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Hey weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. >> And this is a bonus episode of Morbid. >> It's bonus.
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[music] It's bonus. It's on top of the other two this week. It's on top of everything.
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Batch, you [music] guys. Oh my god. Breaking Down Part One is the worst movie I've ever seen in
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[laughter] my entire life. The book is also wildly rough. Oh my god. I >> wildly rough.
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>> I remember reading this book. I was probably like 13, maybe when this one came out, maybe 12. And I was like, this
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is the sexiest thing I've [laughter] ever read in my life. And now I'm like, [laughter]
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what the [ __ ] It's >> It's a trip. It's It's a trip. being almost 30 years old and looking back I'm
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like why the who let me read this? >> That's the and and I got I got my postits back out in the book.
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>> I love watching Elena prepare for these episodes because that [ __ ] whips out a
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po a pack of postits and she just goes to tow. >> Yeah, cuz you got to we got to do book
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and movie and illustrated guide >> and website. >> The website >> got some off the website.
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>> I got a lot from the website. I was I was surfing through that website and there's just so many things I have to
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say. >> Stephanie Meyer is a trip. Stephanie, you are a trip. [laughter] Like, you
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just really are. >> I just need to say this cuz it's ticking me off. At one point, she writes like
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somebody else is writing for Stephanie >> in in on the >> on the um website, like her fan site or
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whatever you want to call it. And then she writes like she's writing it, but it's within the same couple of
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paragraphs. >> It's confusing. So I said, "Who the [ __ ] is writing this if not you stuff?"
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>> Yeah. >> Yeah. It's a big It's a It's wild. >> Yeah. >> It's a wild ride all the way through.
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>> I feel like I now I can't remember breaking down part two, at least like the movie cuz I when we were watching
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this I was like, "Oh, wow. I don't remember like any of this." I specifically didn't remember that Edward
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delivers the baby via his teeth. >> Yeah. >> Which [clears throat] is hard to forget.
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It's wild. >> It's I think that was actually a trauma response for sure. I think that was in a
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box somewhere in the deep back part of my brain. >> Yeah, your brain really protected you
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there. >> But now I'm like, "Oh god, what are what's going to happen when we do part
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two?" >> Part two just has a lot of funny lines in it and like deliveries. >> Okay.
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>> And then there's like a pretty cool fight scene. I'm pretty sure if I remember correctly,
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>> there is a cool fight scene. And I remember I don't know why we're getting like into part two right now, but I do
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remember that Bella has that like force field thing she can do. >> Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I actually
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completely forgot about that. That was >> I remembered that >> out of there. >> Yeah.
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>> Yeah. Uh >> okay. But this part right now. >> Well, and before we get into that, we
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wanted to announce our next um morbid book club. >> Period. >> Pick. It's going to be Victorian Psycho
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by Virginia Fedo. >> I'm very excited. >> We're very excited about it. >> We have a special guest joining.
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>> We have a special guest joining for it. It's going to be fun. >> It's going to be great.
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>> It's an author. >> An author, you say? It's a horror author. >> Horror. >> Uh, and we're very excited about them
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coming and we're excited to talk to you about it. Uh, it's a pretty it's a it's a book that's on the shorter side, so it
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should be pretty >> pretty easy to get through. >> Yeah. I think even if you're like um
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like an audio listener, I think the audio book's like four hours for sure. So, >> so check it out.
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>> And it's supposed to be great. I'm excited to read it. >> Yeah. That'll be what the end of June
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that comes out. >> Yeah. >> Mikey, does that come out at the end of June? Oh yeah, it'll be the end of June.
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>> That'll be the end of that in. It's kind of funny. >> So my game, [laughter] you know what? I should just start
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yelling at Mike Jones. Do you [laughter] remember that? The Gang Twins. >> Yes, >> you [gasps] absolutely should.
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>> Um, so yeah, that's the business that we have. Um, also, since we're talking about books, if you want to pre-order a
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book, you should pre-order the uh, Butcher Legacy, >> Cat and Mouse, >> cuz it's there.
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>> Yeah. >> And you should order it. >> Yeah. I read >> the prologue of it the other day after
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not reading it for a while. And I said, that's not that bad. >> She said, wow, [laughter] I don't even
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think I suck at this. And I was like, I'd actually venture that you're pretty good at this.
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>> So, I'm telling you, I said to Drew and he goes, does she realize she's been on
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the New York [laughter] bestsellers list twice? And and he was like, and like at
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the very beginning of her career, >> it's it's a thing that will never >> He was like, that's of pretty high
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esteem. >> I'll constantly be like, oh yeah, I think I'm getting better at this. you
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know, >> you are >> uh always improving, you know, >> and I think you you have a natural
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talent to stuff. >> Thank you. I appreciate that. So, yeah, go get go get that if you want to. You
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can go get >> So, and my UK babes, some specials coming for you, too. So, stay tuned.
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>> Oo. Is that the thing you showed me the other day? Yesterday. Nice. >> That's only for UK.
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>> Yeah. >> That's so cool. >> I know. >> I'm going to get one, too, though. >> Hell yeah.
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>> Can I Oh, can I have one? >> Yeah. >> Cool. [laughter] >> You guys will find out.
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>> Hey. >> Oh, I didn't even mean to make that. so so spoily or like or like exciting, but
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I that's a cool thing. >> See? >> Okay, >> so yeah. So that's all the business and
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now it's time for breaking down part one because >> it's time >> this one >> is wild, y'all.
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>> I forgot how truly I think I we saw this together in the movie theater. >> We did.
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>> I think we might have been with my mother. >> Maybe. I mean, you mean Renee? >> Yes. [laughter] No. watching this movie.
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I said that would have been my mother if she was invited to my wedding. >> She went, "Good night."
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>> That would absolutely be. >> We [laughter] will be getting into that >> with the disheveled hair and all. She
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looked wild. >> She was good. She said, "Everybody at this wind get [laughter] toy."
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>> She did. >> She did. Charlie speech the best. >> I love Charlie to an unhealthy degree.
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>> I love when he walks in and he goes, "Yeah, I know. I look hot." >> And I was like, "You do?" I said you
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really do. >> You're looking good, bud. >> You really do. >> All right, let's start. Where are we
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starting? [laughter] >> So, we got to start with one thing that makes me [ __ ] so annoyed.
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>> Oh god. >> So, and it's the overarching theme of this whole thing. >> Okay. >> So, obviously in a lot of these things,
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we find that Stephanie Meyer goes against her own lore that she created cuz the illustrated guide will say
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something, the book will say something, the movie will say, they all collide into just like a [ __ ] crazy thing.
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Now, in the illustrated guide, she says Stephanie Meyer says that she understands that people won't accept or
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get the whole vampires and humans having babies. >> Mhm. >> Like that that would be like, "Wait,
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what?" Like, >> well, yeah, >> cuz you've never brought it up before. >> Yeah. >> Like immortal children have been brought
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up, but that's like a different thing. >> That's like when they were creating vampire children, baby out of like kids.
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>> Yeah. Which is so funny. What kills me is she says but to her her and I quote
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scientific reasoning is enough for her. Huh? Is she doing experiments? [snorts] >> Scientific reasoning.
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>> She do the scientific method on this. >> Nothing about this. And here's here's
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again where it doesn't make So you say whoa. Okay. So you're science. We're science here. That's now science in case
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everybody's wondering is based in reality. Yes. >> Right. We're firmly in reality right now
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cuz that by her own words >> here we are >> two feet in reality. >> Okay. >> So she says she went against her own
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previously set up lore obviously because like you know that happens and instead of saying like you know cuz I would
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respect this if she said I wanted this plot point you know I felt like it was going to be a good direction. It felt
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important to me. it goes against the lore, but like I just went there because it was really important to go here.
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She's like making it canon. >> Yeah, I can at least respect that that you're saying, you know what, I'm going
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against my own lore, but it's important and I think it's going to be worth it. >> Yeah.
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>> But instead, she says first that her scientific reasoning is enough for her for this to work. And then she says,
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>> "Guys, it's fantasy. Vampires are real." >> What? >> Oh, boy. >> Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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>> She really said [ __ ] y'all. So, you just told me with 10 toes down in the realm
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of reality that it's based on scientific reasoning and then in the next breath you say to me, you believe in vampires?
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That's so cute, you >> idiot. >> That's so cute, you [ __ ] freak. Like, it's just like what? What? And she's
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like, no, this I can make it up as I go along because this is fantasy. And it's like, no, I know that you make the world
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and that like you can make it whatever. >> Then you have to follow your own rules.
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But the problem is you made lore. And not only did you make lore, you made an illustrated guide that you didn't need
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to make. >> I think she might forget that she made that. >> You made this illustrated guide that no
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one made you do cuz there's also another big thing that happens with Jacob. >> There's a few there's Yeah, there's some
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glaring issues. >> That one is glaring to me. >> Yeah. Like it's And it's such an easy
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out to say it's fantasy. Vampires aren't real. >> But it's like but you made this. And
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it's like, but also >> but you're taking it so seriously. And it's like, and it's okay if you take it
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seriously because it's your world you created, >> but in the same breath, you're telling
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me that's [ __ ] weird that you believe this, >> but believe this, please, and care about
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it. It's like, no, you can't have it both ways. >> No. Also, I do feel like it's kind of
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misogynistic that vampire guys, it's like how like men can [ __ ] until they're 70 and like be a dad, but women are just
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like that. It's not nice that she was like, "Vampire guys can impregnate human women, but vampire women empty."
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>> Oh, I'm stuck. >> I'm going to get frozen to that >> because I like that. >> What bothers me about just like to go
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back to this one thing is >> like I love fantasy. >> Yeah, >> fantasy is fun. >> Yeah,
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>> I will fully envelop myself in a fantastical world and I will believe it for the moment that I'm reading it. And
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it's like but you and and she as somebody who's writing fantasy like if I was writing a I love fantasy so much
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that I wish I could write a fantasy novel. It just seems like a lot of work cuz you have to have a lot of not that
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I'm like adverse to work but I'm just saying like >> we know >> creating a whole lore and like magical
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system is like daunting I imagine. I'm very impressed with that. >> Obviously tough because as it as it
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builds and builds and [clears throat] builds you have to remember all of the rules. Exactly. It feels hard. Like
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maybe I'll try it someday cuz it does seem fun. And now that I said that, I don't think I could do it. Now I feel
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like I have to do it. >> She has to prove it to herself. [laughter] >> You know why? Because she's a Virgo
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rising. That's not even Capricorn coded. That's Virgo coded. >> There you go. But if you are writing
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something like that, I imagine that you take it very seriously and you take the the world seriously and to you it's in
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that moment very real and you want readers to feel like it's very real while they read it. So then to to kind
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of cop out of [ __ ] up against your own lore with you think this is real guys real like you silly goosees. Like what
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are you doing? I'm like no you can't do that. You can't make readers feel stupid
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for being enveloped in this world when you've given me every reason to be enveloped in this world. Like that's not
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cool. >> No. >> Like you can't just be like it's [ __ ] fake. No, we know that. >> Like don't bring me back to reality.
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That's not what we're looking >> rooted in this world. >> And again, if you just said, "Yeah, you
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know what? The story just had to go this way. I felt very passionately about it going this way." I'd be like, "Okay,
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girl." Like that's I can respect that. >> Yeah. >> But to to use the you guys are silly for
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believing this and caring so much is like, >> "Okay." Like you don't blame your readers,
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>> Stephanie. >> Yeah. Don't blame your readers for giving a [ __ ] about your stories and
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remembering your lore. >> Yeah. >> Huh. Like [ __ ] She also said that this was inspired by The Merchant of Venice
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and A Midsummer Night Stream. And I just >> which are both in the movie, by the way.
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>> I just want to state that. >> Yeah, that's all. [laughter] >> I'm I'm just going to leave that there.
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>> Like, damn. >> What? >> Yeah. I don't know. >> I don't know. I don't really know. I'm
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not sure about that. >> I'm not really sure. Anyways, >> and also why cuz we're like four movies
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in at this point. >> Mhm. >> Why do the Cullen's wigs change so much? >> The wigs. Where's the wig police when
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you need them? Tom Link. >> Where's Tom Link with the wig police? >> Tom Link would say, "What the [ __ ] is
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going on here?" >> He would cuz also [clears throat] what bothers me is I'm like so many
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questions here. One, why are their why is their hair changing when it's very much drilled in our heads that they are
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frozen? >> Yep. >> Frozen. >> Rosalie's hair in particular goes through such a [clears throat]
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>> character arc. >> Yeah, it really does. >> Like her hair has a [laughter] character
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arc. Um, so does Carile's >> Carile's hair. What happened? Cuz he he looks so beautiful in like the first two
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and then I don't really feel like you see that much in the first couple is sculpted out of stone. I mean, he's
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beautiful. >> He's gorge. And I'm not saying he's ugly in the later ones. But his hair, his
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hair, here's the thing. His hair looks ugly. And I'm willing to say that cuz it's not his hair.
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>> It's not good in this one. >> It's like what did you say? Draw yellow. >> Draw yellow. And it's like parted. over
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to the side but not like quafted at all. It's just like mushroom hanging in his face mushroom.
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>> It just doesn't make any sense. And then Jasper's hair, who [ __ ] knows what's
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going on with that? >> Jasper's hair is crazy. >> I saw a couple Tik Toks of him hosting
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like Twilight discussion things and he's really funny. Yeah, >> like the the actor who plays Jasper. Uh
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he's played by Jackson Wthbone. >> Yeah. See, no. >> Uh I was like, "Wait, I figured out."
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No, that's just the character. He's hilarious. I was like I was very impressed. I I should have just gone
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with it. [laughter] Uh but yeah, one of the like going back to what you were saying like one of the things cuz I'm
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like they're all supposed to be frozen cuz also where are the wigs from season from movie to movie? I was asking like
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where'd you put them? >> Even Mikey has a wig drawer. >> Yeah, that's the thing.
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>> We're production company and Mikey has the same wigs in that drawer 24/7. >> Rosalie's wig who has it from the first
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movie. Where'd it go? I don't know. Where is it? >> Muggy is opening his wig drawer.
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>> Yeah. And putting on >> That one looked so scary. That's That's the Sherry Moon zombie wig [laughter]
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>> from when I was Sherm Moon. >> When I was Sherm Moon. >> Oh my god. >> There you go. Same. [laughter]
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>> Honestly, that looks like one of the Collins wigs. >> And but I really want to know if you're
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out there and you have those wig where are where did you >> Where are they? >> Where are they? Cuz they change every
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every movie. >> No, it's true. Like there's no chain of custody for these [laughter] wigs.
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>> There's no there's there's no chain of custody for anything. Cuz also Alice's
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hair in the first movie is like super super like not super long, but it's like longer.
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>> Yeah. It's like a a [ __ ] ass bob. >> And then it gets cut and then it's like
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long again and then it's got and I'm like, >> but their hair is not supposed to grow.
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>> That's the thing. And I'm like when you cut it into a pixie, you're committing
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to that hair. >> I love Alice's hair at the wedding. The way she like sculpts it up. It's her
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like 20s. I really did love that. >> But Alice in this movie pisses me off. Like she's a creep.
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>> She's a creep. >> Alice does kind of piss me off. >> Alice is a creep because she
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everything is her way or the highway. >> The whole wedding. >> She plans the whole thing, which I
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realize like the whole thing is supposed to be like, well, ballet doesn't want to
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and she doesn't like this stuff. And I'm like, but honestly, >> why is she getting married and having a
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huge wedding? >> Well, and honestly, I don't even think [clears throat] she's ever given a
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chance to. >> No, it's true. She doesn't even get a chance to say that >> because as I've said many times before,
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she is baby girl. >> She is baby girl. >> So baby girl. So baby girl. So I got a
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bone to pick with Bella. She's a selfish [ __ ] >> She is a selfish motherucker.
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>> Honestly, the poor Cull-in family. >> The poor Cull-in family. >> Truly. >> Their lives have been in danger
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[laughter] the entire time she's been around. >> Yeah. >> They had to up all of them had to up and
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move because Edward was like, "Can't do it." >> Yeah. Sorry. >> And then they were like, "Nah, come
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back. We're in love." And also going to void the treaty we've had for a zillion years with the werewolves. Now
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they're going to try to kill us. Oh, also >> piss [laughter] off the piss off the
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Vuri. And now we're going to have to deal with all those. Oh, and also all the other covens are going to have to
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get involved and all their lives are going to have to be upended by this. And they're going to have to fight the Vuri,
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too. >> And she doesn't care. And this is all because Bella just had to [ __ ] as a
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human. >> Say it. >> She just had to [ __ ] as a human. I have to have that one human experience. It's
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going to cause a lot of problems. >> Also, can I just do it after? You're both going to be ungodly beautiful after
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that, too, brother. >> So, why not? And also, I bet vampires I just watched Tara and Franklin [ __ ] on
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True Blood, and that look I mean, she's not a vampire yet, but that looked incredible.
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>> Of course, >> I think if you were a vampire as well. Oh my god. >> Yeah. Like, oh my god.
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>> Sparks will fly. >> I know you wanted that human experience, but babe, >> you kind of gave that up when you when
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you decided to marry a vampire. >> And also, Edward didn't really want Sheil like guilted him into human.
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That's weird. >> And if you just waited until after you were a vampire, you wouldn't have gotten
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pregnant with a half vampire baby >> who tried to kill you. >> Who tried to kill you and it wouldn't
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have avoided all the treaties and pissed off all the vari. So, girl, >> I feel like this was this was a problem
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for everyone. >> It's lit in this and it's very selfish. >> This is Bella's world and we're all just
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living in it. And I may I venture to say this? I think Stephanie Meyer hates Bella. [laughter]
00:17:52
>> I think Stephanie Meyer hates Bella. >> See, I think Stephanie Meyer thinks Bella is like right. But I think she
00:18:01
hates her. Do why? I just think she hates her because she puts her in all these crazy ass situations and also I
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think Stephanie Meyer really loves Edward. So like Edward always getting upset with Bella but like
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>> it like can't stay away from her all at the same time. >> See, but I think she kind of sees a
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little bit of herself in Bella. >> Maybe. Well, yeah. No, I think she does cuz I she's kind of like said that
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before. >> So I think these crazy situations that were like, "What the [ __ ] are you
00:18:28
doing?" She's like, "No, that's great." >> [sighs and gasps] >> I think and that like
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>> maybe I just hate Bella. >> Yeah, I think [laughter] >> maybe maybe maybe I'm just like maybe
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that's maybe I'm just a hater. >> Maybe that's it. And to go back really quick just to what you were saying
00:18:43
earlier with the how completely sexist and misogynistic this whole thing is. When you really dive into this,
00:18:51
>> she there's some serious internalized misogyny >> 100% >> that just never should have been spat
00:18:57
onto the page in my opinion. In her words, her website in Breaking Dawn part one, she says that vampire men can have
00:19:05
babies. >> Uhhuh. >> They can >> because they have a they have a a fluid similar to seminal fluid.
00:19:11
>> Oh yeah. Their [ __ ] works pretty much the same way, which is wild. >> Really [ __ ] up.
00:19:16
>> And if the venom/sperm comes in contact with an OAM, they can conceive. But that
00:19:21
and you say, "Oh, wow. Okay, so vampires can conceive." Oh, no, no, no. Because yes, the male vampire [ __ ] works right
00:19:29
the same. But women, they can't because when they turn into vampires, they are frozen.
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>> That's so [ __ ] up. >> And their system stops working like a woman's body should work is literally
00:19:41
what is said >> is that's like essentially what's being said here. women's bodies, in her words
00:19:47
in the book, quote, don't have that like vampire women, quote, don't have what is
00:19:52
needed to accommodate a growing child. So, you're telling me men are still pew pew can shoot sperm everywhere, every
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which way. Sperm like, it's not even sperm. It's sperm like and it still creates life.
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>> Still works. It still creates life. >> Pisses me off even more. Not even sperm.
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>> It's venomous sperm and it still creates life. >> Yeah. But we when we get turned into
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vampires, everything just freezes in place. >> And we become frigid, barren, just we
00:20:23
can't accept a baby. And it's like, what the [ __ ] is that? >> That's [ __ ] >> It is [ __ ]
00:20:31
>> That is so >> It is [ __ ] >> [ __ ] And I also have a problem like just coming off of that with because
00:20:39
obviously Rosalie is a great example of this when she explains that all she ever
00:20:43
wanted was a baby and all she ever and that's why she's also pissed at Bella for wanting to become a vampire cuz
00:20:48
she's like, "Hey [ __ ] you're not going to be able to do that." >> That's also why she's pissed that Bella
00:20:52
did become a vampire cuz she was really hoping she would die and that she could keep that baby.
00:20:56
>> Exactly. But she's also she made Rosalie >> the stereotype of an infertile woman.
00:21:02
Mhm. >> And this is coming from somebody who went through infertility, so I can speak
00:21:07
on it. >> As a previously infertile woman, >> I [ __ ] hate when they are portrayed
00:21:15
as frigid, mean like typing over control, like Jennifer Garner and Juno. Like her husband's such a cool guy. I'm
00:21:24
like, "Oh my god, he's so cool. He's a [ __ ] predator, by the way. >> Put up with her."
00:21:28
>> But what a cool guy. And then she's portrayed as this very frigid, uptight, like, well, I can't have a baby. And
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it's like, nope, nope. Why are we portraying that? Like, why are we And it >> goes right into this. She's [ __ ] mean
00:21:43
for no reason to Bella. She's nasty. She's like a frigid [ __ ] Y >> and she just comes off as being like,
00:21:49
well, I can't have a baby, so I'm mad at everybody. And it's like, that's literally not reality.
00:21:53
>> No. And then it like goes further with this movie and this book because now all
00:21:59
of a sudden she has a change of heart to Bella because now Bella has become a [ __ ] vessel to her. She doesn't give
00:22:06
a [ __ ] about Bella. >> She doesn't. >> She cares. All she cares about is cool.
00:22:10
You that baby's going to kill you and claw its way out of you and then I get to have my baby. That's also not reality
00:22:17
of like an infertile like somebody going through infertility is like, "Oh, I'll just look at everybody else like a
00:22:22
vessel and I can just watch them die and steal their baby." Like that's what a weird way to portray her.
00:22:28
>> It's crazy. >> And I feel like it [ __ ] up her character cuz she also has a cool like
00:22:33
she has a backstory that's really like traumatic and crazy >> and like she's badass. She gets like
00:22:39
stifled down to to just that uh facet of her personality. >> Shoved into this box as just being like
00:22:45
baby obsessed lady who can't have a baby of her own. And it's like that's icky cuz you've made her like she's a strong
00:22:53
character and it's like and she really dumbed her down. >> She's such a badass. Her backstory like
00:22:57
you were just saying like in Eclipse it's so cool and we I think we said it when we went over Eclipse they didn't
00:23:03
even go that far enough into it. >> No. I wish they had. >> Yeah. But going back to the beginning of
00:23:08
the movie, because we'll like try to hit some of the stuff in the beginning, one
00:23:12
of the things that I noticed in the movie is in Bella's room when she's like packing up her [ __ ] Why is there just a
00:23:19
painting of a dog next to her bed? >> I wondered that, too. >> And it's not like a wolf dog.
00:23:23
>> I wondered that, too. >> It's like a floofy dog. >> Yeah, it's like a beehon.
00:23:26
>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. >> Just like a sheep dog. >> I don't think it was there before
00:23:29
either. I don't know if it was there. Maybe it was and I just didn't notice it until the room was empty. But I'm like,
00:23:35
>> why? Maybe she has like a desire to become one of those ladies that like shows those dogs.
00:23:38
>> That's I'm like you didn't give me any like you never mentioned that she had a
00:23:42
dog. >> Yeah. >> There's just this very distracting big painting of a fluffy dog.
00:23:49
>> See, I was too upset about the fact that she literally gets into bed wearing jeans and a belt. Oh, I literally have
00:23:55
that in all caps right here. Why does she get into bed with jeans on? >> And also Edward is going to break her
00:24:01
house. And at least she acknowledges that. But it's always like, "Oh no, nobody knows that Edward is here." I'm
00:24:06
like, "Charlie is a cop. Charlie is the the sheriff. He knows that Edward has attached himself to the house."
00:24:13
>> Yeah. Like when he jumps on, it's like [laughter] like it's like every time. >> And then EMTT and Jasper are like
00:24:21
>> going on the roof. Knows that you have people over. >> Like Charlie's a smart guy.
00:24:25
>> Yeah. >> Charlie's smart. He's handsome. He's capable. >> And he knows he's hot.
00:24:29
>> He knows he's hot. >> I know I'm hot. [laughter] But yeah, you're right. He knows every single
00:24:32
time. >> Come on. What are you doing? Going to sleep in jeans, you freak. >> Oh god.
00:24:35
>> At least take your belt off. >> Just what are you doing? What are you doing? And then Renee, the mom, getting
00:24:41
the wedding invitation. >> Oh my god. Like Charlie reacted appropriately of having like a somber
00:24:47
moment to himself being like, "Fuck, I really [ __ ] up here." >> Yeah. >> Renee is literally like she's standing
00:24:52
in her green screen beach. That green screen beach [laughter] was dia [ __ ] molecule. fulfill who we
00:24:58
don't see. And she's just like, "Girl, it's happening." Like so happy that her 18year-old daughter is getting married
00:25:07
after dating this guy for oh 4.5 seconds. I don't need How long have they been together?
00:25:13
>> They haven't been together that long because she transfers. >> I don't I think they're like I mean
00:25:19
>> they go to prom so I think she had to have been like a junior when they first
00:25:22
got together. So two years. I don't even know if it's two. I'm looking it up because I don't even know if it's two
00:25:28
years. >> I don't know. >> Well, also it can't be because she transferred in the middle of the school
00:25:33
year. >> Yeah. >> 14 months. >> 14 months. >> 14 [laughter] months. >> Jesus. >> They met in mid January of 2005 and
00:25:40
officially started dating in March of 2005. He left her in September. They were separated for 7 months and then
00:25:46
they reunited in March 2006 and got married on August 13th. It's not even It's like seven months
00:25:52
>> that they've actually been together. >> Some people count the break. Some people
00:25:55
don't. No. >> If it's 14 months. >> Yeah. >> And you weren't together for seven of
00:26:01
us. >> Seven of them. That's half of that time. >> That is half of that time. >> We are going to count that one as as a
00:26:06
break. >> Seven months. I didn't realize. >> So technically they have only physically
00:26:11
been together for seven months. >> Let that sink in. >> Everybody let that. And then I want you
00:26:18
to picture Renee on her green screen beach >> saying they're it's happening and it's
00:26:25
like >> you're a bad mom. >> You're a bad mom, Renee. >> I mean Renee, you hear me? You're a bad
00:26:31
mom. Based on the illustrated guide alone, she's a terrible mother. >> She's terrible.
00:26:35
>> She let Bella take over the bills when Bella was like 12. >> Doing the books.
00:26:40
>> No, she I think it literally says Bella started doing the books because Renee
00:26:44
couldn't. >> Yeah. >> Like hello. It's gnarly. >> It's so funny because she's so
00:26:49
parentified. That's why she's so baby girl because in [laughter] the book she was so she was a parentified child and
00:26:55
then she met Edward and she said, "Fuck that." >> She said, "He's a thousand. I get to be
00:26:59
the kid. [laughter] >> Let's go. I don't want to do this." >> Yeah. Like, damn. >> Yeah. Then we go to the wedding, which
00:27:06
>> Oh my god. >> I love her dress. I will say >> the back of her dress is stunning.
00:27:11
>> One thing I do have to say though, in the beginning she's practicing walking in like gigantic heels. Yeah,
00:27:16
>> her you don't. Her dress covers them. She could have worn [ __ ] fuzzy slippers if she wanted to.
00:27:21
>> You can't see the heels. >> Yeah, but also as she walks down the aisle, I said, "Babe, people are taking
00:27:26
pictures of you if we're considering this a real wedding." >> She looks she looks like a deer in
00:27:30
headlights. >> So horrified to be marrying this man. And I love it cuz when they go out like
00:27:36
she's like, "Just don't let me fall." And when And I love when Charlie says like never or whatever he says. It's
00:27:40
really sweet. I just love Charlie. >> Cute mom. [laughter] Cute cute kid and dad moment. This is just going to be me
00:27:45
loving Charlie. Period. >> Uh, it's the only good thing about this. But in that moment, I was like, if I was
00:27:50
Charlie, I'd be I'd be like, I'd gesture broadly and be like, I've already let you fall.
00:27:55
>> He already did, babe. [laughter] >> You know what? Sailed, babe. Here we are.
00:28:01
>> He got involved in our life too late. I think like like more involved too late.
00:28:05
And there's a part where like when she's trying on the shoes too with Alice that
00:28:09
when she walks away in the movie, she does this one little skip and then like hops off and Deb Deb was the one who
00:28:14
noticed it and I had never noticed it before and I was like >> why did she do that?
00:28:18
>> Why did she do that? >> Just like just a skip and then she's just off. >> I don't know.
00:28:23
>> It's very strange. And then we do get like um when she's packing up her [ __ ]
00:28:28
we get Edward doing a flashback to like why he's still trying to convince her not to become a vampire before the
00:28:33
wedding. >> Because Edward still wants her to die of old age so he can go get it with someone
00:28:37
else apparently. I'm sorry. That's like the most unromantic thing to me is a vampire not wanting to change the person
00:28:43
he's in love with. >> It's a really annoying trope, too, because it happens in like every vampire
00:28:48
movie or TV show and it's like >> it's very unromantic to me. >> It is. If you really loved me, you would
00:28:54
not want to live without me. And you wouldn't want me to die someday. >> And if you think I'm so beautiful, why
00:28:58
not freeze me in this gorgeous state? >> Yeah. >> Hello. >> You just shouldn't ever want to be
00:29:03
without me. No. >> So why you're just going to wait me out? >> Also, how about my own autonomy? I'd
00:29:08
like you to change me. Do it. >> So, I think it's dumb, but he's in there being like, "Let me tell you about when
00:29:13
I turned into it." I'd be like, "I literally don't care." >> He also tells her his whole backstory
00:29:18
like he's a monster. I said, "First of all, you were hella hot back then. makes them even better.
00:29:22
>> First of all, sick haircut. I love it. >> Edward in the 20s/30s. >> Woo! >> A+ A+.
00:29:28
>> A+. >> Honestly, men's looks in the 20s. A+ personality is probably not great.
00:29:35
>> Uh, >> but he tells her all about his backstory and how like he basically murdered
00:29:40
monsters. Like he was he was going very Dexter. Exactly. And he says that like that who you want to be with?
00:29:48
>> I'd be like, "Yeah, >> yes." like that would make me want to marry him more. >> Yeah.
00:29:52
>> She also he's like what what does he say? He says like what do you want to see when you look in the mirror, Bella?
00:29:57
And she's like you. >> And I'm like >> what what >> I said this romance is more [ __ ] up
00:30:03
than I thought. >> That's weird. You're not becoming one. >> She actually said I want to wear your
00:30:06
skin in a weird like to wear your face. So >> what? >> Um but yeah, that was weird. But I liked
00:30:11
the flashback because he looked really good in that flash. >> He saves a lady. He does
00:30:15
>> a lady in a great outfit. >> It's true. Cuz it was like the 20s, 30s. Yep. Um, and at the reception we meet
00:30:22
like those blonde vampires from Alaska, I think it is. >> Yeah. I remember they played a much
00:30:26
bigger part in the book. Yeah. Because people tried to like set Edward up with Arena, right?
00:30:31
>> Well, and Arena apparently was like with Lance. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like, and then obviously the
00:30:38
wolves ripped him apart because he was going to kill Bella. >> Yeah. >> Like, you know, it happens.
00:30:43
>> But she doesn't believe that. >> And at first, here's the thing. At first when I saw this scene, I was like, I'd
00:30:48
be pissed. I'd be like, "Get the [ __ ] out of my wedding." Cuz she's like, "I don't believe that." Like, and she has
00:30:54
the way this this actress plays it. >> Yeah. >> I know there's not a lot to work with
00:30:58
here, but like you got to do what you got to do. It's like very dramatic, but like the face she's making me laugh
00:31:04
every time cuz she's so intense. >> It's like when Kim K cries. >> Yeah. It's pretty gnarly. And she's like
00:31:09
And you know, they're like, you know, Laurent was going to kill Bella. Like there was really nothing I could do.
00:31:15
She's like, "I don't believe that." I'd be like, "And then get the [ __ ] out of
00:31:17
my wedding. Like, why are you here? >> Support me." >> But then I'm like, "Well, breaking down
00:31:23
part two is actually going to bring like a pretty big headache." >> Yeah. >> To all of these covens because Bella
00:31:30
just had to [ __ ] as a human. >> So now I'm [laughter] kind of like kind of on Arena's side here. Like cuz she's
00:31:37
even like she's bring a lot of problems. Well, not to think. >> All the vampires [laughter] are looking
00:31:42
around like, "You're really going to like throw it all away for this bitch?" >> And it's also like, "Just turn her."
00:31:47
Yeah, just [ __ ] go. >> Turn her, baby. Ask the Vuri. The Vuri wants you to do it. She's got the
00:31:52
[ __ ] shield. >> Mhm. >> Like, do it. >> Yeah. >> The [ __ ] This could all be fixed.
00:31:57
>> It could be. >> But then Jessica's speech. >> Jessica's speech. I'm still thinking
00:32:02
about it. I will never I will cringe until the end of the earth. or the hair as I call him. Or the hair as everybody
00:32:10
calls him. I was like, >> she said as I call him. Just just Jessica. That's her pet name for Bella's
00:32:15
husband. >> And when they like flashed Edward, his wedding hair is [ __ ] >> It's awful.
00:32:19
>> Complete [ __ ] I'd actually be so angry at John if during our wedding he had the
00:32:24
worst hair of his life. >> It's very floppy. Like an Well, and he did nothing with it.
00:32:27
>> No, John. No slick nothing happening. >> He might not have even washed it. >> I don't think he did. That might have
00:32:33
been on Robert Patson though because [laughter] he did admit that he went 6 months without washing his hair once.
00:32:39
>> He also has admitted in interviews that he had a strange body odor that smelled
00:32:44
similar to crayon wax which I don't know if I know what that smells like. >> But then wasn't like wet crayons.
00:32:52
>> I think I might have been wrong about that. Just crayon wax. Um they were dry.
00:32:56
But then [laughter] Kristen Stewart said I think he's overplaying that. Like no he smells he smells fine. He smells
00:33:02
really animalistic. He's got like an animalistic musk. And I said, "My dog pretty much never smells good." So,
00:33:09
[laughter] I'm not sure >> I don't know what if that's like a defense or not. >> I don't know if I've ever thought of
00:33:15
John having an animalistic musk, >> but it is rumored that people on set like the crew was like, "Why you so
00:33:22
stanky, Rob? >> Why you so stanky?" [laughter] I love that he's just like >> he didn't care. Maybe it was a cuz him
00:33:27
and Kristen were in that like like early 2000s indie grunge era. >> It was like a little grungy. Yeah.
00:33:34
>> Yeah. >> So maybe he really hadn't done it. >> Maybe that was it cuz it didn't seem
00:33:39
like it. And just her being like and like could have been me. Didn't notice me. I was like who does that at a
00:33:45
wedding? Like that's not I know. Once again as Stephanie Meyer would say it's fantasy. You believe that? I'm like but
00:33:51
this is supposed to be the real part of it. >> I know they actually did get married.
00:33:54
Like I'm like you nobody would do that. >> No. >> Like no you can make her have a weird
00:33:58
speech without being that was just so off the rails. Weird speeches all the time but to me no one would say that.
00:34:04
>> She wasn't even president of the glee club or the school council. >> Yeah. Like like basically like you could
00:34:09
have had me >> like no one's doing that. >> I don't know. >> I was like damn. And then
00:34:14
>> Renee singing >> go with her sleep >> batshit crazy hair. >> Go to sleep when you wake up
00:34:22
>> and Bella loves it. She's like, "That's my mom." >> She's just sitting there like, "That's
00:34:26
my mom." And I'm like, "Damn, >> that's," you know why she likes it? Cuz she only sees Renee a few times a year.
00:34:30
She's like, "Wow, there's another story to tuck in my back pocket." >> So, see you in six years, Mom.
00:34:34
>> I'm glad I don't have to do your books anymore, [snorts] you crazy [ __ ] >> You crazy [ __ ] Go back to your [ __ ]
00:34:39
green screen beach where the hell that is. >> Jacksonville, maybe. >> Yeah, it is.
00:34:44
>> Uh, but yeah, that was that was gnarly. >> Oh my god. And then uh uh what's his
00:34:49
name? Edward is like, "I have another gift for you. It's here. Yeah. >> And you're like, "Oh my god, yay." Like
00:34:55
gift. >> Edward gives Bella Jacob as a wedding gift. And that just feels weird to me.
00:35:01
That just feels weird to me. >> He even lets him have a moment alone. Oh, a very inappropriate moment alone.
00:35:07
As far as I'm concerned, >> there are canoodling in the moss, as you said. Too much can you say when we
00:35:12
[laughter] were watching? >> I said, "Why are you dancing with another man in the moss at your
00:35:15
wedding?" >> And I stand by that question. >> She like leaves the wedding. Yeah. She
00:35:22
stands in the moss in the forest >> as he like lifts her and twirls her. >> Oh yeah. And she like is has her head on
00:35:29
his shoulder. She They're canoodling. >> They are canoodling in the woods on her
00:35:33
very wedding day. >> It's like the way the fact that Edward's just like and he's so happy. He's like
00:35:39
this man. >> I know you love this werewolf so much. >> He's kind of a cuck. >> God. He is a little bit like do you want
00:35:45
a chair to sit down in [laughter] like >> would you like to sit among you anything
00:35:53
for the fellow? [laughter] >> Like truly would you like to put your feet up? >> What the [ __ ] is going on here?
00:36:00
[laughter] >> The wedding party's like hello. >> They're like what's going on? >> This wedding's getting weird. We're
00:36:04
going to leave. >> Like in the last few movies and books, Jacob has been so disrespectful of their
00:36:11
relationship. Bella has been so disrespectful of their relationship. He has outwardly admitted that he would
00:36:17
kill Edward if he could just to snake his gal. >> He says and he's like, "You're not good
00:36:23
enough for her. I'm obsessed with her. I want to [ __ ] her. I want to marry her.
00:36:26
We're supposed to be together." Like, he said this several times. I'm hotter than
00:36:30
you. He said, "And now you're just presenting him as a gift at your wedding." >> It's really weird.
00:36:35
>> On what planet, Stephanie? >> Cuck planet. >> Like, on what? And in the book, Jacob is
00:36:41
so [ __ ] unlikable in this part. >> Did you say in the book that he proposes being a thrpple?
00:36:46
>> At one point he does. I don't know if it's in the first part or like doesn't propose it. It's implied.
00:36:51
>> Okay. >> I think Edward is the one that kind of >> implies it. >> Did we just unlock a theme in this book?
00:36:57
>> I'm not positive. I need to look it up now. Which one? >> Oh, [snorts] it's Yeah, it was at the
00:37:01
end of Eclipse. He tells her he's willing to accept whatever relationship she feels she needs to have with Jacob.
00:37:08
Oh, so he's kind of being like kind of inforac if you feel like you want to be with him
00:37:16
as well as like I will understand which is essentially him suggesting or not suggesting but being open to the idea of
00:37:25
like whatever you want. >> Yeah. Like an an arrangement. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Those happen.
00:37:30
>> Which I don't think he wants that which is even sadder. He's just like I just
00:37:33
love you so much that I'll accept it essentially. And it's like, Bella, gosh. Wow. But yeah, it's and in the book,
00:37:42
Jacob, especially Breaking Dawn, he's so unlikable. His chapters are borderline unreadable for me.
00:37:48
>> They're also insanely named. >> They are. And I have a couple of them. Um, but in the book, in this part, is
00:37:55
when like they start talking about the honeymoon and he's like, you know, like basically saying you can't have a real
00:37:59
honeymoon cuz you can't [ __ ] And she's like, well, it's going to [clears throat] be real as anyone else
00:38:03
is. Basically like we will be boning. and she's so >> weird combo to have with your guy.
00:38:08
>> In the book, he gets So, he gets mad in the movie. He gets so mad in the book
00:38:13
that he grabs her like grabs her shoulders hard enough that she's in pain. >> Oh my god.
00:38:19
>> And she literally is like, "Ow, that hurts in the book." Like yelling, "It hurts." And Edward has to come over and
00:38:27
like literally be like, "I'm going to [ __ ] kill you if you don't let her go." And like Seth has to be like, "Let
00:38:32
her go. You're hurting her." >> It's her wedding. Like he literally is abusing her because he's mad that she's
00:38:38
going to [ __ ] Edward, >> her husband, >> on her honeymoon. >> Okay, make that make sense.
00:38:44
>> Like I need to know what happened here. Like where no one along the line said this is weird.
00:38:56
>> I guess not. >> Or did they? And you just said it. You have to think that by this point, like
00:39:01
when Breaking Dawn was out, it was well established that this is YA. Like, >> yeah,
00:39:07
>> that's really [ __ ] up. >> Yeah, it's a nasty relationship. Like, for him to grab her like that because
00:39:11
he's mad she's going to have sex with her husband on and I realize that's not it. Like, that's not the end of it. It's
00:39:17
like that he's mad because he's like, "You're going to die." Like, he he'll kill you.
00:39:22
>> That's the part of it, but that does not justify hurting her. >> No. And a part of it is he's mad that
00:39:27
she's going to have sex with >> he's jealous and he's upset that that could happen to her. But it's like that
00:39:32
does not justify grabbing her like that. >> No, nothing does. >> Like what the [ __ ]
00:39:37
>> It's wild. >> Edward's not telling Bella where they're going on their honeymoon.
00:39:42
>> My And like her family is aware of this. Like [ __ ] uh Rene is like, "Oh my god, where do you think you're going?"
00:39:48
>> So fun that he's taking her somewhere where he's told no one. >> Where the [ __ ] are you going? My family
00:39:53
would say, "Hey, you're not going." >> Yeah. Until we have your itinerary, you're not going.
00:39:58
>> That's an episode of Dine. >> I'm like, >> "That's an episode of Dine." >> Like, I could never.
00:40:03
>> No. >> I couldn't if >> No. My family would say, "I think not." >> Yeah. Like, we just don't know where
00:40:08
you're going. Like, that's insane. >> Oh, I thought that was thunder. >> Sorry, I got so excited. The the trash
00:40:13
bins were rolling and I said, "Is it thunder?" Talking about Twilight and in a thunderstorm would be just chef's
00:40:19
kiss, >> but it was just trash. But it was just un [laughter] I mean >> it was just garbage.
00:40:24
>> Well, [snorts] that's also fitting. >> Also, this whole thing like this whole
00:40:29
scene >> I'm like wow. Cuz from what I've seen on the website, like Stephanie's website,
00:40:36
she actually says before this even gets like moved into movie form, she said this should be two movies. She was the
00:40:43
one who said that. Really? Cuz she said she it is a long book. >> It's a big book. But you but like to be
00:40:48
fair not a lot happens in part one as far as I'm concerned. Not a lot of like >> had as the mo I mean part one of the
00:40:55
movie is like nothing. >> Yeah. >> But do you know if um the Harry Potter series had that book been split into two
00:41:01
movies yet? >> I don't know. >> Let me look cuz I wonder if that was part of the reasoning.
00:41:05
>> Well, I think she just I mean if you're going to split it in two movies, you're
00:41:08
getting more money out of it. That's I think it's just all based >> You think it's that to me that she
00:41:13
references the Harry Potter books on her website. So that's the only reason that
00:41:16
I wondered. >> Yeah. >> Um >> because turn like turning that into two movies, >> like this part in particular,
00:41:27
>> we watch them get in the car. >> We watch them get to the airport. We watch them get in a taxi. We watch them
00:41:35
randomly walk through the streets of Brazil for a minute. We watch them get in a boat. We watch them arrive at the
00:41:41
island. We watch them walk in the door. By the time you get there, you're like, I didn't need to see all your traveling.
00:41:49
>> No, >> I did not. It's halfway through that I was like, can we just get there?
00:41:53
>> Yeah. >> I don't need to see the traveling. >> Yeah. No, I I fully >> But they had to because they had time to
00:41:59
eat up. >> That's the thing. >> And there's not a whole lot of other stuff until you get to Well, because like
00:42:06
Reneesme has to be born and the Volter has to get upset and then you have to end it there cuz that's like where it
00:42:11
splits. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So it's like that I don't think it needed to be. >> I don't think so either.
00:42:18
>> It could have just been a long movie. >> It could have been Exactly. >> because I think the honeymoon is
00:42:23
>> It's a long >> It's half of the movie. We watch them playing chess for more of the movie than
00:42:28
we don't. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's a lot. Now, just to go back the way that like another thing because like
00:42:35
we're gonna get into now like the honey, >> you know, honeymoon and baby and all
00:42:40
that. Immortal children, the way Stephanie explains them in the illustrated guide
00:42:45
>> and has Carile explained them >> in the book is that immortal children are like outlawed because they can't
00:42:52
keep the secret like the vampires like they're kids. they stay as kids so they just don't have the ability to keep
00:42:59
secrets and like that they were so beautiful and enchanting >> and endearing that like whole covens
00:43:08
would like just you know they would do anything to protect them. So the vari was like this is a problem cuz we're
00:43:15
having to eliminate entire covens just to get rid of these immortal children cuz they'll just protect them. And it's
00:43:21
like, but the way they explain it is like not because like they felt this need to protect these children
00:43:27
>> because they're babies. >> Cuz they're children and like they need to be protected.
00:43:30
>> Yeah. >> It was that they were so beautiful. >> That's weird. >> And I'm like, why do we have to? And I
00:43:36
say this because there's a lot of weird [ __ ] >> that that ends up with kids >> that ends up with kids in this that I'm
00:43:43
like, I don't understand why this had to be part of it. I just don't. >> It's icky.
00:43:48
>> Like, it just doesn't make sense. Like do we can we not like >> well like even going back to and we'll
00:43:52
touch on it in this in this part too but even last time when we were talking about is it Quill who
00:43:57
>> imprints on a 2-year-old? Yeah. 2-year-old. >> Yeah. Like we get further weird icky
00:44:02
[ __ ] >> and it gets weirder in this one. >> Well, and she's not the only infant
00:44:05
who's been imprinted on now. >> No. Which we will get to. >> We'll get to >> now. And also another thing that I noted
00:44:10
here and it came out of like the wedding reception really and this is from the book is the way she has Bella hate
00:44:19
beautiful women. >> Yeah. >> Like hates >> is it when she sees Arena? >> She's immediately horrified by the
00:44:26
presence of the Denali coven >> and in turn the the Denali coven are kind of [ __ ] like
00:44:33
>> because they're like they feel judged. Well, and she makes them like, well, they're beautiful, so they have to be
00:44:39
mean. Like, they have to be nasty. Like, when they laugh, like Edward introduces
00:44:43
her in the book as his wife, and they're like, >> and it's like, >> she is his wife.
00:44:48
>> You were at you're at the wedding. Like, it's just like that doesn't make sense.
00:44:51
Like, can we have some girls supporting girls moments, please, in this? Cuz there's none.
00:44:55
>> No, there really isn't. >> Cuz even when she tries to do it with like the Rosalie and Belly Bella thing,
00:45:00
I'm like, no, no, she has an ulterior motive. >> Rosalie is using you as a vessel. It's
00:45:03
not girls supporting girls. >> And even Alice, Alice is just manipulative with Bella. Like they don't
00:45:08
have a very pure relationship. >> She just controls her >> and it makes me crazy.
00:45:12
>> There's a lot of internalized misogyny that's happening here that is coming out
00:45:17
in these things that I'm noticing more and more. Like in the book when the Denali clan
00:45:23
>> meets Bella and they like say hello, Tanya is part of the Denali clan. >> Tanya is not a vampire name.
00:45:31
>> I know. But Tanya was mentioned before as somebody that like I think they wanted to set Edward and Tanya up and
00:45:39
Tanya had like a big crush on Edward. >> Oh, I thought it was Arena. >> But Edward No, cuz Arena's with Laurent.
00:45:44
So Tanya like really was into Edward, but he was like not super into [laughter] her. I guess like that he was
00:45:52
kind of into her but like not like he's into Bella. >> Yeah. And so she knows this and like
00:45:58
which like >> knows this is what you're saying or >> so she knows that like but she knows
00:46:02
that like nothing happened and that he's not interested and that's it >> and also like they're getting married
00:46:07
>> and also like you're at your wedding >> so like [laughter] I think I think you
00:46:10
won. >> Yeah, I think you got it. I >> think you got this long. But the way in the book it's like Tanya gives like they
00:46:16
give each other a hug Edward and Tanya and then it's like Tanya was still holding Edward like held on to him
00:46:22
longer and then she says about all of them all the all the four of them and they were all four so beautiful that it
00:46:29
made my stomach hurt. >> The hell? >> Like can you just intimidated? >> Can you just be like wow they're
00:46:36
beautiful. >> I'm married. Like it's just like >> well it has like their beauty has
00:46:39
nothing to do with you. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it says, and that's when he says, "Let me introduce you to my
00:46:44
wife." And it says, "The Denali's all laughed lightly in response." And then she says, she says, "Tanya was
00:46:52
every bit as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted." >> Jesus Christ. >> She eyed me with a look that was much
00:46:58
more speculative than it was resigned and then reached out to take my hand. [sighs]
00:47:03
>> But immediately, we all just be cool. >> Like, she's more beautiful than like my
00:47:07
worst nightmares. It's like, damn. Can we just like and then she's kind of being a [ __ ] Like why does it need to
00:47:13
go like that? >> Yeah. Like why? And it's like I realize she's young. She's 18. >> Yeah.
00:47:19
>> So you have those like >> I think we've many women have found themselves in similar positions.
00:47:24
>> But I'm just like but I feel like she's so she's never just like in awe of these
00:47:31
women or just like wow what a like you know I mean like just looking at them like wow what a beautiful creature.
00:47:36
>> She's always threatened. >> It's always threatened. It's always competition and it's like it doesn't
00:47:41
need to be that way, babe. And you just want to shake her and be like, "It girl,
00:47:44
>> it's okay. You got him. It's okay. He's literally sickeningly obsessed with you."
00:47:49
>> So, like, don't worry. >> To a crazy level. >> Don't worry about it. >> Which I don't buy.
00:47:53
>> It's They have no chemistry. >> She gets pregnant and I'm not even convinced they ever [ __ ]
00:47:58
>> I know. >> Like I They don't have chemistry together. They just don't. >> Which is wild.
00:48:03
>> I'm like, "Did you guys screen test them?" >> I know >> cuz they're both pretty good actors.
00:48:07
Like Robert Patson has gone on to be in a lot of like really great movies and Kristen Stewart like when she was Joan
00:48:12
Jed I thought she was so good >> together I'm like and it's wild cuz they dated >> well that's the other thing they were
00:48:18
together for a while >> but I'm like was that maybe that was just press I don't think so
00:48:21
>> we don't nothing's real though >> I mean I don't know what they have they have no chemistry together on screen
00:48:27
>> and never is it more apparent than when they finally get to Esme and they are
00:48:32
about to you know he's like naked in the water >> and she's like just give me a second to
00:48:37
ready and then she acts like she's preparing to get sacrificed >> 100%. >> Which like maybe she is.
00:48:42
>> I've never seen anyone brush their teeth so vigorously >> and rip at their hair.
00:48:46
>> Oh my god. From the root. >> As a hairdresser, no. Start at the bottom. >> And then she and also the way she shaves
00:48:53
her legs. I said ripping up there. >> You are going to have razor burn and cuts.
00:48:57
>> And then I didn't understand that Alice packed for her, which like what? That's
00:49:02
your brother. And then Alice just put a bunch of skimpy like teddies and lingerie in there. Okay, here's the
00:49:07
thing. It's weird that Alice packed that bag. Like, I I'm not moving on from that.
00:49:12
>> I was like, "Please do not tell me." That's not weird. [laughter] >> That [ __ ] is weird. But Bella is so
00:49:17
horrified by what was packed that she's acting like it's like nipple pasties. >> I'm [laughter] like,
00:49:23
>> "This is your honeymoon. Like, wear a cute teddy. >> You can look cute. >> Get down with your bad self.
00:49:27
>> It's cute." And she ends up going out there naked. So, I was like, "What? Why
00:49:30
were you so scandalized by the fabric? You went out there [laughter] naked." Hello.
00:49:35
>> Which like good for you. >> Hello. >> Like you should if you feel so inclined,
00:49:39
>> but >> but she crumples to the ground at one point and it is like she's about to go
00:49:45
out to meet a firing squad. >> She I think she's just so embarrassed about like her body her like this is why
00:49:53
you weren't ready to get married. Babe, >> if you're crumbling onto the ground at
00:49:57
the thought of [ __ ] your brand new husband, you're probably not ready for marriage.
00:50:00
>> Probably. And also say if you just waited until after you became a vampire, you would feel confident as [ __ ]
00:50:07
>> I know. >> So like, why don't you just wait? I know. >> Wait until you feel like a goddess.
00:50:12
>> But I do get what she's saying about not wanting to be like writhing in pain on
00:50:14
her honeymoon. >> Yeah. I mean that's a bummer. >> Yeah. They should have figured they
00:50:18
should have planned >> that long. Does it? >> I think it's a few days. I don't really
00:50:22
know. >> Didn't seem like it at the cuddin's house. >> I think it is. It's days.
00:50:26
>> I think I think it was just hours. Is that all it is? Three to five days. >> Yeah.
00:50:32
>> But also, they were there for like 14 days. >> They were there for a while. >> I was like, "Okay, so part of the first
00:50:37
week is going to be you writhing in pain. Then you wake up looking like a snack with a full smokey eye and new
00:50:42
highlights and bouncy hair. >> Me personally, you best change me before my wedding.
00:50:47
>> Yeah, >> you best change me before my wedding. You know how many [ __ ] appointments I
00:50:52
had before my wedding to be the hottest version of myself." >> And you could just have permanent smokey
00:50:57
eye. >> I woke up like this. >> Yeah. Like literally and permanent lashes. >> Well, you plan that wedding for a dreary
00:51:03
day so you're not sparkling and freaking everybody out. >> Exactly. Which they didn't need to
00:51:07
anyway because they had the cover of all those gorgeous flowers. >> There one thing I have to say is that
00:51:12
their wedding was stunning. >> Oh, stunning. >> Stunning. >> Stunning. >> Um but yeah, I would like to be changed
00:51:18
before that. >> Yeah, but they do end up um doing it and it's very chased. It's [laughter] very
00:51:24
>> She gets She gets bruised from missionary. She does get bruised from this. >> She gets bruised from Simple Missionary.
00:51:31
>> I said, "What?" Cuz And also, you see it the next day. And I'm like, "How did the
00:51:38
closet door and a wall get damaged >> and the bed? The bed is broke." I'm like, "You guys were doing missionary."
00:51:44
>> He bit pillows. Like, show me. >> It's the softest sex I've ever seen. >> Show me where he broke the closet door.
00:51:50
>> Show me Show me to me, Rachel. >> Show me Rachel. >> Show me to me, Rachel, how that room was
00:51:55
ravaged. Show me that because from what we saw >> the [ __ ] >> the lightest. >> I said that's soft.
00:52:00
>> So gorgeous. >> Said beautiful. >> It was beautiful. >> Candle it either. >> But it was not moonlight.
00:52:04
>> Not not breaking a bed. I was like where? Sir what? >> Qua. >> Sir huh? >> What?
00:52:10
>> I was just a little confused. [gasps] And then when the housekeepers come. >> Rude.
00:52:14
>> So [ __ ] rude. >> And he goes they're not carpenters. >> They're not. Cuz one of them the man is
00:52:20
hug just walking out with part of the bed frame in his hands. They didn't even bother to pick that place up. And then
00:52:25
later you see Edward [ __ ] flying around the room to pack and warp speed. I was like, you could have cleaned that
00:52:32
[ __ ] room for them. I'm sorry to leave that room that big of a mess and then just be like, figure it out.
00:52:36
>> And also to sit on the couch while they clean. >> Yeah, >> that's so sit on the couch in your
00:52:43
underwear. Lots of pants, you douche. >> And while they clean the room that you [ __ ] demolished and didn't bother to
00:52:48
even pick up the feathers. >> Yeah. while doing missionary. That's crazy. >> That felt yucky to me.
00:52:53
>> It did. One thing that we also didn't even really talk about when like between
00:52:56
you and I when we were watching this. >> That's his mom's house. >> Yeah. [sighs]
00:53:02
>> I don't want >> I don't want to [ __ ] there. >> That's [laughter] If I was Bella, I'd
00:53:07
say >> it's not the first place I that comes to mind when I think of [ __ ] you for the
00:53:12
first time. >> This home was built for your vampire mother. This home shouldn't [ __ ] that.
00:53:17
[laughter] >> We should not do missionary in the home built and named for your mother.
00:53:21
>> In the book in the book, they destroy many rooms. >> Yeah, there's many rooms.
00:53:25
>> There's like a blue room, a white room, and they destroy them all. They wreck
00:53:28
them all. >> Yeah, they just wreck them all. And then they came in like a wreck.
00:53:31
>> Hopefully Esme will let us come back. I'm like, probably not. >> You two are disgusting.
00:53:35
>> You pieces of [ __ ] >> And also, Bella just comes back pregnant as [ __ ] And imagine how embarrassing
00:53:40
that would be. >> Yeah. >> Be like, oh, like we did [ __ ] >> Hi, guys. And I [laughter] think we
00:53:45
might have made a mistake. >> It might have been a problem. >> We did an oopsie. Like, oops. I just
00:53:50
can't believe I watched this at like 13 years old and I was like, "Oh, >> love."
00:53:55
>> I watch it now. I'm like, "Oh my god." Maybe [laughter] that actually explains
00:53:58
some of my decision-m in my youth. >> True. >> In my younger days. >> I mean, you never know.
00:54:03
>> Yeah. >> Also, why isn't he sparkling on this honeymoon? >> That's a really good question.
00:54:07
>> Do you know? Do you know why? Because I don't think they had it in the budget. I
00:54:11
don't think that >> apparently that was like incredibly expensive >> really to make him sparkle.
00:54:15
>> Yeah. >> [ __ ] >> And one part that really got me was when he's trying to avoid [ __ ] her because
00:54:21
like he >> and they're in the Amazon rainforest, I [laughter] assume. >> Yep. >> And he sprints ahead of her, like way
00:54:32
ahead of her, and she's just like >> left behind. And I was like, "Why are you leaving your new bride, your new
00:54:39
human bride, alone in the Amazon rainforest? You've already left her in the Pacific Northwest rainforest."
00:54:46
>> I was going to say it's kind of his thing. >> Why do you just leave her in forest? I
00:54:50
would never I'd be so mad at John. The rainforest. Do you know what kind of scary
00:54:56
>> Oh my god. >> Boops and beeps are living in the rainforest. >> It's criminal to even call them boops
00:55:00
and beeps. >> A human. A mortal. >> Yeah. >> One little And I'm gone. >> I know.
00:55:06
>> Like you're stoned. At least you can get through this. But you just leave me cuz
00:55:10
you don't you don't want to be tempted to [ __ ] me in the rainforest. >> Wow. What a sentence.
00:55:15
>> That's like essentially what's happening. >> You don't want to be tempted to [ __ ]
00:55:18
[laughter] me in the rain to missionary in the rainforest. >> In the rain. >> That's crazy. It was wild.
00:55:24
>> He also Debbie pointed this out when they're in the waterfall. He takes a deep breath before he goes under the
00:55:29
water. I was like, "But you're dead." >> Yeah. I was like, "You don't breathe." Like, "Hello. What does it mean?" Also,
00:55:34
what does [laughter] it mean? Uh, what was the dolphin thing that you said when they were in the
00:55:38
>> Oh my god. When they first in the water just like living their lives and looking
00:55:43
at the moon and kissing. >> That is beautiful. >> So beautiful. But I said there's pink
00:55:48
dolphins, river dolphins in that water. >> Look that up. >> You ever seen a pink river dolphin?
00:55:53
>> I don't think they give a [ __ ] about humans. >> I'd like you to go look it up.
00:55:57
>> Look them up. No, >> because if anything's going to ruin the mood, it's a pink river dolphin.
00:56:01
[laughter] If that thing opens its mouth near you, you're never missionary again.
00:56:06
>> And I said you two are very unsuspecting right now and you're very exposed. >> And I'm sure there's other things in
00:56:12
that water that could >> Let's Google what's in the Brazilian water. >> And if you're naked, you should be a
00:56:18
little aware of what's going on. Let's see. Jaguars. Jaguars are in the water. It [laughter] says Brazilian. That's
00:56:25
That's why I said that. We It also says legendary [laughter] fish. Legendary fish. I don't want
00:56:32
legendary [laughter] fish swimming all up on my butt. Well, not on your butt. Pink water [snorts] dolphins are so
00:56:40
scary. [laughter] >> There's also another one that's called the tuk tuki. Nope. >> And it's related to the dolphin, the
00:56:47
pink uh river dolphins. >> I'm scared. >> The largest predator in the Amazon, reaching up to 20 feet in length is
00:56:54
there, the black cayman. Ew. >> The green seen that the world's largest snake is in that water.
00:57:01
>> The green [laughter] anaconda. >> Why is your bottom >> piranhas are in there? And also if that
00:57:10
mother Oh no, that man is sparkling. >> Girl, there's electric eels. >> That man is sparkling. Don't love
00:57:18
sparkly things. >> The worst shark. The worst shark in my opinion from what is the cookie cutter
00:57:24
shark? >> Oh, I don't know about that. I thought the worst shark was the bull shark.
00:57:27
>> That's really bad, too. >> What's the one you cookie cutter shark is? Is just really scary.
00:57:30
>> Are you saying cookie cutter shark? >> I am. >> You know who told me about this? My
00:57:33
child. >> Oh, tell me about the cookie cutter shark. >> I'm going to show you this thing.
00:57:37
>> Jaguars are excellent swimmers. Who knew? >> I didn't know that. >> Yeah, they're frequently spotted
00:57:43
prowling the river banks. What the [ __ ] [laughter] is that? What the actual [ __ ] shark? I think they're
00:57:49
little. So, I think or maybe Oh my god. Do you know what's actually really exciting? There's capiaras. Oh, that's
00:57:55
fun. >> And Amazon manatees. >> Oh, that's pretty cool. >> Luckily, those are herbivores. But, um,
00:58:00
yeah, there's a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] in that water, and you should put your butt
00:58:03
away. You should you should keep your butt out of that water. [laughter] Just look it up at the moon, honey. You just
00:58:09
got stung by an electric eel, bitten by a [ __ ] piranha, and a green anaconda shark, and a jaguar is actually actively
00:58:16
hunting you while we record this podcast. >> Truly [ __ ] >> Truly, it's happening right now.
00:58:20
>> And you know what? It would be fine for Edward because he could just dip dip dip. Bella dead
00:58:26
>> dead. >> But also Edward's sparkling so he's attracting piranhas. >> No, there's no budget for that.
00:58:32
>> But but he should be. >> He should be. But >> yeah, put your butt away. >> That's another [laughter] that's another
00:58:36
time Stephanie said vampires aren't real. >> She said, "You believed in this? >> You really think they sparkle all the
00:58:42
time?" >> She said, "Girl, that's so cute that you believe in vampires." And I said, "But
00:58:45
you do. You wrote about it." Stephanie. >> Now it comes to it that he's like, "I'm
00:58:51
not going to do that again until we're not doing that. Like, not until you're turned." And she's like, "That sucks."
00:58:57
So they play so much chess, which also if I'd rather go through Venom spreading through my body rapidly chess on my
00:59:05
hoodie >> over and over again. >> Yeah. No. >> Yeah. So they play chess and then she
00:59:09
has a dream that they that they do it again >> and she wakes up and she literally
00:59:16
[laughter] >> cries and begs him >> I don't want to talk about >> to have sex with her.
00:59:21
>> I died inside during this scene. >> It is upsetting. >> If you have to beg your husband and cry
00:59:29
and beg him to have sex with you, that should not be your husband. >> That should not be your husband.
00:59:37
It was [laughter] so >> You should immediately >> You should You should revoke the
00:59:40
paperwork because technically it's not even legal yet. >> No. >> And you should say, "Baby, where the
00:59:45
hell is my husband? [laughter] It's not this guy. I have to beg him to >> get rid of him.
00:59:52
>> You got to go. You got to go, my dude." >> That's so upsetting. >> Yeah. And this is when we get our
00:59:59
pregnancy. >> Pregnancy. >> This is one of those two times she got pregnant. Wait, before we get there,
01:00:05
there's also a scene like in the middle of all this where Jacob is on the beach >> and we have to talk about this.
01:00:11
>> I do have that. >> Okay, >> so yeah, so his again Jacob's part of the book is wild and the chapter names
01:00:19
of his are really wild. >> Um, >> like there's like the preface of his thing of his part of the cuz they're all
01:00:26
split into chapters and like point of views and books and all that. His is called life life sucks and then you die.
01:00:32
Yeah, I should be so lucky. Oh my god. My mom used to say that to me all the time. Life sucks and then you die.
01:00:36
>> Horrific. >> I know. >> And so angsty. >> It is so angsty. She was team Jacob. I
01:00:41
guess >> she is team Jacob, I think. And let me find the um the chapter. It's literally
01:00:48
a chapter that's called like >> what am I the Wizard of Oz? You want to take a heart? You want to take a like
01:00:53
it's like >> it's the longest chapter name in the world. >> What do I look? This is a chapter.
01:00:57
Chapter 17 is entitled what do I look like? The Wizard of Oz. You need a brain. You need a heart. Go ahead. Take
01:01:03
mine. Take everything I have. >> Wow. That's the name of the chapter. >> Was this edited?
01:01:08
>> I don't know. Stand up. Who Who did it? >> Hello. >> Who did it? >> I guess you don't have to take all of
01:01:14
the editor's recommendations. >> No, you don't. You don't. But the more books I write, the more I have that
01:01:21
editors are very smart people. >> Yeah. >> And they do know what they're talking
01:01:24
about. >> That's why they have that job. >> They do know what they're talking about.
01:01:27
And it should be this far into a series. I feel like by book two, book one I was
01:01:33
probably a little like that's my book. I'm not taking your suggestions. Like not enough.
01:01:38
>> Yeah. >> Book two I was like okay you're right. >> Yeah. >> Book three I literally was like said
01:01:44
>> you know so much better than me. Like I was literally like final cuz >> take my hands let's do this together.
01:01:50
[laughter] >> Let's jet set. I said, "You just know like you really like editors out there
01:01:59
cuz you know what? You you know, you know, and we need you period." >> So that we need you. Uh but
01:02:05
[clears throat] yeah, this I do question this one cuz I'm like what's going on here?
01:02:10
>> Yeah. >> So we're in >> Laush >> the We're in La Push. >> I love saying that. La Push. we're in
01:02:17
the push and they're talking about like, you know, Jacob's, you know, wondering what's going on, wondering if she's
01:02:23
going to he's convinced that Bella is going to die. So, [laughter] >> he's basically saying the treaty will be
01:02:27
null and void and I can't wait to kill Edward once it is >> pretty much. And he's talking to Leah
01:02:32
and I think he's talking is Seth there? >> Yeah, I think it's Leah and Seth. >> Yeah. And he they're talking about how,
01:02:36
you know, uh they start talking about like imprinting essentially cuz they look over and on the other side of the
01:02:42
beach are all the other pack members who have imprinted couples. They're all kissing, cuddling, giggling with each
01:02:48
other. >> And Jacob's like, "Oh my god, their lives don't even belong to them anymore." And as he's looking at them,
01:02:54
canoodling couples, >> it then switches over and he's looking at >> Quill and the 2-year-old Claire he
01:03:02
imprinted on right after he's talking about these canoodling couples whose lives are not
01:03:08
working anymore and how lucky they are. >> Leah saying how lucky they are. And then
01:03:12
it's like >> it's so dark. You're and you look at this little 2-year-old and this
01:03:18
at least 17-year-old, >> this boy who has no right just squatting by her next to the water.
01:03:27
>> Yep. >> And I said, "This is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen." >> It's It's Isn't it more disturbing in
01:03:32
the book? You read some of it out loud. >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It is. >> You got to post it.
01:03:36
>> Let me find Find where I have this. So because at one point, so remember the way that imprinting is talked about in
01:03:46
the illustrated guide is that it is not true love >> and it's not love at first sight.
01:03:52
>> It's not or it's not I shouldn't say it's not true love. It's not love at first sight. And it doesn't have to be
01:03:57
romantic necessarily. >> It could be brotherly. >> It can be brotherly. >> And it's very much and that's the way
01:04:03
that everybody tries to defend it that it it doesn't have to be like that. But you know what's crazy?
01:04:09
>> Yeah. You know what's crazy? So, there's a part in this book in Jacob's part where he's talking about how his sister
01:04:14
Rachel, uh, one of the pack members, Paul, imprinted on her >> and how he's like annoyed by that. And
01:04:22
he says, "Wasn't it bad enough that yet a number another member of the pack had imprinted?" Because really, that made
01:04:28
four of 10 now. When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare for crying out loud. All this mandatory love
01:04:35
at first sight was completely sickening. >> Look at that. You canceled out your own
01:04:40
thoughts. >> What is What? Like what? You said it's not love. And actually, I think in
01:04:45
Eclipse, Jacob or maybe even in New Moon, Jacob literally says the words to Bella. It's not love at first sight. And
01:04:52
then in his point of view in Breaking Dawn, he says all this love at first sight.
01:04:57
>> Yep. >> Yep. >> Make that make sense. And then like the very next paragraph it says,
01:05:04
"So I'd been all geared up to be keeping that secret." And then two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on
01:05:10
the beach. Bada bing, bada boom, true love. >> I thought it wasn't true love. >> That's the second time in two paragraphs
01:05:16
that it has been stated that this is true love, my friends. [clears throat] And then we get to another part, just
01:05:24
speaking of imprinting, speaking of Quill and Claire, >> uh where we get an entire scene of
01:05:30
Claire talking like a 2-year-old, like being like, "I have a walk and like meeting a rock and it's Queen
01:05:37
>> and blah blah blah." Like, and she call and she's like, "Quill, do this and blah
01:05:41
blah blah." Like, >> I have a question. Where's Chris Hansen? >> Thank you. >> Where is Get him on the scene because
01:05:47
it's about to get weird. >> Chris Hansen Tula push. It's about to >> You know what's actually crazy? Robert
01:05:52
Patson, somebody sent me a DM, is about to play Chris Hansen in a movie. >> Are you serious?
01:05:56
>> I'm serious. >> That's wild. >> Isn't that wild? >> That's wild. >> And so he's talking about Quill. Yeah.
01:06:02
>> We go through the whole scene of seeing Claire being a 2-year-old. >> And he's saying that Quill would play
01:06:08
peekaboo with her for an hour. Like he never got bored of hanging out with her. Blah blah. Which also is weird. It's
01:06:14
weird, man. We're not making this any better. >> Where's Cla's mom? >> I'm I'm saying. And then it's and then
01:06:19
Jacob says, "And I couldn't even make fun of him for it. I envied him too much." Though I did think, are you ready
01:06:25
for it? I did think it sucked that he had a good 14 years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age. Also,
01:06:36
that would only make her 16. And also, I thought you said that it didn't have to
01:06:42
be romantic. Now you're telling me he's got to wait. He's gonna wait it out and watch this little girl go from [ __ ] in
01:06:49
her pants >> to 16 years old when he can finally date her. >> Yeah, >> we're really gonna do that.
01:06:56
>> We did that. They did that. >> And then >> she did that. >> She says for Quill, he says for Quill,
01:07:01
at least it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older. >> What? I don't remember that being part
01:07:07
of the lore. I thought that they were I thought they just like slowly got older.
01:07:12
Yeah, I don't remember all that part of the lore, but >> I thought it was just the vampires that
01:07:17
didn't age. >> Yeah. All right. So, it says they age normally until they reach physical
01:07:23
maturity around age 25. >> So, not >> So, I'm sorry. Wait a minute. He's going to reach age 25
01:07:32
and she's going to be 16 >> and then also >> like there's going to be that age gap.
01:07:37
>> Yeah. What? >> And then he he just it's the same thing as a vampire. stops and then she'll
01:07:43
continue to age. >> That's the thing. So then they don't age as long as they continue to phase. So if
01:07:48
they stop phasing, they'll start aging again. >> Okay. But yeah, 25 is where they get
01:07:54
permanently frozen, >> which also but but they die. And if he's >> they're not immortal. Who knows how old
01:08:00
he is? >> I think he I mean he's probably like 16 17 like Jacob's age, right? >> So it's like he's
01:08:05
>> or like who knows cuz Sam's kind of older. So he's going to hit 25 before she hits 16.
01:08:12
>> Yes. Cuz she's only two. >> Two. Yeah. So it's like that. >> Don't think too hard on that.
01:08:19
>> I'm thinking way too hard on it. And it's real upsetting because even in this
01:08:24
same thing when he's like, "Yeah, you know, he's got and a good 14 years of monkitude." And I was like, "Oh, this is
01:08:29
gross." So gross. >> Like he's not going to [ __ ] any girls his own age. >> He can't
01:08:33
>> because there's this 2-year-old that he's waiting for. That's so [ __ ] up. Yeah, that's a weird
01:08:37
>> I can't get over this. And he even says to him, "Quill, you ever think about dating?" And he's like, "Huh?" And
01:08:43
Claire is like, "No." E. >> Claire doesn't know what the [ __ ] that means. Claire's two. And then he says,
01:08:49
"You know, a real girl. I mean, just for now, right, on your nights off babysitting duty."
01:08:55
>> Oh my god. Who's trusting Quill to babysit this child that he's in love with?
01:09:00
>> Yeah. >> And then this is too gross. This is actually like making me nauseous. Oh.
01:09:03
Well, and then he says, Jacob says, "I bet she'd understand, you know, when she's grown up. She wouldn't get mad
01:09:09
that you had a life while she was in diapers." >> She might get mad that you imprinted on
01:09:13
her when she was 2 years old. >> She might get mad. She wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in
01:09:19
diapers. >> Is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my >> So, when she's 16, she'll be like,
01:09:22
"Well, I was [ __ ] my diaper then, so I understand why you didn't date me. >> I don't need to."
01:09:29
>> Does anybody I'm like, "Are you What? How do you write that as a woman too? Hello.
01:09:35
>> Like >> I got I have to go. >> I'm actually late for I'm late for something. Bye.
01:09:40
>> Just to make it even worse, >> you you have to. >> Jacob's like, "But you won't do that,
01:09:44
will you? Like you're not going to date anyone else." >> And Quill says, "Now remember, we have
01:09:51
been primed and told that is not romantic love every time that they are be will be what they need to be like if
01:09:58
they're a brother, a protector or whatever. This to me sounds like it's romantic love because he's not willing
01:10:04
to date anyone else. He says, "I can't see it. I can't imagine. I just don't see anyone that way. I don't notice
01:10:11
girls anymore, you know? I don't see their faces >> cuz I'm only struggling >> because I'm only into this 2-year-old."
01:10:17
>> The 2-year-old. >> Like, I'm sorry. There's no other way to take that. >> There's no other way to take. Here's
01:10:24
like she could have written this in a way where he became Cla's protector and like had a girlfriend at the same time
01:10:31
but like had that kind of relationship with her like a big brother and you know like there could have been a scene where
01:10:37
Cla Cla was playing by the water and he protected her from drowning or something
01:10:41
like make it >> normal. That's the thing. It's like if you had made it like yeah they just be
01:10:46
like you said imprinting but make it if you're if you're saying that it can have
01:10:50
a brotherly piece to it. Show us that piece. Don't show us a weird [ __ ] guy waiting until he can [ __ ] this girl, but
01:10:58
she's two right now. >> Because if that conversation had happened and Quill had said, "Well,
01:11:02
yeah, of course I'm going to date other girls because I >> I'm not interested in her that way.
01:11:07
>> I just love Claire. I just want to protect her at all costs. >> I'm going to be the person that makes
01:11:11
sure no one hurts her." >> Yeah. >> I would have been like, "Oh, cool." >> You could even make it that like when
01:11:16
Cla gets older, she has a boyfriend and like Quill's really protective and making sure he's the right guy.
01:11:21
>> Yeah. But like in like in that way that's like not crossing a line. It's like if they had had that discussion, I
01:11:27
would have been like, "Oh, that's a little less crazy." >> Because the other thing is it takes away
01:11:31
the the 2-year-old or the woman's autonomy cuz they have no say in it. >> Like even um what's is it Emily? Even
01:11:39
Emily [ __ ] over her best friend and cousin just because Sam's like, "Well, I imprinted on you." And had no say in and
01:11:46
it's like and you're saying like he's like, "Oh, I'm sure Claire will understand when she gets older." Like,
01:11:51
whoa, whoa, whoa. So, we're just not even giving Claire a choice. >> What if Clare doesn't want to be with
01:11:55
you? >> That she now has to just look at you and go, "Oh, it's okay that you, you know,
01:11:58
waited. >> Yeah, you have to. She has to date you because you imprinted on me." That's so [ __ ] up.
01:12:04
>> She has no choice. >> Like the whole imprinting thing. Again, it's such a weird like thing to do that
01:12:10
takes away women's autonomy because it's like we're not given any I don't see Leah imprinting on anyone.
01:12:16
>> No. That's not fair. We don't take away the men's autonomy. We only take away
01:12:21
women. >> If I was Leah, I was reminded of it in this movie when she's sitting on the
01:12:25
beach with Jacob and Seth and she's just hanging out and she has to watch her [ __ ] [ __ ] ass cousin canoodle with
01:12:32
the man she used to love. I would physically fight my cousin every single day of her life. I would beat her ass on
01:12:39
the daily [laughter] is what I said. That's what I wrote down right here in these notes.
01:12:43
>> She said I would beat her ass >> on [laughter] the daily. [ __ ] how does your cousin do you that dirty?
01:12:50
[laughter] >> [ __ ] >> how does your cousin do you that dirt? I am not over it. And if I was your best
01:12:56
friend, >> I'd be in prison. >> Yeah, justice for Leah. Leah can be a pain in the ass in this movie.
01:13:04
>> Oh my god. They had her kill her dad. >> She loses her [laughter] man. >> She has to There's one part, too, where
01:13:11
they're Go ahead. >> Oh, I got it. Go ahead. I got my Post-it note locked and loaded. So even in this
01:13:18
even in the movie and I think she said and she says it in the book too when she breaks away from the pack because later
01:13:23
when they get home from the honeymoon and they have to keep Bella safe the pack finds out she's pregnant and the
01:13:29
pack is like we got to kill. >> Yeah. Like we got to kill her because this is [ __ ] up. It's a abomination and
01:13:34
they've broken the treaty essentially cuz this baby's going to kill her. >> Y >> So obviously Jacob doesn't want to do
01:13:41
that. He breaks away from the pack because he is technically the true alpha. He just decided not to be his
01:13:46
grandfather was chief. >> Yeah. So he's like, "I don't have to bow to you, Sam. [ __ ] off." So he leaves and
01:13:51
Seth follows because Seth's adorable and doesn't want to. And he's like, "I don't
01:13:54
want to hurt the Cullens either." >> And Leah eventually comes cuz she was like, "I want to get the [ __ ] away from
01:13:59
my ex-boyfriend." And I'm here all >> whose thoughts I've had to hear every day.
01:14:02
>> And when she says it and Jacob's like, "You don't even like me." And he's like,
01:14:06
"I don't." She says, "I don't have to like you. I just have to follow you." And I said, "Wow, if that isn't Twilight
01:14:13
in a nutshell." Yeah. >> A woman [snorts] saying to a man, "That's the duck. I don't have to like
01:14:18
you." >> That's the eye of the duck of the duck. >> Shout out to Adam and Dom. Check out
01:14:21
their pond. >> Well, listen to Eye of the Duck. It's a really good book. >> That is the eye of the duck.
01:14:25
>> That is the eye of the duck is I don't have to like you. I just have to follow
01:14:29
you. >> Like that's >> wow right there. And then on top of that, cuz she starts talking about I
01:14:36
don't want to be the the sad ex-girlfriend having to follow her ex-boyfriend around all her story. So
01:14:41
sad. And she's like, "And I don't want to have to think of his thoughts and hear his thoughts and have him hear my
01:14:44
thoughts." Well, in the book, they talk about how when you like, you know, when you
01:14:51
>> when you phase when you phase, your clothes rip apart, so you're naked. >> Unfortunate.
01:14:56
>> And Jacob says, "Nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life. We'd all thought nothing of
01:15:02
it before Leah came along. Then it got awkward. Leah had average control when it came to her temper. It took her the
01:15:08
usual length of time to stop exploding out of her clothes. Every time she got pissed.
01:15:12
>> Not exploding out of her clothes. [laughter] Imagine every time you got pissed. You
01:15:17
exploded out of your clothes. >> I don't know why that that might not be rolling yesterday.
01:15:23
>> But then it says, "Are you ready for Jacob? Team Jacob. >> We'd all caught a glimpse." And it
01:15:30
wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at. It was just that it was so not worth it
01:15:35
when she caught you thinking about it later. Also, just the sentence, it's not that
01:15:42
she wasn't worth looking at. And like someone else that down even more worth looking at.
01:15:49
>> I want to fight people right now. Forget forget Emily. I'm going to fight so much
01:15:54
more than that. >> Justice for Leah. Like what the not only thinking about it later,
01:16:00
>> not only does this [ __ ] have to watch her love of her life fall in love and
01:16:06
imprint on her cousin and best friend who's just like, eh, I don't know what to tell you.
01:16:11
>> I just love him. >> You want to be in our wedding though? And then has to hear his thoughts about
01:16:17
Emily >> and he gets to hear her thoughts about the whole situation. >> [snorts]
01:16:23
>> Not only that, she's got to explode out of her clothes. [laughter] >> Crazy. >> And then have these little dingus muts
01:16:30
over here >> think about it later. >> She's not. It's not like she's not worth looking at it, but then they have to
01:16:36
think nasty ass thoughts about it later. And then she's got to be like, "Hey, little [ __ ]
01:16:41
>> Stop thinking about my ass." Like, >> so [ __ ] up. >> What a [ __ ] life. I was like, "No
01:16:45
wonder you broke away from that pack." I'd be like, "I'm a lone goddamn wolf." >> I would walk into the ocean.
01:16:49
>> Ain't no way I'm being part of a pack. I would say I'm going to La Push and then
01:16:53
I would walk into the ocean [laughter] of >> La Push. What a [ __ ] life. >> Oh man,
01:16:58
>> justice for Leah. Even though Leah is kind of a [ __ ] in this, >> but whatever.
01:17:03
>> She's on the right side at least. And honestly, she can be a [ __ ] Let her. >> It's wild. And oh, it's I just can't get
01:17:12
over it. Now, apparently the whole idea of like human vampire hybrids >> Mhm. >> is a thing. It's in the illustrated
01:17:20
guide, of course, because she had to explain. >> Have you guys heard of the illustrated
01:17:22
glide? Have you? >> Illustrated glide. I just said >> illustrated glide. >> This vampire named Joh.
01:17:29
>> I love it. >> Uh he was a vampire who was I guess he was like a scientist when he was a
01:17:34
human. >> Name. It is Yam. And he was very curious about things. And so he allowed a female
01:17:41
vampire to turn to him just so he could like experiment and see what it was like
01:17:45
for him for science. >> I feel like he has really good hair, >> right? I feel that too. He's not great.
01:17:50
Um, but he became obsessed with the idea of vampire human hybrids when he became
01:17:55
a vampire. So, he tried a ton of times to make one. Okay. He just kept [ __ ] women who were humans, like human women.
01:18:03
>> And he kept either killing them while [ __ ] or they would die while trying to have the child.
01:18:08
>> Awesome. >> So, he was like, "Oh, this isn't working." >> He's like, "God damn." But after,
01:18:12
according to the illustrated guide, and I quote, after a lot of practice, oh, a lot of practice, he impregnated a woman
01:18:19
named Serena, and she lived and had a daughter. >> Okay. >> He apparently conceived a son with
01:18:25
another woman who was apparently what is termed a singer, but she was very um and
01:18:30
now a singer is what Bella is. >> Okay. >> A singer has blood that quote unquote
01:18:36
sings to one vampire. >> What a [ __ ] flex. That's why Edward is so helplessly in love with
01:18:42
[clears throat] it. That it's that blood. Her blood is a siren. She sings to him.
01:18:47
>> That's beautiful. >> Now, apparently singers don't hit for all vampires. They hit for
01:18:54
a particular vampire. >> That's not true for Bella, though, because I feel like every vampire that
01:18:59
comes in contact with her is like, >> remember James? He risked his life. >> Literally, like, I just want to taste
01:19:05
it. It's like, but that's against the lore. Yeah, >> cuz she maybe it just tastes a little
01:19:09
better, I guess. I don't know. But so he conceived a child with a son with a singer. But in the illustrated guide,
01:19:16
she is very adamant that this lady her singer abilities nothing according to like when put up next to Bella's. Okay.
01:19:23
>> She's always like Bella is just more than everybody. >> Oh, maybe she doesn't hate her.
01:19:27
>> I think so too. >> But so they did they are a thing. Hybrids reach physical adulthood by
01:19:32
seven years. >> Okay. So, in seven years, they will become like uh an adult, but they're
01:19:38
still seven, >> but they're not like in a seven-year-old body. Yeah, >> they become an adult, but they are only
01:19:44
on this earth for seven years before they become an adult. >> Okay. >> And apparently they're born with an
01:19:49
adult mental capacity. >> I was going to say, okay. Okay. >> Um and then they just stay that way.
01:19:53
They don't move past that. >> All right. >> But yeah, so that's a thing. And so I
01:20:00
just wanted to put that out there because there is like you know precedence for it kind of thing.
01:20:05
>> Um but yeah so that's what will happen with Reneesme is she will se within seven years she will become a full
01:20:12
adult. >> Okay. Um so that's all that Jacob has to wait for. >> Oh that's so great. Um
01:20:18
which is weird. Uh now the whole time that like Belle is in the Cullen house and Rosalie is just thirsting for that
01:20:26
baby. Anytime someone's like, you know, this fetus is is hurting you, this fetus
01:20:32
is going to kill you. She's like, it's a baby. Call it a baby. And it's like, no,
01:20:35
no, I get it, babe. I get it that it's like a real thing in there. >> Biologically, medically, it is a fetus
01:20:41
until it comes out of her. So, like, you need to tone it down. Like, you need to
01:20:45
calm down. >> She's like, everybody else is a little bit wrong because for the amount of time
01:20:50
that Bella is pregnant, it's not a fetus. It's actually an embryo. >> It's an embryo. Honestly, I don't even
01:20:55
think it's an embryo, though. It's actually >> ever. >> Yeah, probably not. >> With what? How she's pregnant? How long
01:21:02
is it? >> 9 weeks. 9 to 10. >> 9 to 10 weeks. And but how long is it that uh that she's pregnant?
01:21:08
>> Oh, sorry. Uh 3 weeks, I think. 3 weeks, I think. >> Hold on. Let me let me make sure.
01:21:13
>> So, I don't even think she ever just cuz also remember as soon as she gets pregnant, she feels it kicking.
01:21:19
>> Implantation for her is 2 minutes. >> Literally, >> she's pregnant for 28 days.
01:21:23
>> Yeah. So, and she feels it kicking the second she's she finds out. So, that thing is no longer an embryo. That's a
01:21:29
full-blown fetus, but it's a fetus the whole time. >> Yeah. >> And it's like that's just And maybe
01:21:33
that's just like medically and biologically it's annoying me that she's like being such a [ __ ]
01:21:38
>> You are a science queen. >> It just annoyed me. Also, when she does figure out she's pregnant,
01:21:43
>> she looks at she like in the movie she like, you know, asks for her like makeup
01:21:48
bag and she sees the thing of tampons and that's when she's like, "Oh, [ __ ] my period.
01:21:52
>> And in the book, the same kind of thing happens, but she like lifts the tampon
01:21:55
box up like cuz she's kind of like, "Oh, [ __ ] I don't need these." >> And Edward in the book is like, "You're
01:21:59
trying to pass off this sickness as PMS." And I was like, "I'm sorry." >> Some people do get really sick.
01:22:05
>> Edward Anthony Cullen, >> man, >> have you ever had a period? Because I've had cramps so badly that one, I've
01:22:11
thrown up, and two, I've almost fainted. Yeah. Literally. >> So, don't sit here and be like trying to
01:22:16
pass this off. [ __ ] off. >> I'm like, I've thrown up during my period before. Okay. If John ever tried
01:22:21
to question my period, I'd be like, "Have you ever experienced one?" >> Fight night.
01:22:27
>> Like, get out of here. Like, that just annoyed me in the book. No, he's out of
01:22:30
here. >> But they're not He's not nice to her. >> No, he's not >> ever. He's not, please.
01:22:34
>> But he's so in love with her. Like, make it make sense. >> Make it make sense.
01:22:39
>> So, Alice taps into the fact that like something is arai because she can't see
01:22:42
Bella anymore like in visions. >> I think like the the fetus like blocks her. >> It's like a It's like actually placenta.
01:22:48
phone. It's a literal eclipse. But uh so on in the movie on like Alice calls and
01:22:53
is like, "What's going on?" And then Carle gets on the phone and Bella says, "Carle, I swear something just moved
01:22:58
inside of me." I said, "That's diabolical to say to your father-in-law." >> And you know, Carl was probably like,
01:23:03
"Did you mean to call me? [laughter] >> I swear something just moved inside of me.
01:23:08
>> Who are you saying this to?" >> Uh what? >> And she meanwhile looks in the and she
01:23:12
looks in the in the mirror and she's like, "I'm bumping. >> There's a bump. Let me tell you, that
01:23:18
[ __ ] is a Pilates queen. >> I would give my left arm for [laughter] that bump. I would give my left arm for
01:23:24
my stomach to look like her stomach looks when it's when she's like, I'm pregnant.
01:23:27
>> I eat a pizza and I'm more pregnant than Bella. >> Mama is tone as [ __ ] in that. It's
01:23:32
[laughter] like that's I was going to say I drink a little water and I'm and I'm more pregnant than Bella. [laughter]
01:23:37
>> Literally, >> it's like goddamn nuts. >> I was like, we're really not going to
01:23:40
give her like anything here. >> No. >> But cool. Um, so yeah. So, justice and all that. Uh [laughter]
01:23:47
and Carile. >> Now, there's a part where um it's like while they're talking about how she's
01:23:54
like getting to the point where it's like breaking her ribs and [ __ ] and Carile's like, "Yo,
01:23:59
>> this is going to kill you." >> Like, "This thing's going to real talk right now."
01:24:03
>> Yeah. Like, he's no way. And Robert Patson literally almost laughs in this scene
01:24:09
>> multiple times. >> When they're telling him that the baby's crushing Bella from the inside out, he
01:24:13
says, "I can't live without you." Watch it again. He stifles a full laugh. >> He does and he turns to the window.
01:24:18
>> He doesn't do a good job at it. It's very very obvious that he stops himself from laughing
01:24:23
>> and then he does it one more time like right before he yells at her. Watch that
01:24:27
scene. He's lining. >> Please do. He's l >> cuz he's like this isn't serious. Also,
01:24:31
I think it's partially that she looks so scary that he can't be like, I can't live without you. Because he's like, I
01:24:36
kind of want to live without you right [laughter] now. >> Terrifying. >> I'd like to get out of here. They the
01:24:41
makeup and like whatever else they did to make her look so just like gaunt and scary. I was like what did you guys do?
01:24:47
>> Terrifying. Like terrifying. >> And while um when Bella like goes into labor and like all her bones are
01:24:55
breaking. It's so scary >> cuz she like drops blood. They figure out that like the baby needs blood. So
01:25:00
she's drinking blood and then she drops some and the baby like wants it so bad that she she breaks her back and her
01:25:06
knees. >> Yeah. It's terrifying. And in the book, uh, Jacob's part, he says, "For the
01:25:14
tiniest part of a second, my eyes touched on the two standing in the back, Esme, Alice, small and distractingly
01:25:22
feminine." Distractingly feminine. What the [ __ ] does that mean? >> Pretty. Distractingly feminine. He's like,
01:25:31
"Here's the thing. I was really concerned about Bella, but I kind of wanted to [ __ ] those vampires, and I do
01:25:36
feel weird about it." That sounds like something AI would spit out. >> No, you know what that sounds like.
01:25:41
>> I realized these were written well before AI was a thing. So, I'm not that's not what I'm saying at all. But
01:25:46
I'm saying that does sound like a stupid thing that AI would put together. >> It sounds like to be like put this in
01:25:53
there. >> It sounds like that whole generation that's like looks maxing. Have you heard
01:25:57
of that? That's the kind of [ __ ] that those incelss would say. Distractingly feminine.
01:26:01
>> Distractingly feminine. >> They call girls like mobs or something. I don't know.
01:26:05
>> What the [ __ ] It's weird. >> I just It just sounds like something that two things that don't belong
01:26:09
together. It just doesn't feel completely again. I realize this was before AI. I'm not by any means. We're
01:26:16
not accusing any. >> I'm more just saying like that's how that is also why when like people think
01:26:20
things that are not written well are just AI. >> Not always. >> Sometimes [laughter] people just don't
01:26:26
work. But this really does feel like one of those cuz like a lot of times when you see like something written by AI,
01:26:33
there'll be things that you're like that doesn't make sense. Like that metaphor doesn't make sense or like it's like
01:26:38
overly worked the word or like the phrase that feels overly worked. Distractingly
01:26:45
feminine feels like something that somebody should have said. Pull that back. >> Distractingly feminine.
01:26:50
Yeah, it it is. It kind of feels like one. >> And I feel like maybe I'm like was he
01:26:54
trying to insult? I absolutely because he's like I think he's basically saying like the vampire women shouldn't be so
01:27:02
feminine and beautiful but they are and I it's like [ __ ] me up. >> It's like what? He also yells [snorts]
01:27:08
at Edward when he finds out that Belle is pregnant. You did this and he's like yeah
01:27:13
>> yes they are married and they did just get back from their honeymoon. >> Yes, he did.
01:27:17
>> He did do this. Like you you haven't discovered something. >> Yeah. Like truly what? [snorts] And uh
01:27:22
Edward has to perform the C-section like we said >> with his teeth >> um with him's teeth.
01:27:28
>> He just has to bite through that placenta. >> We also have to assume that he separates
01:27:31
the cord, the umbilical cord with his teeth as well because when the baby comes out, there's no cord.
01:27:36
>> Yeah. Just crunch. >> And I said, "What a different way to go about that." >> Yeah.
01:27:39
>> It's a lot of layers to bite through. Seven, right? Seven, I think. Um C-sections are no joke.
01:27:44
>> It might even be more cuz I know you have seven layers of skin, right? >> Seven distinct layers of tissue and
01:27:49
muscle. But they also have to like move organs and maybe he just like shuffles those around. I guess
01:27:55
>> I guess the skin, the subcutaneous fat, fascia, abdominal muscles, paritonyium,
01:28:00
the uterus, and the amniotic sack. >> Have you ever seen somebody like um reenact it on TikTok? That [ __ ] will
01:28:07
[ __ ] you up. >> Every time I see it, I'm like, damn, I did that twice. >> Twice. I know. That [ __ ] over here
01:28:12
[laughter] >> snaps through that. I don't think I could survive that. >> But also, she and he's biting through
01:28:17
those layers, so I'm like, that's going to be jagged as [ __ ] And also infected.
01:28:20
According to the illustrated guide, uh when hybrid babies happen, it's the placenta's like stone.
01:28:27
Like it's it's like vampire skin. Imagine if he lost a tooth. That would have been the funniest [ __ ] And then it
01:28:32
just and then it just grew back cuz he heals quickly. >> Here's the other thing.
01:28:36
So he says cuz Jacob at least in the movie says like uh cuz they take out the baby and or like they're the baby's not
01:28:42
completely out yet and she's clearly like dying >> and he's like you have to change her and
01:28:46
he says I can't until that thing is out but you're biting into her body so you're get like that doesn't make sense.
01:28:51
>> So your venom is already entering her system. >> Yeah. You're saying I can't give her my
01:28:56
venom until the baby's out. But you're giving her your venom by ripping open her skin with your teeth.
01:29:00
>> Yes. >> Indeed. >> And nobody caught that. Like I don't get it. >> Nobody caught that.
01:29:07
>> Um >> another thing that nobody caught >> is um how Jacob imprints on Reneesme.
01:29:15
>> Oh, I caught that. >> Um and what's crazy is that he imprints on Reneesme at all.
01:29:22
>> But before we get there, >> but also when she was born, he's in the room >> and he sees her
01:29:29
>> for the first time. >> He literally is like, "Get that [ __ ] thing out of here."
01:29:32
>> Yep. Like I'm not holding it, >> [ __ ] That rank ass infant. >> That [ __ ] >> He says, "I don't want to touch that
01:29:38
baby that's covered in strawberry cream cheese." >> Yeah, he said that's a murderer. Get it
01:29:42
out of here. In the illustrated guide, Stephanie Meyer states that imprinting, this is a quote, direct quote,
01:29:50
"Imprinting happens the first time a werewolf sees the object of his imprinting. If the werewolf does not
01:29:56
react to the human the first time he sees her after he phases, he will never imprint on that human.
01:30:03
>> But he does. >> But he does. >> What? Like he literally saw her and then he sees her again and that's when
01:30:12
[clears throat] he imprints. That doesn't make any sense. >> And there's no reason for that.
01:30:16
>> No. >> Like there's no reason. >> We were watching the movie and I said, "Hold up. Hold up." Right now he's
01:30:22
seeing her immediately when she's delivered. >> Yeah. which honestly would have been
01:30:25
even worse if he imprinted it on her as she was coming out of her mother's uterus.
01:30:29
>> Yeah, that'd be [ __ ] That would be [ __ ] It's still [ __ ] It's completely [ __ ] And I love that in
01:30:35
this whole thing that first of all, Edward like goes into this moment of just being so enamored with the baby
01:30:43
that he literally does not care that Bella is fully >> coding, >> just dead right there,
01:30:48
>> dead on the bed. >> She's a corpse. Like, she just presumably is a corpse at that moment.
01:30:53
And then he's like, "Oh [ __ ] I have to fix her now, too." I'm like, "Oh, wow."
01:30:58
>> That sucks. Like, and what's funny is like in again in the illustrated guide,
01:31:04
there's an um interview with Stephanie Meyer and she says that the reason she wanted to explore this whole pregnancy
01:31:11
thing is cuz pregnancy is like not dangerous anymore. The dumbest thing I've ever
01:31:15
>> She said, "No, it's not danger. Used to be so dangerous. It's not dangerous anymore." And I said,
01:31:20
>> "I beg you to read. >> It still is. I beg you to read >> the amount of conditions that you can
01:31:24
get. One, not only while pregnant, but two, immediately after delivery, >> I needed two blood transfusions after I
01:31:32
had the twins. >> You were like Bella. >> Every organ in my body was shutting down.
01:31:37
>> When I saw Elena post birth, it was like I think one day later, I literally grabbed a nurse and I said, "Is she all
01:31:43
right?" Because she was gray. >> I was literally gray. >> She was the color gray. She was the gray
01:31:49
stuff. Literally, I was from Beauty and the Beast. >> I was literally I had two full blood
01:31:54
transfusions right after giving birth. >> Birth isn't even dangerous, Elena. >> Reading that dramatic.
01:32:00
>> I was like, girl, I know it wasn't like giving birth in the middle of the woods
01:32:03
back in the day. I realized that that things have changed. It's dangerous. Like, we can't pretend that it's not
01:32:09
dangerous. >> So, like that's a weird weird thing to say, especially when you're having her
01:32:15
die during birth. >> Yeah. >> So, there's that. But it's >> she was like, "I'm doing something new
01:32:19
here. Women don't die and crazy." And it's like, "No, they do. They do. [laughter]
01:32:22
>> They sure do. >> That does happen. >> It's just And then we have Rosalie who has to be taken out of the room cuz
01:32:28
she's about to eat Bella cuz she's just all the blood >> cuz they haven't hunted in forever.
01:32:34
Bella >> because of Bella needing to [ __ ] as a human. >> Exactly. [laughter] Everything leads back to that. None of
01:32:39
them have eaten in days, weeks even. They're all hungry. They're all like all their eyes are turning [ __ ] dark
01:32:45
black at this point. Amber, >> Esme, Carile, and EMTT are out hunting when she goes into labor like and also
01:32:53
trying to avoid being hunted by the wolves at the same time. >> Stops by like, you know, [ __ ] with
01:32:58
them. But it's like all of this is because Bella just had to have sex as a human. Could not wait.
01:33:04
>> But then Rosalie gets that baby. >> She doesn't even ask if Bella survived. She's sitting by a fire.
01:33:12
>> I can take it. cooing at that baby. Unfucking bothered >> cooing at that CGI baby.
01:33:18
>> So there goes that whole girls supporting girls thing. She doesn't give a >> She said, "This is my baby now. I hope
01:33:25
she does die." >> And also that's [laughter] crazy. Sorry. I had to recover from that.
01:33:30
>> That's my baby now. I hope she does die. >> I hope she does die. >> That baby like when it first comes out
01:33:35
is a regular baby. Like somebody was like, "Here's my 3-month old. Go ahead and cover it in jam."
01:33:40
>> Crazy. >> Wild. And it's a beautiful baby. Then they make it seem coded and I'm like,
01:33:45
"But you didn't have to do that because babies are already beautiful." >> But no, we needed this baby to be the
01:33:52
baby that Jacob falls in love with. >> But they make it really scary. >> I like it.
01:33:57
>> Reneesme is going to get a freak. >> Reneesme in part two is going to be the thing that your your sleep paralysis
01:34:04
demon has nothing on Reneesme in part two. Sleep paralysis demon is a top model compared to [laughter]
01:34:11
>> because when when we see Jacob imprint on Rene to his knees >> and he just has visions of this
01:34:18
beautiful adult Reneesme. >> But here's the thing. This beautiful adult Reneesme. It's weird. And her wig
01:34:24
is weird, too. Why can't they just find a pretty girl? >> What's up with the wigs?
01:34:28
>> Why can't they just find a pretty girl with long hair? >> Just get a good wig. There's good wigs.
01:34:33
>> Yeah, you might not even need it. You found Victoria, the first one. Gorgeous
01:34:38
hair. >> But then he just falls to his knees and will do anything to be with that baby in
01:34:44
7 years. >> Meanwhile, that baby just [ __ ] its pants. Meanwhile, that baby just
01:34:49
breathed its first breath. Like, is literally being fed by Rosalie because it can't feed itself.
01:34:56
>> Yeah. >> And you fell to your knees thinking about it as an beautiful adult woman
01:35:00
that you can't wait to be with >> who also has no choice in the matter. >> Yep. And you hate vampires,
01:35:06
>> but that's half vamp. Like that baby's drinking blood. >> Yeah. >> Not breast milk.
01:35:11
>> Yeah. >> It's weird as [ __ ] >> It's the weirdest movie. Like this has got to be the Stephanie Meyer's mind is
01:35:19
a dark place. >> We got to study it, man. It's crazy. >> It's [ __ ] up. >> I got to be like, "Girl, tell me what's
01:35:26
going on in there." >> Then we get to the end. By the way, make sure you watch past the credits if you
01:35:31
didn't know the first time. Past the credits, we get >> probably my favorite part of the
01:35:36
Twilight series. I love Arrow. >> He is funny. >> Love him. >> Uh, Marcus. >> He's wonderful. Marcus is just so
01:35:43
tortured. >> I love him. >> And we have, is it Bianca? >> Yes. >> Bianca, the secretary, comes in and she
01:35:49
hands a note to Arrow. And it's a note that because she's a secretary, she wrote down Carile had contacted them and
01:35:56
said that they have a new addition to the family. Mhm. >> So he reads the note and when he says it
01:36:01
he's like Carile um Carile has contacted us and he looks up and he says with an S
01:36:06
Bianca. >> She spelled Carile wrong. >> He's like you can't spell. >> He's like wow dummy.
01:36:11
>> And that they added somebody new. >> He immediately has two vampires kill Bianca because he says for the spelling
01:36:17
and the grammar. >> He said the grammar too was bad. Maybe he would have just let it go.
01:36:21
>> He says first the spelling then the grammar >> take her out. >> And I was like Arrow is everything to
01:36:25
me. >> He is. >> He's everything to But he's big mad because we have something he wants
01:36:30
>> cuz Marcus says >> but I'm so beautiful. >> We're no longer >> I'm so >> fighting with the [laughter] happy
01:36:43
>> and says family >> [ __ ] He says they have something I want. >> And then hold on he he says they have
01:36:52
something I want. And then we cut to the real credits which is Bruno [ __ ] [laughter] Mars. It will rain. How do
01:36:58
you end your vampire movie with if you ever leave me, baby? >> What? What? >> I literally can't.
01:37:07
>> What? >> I literally >> There will be no sunlight. Of course there won't. You're a vampire.
01:37:11
>> Exactly. >> That's the That's the most diabolical credit song to roll after Breaking Dawn.
01:37:17
>> And you know what? just like to end this like on the website um she has her playlists that she put together and I'm
01:37:25
not faulting anyone for a playlist. I love a playlist. I have playlist for my books.
01:37:29
>> Is it this playlist is like it goes everywhere. >> Yeah. And like maybe you can [ __ ] on my
01:37:34
playlist too. Like I'm [ __ ] on this one. >> I wouldn't [ __ ] on your playlist. I
01:37:36
think it's >> this one just confuses me because one of the things on the playlist from Bella's
01:37:41
thing is the Beach Boys. Wouldn't it be nice? I just got to know where that fits. Like I just got to know where
01:37:47
[laughter] that also wouldn't be nice if we were older. It's like the lyrics obviously.
01:37:55
>> Yeah. >> But then she also has like Lincoln Park >> from Bella's point of view.
01:37:58
>> Yeah. >> Which I just don't see. Relant K. I see. >> Reliant K. I do see >> I do see be
01:38:04
before I do. >> Uh we do have Dark Blue by Jax Mannequin which I said >> shout out to Andrew McMahon
01:38:10
>> and also friend of the dear Andrew. [laughter] >> How do you feel about this?
01:38:13
>> How did you know that you're on this? Hey Andrew, did you know that you're linked to Stephanie Meyer forever?
01:38:17
>> So, I would like to know where does that go? >> Have you ever been alone in a crowded
01:38:23
room? Elena, >> can you just point to me where that one goes? I just I'm having trouble.
01:38:28
>> And again, I'm not in the I this is not my world. So, I'm not going to say that
01:38:33
like maybe you have a place she has a place where that fits. Maybe and that I'll go you're right. That makes sense
01:38:40
because I'm this is not my world. So >> maybe it's when he looks at Reneesme for
01:38:44
the first time. >> There you go. >> Like it's it's them. >> Dark blue. Dark blue. Like I love that
01:38:48
song. In fact, every time I go to a concert >> of Jack's mannequin, I call John during
01:38:53
Dark Blue if he's not in the room with me. >> It's really cute. Yeah. >> You love that.
01:38:56
>> Uh it played at my wedding. But uh yeah, I just didn't know where that one fit. I
01:39:00
also didn't know where Paper Cut by Lincoln Park fit. >> Great song. >> Um it's great. Great album.
01:39:08
>> We've got Evan Essence, of course. You got Fix You by Coldplay, which I feel like does fit.
01:39:13
>> Oh my god. I used to listen to that song anytime that I did a breakup or got broken up with. That song will wreck
01:39:18
you. >> Absolutely. >> When you try your best, >> but you don't succeed. >> That's for Marcus. [laughter] Marus.
01:39:25
>> That is That's Marcus. >> When you get what you want, but not what you need. >> He's constantly playing that in his
01:39:32
head. >> He's so sad. [snorts] Um, we have, let's see, we have you two stuck in a moment
01:39:37
you can't get out of. That's only because they put that on everybody's phone. >> That's very true. [laughter]
01:39:42
The only reason it's got to be in every playlist. I'm like, damn, it's on my playlist, too. Uh, we have [laughter] we
01:39:48
also have the reason by Huba Stank. And Ash said, not Huba. I said, how do you put Huba Stank? First of all, [laughter]
01:39:54
how do you name your band Huba Stank? Let's get back to the origin story. >> Isn't Huba?
01:39:59
>> What isn't Huba? I think that Do you know what it is? >> Do I know what Huba means?
01:40:06
>> Yeah. No, >> I'm pretty sure cuz I remember when they first came out, people were like, "What
01:40:10
the [ __ ] does this thing mean?" I think he said it's the smell >> of a huba. [laughter]
01:40:18
>> I think it's the smell of like a bong, >> like the the I'm pretty sure >> the lead singer uh Doug Rob once claimed
01:40:26
it was a mispronounced German slang for somebody who had a shoe fetish or has a lot of sneakers. What a vast difference.
01:40:32
>> What a vast difference. [laughter] Who was Hank? I feel like I saw an interview where they said that at one
01:40:37
point but maybe >> it seems like they say a lot of things about it. Either way, when you said not
01:40:42
hubist, [laughter] I was like what? >> I don't know >> cuz that really is a a wild band name.
01:40:50
>> So random. >> It's pretty great. >> Oh man, I can't wait for part two. >> Part two
01:40:55
>> cuz I don't remember it. Like I think I said this when we finished Eclipse. I
01:40:58
really didn't remember and then I was watching this and I said, "Wow, I really didn't retain most of this."
01:41:03
>> I also didn't. which is probably my brain saving me >> cuz I don't think I don't think part one
01:41:08
is um >> good >> is widely received as the best of them. I think uh if you love it
01:41:16
>> I think I thought that I liked Breaking Dawn better than I liked Eclipse but I
01:41:19
would actually prefer Eclipse over at least part one. >> Yeah. I don't know. I'm
01:41:26
>> these movies are nuts, man. >> Last two are not great for me. >> No. >> Last two that we covered.
01:41:31
>> Yeah. like Eclipse and I think part the last part like part five is supposed to
01:41:37
be kind of fun >> cuz I think that the fighting scene is fun and I think it's fun meeting the
01:41:41
other covens. >> Yeah. >> And like we get more Arrow. >> Yeah. So like that's all I can ask for.
01:41:46
>> And Jane We got more Jane. I love Jane. >> Jane. Jane is fun. >> Yeah. So >> All right.
01:41:51
>> I And I think we get Arrow's really good laugh in the next one. >> God, I can't wait to do an impression
01:41:57
once you hear it. >> I'll get it. >> All right. So, that'll be one of our next bonus episodes, brothers.
01:42:02
>> I love doing these so much. >> My god, >> what are we going to do once we're done
01:42:05
with Twilight? >> I know, guys. You got to give us a >> suggestions suggestions of like a series
01:42:10
or something that you want us to cover like this, >> like a ridiculous series, like how do we
01:42:14
bonus episode after this? >> I know. How could we >> tell us what you want? >> Tell us
01:42:18
>> and we'll give you what you want. Maybe >> we will cuz we love you. We do. So, with
01:42:22
that being said, we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird, but not as weird as Jacob. Definitely
01:42:29
not as weird. >> Or Edward ripping his baby mama's [ __ ] skin apart. >> Or Rosalie just waiting in the
01:42:35
background until she steal the baby. >> Or Alice packing [music] your sister-in-law lingerie after she marries
01:42:41
your brother. >> Or the wig department. >> The wig department. [laughter] >> And if I missed anyone, let me know.
01:42:47
>> Yeah. Or as [ __ ] Renee getting blitzed at your daughter's [laughter] wedding and singing for your speech.
01:42:52
>> And Jessica saying it could have been me. >> Yeah. >> Um Yeah. [music] Don't keep it that
01:42:57
weird. >> Bye, babes. >> Bye. [music] >> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music]