00:00:00
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selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
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and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
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Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown. Hello. And welcome. To my favorite murder.
00:02:35
The mini-sode. There you go. Emails for you. By you. By you. By you. Go first. I demand you.
00:02:43
Go first. I shall. With all your paperwork. Okay. The subject line of this email is hometown, the trash adult who took me on a drug run.
00:02:51
Okay. You know I'm going to pick one of those. Of course. These are my people. Hi, Karen in Georgia. I'm Lithuanian, so I don't know how to say all these sweet things people usually write at the beginning of these email. But just know I love you both loads. And now let's get into it.
00:03:05
Lithuanian. I know, right? Because I've got a prime trash adult story for you. So, period. Picture six-year-old me, six, bored out of my tiny mind in the dead heat of a small Lithuanian village summer. You've been there a thousand times before.
00:03:21
Picturing it. No friends around, no TV, no entertainment except for the occasional chicken.
00:03:30
That's great. Yeah, that's tough. I'm just chilling in the dust on the side of the road like a little
00:03:35
feral villager when along comes her, our neighborhood's very own spiritual healer
00:03:40
slash drug dealer slash disaster on two legs. She was known for selling, quote unquote,
00:03:46
natural medicine, which is adorable because in hindsight, I'm 99% sure she was slinging low
00:03:51
grade narcotics. She tells me she's heading to the far side of the village to do some business
00:03:57
and asks if I want to come with her. All caps. And I said yes. Hell yeah. Because of course I did.
00:04:03
What else was I doing? I had no sense of danger and way too much free time. So off I go, six-year-old
00:04:08
assistant to a probable drug mule, skipping through the village like we're in a whimsical
00:04:13
Eastern European comedy. Hours pass. She does her house calls and I assist her as the unpaid intern.
00:04:19
I provide, I don't know, vibes, maybe an alibi. And then just as we're finally heading back, I hear it.
00:04:28
My name screamed from every direction. Oh, no. Like a haunted megaphone. And that's when I knew I had fucked up.
00:04:39
Turns out I'd been gone long enough for my grandma to declare a full-blown code red.
00:04:44
But did anyone call the police? Of course not. That would have been too logical.
00:04:48
Snitching. No one snitches. No way. Instead, the entire able-bodied male population of the village was mobilized. Forests were scoured. Lakes were dove into.
00:04:59
Holy shit. Men, and this is on all caps, men actually dove into the water looking for my tiny drowned body.
00:05:07
Then it says, fun side note, I was the kind of six-year-old who was allowed to go swimming alone. So, like, fair.
00:05:13
It says, by the time I casually strolled home, my grandma was halfway through a heart attack.
00:05:18
They called an ambulance, but still not the police. So she literally was halfway through a heart attack.
00:05:24
Oh, literally. They called an ambulance for the grandma. For the grandma, but they didn't call the police.
00:05:29
My mom was on the verge of an emotional implosion, and the lake divers returned looking like war survivors.
00:05:34
I fully expected to be grounded until I turned 30. My mother, oh, she handled it with grace, which is to say she tried to rip out the trash adult's hair with her bare hands while screaming so loudly,
00:05:46
I'm pretty sure the storks migrated early that year. Honestly, iconic. Holy shit.
00:05:52
Meanwhile I plopped myself on the couch and was handed dessert Yes Because they thought she was gone Yeah Because apparently when a child disappears for hours with a stranger the appropriate reward is pudding And the best part I didn learn my
00:06:05
lesson. Not even a little. Two weeks later, all caps, same woman, same scenario, same kid, me.
00:06:13
And this time she didn't even bother pretending to ask permission. She just took me under her arm
00:06:18
and off we went on another totally illegal adventure. Oh, she had the perfect cover,
00:06:24
a six-year-old. She just looks like a kindly aunt. Yeah, I'm an auntie. Not a drug mule.
00:06:29
Stay sexy and seriously, don't take someone else's kid on your rural drug errands.
00:06:34
Laura from Lithuania, where the police don't get called when a child vanishes for hours,
00:06:38
but a mob of men will absolutely dive into freezing lakes without hesitation. What a perfect picture of a time and place, Laura. That was excellent.
00:06:47
It's everything we need to know about Lithuania. Everything. Yeah. That was amazing.
00:06:51
You don't call the cops. Men will do what it takes. And it reminds me like when you were little and you did something all the time and then
00:06:58
one time you did it and it wasn't okay. Yes. And then you got in trouble for it, but it had never not been okay for you to stay out
00:07:03
late or to do any like to play with this or that. And then suddenly your mom decides that you're not supposed to do that and you're in trouble.
00:07:09
Yeah. There's a rule that you were not told that somehow comes up and it's like, oh, we weren't
00:07:15
paying attention before that you've been doing this the whole time. This is what my anxiety is based on, is that I'm going to get in trouble for doing something I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do.
00:07:22
Yeah, that sticks. Yeah. Okay. My trash uncle story. Two to three minute read. Thank you.
00:07:28
Hey, friends, longtime listener and have wanted to send this story in for a long while now and finally got the guts to do it.
00:07:35
So let's get started. Long story short, my uncle ended up being a part of a bank robbery.
00:07:39
Hey. It's a long story short. He and a few other guys robbed a CCU bank and thought they could get away with it.
00:07:46
Spoiler alert, they ended up getting caught. But let me tell you how my uncle got caught.
00:07:51
So me, five years old at the time, my mom, dad, and uncle were actually on the way to
00:07:56
turn him in, a decision he made, but ended up stopping at Walmart to get him some clothes
00:08:01
for whenever he got out of prison. I don't know. That seems like you're doing it on purpose.
00:08:08
Can I just get a couple things really quick? You have a few years to pick something probably.
00:08:12
Yeah. Now, this was years ago when Walmart still had banks in them. The security guard at the bank recognized my uncle immediately because his picture got sent to every bank in the area.
00:08:22
And before the guard could tackle him or confront him, my uncle grabbed me and held me as we walked out so the guard wouldn't touch him.
00:08:31
Yes, my uncle used me as a shield when I was all caps five. Human shield five-year-old.
00:08:38
This is the aunt and uncle episode. Once we got in the car, we were heading to turn my uncle in.
00:08:42
But since the security guard saw him, he notified the police. And next thing I know, we're getting pulled over by at least 10 cops.
00:08:48
Oh, shit. Now, me being five years old, you know, that security guard was like so stoked to be the hero of the day.
00:08:54
Yeah. So boring his job. And then suddenly he's like a fucking bank robber. I have this to give.
00:08:59
Yeah. Now, me being five years old, I thought that any of the times I would misbehave or would hit my older sister meant I was in big trouble.
00:09:05
because when the cop came up and stuck a gun into the front passenger side window yelling,
00:09:10
everyone put your hands in the air, my hands immediately went up, terrified that I was going
00:09:15
to jail. These little hands in the back kind of sliding up. Tiny little, oh, this is it. I knew
00:09:21
it was coming. I shouldn't have bent a human shield that way. I shouldn't have hit my sister.
00:09:26
She deserved it. I immediately started crying while watching my uncle get yanked out of the
00:09:31
car and onto the ground. And for some reason they did the same to my dad. Yeah, that makes sense.
00:09:35
I was just sitting in the back with my hands up, regretting all the times I didn't listen to my mom and scared that the cops were there to take me to jail.
00:09:43
The idea that they're just like gun in the car, scream, whatever. Yeah. I don't remember much after that, but I do remember my mom getting me into the back of a police car trying to calm me down and then the cop coming up and apologizing to me.
00:09:57
You better. My uncle did go to jail and has served 16 years. Wow. That Walmart run could have waited.
00:10:03
I mean, also just the bank, the idea of a bank robbery, it never works out. It's never going to work.
00:10:11
Almost never. Scheduled to be released any day now. Wish me luck, smiley face. Also, fun fact, this bank robbery is known as the first one to occur in my hometown.
00:10:20
Wow. Hope you all enjoyed this and got a good laugh at some of my trauma. Stay sexy and maybe don't use a five-year-old as protection.
00:10:27
Yeah. Haley. Haley, we respect your trauma. Yeah. It's like TV movie of the week trauma.
00:10:34
And the fact that you shared it with us means, I think, that it might be a lowercase T trauma for you at this point, maybe.
00:10:42
Oh, yeah. Being able to process it. Don't share your uppercase T trauma until it's lowercase T trauma.
00:10:47
I mean, just that it feels like as awful as that would be. It's a great story. Maybe she can laugh at it now.
00:10:54
Yeah. We definitely can. We just did. But we don't want to if we shouldn't. So insane.
00:11:00
Also, just if you're going to go drop someone off at prison, maybe get a babysitter.
00:11:05
Get a babysitter? Get a babysitter. That's a great idea. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:11:15
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with divergent author Veronica Roth to talk about her sprawling new novel, Seek the Traitor's Son.
00:11:23
It's a sci-fi fantasy epic about two protagonists on opposite sides of a war and a prophecy neither of them wanted.
00:11:30
My first book was Divergent. And when that came out, like, because it was so popular, I think it attracted like mostly positivity.
00:11:38
But the negativity, I sucked in like a sponge. And I think it was like critiques of things I liked when I was like, you know, I was 23 and I wrote this book.
00:11:48
And it had all my like dorky little cheesy or maybe unrealistic loves in it. And I started to feel a lot of shame about those things And so for the rest of my career I steered away from those little things that like make you feel pleasure when you read
00:12:05
But I also was like saying no to these parts of myself that I then was like, screw it.
00:12:12
So that's this book. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:12:20
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00:12:42
Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10% off. That's Hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food.
00:12:48
Some products contain Allulose. See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content.
00:12:52
Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that.
00:12:57
For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all-wheel drive. Five modes. We still outside.
00:13:03
And they got some kick, too. That turbo? Torque is crazy. The most in its class.
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It moves, moves. Rogue doesn't mess around. And peep the space. Merch on merch. Gear.
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00:13:31
i'm not going to read you the subject line of this it says hi karen and georgia i've been
00:13:36
listening to you guys since 2018 i was 16 oh my god welcome sophomores welcome always when my
00:13:43
sister introduced me to you as a repayment. I got her tickets to the MFM live tour in Austin this
00:13:48
September. Yes. You guys are great and can always keep me entertained when driving or folding laundry.
00:13:55
Hey. Hey, that's us, baby. Anyway, let's get into my hometown's pedophile story. I attended Lake
00:14:02
Travis High School, which is about a 30-minute drive from downtown Austin, Texas. This meant our
00:14:06
school was very large. I'm talking about each graduating class of 800 to 900 people per year.
00:14:13
Wow. That's wild. Yeah. When I was a freshman around 15 years old, my friends and I would sneak out and get into the normal teenage trouble, drinking, smoking, vaping.
00:14:23
Alcohol is hard to get as a 15-year-old, obviously. So when a man who was around 30 years old started adding us kids on Snapchat under the name The Lauder and selling bottles of alcohol to be delivered, we were ecstatic.
00:14:36
Oh, my. This is what every parent warns every kid about and they don't listen. No, because as a teen who's like, I just want to party.
00:14:45
And I'm invincible. And I don't know what the fuck is going on in the world or what the possibilities are.
00:14:50
Oh, my God. It's like, the Lauder wants to help us. Yeah. The Lauder would charge outrageous prices for handles of alcohol, of course, the cheapest stuff he could find, and jewels, the vape pens.
00:15:02
But, like, name-checking a vape pen. But us kids didn't care. We would all sneak out to a friend's house whose parents were chill and text the lotter what we wanted for the night.
00:15:12
Oh, my God. He would then drive to our address, which we gave him without a second thought, of course, and trade the cash for the goods.
00:15:19
He got to know my friend group so well, he would even give us free fast food regularly.
00:15:25
Oh, my God. This man would drive around at night and give alcohol and vapes to hundreds of high schoolers.
00:15:31
Holy shit. And since everyone used him, we didn't see the harm. that wasn't until one afternoon when my friends and i were in school like normal and we got a text
00:15:39
that the lauder l-o-t-e-r i guess like parking lot i don't know yeah yeah the lauder was arrested
00:15:46
everyone who used him freaked out and deleted his contact hoping the cops didn't see any of
00:15:50
our information on his phone we all thought he'd been caught for selling illegal products to
00:15:54
underage minors nope a few weeks later we see a news article about the lauder's arrest and it
00:16:01
turns out that he was exchanging alcohol and vapes for sexual favors from 15-year-old boys
00:16:06
and sending slash asking for sexual pictures. His case ended up being investigated by the FBI,
00:16:13
and in 2021, he received 60 years in prison for sexual exploitation of a child, followed by 10 years of supervised release, and he was also ordered to pay restitution to his
00:16:23
victims. I am now 22, and my friends and I occasionally recall how stupid we were to
00:16:28
trust a random man who sells things to kids. Sorry, mom, that's stranger danger 101. I mean,
00:16:35
you couldn't get more on the nose. I'm so relieved she hadn't started listening to my
00:16:39
favorite murder yet because we weren't doing our job if she was doing that. I mean, yeah,
00:16:45
that's right. We let her down if she thought that that was okay. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully when she logged
00:16:49
on and then was like, oh, they're yelling at me. What's this? What's this? I shouldn't follow a
00:16:54
strange man around a parking lot. And then it just says, can't wait to see you guys in September.
00:16:59
Stay sexy and don't buy alcohol from strangers. Lily. Hey, Lily, that's how bars work. So you
00:17:05
better figure something else out. Every time we hear those stories, just my youth, my adolescence
00:17:10
just flashes through my mind. And I'm just can't believe I'm here. I know. I'm so happy about it.
00:17:15
I've told you this story, but like we found a guy in the Golden Eagle Shopping Center parking lot
00:17:21
and kids from the other high school like were walking away and they're like hey those guys
00:17:26
will buy up for you and we walk up to the it was a station wagon that was like it looked like all
00:17:32
the tires were flat so it was way close to the ground yeah and it was two guys that looked like
00:17:36
they were from scumbag central casting yeah and they were just like yeah what do you want and we're
00:17:41
like can we get a strawberry wine cooler it was like we were doing very specific orders and they
00:17:45
just drove away with our money yeah that same thing happened he was like okay we're gonna put
00:17:48
the bag next to the car and we're going to drive away. So don't go to the bag until we drive away.
00:17:52
So like in case anyone watching puts the bag down drives away And then I watched my friend walk up and kick the empty bag in anger Stole like beer funds We had all gotten beer funds together Hundreds of dollars Oh my God I mean okay
00:18:06
Yeah. Buried Bones helped me find proof of my dad's lore. Oh. Buried Bones, a podcast on the Exactly Right Network.
00:18:13
That's right. Of course. And Kate Winkler Dawson. That's right. Oh, hey. All of our dads have told us when we were little that if they told us something, they would
00:18:20
have to kill us. Right? Sure. That old joke. No, just me and my sisters. Well, from a young age, we all knew my dad, Ronald, had been in the army, but definitely was not anymore.
00:18:30
When we would ask what he did in the army, he would always tell us, if I told you, I would have to kill you.
00:18:35
Of course, as little kids, we thought it was hilarious. When we got older, he finally told us what really happened.
00:18:41
Picture it. It's Chicago 1968, and the Democratic Party Convention is causing a lot of chaos in the city.
00:18:47
There were rallies and riots and a lot happening outside the convention that had been well documented over the years.
00:18:52
Yes, it's a famous event. My dad, though, he was involved with monitoring what was happening inside the convention and the like.
00:18:59
You may be asking yourself why that's a big deal. Well, the Army Security Agency was tapping the phones of delegates, candidates and others in the streets listening in for any information they could about plans for rioting, clandestine connections with communist affiliated groups, etc.
00:19:15
They would have vans driving around the city, a lot of times in areas that was pretty much off limits to the military, that were decked out with radio receivers that monitored police radio, telephone communications, and shortwave radio transmissions.
00:19:28
I mean, it kind of sounds like a paranoid conspiracy theory, but it's like we are being monitored at all times.
00:19:33
Yeah, it's true. They were operating without the knowledge or assistance of the Chicago police, FBI, or other law enforcement intelligent agencies.
00:19:42
Just the Army going solo rogue. Finding out some stuff they need to find out. I guess so.
00:19:47
All of this information came in, but never went back out. If it had, they would have needed to answer questions on how they got that information.
00:19:54
And what they were doing was definitely bordering on going against the Constitution.
00:19:58
Sounds familiar. I don't think you could border going against the Constitution. Goes right up against it.
00:20:03
My dad voiced his concerns about this and other things he was privy to while working in army
00:20:08
intelligence to his superiors and was basically told to sit down and shut up. That didn't sit right with my dad.
00:20:13
So he went AWOL to Canada. Oh. Toronto specifically. That's where he gave a series of interviews to the Toronto Star.
00:20:21
It was supposed to be four different installments, but only one ever got printed.
00:20:25
Over the years, it's been brought up here and there. But two years ago, I really started looking in earnest for this article that I knew would be hard to find.
00:20:33
It also didn't help that my dad couldn't remember the exact year it came out. This is 1970.
00:20:37
Or even the exact newspaper it was in. Dads. Dads. This is where buried bones enters the chat.
00:20:43
Back in June on my way to work, I was listening to an episode and I heard Kate talking about how she loved to use newspapers dot com to help with her historical research.
00:20:52
Cut to me signing up for the seven day free trial and searching my father's name and newspapers in Canada.
00:20:57
And it popped right up. I took a screenshot of it and sent it to my dad. This was his response.
00:21:02
Quote, the ghosts of the past come back. What happened next killed the series. The government contacted the owners of the Toronto Star and threatened them if they didn't kill the stories.
00:21:12
By the third edition of the Sunday paper, it was off the front page and disappeared.
00:21:17
Your dad really tried to do something, but it wasn't until Edward Snowden many years later that got the job done.
00:21:23
Oh, my God. The only good thing that came out of it all was when I did return, they were afraid to make a big deal of it.
00:21:29
And I ended up with a relatively easy sentence. End quote. Whoa. For Father's Day this year, I had the images of the article blown up to poster size and framed for him.
00:21:38
And now they hang in the only place in the house where they would fit. the rumpus type room in the basement where he spends a good amount of his time.
00:21:45
This thing holds a lot of meaning to him because he felt like he was doing something good and he was
00:21:49
just erased from history. This is just one part of my dad's lore that would make a really
00:21:53
interesting autobiography we keep telling him he has to write. I know this was long, but thanks to
00:21:57
whoever over there that took the time to read it, even if it doesn't make it to the podcast.
00:22:01
Stay sexy and always try to do what's right, even if the story gets killed. Hava. Yes, pronounced like the song Hava Nagila and one of the daughters from Fiddler on the Roof.
00:22:10
No, I was not named after either. What an incredible thing to have a dad as a whistleblower who's trying to be like, hey, the government might be doing the wrong thing for the people.
00:22:22
Yeah, your dad has like a backbone. Yeah, that's nice. That's tough. Hey, everyone.
00:22:29
It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Lily Chu, the author of the Audible original romantic comedy Just Kiss Already.
00:22:42
It's a story about a forensic anthropologist who secretly writes mystery novels, an actress who adapts his book into a film, and what happens when a meme and a media tour collide with a slow burn romance.
00:22:55
It's performed by Simu Liu and Philippa Su, and it is an absolute blast. When you actually hear the performance, you realize that other people are taking your words and what you thought was kind of a straightforward sentence like the cat in the corner is black.
00:23:12
In my head, it's the cat in the corner is black, not the dog, not the gerbil. But someone else might say it. The cat in the corner is black.
00:23:20
That's always fascinating to me. How they just bring in all these different nuances and really make it fun and interesting and distinctive.
00:23:28
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:23:58
and delivers a soft fluffy flavor experience you love shop now on hero.co use code iheart for 10 off that's hero.co
00:24:06
preserving not a low calorie food some products contain allulose see nutrition info on hero.co
00:24:10
for sodium and sugar content why is it always chaos when we link up because nobody plans
00:24:13
anything bro good thing the rogue's ready like that for real rain dirt whatever available all
00:24:19
wheel drive five modes we still outside and they got some kick too that turbo torque is crazy the
00:24:26
Most in its class, it moves, moves. Rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space.
00:24:31
Merch on merch, gear, mics, all of it fits. Load up, we out. 2026 Nissan Rogue, built for all of it.
00:24:39
Auto Pacific segmentation, 2026 Rogue versus latest in-market competitors in the ex-SUV
00:24:45
mainstream mid-sites class, excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites.
00:24:51
Let's take a real left turn right now. So the subject line of this email is Colin Farrell spotting in intercourse, Pennsylvania.
00:24:59
Hello, MFM crew. Long time listener. Love you lots. Thanks to my two older sisters who saw you live in Philly.
00:25:06
And it says dot, dot, dot without me. Dot, dot, dot. But that's beside the point.
00:25:11
Let's get into it. I live just outside of Philadelphia. And every summer when my cousins would fly into town, my nan would take us all out to Amish country, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, to see some horse and buggies, gawk at the Amish families.
00:25:23
and buy tons of homemade goods. Our favorite place to visit was called Kitchen Kettle Village in Intercourse, PA.
00:25:31
I shit you not, that's the name of the town. That's so weird. I had a t-shirt in the 90s, and it was all the weird Pennsylvania towns.
00:25:39
There's like blue balls and intercourse, and it's a horny state. It just is. It seems wrong to name a town whose population consists mostly of Amish, something vulgar,
00:25:50
but who am I to say? Anywho, Kitchen Kettle has a ton of little shops with various goods like jams, quilts, and pottery
00:25:56
On this particular visit, I remember it being extremely hot And most of us kids were pretty done with the visit after the first two stores
00:26:03
My nan, who has always been stubborn and persistent Refused to leave without going into her favorite store at the very end of the village
00:26:11
Me being the youngest and never really having a say God, isn't that the truth? Had to go into the store with her while everyone else waited outside
00:26:19
as we're walking around the store, I'm begging my nan to hurry up in any way I can when all of a
00:26:24
sudden I see a tall, dark-haired man with bushy eyebrows and the most chiseled jawline. At this
00:26:30
point in my life, I'm not sure I'd seen a Colin Farrell movie, but just by his look, I knew he was
00:26:35
famous. I mean, talk about it factor. Totally. That guy. I'm telling you, I just, I felt him coming
00:26:41
when I was at the movie theater at the same time as him. I quickly ran out the door and screamed at
00:26:45
and screamed at my sister There a celebrity in here but I don know his name I have to give it to my sister for actually believing me and running in to check it out Believe women and children My sister has always been a pop culture whiz so she pinned it down right away
00:27:01
She knew it was Colin Farrell. We're trying to keep our cool, but we're also young, so we probably were doing the exact opposite.
00:27:08
And we've taken a full 180 and are trying to get my nan to stay as long as possible in the store.
00:27:13
Her being totally clueless to Colin Farrell's existence mentions that she wants to go upstairs to see the music boxes.
00:27:20
As we're climbing up the stairs, we can hear the girl with Colin Farrell say, I'm ready to leave.
00:27:25
To which Colin Farrell says, I think I want to check out those music boxes upstairs.
00:27:29
My sister and I could have died. And I don't even really remember what happened after that.
00:27:35
Eventually, we went to tell our family the news. My uncle's first reaction being, was he wearing jeans?
00:27:40
Why? I don't know. That was just my uncle being my uncle. That is such an uncle question.
00:27:46
Oh, was he wearing jeans? Yeah, he was that one guy wearing jeans among all the rest.
00:27:52
In fucking Pennsylvania, of all places. I think we eventually learned that he was filming nearby for a movie, and that's why he was in the area.
00:27:59
Till this day, whenever Colin Farrell is brought up in conversation, it is always quickly followed up with, was he wearing jeans?
00:28:06
Anyway, thank you so much for all you guys do. You've made countless road trips and days in the office more enjoyable.
00:28:13
Stay sexy and don't forget to keep an eye out for Colin Farrell, even in the middle of nowhere.
00:28:18
Jackie. That's so exciting. I'm so excited. Why do we do? We have to get a photo with him now.
00:28:25
Colin Farrell? Yeah, if we see him in LA. Here would be my approach. Yeah. I would try to get physically lower.
00:28:31
Yeah. And just be like, my grandparents are from Ireland. Okay. And I play on that kind of like hometown thing.
00:28:38
Okay. My podcast is a fan of yours. Yes, there you go. You can come with the thing that's very effective on people where you say, I'm not a fan.
00:28:46
Right. But my friend Karen. Someone else will be jealous. Yeah. So could you please?
00:28:52
Okay. My last one is hometown prank calls, orthodontists. I'm not going to read you the whole thing.
00:28:58
The end. Okay. Georgia. A half subject line. Okay. That's new. Karen, Georgia et al.
00:29:04
I'm not sure what hometown category this story fits. Prank calls, awkward adolescence, whatever it is.
00:29:10
it's got everything and you've asked for literally anything. Very true. So I was 12. It was summertime
00:29:15
and my friends and I spent every moment together or on the phone for hours, days, maybe weeks.
00:29:20
My parents were at work. MTV was playing Jeremy by Pearl Jam. I remember that summer.
00:29:26
You know, the feel good hit of the summer. And I was deep in a three hour phone call with my best
00:29:32
friend, Brooke. At some point, I started complaining about my upcoming orthodontist appointment.
00:29:36
I was about to get braces and the dramatics were high. Eventually, we decided to hang up, eat lunch and call each other back in a bit.
00:29:43
I remember that It so funny I remember being on the phone with friends for hours and earlier my like favorite person my best friend Kate called me and I didn answer the phone It a different thing now And also you be on the phone for hours And then like at our house my dad would just be like get off the phone You just hear get off the phone yelled randomly
00:30:02
Always. Yeah. Seconds after I hung up, the phone rang. I picked up and a woman's voice said,
00:30:07
orthodontist office calling to confirm Megan's appointment. Naturally, I assumed it was Brooke
00:30:12
using her extremely convincing adult voice to prank me. So I leaned into it and said in my
00:30:18
most serious tone, Megan is dead. Oh, there was a pause, but not the ha ha you got me kind of pause.
00:30:25
it was very long, very awkward, very adult silence. Then the woman whispered, oh, I'm so sorry,
00:30:33
and hung up. Immediately, I called Brooke to confirm it was her, but she swore it wasn't.
00:30:38
That's when it hit me. I had just told a real medical professional that I was dead.
00:30:43
I knew I was in deep trouble, but I also knew the only way out was to deny everything and hope for the best. Why? Just call that poor woman, let her off the hook.
00:30:53
That evening, the orthodontist himself called the house because she was like crying, right?
00:30:59
And she's like, why are you crying? Well, what are your patients? Horrible. A child.
00:31:04
He asked to speak with my mom. I listened from the next room and she assured him I was in fact very much alive and standing right there.
00:31:12
After she hung up, she asked if anyone had called to confirm my appointment earlier in the day.
00:31:16
I lied like a pro. Nope. I was on the phone with Brooke all day. She believed me?
00:31:22
No idea. But she dropped it and we never spoke of it again. Oh, I would have gotten in so much trouble.
00:31:27
And nothing like that ever happened at our house. It'd be like, ask three more questions and you're busted and it's over.
00:31:33
When we showed up for my braces fitting later that week, I was very aware of the side eyes
00:31:37
and whispers from the front desk. My mom let out some nervous laughter while checking me in and I just tried to disappear
00:31:43
into my seat. To be fair, Dr. Goldstein and his team were incredibly kind throughout my orthodontic
00:31:47
journey. And honestly, I've always felt guilty about giving them a heart attack that day.
00:31:52
As an adult, I realize how brutal that phone call must have been. It's horrible.
00:31:56
Preparing to offer condolences to the grieving mother of a 12-year-old girl who was just watching MTV and eating a Lunchable.
00:32:03
Is she me? So, yeah. Sorry, Dr. Goldstein. Stay sexy and don't fake your own death.
00:32:09
Megan, she, her. Megan, that's so epic. But also just the funniest thing of like the shortest distance between the end of that mistake.
00:32:19
Yeah. Is just going. immediately call that lady back and I'm like, I'm so sorry. I thought you were my friend Frankie.
00:32:25
Like there's no minus to that. That lady be like, oh, thank God. Yeah. But like.
00:32:29
She gave her the whole day to, and then the doctor called to offer his condolences.
00:32:34
Oh wow What a horrible phone call at that Megan you a horrible person and we love you And we couldn be happier that you listened to our podcast You right where you belong Welcome Welcome to the pod Way to go everyone Thanks for sending us your emails Send them to my favorite murder
00:32:48
at Gmail. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:32:53
Ah! This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.
00:33:06
Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci. Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:33:13
And follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:33:20
And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
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