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Wow. And welcome to my favorite murder. The Minisode. Where we read you your stuff.
00:01:57
Your emails. You send them to us. Thank you. It's such a great setup. You go first.
00:02:03
Yeah. Okay. This says crazy diving survival story. And then in parentheses, it says lighthearted.
00:02:10
Oh, my God. I already have. I'm already sweating. Diving. Yeah. Scares the shit out of me.
00:02:14
Okay. I don't understand it. I don't either. I. Okay. Hi, MFM fam. I've basically been listening to your podcast nonstop since I found you last year and I'm
00:02:23
almost caught up. I was listening to a mini-sode where you guys got on the topic of riptides and water vortexes, and I decided that this was the time to write in.
00:02:32
And then in parentheses, it says, there have been so many times I've considered doing so before, but didn't for one reason or another.
00:02:39
When I was a teenager, our family went on vacation to Hawaii. For one of our activities, we scuba-dived in those lava tubes underneath a volcano.
00:02:48
Which I'm like, what? I didn't know that was a thing you could do. It says, picture swimming into a cave, but having the cave then wrap all around you, which is like, that's called a nightmare.
00:02:59
What do you, I don't want to picture that. That is a horror movie. That is. Okay, so it says, so our group was swimming through this one tube, we'll call it Tube A, in an endeavor to see a ghost shrimp that lived at the back of the tube.
00:03:13
Not worth it. No. Go to a fish market and like, look around. Picture a shrimp with a sheet over it and two eyes cut out.
00:03:20
and then their little antennas coming out of the holes. Yeah. It was all cool, fun and games, swimming down this tube, seeing all this wildlife.
00:03:28
I ditched my mom and I went to find my dad and sister who were lazily floating along in the back.
00:03:33
After deciding they were boring, I began to try to swim back toward the ghost shrimp
00:03:37
when all of a sudden a wave on its way back out to sea caught me and pulled me into this connecting tube.
00:03:44
I was scraping my hands along the walls trying to stop myself because I was certain that this was going to end badly.
00:03:50
So the current thinks this is funny and does it a few more times until I'm literally bawling into my mask, raking my hands along the wall, trying to get a grip, all while envisioning the current forcing me back against the wall and my tank somehow exploding.
00:04:05
And then in parentheses, it says I was a dramatic teenager. Then it says, finally, I was able to claw my way back to steady water and found my mom still crying about my near-death experience.
00:04:15
My mom's trying to understand why I'm so upset while I watch the rest of our group swim into my death tube.
00:04:21
Then to my embarrassing astonishment, our dive instructor simply stands up. My embarrassment will never be matched.
00:04:31
I was simultaneously relieved and somewhat enraged at the fact that all I had to do during my dance with death was stand the fuck up.
00:04:38
I was so embarrassed, but luckily I could hide it with the ocean. My favorite line of all time.
00:04:45
Hide your embarrassment with the ocean. So this whole time, if I just relaxed, I probably would have realized that I could touch the
00:04:51
seafloor and just stand up. So that's my story warning about the dangers of panicking.
00:04:56
I'm very grateful to both of you for the community you created and how you make it safe for me
00:05:01
to feel any and every manner of feeling. Thank you for speaking out for those whose voices have been silenced.
00:05:07
We need people like you with a platform like yours to speak the words that make the difference.
00:05:12
Wow. Thank you. I know. Fondly, Olivia. I love Olivia's story so much. It's so classic. Like, so dramatic.
00:05:23
Yeah, you're it's the ocean and a cave. So it's not a logical thing to be like, oh, this is it. Like, I'm done for. But then it's like, always remember the ground is underneath you.
00:05:33
The panicking will never help never give you a clear answer as to what to do next. Unfortunately,
00:05:38
because it's like the easiest thing to do is right. It's automatic. Right. It's so annoying.
00:05:42
And they're like, no, calm down. That one hit you? Did it hit you? Let's all just exhale out the panic.
00:05:52
As a panicker as a known panicker this one called Go to Museum Jail And it just starts ad lib clever intro here In Minnesota 268 you asked for stories about breaking obvious rules in a museum
00:06:06
It just so happens that during my undergrad, I did a series of internships in small local museums.
00:06:12
How fun. The story takes place in a county historical center housed in a New England jail.
00:06:18
The original jail was made of wood and was built in 1792. But because a wood cell block was
00:06:23
problematic. Think bugs, cold, and easy escape. It was upgraded to granite in 1858. The original
00:06:31
wooden cells remain in the upstairs portion of the jail, but they have been repurposed into
00:06:35
rooms that contain exhibits of non-jail related local history. The basement slash dungeon contained
00:06:41
the modern iron and granite cells. So the ones built in 1858, the cell doors were fully functioning,
00:06:47
but were a pain in the ass to unlock. So we kept the cell doors open and added signs that said,
00:06:53
all caps, do not close the cell doors, because the locking mechanism would engage as soon as
00:07:00
the door was closed. Despite this warning, visitors would often try to close themselves
00:07:04
in the cells for the locked up photo op. Of course. Yeah. Museum staff would usually be
00:07:10
able to stop amateur photographers before they incarcerated themselves. But one afternoon,
00:07:14
I failed in my duty to protect visitors from their own stupidity. A family of three was
00:07:20
visiting the museum. And while I was answering questions from the mother, the father and about
00:07:25
eight-year-old son were walking around the cells. Suddenly, the mother and I heard a distinct
00:07:31
clank followed by an oh fuck coming from the father. The father told me that the son closed
00:07:37
himself in the cell. And it's an absolute lie because those were heavy-ass iron doors, but
00:07:42
whatever. Blamed it on the son. And the son was freaking out. Remember that doors were a pain and
00:07:48
they asked to open. Well, this time nobody working in the museum that day could get the door to open.
00:07:53
So we had to call a locksmith. In a cruel twist of fate, the local locksmith was off duty that day
00:07:59
and his shop was being managed by his apprentice who was inexperienced with 17th century locks.
00:08:05
Like, yeah, everybody is. Everybody living today is inexperienced with them, I think.
00:08:12
And this poor kid is losing his fucking mind. And he got blamed. We ended up calling the curator
00:08:18
for another local historical society to come down and open the cell doors and eventually
00:08:22
remove the locking mechanisms from all the cell doors. After all was said and done, the kid did about two hours of hard time.
00:08:30
The father learned a valuable lesson about reading signs and following basic instructions.
00:08:35
And I learned how to remove a lock from a 17th century jail cell. Stay sexy and don't lock yourself in jail, Jacob.
00:08:42
Thank you, Jacob. because seriously, people don't read signs anymore and they don't give a shit about like why somebody would have,
00:08:51
the necessity to put up a sign indicates that there's a problem that you need to know about as opposed to like,
00:08:57
no, no, I just want to do my thing. Where it's like, but no, because the thing you're going to do,
00:09:02
you're going to, there's going to be a problem. It doesn't relate to me. These rules don't relate to me.
00:09:05
Yeah, it's just me and my son. We're cool. And it's just like, well, I wish they were both in there.
00:09:10
No, no, they both were, the dad and the son. Oh, sorry. I thought the kid was freaking out because he was by himself.
00:09:16
No, I think they were both. Wait, do you remember? Did you ever take a tour of Alcatraz and they put you into the.
00:09:21
I have a photo of my dad from that time in one of the cells with a grim, like doing a
00:09:26
mean grimace scowl. But don't they also put you into solitary confinement for like one minute?
00:09:31
I can't imagine they do that anymore. I don't remember. I remember it, but maybe it was.
00:09:35
Yeah, because they just put you in and like, check this out. Shut the door. We'll put you in for one minute.
00:09:40
And then it's like there are people who spent three years in this or whatever, where it's like, oh, my God.
00:09:45
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00:10:10
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00:10:30
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Now we're going to take another hard left in this podcast car of ours. It says holiday fun.
00:11:52
And then I not going to read the rest because it gives it away Okay Greetings MFM team In the spirit of Christmas look look our inbox is very full Alejandra doing an amazing job of processing all these emails
00:12:05
Yeah, we get to them when we get to them. It's, you know. It's March, we're only three months behind.
00:12:09
In the spirit of Christmas, I wanted to share a family story of holidays past. When I was a kid, around age eight or so,
00:12:15
we went to visit my grandparents in Ohio for the holidays as usual. One afternoon, my mom and I decided to bake some Christmas cookies.
00:12:22
We preheated the oven, mixed up the dough, and measured out spoonfuls onto the cookie sheets.
00:12:28
Then we smelled smoke. Unbeknownst to us, my aunt had been proofing a loaf of bread in the empty oven, and the towel covering it had caught fire.
00:12:37
My mom quickly instructed me to fetch my grandma from the den where she was watching football with an assortment of my aunts and uncles.
00:12:44
I rushed in and shyly whispered in her ear, not wanting to make a scene, Grandma, the oven's on fire.
00:12:52
She mistook my warning for a game of telephone and whispered into my uncle's ear,
00:13:00
the oven's on fire, pass it on. By the time the message made it down the line to the end of the couch,
00:13:07
my mom must have come in and alerted them to the situation. I love that grandma so much.
00:13:16
She's like, oh, yeah, you want to have fun? I'll have fun with you. Not listening to the actual message at all.
00:13:21
Yeah. Says, I don't remember how the situation was resolved, but I distinctly remember my aunt being disgruntled about her erstwhile loaf of bread.
00:13:30
Happy holidays. And don't forget to check the oven for potential hazards before preheating.
00:13:35
Madeline, she, her. Man, this is the first house that we ever lived in where we didn't have to store the baking trays in the oven because there was never room.
00:13:45
So you'd preheat your oven and always have to take out a hot ass baking sheet. or in my case an old piece of pizza so many times in my life I've opened the oven like because I
00:13:58
cook every two months or something I'm like what the hell is that it's just like a preserved
00:14:03
petrified piece of pizza that I reheated and forgot about I love that my granddad was in the CIA
00:14:10
yes hello everyone I am in the middle of catching up in the pod and I just listened to Minnesota
00:14:16
184, where you said to keep the CIA grandpa stories coming. I am sure you've moved on to
00:14:22
different topics since July 2020. But please humor me my story. We have not we haven't we haven't
00:14:28
moved. We don't go topic to topic. All topics are on the table. That's right. Time is a flat circle.
00:14:33
That's right. Growing up, my dad's family was always somewhat aloof. They lived abroad for
00:14:39
most of my dad's childhood in various European countries. So I always brushed off the distant
00:14:44
behavior thinking, I guess that's just how people in Europe are. The story was that my granddad was
00:14:51
in the state service. He was very gifted with languages and was hired by the State Department
00:14:55
after serving in the army in World War II. My dad's family lived in Finland, Italy, Belgium,
00:15:01
and Brussels. Everywhere they went, my Grammy connected the culture through their traditional
00:15:06
foods, she was an amazing cook, and social traditions. And since they had some wild costume
00:15:11
parties in Germany. And my dad and aunt alternated between international schools where their parents
00:15:16
were living and boarding schools back in the States. At least this is the story I got.
00:15:22
Oh, until one day I was driving in the car with my mom. I want to say I was in 10th grade.
00:15:27
Somehow we got on the topic of my grandpa and I made some comment about him being in the state
00:15:32
service to which my mom said, you mean the CIA? She was honestly surprised that I didn't already
00:15:37
know, but I was a pretty self-absorbed teenager, so maybe it shouldn't have been that surprising.
00:15:43
You got to admit it when it happens. A pretty self-absorbed teenager, also known as a teenager.
00:15:48
That's right. Turns out being in the State Department was his cover, and he was in fact
00:15:53
a member of the CIA. He was recruited straight out of the army into what was then the OSS,
00:15:58
Office of Strategic Services, and received his first international placement to Finland in 1955.
00:16:04
It was an open secret in the family, but everyone knew better than to ask my granddad any direct questions about his service.
00:16:11
This is my favorite of the few stories I did hear. While living in Italy in the late 60s and early 70s, there was an Italian spy that was holed up in an apartment, and my granddad was tasked with bringing him in.
00:16:22
I don't know how the initial contact was made, but my granddad somehow befriended this man and even convinced the spy that he was from the same small Italian village by speaking their local dialect.
00:16:32
Oh, shit. I know. Once their familiar bond was established, my granddad convinced him to turn himself over, which he did.
00:16:41
And the two of them remained friends. He says, how? Many of his spy stories went to the grave with him in 2018, but he did have other fun anecdotes like the time LBJ visited Brussels while he was still vice president.
00:16:55
And my granddad had to translate for him while he haggled with street vendors. not all of the stories had happy endings but somehow my grandpa kept his good humor through
00:17:04
it all and was one of the silliest people i've ever known oftentimes wearing fake noses as a joke
00:17:09
but it says maybe this collection of disguises should have been a tip-off yes it's like you you look over your grandpa's wearing the glasses mustache nose thing and it's
00:17:21
like is he in the cia that's stevie cooper what the fuck anyway stay sexy and maybe everyone should
00:17:27
just ask their grandparents if they were in the CIA, you know, just in case. Kelly.
00:17:32
So true, Kelly. Everyone just go ask. So crazy. Your grandparents and your great grandparents could be anything.
00:17:41
Anything is possible. And they were definitely cooler than you and probably smarter.
00:17:45
And also they didn't talk about stuff. That was the traumatized past where it's like,
00:17:50
keep it to yourself. No one cares. Silent generation. But we do care silent generation We do We want to hear it While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14
00:18:07
Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:18:14
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:18:20
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:18:27
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:18:33
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:18:40
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Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. Here's a great one. Subject line, hidden treasures in wedding gifts.
00:20:22
Hello, ladies, gents, folks, and all things listening. Let's get right into it. I was listening to Minisode 371, and there was a story about money that was hidden in a hat
00:20:31
and thrown away. Remember that one? It was the, I think, navy hat? Yeah. This reminded me of when my husband and I received an unusual gift for our wedding,
00:20:41
and we still laugh to this day about the mistake we made. A little backstory. My husband is a chef
00:20:46
and has worked in kitchens for a very long time. He started helping with dishes and worked his way
00:20:51
to a position where he is now running a full kitchen. That's huge. You start as the dishwasher,
00:20:56
the hardest work there is. And everybody right now on an oil rig is like, fuck you.
00:21:02
Okay. A few years before we got married, maybe around 2016, he was working a desk job for the
00:21:08
one and only time in his life. While doing so, he continued to help out some friends who were
00:21:13
cooking at a local bar and restaurant. He picked up shifts here and there to help with prep and
00:21:17
dishes for a little extra cash, and of course, a little more time with his friends. He had these
00:21:22
grimy work shoes that he kept tucked away in the basement of the restaurant, so he always had them
00:21:27
when he picked up shifts. After he was done working there, he left the shoes behind and simply forgot
00:21:32
about their existence. Three years later, and we're getting married, and our friends from that
00:21:36
restaurant oh so kindly packaged up my husband's gross abandoned basement dishwashing shoes for our
00:21:43
wedding gift he completely forgot that they had existed and i hadn't seen them in years and
00:21:48
wouldn't have even recognized them we opened the gift we laughed when we realized what they were
00:21:53
and quickly tossed them in the garbage that was taken to the curb that night oh no the next day
00:21:59
we texted our friends to say thank you for the laugh they were quick to ask if we appreciated
00:22:03
the actual gift dot dot dot actual gift oops it turns out they hid a very generous amount of cash
00:22:12
in one of the shoes as our wedding gift don't do that put it on the card put it on the card
00:22:20
those shoes were long gone as the trash had been picked up and to this day our friends don't know
00:22:26
twice about us throwing away their money. They might now. We said a very gracious thank you,
00:22:34
which not to be picky, but it's spelled gratuitous, which makes me laugh really hard.
00:22:40
I know they mean gracious. We said a very gracious thank you and hit our shame of throwing out the
00:22:45
real gift along with the trash shoes. Stay sexy and don't hide money in things that are obviously
00:22:51
trash. And in parentheses, it says, and don't throw away wedding gifts without thorough inspection.
00:22:57
And that's from Carlisle. She, her. Oh, I feel like I would have told them. I know me too. You know, just like blurted it out.
00:23:05
Oh, you mean busted yourself for having thrown them away? Yes. I would have been that guy. But those people should have fucking, yeah,
00:23:12
put it in the fucking card. Now I have to write the card. It's going to say something like,
00:23:16
here's a little remembrance of a time past, but also something that will help you in the future.
00:23:21
Something like that. In the toe of the left shoe. Oh my God. As gross as these are, put your hands
00:23:28
inside of them and feel around for money. I've done dishes at restaurants before that your shoes
00:23:33
just like don't stand a chance. It's fucking disgusting. At the end of the night, you're like
00:23:38
socks are wet. It's so gross. Also, are you like sweaty and hot with all the hot water? Yeah. And
00:23:43
But I was the waitress, too. So I run upstairs to the restaurant. You're like, can I take your order and wash your dishes?
00:23:51
Can I do it all for you? Yeah, it was a rough time. Well, way better now, Georgia. Real quick, real quick newsflash. You're here now.
00:24:00
Thank God. And I've never done a dish again. Everything's fine. Sorry, Vince. No, he doesn't do that either. We just throw them away.
00:24:09
Paper plates for you guys. That's right. Okay. I thought they were staring because I was hot.
00:24:15
Oh. I have a lot to say, but I'm afraid of you making fun of me for sending a long email. So I love you,
00:24:20
blah, blah, blah. Let's get into it. Oh, now I absolutely have to make fun of this person.
00:24:25
You recently asked for, quote, I thought everyone was looking at me and they were stories. And I
00:24:29
gasped with joy, smiley face. I'm from Southern California, where I went to UC Irvine and worked
00:24:36
at the little dingy discount Woodbridge movie theater where I fucking literally grew up watching
00:24:41
movies. And my brother and sister worked there in high school. It's Georgia's home movie theater.
00:24:47
It's my home movie theater. And they wrote Georgia insert potential personal anecdote.
00:24:52
So thank you. It's like, you know, they know they know how to write for this show. That's right.
00:24:57
I moved to Chicago two years ago to pursue my passion for theater. One day I was living my mid-20s city girl fantasy with my big over-the-ear headphones,
00:25:06
listening to YouTube probably, with a cute little outfit and an over-the-top eye makeup look.
00:25:11
I stepped onto the L train feeling good. I noticed that there was a strange faint alarm sound going off,
00:25:16
and I figured it was some fluke happening in another train. The train still pulled out of the station, so it must have been fine.
00:25:23
As soon as I sat down, I noticed that there were a few people staring at me. But naturally, I assume they were looking because of how absolutely gorgeous I looked.
00:25:31
That's right. A minute or so passes. And I realize now that the whole train car is staring at me and they do not look happy.
00:25:39
Well obviously the only reasonable explanation for this was that they were a bunch of traditionalists who were judging how I looked because they wish that they could look as hot and confident as I do God I fucking know that feeling That 20s feeling of like fucking you wish you were me White knuckling confidence
00:25:57
Yeah, right. Confidence revenge. I was shaken, but I wasn't going to let these jealous strangers ruin my day.
00:26:04
As I look back down into my lap, I notice the light coming from my bag. With headphones still over my ears, I rummage through my bag.
00:26:12
And then I hear it. The loudest alarm known to man coming from my bag. My security chain had somehow become detached from itself, triggering the alarm.
00:26:24
You know, those motherfuckers, they're so like insane sounding. I'm talking loud, like reverberating within the train car.
00:26:33
Cover your ears loud. I quickly put the pieces back together to turn off the alarm and flashing light and rode the rest of the way in shame,
00:26:42
avoiding eye contact with the other passengers. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes your
00:26:48
shit does stink. Stay sexy and maybe don't always assume that people are looking at you to admire
00:26:53
your beauty or do probably do. It's a much more fun way to live. Audrey, she, her. Audrey,
00:27:00
congratulations, because I think you handled that beautifully. If I was on that train,
00:27:05
I would have walked up and gotten the brand name of those headphones because she couldn't hear that.
00:27:11
that's right where'd you get those headphones girl humility you had to have it in your 20s
00:27:17
or you just end up being a fucking asshole your whole life i mean that's how you get it is going
00:27:21
through your 20s right you're there pretending to be an adult and it's like no wrong incorrect
00:27:28
you fucked it up again it's like by the time you're 30 you're just like i have no idea what's
00:27:32
going on well we done it again that it oh wow okay well wow thanks guys for writing in Please write in if you want to at my favorite murderer Gmail And we appreciate your participation whether it is by actively writing something or just listening passively listening and relating
00:27:49
Sure. That's part of it. You know, it's kind of part of the podcast. Listening is a huge part of the podcast. So we appreciate it. Stay sexy.
00:27:58
And don't get murdered. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:28:12
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalachi.
00:28:19
Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com. And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and on Twitter at My Fave Murder.
00:28:27
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Yeah, I guess it's less of a moment for me and more of an all day thing, honestly.
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Yeah. I get a baseline of nutrition and sustenance. You just have this drink that kind of coats your stomach.
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Yeah. Before I start drinking a bunch of coffee. It's like this will take care of it.
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Goodbye.