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Hello. And welcome to My Favorite Murder. The Minisode. It's Minnie. We read you your shit.
00:01:55
Here we go. You've sent it in to us. I'm going to start. Okay. Is that all right?
00:02:00
I was hoping. Okay, good. Greetings. It just starts greetings. Hi. When I turned 17, I got my first legit job at a local surf skate shop in San Diego called
00:02:12
San Diego. Oh, man. Going for it. Didn't see the coming. Yeah, that got you. That one got you.
00:02:24
That's so stupid. It's stupid and great. Yeah. It's my love. I love it. It's just easy.
00:02:30
It's right there. There it is. It's brilliant in its ease. Sometimes you got to go with the first thing you think of.
00:02:37
Which is like the embodiment of San Diego. It's just like kind of don't bother. Yeah.
00:02:43
We did it. Easy does it. It's like here's the name moving on. Yeah. Moving on so we can go get drunk later.
00:02:49
Right. The job was commission based and highly competitive, a.k.a. the worst kind of job for someone who is a shy introvert and just wants everyone to be happy and
00:02:57
get along. One afternoon, a woman came into the store, long hair that was unkempt, baggy pants
00:03:05
that looked three times her size, held up by a belt, an oversized sweatshirt and flighty avoidant
00:03:10
eyes. I immediately got a weird vibe and decided to let someone else help her. Despite my being
00:03:18
hundreds of dollars behind the mark that I needed to hit to make commission that month.
00:03:22
Oh, God, you're giving me flashbacks to working on Melrose. There was this model I worked with who was so chatty and good at it.
00:03:32
Yeah. And I was just like, I don't care what you buy. Yeah, buy whatever you want.
00:03:37
Yeah. And were you also working on commission? Yeah. And I hated every moment of it.
00:03:43
Horrible. Same with me, but at the Gap where it wasn't commission. It was just you were going to get like your $6.50.
00:03:49
Right. Either way. And I was always just like, do you need socks? And people would be like, I don't want to, I don't need to buy anything else.
00:03:56
I'd be like, I have to ask you. I'm literally obligated to try to add socks on. Stop making it a fight.
00:04:03
Okay. As the woman was browsing the store, another fellow 17-year-old co-worker of mine, let's call her Julia, asked if she could start the woman a fitting room.
00:04:14
The woman agreed and continued collecting clothing items to try on. When the woman was finally ready to try on the garments, Julia escorted her to the very back corner of the store where the dressing rooms were located next to our employee break room and the emergency exit.
00:04:29
Once they were at the dressing rooms, Julia asked if she could count her items. Reluctantly, the woman handed over her remaining garments and watched my coworker count.
00:04:37
After trying about 25 items, the woman handed over about half the garments, not on hangers, and immediately started to walk away.
00:04:45
My coworker yelled in hesitation, excuse me, ma'am. Without hesitation, the woman turned around, lunged toward my coworker and held a pocket knife to her throat.
00:04:57
Oh, my God. Luckily, I witnessed this encounter and calmly said over our store wide earpiece slash walkie talkie.
00:05:06
And then in parentheses, it says picture pop star Britney Spears, Mike. Oh, yeah.
00:05:10
Like a head mic. Oh, touching your ear. Yeah. We need help back at the dressing rooms.
00:05:15
As I stared at Julia, I lost my sense of time and held my breath. My manager, let's call him Bob, emerged from the staff break room and launched into the most fierce sprint toward this woman with his arms up as if he were attacking a bear.
00:05:30
Oh, my God. The woman released Julia and started running in the other direction back into the store, dot, dot, dot, towards me.
00:05:39
No. I quickly leapt out of the way and moved behind a clothing rack. By the time I moved, Bob had tackled the woman and removed the weapon from her hand.
00:05:50
When the police arrived they were able to retrieve five pairs of pants eight shirts and three jackets off the woman body that were hidden under her oversized clothing She was arrested and Bob was equally reprimanded and congratulated by the police for catching the shoplifter
00:06:06
Bob said, all I could think about was my three-year-old daughter and how Julia was someone's three-year-old daughter.
00:06:11
I didn't think I just reacted. I can't help but be so thankful for the way this story played out.
00:06:19
It taught me to trust my gut, remain calm in stressful situations, and that sometimes acting crazier than a crazy person can end up potentially saving lives.
00:06:29
And then in parentheses, it says, and $700 worth of store merchandise, I guess. Stay sexy and don't work retail, Tara.
00:06:37
Wow. It's like you're a 17-year-old. You get $4 an hour job, and then that happens.
00:06:44
That's terrifying. It's horrifying. But also the. Yeah, it's yeah. Like I it's like all she said was, excuse me, ma'am.
00:06:54
So it's not like she was do it. The thing we talked about last time, which is like, don't run after.
00:06:58
Don't whatever. And it's just like, no, that lady was like knew she was doing bad and yeah.
00:07:04
Trying to escape. So crazy. That's terrifying. Wow. Great job, Bob. The Bob's of the world.
00:07:10
Thank God for you. Oh, yeah. All right. This one's called A Murderous Uncle and My Drunk Psychic Boyfriend.
00:07:18
It just starts insert witty and gushing opening statement here. Check. Check, Mark.
00:07:25
This is a rather long story involving murder, young love and a drunk Scotsman. It was 2012 and I was 27 living in Birmingham, UK and in a semi long distance relationship with a guy from Scotland.
00:07:37
He was coming to visit me at my home and knowing him as I did, I stocked the house with red wine and whiskey.
00:07:44
We spent a lovely night and drinking and chatting and drinking and drinking and drinking.
00:07:51
Dot, dot, dot. That's the best way. On about his fifth bottle of red wine. That sounds impossible.
00:08:00
Horrifying. The acid alone would eat your lower body. Oh, God. My boyfriend stopped me mid-sentence and announced that he occasionally has psychic flashes and he was having a very strong one about my family.
00:08:14
He said that my mom had nine brothers and that one of them had once murdered his wife and another person.
00:08:21
Slightly perturbed, I said, whilst it was weird that my mom had eight brothers and he was close on that count, categorically none of them had ever murdered anyone.
00:08:31
He said that I was wrong and we moved on. I'm sorry if you say that with a Scottish accent fine but if not go fuck yourself you're wrong
00:08:42
the next day when he'd left my mom called to ask how the day went I laughingly explained he'd creep
00:08:50
me out and told her what he'd said to which my mom replied all caps how on earth did he know about
00:08:56
that. Yes. It turned out I had an extra uncle whom I'd never been told about who in 1976 walked in on
00:09:07
his wife sleeping with another man and promptly murdered them both with a shotgun before going
00:09:13
on the run for two weeks. He was eventually caught and served 15 years in prison before moving to
00:09:18
Spain and dying in suspicious circumstances there. Then it says fun fact a lot of ex-con Brits moved
00:09:26
to Spain and get involved with organized crime there. Yes. There was actually. Sorry, I was just going to say there's a great movie.
00:09:34
Which one? Starring Ben Kingsley. Organized crime in Spain, it's called. Yeah, you got to watch it.
00:09:40
PG-13. Shit. I'll think of it. I'll think of it. Run, calm. There was absolutely no explainable way my boyfriend could have known this.
00:09:50
The only mention I can find on the Internet is a notice of my uncle's conviction, and
00:09:54
he has a different surname to me and my mom and the entire family had sworn itself to secrecy over
00:10:01
the whole thing. Whilst this was ultimately creepy and made my mom never want to meet this boyfriend,
00:10:08
my murdering brain was rather excited. And despite the weirdness of it all, I kept dating him for another six months because, hey, a guy's got to eat, right?
00:10:19
Marry that guy. She can see the truth and the past and the future. That's right.
00:10:25
What do you want? It says, I'm now happily married to a psychiatrist. And then it says, read into that what you will.
00:10:33
And the family murder secret is now known by all. Your podcast has absolutely changed my life.
00:10:39
And I thank you so much for sharing your true selves with the world. Stay sexy and don't piss off my uncles.
00:10:46
Martin, he, him. Martin. Marty. Marty. Marty. A, that movie is called Sexy Beast.
00:10:55
If you've never seen it, you've got to see it. Great. Amazing. B, I don't know. That might have just moved into my top 10 hometowns.
00:11:07
I really love any kind of thing like that. That's like, sorry, like Sixth Sense and shit like that's real.
00:11:14
Yeah. Yeah. It absolutely is. People know stuff. People know more than you think they know.
00:11:19
how it's just he was so he was 100 correct i love him being correct about his own family
00:11:28
like it's not even he's just like no you're wrong about your family you're wrong you're wrong about
00:11:33
your own family i know better than you yeah come on that's the marry that man he knows better than
00:11:38
you the fucking scottish accent hot hot all right so hot that makes me think of that viral video of
00:11:46
the Scottish guy that woke up in somebody else's house laughing his ass off and explaining how he
00:11:51
he thought he was coming to a party Remember that video It a Scottish guy laughing his ass off and telling a story about how he got super drunk thought he was going to his friend house for a party got to this lady house um was so shit
00:12:06
faced that he was like is this a party and she's like no honey there's no party here and then he
00:12:10
passed out on her couch and woke up and she was like you need a cup of tea doll or whatever
00:12:15
and he couldn't stop laughing and then she couldn't stop laughing and he's like it was it's the best
00:12:21
Well, I'll look it up. All of us will look it up. Everybody go look it up and then get back to me on how you feel about it.
00:12:28
I'm not going to read you the subject line of this one. Hello, OG murderinos. Oh, hi.
00:12:35
Yeah. I was listening to one of your recent hometowns about a girl accidentally rolling up a window on her own body as a child.
00:12:42
And I gasped out loud, realizing I finally had a hometown moment. I grew up in Put-In-Bay, Ohio, a little island in Lake Erie that is mostly known for its bar scene, but also is a hidden gem once you actually get out of the downtown area where the majority of people get around by golf carts rather than cars.
00:13:03
It's full of tons of narrow roads, blind turns and minimal speed limit postings.
00:13:08
We went there a few weeks throughout the summer, often alternating between just my mom and I spending the week with my best friend, C, and her mom, my mom's best friend, and my family going up together.
00:13:19
This particular week, it was just my mom and I with our best friends for girls week.
00:13:24
C and I were somewhere in the eight and nine age range, and the past few days of the week had been pretty dreary.
00:13:31
Reed, she and I had been cooped up in the house with way more energy than necessary because eight and nine.
00:13:36
C's mom had a meeting for the early part of the day. And despite it still being pretty rainy, my mom wanted us to get out of the house to burn some of that energy.
00:13:45
Plus, our golf cart had fold up windshields. So clearly we had no excuses. My mom took the two of us to the nature center on the island.
00:13:54
We hadn't been there in a long time. And both of us are very into animals slash nature.
00:13:58
So it really was an ideal trip. On the way there, I sat in the front of the golf cart and C sat in the back.
00:14:05
And we both thought it was hilarious for me to stick my head and upper body outside of the golf cart and turn around to talk to see instead of just turning in the direction of my mom to face backwards and talk to her.
00:14:19
So it's like she's turning out and get almost like leaning out of the golf cart to talk to her body.
00:14:25
OK, her upper body. Yeah. My mom, mostly worried that her uncoordinated, clumsy, accident prone daughter would fall out of the golf cart, kept telling me to turn the other way. In the meantime, a box truck came flying around a blind turn on the very narrow road we were on, nearly sideswiping our golf cart. My mom grabbed the back of my hoodie and yanked me back into the golf cart while maneuvering off the road to avoid the truck in a way that only moms can do.
00:14:56
Oh, my God. Once that truck was well past us because the fuckhead just kept going. We had a moment to breathe and all three of us broke down crying. Yeah. To this day, my mom maintains that the truck had to be going at least 40 miles an hour when it passed us. And had she not reacted with mom like reflexes, my mom and best friend would have been left with a pretty traumatic moment instead of my brush with death. And remember when story that we all share every time we go around that turn.
00:15:24
My mom ended up turning around and taking us back to the house to watch a movie because all three of us were overwhelmed and completely disinterested in an outing at that point, only to find out when C's mom got home that the Nature Center was closed on Wednesdays.
00:15:38
And had it not played out the way it did, my decapitation would have been for nothing.
00:15:43
Thank you for all you do. your brilliant storytelling has gotten me through many shitty commutes and long work days. And I'm
00:15:53
so grateful for that. And for you both. All the best, Emily. Oh, my God. Send us stories about how
00:16:00
your mom saved your life, please. Yes, please. Holy shit. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah. And also
00:16:08
the idea of what you're nine years old and you have you figured out a funny bit that's making
00:16:12
your friend laugh. So you're just doing it and like, look, I thought of something funny. Yeah.
00:16:16
the other day Vince and I were driving and I I'm a crazy driver you know that and I kind of had to
00:16:21
stop short and I did the fucking mom arm thing to Vince across the seat of like stopping him
00:16:28
yeah and I was like I'm sorry I did that like you're a child it was just my reflexes to like
00:16:34
put my arm out in front of him to like stop him from dying stop him from you killing him
00:16:42
I basically was like double seatbelt I like acted the seatbelt you have to no I mean like I think
00:16:49
that's very good driver instincts yeah because you know you're about to do it so you know like you know
00:16:55
you know that it needs to get done right and also it's from a time like in the 80s
00:16:59
where seatbelts were probably like okay at best so you had to do it all right or if you
00:17:05
were even in seatbelts at all because you might be you might be in one of those long bench seat cars
00:17:11
where you just would slide back and forth. That's right. All right. This is called Butts on the Beach.
00:17:17
And it just starts, So, comma. In the summer of 2016, I was bebopping around Europe visiting friends.
00:17:26
Why? I don't know. Between Madrid and Bordeaux, I had a weekend alone in San Sebastian.
00:17:33
Oh. One day, I decided to get out of town and have a little solo beach moment. I found this beach on Google Maps,
00:17:40
did literally no research, bought some bread and cheese, and then it says crucial, and set off on a 2.5 hour jaunt to the shore.
00:17:49
The hike there was cute. She was giving me moody broody cloud vibe with mountains and hills on one side and the ocean on the other bucolic farmsteads cows etc You get the picture Yes I finally get to the beach and it kind of rocky and small and completely completely deserted
00:18:09
There were no houses within sight and all the clouds and occasional mist made it seem even more secluded.
00:18:16
I spied a comfy spot, broke out a book and my cheese and set in for a nice afternoon.
00:18:20
As soon as I sat down, though, this guy appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He was older than me, a little crusty.
00:18:27
I couldn't tell if he was eccentric or just European. He surprised and scared me, but I was like, whatever.
00:18:34
I don't own this beach. He eventually walked off and disappeared behind some rocks.
00:18:39
But from that second on, I could not shake a feeling of complete discomfort deep in my gut.
00:18:44
The sound of waves and wind, which were at first comforting, started to sound like whispers.
00:18:50
I was so uneasy, shivering with hair standing up in the back of my neck and a nagging feeling that someone was watching me.
00:18:57
Yeah, it's the guy behind the rock. It's the guy behind the rock. I mean, you're right.
00:19:02
You should know you're right. Yeah. It was around this time that I reflected a little on my situation.
00:19:08
Literally no one, I mean no one, knew where I was. I had no way of getting away from that beach except by foot.
00:19:14
No cell service and no defense. as the most mayonnaise tinged blissfully naive thoroughly midwestern white boy on earth i guess
00:19:23
i never thought about the precarity of wandering through a foreign country alone with literally no
00:19:28
concerns for my safety or bodily autonomy newly aware of my situation i nervously finished my
00:19:34
cheese this wasn't gonna leave any behind i love this person already and packed up but as soon as i
00:19:42
got up to go, little Mr. Shabby Chic appeared again and started following me. We were both
00:19:50
walking toward the beach entrance, but he kept gaining on me. The closer he got, the more freaked
00:19:55
out I became. Eventually, he was so close that I could hear his hands fumbling in his pockets.
00:20:00
I quickly jumped off the path and pretended to take pictures of the ocean, hoping he would just walk away and leave me alone. A few frantic breaths and face-flushing
00:20:10
heartbeats, I turned around and mama, let me tell you, he was standing on top of a boulder,
00:20:18
looking me directly in the eyes. As I stared, unable to move, he turned around, unbuckled his
00:20:24
pants and dropped trow, exposing a decidedly middle-aged scrawny, fully nude ass. Now being
00:20:33
notably homosexual myself, I should have been able to pick up on the vibes here and figured out that
00:20:38
this man was trying to get his life or that this was a cruising beach i don't know what that's
00:20:42
anyway he was trying to get his life it might be a fun phrase that this guy knows that we don't know
00:20:48
yeah like this that's that's how you get your life okay get your life i don't know
00:20:53
are we 85 years old leave it you have to leave okay fine leave it we don't have to pretend we know what get your life
00:21:03
means he's trying to get his life or that that life got that life or he was or this was a cruising
00:21:08
beach but my angelic sensibilities had me convinced that i was about to be murdered i dove behind
00:21:14
another boulder tried to find a rock for self-defense and wondered if the water at the
00:21:18
shore was deep enough for him to drown me in after a couple minutes of cowering and clutching a rock
00:21:23
i peeked out from my hideaway and saw that the beach was totally deserted as if this guy had
00:21:28
disappeared into thin air. Thank God the gays have been blessed with an unnatural capacity to
00:21:33
walk quickly because I summoned a full cath day night power walk and fled back to the city toot
00:21:41
sweet. I recovered with more cheese. Yes. And then it says, I think about you and the crew all the
00:21:49
time. He him. Oh, wait. And then it says, P.S. I'm an English professor, but I still don't have
00:21:55
any idea what I'm doing most of the time. A couple years ago, after listening to you two,
00:21:59
I started incorporating a corrections corner into my classes, where I fix the things I got wrong in the previous
00:22:05
day's workshop or lecture. I'm not pressed about it. Everybody messes up, but thanks for modeling how to
00:22:11
gracefully own up to your mistakes and laugh off the little things. Em! Em, you clearly are
00:22:19
an English professor. That was such a hilariously beautiful... Okay, I have to admit when you said be bopping around europe i was like don't love it but with the rest now knowing
00:22:29
the rest of your writing personality also if you don't think i'm not stealing moody broody
00:22:34
as a descriptor for anything you're wrong get your life get your life that it that must be it right
00:22:43
he was getting his life go get your life get that life drop trow and get your life on a boulder
00:22:50
beautifully done i love it i that was gorgeously executed m m and then what an honor to somehow
00:23:02
have affected the way someone approaches how they do things especially a professor where you're like
00:23:07
we're not worthy truly i mean that's someone m does his homework yeah while the world watches
00:23:15
the stars at the fifa world cup this summer hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent the
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future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's
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feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to
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gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai
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has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every
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vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra fast charging capability. And Hyundai
00:23:44
continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing
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the game, the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai,
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The subject line of this email is bars save lives. Hey there. I've been racking my brain
00:25:18
for a hometown story to share with you all. But the only thing murderish related was that my
00:25:22
friend's mom saw Jeffrey Dahmer streaking in a park. And in parentheses, it says I'm
00:25:27
from Milwaukee. Wow. Well, not right. I mean, that's not that's a lot. Yeah, it's it's something else. And
00:25:35
horrifying. While not a murder, I do have a fun ancestor story that I thought you might
00:25:41
get a kick out of. Right. We're a very Irish family, but I do have one great, great grandpa
00:25:46
that squeaked in from Luxembourg. Love that. Turns out way back when, I don't know how long ago, sometime in the 1800s, he was set to sail to America and got very drunk at a bar the night before the trip.
00:26:05
Love that for him. But he ended up, it says that in parentheses, love that for him.
00:26:11
Get your life. Get your life. Wait. But he ended up missing the boat. Not sure how often boats were shuttling to and from Luxembourg in America at that point, but I bet it was a little bit of a bigger deal than missing a flight these days.
00:26:25
The crazy thing is, a couple days later, there were bits of wood floating in the water near the port.
00:26:30
It turns out that first boat ended up catching fire and sank, killing everyone on board.
00:26:36
Oh, my God. Incredibly tragic. And I wonder how often that happened back then. Good thing my great great grandpa knew how to have a good time and was incredibly irresponsible.
00:26:48
I wouldn't be here today if not. One last quick tidbit. He brought one travel trunk with him on the journey.
00:26:56
And then in parentheses it says talk about traveling white. And it's now in my parents house.
00:27:01
My siblings and I are all squabbling over who gets it next. And gosh I hope I do because it's the coolest thing ever.
00:27:08
Oh my God. Check this out. Thanks and have a great day. M. It can't be. Would it be the same M if the your M specified pronouns, this M did not?
00:27:24
No, it can't be. It can't be the same, but that's insane. Yeah, that's wild. Also, I just wonder what that trunk smells like.
00:27:31
I bet it smells so good. Oh, it's kind of like salty sea air. Moth balls and salty mold.
00:27:39
maybe hopefully a little bit of cedar got in there somehow what about those really old trunks that like people used they were like suitcases but they also turned into like your room essentially yeah with all the drawers like on joe versus the volcano yeah wardrobe
00:27:56
a wardrobe yeah travel trunk that you can also float to a desert island yeah that's haunted okay
00:28:04
and go versus a volcano this is called a christmas secret my last one i think the best kind yeah
00:28:11
uh dear karen georgia and associates in the last minisode you asked for funny family secrets and
00:28:19
it reminded me of this story when i was 16 my family like many of the blended sort chose to
00:28:25
celebrate christmas a week early so that we could spend it all together my aunt and uncle usually
00:28:30
host but my mom does most of the cooking as she is a great cook i just remembered what this one
00:28:35
oh yes she pulls out all the stops on christmas from the stuffing to the mashed potatoes it's a
00:28:44
real spread but the side dish that gets the most hype is her creamed corn oh and i love
00:28:51
i should probably mention that we're from the midwest we love all things creamed and corn
00:28:58
related and if that grosses you out you're probably not going to enjoy the rest of this story
00:29:02
almost a trigger warning can i just say like you just saying the phrase cream corn right now
00:29:11
we used to have that as a side like every third night like cream corn was a staple at our house
00:29:18
like normally wow yes not special occasion but like yeah it was so good because it came in a can
00:29:25
which was my mom's specialty but that was it's so good they have it at tam-o-shanter when you get
00:29:31
like the corned beef or whatever. We have to go there. You can get cream corn or cream spinach.
00:29:36
Or you can say, can I get half and half? And I'll give you fucking half and half.
00:29:40
Can we please go there in a week? Yeah. Like within the week? Because I just remembered they basically have Thanksgiving dinner there.
00:29:49
They do. And I, although got plenty to eat on Thanksgiving night, of course. Not enough.
00:29:54
I want it again. There were no leftovers. Well, we're going. Okay. Great. Here we go.
00:30:00
Thank you. The day of our Christmas celebration. Friendsgiving. Friendsgiving two weeks later.
00:30:05
Yep, two weeks later. The day of our Christmas celebration, we packed up the car and headed to my grandparents' house to pick them up.
00:30:12
At the time, my grandparents had two miniature doxies. And then they noticed the favor of giving them the names Wilmer and Pudge.
00:30:20
Nice. That they took everywhere with them. Fuck yeah. At some point during the ride, there was a crinkling sound coming from the back seat.
00:30:27
I distinctly remember my mom turning down Bing Crosby to hear the sound better. We couldn't figure out what it was.
00:30:35
And then we heard it. Lapping. Somehow Wilmer and Pudge had gotten under the seat, crawled into the trunk, and were eating the cream corn.
00:30:45
The crinkling sound had been the sound of the tinfoil being ripped into. Yes. My mom slammed on her brakes and ran to the back seat, grabbed both the dogs by the collar,
00:30:54
and drove the rest of the way to my aunt's with them both on her lap. When we pulled into my aunt's driveway,
00:31:01
my brother and I got out to help my mom unload the car. My brother grabbed a tray of cream corn and started towards the garbage cans
00:31:08
when my mom asked where he was going. To the trash, to which my mom responded, a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's.
00:31:18
Yes, it says. My mom rationalized that because they say dog's mouths are cleaner than a human's and that they had only gotten into one corner of the tray, that it was still OK to serve the disgraced corn at our family's Christmas get together.
00:31:34
Disgraced cream corn Disgraced cream This is a regular episode That what it would be called Yeah However she threatened to ground me or any of my four siblings if we ever told anyone that right you got to get serious with this
00:31:47
shit yeah but then it says i no longer live at home so this no longer applies to me
00:31:52
that's right there's nothing she can do about it you can email any any podcast you want and
00:31:59
tell this cream corn disgrace story it says i remember watching horrified as my cousin anna
00:32:04
went up for not only seconds, but thirds of the tainted dish. There were several family members
00:32:11
who questioned why none of my siblings had eaten any. The four of us mostly just hung our heads in
00:32:17
shame and avoided making eye contact with each other. Some family members even mentioned that
00:32:22
it was the best one yet, to which my mother sheepishly replied, I haven't really done
00:32:27
anything different this year. To this day, my siblings talk about it and always, it always gets
00:32:32
a laugh even though honestly it's pretty gross stay sexy and don't feed your family anything
00:32:38
that a dog has had its mouth on melanie it is first of all that mom worked really hard on that
00:32:48
dish oh yeah she wasn't letting those little doxies fuck up her day no it's just a corner
00:32:54
it's fine and we everybody eats gross stuff all the time without knowing it do you think if you
00:32:59
like if you like clean out that corner and get rid of all that in the corner it's still safe
00:33:05
or do the germs permeate the entire dish no it's like no it's fine it's like i don't believe dogs
00:33:14
mouths are cleaner than humans i think that's absolutely rationalization i think we've talked
00:33:19
about it or it's like i watch what frank does all day yeah and it's not pretty so i know for a fact
00:33:25
my mouth is cleaner than his definitely definitely yeah but i also that's like five second rule style
00:33:32
thinking where it's just like food is for some for many like a big deal hard one not especially
00:33:43
prepared like you don't just kind of throw things away like i'm sorry there's just no dish yeah i
00:33:48
wouldn't eat it but i would be okay serving it i mean you couldn't know and then eat it i don't
00:33:55
think i wouldn't be able to but like the other day i think i told you this i left i had like kind
00:34:01
of a it was like a mexican bowl so it was like rice on the bottom black beans chicken and some
00:34:06
vegetable yeah and i just heated it up in the microwave put it down yeah put it down next to my
00:34:13
laptop at the table where I like the dining room table, then push my chair out, went to
00:34:20
the bathroom, came back and Frank was standing in a weird way and kind of going like that
00:34:28
where I'm like, what are you, what are you doing? What did you get? And then I looked and it was like, he absolutely could have just quick hopped up on that chair
00:34:35
and then eaten at least the top layer. But then I was staring at that bowl like I can't see anywhere where he it looks like he moved anything around.
00:34:46
Yeah. He just. But how would you know? Sour cream off the top. No guac because I know you don't like guacamole.
00:34:52
No guac. No sour cream. But it also was already jumbled up. So it was hard to tell.
00:34:57
It wasn't like a perfectly. Yeah. There was nothing. You couldn't tell hardcore.
00:35:01
Then you could still eat it. I didn't eat it. Oh. I took like I tried to take like one bite.
00:35:07
and then I was just like I just can't do it it's just do you know that every morning I get woken up with cookie licking
00:35:13
my gums she's right there excited every morning she's just the healthiest dog and I get woken up
00:35:22
with just a fucking dog tongue across my teeth and gums every morning that a good way to get you up but she knows how to get you moving Oh my God God bless It disgusting Cream corn for everyone Cream corn for everyone this holiday season
00:35:37
Please. Think of us and think of Melanie. And think of yourself. And all you have to do is
00:35:43
buy a can at the grocery store. I don't think there's much to it. It's easy. Oh my God.
00:35:48
Choose yourself. Is that it? Do you have one more? I went first with the shoplifter store manager
00:35:53
showdown this has been an epic episode yeah wow yeah i mean every these are like hit after hit
00:36:00
it's like for sure guys we started there send us your hit your five-star hometown whatever it may
00:36:07
be um and even if it's moody broody we want to hear about it yeah even if it's you romping or
00:36:13
what was it frolicking bopping around but oh be bopping around europe even if you're around
00:36:19
what we're saying is get your life and send us an email please yeah and if you want to listen to
00:36:24
our mini mini we each on the fan cult special we each do one episode mine's about uh john snow
00:36:30
this week mine's about i don't know it's over there i'm not sure i can't remember what i picked
00:36:35
we should start saying what they're about to get teasers teasers teasers teasers and i think there's
00:36:40
a ton of episodes from the back that many minis that you can listen to right yeah the fan cult has
00:36:46
just volumes that you need to explore. But until you do, stay sexy. Don't get murdered.
00:36:55
Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:37:03
Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton. Associate producer, Alejandra Keck. Engineer and mixer, Stephen.
00:37:10
Ray Morris. Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray. Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays
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