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00:02:32
That's Georgia Hartstark. That's Karen Kilgariff. This is a minisode. God damn it.
00:02:37
It's okay. We can still introduce ourselves in a minisode. Maybe we should start doing that 10 years in.
00:02:40
No, I think we should be 10 years in. Let's keep it mysterious. Oh, I think you go first this time.
00:02:45
Okay. We have special Halloween hometowns for you guys because it's spooky season.
00:02:49
And if you're watching the video, you can see that Georgia has a very special Halloween inspired t-shirt on right now.
00:02:56
I found this at a vintage shop when we were in Denver and it reminded me of candy corn.
00:02:59
And I was like, this is perfect for the show. Want to see something really spooky?
00:03:02
Yeah. Look at the size of that fucking zit on my forehead. Oh my God. It's the ghost of your teenage years.
00:03:08
Where'd that come from? I don't know. Touring breaks me out so bad. Dude, here's the thing.
00:03:14
I watched the other day and the bags under my eyes, like the, it was hilarious. I was just like, no one's ever going to mention that I have huge like exhaustion bags under my eyes.
00:03:25
No, because only you think that. Yeah, but good Lord, I could slap some fucking restrictor on there, do something.
00:03:32
It's all bad. It's all bad. It's all, we're doing a lot of things. We're aging. We're aging.
00:03:36
We decided to, why don't we go ahead and record this for posterity. Great idea. Yeah.
00:03:41
Us. All right. This one's called Perfect Halloween Hometown. MFM Crew, let me jump right in.
00:03:47
I went to middle and high school in a small Vermont town called Woodstock. It's quiet, historical, no stoplights kind of town, and it reeks of its Puritan past.
00:03:56
Central to the town is a green, like a small park, where most of the community events take place, including farmers markets, snow sculpture contests, etc.
00:04:04
It sounds like a Hallmark movie, doesn't it? Snow sculpture. Yeah. Like, just, I'm going to give you a couple examples.
00:04:10
Snow sculpture. Snow sculpture. But there is one community event in particular I'd like to tell you about.
00:04:16
In 1834, the eldest brother of the Ransom family, Frederick, age 20, died of an illness that made him very pale and lose his appetite for food.
00:04:26
Three months after his death, the younger brother, Daniel, became ill with the same symptoms and began to waste away.
00:04:31
The family feared that the dead son was a vampire draining his little brother from beyond the grave.
00:04:38
I feel like 1834 is a little late in the game to be believing that, right? Yes. Agreed.
00:04:43
Like 16 something, maybe. Yeah. It's like, or if you lived out in the country late 1700s, but yeah.
00:04:49
Come on now. So this is on them. The family dug Frederick up and upon examining the decaying corpse, one Dr. Frost determined that there was fresh blood in Frederick's heart and that he had likely sucked it from his brother.
00:05:02
Okay. Sir. We need a second opinion on this one. Yeah. The townspeople gathered together at the green with a blacksmith forge to burn the body. Because as we all know, this is how you release a curse. Yeah. But this got me. The younger brother, Daniel, eats the ashes of his brother's vampiric heart to try to cure him. Daniel was only three years old, which means they're fucking forest famous, baby. The rest of the ashes were buried in a box in the center of the Woodstock green.
00:05:33
Good Lord. I have been to the cemetery that Frederick was originally buried at, even on school field trips, but his grave is gone.
00:05:41
Urban legend says that some students from the high school dug up the spot in the green that was supposed to house Frederick's ashes.
00:05:47
When they reached six feet, the earth shook and they heard screams and a deep rumbling.
00:05:52
Needless to say no one has fucked with digging up that shit since But my best friend mom still lives in town and recently went out on a blind date The guy was good looking and younger than her So they went out a few times That all it takes
00:06:05
Good looking younger. Especially, you know, in Woodstock in a small town. That's right. Is he dumb? Stop talking about that. Does he have any common interest in you?
00:06:13
I don't know why you keep asking these questions. Until he said that he thinks he's a distant
00:06:17
relative of the Ransom family and that he's a vampire too. Stay sexy and dump him if he wants
00:06:24
to drink your blood cat as an afterward it's it is likely that the real cause of frederick and the
00:06:29
rest of his family's eventual death was tuberculosis i sent this in once before and forgot to sign it
00:06:34
so kachina you nailed it you nailed it you nailed it that was really good so fucked up but also it
00:06:43
just makes you think of like that stuff that used to happen back then where it's like one old guy
00:06:47
with a beard and he's just like yeah you know what this is and no one checked me on this one
00:06:52
elected official with like a fucking md yeah okay i'm not gonna reach the subject line of this one
00:06:58
it says hey mfm fam let's give her something they legit say in my hometown i grew up in rural
00:07:04
farmland ontario canada where my parents grew ridiculous and hideous town fair award-winning
00:07:10
giant pumpkins we're talking the over 300 pound variety and back in those days their place was
00:07:17
also the local party house slash barn where they hosted among all the other festivities an annual
00:07:23
Halloween rager. My uncle who works for the government doing not sure what but has access
00:07:28
to explosives got the great idea to blow up that year's biggest pumpkin as a way to end the night
00:07:35
with a bang. I love it. That's the person I want to meet. Yeah. This went on for a couple years
00:07:40
without incident just chunks of pumpkin all over the yard. Then came the year we barely speak of
00:07:46
still to this day. My uncle decided to up the ante that year I need to meet this man. He's fun.
00:07:53
He is what it's about. This is just making life fun and explosive and basically accidentally
00:08:01
built a pipe bomb. Oops. I was always too cool as a teenager to attend these parties. So I was
00:08:07
just arriving home that night high as hell. And when I stepped out of the car in long driveway
00:08:12
before the barnyard, I heard, don't move, stay back, it's pumpkin time. I noticed my parents, friends and family cowering in the barn, all dressed up like lunatics.
00:08:23
Then came the blinding white light and the loudest bang that hit me in the chest
00:08:27
and echoed throughout the surrounding woods. Stunned, scared and mortified, I stood in the
00:08:33
driveway as also stoned. Yeah, right. Stoned, stunned, scared, mortified. I stood in the driveway
00:08:39
as I started to hear chunks of pumpkin and rocks rain down on and around me, including in my hair, on all the cars, in the trees, and on the roof.
00:08:49
No one could say anything from shock for several moments. And then my uncle frantically started yelling,
00:08:55
Is everyone okay? Miraculously and thankfully, everyone was. Drunk people with explosives.
00:09:01
Yeah. Terrible idea. It's bad enough when they're just firecrackers. Family and friends, wide-eyed and in shock,
00:09:07
started to look at one another and basically pat down their bodies in search of damage
00:09:11
among all the fake blood and ridiculous costumes. They had exploded the pumpkin in our massive fire pit, which was surrounded by big boulders.
00:09:20
These rocks had exploded in the blast and became projectiles. Holy shit. One went through the barn doors like a cannonball close to my aunt's head.
00:09:29
Everyone just mumbled quietly. And the party was, without saying, officially over.
00:09:34
still in shock and as the bitchy teenager i was i stormed into the house and up to my room
00:09:40
so embarrassing this is about me stupid right you blew up a boulder and it hurts me the worst
00:09:47
my problem now so they stormed into the house and up to their room only to find the shock
00:09:53
from the blast had blown out my bedroom window and all the windows on the backside oh my fucking
00:09:59
God. How's that for a bratty teenager? You fucking idiot. I stormed downstairs where a small
00:10:06
remainder of my family was gathered, basically in tears saying, you guys went too far. And everyone
00:10:12
knew this to be true. The silence was still so eerie. No one knew what to say. Then the phone
00:10:19
started ringing. The neighbors were all calling around to each other. The town had come to the
00:10:23
conclusion that an airplane had crashed in our fields and were asking, should we call the cops?
00:10:28
My mom had to nervously talk them down, muttering something about homemade fireworks.
00:10:33
Needless to say, that was the last year they grew pumpkins, exploded them, or even had a Halloween party.
00:10:40
We can finally chuckle about the absurdity and the thankfully injury-free outcome of that fateful Halloween night that went off with a real bang.
00:10:48
Stay sexy and don't accidentally build a pipe bomb with stolen explosives to blow shit up as a party trick.
00:10:54
Laura. That's amazing. Can't you just chunk those pumpkin chunking, you know, when they like slingshots?
00:11:01
Just do that. I know you don't need explosives. You can do any manner of slingshot.
00:11:05
Or, I mean, if you're out on a farm, how about a shotgun? I don't know. So many ideas.
00:11:11
So many violent ideas to replace the other violent idea. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
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Goodbye. All right, this is a Ouija board story. hi karen in georgia a friend of mine in middle school was obsessed with all things scary and
00:13:54
had an october birthday so naturally her 14th birthday party was halloween themed
00:13:59
there were about 10 girls in attendance and my friend's parents two of the nicest people i've
00:14:04
ever met had planned tons of hilarious now but terrifying at the time activities think haunted
00:14:10
hayride tarot card readings an uncle dressed as michael myers fucking uncles man i love the
00:14:17
Just kind of standing in the doorway with a hockey mask on. And a seance tent that was rigged with a fake rat on a string to rattle leaves and scare the shit out of us when we thought we were summoning dead celebrities.
00:14:28
Wow, they're doing real work. Yeah. I bet she was an only child. To cap off the night, we broke out the Ouija board.
00:14:34
We played around for a few minutes, then began receiving the words help, water, and res.
00:14:41
We were freaked out, but not as freaked out as we were when a woman was found in her car in a retaining pond reservoir, perhaps two days later.
00:14:52
The woman was said to have gone missing on Friday and was found on Monday. The party was Saturday night.
00:14:58
I've never believed much in supernatural forces. And even at 14 was the asshole of the group trying to rationalize away the messages.
00:15:05
But I still get chills thinking about it. We're from a very small town and rumors about the woman's death ran wild.
00:15:11
It doesn't seem that there was any serious criminal investigation. And sadly, no justice was ever served for the woman or her family.
00:15:18
Her mother is adamant that she was murdered. And 16 years later, she's still trying to solve the case.
00:15:24
Thank you for all you do, researching, writing and producing this podcast. It's gotten me through many long drives slash days at work.
00:15:31
You rock. Anonymous. Anonymous. Yeah. Doesn't want to spread the town's gossip. That is.
00:15:38
That's spooky. That's quite something to carry if you're a 14-year-old, even if it can be written off as coincidence.
00:15:45
It's big. Not a lot, but it's enough to be fucking creepy as shit. And it hooks you into another person's mortality.
00:15:51
Yeah. Which I think that once that happens to you at a young enough age, you're just like, well, now I can't stop thinking about this.
00:15:56
Totally. Wow. Okay. I'm not going to read you this subject line. This email starts, just travel with me, won't you?
00:16:05
back to Halloween 1980, where I'm eight years old and my sister and I are preparing to get ready
00:16:10
to go trick-or-treating in my grandpa Leo's new neighborhood. He had recently moved in with his
00:16:16
girlfriend Beverly, who had a huge old house on a nice tree-lined street that was bound to have
00:16:21
better candy than we could get where we lived. That's what it was all about. Which was above our
00:16:26
dad's store in the main commercial drag in downtown Albany, New York. That's badass. To grow up over
00:16:33
weird dad's store yeah in albany beautiful albany come on i think it is must be right it's like
00:16:39
upstate yeah but i had another reason to be excited this year i had dreamed up a creative
00:16:45
and terrifying halloween costume i was going to be a ghoul inspired by the episodes of scooby-doo
00:16:51
inspired by episodes of scooby-doo and perhaps the movie young frankenstein i had it all figured
00:17:00
out. Hunchback made of balled up socks. Check. Matted hair courtesy of one of my mom's old hair
00:17:05
pieces from the 60s. Check. Deep circles drawn around my eyes with my mom's brownish lipstick.
00:17:12
Check. However, the best part of this costume, the part that would get everyone's attention
00:17:17
as I lurched terrifyingly from porch to porch, was the green glow in the dark body paint that I had
00:17:24
persuaded my mom to get us. And then parentheses, it says, my sister was going to be a glow in the
00:17:29
dark witch not very creative if you ask me i was dressed ready to go glow paint applied not just to
00:17:36
my face but to my hands as well so that unsuspecting homeowners would see an eerie green
00:17:41
hand reaching out from the darkness for what would hopefully be a full-size snicker bar
00:17:45
but it was still frustratingly light outside we've got to go at six we've got to get you back by eight put a jacket on it's cold
00:17:54
No way I was going to be able to wait for the sun to set before I could gaze upon the full effect of my truly terrifying glowing ghoul get up It such a kid story
00:18:05
So I asked my grandpa if there was a, quote, closet or someplace dark in this as yet unfamiliar house that I could step into so that I could see how glowy, in fact, my glow in the dark skin was.
00:18:17
He said there was and walked me to a door just off the dining room. A word about my grandpa.
00:18:22
He probably had ADHD. I know I do. But back in the olden days, they just called him absent-minded and accident-prone.
00:18:29
He survived getting hit by a trolley on two separate occasions. Oh, my God. I feel it.
00:18:39
Those Albany trolleys are real fast. Careful. He also, a few years after this Halloween, cut off a bunch of his fingers while operating a jigsaw.
00:18:48
They were successfully reattached. Oh, my God. Accident-prone. That's what they called it back then.
00:18:54
just on Halloween though so it's perhaps not the biggest surprise that grandpa opened this door for me
00:19:01
closed it behind me and then realized that he should perhaps have told me that this was not a door to a closet
00:19:07
but the door to the stairs leading to the basement I remember a moment of confusing weightlessness
00:19:13
and then the hard slam of my butt on the earth packed floor I remember seeing the silhouette of my grandpa
00:19:21
at the top of the stairs frozen in horror convinced that he'd killed his granddaughter.
00:19:26
I was fine. I only cried when I realized how freaked out everybody else was. But the next year, I played it safe and dressed up as Cleopatra.
00:19:34
It's been sexy lady costumes every year since. It's safer. Stay sexy and trust, but verify, Ava.
00:19:43
P.S. A special thanks to Karen for her You're Too High song. Imagine a middle-aged woman, me, curled in a fetal position,
00:19:50
whisper singing You're Gonna Be Fine after an ill-advised second brownie. No, no second brownie.
00:19:57
Never a second brownie. I'm not that high. I'm going to have another one. No one's ever that high.
00:20:02
You're going to be fine. Oh, and then it says love you, ladies. I love trust but verify.
00:20:08
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visit www.madison-reed.com forward slash Charlotte and use code Charlotte. Secret holes in walls.
00:22:47
Yo, hell yes. Ready? Hi, Karen and Georgia. I've always loved listening to your podcast.
00:22:52
My mom and sister first played it for me when I was 15 and I loved it, but I was too busy being 15 to listen consistently.
00:22:59
It's only now that I'm going through every episode from the beginning And I'm hoping you still want stories of secret slash spooky holes.
00:23:06
Always. Every way. Never question yourself. Because being the big kid that I am now 17, I work at Spirit Halloween.
00:23:14
How fucking fun is that? And this year, we've seen a lot of weird shit. We're in an old Forever 21 this year because they're always in like abandoned.
00:23:25
They were like in our abandoned CVS last year. Yes. Okay, well, this year we're in an old Forever 21, which has both an upstairs and a downstairs.
00:23:33
We only use the upper level. The downstairs is closed off from us completely and shut off from the rest of the mall as well.
00:23:40
So it's like an old mall. It's upstairs only, but the whole upstairs and downstairs used to be Forever 21.
00:23:45
Wow. So you enter on a... Yeah, it's like Burbank Mall. You know how they closed the Bed Bath & Beyond that was two floors?
00:23:51
Oh, yeah. And they probably only use the top floor now for whatever it is. Got it.
00:23:55
Spirit Halloween. Let's do something very specific that only like a handful of people who listen would understand.
00:24:00
I can only understand things like this if you explain them to me in terms of Burbank.
00:24:04
Yeah, I can tell you all about Burbank. Oh, I get it. I totally get it. The downstairs was closed off and shut off in the rest of the mall.
00:24:10
One day, my coworker nonchalantly mentioned that during a walkthrough, they found an old dressing room downstairs with bed sheets, food, liquor, a fucking gun holster, and signs that someone had been hanging out in there for quite some time.
00:24:24
Yeah. But no one was actually there. I was creeped out, but I moved on with my life.
00:24:28
17 year old. at least for a few weeks. Then my manager casually asked me if I'd, quote, seen the holes we found in
00:24:34
the walls yet. Me trying to hide the fact that I was low-key excited asked her, where? She led me
00:24:42
to them and let me tell you, there is a whole fucking shitty man-made creepy tunnel. One end
00:24:48
is hidden behind an old fridge. Not sure why there's a fridge. It's just sitting there in a
00:24:52
poorly lit unused storage room with cords and random crap everywhere. It's the perfect thing
00:24:57
to cover a big hole that a person can go through. And the other end of the tunnel opens into a room with all the ventilation and pipes.
00:25:04
There's also a whole secret door in another wall made with a saw, hinges, and pegboard.
00:25:10
So someone like was there long enough to make a door they could open and close. Make a house at home.
00:25:14
Yeah. And this is all upstairs, totally separate from what we found downstairs. I hate the thought of people secretly inside a fucking wall because girl,
00:25:24
get your peeping Tom ass out of there. I apologize if this is too long, but I thought maybe you'd give it a chance.
00:25:31
I love you guys. Thank you for keeping me company while I work this scary ass job.
00:25:35
Yes. Stay sexy. Heart emoji. Love, Ari. Ari, I would like for you to check in every once in a while because the spooky season is upon us.
00:25:43
But also, there have been stories over the years. People being able to be squatters in malls is like the easiest thing.
00:25:50
Seriously. Nobody's there. Also, I bet she hasn't told her parents. And later, they're going to be like, why the fuck didn't you tell?
00:25:57
like we would have made you stop working there right or we would have you know had some but it's
00:26:01
just like oh yeah you didn't i didn't tell you just do not close alone because that's the thing
00:26:06
that those fucking like businesses where they're just like oh this 17 year old assistant manager
00:26:11
she can close by herself it's like absolutely not no 100 no hopefully since everyone knows
00:26:16
there's holes in the walls yeah they have like security and someone walking under their cars
00:26:20
but i do want to hear like all the things that happen in spirit hall i bet it's good i bet it's
00:26:25
fun times okay but you have to listen to that like the one weird witch at the front like make noise all day Reach out Do you work at Spirit Halloween
00:26:35
What store did your job replace a store of? Okay. The subject line of this is – no, I'm not going to read it.
00:26:45
Okay. So it says, hello, murder besties. I have a zillion things to thank you for, but I'll save them for the end and try to truncate this email so it isn't horrifyingly long.
00:26:53
I'm catching up on episodes and heard something about prankster teachers, and I had to talk about Mr. Bream.
00:27:00
Do you remember prankster teachers? No. But we're bringing it all back with Mr. Bream.
00:27:04
Let's do it. He was the legendary seventh grade history teacher at my combined middle high school, and he always made his classes fun, interactive, and truly a joy.
00:27:12
I have no idea how this man tolerated seventh graders all day, but he was clearly a saint.
00:27:17
Halloween hit, and I had history for third period. A bunch of kids from the earlier classes said that Mr. Bream was going to give a pop quiz that day, which felt unusual for such a fun-loving teacher on the auspicious candy-based holiday that was October 31st.
00:27:31
But oh well, my anxious ass was already for that quiz when we walked in. He looked distracted and weird, and he said that he had something he needed to get off his chest before we started the quiz, and that he'd called down some of his older former students there because he wanted them to know too.
00:27:47
He then proceeded to tell us a story about his three best friends and him going on a backpacking trip in Germany decades earlier and that they had come across an injured mountain climber as a snowstorm hit.
00:27:58
They weren't able to rescue him and they had to leave him behind. It had been 40 years since then and he'd always regretted it.
00:28:05
But in the past three months, those three friends have died mysteriously on the last day of each month.
00:28:12
So good. the last had been stabbed with a pitah a metal spike used for mountain climbing and mr bream
00:28:21
was terrified he was going to be next he knew that the climber had come back for revenge for
00:28:25
being left for dead at the end of the story the light suddenly went off and mr bream screamed oh
00:28:31
my god how do you keep a straight face if you're mr bream i mean you've got to have the passion of
00:28:37
a prankster in you where you're like this is going to scare the fuck out of them i just can't give it
00:28:41
way i was supposed to be an actor not a teacher but let's make the best of it you have to maybe
00:28:45
he's deep down supposed to be an actor because he's tapping into something real seriously so he
00:28:50
screams oh my god all the seventh graders scream before realizing that he's been fucking with us
00:28:55
everyone laughed and he checked in to see how we were all feeling after the story making sure no one was too scared While in retrospect the story was far enough that we should have all known it was a prank I was and am very gullible and believed every word right till the end
00:29:10
He then told us to make sure to tell kids in later classes that we had a pop quiz so as not to spoil the joke.
00:29:16
Love it. This teacher was also beloved enough that no one spoiled the P-Tow Man story for the other classes for years.
00:29:24
Oh, shit. I went back and listened to him tell that story as one of the former students until I graduated high school.
00:29:30
I even got to be the one to turn off the lights a few times. Oh, my God. Older kids didn't spoil it for their younger siblings.
00:29:37
And Mr. Bream told that story every year until he retired. Oh, my God. I'm like going to cry.
00:29:42
I know. It's really good. That's like true unity of like, we're going to keep your innocence and fuck with you a little bit.
00:29:49
And like. Yeah. But also like, here's the reach that a really good teacher who cares can have.
00:29:53
It's like. Yes. Amazing. Yes. It's fun to be in it. Clearly, it's not upsetting.
00:29:59
Everybody loves a good story. Yeah. And the rest of the year was always fun and involved zero traumatizing.
00:30:06
I'll always be thankful that I had a teacher who was so invested in his students having special and memorable experiences in the hellscape that was middle school.
00:30:15
God, it's so true. They were amazing. I mean, thank you for all you do in creating a space to talk about mental health and your experiences with therapy.
00:30:23
Your podcast was no small part of the reason I left the entertainment industry. Me too.
00:30:29
Wow. Seriously. And I went back to grad school to become a therapist myself. Wow.
00:30:34
Amazing. I've never been happier. Stay sexy and be awesome enough that your students will forgive you for scaring the
00:30:40
shit out of them. Shauna. Shauna. Shauna. What a beautiful story. So good. Tell us about your memorable teachers.
00:30:48
We want to hear all about them. And like legendary teachers. Legendary teachers.
00:30:53
Yeah, for sure. Because that's amazing. That's beautiful. That's a great Halloween app.
00:30:57
It is. I've never heard of one. Also, we started posting some teacher wish lists.
00:31:02
I'm sure those teacher wish lists are, there's still plenty. Yeah. So if you, there's probably some on our social media, but take a look around and see if you
00:31:11
can't donate some bucks here or there. Because that's, that's like, those are the people it's going to.
00:31:16
Totally. Totally. Amazing. Well, thanks for listening, you guys. Spooky Halloween.
00:31:20
We do it. Oh, yeah. A spooky Halloween. Thank you. You've been waiting. All my life.
00:31:27
Yeah and stay sexy And don get murdered Goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie This has been an Exactly Right production.
00:31:45
Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.
00:31:49
This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci. Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com.
00:31:55
And follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:32:02
And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
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