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and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
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00:01:28
Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the mini-sode. That's right. You kill them, we grill them.
00:01:49
Uh-oh. Isn't that how it goes? What's that from? It's Roadkill. It's about roadkill.
00:01:59
Really? Yeah, there was a joke like when I was a child of like, what was the restaurant called that cooks roadkill?
00:02:06
You kill them, we grill them. I thought it was like from Jaws or something. Maybe it is.
00:02:15
I don't know. I don't know how it happened, but it's been in my brain for over 40 years.
00:02:19
And isn't that how podcasting works? I'm just here to present the things that have been stuck in our heads all of our lives.
00:02:25
Definitely. You want to go first? Sure. This is called Moms Love a Good Trauma in Any Era. Just starts, a dear friend of mine's
00:02:34
mother, let's call her Ruth, loves to visit from out of town, make us vintage style appetizers,
00:02:40
and pop bottles of afternoon champagne. Nice. We're all in our late 30s and early 40s,
00:02:46
and it's an absolute treat when she's in town, and we get to hear all of her fabulous and
00:02:50
intriguing stories. On the most recent visit, one of us asked Ruth, what was something about
00:02:55
your childhood that you carried into adulthood? It's a great question. Expecting an ode to lipstick,
00:03:01
we relaxed while she took a deep breath and said, well, my mother used to take me to funeral homes
00:03:05
and now I have to touch dead people. Collectively, we dropped our jaws, dribbling champagne,
00:03:10
and my eyes widened. Tell us everything. For real. Ruth was an only child born in 1949 in Pittsburgh.
00:03:19
Her mother, an eccentric woman to say the least, would take young Ruth to funeral homes for services
00:03:24
where they didn't know the deceased. She would advise Ruth to stay quiet and would say how she knew the late guests of honor
00:03:31
with a made-up connection, school, a club, bridge, and Ruth would nod in agreement.
00:03:38
During the viewing, Ruth was escorted by her mother to the casket and told that if she didn't touch the body,
00:03:43
the ghost of the person would curse and haunt her. This is a child. That's child abuse.
00:03:52
Ruth's hand, guided by her mother's, would tickle the ivories as it were, and they'd leave after crashing the visitation.
00:03:59
In stark contrast, they'd also visit graveyards on the weekend and Ruth would excitedly point out
00:04:04
where tents were remaining after funerals and they'd scoop up the flowers, toss those in the trunk
00:04:09
and have fresh flowers in their home all year long. I mean, Jesus. Is it stark contrast
00:04:17
or is it just an add-on of a similar what is going on in this family? It's an in addition too, for sure.
00:04:23
Shit. As an aside, I also wonder what you may be wondering. Stealing the flowers does not cause haunting, but touching the body prevents it.
00:04:31
The logic escapes me, but look, this isn't about me. After I picked my champagne parched jaw up off the floor, shoved a cucumber sandwich down my gullet,
00:04:40
I had to do something with the feelings of shock. I asked curiously, do you avoid touching bodies now?
00:04:46
Oh no, I have to touch them. I was at a funeral last December where he was cremated and my husband leaned over and said,
00:04:52
guess you can't touch this one. Stay sexy and do what your mother says and then get a ton of
00:04:58
therapy. Okay. I mean, it's dark. What was that mother's deal? Was she... Suspicions, I guess.
00:05:08
Right. But they're going to a funeral they're not invited to. She's putting her child in that
00:05:13
position for no reason. Yeah. Unless you're saying like she's driven by the idea that a dead person might haunt you. I mean,
00:05:21
And what's the, I just want a little more backstory. Yeah. Is there pills or alcohol involved?
00:05:28
A lot of alcohol and a lot of pills involved there. We'll never know. Is there some internal storytelling slash mental illness?
00:05:37
I mean, or is it just like, hey, what if I induce the creepiest thing in your life and then everything else is a breeze?
00:05:44
That's like. That's true. You got to get character from somewhere. If not your childhood, then where?
00:05:49
For real. But also I wonder how Ruth felt about that. Like was it scary to touch those bodies or was it just like oh it not scary because I actually preventing this scarier thing that made up I imagine it was terrifying
00:06:05
I would have like pulled her into the other room and been like, okay, we're not, don't talk to those people anymore.
00:06:10
You're just talking to me. Right, right. I need some information. Okay. The subject line of this email is binging MFM paid off.
00:06:18
Hey, y'all. I've been listening to more MFM than usual lately. And today, it seems that my years of
00:06:24
listening to your podcast instead of sleeping has finally paid off. So today, when I went to pick up
00:06:29
my kids from school, I'm sorry, this person has written kiddos in this email multiple times.
00:06:34
And I absolutely cannot stand this trend of people calling their children kiddos.
00:06:41
You do not need to utter that word, even if it's written. And I understand it's almost like more loving than kids and more like this is my little guy type of thing, but I hate it.
00:06:52
Okay. So today when I went to pick up my kids from school, I overheard that a little girl from my son's kindergarten class was nowhere to be found.
00:07:01
Hearing this immediately transformed me from a stay-at-home dad into a homicide detective with a few decades of experience.
00:07:08
After interrogating the kindergartners with priors, and then in parentheses it says, JK, JK.
00:07:14
I decided to take my kids home and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. It just so happened that as I arrived home, I saw my neighbor putting her 10-year-old son
00:07:23
and a kindergarten-age little girl into her vehicle. This struck me as strange since I knew that she doesn't have any other children,
00:07:30
and I've never seen a little girl playing with her son. I thought this could be the missing girl and that perhaps they were bringing her back to school,
00:07:37
but I became more concerned when they turned to go the opposite direction of the school.
00:07:42
So I called the school and asked if the young girl had been located. They informed me that she had not, and I proceeded to tell them about what I had just seen.
00:07:50
Fast forward about 15 minutes to when my neighbor stormed over to my house to confront me about calling the school.
00:07:56
Apparently, that was the missing girl, and they had decided to take her home based off of the directions this distraught five-year-old had given them.
00:08:04
My neighbor was mainly upset that I had said anything to the school instead of minding my own business.
00:08:09
While I'm sure she'll be venting about me to the entire neighborhood as she tends to do whenever she feels wronged by anyone, I personally have zero regrets.
00:08:17
I heard a little girl was missing. I saw something suspicious, called in a tip within 30 minutes of her going missing.
00:08:23
And had this child been abducted, I would have correctly identified the name, address, and vehicle of her would-be kidnapper.
00:08:31
If I've learned anything from MFM, it's fuck politeness and trust your gut. I've also heard all too many stories of children being abducted and witnesses not coming forward
00:08:40
until decades later. Sorry for the rather long story. Stay sexy and maybe contact police if you
00:08:46
find a lost child in front of your house rather than taking matters into your own hands.
00:08:50
Yeah. Then that's from Blaze, he, him. I'm sorry. That neighbor is in the wrong on so many levels.
00:08:59
Yeah. Also, it's interesting, like the dynamic between the neighbors where he didn't feel comfortable
00:09:06
going over and being like, hey, is that the little girl that's missing? Which I think is very fair.
00:09:11
But obviously, he was just like, yeah, is there a reason to be questioning this entire
00:09:18
situation, which is so uncomfortable. Yeah, that is wild. But I'm also blaming the school that said to the neighbor, hey, your neighbor just called
00:09:27
in the sighting of this kid. Like you didn't have to rat blaze out. You could have been like,
00:09:32
someone called and said they saw you. You know what I mean? Yes. That's kind of a snitches thing.
00:09:39
Yeah, that's true. I'm like, oh, because she drove her home. So I guess the school called the mother.
00:09:45
So when the five-year-old got dropped off, the mother was like, so-and-so called.
00:09:49
Yeah. Whatever. I don't know. It's not our problem to solve. Really not our problem.
00:09:54
Thank God we don't live in that neighborhood. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:10:04
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:10:14
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:10:20
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:10:28
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:10:34
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:10:40
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00:11:53
Goodbye. Okay this is called family jailbreak Hi ladies Stephen pets etc You recently asked for any story So here is my fifth question mark My family and I have been living in Utah for the
00:12:10
last decade. We just sort of ended up here. Long story, not important. But my husband knew that his
00:12:16
late father had lived in the area at some point in his life. He had kind of a mysterious past.
00:12:22
I like that. We discovered an article in the local newspaper about an inmate breaking out of the county jail in 1950.
00:12:29
And it was none other than my father-in-law. Titled Picks Jail in Lock, the article, says Donald J. blank picked the lock of Davis County Jail Sunday night because he, quote, couldn't take it no more.
00:12:45
He had only been in the jail two hours after being arrested for investigation of car theft.
00:12:51
He left a note behind, pinned to a cell mattress. The note read, quote, dear jailer, I'm sorry I had to leave, but I'll be out of the state somewhere and nobody will find me.
00:13:01
I can't take it no more. So first of all, my father-in-law was the most restless and impatient man I've ever met.
00:13:08
And the fact that he, quote, couldn't take it anymore after two hours in jail doesn't surprise me.
00:13:15
I'd like to think that if he hadn't escaped and left the state, he might not have met my mother-in-law and started a family with her.
00:13:21
Did I mention he was married five times? He stayed with her the longest, though, until she passed away.
00:13:27
The sheriff noted the lock was old-fashioned, and he picked it with a wire. He also mentioned he'd asked that a new jail be built,
00:13:34
and it would be discussed at the next county board of commissioners meeting. I looked up the history.
00:13:39
It had been built in 1891. After multiple escapes, it was rebuilt, finally, in 1963.
00:13:47
Jesus Christ. So I guess my father-in-law was just one of many. Apparently another inmate left with him, but just went across the street to inform someone about the escape as there were no jailers present when they left.
00:14:00
And then he put himself back in his cell. That's good behavior. That's some like Deadwood shit.
00:14:07
Like what do you, what? Hey, mister. Thanks for all that you do. Stay sexy. And if you get arrested, try picking the lock, Denise.
00:14:16
Oh, man. That's like, it's like somebody wrote us an email from the old West. Okay.
00:14:25
This is a celebrity story and a hot dog story. So it's an amazing double header.
00:14:31
Hey, Karen, Georgia, and the entire MFM Dream Team, pets included. I never planned on submitting a hometown because my 32 years of life have been fairly average.
00:14:41
But I also never expected a call for hot dog stories on this week's minisode. So here we are.
00:14:47
Oddly enough, I have a lot of hot dog stories, but nothing tops the one I'm about to share.
00:14:53
So this person had to pick from a bed of hot dogs. I want to be our friend. Okay.
00:15:02
When I was nine years old, my family and I went on a four-day Disney cruise over spring break.
00:15:06
This was my first cruise, and the ship had everything a young girl like me could ever want.
00:15:11
water slides, endless entertainment, and an all-inclusive meal plan that meant I could eat
00:15:16
pizza and hot dogs, my favorite foods, whenever I wanted. I mean, as an adult, that sounds pretty
00:15:22
fucking sweet too. Like you just chow down on a piece of pizza and then jump onto a water slide.
00:15:29
Sounds great. It's like the way it was meant to be eaten. One afternoon at sea, I was standing behind a woman and her young daughter
00:15:36
waiting to order my hot dog lunch at the pool bar. This is the goal of the day. You're going to swim in the pool for as long as you want,
00:15:44
but then at some point you're going to go over in that line. That's a child's dream.
00:15:49
Eating food in a wet bathing suit is like a different fucking animal altogether.
00:15:53
And it sounds like, maybe I'm wrong about this, but there wasn't a lot of enforcing the old,
00:15:58
you have to wait a half an hour shit. Right? Right. Yeah. The woman and her daughter were also ordering hot dogs.
00:16:06
Clearly, they had great taste. As I waited my turn, I looked up to see my mom waving like a maniac from her pool chair
00:16:12
and pointing to the woman in front of me and mouthing something I couldn't catch.
00:16:16
I didn't know what she was trying to tell me, so I shrugged it off. Whatever, mom.
00:16:21
Ignore it. The next thing I knew, my older brother was walking towards me, but instead of stopping
00:16:26
to talk to me, he tapped the lady in front of me on the shoulder and asked for her autograph.
00:16:31
The woman smiled and signed her name on a napkin my brother handed her. After she signed the sweaty napkin that his virgin strawberry daiquiri had been sitting on.
00:16:39
My God, these kids are living like kings. Serious. Fuck. I gave my brother a confused look and grabbed the napkin, but the name looked like a bunch of squiggles.
00:16:49
After I got my hot dog, I asked my mom who the lady was and why she wanted her squiggly autograph.
00:16:54
And she responded with a name that wasn't familiar to nine-year-old me, Whitney Houston.
00:17:01
Oh, my. I was like, it's got to be someone epic. It's got to be someone epic. Whitney freaking on a cruise.
00:17:07
On a Disney cruise, like the most epic, basically. Celebrity you could possibly, in my opinion, name drop.
00:17:14
I later connected the dots that she was the fairy godmother in the 1997 Cinderella movie.
00:17:19
So this earned her major cool points in my book. After our encounter in the hot dog line, my family and I saw Whitney,
00:17:26
Bobby Christina, and Bobby Brown several more times around the ship. As an adult, I can't believe I was in the same vicinity.
00:17:33
let alone the same hot dog line as this music legend. And this is always my fun fact in any icebreaker situation.
00:17:41
I would never stop telling this story. No, never, ever. And yes, my mom still has the autographed napkin in a scrapbook, in case you're wondering.
00:17:51
To this day, I still claim hot dogs as my favorite. Not only are they absolutely delicious it just such a wild it such a wild stance
00:18:07
Yeah, this is her case on why hot dogs are the best. And here's the reasons. Not only are they absolutely delicious,
00:18:14
but they're also the reason I kind of met Whitney Houston. Stay sexy and always keep an eye out
00:18:19
for celebrities and hot dog lines, Eliza. When was the last time you ate a hot dog?
00:18:25
Oh, God. Fourth of July, probably last year, because we always do it, you know, like on the beach for Fourth of July.
00:18:33
Oh, good. Okay. I just want to make sure we both have it, you know, a yearly hot dog at least.
00:18:38
Well, and those ones, there's a kind that they have in Hawaii. Oh. They're really red.
00:18:44
Oh. They're like, they're long and they're like dark red and they are the best hot dog.
00:18:49
Okay. In my opinion. So good. I'm into it. Okay, my last one is called Canadian DARE Program.
00:18:56
Hello, murder friends. When I was in high school, circa 2011, we needed mandatory volunteer credits to graduate.
00:19:04
In Canada, we don't really have the DARE Program here, but we do have the PARTY Program.
00:19:10
Prevent alcohol and risk-related trauma in youth. Flows off the top. PARTY. Also, yeah, it's really convoluted and the acronym actually points you in the wrong direction, I would say.
00:19:25
It does. The party program was mandatory for health class. Some of the activities included learning how they pump your stomach after alcohol poisoning and how activated charcoal tastes.
00:19:36
Jesus. Oh, that's actually smart. To warn teenagers, well, I feel like teenagers don't drink like we did in the 80s and 90s, but.
00:19:44
They have those jugs now, though. There's like a jug of like punch that they drink and they're called like blackout juice or something.
00:19:53
Look at how old I am. We're still going strong, you're telling me? We're still getting blackout drunk.
00:19:58
Driving a car simulator with distorted beer goggles. And then it says, yes, actual goggles that distort your vision as if you were drunk.
00:20:06
Shit. This field trip ended with a trip to the morgue to see where you might end up if you drink and drive.
00:20:13
My young murderino self had an absolute blast at this very somber field trip. So you can only imagine my excitement when I was asked to volunteer at the next year's event.
00:20:23
My job was to wear a hospital gown and have a makeup artist go to town on my face and body
00:20:28
and make it look like I was banged up in a car accident. I've got to say, it looked pretty real.
00:20:33
All I had to do was lay in a hospital bed with a warm blanket and take naps at my leisure
00:20:37
while a nurse told a story about Janie, who was in a horrific car accident with a drunk driver and ended up in a coma.
00:20:45
A cautionary tale to the young health class. I guess my community theater acting skills paid off
00:20:50
because one of the students asked, is she really in a coma? There was silence. And then I abruptly turned my head and opened my eyes
00:20:58
to stare at the group of students at my bedside. Some of the students gasped and stepped back,
00:21:07
but I did manage to make someone at the front scream. Yes. I don't think I've ever had so much fun volunteering. While all of my friends were
00:21:15
picking up garbage or spending hours at a childcare center, I got to lay in a warm bed
00:21:20
and scare teenagers. My favorite. Stay sexy and don't drink and drive. Grace, she, her.
00:21:27
Grace, I wish I could ask you right now in person, were you making an acting choice
00:21:32
independent of what they were asking you to do in that bed? Because it's not a haunted house.
00:21:38
It's like you're supposed to be in a coma. Right? It sounds like she went off script.
00:21:44
It sounds like. Just for a general scare. Yeah. Like, just make sure this whole party feeling is a negative one and you'll be fine.
00:21:51
Yeah. Once they get the big picture, then you can, you know, kind of go rogue and do your own thing.
00:21:56
Yeah. Well, fun. I mean, she should have rolled her eyes back in her head when she did it.
00:22:01
Oh, my God. And, you know, whispered Beelzebub or something. Okay. No notes. No notes.
00:22:07
No notes. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:22:14
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:22:25
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:22:30
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:22:38
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:22:44
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:22:51
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00:22:56
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00:23:02
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00:23:07
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00:23:16
Low maintenance, high reward. That's how we live our lives. For summer clothes you will actually wear, there's Quince.
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00:23:51
everyday life. I am a fan of Quince. Yeah. Karen's wardrobe is Quince. I'm a lazy basics person. And the things
00:24:00
Yeah, from them. I always go, oh yeah, now I'm wearing these. They work, they're cute,
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they're stylish. And they're classy. Like it doesn't look lazy, it looks classy.
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And it's so affordable. Yeah. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash MFM for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in
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Canada too. That's quince.com slash MFM for free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye.
00:24:30
All right, here's my last one. It says drunk dad celebrity encounter. Hello. I literally just hit send on a dad story when I thought, shit, I should have included this
00:24:38
story too. Why, you ask? Because it's a two for one, a drunk dad and a celebrity encounter.
00:24:45
Several years ago, my dad was on a work trip in DC and he had a few drinks at the bar after a work
00:24:51
event. He made his way back to his hotel and got into the elevator, which had kindly been held
00:24:56
open for him by a couple. A brief note about my dad. He tries his darndest to be hip and cool,
00:25:02
but he's always just slightly off the mark. So drunkenly swaying in the elevator after pausing
00:25:08
to remember his floor number, he looks at the couple with ever so slight recognition.
00:25:12
The man particularly is someone he knows, or at least someone he thinks he knows.
00:25:17
So now this goes as like a little play Dad staring in confusion Are you an actor Were you in Troy Man politely No that was Brad Pitt Dad huh were you in Gladiator Man smiling a little No that
00:25:33
was Russell Crowe. I'm but, Dad interrupting. Well, Gladiator was fucking good and you should
00:25:38
try harder being that then. And then, since this was an elevator ride, the doors opened
00:25:44
to my dad's floor and he got off without another word, trailed by the very pleasant laughter of
00:25:50
the couple who got a kick out of my dad's misplaced celebrity knowledge. My dad immediately
00:25:55
texted me and through some guess who style Q&A, we figured out it was Jennifer Garner and Ben
00:26:00
Affleck, who he had just shamed for not being in the film Gladiator from 2000. Oh my God, it's like one of the most famous people in the world.
00:26:12
He's basically mistaking arguably the third most famous actor for the first most famous actor, essentially.
00:26:21
And in between those two, Paul Giamatti. Stay sexy and just assume all white male actors who peaked in the early 2000s were in some Greek Roman movie at some point.
00:26:30
Grace, she, her. That had everything. Right? Including Drunk Karen. I love it. So that was Drunk Karen from theater which is accurate from theater class playing Drunk Dad So she being typecast I love it Amazing Hey write us your hometowns We love them as you can tell We made a whole thing about them I mean we enjoy them a lot
00:26:54
And thank you kindly for sending them to us. Also, stay sexy. And don't get murdered.
00:27:00
Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? this has been an exactly right production our producer is Alejandra Keck and this episode was
00:27:16
engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris Stephen email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to my
00:27:22
favorite murder at gmail.com follow the show on instagram and facebook at my favorite murder and
00:27:27
twitter at my fave murder goodbye Cheap Caribbean Summer Savings Event is here. Right now, get $100 instant savings on vacation packages to Cancun, Jamaica, and the Dominican Republic.
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Goodbye. Bye. You know that fantasy where you run into your ex while looking impossibly cute and wildly unbothered?
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Hill House makes the perfect dress for that moment Or if you just running errands Hill House Home is the brand behind the viral nap dress known for its signature smocking ultra flattering fit and comfort that makes it a favorite for just about everyone
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Celebrities like Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Anne Hathaway and Mindy Kaling have all been spotted in Hill House.
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These dresses are the definition of versatile. Perfect for running errands in the morning and stylish enough for dinner or a party that night.
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And it's not all they carry. They started with bedding back in 2016, and now you'll find bathrobes, pajamas, children's clothes, and maternity, all with the cutest prints.
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And it's so true, the hardest time picking out one nap dress because the prints are so dreamy and beautiful.
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But now that I have it, I'm going to wear it all day, every day. I'm going to throw on my leather jacket at night and look like a total badass.
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Cowboy boots or cute heels, whatever it is, this nap dress can make it look classy.
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You look like that classy lady you see at the airport. Hill House makes fun fashion that makes you feel good.
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Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code MURDER15.
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That's MURDER15 for 15% off at hillhousehome.com. Goodbye. Pandora Jewelry brings the sparkle to summer, now with even better prices.
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