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Where to next? Goodbye. My favorite murder Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, the minisode, where we read you your stories.
00:02:16
This one's a special edition. This one is themed out. We were getting a lot of emails that had this theme.
00:02:23
So Molly and Allison started collecting them. And it's basically the or so we thought stories.
00:02:29
I fucking love this. I could just do this for the rest of. It's so great. Infinity.
00:02:34
Yes. This is so good. What better way to tell a story? Here's a classic version.
00:02:38
Okay. I won't read you the subject line. It says, hi, Karen in Georgia. I love your show.
00:02:43
And thank you for helping me know that my obsession with murder stories is not weird.
00:02:47
And I am not a freak. Yeah. Isn't it weird? 10 years later that people thought that.
00:02:52
it's just like no no we're the normies yeah it says my mom was engaged to a man that has two
00:02:58
daughters that i went to high school with one daughter was engaged to her high school sweetheart
00:03:03
and he had the best family or so we thought starting off fucking strong i mean like you
00:03:09
just know exactly what we're talking about now something is wrong and also how often does this
00:03:13
happen where everybody in town compares themselves to this perfect family and then the other shoe
00:03:20
drops. No, we've all watched Euphoria. We know what's going on. So the boyfriend's name is Scott
00:03:27
and they called the parents the Cleavers. They would host block parties. The mom baked for
00:03:33
everyone and the dad was also a local police officer. They had a family friend, Lisa, that was
00:03:38
also the ex-wife of a fellow police officer and a personal trainer that helped rehabilitate Tom
00:03:44
when he was hurt during a big police chase. Got it. My mom mentioned a big family jet ski day where
00:03:49
Lisa wore a thong and she thought it was odd. I think the mom, she thought it was odd that Tom
00:03:54
and Lisa shared a jet ski. A thong right off the bat is like red flag. It's fine. It's fine. It's
00:04:03
fine. But a family holiday? A family holiday when you are not family, but you're not family and
00:04:09
you're also not young enough where it's like, hey, guess what? High school, college, early 20s,
00:04:16
Maybe depending on what's going on. But when you are like another mom and you've got a thong on, you're basically saying I'm going to express something through my bathing suit.
00:04:26
Right. And there are kids around. I'm going to send a message that's actually kind of a private message.
00:04:30
I should actually be sending it on AOL message. They should be private. But I'm not.
00:04:34
But I'm going to thong it up. Oh, my God. Okay. Which is also these days very common.
00:04:38
And also I was raised Catholic. So everything seems inappropriate to me. Okay. So the husband started working late on Tuesdays and the mom hired a private investigator that took pictures of the dad and Lisa at a motel out of town.
00:04:53
On their wedding anniversary, the mom was seen at Costco and then never seen again.
00:05:00
The husband led a search party. The mother was on the news as a missing person. The mother was found three days later bound with duct tape in her trunk and her throat was slit.
00:05:11
Oh, man. Our family friend found her. He was in another precinct and her car had been parked out of jurisdiction.
00:05:20
People went looking for her murderer. And then three days later, the husband went missing.
00:05:26
We thought whoever took the mom must have taken the dad. He was found later that day on top of a mountain with a self-inflicted gunshot wound through the back of his head.
00:05:36
There was a huge double funeral with a ton of police to honor their fallen partner.
00:05:41
and they were buried together with caskets on top of each other. It all started to come out about the pictures and the affair
00:05:48
and someone saw them arguing in the forest that day. The mom had leaves and dirt in her hair and clothes.
00:05:54
When all of this came out the son was so mad that he had the dad dug up and moved all the way across the cemetery Holy shit And then it says stay sexy and don marry a cop Brandy
00:06:08
Wow. That is not what I thought was going to happen. I mean, or so we thought. That was like, it's not just a standard affair, which is bad.
00:06:16
Right. Bad in a small town when everybody knows each other. It's just everything falls apart.
00:06:21
All right. Let's change the tempo a little bit. My first one's called My Mom, the Pool Locker Room Hero.
00:06:27
Ladies, what can I say other than you bring seemingly endless joy, laughter, and wisdom to me weekly,
00:06:32
and in this economy, that's really all I could ever hope for. In this economy? Thank you, and I will soak up every word from you two stars for as long as you choose to fight this good fight.
00:06:43
My mom, among many other accolades, was also a hero at her local swimming pool back in, let's call it the 1960s.
00:06:50
What do you think her mom would say about that? Maybe it was the 90s or something, right?
00:06:55
Back then, my teenage mom earned money that would eventually send her to college by babysitting and lifeguarding at her hometown pool in Akron, Ohio.
00:07:03
One fateful chilly winter day, my mom was wrapping up a shift at the pool indoor and was hanging around socializing with the next staff member on duty.
00:07:11
It had been a quiet day at the pool and it was turning into evening and my mom needed to get showered and changed to head home for her next job, likely babysitting a neighborhood kid.
00:07:20
My mom headed into the empty locker room, got undressed and started to shower. Just then she heard footsteps enter the locker room and the door close.
00:07:29
Seeing how she knew everyone who was at the pool that day and likely most people that swim at the pool, she called out to say, hey, who's out there?
00:07:37
When she didn't get a response, she called out again, but no reply. She got a creepy feeling, so she turned the shower off, grabbed her towel, and peeked around the corner to see a kid slipping through the door, exiting the locker room in a hurry.
00:07:50
Well, this kid picked the wrong day to try and get a peek at my mom in the shower.
00:07:55
She wasn't having it and decided today was the day this kid was learning a lesson.
00:07:59
Without pause, she ran after the kid, only wearing her towel and no shoes, chasing them down the hallway of the building where they were running towards the exit.
00:08:08
She caught up to them just as they were about to make it out the door. She had been yelling after the kid the whole time.
00:08:13
And when she finally caught up to them, she grabbed the kid by their shoulders and spun them around.
00:08:18
Just then, it became shockingly clear. This was not a kid. Nope. Instead, it was a very short adult man who had just been caught trying to peep on my mom in the shower.
00:08:30
Instead of just letting this person go, which would be reasonable given the shock and awe,
00:08:33
my mom marched the man into the pool to report him to the staff and eventually the police.
00:08:38
Turns out this was not the first time this offender had been snooping around the women's
00:08:42
locker rooms area. My mom never heard about what came of this man, but hopefully this was the last
00:08:47
day he had to be taught this particular lesson. Never mess with my mom because she's fast,
00:08:51
bold, and isn't afraid to drag men through an auditorium while only wearing a towel.
00:08:59
Admittedly, my mom said if she had known it was an adult man, she probably would not have
00:09:03
chase them down. Fair, mom. My mom used to tell me this story and many others during our many hours
00:09:09
traveling to my youth sports practices and meets. She passed away in 2016 and never got to meet her
00:09:13
grandson, my son, who was turning seven this month. I tell my son age-appropriate stories of his
00:09:20
grandmother as often as possible so he can be sure to pass along the badass lady power spirit that
00:09:25
lives on in everyone who knew her or knew of her. Hooray for all those moms out there that keep the
00:09:30
Spirit Alive and Strong, SSD DM, Jay from Vermont. Jay from Vermont. Our moms died the same year.
00:09:37
Ooh, 2016. Wow, seven years ago. It was a bad one. Isn't that weird? Yeah. I would have a seven-year-old child.
00:09:43
So weird. What would they be like? A lot like this. Right. High maintenance. That was a good one.
00:09:50
The idea of having to chase someone in a towel is so stressful and insane. And then that reveal of like, it's not a child.
00:09:59
It's just a short man who can fight back. Yeah. But what a creep. Yeah. If you spend all day waiting to take your bra off, it might be time for Third Love.
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Use code MFM15 for $15 off your first purchase at thirdlove.com. Goodbye. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
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For full offer details, visit boostmobile.com. This one is crazy. I'm not going to read you the subject line.
00:12:13
It says, hello, my name is Malachi Mal for short, and I'm a trans dude who grew up primarily in Wyoming.
00:12:19
However, due to a series of horrible and traumatic life events, Who doesn't have those?
00:12:24
My mother flipped her shit and convinced my father that we need to move to rural Indiana in a camper on my Mennonite uncle and aunt's farmland.
00:12:33
Two days after settling in, we noticed the police officers were constantly driving up and down our small one lane county road.
00:12:40
Of course, we asked my aunt and uncle what the hell had happened. Usually rural Indiana communities full of the Amish and Mennonites aren't chock full of criminals.
00:12:49
Or so we thought. There it is. Oh, I love it. According to my aunt, there was an Amish-run meth house just up the road, and it had exploded.
00:12:59
What? The Amish fucking grow meth? Grow meth? You can't grow meth. No, you can't.
00:13:05
Well, they naturally grew it. Right. And they have the old recipe from back in the day.
00:13:10
And then they raised the barn-style, built a house. Holy shit. A meth house in one day.
00:13:15
I mean, just the weirdest combination of ethoses and aesthetics. Totally. A few days prior to us moving onto my family's property, police had arrived to a destroyed meth lab and one survivor.
00:13:27
All of the victims and the survivor were Amish, at least supposedly. We were later told by members of the community that the other two victims, the brother and the wife of the survivor, were dead before the explosion even occurred.
00:13:40
Oh, because like chemicals and shit? Whether this was because of a meth-induced rage or because of familial issues, we never found out.
00:13:48
in about six months we moved back to wyoming shockingly not because of the exploded amish
00:13:54
meth house after that i finished the rest of my high school life in wyoming which is a relatively
00:13:59
boring state ssdgm mal wow perfect perfect just thinking that you're going to like get away yeah
00:14:08
and like start a new life and just immediately a meth house that's run by the amish blows up i
00:14:13
I didn't know they did that. I need more stories of this, everyone. I feel like this is like we owe a serious apology to the Amish and Mennonite community because we have encroached.
00:14:22
They're not listening. They're never going to listen. Can someone please run down the road?
00:14:26
I apologize. Run down the road and let them know that this is our fault. Hot twist.
00:14:31
You fall in love with an Amish man and you become Amish. You move and you're like you're off TikTok forever.
00:14:37
We're going to reverse witness this thing and we're going to raise a barn about it.
00:14:41
Okay. Or so we thought, Uncle Story. Yes. Hello, MFM cast, crew, and furry extras. Longtime listener, something time writer.
00:14:51
Recently you asked for or so we thought stories, and boy, do I have the perfect one.
00:14:56
Let's get into it. I'll set the scene. When my mom was little, her parents bought a riverside cabin in a rural part of the state.
00:15:02
Think 70s charm, a hammock above a poison ivy patch, and a small living space we somehow managed to cram 10 to 15 people into.
00:15:11
Fun. They visited every summer, a tradition that has continued and expanded to all of the children, grandchildren and cousins on my mom's side.
00:15:18
Love it. Fun. I bet there's no air conditioning either. No, no. And pretty cold in the winter.
00:15:22
But you're right there by that river. Yeah. I bet there's a lot of fucking MGD being passed around.
00:15:27
Anyway, after my grandparents passed away, my uncle moved into the cabin with no one but his dog to keep him company.
00:15:33
Sounds amazing. In the 10 years he lived there before he died, he filled the cabin and a garage he built with piles and piles of stuff.
00:15:41
He also suggested he hid treasure across the property, but never said where. My mom, my aunt, and her husband all went to the cabin in the days after his passing to look for a will and sort through all his stuff.
00:15:51
They found some sentimental things like old photos and toys and about 20 guns. Oh.
00:15:57
My aunt's husband eventually came across a small rug placed suspiciously over a human-sized hatch in the door.
00:16:04
Obviously, this is where my uncle's monetary treasure was hidden. Or so they thought.
00:16:08
Uh-huh. This basement contained rows and rows of marijuana plants. Oh. No one in my family smokes or was brave enough to admit it, but with some help from the internet, we guessed it was about $10,000 worth of weed.
00:16:22
Turns out my quiet private uncle was the local drug dealer. Yes, that's right. That's what we're looking for.
00:16:29
Or so we thought. Or so we thought. I love it. What did they do with all this weed, you ask?
00:16:34
The only reasonable thing they could think of. They, period, burned it all. We were sent a photo of the massive fire and told it was a memorial for my uncle before we found out the truth a few days later.
00:16:47
I know my uncle had a good laugh watching his goody two-shoe sisters get high, possibly for the first time, off of his supply.
00:16:55
Don't get too close. A bonfire of weed. Oh, the teenagers were like weeping in that town that day.
00:17:01
Just like, what a waste. In the years since his passing, my mom has emphasized to her children how important it is for you to stay close to the people that mean the most to you.
00:17:09
She, my aunt, and my uncle called each other almost every day to say hi and check in on one another.
00:17:14
So whether it's your siblings, your parents, a family member, a friend, or anyone else, keep them close and let them know you love them.
00:17:21
You never know when a phone call or text may be your last. Stay sexy and maybe don't burn your uncle's entire weed supply, at least not at once.
00:17:29
See, she, her. I thought that that was going to be keep them close because they might have a nice dime bag on them.
00:17:36
Totally. Just to make Christmas a little more relaxing. Where was the cash hidden though?
00:17:40
Because where there's $10,000 worth of weed, there's cash that you can't put in a bank.
00:17:44
Yeah. You better start pulling the boards off that loft in the second floor or something.
00:17:50
Absolutely. Treasure. If you spend all day waiting to take your bra off it might be time for third love If you looking for breathable lightweight comfort this summer you going to love Third Love Third Love is built around getting the fit right instead of expecting you to put up with something that doesn work
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And Third Love offers a full range of sizes from AA to H, including their exclusive half cup sizes,
00:18:14
so you can find a fit that feels just right instead of close enough. Stop settling for bad bras.
00:18:19
Whether you're looking for more lift, back smoothing, or straps that stay put, Third Love
00:18:23
can find your fit fast. Their virtual fitting room gets you in the right size and matches you with the best styles
00:18:29
for your shape. If you've ever been fitted for the right size bra, you are in for a treat.
00:18:33
It actually changes the whole game with bras. I thought I was like a something, something A cup.
00:18:39
I'm a something, something B cup, and it's just changed my bra game. I thought I just hated bras, but I was wearing the wrong size.
00:18:45
And with Third Love, they're so comfortable that it doesn't even feel like I'm wearing a bra.
00:18:49
Use code MFM15 for $15 off your first purchase at thirdlove.com. Goodbye. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.
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details, visit boostmobile.com. I'm not going to reach the subject line of this. It says,
00:20:01
Dear Karen of Georgia, is it normal for your heart to race when typing an email to your favorite
00:20:06
people ever who you also consider to be your one way besties? Just say yes. I'm an elementary
00:20:12
teacher in a small town in Texas. We were just there. Yeah. I first discovered your podcast
00:20:17
during the pandemic, during which I would get my own kids started on their distance learning,
00:20:22
a phrase that still triggers my gag reflex, getting my fifth graders started on their daily
00:20:27
lessons, which consisted of a lot of what's the login, and then going for a long walk around my
00:20:32
neighborhood, the only thing that truly kept me from going insane. Your voices grounded me during
00:20:37
the most anxious time in my life. And to this day, I turn to your podcast whenever I feel stressed or
00:20:42
anxious, which is let's be real always. That's so nice. Yeah. Well, I have a handful of hometowns I
00:20:49
could share. And then in parentheses, it says serial killer Jason Massey, unsolved brutal murder
00:20:54
cold case of Missy Beavers. Have you heard of that one? But I thought I'd opt for something
00:20:58
lighter and tell you one of the many stories I've collected from teaching elementary school for 16
00:21:03
years. It was a typical Friday in fifth grade, or so we thought. It's fun to deliver that
00:21:11
dramatically, too. It's so good. Where's it going to be? We just started our cozy morning reading
00:21:14
time. The lights were dim, soft instrumental music was playing, and the class was scattered
00:21:19
around the room with books in hand, curled up like little library cats on beanbags and rugs.
00:21:24
That sounds so amazing. So cute. Enter Emily. Name changed on the off chance that this child's
00:21:30
mother is a murderer. Sweet, quiet, Emily, always prepared, always early, always suspiciously lumpy
00:21:37
this morning. I didn't think much of it until mid read aloud, a scream erupted from the carpet,
00:21:43
then chaos. Children were flinging themselves off the floor like real life version of the floor's
00:21:48
lava. One kid shouted, is that a rat? Oh, my God. While another tried to climb onto a bookshelf like
00:21:54
it was the Titanic in the classroom's rug was sinking. That's when I saw a timely, mostly
00:22:00
hairless blur hissing between the copies of Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and Because of Winn-Dixie.
00:22:06
Surely this was some toy gone wrong, right? Wrong. It was a baby possum. Yes, I know the proper name
00:22:12
is Opossum, but you know, Texas. Not here, not in California. A real live baby possum in my classroom.
00:22:18
Oh my God, Emily. Emily stood up calmly, far too calmly and said, don't call my mom. I found
00:22:25
Oh, my God. I found him on the way to school and I didn't want him to be lonely, so I put him in my pocket.
00:22:30
Oh, okay. Maybe I'll have one kid. That's when I hear these fucking stories. Just one.
00:22:35
Can I just give a little counter? Yes. Those animals are covered in lice. You're right.
00:22:40
And bugs and things. Yes. Okay. And then it just says her, period, pocket, period.
00:22:47
Apparently, this poor thing had been peacefully snoozing in her hoodie pocket for hours until a dramatic plot twist in Because of Winn-Dixie startled him awake and straight into flight mode.
00:22:58
The next 10 minutes were a blur of possum wrangling, controlled screaming, and me googling, do you need a rabies shot if you handle a wild possum?
00:23:06
While on hold with the school nurse, just in case, I told myself, the chase ended up dramatically when another student scooped it up into his shoe.
00:23:14
Yes, you read that right. And started jumping up and down like he just won the Super Bowl.
00:23:19
The possum was eventually safely returned to the wild after a short stay in the counselor's office.
00:23:24
And the classroom sort of recovered. Stay sexy and check your students' pockets for wildlife, Jay.
00:23:30
Oh, my God. Like the best day of those kids' lives. How exciting. It's so good. And it's so like life in the classroom, right?
00:23:37
This is just kind of what teachers have to deal with. Well, there's a P.S. that's other stuff teachers have to deal with.
00:23:43
Okay. P.S. I'm switching grade levels this year and will be a fourth grade reading and social studies teacher at a Title I school in Texas.
00:23:50
My classroom is my mission field. I strive to create lasting memories, build strong relationships, and give my students experiences that they might not otherwise have.
00:23:59
As we all know, politics are a good thing. School funding continues to be cut and the burden for creating these experiences falls on teachers who barely make enough to make ends meet as it is.
00:24:07
I put together an Amazon wish list to help bring learning to life for my kids. If you're willing to take a look or share, I'd be so grateful.
00:24:14
So we'll share this on our Instagram. And then it says, thank you for inspiring so many, including me.
00:24:19
So we will put Jay's wish list up. And then this is just stuff that all teachers are going through right now because they're trying to put my sister had to go into her classroom this year.
00:24:29
And she's like, I'm starting over from scratch. Like, I have no teacher's assistant.
00:24:33
I have to go in there and make this room great for little kids who have never gone to school before because she's a kindergarten teacher.
00:24:40
How about we put it on socials and then teachers can add their teacher wish list links as well.
00:24:46
Love it. Yeah. Yeah. So if you have a little extra to give, we can do that. Yeah.
00:24:51
Wish we were ending on that, but we're not. We got to keep going. We're ending on cat burglars.
00:24:56
Okay, perfect. Okay. Fam, I present to you my mother and I's finest moment. I grew up in a household that
00:25:04
always had cats and dogs, and in my adulthood, I carried on this tradition. I acquired two cats and
00:25:09
one dog in my early 20s. Both of my cats were strictly indoors. I love them, but I was not sure
00:25:14
either of those ding-dongs could have survived the wild suburban area that I called home.
00:25:19
One morning, I woke up to feed the pack and noticed my little black cat, Cleopatra, or Clo-Clo,
00:25:24
was nowhere to be found. I panicked, took the day off work and canvassed the neighborhood,
00:25:28
shaking a bag of treats, yelling, clo-clo, clo-clo. Why not clee-clee? You know that
00:25:33
fake pet names don't ever make any fucking sense. That's true. That's just what it turned into.
00:25:37
Yeah. I am sure the neighbors got an eyeful. The days went by and Cleopatra still had not turned up.
00:25:43
I put up signs and set up a raccoon trap on my front porch, hoping to catch her if she came back.
00:25:48
The trap did not catch her but I think it caught every other damn cat in the entire neighborhood along with one actual raccoon My mom would come over some evenings and help me canvas the neighborhood shaking that damn bag of treats
00:26:00
Now, this is the part of the story I need to remind you that Cleopatra is a black cat.
00:26:04
I would also like to enter my first defense here and say that most black cats look very much alike.
00:26:10
One early evening, as my mother and I walked down a street very close to my home, we spotted her.
00:26:16
Or so we thought. Or so we thought. What? Since she had been gone for so long, we were not about to let her get away.
00:26:22
We slowly started approaching the cat. The cat sees us moving towards it and bolts and we run after it.
00:26:27
We chase this cat as it runs toward a home that was just around the corner from my own house.
00:26:31
And we see the cat enter through a side doggy door. We thought that Cleopatra must have been surviving all this time by taking shelter in this home that she just ran into.
00:26:40
How clever she is. We knocked on the front door. No one answered. No cars in the driveway.
00:26:45
We sneak around the side of the home and peek into the windows, maybe sign number one that we should have just chilled, and see Clo-Clo sitting in the laundry room up on a counter.
00:26:55
I'm not sure who had the bright idea of trying the back door knob, but one of us tried it and it was open.
00:27:01
I am also not sure which criminal mastermind schemed the next steps of our plan, but it was decided that I would enter the home, grab the cat, and then book it back to my house.
00:27:11
we entered this home grabbing this cat and hightailed it no pun intended back to my house
00:27:17
i ran into my home and dropped this poor cat thinking oh how relieved cleopatra will be
00:27:22
to be home and this cat just starts flipping out running around looking for an exit flying up and
00:27:29
down the furniture i think it was at this point we realized shit this is not my cat we fucking stole
00:27:35
with the best of intentions my neighbor's cat all caps right out of their damn home through the
00:27:40
back door burglar yes burglar that yes okay phase two the cat calmed down a little bit and i was able to pick the cat back up and we put our genius plan into reverse We bolted back to my neighbors and shoved that cat back into its doggy door from which
00:27:55
it came. Good news. Cleopatra returned from her outing 16 days after she left. Better news.
00:28:01
Cats can't talk or else my mother and I may be serving hard time. Stay sexy and lock your fucking doors or your crazy neighbor and her mom may steal your
00:28:09
cat and then return it. E. thank god they didn't have to break back in and put the cat in like that like it's just
00:28:15
through that cat door like the person came home and just had no fucking clue that someone was in
00:28:20
their house the cat was just like you were not going to believe what happened to me but i can't
00:28:24
tell you cat's like this is so fucking weird yeah also there's just like a you walk in there's just
00:28:29
like a weird smell yeah just like a someone's in here yeah keep sending us your or so i thought
00:28:35
twist stories and we can include them in the regular hometowns i fucking love them so much
00:28:40
They're so good. Have you ever been misled or misconstrued a situation that then it led to some wonderful storytelling?
00:28:47
Right. Let us know. Please let us know at myfavoritemurder at gmail.com. And stay sexy.
00:28:51
And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Me? This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:29:04
Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.
00:29:09
This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci. Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:29:14
And follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:29:21
And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
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