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00:02:24
My favorite murder Be quiet for one second. Play the game. Who can be the quietest?
00:02:59
Have you ever done that on a kid? Let's see who can be the quietest. I once said to my nephew who like refused to eat.
00:03:06
Like, let's see who could eat this hot dog fastest. Just to get him to like eat something.
00:03:10
And he did it. It worked. It fucking worked. I mean, I ate it fastest. Let's be honest.
00:03:15
You kicked his ass. You won. Of course I won. Nice. He ate half of it. How old was he at the time?
00:03:20
He was like eight. You won. I'm a great auntie. you're teaching that eight-year-old what the real world is like exactly eater b.a that's right you
00:03:31
think people are going to be nice to you at the hot dog eating contest they're not no they're
00:03:35
going to wait around for you to eat a hot dog at the hot dog eating contest no it is every hot dog
00:03:42
man for himself or a person hot dog person we're doing it again we're talking about hot dogs again
00:03:50
what the fuck i don't i want someone to please go back alejandra and because i'm not going to
00:03:57
make a listener do it that would be rude and check and see if every hot dog conversation has
00:04:02
been started by me what if alejandra clicked on it was like no i'm gonna actually say no to that
00:04:08
assignment your hot dog talk is my favorite though so i okay good good she's in she's down
00:04:14
I just want to see if I'm the hot dog pusher. You know what I mean? I do think hot dogs are funny and fun to talk about.
00:04:23
So. Yeah, absolutely. Even if you start it, I'm here to absolutely finish it. Hot dog wise.
00:04:28
My hot dog, my nephew's hot dog that he won't finish because he doesn't eat. Are you allowed to grab other people's hot dogs out of their mouth at a hot dog eating contest?
00:04:36
Is that something you do? You get extra points if you eat someone else's hot dog.
00:04:41
It's called a snatch away. Snatch. The hot dog snatch away. What? This is the PG-13 episode of My Favorite Murder. Welcome.
00:04:51
True crime. True crime. Some comedy. Clearly comedy, obviously. Definitely. Hot dog talk, as Alejandra just coined it perfectly.
00:05:00
Oh, should we start off with a corrections corner? A real piece of business? Definitely.
00:05:03
I did Lori Vallow last week. If you weren't here, listener, I did one story and I did it for so long that we had to take a break.
00:05:11
And now Georgia's doing her story this week. But in talking about mommy doomsday, Lori Vallow, I made a couple mistakes that a listener named Kim Chapman was nice enough to tweet about.
00:05:23
I believe this is, yeah, it's a tweet from the social media platform X. And Kim Chapman says, episode 394 corrections, Chad was a cemetery sextant, but it has nothing to do with the church.
00:05:37
so we broke that up as like it sounded like he worked at the church and then also sometimes dug
00:05:43
graves uh-huh our confusion about that is he was just like the outside guy oh so he wasn't it was
00:05:49
like a higher for higher grave digger thing you know what why am I saying Kim Chapman knows I don know I didn know at the time why would I be the one making up a new correction Because you are a sexton What was it Because yes a cemetery sexton as we all are we love to tell a tale No anyway so here the real correction
00:06:10
Yeah. Chad was a cemetery sexton. It has nothing to do with the church. And also, Lori's trial was not live streamed, even the audio. It had to be purchased to listen to after the day ended.
00:06:21
What? I mistakenly said because it was being audio recorded, but I kind of interpreted that for some reason in my head as live streamed.
00:06:30
So like you have to go to like Bitly and like fucking download illegally the fucking recording of it.
00:06:38
What? Again, I'm not going to speculate. I refuse to speculate. I'm going to say that's correct.
00:06:43
These days. Here's the thing, though. I'm going to say, Kim Chapman, I really appreciate you sending in those corrections.
00:06:48
You seem like a true crime devotee. that knows what you're talking about. And I appreciate it as the kind of devotee
00:06:56
that does not know what I'm talking about almost ever. I really appreciate your expertise.
00:07:00
We need a you on this. I bet she knows who brings up hot dogs all the time. I hope so.
00:07:07
She knows. She'll be like next week. It's always Georgia, except for one time in December
00:07:11
as a Christmas present, it was Karen. Cool. I'd like to formally apologize to the lovely woman
00:07:20
who was walking by Vince and I and Cookie having breakfast in our neighborhood on the sidewalk
00:07:25
today. And then Cookie's dog barked in her dog's face. And then she said, sorry, Cookie has a dog?
00:07:32
No, Cookie's dog barked in this lovely lady's dog's face because Cookie gets what you're saying
00:07:38
Cookie's dog barked in the lady's dog's face. But you mean Cookie barked in the lady's dog's face,
00:07:44
right? Yes. And then the lady said, Oh my god, I'm listening to you right now. And then I was
00:07:49
That's crazy. Oh, no. Like, now you think I have a attack dog who's really rude.
00:07:55
And she was like, I don't even care about my dog. I'm listening to your podcast.
00:07:59
She had a very cute, like, doodle of some sort that was just, like, trying to be friendly.
00:08:03
And then Cookie was just like, I'm tiny. I'm a Chihuahua. Essentially, I'm going to attack you.
00:08:07
But don't you like the idea? Because for some reason you kept saying Cookie's dog, that Cookie would have an even smaller dog for herself.
00:08:15
You know how hard I've been trying to get Vince to get Cookie, let me get Cookie a smaller dog.
00:08:21
And then how many pets would that be in the house if you did that? Five. And he made me promise when we got Moe, Cookie's kitten, that it'll be 10 years until we get another pet.
00:08:31
So it's not working. Well, you can shop until then. And I do. I mean, I shopped adoption places.
00:08:38
I don't shop places. That's right. And we wouldn't support shopping for pets. It's just insane.
00:08:43
It doesn't make sense. There's so many that need a home these days. Adopt, people.
00:08:49
Come on, adopt. I am reading or listening to an audiobook, Mystic River. And it is so good, but so fucked up.
00:09:00
Dennis Lehane. It's by Mystic River. And it's like a true crime fucking legendary novel.
00:09:09
Yeah, it's really good. Nice. And depressing. Right. It's kind of intense. What about you?
00:09:14
what are you doing can't talk about much because of the strike but that's right what I can talk
00:09:18
about is I went home to Petaluma very briefly just for like to go to a party essentially
00:09:23
which was very fun but I was on an airline and I won't name check them because there's so much
00:09:30
of that going on lately that I'm just gonna be like it wasn't I'm not complaining per se
00:09:37
yeah but there is no room in this one airline I was on between your knees and the back of the seat
00:09:43
in front of you and I am 5'6". Yeah. How does anyone do it that's even half tall?
00:09:49
Truly, I got in one of those airplanes that should not be named in the bathroom.
00:09:53
I'm 5'5", and I could barely turn around and move in it. You know what I mean? Like how do humans of average size live?
00:10:06
They're adjusting things past the point of like that people can deal with it. It's not enough room.
00:10:12
When did it stop being like about the customer on airplanes? I think somewhere in the middle of COVID where they said we can get away with everything.
00:10:22
Let's stack chairs on top of each other and just like jam everyone in. The reason I didn't pay attention to it on the flight up was because I was in an exit row.
00:10:32
So I had way extra room. So once I was in their regular rows, I was like, oh, my God, I think I might have claustrophobia.
00:10:39
Yeah. You know, Vince had a panic attack on in an exit row on a plane and he's because he's like six three.
00:10:47
Yeah. And he was in the middle seat because he always gives me the window and he had a panic attack and they had to do like, is there a doctor here thing?
00:10:55
Oh, shit. Like put his leg, his head between his legs, freaking out. And was it because there people were just too close to him?
00:11:02
Yeah, I think he got claustrophobic, but it was very scary. I should have given him the window.
00:11:08
I still feel guilty about that. But isn't that just a different version of being enclosed?
00:11:13
That's true. I don't think you should feel guilty about that. And he always says, I pee more.
00:11:17
So you sit on the inside because I'm going to get up more than you do. Right. And also, I think panic attacks, man, I've had many in my day.
00:11:25
Have you? Like real legit panic attacks? I had a panic attack. I love telling these stories.
00:11:30
But once I started having seizures, I had a whole era of panic attacks because I was like, oh, I could drop at any moment.
00:11:39
And then I would start looking around and trying to prepare for it. What would I do right now if I were to?
00:11:44
Exactly. Just crazy. And then one time I was driving up the 101 going 75 miles an hour and I realized I could have a seizure right now.
00:11:52
And it was right in between the Vineland exit and Laurel Canyon where it kind of does a big S Yeah And there nowhere to pull over over Yes Wait isn that when you drink cold brew No the cold brew was when I started crying with no emotions
00:12:07
I just wept for no reason. See, I've always just had a low level, medium level of anxiety, but I don't get panic attacks.
00:12:17
Thank fucking God. You know what I mean? Well, the problem with them is they come on like a heart attack.
00:12:22
Like I'm sure Vince thought he was having a heart attack because all of a sudden your system goes bonkers and you're just like, what's happening?
00:12:30
What am I doing? Which makes you panic more. Yes. Yes. And if you are like in enclosed spaces, worst case scenario, because he all you can think is don't do this right now.
00:12:41
Like I can't be doing this, which makes it worse, worse, worse. Yeah. Luckily, our seat mate who was sitting on the outside row was so sweet. And like, you know, I started pressing like buttons, like the light button above my head being like, we need help. And I was panicking. And then he just like pressed that, you know, got people to come around. He was very nice.
00:13:01
Well, because he was like the outside, you know, he could be a little more detached or whatever, because that's that is scary.
00:13:10
I hope no one's on a plane right now. Hey, are you on a plane? Don't worry about it because millions of flights go off every day.
00:13:18
Yeah. I just flew twice this weekend. Everything's fine. I hope you don't have a talker sitting next to you.
00:13:24
That's worse than anything, really. Unless it's your partner. partner. In which case, like, I still don't want to talk that much when we're on a plane, you know?
00:13:31
You know what you have to do? If you get a talker next year, you just lean over and say,
00:13:34
I'm so sorry, I have COVID. And then they won't talk to you anymore. Or turn toward you.
00:13:40
And they'll report you. They'll report you to the CDC. That's brilliant. Should we do Exactly Right Corner?
00:13:48
Let's do it. Okay. Hey, we have a podcast network. It's called Exactly Right Media. Here are some highlights.
00:13:53
Well, first, to start off, we want to wish a happy first birthday to Buried Bones, the legendary historical true crime podcast hosted by Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes.
00:14:04
Join us in celebrating Paul Holes and Kate Winkler Dawson, because this week they discuss the Dayton Strangler who terrorized Ohio City in the first decade of the 20th century.
00:14:14
And on Wicked Words, which comes out every Monday, Kate talks to Sandra Hempel, the author of the book The Inheritor's Powder, A Tale of Arsenic Murder and the New Forensic Science.
00:14:26
And this week on I Said No Gifts, Bridger's guest is the hilarious Claudia O'Doherty.
00:14:32
She is such a rad Australian actress. I'm such a fan of hers. She's darling and so funny.
00:14:36
Okay, so the fourth episode of Infamous International, The Pink Panther Story is out now.
00:14:42
yay it's titled the pursuit and as the pink panthers become a global threat a special
00:14:49
interval task force steps in and thank you guys so much for supporting infamous international it
00:14:55
is at right now on the true crime list is at number 14 and overall it's at number 34 which
00:15:01
is really huge you guys know as well as we do you guys know more than anybody there's thousands and
00:15:08
thousands of podcasts out there you could be listening to anything you want so the fact that
00:15:12
you guys really do show up and support us every single time means the world to us. It's so exciting
00:15:17
to see it do so well. And of course, that means you guys have rated, reviewed it and subscribed it.
00:15:22
And that's how they get on those lists. And that means more people find it. And we're so proud of
00:15:26
this newest show. So thank you guys so much for supporting. And then as temperatures start to drop,
00:15:32
we want Aaron, we want to be sure that your tootsies stay warm. Aaron Brown, come on,
00:15:40
don't miss out on some cute mfm socks in our merch store at myfavoritemurder.com i have a
00:15:46
few pairs of those socks they're very cozy and cute and make me happy so check those out
00:15:51
hey everyone it's cal penn i'm the host of ear say the audible and i heart audiobook club this
00:16:01
week on the podcast i am sitting down with ray porter the narrator of andy weir's audiobook
00:16:07
project Hail Mary, massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens
00:16:14
when you wake up alone very far from Earth. I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat
00:16:21
and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, OK, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent?
00:16:27
And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the
00:16:33
listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book
00:16:38
that deeply emotionally affected me, and I left it on the mic. That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like,
00:16:48
yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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00:18:30
And now it's time for this week. It's Georgia time, right? Yeah. It's my time to shine. Karen,
00:18:37
sit back. Okay. I'm going to really try to stay out of your spotlight. I wish you wouldn't. And
00:18:42
you're going to like this one too. This is a good one for Karen. It's almost like I'm telling you
00:18:48
your favorite bedtime story. Really? It's not a cold case. Thank you. It's not a, you know,
00:18:55
What else do I love? It's not the transcript of a 911 call? It's not any of those things.
00:18:59
Okay. Today, Karen, I'm going to tell you about the first queen to be executed, Anne Boleyn.
00:19:05
Oh, my. Her eyes just lit up. Yes. And are you going to talk about her outfits at any point in this story?
00:19:14
No, but I can add some stuff in. I can add in, you know, what are we talking about?
00:19:18
Like puffy sleeves and headdresses. I think it was Anne Boleyn. Yeah. headdresses right I think maybe on pure waist where it's like uh-huh cuts off under your boobs
00:19:31
cleavage for days right cleavage time yeah like not just cleavage like top of boob
00:19:38
you know whatever that's called just a full double serving every day and night how did they do it
00:19:45
they they didn't they had to execute her because of it okay that's right so Karen for close to 500
00:19:51
Dears, Anne Boleyn, has been described and portrayed as a power-hungry, social-climbing
00:19:57
seductress who was ultimately beheaded for carrying on affairs with five men, including
00:20:03
her own brother. But what's true about her reputation and what's a bunch of bullshit?
00:20:10
Let's take a closer look at Queen Elizabeth I's misaligned mother, Anne Boleyn. Anne Boleyn.
00:20:16
We've heard a lot about her over the years. So the main sources I used for this story are two books.
00:20:23
One is called Anne Boleyn, 500 Years of Lies by Halen Nolan. And the other is The Life and Death of Anne Boleyn by Eric Ives.
00:20:33
And the rest of my sources can be found in the show notes. So Anne Boleyn is born sometime between 1501 and 1507.
00:20:42
Most historians agree that she's born close to 1501. Her parents are Thomas Bolin and Elizabeth Howard.
00:20:49
The Bolin family has commoner roots. Anne's great grandfather was a merchant, but he got pretty successful at it.
00:20:58
And the family had been on the rise in England for about three generations because of, of course, advantageous marriages, which we know all about here in Los Angeles.
00:21:08
And shrewd real estate investing. Another fucking thing we know all about. That's right.
00:21:13
Thomas, the dad, works in the court of King Henry VII, and then in that of his daughter's future husband, King Henry VIII.
00:21:22
So they're like, you know, worming their way into the upper echelon of like court.
00:21:29
In 1513, when Anne is 13 years old, she's sent to live in the Habsburg court of Archduchess Margaret of Austria.
00:21:38
Margaret isn't technically a queen, but rules the low countries as a regent for her 13-year-old nephew.
00:21:44
So they were like putting her in charge and shit because aunts should rule the world.
00:21:48
I mean, I would really argue for that. Right? We know shit. We know shit, but we're not directly involved.
00:21:54
We're not afraid to be like, eat fast. Right. Don't choke. Right. Exactly. We step away.
00:22:02
Don't eat fast. Don't choke. Is that what you said? I said, eat fast. Eat your hot dog fast, but don't choke.
00:22:09
Yes, that's right. A mom and dad wouldn't do that. No way. You'd never get to get in that hot dog eating contest if you ask your parents.
00:22:16
Right. They'd say slow down. Okay. The low countries are made up of the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, and a part of northern
00:22:25
France. Like, can we please go there? It's the cultural trendsetter for all the other royal courts.
00:22:31
Like, this is the place to be. And all European nobility wanted to send their children there to learn to be well-mannered members of royal courts.
00:22:39
And because also the other children there were like future spouses of the royals, they made connections with actual royals.
00:22:48
Like it was like a finishing school for like royal children. So Anne goes there.
00:22:53
She gets rave reviews from Archduchess Auntie Margaret. She writes to Anne's father and says, quote,
00:22:59
I find her so bright and pleasant for her young age that I am more beholden to you for sending her to me than you are to me.
00:23:07
Oh. Like, she was like, this chick's fucking awesome. Five stars. Five stars. The historian Eric Ive summarizes other people's reactions to Anne, and this time saying she was seen as, quote, intelligent, self-possessed, wide awake, unquote.
00:23:24
Which is like, that's, I get it. You know, you see some people day to day and you're like, wake the fuck up.
00:23:28
You're like a zombie, but not Anne. Yeah. Anne was right in there. That's right.
00:23:34
A year later, Anne's French is so good. She learns French there that she gets a position in the court of Mary Tudor, who marries Louis
00:23:41
the 12th of France. Mary is King Henry the 8th's sister. And the time of this wedding, Mary is 18 and Louis is 52.
00:23:50
Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Problematic. Louis dies the same month Anne arrives in France.
00:23:57
So Mary goes back to England and Angle and becomes a maid of honor to Louis' daughter, who's 15-year-old Queen Claude.
00:24:06
So here's a quick thing. Maids of honor and ladies-in-waiting are the queen's protectors
00:24:12
and companions, the ones that dress her and all this shit. We've all seen those shows. They help
00:24:18
the queen get dressed. They spend their time sewing, playing instruments, playing cards,
00:24:22
praying, and reading religious texts together. So they're almost like her girl gang.
00:24:27
you know. Yeah, they're her glam squad. But it's can you imagine if in this day and age,
00:24:32
you had some like three girls that helped you get dressed? It's like, here's your black sweatpants.
00:24:37
Here's your black v-neck shirt. Oh, my God. And you look so good in that. Let's pray. And then
00:24:43
we'll play a little mahjong together. Let's do it. Yeah. And the only difference between
00:24:51
the maids of honor and ladies in waiting is that maids of honor are unmarried and ladies in waiting
00:24:56
are married. So it's got to be cool to have like some new girl come in. She's like your age,
00:25:02
you guys get to hang out and have some fun. Also there in the French court, which has a reputation
00:25:06
for wild parties, lots of debauchery and lots of sex. And so this reputation kind of starts that
00:25:13
maybe Anne learned a lot of that there. But in reality, Queen Claude isn't actually involved in
00:25:20
any of this. And she and Anne lead a very sheltered existence. For one thing, Claude is extremely
00:25:25
religious. She's not going to these awesome French orgies, you know? And for another, she's
00:25:31
constantly pregnant. She has seven children in eight years. So she's not going downstairs at
00:25:37
one in the morning for the fucking caviar because she can't even eat raw fish and fish eggs, you
00:25:43
know? She's like, I'll pass on pretty much everything because you keep making me have
00:25:48
children. Right. And so Anne Boleyn's like, well, this is my girl. Like, I'm not, I won't do it
00:25:53
either. So that's like a rumor that starts about her. Regardless, popular lore about Anne Boleyn
00:25:58
says that she returns to England with some kind of sexual repertoire that's unknown to the Tudor
00:26:04
court. But this is almost certainly not true about her. So she immediately gets a reputation.
00:26:10
They've always loved to gossip about the royals. Humans love a caste system. They love a pecking
00:26:16
order. And then they love to hate the people at the top. Right. Okay. What Anne does probably learn
00:26:22
about in France at the time is not sex, but is about the Reformation. In 1517, while 16-year-old
00:26:29
Anne is living in France, Martin Luther sets off a firestorm in Europe with his 95 Theses,
00:26:36
theses, which attack the Catholic Church, your friend, your favorite, the Catholic Church,
00:26:42
and introduces Protestantism. Protestantism. you know protestantism yeah protestantism though ann will still consider herself a catholic she
00:26:55
begins to believe that the church needs reforming so she's a fucking normal average teenager that's
00:27:01
just like questioning her background questioning her religion yeah you know the good stuff martin
00:27:07
luther was very popular in his day yeah i thought you were about to knock wood you like moved your
00:27:14
hand over here. And I was like, what? Let's hope that Martin Luther turns out. Also, I don't know
00:27:21
why I just said that. I don't know anything about Martin Luther. I thought you did. And I believe
00:27:25
you because you're like Catholic or you're raised Catholic. So I was like, she knows more about this
00:27:29
than I do. Here's the thing. I think I was safe to say that only because his religion was the
00:27:35
thing that broke up Catholicism and actually began to compete with it. So I must be right
00:27:40
in some conceptual way, but that's really where I go wrong every time is I always believe that
00:27:46
to be true. Do you? It's been almost eight years of this shit. And are we at almost 400 episodes?
00:27:52
Oh, I think so. I think they're coming around the bend. So you must be right sometimes.
00:27:57
I mean, Alejandra, your assignment is to go through and find every time I was right.
00:28:02
She's like, no, no, no, no, no, quick eight. It's been eight times. It's basically, every time you think you're right, you've been corrected. So that was easy.
00:28:14
Okay. Anne is called back to England in 1521 when she's about 20 years old, and she causes an immediate stir in the Tudor court. Let me really quickly do some fucking
00:28:24
Tudor history. King Henry VIII is only the second king in the Tudor dynasty. Henry's father, King Henry VII, won the crown at the end of the, say it with me, War of the Roses.
00:28:39
War of the Roses. Which was a 30-year civil war for control of the throne. And that's the only time I'm going to mention Henry VII.
00:28:48
So from here on out, when I say Henry, I mean Henry VIII. Okay. So before the War of the Roses, there was the Hundred Years' War with France.
00:28:55
Jesus, so much war. So much war. So it's been a rocky century and a half for England.
00:29:01
Henry is the spare, not the heir, a.k.a. the one red-headed Harry. Prince Harry.
00:29:09
So he was the spare. He wasn't supposed to be king. But his older brother, Arthur,
00:29:13
who was supposed to be king, dies at the age of 15, just five months after his marriage
00:29:18
to 16-year-old Catherine of Aragon. Okay. Sounds like fucking Game of Thrones shit right now, right?
00:29:24
It is. I think that's kind of what they based it on, right? That makes sense. Catherine's parents are Spain's King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella.
00:29:33
And those are the same two people who brought you Christopher Columbus and the Spanish Inquisition.
00:29:39
That's right. History. Stick with me now. Here's just a dot of history. I played Queen Isabella in our eighth grade play about Christopher Columbus.
00:29:48
And I got to sing a number called Money, Money, Money. And it was like... Oh the classic 1500s Money Money All these people always came to me asking for money so they could go all around the world So I had this whole song about all these dudes keep coming and asking me for money And then I got to wear like a Queen Isabella outfit
00:30:06
It was awesome. Is there video footage of that somewhere out there of Karen playing?
00:30:12
84? Probably not. Probably not. A photo. Can we get a picture for the Instagram account?
00:30:17
If there were. Yeah, I mean, that would be amazing. Some. So here's what I remember about that night.
00:30:24
Because no one in our family would have taken a picture unless like my sister brought her
00:30:29
disc camera, which I don't think she did. My next door neighbor, Andy Withington, came to this show and he was in the band at the
00:30:36
Petaluma Junior High. So this was St. Vincent's, the Catholic grammar school. And our band played first.
00:30:42
And they were so bad that Andy was laughing out loud in the audience. And then he gave me shit about how bad our band was for like the rest of the year.
00:30:51
He just kept laughing about it. He thought it was the funniest thing in the world because it truly was like, like really bad.
00:30:58
Yeah. That's me playing cello in sixth grade. Just see. Just see. Just do it and see what happens.
00:31:04
Yeah. You talented children. Yeah. So the match between Catherine of Aragon and Arthur is a very powerful match for the Tudor dynasty.
00:31:14
So they're like, yay, rah, awesome. Right. And Henry's father, once Arthur dies, doesn't want that to slip away.
00:31:20
So Henry's father and Queen Isabella are just like, let's just take Catherine, whose fucking husband just died, and marry her to the spare, who's now going to be the king, Henry, who's now 10 years old.
00:31:34
You know, the ripe old age of 10. Really? She gets to marry a kid in fourth grade?
00:31:40
Yeah, a 16-year-old. She's like, I just want to take the fucking Volkswagen Rabbit out for drives and you're making me marry a 10-year-old?
00:31:47
Like, what? Wow. I bet they were used to it, though. That stuff happens all the time.
00:31:52
Absolutely. So he's now supposed to be king. They want them to get married. To do this, they need a dispensation from your friend, the Pope.
00:32:00
A dispensation is an official permission to do something that otherwise would be forbidden under your friend, Catholic law.
00:32:08
I mean, I don't want to be this related to the Catholic Church. I feel... Okay. Your acquaintance.
00:32:14
You know, I'm raised in it, but I have more of a Sinead O'Connor stance with it.
00:32:18
Okay. Okay. Your frenemy, Catholic. Right. Exactly. Okay. Henry, of course, is not interested in the marriage. And when he turns 14 as future king,
00:32:28
he's able to reject the match. And so Catherine is in limbo for the next three years until Henry's
00:32:33
father dies in 1509. And now finally, 17-year-old Henry becomes king. So he's like of age at this
00:32:40
point. So he is a change of heart, decides he will marry Catherine, who's now 23. So we've got 17
00:32:45
and 23. Problematic, a little, but you know. Not back then. Not back then. They get married and
00:32:52
they have special permission from the Pope. So by the time Anne comes onto the scene in 1522,
00:32:59
13 years have passed. Catherine has given birth to one boy who unfortunately dies shortly after
00:33:05
he's born. She has a series of stillbirths and miscarriages and gives birth to one girl who
00:33:11
survives. And this is Mary, who will eventually become known as Bloody Mary because of her
00:33:18
passionate quest to return England to Catholicism and the hundreds of Protestants she burns at the
00:33:24
fucking stake. Jesus. Yeah. So she's not chill. And she's like super anti Martin Luther. Right.
00:33:31
But that's decades in the future. And Bloody Mary is about five years old when Anne gets to court.
00:33:36
So Anne is 21. Catherine, the wife of Henry, is about 38. Henry is 32. The king is becoming increasingly agitated about not yet having a male heir, which he feels he needs in order to solidify the Tudor dynasty with a third generation. Like that's the most important. We all know that's the most important thing in their lives. You know what I mean?
00:33:57
Right. So Anne has this older sister named Mary, and she's super fun. She's already made of honor to Queen Catherine.
00:34:05
And the same year Anne comes back from France, Mary becomes King Henry's mistress.
00:34:12
So unlike Anne's rumored relationship, Mary's extramarital affair with the king is confirmed.
00:34:18
So there's all these like these stories about Anne, but they're not true. But Mary is like for sure, for sure, the mistress.
00:34:24
but queen catherine who has been raised a princess and is a professional royal basically just to turn
00:34:30
a blind eye to her husband's philand philandering philanthropy philanthropy no she's all about the
00:34:39
philanthropy the philandering is the problem but she can't care about it you know what i mean right
00:34:44
it's not show it no right you have to let it happen and she hasn't given her an air so she
00:34:49
can't really or male heir so she can't really make any demands herself poor thing so there's a third
00:34:55
bolin kid in the tutor court and that's ann and mary's brother george and ann and george are said
00:35:02
to have a very close relationship the two love to banter together they have a lot of inside jokes
00:35:08
people at court find them a bit annoying when they're together so they're that fun brother and
00:35:12
sister. When we were kids, my parents divorced, we all had to go to family counseling. And my
00:35:21
brother and I just started making up these inside jokes because we weren't doing well. And so we
00:35:27
like, that's how we bonded. And the therapist fucking hated us because my brother and I,
00:35:32
and to this day, we have a secret handshake that we made up in family therapy to annoy the therapist.
00:35:40
Nice. Someone psychoanalyze that, please. And we still do that. We do the secret handshake whenever we see each other.
00:35:47
So they're that kind of brother and sister, you know. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn.
00:35:54
I the host of Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club This week on the podcast I am sitting down with Ray Porter the narrator of Andy Weir audiobook Project Hail Mary
00:36:08
massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth.
00:36:16
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary
00:36:21
as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent?
00:36:26
And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the
00:36:32
listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me.
00:36:41
And I left it on the mic. That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end.
00:36:47
It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club
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For full offer details, visit BoostMobile.com. So Anne's debut at court is in pageant, a kind of skit with music and dancing that royals and
00:38:36
members of court would perform. This particular pageant is about the virtues of good ladies and gentlemen, and each player
00:38:42
is cast as a particular virtue. Anne plays Perseverance, while her sister Mary plays
00:38:48
Kindness. And these are elaborate productions with multi-story sets and beautiful costumes.
00:38:55
Hey, you love costumes. According to historian Eric Ives, Anne and the other women wear, quote,
00:39:02
oh, hey, it is here. Thanks, Allie. White satin, each with her character or reason,
00:39:07
picked out 24 times in yellow satin and the headdresses were of cowls of venetian gold
00:39:14
set off by milan bouquets unquote wow so that's what they wore so they had these things of like
00:39:22
here she is look at how fucking eligible this chick is blah blah blah a pageant like a beauty
00:39:28
pageant but with a little story around it okay and there's a huge disagreement about what ambo
00:39:35
Lynn looked like. And this is mainly due to the fact that most accounts of her were either written
00:39:40
by people who wanted to be in favor with her daughter later, Elizabeth I, or else by political
00:39:45
opponents of Anne or Elizabeth who fucking hated her. So it's hard to know exactly what she looked
00:39:50
like. So some accounts describe Anne as a great beauty, while others say she had three arms,
00:39:55
a protruding tooth, and a large growth coming out of her neck. There are also very few surviving
00:40:01
portraits of her and the ones we have might not even be of her. So most historians agree that Anne
00:40:06
is basically just fine looking, has dark hair, but what makes her stand out in court is her wit,
00:40:13
her style, her charisma, and her intelligence. So Anne quickly becomes extremely popular at court
00:40:19
and becomes a maid of honor to none other than Queen Catherine. If she became popular in court,
00:40:25
I bet those descriptions of her being, you know, quote unquote, unattractive are the thing that's gossip because that's part of it.
00:40:34
Right. And maybe she was just like, you know, normal looking. It's just like average, fine, whatever.
00:40:39
She doesn't have to be a great beauty because she's smart as fuck. And that's how it like that's, you know, that'll keep the marriage going.
00:40:45
Sure. Until they kill you. So in those earlier years in the Tudor court, Anne has a few potential suitors.
00:40:52
One attempted arranged marriage, and then she and a man named Henry Percy tried to arrange their own marriage. And these efforts are thwarted by a man named Cardinal Thomas Woolsey, who is the Lord High Chancellor, who's essentially King Henry's business and administrative guy.
00:41:09
so he's the behind the scenes power broker in the tudor family he's a political rival of the
00:41:16
boleyn family and so he's been working to arrange a different marriage for this dude henry percy
00:41:22
that anne had fallen for so this dude sorts the potential love match so like her life could have
00:41:27
been completely different she could have picked out her own fucking husband she could have moved
00:41:31
on with her life but no this cardinal thomas wolsey is a dick so in 1526 henry has lost
00:41:39
interest in anne's sister mary unfortunately and mary's now married and so henry the fucking king
00:41:47
turns his attention to now 25 year old anne boleyn and here's where it all goes to shit
00:41:54
henry has already stopped going to queen catherine bedroom he already pondering an annulment or a divorce because of her supposed failure to produce a male heir But when he first starts pursuing Anne it because he wants her to be his mistress not his wife
00:42:10
And this changes over the course of a year. And we can chart the change through Henry's 16 surviving love letters to Anne.
00:42:18
Wow. So those like exist. Unfortunately, none of her responses exist. But we do know from Henry's letters that she didn't always respond.
00:42:27
I think she was playing this like, not a game. Maybe she like wasn't even interested.
00:42:31
But whatever it is, it fucking works. Because he like slowly went from being like, I want you to be my mistress.
00:42:36
And she's like, fuck you. No, thanks. Ha ha. And to him going, let's get married.
00:42:43
Like she did something. I don't want to say right. Because that's like the end game being marriage isn't, it's not who gives a shit.
00:42:50
But like, that's if that was her point, it worked. Well, back then, that's all they gave a shit about.
00:42:56
It's not we can't be like, it's today. It's the same as today. It was 1500. So it's like a completely different world.
00:43:04
But I almost do get like a feeling and just from this stuff that like maybe she didn't
00:43:08
want to be the king's wife or the queen, I guess you would call it. If she wasn't responding to his letters, she didn't want to be his mistress, which some
00:43:17
would think would maybe lead to being the wife. She like wanted to marry some other dude and they
00:43:23
wouldn't let her. It seems like she wasn't that interested, like she wasn't pursuing it.
00:43:28
Right. And she didn't have to, cause women didn't really have a choice back then. So it was just
00:43:32
kind of like, if the King picks you, you're basically expect him in your chambers or whatever.
00:43:39
Right. I mean, like, which then would actually, psychologically, it would make sense that if she
00:43:45
is going like, oh my God, I'm so not into this. Then he's like, I must have you. So the reason
00:43:51
essentially she doesn't want to be the mistress, even of the king, is that her sister Mary does
00:43:56
get married after her affair with the king, but not particularly advantageously because she had
00:44:04
had an affair with the king. So like she didn't marry up as high as she could have because this
00:44:10
sullied her reputation and Anne doesn't want the same thing to happen to her. So she stays away from
00:44:14
McCourt at her family's home in Heaver Castle. And this is where Henry sends most of the love
00:44:20
letters, as well as a how romantic is this? A dead deer, which he had hunted for Anne.
00:44:28
Oh, which actually like at the time, it's like deer meat. Great. Yeah, that's probably a very not a threat, which is what it kind of appears to be.
00:44:38
It's not on its face. See, it's all different. You know, back then it was like the most romantic
00:44:43
thing you could do. Kill a deer for a girl. Kill a royal deer. We don't know exactly what happens,
00:44:50
but after about a year of this back and forth, it becomes clear from Henry's later letters that the
00:44:54
conversation moves towards marriage. And this is something that Anne is like, okay, like we can
00:44:59
talk about that. But by the summer of 1527, King Henry is showering her with gifts, including rings,
00:45:05
bracelets, brooches, diamonds, rubies, silver book bindings, velvet book bindings,
00:45:12
among many other things. Wow. Like dead deer. And dead deer. So King Henry, now about 37 years old, enlists Cardinal Woolsey, that fucking guy who said
00:45:24
nope to her marriage, to go to the Pope and ask for permission to annul his marriage to
00:45:29
Queen Catherine, which is like, you can't do that in the Catholic Church, right?
00:45:33
Divorce? It's like a no-no. Well, annulment means that there was no grounds, like it was never, like not solidified.
00:45:40
Anyway, there's a couple things that qualify it for being annulled, but there's like certain rules, church rules of like you have to qualify for it to be annulled because the other thing is divorce.
00:45:52
And I have no idea whether or not divorce was legal back then. So Woolsey has a hard time getting that permission.
00:45:59
The problem is that Henry's main argument for seeking in the annulment is the fact that Catherine, his wife, had been married to his brother.
00:46:06
And so he claims that her failure to produce a male heir demonstrates the illegitimacy of the marriage in God's eyes.
00:46:15
But the Pope had already granted the official permission saying Henry could marry Catherine.
00:46:19
If he says, if he grants it, it says that he's admitting it had been wrong to allow them to marry in the first place.
00:46:25
And he doesn't want egg on his frock. So he's like, no. Also, Catherine does come from an extremely powerful royal family, as you know, because you played her mom.
00:46:38
That's right. Isabella, Queen Isabella. And her own nephew is the Holy Roman Emperor of all people.
00:46:45
And this is arguably the Pope's most important political ally. So it's all fucking politics. Don't pretend God is involved, everyone.
00:46:53
Like, what a bunch of bullshit. Right. So ultimately, this causes the downfall of none other than Cardinal Woolsey because he can't get it to happen.
00:47:02
They're like, well, it's your fucking fault. Fuck you. So in 1529, having been unable to secure the annulment, Woolsey is first stripped of his title of Lord Chancellor and is then arrested for treason.
00:47:15
He dies on his way to trial. Oh, what a bummer. And this is all fine with Anne Boleyn, of course, because she didn't fucking like Woolsey to begin with.
00:47:23
but going back to her time in France, she's also a true believer in reforming the church.
00:47:28
And she shows King Henry of reformer texts, which point out that the Bible never mentions a Pope and says that Kings are
00:47:36
actually highest authority next to God. So she's like, let me show you what I think.
00:47:41
She like went to the OG text and was like, Hey, guess what? They don't even acknowledge you in this book.
00:47:47
So that's a bad ass move. Bullshit. I call bullshit on everything. Like the world.
00:47:52
She's essentially calling bullshit on the government and how it works. Which is pretty rad.
00:47:58
The text she shows, are incredibly controversial, even heretical, but they make an impression on the king. And they also
00:48:06
happen to chart a path that would make Anne queen. But most historians agree that Anne was a true
00:48:11
reformer and wasn't only serving her own ambitions. So she actually was really interested in this
00:48:16
stuff. Henry finds a new fixer upper, a man named Thomas Cromwell, whose name is so familiar. He
00:48:25
doesn't have the same title that Wilsey did, but he winds up having a similar role. And he is the
00:48:30
person who ultimately gets King Henry the annulment, though not by getting permission from Rome.
00:48:36
In 1532, Cromwell convinces Parliament to come up with a list of abuses in the Catholic Church
00:48:42
and to pronounce King Henry the leader of the Church of England. And this means Henry
00:48:46
can get the annulment and finally marry Anne. They're married in a secret ceremony at the end
00:48:53
at 1532. The marriage is made public in 1533. And in June of that year, Anne is crowned queen.
00:49:01
Catherine's title is changed to Dowager Princess, and she moves to several different palaces
00:49:06
before her death three years later. Like, what a bummer. Just discarded. I actually think I might take on the title of Dowager Princess.
00:49:15
I wish you would. I think that really suits me in my middle age. Do you wear like that thing with a veil?
00:49:21
a veil and then i don't know maybe just start hunching over i think i always thought it like
00:49:26
there's a thing called the dowager's hump which is like some sort of what do they test you for
00:49:30
in school where they make you bend over spine doculous spine scoliosis scoliosis scoliosis
00:49:38
thank you okay so ann is about 32 years old when she's married and crowned and she quickly becomes
00:49:44
pregnant which is like the whole fucking point she gives birth to a healthy baby girl elizabeth
00:49:49
the future queen of england this is a big disappointment of course because it's a girl
00:49:55
and had been sure it was a boy doctors and soothsayers had been sure it was a boy
00:50:00
the birth announcement had already been written as a boy and they had to be edited to change the
00:50:06
word prince to princess like that's how fucking sure they were in anticipation of a boy a
00:50:12
celebratory jousting match had been arranged this has to be called off like they were fucking
00:50:18
And sure, finally, it was a boy. But also, why does it have to be called off? They can't have a girl jousting?
00:50:24
I just don't think so. Because it's not the same kind of celebration. Because it's so phallic, the jousting, you know.
00:50:32
Still, Elizabeth, the baby, is given a lavish christening, and Henry and Anne believe there is still time to have a boy.
00:50:39
You gotta have the big sister, right? England's break from the Catholic Church is ongoing,
00:50:44
and Anne continues to be a reformer. She's a fucking rebel. She keeps an English version of the Bible in her room for anyone to read since many have only ever read it in Latin, which means they don't totally understand what's going on, meaning the Pope and all these, the church is in charge of like the definition and what you think, right?
00:51:03
And so it's technically prohibited to have an English version of the Bible since the Church of England hasn't caught up with its own laws or its own version of what will become Protestantism yet.
00:51:15
So Anne advocates on behalf of people who have been imprisoned for possessing English versions of the Bible.
00:51:21
So she's before her time, for sure. Anne's true passion for reform is also where the first seeds of her demise come from.
00:51:30
So her former ally, this Thomas Cromwell, starts to become an adversary. After England's break from the Catholic Church, there's disagreement on where all the wealth from England's monasteries should go.
00:51:43
So Anne argues that it should go to the people and to charitable causes, like a normal fucking empathetic human being.
00:51:49
But Cromwell argues that it should come back to the king and be distributed among none other than his close friends.
00:51:57
Like, oh, that's convenient for you. So Anne's relationship with her husband, Henry, also becomes rocky fairly quickly.
00:52:04
He had been chasing her for about seven fucking years trying to get up in that. And now that he has finally gotten what he wanted, of course, he's not quite sure why he wanted it so badly.
00:52:16
Anne's wit and her outspokenness and her charisma, the things that initially drew Henry to her, are no longer as charming to him anymore, now that he expects her to not be herself anymore, now that she's a wife.
00:52:29
She challenges him in a way that Catherine didn't. He begins to turn his attention towards someone new a woman named Jane Seymour who was one of Anne maids of honor So he just like plucking them up Over the course of 1535 and early 1536 Anne now about 35 has three miscarriages
00:52:51
And she finds herself in a very similar position to Catherine of Aragon. This time, though, King Henry can't say that the marriage was invalid.
00:52:59
So he can't just get another annulment, right? That would be putting his own foot in his mouth.
00:53:04
So he assigns Thomas Cromwell to gather evidence against Anne. So what Thomas Cromwell finds is this. On one occasion, Anne, who, like all queens, was expected to engage in some degree of slightly flirty banter with the court people at parties or whatever, made a remark that went too far.
00:53:26
She said to a courtier named Henry Norris, quote, you look for dead men's shoes for if it came to the king, but good, you would look to have me. How is that?
00:53:38
That was my British accent, unquote. Is that good? It was really good. Thank you.
00:53:44
Yeah, really good. What she meant was, quote, I think you have a crush on me. And if the king died, you would be asking me out.
00:53:51
Oh, wow. Which is like hot. But this is technically treason because no one is supposed to talk about the king dying.
00:53:59
So the remark to Henry Norris is literally the only charge against Anne that historians
00:54:04
believe actually happened. So every fucking thing else that they said she did to kill her, that's the her saying that one thing is the only thing that actually like stands the test of time.
00:54:15
Right. So Cromwell arrests a court of musicians who, after being tortured, admit to having an affair with Anne on May 2nd, 1536.
00:54:24
Anne is arrested for treason and for having affairs with five men, including her own brother, George Boleyn.
00:54:33
So they're like, you fucked these dudes and you fucked your brother? Like, it's like almost an added level of humiliation.
00:54:40
It seems like that's just insane. Yeah. The only evidence that Cromwell can produce that she had an affair with her brother is
00:54:46
that on one occasion, George visited Anne for a long time. That was his proof. Historians mainly agree that the Norris conversation did probably happen, but the rest of the charges
00:54:57
are completely made up. So on the day of her arrest, 35-year-old Anne is brought to the Tower of London to the same royal apartments she stayed in before her coronation.
00:55:08
So she's just fucking back there. And that had been just three years earlier. So like that's how long she was queen for.
00:55:14
It's just three years. Yeah. About two weeks later, she and her brother are tried separately, but the result of the trial is a foregone conclusion.
00:55:22
The other men, the musicians, have already been found guilty. There's a jury of 27 men, but all of them know that the king wants a very specific outcome for this trial.
00:55:31
So both Anne and her brother are ultimately sentenced to death. Yeah. There's some disagreement among historians about why King Henry took the unprecedented step of executing his wife
00:55:43
instead of just finding a way to divorce her and maybe send her to a nunnery. Like, it's pretty extreme, especially since his last wife, he just kind of figured out a way to, like, get out of it, right?
00:55:54
Mm-hmm. Something Thomas Cromwell influenced the decision since he and Anne were at odds politically and she was outspoken about her beliefs.
00:56:02
So another thing, you know, fucking staunch women are too much for these dudes to handle.
00:56:07
And she didn't give him an heir, right? That's the big, that's the real thing is he wants that heir.
00:56:12
Essentially, yeah. Yeah. But he only gave her three years, you know? Right. So it's not like he gave her 10 years and it didn't happen.
00:56:20
It almost sounds like he got bored of her. Right. More than anything. Others feel that Henry simply did it to save face, to be able to marry Jane Seymour and also to have a son.
00:56:30
Like you said, the other wife that Henry would eventually behead, Catherine Howard, admitted to adultery.
00:56:37
But Anne never did. Like, there's no real evidence that she had any kind of affair.
00:56:43
So there's all these rumors about her. She has a bad reputation in history, but there's no evidence at all that this this was true.
00:56:49
So Thomas Cromwell assigns four ladies-in-waiting to be with Anne in the days leading to her execution.
00:56:54
So she has to fucking hang out and sit around in these apartments while she's about to be fucking executed.
00:56:59
Yeah. Like, what a bummer. And the ladies-in-waiting are not her closest confidants, which is done on purpose, you know.
00:57:06
Cromwell wants them to spy on her, but instead they start to feel sorry for Anne in her final days.
00:57:12
Anne goes back and forth between grief and shock. Sometimes she even has laughing fits because she's just like, this is absurd.
00:57:20
Yeah. In the days leading up to her execution she gives her final confession to the Archbishop of the Church of England She confesses to jealousy but nothing else And this is why people see this as solid evidence that Anne did not commit adultery
00:57:35
She's already been condemned to die. And she, like everyone else at this time, believes in hell.
00:57:40
So she would have confessed at this point that she had had an affair with, you know, the church.
00:57:47
Because otherwise she didn't think she would have committed herself to eternal damnation by lying.
00:57:52
So it's pretty certain that she didn't lie about it. The four men, including Anne's brother, are all executed two days before she is.
00:58:00
Their executions are held on Tower Green outside of the castle walls for all to see.
00:58:06
Anne can't see the execution from her apartments, but since those executions are public,
00:58:11
she can probably hear the crowd's reaction to those innocent men and her own brother's hanging.
00:58:19
and it's like a little preview of what she's going to go through like it's suddenly real
00:58:24
yeah i can't imagine the four men are killed the traditional way which is with an axe
00:58:31
which i guess doesn't get the job done right away when you have an axe you have to
00:58:35
swing it a few times no i know so anne's execution date is set from may 19th 1536
00:58:43
her ladies-in-waiting dresser in a dark gray silk gown and an ermine wrap what's that erm
00:58:51
I think it's ermine ermine and it's a it's a kind of mink okay ermine wrap I think now that that is
00:58:57
more than I know about it even if you made it up she's walked to a platform that's been built
00:59:02
specifically for the occasion near a part of the castle called the white tower and it's been built
00:59:09
in an area that's meant to be private because the king is like giving her these last charitable
00:59:15
fucking moments on earth yeah so good of him yeah people have found a way into the tower grounds and
00:59:22
when she's brought to the platform there are about 2 000 spectators jesus this used to be like
00:59:28
a fucking saturday out it's like let's go watch people get killed yes for real and also i bet you
00:59:35
because she was, you know, all that gossip's going around about her. It's all that stuff of like,
00:59:40
you know, Protestants versus Catholicism. She's bad in this way. She's, you know, people are
00:59:46
spreading rumors. So then by the time they go down there to see her get beheaded, it's like,
00:59:50
yeah, you deserve it. Right. So King Henry VIII, to his credit, I guess, he planned the whole
00:59:59
entire event himself. I think this shows that maybe he was like, I know this isn't right. And
01:00:05
maybe I feel a little bad about it. How do you figure? Well, listen, he is sent for a particularly
01:00:11
skilled swordsman from France to do the beheading, which is a big deal. Okay. Yeah. So a beheading by
01:00:18
a sword is a much faster and less painful than the one by an axe, which sometimes required
01:00:25
multiple chops. So he did that. He put it in a private area. And also the sword has been hidden
01:00:33
in some hay so she won't see it as she's being let up. And the executioner goes barefoot so she
01:00:40
won't know when he's coming. So those are the kindnesses he offers her. Okay. It's not enough
01:00:48
though. You know, ultimately, it's really like breaking up with someone and then being like,
01:00:54
but I bought you a Snickers. Like it's like, well, but way worse. Way worse. So Anne's ladies in waiting help her gather her hair
01:01:03
into a linen cap and she kneels facing the crowd and she makes her final remarks.
01:01:09
She praises the king. She asks that they pray for her. And once again, she does not confess.
01:01:16
She kneels and the barefoot swordsman sneaks up behind her, quickly beheading her.
01:01:21
Because her execution by sword is so swift, some accounts say that her mouth continues moving for a few moments after her head is cut off.
01:01:29
But Anne's ladies in waiting quickly cover her head with a handkerchief. King Henry, as we all know, will go on to have four more wives.
01:01:37
Jane Seymour will die, but does produce a male heir. The king divorces Anne of Cleves, beheads Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr outlives him.
01:01:49
After the death of King Henry and the death of his son Edward and some success in drama,
01:01:54
that's like a whole nother fucking story. It is Anne's daughter, Elizabeth, who becomes the Queen of England.
01:02:00
Mm-hmm. Anne solidifies England's position as a Protestant nation, enshrining a lot of the reforms her mother was so passionate about She rules for almost 50 years in what will later become known as England golden age On her finger she wears an elaborate ring encrusted with diamonds and rubies and it has a secret compartment that flips open like a locket
01:02:25
And inside there are two portraits. One is of herself and the other, most historians agree, is of her mother.
01:02:34
and that is the story of the life and death of Anne Boleyn who probably was a little ambitious
01:02:40
but what the fuck is wrong with that wow that was like a full-on history lesson I know look at me
01:02:48
look at you and your interests I know can you imagine us having done that that story and
01:02:56
the story you did last week together in three fucking hours just like and one more thing
01:03:02
and another thing another thing wow great i mean look they just knocked that one down yeah that's
01:03:09
right getting our work done no we gotta go have a monday night yeah i'm gonna go walk cookie i'm
01:03:15
gonna fucking go touch grass go be outside yeah that fresh crisp fall air that's out now
01:03:23
oh it's almost spooky halloween i was just laughing with bradford about this it's like
01:03:28
they started putting out Halloween stuff after 4th of July, like so early, but I'm loving it.
01:03:34
It's people are so into it and so excited. And like, you can tell everyone had a bad summer.
01:03:39
And they're like, can we get on with this nonsense? Can we put on long sleeve shirts
01:03:44
and start putting pumpkins with faces everywhere, please? Did you see the thing where they like put
01:03:50
peanut butter on a pumpkin in the shape of a jack-o'-lantern and then put it outside and
01:03:55
let the rabbits and the squirrels eat along the peanut butter and then it turns into a jack-o'-lantern
01:04:01
because they just eat the peanut butter oh my god so they made it i mean it's everybody loves
01:04:08
spooky season it's just the truth sure well thank you for listening i bet you if you're listening to
01:04:12
this podcast you love it more than most people definitely and that's why you're still listening
01:04:17
to us we appreciate you we do thanks for being here we have fun with you you know and because
01:04:23
of that, we want to tell you to stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Hooray! Elvis, do you want a cookie?
01:04:33
This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
01:04:43
Our managing producer is Hannah Kyle Creighton. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.
01:04:48
This episode was mixed by Liana Squalache. Our researchers are Maren McClashen and Allie Elkin.
01:04:53
Email your hometowns to MyFavoriteMurder at gmail.com. Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at MyFavoriteMurder and Twitter at MyFaveMurder.
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