00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When a charming neurosurgeon rode into Frontier Town
00:00:39
selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
00:00:45
and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
00:00:58
or binge the entire series right now only with Audible. Goodbye. Your pet is your bestie.
00:01:06
Your therapist, your perfect match. It's easy to love them. It's easy to protect them too
00:01:11
with pet insurance coverage from Pets Best because it's all fun and games until they chew on something they shouldn't
00:01:17
and you get a vet bill to match. With perfect timing, Pets Best helps protect your furry friend
00:01:23
and your budget from this imperfect world. Get up to 90% cash back on eligible vet bills from less than a dollar a day.
00:01:30
Pets Best has plans to cover accidents, injuries, and more. From puppies and kittens to seniors.
00:01:35
Find your perfect match plan and get a quote at PetsBest.com. Pet insurance products offered and administered by Pets Best Insurance Services, LLC,
00:01:42
are underwritten by American Pet Insurance Company or Independence American Insurance Company.
00:01:45
For terms and conditions, visit www.petsbest.com backslash policy. Products are underwritten by American Pet Insurance Company, Independence American Insurance Company,
00:01:52
or MS Transverse Insurance Company and administered by Pets Best Insurance Services, LLC.
00:01:56
$1 a day premium based on 2024 average new policyholder data for accident and illness plans,
00:02:00
pets age 0 to 10. Who doesn't love warm, carby comfort? Satisfying sandwiches, loaded bagels, rich mac and cheese.
00:02:08
Crape-worthy and smart, Hero Bread's loaves, bagels and noodles have just 0 to 5 gram snack carbs,
00:02:13
0 gram sugar and up to 19 grams of protein and 32 grams of fiber per serving. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers a soft, fluffy,
00:02:21
flavorful experience you love. Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10% off. That's Hero.co.
00:02:28
Per serving, not a low-calorie food. Some products contain allulose. See nutrition info
00:02:31
on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, the mini-sode.
00:02:54
This is a special occasion because apparently Grandparents Day is a thing. It's Grandparents Day.
00:02:59
Yeah, and it's coming up, so we're going to just do grandparent stories. I mean, you have them for us to read, so we're going to read them.
00:03:05
You want to go? Sure. Okay, this one's called Two Stories of the Same Murder. Hello, Georgia and Karen, or Karen and Georgia.
00:03:14
You are both equal in my eyes. Thank you. Finally. I have a family story for you that I think you'll very much appreciate.
00:03:22
It involves the murder of my great-grandfather in, shall we say, suspicious circumstances.
00:03:28
Allow me to take you back to a different era and a different place entirely. Okay. Picture it. Southern Italy, right after the end of World War I.
00:03:36
I've been there. At the end of World War I? Mm-hmm. My great-grandfather had just returned home from his discharge from the Italian military. Yes,
00:03:44
he fought on the wrong side, but then they were on the right side. I don't know. It's a very
00:03:48
confusing war. Yes, it is. It is. My grandmother was around two years old, and my great-grandmother was pregnant on the island
00:03:55
where they lived, and it's Ischia. Ischia. You've been there? Yes. Ischia. That's when I do my very boring vacation slideshow, which I'm going to do for the fan cult.
00:04:04
That's the island I do it from. Oh, my God. So, you know, it's off the coast of Naples.
00:04:07
Yes. Amazing. I love it. There was a particularly ornery donkey that was causing some problems for the town folks.
00:04:14
I saw that donkey. Not really. I'm friends with him. My great-grandfather decided that he was going to take care of the donkey and went to go shoot it with his rifle.
00:04:23
Sorry. Sorry, everyone. That's rough. The story goes that when my great-grandfather was going to shoot the donkey, the donkey kicked the rifle, which went off and accidentally shot my great-grandfather.
00:04:33
He died from this shot. Your fucking friend, the donkey. Shit. That is the story of how my great-grandfather died after having survived all through World War I.
00:04:42
That's horrible. Or was it? Oh. A few years ago, I went to visit Ischia with my cousin and found out that he may not have been killed by that donkey.
00:04:53
Oh. Instead, what really happened or might have, who's to say, is that my great-grandfather had been having an affair with the wife of his captain.
00:05:01
And when the captain found out, he went and shot my great-grandfather. We know that he did indeed die from being shot, but I guess we will never know who pulled the trigger.
00:05:11
The donkey or... Or the captain in the army. That sounds a little more likely. It carries us on done with him at all times.
00:05:18
My grandmother, despite not having her father and then being given up to her grandparents to raise.
00:05:23
And then it says, remember that whole end of World War I, Italy rebuilding? Everyone was poor thing.
00:05:28
Oh, wow. Yeah. She turned out to be a pretty awesome and badass lady in her own right.
00:05:33
She lived a long, long life and raised a great family. Boy, do I have stories about her, but that's for another time.
00:05:39
Thank you two for doing everything that you do and being a highlight of my week.
00:05:43
I'm a high school teacher and I will listen to your podcast on my drive to and from work.
00:05:47
Stay sexy and don't get shot by a donkey or your captain whose wife you're having an affair with.
00:05:52
Love, James from NYC. P I know you be coming to Brooklyn in November and my partner and I will absolutely be getting tickets He owns a pizzeria in Williamsburg and you should totally stop by for a slice or two What it called
00:06:05
He didn't put the name in. You son of a bitch, James. James, how are we going to know?
00:06:08
James. We'll go to every pizzeria in Williamsburg. That's how we do it. Is James here?
00:06:13
Hi, we're here. We're friends of James. He said we could get at least one free slice.
00:06:17
Or two. People are like, no. Yeah, no James here. I love that story. But also it's funny because if you really think about it, who would shoot a donkey for being ornery?
00:06:28
Right. That's what they're known for. Yeah. That's what they're famous for. Yeah.
00:06:32
It can still carry things around for you. Yeah. It's like killing a cat for being a dick.
00:06:37
It's like that's their primary job. All right. All right. Well, along those kind of same lines, I'm not going to read you the subject line.
00:06:47
It says, hi, Karen in Georgia, longtime fan, first time hometown emailer. And I had to write in because yesterday just so happened to mark the 20th anniversary of my grandpa's very own Phineas Gage moment.
00:06:59
Oh, shit. Back in the day, my grandpa ran a construction company with his two brothers.
00:07:03
One afternoon on the job, he fell off a ladder and landed directly onto a piece of rebar.
00:07:09
Oh, no. It pierced through the back of his head. Oh, my God. And came out just under his eye.
00:07:14
Huh. And here's the truly unbelievable part. He was conscious the entire time. Thank you.
00:07:20
just put me under. Right. Oh, fuck. Okay. Yeah. Bite this belt. Drink this rum. Like hit me in the
00:07:28
head with a mallet. Anything happens to me, I'm going to wake up in the hospital. I don't want
00:07:31
to have the in-between. Please. You know what I mean? Yes, for sure. Now that we've gotten.
00:07:35
I'll make sure that happens. Thank you. I'll be there. I'll be there. Whatever it is.
00:07:40
When my grandpa's brothers called 911, because yes, my grandpa's brothers had to witness this
00:07:45
nightmare, the fire department arrived and immediately clocked us as one of those calls
00:07:49
that would stick with them forever. Yes, of course. They even told us they practiced cutting
00:07:53
a different piece of rebar nearby first because they knew the wrong move on this and it would cost
00:07:59
my grandpa his life. That's like the highest of pressure. Yeah. But the rebar they were practicing
00:08:06
on cutting kept bending and nothing was working. That's when my grandpa, still skewered, pipes up
00:08:13
and says, I've got a saw on the back of my truck that'll cut through it. Because of course he did.
00:08:19
The firefighters grabbed the saw, had a few guys hold the rebar steady, and one brave soul cut it from underneath his head.
00:08:27
Meanwhile, he was annoyed that the sun was in his eyes while lying there in pain.
00:08:31
Put a pair of sunglasses on this poor man, someone. Someone has got some Oakleys or some fucking, what do they call them, blue blockers.
00:08:38
Nice construction worker blue blockers. And then we're moving into the weekend of Bernie's portion of this email.
00:08:44
Oh, my God. and so meanwhile he was so annoyed that the sun was in his eyes while lying there impaled
00:08:49
so one firefighter's sole job was to stand above him and block the light with a piece of cardboard
00:08:55
wow priorities obviously they managed to load him onto a stretcher and while in the ambulance a
00:09:02
priest literally stood over him giving him his last rites holy shit the hospital journey was
00:09:07
another roller coaster we went from updates saying he's brain dead and he has no quality of life to
00:09:12
he's paralyzed and he'll never walk again. But today, he's very much alive, fully functioning,
00:09:18
and until a recent knee issue was out there playing pickleball. Oh my God. The man was nearly rebar shish kebab to death, but it's the knee that finally took him down.
00:09:27
That's kind of bullshit. For five years, we would visit the fire department on the anniversary of my grandpa's accident and
00:09:33
even donated the tool that saved his life. My grandparents have since moved to Arizona,
00:09:38
as they realized life is too short to live in Minnesota when you hate the winter.
00:09:43
That's amazing. They still come back for summers. And this last anniversary was special as we got to spend it with his heroes and caught up with three of the men that were called on the scene all those years ago.
00:09:54
Oh, my God. That's incredible. I'll leave you with one of my favorite grandpa memories.
00:09:58
Just before his accident, I was eight. He was helping my mom renovate our house and I'd follow him around like his little sidekick.
00:10:04
Anytime he'd get hurt, I'd ask, how come you're not crying? and he'd just say wilbur didn't you know your grandpa was made of steel and after what happened
00:10:15
i've no doubt about that being true also shout out to all the first responders and medical
00:10:20
professionals they were the real heroes then and now it's wild to think that a well-placed dermal
00:10:26
saw in the back of a truck plus a truly badass team of firefighters is the reason my grandpa is
00:10:31
still around kicking ass. Stay sexy and stay away from ladders, Lily. Oh my God, Lily.
00:10:38
Tough as nails. So good. Yeah. Incredible. Shish kebab. He got rebar through his brain.
00:10:44
Like an inch away and it would have probably killed him. Yeah. Because it probably like went under his brain.
00:10:49
Could it have gone through and still be fine? I don't know how brains work. I don't either.
00:10:53
How rebar works. I like saying rebar like I work with it all the time and I'm just like.
00:10:58
Is it rebar or rebar? It's rebar. Okay. Like reinforcement bar? Ah. The metal and cement?
00:11:04
I get it now. Good job. Thank you so much. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:11:15
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Will Wheaton, who played Gordie Lachance in Stand By Me 40 years ago and now narrates Stephen King's The Body, the novella that inspired it all.
00:11:27
We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life, channeling his memories of River Phoenix and the recording booth, and why the friendships you have at 12 might be the most important ones you'll ever have.
00:11:41
I know Gordy Lachance. I am Gordy Lachance. Like, I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordy Lachance when I didn't know it.
00:11:49
Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts your pet is your bestie your therapist your perfect match It easy to love them It easy to protect them too with pet insurance coverage from Pets Best because it all
00:12:07
fun and games until they chew on something they shouldn't and you get a vet bill to match. With
00:12:13
perfect timing, Pets Best helps protect your furry friend and your budget from this imperfect world.
00:12:18
Get up to 90% cash back on eligible vet bills from less than a dollar a day. Pets Best has plans to
00:12:24
cover accidents, injuries, and more from puppies and kittens to seniors. Find your perfect match plan and get a quote at PetsBets.com.
00:12:32
Pet insurance products offered and administered by PetsBest Insurance Services, LLC are underwritten
00:12:35
by American Pet Insurance Company or Independence American Insurance Company. For terms and conditions, visit www.PetsBest.com backslash policy.
00:12:41
Products are underwritten by American Pet Insurance Company, Independence American Insurance
00:12:45
Company, or MS Transverse Insurance Company and administered by PetsBest Insurance Services, LLC.
00:12:49
One dollar a day premium based on 2024 average new policyholder data for accident and illness
00:12:53
plans pets age 0 to 10. Love bread, baked goods, and pasta, but not the way they make you feel?
00:12:59
What if I told you there are macro-friendly options that don't taste like sawdust and
00:13:03
sadness? Satisfying sandwiches, fully loaded bagels, noodles that can stand up to your favorite
00:13:08
chunky sauces. All delicious, crave-worthy, and smart. Each serving of Hero Bread has up to 19 grams of protein and 32 grams of fiber, and just
00:13:16
0 to 5 grams net carbs and 0 grams sugar. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers the soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love.
00:13:25
Breakfast burritos, schmear-loaded bagels, real mac and cheese. Hero Bread bakes loaves, bagels, and tortillas that don't taste or feel like cardboard.
00:13:33
Noodles that don't fall apart in hearty sauces. Plus, limited-edition small batch bakes like the 2-grams Net Carb Hero Croissant or 1-gram Net Carb Hero Cheddar Biscuit, handmade in a Sonoma-based French bakery.
00:13:44
Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10% off. That's Hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food.
00:13:51
Some products contain allulose. See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content.
00:13:58
Cigarettes or sex? Grandma's heart couldn't handle both. Good evening. Let's get into it.
00:14:04
Since this is a free-for-all now, I had to write in about my Danish grandmother-in-law, Inger.
00:14:09
Change the name or not, but that bitch was proud of every decision she made, so I'm going to give her full credit.
00:14:14
right inger was a crotchety old lady with limited english who gave zero fucks about what others
00:14:20
thought of how she lived her life there are many inger stories but i will share two today as she
00:14:25
got older inger loved to go to her parties as she called them what else was happening didn't matter
00:14:30
they were always a priority my husband flew from the u.s to visit and she blew him a kiss as she
00:14:35
walked out the door to join her friends aka the swingers she finally had to stop going to her
00:14:41
swinger parties when her doctor told her that she had to choose between her parties and cigarettes.
00:14:48
Like her heart couldn't handle them both. Oh, shit. She chose cigarettes because she, and I quote,
00:14:54
could smoke multiple times a day and didn't have the stamina to keep up anymore.
00:14:59
Just watch. Jesus. Grandma, I was going to swinger parties. Grandma, I don't want to hear about your life like this.
00:15:07
Inger also needed a babysitter to come to the U.S. because she got into too many fights with the TSA agents.
00:15:13
Opinionated, not one to mince words, and a limited understanding of English made for a challenging trip through security.
00:15:19
When asked if she packed her bag, because, you know, they'd ask you, did anyone else besides you pack your bag?
00:15:23
She said, quote, I'm 80. Why would I pack my bag? Are you stupid? After one too many fights,
00:15:30
TSA kindly requested that she be escorted by another family member each time she came to visit.
00:15:35
so she's showing up like a security at the airport and just fighting with whoever talks to her yeah
00:15:41
like being contrary for no reason great inger passed away just months before her daughter was
00:15:46
born and it grieves me often that they never met earth side we hadn't print i thought they named
00:15:51
their daughter earth side because it's capitalized but they never met earth side beautiful little
00:15:58
earth side we hadn't announced our pregnancy when we visited one last time before she passed
00:16:04
literally a day after we left, but she told her daughter that she knew her grandson was going to
00:16:09
be a dad soon. When I see my impish kiddo flash a quick smile and tease her grandpa, Inger's son,
00:16:15
I know she has more than a little of Inger's spirit and I intend to fan those flames as much
00:16:20
as humanly possible. Sweet little Earthside. Earthside. She's a wild one. Stay sexy and know
00:16:27
which vice your heart can handle in your 80s. Sarah, she, her. Also, it's like, and we're going
00:16:33
to raise our child to be just like their great-grandmother. Maybe, or I don't know.
00:16:38
Pick little parts of that. Be careful for Earthside. Well, I was actually looking to switch mine around because this one
00:16:45
goes with that one nicely. Great. I won't reach the subject line. It says, hey guys, I'm just going to get right into this.
00:16:51
I'd like to first start with a little background on my grandma. She's an Italian Catholic bird who
00:16:55
was raised in Peoria, Illinois and relocated to Sacramento, California, where she married a
00:17:01
servicemen and had four beautiful children. She then divorced that man and began an admittedly
00:17:06
short relationship with another man with whom she had one child. And then it says in parentheses,
00:17:11
my father. I'm assuming that's how they want me to pronounce it. She was a single mom and lived
00:17:18
in a beautiful Victorian home in downtown Sacramento where she would sell Avon. Amazing.
00:17:24
She was a devout Catholic who collected creepy Jesus pictures, enjoyed gardening, and eventually
00:17:29
spending time with her grandkids. She fought and beat breast cancer and had only one boob,
00:17:35
which I found incredibly amusing as a child. And because she was deaf in one ear, she wouldn't hear
00:17:40
herself fart, which again, I found awfully amusing. She was just an all around sweet and wonderful old
00:17:45
lady, or so we thought. Oh no. What's the lady from Sacramento? Dorothea Puente? My grandma was
00:17:53
door This is the true or so we thought email Anyway my grandma Mary passed in 1999 after a long battle with cancer After she passed we all found ourselves going through the relics in her basement which had been acquired over a lifetime
00:18:09
I'm big into nostalgia and anything vintage, so I found myself buried in letters between her and my grandfather,
00:18:16
who was a total piece of shit, but that's a story for another day, and pictures,
00:18:21
and we even found some old 8mm film reels. Score. I immediately decided to hook up her old projector and see what was on the film.
00:18:30
Yes, yes, yes, the answer is yes. I guess I was expecting footage of a 50s-era Christmas or something of that nature.
00:18:39
Nope. Big fucking nope. Grandma was a swinger. And these were her big orgy sex tapes.
00:18:46
Oh, vintage orgy sex tapes. Real to real sex tapes. Unbelievable. Now, I'm a total sex positive hippie.
00:18:58
But there's a level of horror in finding footage of granny in an orgy. I mean, Jesus, I bet that's worth a lot of money.
00:19:07
also I just like as I was reading this I'm like Catholic Catholic Catholic just like man
00:19:12
she really broke free I feel like my whole life was a lie reading the letters only confirmed what
00:19:18
a tart my granny was and the pictures are forever scarred into my retinas I realize the story has
00:19:24
absolutely nothing to do with murder but is arguably just as horrifying yeah agree and I
00:19:29
thought you'd all be thoroughly entertained by my misfortune we are anyway stay sexy and be careful
00:19:35
while rifling through granny's belongings, Casey. Unbelievable. I mean, you're just like, am I going to see my uncle as a six-year-old?
00:19:44
Like, oh my God, put that on, make sure we watch it. And then it's just like, porn.
00:19:48
Porn, porn, porn, porn. Real to real porn. Also, just really quick, I do think we should do a call out for or so we thought stories.
00:19:55
Great idea. Right? Or so we thought. Or so we thought. Please email them to my favorite murderer at Gmail about anything.
00:20:01
Doesn't have to be about grandparents. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:20:10
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Lily Chu, the author of the Audible original romantic comedy Just Kiss Already.
00:20:19
It's a story about a forensic anthropologist who secretly writes mystery novels, an actress who adapts his book into a film,
00:20:26
and what happens when a meme and a media tour collide with a slow burn romance. It's performed by Simu Liu and Philippa Su, and it is an absolute blast.
00:20:38
When you actually hear the performance, you realize that other people are taking your words.
00:20:44
And what you thought was kind of a straightforward sentence like, the cat in the corner is black.
00:20:49
In my head, it's the cat in the corner is black, not the dog, not the gerbil. But someone else might say it. The cat in the corner is black.
00:20:57
That's always fascinating to me. how they just bring in all these different nuances and really make it fun and interesting
00:21:04
and distinctive. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you
00:21:11
get your podcasts. Your pet is your bestie, your therapist, your perfect match. It's easy to love them.
00:21:25
It's easy to protect them, too, with pet insurance coverage from Pets Best. because it's all fun and games until they chew on something they shouldn't.
00:21:32
And you get a vet bill to match. With perfect timing, Pets Best helps protect your furry friend and your budget from this imperfect world.
00:21:41
Get up to 90% cash back on eligible vet bills from less than a dollar a day. Pets Best has plans to cover accidents, injuries, and more.
00:21:48
From puppies and kittens to seniors. Find your perfect match plan and get a quote at PetsBest.com.
00:21:54
Pet insurance products offered and administered by Pets Best Insurance Services, LLC,
00:21:57
are underwritten by American Pet Insurance Company or Independence American Insurance Company.
00:22:00
For terms and conditions, visit www.petsbest.com backslash policy. Products are underwritten by
00:22:05
American Pet Insurance Company, Independence American Insurance Company, or MS Transverse Insurance Company
00:22:09
and administered by Pets Best Insurance Services, LLC. $1 a day premium based on 2024
00:22:13
average new policyholder data for accident and illness plans pets age 0 to 10. Love bread, baked goods and pasta,
00:22:20
but not the way they make you feel? What if I told you there are macro-friendly options
00:22:24
that don't taste like sawdust and sadness? satisfying sandwiches fully loaded bagels noodles that can stand up to your favorite chunky sauces
00:22:31
all delicious crave worthy and smart each serving of hero bread has up to 19 grams of protein and
00:22:37
32 grams of fiber and just zero to five grams net carbs and zero grams sugar hero bread bakes with
00:22:43
heart-healthy olive oil and delivers this soft fluffy flavorful experience you love breakfast
00:22:48
burritos schmear loaded bagels real mac and cheese hero bread bakes loaves bagels and tortillas that
00:22:53
don't taste or feel like cardboard. Noodles that don't fall apart in hearty sauces. Plus,
00:22:58
limited edition small batch bakes like the 2 grams net carb hero croissant or 1 gram net carb
00:23:03
hero cheddar biscuit. Handmade in a Sonoma-based French bakery. Shop now on hero.co. Use code
00:23:09
IHEART for 10% off. That's hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food. Some products contain
00:23:14
allulose. See nutrition info on hero.co for sodium and sugar content. badass grandma and her any fucking story embarrassing funeral hey all you know how
00:23:26
awesome you are but you don't know how awesome my grandma was so i'm gonna get right into it
00:23:30
great we want to know my grandma sandy was a badass she escaped the abuses of my piece of
00:23:35
shit grandpa not a piece of shit grandpa's gonna yeah and raised my mom and her siblings on her
00:23:39
own while working full-time at ford automotive as an upholsterer the amount of women who have
00:23:43
had to do that and do it and no one ever emails about them. That's just what you're expected to
00:23:48
do when some piece of shit is abusive and then you get away from them and it's like,
00:23:53
and good luck as you do this by yourself. And they do. They do. They have to. They do. Amen.
00:24:00
funny grandma who golfed every day and lit up every room. What I didn't know was that she had
00:24:04
a wild side. But before we get there, let's get to my role at her funeral. I was 15. And for some
00:24:10
reason, my aunt asked me to speak a passage from the Bible at this very Catholic funeral.
00:24:17
For some reason, don't ask a 15 year old. You're right. You should spit on yourself.
00:24:21
I did a little spit take on that because I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, this is a high pressure
00:24:24
situation. Yeah. She had put a post-it note on the page I was supposed to read. When it was my
00:24:29
turn, I nervously walked up the steps to the pulpit. Turning the page, I began to read,
00:24:34
only to realize that I was on the priest's page. Upon realizing this, I said, oh shit,
00:24:40
into the microphone and quickly moved to my page, stammering at my part and rushing towards the
00:24:46
steps where I proceeded to trip and fall down them on my ass. Oh, oh no. When I got back to the pew,
00:24:55
face a tomato, I was met with my aunt's Catholic school teacher, angry gaze upon me. Of course.
00:25:02
My great aunt was, however, laughing and said my grandma would have found it hilarious.
00:25:06
Yeah. That's kind of cool, right? That's very sweet. And she said, oh, shit. Oh, shit.
00:25:11
To a microphone at a Catholic church. Echoing. It's so like old fashioned, oppressive.
00:25:18
At the wake was when there were even more revelations. As people said their final
00:25:23
goodbyes to my grandma, our family friend Troy came up to me to give me his condolences. He then,
00:25:29
lick her on his breath, pulled out a photo of him and my grandma on a cruise wearing penis balloon
00:25:34
hats. Oh, okay. Then you go, oh shit. Oh shit. He then informed me that he and my grandma had
00:25:43
basically been fuck buddies my entire life and that she had her nipples pierced. No, no. I hadn't
00:25:49
read that part. No, no, no. Oh my God. Again, I was 15. And it's your grandma. Even if you were 45,
00:25:59
it's your grandma. Also, apparently my grandma had brought weed brownies to the Ford Christmas party
00:26:04
and got the head of Ford automotive blitzed out of his mind. Oh, that's very Mad Men. Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:11
Alrighty That it Thank you all for your shenanigans and keeping me company through a lot of life twists and turns Stay sexy and don forget that grandmas can have a wild side too Best Kay they them
00:26:23
Kay, we'll never forget that because of your grandma's pierced nipples. Grandma's big saggy boobs.
00:26:29
Pierce. I love it. And he just felt like he had to tell her. They were fucked. Grandma had fuck buddies and nipples pierced.
00:26:37
I mean, it's good to know that your grandma contains multitudes. but there are certain people that you just would like to see in a certain light.
00:26:43
Yes. But I guess not. Okay, this isn't a direct, I mean, this is a grandparent story, but it is, you know,
00:26:51
grandparents always have their pets. Got it. So I won't read you the subject line.
00:26:56
It says, hello, ladies and creatures. Day one listener here. Day one listener. Whoa.
00:27:00
And then it says jumping right into it because this is my family's iconic dog story.
00:27:06
So to begin, my grandpa grew up in a small town named Edendary in Southern Ireland with his widowed mother and five siblings, the O'Connell family.
00:27:15
Oh, my God. Can't be more Irish. Right. They all lived in the town hall in the middle of the city.
00:27:21
Take me there. Now, they had a dog named Smokey, and Smokey, all caps, was period, a period menace.
00:27:29
He had the reputation around town for being dangerous around children, biting and chasing kids down, etc.
00:27:37
It's so old-fashioned of like a biting dog that's just loose in town. And it's like, you're not going to get sued for it at all.
00:27:43
No, that's Smokey. Yeah. Don't go near Smokey. Yeah. It's your problem if Smokey bites you.
00:27:49
So Smokey was looking at the end of his line, being labeled as public enemy number one and locked up by the civic guard in the barracks to be shot.
00:27:57
Oh, fuck. And in parentheses, it says this was the 1940s. Early one morning, the mongrel, who was locked in an outhouse, cleverly escaped and raced down through the streets of Edendary to get back to his family.
00:28:09
But when he arrived, the town hall was in flames. This is some fucking Wizard of Oz shit right here.
00:28:16
It is. It's like, oh, you think I'm bad? Well, I'm about to do some serious shit.
00:28:21
My grandpa, Sean, great grandmother, and all his siblings were still inside. What?
00:28:26
So what does Smokey do? He begins barking incessantly around the town square until my great woke up and wouldn you have it the entire townsfolk woke up as well So yes a dog named Smokey saved my family from a fire
00:28:39
Oh my God. My grandpa and his whole family made it out safely because of Smokey. He was hailed as a hero,
00:28:46
and the town praised him. There was a song written about Smokey and the fire, and a newspaper article.
00:28:51
Give me. Look at Smokey. Oh my God. Doom dog saves a family. Must Smokey be destroyed? Oh, it's exactly what I thought.
00:28:59
smoky would look like and describe smoky for the people like a mutt with like kind of scruffy white
00:29:05
hair with a couple spots here and there super mutt yes probably like i'd say 40 pounds or so
00:29:10
like the perfect super mutt oh my god uh my grandpa and his whole family made it out safely
00:29:16
because of smoky he was hailed as a hero and my grandpa sean o'connell went on to be a detective
00:29:22
and a captain for the garda and saved many lives himself holy shit sean was also an amazing
00:29:28
storyteller and jokester and had some incredible stories from his detective work. He had his house
00:29:33
shot at where my mom and siblings lived, worked easily with criminal informants because of his
00:29:38
charm, and even prevented a bombing to the British royal grounds and much, much more.
00:29:43
He passed away two years ago in his hometown of Edendary and is greatly missed. Thank you,
00:29:49
ladies, for the joy that your podcast brings. You two have been a major part of my life.
00:29:53
I've been listening since I was 15 Oh no And I'm almost 24 You've been making sure people are staying aware
00:30:01
Of their minds, bodies, and surroundings I can't be more grateful To have found you and your podcast
00:30:07
I will leave you with a poem That my grandpa passed down the family And then in parentheses it says
00:30:12
In a heavy Irish accent Which I will not do Oh darling Sue, I do love you I love you in your nightie
00:30:20
When the moonlight flits across your tits Jesus Christ Almighty. And then it says, that's his humor for you.
00:30:28
Stay sexy and maybe don't shoot the bad dog. Annalise. That's amazing. Great. That was a great one.
00:30:34
Those were all great. Grandpa, grandma, grandparent. Have a great Grandparents Day.
00:30:39
Call your grandparents. If you still have them, you will miss them when they're gone.
00:30:43
And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis do you want a cookie This has been an Exactly Right production Cookie Ah
00:31:17
please like and subscribe. Goodbye. The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:32:17
Welcome to the history books. New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount+.
00:32:23
Subscribe now. Running a business shouldn't feel like surviving a software group project.
00:32:30
One app for accounting, another for inventory, another for sales. And somehow, none of them talk to each other.
00:32:37
That's where Odoo comes in. An all-in-one business management software that brings every part of your business together.
00:32:44
From sales and accounting to inventory and marketing, all in one powerful platform.
00:32:49
No messy integrations, no bouncing between tabs. And best of all, no spreadsheets.
00:32:55
Stop managing software and start managing your business with one unified system.
00:33:00
Try for free today at odoo.com slash iHeartRadio. That's O-D-O-O-O dot com slash iHeartRadio.