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00:01:25
Hello! And welcome to my favorite murder. The mini-sode. Mini-sode time for you.
00:01:48
I'll go first. This email, the subject line is why it's hip to be square. Oh. Hello, humans, mammals, and other earthlings. When I was 20, I lived alone for the first time in a small, quiet apartment community. After a long evening out chatting with friends in the parking lot of the local hangout, I noticed our group had started to dwindle as it was getting pretty late, and all of the businesses nearby had been closed for hours.
00:02:11
One of the people that had been chatting with us was a new face, and I learned that he was bicycling across the country after beating cancer, camping, and couch surfing as he went along.
00:02:22
Everyone was very intrigued at his story and how he was living his dreams. He had stayed at a male friend's house the previous two nights, so when I was ready to leave, I asked if he would be staying at my friend's house again, but he said no since my friend had to go out of town and he would have to make camp.
00:02:37
At this point, the others had left, and it was just me and him saying goodbye. It was spring, unusually cold, and this guy looked real thin and already shivering.
00:02:46
So I did the best thing I could think of at the time, went alone in a parking lot at midnight with a strange traveling man, and I invited him to sleep on my couch.
00:02:55
I felt it was super uncool of me to not offer, and I thought it would be awesome to be part of his story.
00:03:02
After loading his bicycle into the back of my Corsica. Corsica, wow. And getting back to my place, I offered him a snack and chatted with him for only a few minutes in the living room.
00:03:14
I had to work early in the morning, so I let him know and handed him some blankets.
00:03:17
He seemed really grateful, and it wasn't until I went into my bedroom that I realized what I had actually done.
00:03:23
I had invited a strange bicycling man back to my apartment, and no one knew it but me.
00:03:29
At the time, I didn't have a cell phone, and the only house phone was in the living room with him.
00:03:34
I went to lock my bedroom door and only then realized there was no lock on it. My apartment was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, so I very carefully pushed my fake wood, light as a feather and not going to stop any one dresser, in front of the door, thinking at least if he came in, it would give me a second to defend myself with absolutely nothing because I had no weapons whatsoever in my room and was on the second floor.
00:04:00
somehow I dozed off and a couple hours later woke by the sound of him quietly calling my name from
00:04:07
the other side of the door I went to the door and without opening it or moving the dresser I asked
00:04:13
him what he needed he said he couldn't sleep and was wondering if I wanted to talk I decided right
00:04:19
then that I needed to take him somewhere else knowing that I wouldn't get any rest with this
00:04:23
random dude in the other room so I told him just a minute and that I would be right out
00:04:27
ignorant to everything I have learned about stranger danger in the last 17 years since this
00:04:32
happened I pushed the dresser out of the way and opened the door it was very dark in the hallway
00:04:38
with only a tiny bit of light from the street shining through the blinds but as I struggled
00:04:43
to focus my eyes I realized that he was standing right in front of me less than inches away still
00:04:49
at my door it startled me so I asked what he was doing and he said again I just wanted to talk
00:04:54
now at this point my eyes had fully adjusted and i could see that he was completely 100% naked
00:05:00
oh no i'm not sure what he was expecting to happen or what kind of woman has ever been
00:05:08
turned on by a scrawny man with a with a flaccid penis as i backed into my room a few steps and i shut the door between us and loudly proclaimed that i
00:05:22
was giving him one minute to get dressed and that he needed to leave. During this one minute,
00:05:27
I started to shake with rage and decided maybe it was he that should be scared of me.
00:05:32
I barged out of the bedroom on the offense, shouting and now holding a screwdriver.
00:05:37
The only thing I could find nearby. Hey, that'll work. As I was shouting loudly at him about taking
00:05:43
advantage of women, he tried to interject that he thought my invitation to crash on the couch
00:05:47
meant something more, but I was not having it. Yeah, then he would have invited him in your bed
00:05:52
dude. Right. It would be quite clear if she was interested in you in any sort of way so now she being punished right for being decent and basically accepting you guilting her as you stand there shivering right and you not
00:06:08
understanding any fucking cues as to it a woman not being fucking interested in you or you
00:06:14
understanding that you got no cues but you want it anyway so too bad for her right well no because
00:06:21
now we're back in the email okay let's do it uh as my intensity built i continued to interrupt him
00:06:29
yelling get out while channeling my inner carrie and then in parentheses it says stephen king yeah
00:06:34
at this point it should be mentioned my actions were also an incorrect response since i didn't
00:06:40
have any special powers or a real weapon to back up my rage fortunately the guy quickly dressed
00:06:45
grabs his things and rode off in the night on his bicycle i learned a lot from this experience and
00:06:51
it changed the way I interact with strangers and how I manage my personal space from then on.
00:06:56
Thanks for listening to my story. Stay sexy. Who cares if you're cool? And remember,
00:07:01
you don't have to help anyone. Brittany. Love it, Brittany. That's right. You are not
00:07:05
obligated. And it might be awkward in those few moments of you not offering. I'm sure you're not
00:07:10
obligated in any way to help people out because of fucking guilt. Now, if you lived in a house
00:07:16
with, you know, say three large dudes and a couple other people, then that's fine because
00:07:22
it won't be on you. But as a woman living alone by herself, that's the you can look that guy in the eye and go,
00:07:29
it's not safe for me to bring you back to my house. That would be crazy. Right. And then good luck, friend.
00:07:35
You should have actually you should have locked this down earlier. Totally. No, he was waiting for a single woman to fucking invite him over.
00:07:42
That's what he was doing. Could have. Yeah. All right. But this is how we learn.
00:07:49
She also shouldn't feel guilty because this is how we learn. It's like you can't you can make assumptions.
00:07:54
And then once you're in a scary situation, go, well, now I've learned my lesson.
00:07:59
No guilt, no shade. Continue on stronger than ever. Growing, learning, loving. Loving.
00:08:07
Let's screwdrivers. Screwdrivers. The cocktail or the screwdriver? All of it. All right.
00:08:12
The weapon. The cocktail. OK, I'm not going to tell you the name of this one. It starts, you guys are my favorite.
00:08:20
This is long, so I'm jumping in. I've written the story to you before, but since then, my beloved great uncle has passed away and the reflection of his memory has been brought back to the surface.
00:08:30
Oh, beautifully put. When I was around 12 years old, my parents told me that my mother's favorite aunt and uncle would be coming to visit for a while.
00:08:38
I had never met them, but my mom always spoke of them fondly. When they arrived, I was surprised to see them park their giant RV in front of our house, Christmas vacation style.
00:08:49
I get that reference. I love it. Although they were welcome to our guest bedroom, they told us that they felt more comfortable just staying in their home.
00:08:57
They parked in front of our suburban home for a little over a week. And despite the attention their RV drew from the kids that rode my school bus, they were fun to have around.
00:09:06
They sat in our living room, strumming the auto harp, wailing out tinny bluegrass songs and telling stories of their colorful life living across the country in an RV.
00:09:16
I knew that my uncle, let's call him John, had been a very successful businessman.
00:09:20
So once they left, I asked my mom why they lived in an RV. She very calmly said, oh, they're on the lam and they're just traveling the country in the RV until the statute runs out.
00:09:32
You probably shouldn't tell any of your friends what their names are. Oh, they're on the lam.
00:09:40
I'm mom. I'm Carol, your mom. They're on the lam. It's me, Carol. They're on the lam.
00:09:45
And then she writes, I'm sorry, what? So we just had a wanted fugitive stay with us for over a week.
00:09:52
And you're just now giving me the heads up about this? As it turns out, Uncle John was wanted for a huge mail fraud scam.
00:09:59
Oh. His brother, who was now in prison, was arrested first. But John and his wife got the heads up early.
00:10:05
so early enough to take off. I asked my mom for more details and she said, well, for years,
00:10:12
here's Carol, well, for years they sent out advertisements in the mail for a penis enlargement product.
00:10:18
Once the men had mailed their checks in for the product, all John and his brother
00:10:21
sent back to them were photos of naked women. It's sarcasm through the mail. That's fucked up.
00:10:30
Like they didn't have to send anything. They could have just not responded and said they were like,
00:10:33
get it like gotcha gotcha gotcha they made enough money to support two households so
00:10:40
so apparently his quote successful business was not at all what i thought it had been
00:10:45
john's statute ran out over 20 years ago but he and his wife got so used to living on the lamb
00:10:51
that they decided it was home and continued to live that way until he recently passed
00:10:55
i guess i'm glad that his ridiculous scheme ended up providing them with their dream lives
00:11:00
I'm also glad that I didn't have to explain to the kids on my bus why the SWAT team showed up to arrest the people in the trailer outside my house because of a penis enlargement mail scandal.
00:11:11
As a 12 year old, that would have been very bad for my social life. Anyway, I love you guys.
00:11:16
Stay sexy and don't promise penis enlargements. Angela from Tulsa. Oh, no, Angela.
00:11:24
Penis enlargement. That is hijinks. hijinks and it must have been like the 60s or something i'd assume or the 70s people mailed
00:11:35
things people mailed things like there was no way to kind of like get the word out they probably
00:11:40
wouldn't anyway because it's like hey this didn't happen to me but it happened to a friend of mine
00:11:46
i mean how would you press charges would be so embarrassing probably it's horrible it's almost
00:11:51
i mean they i think that probably part of it right they taking advantage of the fact that Yeah I do That like when when it not etsy when ebay first started i knew somebody that was selling um it would be a picture that he just bought like postcards at
00:12:09
the like at a gift store but then he would put it on there and people assumed they were like
00:12:14
fancy posters because he was charging like 250 for them and then he'd send it and it was just
00:12:18
a postcard but he was like i'm putting in the size right oh i like it's just that they're not
00:12:23
doing their homework so it's like taking advantage it was the first wave of taking advantage of people
00:12:29
who don't really know how to use the internet right and there's no checks and balances because
00:12:32
the website's kind of new and it's like well sorry it's that thing of getting you on it on that like
00:12:38
well did you not read right that it says right there it's five inches by three inches oh i can
00:12:44
just feel myself falling for something like that so i feel for it entirely um okay this is
00:12:51
There are so many O's in this word spooky. Spooky Halloween story. Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen and Exactly Right Crew.
00:13:02
Oh, thank you. Oh, man, have I got a ghost story to put you in the spooky Halloween trademark simple mood.
00:13:12
Thank you. Yes. Let's get into this spooky Halloween mood. Okay. This is my third hand retelling of my aunt's, my mom's sister's wild spiritual encounter.
00:13:24
I would have asked my aunt Katie for her firsthand account, but my family doesn't talk to her anymore.
00:13:29
Gotta love those dysfunctional extended family members. Am I right? Hell yes. Oh, thank God we don't have anyone in my family.
00:13:37
Yeah, we don't we don't have one of those. Thank God. You? You don't have ever in the family?
00:13:43
No, everyone is on a level. Oh, that's nice. That's good. Yeah. I don't think there's any now, but I think over the years also,
00:13:50
because our family is gigantic, but over the years there have been like, there was one between my mom and my grandma that I, that I heard about years after. Oh,
00:14:00
where it was like, basically my grandmother said something about my mom's good friend.
00:14:06
And then she was like, you have no right to judge her. And then there was like, it was like silent treatment for a year. Oh yeah. We'll do that. Okay. We've done that.
00:14:14
i thought that was normal i thought that was just families i thought you're talking about like decades that's just thanksgiving
00:14:26
that's every year i think everybody's family has that kind of shit because there's no one
00:14:33
that can hurt you more than like your own family yeah oh yeah my sister and i didn't talk for like
00:14:39
geared. Yeah. Now we're like close. Okay. Yeah. That's normal. All right. Got it.
00:14:46
Now for the creepy shit. My mom is the youngest of three siblings with her brother Rob in the
00:14:50
middle and her sister Katie as the oldest. My grandpa, I hope these aren't real names.
00:14:54
Oh, well, my grandfather's job required him to move his family all over the country every
00:15:01
several years, whether my mom and her siblings liked it or not. After just moving from New York
00:15:06
State down to Bel Air, Maryland, which is in parentheses, it says my hometown. During the
00:15:12
summer of 1972, my 12 year old mom and her family were settling into yet another home.
00:15:18
One of the first nights there, my aunt Katie woke up the rest of the family with a blood
00:15:22
curdling scream. Hearing this, my grandmother rushed to her daughter's room to see what
00:15:26
was wrong. I just saw Nana sitting on the bed, cried my aunt. This was especially shocking
00:15:32
as my great-grandmother had passed away just a few months prior. According to Aunt Katie, the apparition of my great-grandmother was reading a newspaper
00:15:41
with the front-page headline, Bel Air Family Dies in House Fire. What? My grandma assured Aunt Katie that it was just a dream and to go back to sleep.
00:15:52
What makes this story even more chilling is the fact that an inspector was scheduled to come the next morning
00:15:57
to make sure the new house's electric, heating, cooling, gas, etc. was in working order for the
00:16:03
new owners. When the inspector was finished, he informed my grandfather how lucky he was that he
00:16:09
had come out that day. Because if my family had turned on the AC unit in the basement,
00:16:14
they would have certainly blown up due to faulty wiring, killing everyone inside.
00:16:20
Okay, hold up right now. Yeah, like, I believe imaginations do a lot of things, But a 12 year old imagining that head like that's just not that's like a really elaborate thing to imagine.
00:16:35
It could have just been the grandma telling her, you know, hey, you're going to die in a house fight.
00:16:39
You know, it's like, why? Exactly. It's elaborate. And also, it's the kind of thing where, you know, oftentimes people who don't believe in ghosts or those kinds of experiences are like, yeah, it just doesn't really make any sense.
00:16:52
But this one is just like, clearly, I am warning you about something. Right. Like I'm trying to I'm breaking through for this very specific task.
00:17:01
OK, so shout out to my great grandmother's ghost for warning my family of eminent danger and keeping them alive so I could be around today to be a murder.
00:17:10
Now, stay sexy and take your grandma's ghost seriously. Love to you all. Maddie.
00:17:16
She her. Wow. That is spooky Halloween trademark. And that's a spooky Halloween trademark.
00:17:24
Good one, Maddie. Nice one. All right. I have a first responder story. Great. We haven't had one of those in a while.
00:17:31
This is also a famous person story at the same time. Cary Grant. Is that you, Cary Grant?
00:17:40
Cary Grant, are you here to tell us about my house fire? All right. First responder story.
00:17:46
Hello. I tried sending this story in before, but now looking back, even I'm horrified at how long it was.
00:17:52
See it takes a little bit of time to really see with clear eyes like that Yeah So this is a revised edition Here we go I a prosecutor and my husband is a firefighter paramedic
00:18:05
So you can imagine between the two of us, we've got stories. Before moving to Massachusetts, my husband was a firefighter paramedic in Montana.
00:18:12
One night around 1 a.m., they get dispatched for a report of a man walking down a rural road who may or may not have been intoxicated.
00:18:20
They respond and find the man who is walking aimlessly down this road in the middle of nowhere, Montana, and he's holding two bottles of wine.
00:18:29
Sounds like a party. They ask him what he's up to, and he responds that he's going for a walk because it was a beautiful night.
00:18:35
He then informed them that his friend was having a party, and that's where he had come from, but now he didn't know how to get back to the house.
00:18:42
Now, my husband and his partner were obviously familiar with the area, and they happened to know that Jeff Amitt, the bass player for Pearl Jam.
00:18:50
Yeah. Had a house nearby. So they have a fairly good idea of where this gentleman was trying to get to.
00:18:57
They offered him a ride, which he gladly accepts. The man climbs into the cab of the fire truck and they begin driving to Jeff Amitt's house.
00:19:04
Is that right, Amitt? I think so. That was a little over two miles away. Once inside the cab, my husband's partner is talking to the man and eventually asks,
00:19:14
hey, is your name Eddie? The man responds that it is, which then prompts the question, are you Eddie Vedder?
00:19:22
Yeah. And you guessed it. The lead singer of Pearl Jam was now hitchhiking a ride with a local Montana fire company back
00:19:29
to Jeff Ammon's house. They dropped him off. He thanked them and then carried on with his night.
00:19:34
My husband and his partner were familiar with Jeff Ammon's house because he used to hold
00:19:38
Sunday skate sessions for local skateboarders. He had a whole skate park on his property.
00:19:44
And sometimes people would get hurt. So the local first responders got to visit.
00:19:49
But they never had an opportunity to offer a rock legend a ride before. First time for everything. I hope you enjoyed this story. And I know everyone thanks you for
00:19:57
talking about mental health. So I'm not going to repeat it. But I have one very important detail
00:20:02
to add. I started listening to MFM because my therapist recommended it to me. she also loves your podcast and knew that while i was going through some really dark shit you guys
00:20:13
could make me laugh so it's official your therapist recommended hey yeah who needs an award
00:20:19
trademark trademark stay sexy listen to your therapist when she tells you to listen to mfm
00:20:25
and watch out for men wandering rural montana roads they just might be a grunge rock star
00:20:30
love a yes any better that's the coolest i mean here's the thing that guy i've heard lots of
00:20:39
stories about eddie vetter over the years he is a humongous rock star an amazing talent he parties
00:20:46
and he has a good goddamn time yeah like yeah yeah so seems that's what you would do yes or am
00:20:53
i just chill person picturing him on portlandia and he seemed really cool on that no no no everyone
00:20:58
that I know that has met him adores him. And it's like, yeah, when that's what I, I would either,
00:21:05
when I got really drunk, I'd either want to start singing or I'd want to take a walk.
00:21:09
And you're in Montana, which is like so gorgeous. I used to leave parties all the time.
00:21:15
Sometimes if they had a dog, I'd take the dog for a walk. Sometimes I would just wander off
00:21:19
on my own, which isn't safe now that I think about it. I also have a story that I used to
00:21:23
do in my act because one time my dad goes hey when he came it was when i was still in high school
00:21:30
or high school or college and he came home from the firehouse one day and go say i met your friend
00:21:36
last night and i was like who and he goes yeah we were in they apparently they had to resuscitate
00:21:41
slash after a concert in san francisco the fire department got called because he like
00:21:46
od or something bad happened yeah and my dad was like the oh karen knows karen must know this guy
00:21:53
Karen must know Slash from Guns N' Roses. Because it was just like somebody that partied that was just like, you know, oh, I met your friend.
00:22:01
I met your friend Slash. Yeah. Amazing. Right? This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
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Go. Okay. Get it, girl. I'm not going to read you the subject line. Hi, Karen and Georgia and all associated pets and people.
00:25:18
You asked for a story like this. So here it goes. My grandmother was born in 1932 in Jersey City to Italian immigrants, and she and my grandfather, born in Brooklyn, also to Italian immigrants, both had hilarious stories of growing up straddling the line between being authentically American and Italian at the same time.
00:25:37
My grandfather passed away years ago, but this is a story that my grandmother still tells to this day.
00:25:43
My grandma, Rachel, and her cousin, Rose. God, no one's named Rose anymore. That's so, like, first generation.
00:25:50
classic yeah yep and her cousin rose were inseparable growing up they always did things
00:25:56
together they went to the new york world's fair of 1939 even good god anyway my great-grandmother
00:26:03
rachel's mom decided to send the girls on a special mission at the tender age of nine they
00:26:09
were to go to the home of a family friend and pick up a very important and very illegal package
00:26:14
homemade vodka. So basically like Italian moonshine. Homemade vodka. My great grandma could make the most delicious limoncello from this high octane vodka. So of
00:26:28
course, she wanted to send the most innocuous smugglers to get the job done, her child and
00:26:33
niece. In order to hide their illegal activities, the girls were set up with a baby buggy with lots
00:26:38
of blankets inside so they could disguise the alcohol as a baby. Oh, just amazing.
00:26:46
They were to go straight to the moonshine lady's house and not to talk to people along the way
00:26:51
so they don't arouse suspicion. But of course, act natural too. So hustle, but be natural.
00:26:57
Off the girls went. And once they arrived, the lady wrapped several giant jugs of vodka in the blankets, swaddling
00:27:04
them, if you will, and weighing the buggy down more than any infant possibly could.
00:27:09
They were told that no matter what, do not let anyone see the baby inside the buggy.
00:27:15
Yeah, no shit. It took both girls all their combined strength to get the buggy up the block and through
00:27:23
the neighborhood because it was so weighed down with vodka They would stop and rest for a minute when they could all the while trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone And if someone did start to show interest in them
00:27:35
and their cute little baby, they would simply say, no, no, this baby is very ugly.
00:27:44
And keep on hustling up the street. Just what I said, it was a doll. This baby's ugly.
00:27:51
Don't bother. This baby's too ugly to look at. And I bet back then, old time, they're like, yeah, probably some ugly babies in the old time.
00:27:57
They're like, I don't want to see an ugly baby. Thanks for the warning. They made it back home sweaty and tired, but safely delivered the precious cargo to my great grandmother.
00:28:08
She was very proud. Needless to say, no one went to jail. Not for that anyway. And my grandmother still makes her mother's recipe of limoncello from legally purchased vodka this time.
00:28:19
And it's amazing. And I really need to learn it. I love you all and appreciate what you do.
00:28:24
Stay strong. Stay sexy. And maybe don't let your children transport your illegal alcohol for you.
00:28:29
XOXO, Sarah. Sarah, you need to learn how to make it and send us some because I want to try that.
00:28:36
That's the shit. Yeah, that sounds amazing. Yeah, I bet it. I bet it really is. Okay, I'm not going to redo the hilarious name of this.
00:28:46
Wait. Okay. Yeah. You'll read it at the end. You'll get it. It's quick. Hi, human friends. Hi, furry friends. I've been meaning to write in about this for a while.
00:28:56
When my sister Allie was in college, she watched a boy named Thomas from birth to around five years
00:29:01
old. My sister and I are a lot alike in the sense that we always lose our car keys or lock our keys
00:29:06
in our car. I wish at age 30 I could say I've grown out of it, but no. On one of the instances
00:29:13
my sister lost her keys, she had to borrow her roommate's car to get to her babysitting gig.
00:29:18
Thomas was two years old at the time, and his parents were so excited to have a night out in Bloomington, Indiana.
00:29:25
Little did they know they'd have to go through some drama first. When she got there, and shortly before they left, Allie was making faces, you know, happy, silly faces you make with children.
00:29:36
What if it was just a scary monster face? Just like silent scream faces. You know.
00:29:42
At Thomas, while his parents were holding him. then she took her roommate's keys
00:29:47
and took what she thought was a laser light and pressed the button on said laser light near Thomas's
00:29:53
face no no no no it was not a laser light and then it says why would you shine a laser
00:29:59
light near two year old is beyond me but nonetheless all caps it was Mace oh yes my sister
00:30:10
Mace a two year old boy she babysat oh my god it took everyone a second to react including thomas but once he did it was pure
00:30:20
chaos and then it says don't worry he's fine uh he screamed bloody murder and then i shit you not
00:30:26
he started throwing up yeah yeah they put him in a bath i guess that helps question mark and then
00:30:32
his parents were on their way to their date what really yeah the parents were there for
00:30:38
Yeah, yeah, they were holding the baby and she was making faces at it. Oh, let me put a laser light in your little face.
00:30:49
Holy shit. And it says, if I had a two-year-old and didn't get out much, you bet your ass I'd probably
00:30:55
do the same thing Your parents weren upset with my sister or anything but I sure they were thinking why the fuck would you press a button near a child face if you aren certain what the button is for Yeah My sister said it was one of the top five worst moments of her life Yeah I bet
00:31:11
You would never stop like getting like a hit of that and cringing. You just would never stop.
00:31:17
You may be a baby. You may stay sexy and maybe don't mace the child you're babysitting.
00:31:23
Hannah. Fuck. Like you knew it was coming the whole time and then it just came. Yeah.
00:31:30
And then there it was. And also, you know, I think we've talked about this before because I have several cousins who are
00:31:38
San Francisco policemen and they have to get maced. Right. When they first start training. Right. Cause it's like, you can't,
00:31:46
you have to know the weapon and the intensity of the weapon you're about to use on people and so i was asking one of my cousins about it and he was just like it's the worst thing
00:31:55
that's ever happened to me yeah so and he was you know 27 when it happened so it's like a baby two
00:32:01
years old yeah that's the other thing that's so so fucked up about you know when we watched like all
00:32:08
the um all the marches and all the protests over the like last summer and then that it was like
00:32:15
there were cops that would just go out and just spray it like it was fucking hairspray it was
00:32:19
horrifying so fucked up totally um is that it now we just have to sit with anyway yeah i think it's
00:32:33
but the intensity of that scenario clearly if the parents were like all right we're going to dinner
00:32:38
let us know if you if anything bad happened yeah it's obviously not it wasn't world and i think
00:32:44
when you're a parent too you're like yeah that happened like you're you're more used to bad
00:32:48
shit happening because children constantly try to kill themselves and that's like your job in
00:32:52
the beginning is to like make sure they don't kill themselves yeah you don't like i uh it makes me
00:32:57
panic because i don't have kids but those those parents are like oh we've seen way worse than
00:33:01
unfazed yeah yes tell us that's like the the time that me and our my next door neighbor uh stuck a
00:33:07
pole into a hornet's nest and then got covered in bee stings i never told you that story
00:33:13
no it's whatever sorry wasps or hornets whatever ones they're ones that build their nests underground
00:33:20
so we found it in the backyard because it was just like a big open field like holy shit what's this
00:33:25
and we tried to put a bucket over it but then the bucket turned black it was like a white bucket and
00:33:30
the bucket turned black because the bees were trying to come up out and so we're like oh we
00:33:34
got to knock that bucket off because we are now we made them angry and so we took this really really
00:33:39
long pole and we're trying to knock the bucket off and instead it knocked the bucket off then
00:33:43
the pole went straight into the nest and then we stood there and literally watched i can't believe
00:33:49
i've told you this story i've definitely told it on podcasts before we watched a swarm of bees come
00:33:55
straight up out of the ground and just like a cartoon pause look in like a cloud and then come
00:34:02
straight at us. Did it hurt so bad? Oh my God. It was insane. I was covered from head to toe and I
00:34:10
was wearing overalls, of course, because I was like 10. And so I had bees in my clothes, in my
00:34:16
hair. And then I run up to the back door. We lived five miles out of town. We didn't lock our front
00:34:21
door The back door was locked somehow So I was still in the swarm of bees banging on the back door waiting for someone to open the door And my mom walked up with one of those like a cordless curling irons going what are you doing And like
00:34:36
yelling at me. And then I just run in and like 20 bees come into the house with me. It was insane.
00:34:42
That's terrifying. And then they went out to dinner. Yeah, they all decided to go out with my parents. My mom put a full like baking soda kind of
00:34:53
cultist thing on every limb and i just laid on the couch and then they were like all right call
00:34:57
us if anything happens and went to my aunt jane and uncle steve's for dinner hey do you have a
00:35:02
story that's like that right hey at my favorite murder at gmail my brother got covered in a red
00:35:08
ounce one same kind of scenario yeah and same thing then your mom was like peace i gotta go
00:35:13
to the pta meeting no my mom didn't go to the fucking pta meeting she went to the crazy horse
00:35:19
or whatever fucking line dancing thing was in Orange County. She got to go line.
00:35:24
Tonight's my line dancing night. That's right, Asher. Sorry about that. Sorry, buddy.
00:35:29
Write us at MyFavoriteMurder at Gmail. I already said that. If you want another hometown,
00:35:34
we do one more on the fan cults at MyFavoriteMurder.com. Thank you guys so much.
00:35:39
Exclusive content. Exclusive. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Goodbye.
00:35:44
Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production. Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.
00:35:53
Associate producer, Alejandra Keck. Engineer and mixer, Stephen. Ray Morris. Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray.
00:36:01
Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:36:06
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at myfavoritemurder and Twitter at myfavemurder.
00:36:11
And for more information about this podcast, our live shows, merch, or to join the fan cult, go to MyFavoriteMurder.com.
00:36:19
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