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00:00:51
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00:01:28
My favorite murder Hello! Hello! And welcome. To My Favorite Murder. It doesn't feel right.
00:01:47
No. That's right. We're trying to make the hello shorter, but it's not working. So that's what happened just now.
00:01:53
I mean, they're now just by repetition, it feels like it has to have eight O's. Yeah.
00:02:00
It's not a hello. It's a hello. Hello. It is borderline Mrs. Doubtfire. It is. It is.
00:02:07
Let's face it. Yeah. All right. Should I go first? Yes. Okay. This is called My Mom is a Hero Bummer Warning.
00:02:14
Oh. Heyo to everyone with or without fur. I'm currently laid up in bed with nerve pain, and I've wanted to write in this story since
00:02:22
back when it was just, quote, hometown murders. Remember? I actually didn't know this full story
00:02:27
until I asked my mom at Thanksgiving a few years ago. Thankfully, my weird family was glad to talk about it.
00:02:33
I grew up in a relatively safe West Coast city in the 90s. One of my favorite memories
00:02:37
is playing with the kids across the street, two boys and one baby girl. My mom was best friends with their mom,
00:02:43
we'll call her Jennifer, and even breastfed the middle boy when he was born around the same time as me
00:02:48
because Jennifer was having trouble producing milk due to stress. That's close. Well, and that used to be the way they did it.
00:02:55
Like if you were rich enough, you never breastfed. You just hired some Irish lady who already had eight kids and had her do it.
00:03:03
That's really, it's kind of creepy though. It's creepy to think about, but it is like, if you're comfortable with that, that's like so generous of you.
00:03:12
It takes a village. It really does. I remember going to their house a few times.
00:03:16
It was dark and we were all sort of scared of their dad. We'll call him Peter. He didn't speak much and the boys would get quiet when he came in the room.
00:03:24
Usually the kids came to our house and we played here. One day, my mom and Jennifer had plans to go to an AA meeting and my dad was going to watch us kids while they were out.
00:03:34
My mom noticed Jennifer was late, which was not like her. She tried calling a few times and was about to walk across the street to get her when she heard a knock at the door.
00:03:43
She opened it to find Peter. He gave my mom the baby while the other two kids ran excitedly into the house to find me.
00:03:49
Then he said, I killed Jennifer. I already called the cops. They're on their way.
00:03:55
Oh my God. Then casually walked back across the street. Oh my God. I'm sure as you guessed, Peter had been abusing his wife. With my mom's help,
00:04:03
she was making plans to leave him. He selfishly cut her life short as the kids watched TV
00:04:09
downstairs. Thankfully, they heard and saw nothing. During the trial, they slandered her
00:04:14
name because she was in AA and found other reasons to blame her. He claimed PTSD from being in the
00:04:21
military. My mom was of course called to testify. She came into the courtroom and placed a big
00:04:26
blown up photo of Jennifer in front of the jury, staring down Peter the entire time she testified
00:04:31
about his abuse and her character. Peter only got 10 years and my mom believes he would have gotten
00:04:37
off if it was not for her testimony. When he got out of prison years later, I asked my mom if she
00:04:43
was scared and she said, quote, he was a coward then and I'm sure he's a coward now. That's right.
00:04:48
This all happened when I was about five. I remember Jennifer, a great mom, an easygoing
00:04:53
and soft-spoken woman. On this on a high note that when I was 10 for my birthday, my parents
00:04:58
took me out of school and as a surprise, we went and spent the day with the three kids.
00:05:03
They were living with their grandparents at the base of a lovely local mountain.
00:05:07
They were in homeschool and were able to have plenty of rabbits, cats, and a dog that they
00:05:11
gladly showed off to me. A big regret is not keeping up with them, but we moved a bit after
00:05:15
this. Sorry for such a long email. I just couldn't leave out any details. If you're in an abusive
00:05:21
relationship, reach out to friends and family. Remember, you don't owe your abuser any explanation
00:05:25
and you don't have to tell them you're leaving. Always bring someone with you to get your things.
00:05:29
Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233. I'll repeat it. 800-799-7233. Stay sexy and hug your mom today. She's probably seen some shit. Anonymous.
00:05:45
Well, Anonymous, not only was that a perfect and exact hometown from the OG style, but you are so
00:05:53
lucky to have been raised by a woman of that caliber That is a person who lived and is probably still living her life exactly how you supposed to Integrity Lots of integrity
00:06:08
Integrity and kind of like standing up to these pseudo bullies who are truly cowards. She's right.
00:06:14
It's like those men are cowards. And that's just unbelievable. Yeah. Crazy. And so sad. I'm glad those kids had a place to go. That's nice to hear.
00:06:25
Well, I'm going to switch it up and tell a sinkhole story. And this one starts, hello to literally everyone.
00:06:34
Perfect. A while back, y'all asked for sinkhole stories, and I finally have one.
00:06:38
I'm currently a college student at a very well-known party school, ASU. With that being said, we literally go out most nights.
00:06:46
Literally. That's the second literally I'll keep count. On our Tuesday night, yes, Tuesday, like the middle of the week,
00:06:54
My friends and I decided to say, fuck our 8 a.m. class the next day, and we went to a frat.
00:06:59
We pre-gamed a little too hard, and my friend, I love this person, and my friend, we'll call her
00:07:06
Jane, got blackout drunk. All was going swimmingly when at 12.30, apparently, the frat's neighbors
00:07:11
got annoyed and called the cops. And then in parentheses, it says, like, I'm sorry,
00:07:15
it sucks that y'all want to study and we want to party. Well, here's where the sinkhole comes in.
00:07:21
were cheap and we didn't want to pay for an Uber. So we decided to trek back a mile to our dorms.
00:07:27
Some older girls didn't want us walking alone. Goddamn. Here we go. Yep. This fucking smart lady's repping all throughout this episode.
00:07:38
Some older girls didn't want us walking alone. So they assigned us some quote unquote security
00:07:42
in the form of two drunk five, eight frat guys. Hey, it doesn't, you don't have to be tall to
00:07:48
kick ass. Absolutely not. 15 minutes into our walk, Jane needed to pee. So she went behind a
00:07:54
bush with our other friend we will call Alex and all was well until the ground crumbled from
00:07:59
underneath her and she ended up in a 10 foot sinkhole. What? Oh, that poor thing.
00:08:07
Accepting her fate, she threw her arms up like it was a roller coaster and you said we on the way
00:08:12
down. Drunk girls. Drunk girls all night long. Now, what do five underage college kids do when
00:08:23
one ends up in a sinkhole? Well, of course, we don't call for help. We decide to pull her out
00:08:27
ourselves. Of course. 30 minutes of struggling later, we finally get Jane out of the hole.
00:08:33
All is good. We go and get pizza and all is well. After some delicious drunk pizza,
00:08:38
we all head back to our dorms and forget all about it. Until, of course, a video of her in
00:08:43
the sinkhole ends up all over social media. No, who did that? I am living vicariously through this
00:08:51
email. I miss being 19 so hard. Jane, who was blackout, had no idea it was her in the video
00:08:59
and sent it to all of us laughing at the drunk girl who fell into the sinkhole. No, she didn't.
00:09:05
Sorry, I didn't read this far down. I was just like, I got basically to them falling into sinkholes
00:09:09
like we're golden. Oh my God. She sent the video herself like, check out this girl.
00:09:15
Oh my God. After we all hysterically explained to her that the drunk girl in the video
00:09:22
was in fact her, Jane exclaims in all caps, is this why I have cuts all over my legs?
00:09:29
Indeed it is. Well, I guess that's the end of my college sinkhole story. Stay sexy and maybe
00:09:34
don't get blackout on a Tuesday or you'll end up in a sinkhole. I want to know if she was still peeing when it happened.
00:09:41
That would be the worst. Right. Or her pants are down. Yeah. Who took video? Which one of those like traders took video?
00:09:52
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes
00:09:56
on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
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Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
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00:10:14
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:10:22
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:10:30
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:10:36
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Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. All right. This one's called What's a Samurai Sword Doing in Wisconsin?
00:12:49
It's a good title. Hello, Karen, Georgia, family, pet members, and listeners. This is an OG style
00:12:57
type of hometown. I live in Los Angeles now, but originally I'm from a very small town in
00:13:02
Wisconsin called New London, population 7,121. Wow. Everyone knows everything about everyone.
00:13:09
Side note, we also have one of the largest St. Patrick's Day parades in the country
00:13:13
and even renamed the town New Dublin for like a week. growing up I've always hated living in a small town because literally nothing exciting or new
00:13:22
ever happened so imagine my surprise when one day my dad and I were waiting for my mom in the car
00:13:27
in the grocery store parking lot when he turned to me and pointed at the house behind us and said
00:13:32
see that house I used to babysit in that house and as a kid and oh and someone was murdered there
00:13:38
remember shorty he killed a guy there oh I realized that both my first stories are about murder
00:13:43
now let me go back a bit shorty was a friend of my dad's i had met several times as a kid
00:13:50
when he would hang out with my dad and their group of friends he was nicknamed that because
00:13:54
obviously he was a short guy he was always relatively nice to me and didn't seem super
00:13:59
creepy or weird in any way but then again i probably only saw him between the ages of four
00:14:04
and six so what did i know about judging someone's character back then true there i also remember him
00:14:10
missing a ring finger, but I'm not sure if that was just my child imagination or if he actually
00:14:14
was missing a finger. Anyways, I don't know all the details because I heard this story years ago,
00:14:20
but supposedly the way my dad told it, one of the residents that moved into the house was an
00:14:24
acquaintance of Shorty's. There had been an altercation over a girl Shorty had been seeing
00:14:29
in this guy and money might've been involved too. But long story short, no pun intended,
00:14:35
Shorty had brought a samurai sword to the house with him, I guess because he already planned on
00:14:39
confronting this guy and stabbed him multiple times with a sword and fled the house.
00:14:45
Oh no. Police traced the crime back to him because, duh, that's a very specific and uncommon murder weapon,
00:14:50
and he was sent to prison. I can only assume he got the samurai sword from one of the weapon shops in the mall in Appleton,
00:14:57
Wisconsin. Anyone remember those? Just a shot for legit movie-style replica swords and knives in malls.
00:15:04
I feel like I've seen those. Why was that a thing? From then on, I referred to that house as the murder house and would continue to tell my friends the story that my dad knew someone who murdered a guy in that house.
00:15:14
Weird flex younger me, but okay. Stay sexy and maybe don't fight over a girl samurai style.
00:15:20
Kennedy, gay, non-binary, murderino. Kennedy, that's quite a story because, right, it's a traditional hometown yet again.
00:15:28
But that is, you don't bring a samurai sword to something where you're like, I just need to talk this through.
00:15:36
No. Right? Like clearly that guy was going to do something bad. Yeah. Premeditation, they could call it.
00:15:44
Yeah. They're hard to carry around. Yeah. I mean, what's anyone doing anymore? Truly.
00:15:53
Okay. The subject line of this email is Haunted Hills of Mission Peak. Happy fall, my dudes.
00:16:02
On Halloween 2015, me and the Broskies were looking for something to do. We were too old to trick or treat, but too young to stay in, turn lights off, and ignore the kids knocking on the door while pretending to not be there.
00:16:13
Finally, one of us came up with this great idea to go for a hike up Mission Peak at midnight, the high point of the Mission Hills in Fremont, California.
00:16:22
And then in parentheses, it says Karen probably knows. I know where Fremont is, but I don't know about this hike.
00:16:27
The hike up, although incredibly tough, was relatively uneventful. As we neared the top of the hill, about 2,500 foot in elevation, we realized that we were walking straight into the clouds.
00:16:38
They were so thick that we couldn't see more than two feet in front of us and could only see the person standing directly next to each other.
00:16:45
We got to the top, chilled for a minute, and then decided to head back down. As we're heading back down, a couple of my friends start freaking out because now we know there are mountain lions and rattlesnakes on Mission Peak.
00:16:55
I felt I had no choice but to grab a couple rocks off the ground when they weren't looking and once in a while throw them 15 to 20 feet away, just close enough to where they could hear it and think it was a mountain lion and not be able to see because of the cloud.
00:17:11
Instantly, my 110-pound friend pulled out his tiny pocket knife and assured us that he would handle any threat around the corner, which is, hey, that's cool, no matter how much they weigh.
00:17:22
I thought it was all fun and games until about halfway down the mountain, we walked directly into a large bull.
00:17:30
And then in parentheses, it says, not sure what kind. Ask Karen, who once claimed to be a cow expert.
00:17:35
Hey, shut the fuck up. On the trail. So they run into a large bull on the trail.
00:17:43
And it began to start kicking. Oh, no. That can't be good. No. We took off running.
00:17:48
Yeah I sorry have been a bobcat Nothing happened but the creepiest part of the whole night was when we got about one mile from the end of the trail where the clouds had not fallen yet There was a man sitting on top of a picnic table his dog standing next to him as he played the banjo in a creepy
00:18:10
uptempo tune and stared directly at us without missing a beat at 3 a.m. on Halloween night.
00:18:18
No, no, no, no, no, no. Uh-huh. And then it just says, what the fuck? You've never seen six teenage boys disappear as
00:18:24
fast as we did. We got to the bottom and took a pack to never go up Mission Peak at midnight ever
00:18:29
again. Anyway, enjoy the chill vibes that fall brings. Karen's got a crush. I love this person.
00:18:39
So enjoy the chill vibes that fall brings and make sure to keep warm like Steven's upper lip.
00:18:45
Stay sexy and run from banjo playing maniacs. Ricky P. Ricky. We always talked about how there's
00:18:52
no cool rickies anymore ricky used to be the cool name i think ricky p is bringing it back ricky p
00:18:58
yeah that idea though all the other things that are like nature fears and nature scares which are
00:19:04
like normal where you yeah you don't want to be anywhere near a bull they're just crazed but a
00:19:09
dude staring at you while he plays the banjo is yeah in an up-tempo not even like
00:19:15
like not slow up-tempo banjo nothing scarier so scary While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:19:28
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:19:39
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:19:45
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:19:52
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:19:59
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:20:05
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00:21:44
Goodbye. Okay, this one's called How I Cheated Death, featuring a Ouija board and sleep paralysis demon.
00:21:52
Lighthearted somehow. Hi, gang. Here's a random story that you would never ask for, but it gets me where it looks at parties, so I figured it belongs here.
00:22:02
When I was in college, my friends and I thought Ouija boards were a fun way to spend a Friday night.
00:22:07
Please know we've changed. We usually only asked vague questions and kept it light and not demony.
00:22:13
But one night, we somehow ended up learning that I was supposed to die on February 7th, 2019.
00:22:19
Wow. Which was about three years away at the time. I'm thrilled to report I did not die on this day.
00:22:24
But for a while, I actually believed I would. I would never want that information.
00:22:28
You know what everyone's always like? If you could find out when you were going to die, fuck no.
00:22:32
No. Hell no. And I don't want to fake Ouija board one either. Because even though I'm not superstitious and don't believe it,
00:22:38
I would be freaking out. That whole time you would be waiting to see if it was real. So if
00:22:43
it's three years or eight years, you're just sitting there going, like not, I mean, the only
00:22:48
benefit would be if you suddenly were like, well, then I am going to audition for that Broadway play,
00:22:53
but I don't think it works that way. Well, I played it cool at first and, you know,
00:22:57
spent less Friday nights with Ouija boards. Then about a month before the supposed dreaded date,
00:23:02
I experienced the most terrifying sleep paralysis of my life. I woke up in the middle of the night
00:23:07
to see the little girl from The Ring standing in the corner of my room, long black hair covering
00:23:12
her face. She creeps over to me while I'm literally frozen in fear. She gets on top of me and I feel
00:23:19
like I'm being crushed. Like I actually feel it. People who have experienced sleep paralysis before
00:23:24
get it. And then, all caps, she sticks her finger into my belly button. I agree. What the fuck?
00:23:32
But it's honestly the scariest thing that's ever happened to me in the moment. And I woke up convinced it was an omen for my upcoming death day.
00:23:41
So I took off work. I prayed out loud to God to forgive me for bailing on Christianity.
00:23:46
I told my friends the news. Some of them sent me eulogies. I avoided eye contact with my Catholic grandmother.
00:23:53
And when the day eventually arrived, me and my roommates stayed inside and watched comfort TV all day and snacked on the couch.
00:24:00
Only the safest snacks. And when midnight rolled around, we counted down the seconds like it was New Year's Eve
00:24:06
and I cheated death. And it's now a holiday I celebrate annually by playing it safe
00:24:12
and avoiding any final destination movies. So far, so good. Stay sexy and cheat death.
00:24:19
Devin, she, her. Yeah. Hell yeah, Devin. You did it. You did it. I love that, being an anniversary.
00:24:25
That's so fun. That's right. She survived. I think I've told you this, But I had a dream one time when I was in high school that I was standing under the Golden Gate Bridge.
00:24:34
I've had a lot of Golden Gate Bridge-based dreams. Weird. And I was standing on the Marin side and looking into the water.
00:24:42
And then a seal came up. And in a British accent, she goes, you're going to die when you're 32.
00:24:48
What an asshole. And then so from then on, I just believe that was true. Like I was just like, oh, clearly.
00:24:57
You're going to die. Clearly, if it's a British seal, it's going to happen. Sure.
00:25:01
You're going to die when you're 32. Oh, my God. You're going to die. Really? Almost like it was good news.
00:25:06
Like, don't worry. It's not going to be hard for very much longer. It's just like, I guess.
00:25:10
Maybe the way you were going, you were going to die when you were 32 and you like changed, tweaked a couple things.
00:25:16
You know, what's funny is like, yeah, I almost died when I was 27. Yeah So scary Don play with Ouija boards No Okay Here my last one It fasty Okay So the subject line of this email is Fear of Dolls the origin story Hello Karen Georgia
00:25:33
and Steven, three exclamation points. I recently listened to Minnesota 140 and you guys asked for
00:25:38
Halloween stories slash something about trick-or-treating and I finally have something
00:25:41
to write about. I'm either two years late or a month early. I'm going to go with early.
00:25:46
When I was four or five years old, my childhood best friend and I were trick-or-treating around my neighborhood while our parents drunkenly followed behind.
00:25:55
Walking up to one of the houses, we were suddenly being yelled at by a man on the roof dressed as Chucky the doll who then, all caps, jumped off the roof and started chasing us.
00:26:06
No, a grown man. You're not supposed to do that. To a five-year-old? No. No. My best friend, baby Spider-Man, and my princess self ran screaming and crying down the street while our parents were dying of laughter.
00:26:20
And then a parentheses, it says, yay, the 90s. I'm not sure that would fly these days.
00:26:24
Know it fucking what. You'd all be arrested. Yeah. It took me years to walk past that house again.
00:26:30
And 20-something years later, I still won't watch those movies. Stay sexy and maybe don't traumatize children that are just trying to get some free candy.
00:26:38
Then it signed Bryce, she, her. Oh my God. Just a classic Halloween story of trauma.
00:26:45
Yeah Classic Halloween chasing children story Yeah Hey write us your spooky Halloween stories No matter what time of year you listening to this we always love a good spooky story
00:26:58
Definitely. Yeah. And after you do that, please do us a favor and I'll do it in the voice of the British
00:27:05
seal. Okay. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. That wasn't British. That didn't sound British.
00:27:13
Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.
00:27:27
Our producer is Alejandra Keck. This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.
00:27:32
Our researchers are Maren McClashen and Gemma Harris. Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:27:39
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:27:44
Goodbye. Running a business shouldn't feel like surviving a software group project.
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