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MFM Minisode 482

April 06, 2026 /

This episode of My Favorite Murder features stories about unexpected emergencies, online dating mishaps, and humorous childhood memories. Hosts Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgareff share listener emails that highlight strange and funny experiences.

The first story involves a babysitting incident where a girl mistakenly calls 911 while trying to reach the Jonas Brothers. The babysitter, after realizing the mistake, hangs up and unplugs the phones to avoid trouble. The next day, her grandmother's house is surrounded by police due to the call.

Another listener recounts a funeral where a guest named Fred collapses and requires medical attention, causing a surreal moment during the service. The story humorously reflects on the unexpected nature of life and death.

In a lighter tale, a listener shares their experience of online dating, leading to a marriage despite an awkward first date that took place during a power outage. They humorously reflect on the risks of inviting a stranger into their home.

TLDR

Listeners share funny and unexpected stories about emergencies, online dating, and humorous childhood memories.

Episode

27:47
00:00:00
This is exactly right. of AT&T, Verizon, and T-Mobile customers compared to 12 months on the Boost Mobile Unlimited Wireless plan
00:00:33
as of January 2026. For full offer details, visit BoostMobile.com. Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder.
00:00:55
That's Georgia Hardstark. That's Karen Kilgareff. This is the mini-sode. It's the mini-sode.
00:01:00
We don't do it this way. But we're doing it anyway. Listen, you don't tell us what we do or how we do it.
00:01:06
You just fucking do it. Can you tell that I blew dry my hair in the car with the windows rolled down today?
00:01:11
Because it's so hot in LA. It's curly. It's cute. It's so curly. I let it curl on up because I was like, I can't get it done.
00:01:18
I like that. Did you tell I didn't wash my hair for fucking days? Can you tell I'm living on dry shampoo?
00:01:24
You go first. Okay. I'm not going to read you the subject line of this email, Georgia.
00:01:27
I'm just going to start it. And it starts, Hello, MFM crew, pets included. I wanted to write in for a while, but I didn't have a story that I could tell,
00:01:35
mostly because those who told me their stories wouldn't give me permission. Fair.
00:01:40
My dad now retired from the U.S. government. Don't worry, I'm working on it. Oh, come on.
00:01:45
Due to my dad's job, my family and I moved around a lot while I was growing up. When I was in high school, we were living in Columbia.
00:01:51
Like many 15-year-olds, I was a babysitter at that time for a couple kids that lived in my building.
00:01:56
One night I was babysitting three kids and my two younger sisters. One of the kids asked me if we could do something fun.
00:02:02
The little girl who asked, nine years old, so classic. Can we do something fun? Then asked me in her cute little kid voice if we could call the Jonas Brothers.
00:02:14
I let her know that I did not personally know the Jonas Brothers and could not call them.
00:02:18
But she insisted. What was I to do? So the kids and I started Googling the Jonas Brothers phone numbers.
00:02:23
While I didn't actually expect their numbers to be on the internet, I did think at best we would run into a phone number that fans could call into, which I knew some bands had at one point in time.
00:02:34
At the worst, we would prank call somebody, which is also fun. That's when you're getting your babysitter hat on.
00:02:41
But no, Karen and Georgia, neither of these scenarios was what happened next. After 10 to 15 minutes of Googling and finding a fan page with no phone number, we finally found a thread of fan discussions on what I know now to be good old Reddit.
00:02:54
There was a listed number where fans call in and leave messages. So I dialed the 10-digit phone number, ending in 911.
00:03:01
No, it did not ring alarm bells to me, pun intended, that the last three digits were 911.
00:03:06
However, when the woman on the other end answered the phone saying, 911, what's your emergency?
00:03:11
I knew I made a mistake. So like any kid would, I hung up and told the little girl it was a wrong number and we should go watch a movie instead.
00:03:19
Oops. Yep. Don't take care of it. Run away. But then the phone started ringing. I yelled to my sisters in the other room not to answer it, but it went off again.
00:03:28
Oh, my God. I looked at the 11-year-old brother who, unlike the little ones, knew the mistake we had made.
00:03:34
Now it's we. I had no other choice but to run around the house and unplug each landline Skype phone.
00:03:41
You're just compounding. it. I had no other choice. I had no other choice. I had no other choice is the beginning of
00:03:47
everybody's autobiography of fucked up shit they did or just like you had literally a million other
00:03:53
choices. Karen. After that, we watched a movie and pretended the events of the evening never
00:03:58
happened. My parents and the kids' parents came home shortly after and everything was fine. No one
00:04:02
said anything about our night's activities and I plugged the phones back in before going to bed.
00:04:07
I want to note that while living overseas, we did in fact have a phone with a U.S. number.
00:04:11
It was a Skype phone with a U.S. number attached to it. Now, in order to have a U.S.-based number, it has to be connected to a U.S. address.
00:04:19
So the next morning, my mother sat down at the dining room table after getting off the phone and turned to my dad and sisters and I saying,
00:04:26
The most wild thing happened. When Grandma got home from ballet last night, the police were surrounding her house.
00:04:31
Oh, no. Back in the U.S.? Oh, no. I had forgotten that the address attached to our phone was my grandmother's.
00:04:39
The police asked if she was all right, saying a 911 call had been tracked back to her address.
00:04:44
Luckily, my grandma had been out all evening, so they just chalked it up to a misunderstanding.
00:04:48
Hold on. Grandma was at ballet? Grandma was at ballet, if not teaching ballet class.
00:04:53
She's probably a young grandma, a young hip grandma, a young hip hop. I bet she has hip hop on Tuesdays, ballet on Wednesdays.
00:05:01
Modern jazz on Thursdays. Zumba. Zumba Fridays. And then it's church all weekend.
00:05:09
I bet you're wondering if in that moment I confessed to the call. No, of course I didn't.
00:05:13
It was only many years later as an adult drinking wine with my parents that I told them the real story of what happened.
00:05:20
They took it well, but that could have been the wine. Thank you for all that you and the Exactly Right team do.
00:05:25
And shout out to my friend Leah, who I got hooked on to the podcast. It's not a thank you to Leah for getting them hooked on the podcast.
00:05:32
It's a you're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome, Leah. Stay sexy and don't Google celebrity phone numbers.
00:05:36
They're almost always wrong. Kendall. Some fucker put that number in Reddit and was like call this number try here
00:05:43
911 I definitely called new kids on the block You know 900 line when I was a kid and definitely got in trouble for that
00:05:50
What did you think you wanted to talk about or say I thought they fall in love with me if they knew they didn know about me yet So they hadn fallen in love with me but if they finally knew about me yeah then they be in love with me They would finally know the personality that they were waiting for Right And it like this whole time you been writing songs about me and you didn even know it
00:06:07
You know, I don't let them know. Let me solve your yearning issue. The songs won't even be necessary anymore.
00:06:14
Surprise, it's me. I'm wearing fucking bicycle shorts and a fucking... And a choker.
00:06:19
No, no, this is Little Georgia. Oversized water park shirt. What was that one shirt called?
00:06:24
Hypercolor shirt. Oh, yes. Okay. For the first time ever in my life, actually, I have reading glasses.
00:06:33
I'm the last of my family, the last Jewish person to get. Let's build it up a little bit.
00:06:38
Ladies and gentlemen, Georgia Hardstark is going from 2020 vision to now, what is it, 2035?
00:06:46
Does it go higher or lower? I think it goes higher. It's still really good, but it's just not good enough.
00:06:52
Maybe 2040? Yeah. So here we go. If you just work on it, maybe you can get back.
00:06:57
How do you clean these? You wipe them on your T-shirt is what I would say, but that any optometrist would be furious that I would be saying.
00:07:04
If I look stupid, I won't wear them because that's what I care about. Whoa, I can see.
00:07:11
Right? Holy shit. Glasses work. I'm not going to read you the subject line, but it's fucked up.
00:07:19
Oh, don't look. Podcast besties. I've never really considered writing in, but when this happened, I needed to tell you.
00:07:29
My dad, Leroy, died a few weeks ago. He was 87. We weren't close. Oh, okay. This person doesn't care.
00:07:37
My parents divorced when I was eight, and he'd been remarried to my stepmom for over 20 years.
00:07:41
And while I would see them once or twice a year, we didn't impact each other's daily lives.
00:07:46
Well, best case scenario for a grief situation. Right. Anyone can be a parent. Cut to my dad's funeral.
00:07:51
I had barely walked in and signed the guest book when an older gentleman just behind me, reading my name, boomed, you're Adam?
00:07:58
And shook my hand to introduce himself and his wife. I'm Fred. I was a coworker and friend of your dad's.
00:08:05
I could hardly get a word in. He enthusiastically told me work stories and how the two couples had traveled to the British Virgin Islands and sailed a catamaran together.
00:08:14
Fred was excited to send me his photos once he got home, so he typed his email address into my phone and I pushed send.
00:08:19
I excused myself to visit with a parade of long unseen relatives making my way into the chapel, my dad's open casket at the head of the room.
00:08:27
As the service began, I settled into the front row seat next to my siblings. The chaplain called for anyone who'd like to speak and Fred stepped forward.
00:08:36
This is a celebration, he proclaimed, followed by his work and catamaran stories.
00:08:40
Fred mentioned how he and my dad would often meet up for lunch to one up each other's travel stories.
00:08:46
his speech closed with, Godspeed, Leroy, and hold the door open for the rest of us.
00:08:52
Fred walked back to his seat a few rows behind me. My stepmom followed and had only taken the podium for a few minutes
00:08:58
when a series of loud and terrible noises echoed. Then it says, yak, yak, yak. The service halted and everyone's head turned towards the sound.
00:09:09
Is Fred okay? My stepmom asked to the bewildered room. Fred had slumped forward in his pew and the noises had stopped.
00:09:18
Subdued panic ensued. Two men lifted and carried Fred to the central aisle between the pews, laid him on the floor and started CPR as we waited for paramedics to arrive.
00:09:28
Oh, no. Fred was unresponsive. This is called death at a funeral. Oh, my. Okay. I'm so sorry.
00:09:36
I was confused because when you said yak, yak, yak, I thought Fred was like heckling the stepmother where I'm like, well, that's right.
00:09:42
Yes. Oh, my God. A trio of paramedics assembled a stretcher under Fred and placed a compression machine over his chest and started an IV.
00:09:51
As the medics wheeled Fred down the aisle, his wife yelled, don't stop that machine.
00:09:56
And they were all gone, leaving us mourners paralyzed in shock. What would you even do?
00:10:02
Right. I looked at the funeral home employees for guidance, wondering, do we keep going?
00:10:06
Do we reschedule the funeral? How long do we have this place for? Is there a funeral after us?
00:10:10
A cousin took the podium and took charge, and the funeral was back on track. Following more speeches, prayers, and songs, my dad's casket was wheeled into the back of a hearse.
00:10:21
As the chaplain was giving the final prayer for my father at the gravesite, he announced that we would also have a separate prayer for Fred, who didn't make it.
00:10:30
Oh, my God. He followed. He's like, I'm going to leave the door open for us. And Leroy was like, got you.
00:10:35
And if it was a movie, he would be walking back to his seat and like sit down and be like, hey, buddy.
00:10:41
And he'd be like, what? I did what you asked. Be careful what you wish for. I guess Fred had pulled the ultimate one up on my dad by all caps dying at his funeral.
00:10:52
God damn. Because remember he was saying how they do one up stories about their trips?
00:10:56
Yeah. The ultimate trip. The ultimate trip. I hope my dad, quote, held the door open for him.
00:11:01
The last email in my phone was to Fred, who had promised to send me photos. A somber reminder that time is never guaranteed.
00:11:09
Stay sexy and hold the door open. Adam, he, him. Adam. Like, oh, my God. I love that this happened.
00:11:17
And the first thing he thought was, I have to tell Karen and Georgia about it. It's my favorite.
00:11:21
I mean, I would say absolutely that funeral goes on. Yeah. Because that isn't the thing that's finalizing and making anything.
00:11:30
Right. It's just an observation and you're still you're observing it maybe even more.
00:11:34
And he wasn't dead yet. Like he wasn't fully pronounced dead. Yeah. So you got to keep going.
00:11:39
You just got to keep going in the gray. Adam's dad gave him a gift when he left, which is a story for the minisode.
00:11:45
A story. But then also it is a nice idea because I've heard many and like even in our family stories about people coming to get other people.
00:11:54
So you know Fred got picked up Totally I love it What if he like you know I can go It my funeral I sitting over here trying to listen to my compliments
00:12:06
Okay. The subject line of this email is red flags and online dating. Greetings to Frank and only Frank.
00:12:14
About six years ago, I was engaged in the world of online dating. And then in parentheses, it says, yikes.
00:12:20
99% of the time, I did all the smart things. Only meet in public places. don't tell people my number or address until I get to know them in person,
00:12:28
have an escape plan, etc. Then I started talking to this one guy, and we hit it off instantly.
00:12:33
After only about two days of messaging, I threw all caution to the wind. That's what people do.
00:12:39
Yeah, love. For some reason, I decided that our first date should be at my house.
00:12:47
I told him my address. I know. I mean, that's the thing, though. It's like, you're positive.
00:12:52
Yeah. I told him my address. We exchanged numbers and I offered to make a fancy dinner.
00:12:56
I mean, in all the playbooks, you're doing this as wrong as you can. Third date, at least.
00:13:02
And you don't cook. No. Relevant information. I live in farm country. Between my house and the paved road are sprawling acres of corn and soybeans on one side of the gravel driveway and dense woods, perfect for burying evidence on the other.
00:13:17
The cell service is iffy at best. This is a fucking horror movie. My date arrived just before dusk, called nervously from my driveway, and I literally said,
00:13:25
ha ha, this is creepy. Please don't be a murderer. He pulled up and I cheerfully invited him inside.
00:13:31
At that exact moment, as though we were in the opening act of a horror movie, the power
00:13:36
on the entire property went out. A sane person would have gotten right the fuck out of there, but instead we stood outside
00:13:43
awkwardly and visited my goats until it got too dark to see. He was clearly about to leave when the power came back on.
00:13:50
I casually said, great, come on in and we'll have dinner. Just rolling with whatever the electricity wants you to do.
00:13:57
He agreed, but as I recall, it was a very quiet meal. To this day, I still don't know what was wrong with either of us.
00:14:03
And of course, I would never do this in a post-MFM world. Yeah, I mean, hey, that feels good.
00:14:09
Anyway, we got married this past January and just so perfectly done. I love it. Just well done.
00:14:15
And despite our many bizarre hobbies, neither of us has turned out to be a catfishing murderer yet.
00:14:20
Thanks for everything you do. I finally started going to therapy a year ago. Thanks in part to your show.
00:14:25
Stay sexy. And if you're going to lure a stranger into a dark cornfield, make sure it's your soulmate.
00:14:30
Casey Norton. Thank you for a beautiful email, Casey Norton. Casey, you still don't know if it's a long con.
00:14:37
You know? You sap. You fell for it. You're in the five-year scheme. That's right.
00:14:42
The five-year serial killer. Okay. I'm not going to redo this one. This feels good.
00:14:49
I feel smart. You're going to start finessing how you take them off and put them back on.
00:14:53
I'm going to rip them off. Yep. Bill O'Reilly. Glasses companies who want to sponsor us.
00:15:00
Hi, I'm a long-time listener, full-time lover of the pod. Six years ago, I moved from rural Massachusetts to New Orleans to escape my abusive ex and start over.
00:15:10
One night after a lovely evening with friends, it was time to head home. I got in my car but hadn't locked the doors.
00:15:16
I turned up my music pretty loud and was in my own world, unaware someone had been watching me.
00:15:22
A moment later, a man in a face mask opened my passenger door, jumped in, held a gun to my side, and demanded everything I had.
00:15:31
I guess I was pretty fed up with brazen men that year, so I began screaming profanities at him with an intensity and volume neither of us expected.
00:15:40
This is called What Not to Do During a Carjacking. That's right. Is the subject line of this one.
00:15:44
He began screaming back, demanding my cell phone. It was a crappy old Android, but I was so broke and had just paid it off.
00:15:51
So I yelled, fuck you. No, I need this phone. After more yelling, he gave up on the phone and demanded my wallet.
00:15:58
I yelled that I had no cash and I was just going to cancel my credit cards anyway.
00:16:03
We both continued screaming at each other. We were married this past January. And now I was nearly blacked out on adrenaline and Taylor Swift's I think he knows was still blasting full volume.
00:16:18
That's very creepy. It was all pretty overstimulating to say the least. When I got not carjacked but like harassed by this like this driver, it was like a road rage thing where he came at me.
00:16:30
I hadn't like turned down what I was listening to. So Tina Fey's memoir. Bossy pants.
00:16:37
blasting on the video. I'm taking video of him because I'm terrified. And all you hear is Tina
00:16:41
Faye's bossy pants just blasting. She's like, no crying in the workplace. Yeah. My brain finally
00:16:48
engaged. And I thought, girl, what are you doing arguing with this man? Just get out of the car.
00:16:52
So I pushed open my door and ran about 30 feet before I realized he wasn't following me. He just
00:16:57
wanted my car. I stopped and watched him slide into the driver's seat, ready to see my beloved
00:17:02
old Honda peel away, but nothing happened. I heard the grinding of gears and realized
00:17:07
he can't drive a stick shift. Do you think you'd check that first? A carjacker would.
00:17:13
I think it's like this assumed thing, like they're so rare anymore. Carjackers, write it right in and let us know what your tips and tricks are.
00:17:19
Let us know how you make these decisions. He jumped out of the car, screamed, you can have it and sprinted away into the night. This is so
00:17:25
funny, but this is so terrifying and awful. Lock your door the minute you get in, drive away. Don't
00:17:29
If someone wants your car, give them your fucking car. Give them your car, your phone, your wallet.
00:17:34
Don't fight. It's not cute to scream. No. But that's a—I like that this person is like, I did it wrong, and there's other things going on, like an adrenaline rush.
00:17:42
Like, this is a situation where you can't always control and make those decisions.
00:17:46
The subject line is literally what not to do during car jacking, so they know. I called 911 because it seemed like the right thing to do but it New Orleans so it rang for quite a while until a nice lady picked up After I explained what happened the dispatcher laughed and said So he didn take anything and you not hurt and he gone OK my baby well you have a good night And that was that That so New Orleans baby
00:18:06
A couple of days later, I saw an advisory story on the news about how to survive a carjacking.
00:18:11
For future reference, you should stay calm and not resist, especially if they have a weapon.
00:18:16
And a gun. So I can't recommend my method. I know I was lucky to get out unharmed except for some light trauma to add to my collection.
00:18:24
Stay sexy. Lock your doors. And if you're going to do crime, at least learn how to drive a stick.
00:18:28
A in New Orleans. Hey, you're so right. And you know what sucks about that, too, is like we're correcting it on that side.
00:18:36
But we're also not. A's experience is horrifying and not their fault. And you know what I mean?
00:18:41
Totally. Being in that situation, you're not going like, well, I'm going to either choose A or B.
00:18:46
It's like you just kind of have a reaction. I mean, it's all on Taylor Swift. It really comes back.
00:18:51
And when the lawsuit is served. Right, to us for saying that, for defamation. Directly to us.
00:18:59
Okay, my last one is a delight. I'm not going to read you the subject line. It says, hello, chickadees.
00:19:04
I love you, but I hope you already know that. Okay, on to the story. Perfect. When I was nine years old, my brother entered a contest on something called Speaker's Corner in Vancouver, British Columbia.
00:19:15
Now, I heard about these from my Canadian friends when they moved to L.A. in the 90s.
00:19:20
Was it an old school thing? It's an old school thing from the news, but then they also did it on Much Music, which is Canada's MTV.
00:19:28
Okay, so listen to this. Speaker's Corner. We had Speaker's Corner booths all over Vancouver and the surrounding suburbs.
00:19:35
They kind of look like ATMs, and you'd put in a toonie, a $2 Canadian coin, and record a message into the booth for 60 seconds.
00:19:43
Okay. So you just basically got to go in there and be like, here's how I feel. Highlights from the Speaker's Corner booths aired on a TV show on our local news station every Friday night.
00:19:53
You'd get a nice mixture of drunk women in BCBG skirts, mediocre guitar playing, and people passing on messages to their grandmas.
00:20:00
That's cute. And then it says, it was a big deal. I would watch that show all day and night.
00:20:05
Yeah. The news station announced a contest to celebrate the opening of the Tower of Terror ride at Disneyland.
00:20:11
To enter the contest, you had to record a video at Speaker's Corner pretending that you just got off the ride talking about what the trip was like.
00:20:19
The winner would get an all-expense paid trip to Disneyland for their family on opening weekend of the ride.
00:20:25
Then come on the local morning show following the trip and report back. That's huge.
00:20:30
My brother decided to enter, so he went to the mall, got ice cream from the food court, and then got down to business.
00:20:35
My 12-year-old brother approached the booth with chocolate ice cream smeared across his face.
00:20:39
He put in his toonie, waited for the recording countdown, then proceeded to say, wow, I just got off the Tower of Terror at Disneyland.
00:20:46
And man, if your favorite saying is the family that barfs together stays together, you will love this ride.
00:20:52
OK, bye. That was his message. Fast forward a month or so, and the news station called my mom to share that my brother had made it to the top 10.
00:21:02
And the winner would be announced the next morning. We woke up early, sat right in front of our TV, and waited for them to air the 10 best submissions.
00:21:10
To our surprise, there was no top 10. They just said, and the winner is, and his video flashed across the screen.
00:21:16
Oh, my God. My brother won. We couldn't believe it. He was a local celebrity. And then it just says, barf, kid.
00:21:24
We were flown from Vancouver to Anaheim, put up at the Disneyland Hotel, which is the best.
00:21:30
And we got to experience the park for the first time. We were camping kids and hadn't stayed at a hotel that wasn't a Best Western before that trip, so this was a big deal.
00:21:40
Before the park opened, a little old man walked us up to the front gates, took out a key, and let us in.
00:21:46
What kind of Willy Wonka fucking bullshit is that? Have you ever gotten to do that?
00:21:51
No. You're a citizen of Anaheim. I've gotten kicked out of Disneyland. They escorted me out, not in.
00:21:57
Ma'am, the park was completely empty except for us and the camera crew. My brother started to get super nervous.
00:22:05
He wasn't sure if he wanted to ride it, especially with a camera in his face and the looming possibility of actual barf.
00:22:11
He finally got up the courage to get on the ride, and he did not barf, but he didn't ride it again.
00:22:16
It is a really good ride. Yeah, it is. When we returned from the trip, he was a guest on the morning news show.
00:22:21
The anchor asked him what he thought of Tower of Terror, clearly hoping that he'd give it a rave review.
00:22:26
He took a breath, looked at the camera and said, eh, it wasn't for me. I did a little reenactment.
00:22:34
Yeah, that was great. It wasn't for me. A 12-year-old boy. A 12-year-old boy. We went back to Disneyland years later without the cameras and back at old faithful Best Western.
00:22:44
And we all rode Tower of Terror about six times in a row. We loved it. Maybe it is true that the family that almost barfs together stays together.
00:22:52
Stay sexy and don't be afraid to make your TV debut with ice cream on your face.
00:22:56
Fiona. Wow. That's such a great gimmick. I love that. So smart. So smart and so cute.
00:23:04
And it's so like, yeah, you got kids need to remember for stuff like that. If they're giving away a trip, get in there.
00:23:10
They want to give it to a kid. They do. Totally. They don't want to give it to some fucking 23-year-old drunk guys.
00:23:16
Yeah. Or some mom who's like, I'm going to choreograph a dance and we'll all do it as a family.
00:23:21
Okay. Not going to read you this. Dear Karen in Georgia, this is a story about my stepdad, Joe.
00:23:27
Joe is a, and then it's in title font, snack enthusiast. Me too. Me too. Always having a chocolate bar or a bag of crisps shoved down the side of the sofa.
00:23:37
And it says, one time as a teenager, I got off the couch and had a whole twick stuck to my thigh.
00:23:41
Sorry, stuck to my tights. Gross. I disagree. It's exciting. It could be a lot worse than that.
00:23:49
Candy. Yeah, for real. He also has a million stories about almost being jumped in Glasgow in the 80s.
00:23:55
And this one is my favorite. Glasgow in the 80s was a dangerous fucking place to go.
00:24:00
to be. Listen, there's some of the best people in the world in Glasgow, but they were having a
00:24:04
serious heroin problem around that time. Heroin and British people problem. Yeah. Yeah. They were
00:24:10
not happy about either of them. One night when he was in his early 20s, he was walking home through
00:24:14
a bad area and bought a Mars bar for the journey. And then it says, I believe UK Mars bar equals US
00:24:21
Milky Way. That's correct. I can confirm. Okay. Unwrapping the Mars bar, he noticed a group of
00:24:26
people up ahead, but only realized too late that they were the type to land you in the hospital for
00:24:30
literally any reason if you encountered them. Hooligans, what? Hooligans, and also just to give
00:24:36
a little perspective, and I've probably said this already, but I did get to live in Glasgow for three
00:24:41
months. And there is a thing there with the young people when they would go out to clubs,
00:24:46
you didn't wear a jacket no matter how cold it was outside. You had to look like hard,
00:24:51
like you could just withstand the weather. So girls would be standing outside in like 40 degree
00:24:55
whether in, you know, just like standing there in their dress, like acting like they weren't cold.
00:25:00
Did you see a lot of fights Oh yeah I mean the post club scene at the local Chinese place was incredible Wow Incredible viewing Oh my God Amazing So they became aware of him and started circling and hurling abuse at him
00:25:15
Joe, knowing that he was minutes from having his head kicked in, felt his legs turn to stone and he could not move.
00:25:22
They accused Joe of getting with one of their girlfriends so that they had an excuse to jump him.
00:25:27
Unable to speak, Joe just kept on eating his Mars bar. Now, Joe has a very specific way of eating a Mars bar that begins with him nibbling the chocolate off all the sides like a beaver, then peeling the caramel off with his teeth before eating the remaining nougat.
00:25:43
That's how I eat Twix. Do you? Yeah. Layer by layer. Only alone. I won't do it fucking in front of anyone.
00:25:50
So this is what he did while this pack of hounds harassed him. Suddenly, miraculously, the guys backed down and slouched off, probably to go beat up some other sucker.
00:26:01
And after finally getting feeling back in his legs, Joe ran straight home. So he just standing there eating this morning bar The next morning he was walking through the Baras a big market in the east end of Glasgow The Baras Baras Where he kept passing people who shot him a big thumbs up
00:26:18
and nods of respect. He had no idea what they were doing and just shrugged it off until he met
00:26:23
a friend that exclaimed, you're a mad bastard when he saw Joe. Confused, Joe asked him what
00:26:28
the fuck he was talking about. His friend replied, quote, eating a Mars bar like that when you're
00:26:33
about to get jumped! Apparently when Joe didn't respond to their taunts and kept on eating his chocolate bar
00:26:40
like a beaver, the group had decided he was a stone cold psychopath who wasn't worth crossing
00:26:46
and bounced before he did them any damage before going on to tell everyone in town that
00:26:51
he was not to be messed with. Yes. Ideal situation. I know. Joe felt like a local celebrity all morning and he got to keep his kneecaps all around
00:27:01
a great day, I imagine. Good job on the pod. Heart, SSDGM. Good job on the pod. Martha.
00:27:08
God, Martha, thank you. Tell Joe we say good job. Just hi Hi What up Also if you were from Glasgow and you want to tell us what it was really like in the 80s because we don really know what we talking about we that always a given
00:27:23
and we would love to hear I mean any stories of any kind at my favorite murder at gmail
00:27:28
send them in to us we need them please this is what happens this is what it is and we can't do it
00:27:33
without you yeah good job on the pod stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie?
00:27:40
Ah! When you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show.
00:28:15
Goodbye.

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

  • 70
    Funniest
  • 60
    Most shocking
  • 60
    Most unserious (in a good way)

Episode Highlights

  • Unexpected 911 Call
    A babysitting adventure takes a wild turn when a call to 911 leads to chaos.
    “I knew I made a mistake.”
    @ 03m 11s
    April 06, 2026
  • Death at a Funeral
    A funeral takes a shocking turn when a guest collapses, leading to unexpected chaos.
    “This is called death at a funeral.”
    @ 09m 33s
    April 06, 2026
  • Online Dating Horror Story
    A woman recounts a terrifying online date that almost turned deadly.
    “This is called What Not to Do During a Carjacking.”
    @ 15m 42s
    April 06, 2026
  • Brother Wins Disneyland Contest
    A young boy's humorous video entry wins a trip to Disneyland.
    “Oh, my God. My brother won.”
    @ 21m 16s
    April 06, 2026
  • Exclusive Disneyland Access
    The family experiences a private entrance to Disneyland before it opens.
    “What kind of Willy Wonka fucking bullshit is that?”
    @ 21m 40s
    April 06, 2026
  • Honest Review on Morning Show
    The brother's unexpected response to the ride on live TV.
    “Eh, it wasn't for me.”
    @ 22m 26s
    April 06, 2026

Episode Quotes

  • Oops.
    MFM Minisode 482
  • Oh, my God.
    MFM Minisode 482
  • Oh, no. Back in the U.S.? Oh, no.
    MFM Minisode 482
  • Stay sexy and don't Google celebrity phone numbers.
    MFM Minisode 482
  • Eh, it wasn't for me.
    MFM Minisode 482
  • That's such a great gimmick.
    MFM Minisode 482

Key Moments

  • Prank Call Chaos03:11
  • Funeral Shock09:33
  • Online Dating Mistake15:42
  • Contest Announcement20:05
  • Top 10 Surprise21:02
  • Winning Moment21:16
  • Private Disneyland Access21:40
  • Family Reunion at Disneyland22:49

Tension Over Time

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown