00:00:00
This is exactly right. average annual single line payment of AT&T, Verizon, and T-Mobile customers
00:00:32
compared to 12 months on the Boost Mobile Unlimited Wireless plan as of January 2026.
00:00:35
For full offer details, visit BoostMobile.com. It's called soccer. It's called football.
00:00:41
Uh, soccer. Foot-ball. Domino's best deal ever lets you get any pizza, including stuffed crust, with any toppings for $9.99.
00:00:51
We can agree on that. Yeah, fully. So, pineapple? Don't ruin it. Get any pizza, including stuffed crust,
00:00:58
with any toppings for $9.99. Finally something everyone can get behind. And if the refs disagree,
00:01:04
that's between them and Domino's, which means the only thing left to fight over is who's ordering.
00:01:08
Dom. Mmm. Minov. Price is higher for some locations. Excludes XL and specialty pizzas.
00:01:14
Select this offer from $6.15 to $7.26. Online only. Size availability varies by crust tank.
00:01:18
Max seven toppings. Six for pan and New York style crust. Minimum purchase required for delivery.
00:01:22
Prices participation delivery area and charges may vary. Hey, it's Jacob Goldstein from Business History.
00:01:27
In our new series, American Genius, we tell the stories of three great writers who changed the way business works in America.
00:01:35
Our first episode is about Benjamin Franklin, who, among many other things, was a best-selling business writer.
00:01:42
Take a listen. He's writing this much later in his life, consciously creating this image of himself.
00:01:50
And I do want to emphasize how unusual this model is at the time, this self-made man myth, because you don't want to be self-made.
00:02:00
It's low class to be self-made. You know, this idea that we have today is the opposite.
00:02:07
Right. And it comes from Franklin. Today, there is the derisive term nepo baiting.
00:02:11
Well, exactly right. And these days, if you are a billionaire, you had better have a Benjamin Franklin story about starting in a garage, coming up with the idea from nothing.
00:02:21
And here is Benjamin Franklin inventing it right before our eyes. This has been brought to you by Odoo.
00:02:28
To listen to more of our American Genius series, listen to business history. New episodes release every Wednesday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:02:38
Did you know not all batteries are the same? For example, only Duracell batteries are built different with power boost ingredients.
00:02:45
And Duracell are the only batteries that make this sound every time you say power boost ingredients.
00:02:50
See? Duracell batteries with power boost ingredients. You try. Duracell batteries with power boost ingredients.
00:02:58
Told ya. Duracell batteries are built different with power boost ingredients. And they're built right here in the USA with U.S. and Global Parts.
00:03:10
My favorite murder has to be made? Your favorite? Oh, my sister's mashed potatoes, which used to be my mom's
00:03:45
mashed potatoes, which are the most calorically dense. Just half butter, half butter. Yeah,
00:03:50
half butter. She does a little bit of mayonnaise, a bunch of butter, sour cream. They're just
00:03:57
insane. You know what my aunt does is she puts paprika on top of them and puts it in
00:04:01
the oven for a minute to get a crispy paprika crust on top. Yes. Okay. You want to go first?
00:04:06
I'm so hungry. Okay. I love this goddamn story. Surprise Thanksgiving guest celebrity edition.
00:04:15
And I feel like we could do this for any holiday. Yes. Even for no holiday. What celebrity came to your house for some weird reason?
00:04:22
Yes, yes. Blaine Kabatch, one of my favorite stand-up comics who I've known my whole life, basically
00:04:27
had an amazing story where he went to Thanksgiving with his wife at her family's and Neil Diamond
00:04:33
was one of the guests. What? He does a whole chunk about it, but yeah, it was like he was dating a person that was crazy.
00:04:41
Holy shit. Okay. And this starts, hello, MFM fam. Thank you for the countless hours of entertainment.
00:04:47
And then in parentheses, it says, I discovered you in early 2021 and spent most of the pandemic trying to get through the backlog.
00:04:54
Let's call it the back catalog since it's different than the backlog. You're not Mariska Hargitay.
00:05:00
Come on. That's right. Your advocacy and the community you have built. We didn't build it.
00:05:06
You guys built it. We didn't do it. We appreciate it, though. Yeah. Your voices took me through a cross-country move, Edmonton to Ottawa, and now a major career change.
00:05:15
And for that, I am grateful. Now let's get after it. When I was in elementary school, my family became good friends with another family who'd moved to Toronto for the dad's work.
00:05:25
My younger sister quickly became close friends with the twin girls who were her age, and I had not a moment's peace at any family gathering from then on.
00:05:33
And then in parentheses it says all I wanted to do was read. Aww. Hi. This is not about that.
00:05:39
Every year, my family hosts Thanksgiving dinner, and because we had no family in town, we always dubbed it that this is for the family we choose.
00:05:48
The best. So naturally, my parents invited this family along with a few others in our friend group.
00:05:53
The response back from the mum was that they could not make it as her childhood friend from Australia was in town and they were spending the holiday with him and his wife My parents have always been the throw more potatoes in the pot types
00:06:05
and of course insisted that they still come and bring their friends. No more thoughts about it.
00:06:09
The day comes, the turkey is roasting in the oven, stuffing is made, the table is set,
00:06:14
and my mother has made a soup for the starter. Guests start arriving, and eventually everyone is there,
00:06:20
except for our Aussie's childhood friend. The doorbell suddenly rings. My mom goes over to answer it.
00:06:26
And who is at the door other than motherfucking Guy Pearce? What? He apparently looked up his old pal while he was in town filming.
00:06:35
And then it says in parentheses, likely traitor with Don Cheadle based on my Wikipedia sleuthing.
00:06:40
Oh, my God. By all accounts, my parents played it cool until my dad was well in his cups and made Guy unbutton his shirt to, quote, show them what he was working with.
00:06:50
What? Yes, Dad. Yes. Show us. And the answer was washboard abs. And Guy was absolutely lovely, even participating in an after dinner, what they called turkey fondue,
00:07:02
which is when you take the leftover turkey and dip it in the gravy left in the pan.
00:07:07
So basically, just as people probably are washing the dishes and stuff, they call it turkey fondue.
00:07:11
Oh, I love it. Just like dip the turkey in the gravy. In the fucking. And it says, unfortunately, no one had given us a heads up that his wife was vegan.
00:07:18
So my mom may have had to stretch the truth on the broth used in the soup. You've got to give people a heads up.
00:07:24
I know. That's a little specific. In parentheses, it says, is this vegetable-based?
00:07:29
Oh, my God. Asked Mrs. Pierce. Yes, said my mom, cringing internally knowing it was chicken broth.
00:07:35
Holy shit, you can't do that. Well, she did it. I do not remember this as I was nine, and I did not care for any celebrity that wasn't a Jonas brother.
00:07:44
It became a lot more exciting when bedtime stories came out a year later, and I could tell my friends that the mean hotel manager had been to my house for dinner.
00:07:53
Sadly, our friends moved back to Australia after only five years in Canada, but I'll always look back at our time as kids fondly.
00:08:00
And those twins and their sisters have grown up to be badasses in their own right.
00:08:05
My sister has also grown into a young woman I'm so proud of and is the coolest person I know.
00:08:10
And then in parentheses it says, I keep trying to get her into the pod. Don't do it.
00:08:17
She doesn't want to. Don't force anybody. It ends by saying, remember, family isn't always about blood.
00:08:22
It's who you choose. And always throw another potato into the pot. You never know who will come for dinner.
00:08:28
SSDGM, Emma. I love it. So good. Guy Pearce. They just, how nice, like that idea that they could just go to a family Thanksgiving.
00:08:38
I mean, because they probably don't have Thanksgiving in Australia. So last year, we have these friends, Carlos and Melissa.
00:08:44
Santa Melissa is like super French. And her parents came into town that weekend, just happened from France.
00:08:50
And Vince was like, I'm giving them their first Thanksgiving and made the whole Thanksgiving
00:08:54
thing, made them try it. They were really sweet and pretended to be blown away. I think they were.
00:08:58
But it was like so exciting to be like, this is what Thanksgiving's like. No, I think that's so sweet.
00:09:02
I think it's also that thing makes me think of when we got to go to Italy, we were in
00:09:07
Lake Como and Janet's husband's family lived there. So they had us come and have like a traditional Italian lunch with them, which I think dinner.
00:09:18
We literally were at one point were just all crying because like the grandma made us this incredible lasagna that seemed like it had 25 layers to it.
00:09:27
Grandma food. Everything was homemade. They had all this food. And it was like they were like, we're here to treat you.
00:09:32
Oh, my God. Like that idea is so generous and lovely. I love it. Send us your stories.
00:09:36
Whatever. Yes. Whatever that is, send us your story. Some sort of a dinner story.
00:09:40
Yeah, the best dinner. The crying. Okay. The Thanksgiving where we almost died and or got arrested as a family. Warm hearted.
00:09:49
Yes. Warm hearted instead of light hearted. Okay. Season's greetings, y'all. So my family infamously loves to prepare way too much food for any holiday. Everyone needs to have their favorite dishes. So this often leads to several varieties of stuffing, green beans, pies. You get the picture.
00:10:05
Unfortunately, since my parents hit retirement age, they inevitably do too much and end up throwing their backs out or exhausting themselves into a stupor trying to recreate these feasts.
00:10:15
This usually results in me finishing half-prepared meals and getting frustrated at trying to jump into a crazy, messy kitchen where I'm blankly staring at a salad spinner.
00:10:25
It's like, that would be hard. Like, you're up. Get in. Like, whatever. Knives down.
00:10:29
Get in there. Get in there. Do something. So in November 2019, I insisted on taking care of the entire meal myself from start to finish.
00:10:36
It was to take place at my great aunt Polly's house in Port Natchez, Texas. Thank you for the phonetic spelling.
00:10:44
I arrived several days early to begin brining the turkey, starting the process of making homemade dinner rolls and prepping as many sides as possible.
00:10:51
I was really pleased at how well everything was going. I was exhausted but proud that no one would be in physical pain and satisfied with their meals this year.
00:11:00
I stayed up late shaping dinner rolls to rise in the pan and didn't get to bed. I know, like, just buy those guys.
00:11:05
I mean, and also everyone loves like a crescent roll or something. Oh, my God. Hawaiian sweet roll?
00:11:09
People who are like homemakers, you know, you can't tell those people anything. I didn't get to bed until around midnight on Wednesday, November 27th, the day before Thanksgiving.
00:11:19
About an hour after falling asleep, I awoke to my bed shaking violently and what sounded like someone slamming a door really hard.
00:11:26
I got up to investigate, and as I walked through the house, I could smell cigarette smoke.
00:11:32
After not being able to find anything in this, I went back to bed. I had to get up early to finish cooking dinner.
00:11:36
The next day, I was anticipating a crowd of people to arrive, among them my partner that I hadn't seen all week.
00:11:42
I was shocked to find out that a butane refinery less than two miles away exploded at 1 a.m.
00:11:49
Oh, shit. Hence the cigarette smell. Exploded two miles away. I considered this for a moment but ultimately decided that the show must go on and started my carefully orchestrated symphony of casseroles that would need oven time At some point someone came to tell me that the police were sweeping the neighborhoods and ordering a mandatory evacuation Mandatory
00:12:09
Our area is no stranger to evacuations, having been hit by our fair share of hurricanes.
00:12:13
But my father crossed his arms and said no. We closed all the curtains, moved the cars into the garage and began our first stealth Thanksgiving.
00:12:22
I have to interject that my mom was not pleased with our decision and how they were shaping up.
00:12:28
She insisted that if my partner really loved me, they would find a way to join us and that I should probably leave since I was the, quote, future of the family.
00:12:36
So she doesn't die. Jesus Christ. Needless to say, we made it out just fine, but did experience a second explosion halfway through our meal that had our heavily laden dinner table shaking.
00:12:47
I mean. That's why you were supposed to evacuate. That was the evacuation. Yeah.
00:12:50
I swore I'd never do this again. Man plans and God laughs. BTW, thankfully, only five people were hurt during the explosion, but the fire and billowing smoke lasted for over 24 hours. The factory had been outside of EPA safety requirements and fined consecutively for over five years prior to the explosion. The fine summing up to less than $200,000.
00:13:11
dollars. It's hard to speak out against these companies since they provide the majority of
00:13:16
jobs to the area, but this type of pollution to our air and oceans is upsetting. I know this email
00:13:21
is long, but thank you ladies for being a platform for marginalized slash disadvantaged people.
00:13:25
Your voices used to fill my female-led bakery. Oh, the rolls. Oh, that's why. Where I worked
00:13:31
prior to the pandemic, and we all enjoyed cackling to your voices in the wee hours of the morning
00:13:35
while we shaped bread. We got to be there at like a middle-of-the-night bakery session
00:13:41
for all women in a bakery. When people tell us like where they took us, there was like an Antarctic one recently.
00:13:48
Yes. I'm like, we're fucking there. That's where we've been. I love that. Tell us the coolest places
00:13:53
you've listened to us, please. I mean, I feel like I want to join an all-female bakery
00:13:57
and get up at four in the morning. No, you don't. Help me. You get up at four in the morning anyways.
00:14:01
I know. You might as well. I'd be over there helping out. My first job as a bakery
00:14:05
and it's just so much fun. Is it? So fun. Did you have to go that early? No, because I was like behind the counter.
00:14:10
But yeah, it's just like you're surrounded by like presents essentially. Yeah. And people happy because they're getting their hot cross buns.
00:14:18
Exactly. Stay sexy and don't get exploded by evil energy companies this Thanksgiving.
00:14:22
Cooper, she, her. But dad's just like, you know what? The butane can blow up. I'm not.
00:14:30
I mean, it's not just blowing up, but you're inhaling that shit. Yes. I mean, there's a chemical issue.
00:14:35
outside. I love it. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get
00:14:43
the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities.
00:14:49
So do like I did, and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile
00:14:53
today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan
00:15:01
equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available.
00:15:06
Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. A burst pipe. A dead water heater.
00:15:13
The AC calling it quits. Who do you call? HomeServe is an easy way to handle unexpected home repairs.
00:15:19
With plans covering stuff, basic homeowner's insurance usually won't. Instead of scrambling for a contractor,
00:15:25
you make one call to get the repair process started. Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe right now.
00:15:31
Go to homeserve.com slash podcast for 50% less your first year. That's homeserve.com slash podcast.
00:15:37
Savings compared to renewal price void in Florida. Who doesn't love warm, carby comfort?
00:15:42
Satisfying sandwiches, loaded bagels, rich mac and cheese. Crape-worthy and smart, Hero Bread's loaves, bagels, and noodles have just 0 to 5 gram snack carbs,
00:15:50
0 gram sugar, and up to 19 grams of protein and 32 grams of fiber per serving. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers a soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love.
00:15:59
Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10% off. That's Hero.co. Per serving not a low-calorie food, some products contain allulose.
00:16:07
See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. I won't read you the subject line, and it says, not to be bossy, but don't read the subject line.
00:16:16
Okay, let's jump right in. This is that story. You know the infamous one that gets repeated in the family over and over.
00:16:23
The year was 2002. I was nine years old. It was Thanksgiving and my family and I were in New Jersey visiting my aunt and uncle and cousins.
00:16:31
I was helping set the table for Thanksgiving dinner when I slipped. It was a wood floor and I was wearing socks and holding a bundle of silverware.
00:16:39
I need to say this. Some of my worst accidents, because my parents have wood floors too, is when you're wearing socks without any grip.
00:16:47
And you think you're like on the stairs. On the stairs. I've fucking done that. God, be so careful.
00:16:53
Put slippers on. Get little grippers. Yeah. Okay. I'm picturing it because I fucking, I've done it.
00:16:57
Yeah. It sucks. I did it on Adrian's stairs one time and slipped and then slammed down on my butt on those stairs and then just had like a sore.
00:17:06
Oh, it was the worst. When I slipped and fell, I happened to drop the bundle of silverware at the exact moment where I landed on the floor.
00:17:13
I also landed on top of a knife. The odds here, though I'm not a mathematician and in fact didn't pass freshman year algebra the first time, just seem astronomical.
00:17:23
goal. But anyway, I slipped and fell and in the, I don't know, one second that the knife I was
00:17:28
holding was exactly balanced, I landed on top of it and the knife slid into my armpit. As I recall
00:17:35
it, and as my mom tells me though, she still 24 years later hates talking about it because she's
00:17:40
a sweet baby angel, I screamed. My sister, who was maybe 17 at the time, ran over, pulled my shirt up,
00:17:47
saw the blood and yelled hospital now. So someone grabs my uncle to drive us to the hospital.
00:17:53
My uncle who for the record is incredibly Sicilian Like wears gold chains and white tank tops and looks like a Sopranos extra Amazing So good And remember this was in 2002 which was obviously before iPhones etc And my family
00:18:08
had just moved to New Jersey, so they weren't totally familiar with their neighborhood yet.
00:18:11
But anyway, my mom sits in the backseat with me and I lay down and I'm bleeding and my mom's
00:18:16
crying and my sister's helping my uncle navigate in the front seat of his blacked out Chevy Suburban,
00:18:21
like I told you incredibly Sicilian so good and he's literally driving like driving Miss Daisy
00:18:28
like couldn't be going slower bro and my mom is freaking out because I'm sitting
00:18:33
back there bleeding eventually we make it to the hospital but it has this weird kind of drive-thru thing
00:18:38
remember the old banks where you'd stop in the drive-thru and be helped that way
00:18:42
it was kind of like that and my uncle pulls up to it and he's telling the person helping us
00:18:46
that I've been stabbed and in a parenthesis it says lol by myself and needs help.
00:18:52
And this person is like seeming really confused. And it goes on for a minute or so until the person helping us says,
00:18:58
Sir, this is a nursing home. Oh, my God. Yes, you heard that right. He took me to a nursing home instead of an emergency room.
00:19:05
I swear to God, my mom almost had a heart attack. The sweet nursing home staff pointed us toward the hospital.
00:19:10
And after another few minutes of painstakingly slow driving, I would assume the exact opposite.
00:19:16
Yeah. Like, there's something in the trunk, maybe like a body. Cannot get pulled over.
00:19:20
We made it to the ER where I got 10 stitches. Not only did I survive to tell the tale, but when we got home, my brothers and boy cousins were the nicest they'd ever been to me.
00:19:31
And my Albanian grandmother gave me $100 cash. Not a bad deal. Fuck yeah. Suddenly the best day.
00:19:38
It's just so like. I love the Albanian grandma just kind of sliding her. She's just like, I can't say I love you.
00:19:44
That part's too hard. Right. We're an immigrant family. Cash is what love is. Stay sexy and don't go to a nursing home unless you really mean to for Tessa, she, her.
00:19:54
Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Stabbing yourself. Stabbing yourself. I actually one time was helping set the table and I was holding steak knives and forks and I was kind of running into the living room and my mom's friend Carolyn Bernardi was coming into the kitchen and I almost stabbed her in the abdomen.
00:20:13
She stopped and pulled herself back like within a half an inch. That's how I learned that you hold them upright and close to yourself.
00:20:21
When I was like four or something, I got up on the table like this and hit the edge of the plate.
00:20:26
And it's fucking, I have a scar there. It flew into my eye. Holy shit. Blood, stitches, the whole fucking thing.
00:20:32
Oh, my God. Was it on Thanksgiving? No. Okay, cut that story. Shit. Save it for another time.
00:20:40
Yeah. Okay, here's my second one. My favorite party story, long but funny ending.
00:20:45
I think long but funny ending is for Molly, actually. That 100% is for me. She's like, I would not have fucking put this in.
00:20:52
If you're upset that your story hasn't been picked, maybe it's too long. Edit it and resubmit it.
00:20:56
Get in there and get to the facts. Yeah. Like take out. It's like two pages tops.
00:21:01
Two pages. OK. Karen and Georgia and MFM team, including pets. I am a diehard OG murderino who adores you all.
00:21:08
A few mini episodes back, you asked for party stories. So here is mine. When I was in my early 20s, fresh out of college and living in Baltimore, I adopted a stray
00:21:15
orange kitten. Oh, yeah, this is funny. Jaffe rhymes with Taffy was a scrappy little street cat who hung out with me for the next 18 years through all the different apartments and relationships and jobs I had across the country.
00:21:28
She was still my little sidekick when I moved back to Baltimore in the early 2000s.
00:21:32
Needless to say, I loved that cat. Sadly, shortly after I moved back, Jaffe started to slow down and was clearly sick.
00:21:38
No definite diagnosis, but probably some form of cancer. My poor cat got skinnier and skinnier until a sad Thanksgiving morning when her back legs gave out and I knew her number was up.
00:21:49
Since it was a holiday, I called an emergency vet who said they could take her in to be put to sleep, but that if she went quickly at home, it wouldn't make much sense to pay the astronomical holiday fee they had to charge me.
00:22:00
Oh, yeah. Of course, I didn't want her to suffer and would have taken her in, but she faded fast and passed within an hour.
00:22:06
I was truly heartbroken and cried into all the Thanksgiving pies I baked that afternoon.
00:22:11
I was a little unsure what to do with Jaffe's little corpse until I could take her in the following day to be cremated.
00:22:17
But after consulting with friends and family, I wrapped her in her favorite blanket, along with all of her cat toys, of course, and carefully stowed her outside on my city row house's roof deck where it was pleasantly chilly.
00:22:29
Oh, no. It's not what you think. Oh, okay. Maybe a little worse. Oh. And my heart is pounding because I think Mimi's going to be gone soon.
00:22:38
Oh. It's the same. Now on Thanksgiving, too. It's so sad. I know. I showed up later that day at my family's Thanksgiving dinner in morning and made several, i.e. too many, teary toast in Jaffe's honor throughout the meal.
00:22:51
I love it. Although we never had before, my sister suggested we go Black Friday shopping that night and we ended up at Michael's, the craft store.
00:22:58
Walking through the aisles, my sister pointed at a little wooden box and jokingly said, oh, that looks like a little coffin for Jaffe.
00:23:05
Of course, I tearfully snatched it up and brought it back home that night, where I gently and kind of stiffly by that point settled Jaffe in it on the roof deck before I went to bed.
00:23:14
The next morning, I scheduled Jaffe's cremation, but I felt like a little more ceremony was needed.
00:23:19
After all, this cat had been with me for basically all of my adult life so far. So I decided to make a quick stop at my favorite bench by Baltimore's harbor so that Jaffe and I could say a final goodbye to her city together.
00:23:31
That day after Thanksgiving was definitely warmer than it had been the night before.
00:23:35
And as I put my little cat coffin on my car's front seat for the short ride to the harbor
00:23:39
and then carefully carried it to my favorite bench, I could detect the beginning of a faint smell.
00:23:44
But I didn't care. I sat in the sun with the box, which I had stayed up late decorating with a Sharpie the night before,
00:23:50
on my lap for a couple minutes and waited for the few tourists milling around to leave
00:23:54
before I could say my last goodbye. I don't know if it was my grief-stricken sleep deprivation or what,
00:24:00
But as I got up to leave, I suddenly thought, you know what would be so fitting for this Baltimore cat?
00:24:05
A burial right here in the harbor. It seemed to make perfect sense as a more meaningful alternative to her anonymous cremation.
00:24:12
And before I really knew what I was doing, I walked to the edge of the pier, whispered goodbye, and dropped Jaffe's wooden coffin into the harbor.
00:24:20
Oh, no. As I watched the lovingly inscribed box bob out into the open water, I had another realization,
00:24:25
which was that the box wasn't sinking because it wasn't weighed down with anything but a very,
00:24:30
very skinny cat body and some cat toys. Are you crying? No, I just, it's so like, it's so when you're figuring stuff out by yourself.
00:24:38
Totally. Yeah. Like you just want to give the cat your final. Yeah. That's so sad.
00:24:42
I stood watching it float and then continued watching as around the corner of the pier,
00:24:47
a Baltimore City Harbor police boat slowly drifted into view. That box wasn't sinking, but my heart sure did as I watched the police boat suddenly change course and head straight for my poor cat's midnight madness coffin.
00:25:01
I stood a few seconds more, riveted by the sight of a large net being lowered into the harbor to retrieve the box.
00:25:08
And then, I'm ashamed to say, I turned around and took off running from that pier.
00:25:12
Yeah, you did. There are a lot of stories about bodies being dumped in Baltimore's harbor, but I was pretty sure that even having to explain a cat body would mean some trouble and probably a fine.
00:25:23
I'm still sad about my cat's posthumous fate in the hands of the police. And to this day, I always whisper a little, hello, Jaffee, every time I pass that pier.
00:25:32
Not in there. You should do as you pass the police department because. That's right.
00:25:38
But I will say that it is possibly my greatest party story to tell here in Baltimore.
00:25:43
Except for the time John Waters picked up a friend of mine at last call, which turned into a truly surreal late night slash early morning at his house during a massive snowstorm.
00:25:52
Ah, you. Getting stuck in a snowstorm at John Waters' house? I mean. Oh, my God.
00:25:56
Greatest man in your life. You lucky bastard. Love you all and all that you do. Stay sexy and don't ever ask me to dump a body in Baltimore's Harbor for you because I'm obviously not good at it.
00:26:06
Rachel, she, her. P.S. Karen. As an 80s teen, my first big crush was on C. Thomas Howell.
00:26:11
I always thought I was the only one. Oh, girl. It was all of us. All of us Outsiders fans.
00:26:18
Wow, that is so hilarious and sad. I was actually thinking of this. We had this cat, Rory, and she was old when we adopted her.
00:26:26
And she didn't like us or anything. And she was like one of those miserable old cats.
00:26:32
We kind of brought her around near the end. Then she died. And I'm pretty sure we buried her on the side of the house.
00:26:38
and it's like that's just there for the next people. Like if they go, oh, we want to redo this and put it in an edge or something.
00:26:45
I know that like I move so often. I know that my house right now isn't my final house.
00:26:50
I'm not burying Elvis there because I know like in three years I'm going to change my mind about it and fucking move away.
00:26:54
Yes, exactly. And leave Elvis there? You have to keep Elvis in whatever urn he's in.
00:26:58
Exactly Yeah Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile I don know if you knew this but anyone can get the same premium wireless for a month plan and that I Yeah
00:27:28
and fees extra. Default terms at mintmobile.com. Who doesn't love warm, carby comfort? Satisfying
00:27:34
sandwiches, loaded bagels, rich mac and cheese. Crave-worthy and smart, Hero Bread's loaves,
00:27:39
bagels, and noodles have just 0 to 5 gram snack carbs, 0 gram sugar, and up to 19 grams of protein
00:27:44
and 32 grams of fiber per serving. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers
00:27:48
a soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love. Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10% off.
00:27:54
That's Hero.co. Per serving not a low-calorie food. Some products contain Allulose.
00:27:58
See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:28:08
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Will Wheaton, who played Gordy Lachance in Stand By Me 40 years ago
00:28:15
and now narrates Stephen King's The Body, the novella that inspired it all. We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life,
00:28:24
channeling his memories of River Phoenix and the recording booth and why the friendships you have at 12
00:28:29
might be the most important ones you'll ever have. I know Gordy Lachance. I am Gordy Lachance.
00:28:37
Like, I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordy Lachance when I didn't know it.
00:28:42
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:28:50
Okay, here's my last one. And the subject line says, I'm a Kelsey too. And then it says, hi, friends, longtime listener, multi-time writer. Thanksgiving
00:28:59
is always my favorite holiday. Growing up, my mom always cooked for a big chunk of my family,
00:29:04
and there are a lot of us. I'm one of eight. My mom was one of eight, and I lost count of how many
00:29:09
cousins I have. And when I asked my mom why the hell she would have so many kids, she always
00:29:15
replied, ugh, I don't know. I'm a recovering Catholic. I mean, my dad is one of nine.
00:29:20
Yeah. And that's a gigantic family. Yeah. Imagine it's like eight and eight. That's crazy.
00:29:27
Okay. So one Thanksgiving while the turkey and the other deliciousness was cooking, my mom was running around like crazy as always.
00:29:33
I'm sure my constant offers to help were more annoying than anything as I was just a little kid.
00:29:38
She was the type of person that always had 17,000 pairs of reader glasses. You know, those little half glasses.
00:29:45
Yet she always managed to constantly lose them. That was like in the 90s. That's all my parents did.
00:29:50
Really? Was like, did you take my readers? Or it's like, why would we? We don't use them.
00:29:54
Of course not. And they got them at like the grocery store and shit. Yeah. So they're in pockets and they're in the couch and they're on the floor.
00:29:59
Like actually, you're wearing a pair right now, Dad. What the fuck? You wearing it as a headband So it says during this one fateful holiday she to no one surprise lost the pair she been using We looked everywhere It wasn until the pungent smell of burnt plastic and smoke filled the air that we all realized what had happened
00:30:17
My mom had her glasses on top of her head when she last checked the turkey, and they fell off her damn head into the bottom of the oven where they remained.
00:30:25
Oh, my God. Okay. So many questions. Why didn't she see that happen? Hear it. fucking feel it.
00:30:33
I'll tell you I didn't see it. She didn't have her fucking readers on. Oh, yeah, that's very true.
00:30:38
But I'm like, because she started drinking. She had some gin fizzes around 11 a.m.
00:30:41
That's right. That's what Thanksgiving is for. To her horror, it did manage to ruin
00:30:46
a good chunk of the food. Yeah. But she was the most worried about getting her beloved
00:30:50
parakeet out of the smoke. Aw. Us kids were on our own. It's now one of the funniest stories
00:30:56
we talk about around the holiday in her memory. My mom raised us on her own and I lost her to suicide when I was a teenager.
00:31:03
Oh, honey. As the years go on, I struggle to remember her laugh, so telling these stories are what keep her memory alive for me.
00:31:11
My God. Thank you for continuing to be a voice for mental health and all that it involves.
00:31:16
We still have a lot of work to do, and I am proud of everything you do. Stay sexy and don't let mom lose her glasses, Kelsey.
00:31:25
And P.S., my hooray is that being from San Luis Obispo, Paul Flores was finally held accountable.
00:31:30
For the death of Kristen Smart. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh. Such a mom memory. I just love that mom Thanksgiving memory where it's like you're cooking for a million people.
00:31:42
You're trying to get all this stuff done. Yeah. Everything has different timing.
00:31:46
It's such a pain in the ass. And then, yeah, someone asking you what they can do to help is almost more annoying sometimes.
00:31:50
Yes, exactly. Well, you're going to do it wrong. Yeah. So, OK. That's beautiful.
00:31:55
OK, this is called Grandma's Kitchen. It's short. My grandparents, Julia Ann and Willard Oliver, had eight children.
00:32:02
What? Each child married and had kids of their own. Me being the youngest of six for my parents.
00:32:08
All of this meaning Thanksgiving would be jam-packed with people in their country farmhouse.
00:32:13
Grandma always stayed in the kitchen, working away to feed everyone. When food was done, she sat and didn't eat anything.
00:32:20
She said she ate by tasting everything while making it. Jesus. After her death, my aunt told us that grandma hated everyone visiting.
00:32:29
Grandpa insisted and she gave in. So my aunt would go buy a fifth of Jack and it was hidden in the flower bin.
00:32:37
Grandma would start with a bit of it in her coffee. And when the fifth was empty, the food was done.
00:32:43
Is the fifth the little flask looking one? I hope so. Because if grandma was drinking a big boy like that, I think different things would be happening.
00:32:52
Sure. She would sit in her chair in the kitchen and everyone would coo over her hard work.
00:32:57
I now know she was hammered. I'm happy to know I got my introvert nature from her.
00:33:02
I don't cook, but I can make a stiff drink. Stay sexy and don host if you don want to Jeremy P One rule when she passed was that we couldn announce it for a year If they don care to check on you alive they don deserve to know that you died
00:33:16
Hell yeah, grandma. Grandma's vicious. Grandma's like, fuck all these kids. I love it.
00:33:22
That's hilarious. Oh my God. Grandma. Julia Ann, R.I.P. We'll think of you this Thanksgiving.
00:33:28
We will. You badass. Everybody have a fifth of something if you want to. Truly. Get through any kind of family holiday any way you need to.
00:33:36
That's right. Especially if you need to just go stand outside. Right. And stay sexy.
00:33:40
And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:33:46
Ah. Follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:34:13
Or watch us on YouTube, search for My Favorite Murder, and then like and subscribe.
00:34:17
Goodbye. It's called soccer. It's called football. Uh, soccer. Football. Domino's best deal ever lets you get any pizza, including stuffed crust.
00:34:36
with any toppings for $9.99. We can agree on that. Yeah, fully. So pineapple? Don't ruin it.
00:34:44
Get any pizza including stuffed crust with any toppings for $9.99. Finally something everyone can get behind.
00:34:50
And if the refs disagree, that's between them and Domino's, which means the only thing left to fight over
00:34:55
is who's ordering. Domino's. Price is higher for some locations. Excludes XL and specialty pizzas.
00:35:01
Select this offer from $6.15 to $7.26. Online only. Size availability varies by crust tank.
00:35:06
Max 7 toppings. 6 for pan and New York style crust. Minimum purchase required for delivery.
00:35:10
Prices participation delivery area and charges may vary. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
00:35:15
The message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop.
00:35:21
With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird.
00:35:28
Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required.
00:35:38
Intro rate first three months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra.
00:35:41
See full terms at mintmobile.com. This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms.
00:35:45
Have you noticed that the egg section at the grocery store has gotten very complicated lately?
00:35:49
But Vital Farms makes it simple. Pasture raised eggs traceable to the farm. Their hens have outdoor access year round with fresh air and sunshine and forage on rotated pastures with local grasses.
00:35:59
Every carton can be traced back to the farm it came from so you can see the pasture where the hens live by visiting vitalfarms.com slash farm.
00:36:07
Look for the black carton in the egg aisle and visit vitalfarms.com to learn more.
00:36:11
Vitalfarms. Good eggs, no shortcuts. Goodbye.