00:00:00
This is exactly right. Brown, who broke the explosive story on Jeffrey Epstein in 2018. The Justice Department, through
00:00:35
we counted four presidential administrations, failed these victims. Listen to Bleep with
00:00:41
Adam Navarro on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:00:47
This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies
00:00:54
working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies
00:00:59
in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS
00:01:04
and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:16
Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcast presents Soccer Moms. So I'm Leanne. This is my best friend, Janet. And we have been joined at the Hipson's High School.
00:01:26
Absolutely. A redacted amount of years later, we're still joined at the hip. Just a little bit bigger hips.
00:01:31
This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey.
00:01:37
With all the snacks and drinks. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Well, then you got them.
00:01:42
Oh, they had a BOGO. Listen to Soccer Moms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:56
I'll save you. Hello. You've reached my favorite murder podcast. You've reached 323.
00:02:11
Don't say my phone number. It'll be fun. Let's just see what happens. If you have memorized my phone number, I'd be greatly impressed with you.
00:02:19
Wouldn't that be cool? Dude. I don't know my own phone number. I don't. I think I know your area code.
00:02:25
Every time I have to put my phone number into any kind of a form that I'm filling out,
00:02:30
I have to say it out loud and picture it in my mind. Vince and I memorized each other's phone numbers way back when, just in case of emergency.
00:02:39
For safety. Let's do each other's, too. Okay. So in case my emergency is Vince. So my date went eight.
00:02:46
We'll memorize it better if it's on the show and everyone helps us. We can just listen to it over and over again.
00:02:52
This is my favorite part where we talk about phone numbers. Guys But seriously Stephen
00:02:56
Give your phone number on there Right now Stephen you do it You do it for everyone
00:02:59
555 Perfect Dinosaur Yep It's the dinosaur hotline What if it's just podcast P.O.D.
00:03:10
Of people just reciting their phone numbers Yes Linda Barry Who's a great comic book artist and writer
00:03:17
I took a writing class of hers And she does this exercise Giving an example of how
00:03:23
if you draw a memory, if you write about memories from your childhood, they're much richer
00:03:26
than adult. And then she goes, here's an example. What's your first phone number?
00:03:31
And know it immediately. Right. Everyone starts smiling and giggling and everybody can recite their first phone number. And then she's like, okay, how about two phone
00:03:38
numbers ago? You have no fucking clue. Because who cares? By that point in life, you're so
00:03:42
dead inside that you just don't care. The phone isn't exciting anymore. No. 7-6-2-3-2-2-1.
00:03:50
5589? That was the first one. 5589. Okay. Yes. So this one is called Richard Ramirez Almost Turned My Mom Into a Murderer.
00:03:59
Okay. You in? Loving it. Okay. Dear Karen, Georgia, Stash Master Steven, and Fluff Muffins.
00:04:06
No and no. That's what I thought. Those last two are unacceptable. Okay. First, thank you for an amazing podcast.
00:04:13
It has made the gym infinitely more tolerable and has given my murderino mind an insane
00:04:17
amount of joy to be grateful for. That's nice. You all rock. Second, I have to note that the only reason I heard this story is that I finally cornered my mother into listening to your podcast while on a road trip.
00:04:27
We finished the first episode and I looked at my mom, nervously calculating how long it was going to take for her to announce me a sick bastard.
00:04:35
And she pensively said, that reminds me of the time I thought Richard Amaris was going to kill me.
00:04:41
Full fucking stop. Sidebar, I probably should have heard this story when I told her I worked at a show about the Night Stalker, but whatever.
00:04:49
Um, so my parents lived in Anaheim in the early eighties. They were, there were pastel walls.
00:04:56
My mom had a terrifying perm. It was a scary time. It was a very scary time. Uh, I had one too.
00:05:05
I was a few months old and my older brother was three. My godmother was a nurse also living and working in the area who happened to live across the street from one of her coworkers who incidentally was attacked by Ramirez.
00:05:17
she survived and ended up identifying later identifying later in court wow anyway mom's
00:05:24
friend's co-worker had been attacked in the house we were living in was in a block of houses that
00:05:28
for the most part had that and this is an all-cap super safe sliding glass door in the back
00:05:33
important note these sliding glass doors were a fave of ramirez to get into houses
00:05:39
yeah because it's just that little clicky lock uh-huh we had one of those two and we did him
00:05:43
the favor of never locking it. Oh, that's nice. To boot. That's, I feel like those sliding glass doors are like a part of 70s serial killers.
00:05:53
Totally. It like part of the horror Yeah I don think yeah The sound of a sliding glass door being quietly opened at night No totally I don think in my entire childhood was there ever everything on the ground floor including the doors and the windows and everything locked ever
00:06:09
One time when it was all closed up. Just a different time and a different reality.
00:06:14
Stupid time and a stupid reality. True. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Anyway, in the middle of the night, while my dad was away on a business trip, my mom woke up to the doorbell ringing.
00:06:23
horrible like any responsible woman alone with two children in the middle of the night during
00:06:29
an active serial killer's rampage she opened the door it was the next door neighbor's girlfriend
00:06:35
she said that her boyfriend wasn't home but she was too scared to go into her house because she
00:06:39
swore she heard someone in there in true horror film fashion my mom thought cool i'll take you
00:06:44
into your boyfriend's house and show you there's nothing to be afraid of no what no so the two
00:06:52
So unarmed young women go into a house all alone and choose to tour the house, turning the lights on when they go into a room and then off.
00:07:02
Save that electricity money, honey. What? Anyway, they get to the last room in the house, which is kind of a lofty area on the second floor.
00:07:11
There's a door and four walls. So it sounds like a regular room to me, but that's how my mom described it anyway.
00:07:17
Then I hear the sliding glass. Sorry. Then they hear the sliding glass door open.
00:07:22
I just have to point out that, yes, I have a hard time speaking, but Stephen printed this in like 11 point font.
00:07:27
Yeah. Do you see this? It's definitely passive aggressive the way he printed up these stories.
00:07:31
It's like he wants me to fail. Yeah. He's he's against us. That's clear. Right. And we're just going to keep on seeing these.
00:07:37
Yeah. Yeah. Then as luck would have it, they happen to be in a room where the neighbor kept his pistol.
00:07:46
The girlfriend who P.S. is 20 years old takes out the gun. My mom takes the gun from her and calls out.
00:07:56
No one responds, but they hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Here's where I have to point out.
00:08:01
My mom is a badass. She grew up on a farm and knows how to use firearms and always has a manicure.
00:08:07
Yeah, girl. Perm not manicure. She checked the safety and aimed directly to the left of the door at the frame.
00:08:14
The door opens. My mom adjusts her aim and notices that the person coming through the door is bald.
00:08:19
Richard Ramirez, if you remember, had straight up Badal Sassoon curls. Oh, I remember.
00:08:24
They weren't curls, really. More waves. But anyway. It was my dad. My mom almost shot my dad.
00:08:32
He'd come back early from a business trip, and when he found Mom was gone from the house,
00:08:36
he went to check the next door. The porch light was on, but the front door was locked.
00:08:40
So he went around the back and found the back sliding glass door open. Not just unlocked, fully opened.
00:08:47
Oh, shit. He immediately then grew concerned and thought something bad might have happened.
00:08:51
So instead of calling 911, he just went up the stairs without announcing himself.
00:08:55
Wow. Super gallant. Almost got shot. So as far as my hometown murder, this specific facet is missing the murder part, but very
00:09:04
narrowly. And I had to send it to you because it's a funny story. Please keep up the amazing show.
00:09:08
Stay sexy. Don't get murdered. P.S. You inspired me to teach my cat Atlas the word cookie.
00:09:14
And he meows like Elvis and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. love JD. Fun. Fun, fun, fun.
00:09:21
That reminds me of the people that we met at the meet and greet in Anaheim and it was a
00:09:26
mother-daughter and the mother was there the day that Richard Ramirez was running
00:09:31
through that neighborhood in, was it Boyle Heights? Yeah. Or no, down there, right?
00:09:37
It's Boyle Heights. No, no, no. It was Boyle Heights. She was there. He got caught in front of her house.
00:09:44
Oh, right. The cops got him down on the ground because the Cause the, no, I think that they, I don't know something.
00:09:49
It was in front of her house where he got, cause it was like a block long street where
00:09:53
they got caught. And the mom kept saying that everyone, all her neighbors were just going outside and
00:09:57
like, and like watching him being a part. And she was telling people to go back inside.
00:10:02
She was like, they were so crazy. Everyone was just out. Yeah. Like, you know, there was a serial killer loose.
00:10:07
That's so funny. I was so, I told them I was very starstruck to meet her. She got to be right there.
00:10:13
Scene of the crime. Okay. The subject line of this is my mom would probably get arrested if she did this today.
00:10:19
I love it. Hey, MFM fam. When I was a teenager, I was obsessed with scary movies, and my mom loved Halloween.
00:10:25
My birthday is in October, so on my 13th or 14th birthday, I decided to have a sleepover.
00:10:31
Oh, no. Where we planned to watch a scary movie and just hang out. When my friends and I had settled in to watch Psycho in the living room, my mom left us there to go pick up pizza.
00:10:41
I know what she's going to do. I'll set the scene. My parents' living room was a big open space that had a huge glass door out to the deck in one direction, connected to the kitchen in another direction, and the foyer in the front door the other way.
00:10:53
A while after my mom left, as we watched the movie in the dark, a large man began pounding on the back door.
00:11:00
He was standing on the deck looking in. We, of course, jumped up and began running in all directions and began screaming.
00:11:07
You're probably thinking, oh, no, then they called 911. No, we didn't. Why? I don't know.
00:11:13
other than to say that teenagers are really fucking stupid sometimes. Just as we began to calm down and try to figure out what to do,
00:11:20
a pounding came from the front door. As I moved toward the door, again, why, you stupid, stupid girl,
00:11:26
the same large man stuck his hand in the door and began waving it around, yelling something I don't remember now.
00:11:33
I slammed the door closed and locked it. Just moments later, and mind you, we were still running around,
00:11:38
screaming and not calling 911. We heard the garage door open and my mom walked in.
00:11:43
As we hysterically tried to tell her what happened, she seemed not to believe us, holding it together only for a few moments and then dissolved into laughter.
00:11:50
That's right. My own mother recruited our neighbor down the street to stage a motherfucking break in just to scare us Can you imagine if she pulled that shit today She get arrested or at the very least child services would be called Surprisingly I have no lasting damage from this incident
00:12:07
and it did go down as a great sleepover, according to my friends. Thanks so much for everything you do
00:12:12
in this crazy, awesome community that you've created. Because of MFM, I've met a group of women
00:12:18
who are helping me achieve my wildest, craziest dream of writing a book. Yay! SSDGMK. That's awesome.
00:12:24
that's so rad I keep thinking about like what if they had grabbed a knife I would have stabbed at
00:12:28
that hand I mean that is the worst it's the worst idea it's the worst idea and and at the same time
00:12:36
that's like and I can't remember if I told the story or not my crazy friend Brian who I used to
00:12:42
work at the gap with uh who one time told me a story that he thought was really funny where he
00:12:47
broke into his friend's house wearing a pantyhose on his face no with a knife in his hand no he
00:12:52
crawled into her kitchen window. A female? Yes. What a dick. And she kicked him in the balls and beat the shit out of him.
00:13:00
And then he got really mad at her. And then she was like, I'm not talking to her anymore.
00:13:05
And he's like, what? I thought it was funny. Oh, my God. What an asshole. But you have to know.
00:13:11
I love her. He's really hilarious. He just thought, I was like, when he told me the story, I was laughing.
00:13:17
But I was also like, Brian. What is wrong with you? You're such like a guy. You don't understand why that is the scariest possible thing.
00:13:25
Right. And why this person would never want to speak to you again. Rightly so. Oh, Brian.
00:13:32
Brian. Also, imagine having a 13 year old. You have to hate them so much at that point that you just want to fuck with them.
00:13:36
So good for the mom. Yeah. She probably was only sanity left. Let me get you give you a little perspective.
00:13:41
All the things you're you're like crying and pouting about around the house. Yeah.
00:13:45
Let's give you a little dose of hideous reality. Let mommy give you a dose of reality.
00:13:50
And I go pick up a pizza. I'll get your fucking pizza. You know, your mom is bullshitting you if she goes to pick up a pizza in this.
00:13:59
Right. From 1979 on, whenever they invented Domino's. There's no picking up pizza.
00:14:04
No mother goes to pick up pizza. There's no such thing. Why get pizza? Let's take out.
00:14:10
Yeah. Take out pizza? Take out any food. Okay. Okay. We're done. We're done. Well, this one is called fun.
00:14:17
So this is good. This one's subject is fun. Just plain fun? No. Fun. All caps. Stepdad was the vet to the son of Sam, dog.
00:14:26
What? All right, here we go. Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, an assorted menagerie.
00:14:33
Yes. I'll make this short because, oh wait, I'll make this short because being featured on in MFM would be amazing.
00:14:41
Oh. That's a good way to do it. Those two things don't necessarily directly relate, but okay.
00:14:47
They don't. Um, although short and like good or long and good, just good is the common denominator.
00:14:56
Yeah. Hence. Hence. Good. Hence. I'm going to read this. Hence. Okay. I like using hence at the end of the sentence.
00:15:04
Hence. Yeah. Like ties it all together. Yeah. During and after the son of Sam murder spree, my stepdad was a young veterinary school graduate
00:15:12
in New York. He worked in a vet clinic trying to pay off his student loans and avoid getting elbow
00:15:17
deep in a sick cow upstate oh the clinic he worked at was also the clinic for the dog in
00:15:24
your recent son of sam episode the dog that was supposedly a demon was this sweet chunky labrador
00:15:31
named harvey oh and then she says i'm not fat shaming i'm pretty food motivated too
00:15:38
anyway the way my step motivated is that is yes that's just a dog is food motivated and it's me it's just when you have your motivations
00:15:54
in certain places i love the idea though of a sweet chunky labrador named harvey being this being
00:16:01
satan yeah come on he's looking up at that window being like dude you've got to be kidding me he's
00:16:06
like bacon you know this isn't me he's looking after just going bacon do you have bacon do you
00:16:11
have bacon well then don't involve me in your bullshit right that's all i want to know yeah
00:16:15
okay anyway the way my stepdad tells the story is that late at night when he had to stick around for
00:16:21
charting and cleaning he was one he was once alone with this dog in an empty clinic once he made sure
00:16:28
he was alone. He asked the dog straight out whether he was the devil. The dog said no,
00:16:37
but the cat is a real asshole. He likes to get a big laugh out of it. As you know, Berkowitz
00:16:43
admitted that he was making up all that for the insanity plea, but that is one of my quote
00:16:48
hometown murders. Anyway, thank you for all your hard work and for the laughs. You always remind me
00:16:54
to SSCGM. Love, Caitlin. Oh my god, that's so funny. That's such a stepdad joke.
00:16:59
No, but the cat is a real asshole. It's such a dad joke. It's such a dad joke. It's so hilarious. But also, like,
00:17:06
just that you would have to wait until everyone left. You would have to wait until
00:17:10
you were alone in the whole clinic so that no one thought you were the insane one. I wonder if
00:17:14
everyone was kind of sketched out by that dog at that point. That poor dog was just like, they used to be so
00:17:18
nice to me here. Yeah. Now I just get tied to a tree. And no bacon. Because I'm the devil.
00:17:24
I guess I'm the devil now Harvey is the devil Harvey It's real funny Harvey Oh what happened to Harvey
00:17:30
He lived a good long life He did He got so much bacon Oh good boy I actually bet his owners were way nicer to him after
00:17:38
Because they were like Oh my god Get away from our son Harvey Our son Harvey Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcast presents Soccer Moms
00:17:50
So I'm Leanne Yeah This is my best friend Janet Hey And we have been joined at the hip since high school A redacted amount of years later we still joined at the hip Just a little bit bigger hips This is a podcast We recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey
00:18:06
With all the snacks and drinks. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Oh, they hit a BOGO.
00:18:12
Well, then you got them. Listen to Soccer Moms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:18:18
Hi, I'm Chris Fairbanks. And I'm Karen Kogareff. We host Do You Need a Ride, the mobile comedy podcast that answers the question,
00:18:25
what does it sound like when we drive our comedian friends around the wild streets of Los Angeles?
00:18:29
Yes, every week we pick up a hilarious guest, maybe run some errands, share some laughs, and our dreams.
00:18:36
Like when Martha Kelly shared her career pivot. I want to become an influencer of divorced moms whose kids have gone off to college
00:18:44
who have decided they're going to start living life for themselves. Or the time Baron Vaughn got distracted by the majestic scenery.
00:18:52
Then there's a freaking deer right there on the side of the road. Oh, that's great.
00:18:54
Holy shit. Eating freaking road grass. Road grass. I wish you said glass. New episodes drop every Monday on the Exactly Right Network.
00:19:03
Listen to Do You Need a Ride on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:19:10
Thank you. You're welcome. How much do you weigh, Wanda? Right now, I'm about 130.
00:19:15
I'm at 183. We should race. No, I want to leave here with my original hips. On the podcast, The Matchup with Aaliyah, I pair prominent female athletes with unexpected guests.
00:19:24
On a recent episode, I sat down with undisputed boxing champ, Claressa Shields, and comedian Wanda Sykes to talk about Wanda's new movie, Undercard, the art of trash talk and what it really means to be ladylike.
00:19:33
Open your free iHeartRadio app, search The Matchup with Aaliyah and listen now. Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports Network.
00:19:43
This is pretty good. The subject line is, my mom survived Cleveland in 1978. Greetings and salutations to all humans and animals associated with the MFM brand.
00:19:52
Perfect. Well done. My sister introduced me to your podcast six months ago. Ever since, I've been nothing but binge listening, laughing out loud at work, and checking every closet in my apartment when I get home at night.
00:20:02
I grew up outside Cleveland, as did both my parents, and my mother worked at a convenience store in Willowick, Ohio, called Lawson's, when she was in her early 20s.
00:20:12
that could be willowick it could be willowick it could be for all of them willowick willowick
00:20:18
one night in 1978 uh she was closing up the store with her co-worker bonnie because it was 1978 everyone's name was bonnie why aren't there bonnies anymore there is a bonnie
00:20:29
conover who i went to grammar school with and she still lives in petaluma and i we talked to each
00:20:34
other on twitter but she's had the name forever i want a new bonnie she's the original oh you want
00:20:39
new baby i want like a bonnie that was born in the 2000s we if you have a bonnie born in the
00:20:45
2000s we'd love to see a picture of her yeah even if it's a dog a bunny a bunny named bonnie oh also
00:20:53
we love pictures of bunnies a bunny named bonnie if you have a picture of a bunny named bonnie
00:20:58
that's one of those really big ones oh like that's like the size of a hair not a rabbit
00:21:04
So actually, we just want the one picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bonnie the bunny. That's huge.
00:21:10
Please. That's got to be a hashtag. Okay. Okay. So Bonnie and the mom are at the Wallowick Lawsons.
00:21:19
Okay. They're closing up when two men come in wearing black trash bags from head to toe.
00:21:26
My mom says that she initially thought it was two neighborhood teens that would come in from time to time trying to play a prank on them.
00:21:33
Cute. Because it was 1978. One of the men was holding a revolver and ordered my mom and Bonnie to open the register and safe and then lay down face down on the floor with their hands at their sides.
00:21:43
They emptied the cash register and then stepped over the women to get to the safe.
00:21:47
The whole time, my mom was silent while Bonnie was hysterically praying out loud.
00:21:51
Bonnie, keep it down. Bonnie, be cool. At some point, said quietly to my mom that she was, quote, glad she had already mopped the floor.
00:22:01
just handle it like a bonnie um they handling it like a bonnie is a new one they stayed like that
00:22:11
until they heard another customer come in asking if anyone was in the store apparently the two men
00:22:16
had left out the back exit while the ladies were up front laying on the recently mopped floor the
00:22:22
police were called but as far as my mom can remember no one was ever arrested for the robbery
00:22:25
She and Bonnie got a whopping $25 each from Lawson's because they SSD'd during the incident.
00:22:32
$97 in today's money. Lauren. Wow. Lawson's give them the full hundred in today's.
00:22:40
They really took one for you. They took one for the team. $25. I think nowadays there's like, maybe she's in Los Angeles, but I think there's like a
00:22:47
victim of a violent crime fund that you like, because I knew a girl who got held up at gunpoint
00:22:54
at like a salon she worked at. Like she was a receptionist and she was closing up
00:22:58
and got held up at gunpoint and like got all this money and she was just like, I'm traumatized.
00:23:04
So I don't know what to do with this. It feels wrong. Oh, you know. Well, yeah, everything about that would be so hard
00:23:10
because you lived and it's OK. But then it's not OK. But I think she used it to go to beauty school
00:23:16
and then became a talented hair stylist herself. Fuck yes. Yeah. So good for her.
00:23:22
I mean, bad things are seeds that bear fruit into good things. Good fruit. You know.
00:23:30
That good, good fruit. Yeah. Grapefruit. The best fruit. Great, great, great fruit.
00:23:35
The greatest. Eat it with Bonnie. That is a very 70s fruit. Grapefruit? Grapefruit with a maraschino cherry in the center?
00:23:43
Come on, dieters. Okay, this is called When I Found Out My Dad Kidnapped People.
00:23:48
Hey, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Pet Menagerie. Nice. I'll try and keep it short.
00:23:53
When I was 11, my dad took me on a trip to Los Angeles. He was really excited because I got to see my family.
00:24:00
and never got to go with him before. He said it was a work trip, but he'd make time for me.
00:24:04
Oh, thanks, Dad. I mean. For your fucking family. What an honor. I know. To be paid attention to as a child.
00:24:11
My most important thing in my life is work, but I will make time for this less important thing of you, my child.
00:24:16
Listen, block out 7 to 7.30 for an old daddy-o. We're going to watch Three's Company together.
00:24:22
That's right. You get a fucking TV dinner. Okay. One evening at dinner, TV dinner probably,
00:24:28
He asked me what I knew about cults. At 11, my answer was nothing. My dad proceeded to explain what they were to me and told me the real reason for the trip.
00:24:41
He had been hired by parents to kidnap someone and do a deprogramming job. Her dad was a deprogrammer for cults.
00:24:50
I had a brief moment of wondering if he had once kidnapped me. Fair fucking assessment.
00:24:55
Oh, my God. But suddenly all those warnings about vans and the game where we tailed people at the mall, quote, to show how easy it was to follow someone, unquote, made a whole lot more sense.
00:25:08
Oh, my God. Yeah, that's why the following game. Come on. Daddy wants to play the game where he puts a silencer on a gun.
00:25:19
He liked us to always be prepared and would hide in bushes and jump out and wanted us always to be ready.
00:25:26
this is called child abuse oh my god he wonders why i need anti-anxiety medication wait how he
00:25:32
wonders i need anti-anxiety medication is beyond me yes he would play a game where he would jump
00:25:37
out from the bushes so they'd be prepared dad knock it off i bet he was fucking pissed the one
00:25:42
time she kicked him in the dick that was her preparation no he was because he was wearing a
00:25:47
cup and he was perfect reaction yeah exactly you're my sensei whatever the fuck yeah okay
00:25:53
Then all caps this Thanksgiving I found out that my mother was a getaway driver for one of these jobs The other getaway driver had to drop out The cops were on to him since he had quote killed some people since he didn take shit from anyone And then she says um what Dad Apparently my mom posed as a nurse and helped kidnap actual double mint twins with my father
00:26:15
There's a lot left out there. We've gone off the rails entirely. Yeah, this chick is like, I'll try to keep it short.
00:26:20
And we're like, can you please write us four more pages of what the fuck is going on?
00:26:24
Yeah, you need to write a true novel about what's happening to us. So turns out they weren't in a cult, but needed to call their dad because he was controlling and was calling deprogrammers because they weren't talking to him anymore.
00:26:39
What? So the twins father, the twins had stopped talking to their father. He probably sucked.
00:26:46
So he had started calling deprogrammers to be like, my kids are in a cult. Can you please go kidnap him?
00:26:51
And the kids are like, no, we just hate our fucking controlling shitty dad. He wants our double mint money.
00:26:57
Yeah, he wants that double mint money. because they weren't talking to him anymore.
00:27:01
Luckily, they were so mad at their father that they didn't call the police on my parents.
00:27:05
Wow. This is the only couple, this is only a couple of wild stories I've learned from my family.
00:27:11
S. So it is true that the dad was a cult deprogrammer. Yes. It was just in that one instance,
00:27:17
it wasn't a cult that they were in. Right. They just wanted to get the fuck away from that guy.
00:27:21
Right. S, yes, okay, that was your submission for us to give you a book deal. And yes,
00:27:27
our new book imprint is coming out soon. Yes, we have decided to start a book company
00:27:33
and you're our first book. And we begin with a subject line. My mom survived a clown.
00:27:40
Hi, Karen, Georgia, and Stephen. You're all bad bitches. Yes, Stephen, you too. Thank you.
00:27:46
Thank you on behalf of Stephen. When I was about nine, I was at school and my mom was about to fight a fucking clown.
00:27:54
So it's a pretty regular morning for my mom. She's drinking coffee and getting ready.
00:27:59
And if she goes to put more cream in her coffee she sees something out of the corner of her eye and she turns and sees a clown No no no no no no Really It was just a guy with a Halloween clown mask on as she drops the creamer and coffee and runs Yeah
00:28:14
On her way out of the kitchen, he knocks her down and she hits her head on the hardwood floor.
00:28:20
Oh, my God. She regains her bearings in time to see him raising knife. And she deflects it with her arm.
00:28:26
What the shit? And gets cut on her neck a moment later. Oh, my God. We're in this thing.
00:28:31
We're in it. At this time, she goes, oh, fuck, I need to fight and hits the guy straight in the nose with her palm, which is fucking classic self-defense class.
00:28:41
That's right. Fucking palm in the nose. Break it up into our brain. That's right.
00:28:46
And she throws him off her. Awesome. She runs to the bedroom and grabs a gun, turns around and cocks it right as he's in the doorway.
00:28:53
Holy shit. Yes. Apparently, he cut his way through the screen in the open kitchen window from the backyard and climbed in.
00:29:01
This is why I'm never going to live on a fucking ground floor. I mean, for real.
00:29:05
The guy didn't get caught until years later when he did the same thing, but the cops got there in time to catch him.
00:29:11
Meanwhile, my school went on lockdown, and all I thought of it was, why is this girl across the room crying?
00:29:18
We're going to be okay. She only told me after I saw the 2018 winter tour and goes, oh, I guess she means her mom.
00:29:26
her mom only told her after she saw the 2018 winter tour and she goes want to hear how i almost
00:29:31
got murdered what the fuck thank you all so much mac holy shit i mean that is i was waiting for
00:29:38
like and it turned out to be her neighbors pretending to scare her no no fucking real
00:29:43
and her mom saved it until very recently good for her mom her mom didn't even tell her when
00:29:49
she was in school lockdown that that was like oh no that was because of me getting attacked
00:29:53
hey remember we got you got home and i had to change the screens fucking badass also just bone chilling it sounds like hacky when you hear it but you're in your
00:30:04
in your kitchen like stirring up your coffee just trying to wrap it up to go to work
00:30:07
and you turn and there a clown in your kitchen dude in a clown mask no dude absolutely not i reject you and I reject Satan who you represent That right That was such a good batch Yeah and thank you guys
00:30:21
for listening and writing and we love it. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Goodbye.
00:30:26
Should we see if Mimi will meow again? Yeah. Mimi, you want a cookie? Did it work?
00:30:33
Elvis, you want a cookie too? Want a cookie? You know the famous author Roald Dahl.
00:30:39
He thought up Willy Wonka and the BFG. But did you know he was a spy? Neither did I.
00:30:46
You can hear all about his wildlife story in the podcast, The Secret World of Roald Dahl.
00:30:50
All episodes are out now. Was this before he wrote his stories? It must have been.
00:30:55
What? Okay, I don't think that's true. I'm telling you, I was a spy. Binge all 10 episodes of The Secret World of Roald Dahl.
00:31:02
Now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Anna Navarro, and on my new podcast, Bleep with Anna Navarro,
00:31:11
I'm talking to the people closest to the biggest issues happening in your community and around the world.
00:31:16
Because I know deep down inside right now, we are all cursing and asking what the bleep is going on.
00:31:24
Every week, I'm breaking down the biggest issues happening in our communities and around the world.
00:31:29
I'm talking to people like Julie Kay Brown, who broke the explosive story on Jeffrey Epstein in 2018.
00:31:34
The Justice Department, through we counted four presidential administrations, failed these victims.
00:31:41
Listen to Bleep with Adam Navarro on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:31:48
How much you weigh, Wanda? Right now, I'm about 130. I'm at 183. We should race.
00:31:52
No, I want to leave here with my original hips. On the podcast to match up with Lalia, I pair prominent female athletes with unexpected guests.
00:31:59
On a recent episode, I sat down with undisputed boxing champ, Clarissa Shields and comedian Wanda Sykes to talk about Wanda's new movie
00:32:06
Undercard, the art of trash talk and what it really means to be ladylike. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search the matchup with Aaliyah and listen now.
00:32:13
Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports Network.