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My favorite murder Hello! And welcome. To My Favorite Murder. The mini-sode. That's right.
00:01:50
It's mini for you. Are you ready to hear your emails? Oh, should I go first? Yeah.
00:01:55
This time? Okay. This is called Solo Trip Go Story, Sorta. Hi, all. I've been listening to the show since the episodes were named after the episode number.
00:02:07
And I did not once feel I had a story worthy of retelling until you called for solo trip stories.
00:02:14
Okay. Trigger warning, this does contain a mention of someone who died by suicide.
00:02:19
So I won't call it lighthearted, but it is uplifting. In October 2018, I decided to take a solo road trip from LA to Portland, Oregon.
00:02:27
I planned every stop I made ahead of time, which included a night stay in Eureka.
00:02:32
It's a pretty quaint little coastal town in Northern California where my aunt used to live.
00:02:37
A little about my aunt, Sam. She was sort of oddball, black sheep of the family.
00:02:42
Never married or had kids, but loved her dogs like her own children. Been there.
00:02:47
Picture the long, silver-haired, chain-smoking, crystal-wearing, hippie type. That says, an icon.
00:02:54
She wasn't the kind of person that was easy to get along with, but don't get me wrong,
00:02:58
she adored my sister and me and was nothing but loving towards us. The older I get, the more I feel I understand her.
00:03:04
I, too, moved to the West Coast, have no plans of marrying or having children, and prefer the company of my cat to most people.
00:03:11
Unfortunately, I can't ask for her side on a lot of things, because about 16 or 17 years ago, she died by suicide.
00:03:19
Back to my road trip in Eureka. The point of the trip was a sort of self-reflection walkabout.
00:03:25
I had a lot of demons that I needed to face, and my goal was to fall in love with myself by the end of the trip,
00:03:30
or at least pave the way to make that possible. This particular night, I went to a little restaurant on the water
00:03:36
and sat at a table by the window where I could watch the sunset on the bay. It was the first time in a long time that I felt true peace.
00:03:44
not just happy in a moment, but actually feeling okay with being in my own company.
00:03:49
And says, weird concept, I know, which it's totally not. I fucking get that completely.
00:03:54
I'm sure we've all been there. I think a lot of people feel that way. Yeah. At the end of my meal, I didn't want to leave. The restaurant wasn't full, so I wasn't taking
00:04:02
space away from more customers. I wanted to treat myself to a second glass of wine,
00:04:07
but immediately did the math with the budget I had for the trip. It wasn't looking good.
00:04:11
I asked myself, what would Aunt Sam do? That woman loved her some wine and never missed an opportunity for a small indulgence.
00:04:18
So the answer was obvious. But was I willing to sacrifice fast food lunch the next day for another glass?
00:04:25
Before I could make up my mind, the waitress came by and told me that she had poured a glass of wine for someone,
00:04:30
but poured the wrong one and didn't want to throw it out. She offered it to me. What are the odds?
00:04:36
And not only that, it happened to be my favorite kind of wine, a cab sob. I graciously accepted it.
00:04:42
And when she left, I looked at the empty seat across from me. Though the restaurant was enclosed with no smoking,
00:04:47
I suddenly caught a whiff of cigarette smoke and had the nagging feeling that I wasn't alone at the table.
00:04:53
Though I can't say for sure, something told me that Aunt Sam was there having a glass with me.
00:04:58
In case you're curious, the road trip was a total success. Though one weekend can't cure all the demons,
00:05:03
it gave me a better sense of myself and the strength to later seek out a doctor and get on medication.
00:05:09
Much of that, I have to thank the MFM team and family because of the way you normalize mental health struggles
00:05:14
and seeking out help for it. Thank you for filling the last seven years of my life
00:05:18
with morbidity and humor. Stay sexy and get that second glass, even if it's non-alcoholic, JT Talley, she, her.
00:05:27
Nice. Yes, as aunties, I think we appreciate that one. Also just that idea kind of going on like
00:05:33
what they call a walkabout, but kind of ending up where your aunt lived And obviously, maybe there's something subconscious to that about what is it to be by yourself and actually analyze yourself and take kind of stock in your life to do something about it.
00:05:50
I mean, I don't know. That's really beautiful. And also it weird to smell cigarette smoke in a modern restaurant Yeah totally It simply not allowed That maybe Aunt Sam used to go to for all we know That be awesome
00:06:05
And also, that is really... Sometimes those stories are like, these are all the things that are happening.
00:06:10
And then later on, I found a $20 bill or something like that. And it's like, immediately the waitress is like, here, here.
00:06:18
Totally. You don't have to decide anymore. I decided for you. I love that. I love it.
00:06:22
The subject line of this email is jury duty, the mafia, and the 70s. Dear MFM friends, in the late 1970s, my mother-in-law Elaine was summoned for federal jury duty in Philadelphia.
00:06:36
She was ultimately selected to serve as a juror for the trial of a man who was accused of smuggling cigarettes for the mafia.
00:06:45
The cigarettes were smuggled to avoid paying taxes. there was at least one witness on the inside, a mafia guy who would be testifying for the
00:06:52
government. A few days into the trial, Elaine and her fellow jurors were suddenly whisked out of the
00:06:58
courthouse by US marshals. They were each accompanied to their homes, instructed to pack
00:07:03
a suitcase and told to speak to no one. Oh my God. Yeah. The jury was brought to a hotel outside of
00:07:10
Philadelphia. It was there that they learned that the guy who was to testify against the mafia
00:07:15
had been found dead in the trunk of his car. He had been murdered, and due to the violent act
00:07:21
and ongoing concern for safety, the jury would be succustered and guarded for the remainder of the
00:07:26
trial. A couple of days later, the jurors were all able to call home. During her phone call,
00:07:31
Elaine told my father-in-law Herman that the jurors would gather together in the evening to unwind
00:07:36
after the long day of trial. Having a cocktail would be nice, but there wasn't any alcohol
00:07:41
available to them. Herman asked for a list of beverages the jurors would like, and because they
00:07:46
lived the closest to the hotel, he was given permission to make a booze run. He dropped off
00:07:51
the goods with the US Marshals who were, quote unquote, guarding the jury. LOL, I loved growing
00:07:57
up in the 70s. It's so true. It's basically like, we can all agree, the federal government,
00:08:04
these US Marshals, we can all agree that we need some brown liquor, right, in this situation.
00:08:08
At the end of a hard day? Come on. Yeah. It goes on to say, despite the brutal murder of a witness,
00:08:13
the government's case proceeded. And two weeks later, the jury found the defendant guilty as charged.
00:08:18
The jurors were thanked for their outstanding service and returned unharmed to their homes and lives.
00:08:23
My mother-in-law is now 92 years old and remains active and sharp. My beloved father-in-law passed away in 2017.
00:08:31
If called upon, Elaine would still make an excellent juror. And me and my husband, their son,
00:08:37
would be delighted to take up the booze runs where Herman left off. Stay sexy and fulfill your civic obligations, but keep Herman on speed dial.
00:08:45
Liz, she, her. Oh, that's cute. Isn't that sweet? Yeah, I love that. Oh, how scary.
00:08:53
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:08:59
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed,
00:09:04
scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:09:10
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:09:16
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:09:23
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:09:29
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:09:36
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And they're classy. Like it doesn't look lazy, it looks classy. And it's so affordable.
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365 day returns. Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. Okay. This is called Penis Park, Korea.
00:11:51
Oh The word penis comes up a lot in this story and it feels weird but I gonna Yeah it a funny story So go for it Hello I know you didn ask for this but since you were talking about the penis museum in your last minisode don remember that
00:12:06
It's a different podcast. I thought I would tell you about the time I stumbled across a park full of penises in Korea.
00:12:15
Nearly 20 years ago, when I was working in South Korea, I decided to go on a road trip.
00:12:20
One of my coworkers ominously told me that there was a park I had to see and gave me directions.
00:12:25
So I went to this park. I don't know its real name, but I will call it Penis Park as it was full of giant penises.
00:12:31
I'm pretty sure whatever size penis you are currently imagining isn't large enough.
00:12:36
Think 20-foot penis fountain that squirts water and then pops up into the air like the world's biggest erection.
00:12:43
Penis benches, penis chairs, all of the Zodiac animals carved into 12-foot tall marble penises.
00:12:51
Enormous penises as far as the eye can see. Now, you might be wondering why there is a park full of giant penises in Korea.
00:12:58
Well, the story behind that is equally amazing. There was a young woman who had to gather seaweed, so her fiancé rode her out to some rocks in the sea.
00:13:06
She died tragically when a storm blew in because her fiancé didn't come to get her off that rock.
00:13:11
In one version of the story, he'd gone drinking and forgot she was out there. Anyhow, having died a virgin, her ghost was really mad and scared away all the fish.
00:13:21
This story takes place in a fishing village and makes the lack of fish problematic.
00:13:25
Drinking seemed to be the solution. And one day, a fisherman who had gotten drunk because he couldn't go out and fish was on his way home and had to pee.
00:13:32
He took out his penis and peed in the sea. The ghost of the woman, abandoned on the rock, saw his penis and thought, well, that's real nice.
00:13:39
I guess I'm good now. She stopped scaring away the fish and they built a park on the spot where the fisherman peed in the sea to ensure her spirit remained at peace.
00:13:50
So if you ever have a ghost problem, there may be a phallic solution. The story of the creation of the park was told to me multiple times by a man who may or may not have been a tour guide.
00:14:00
He just really wanted to make sure I understood the penises, so I cannot guarantee the story's accuracy.
00:14:07
I bought a ceramic penis at the park gift shop and snuck it into my mother's china cabinet, where it was on display for many years to the great amusement of me and my siblings.
00:14:16
It has since disappeared. I have many fond memories of South Korea and all the wonderful people I met there,
00:14:22
and I'm planning to return in the near future and will revisit Penis Park when I do.
00:14:27
Thank you for your lovely podcast. It gets me through my long days at work. Mamie.
00:14:31
Mamie, how long were you in that park? Talking to strangers? Yeah. Just hanging out.
00:14:36
Yeah. Just hanging out in that park? That's amazing. I feel like when you first started that story, I feel like I've seen
00:14:44
or read mention of that somewhere before. Okay. This, okay. I'm not going to read you the subject line of this one.
00:14:56
It just starts, hello, murder divas. And then there's two asterisks after that. And then below it says pets included.
00:15:04
One of the many ill-advised purchases my trash dad made on eBay in the 90s was an army surplus parachute.
00:15:11
I'm not sure what inspired this purchase. I think it was just a natural escalation of his obsession with kites.
00:15:17
There were four of his kids at the time, and we lived on a little hill next to a retired farm in the Midwest, surrounded by a few trees and then cornfields as far as the eye could see.
00:15:28
At the bottom of our large backyard was a sturdy tree that already held a treehouse and a rope swing.
00:15:34
Because our house was built on the highest point for several miles around, we would always get a lot of wind.
00:15:40
On a particularly gusty day, my father decided it was time to take the day off work and fly his new parachute.
00:15:48
This parachute was designed to be used when jumping out of a plane during World War II,
00:15:52
but my father's idea was to anchor it to that large tree and try to fly it like a kite,
00:15:57
using the steering ropes to keep it in the air with just the power of wind. Weird, maybe pointless, but so far harmless.
00:16:05
Until he decided to fly my little brother. As my mother watched frantically from the window, probably deep in prayer, my dad tied one of those little red and yellow baby swings from our swing set below the giant parachute and up went my seven-year-old little brother.
00:16:21
At this point, the wind was guesting from 25 to 30 miles an hour. I know this because my brother was clutching our home video recorder, recording a dizzying POV running commentary of the entire experience as he was lifted 10 to 20 feet in the air.
00:16:36
Oh, my God. I say 10 to 20 because as the wind gusted and died, the swing would shoot up with the gust
00:16:43
and then plummet back towards the earth as my dad struggled to steer it to the next gust to keep it afloat.
00:16:50
We all thought this was terrific fun. And the full danger of this activity didn't hit us
00:16:55
until a few minutes after my sister, who is five years old, had been safely returned to earth after her turn to be flown like a kite.
00:17:03
As the parachute took off again from the ground, the empty baby swing bobbing and tossing below it, there was a loud crack like a gunshot,
00:17:11
and the thick branch that the parachute had been anchored to broke off at the trunk,
00:17:16
and the whole thing went flying out of control across our yard and into the neighbor's farmyard.
00:17:22
We all stood and watched in horrors the little red baby swing smashed into the exposed rafters of an old barn,
00:17:28
and the parachute wrapped itself around a nearby tree. It was a very quiet group of us that looked to my dad for a cue on how to react to this turn of events.
00:17:39
Good thing your sister wasn't still in there, he said cheerfully as he started to walk back to the house to retrieve the ladder.
00:17:45
Needless to say, my mother, who watched the whole thing from the kitchen window, put a stop to the, quote, flying the kids like a kite game forever after that.
00:17:54
My father has put my siblings and my life in danger many times but I pleased to report that we have all reached adulthood with minimal injuries and maximum need for therapy I wish I could send you the video of
00:18:05
my little brother took, but I'm no longer in contact with my family of origin because, well,
00:18:11
Christianity and queerness don't always mix. Thank you all so much for providing me with hours
00:18:16
of terror and laughter. Your commitment to silliness and learning publicly inspires me.
00:18:22
Stay sexy. And when your dad is also in the cult, find somebody else to call. Ilana.
00:18:27
He, they, she. Aw, Ilana. I mean, you can still tell trash dad stories because it's your memory.
00:18:35
So you get to do whatever you want with it. Yeah. Now you get to build a new life.
00:18:40
That's right. This one is about someone and an event that comes up weirdly a lot in my house.
00:18:45
So I had to read it. This is called Fabio, a Goose and My Dad. Oh, yeah. I don't know why Fabio gets, as a joke, brought up a lot when Vince will be like,
00:18:57
I'm going out. Don't invite Fabio over or something like that. And then I was thinking that maybe a lot of the young kids who listen to this podcast,
00:19:05
those youngins, don't know about this story. Maybe don't know who Fabio is. He was this quote-unquote hunk who was on the cover of romance novels all the time in the 90s.
00:19:17
And it's just a kind of ridiculous persona. Yeah, he kind of was like less talented Arnold Schwarzenegger with long hair.
00:19:25
Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Supposed to be sexy for some people. I don't know.
00:19:31
And then he was just like in commercials, right? Yeah. I can't believe it's not butter. He became...
00:19:35
Oh, that's right. A parody of himself. Yes. Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's right.
00:19:39
So this one is a story. Hello, best friends. So it's March 30th, 1999. My dad worked at
00:19:46
Busch Gardens Williamsburg in Virginia, and he had been busy as fuck working 14-hour days in
00:19:52
preparation for the opening of the newest roller coaster, Apollo's Chariot. My dad had the coolest
00:19:58
job of director of maintenance, so he was in charge of everything when it came to the rides in the
00:20:03
park. For the roller coaster's first public ride, Busch Gardens had gotten none other than Fabio
00:20:08
to go on the coaster dressed in Roman robes surrounded by a train full of women wearing
00:20:14
white robes. And then it says, insert Karen and Georgia explaining who Fabio is to the younger
00:20:19
listeners here. Check. Check. The train pulled out of the station and came back two minutes later,
00:20:26
but something was wrong. Fabio was in the front row and was covered in blood. The woman next to
00:20:31
him slattered with red. So what the fuck happened? Well, the first major drop of the coaster,
00:20:37
which is a 210 foot drop with the train going about 70 miles per hour, and nearby Canadian goose had been nesting
00:20:45
and at the exact perfect moment decided to set off and flew straight into the front of the coaster.
00:20:51
This hit broke the bird's neck, killing it instantly, but its body bounced up and hit Fabio directly in the face.
00:20:59
He got a cut on the bridge of his nose that luckily only needed three stitches, but things could have been a lot worse.
00:21:05
Now, my dad worked at Bush for like 30 something years and something like this had never happened.
00:21:10
And of course it happens to freaking Fabio. The only other story I remember him telling us at the dinner table was that someone came back into the station from another coaster with a live fish.
00:21:22
Apparently some bird had been flying with it and dropped it midair and some lucky rider caught it.
00:21:27
It caught a fish. So the next day I'm in fifth grade. I tell everyone on the bus that Fabio got hit by a goose and my dad was there.
00:21:34
And of course no one believed me because what was that date? April 1st, 1999. That's right, April Fool's Day.
00:21:42
It wasn't until the photo of Fabio reentering the station covered in blood was plastered all over the newspapers that my friends finally believed it.
00:21:51
Go look at it. It's fucking epic. Anyway, this is long enough, so I won't go into much of the aftermath,
00:21:56
except that apparently Fabio was a good sport of it all. My dad and his team definitely had to play damage control,
00:22:02
but at the end of the day, it was just a freak accident, and Fabio walked away just fine.
00:22:06
Thanks for reading. And remember to stay sexy. And if you're on a roller coaster going 70 miles per hour, duck.
00:22:14
Cheers, Kate. Duck. Duck. That picture, I'm glad to hear that he took it well. Yeah.
00:22:22
Because the picture, when they pulled back into the station, he looks his. Livid.
00:22:29
And my friend Sam Moen has a tattoo of that on his upper thigh. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
00:22:37
Oh my God, that's epic. It's great. It's really good. And he just kind of, it's that thing,
00:22:42
if he's wearing shorts, he can just pull it up a little and show you. Yes. Fabio with blood on his face.
00:22:48
Oh my God, how embarrassing. Face with a goose. It's so embarrassing. And he's also, I don't know,
00:22:54
maybe that's when like kitschy stuff like that peaked because it's like he wasn't,
00:22:59
I didn't realize he was wearing like a toga, wherever they said, like white robes.
00:23:03
That's so goofy. I don't remember that either. With a bunch of women. What are you guys doing?
00:23:09
1999. What's up? While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:23:20
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:23:31
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:23:36
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:23:44
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:23:50
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:23:57
Goodbye. When you're young, you don't really buy a car. Furniture, you either inherit something from your parents
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00:25:04
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00:25:36
Goodbye. Okay, I'm not going to read you the subject line. It says, hello, dear hearts.
00:25:42
I've noticed over the years that Karen and I have some random things in common. First and most important, we both have dads named Jim who were and are firefighters.
00:25:50
Second, we both drove and totaled our Honda fits pretty much at the same time. lastly we both shared appreciation of Steve Zahn I actually sent him a love letter when I was 11 It so embarrassing
00:26:04
It's so embarrassing. I never heard back, but I'm thinking it's because A, he was probably 30-something at the time and was like, what the fuck do I do with a love letter from a child?
00:26:15
Or B, the mailing address I got from Ask Jeeves was no good and he never got it.
00:26:21
either way, Steve, if you're listening, I still think you're great. So do I, Steve. We all do.
00:26:30
I do too. We all do. It's hard to argue with Steve Zahn. National treasure. Okay, so everyone knows that writing in library books is strictly verboten.
00:26:39
As a former librarian, I will say that there is one small exception to this. These large print old Western novels are most popular with older grandpas,
00:26:48
as you might imagine. These guys are old enough that technology isn't really their thing, so they can't just look up what books they have and haven't read.
00:26:55
I think a lot of them have that Laudnor SVU syndrome where they get 15 minutes in and think, I've read this one before.
00:27:04
They figured out a clever way around this problem with a simple system. If you open the inner cover of any large print Western in the Lake Agassi library system, you will find these guys started putting their marks inside the books.
00:27:19
A lot of the time, it's just their initials, but some of them actually came up with their own cattle brands.
00:27:25
This allows them to quickly flip open a book and look for their insignia to know if they've read the book or not.
00:27:31
Oh my God, that is brilliant. I know. It's like a little subset, subculture, like library thing that warmed my heart the second I read it.
00:27:42
It says, I even witnessed two patrons in line discussing the books they planned to check out.
00:27:46
One was pointing to the inner cover. CKB with a circle? That's me. I haven been a librarian for a decade now and I know some of the oldsters probably aren earthside anymore I love the idea that their small and relatively harmless graffiti is still living on in all of these books If you allow me a not shout to my mom Kelly sister Katie cousin Autumn and best friend Courtney
00:28:12
Lastly, hello to my sweet girls, Jane 3, Louisa, age 1, and the mystery bun I'm hauling around in my exhausted oven.
00:28:20
They are all, of course, too young to be murderinos, but someday they might listen to this.
00:28:25
And I want them to know that their mom is always thinking of them and loves them.
00:28:30
Take care, Kelsey. Aw, that's so sweet. Isn't that sweet? I'm like, normally we wouldn't let a person do a five-person extended shout out.
00:28:39
But Kelsey has served time in the library system and she gets to do whatever she wants
00:28:46
because libraries are sacred. They're trying to take away libraries, this bizarre fascist regime that wants to shut down information
00:28:55
and learning and knowledge. It can't happen. And there's a bunch of other current day Kelsey's out there fighting it.
00:29:04
So we get to point that out anytime need be. Yeah, you can even shout out your in utero child.
00:29:12
That's how much we appreciate librarians. For the future idea that someday her children are going to grow up
00:29:18
and listen to this fucking podcast. Kelsey. Oh my God. You're high. No, when this podcast is over,
00:29:23
we're deleting all of them. So they won't exist anymore. Goodbye. Get it now while you can.
00:29:29
Force them to listen to it now while they can. Thanks for writing in everyone and keep writing in
00:29:35
or write in for the first time. I don't know what your situation is. You know, any story that you have
00:29:41
will pretty much probably read it. It's just how it goes. Totally. Yeah. And thanks for being a part of this.
00:29:47
Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production Our producer is Alejandra Keck
00:30:04
And this episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris. Stephen! Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:30:13
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:30:19
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Goodbye.