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00:02:27
This is the mini-sode. That's right. You know it. You participate in it. You like it.
00:02:33
We hope. Are we ready to start? You want to go first? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can go. Do it.
00:02:41
Okay. This is called That Was a Dumb Decision, a college memoir. Oh, hell yeah. Hi, ladies.
00:02:48
I've recently realized my storytelling skills are below average since my toddler tells me
00:02:53
me to stop talking 30 seconds in, but we will give this a go. Picky, picky. Okay. So I know,
00:03:00
man, toddlers these days. Okay. So while in college, I lived on my own in a cute little duplex.
00:03:07
It was a warm day and I decided to write one of my papers outside on my laptop. As I'm typing,
00:03:12
I noticed a lady walking along the fence in my neighbor's yard looking at me. Thinking it was said neighbor, I waved. The woman then asked me, do you have a phone I can use?
00:03:22
Clearly confused, I said, what? She then proceeded to slip between the wire fence towards me and immediately began telling me how her and her boyfriend had gotten a fight.
00:03:31
The woman was distraught and shaking and she had a bag of clothes and blood on her arms and wrists.
00:03:37
I told her I was calling the police, but she said she'd already did and that she had to get away from him.
00:03:43
I handed her my phone to make a call, but no one answered. The woman then asked me if I could get her some water.
00:03:49
I noticed she was sweating and could now tell that she had been running. I went inside my house, leaving my screen door shut, but the main door open.
00:03:57
When I turned around from my refrigerator, she was standing inside my house. As I'm handing her the water, she asked if she could use the bathroom to wash off her arms.
00:04:06
I pointed her in the direction and immediately armed myself with my expired pepper spray once the bathroom door was closed, just in case.
00:04:14
I wonder what expired pepper spray is. It just hurts even more, I would think. Just lightly seasoned your eyes.
00:04:21
I waited for her to return and then led her back out of my house. Unsure of what to do, I asked if she wanted to call anyone again.
00:04:29
She did, no answer. The woman starts getting very nervous and starts crying about how he's going to find her walking along the road.
00:04:36
She asked if I would consider dropping her off at a friend's house that was right up the street.
00:04:41
Guilted and feeling sorry for her, I did. During the drive, she was ducked down in the passenger seat, wearing a cap low down to her eyes.
00:04:48
And she told me to let her know if I saw an old red pickup truck because that was him.
00:04:54
We arrived at her friend's house. She got out of the car and thanked me over and over again.
00:04:58
And that was the end of it. Or so I thought. The next day, I went to class and I'm walking in with my group of friends when one of them said,
00:05:08
Julie, don't you live behind that hospital? Did you see the alert about the inmate who escaped from there?
00:05:13
While they were checking on her baby, all caps, yep, you guessed it. I gave the lady who escaped a ride.
00:05:23
I asked her to show me the article and sure enough, it was her. After having a full-on panic attack about how naive I was,
00:05:30
I called the cops where I had to give a written statement and tell them where I dropped her off at.
00:05:35
I also received a stern lecture about not giving strangers rides. Also, yes, they found her. And yes, this event happened before I listened to your podcast.
00:05:46
Stay sexy and don't talk to strangers, Julie. Oh Julie I would have done that if that was a person that I was dealing with and they were under threat like with I think the blood is the kicker Yeah I believed everything up until that point you know like yeah
00:06:06
help her get away. Yes. Do what you can. You're a good Samaritan until you're actually not.
00:06:13
Until you're aiding and abetting. Oh my, well, also that just made me think, and I know I've told this story multiple times on the show, so I won't go that far into it. But the
00:06:23
time when I was taking diet pills slash straight up speed. So I would just kind of weirdly like
00:06:30
walk around my house and smoke and watch black and white movies and talk on the phone. I was like a
00:06:35
human phone tree. And I went back to put laundry in my roommate Dave's room and I heard a noise
00:06:42
outside and I opened, it was like those old fashioned flat windows. And I pull open and there
00:06:49
was the runaway drinking out of the hose. Oh my God. I don't remember this. Oh, fuck. It was so scary. And I was by myself.
00:06:57
Were you on the ground floor? Yes. It was the house- So she was right there. Right up the street from your and Vince's old apartment. And so it was a regular house that
00:07:05
you could walk into the backyard from the street. And she did and was drinking out of the hose.
00:07:10
And so when I opened the window, she looked up at me and then ran. And I went out the back door
00:07:14
and I was like, hey, hey, come back here. It's okay. Yeah. And she did. She was like, please drive me out of the city. Please drive me. And it was so
00:07:22
upsetting. And basically, she had been like, she was getting jumped into a gang or something
00:07:28
really fucked up. And I was like, there could be people waiting where this is just, I make the
00:07:35
wrong move in this moment. And you're involved. Yes. So I had to come around to the front,
00:07:40
sit on, there's like a front porch with a kind of alcove. So I was like, sit here with your back
00:07:45
to the thing so no one can see you. And let me go make a phone call and stay here. Or you can make
00:07:51
a phone call with my phone or whatever. And we ended up calling Covenant House and they came to
00:07:56
pick her up. I love Covenant House. That place is amazing. Yes. And that was because I had just
00:08:02
seen a commercial where they had the phone number on the TV. That was the only reason I knew to call
00:08:08
them. But I was like, this is a very young girl who shouldn't, like who, I don't know if she can
00:08:13
get far away enough to deal with this. Yeah. I mean, that place is amazing. I had a tour of it
00:08:18
once because I did like a event there. I went to an event there and it's just the things they do for
00:08:22
at-risk youth is incredible. But good for you, Karen. Thank you. Quick thinking.
00:08:29
Thanks so much. The PSA was the only reason I knew it existed. Oh, wow. But then also I was like, you don't want to get involved. Now you're the person that whoever's
00:08:40
chasing her. Now you're in the chase too. Let's end the chase here and get the authorities
00:08:46
involved. It was crazy. And then my friend, it was the day before, I think it was some huge party
00:08:52
we were about to have. So my friend, Pat Buckles, was going to come and drop something off,
00:08:57
one of those huge buckets you put at Kagan or something. She was coming over to drop off party
00:09:02
supplies and she sees the Covenant House van and all these people and the girl walk out and she
00:09:08
walks up with these huge eyes like, I think you have a story to tell me. And I was like,
00:09:13
oh yeah, get in here. Holy shit. I feel like you've never told me that before. That's wild.
00:09:19
It was really scary because everything was so surreal. It was just that mid-90s.
00:09:24
And suddenly you're in it. There's no being like, bye and go back in your house and pretend it's not happening. No. And also have to judge,
00:09:32
am I safe right now? Is this person going to like, what's happening here? Yeah. Good for you.
00:09:41
Thanks. Thanks for just let me give, just do a little brag real quick. Okay. Here's my first
00:09:46
email. The subject line is everyone needs a grandparent story with a hometown robbery.
00:09:52
So it just starts. My Brooklyn, New York raised grandmother was a bank teller in our hometown of
00:09:58
Bucks County, Pennsylvania. The local bank that she worked at was very secluded. Behind the bank
00:10:03
was a field and nothing much on either side. So it was quite the target for bank robberies.
00:10:09
On a cold Friday morning, she left her station to get a cup of coffee. While she was there,
00:10:14
two men in masks and hoodies came into the bank, guns drawn. My grandma peeked in from the break
00:10:20
room, saw what was going on and got the hell out of there. Fucking love that so much. Later days.
00:10:26
You don't have to hang out at a bank robbery just because you're on the payroll.
00:10:30
There's no camaraderie in bank robberies. No, no. Every man for himself, every grandma for themselves.
00:10:36
Out the back door, she went looking for help, but once outside, realized that there was absolutely nowhere to go.
00:10:42
She tried to get into a few cars to hide, found one, and then slumped in the passenger seat.
00:10:48
While she was hiding, the bank robbers started their escape while kidnapping the bank manager at gunpoint.
00:10:54
Holy shit. What's the getaway car, you ask? The exact car my grandma's hiding in.
00:11:00
Oh, no. No. To know my 411 spunky grandma is to know that she loves her jewels. She has gold diamond rings on every finger, gold chains, earrings, you name it.
00:11:12
Grandmas love jewelry. They fucking love it. They do. While in hiding, she now realizes this might be problematic and tries to hide her hands in her sleeves.
00:11:21
The robbers now see my grandma in the car and they point the gun at her head. My grandma could only think that she wasn't going to live to see my ninth birthday,
00:11:30
which was two days from this incident. They told her to get out of the car and that she wouldn't get hurt.
00:11:35
They let my grandma go but took the bank manager with them. Thankfully, they let her out a few miles away
00:11:41
once they realized there was no dye packs in the stolen money. My grandmother was terrified to go back into the bank
00:11:46
because she didn't know if her co-workers were alive or dead. A man pulled into the bank not knowing what had just gone down.
00:11:53
My grandma made him go into the bank with her to check on everyone The poor guy who was just stopping in for penny wrappers had to stay for the rest of the day to answer police questions Just got to run a quick errand and then I be home for the rest of the afternoon It be
00:12:08
fine. Nope. You have to come and testify about a crime you were not there for. Oh my God. Fast forward to March of 2020. The world was on the verge of a pandemic. My grandma
00:12:19
was giving every ounce of herself to caring for my grandfather who was losing his battle with cancer.
00:12:23
After 55 and a half years of marriage, Papa passed away While this was happening, I was realizing that my marriage of only three months wasn't turning out the way I'd hoped
00:12:32
When my now ex-husband started to become verbally abusive, I packed up my dog, left, and asked Grandma if we could live with her
00:12:39
Without hesitation, she said yes The two of us were simultaneously going through the worst periods of our lives, but we had each other
00:12:46
Now fully in quarantine and trying to find a bright spot, we made Thursday night's martini night at home
00:12:52
Grandma! I fucking love this. Because grandparents know how to get through shit.
00:12:58
Right. And that's with spirits, liquor, dark and light. That's right. My grandparents previously frequented the local watering hole on Thursdays. So in honor of Papa,
00:13:08
we made it something to look forward to each week. I'm a fabulous bartender and grandma was
00:13:13
happy to oblige my skills. And then in parentheses, it says, what else do we have to do? It was a
00:13:18
fucking pandemic. Two years later, we're still roommates and my grandma may love my dog more
00:13:23
than me. I cannot help but think that if things had gone differently all those years ago,
00:13:27
I wouldn't know my grandma the way I do after the countless martinis we've shared together.
00:13:32
Stay sexy. And as grandma would say, everything happens for a reason. Corinne. Oh my God.
00:13:39
Isn't it the best? I'm thinking of my grandma's and that would totally happen with them.
00:13:46
Yeah, totally. Oh my God. Isn't it funny though that she tries to make an escape and ends up
00:13:53
putting herself directly in the line of fire. It's like that went poorly. Of all the cars.
00:14:02
Of all the cars. And of course it's unlocked. Yeah. Oh my God. That was a beautiful.
00:14:08
Also, why don't they, what shitty bank robbers? There's no getaway driver. Like you just went and parked. What the fuck?
00:14:15
Boop, boop. Open the car, turn it on. Yeah. Small potatoes. That was really good.
00:14:20
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Data accurate is of 220-26. Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro.
00:14:55
Good thing the Rogue's ready like that. For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all-wheel drive.
00:15:01
Five modes. We still outside. And they got some kick too. That turbo? Torque is crazy.
00:15:06
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00:15:31
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00:15:36
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See full terms at mintmobile.com. This one's called The Christmas Gift That Keeps On Giving.
00:16:06
Just starts. Ladies, you asked for hometowns involving weird and wonderful holiday gifts at some point in our lives.
00:16:13
We did, yeah. Apparently, okay. So I had to share this gem with you. My dad's side of the family always did a white elephant style gift exchange at Christmas every year.
00:16:24
And many people would contribute gifts that were just this side of inappropriate or off color.
00:16:30
Well, it was the early 90s and an Urban Outfitters had just opened in our town. While shopping there with my mom one day, she was delighted to find penis pasta.
00:16:40
That's right, pasta shaped like dicks. Yeah, we know what penis pasta is. What else could it be?
00:16:48
Disgusting. I was probably eight or nine. I was just mortified that my mom was standing there in public cackling at this box of X-rated macaroni.
00:16:57
She bought it with the idea that it would be her contribution to the gift exchange that year.
00:17:03
Everyone in the family got a kick out of it. And lo and behold, the next year, someone regifted it in the exchange and a tradition was born.
00:17:11
Yes. the annual penis pasta present. This is a fun family. After about eight years of this,
00:17:17
my mom was once again the recipient of said pasta and decided she'd had enough of the long-running
00:17:22
joke. One day, my very prude, very Christian, homeschooled neighbor friend came over to hang
00:17:29
out. As we opened the door before my mom could see who it was, she shouted from the kitchen,
00:17:34
hope you're hungry for some penis pasta. Yes, she decided it was simply time to cook
00:17:41
and eat this erotic pantry item. We didn't let anything go to waste in our house.
00:17:47
I wanted to die. My friend looked absolutely horrified and needless to say, we didn hang out too much after that Stay sexy and don cook naughty food A It like exactly what Christian people think that the heathens down the street are doing That so true
00:18:05
Playing right into that. Oh, my God. That would have been great if she had invited her for dinner
00:18:10
and she had to sit in front of a bowl of penis pasta and be like, I'm not hungry.
00:18:15
Eat it. No, eat it. Eat it. You're going to hell. How old? How long does dry pasta last?
00:18:22
Not eight years, I can imagine. Eight years. That is stale pasta, stale penis pasta.
00:18:28
And also I think novelty pastas, I don't think they're being made for deliciousness in the first place.
00:18:34
No. So. There's no Italian grandma's recipe. Ovening a penis pasta. So crazy. Okay.
00:18:42
This one's kind of amazing, but also illegal. So we're not endorsing it and we're not saying this is right.
00:18:50
Okay. We're just reading what our listeners send us. Yeah. That's the agreement.
00:18:53
Yeah. Yeah. Hi, MFM crew. I've been getting caught up on your whole catalog the past few months and
00:18:59
have been debating back and forth on what to send in for a hometown. I've worked with someone who
00:19:04
arrested Stephen Avery, went to school with the son of a convicted killer, and my grandpa should
00:19:09
probably be in prison for arson and insurance fraud. And then in parentheses, it says, yay,
00:19:14
therapy. So true. This deck is loaded. I finally decided to tell you about my awesome mom and the
00:19:22
time she saved us from her abusive asshole husband. And then cue the Dixie Chick song,
00:19:29
Earl's Gotta Die. My mom had me at 17 and since it was the 80s, decided to marry a friend of a
00:19:35
friend who was just getting out of prison. She was 20 at the time. And then in parentheses,
00:19:40
it says drugs, am I right? Unsurprisingly, the relationship quickly turned abusive once he was
00:19:46
out of prison and moved in with us. I was in pre-K, so no more than three or four years old,
00:19:51
but I remember them fighting and even then I could tell it was bad. My mom, who undoubtedly was just trying to find love and stability for herself
00:19:58
and me when she married the guy, decided she was done for good when she caught him cheating.
00:20:04
You see, assholes still had regular pee tests as a condition of his parole. So one morning, as he was getting ready to head to his PO's office,
00:20:13
my mom slipped a hit of speed into his coffee. He peed hot and went back to jail and she got an annulment.
00:20:20
Holy fuck Right My mom got remarried again when I was nine And he adopted me I gained a father and a sister
00:20:30
And a little girl's happily ever after My dad was truly the best man I've ever known
00:20:36
And after 22 years of marriage to my mother He passed away in 2015 from cancer It's not been an easy life for my mom and I
00:20:43
But her determination to give me a better life Than what she had has paid off And I'm a fierce and proud woman raising my own daughter to be even more fiercely feminist.
00:20:53
Stay sexy, ladies, and don't be afraid to spike your abuser's coffee and get his ass thrown back
00:20:58
into the clank. Love, see. Oh, my God. Look, listen. Listen. Like, you don't know what other
00:21:07
people are going through, you know? Also, here's the thing. If you think that's unjust to the man,
00:21:13
don't hit people. Maybe don't hit people. He wouldn't have gone to prison for beating her,
00:21:20
but he, you know what I mean? That's right. Which is horrible. Also, he was beating her in front of her toddler. This is not a person.
00:21:28
I mean, anyway, not for me to judge, just the story I'm reading. Amazing. Amazing. These are some heavy hitters this week.
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00:22:01
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00:22:05
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00:22:08
Data accurate is of 220-26. Why is it always chaos when we link up? Cause nobody plans anything bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that.
00:22:15
For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all wheel drive. Five modes. We still outside.
00:22:21
And they got some kick too. That turbo? Torque is crazy. The most in its class. It moves moves.
00:22:27
Rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space. Merch on merch. Gear. Mikes. All of it fits.
00:22:34
Load up. We out. 2026 Nissan Rogue. Built for all of it. Auto Pacific Segmentation, 2026 Rogue vs. Latest in-market competitors in the ex-SUV mainstream mid-sites class,
00:22:45
excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
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Default terms at MintMobile.com. Okay, this one's called Lethargic Baby Who Doesn't Know Anything About Anything Saves the Day.
00:23:28
I already love it. Hi, MFM crew and fur children. You asked for stories about badass parents who saved the day.
00:23:35
So I thought you might like a story about a badass baby who saved the day. A couple of years ago, I was eating dinner with my parents and my boyfriend went out of the blue.
00:23:43
My dad turned to my boyfriend and asked, do you want to hear a story about how he saved his mom's life when he was a baby?
00:23:49
I was like, what? This is the first time my parents met my boyfriend, a total stranger to them.
00:23:55
And this was the first time I was hearing this story after 40 years. years of life. Thanks. What? My parents and I came to the US as refugees from Vietnam in 1975
00:24:07
when I was 15 months old. My father was in the South Vietnamese Air Force and the city of Saigon
00:24:13
was about to fall. My dad evacuated my mom, me, and my aunts to a local air base as there were
00:24:20
bunkers there and heavy bombing and shelling was about to begin. The plan was to fly out of the
00:24:25
country to Thailand and then to Guam. However, because of the heavy constant shelling, my mom
00:24:30
and my aunts were trapped in the bunker for a while as it was unsafe to leave the bunker with
00:24:35
bombs being dropped everywhere. Also, I was very sick at the time. I was throwing up constantly
00:24:41
and crying. My mom and my aunts were told that we'd be taking off as soon as the bombing seemed
00:24:47
to be easing off. Finally, the bombing stopped. My mom prepared to run outside to retrieve our
00:24:53
laundry from the clothesline and she handed my sick, useless baby self to my aunt. Right as my
00:25:01
mom reached the door, I began to vomit. I began projectile vomiting everywhere like a fucked up
00:25:07
baby Yoda. My aunt started screaming and my mom turned around right as a bomb fell directly on the
00:25:15
clothesline. Had I not vomited at that moment, my mom would have been standing directly where the
00:25:21
bomb had fell, which destroyed everything. We were later able to board the plane and flee to Thailand
00:25:27
and eventually leave the US. I have vomited many times since under many different circumstances
00:25:33
and situations and due to many, many, many different reasons. But I don't think my vomit
00:25:39
has saved anyone's life again. We'll see. Stay sexy, support all refugees and no more fucking war.
00:25:47
And then it's like Bobo the badass baby. Holy shit. Epic, right? I love it so much.
00:25:58
I also love that's such a dad move. It's like you're kind of trying to, it feels like the dad is trying to kind of boost them up a little bit.
00:26:07
You know what I mean? It's like to the boyfriend, like you will never believe what they were like when they were a baby,
00:26:12
but then also embarrass them. Right. But how do you never hear a story about yourself like that?
00:26:19
It's wild. I mean that sounds like a very traumatizing time So maybe they didn like to talk about the past but you got it Yeah it took a while to see the silver lining of projectile vomiting
00:26:32
Right. Or maybe there's like an awkward silence with the boyfriend at dinner and they're like,
00:26:36
we got to fill this. Okay, here you go. This is what the minisodes are all about is reading you hometowns that you can then,
00:26:44
if you're in an awkward social situation, retell stories. Yeah. Please try to credit people.
00:26:50
If you can. Or if you need to lie and say it's your story, just get out of that awkward situation.
00:26:55
That's the goal. Any means necessary. By any means necessary. Or start projectile vomiting.
00:27:02
I mean, also it's like that baby got a vibe. Let's just be honest. Yeah. That baby's tapped in.
00:27:10
Yeah. Bobo. It couldn't yell, mom, stop. It just came out differently. It's like, what will stop my mom?
00:27:18
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, exorcist barf. Okay, the subject line of my last story is organ transplant story will make Karen cry.
00:27:29
Oh, I love it. So let's just see. Okay. Hi, all. I just listened to episode 318 about the shooting of Nicholas Green, and you all asked for organ transplant stories.
00:27:39
I have one that gives all the good feelings. My brother-in-law grew up in Western Kentucky, and this is technically his hometown story, but I'm telling it.
00:27:46
When I first read that sentence, I read it like sibling style. I was like, but I'm telling it.
00:27:51
I'm telling it. He went on to go to Western Kentucky University with one of his best friends.
00:27:56
When they were 19, his best friend was killed by a drunk driver. His death was extremely hard on my brother,
00:28:02
who had to continue through college without his childhood best friend by his side.
00:28:06
Flash forward 20 years, and my brother-in-law is in a Lowe's halfway across the state,
00:28:10
living in a new city. He walks up to the paint station to get some paint mixed, and the Lowe's worker turns around.
00:28:16
My brother takes a step back. Pinned to the employee's Lowe's vest is a picture of his late
00:28:22
best friend at 19, exactly as my brother remembered him. After gathering his breath,
00:28:29
he asks the employee why he has a picture of his friend pinned to his vest. Now it's time for the
00:28:35
Lowe's employee to lose his breath. He quietly says to my brother-in-law, I have his heart.
00:28:40
Oh my God. I'm gonna cry. Mm-hmm. Oh my God Yeah Right My brother lost it right there in Lowe He never known who his friend organs went to after he passed He hugged the man and sat with him for 30 minutes
00:28:59
talking about his friend. My brother's friend had saved this man's life. And in his honor,
00:29:05
the man kept a picture pinned to his vest even 20 years after his passing. Oh my God.
00:29:11
If the man didn't have this picture, my brother would have never known that he was standing
00:29:15
so close to his late friend's heart. Yeah, like what are the chances? What are the fucking chances?
00:29:21
Not in the same hometown, like not in the same place. Yeah. He would have gone about his day as
00:29:26
any other day. God, that is really weird to think about. Yeah. He would have never seen the good
00:29:31
that came from such a tragedy. My brother still gets teary when telling this story to us and others,
00:29:36
so I had to share it with you all. I'm teary. It worked. Yeah, me too. That worked good.
00:29:42
Organ transplant stories are incredible to me. I'm not a religious person, but something about
00:29:46
having someone else's original parts in you makes me believe a part of their soul stays with you.
00:29:52
I think that's true too. I think so too. It makes death a little more bearable if they live on in
00:29:57
others. So sign up to be an organ donor. Thank you, Karen and Georgia, for everything you do.
00:30:02
E, she, her. Oh my fucking God. Can you imagine how weird that would be? That is beautiful. Sometimes life doesn't suck. There are these little moments where you're like,
00:30:17
hey, everything in the world is on fire, but they're still good in some people. Yep.
00:30:22
And there's still little moments of magic in the world. It's the thing my therapist says, which was you can always be surprised. You have to remember
00:30:31
that you are not a fortune teller. You don't know anything for sure. And there's plenty out
00:30:39
there that can surprise you. You can always be surprised. That's so true. Yeah. Nice batch.
00:30:45
Good grouping. Amazing batch. Yes. Send us your stories, please, whatever you want them to be.
00:30:52
And also, if you want to hear one more story from each of us, it'll be there in the fan cult. And
00:30:57
there's a ton of those back cataloged too. So you can listen to all those if you want
00:31:01
for a long drive or whatever the fuck. Yeah, plan ahead. Be a part of those things.
00:31:08
Yeah. Early and often. Yeah And also stay sexy And don get murdered Goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie Ah
00:31:40
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:31:46
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00:31:51
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00:32:00
Goodbye. This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms. Have you noticed that the egg section at the grocery store has gotten very complicated lately?
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But Vital Farms makes it simple. Pasture-raised eggs, traceable to the farm. Their hens have outdoor access year-round with fresh air and sunshine and forage on rotated pastures with local grasses.
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