00:00:00
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and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
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or binge the entire series right now only with Audible. Goodbye. Where does summer take you?
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00:01:35
Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder. Oh, this is the mini-sode. Oh, hi. Oh, hi.
00:01:48
Hi. Want me to go first this week? This is where we read you your emails. What's happening?
00:01:53
Yes. Okay. You want to get right to it? No, we can fucking chat, chit chat. It's been a minute.
00:01:59
No, no, go ahead. I just meant explain what the show was. But at this point, we got to figure most people that the odds that someone's scrolling through and picking a mini so randomly are nil.
00:02:14
Probably. That's right. But if you don't know, if you don't know what this is. Yeah.
00:02:19
Mind your own business. That's not right. I love it. Karen. It's true. It's true. It's all true.
00:02:27
Okay. This one's called I spilled pee on important paperwork of at least 20 high school classmates.
00:02:34
I feel like I need to start by saying I had a dream the other night that Georgia invited me to her house to tell her what all her cool vintage stuff was worth because that's what I do for a living.
00:02:44
And you all thought it was so cool. You did a live show from the house while I was doing it, which is my dream, dude.
00:02:53
come over and fucking yes that's george's dream is for everyone to come into her house
00:02:58
and for all of her life to take place within the four walls of her oh my god you just got that so
00:03:05
right on no my dream is for like the antiques roadshow people to come over and be like this
00:03:12
is this and that is that could you imagine if they were like don't you know that this is worth
00:03:17
$500,000. Oh my god. The dream. Yes. It's the point of being a collector is to be like, turns out
00:03:25
you have a great eye for trash. Your taste for garbage is unmatched and highly valuable.
00:03:33
That insane thing you bought at a garage sale and couldn't afford rent because of it. Turns out
00:03:39
it's worth something. Can I just tell you that I at a, it was like a garage sale that
00:03:45
was truly like four doors away from my house oh my god my old house the dream i found um a teddy
00:03:51
roosevelt walking stick so like the top of it is teddy roosevelt's head oh it's like wasn't his it
00:03:57
was no no it was like and i'm like this i would guess that this was like given away by like gas
00:04:05
stations because it's not a quality walking stick i think it's made of plastic but i i bought it
00:04:10
Because I was like, but I know collectors don't really care if you're a Teddy Roosevelt collector.
00:04:16
You just want that walking stick however it was made. So that's my retirement fund.
00:04:22
Mine is, you know, when airlines were like new and they were like, you have to fly our airlines, we'll give you shit to fly it.
00:04:30
There was a Japanese flight that would give out these sake bottles, like a kit of them.
00:04:36
And of course, guys, original packaging. So necessary. Oh, you know what I mean?
00:04:42
Like it has to be and things that are in original box. I don't give a shit what's inside.
00:04:46
I'll fucking buy it for the box. A box from like 1963. Oh, my God. Who cares what's inside it?
00:04:51
Old Band-Aid. It's this teal box. I did have an old Band-Aid box that I put playing cards in.
00:04:59
My grandma's playing cards. Wow, this is going crazy. Remember when Band-Aids came in the tin?
00:05:04
Yes. Is that what you're talking about? Yes. Yes. The coolest. The coolest. Let's do
00:05:10
one of the weirdest, coolest things you found at garage sales or that you found in your aunt's basement when she
00:05:16
passed on. Yes. Right? Or something that you liked. We're basically going to do a podcast of
00:05:24
Antiques Roadshow with no one qualified. It's all by faith. Worth $500. Let's start the bidding.
00:05:32
What you get, what you buy, and then you're like, it turns out it was a canned I don't know what that is. Look at you.
00:05:39
I did find in the jean and an old jean jacket. I bought just a little tiny scrap of paper that said victory on it.
00:05:47
Handwriting. And I kept it like, it doesn't have to be worth anything if you want to write in.
00:05:51
It worked though. Oh no She crying silently everybody She crying loudly silently That the most beautiful thing I ever heard Yeah you got some
00:06:05
How old were you when you got that? I was like 21 and couldn't have literally couldn't afford rent.
00:06:09
You know, that was the Lord secretly whispering to you through jeans. I bet there's some cool person who works at a vintage shop who always checks the pockets and has found.
00:06:20
I mean, tell us if you found cold, hard cash. Right. like washed rolled up you know when cash gets washed and then it gets real small and crispy
00:06:28
there's got to be people who are just like yep found a bunch of coke bags of drugs but like but
00:06:36
like old drugs that don't work anymore right here we go that's so if you need an explanation for what
00:06:42
this is about well we just fucking gave it to you this is if this is the first minisode you've ever
00:06:48
heard you're baffled you're baffled but this is but if you don't like this then you're never gonna
00:06:53
Then goodbye. And then find your own business, as Karen says. Yes. Okay. Someone spilled pee and then they want to look at my shit.
00:07:00
And then they said, but I was bummed because all I wanted to do is play with Cookie.
00:07:04
So I didn't even want to be at my house. It is. So that was still, that was the end of the dream.
00:07:09
Yeah. Got it. Got it. And then they said, is it possible to listen to too much MFM?
00:07:15
Never. Always. Never. Anyways, let's get back to my high school days circa about 1994.
00:07:19
Four, all the athletes had to pass physicals in order to participate in school sports.
00:07:24
So believe it or not, they did group physicals. That sounds completely unlikely now, like to be fair, right?
00:07:32
Turn your head, look at the look at your friend next to you and cough. Yeah, but also like if you have any like limp or anything wrong with you, you're fucking banned from school athletics.
00:07:42
So the good old days. You had to bring your paperwork, sit in the line, take the eye test and the measurements, including weight in front of everyone else.
00:07:52
Before being called in to the private exam room for all that other uncomfortable stuff.
00:07:58
Oh, OK. Turn your head and cough. They did this in the theater dressing rooms. It's intimate.
00:08:04
One larger room for the group stuff, two smaller private rooms for the exams. And, you know, it was also a time where it was like the doctor could just go in solo with the teenager.
00:08:12
It didn't have to be like a nurse practitioner in there. There's problems upon problems.
00:08:18
The good old days were not good. Just old. Why didn't they think having your weight taken was part of the private thing?
00:08:28
Yeah, 100%. That's no NBD. Some skinny doctor. This is shame culture. Like a bad 94, please.
00:08:35
Okay. So, yeah. Picture 13 through 18 year olds all lined up along the walls of the hallway outside the main room.
00:08:42
Once you entered the main room, they gave you a pee cup that you had to, all caps,
00:08:47
walk past 80 or so of your fellow high school schoolers with empty and return with it full.
00:08:56
No. As if it wasn't bad enough, you were asked to place your warm and hopefully not wet cup of pee on top of your paperwork on the table with about 20 others.
00:09:05
I was so nervous. I set my paperwork down and as I went to place my pee cup on top of it,
00:09:13
the nurse grabbed my hand and said, not there. I freaked out and dropped the pee cup.
00:09:20
It gets worse. It always does. It's filled all over the table and soaked everyone's papers.
00:09:30
You'd think that's the worst of it, wouldn't you? Let me give you the highlights from there.
00:09:34
One, the waiting in line took a while. So most kids were dropped off by their parents or drove themselves, which wouldn't be a big deal except the paperwork required parent signature.
00:09:44
So there was no throwing away of these papers. Oh, no. They made a clothesline and all caps hung them up to dry.
00:09:53
Oh, sorry. Did it say what year this was? It's not like Laura Ingalls Wilder. 1886.
00:10:02
there's no excuse for this this is like literally actionable entirely all every step of this is actionable this them sending this email to us has opened
00:10:15
them up for a lawsuit and it's like not only have you shamed yourself but then they're hanging up
00:10:21
it's like the scarlet letter that they're like yes now everyone look at what yeah k no full name
00:10:28
because for obvious fucking reasons. Okay. It's funny that the, sorry, but it's funny that the initial isn't P.
00:10:39
Classic, classic, Karen in there with the zingers. I had to stop you to zing and then step back up.
00:10:46
It was a worthwhile zing. Then it says, I wonder how many of them, the high school students,
00:10:50
remember crusty P covered physical forms that year. Am I the only one still in shock that they did that?
00:10:57
No, we all. Everyone's with you now. We're deeply in shock. Uh-huh. Two, my older brother was in the room when this happened.
00:11:04
He had to get a physical two. And at that age, he was a total asshole to me. This is a fucking job, dude.
00:11:11
Right. I thought he was going to rake me over the coals, but instead he was grateful.
00:11:15
Why? Because he spent the time it took them to clean up, memorizing the eye chart, and avoided getting glasses for another year.
00:11:24
Fucking teenagers. this was before cell phone number three this was before cell phones and texts but like old
00:11:33
fashioned telephone word traveled by the speed of light down that mile long hallway and guess who had
00:11:39
to walk past every one of them when it was over the fucking walk of shame like it might as well
00:11:44
be a spanking machine well and at that point it it might as well have been that what the original
00:11:51
Did you say the real initial is T? K Okay At that point it might as well have been that K took their pee cup and threw it at everybody on purpose like a monkey at the zoo because right it doesn really matter
00:12:09
what the accident was at that point it's straight hannibal lecter's next door neighbor
00:12:13
miggs miggs that's right if you don't know we're talking about shame on you number four don't worry i didn't have to pee in a cup again they just stuck the test strip on the
00:12:26
table before they cleaned it up this just keeps getting better and better don't waste that waste
00:12:32
god forbid like you can't pee again for another hour so you might get it so there you go it's my
00:12:39
all-time classic i haven't told in years i feel like i could write a novel for you guys i'm known
00:12:44
for weird and crazy shit always happening to me but since you opened it up to embarrassing moments
00:12:49
I couldn't hold this one back. I've written in before about my night of the bloody faced man and the creepy neighbor that broke into my house and stole my underwear.
00:12:59
But maybe my spilled cup of pee will be the one to make the appearance. It did. Okay.
00:13:05
Anyway, stay sexy and only spill pee when no one is watching. Okay. Okay. Okay. Slow clap.
00:13:14
Thank you. I had to start with that one because it was just so epic. It was big.
00:13:18
It was bold. And again, I wanted the new people to know what this was about. That's right. I mean, if you had to encapsulate what this podcast really is,
00:13:30
the entire podcast, the entire, the whole thing, mini maxi, mini, mini. It's that email right there.
00:13:37
Thank you, Kay, for, for really bringing it home for simplifying who we are deep down.
00:13:42
cups of pee spilled on your also what grade were they in like how long did that last of that's the person
00:13:51
that peed everywhere well if their older brother was there that mean they had to be under
00:13:55
17 probably I would think right 13 through 18 year olds so I mean it had to be bad
00:14:02
sophomore max totally okay let's see it's the high bar it's the high bar to to try to reach.
00:14:12
I want to go ahead and thank Jay for giving me that one. What does that mean? Are you mad at him now?
00:14:18
True love, I guess. Fine. I don't care. This subject line is hometown murder plus bonus postal worker saves the day.
00:14:27
High murder quarantinos. Oh, what's why'd that take you a year? But also, hey, someone had a lot of time.
00:14:35
Shaming you. Rachel just nailed it. Okay. Hi, Murder Quarantinos. First off, love you all so much, and you make my day every time I listen.
00:14:45
I finally found my mini episode niche when you mentioned postal worker stories, and I realized I had to write in.
00:14:53
One summer, about 10 years ago, I was waitressing at a local restaurant in the evenings, so most of my mornings I was free to do whatever I wanted.
00:15:01
But usually you could find me working on my tan in the backyard. looking back i realized that covering myself in baby oil and laying in the sun for hours at a time
00:15:09
was not the best idea for many reasons but we won't go into that while i was home alone most
00:15:16
days i never worried much because my great pyrenees mountain dog baxter who was so giant
00:15:22
that one winter he was mistaken for a polar bear baxter's the same kind of dog as gracie which was
00:15:28
my sister's dog when nora was little remember the pictures of nora laying on that huge dog oh what
00:15:33
angels they're the best dogs they're like the greatest companions yeah and i would walk that
00:15:40
i would walk gracie down to the park and little kids would run up and hug her without saying like
00:15:46
their parents wouldn't even know and she would just sit down and let them do whatever they want
00:15:49
it was she was the greatest oh all right cookie okay just jumps at children's faces happily
00:15:56
but gets so excited okay well kids and puppies that's a good combo yeah okay So Baxter never left my side because of this.
00:16:06
And because of the fact that I lived out in the middle of nowhere in northeast Indiana, I never worried much about being home alone.
00:16:13
While Baxter had a habit of barking aggressively at noises he heard in the woods, I never thought much of it until one particular day whilst I was baking in the sun.
00:16:22
I saw our mail lady coming up the driveway on a normal day. She would leave the mail in the box.
00:16:27
But that day she decided to bring it to me personally. And I'm so glad she did. she immediately asked me if I was home alone
00:16:33
I said well technically no Baxter's here and she warned me that I should go inside and lock the doors immediately
00:16:39
when I asked why she proceeded to tell me that there was a murderer on the loose possibly in the woods
00:16:45
nearby apparently meth is a big problem in our area and earlier that morning at a mobile home
00:16:51
nearby a drug deal went wrong resulting in the drug dealer shooting another man in the chest and immediately
00:16:57
fleeing in a car with his friend During the police chase, the man had bailed out of his friend's car and ran into the woods nearby.
00:17:05
I immediately called my friend to come over and stay with me while the police search continued.
00:17:09
And on his way to my house, he was stopped by police so that they could check and make sure the murderer was not hiding in his truck bed.
00:17:17
Finally, in a search involving over 150 officers, they eventually caught the man in the woods just across the state line in Ohio, which means he likely passed right by our house earlier that morning.
00:17:29
and was probably the cause for Baxter's barking that day. Needless to say, this was one of the most exciting things to happen in our small town,
00:17:37
and I was very thankful that our mail lady took the extra time to drop off our mail that day to make sure I was safe.
00:17:45
Stay sexy and always listen to your polar bear when he's trying to tell you something is happening in the woods.
00:17:50
Rachel. Wow. The polar bear and the mail lady were your heroes that day Not to discount that the male lady was the clear winner in this competition that I set up in my mind
00:18:05
The mail lady didn't have to do what she did. Baxter had no choice. That's in Baxter's soul.
00:18:13
You bark at the woods if there's a creep out in the woods. But the mail lady could have been like, you're not my responsibility.
00:18:19
And instead, she went the extra mile. Good on her. I hope she got the key to the city.
00:18:26
Okay. When my mom pursued a criminal in a high-speed chase. Yes. My favorite ladies.
00:18:34
To provide some context, my parents live on 10 acres of land in Arizona. All their neighbors are pretty spaced out, but still within about a quarter of a mile from each other.
00:18:44
One time as my mom left our house, she passed a car she didn't recognize that was parked close to our nearest neighbors, but thought nothing of it.
00:18:51
We occasionally have hikers or mountain bikers out there. Realizing she had left her wallet at home, she turned around and then saw a man quickly get in that car with things in his hands exiting my neighbor's house and sped away.
00:19:06
She felt something was off, so she began to follow him. And eventually, once getting off dirt roads, he realized my mom was following and began going 80 on a 50 mile per hour road.
00:19:17
That sounds like me. mom while on the phone with the cops chased this man even though they
00:19:23
repeatedly told her not to and in an attempt to see his face she took a dirt road
00:19:29
that met up again with the paved road and got a look at his face car and license number
00:19:35
damn mom turns out he had entered our neighbor's house through their doggy door guys doggy doors are not
00:19:43
safe and then once their dog was outside he had put bleach outside the door so their dog wouldn't enter. Oh, yeah. Isn't that weird? He stole
00:19:53
thousands of dollars of jewelry and electronics. The cops later had my mom pick a photo out of a
00:19:59
lineup and she said without a doubt she knew it was him. Unfortunately, the jewelry was never
00:20:04
returned as his girlfriend worked at a shop where they would melt down gold, etc. Wow. What kind of
00:20:10
shop is that? I don't know. That doesn't sound like a shop. It sounds like an illegal operation.
00:20:15
that sounds like something from the 1700s totally oh my god hi matey I don't know why he's a pirate
00:20:22
now pour a little gold on the barbie what an Australian pirate shop we know here I go
00:20:34
but at least they caught the guy regardless of the 911 operator telling my mom not to chase what could be a dangerous
00:20:40
criminal then it says seriously mom what the fuck or WTF anyway shout out to my mom kim kimberly for being such a badass stay sexy and when in doubt maybe
00:20:51
don't chase a criminal in hot pursuit sydney like from australia said me hey it's a theme yes don't
00:20:59
chase anybody like in that scenario it's really not safe it's i mean who knows though maybe like
00:21:06
she didn't know that there wasn't someone in the house that something had happened to them you know
00:21:09
But then go check on the person instead, I guess. Just get out of the way. Here's the thing.
00:21:16
Even it's all of that is the best. The thought behind it is wonderful. But you're in the way.
00:21:25
And then what if those cops come and they pull a gun and you're up there going, but I'm going to make a facial ID.
00:21:31
Like, no. Go home. What if the guy has a gun? Yeah. Or what if, you know, 85,000 other things?
00:21:37
85,000 other things. Know your spot. Come on. Totally. Don't be a hero, Kim. Well, she already did it.
00:21:46
Okay. There were so many good ones that I keep. Every time I pick up a piece of paper, I put a star next to the one I got.
00:21:53
Then I'm like, wait, shit. Is this the one? Okay. The subject line of this one is Russian Roulette, the Dart Edition.
00:22:01
Oh, no. Oh, no. Hey, all. My dad grew up with three sisters and a brother. As kids in the 40s and 50s, my dad got into all sorts of shenanigans with his brother, like the time they smoked a cigar, trampled all the watermelons in the community garden, or set off a bomb at the seminary building.
00:22:20
Those three things are the most epic things kids have ever done. And they did them all.
00:22:26
I'm so impressed. Singularly, it would have been a lifelong story. And they were just they were kudos.
00:22:33
They were getting it done. But this is the story of how they'd play Russian roulette dart style.
00:22:38
When they moved to Utah from California, it was the first time they lived in a house with a basement.
00:22:43
So they'd take turns standing at the top of the stairs, throwing a dart through the opening at the bottom of the stairs, while the other ran across the opening.
00:22:54
The goal for one at the top of the stairs was to hit the brother running across the bottom.
00:22:59
Oh, the brother. while the bottom brother attempted to avoid getting hit. How? How?
00:23:05
You're in the basement. That math doesn't add up. That math is not fucking linear.
00:23:11
That's the math of an older sibling making up a game where they get to abuse the younger sibling,
00:23:17
but it's all within the construct of the game. Totally. Those are the rules. That's my cousin, Stevie Hospitar.
00:23:24
I'd love to name check him when I get to talk about his abuse when we were children.
00:23:28
He used to love to play baseball where it was me and my sister against him out in the farmyard.
00:23:37
And he would be like, so when I'm up, you pitch to me. But when you're up, I pitch to you.
00:23:46
But then I throw the ball at you to get you out at the bases. And we're like, OK, I mean, there's nothing else to do.
00:23:52
That's legit. My cousin Mitch is that one who actually is Dr. Dan, whose podcast is coming out on our network.
00:23:58
his little brother who was just a, he was the one who lit his kitchen on fire as a kid, just a troublemaker.
00:24:05
And when the little cousins, we would come over, the rules were hard and fast. Didn't make sense.
00:24:12
Someone always got hurt. It always involves hitting as a, just part of a game. Like, did you ever play that game Spit, where you slam your hand down, like on piles,
00:24:22
if two cards, the same card comes up or whatever? Super fun. Oh, yeah. Okay. So Stevie, when we played spit, he would, no matter what cards were down, if you went to put your hand down, would just smack your hand.
00:24:35
Like it was just an excuse to hit us. I thought you were going to say the game where they hold one of the young, which fucking Mitch definitely did this.
00:24:43
They hold the younger one down and pretend they're going to spit in their face. Let the spit hang.
00:24:48
The most disgusting game. OK, that's the worst. And my sister did that to me one time.
00:24:53
I turned my head and the spit went into my ear. Of course it did. So I was slightly obsessed with Q-tips ever since.
00:25:00
Anyhow, can't get clean. Anyhow. Okay, so the good. Where the fuck were we? My dad.
00:25:10
So the point of the game is for the bottom brother to avoid getting hit by the brother at the top of the stairs.
00:25:16
My dad said they often did this with a BB gun, too. Inside, downstairs. But on this particular occasion, it was a set of darts.
00:25:26
My dad was the unlucky one at the bottom of the stairs while his younger brother was at the top.
00:25:31
And wouldn't you know it, his little brother had been practicing. Oh, fuck. Got real good.
00:25:38
He's like a sniper. He's been practicing. And as my dad ran past, his brother hit him with a dart one sixteenth of an inch away from his eye.
00:25:49
That sucker stuck straight out from the side of his face and had my dad run any slower or my uncle lopped the dart any sooner, my dad could have lost an eye.
00:26:00
Classic. My dad passed away seven years ago, but he and his brother remained best friends and loved telling us about all the experiences they had as kids.
00:26:09
Anytime I'm missing my dad, I give my uncle a call because they sound and act so much alike.
00:26:14
That's lovely. Anyway, thanks for starting this podcast and bringing literal joy into my life.
00:26:18
I'm so glad to finally not feel like a weirdo simply because I enjoy true crime.
00:26:23
Stay sexy. And if you're going to play darts, make sure you're the one at the top of the stairs.
00:26:27
Brooke. Wow. I got to say, for as big of troublemakers as my brother and sister and I were, the fact
00:26:35
that we didn't have an attic or a basement or really much free space to run in because
00:26:40
we lived in a suburb, I think we got real lucky. And there's some scars that didn't ever happen because of that.
00:26:48
right you had all of those things didn't have the room to make them yeah yeah to make obstacle
00:26:53
courses yes and kind of to go like you were away from adults so those kinds of games right they
00:27:00
always just get ratcheted up it's never just the you know because because we played that like that
00:27:06
kind of baseball for a while then that morphed into because the compost pile was right nearby
00:27:11
so then it would turn into rotten potato baseball or rotten egg baseball you know what i mean
00:27:17
Oh, my brother did once crack an egg over my head. So I get what you mean. And then there was my poor mom, my poor working mom.
00:27:26
I think she got in trouble at work because we would just every day someone would call her crying and screaming.
00:27:31
Oh, yes. Yes, we did that to my mom all the time. We made her late for work every single morning.
00:27:37
And we called her constantly at the psychiatric hospital where she's just like already dealing with people with with a pretty stressful job.
00:27:47
And then we're like, Mom, I wanted to watch Three's Company. And she turned it to whatever.
00:27:52
And she's just like, I'm not kidding. Clean up that front room before I get home.
00:27:56
Oh, I need to give them. I need to give my mom a break. Okay. Happy Mother's Day.
00:28:01
Happy Mother's Day. For all the moms out there, we see you. We see your pain. But we'll never feel it.
00:28:09
No. Sorry. Our wombs are closed. Lights are off in our wombs. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:28:24
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone feed scoring from angles that don make sense rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust Because Next doesn wait for an invitation and Hyundai doesn either Hyundai has always moved the future within reach Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle
00:28:44
Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day.
00:28:51
From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:28:57
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:29:01
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Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. Okay. Meet Cute from the Netherlands. Oh. Hi, furry friends.
00:31:17
And then it says R.I.P. Elvis. I'm a newlywed to the show. my best friend introduced me to you guys and boy i had no clue i secretly was a murderino
00:31:26
thanks dude so now i'm binging with regular laughs outbursts thanks nice sorry did they
00:31:33
refer to themselves as a newlywed to the show yeah so we're all married to someone in the
00:31:40
netherlands that's exciting we are in the last mini so do you ask for meet cute stories or
00:31:46
And then it says M-E-A-T, meet cute. Maybe I'm missing some USA slang as a Dutchie.
00:31:54
Butchers, send us your M-E-A-T, meet cutes. Have you been slicing a side of beef and someone cute walks up?
00:32:06
Okay. Many years ago, I was knocked off by a horse while riding on my own in the woods.
00:32:13
I broke my ankle badly and couldn't walk or get to my horse. First, I rang. Yes, it was the time of flip phones.
00:32:20
Thank God. The owner of the horse, then my mom, then my dad. But for some reason, everyone had something better to do than respond to my calls.
00:32:30
The next person on my mind was my ex-boyfriend, who I walked a dog with in that same area a week before.
00:32:38
He would know where I was and find me. He answered the phone. And when I said, hi, I'm knocked off the horse.
00:32:43
I think I broke my ankle. And now someone needs to come and help me. He said, have you called 911?
00:32:49
And then it says the Dutch version of it. I laughed because I just thought somebody had to come get me.
00:32:55
And I didn't even I hadn't even thought about paramedics, even though my foot was standing at a 90 degree angle to my leg.
00:33:02
Yeah, I blame adrenaline. Oh, that sweet, sweet adrenaline. He asked where I was and I said and said he would be on his way After that I rang 911 but he beat them to it He waited there with me in the woods keeping me calm guided the paramedics to me once they couldn drive further
00:33:20
and joined me in the ambulance to the hospital. I had surgery and a long recovery,
00:33:26
but he visited me almost daily to talk and laugh and just be bored with me. Fast forward to 14 years later, and he still makes me laugh
00:33:35
and is the most sweet and awesome dad to our little boy. Oh, man. Sorry for the long story.
00:33:42
Hope it fit the criteria. Listen, there is no criteria anymore. And long stories feed our souls.
00:33:50
Just a good story. Yeah, it's all we want. Last but not least, thank you for normalizing psychiatric counseling.
00:33:57
My brother has struggled with depression and addiction for over a decade while refusing professional help since he thought that was embarrassing
00:34:03
or meant he was weak. You are making a difference. Thanks. Stay sexy and break a leg finding your true love.
00:34:12
Love lows. That's rad. That's cute. I love that. I mean, you know, oftentimes we break up with people for very good reasons.
00:34:23
And sometimes we get back together for very bad reasons. Oh, amen. Just something I love to do.
00:34:30
But I love that that was it's almost like they went through a little test. And then it was like, yeah. And then if you call someone and they're like, call me, I thought you were going to be like, call 911. Goodbye. Goodbye. And instead it was like, you didn't do the thing you should do. You're calling me smart enough to be like, let me pick up on that. Yeah. Get in there.
00:34:49
Reliability is an amazing character trait to find in a partner. Dude. You know, it's like giving a shit is really key.
00:34:58
Like truly giving a shit. And then like being there by your side in the hospital.
00:35:02
It's just like care and reliability are beautiful things to find in a partner. And not common because these days we're all so me, me, me.
00:35:14
Totally. We're all so me, me, me, all those memes out there. Oh, so many narcissistic memes.
00:35:21
All right. Okay. Your turn. Okay. This is last, right? Yes. This I really enjoyed reading.
00:35:31
The subject line is another Alaskan, another irresponsible tree climber. Oh. Hi, friends.
00:35:38
I recently listened to the mini-sode written by the Alaskan who pushed her three-year-old brother out of the tree and thought of my own childhood in Alaska.
00:35:45
I feel that this person should have gone into greater detail about just how weird it is to grow up in Alaska.
00:35:53
Do not correct other people's hometowns. That's one rule we have right now. Don't fucking talk shit on other people's hometowns.
00:36:00
Nearly everything up here is trying to kill you. In parentheses, animals, weather, weird ass dudes.
00:36:07
And as a result, all the kids are half badass and half insane. For example, I used to mountain bike down an old power line trail to get to my friend's house about three miles away.
00:36:18
Three miles. Wow. One day when I was 11 or 12 years old, I was bombing down the trail and came across a mama brown bear with two babies.
00:36:28
A normal human being would think I am about to die. But my baby Alaskaness thought, now I have to carry my bike through the brush to get around them, which I did.
00:36:38
But this story isn't about bears or bikes. It's about trees. In the 90s, my family bought 10 wild acres near Kine, Alaska, about two hours
00:36:49
away from Anchorage. We planned to eventually build a cabin, but first we needed to create
00:36:53
a clearing by cutting down excess trees. My dad, an ex-forest ranger slash turned army ranger slash
00:37:00
turned doctor. I guess I didn't need to say the slashes. Sorry about that. No, I love slashes. There'd be commas if he or she or they didn't want you to read the slashes,
00:37:10
You know, just as a grammatically, you don't need the slashes if you're going to put the turned in there.
00:37:16
But you know what? This is on me anyway. No shame. There's no shame in hometowns.
00:37:22
OK, so my dad, an ex-forest ranger turned army ranger turned doctor, needed help clearing said trees.
00:37:28
So naturally, he taught his eight and 10 year old daughters how to safely cut them down with a hand saw.
00:37:36
Absolutely. I love home. Skills. Skills. skills the girls need later in life. He marked which ones
00:37:44
needed to go and left us to it Goodbye Yeah just enjoy your day I going to go have a fucking what kind of hams What kind of beer do they have Light beer do they have in Alaska Yeah I bet they have plenty of hams up there
00:37:56
Yeah, I think so. Hopefully a nice keystone. Oh. Being slightly badass, but mostly insane,
00:38:02
we eventually got bored of cutting the trees down and decided to create a game. Oh.
00:38:07
What is the game, you ask? Well, it went like this. Together, we'd start sawing a wedge into the tree,
00:38:13
And once it was, quote unquote, just right, one of us would climb up and find a secure spot to hang on.
00:38:20
The other would then saw the rest of the tree, all caps, so the person in the tree could write it down as it fell.
00:38:28
I want to cry. I want to cry and cry. This was a loud, like this was a parent sanctioned move.
00:38:40
Yes. By that dad being like, good luck with your logging, Aiden, 10-year-old child.
00:38:47
Here's five minutes of showing you how. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Eventually, having heard our shrills of excitement, my dad puttered back over and asked what we were doing.
00:38:58
We explained, and he looked up at me in the tree, eight years old, my sister holding the saw, 10 years old, and said, make sure you only ride the ones that are marked, and walked away.
00:39:08
This ladies and gentlemen Is an Alaskan childhood You'll be pleased to know that my sister and I
00:39:15
Both grew up and are fully functioning human beings Are you sure? I live in the Pacific Northwest now
00:39:23
And although I'm in my 30s If I see a good climbing tree And there are many I'll climb it
00:39:29
You can take the girl out of Alaska But you can't take the Alaska out of the girl
00:39:32
Stay sexy and only ride the trees that are marked Rachel That's a beautiful metaphor for life
00:39:38
You know, like have fun, be wild But, you know Keep a safe distance From unmarked trees
00:39:46
I don't know Do your research Make sure you know exactly what the shape Of what you're trying to aim toward is
00:39:54
Don't just do it wherever We need your wilderness childhood stories Please We need them, we want them
00:40:01
My brother hiked to the bottom Of the Grand Canyon didn't come home to camp the campground
00:40:08
until three in the morning. I wrote about it in our book. Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Is it out yet?
00:40:14
I thought you were talking about no May 11th. I thought you were talking about that episode of the Brady Bunch.
00:40:20
Oh, maybe. Asher, did that happen to you? Are you remembering old Brady Bunch? My childhood has forgotten and I put in
00:40:30
Brady Bunch and Wonder Years. You remember when my friend's brother went to Vietnam?
00:40:34
That was crazy. So sad. And then remember when he was also slightly younger and in The Princess Bride?
00:40:41
Oh, we love Fred Savage. What a good hearted person. OK, if you want one more story each and then a few back episodes of that, too, you can join the fan cult.
00:40:52
We do many, many shows fan cult stories only. Thanks for listening. And stay sexy.
00:40:57
And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? cheap caribbean summer savings event is here right now get a hundred dollars instant savings
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00:41:55
Goodbye. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup, Hyundai has its eyes on the
00:42:00
next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
00:42:05
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation. And Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always
00:42:09
moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:42:13
And by engineering EVs with ultra fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every
00:42:18
day because the future isn't some far off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai,
00:42:24
an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.