00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
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00:02:12
Own the dream. Hello! Hello! And welcome to my favorite murder, the mini-sode. Hi.
00:02:35
Here it is. Hey, what about? Hi. Hi. Should I go first this time? Yeah, you do. Okay.
00:02:40
Okay, this one's called the Pepper Spray Hometown. In the hometown today, you posited.
00:02:46
Posited, yeah. Posited. What even happens with expired pepper spray? I had interned for a congresswoman in 2010 and she was a former police chief.
00:02:56
She made sure her female interns carried pepper spray and bought me several pepper spray keychains that I religiously carried but never had to use.
00:03:04
Fast forward to 2015 and my husband was teasing me about how he was sure I was carrying around expired pepper spray.
00:03:11
I told him I wasn't sure if pepper spray expired and it probably only got more potent with time based on no science, just vibes.
00:03:20
I love that. He proceeded to try to prove the inefficacy to me by all caps, spraying the pepper spray indoors.
00:03:31
In his defense, question mark, he sprayed it into a trash can. In not his defense, this trash can had no lid.
00:03:40
We had to keep the windows open for a few days and find some place to sleep until it cleared out.
00:03:48
So in short, pepper spray may expire, but it's still strong enough to clear an apartment five years later.
00:03:55
No name. Shit. You fucking sprayed it into the air, essentially. Yeah, like you just sprayed it down.
00:04:03
Yeah. It's not like it's going to stay in the garbage can. I told you about that when I tested my pepper spray, I was like walking somewhere at night and I had it in my hand to make sure like, and I was like, I've never even tried this.
00:04:14
I should make sure it works. And then walked through the spray. Sprayed it in front of me.
00:04:18
Kept walking through it. Almost like perfume where you're trying to get a light coat of perfume.
00:04:24
And then, you know, it wasn't that bad. But I just was, by the time I got to where I was meeting my friend, I was cracking up.
00:04:30
Because I just like pepper sprayed myself. Did you, were your eyes burning? Was it bad?
00:04:34
A little bit. I think I must have just only, I must have like not done it directly.
00:04:38
But I still felt it. So it worked. I bet. Well, it's a good sign. Yeah, right? It worked.
00:04:45
Here's my first one. Hi, friends. I've been meaning to write you this story since I listened to your live show
00:04:52
from Des Moines several years ago. I believe Karen made a comment about seeing a lot of
00:04:56
tents selling fireworks on your way into town as it was close to the fourth when you were in the
00:05:01
area. I had to giggle to myself knowing that us Iowans were very eager to have the ability to buy
00:05:07
fireworks in our own state versus crossing the border to South Dakota. You see, up until 2017,
00:05:14
it was illegal to sell or purchase fireworks in the state because of a little incident that
00:05:20
occurred in my hometown back in the 30s. Yes, tell us these stories. Right? Amazing. And then look at this. They actually sourced it. My source is an article
00:05:31
from the Des Moines Register by Mike Kellen. Amazing. And then a smiley, winky face, semicolon parentheses.
00:05:39
I love it. I love it. Cite your sources. Sight them sources, baby. Okay, I'm from a small town in Northwest Iowa called Spencer,
00:05:46
population of about 11,000. The story goes that it was a hot windy day on June 27th,
00:05:53
1931 A young boy accidentally dropped a sparkler on a stack of fireworks that were for sale in front of a drugstore in the downtown area This ended up causing a massive fire that was so hot
00:06:05
the streets caught fire. The windy conditions of that day sent flames across the street,
00:06:13
spreading to most of the downtown buildings. Many local fire departments came together to
00:06:19
pull water from the nearby Little Sioux River in an attempt to stop the flames from spreading
00:06:24
further. An airplane from the Des Moines Register was even brought in not only to capture aerial
00:06:30
photos of the fire, but to destroy a burning building by, all caps, dropping dynamite on it.
00:06:37
What? To avoid further spread. Oh, okay. I guess that's a tactic I didn't know about.
00:06:45
I don't think it's commonly used. And then in parentheses, it says bad period ass.
00:06:51
spirit. It's like a fucking Tom Cruise movie over here. It's truly, you know, in like in
00:06:58
firefighting, they do a thing called backburning where they get ahead of a wildfire and then burn
00:07:03
out whatever. But this is like so next level. Yeah, this is some guy, Eric, who was like,
00:07:08
you know what I've always wanted to do? Yeah. And it seems like now's the time to do it.
00:07:12
Yeah, because everyone's kind of panicked, trying to take care of the actual emergency.
00:07:18
So I'm going to start a new emergency and pitch it as a solution. Let's see. And five, six, seven, eight.
00:07:27
There are even reports that farmers nearly 10 miles out of town could see big black smoke clouds in the sky.
00:07:33
In total, the fire destroyed 80 businesses and caused more than $2 million in damages.
00:07:41
And in parentheses, it says that's $37.3 million in today's money. Holy shit. Incredibly, there were zero deaths from the incident.
00:07:52
However, the fiasco caught national attention and led to Iowa being the very first state in the nation to ban the sale of fireworks in 1938, with many other states following suit.
00:08:03
To this day, the identity of the young boy has never been officially confirmed. I think that's a good idea.
00:08:09
Was it a small town looking after its own or an inside cover-up? Perhaps we'll never know.
00:08:16
Yeah. They're like, that boy doesn't exist any. They took care of it on their own.
00:08:22
It was the sheriff lighting a cigar and throwing it into a pile of fire. Right. There was no kid.
00:08:27
Someone get that boy back here, that little boy that threw it. Okay. What I do know is that immediately after the fire, local businessmen got to work on the
00:08:37
rebuilding process. Even though it was the depression at the time, 20 Art Deco style
00:08:41
buildings were erected fairly quickly. These buildings are now on the National Register of
00:08:47
Historic Places. And then in parentheses, it says, I feel like you too would appreciate some
00:08:51
nice Art Deco buildings. Absolutely. You're very right about that. And then it says,
00:08:56
my favorite part of the story, the way our town decided to memorialize the event,
00:09:00
and then in parentheses, it says, before establishing Clay County Heritage Center a
00:09:05
few years ago, was by hanging the aerial photos of the fire taken by the newspaper
00:09:10
in the upstairs party room of the local pizza restaurant, Godfather's Pizza. Oh, I love it.
00:09:20
This is a very parenthetical story because then in parentheses again, it says, yes, the spokesman is a parody of Don Vito Corleone from The Godfather,
00:09:29
and their best pie is the taco pizza with crushed nacho cheese Doritos sprinkled on top.
00:09:36
What is happening? This is a fever dream. This is a fever dream for sure. This person cut up a bunch of nouns and threw them into a hat and then put a story together for us.
00:09:48
Took some acid and then. And then, hey. Hey. I recall many childhood events being hosted at the restaurant, yet no one stopped to think about whether the visuals of massive flaming buildings, terrified old-timey locals, and the Great Depression were the vibes that they should be going for.
00:10:07
at Lindsay's eighth birthday party. And then it says, wow, sorry, this is so long.
00:10:13
Thanks for all you do. I was turned on to your podcast when I started my new job in the fall of 2019,
00:10:17
which put me on the road a lot during lockdown, except not really a lockdown in Iowa
00:10:22
because our governor is insane. Whoops. I made it a goal to catch up on all the MFM episodes in order.
00:10:30
And I'm happy to say as of today, mission accomplished. ssdgm tori she her damn tori that was epic you nailed the storytelling you you painted a picture
00:10:43
i want to go to godfather's pizza and have a birthday party there absolutely i want
00:10:47
fresh charitos on my motherfucking pizza now damn now and forever so good this is kristen davis from are you a charlotte forget everything you know about hair color
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00:13:19
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections.
00:13:26
And it's like, OK, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it.
00:13:39
But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic.
00:13:45
That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like, oh, my God, I cried at the end.
00:13:50
It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:14:00
Okay, this one's called Parents Push Pen Pal. Oh, it just starts. Let's do this.
00:14:06
I grew up in a Texas Southern Baptist brand of religion. Think, close your eyes and raise your hands during the music.
00:14:13
Full dunk baptisms. I didn't know those things. Mega church congregations, church two to three times a week, etc.
00:14:23
I've got a lot of weird stories, but this one takes the cake and throws my parents under the bus.
00:14:29
It was the late 90s. I was eight years old, and it comes out that our youth pastor had been accused of molesting a teen at our church.
00:14:36
But this was the 90s, so the entire church, including my parents, believed this guy was innocent.
00:14:42
And the entire congregation stood behind him while he was arrested, charged, and eventually convicted of sexually assaulting a teen.
00:14:52
Guys. You read that, right? He went to jail, and everyone thought he was still innocent.
00:14:58
Boo. It's Christmas time, and my parents have the great idea that I should write to him to cheer him up.
00:15:05
so there I am eight years old sitting down to write a convicted pedophile and I am obsessed
00:15:13
with the book series called Amelia's Notebook kind of like Diary of a Wimpy Kid where it's made to seem
00:15:18
like a young girl's journal so I handwrite and decorate my letters with illustrations of events
00:15:24
Lisa Frank stickers and quirky notes all over the page no I hope someone at the jail
00:15:31
was reading his letters he sent to me because my parents did not I remember his letters were typed and had a lot of stories about Jesus, so I eventually got bored.
00:15:40
But not until after exchanging months of letters, when the next children's pastor at our church got arrested for soliciting a minor.
00:15:49
And then it says, yep. Surprisingly, my parents did not encourage me to write to him.
00:15:54
But maybe I was just too old at the time. Lol. Stay sexy and don't encourage your child to write to pedophiles in prison, mom.
00:16:02
and then there's no name. Mom. Mom. It's how it ends. Shit. Yeah, dude. That is not good.
00:16:15
No, dude. What are you doing, church? Yeah, church, parents, everyone. Steeple, people.
00:16:24
All those people. Shit. All right. All right. I'm just going to read this one, not read you the soda line.
00:16:31
Okay. Okay. Hey, y'all. While listening to Minnesota episode 268, y'all asked for stories of bad
00:16:37
things you did in a museum and boy, did my ears perk up. After graduating with a BS,
00:16:43
bachelor's of science in archaeology, and then in parentheses, yes, I love the irony.
00:16:48
I don't know what that means. Bachelor's of science. What's the irony? I don't know. Go ahead.
00:16:53
I don't know. I began working at the Penn Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology and their visitor
00:16:58
services. Being in my early 20s, I would often show up to work hungover and have to excuse myself
00:17:04
to barf in the gorgeous historic bathrooms or fall asleep sitting up at the visitor's desk on
00:17:11
a slow day. God bless. I am much less of a shithead now. The real bad thing I did in a museum,
00:17:19
though, had nothing to do with my own. Instead, it was at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.
00:17:25
And then in parentheses, it says, think the rocky stairs. My boyfriend and I are incredibly
00:17:30
silly people and had a bit where he would tap my nose and I would, quote unquote, turn off.
00:17:36
And then in parentheses, I would theater camp throw myself on the ground like I had
00:17:41
my life force ripped out of me. That's adorable. That's really funny. Well, one time at the art museum in an empty corridor,
00:17:49
My boyfriend tapped my nose and I turned off, falling to the floor. My boyfriend quickly walked away from me as he wanted to see a painting That when I heard a rush of footsteps coming toward me I opened my eyes to see an elderly security guard running to my aid
00:18:05
The poor guy thought that my boyfriend had seriously hurt me and that I was in danger.
00:18:10
I quickly got back up and profusely apologized to the kind and relieved guard. Needless to say, my boyfriend doesn't turn me off anymore.
00:18:18
And then there's a winky smiley face. Turn me off. Thank you all for the podcast. You have been my invisible earbud friends throughout the tedium and stress of my master's and now my PhD in archaeology. And then parentheses, no, I've never seen Indiana Jones.
00:18:36
What? It's called Raiders of the Lost Ark, first of all. Stay sexy and don't throw yourself on dirty public floors for attention. It's not cute. Steph, she, her.
00:18:47
Oh, she could just do it less dramatically, like like turning off like a robot instead of throwing her entire human self to the floor.
00:18:58
But I really do love that kind of stuff in couples where you start to do a bit. It's very funny to you.
00:19:05
And then you you've lost all sense of what it looks like to the outside world. Hello, beautiful.
00:19:13
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00:19:18
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00:19:35
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00:19:47
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00:20:05
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00:20:14
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00:20:21
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Visit Nix.com and use code FLOW15 for 15% off. That's K-N-I-X.com. Code FLOW15. an actress who adapts his book into a film,
00:21:02
and what happens when a meme and a media tour collide with a slow burn romance. It's performed by Simu Liu and Philippa Su, and it is an absolute blast.
00:21:14
When you actually hear the performance, you realize that other people are taking your words,
00:21:20
and what you thought was kind of a straightforward sentence like, the cat in the corner is black.
00:21:25
In my head, it's the cat in the corner is black, not the dog, not the gerbil. But someone else might say it.
00:21:31
The cat in the corner is black. That's always fascinating to me. How they just bring in all these different nuances and really make it fun and interesting and distinctive.
00:21:41
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:21:54
Okay, this is a crazy coincidence story, so I'm not going to read you the da-da-da-da.
00:21:59
Insert sassy greeting here. When you mentioned glitches in the matrix and insane coincidences, I knew it was time to share the story of how I met my husband.
00:22:09
Sorry if this is long, but it needs some context. The year was 2008, and Facebook was fairly new to us 80s babies.
00:22:16
At the time, my now-husband, Sean, was just a single guy who didn't understand technology.
00:22:21
He deduced that the purpose of the app was to find the people you knew in middle school.
00:22:26
And the only name he could remember was that of the first girl he kissed. For the purposes of anonymity, let's say this girl's name was Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:22:34
So he typed Sarah Jessica Parker into his search bar. So far, nothing too weird, right?
00:22:41
Wrong. While Sean was looking for his first love, I was ignorantly using the Facebook platform myself.
00:22:47
I was very naive and unaware of the potential dangers of social media. That's why when I got a friend request from a stranger named Sean, I didn't think too hard about accepting it.
00:22:57
Why had Sean found me? Was I his middle school girlfriend? No, but my full name is Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:23:04
I know it's not the strangest coincidence, but sit tight. It turns out the Facebook gods hadn't just connected us because I had the same name.
00:23:12
Sean and I had a lot more in common than we knew. As we were talking, we began to realize that we both lived in Los Angeles.
00:23:19
Then as we chatted more, we found out we were both attending the same 300-person church.
00:23:25
Insert scared emoji face here. At this point, I called my mom, who told me I'd been found by some creepy stalker,
00:23:32
and I need to stop attending my church immediately. That is, until she asked me if he was hot.
00:23:39
When I mentioned he was, my mother, who has always been desperate to marry me off like a child bride,
00:23:45
suggested that maybe I give him a chance to meet up in real life. Yeah. I was on the fence,
00:23:50
but attended my regular church service that Sunday. In non-denominational style churches,
00:23:55
they often ask you to stand up and greet the people around you. As I turned out,
00:24:00
To shake hands with the row behind me, I found myself face to face with Facebook boy.
00:24:05
He was right behind me. My heart raced. Did he know I was sitting there or was it just a coincidence?
00:24:12
Nonetheless, my Midwest roots told me to never fuck politeness. So I introduced myself to my potential stalker.
00:24:19
As we shared awkward get to know you conversation, I asked him what he did for a living.
00:24:24
And that is when I knew I definitely had a stalker. Sean tells me that he worked for a specific catering company,
00:24:31
the same catering company that my office used every day. He had literally served me lunch just two days ago.
00:24:38
So in case you weren't keeping tabs, here's a full list of glitches in the matrix.
00:24:41
I had the same first, middle, and last name as his first girlfriend. We both lived in the same city.
00:24:47
We were both attending the same small, not well-known church in LA where no one goes to church.
00:24:53
He had been serving me lunch every day for weeks. I'd love to tell you that I used my instincts and got the hell out of Dodge,
00:24:59
but I guess choosing to not fuck politeness can be a good thing because it turned out that on top of all these coincidences,
00:25:05
we had one more thing in common. We were the love of each other's lives. That's right.
00:25:10
We took all these coincidences as a sign that maybe we should get to know each other.
00:25:15
And now we know each other in the biblical sense. If you catch my drip, wink emoji here.
00:25:23
Yeah, we get it. We've been married almost 13 years and have two children. So I guess if he was my stalker, he's the most successful stalker ever.
00:25:32
I like to joke that Sarah Jessica Parker was the first and last girl Sean ever kissed.
00:25:38
Quick note to say that despite serendipity bringing us together, our marriage has only lasted due to therapy and our faith.
00:25:45
We are huge advocates of both and therapy has helped us fight for our marriage through challenges
00:25:50
as we have two special needs children and have encountered many obstacles. like our house burning down and losing everything this past February.
00:25:59
Thank you again for promoting mental health and being so damn entertaining along the way Stay sexy and fuck your stalker not politeness
00:26:09
SJP, but my real name is Heather. She, her. Terrible advice. This email goes against everything.
00:26:21
I know. But I still like it. I know, I know. it. Also, Heather, that's the word I've been looking for, for the glitch in the matrix. It's
00:26:30
serendipity. Oh, yeah. Because kismet is more like almost always romantic. Yeah. Serendipity
00:26:37
is that thing where it's like unexplainable coincidences and things. Yeah, that's the word.
00:26:42
Did you see the movie, and this is a weird coincidence, that has Sarah Jessica Parker in
00:26:47
it called Then There Was You. Oh, no, sorry. Okay. I can't fucking find it that it ever existed,
00:26:54
so maybe I made it up, but it was a really good movie. And then there was all these kind of sliding doors type of things,
00:27:02
and it's really cute. It doesn't matter, but Sarah Jessica Parker's in it, so that's weird.
00:27:05
Oh, that's funny. I find listening to you type very soothing. Oh, thank you. I'm very good at it.
00:27:10
Tell there was you. Tell there was you. It's not called in Then There Was You. And it's starring Gene Triplehorn,
00:27:18
and then the love interest is Dylan McDermott. Oh, Sarah Jessica Parker's just kind of like one of the people
00:27:24
in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cute. Got it. It's really cute. Oh, okay. Yeah. That was a long
00:27:29
description of a movie. Okay. You go. I like that you got to brag in that you're good at typing.
00:27:37
That's what happens when you're a fucking receptionist for 10 years of your fucking
00:27:41
boring ass life. You're like, I have to be good at it. Yeah. It's my only skill, literally.
00:27:46
Okay. This last one, it says, hi, y'all. I'll keep this short, but just know I love and appreciate
00:27:52
y'all my hometown story is about my aunt who fearlessly stopped an intruder one summer afternoon
00:27:58
my dear aunt was on the second floor of her home in front of her big bathroom window shaving her
00:28:03
legs this is porn this is how porn starts i mean a very specific kind of porn Yeah Cinemax Yes it the Cinemax leg shaving series
00:28:17
When she hears a crash on the first floor, she knew she was the only one home and ran downstairs with half-shade legs and a towel, only to find a man standing in her kitchen with a knife.
00:28:28
Oh, my God. In the midst of her shock, all she could think to say is, why don't you just get a job?
00:28:35
Somehow insulting a burglar is the way to get them to run off down the street. She decided to call the cops, but sadly, he was never caught.
00:28:42
Thank you for all that you do and say. My mom passed away about a year and a half ago, and you guys have helped me through more than I can say.
00:28:50
SSD GM, XOXO, Tara, not Tara. Holy shit, a knife, though. that's more than like a burglary.
00:29:00
That's scary. Yeah. Good for her for quick thinking. It's scary, but it's not as scary as,
00:29:09
what's the word I'm looking for? Serendipity. Right? Yeah, that's it. Do you have a serendipitous leg shaving story?
00:29:21
Please send it to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com. That's right. And if you want one extra story each,
00:29:26
extra hometown, join the fan cult. and they're all there if you want to listen. Oh, there's so much exclusive content.
00:29:32
There is. And backlogged. Yeah, there's just tons. And leg shaving movies. Right.
00:29:38
Oh, stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:29:53
Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton. Our producer is Alejandra Keck. This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.
00:30:01
Our researcher is Gemma Harris. Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:30:07
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave MyFaveMurder Goodbye Running a business shouldn feel like surviving a software group project
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One app for accounting, another for inventory, another for sales. And somehow, none of them talk to each other.
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That's where Odoo comes in. An all-in-one business management software that brings every part of your business together.
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From sales and accounting to inventory and marketing. All in one powerful platform.
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No messy integrations, no bouncing between tabs. And best of all, no spreadsheets.
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Stop managing software and start managing your business with one unified system.
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Try for free today at odoo.com slash iHeartRadio. That's odoo.com slash iHeartRadio.
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It's called soccer. It's called football. Uh, soccer. Football. Domino's best deal ever lets you get any pizza, including stuffed crust, with any toppings for $9.99.
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We can agree on that. Yeah, fully. So, pineapple? Don't ruin it. Get any pizza, including stuffed crust, with any toppings for $9.99.
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Finally something everyone can get behind. And if the refs disagree, that's between them and Domino's.
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Which means the only thing left to fight over is who's ordering. Domino's. Price is higher for some locations. Excludes XL and specialty pizzas.
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Select this offer from $615 to $726. Online only. Size availability varies by crust tank.
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Max 7 toppings. 6 for pan and New York style crust. Minimum purchase required for delivery.
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Prices participation delivery area and charges may vary. M&M's popped caramel do sound different.
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Oh no, people are going to be obsessed. What do you mean? Hmm, people hate the sound of chewing.
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Maybe they won't like the crunch. Maybe we're saved. Wait a minute. Yellow. Have you been eating them this whole time?
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Mmm, so tasty. Hands off us. M&M's Popped Caramel. It's more fun together.