and groovy bright orange shag carpet in the early 90s Yeah it were the house was not selling so devout Catholics that they were My parents decided to bury the old St Joseph statue
00:28:38
And then in parentheses, I can't confirm if it was glow in the dark, but I do know burying him
00:28:43
upside down is key. Okay. Close parentheses. They said a novena to St. Joseph. Bonus fact.
00:28:50
they had both prayed this novena at the same time not knowing the other was also praying for a spouse
00:28:57
oh i don't get it but oh basically they they believe they met because they both prayed to
00:29:03
saint joseph to find a husband and a wife cute me cute yeah we'll just we'll talk about that
00:29:09
sentence structure later you're mad at this person at the end of the novena they started
00:29:17
Oh, sorry. Here's the rest of the story. At the end of the novena, they started dating and quickly were engaged.
00:29:24
Well, just like their relationship, St. Joe pulled through because at the end of nine days,
00:29:30
a kooky, almost unearthly lady showed up offering to buy the house in cash. Wow.
00:29:38
My parents couldn't believe it, but they were scheduled to move into our new house in a couple of days,
00:29:42
and they didn't ask questions. They kept in touch with their old neighbor who told them that the lady never moved in, but had turned it into a bird and animal sanctuary.
00:29:54
Oh, dream life. What's up? Was she an angel? Was she just a crazy lady? As far as our family concerned, she was both.
00:30:03
Stay sexy and pray to St. Joseph. Oh, I was hoping for a whole rundown of her wardrobe and her lawn care tricks and tips.
00:30:17
She was just dressed like a bird. She was just wearing her shirt. I have this like I have a Blanche from Golden Girls colorful shirt on.
00:30:29
And I feel it's a grandma's shirt for sure. He's probably came with the pants that matched, you know, with the elastic.
00:30:35
Yeah, because it has a sizable collar. And so I'm seeing some bell bottoms that went with that in the same material.
00:30:42
Yeah So I feel like kindred spirits Wow That was great Nice batch everybody That was a great batch You guys are knocking it out of the GD park Yeah Yeah Thank you for your participation
00:30:56
If you want to hear one more from each of us, go to the fan cult. We're now reading fan cult only sent in hometowns one extra every week.
00:31:05
And it's called the mini mini. That's right. And there's videos. You can believe that.
00:31:10
And there's a forum and there's all kinds of places to just get extra content. Yeah.
00:31:16
Don't you love content? Content. Creators. It's what we are. High five. Content creators.
00:31:22
That's right. All right. Well, stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:31:31
You survived the Miami weekend, nailed the speech, and maxed out your credit card in the name of friendship.
00:31:38
Now you've got one hangover, four pastel dresses, and zero reasons to wear them again.
00:31:44
Sell them on Depop. Just snap a few photos and we'll take care of the rest. And you at least get some of your dignity money back.
00:31:53
Someone on Depop wants what you've got. Start selling now. Depop, where taste recognizes taste.
00:32:02
Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast,
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on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Paramount Plus is now the home of all your BET favorites.
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