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00:01:49
And welcome to my favorite murder. The mini-sode. It's mini. I have to throw treats at Cookie throughout the entire recording.
00:01:58
Otherwise, she'll go upstairs and bark. So if I look, my hands are moving around a lot.
00:02:02
All right. All right. You want to go first? You want me to go first? I'll go first.
00:02:07
Okay. Okay. The subject line of this one is Death Row Optometrist. Hello, my queens.
00:02:13
Long time listener from almost the beginning. First time writer. Hey. Hi. Hey. So you know how so many convicted serial killers wear those creepy glasses?
00:02:23
well which is a pretty hilarious state uh question slash statement well i know the guy
00:02:31
that kept their prescriptions up to date just all all of them everywhere those serial killers
00:02:37
i've known for many years now that my husband's uncle let's call him uncle rex used to work as an
00:02:43
optometrist in the prison system but it wasn't until a river trip this year that i was finally
00:02:49
able to corner him to all caps, tell me everything. Here, my friends, is what he told me. While Uncle
00:02:56
Rex was raising his family in Santa Cruz, California, in the 80s and through the aughts,
00:03:02
he was working as a contract optometrist for prisons all over California. One of his contracts
00:03:07
was for tending to the eyes of the inmates of San Quentin, the only death row prison in the state.
00:03:14
This death row was home to some of the worst. Rodney Alcala, Charles Manson, Charles Ng, Richard Ramirez.
00:03:22
The list really does go on. Uncle Rex, along with one nurse, would see each prisoner over the course of the year to update their glasses prescriptions and treat any eye ailments.
00:03:34
My God, like I didn't even didn't cross my mind that that needed to be. Yeah, of course it needs to be a job.
00:03:40
Yeah, totally. That's wild. There would be like a clinic or whatever, obviously doctors on hand, but autometrists, that's like specialty.
00:03:48
Yeah. Wow. The exam room was a pretty intimate setting. He had to be cordial with his patients to get up close and personal and do his work.
00:03:58
But he wasn't allowed to take any quote unquote gifts from them, which apparently they were always trying to give him.
00:04:05
He'd be given magazines, books, food, cards for his children's birthdays and parentheses.
00:04:11
Ew. And he'd have to have a witness watch him throw these items in the trash at the end of the day.
00:04:18
He also worked at the California Medical Facility where our hometown serial Ed Kemper was incarcerated.
00:04:24
And he told me that he was friendly and polite and that actor Cameron Britton did an excellent job portraying him in Mindhunter.
00:04:31
Which we all already knew. But that's like from an inside man. What a huge compliment.
00:04:37
Yeah. This optometrist doesn't say people are good actors willy nilly. No. Very discerning.
00:04:44
Absolutely. I asked him if after literally staring deeply into the eyes of all these murderers, rapists and sociopaths, he could see something missing or different in their gaze.
00:04:54
He said he really couldn't most of the time, except this is maybe one of my favorite.
00:05:01
What's a mistyping? Oh, mistyping. Typo. Typo. Typo. Thank you. Thank you, Stephen.
00:05:09
This is my favorite typo of all time, except David Manson, who gave him the major creeps.
00:05:15
David Manson, the brother, the famous brother, Charles Manson, everyone knows. He played jazz trumpet, you know, David Manson.
00:05:24
He went to white collar prison for some just some simple, you know, being bad at tennis tax evasion.
00:05:32
Oh, my God. David Manson gave him the major creeps. And then he said, and pedophiles as a rule had the worst eyesight.
00:05:40
What does that mean? I don't know. That's just not one optometrist's opinion. You know, this is alleged.
00:05:48
Okay. So there you have it. To this day Uncle Rex will still get letters and phone calls from prisoners at his home which he does not answer Thanks for the show and the community that you created Zika Wow Insight That fascinating Like he had a you know optometrists have to get up close and
00:06:09
like look at your eyeballs. So he was like faced. I hope he didn't say anything about a security
00:06:13
guard in there with them. Well, it's a, it's San Quentin. So I think it's rife with security guards.
00:06:19
Yeah, but like an AKA prison guard. But he said him and a nurse. What did I say?
00:06:24
Security guard. He didn't have a bouncer with him. That's crazy. What about a bodyguard of his own?
00:06:33
Okay. I mean, they must have had it set up in some kind of way. My thing is, I think it's very compelling that he said, looking in the eyes of a, say, sociopath isn't different.
00:06:44
I think that's something people should keep in mind. Because we all want to hear, like, yep, I was able to see it, and then that's how you know.
00:06:50
But that's not – because we all want to be, like, comforted that we would spot it.
00:06:56
Yeah, you're not going to. No. So sorry. All right. This one, we've been talking about the Tam O'Shanter a little bit lately, and we just happened to get one called Good Times at the Tam O'Shanter.
00:07:08
Hell yeah. Shanter, which is one of our favorite restaurants here in town. All right.
00:07:14
Hi, lovies. Just finished Minnesota 254 and listening to your Heimlich Maneuver chat.
00:07:20
It made me think of my waitressing days at the Tam O'Shanter Inn and the Don't Let Your Patrons Die training we all received.
00:07:29
Yes. For those who don't know, the Tam is a charming, old-timey, Scottish-ish restaurant in the furthest reaches of northern L.A.,
00:07:37
where Walt Disney had a favorite table and costumed carolers sing tableside from Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve.
00:07:45
It's really charming. Also, it's that's what they the the animators at Disney used to go there and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves houses are based on what the Tamo Shinto looks like.
00:07:58
Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Anyway, it's a favorite of all old people, real life gypsies, who knew?
00:08:03
And pharmaceutical reps looking to impress doctors with free prime rib. It's also haunted as fuck.
00:08:10
And then it says, but I digress. The restaurant staff is costumed, Google it, and trained in the art of keeping their geriatric guests alive.
00:08:18
Everyone is encouraged to be CPR certified and instructed to keep an eye on the guests, especially older women, and check the bathrooms if they've been away from the table too long.
00:08:28
We were told that women would excuse themselves and die in a bathroom before they would call attention to the embarrassing acts of choking, stroke, or heart attack, and we needed to be on the lookout.
00:08:38
I thought bullshit, but I was wrong. One night I was working the closing shift and we were down to three tables, a middle-aged couple, two older ladies left over in a side room, and a group of swingers wannabes who kept asking me, but what else would I have seen you in?
00:08:55
Nothing notable, you fuckwits, or I wouldn't be your waitress. So I guess she's an actress.
00:09:00
The couple left. I did my closing sideworks, the D-bag fellas, what were hipster millennial types even called in 2001, ordered more drinks because of course.
00:09:09
and the older woman at the two-top had knotted off and dropped her spoon while her friend continued
00:09:14
to sip at her soup. And whichever one of you guessed the ending, yep. Upon clearing their
00:09:20
table in an effort to get the woman to leave, my incredible busser Ignacio, shout out to all
00:09:26
the bussers out there, it's a slog and you're underappreciated, discovered that the sleeping
00:09:31
woman was, in fact, not breathing. He commenced with giving her CPR while the manager called 911
00:09:38
and the friend kept repeating, I didn't want to make a scene. I thought she was just tired.
00:09:43
Ladies dying politely was suddenly trending at the restaurant. Two weeks later, a woman choked on a bite of steak at one of my tables
00:09:50
and had to be rescued by, you guessed it, Ignacio, giving her the Heimlich. Technically an almost death, but come on.
00:09:57
The woman later told us that by the time she stood up for help, which was well into her choking,
00:10:02
she was starting to see black and pass out. What the fuck? This is serious stuff, girlfriends.
00:10:07
There are simply not enough Ignatios to go around. Stay sexy, ladies, and yell when a life depends on it.
00:10:14
Danielle. Choking hazards. It's an important message that Danielle is trying to send to everybody.
00:10:20
So we should all listen. All right. This is a badass grandpa story. It says, hey, guys, gals, and non-binary pals, usual pleasantries.
00:10:29
Let's jump in. My great-grandfather, Cornelius, lived in the Netherlands before moving to Canada with my
00:10:35
grandfather, Renus. Renus. it's the running joke in our family that our frugality comes from being dutch
00:10:41
and my great-grandfather exemplified that in the most badass way when the nazis were taking over holland in the 1940s my great-grandfather cornelius was having
00:10:53
none of that shit they were asked to turn in their livestock to the nazis instead my family
00:10:58
hid the chickens and the other farm animals in the attic oh no those poor animals they're like
00:11:04
What the fuck? Better that than just being killed. Along with hiding Canadian soldiers in the walls.
00:11:12
Oh, fuck. When the Nazis came calling, they had the young children make lots of noise to cover the sounds of the animals and the soldiers.
00:11:19
Yeah. They were also asked to turn in their rubber bike tires for the war effort.
00:11:24
Instead, my family buried them in the yard. When the war was over, Cornelius dug them up and was the first one riding his bike in town.
00:11:33
Yeah he was Cornelius He like this will end at some point It fine And we not giving this shit to the Nazis Fuck those guys They don just get to take everything that good Yeah One night Cornelius went to use the outhouse to find it already occupied by a German soldier He never spoke of the details but one of them came back and the other did not Stay sexy and shove the Nazis down the shitter Joel Oh my God Wow Damn
00:12:05
Damn. For real. The Netherlands during world war two, the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands.
00:12:11
Yeah. Now I want to like read a book, watch a documentary, like, cause there was something that was just on,
00:12:18
um, that I was flipping through on TV that I was like, I can't do a world war thing.
00:12:25
story right now. World War II story right now. It's too intense. But one day, one day.
00:12:29
But it is like the way people, you know, we've told a couple stories. Yeah. When people do the
00:12:37
resistance, do what they can. Resistance fighters. Yeah. There were lots of resistance
00:12:42
fighters in the Netherlands. Small and big. Yeah. They're peace loving people. Don't fuck with them.
00:12:49
Also, they love their bikes. I mean, if anybody loves their bikes, it's those people that was the last straw uh then they came for our bikes okay okay i'm not
00:12:59
gonna read you the line that's the thing of this hi georgia karen steven and pets i feel like at
00:13:05
some point you've requested wilderness survival stories but if not here's one anyway it's a great
00:13:10
area i support it entirely it's great i'm from a small town in east tennessee where being one with
00:13:16
nature is really one of the only things to do and the mountains and rivers are its only redeeming
00:13:22
quality. A few years ago, I was visiting for Christmas. My dad, stepmom and younger brother
00:13:28
decided to go on a hike and I joined last minute. I'm more of an indoor cat. So I thought that a
00:13:33
hoodie, some yoga pants and tennis shoes would be fine. It wasn't insanely cold outside. We left
00:13:38
at like 11 a.m. and the hike was only supposed to take a couple hours. So we started up the mountain
00:13:45
and maybe halfway through we came to a split. Neither side was well maintained and there were
00:13:50
no signs. So it wasn't clear which one was the obvious right way. But my dad likes to think he's
00:13:56
bear fucking grill us. So instead of playing it safe and turning our geek squad around, he said,
00:14:01
let's go this way and let us down the pathway to hell. Oh, so we went down the wrong quote trail
00:14:09
for so long that by the time it finally dawned on him that we should go back, it was completely dark.
00:14:15
And since we weren't on a clear path to begin with, it wasn't like we could just retrace our
00:14:19
steps. The temperature plummeted and it started raining. We had no cell service. We barely had any
00:14:25
food. We had been out there for several hours. And I remember stopping and sobbing hysterically
00:14:30
saying I didn't want to die like this. And my dad getting mad at me for quote, being a baby.
00:14:37
Good dad. Yeah, we eventually decided that the only way we were getting down was if we went down
00:14:43
the side of the steep as fuck bluffs. So we literally started sliding down the hill on our
00:14:49
butts. And remember how I wore yoga pants? Turns out that $7 pair from Amazon wasn't very durable.
00:14:56
The ground ripped right through them and my underwear. And eventually I was sliding down
00:15:01
on my bare ass. But thankfully, it went numb after a while. At one point during our adventure down the
00:15:08
worst slip and slide I've ever been on. My dad checked his phone and finally had service. So we
00:15:13
called 911 and they got a rescue squad out to find us. It took several hours, but they finally
00:15:20
located us and helped us rappel down the side of the mountain. We got a very prestigious motor
00:15:25
card of four wheelers to drive us out to the entrance and transfer us into ambulances.
00:15:32
It's fucking serious. It was past midnight by the time we got to the hospital and the doctor said
00:15:36
that if we had been out there even just a few more hours, we likely would have died.
00:15:41
My brother, dad, and I ended up being fine, but my stepmom had hypothermia and had to stay in the
00:15:46
hospital for a few days. Jesus Christ. I know. This is serious. I had some very intense road
00:15:52
rash on my ass and literally could not sit down for days. And I had to wear adult diapers because
00:15:59
of how oozy it was. Ew. So that was super fun. But hey, at least I didn't die from not being able to complete what should
00:16:07
have been a fairly simple hike because that would have been embarrassing. Anyway, stay sexy and don't
00:16:13
go hiking with my dad, Meredith. She, her. Agreed, Meredith. Not a problem. That is
00:16:23
a nightmare territory. Calling 911 at that point, like asking for help because you're fucking lost
00:16:29
to shit is like it's an it's like not so not worth it no stay home jesus christ or know the path
00:16:38
yes but yes that combination of the two is that feeling when suddenly it's like oh this isn't we're
00:16:45
not messing around anymore yeah it's dark we've all done versions of it oh yeah oh you don't
00:16:52
actually know what you're doing. Oh, no. Yeah. Great. While the world watches the stars at the
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FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer
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has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every
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vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra fast charging capability. And Hyundai
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the game, the future isn't some far off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai,
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an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
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Quince.com slash M-F-M. Goodbye. The subject line of this email is hometown story Chippendales.
00:19:56
Hey, y'all. And here we go. Short, sweet, and straight to the point. Episode 300, you asked for Chippendales stories and you triggered a lost memory.
00:20:06
My mom went to a local bar in the 90s to see the scantily dressed men in person.
00:20:11
after their set they came to the floor and walked around doing lap dances and shaking well you know
00:20:18
my mom was maracas did they have maracas in a way they they're like maracas yes my mom was walking to the bar when one flipped his luscious hair and hit her square in the face
00:20:33
with his head, like broken tooth and swollen nose in the face. Oh my God. What did she get from this encounter, you ask?
00:20:45
A picture with almost nude guys with her face swollen, red, and without a tooth.
00:20:50
To which she'd come home to a seven-year-old daughter to explain, A, what the heck happened
00:20:55
to her face, B, who did it, and C, why she had a picture with eight almost nude guys.
00:21:01
stay sexy and watch out for the male dancers with long hair Keisha that's a good one
00:21:07
that's great her mom got head butted by a Tickendales dancer with long Fabio 90s hair
00:21:13
and all she got out of it was a photo a photo with the whole cast yeah if you don't sue us
00:21:21
you can get everyone in one photo we'll crowd the guys together and give that to you
00:21:27
this one's short and sweet too it's called we could have been rich hi karen and georgia love the show etc etc i was listening to minisode 247 when you talked about a
00:21:38
four-year-old making bank runs for her dad which by the way is the new nick terry video on youtube
00:21:43
so make sure you check that out um when i remembered a funny slash heartbreaking story
00:21:48
my mom told me my mom was born in 1975 and sometime in the mid 80s my grandmother beverly
00:21:55
amazing, started sending my mom to the store to play her lottery numbers. Yes, this is amazing. This also took place in New York City. So as you can imagine,
00:22:08
the neighborhood number hole, as my grandmother calls it, was not the best place for a child.
00:22:14
Anyway, my mom apparently made these runs all the time and my grandmother never hit the jackpot.
00:22:19
So eventually my mom decided there was no harm in using that money for something else,
00:22:24
like snacks. So she just stopped buying the fucking lottery ticket. Guess where this is going?
00:22:30
Yes. This went on for who knows how long until one day my grandma excitedly asked my mom
00:22:36
for her ticket because, all caps, her numbers hit the jackpot. Knowing the trouble she would be in
00:22:43
if she told the truth, my mom told my grandma some older kids took the money from her
00:22:47
so she couldn't play the numbers. My grandma felt so bad she didn't even ask any more questions
00:22:53
about it. And she doesn't know what really happened till this day. Stay sexy and remember
00:23:00
kids are liars. Ty. I love that lesson. Was it all the numbers? Like they could have been wealthy.
00:23:12
I mean, but you know what? That's that thing is like, but they weren't supposed to be right.
00:23:16
It's that. And also, if you're so if you're so convinced you're gonna win, don't send a six
00:23:21
year old with your with your task if it's that important be a little more responsible with your
00:23:26
ticket buying you're rolling extra dice by sending a child to do your errand because every every story
00:23:33
in human history is a child going somewhere with a task that they don't fucking do right
00:23:39
jack and the beanstalk yeah and at all little red riding hood how many more fucking stories
00:23:46
of kids fucking up do you need to hear before you stop giving them important errands.
00:23:51
That's right. They're kids and they're liars. They're fucking liars. And they'll buy...
00:23:57
Candy is the only thing that matters there. see a world where like a lottery is won.
00:24:02
They're just like, there's a Snickers right there. I keep giving this guy money for no reason.
00:24:07
I used to break into my sister's little kid. What's it called? Safe. You know, the like shitty little kid ones.
00:24:15
Oh yeah. I'll change, go across the street to the grocery and get a fucking bag of Reese's pieces and a squeeze
00:24:22
it. Just stole all her money. Yeah. Sorry. Right. Yeah. Lee, you must've known. She knew.
00:24:30
She were partially compliant. My dad had a bowl of change that he would empty. We come home from work and empty his pockets into a bowl of change.
00:24:36
Oh, my God. And that was our bowl of change. Yes, it was. My dad would be like, stay out of my bowl of change.
00:24:43
Where do all the quarters go? Okay, sounds good. It's just like, you don't need them.
00:24:46
You have money. Yeah, 60 cents. That's all we get. Taking it. Yes, I need to take my candy quarters.
00:24:53
That's right. Send us your story of stealing from your parents or lying to your parents.
00:24:58
Yeah Or doing a thing like that lottery move which is we all have it like big What the thing you fucked up as a child that was this big Like I remember I lost for I sold Girl Scout cookies and it was this big sheet that came with the set that people had to fill out And I lost that Oh that huge And my mom had taken it to work
00:25:22
So all these people signed up so that I could try to win the cookie or whatever.
00:25:27
And so you just had to keep all the cookies. No, no. She brought it to work and just said, what's the phrase?
00:25:34
Honor system? Yes. Honor system with the cookies because there was no way to check it.
00:25:39
Because fucking Karen lost it. She she brought it up for seven years. Yeah. What's the thing that they still bring up about to prove your response?
00:25:48
You're irresponsible. But it's something you did when you were 11. And how do they?
00:25:51
And like, it's something you did where it's like, hey, how about I don't get a sales job when I'm nine years old?
00:25:56
Because I'm going to fuck it up. How about that? Yeah. How about I don't become a fucking admin assistant and have to fill out paperwork that I don't understand?
00:26:05
If it's this important, you as the adult take it and put it some fucking way. Right.
00:26:09
I'm not going to. I don't have a lot of experience with highly important paper documents justified.
00:26:15
Now it feels so much better. I do. Sick of feeling guilty for that stupid shit. It was your seventies parent parenting minus,
00:26:24
not mine. If you guys want to hear one more fascinating, amazing story from each of us hometown,
00:26:31
join the fan call They all up there Tons of them And if you want to hear me kind of go to therapy then just listen to this mini set That what I did That what I decided to do
00:26:41
And also stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:26:50
This has been an exactly right production. Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.
00:26:55
Associate producer, Alejandra Keck. Engineer and mixer, Stephen. Rae Moran researchers
00:27:01
Jay Elias and Haley Gray send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at myfavoritemurder
00:27:06
at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at myfavoritemurder and Twitter
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00:27:17
or to join the fan cult go to myfavoritemurder.com rate, review and subscribe this episode
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by visiting vitalfarms slash farm Look for the black carton in the egg aisle and visit vitalfarms to learn more Vital Farms good eggs no shortcuts Goodbye
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Paramount Plus is now the home of all your BET favorites. What? Yes. With all new episodes of Tyler Perry's Divorce Sisters.
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You've always liked a little drama. Plus a whole new world of movies like Gladiator 2.
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And live sports like UFC. Welcome to the history books. New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount+.
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