Search Captions & Ask AI

MFM Minisode 253

November 15, 2021 /

This episode of My Favorite Murder features stories about unsettling experiences, including a creepy handyman, a sloth in a barn, and a bizarre car incident.

Listeners hear a story from a woman who attended Stevens College in Columbia, Missouri, where a handyman used spare keys to watch female students sleep. The hosts discuss the implications of such behavior and the unsettling nature of voyeurism.

Another story recounts a college student who discovered muddy footprints in her kitchen after a car was stolen and set on fire in her apartment building's garage. The hosts reflect on the strange circumstances that allowed her to sleep through the chaos.

A babysitting story reveals a girl who encountered a sloth named Mo while watching children for a bat-enthusiast family. The hosts comment on the oddity of having a sloth as a pet and the family's dedication to bat conservation.

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in humorous banter and share their thoughts on the stories, emphasizing the importance of safety and awareness in unusual situations.

TLDR

Creepy stories include a voyeur handyman, a sloth encounter, and a bizarre car incident.

Episode

27:36
00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When a charming neurosurgeon rode into Frontier Town
00:00:39
selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
00:00:45
and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
00:00:58
or binge the entire series right now only with Audible. Goodbye. Cheap Caribbean Summer Savings Event is here.
00:01:06
Right now, get $100 instant savings on vacation packages to Cancun, Jamaica, and the Dominican Republic.
00:01:12
Whether you're chasing poolside drinks, white sand beaches, or endless all-inclusive fun,
00:01:16
Cheap Caribbean helps you get more beach for less money. Book your summer vacay today at cheapcaribbean.com.
00:01:22
Goodbye. My favorite murder Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the minisode.
00:01:47
Minisode. This is being videoed, this minisode. That's why there's such a strange self-consciousness to the introduction.
00:01:56
That's us. that's us we know our eyebrows are on video it's a big deal think i think about it a lot yeah i
00:02:03
think we have a great eyebrow podcast like collective eyebrow podcast you know what's funny
00:02:08
i um because sometimes i overdo it with my eyebrows i'm always you know stuck in the like
00:02:14
90s 80s of the huge brow and i often look at your eyebrows and go i need to do my eyebrows more like
00:02:21
that because yours always look they look really natural and really well shaped so do yours though
00:02:28
oh my god we found common ground once again you want to go first you want me to go first stone cold sober i'll go first on this one
00:02:40
speak for yourself okay here's a great intro hi murderino collective oh love it love it yeah
00:02:48
heard y'all were in need of some hometowns so i thought i'd send this in generous this story
00:02:55
actually happened when i was attending a small women's college and then it says stevens college
00:02:59
in parentheses stevens college in columbia missouri do you remember when we were doing
00:03:06
st louis show and i called it missouri and then the audience booed me yes yeah that was not very
00:03:12
generous that was well i just wonder i guess i should stop doing that but i wonder what the
00:03:17
implication is I just think it's I'm just doing a southern accent but yeah I've heard it called
00:03:22
that before all right let us know guys let us know why I'm just offended you okay we love to
00:03:28
dig deep into the things like that yeah this story takes place in an apartment building that opened
00:03:32
my senior year of college even though the apartment building was nice and brand new
00:03:37
there were some weird things uh that were going on once I moved in and then in parentheses including
00:03:43
an underground drug ring that was being run out of one of the rooms. Oh, cool. However, my tale revolves around the handyman who worked all around the building.
00:03:52
He was just one of those guys who was always around, and he seemed fairly harmless.
00:03:55
But there was just something a little off about him. Since he was the handyman, he had the keys to all the girls' rooms in the dorm.
00:04:02
And there were some times when he would need to fix things in our rooms while we were off
00:04:07
campus or in class, and he'd need access. However, it turns out that the guy was using those spare keys to break in at night and watch girls sleep.
00:04:17
Of course he was. My best friend swears that she felt him come into her room a couple times while she was sleeping.
00:04:24
I honestly can't remember if he did anything more than just watch girls sleep. But that in and of itself is still pretty fucking unsettling.
00:04:31
Sure is. Eventually, he was caught and got fired and probably arrested. I tried to search for more info on this story in order to find out exactly what happened to this guy.
00:04:40
But alas, it happened over 10 years ago and there weren't any news stories that I could find.
00:04:45
Anyways, I hope this wasn't too long. It wasn't. Thank you for all the good you do and the light that you bring into this world.
00:04:51
Stay sexy and always buy a deadbolt, I guess. Yeah. Lauren. That's so creepy. It really is.
00:05:00
What is your what is the what are you getting out of watching? Is it just like a power trip if you're not doing anything but watching?
00:05:06
I mean, that's clearly going to escalate. That's how it does feel like it's in the peeping Tom category of it doesn't just that.
00:05:14
That's not just like, oh, this is a funny thing I used to do. And then I got into other stuff.
00:05:19
It's like it usually is the beginnings of that. Also, the transgression of a person who doesn't know you're there.
00:05:27
Oh, yeah. You really kind of can't spin that in a positive way. Absolutely. not but i'll try i think he was a christian he was praying over them great job you're very you
00:05:39
the topic of this episode is generosity it's generosity you've got it in spades what's that
00:05:46
mug say oh it says 12 foot skeleton fan club brandy posey of the podcast lady to lady gave
00:05:52
this to me for my birthday this past year gorgeous it a classic it on video for the fan call okay for the fan cult you can buy it somewhere else All right I not going to tell you Well who cares Waking up to muddy footprints
00:06:06
and a locked door. Who cares? You can't. It's not a spoiler. Okay. All right. Okay. Years ago,
00:06:12
I woke up one morning to find a jumbled mess of large, dirty footprints on my kitchen floor.
00:06:19
This was weird because I lived alone. And since I was young and had knees that still loved me,
00:06:24
I scrubbed my kitchen floor every week in there. Wow. Also, the kitchen was where my front door was located.
00:06:31
And weirdest of all, my front door was locked. Not just locked when I went to bed at night, but still locked when I found the footprints.
00:06:38
So as any reasonable human would do, I hid in my closet and then called my landlord to
00:06:43
leave a casual message asking if he'd come in to do some very normal early morning maintenance.
00:06:49
He called me back a minute later and just said in the most bewildered voice, Are you kidding me?
00:06:54
The night before, some dick weasel had stolen a car, ditched it in our underground parking garage beneath a clearly residential building and lit it on fire.
00:07:04
I lived on the third floor on the opposite side of the building, which is pretty lucky for me since here's like two sentences in all caps.
00:07:12
I'd fully slept through a firefighter opening my door, coming inside, calling for me to evacuate and then assuming the apartment was empty and leaving.
00:07:21
Oh, my God. they had thoughtfully relocked my door so no one would steal my shit which is nice
00:07:31
yeah everyone else had to evacuate and go hang out in a local church for a few hours well i just
00:07:37
slept blissfully unaware no one was hurt though several apartments had smoke damage and parts of
00:07:44
a few people's cars had melted what an ass like that is such a good point that like you lit it on
00:07:48
fire in like at night in a residential building where you just know people are sleeping.
00:07:53
You could have, you know, killed 40 to 80 people, depending on the size of that building.
00:07:59
How the hell did you sleep through that? You may ask, because I was about as far from the fire as I could get.
00:08:04
Smoke never reached my apartment, so my alarms didn't go off. Also, I slept with my bedroom door closed and multiple white noise sources that were
00:08:11
apparently very effective. Stay sexy and get some sleep. Brenda. I feel like the firefighter could have come in and seen if any bedroom doors were closed.
00:08:21
Like, that's just one extra little step. But, you know. Well, but it is pretty over the top to have the entire place on fire.
00:08:30
And then and no one is. And a loud person like yelling. Yeah. And well, but also, I don't know.
00:08:37
How was that front door still locked? He came in a different way. Maybe. Oh, I bet they had the landlord's keys.
00:08:44
and so we locked it. Oh, okay. Right. That's hilarious. I know. Okay. Well, hi. Well, hi.
00:08:54
That cat. Well, hi. Well, hi. Look up the well, hi, cat, everyone. Love y'all. Love your show.
00:09:00
Adore your pets. All the warm feelings. I grew up in a tiny cabin of a house in Ojai, California.
00:09:07
My father inherited this home from his grandparents and promptly moved his family of six into a one-bedroom home.
00:09:13
Oh. He was a middle school teacher and my mom stayed home with her four daughters.
00:09:18
So despite the town's bougie reputation, we were quite poor. In 2004, I turned 16 and I badly wanted a car.
00:09:25
So I started applying for jobs. I landed a job at the local coffee shop named Stir Crazy due to my being an independent study and having a fully open schedule.
00:09:35
The shop opened at 6 a.m., meaning the opener needed to be there at 530 a.m. So it was a highly undesirable shift.
00:09:42
With my open schedule, it became the main shift that I worked with no car and no public transportation running so early.
00:09:50
And then it says in parentheses, a.k.a. the trolley. Look it up. It's cute. I had to start walking from my house at five in the morning to get to work on time.
00:09:58
Looking back, this seems pretty unsafe, as does scheduling a teenager to work entirely by themselves for the first two to three hours of their shift.
00:10:06
Is this legal? It feels like it should be illegal. The coffee shop had a large interior layout and a huge, awesome back patio.
00:10:15
Because of this, there were regulars who would come around opening and sit at the shop for hours on end, enjoying the space and the Wi-Fi.
00:10:21
We had a self-serve coffee station, so they would pay for their initial cup and then help themselves to all the free refills of drip coffee that they wanted to enjoy.
00:10:30
One such regular was a man who never spoke a word to me. He would usually have the exact change for drip coffee, set it on the counter in front of me, muster a sheepish half smile, and drop some change in the tip jar.
00:10:42
If he didn't have exact change, he would grab the cup size of drip coffee he wanted, wave it in the air, and then hand me cash to change out for him.
00:10:50
Most regulars tended to be semi-friendly, introduce themselves, and chit-chat with me, so his behavior felt odd and it made me uneasy.
00:10:58
Also, he never interacted with the other regulars in the shop, and he would sit quietly in a corner somewhere.
00:11:03
There was something about his eyes that gave me the creeps. They were intense, bright blue, and I felt like they were digging into my thoughts.
00:11:10
I dreaded interactions with him and would usually freeze up whenever I saw him walking up to the shop and would be in stunned silence until he left the counter.
00:11:18
My mom volunteered with the Shakespeare Festival every year, and one day she casually mentioned that her acquaintance, Ted, from the festival, mentioned that he was a regular of the shop I worked.
00:11:27
I told her the name doesn't ring a bell. She half snorted and asked me if I really didn't recognize Buffalo Bill.
00:11:35
It all clicked. Ted Levine, the actor who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, was a regular at my coffee shop.
00:11:43
He was in the show Monk at the time, so he had short hair and a full mustache, and he looked very different from the only thing I'd seen him in that I would recognize him from.
00:11:52
Those eyes that gave me the creeps at work were the same eyes that had traumatized me from a much too early age watching the Silence of the Lambs My mom mentioned that he is shy and he does not like attention or being recognized
00:12:06
Him not speaking to me then made sense since he has such a unique voice. Despite his different appearance, I am sure his voice was a dead giveaway for who he was.
00:12:17
This is blowing my mind. It's the best. So from then on, I somewhat stopped being creeped out by him and would smile when he entered instead of freezing up.
00:12:28
Those eyes never stopped feeling eerie, though. So if you're a small business owner and can only afford to have one employee on shift, maybe don't schedule teenagers to work early morning or late night shifts entirely by themselves.
00:12:41
They may encounter people who make them feel unsafe, either for legitimate reasons or because of an amazing performance in a fantastic movie.
00:12:49
ssdgm and happy spook season cassie wow holy shit isn't that also what i thought was really
00:13:00
funny is my mom used to really like monk so it was one of the few tv shows that she would actually
00:13:04
watch and we watched it and like it took me two years to figure out that that's how i knew ted
00:13:11
levine because he was the like the captain or detective or whatever on the show and i was just
00:13:17
like this guy i know this guy and it when i finally looked it up i was like holy shit because
00:13:22
he looks you know it's like yeah he was a young like in his 20s and then he was a grown man yeah
00:13:28
he's worked consistently since silence of the lambs but he looks completely different it's the
00:13:33
same thing for me with uh mr i don't want to hurt your dog like when i see her i totally forget it's
00:13:39
her what's her name i don't you should know this you wouldn't hold on that's a tough one but hold
00:13:45
on she's in great anatomy right yeah rook smith god damn it rook smith played katherine martin
00:13:52
uh all right sorry what's happy spoop season mean spook season spoop do you think it was
00:14:00
a misspelling i think so because i don't know what the fuck a spoop is cassie if you if that's an inside joke of something that we don't
00:14:08
remember please tell us but spooky halloween it's gotta be spook spoop what's poop what's a spoop i wish i knew i wish i knew well expect t-shirts of it next year
00:14:21
all right shit that happens at fancy outdoor malls story hello loves of my life i said i sent this in before as a random topic but now that you've specifically asked for this
00:14:34
genre of story i figured i'd send it again no this didn't happen at a quote fancy outdoor mall
00:14:40
but it was one of America's first strip malls and it had a Starbucks so I'm counting
00:14:45
it. Okay. Counts. When I was 16 I worked as the fitting room girl at Marshall's in my hometown.
00:14:51
Nightmare. Nightmare. Any of those my friend, my cousin Carol used to work at I think Ross Dress
00:14:58
for Less at the fitting rooms. She had stories of like the most insane shit happening.
00:15:05
Really? Yes. Is this true? Send it in. I want to hear this shit. Yeah, I was a shy and polite teen. So when the strip malls, much older security man came up to me one evening to tell me my underage tits look great and we're sure to increase sales. I was horrified, but not going to say anything about it to anyone.
00:15:26
Hold on. What's your comeback to that right now? If that was you, you go fuck yourself.
00:15:31
why no i'm just i think that's the kind of thing where when someone does that to you it's like it
00:15:38
almost just like shots you into you just stand there so it's good to have a couple um comebacks
00:15:45
just waiting like hold it right there i'm going to call the police on you right another good one
00:15:50
in reality if i were hurt and as a teen i would have well it's like that's what i did there was i
00:15:55
worked at i worked at a little like um market like local market my first job in the bakery
00:16:00
and the butcher shop is across the way from me and it was like these older dudes and they were
00:16:04
like come in our office real quick and i go in and there's just like plastered all over the walls
00:16:09
like porn oh and i was just like and like walked out i know like that's what i know 90s you know
00:16:18
what but also what what i was 15 i was 15 so what is the what are you trying to do sir first of all
00:16:30
why do you need porn on the walls like yeah what what's wrong also the what's actionable now
00:16:36
and they thought it was funny they laughed at my shock but i mean after knowing that like i would
00:16:43
never want to go to that meat department again like you couldn't wash your hands enough
00:16:50
like what porn porn at the grocery store is yeah but no one knew it was like in the private they
00:16:57
fucking oh you mean like it was there it was in the private like meat butcher shop office but i
00:17:03
mean they knew it's like so you both are into this that's the weirdest thing in the world now that one
00:17:07
guy didn't go hey that's crazy dude what's wrong i don't want to look at porn with you guys this is
00:17:13
creepy if you're a grown man and you feel the need to put porn on the wall yeah some you're crying for
00:17:20
help yeah or to be fired okay anyways i was horrified i'm not going to say anything about it
00:17:27
That was until Heather, the marshal's security guard, came to my rescue. Heather was maybe five feet tall and 100 pounds, curly blonde hair and an absolute badass.
00:17:37
She sprinted into the fitting room and said, I saw your face after that guy talked to you.
00:17:41
What did he say? I told her and with her help, wrote up a complaint to the mall's management and got him fired.
00:17:48
So I never had to deal with his disturbing, quote, compliments again. A year or so later I had been promoted from fitting room girl to customer service girl when Heather chased a shoplifter out into the parking lot to confront him and call the cops Remember we talked about chasing shoplifters Yes that right
00:18:05
Much to my horror, I watched from the front window as this tall, heavyset man punched her right in the head and she hit the ground.
00:18:12
She was OK, but stopped working security at our store shortly after. And as far as I know, they never found the guy.
00:18:19
I still can't believe that absolute twat punched a little lady over some last season Tommy Hilfiger.
00:18:24
what a douche canoe heather was a tiny fearsome totally badass lady and i will never forget how
00:18:30
she went after that creepy old man for me and how she chased guys twice her size because she wasn't
00:18:35
scared of shit anyway heather if you happen to be a murderino you left a lasting impression on me
00:18:40
and you are the reason that when creepy men asked me to smile i'd show them all of my teeth like an
00:18:45
angry dog ssdgm k okay i love it just like a compliment to this badass woman who like
00:18:54
changed her a little yeah that's very cool although yeah don't i now understand what you mean by
00:19:03
meant by don't there's no reason to chase a shoplifter and then take that right physical
00:19:09
assault for on behalf of the right major corporation that you work for that's insane
00:19:15
and what they stole costs nothing to them yes and if you're five feet tall and you're a security
00:19:21
guard you should have some kind of a weapon on you like yeah that's not safe unless you dick or
00:19:27
something yeah something uh hardcore i will never forget i have a similar story when i was 14 and
00:19:34
like hanging out with the wrong crowd like punk rockers and there was this one older girl who was
00:19:39
punk with tattoos and shit. And we were all sitting in the room probably doing drugs and
00:19:43
her boyfriend like a Mohawk, hardcore leather wearing like Mohawk dude said something, you
00:19:49
know, sexist to her and she fucking socked him in the face so hard. And I was like, and
00:19:56
I was such a timid little girl, you know. And then years later, I looked her up and
00:20:00
she's like a fucking MMA fighter now. Oh, yeah. I wrote her and I was like, I just want you to know you like she's like, I don't even
00:20:07
remember that. I was like, you changed my fucking like idea of like what kind of a woman I can be.
00:20:13
It was pretty rad. Wow. Nice. Yeah. And then you all hit that bong together. That's right.
00:20:20
If you spend all day waiting to take your bra off, it might be time for third love.
00:20:25
If you're looking for breathable, lightweight comfort this summer, you're gonna love third love.
00:20:29
Third love is built around getting the fit right instead of expecting you to put up with something
00:20:32
that doesn't work. And Third Love offers a full range of sizes from AA to H, including their
00:20:38
exclusive half cup sizes. So you can find a fit that feels just right instead of close enough.
00:20:43
Stop settling for bad bras. Whether you're looking for more lift, back smoothing, or straps that stay
00:20:48
put, Third Love can find your fit fast. Their virtual fitting room gets you in the right size
00:20:53
and matches you with the best styles for your shape. If you've ever been fitted for the right
00:20:57
size bra, you are in for a treat. It actually changes the whole game with bras. I thought I was
00:21:02
like a something, something A cup. I'm a something, something B cup. And it's just changed my bra
00:21:08
game. I thought I just hated bras, but I was wearing the wrong size. And with Third Love,
00:21:12
like they're so comfortable that it doesn't even feel like I'm wearing a bra. Use code MFM15 for $15 off your first purchase at thirdlove.com.
00:21:20
Goodbye. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:21:28
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:21:39
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:21:44
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:21:52
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:22:00
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:22:06
Pandora jewelry brings the sparkle to summer, now with even better prices. Shop now for up to 50% off select jewelry featuring personalized pieces to must-have summer favorites.
00:22:16
Timeless jewelry made to move with you through every moment. Shop in-store or online now through July 5th.
00:22:21
Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Here's my last one. I'm not going to read you the subject line. This is how it starts.
00:22:33
Hello. And then it says in parentheses, in the Mrs. Doubtfire voice. Yay. Yay. Long time listener, first time writer. Here it goes.
00:22:45
I was probably around eight or nine and I was in the passenger seat of my mom's 90 something Chevy Tahoe.
00:22:51
We were running errands and needed to return some books to the library. I was thrilled to have the task of returning them through the drop-off box from the car window.
00:23:00
So fun. I was one of the smallest in my class, so for me to reach the drop box, I had to basically hang my entire body out of the window.
00:23:09
While I was being super cool and dropping the books in the return, the window started rolling up.
00:23:15
I yelled, Mom, stop, I'm not done. But as I yelled, I could see terror and a bit of panic in my mother's eyes.
00:23:21
She started frantically hitting all the buttons on her driver's door while the window continued to roll up.
00:23:26
I'm yelling frantically, Mom, Mom, stop. The window does not stop rolling up. And I'm questioning in my head, what did I do to deserve this?
00:23:34
Is my mom trying to kill me? While my little body starts to feel the window begin to squish me, my mom is still going at it to every button in sight.
00:23:44
And I'm still screaming, stop, stop, stop. My mom turns the car off completely. Yes.
00:23:50
Yes. Thinking quick thinking. We both take a moment and just stare at each other, letting the trauma sink in.
00:23:57
Oh, my God. But then my mother notices my knee exactly on the window button. It was me.
00:24:05
I was rolling out the window on myself as I was leaning out. Oh, my God. Stay sexy and window locks save lives.
00:24:16
Alicia. Alicia. I immediately thought of like Cookie leaning her head out the window in the back, you know, and she's like buckled in.
00:24:24
But like, oh, my God, I didn't even think about it. She could totally step on the fucking.
00:24:28
oh frank's done that oh that's right frank has the ability he it's crazy and he's been like this
00:24:34
since i got him he can like if you're watching an amazing movie that's exactly when frank will
00:24:40
step on the remote and change the channel like he has this sense of perfect interference and
00:24:46
one of the first times he rode in my car and this is when i had that honda fit yeah um we were going
00:24:52
to the dog park and he had the front seat and he i'd rolled the windows down for both dogs and he
00:24:57
got up he got up put his head out the window stepped on the window thing oh no this is what
00:25:04
he did he it was the opposite of what happened to alicia he got up stepped on the window and
00:25:11
the window went down so i didn't have it down all the way he had his like feet resting on the
00:25:17
half closed window he stepped on it it rolled down more and he started falling out the window
00:25:22
and i had to catch him by the tail and yank him back in as the car was going like 30 miles an
00:25:28
hour down the street oh my god that's terrifying it was so hilariously like it was like a rube
00:25:36
goldberg contraption of how did you just do that and like and it happened super fast so i just had
00:25:43
to like good for your instincts you fucking their dogs and kids try to kill themselves constantly
00:25:49
your job to not let them insanity this is my last one okay it's called vince's hometown
00:25:55
adventures in babysitting and it's a little long but it's not that bad hi well it says
00:26:00
i was in college and a seasoned babysitter so word of my kid watching skills landed me a summer job for a family that lived in the forest in Milford Michigan which is where this is from Before my first day I met the new family at their home to see if I would be a good
00:26:16
fit. As I knocked on the door, I saw an odd bat shaped lawn decoration placed in the grass.
00:26:21
And when the dad answered the door, I immediately noticed the shirt he was wearing had a picture
00:26:26
of a furry brown bat on it. I was then greeted by a three year old. let's call her Maggie and a smiley mom holding a baby.
00:26:33
Adorable family, even though the mom was also wearing a shirt with bats on it. So I'm getting the house tour and notice framed photos of someone's hand holding real bats.
00:26:42
And in the playroom were normal toys in addition to stuffed animals, blocks, etc.
00:26:48
That you guessed it, bats. We were finishing the tour upstairs in the spare bedroom where the dad pointed to a door
00:26:55
in the back of the room and wanted me to, quote, never open that door. I smiled, said OK, and was hired for the summer.
00:27:04
My first morning on the job, the mom said, Maggie, you should take Miss Sarah to the barn to see Mo today.
00:27:10
And since she didn't elaborate, I didn't ask questions because I have Midwest manners.
00:27:15
After breakfast, Maggie begged to see Mo. Trying to get intel from a three-year-old was unsuccessful.
00:27:21
So it's still a mystery when later that day I took the kids down the path deeper into the forest.
00:27:26
We came to a small clearing where the barn stood. And as I rolled open the door, Maggie bolted inside and disappeared into the very dark barn.
00:27:35
Struggling to get my eyes to adjust, I walked slowly towards where her little footsteps stopped.
00:27:40
Then suddenly I saw a pair of beady eyes watching me and the longest curled fingernails I have ever seen.
00:27:49
I froze, panicked, then realized the face staring at me, all caps, was a fucking sloth.
00:27:56
That's right. That's right. Not a bat, not a murderer, a goddamn two-toed sloth.
00:28:04
I spent the summer not asking questions, but I did discover why one should, quote, never
00:28:09
open that door in the spare bedroom The little girl eventually told me because it the addict and the bats will like your hair As it turned out Mo short for molasses because he
00:28:20
so slow, was a rescue sloth. But I only discovered this the following summer with
00:28:26
a new family of kids in tow when I took them to an exotic creatures exhibit and my
00:28:30
old pal Mo was there and then it says I know him! I know him! How cool is that? I know that dude!
00:28:38
I know him! Hey buddy! It was there that I learned that the bat people are world renowned bat conservationists.
00:28:46
They founded the Organization for Bat Conservation and have traveled the planet to educate wildlife conservationists about bats and endangerment.
00:28:55
It doesn't mean you need bats in your fucking house, though. Like, it doesn't mean you need to wear your own merch.
00:29:00
You know how I feel about that is like in your house, casually, constantly. Hey, we have a guest coming over.
00:29:06
Let's show them what we're all about. Put your shirt on. They have even made appearances on popular late night talk shows.
00:29:14
Sweet Moe is eventually rehomed and is now living his best life at the Detroit Zoo,
00:29:19
where unsuspecting babysitters won't find him in dark places. I'm so proud of you both.
00:29:25
Stay sexy and stay out of the attic, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. That was alarming, yet heartwarming and funny and fun.
00:29:37
And bats. It would like if you were in a dark barn, because slots are kind of big.
00:29:44
Yeah. So it would I would assume it was a dude with a bad haircut or like an extra child that they forgot to bring into the house.
00:29:52
The child that only that only sleeps in the barn. Yeah. Well, thanks for listening.
00:29:57
You guys send us any fucking story you feel like at my favorite. Gmail. These. Sorry.
00:30:02
These emails are just getting better by the moment. thank you all for trying pulling out these wonderful stories of child endangerment and
00:30:12
sloths and bats we love it if you think you can do better send in your story if you think you
00:30:17
already did better resend your story because there a lot of stories in there that we have to go through And if you don think anything at all then stay sexy And don get murdered Goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie
00:30:30
This has been an Exactly Right production. Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.
00:30:36
Associate producer, Alejandra Keck. Engineer and mixer, Stephen! Ray Morris. Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray.
00:30:44
Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:30:49
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:30:55
And for more information about this podcast, our live shows, merch, or to join the fan cult, go to myfavoritemurder.com.
00:31:01
Rate, review, and subscribe. Cheap Caribbean Summer Savings Event is here. Right now, get $100 instant savings on vacation packages to Cancun, Jamaica, and the Dominican Republic.
00:31:16
Whether you're chasing poolside drinks, white sand beaches, or endless all-inclusive fun, Cheap Caribbean helps you get more beach for less money.
00:31:23
Book your summer vacay today at CheapCaribbean.com. Goodbye. If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them, you should check out a podcast called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn.
00:31:37
Each episode spotlights standout audiobooks on Audible across all kinds of genres.
00:31:42
Sci-fi, comedy, romance, thrillers, and more. With Cal talking to guests who help break down what makes each story worth listening to.
00:31:49
It's a fun, easy way to discover your next great audiobook. Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:31:57
Goodbye! This may surprise you, but clothes that feel good and look good don't have to be mutually exclusive.
00:32:03
Designs that make you feel as good as you look is what Hill House is known for. Hill House Home invented the viral nap dress.
00:32:09
Hill House makes fun, versatile fashion that elevates your look. I now own three nap dresses.
00:32:14
I love them. They're so comfy and cute. Pockets for days. Pockets for days. You know.
00:32:19
Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code MFM15.
00:32:26
That's MFM15 for 15% off at hillhousehome.com. Goodbye.

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

  • 60
    Most shocking

Episode Highlights

  • Dr. Death the Cowboy
    A charming neurosurgeon leaves a trail of broken bodies instead of healing.
    “This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice.”
    @ 00m 51s
    November 15, 2021
  • Creepy Handyman
    A handyman uses spare keys to watch girls sleep, leading to unsettling discoveries.
    “Of course he was.”
    @ 04m 17s
    November 15, 2021
  • Buffalo Bill at the Coffee Shop
    The narrator discovers a regular at her coffee shop is the actor who played Buffalo Bill.
    “This is blowing my mind.”
    @ 12m 17s
    November 15, 2021
  • Childhood Memories of Danger
    A story of a near-miss with a car window while returning library books.
    “I'm questioning in my head, what did I do to deserve this?”
    @ 23m 31s
    November 15, 2021
  • A Sloth in the Barn
    A babysitter discovers a sloth instead of bats in a dark barn.
    “I froze, panicked, then realized the face staring at me was a fucking sloth.”
    @ 27m 49s
    November 15, 2021

Episode Quotes

  • This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice.
    MFM Minisode 253
  • Oh, my God.
    MFM Minisode 253
  • This is blowing my mind.
    MFM Minisode 253
  • That's right.
    MFM Minisode 253
  • Stay sexy and window locks save lives.
    MFM Minisode 253
  • It doesn't mean you need bats in your fucking house, though.
    MFM Minisode 253

Key Moments

  • Greed and Betrayal00:51
  • Creepy Encounter04:17
  • Unexpected Discovery12:17
  • Window Panic23:15
  • Sloth Surprise27:49
  • Bat Conservationists28:46

Tension Over Time

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown