00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
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The message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop.
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equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only. Then full price plan options available.
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Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. Hello, beautiful. I'm Amy Eric, founder of Madison Reed,
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a hair color company I named after my daughter. Forget everything you know about hair color.
00:01:16
The mess, the smell, the hassle, the damage. We're female founded and female led.
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We've transformed the hair color experience with ingredients that care for your hair
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an award-winning color on your terms at home or at our hair color bars. The future of hair color is here at Madison Reed.
00:01:53
Hello and welcome. to my favorite murder. The mini-sode. Where we read you your stories. They're mini. Would you
00:02:00
like to go first? Sure. I'm not going to read you the title of this one. I'm just going to start
00:02:05
telling you. Okay. Hey, all. In the late 1970s, 76 or 77, my mother-in-law and father-in-law were
00:02:12
on a long drive going down the coast of California when they decided to pull over at night in the
00:02:18
Santa Barbara area to sleep in their car. My father-in-law, a tall man, slept sitting up in
00:02:23
the driver's seat while my mother-in-law laid on the front bench with her head on his lap.
00:02:28
My mother-in-law woke up to a loud sound. Disoriented and not able to see because her
00:02:33
contact lenses were out, she eventually realized my father-in-law was holding his neck and running
00:02:38
around in a state of shock. She started to panic when my father-in-law eventually grabbed her and
00:02:43
told her she needed to remain calm and flag someone down for help because, all caps, he had
00:02:49
been shot in the neck. What? Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and he was able to stabilize the
00:02:54
situation, according to her. How he was shot in the neck, though, by a stranger who came up to
00:03:00
their lonesome parked car and shot him from the outside where they were sleeping. Oh, my God.
00:03:05
My mother-in-law said she flagged down a semi and told him they needed to get to the hospital
00:03:09
because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently, the truck driver suspiciously asked, how do I
00:03:13
know it wasn't you who did it. A valid question. Look, valid. It says like, okay, man, good question,
00:03:20
but clearly they need help. Anywho, he called for help over his radio and my father-in-law
00:03:26
ended up surviving. They never caught the person or even had an idea of who did it.
00:03:32
My mother-in-law says she highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty Zodiac, wouldn't you
00:03:38
say? Was it in California? Fucking Santa Barbara on the coast, which is the most recent Zodiac
00:03:42
documentary about the one guy that they, Arthur Lee Allen. It's like, there's a case in Santa
00:03:48
Barbara. It's where he started, right? It's the early, early. And yeah, it's 100% fit.
00:03:53
Well, the story is shocking. We're going to solve the Zodiac on this show. Let's do it. Through many sobs.
00:03:57
Through someone else's work. Yes. Well, this story is shocking and fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that it's made me realize
00:04:03
in the grand scheme of things, when it's your time, it's truly your time. I never got the honor
00:04:08
of meeting my father-in-law because he passed away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby.
00:04:13
I like to imagine he was a smart and interesting man who was an amazing dad and husband and would
00:04:18
be the best grandpa to our kids today. Just finding out that my dad has primary colon cancer
00:04:23
that has spread to his liver, I'll appreciate all the time I've been able to spend with him,
00:04:27
unlike my sweet husband who lost his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a bummer note,
00:04:32
you two are a safe space and I am eternally grateful for this community you two have created,
00:04:37
ssdgm and hug your dad m she her um you're so right yeah and also it's just my it was my aunt
00:04:46
she's 90th birthday this weekend and she looks great and is great but my cousin gave a little
00:04:52
speech you know before we you know sang her happy birthday and i never knew this about her her mom
00:04:59
died when she was 12 and her dad sent her off to live with like a family friend oh my god and
00:05:05
And that's like, it's just that kind of thing where it's like that primary thing.
00:05:10
It's so easy to take your parents for granted and the upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it.
00:05:17
Totally. Where you're just kind of like this old thing. And it's like, there's a lot of alternatives that are much worse than.
00:05:23
Oh, I've said it to Vince a million times whose mom died when he was very young.
00:05:25
Like, I'm sorry I keep complaining about my mom because I'm sure like you didn't get any of those experiences.
00:05:32
Yeah. Yeah, that's very sweet. Thank you, Em, for that. Lovely email. Okay. They wrote out a funny subject line for this email, but then in parentheses at the end,
00:05:42
it says, may not want to read the subject first. Okay. Read it to me after. Let's not forget.
00:05:47
So it says, hello, MFM posse. You guys are great. My mom attended St Mary of Notre Dame in the 60s and my dad attended Notre Dame My mom is a hoot and was a bit of a wild child she got the nickname in eighth grade nuts that was her nickname that fun just straight up nuts nuts another time i tell you the many
00:06:09
pranks that she and her friends pulled on the nuns however this time i will tell you something
00:06:14
a little less mischievous but no less awesome that she did yeah as she tells it my mom used
00:06:19
to go out drinking with the priests from notre dame fuck yeah she used to love to argue theology
00:06:24
and philosophy with them while having a cold brew. I love her. So good. She had to check in her dorm every few hours, though.
00:06:31
It was strict in those days. Even with the priest, though. Like, you could stay out all night.
00:06:35
They can do whatever they want. Fuck yeah. The priest would take turns driving her there and back so she could sign in at the dorm.
00:06:40
What is happening? Yeah, because they want to have a good time. Some of the few things, kind of lightly sinful things they can do is drink and hang out and
00:06:50
chat. Love it. And it's very important to build those relationships spiritually.
00:06:56
My mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of the priests she partied with.
00:07:02
Problem. Notre Dame at the time was an all-boys school. This would not be a problem for nuts, though.
00:07:07
She struck up a deal with the priest. She told him she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week if she could unofficially take his class.
00:07:15
Needless to say, he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.
00:07:21
Oh, my God. Unofficially, that is. Stay sexy and never underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has over a priest.
00:07:30
Molly, she, her. Those are words to live by. But also, Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the first woman at fucking Notre Dame.
00:07:37
Bullshit. But we fucking know here on MFM. And now all of you know, listeners. I love her.
00:07:43
I love that. That's what we call chutzpah. I know she wouldn't, but we call it chutzpah.
00:07:47
And I fucking like it, and we should all be like that. It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name nuts?
00:07:52
She didn't tell us her mom's real first name? Did she tell us in the beginning? No.
00:07:56
I mean, what more do you need? I guess it is all I need. That is her government name to me now.
00:08:03
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.
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Default terms at mintmobile.com. Hello, beautiful. I'm Amy Eric, founder of Madison Reed, a hair color company I named after my daughter.
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Forget everything you know about hair color. The mess, the smell, the hassle, the damage.
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I started Madison Reed because I believed women deserved better. Our mission is simple, to give you the highest quality hair color with salon results and ingredients you could feel good about.
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Female founded and female led, we've transformed every part of the hair coloring experience from what goes into your color to where and how you use it.
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Come experience it for yourself. The future of hair color is here at Madison Reed.
00:09:33
This is called Former Banker Self-Deposit Box Treasures. Anonymous, please. Yes, please.
00:09:41
Hello, lovelies. I'm currently months behind on episodes, so binge listening. In episode 441 from August 2024, you asked for safe deposit box stories.
00:09:51
Then she says, so I hope this isn't too late, as if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing we asked.
00:09:56
Stop it. That's from six months ago. No, more. Matrix, split in the matrix stories.
00:10:01
Enough. then it says, let's get into it. Never too late for, that's just under the headline of treasure, which will always be valid.
00:10:09
Totally. All of it. I spent almost 15 years in retail banking. She wrote in two stories,
00:10:14
but they're really long. So I'm just going to read the second one. Okay. Because it says story
00:10:17
two is much more scandalous. Okay. Here we go. A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank. I
00:10:23
helped him with the rental and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami Vice, total player.
00:10:27
he visited the bank a few times a month dressed to the nines to visit his safe deposit box i love
00:10:33
like a date that he got dressed up for yeah the safe deposit box and i'm imagining if they said
00:10:39
think miami vice then it was what like kind of a pink linen suit yep white suit jacket yeah tie
00:10:47
all the things yeah everything's kind of open and chest hairy yeah but like so high end and tons of
00:10:52
Coke. Okay. Well, one day his wife shows up and wants entry to the box. No, ma'am, that is not
00:10:59
how this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership of a safe deposit box. So we turned
00:11:04
her away. That's good to know. I know, right? I didn't know that. She showed up about once a week,
00:11:09
always approaching a different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing. Trying to access the
00:11:14
box and always getting the same response. You aren't an owner of the box. You cannot access it.
00:11:19
After weeks of this, she shows up in a state of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open the box because he's in prison awaiting bail and we have to let her in.
00:11:30
We didn't. We couldn't. That's not how the law works. But now that we have this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began.
00:11:36
Keep in mind that this is the late 90s, so the Internet is not what it is today.
00:11:40
but with a determination and burning through several work hours, we found the arrest records,
00:11:46
several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets to concerts and sporting
00:11:51
events all over the state Oh so random right It so specific I know And then it says in parentheses this might be a good time to inform the young MFM listeners that in the 90s there was no such thing as a QR code Cell phones only made phone calls and event tickets were all paper
00:12:07
I fucking used to go to the Hollywood and Vine ticket store to buy paper tickets with
00:12:13
cash because they charged you less. And they don't have a credit card. Never had a credit card.
00:12:17
Right. Exactly. Or didn't they also sell Tower Records and stuff? There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets.
00:12:23
that had like a little machine. Totally, but you had to go to them. Yeah. That's how it all was back then.
00:12:29
Everything was harder. Tickets were physical and fraud was much easier than it is today.
00:12:35
Fast forward a few months, multiple vehicles pull into the bank parking lot at the same time.
00:12:39
This is just like the movies and here comes the wife again, this time being escorted by local sheriffs,
00:12:44
state police, and no less than five U.S. Marshals. She's in handcuffs and I've served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box.
00:12:53
I went through all their hopes. And then the warrant was valid and required the bank to allow U.S. Marshals to access and inventory the box. A locksmith was called. I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed over the closed box to the U.S. Marshals and left the privacy room.
00:13:07
Well, sweet Jesus, curiosity was killing the cat when a U.S. marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me, here's the inventory list.
00:13:16
I need you to make three copies, please. You better believe I went to the copy room to make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.
00:13:24
I mean, what human being would not? The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves is like, that means you're a saint.
00:13:30
You know what I mean? No. What do you mean? Like I would have made myself an extra copy to like take, put it in my pocket, you know.
00:13:36
But all none of us did was take a peek. Do you think you would do that because you're like, you won't tell me to not read this thing.
00:13:42
I'll keep it for myself. Yeah. Like, I need this for later. I need to show my friends this.
00:13:45
I need this for my personal records. Right. Yeah. You can't take a screenshot of it because phones were just for phone calls.
00:13:50
But also, I think this was a time where it was easier to keep all that separate, where it's like, if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry, I can't ever put my eyes toward your very private thing.
00:14:01
Right. Where it's like, that was their one and only chance to find out. Totally.
00:14:05
Yeah. Absolutely. Because, yeah, you can't get into, like, they don't have the keys.
00:14:08
The inventory is tens of thousands of dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies.
00:14:18
As it turns out, my customer was part of a large-scale operation across state lines and one of multiple defendants tried in a RICO case.
00:14:26
My customer, what's RICO again? Racketeer-influenced and corrupt organizations. So it's mafia stuff.
00:14:32
Oh, it's like mafia stuff. Yeah. Cool, okay. My customer, Charming and Smooth, was responsible for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive gems and stones and then selling those gems and stones to a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.
00:14:46
But you'd have to know the jeweler that would be just dealing in gems like that.
00:14:51
It's not just any place you go into. I'm sure there's enough around town. You think so?
00:14:55
Yeah. Because I think we should get into this. Sounds like a great business for us.
00:15:00
I followed the case in the news for a few years and even all these years later, my palms get sweaty thinking about the day a crew of U.S. Marshals rolled in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to stash his dirty earnings.
00:15:13
Hope this story makes the cut for a mini-sod sometime. Stay sexy and if you're thinking about committing fraud, just don't.
00:15:19
Anonymous Murderino. Anonymous, you made it. You made the cut. Your name can't be involved, but we know at heart.
00:15:27
Yeah, we know who you are. God, just it stresses me out because all I can do is focus on the fact that you did all this work to make these fake tickets and rip these people off.
00:15:38
Yeah. You made your money. You had to turn it into jewels. Yeah. How? Like, where's those contacts?
00:15:45
And then you have to sell those jewels. Totally. But I love the wife who just kept trying to get rid of all the evidence.
00:15:50
She's got to get those jewels or like line her pockets with them. Totally move the fuck out of town.
00:15:55
I love learning that it's just the person who, like, safe deposit box, the concept of them were set up for people to have secrets that no one finds out about.
00:16:09
Illegal secrets, too, because you can't put this in a bank. You can't have this at home.
00:16:14
You can have it in the bank. It's just not deposited. But it's safe. It's a secret in a bank.
00:16:19
Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself as I decide to do this as an episode in the future.
00:16:25
Nazis. Promise it was Nazis. My dad saw the fucking movie The Woman in Gold, which is starring Helen Mirren, about that Klimt portrait that the Nazis stole from the Jewish family, and she had to go fight for it.
00:16:38
He talked about it all weekend. I haven't seen it. I'll watch it. Well, it's good, but I mean all of that stuff.
00:16:43
Oh, yeah, completely. Okay. The subject line of this is fellow finders unite, and then in parentheses it says, hold on, why isn't mine money?
00:16:51
Oh, got it. What does it mean? People who just find shit all the time and why isn't the thing I find all the time money?
00:16:56
I don't know what you're guessing. I think you're right because I've read this. Hello, fuck word, murder, mystery hosts.
00:17:03
My eternal compliments to the dad who coined that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite piece of historical fiction.
00:17:11
I love it. Yeah. Ours too. We just did a rewind episode with that when that first came out.
00:17:17
Okay. So it says, I just wanted to say to the recent listener who wrote in about their Chicago street money finding talent.
00:17:22
Oh, yeah. Girl, what? You too? And then a parentheses, it says, girl is meant to be gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says, I also have a weird knack for finding lost things, not cash money, unfortunately. So hats off to that incredible luck. But I have found the following.
00:17:41
Oh, my God. Was this written by a crow? And it's just going to be a bunch of like weird, shiny junk.
00:17:47
Yes. Things listing out a soda can tab, a quarter. I gave them all to a little girl.
00:17:52
A piece of corn. Okay So it says I have found so many sets of lost keys My own keys when they lost Almost never But keys strangers have lost at the park on a hiking trail in parking lots at grocery stores or on a riverbed
00:18:07
Absolutely, yes. Sometimes even if I'm not looking. I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby, and I get to be a hero for a few minutes.
00:18:16
That's hilarious. My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago when I went to the dog park a bit late one day after work.
00:18:24
And while leaving as the sky had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around with a flashlight.
00:18:30
They seemed really stressed. So I asked if everything was okay. This person was on the verge of tears and told me they had been looking for their keys for almost two hours and they were already late for work.
00:18:40
No joke, I found their keys in less than a minute. Oh my God, I love that skill.
00:18:45
It's such a good skill. Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just right in front of me.
00:18:50
And I was drawn to them right away, even in the dark. Wow. We both were shocked, and they insisted that they had looked there several times before already.
00:18:59
Two, I also find random lost items that are still in perfect condition all the time, like Burt's B's chapstick with the plastic wrap still on.
00:19:07
I still wouldn't touch it. Yeah, because why did the person just go like, no thanks?
00:19:12
Unopened candy, mints, or packages of gum, perfectly intact glasses and jewelry.
00:19:17
and once again, a favorite recent story. Just last week, I found an unopened package of weed
00:19:23
from a local dispensary on the ground, still fully sealed and childproofed. Three, credit cards, debit cards, and IDs.
00:19:31
At least four times a year, I find these items someone lost in my path. I try to return them when I can,
00:19:38
but I can't always find the person. Once I even found what looked to be someone's entire wallet,
00:19:43
everything but cash, dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see what I find next.
00:19:48
And I would love to know why isn't it also street cash? I guess I'll have to take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness finding strangers keys for now.
00:19:57
Stay sexy and keep your eyes on the potential prizes in front of you. Kendra. That's amazing.
00:20:02
Isn't that so good? That reminds me of, so you know, I'm obsessed with mudlarking.
00:20:06
Yeah. Which is like finding stuff in the Thames and all that stuff. And the thing I read about people who are really good at it, at just finding treasure among trash, is that our brains immediately want to spot man-made shapes.
00:20:19
So not natural shapes. It just makes sense that your brain just goes to a button among rocks because it's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature.
00:20:27
So if you just kind of think like that, that you're looking for not natural shapes, your brain will find whatever's there.
00:20:34
Yeah. Isn't that cool? Yes, for sure. I follow a couple mudlarking accounts on TikTok and there's a woman who does it.
00:20:40
And I'm almost positive she does this on purpose. And it's so brilliant because she puts this thing down into the water so the camera is clear.
00:20:49
So you can see from her point of view. Yeah. Looking at the river. Right. You've seen it.
00:20:53
I love her. Yeah. So it's almost like I was looking here and this is interesting.
00:20:56
And then you see it. Yes. Yeah. But then there's always something when she goes and picks up, say, like the button.
00:21:02
Yeah. There's always something else in the shot where I'm like, why aren't you touching that over there?
00:21:08
And I think that's potentially intentional so that it is a little more addictive.
00:21:12
Yeah. Maybe. Or it's my suggestion. Hide a little bird in there. A little piece of like china.
00:21:21
Yeah. That's my favorite. My favorite one was the bird that time. Yeah. Where someone found like it was a bird whistle or something.
00:21:27
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. That's amazing. So good. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.
00:21:36
Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
00:21:42
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment.
00:21:48
Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required.
00:21:56
Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at MintMobile.com.
00:22:01
Hello, beautiful. I'm Amy Eric, founder of Madison Reed, a hair color company I named after my daughter.
00:22:07
Forget everything you know about hair color. The mess, the smell, the hassle, the damage.
00:22:13
We're female founded and female led. We've transformed the hair color experience with ingredients that care for your hair and award winning color on your terms at home or at our hair color bars.
00:22:24
The future of hair color is here at Madison Reed. I said, oh, my God, this tiny underground podcast that I listened to, one of the hosts are from there.
00:23:00
And she said, yeah, people always say that when I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise.
00:23:06
Anyway, I never intended to write in, but I just listened to Minisode 423 and was inspired by the story about the falling priest.
00:23:14
Remember at the funeral and the priest fucking fell face down, just like like a timber and just like made everyone at the funeral laugh.
00:23:21
Yes. Okay. Yes, but also there have been so we've done so many of these. It's kind of like, yep, there's somewhere in there.
00:23:29
Totally. Yeah. So that that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh at a horrible time.
00:23:36
Right. And how important that is. And so this then it goes on to say in 2017, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis.
00:23:43
And being 16 at the time, I was treated at the Children's Hospital in the waiting room full of kids much sicker than I and loads of worrying parents.
00:23:51
We anxiously wait to hear our last name so we can go over final paperwork before the surgery.
00:23:57
One of the nurses calls out for a family saying, is it moron? That annoyed mom says, it's Monroe. And then there's an emoji, like just this flat
00:24:10
line of like, emoji. In a way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.
00:24:16
In a completely silent room, my parents and I lock eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in and we shared a much needed cackle before hours of surgery
00:24:26
slash waiting. This is a classic story in our family and you guys feel like family. So I wanted
00:24:32
to share. Stay sexy and don't yell moron in a room full of sick kids. Emma, is it moron?
00:24:42
Not moron. No, our name isn't like Dan and Jean moron and we're here with our child. What are you
00:24:48
talking about? There's nobody named moron probably. I think they would change their name.
00:24:56
Okay, here's my last one. The subject line is bumper boats, trauma, lighthearted.
00:25:02
Hi, I've been listening since 2016. Love you all. Wow, I haven't. When I was eight, my family went to the fair.
00:25:10
My older siblings and I really wanted to go on the bumper boat attraction. Basically, bumper cars on water.
00:25:16
Have you ever done that? No, but it doesn't sound crazy. Right. Seems familiar, but I haven't done it.
00:25:21
Each boat was equipped with rubber edges so you could crash into other boats without causing damage.
00:25:26
When we got in line, we could see the rules said ages eight and up could ride alone.
00:25:31
I was elated. I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with his mom and thinking,
00:25:39
he's not even old enough to drive his own boat. When they released us, I realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined.
00:25:47
The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat.
00:25:54
I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to the dock.
00:26:01
Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer my boat that way. Full panic set in The pool itself was not very big but to me it felt like the ocean I thought to myself I never make it back to the dock Every time I came close to the dock and the ride attendant tried to catch me I unintentionally zip away
00:26:18
Oh, no. I'm not doing it on purpose. This went on so long that the attendant started to put waders on to get into the water to grab me.
00:26:30
Oh, and you're probably crying. Just humiliating. Oh, so humiliating. Just trying to have fun at the fucking fair.
00:26:36
However, before he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was standing near the edge caught my boat and was able to guide me to the dock.
00:26:45
Relief flooded me as I burst into tears. Meanwhile, my mom was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold from the sidelines.
00:26:53
She had to physically turn away so I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.
00:26:59
It's like the littlest bit of joy she's had in so fucking long. And also it's controlled danger, right?
00:27:05
It's like, you're crying, but nothing's going to happen from this. This is so hilarious.
00:27:11
Once I was back on dry land, she took me in her arms and we decided that was enough rides for the day.
00:27:15
Yeah, let's go home. Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum wage after that incident.
00:27:20
I'll never know. SSDGM and always have a pair of waiters on hand. Kelsey. Being a kid sucks so bad.
00:27:29
It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going, here's what I'm going to do when I do that thing.
00:27:35
You go to do that thing. Not only do none of those things happen, but a series of other totally unprepared for and unimagined things happen.
00:27:45
And then you're like, oh, that's how I lived my childhood. Humiliation after humiliation.
00:27:50
Constant. It's why I don't want kids mainly. Because I don't want to live through someone else's horrible fucking childhood again.
00:27:57
For real. For real. I can't watch someone I love get bullied or humiliated. I just can't do it. I'm done with
00:28:04
that part of life. Or hold their hand through it and be like, it'll be okay because it's not okay.
00:28:08
It won't. By the grace of God, it's fine. You and I are fine. The good news is nothing's okay.
00:28:14
That true In a way we do have to keep on remembering Like you saying we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always Yeah This happens to every single person It just a different noun
00:28:25
It's not the bumper boats. It's just a different. It's pants. Mine is pants. Oh, it's just always something.
00:28:31
Yours is tampons being thrown across. Mine's the tampon suitcase. Yeah. It's also the day I watched a girl who was, I think, in fifth or sixth grade walk in because
00:28:40
it was free dress day. I think I've told you this a thousand times. but this one had killed my soul because i was in eighth grade and of course by i went to catholic
00:28:48
school so it was first through eighth so the eighth graders by the time you're in eighth grade
00:28:51
you're like i'm fine and i'm trying just trying to prepare for high school yeah it was free dress
00:28:55
day which we got like i think once a month so very special everyone wore their best and it was a big
00:29:01
deal this little girl who's a lovely girl and i think she was only in like the fourth or fifth
00:29:05
grade and also our sorry i've tried to make this fast but our playground because it was catholic
00:29:10
school. It was like part gravel, part unpaved, like bad for children to play on. Literally a 45
00:29:18
grade downhill. Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start and you wouldn't be able
00:29:22
to stop, blah, blah, blah. I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance, there was almost like
00:29:27
a little lip of like asphalt where they kept having to pave over it because this is where
00:29:31
all the kids walked in. But then it was downhill started. And this little girl walked in and
00:29:38
immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like Mary Janes on. Yeah.
00:29:42
Or hard shoes that she had not scuffed. And she got up and basically fell down like five times in front of the eighth grade girls.
00:29:50
Oh, no. And by the end, I mean, it was four or five. By the end, me and my friend almost went together.
00:29:56
And then she finally made it up and like ran away. Oh, my God. But it was one of those things where I was watching going, you'll always remember this.
00:30:02
You'll never forget this moment. You'll always scuff your shoes. Yeah. This has changed your trajectory.
00:30:07
Absolutely. It's the kid who pisses themselves or calls the teacher mom on accident in third grade.
00:30:13
You'll never not be that kid. And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason people don't want to talk to you in a bar or something.
00:30:19
But everyone's fine. Everyone has that. Everyone barfed and pissed and called people mom that they not supposed to call mom We going to be okay We going to be okay We going to be okay Stay sexy And don get murdered Goodbye
00:30:34
Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
00:30:47
Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalachi. Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:30:55
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder. Goodbye! This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms.
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