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00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
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Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder.
00:02:06
The mini-sode. We read you our stories. This is a holiday episode. Do you want to hear your holiday emails?
00:02:12
Go. You want to go first. Okay. The subject line of this is Christmas card photos at John List's house.
00:02:18
Hi, Karen in Georgia, long-time listener, first-time writer. I've been listening since I was 16.
00:02:23
and then it says scary in parentheses. I've got a hometown story for you that gives me chills,
00:02:28
but my dad could not care less. My dad and his four brothers grew up in Morristown, New Jersey.
00:02:33
In the early 1970s, they spent a lot of time visiting their cousins in Westfield, who it
00:02:38
turns out lived just three houses down from the List family. Their three oldest cousins were the
00:02:44
same ages as the List children and even walked to school with them. I've known about the Westfield
00:02:49
connection for a while and always brought it up as a creepy little family fun fact. I've even said
00:02:55
how much I wish my great aunt and uncle were still alive so I could pick their brains. They were there
00:03:00
when it all happened. But it wasn't until this past week while I was talking about it again that
00:03:05
my dad suddenly goes, oh yeah, I think we actually took a Christmas card photo in their yard once.
00:03:11
Excuse me, what? He then remembered that my grandma had taken their Christmas card photo in
00:03:16
the front yard of the list house right before the murders. There was this big tree branch that
00:03:20
curved low to the ground and she had all five boys ages eight to one sit on it. She just liked the
00:03:26
tree. No one thought anything of it. Meanwhile, I'm spiraling and tearing through family photo
00:03:31
albums trying to find it. And my dad's just like, huh, weird and goes back to watching the Yankees
00:03:37
game. And because apparently my entire life is an MFM plot line, I was also conceived via IVF.
00:03:44
And years later, we found out that Melanie McGuire, the suitcase murderer, was a nurse at the fertility clinic.
00:03:51
She was one of the people monitoring my embryo's development. She was also allegedly in love with the doctor.
00:03:57
My mom, upon hearing this, just shook her head and said, he was handsome, but not murdering your husband, handsome.
00:04:03
So, yeah, I was literally watched over by a murderer during my earliest stages of development.
00:04:08
That's a little dramatic, watched over when you're an embryo. And somehow turned out kind of normal.
00:04:13
I guess my love of true crime started at day zero. Thanks for letting weirdos like me feel seen, heard, and only mildly cursed.
00:04:21
SSDGM forever, Shannon. Wow. A couple of connections. At least two. Okay. My first one's called Christmas Pinata of Terror.
00:04:31
Hello, MFM beautiful ladies. I am a pretty new listener, but just like anything new that I enjoy, I am now obsessed.
00:04:38
I even fall asleep listening sometimes, and let me tell you, I've had some weird dreams.
00:04:42
I thought I'd share just one of my family stories that always gets talked about when we reunite.
00:04:47
Hope you enjoy, as much as we do, this horrid memory. The year is 1993 in Oceanside, California at my Abuelita's house on Christmas Eve.
00:04:57
We are a big Mexican family. My abuela had seven children and in total 19 grandchildren.
00:05:04
Well, at this point, there were only about 11 of us. Most of us under the age of eight.
00:05:08
I was five. 11 kids under the age of eight. Yeah. That's intense. That's too many.
00:05:12
That's a grammar school, basically. Yeah. Like most Mexican families, we celebrate with a big party on Christmas Eve that lasts all night with lots of food, music, and of course, booze.
00:05:21
Well, on this Christmas Eve, we had a piñata to celebrate. But as it was winter and reading outside, the adults decided to have the piñata in the garage.
00:05:29
Like usual, every kid took turns trying to break the piñata, and once they couldn't, the bigger cousins took their turns.
00:05:35
If you've ever been at the moment when a piñata breaks, all hell breaks loose. We were all screaming with excitement and jumping to try and grab all the candy scattered on the floor.
00:05:44
Well, at this very excited moment, my uncle Daniel, who was the youngest of the seven and 20 years old at this time, and also quite intoxicated,
00:05:53
thought it would be a hilarious idea to grab a random box of stuff on a shelf in my abuela garage and toss it on top of all the children who are head down scattered on the floor grabbing candy Nails What he didn know at the time was that
00:06:06
this particular box was filled with nails. Oh, I guessed it. Sorry, should I not do that? No,
00:06:12
I like it. Okay. Nails, screws, hammers, wrenches, and heavy duty locks. Oh, shit. This is trash
00:06:19
uncle. It's so much worse than nails. It's so much heavier and more dangerous than nails.
00:06:24
It's so bad. It's so bad and drunk, Uncle. Yes. You can imagine cheers of joys turned into cries and screams from all us kids.
00:06:33
My cousin, who was four, was holding his head crying because a giant lock had landed straight on it.
00:06:39
We all ran to our parents with our bruises, and my aunts and uncles were yelling at my drunk uncle, who was confused and also feeling so terrible.
00:06:47
Just like most Mexican family horrible moments, they get turned into the funniest moments to share now that we are all in our 30s and 40s.
00:06:54
Hope you laugh as much as I do every time I remember my drunk uncle ruining Christmas.
00:06:59
Remember to stay sexy and don't throw a box of tools on children during a pinata.
00:07:05
Your fan, Kayla. Kayla, it's almost like your uncle thought that in that garage there were boxes of confetti or like boxes of Tootsie Rolls.
00:07:13
What could the positive thing have been in a fucking garage? Nothing. It's just the idea of like, it would be funny if his other 20-year-old friends were doing it.
00:07:23
Yeah. Because then it's like a box of whatever. But a four-year-old that's like, you hit me in the head with a master lock.
00:07:29
Right. Like, what was the best outcome he was expecting? Like, push pins? Even, like, what could have been okay?
00:07:37
In a garage setting. Earplugs? Earfoam earplugs? Earplugs would have been... Even then.
00:07:44
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:07:50
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00:08:01
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:08:06
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00:08:14
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:08:22
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:08:28
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00:11:42
Goodbye. This is insane. I'm not going to read you the subject line. The good thing is that these are holiday stories where it's like holidays are made for fuck-ups like that.
00:11:54
It the best Here another one Hello there all you bright young things Been listening to you lovely ladies since 2018 Love all you do for this community of adorable creeps as well as the many other things you do for those in need In parentheses it says I actually the Instagram commenter who told you the story of my son and I when I was unhoused and living in a truck Remember that
00:12:15
Wow, yeah. Yeah, this is her. I'd love to share my shit adult story with you. As this revolves around a theater performance, let me set the scene for you.
00:12:24
For several years, I headed up a field trip for homeschooled children. Yes, I was trying to socialize them.
00:12:30
But they mostly remained stubbornly and gloriously weird. I finally handed the reins of the group over to a more capable mom with seven kids as I was woefully unqualified with only a homeschool starter pack of five children.
00:12:42
Oh, my God. It's not a contest. No. Thankfully today, after 21 years of homeschooling, these days of tearing my hair out over fourth grade grammar lessons and begging my kids to put on pants are behind me now.
00:12:54
Hope it was worth it. One December, I was able to secure our group tickets to a local production of A Christmas Carol that was putting on a special matinee for elementary students.
00:13:04
Happily, Dickens was an acceptable topic even for my most conservative group members.
00:13:09
So off we went, congesting the city's traffic flow with dozens of eight passenger vanes.
00:13:14
It's really specific. We were all thoroughly enjoying the play. The actors were excellent. The live orchestra playing in the pit were performing brilliantly. We arrived at one of the seminal moments in Ebenezer Scrooge's moral arc, the graveyard scene. Scrooge encounters his own tombstone under the bony finger of the ghost of Christmas future, played by an actor dressed in a Grim Reaper style hood and cape.
00:13:39
Just as Scrooge began to beg the specter to tell him how to prevent such evil prognostications,
00:13:44
the ghost of Christmas future, hood shrouding their face, floated ominously towards the front of the stage and immediately went over the edge.
00:13:53
With the very loud, what the fuck, in their headset mic, they crashed into the orchestra pit where all manner of instruments clattered and banged.
00:14:02
Oh my God. Fell into the pit. Oh my God. The specter had landed on the French horn player.
00:14:08
The house lights went up and the theater staff appeared on stage. They asked that all the students remain quietly in their seats while they peered down at the carnage in the orchestra pit.
00:14:17
An ambulance was called. The ghost of Christmas future had a concussion and the French horn player had cracked two ribs.
00:14:23
Oh, my God. So it's so awful. Yeah. Have you seen the video of Kelsey Grammer falling off the stage?
00:14:31
Yeah. He's like acting and then he just like one false move. It's so awful. It's so violent.
00:14:36
But I doubt anything will ever be as horrifying to him as looking up and seeing what appeared to be the Grim Reaper falling on him.
00:14:43
To our kids' credit, the theater manager said we were the best behaved group of children they'd ever had.
00:14:49
For many of them, though, their silence might have been the shock and trauma of hearing the F word for the first time in a house mic.
00:14:57
Yes, a resigning what the fuck is so much better than just a fuck. I think those kids learned far more than we intended that day.
00:15:06
Maybe there's no correlation, but I was deposed as group leader soon after. Stay sexy and don't yell WTF to an audience of 300 homeschoolers.
00:15:14
Betsy. That's good. So good. And like he had his mask on, so he like never got in trouble for it.
00:15:20
Probably like no one is ever going to. Right. He it's not really him. It's anonymous.
00:15:24
Of course, death is going to say fuck in front of your kids for the first time. He's falling off the fucking stage.
00:15:29
He's death. Who's dying? That's the scary. One time I was in Oliver and the guy that played the artful Dodger had this big long coat on.
00:15:39
And during his song, I can't remember what the song was, he dramatically turned to the rest of the orphans or whatever.
00:15:47
And he had a bag of M&Ms in his pocket that just sprayed in an arc across the stage where I was like, oh, this is bad.
00:15:54
If that came out of a pinata, that would be fucking hilarious. That would have fixed Christmas.
00:15:59
That's right. Not out of. Okay, this is a trash kid story. Hiya, Earthlings. Trash kids unite.
00:16:08
It's December 1996, and I was a wee four-year-old trying to make my way in the world.
00:16:14
Preschool was wild, and we were tasked with making a Christmas ornament for our parents, but only one for the pair.
00:16:21
But how will that work? I have newly divorced parents, and I can't possibly choose between the two.
00:16:26
My teacher understands my predicament and kindly lets me make two ornaments. Here comes the end of the day and Tammy, the mother of all mothers, comes to pick up her daughter, me.
00:16:38
And the teacher pulls her aside. Miss Tracy says, Tammy, I'm so sorry to hear that you and Doug are getting a divorce.
00:16:44
We had no idea and you didn't say a thing during drop off this morning. Tammy is stunned and says, excuse me?
00:16:50
And thought to herself, when I left the house this morning, everything was fine.
00:16:53
He gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he loved me. Oh, no. Miss Tracy says, well, Paige let us know this morning that Doug has packed up his stuff in boxes by the front door and things are not working out.
00:17:04
So he's leaving tonight. She insisted that she make Christmas presents for both of you since he will be alone for Christmas this year.
00:17:12
And then alarm bells started going off. My brilliant four year old ass decided to make up an elaborate ruse and tell my teachers that my parents were getting a divorce.
00:17:20
And my father has packed his bags to move in with my grandparents for the sole reason of getting to, all caps, make two Christmas ornaments.
00:17:30
It's pretty brilliant. She's about quantity. That's right. Not quality. I can only make one.
00:17:35
How about I make up an elaborate lie? How about I just pull together whatever it will take to get me a second ornament?
00:17:41
But like believable enough to an adult that it worked. And a four-year-old. Yeah.
00:17:46
Giving you those details of like his bags are packed. Yeah. It's pretty smart. How did they know that was a thing Much to Tammy delight her husband was there when we got home and confirmed they are not getting a divorce They been married for 37 years and are my favorite people in the world SSDGM Paige I mean epic Just an epic It kind of a good
00:18:07
brag story about yourself. You're like, I was a pretty smart, precocious four-year-old.
00:18:11
Here's my trash kit story. I was a liar. But imagine if that woman really was finding out
00:18:15
that she was getting divorced through her preschool teacher. What a way to go. What are your terrible divorce stories? How'd you find out you were getting a divorce?
00:18:25
I did lie in college and told my math teacher that I had been skipping class because my parents were getting a divorce because I just wanted her to leave me alone.
00:18:33
But then as I walked away from that conversation, I was like, oh, that was that was a bad vibe to do.
00:18:37
This feels bad. It all felt so bad. Yeah. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:18:47
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:18:58
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:19:03
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:19:11
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept.
00:19:19
It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
00:19:25
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00:19:55
Goodbye. Summer is fun, but it can also completely destroy your routine. Between days at the beach, recovering from days at the beach, and then remembering you don't even like the beach, it can really mess up your day.
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00:22:08
Goodbye. Here's my last one. This subject line is childhood magic with a twist. Hi, ladies.
00:22:16
First off, thank you for everything you do, especially for advocating mental health awareness and for the life-changing mantra, fuck politeness.
00:22:23
As a woman raised to keep things buttoned up and ladylike, this advice has been a game changer.
00:22:28
It's helped me grow into a badass mom who teaches her daughter to speak up, trust her gut, and take up space unapologetically.
00:22:35
Now on to my hometown-ish holiday tale. I've been listening since the beginning, and it's never occurred to me that this story might fall squarely into your wait-what category.
00:22:46
Did you know that was a category? No, but I love it. Wait, what? Back in the 80s when I was five or six, money was tight for our family like it was for a lot of people.
00:22:54
But my parents always went all out to make the holidays feel magical. One of our most sacred traditions was piling into the family truck after dark to go get the Christmas tree.
00:23:04
We'd bundle up, drive deep into the woods, and be told very seriously to stay quiet.
00:23:09
Then, without headlights, my parents would disappear into the trees and return, dragging the perfect pine.
00:23:15
Oh, no. Flash forward to college. I'm swapping holiday memories with my roommate.
00:23:20
She's telling sweet stories about baking shortbread cookies with her mom. and I'm like, oh, well, we used to drive into the woods at night without lights and whisper
00:23:27
while my parents cut down a tree. Her smile slowly morphed into confusion. That's when it hit me.
00:23:33
Oh my God, we were stealing Christmas trees. I didn't get it until I read that line.
00:23:39
No lights? I don't know about that. She laughed so hard she cried and I, mortified, immediately called my parents. They didn't even
00:23:47
try to deny it. In fact, they chuckled and said, well, yeah, but it was all fine, they reassured me.
00:23:53
because years later, my dad worked weekends at a tree farm, so in their minds, it was basically even.
00:23:59
I still love it. Oh, sincerely naive I was. My parents are strong, resourceful people who would do anything to make
00:24:05
sure that we had joyful memories, even if those memories came with a bit of a misdemeanor.
00:24:11
SSDGM and don't get caught stealing spruces, S. And then it says, P.S., keeping my full name off
00:24:17
this one, because who knows what the statute of limitations covers holiday tree heists from the
00:24:21
80s. I wonder, I'm wondering if it was like from the forest or from like a Christmas tree farm.
00:24:27
Yeah, it sounds to me like, like once I read all the way through, I was like, I bet they pulled up on like a little road next to the Christmas tree farm and then like cut through the fence.
00:24:36
Because I think they do extend past. I mean, that's how all the Christmas tree farms up were.
00:24:42
Yeah. Like if you worked there eventually, then there's a place to work because.
00:24:45
Yes. Okay. Yeah. All right. Gotta do what you gotta do. Right? Okay. Trash dad, parent story.
00:24:53
Hey, Murder Mavens. You have been such a constant in my life since 2016, and I'm so thankful for the laughs and
00:24:58
the reminders that I deserve to take up space in this increasingly wild world. An additional hello to Steven, the crew, and the critters.
00:25:06
If there are any young kids listening, might want to pause or skip this one. Yes.
00:25:11
But it's actually for a different reason. It's funny. It's about Santa Claus, everyone.
00:25:14
So if you pause it, if your kid loves him. Yeah, we're going to talk about his specific route.
00:25:18
Loves him. Yeah. Something you have to know about my father-in-law is that he is very dyslexic.
00:25:23
And at the time this story took place was a bit of a mostly functional alcoholic So it Christmas Eve in the late 90s and my mother has pristinely wrapped the family gifts and then passed them along to my father to
00:25:35
label and put under the tree. Shortly later, tasks completed, everyone headed to bed.
00:25:40
The next day on Christmas morning, my spouse, then about seven or eight, was excitedly unwrapping gifts. They grabbed the next gift, and my mother-in-law asked,
00:25:47
who's that one from? My spouse, um, Satan? Mother-in-law. What? Spouse showing mother-in-law the tag.
00:25:56
It says Satan. My mother-in-law then started looking at the tags on all of my spouse's gifts from Santa
00:26:03
and sees that her dyslexic husband, several beers deep, had misspelled Santa on most of the gifts,
00:26:09
making the devil seem like a very generous guy. That's how he gets you. That's right.
00:26:14
And that, my friends, is how my spouse found out the truth about Santa. So he believed.
00:26:21
Santa didn't spell his name wrong. friends. That's right. He would know how to spell it. That's right. Stay sexy and spell check the
00:26:27
gift tags. Lara rhymes with Sarah. She, her. Oh, my God. Yeah. Satan. A drunk dad being like,
00:26:37
there you go. Satan. Have fun. Love Satan. We hope you guys are having a good holiday. And thank you
00:26:42
for writing your stories and write them into my favorite murder at Gmail if you feel like it.
00:26:45
And this year, why don't you do some stuff that will then enable you to write in next year?
00:26:51
What are you going to do? Throw a box of nails at your nieces and nephews while they on the ground looking for candy Let us know We want another story Please don hurt anybody but make something happen Yeah And stay sexy And don get murdered Goodbye
00:27:06
Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah! towns to MyFavoriteMurder at gmail.com. Follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder.
00:27:29
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
00:27:34
podcasts. Or watch us on YouTube, search for My Favorite Murder, and then like and subscribe.
00:27:38
Goodbye. to the farm. Their hens have outdoor access year-round with fresh air and sunshine and
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forage on rotated pastures with local grasses. Every carton can be traced back to the farm it
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came from so you can see the pasture where the hens live by visiting vitalfarms.com.
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Look for the black carton in the egg aisle and visit vitalfarms.com to learn more.
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Vital Farms, good eggs, no shortcuts. Goodbye. Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever
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