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00:01:10
Own the dream. This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
00:01:16
This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. You know when people try a new food and suddenly it's like,
00:01:21
okay, hold on. I got a new favorite food. That's the reaction a lot of people are having
00:01:27
when they first try Kewpie mayo. Yeah, it's the one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle.
00:01:32
You've probably seen it at the grocery store. And this mayo is different. Most mayonnaise uses whole eggs.
00:01:38
Kewpie only uses egg yolks, which gives it this rich umami flavor. It's smoother, deeper, almost buttery.
00:01:43
Once people try it, they start putting it on everything. Egg sandwiches, fries, burgers.
00:01:48
Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. People who really care about flavor use it. Put it on just about anything.
00:01:53
Then you'll understand. Kewpie, the original Japanese mayonnaise. Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, the minis.
00:02:18
That's right. We read you your stories. Your stories. I want you to go down like this is a play and I keep forgetting a line.
00:02:25
You know, in cartoons where there's a person in like a little half shell that's like whispering lines to people.
00:02:31
That's to me what that hand is. We're just like, not the normal. Not the other. Do this hand.
00:02:36
And then this is. Yeah. And then the end. I think you go first on this one. Regular old mini sound.
00:02:42
Let's do this. OK. Sail by salute. Washington State Fairy Edition. Hello, Karen, Georgia, and all of my other MFM besties.
00:02:54
When I heard episode 524 about the Costa Concordia and how the captain did the sail by salute to impress a woman, and then it says, sir, with this emoji, I immediately thought of the Pacific Northwest version of this exact nonsense and knew I had to share our much less tragic story with you.
00:03:13
I live way out on a tiny island in Washington State's San Juan Islands, about 90 minutes north of Seattle.
00:03:20
God, it's so beautiful. The most beautiful, like, what a place, what a gift to live there.
00:03:26
A quiet, ferry-dependent archipelagio. Is that right? Yeah, it is. Where nothing crazy ever happens except deer jumping fences to mow down entire gardens or the occasional trespassing tourist.
00:03:38
Which is why this story lives on in local legend. Back in 1983, the Washington State Ferry Elwha was doing a normal Sunday run through the islands.
00:03:49
Think people heading home, cars packed with island essentials, and tourists scanning the horizon of the Solish Sea for our beautiful resident orcas.
00:03:58
I love an orca. Were they trying to kill billionaires? Is that why they were up there?
00:04:03
Beautiful resident orcas. Meanwhile, the 57-year-old captain of the Elwha ferry invites a female passenger up for a tour of the vessel's wheelhouse for the hour or so sailing.
00:04:15
Has a ferry captain ever invited you up into the wheelhouse? I've never been on a fucking ferry or a fucking ship.
00:04:22
No. We got to get you a ship. Get me on a ship. You'd love it. No, I get so sick.
00:04:27
Get your own. After a while, the captain began joking about taking a little detour in order to sail by the lovely passengers home as they approached the mouth of the aptly named Grindstone Harbor on Orca's Island, where she recited.
00:04:41
She was like, oh, I live over there. And he was like, let's drive by and do a salute.
00:04:45
Even though we're on a ferry where there's all these passengers and commuters. That's right.
00:04:49
That's called common sense, Karen. But I wonder what's in his little flask, you know.
00:04:54
At the time, the passenger thinks he's joking, as such a detour would put the Elwha way off course.
00:05:00
He is, in fact, not joking. And when she realized he was serious, her daughter later said she began to freak out.
00:05:06
Because suddenly this man is steering an entire 382-foot ferry into a harbor that it absolutely should not be entering at full speed.
00:05:17
Because nothing is more impressively flirtatious than would you like to see your home from a dangerously questionable distance?
00:05:24
Moments later, the Elwha slammed into a submerged reef in Grindstone Harbor. They hit so hard that people a mile away could hear it.
00:05:33
The ferry's hull ripped open, causing around $250,000 in damages. That's over. How much in today's money?
00:05:40
In today's money, this happened in the 90s? This happened in 83. Oh, 83. Say the number again, 200 and...
00:05:48
250,000. And thank you because Kelly put how much it is in today's money. 600,000?
00:05:52
700, but close. Getting closer. Yes that was like in the ballpark And because we don have time for that kind of shit here the ferry continued on limping its way to Shaw Island and then to Orca Island where it was patched up before heading to Seattle for more permanent repairs
00:06:09
So it actually was such a strong ferry. It kind of made it out of there anyway. It was like, all good.
00:06:14
Let's just keep going. Get this over with. What about all the people on the ferry whose teeth hit the window or whatever?
00:06:21
Thankfully, no one was hurt. Except for that one lady. In the incident. But here's the fucked up part.
00:06:27
Ready for the fucked up part? The recently widowed passenger, the woman, and longtime Orcas Island resident who was invited into the wheelhouse that day was dubbed the Siren of the San Juans.
00:06:38
Always the woman. It says the Siren. As if this woman was just out there luring this dumbass like, little more to the left, Captain.
00:06:47
And then there's some like music notes. Little more to the left, Captain. That's her song.
00:06:55
She thought this man was joking and then got sucked into a situation she had zero control over.
00:07:00
Somehow she got labeled. Her reputation was questioned. And she was turned into a main character of this crazy story.
00:07:07
Not quite the classic victim blaming, but definitely it's weird maritime cousin.
00:07:12
I think it is. How is that happen every time? It's like the same thing where it's like Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem are being brought up on charges.
00:07:21
fucking pedophiles the worst of the worst whose names are there and their emails
00:07:29
that they sent are there and yet nothing and they're on the news babbling incoherently
00:07:35
and they don't even fucking they disclose the victims names when they fucking put the documents
00:07:41
out which is like literally illegal literally that's not what you're supposed to be doing
00:07:47
when they take the names out and they put in the they just distract from the siren of the seas
00:07:53
is the headline under which we have been living and 2026 is when this whole thing
00:07:59
cracks like that fucking fairy because enough already and everyone has their eyes on it
00:08:05
and everyone's paying attention. Not to say listen, send both Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi
00:08:11
goodbye. But let's go from the top instead of the fucking bottom. Boys first. Start it at the
00:08:17
bottom and then you're not even going up here. Okay. And then it says, of course, the captain lost his job after over 30 years with Washington State Ferries.
00:08:27
And then it says, goodbye. Bye. And by all accounts, the female passenger's family seems to be able to laugh about it now, although none of them found it funny at the time.
00:08:37
I wonder if when Siren of the San Juans article came out, her picture was in it.
00:08:42
Probably. And her name and address, like from the 80s. Oh, yeah, that's right. From this, here's her phone number.
00:08:47
Yeah. They used to do that, you guys. They used to just give out, like, if someone's getting an award or won something.
00:08:52
Chris Fairbanks, as a child, had his name and address printed in their local newspaper.
00:08:58
Like, soccer star Chris Fairbanks. And then they put the child address in there.
00:09:02
Yeah. Go visit them, pervs. Where are we? Goodbye. It's funny. Anyways, stay sexy and don't let a man blame you for crashing a ferry, question mark.
00:09:14
XOXO. And thank you eternally for all you do, Kelly. P.S. I celebrated my 27th year as a flight attendant on March 15th.
00:09:21
You've been asking for those stories lately, so fasten your seatbelts and expect to hear from me again.
00:09:26
Kelly. Kelly's good. That was only the first one. Thank you, Kelly, for sparking and igniting our new show.
00:09:35
Sirens of San Juan. The McNail Lairer News Hour. Okay. I'm not going to read you the subject line.
00:09:42
It just says, Dear Karen in Georgia, long-time listener, devoted acolyte. You recently mentioned parts of the Golden State Killer timeline that snapped a 30-year-old memory into focus.
00:09:53
A little Googling and some deeply unwelcome pattern recognition later, I'm fairly certain Joseph D'Angelo was in my bedroom closet in the fall of 1983.
00:10:02
Fuck. I fucking love these stories. Oh, my. I mean, I hate them. But when you have that realization that, oh, that thing happened, I found the rope that one time under my couch and there shouldn't have been a rope there, but I couldn't figure out why.
00:10:14
OK, please. Sorry. Go. No, no, that is, I think of the Golden State Killer's whole story.
00:10:20
Him hiding shit in the furniture to come back later is so upsetting. Diabolical and upsetting.
00:10:27
Demonic. Demonic. Like, okay. And then stealing one earring and you're like, where'd that one earring go?
00:10:34
That doesn't make any sense. It's mind fuckery like days before you're going to do the worst thing you can do to people.
00:10:39
You're not going to call the cops and be like, I think someone was in here. Yeah, no.
00:10:42
What'd they do? You lost an earring. Oh, my God. No, he just is starting to rip the seam of, am I okay?
00:10:50
Right. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, okay. And perfect point, because listen to this. We had just moved to Woodland Hills, foothills, middle-class suburbia, easy access to the 101, and backyards attached to long corridors of green space.
00:11:04
I was 15, and yes, Karen, yes, I was a latchkey kid. Georgia was too. I was too.
00:11:10
One afternoon, I came home to find that we'd been burglarized. But it was a weird one.
00:11:15
The expensive stereo, still there. Valuables, untouched. What was missing? My dad's wedding band.
00:11:22
My mom's diamondless engagement ring, which had lost its diamond long ago during a diaper change.
00:11:29
Oh, God. Okay. Resale value zero, symbolism 100. And a single $20 bill from my bedroom.
00:11:37
Cue teenage fury. Also missing, my dad's enormous, very sharp chef's knife. Oh. But it wasn't stolen.
00:11:45
It was placed pointy and out on a shelf in my closet. Goodbye. Never going in there again.
00:11:54
Oh my God Yeah just cemented over At the time my parents assumed the rings were taken for gold value No one was publicly talking yet about a man who targeted wedding symbols and piggy banks
00:12:05
and moved through suburban neighborhoods via freeway corridors. True to his MO, we also received a series of hang-up calls.
00:12:13
Heavy breathing, then a click. I carelessly assumed it was some random creep who kept redialing because I kept answering,
00:12:19
not someone from my closet. it. Today, following standard MFM advice, I called my dad. I laid out my case. There was a long pause.
00:12:29
It was like six O's. Then he said, well, it is true. There was a rash of similar break-ins all
00:12:35
over the neighborhood at the time. Jesus. The Golden State Killer was documented in Ventura
00:12:40
County in 1981 and Orange County in 1986. Woodland Hills is right in the middle of it, right?
00:12:46
Right. Woodland Hill sits neatly between them with the 101 running straight. Shit. If you call Paul Holes and say, like, I bet they have those two rings still in evidence.
00:12:57
Oh, yeah. Right. Right. Also, it's so creepy. Just go into people's houses and touch the things that are like, this means love.
00:13:05
This means family. Just like I know the confusion and fear I'm going to put in your mind.
00:13:11
Yeah. OK. Back in 83, my dad's response to the incident was to buy a Labrador. That's great.
00:13:20
Knowing now that D'Angelo famously avoided homes with dogs, I give full credit to Oreo for saving our lives.
00:13:27
Oreo cookie. So thank you for giving me the framework to retroactively terrify myself and then call every member of my family to inform them they survived the Golden State Killer.
00:13:38
Holy shit. You're welcome, family. SSDGM and maybe check for knives in your closet
00:13:43
Emma Long Beach California oh my god and then it says P.S. turns out the SoCal killing started around the time
00:13:51
D'Angelo and his wife bought a second home in Long Beach shut up Emma you are the
00:13:59
Forrest Gump of the Golden State killers you're the missing link that is so too close for comfort that is just
00:14:06
unbelievable Yeah, because he would do it and then he'd have like a couple places that were available.
00:14:15
So that night, if he couldn't get into that one, he'd go to this one instead just to make sure he always had one available.
00:14:20
So he went back and they had a dog and he was like, well, it's not that one tonight.
00:14:23
Right. Or somebody flicks their light on in the backyard and he has to like go to the night.
00:14:28
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00:15:31
That's bombas.com and use code audio. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:15:39
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Divergent author Veronica Roth to talk about her sprawling new novel, Seek the Traitor's Son.
00:15:47
It's a sci-fi fantasy epic about two protagonists on opposite sides of a war and a prophecy neither of them wanted.
00:15:53
My first book was Divergent. And when that came out, like, because it was so popular, I think it attracted, like, mostly positivity, but the negativity, I sucked in like a sponge.
00:16:03
and I think it was like critiques of things I liked when I was like you know I was 23 and I
00:16:10
wrote this book and it had all my like dorky little cheesy or maybe unrealistic loves in it
00:16:16
and I started to feel a lot of shame about those things and so for the rest of my career
00:16:21
I steered away from those little things that like make you feel pleasure when you read but I also
00:16:29
was like saying no to these parts of myself that I then was like, screw it. So that's this book.
00:16:37
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you
00:16:43
get your podcasts. This is about a child witch. It's funny. Hello, MFM fam, Karen, Georgia, Vince and pets.
00:16:56
When my mom and her siblings were growing up in the Milwaukee suburbs in the 1960s,
00:17:00
the summer parenting method was very much go outside until I call you for meals,
00:17:05
which was great for neighborhood kick the can, bike races, etc. But it also led to power struggles, boredom, and of course, witchcraft.
00:17:15
That's right, because you would just be left to your own devices all day. I think we did all of those things.
00:17:20
One summer morning, my mom and her younger brother, Greg, little Greg, The little Greg.
00:17:25
Were bored with the usual games and decided to set up the garage for a seance, as you do.
00:17:31
They hung up tarps, lit candles, set up a table, and made a crystal ball from an old round cherry jar, glitter, and food coloring.
00:17:40
Next, they needed a witch. As they hadn't been out in the neighborhood yet, they decided it should be Greg.
00:17:45
I guess my mom, being a girl, seemed too obvious a choice to fool the other kids.
00:17:49
My mom found an old Halloween costume, painted Greg's face, and put on a mop wig.
00:17:54
The smell She then went into the neighborhood to gather the neighborhood kids explaining that Greg had the flu but that their aunt was in town from far away and that she was a witch
00:18:05
And did they want to meet her? Greg's not here right now. Greg's very, very busy with his work.
00:18:10
Right. I know you've never seen Greg and this witch together, but trust me. But listen, as similar as they look, Greg takes after his aunt.
00:18:17
Does Greg have a fucking mop of hair? No, he does not. Does he have gifts from the beyond?
00:18:22
I don't think so. But they wanted me to, which, of course, they did. Especially after my mom said that she could see the future and call dead people that the witch could.
00:18:30
Oh. The mom got into it? So the mom is the big sister. This is her mom's story. So sorry. Got you.
00:18:35
I thought, like, there was a true adult coming in from the out with, you know, apron on being like, no, no, it is a witch.
00:18:41
Right. Witch for the uncle. One by one, the kids came into the garage wanting to know their future.
00:18:46
No one cared about the dead, I guess. One by one, my uncle, the witch, explained that it was very grim and that the children and their families would die, all caps, if they did not shower at midnight.
00:18:59
The kids left terrified of my mom and uncle were delighted by their prank. At 12.15 in the morning, my mom, Uncle Greg and their parents awoke to 11 phone calls by neighbors with freshly showered and scared little kids.
00:19:18
My mom and uncle were promptly grounded and probably whacked with a wooden spoon.
00:19:23
Yeah, had that too. Just really quick. So sorry to interrupt. But like the first phone call goes down.
00:19:29
I'm so sorry. Yes, we'll take care of it. Yeah. The second the phone hits the rest of it.
00:19:35
Eleven phone calls. Just rolling calls. They were grounded, whatever, probably whacked with a wooden spoon, but also extremely proud that their prank worked.
00:19:45
That's right. My mom grew up to be an OG murderino who still checks her closets for perps and pervs on a nightly basis.
00:19:52
What the fuck? Yeah. And my uncle joined a biker gang. That's right. Everything turned out great for those kids.
00:20:02
I love them. Thank you for all you do and encouraging people to speak up, fuck politeness, discuss mental illness, and in general, be wonderful.
00:20:09
P.S. Karen, my mom's birthday is May 12th and mine is May 10th. We should meet up for cake.
00:20:14
Hey, a week of cake. Stay sexy and don't tell children to shower at midnight. Best, Marissa.
00:20:21
Those fucking weirded out parents that are just like, uh. I love that he like, the kids, like Greg, like thought of a way to like control them,
00:20:29
but not in a way that was like evil, just in a like, fuck with you kind of way. Do what I say.
00:20:35
Yeah, like it was like jump from the roof. No, exactly. It was, you're going to be cold and irritated.
00:20:40
And terrified. But no one can really get me in trouble, really. Yeah. But I mean, they did, I guess.
00:20:46
Yeah. You know those parents were a little proud. Well, I mean, because it worked.
00:20:50
Yeah. How many times did you try to, like, convince neighborhood kids of something?
00:20:55
They're all like, what? Shut up. That's not true. Yeah. Just never listen to anything.
00:20:58
No. Okay. Greetings, murder mavens and all the furry critters, including Stephen's mustache.
00:21:05
I've got a secret life hometown that culminates with a deathbed treasure hunt. When I met my now wife, her father was a trim carpenter living a modest life,
00:21:14
but occasional comments hinted at a more storied past. Most puzzling might be the warning that if we were ever in the Bahamas and were asked,
00:21:23
we should say we didn't know him. I love that. And definitely were not related to him.
00:21:30
My curiosity got the better of me and I did some web sleuthing and discovered a newspaper article from the 80s
00:21:35
linking him to a retired Major League Baseball player who had been arrested for running marijuana.
00:21:41
Oh, shit. My father-in-law was listed as the co-pilot of the private plane they were using.
00:21:46
Dude. He took cocaine bear. He had never mentioned having a license or knowing how to fly a plane.
00:21:53
Oh, my God. To secretly discover Marty could fucking fly a Cessna if he wanted to?
00:21:59
Yeah. Actually, my stepdad, John, has some, like, cool secrets that you would not know.
00:22:04
Really? That I'm not supposed to know that I shouldn't be talking about. On this national podcast.
00:22:09
I didn't say what they are. Here's what I'm going to guess. What? He was a sniper in Vietnam.
00:22:15
He was in Vietnam. Whoops. We're going back to the email. John, my apologies. It's none of anybody's business.
00:22:23
I'm trying to get him to help. But thank you for your service. Okay. Okay. This man's cool points tripled in that moment, and I couldn't wait to hear the story firsthand.
00:22:33
Unfortunately, my father-in-law did not see this as his proudest moment and shut down the conversation immediately.
00:22:40
The old school guys, they don't want to be, you can't be a criminal, you can't be a bad guy.
00:22:46
You can't have done something in your youth that you're talking about on a podcast like I do.
00:22:50
Right? That's thank God that we fucked up as much as we did because we have so much to talk about.
00:22:55
And zero shame. Right? And kind of like a need to get a little attention here and there.
00:23:01
Sadly, he passed away about a year later and thus begins the deathbed treasure hunt part of the story.
00:23:07
He always told my wife, if anything ever happens to me, check my chair. I fucking love this guy.
00:23:14
We always suspected he stashed cash around. And now knowing his past, it made sense why he liked to keep income undocumented.
00:23:22
Oh, shit. He also had a fear that every time he was ill, it was going to be the end and would write a letter to my wife telling her where to find his stashes.
00:23:30
So we had three conflicting treasure maps to work with. Oh, what a joyous gift to give your child.
00:23:37
Please give this to me. Yeah. When you die. Okay. Start planning it now. Okay. I'm thinking.
00:23:46
Where do I send her? Where could I? We found envelopes of cash taped to the bottom of his dresser, tucked on top of the kitchen cabinets, in the lining of his chair, etc.
00:23:56
The grand total was 10K. What? I mean. But it wasn't the most valuable find. In the garage was a locked file cabinet with no key.
00:24:06
It's like my mouth is watering just around the house. We considered taking it to the dumpster as is.
00:24:13
But something told me if it was worth locking, then there had to be something in there worth finding.
00:24:19
Please use that kind of deduction in your life. Why would this be happening? Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't just.
00:24:26
Right. I don't know what I'm so mad at Have you seen the Instagram of the guy who's just spending every day
00:24:36
trying to find a diamond? Yes I love him Day 32 of trying to find a diamond a kitty cat
00:24:44
a bead It's so satisfying And then you're like the bead is the diamond You're like yay because I want you to keep doing it
00:24:53
It makes me feel like that guy was a mudlarker or watched his mudlarking videos and was like, I'll never get to do that.
00:25:02
But I'll do it here in this gutter. I love him. It's so good. There's like a little, whatever he uses,
00:25:08
like a screwdriver digging out the cracks in the sidewalk. And he finds the most random shit,
00:25:12
but he's like so calm and ASMR about it. Yeah. I love it. We love that guy. No diamond today.
00:25:17
A kitty. No diamond today. Day 32 of searching for a diamond. Okay. We're back in this email.
00:25:25
Sorry. And we're really going to focus this time. Okay, wait. Locked thing. Locked file cabinet.
00:25:33
Here we go. God damn it. Okay, here it is. So I went to work with a variety of prying and hammering tools.
00:25:40
Success. Among the receipts for every prescription he and his wife purchased from 1977 to 1987.
00:25:48
I mean, that's what a lot of my junk drawers look like is things I'm afraid to throw away.
00:25:52
What if I need it? What if I need it? A receipt for a prescription, like stuff like that.
00:25:55
When they give you the thing that's all stapled and there's all the information, I'm like, better keep it.
00:26:01
Okay. So among those items was a folder that told the whole story of his misdeeds.
00:26:09
Yes. During this time, he ran a moderately successful typewriter ribbon re-inking company.
00:26:14
They might as well put his name in. Who else has that company? It's the most specific job of all time.
00:26:20
which provided a great cover, oh my God, for all of his travel up and down the East Coast.
00:26:27
So a typewriter ribbon re-inking company is a cover for drug running. Sure. I don't know. No one knows how that works. So why wouldn't it?
00:26:35
Yeah. It's so specific. It's like those independent vacuum cleaner stores on Burbank Boulevard.
00:26:41
You're like, what are you talking about? How are you fix fucking vacuums? Post-COVID? You still got a brick and mortar?
00:26:47
Post-1989 if you fucking do this. Are the good people at Mealy sending you thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars?
00:26:55
Okay. So, typewriter, ribbon re-inking company, providing a great cover for all his travel up and down the East Coast.
00:27:02
In reality, he was a legit drug mule running cocaine from Florida to Massachusetts.
00:27:08
Damn. He kept a newspaper clipping from a trial where he turned states evidenced and testified to taping bags of cocaine to his body.
00:27:15
And then in parentheses, it says, you know, like you see in the movies. He hand wrote his fine on the clipping.
00:27:22
They got it wrong in the article. So he was arrested and fined. Oh, my God. And he hand wrote.
00:27:28
He was like, they're wrong. It's just like that. Actually, it was $60,000. He ended up doing a year in prison.
00:27:33
He sent my wife a handmade Christmas card that year that was also in the folder.
00:27:39
And then we found the official letter from the Republic of the Bahamas informing him he was no longer welcome in their country ever.
00:27:45
What? We were just there. Too bad he's, yeah, good thing he's not a podcaster. I know.
00:27:51
Because it's gorgeous and there's podcasting. I really hate that he was embarrassed by this part of his life as I sure he had some wild stories to tell Yeah I agree Yeah He should have felt free and easy He got through it But if you a boomer and you listening and you have some crazy fucking story that you ashamed of we are not ashamed of you
00:28:08
Please send it to us. No, this is a time that is very different than pre-internet times where shame and keeping up with the Joneses really controlled most people's lives.
00:28:19
Not like that anymore. No, we're fine with it. And also everybody loves an antihero.
00:28:23
Yeah. but don't do drugs. I really hit... As for my mother-in-law, it does explain why they got divorced.
00:28:31
We haven't told her that we discovered the big family secret. I picture her as a Skylar White type,
00:28:36
enjoying the spoils, but not wanting to know how they could afford a Corvette. Stay sexy and don't let a locked filing cabinet
00:28:42
deter your treasure hunt. T. Oh my God, T. God, that's so good. Yeah. A secret life as a cocaine runner
00:28:51
is pretty incredible. Yeah. If your dad has a boring job or mom has a boring job.
00:28:57
Ask them what they did. Ask them to please finally be honest with you. Ask them why they never want to go to the Bahamas.
00:29:05
Anyway, what do you mean? Why was that person at TSA giving you that dirty look?
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00:29:45
Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:29:52
This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Will Wheaton, who played Gordy Lachance in Stand
00:29:58
By Me 40 years ago and now narrates Stephen King's The Body, the novella that inspired it all.
00:30:05
We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life, channeling his memories of River Phoenix in the recording booth, and why the friendships you have
00:30:13
at 12 might be the most important ones you'll ever have. I know Gordy Lachance. I am Gordy Lachance.
00:30:21
Like, I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordy Lachance when I didn't know it.
00:30:26
Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:30:33
Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you,
00:30:38
but like, I never liked being told, oh wow, you look so good for your age. Like why even bother saying that?
00:30:45
Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about.
00:30:51
We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now.
00:30:58
Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com.
00:31:04
Okay, this is called... Oof. Finders Keepers. This one's gross. Hello, murder matriarchs and co.
00:31:20
Thanks, blah, blah. You know the rest. I have a brother who is three years younger than me,
00:31:25
but by the time we were two and five, he easily weighed as much as me and could hold his own in any fight.
00:31:31
When he was seven or so, we thought he was partially deaf. My dad thought it was selective hearing, but
00:31:36
eventually my mom took him to the doctor to get it checked out. The doctor comes
00:31:40
into the room and starts testing things and uses that weird flashlight to look inside my
00:31:44
little brother's ears. I wanted one of those really bad. The lights? The little... The thing
00:31:48
where they're like, hey, how are you today? Vince would fucking hide it from me if I had it I be like chasing around there What in there I love that shit Okay When he looks in my brother right ear he pauses keeps the flashlight in the ear and grabs a pair of long thin tweezers
00:32:07
This is what hometowns have become. And I'm so happy for it. It's that and it's this.
00:32:12
And that's okay. Secret parent drug runners and shoving shit up your nose or ears.
00:32:17
Sorry. Wherever. Then he proceeds to slowly extract a wax covered bead from my brother's ear.
00:32:23
A bead. No diamond today. He pulled it out and said no diamond today. Oh, but the diamond was in the ring.
00:32:32
But it wasn't. My mom's jaw drops to the floor. And when my brother sees it, he says, oh, I put that in there to hide from Georgia.
00:32:41
And it says me because I didn't want her to use it. This person's name is Georgia?
00:32:45
Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. I know. It had been in there for four fucking years. And how old was this little brother?
00:32:53
Seven. Nope, not deaf, just hiding shit from his siblings using three-year-old logic.
00:33:00
And also, who wants a three-year-old play with beads another bygone time? I would.
00:33:05
They're not allowed to. They truly liked a man looking for the diamond. That little kid found that thing on the floor, thought it was beautiful, and was like, mine.
00:33:12
Yoink. Stay sexy and check your children's orifices with some regularity. Georgia.
00:33:19
Such a trip to hear an email from Georgia. Thank you for finally writing in. That's so hilarious.
00:33:25
And the reason I said shove it up your nose is because there's an infamous family story where my mom looked at me one day and I had green shit running out of one nostril.
00:33:34
I've told you this one? I think so. I don't remember. And I had to go to the emergency room and they just they pulled out a big piece of foam.
00:33:40
Why'd you put foam in there? It's bored. They used to leave me alone all the time.
00:33:46
What am I supposed to do? Not shove shit up my nose? But it was like, she was like, I think she's really sick.
00:33:51
It's like green snot coming, whatever. She goes, he puts tweezers up there and then it's just like, is this your child's?
00:33:59
Send your email to myfavoritemurder at Gmail about orifice origin stories. Okay.
00:34:06
Above the belt orifice origin stories. Thank you. Family friendly. You know that one guy who they like, he was dying and they opened up his body and they found a little tree growing in his lung because he had inhaled a seed?
00:34:20
That's just one of those stories I think about when I can't sleep at night. Yeah.
00:34:23
Because you're like, what do I got in there? Right. Okay. Bougainvillea. I forgot about that.
00:34:30
It was like a sprout in his lung. So crazy. Yeah. And he's like, couldn't breathe and was like dying.
00:34:35
And then they're like. He's like drinking Theraflu and like, God. And they're like, no, actually, it's a Christmas tree in your room.
00:34:40
You're a tree. You've become a tree. Okay, go. Subject line of this email, quick one.
00:34:46
I ran over myself with my own car. Less than two minute read. Beautiful besties that I've never met.
00:34:52
When I was 16, I eagerly got my license like any other teenage girl. The car I was handed down was a 1986 Subaru GL.
00:35:00
The car was only a year younger than me. So you can guess the safety features were non-existent.
00:35:05
I've only had my license for about two weeks when I pulled into my driveway after a party one night.
00:35:10
My parents' house is up a semi-steep hill and off the road a little bit. I got out of the car and was standing between my car door and the driver's side when the car starts rolling backwards.
00:35:20
For some reason, I thought that I could stop the car by simply pushing against the door frame.
00:35:25
But before I knew it, the door knocked me down and one of the tires ran over my right leg.
00:35:30
Jesus. I mean. You could have died. Don't drink and drive is what I was trying to tell you.
00:35:37
The car rolled into the yard and into a tree. My Border Collie mix, Cindy, just simply looking at me until the car crashed, then decided to bark and alert my parents.
00:35:48
Cindy's a narc. What the hell happened, you ask? I forgot to put the car into park which I still do to this day But thank goodness for modern safety features When I showed up to school limping with a gigantic bruise on my leg I lied and told my friends that something had been wrong with the car
00:36:04
and that park had been stripped out of the gear shift. So if any of my high school friends are murderinos and remember this happening,
00:36:12
I lied to you out of embarrassment. Sorry, I guess. Stay sexy and don't forget to put your car in park.
00:36:18
Megan. I want to hear the best stories of people who did a really dumb thing and then blamed it on something totally like that had nothing to do with it.
00:36:26
Just covered in line because it was so embarrassing. Yeah. And they maybe got caught.
00:36:31
We have family friends who the daughter went to take her driving test and passed.
00:36:35
And everyone thought she wasn't going to because she's crazy smart, like became a surgeon, I think, but was very like, yeah, not there in everything else in the other way.
00:36:44
Yeah. So she passed, pulled up in front of her house and was so excited. She jumped out of the car to run in to tell her dad and the car kept going.
00:36:54
Because it was not only not in park, it was just she just got out. Thank you. Is that it?
00:37:02
That's it. I think that's it. Thanks for listening, everyone. If you want to hear more, we have one more bonus story on our fan cult, if you feel like it.
00:37:11
That's right. You can join our fan cult. at myfavoritemurder.com. Dot com. And then you can have all the secret content
00:37:18
that we won't just give any old person that swings by. Who do you think you are?
00:37:23
Goddamn. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?
00:37:29
Me? This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Molly Smith
00:37:40
and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci.
00:37:47
Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com. Follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder.
00:37:52
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:37:57
And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix. And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind me buttons.
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That's the best way you can support our show. Goodbye. Running a business shouldn't feel like surviving a software group project.
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00:39:26
Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best-sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast,
00:39:32
Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. every episode I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on
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audible it's the book club for your ears listen to earsay the audible and iHeart audiobook club
00:39:49
on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts