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Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, the mini-sode. It's teeny tiny. We're going to read you stories that you wrote in.
00:01:52
Thank you. That's right. Should I go first? Do it. Okay. This one's called Who Let This Man Have a Chainsaw?
00:01:59
Are you there, MFM? It's me, long-time listener, first-time emailer. Margaret? I've been saying I'm going to write this in for nearly a year, and I guess today is the day.
00:02:11
Love the pod, hate the world we live in, let's fucking go. That's right. For context, I grew up in a quiet village in rural England.
00:02:19
We had the usual combination of idyllic countryside walks and rampant conservative views,
00:02:23
But on the whole, it was a very safe, quiet kind of place. I've since moved, but my parents live in the same little bungalow they did when I was born 25 years ago.
00:02:33
Once or twice a year, my parents book a gardener to come over and trim the hedges.
00:02:37
They'd used the same guy for years, but he'd recently retired. So for the last couple of times, they'd found someone new who I'll call Bill,
00:02:44
recommended by our elderly neighbor who communicated mostly through email. A couple of days before Bill was due to come over and trim the hedges,
00:02:52
My mom got an email from our neighbor, ominously tiled, I don't think Bill will be coming, with a link to a local news article.
00:03:01
Girls, Bill wasn't coming to cut the hedges because he had just been arrested for murder.
00:03:06
Turns out Bill had gotten involved in a local family feud. A violent fight broke out between a father and a son, and Bill apparently got involved to resolve the situation, but ended up literally beating a man to death.
00:03:20
Oh, God. The guy he beat up apparently walked himself to the A&E or the ER as you call it, never mentioned the fight and died a few days later.
00:03:30
Fucking crazy. So not a super uplifting story, but iconic that we found out the gardener wasn't coming because of an email from our elderly neighbor.
00:03:38
I know it's rogue these days to actually write a hometown murder in as a hometown, but hopefully this is fine.
00:03:44
Pip, pip, cheerio, M, she, her. I think that sign off was sarcastic. as a British person.
00:03:52
I don't think I've ever heard that. For real. But we appreciate it nonetheless. Well, that's also in lots of different ways to look at it,
00:03:59
but a nightmare story about intervening, becoming a part of something and getting caught up like that.
00:04:07
That's horrifying. Totally. It wasn't your business to begin with. Good Lord. Mind your business.
00:04:12
Mind your business, please. When I used to live in San Francisco and I'd see fights breaking out at night in the street,
00:04:18
I would just yell, Cops are coming. Just to like, then they'd think cops were coming and break it up.
00:04:24
Oh, that's smart. Right? Yeah, and you don't actually have to call the cops. No, we're getting involved.
00:04:29
Okay. The title of this email is Cruise Ship Near Death Experience. Oh, fuck. It just starts, ladies.
00:04:35
I present to you the reason why I struggle with generalized anxiety to this day.
00:04:40
And then it says, date of event, 2009. For a little context, my name is Emma. I grew up in Tampa, Florida, with a kick-ass older sister, who's now a public defender,
00:04:50
and a smart-as-hell little brother, now an electrical engineer. Wow. In 2009, my surely tired-as-hell-were-raising-three-children, too snarky-for-their-own-good parents,
00:05:01
opted for a relatively contained spring break trip, a cruise. This was one of two cruises we went on as a family, and while I can't tell you which was which,
00:05:11
I do remember this particular night vividly. At the time, and I'm 25 now, my brother and I were sworn enemies.
00:05:19
We fought physically and emotionally nonstop. I'm talking screaming matches, fistfights.
00:05:24
One time I bit him. And my parents, undoubtedly needing a break from the madness, left Kate, my 14 or something
00:05:32
year old sister, in charge while they went and spent a few pennies at the on-ship casino.
00:05:37
Blah, blah, blah. Just imagine relative peace devolving into chaos in the middle of a Disney Channel original movie here and Will and I end up fighting.
00:05:47
Kate's texting on her phone. And the next thing you know Will who nine years old at the time has locked me out of the kids room and into my parents adjoining suite Everyone knows the parents room is boring as shit And I was pissed So MFM I took matters into my own hands and formulated a plan And by formulated
00:06:06
I mean I generated a half-coherent thought and said, send it. I feel like I know where this is going, and I can't handle it.
00:06:15
I ventured onto my parents' balcony and leaning slightly over the rail, looked over at the kids' room. The balconies were separated by an inch-wide panel of textured glass
00:06:26
that was about seven to eight feet tall, if I had to guess. You could lean slightly over the
00:06:33
balcony to peek over at the adjoining room, but you couldn't see through the glass. With the
00:06:37
adjoining door locked and unwilling to venture out into the hallway and risk getting locked out of
00:06:42
both rooms, I did the unthinkable. Next thing I know, I'm 12 years old and swinging my leg over
00:06:48
the balcony of a cruise ship. Having tried my luck at the on-ship facilitated rock wall that day,
00:06:54
I was feeling pretty confident. I got both legs over, toes gripping onto the half inch of leverage
00:07:03
I have on the other side. And looking down, think the 12-year-old equivalent of, oh fuck.
00:07:11
10 plus stories beneath me is this inky swirling black water. I can see the waves breaking against
00:07:17
the ship, but nothing else. Suddenly, palms sweaty, mom's spaghetti. I realize I have royally
00:07:24
fucked up. Oh my God. I shimmy my way over to the kid's balcony, swing my legs back over. And
00:07:31
the next thing I know, I'm staring at my brother through the sliding glass. Both our jaws drop. He wordlessly unlocks the door, lets me back in, and we silently settle
00:07:46
back down to finish the movie. I'm pretty sure my sister had no idea what happened.
00:07:51
Oh my God, dude. That's why you don't put 14-year-olds in charge. Yeah. We never talked about it after it happened. And it wasn't until 10 years later
00:08:00
that I had the courage to tell my parents. They had no idea that they almost lost their
00:08:05
middle child to a man overboard situation a decade earlier. When I told them, my mom cried.
00:08:11
I think about how stupid I was to this day and I will never, ever get on a cruise ship again.
00:08:17
The end. Glad I live to hear MFM. Love you, ladies. Emma. Oh my God. That's some like sliding doors shit where it's just like it had been like misty out or something
00:08:28
and the railings had been slippery. That's fucking it. The moment Emma describes realizing what she's doing and how scary it is,
00:08:37
she should have absolutely lost her grip. That's what happens to people. Oh my God.
00:08:44
I have like anxiety from that myself. It's so hilarious. Also, just that that is like, that's the deal breaker with the little brother.
00:08:51
We're just like, oh, she's insane. Let her in. Yeah. Just scary. That's terrifying.
00:08:59
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:09:05
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:09:16
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:09:21
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:09:29
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:09:37
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:09:43
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quince slash MFM Goodbye Okay this is called Ghost Daycare in the Attic Hey ladies I been driving across country from Utah to the northeast to visit family and have been absolutely crushing your episodes Though I typically gravitate towards
00:12:05
your Thursday shows, the minisodes have been more my speed this trip. As a female driving through
00:12:09
the middle of the country alone with a car covered in stickers that essentially scream,
00:12:14
fuck the patriarchy, I am slightly convinced I'm going to be the next subject of your Thursday
00:12:19
episode. So to keep myself from getting too spooked, I have been deep diving into the archives
00:12:25
of the mini-sows, and they have been the sole reason I have been able to maintain some sense
00:12:29
of sanity on this drive. Anywho, I was telling my mom about the mini-sows the other day,
00:12:34
and she responded that I should write in about the ghost kids in the attic. Excuse me, what? I am one of four kids, all badass girls, and we moved a ton as a kid.
00:12:45
When I was in about first grade, we moved into a quirky old house in Jersey, the type of house that legit had secret passageways from room to room.
00:12:54
As a kid obsessed with hide and seek, this was my literal dream. The reason we got the house, though, wasn't too dreamy.
00:13:00
The family that lived there before us had recently lost their two teenage children in a car accident.
00:13:06
Oh, no. And couldn't bear to live there anymore. They were happy to pass off the home to an enthusiastic family with young kids.
00:13:14
We were never told of this as children for obvious reasons. I know, heartbreaking.
00:13:19
My mom sent my sisters and I off to school in the morning after moving in. However, my youngest sister at the time stayed home as she was not old enough to go to school yet.
00:13:28
Per my mom, each day, my sister would wander up to the attic and stay there for hours.
00:13:33
As a mom with four young kids who was also moving into a new house, she didn't question why my sister would vanish each day for hours.
00:13:42
She enjoyed the peace and alone time and my sister was entertained. Then it says, nope, not an 80s mom, just a hit mom raising her kids in the early 2000s.
00:13:51
One day my mom asked my sister what she was doing in the attic. My sister responded, I was playing with the kids up there.
00:13:58
My mom asked who the kids were and my sister proceeded to tell her the names of the children
00:14:02
that had lived there before us and had passed away in the car accident. My mom was shocked, but also not willing to give up her peace and quiet each day.
00:14:13
She continued to send her three oldest children off to school each day and then walk my sister up to the attic for her play date.
00:14:20
That's the story. Thanks for helping me stay sane on my travels. Stay sexy and don't waste money on childcare if you have teenage ghosts living in the attic.
00:14:29
Molly, she, her, hers. That's the saddest ghost story I've ever heard. She went up there and they like played with her.
00:14:36
That's sweet. They came home. Mm-hmm. Oh, God. You know. Heavy. So heavy. Sorry.
00:14:46
Oh, no. I mean, these are all the stories we like to hear. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, let's take a left turn.
00:14:52
Okay, please. God, please. The subject line of this email is, Nana used her last words to yell at Jesus.
00:15:00
Hi, all. After hearing that hospice nurse tell her last words hometown on Minnesota 314,
00:15:06
I thought I'd tell you my favorite. My aunt's mother-in-law, we called her Nana, was a beautiful, kind, and truly classy lady in life.
00:15:15
She always gave me old movie grandma vibes, the kind of grandma that wanted you to sit proper like a lady
00:15:21
and also snuck you homemade cookies when your parents weren't looking. You know the kind.
00:15:26
As she got closer to the end, however, she got crankier and crankier. I think her memory was rapidly declining, and she often snapped at those caring for her.
00:15:35
It was sad to see, but everyone tried to hold on to the good memories and let go of the bad.
00:15:40
Cut to her deathbed. She was quiet and small in her bed. Those around her wept. This was clearly it.
00:15:47
Knowing my sweet aunt, she would have told her it was okay to let go, that everyone would be okay.
00:15:52
But suddenly, Nana shot up in bed and angrily yelled, Turn off that damn light! And then she died.
00:16:00
Stay sexy and pray they have sunglasses in the afterlife. Janie. Oh my God, he's walking towards the light.
00:16:08
She's like, turn that off. Turn that shit off. It's the light. Grandma, it's the light.
00:16:13
Jesus, you're wasting electricity. Turn that shit off. Turn it off. Oh my God. Okay, my last one's called Always Check Your Garbage.
00:16:22
Hey, Karen, Georgia, and MFM team. I'm a longtime listener from sunny Scotland. I heard recently you asked for stories
00:16:29
about people finding things, and I knew this was my opportunity to write in and share a story about my dad.
00:16:35
My dad, George, is the kind of dad you call if you're in a cult. This guy would fuck shit up
00:16:40
and sleep like a baby. Anyway, my dad worked as a concierge, a posh name for security,
00:16:47
in some high-rise buildings where crime was part of everyday life. His stories are legendary
00:16:52
and include, but are not limited to, the man who collected pigeons to release them in a local library
00:16:58
because the librarian had pissed him off. Uh-oh. It says he was arrested. The other gentleman who threw fruit at children from the 12th floor, or the time my dad had to let police into a flat where neighbors were worried as they hadn't seen the guy who lived there.
00:17:13
And there was an awful smell coming through, only to find a massive empty fish tank in the living room left by the window in direct sunlight.
00:17:21
Oh, no. No bodies were found. Oh, the smell of that. The stench. Anyway, I digress.
00:17:30
One day my dad was working and he noticed a bin bag, says garbage bag, propping open an emergency exit in the office.
00:17:38
When he finished his 12-hour shift, he went to leave through said exit and thought he'd take the bag round to the large bins at the back of the building.
00:17:46
When he went to lift it, he could barely get it off the ground. He looked inside and saw pound coins, thousands of them.
00:17:54
George being the badass he is Swiftly pulled his car alongside the door And managed to just lift it into the boot of his car Yes He took it home piled the coins neatly on the living room table in 20 piles until he ran out of room
00:18:11
The total was close to, and they gave me the translation for dollars, which I appreciate, $9,852.
00:18:19
Oh, my God. 8,500 pounds. Yes. Isn't that wild? Thankfully, nobody ever asked about the missing money.
00:18:27
And while I'm sure people were suspicious that my dad was then paying for all his food and bills
00:18:32
in one pound coins, nobody asked any questions. I'm sure the money came from something dodgy,
00:18:39
but George gave no fucks and enjoyed the money thoroughly. Thanks for all the laps.
00:18:44
I listened to every day for seven months, driving to and from, visiting my mom in the hospital.
00:18:49
She's recovered at home and you both kept me going. Nice. Much love. stay sexy, and always look in suspicious garbage bags, Laura, she, her.
00:18:58
I mean, okay, first of all, I bet you no one noticed that he was paying for things in one
00:19:03
pound notes because people are self-obsessed and they don't notice stuff like that.
00:19:07
No. If you find cold, hard cash like that, this is your money. You found it. I don't know. We've all seen No Country for Old Men and there's a tracking device in it
00:19:18
and then they come after you and shit. I'm scared. I'm scared of free money. I don't buy it. But are you saying in that situation,
00:19:27
like that's truly free money. It's in a garbage bag by the bins, as they say. Yeah. But why? I don't know. You're right. I mean, there's definitely things to fear about it,
00:19:38
but then it's also just like, it was too heavy for the robbers. They couldn't lift it anymore.
00:19:45
True. True. Put it somewhere they thought they could get it again. Who knows? He got away with it. God bless him.
00:19:51
I love it when people can get away with easy, light lift stuff. Definitely. Where your average man wins.
00:19:59
That's what we like. Definitely. But yeah, don't try to steal drug money from cartel people in the desert.
00:20:07
No, that's bad. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer,
00:20:13
Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
00:20:19
Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:20:26
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:20:32
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:20:39
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:20:48
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:20:54
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there? And what should I even get? But Article has it all so you can get whatever there. That's
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redeem 15% off your first purchase. Goodbye. Okay, so here's my last story. It says non-hero dog story. Hi, friends. I've been very inspired
00:22:55
by the series of hero dog stories you've featured, most recently of Captain, who escaped from his
00:23:00
backyard to save a woman from a robbery. Truly an inspiration to us all. I'm writing in with a
00:23:06
story that you didn't ask for about a dog much less heroic, but I still think it's pretty excellent.
00:23:12
A few years back, my mom came home from work to find our little white terrier, Ferris,
00:23:16
missing. Ferris had a dog door to a fenced-in backyard, but seemed to have dug his way under
00:23:22
the fence. My mom is a nurse who is working 12-hour days, so who knows how long Ferris was
00:23:27
gone. Mom canvassed the neighborhood, but no dice. She was looking up shelters to call when the phone
00:23:33
rang. It was a woman a few blocks down the road. Apparently, Ferris had somehow made his way into
00:23:39
their house early in the morning. The woman and her husband worked opposite shifts. So when she
00:23:44
saw a strange dog on her couch next to her own dog watching TV, she assumed that her husband had
00:23:49
arranged a play date. She went to work and didn't worry about it. When her husband got home that
00:23:54
and saw a strange dog on the couch with their dog, he assumed his wife had arranged a play date.
00:24:00
Sorry about it. That evening, when they were both finally home together, snuggled up on the couch with two dogs.
00:24:07
It was getting a little late. So the wife turned to the husband and asked, hey, whose dog is this?
00:24:14
The jig was up and Ferris, by then snoozing peacefully, was caught. Oh, my God. Anyway, put your phone number on your dog's collar and microchip your pets.
00:24:27
Ferris got home safe and sound and had what sounds like a pretty restorative day off.
00:24:33
All dogs go to heaven, but some dogs say fuck heroism and instead embrace laziness.
00:24:38
And they are good dogs too. Stay sexy and don't ignore the strange dog on the couch
00:24:43
or do, it's fine. XX Jill. I mean, I guess I would assume that too, right? Like the dogs are just chilling
00:24:51
and they're getting along. Ben, what would you... I love that they're just watching TV,
00:24:56
like teenage children together. And the humans in the house assume the dogs have it handled If this is is their plan I not going to get involved Oh my God I love that so much
00:25:10
As someone who really wants to get Cookie a playmate, a partner, and Vince is like anti,
00:25:14
like, I'd love it if a dog just fucking ran into our house one day. Where you're like, the dog has made the choice.
00:25:20
Yes, exactly. There's nothing we can do. There's a very viral TikTok, very famous TikTok of a couple that woke up in bed with a dog they didn't know in their bed.
00:25:31
And it is so funny because the dog is like, it's this big dog and it's sleeping like a person between them.
00:25:38
And they're like, whose dog is this? I love it. I love the I don't own a cat or I don't own a dog.
00:25:46
Yes. I guess I do now. I love that shit so much. Send us your bad dog stories. I want to hear the terrible, bad, sweet things your dog has done.
00:25:57
Just dog stuff. Yeah, totally. Thanks for listening, everybody. We appreciate it.
00:26:02
If you want to see how intensely compelling the visual aspect and component of this podcast is you can go and watch it on the fan cult Be a part We just video it Just go to myfavoritemurder
00:26:14
and make sure to send us any fucking story you feel like. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye.
00:26:20
Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:26:32
Our producer is Alejandra Keck. And this episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.
00:26:38
Stephen! Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:26:44
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:26:49
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Goodbye. This may surprise you, but clothes that feel good and look good don't have to be
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mutually exclusive. Designs that make you feel as good as you look is what Hill House is known for.
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Hill House Home invented the viral nap dress. Hill House makes fun, versatile fashion that
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elevates your look. I now own three nap dresses. I love them. They're so comfy and cute. Pockets
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for days. Pockets for days. You know. Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com
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with code MFM15. That's MFM15 for 15% off at hillhousehome.com. Goodbye. Pandora Jewelry brings the sparkle to summer now with even better prices. Shop now for up to 50%
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off select jewelry featuring personalized pieces to must-have summer favorites. Timeless jewelry made to move with you through every moment.
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Shop in-store or online now through July 5th. Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details.
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Goodbye. Goodbye.