00:00:00
Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And this is this morbid? Hello. Hello. Do you hear me? Reporting live from the
00:00:08
scene, it's you. I'm going to ask Casey. She's dead, but she can tell me what happened.
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>> [music] [music] [laughter] >> Um hi, if you haven't noticed, I'm Casey Becker. And I'm Gail Weathers. And this
00:00:31
is morbid. It is. And top story. Top story, yep. Always Kenny. We should have dressed Mikey as Kenny.
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>> god, and made him have the And the just a bag of Cheetos. He [laughter] is behind the camera right now. He's the
00:00:44
camera man. Damn. I'm really pissed we didn't do that. [laughter] Damn. One thing that I'm not pissed about is
00:00:51
that we are going to be performing live at Radio City Music Hall June 27th. Please go buy your tickets at
00:00:58
ticketmaster.com because that is the only place that you can buy them where we approved the prices and bots didn't
00:01:03
buy them up and start selling them elsewhere, jacking up the prices. Do it. >> So do it.
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>> It's New York. Come on, it's going to be fun, it's going to be one night only.
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Fun, fun, fun. And >> well, we're going to be I said maybe, but it's not even a maybe. We're going
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to be dressed up. >> We are absolutely going to be dressed up. >> Costumes are kind of our thing. They
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are. It's Halloween every day here. >> Shouldn't we like get a costume store? We should.
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>> Morbid costume store. I feel like that would ruin it though. Oh, well. >> You got to get a whole store. Yeah. I
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don't want to run a store. I don't want to run a store. Bye. So forget that. Forget that idea. [laughter]
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And you know what? When you pre-order my new book Just just shifting gears a little bit.
00:01:42
>> Pre-order it. Everything is pretty bloody, you know. Segue. Segue. Segu. When you pre-order my new book, The
00:01:48
Butcher Legacy, you can submit your receipt and you can get a really cool custom spooky bookmark. I'm telling you
00:01:54
these bookmarks are the coolest [ __ ] bookmarks I've ever seen. I love it. [snorts]
00:01:58
>> So cool. >> seen them yet. >> Ooh, wait until you see them. >> I want to see it.
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>> They're so fun. So, head to my Instagram and the or the link to the episode and
00:02:07
there's going to be details on how to enter, but you need your receipt that shows that you pre-ordered The Butcher
00:02:12
Legacy and you will get a chance to win this really cool bookmark and I'm telling you you want to try to win this
00:02:18
bookmark. >> You have to show it to me after this, please. >> Okay, now enough with the business
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because this show is brought to you by you, for you, from you and all all about you. Hell yeah, it was.
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>> get to your [ __ ] tails. >> Let's do it. >> like pointing this thing at everybody.
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>> I like using this like it's a microphone, but this is my actual microphone and it's confusing me.
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>> That is a little confusing. I could see that. Mikey's like, "Please talk into
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the real one." It's dark. It's dark. I thought he said it starts. >> That would have been amazing. It starts.
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It starts. [laughter] And so it begins. But you know what? He said it's dark and
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you are in a dark corner. Oh yeah, it is dark. >> so it is dark where you are. >> It's not dark where I am.
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It's pretty bright where we >> [laughter] >> What's that sound again? It's warm.
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>> it's warm. It is warm. >> John actually said that, he didn't he? >> Yeah, he turned off the heat for me
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because I was like, "I'm in 18 layers and I'm getting hot." >> You are in a lot of layers, but I can't
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get over how much you look like Like you always do a good job with your costumes,
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but I think this one takes the cake. He's touching you. He's touching you. >> [snorts]
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>> I kind of want him to be like, "Yeah, you stunning." >> [laughter] >> I thought he was going to say something
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like that, but he took it kind of to a weirder place than I thought we were going to go to right off the bat.
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What? Did you say portrait? Oh, he wants to paint you like one of his girls. He said pose. Strike a pose.
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Come on, vogue. Let Nicholas paint you from the afterlife. >> [laughter] >> Thank you, Nicholas.
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>> [gasps] >> What were you going to say? I was just telling you you look good. [laughter]
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Peace? Peace. Don't [clears throat] leave. Nicholas, don't leave. All right, Nicholas, you
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got to let me into this, brother. Um so, I'm actually so proud of this find. >> Yeah. I like searched the interwebs.
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This is like a 10th, you know, hand-me-down jacket I found. >> something? I have a jacket just like
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that [laughter] that I bought for realsies. And in fact, it's raining today. I was like, "Oh, I should have
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worn my gold trench." Not even thinking that we were filming today. >> Yeah. I was really proud of this. I had
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these shoes, which I was >> Oh, those are yours? >> Yeah, those are mine. They're really
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cute. I like the heel. They're like kind of thick. >> Real chunky. Yeah. Um and yeah, I think
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uh this was one I was proud of. Yeah, I'm proud of it for you. It's always iconic when you can find that thing that
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you're like, "That actually looks like it." Can I tell you something like that might sound rude, but it's not?
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>> Yeah. I didn't like your hair at first cuz I think it was so different than your actual hair. You could do that
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color, actually. Thank you. >> You could. Huh? >> And I don't do the cut, but I like the cut for
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the for what it is. Don't do the cut. >> the cut. >> Don't do the cut. >> like it for
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for the '90s. >> I like your Lord Farquaad. [laughter] Somebody asked if I was wearing a wig,
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and I was a little bit offended. But then I said I know I change my hair a lot, but I wouldn't do this purposely.
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[laughter] And you get this big and like Farquaad-y-in. So, so yeah, this is [laughter] a wig.
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Yeah. It's a wig. It's a wig. But can we please take a moment to admire the intestines?
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>> This was a group project. So, I was just going to get like rope and kind of like
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bundle it on here, but Elena got me heatless curlers, and then Mikey gave me wire to kind of like Bunch them up.
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>> Yeah, bunch them up, and then I just put the blood everywhere, and I hot glued it
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onto my tummy. >> a group project. I like it. >> It came out great. And [snorts] Debbie
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was supportive. >> [laughter] >> She said, "You guys are so talented." She did that. You need that, you know? I
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keep looking into the light instead of into the camera. Did your shoe just make a crazy sound?
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No. I just heard a crazy sound like from this area. I was like >> [laughter] >> shoo.
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It scared me a little bit. It made me uneasy. Maybe it's Nicholas. I don't know. Um he is touching me. So, I guess
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we'll get into this. Um and we'll see what Nicholas has to say. Oh, these are 90s themed themed
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tales cuz we're 90s themed. >> Yeah, Deb Deb found some really good 90s themed tales and I'm excited about it.
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>> Because Scream came out came out the year of my birth. Holy [ __ ] That's my birth movie.
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>> [laughter] >> Yeah. Yeah. People were like in the theater as I was like through the birth
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canal. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty graphic. >> [laughter] >> It's kind of like a luge.
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>> [laughter] >> But you know, every every pregnant woman describes it like that. They say
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[laughter] it's just a luge. Just a luge. If you have twins, it's like the ones where they lay on top of each other.
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>> [laughter] >> Like the double bobsled. Yeah. That's exactly what it was like.
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[laughter] No one laughs harder at my jokes than I do. And that's what we love. I got myself.
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It makes me laugh harder, so I like that. But yeah, that's exactly what it's like. So. As someone who [laughter] had
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twins. Mikey just dropped something. >> Mikey's throwing Nicholas. I don't appreciate it.
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>> Nicholas never laughs at me. >> Nicholas is going to get very angry. Okay. I could Nicholas. He doesn't like
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me. >> some type of way. Um all right, so this first tale is called Mick Miracle. How a
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happy meal saved us from Paul Bernardo's clutches. >> Oh, [ __ ] Is that the Barbie and Ken
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killer? >> Yeah. Oh. Oh, he's gross. He's the worst. >> Yeah. >> Holy [ __ ] Also, you're in Canada,
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aren't you? You must be. Once upon a time in the unassuming town of St. Catharines, Ontario, where summer
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meant maple syrup festivals and beaver sightings. Not really, it's incredibly dull factory town, but a girl's got to
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try. Ooh, maple syrup festivals, they should make that happen. Why don't they do that?
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>> [laughter] >> Yeah, make that happen, Canada. >> do that somewhere. Come on, Canada.
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And there lived a duo so unlikely to thwart a notorious serial killer that even Hollywood would think it's too
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far-fetched for a movie. But life has a knack for being absurd, doesn't it? It sure [ __ ] does.
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>> It keeps doing that. It all happened during the summer of '92 when our little
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dot on the map was reeling from the discovery of the horrific murder of 14-year-old Leslie Mahaffy, followed
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soon after by the abduction of 15-year-old Kristen French. It is an awful awful [ __ ] story.
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>> Yeah, we That was one of our earlier cases. >> At the time of this story, Kristen was
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still missing and the entire Niagara region was on high alert. Sadly, we would all learn all too soon learn that
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both beautiful girls had been kidnapped, brutalized, and eventually murdered by the putrid anal swabs.
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Yes. >> That's perfect. >> Putrid anal swabs is exactly what they are. Yeah. Who do not even deserve to be
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named, but we we unfortunately have to. >> In case you don't know. Paul Bernardo
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and Karla Homolka. That summer, while in college, shut up, Brock University, go Badgers.
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>> Hell, yeah. Eh? I was working for the traveling playgrounds, a community-based
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summer program that offered recreational activities for children at various local
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parks throughout the city. Traveling playgrounds is wild. >> love it. We worked in teams and my
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partner Allison and I would head out head out each morning pulling our trailer filled with games and crafts for
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the kitties to various local stops. This next part may seem trite, but will factor later in the story. Allison was a
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petite build, about 5 ft tall, athletic with small features, and very pretty. I,
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on the other hand, was a bigger gal. Well, what? I should say I wasn't also a looker, but
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I did enjoy my share my fair share of Dairy Queen Blizzards with extra helpings of Smarties. That sounds
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amazing. Yeah. Which is an M&M wannabe Canadian candy. I didn't know that. I thought I thought you said Smarties.
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Have you with I Yeah, cuz we have Smarties here that are like sour candies. Um I [ __ ] so heavy with a Dairy Queen
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Blizzard. >> now I want one. We should You know, they deliver. We're getting Dairy Queen Blizzards for
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lunch. Thank you for that. >> Yeah, thank you for that. Uh hell yeah. So >> god, and they give you toast with it
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like as a side. They give you toast? >> Yeah, me and Drew kind of frequent Dairy
00:10:05
Queen a lot. Yeah, so you got you got like a box like whatever you want. I think they have
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like corn dogs. Let me tell you all about it. They have I got the chicken tenders that are really good and you can
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get fries or onion rings and then as a side they give you buttered toast. That's what we're getting for lunch.
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>> Period. >> I'm fueling myself like a champion today. >> [laughter] >> I ate a healthy breakfast, so [ __ ] off.
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Life. So [ __ ] off, it's cool. Also, the world is ending. [laughter] Eat what you want. Why you eating so
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good? The world is ending. All right, you may want to look it up to be absolutely underwhelmed, but back to
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our Yeah, it's okay. The Smarties from here, if they're not the same, are really good. Yeah, they are really good.
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>> So try those. Um I'll send you some. >> [laughter] >> You Okay, you send us We'll send you
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those and you send us back those um those cheesy >> the cheesy like [ __ ] chip that the
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puffs yes Hold on, I'm going to look it up because it's going to piss me off. >> There's a Canadian thing. I know we're
00:11:04
getting off track, but whatever, man. Um It's This is This is very important. It's a cheesy
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like almost like a Cheeto. Yeah, it's like a chee- I typed it it's crispy. >> Cheezies. Cheezies.
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>> Cheezies, these things. >> some Cheezies. They're big boy Cheezies. >> Oh hell yeah. Get us I will send you
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some Smarties if you send me Cheezies. Okay, girl. Oh oh, sorry. And um Tim Tams. There you go. I'm all done. Yep,
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okay, we're good now. But back to our story. Even see she knew even. she was like, you know what? I think you're
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going to get off on here. Suffice it to say with my birthing hips and boobies, I looked every bit of my
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almost 19 years. Good for you, queen. Yeah, good for you. On the faithful day in question, Allison and I pulled into
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one of the local parks. The knowing the knowing of which I would later shake would later shake us to our very cores
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when we learned when we would learn it was right around the corner from the house where the horrific murders of
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Leslie and Kristen took place. >> Oh, wow. Sorry, I stumbled over that. I'm okay.
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>> [snorts] >> We were setting up with games we were setting up some games with all the
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enthusiasm of a sloth on a caffeine overdose when a dark blue van with tinted windows suddenly appeared. It
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slowly crept closer to the only entrance and exit to the park until it had completely blocked us in like a scene
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from a B-list horror flick. >> Oh, I [ __ ] hate that. The driver's door opened and though we didn't know
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yet know his identity, out stepped Paul Bernardo. What the [ __ ] The fact that you were that close to this [ __ ]
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is horrifying. He stood looking silently in our direction. I, for no other reason than
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basic instinct, froze in place and gathered the children closer to me. Good on you.
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>> Yeah, that's I love an instinct. >> Yeah. Allison, on the other hand, assumed this must be a parent looking to
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drop off his child and approached the van. With a creepy grin that could rival the
00:12:54
Joker's, he did have [ __ ] creepy grin. >> Yeah. That [ __ ] stain began asking
00:12:58
Allison questions like we were when we were at the particular park each week, what time, and were we always together
00:13:05
or did we ever come alone? >> [ __ ] no. I don't go to the park alone. I have full body chills as I recall and
00:13:11
write this. Allison quickly grew alarmed by his line of questioning and began to
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slowly step back in the direction of me and the children. As soon as she did, he
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also took a step forward. >> Oh, that's when you got a junk jab. >> Yep. I watched
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stressed indeed, Nicholas. I watched the scene unfolding and moved hastily in the
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direction of my own car attempting to reach through the driver's window for my car phone.
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That is haunted. >> [laughter] >> My car phone is haunted. Yes, ladies, a car phone. If anyone listening is too
00:13:43
young to know what that is, [ __ ] you, Google it. >> [laughter] >> Iconic. The tension escalated and I felt
00:13:49
the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this in Jeffrey. Did he say Jeffrey?
00:13:58
You want Jeffrey? Jeffrey's hiding. What is it? So that's Jeffrey? Oh my god, it's
00:14:04
Jeffrey. Did he say titties? >> [laughter] >> What did he say? Keys. Keys. I thought
00:14:10
he said titties. >> [laughter] >> I was like, "Whoa." Cookies. Did he say cookies?
00:14:18
I'm scratching here. Oh my gosh. But that is Jeffrey. >> Where is Jeffrey? >> He's on the coffee maker.
00:14:23
>> Yeah. Jeffrey is my black and white >> cookie that Debbie got me. He's a um What is that thing called?
00:14:29
The jelly cat. You can stay. Nicholas, it's okay. >> permission. >> it's a jelly cat.
00:14:35
>> [laughter] >> All right, back to the tail. Whoo, okay. The tension escalated and I
00:14:39
felt the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this individual had every intention of continuing his inch-by-inch
00:14:45
pursuit. >> Like in front of everyone, too. >> And that's when our savior arrived, not
00:14:50
on a white horse, but a white pickup truck with obnoxiously loud bass speakers clutching McDonald's bag. Ray,
00:14:57
the hero of our absurd tale, was my boyfriend at the time. I did end up marrying him, then later left him and
00:15:04
St. Catherine's behind for the bright lights of New York City, but that's a tale of its own. Don't judge. I never
00:15:10
will. I will not judge you, girl. >> Never. Ray was working construction in the neighborhood and since he knew my
00:15:15
weekly park schedule, he had decided to surprise us with lunch >> Aw. >> from Mickey D's.
00:15:20
>> What a real one. >> What a man. >> From what I know. From what we know. Uh he pulled up right next to Mr. Creepy
00:15:26
Van holding a brown paper bag containing, yes, you guessed it, Happy Meals. >> Let's [ __ ] go. What would two grown
00:15:33
college girls want with a Happy Meal, you may ask? >> Sweet and sour. >> Why, the toys, of course. [laughter]
00:15:39
Good old Mickey D's was doing some sort of toy promotion that I honestly can't remember anymore, but back then we were
00:15:44
all obsessed with collecting anything and everything we could get our hands on. Collecting was a huge part of the
00:15:49
'90s. >> True as [ __ ] I had every '90s like little toy. >> Yeah. >> And I didn't get to go to McDonald's all
00:15:57
the time like because and it's just cuz my parents were like, "No fast food." >> Oh, [ __ ] my mom was trash. We went all
00:16:02
the time. It was always like a very special occasion. Like if I like went to my doctor's appointment. Like like you
00:16:09
know what I mean? For me it was a good Thursday. I see. Can you see? Can I see? >> We can't see you. We can't see you, but
00:16:18
I would love to. Evaporate. >> Um evaporate materialize. [laughter] We're like, "Come on."
00:16:25
No energy to materialize? Woah, the fact that that was like a legitimate back and forth. Is there
00:16:32
anything we can do to help energize you? Do you like Monsters, the energy drink?
00:16:38
Can we help Can we help you materialize? Do you want an Alani? My coffee's over there. You can have
00:16:46
some. You think about it, okay? Um but yeah, so collecting was a big a big part of
00:16:53
the '90s. I remember those little um they had little Barbie toys that you could get. Do you remember the Barbie
00:16:57
toys? I still have some of mine. The girls had them, yeah. >> I remember like hearing about those. I
00:17:03
don't remember like getting them. >> Hell yeah, they were awesome. I think Drew's cousin once uh dunked one of her
00:17:08
Barbie heads into a um ketchup thing. Damn. >> Yeah. She got in trouble for it. >> That's intense.
00:17:14
>> Yeah, it's funny. So again, lunchbox town ladies, so cut us a little slack. All we had was the occasional prize at
00:17:20
the bottom of a Cheerios box and premarital sex to keep us teens from heading to the dark side.
00:17:26
>> [laughter] >> I kid you not. It was as if the universe had sent a clown car convoy to rescue
00:17:30
us. Shockingly, Mr. serial killer didn't stick around for the happy meal surprise. He jumped in the van at the
00:17:36
first sight of Ray and peeled out of the parking lot faster than you can say super sized. I remember that movie.
00:17:42
Right. We immediately called the police and were able to give a very accurate description of both the driver and the
00:17:47
van, which I am proud to say later factored into the case and the ultimate apprehension of the killer couple. We
00:17:54
love seeing two bad [ __ ] >> Yes. >> two bad [ __ ] at a park. >> [laughter] >> at a park at a park.
00:18:02
Months passed and we all went on with our lives. Allison and I returned to college and lost touch as teenagers do.
00:18:09
Then one day the story broke. An arrest was finally made and the entire Niagara region gathered around their collective
00:18:14
television sets to hear the evening news that finally revealed the monster behind
00:18:19
Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy's disappearances. Paul Bernardo's grotesque image hadn't appeared on the
00:18:25
screen for more than a He's He said he's gross. Yeah, he said don't don't come in Paul.
00:18:33
Gross. Um he's yucky. Uh his grotesque image hadn't appeared on the screen for more than a few seconds from the kitchen
00:18:43
We're actually [snorts] not going to be here. >> He said later this evening. >> Yeah, I said we actually have plans.
00:18:48
>> free. >> [laughter] >> Not free tonight, sorry. >> But it's We'll talk, okay? We'll call
00:18:54
you. So, the kitchen phone rang. Back then I didn't need caller ID to know it would be Allison on the other end.
00:18:59
Trembling like Chihuahuas on espresso with paws made of lead. We That's a beautiful image. [laughter]
00:19:04
>> Yeah. We took turns stumbling over the bone-chilling words, "It's him. It's the
00:19:07
guy from the park." >> Oh, that's so [ __ ] scary. Circling back to my earlier seemingly non
00:19:13
sequitur about my enjoyment of one too many Smartie lizards, you ladies and listeners have probably already
00:19:18
connected the dots. Allison, light in weight and small in stature, perfectly fit the profile this monster and his
00:19:25
beast bride had been targeting. Easy to grab and easy to dispose of. >> Oh my god.
00:19:30
>> That summer day Paul Bernardo had been out stalking his next victim all while
00:19:33
Kristen French was still very much alive and being held captive and tortured just
00:19:38
a few blocks away from us. >> Holy [ __ ] Aw. That's so chilling. A [ __ ] Happy Meal had saved Allison
00:19:46
from the clutches of serial killer and the irony was too much for any of us to bear. Sometimes even life's darkest
00:19:53
moments need to be served with a side of humor to make them a bit more palatable.
00:19:57
Agreed. So that, my morbid lovelies, is the tale of how a teenage boy, armed with nothing more than a lunch bag and
00:20:03
the dream of getting some, became the unlikely hero in the face of truly unspeakable evil. Keep it weird ladies
00:20:10
and in the interest of public safety, maybe go grab yourselves a Happy Meal. Threaten me with a good time except you
00:20:16
inspired us to get Dairy Queen. But here's the thing. What? Now you want a Happy Meal?
00:20:20
>> Mickey D's with Dairy Queen on for dessert? No, I want the bread. We can get it all.
00:20:27
>> [laughter] >> Why? Why choose one? >> Get whatever you want. I'm getting a chicken mascot with toast and fries.
00:20:33
>> in your honor. You're getting both? Look at you. I'm going to go both. I'm hungry. You have a fast metabolism.
00:20:40
That was a shocking tale. >> Yeah, I did not expect that to go like that. >> Cuz I never think of like what it would
00:20:47
be like not just to see somebody that you later find out is a serial killer. But to almost be abducted by them.
00:20:52
>> actually interact with them and have like a weird moment with them and have it be like that could have been us next
00:20:58
and to know that Kristen French was alive Well, that's just yeah. >> Cuz we always say like when we're
00:21:04
telling these cases and like something awful happens it's like imagine like somebody was just next door like
00:21:09
cleaning their house or >> idea. It like and that's such a prime example of that.
00:21:13
>> are playing at the park, have not a care in the world, and Christian French is a
00:21:17
few blocks away alive. Yeah. Like and he's just out patrolling for someone else. Like it's awful. It really is. So
00:21:24
scary just like how bleak life is sometimes. >> It really is. All right. Well, next case is maybe a
00:21:31
bit of a palate cleanser based on the name. Listener tale, the time my dad got eated by the Jersey Devil. Hell yeah.
00:21:37
And it was meant to be. How my dad getting eated by the Jersey Devil led to my lifelong interest in the
00:21:42
weird and macabre. Hello. Yeah. Hello you beautiful bad [ __ ] mavens of the macabre, mistresses of the morbid,
00:21:49
collectors of the crazy. See we're all collecting, collecting some collecting [ __ ] I've been a fan and avid listener
00:21:56
of Morbid since COVID, and let me tell you it was distressing to listen to you talk about all your future grand
00:22:01
adventures in the early seasons knowing that none of them would happen because of the 'rona.
00:22:06
>> Yeah, the 'rona. The number of times I said, "Oh you sweet summer child." [laughter] as you unknowingly mentioned
00:22:11
some tour get-together to happen post-March 2020 had to have been in the hundreds. That
00:22:17
being said, your banter and quirky humor got me through being stuck at home teaching from my couch and my
00:22:22
misadventures in baking. Don't deny it. We all tried to make fancy pants bread in our kitchen during lockdown. Yeah.
00:22:27
It's true. You know what I made so much of during lockdown? Instant coffee or whipped coffee. Whipped coffee? You
00:22:33
never made whipped coffee during Well, you children >> just going to say I wasn't making
00:22:36
whipped coffee. >> [laughter] >> [ __ ] I was I was surviving. You put like instant coffee,
00:22:41
um, sugar, and then like water or milk and you like either froth it or you like hand mix it.
00:22:46
>> anything. >> Me, too. We should make it. It's actually really good. >> should froth. Let's froth.
00:22:51
>> Let's start frothing tomorrow. Women of New York >> Froth yourselves. >> [laughter]
00:22:56
>> No, I was just trying to become a preschool teacher. Yeah, I helped a little bit with that.
00:23:00
>> and it was an experience. Yeah, uh, teachers are the best and deserve lots of money.
00:23:05
>> And it sounds like you might be a teacher. >> Yes, so I hope you get many raises.
00:23:08
>> I hope you get a lot of money. [laughter] So, I can't wait to read your book,
00:23:11
Elena. Thanks. >> I'm stuck in my smut era, so it'll have to wait until I'm done reading about uh,
00:23:16
penises destroying vaginas. Awesome. Ash, I hope your wedding was fan-fucking-tastic. It was. I love you.
00:23:24
I got married in 2021 and I look back on it and wish I could do it all over [clears throat] again because it was
00:23:28
amazeballs. >> Aw, me, too. I always like I want to experience my wedding again. My husband
00:23:33
surprised me by singing the first part of our first dance song and between that and having all my friends and family
00:23:39
around, it was the best night ever. I only hope that everyone who gets married has the absolute best time ever.
00:23:44
>> Me, too. >> sweetie you are. >> Really sweet. As a forward, you can use my name and any other information that
00:23:50
comes up in this tale. You aren't the first people I've told and you sure as hell won't be the last. It's one of my
00:23:54
go-to's uh, to show how messed up in a good way my childhood was. Love that. Let's do
00:24:00
it. My name is Morgan. >> Morgan. Morgan. And to preface my tale, I live in extreme South Jersey. You
00:24:06
know, that little dingleberry turd that hangs off the little dude that is my state. That one. Most people think of
00:24:12
the congested, smog-infested city suburbs when they think of New Jersey. But where I live, it's more sandy
00:24:17
backroads and farms. Yes, we are inundated with shoobies in the summer, but outside of those times, it's quiet
00:24:24
and peaceful. Shoobies. >> know what a shoobie is? >> know what a shoobie is. I'm going to
00:24:27
find out what a shoobie is. >> I'll look it up while you do this. All right. Um, I'll let you interrupt me. Okay,
00:24:33
thanks. >> very young, we didn't have air conditioning, so we would go on peanut
00:24:36
rides where we would get ice cream and cruise around with the AC on enjoying the respite from the heat. Most of the
00:24:42
time we would end up driving down Jake's Landing, a short, rather straight road that went out to a boat in the marsh.
00:24:47
>> I found out what a shoobie is. Hit me up. Um, it is a term used by locals on the southern New Jersey coast and parts
00:24:54
of California to describe day-tripping tourists who visit the beach often arriving by train or bus.
00:25:00
>> Shoobies. >> Shoobies. I'm kind of obsessed with that. Just arriving on the boardwalk. I
00:25:03
love it. I like it a lot. All right, well, the road was partially flanked by cedars all in a straight all in straight
00:25:08
rows part of the CCC program in the 30s and a small family cemetery from the early 1800s.
00:25:14
>> Spooky. >> that. There used to be farm stands out there, but the houses were moved to the
00:25:20
closest town or to Cold Spring Village a 19th century open-air open-air museum. >> Open-air I was going to say.
00:25:28
open-air living museum. There are no lights and the trees are so thick that the moonlight barely
00:25:34
filters through. Hello. >> Ooh, that sounds spooky and awesome. To say it's spooky is an understatement.
00:25:39
>> Oh, okay. My parents the unhinged people they are would always try to scare us.
00:25:43
So of course the Jersey Devil lived down in Jake's Landing. Just as a refresher the Jersey Devil is a bat-winged
00:25:49
deer-headed cloven-hooved menace that terrorizes the Pine Barrens and according to my mom he loves children
00:25:55
who eat ice cream which coincidentally my brother Daniel and I had most likely just consumed. Yep. You were being
00:26:01
>> That's some real mom [ __ ] >> being bad kids that night. >> [laughter] >> Usually we were safe inside the confines
00:26:06
of the car, but this night this very memorable night we weren't as safe as we thought. We were driving along enjoying
00:26:13
our ice cream in the cool air when the car suddenly stopped working. The engine roared loudly as my dad tried to get the
00:26:19
car to move, but we stayed motionless. The trees leaned over the car blocking out what little moonlight there was. The
00:26:25
only light for miles was the headlights. And who knew how long they would continue to protect us from the lurking
00:26:31
darkness. My dad bravely said that he would venture out to see if he could find something wrong with the engine and
00:26:36
despite my mom's dramatic protestations he popped the hood and opened his door. Daniel six and I three
00:26:43
sat in the backseat wide-eyed and sticky-mouthed from the dripping ice cream and watched as our dad stepped
00:26:49
into what was certain death. We walked he walked calmly into the front of the car, lifted the hood, and tinkered under
00:26:55
there, muttering "Son of a ham sandwich" or "Flipping flying squirrels." Amazing
00:26:59
dad [ __ ] right there. >> Truly. Showing his frustration and not finding anything wrong. After a few
00:27:04
minutes, he walked to my mom's side of the car. She put down the window, and he explained that he couldn't find anything
00:27:08
wrong, and he was going to have to walk to the nearest house to call my grandpa to come get us. This was the 1990s, and
00:27:14
cell phones were only for the very rich and important. >> Yep. Just as my mom sighed, accepting
00:27:19
that tonight would be a long night, my father let out a shriek like I've never heard before. You never want your dad to
00:27:25
let out a shriek. No. Even when you've heard before. >> Well, you just never want to yell out a
00:27:31
shriek. Maybe. >> [laughter] >> It usually means something bad is happening. >> Yeah.
00:27:36
>> Yeah. Well, he started This definitely means something bad is happening. He started clawing at the window frame,
00:27:41
grabbing for my mom's hands while being slowly dragged down and under the car. Oh my god.
00:27:47
>> He was screaming, "Something's got me! Something's got me!" My mom tried to pull him in, but she was
00:27:52
no match for my dad's 6'2" Scandinavian frame being pulled under the car by what
00:27:57
we could only assume was the Jersey Devil. >> It absolutely was. I sat frozen in the
00:28:01
backseat as the biggest, strongest man I had ever known was being devoured. My brother, on the other hand, realized
00:28:08
that he was the man of the house now since my dad was obviously going to die. So, he calmly locked the doors and told
00:28:13
my mom to [laughter] roll up the window so we would be safe. He is six. At six, he's like, "Mama,
00:28:19
Well, I'm the man of the house." [laughter] He just grew a mustache in that moment.
00:28:23
He's like, he pulls out a cigar. He's like, "Well, >> [laughter] >> Side note, Dad's dead.
00:28:29
Well, Dad's dead. Side note, I'm not sure why we thought a mythical being that was centuries
00:28:34
[laughter] old couldn't figure out how to break into the car, but we did. Yeah, why not?
00:28:39
The car started rocking violently. >> god. >> dad kept shouting as he fought off the
00:28:44
Jersey Devil. I knew this was the last time I was going to hear my dad's voice. What?
00:28:48
>> I was going to be the girl whose dad was killed by the Jersey Devil. >> My mom would be widowed because her
00:28:54
husband was eaten by a cryptid. Our lives would never be the same again. >> [snorts]
00:28:59
>> What is going [laughter] on? Suddenly, my dad popped up next to the driver's side door, a bit dirty but relatively
00:29:05
unharmed. He screamed at my mom to unlock the doors, hopped in, and started the car. Miraculously, the car started
00:29:12
and drove with no problem. My dad drove like a maniac back to the relative safety of the nearest highway. I knew we
00:29:18
were incredibly lucky to have survived an interaction with such an evil and deadly creature.
00:29:23
>> Yeah. It wasn't until later in life that I realized none of that actually happened
00:29:27
and my parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lols
00:29:31
of it all. Your parents [laughter] are everything. All of it was just a huge joke and now that I know how neutral
00:29:37
works in a car, it all makes sense. >> [laughter] >> Not neutral. I love your parents. However, these
00:29:46
types of interactions along with growing up in a 19th century house where invisible old ladies would gossip in the
00:29:51
in the empty living room and babies would cry in the vacant bedrooms >> Oh. helped me helped lead me down the
00:29:57
dark, morbid the morbid [laughter] Hey weirdos, this is morbid We're morbid. >> [snorts]
00:30:02
>> We're going to talk about cows today. I'm morbid. [clears throat] >> [laughter]
00:30:07
>> Anyway, helped lead me down the dark, morbid, and spooky path. I am now a card
00:30:12
carrying member >> [laughter] >> I have to go. card carrying member of the morbid
00:30:20
>> [laughter] >> I said like Mambo. Mambo number five >> [laughter] >> You can leave that all in. I don't care.
00:30:29
>> intestines are falling out, so it's okay that I'm literally bleeding out here.
00:30:33
[laughter] Yeah. You're going to be a little >> Feeling a little woozy. I'm feeling a little woozy here.
00:30:39
>> [laughter] >> All right. I am now a card-carrying member of the weird party. Same, clearly. Thank you
00:30:46
ladies for all the entertainment you provide. You're welcome. I know it's not easy having to deal with
00:30:52
death and murder every day, but you bring a [ __ ] ton of joy into many people's homes, and I'm sure I speak for
00:30:56
everyone when we say we appreciate everything you do. Hope you have a fantabulous day, and keep it weird, but
00:31:02
not as weird as your dad who literally scared you in the middle of the summer when you were just trying to enjoy the
00:31:07
ice cream and the [ __ ] cold AC weather, and he got dragged out of the car by the Jersey Devil, but really it
00:31:11
was just him playing a prank on his children, which we are obsessed with. Keep it that weird, I think. Keep it
00:31:17
that weird. That was wild, and I'm obsessed with your parents. >> That was so funny. Uh let's see this
00:31:23
one. Listener A listener tale special two pad. >> Two pad, you say? >> The night of dreams saved my boyfriend's
00:31:29
future future wife. What? My best friend, maybe? BF. Yeah, best friend. >> BF, I was like, your boyfriend?
00:31:36
>> Unless [laughter] he's your sister wife. >> Unless it's you. Uh and Casper and
00:31:39
friends head to the Jersey Shore. >> Obsessed. Jersey again. Greetings, weirdly wonderful ladies. My
00:31:44
name is Dennis. Yes, named after the menace. >> [laughter] >> I love that. And you can certainly use
00:31:50
my name and my wife's name, who will [ __ ] the largest phallus if she ever [laughter] hears this. Not the largest
00:31:55
phallus. It do be like that sometimes. >> [laughter] >> Me, too. >> [laughter] >> You're not alone. I'm confused.
00:32:11
[laughter] Nicholas, you don't chart? >> [laughter] >> Nicholas, we get it. I'm screaming.
00:32:21
>> you. Oh, [ __ ] I have two strange tales to share with you, and I apologize in
00:32:26
advance for oversharing, and perhaps being long-winded. >> Don't do that. [laughter]
00:32:32
Oh, do you like my perfume? Like you're like mine. >> [laughter] >> He always talks to you, so He doesn't
00:32:39
like he needs to like me. I need to be liked, too. You're like, you like my perfume. My
00:32:46
perfume. [laughter] Which one do you like, Nicholas? If you're wearing the vanilla perfume,
00:32:52
that's my perfume, too, technically. >> It's true. Butthead. Oh, she's getting she's getting gnarly.
00:32:57
Getting gnarly. I'm getting hungry. [laughter] I need a I need a Dairy Queen snack.
00:33:02
Oh, let's see. But first, let me explain how I came to be aware of your morbidly
00:33:06
fun podcast with the following double-space put it for My third and current wife, Kelly, and
00:33:13
last, by the way. >> I read that as my third aunt and current wife, and I said, "Dennis."
00:33:19
>> [laughter] >> What? I said, "Dennis, you are but I said, "What's going on?" >> [laughter]
00:33:26
>> My third aunt and current wife would be nuts. >> [laughter] >> Oh, my third and current wife,
00:33:35
[clears throat] Kelly, and last, by the way, >> Hey. had been walking around the house
00:33:39
with her earbuds in, which I couldn't see because of her long hair, >> [laughter]
00:33:42
>> doing things crafty as witchy women like her are want to do. Oh, hell yeah. >> Whether it be crocheting blankets for
00:33:48
the kids, we have three. Aw. >> Yay. Creating bed mats for her familiars, two guinea pigs, Han Solo and
00:33:55
Chewie, >> Amazing. and three sister rats, Winifred, Mary, and Sarah, and yes, named appropriately after the Sanderson
00:34:02
sisters, >> Love. >> or procrastinating doing laundry. It never ends. I feel that.
00:34:08
I'm not alone in this. >> Every so often, I'd hear a laugh chortle or, "Oh my god." Thinking the kids had
00:34:13
finally driven her insane, I asked what she was going on about. It was at this time that she removed one of her earbuds
00:34:19
and shared you both with me. Hey. >> to the rest of the show she was listening to and was hooked. I liked how
00:34:25
you both recited or recited your stories despite not being able to tell your voices apart, and love how you admonish
00:34:31
the monsters in those tales as if they could hear you. I also love both of your laughs and can't help but laugh along
00:34:37
when you both break down in hysterics or giggle fits. >> Oh. >> Mostly when you're reading the uh these
00:34:42
listener tales. See? Both your reactions of you can [ __ ] all the way off, >> [laughter]
00:34:47
>> what the [ __ ] I just can't, and that is so beyond mimic what I'm usually thinking, too. I think of my wife as
00:34:55
your third sister as she's a lover of the spooky and Halloween is to her what Christmas is to me, an enchanting time
00:35:01
of wonder and happiness. >> Period. >> you guys. Enough of me espousing my admiration for you two. Let's go to the
00:35:07
good stuff. But before I start, I should let you know that I'm not someone who believes in the paranormal, ghosts,
00:35:12
psychics, etc. Dennis. I'm an atheist who believes that even though I cannot explain such phenomena, I don't dismiss
00:35:20
or look down at those that Dharma? >> Did he just say karma? Karma? Or dharma? Karma. Oh.
00:35:27
>> Karma. [ __ ] Nicholas. Hello. Uh I don't know what that means. Here. >> little nervous. Um so yeah, he I don't
00:35:35
dismiss or look down at those that do or that it isn't real. I simply believe that the scientific explanation hasn't
00:35:41
been discovered yet. Of the two stories I'm about to share, I cannot to this day
00:35:45
explain them, and that's okay. What a wonderful attitude you have. >> Yeah, I like that.
00:35:51
>> It's like I can't explain them and that's cool. And if you can, even better. Love that.
00:35:55
Chapter 1, the dream that saved my best friend's future wife. Okay, we figured that out.
00:36:00
This tale takes place in the way, way back time of the 1990s. I had a best friend at the time, we'll call him Jack,
00:36:07
and another friend I would go out clubbing with that we'll call Diane since I don't believe the current
00:36:12
generation may not get the reference. But clubbing meant going out from nightclub to nightclub, drinking,
00:36:18
dancing, etc. >> I've been clubbing. On this night, Jack and I and some other guy friends were going to meet up with
00:36:24
Diane and some of her girlfriends and spend the night going from bars to clubs and at some point end up at a 24-hour
00:36:30
diner. I should have mentioned that this takes place in the great state of New Jersey,
00:36:34
land of all-night diners. Lucky. I didn't know that was a thing. We have one all-night diner in Boston.
00:36:39
>> Yeah. Just one. We had made plans to start a sports bar and end up at an to start at a sports
00:36:44
bar. I was like, "Wow, this escalated so fast." >> I was like, "What a What an amazing night You dedicated your life to
00:36:50
clubbing. >> in that night. [laughter] You You began at a sports bar and ended up in a night club.
00:36:57
My routine Did he say clutch or touch? Touch. Oh. Okay. Touch. >> He's touching you.
00:37:04
>> Or touching you. No, he's touching you. He likes my perfume, but now he's touching you.
00:37:08
>> [laughter] >> you. Yeah, thanks. I You get like the You smell good. I get the assault.
00:37:13
>> [laughter] >> Nice. She's like, "You can have that one." Uh my routine for a night out had always
00:37:21
been to come home, nap, shower, dress, and head out. This particular night, however, I wasn't feeling well and let
00:37:27
both Jack and Diane know I was probably going to stay in. And here's where it gets spooky.
00:37:31
>> Jack and Diane was almost lost on us. Did you catch that? >> It absolutely was.
00:37:35
>> Yeah, until it was [laughter] said together. >> Little Diddy. Both Jack and Di-
00:37:39
He was going to show us. He was like, "I got it." Oh, he said, "I knew [laughter]
00:37:41
it was Jack and Diane. I'll show you." What if you just queued up the song? Little Diddy. Both Jack [laughter] and
00:37:49
Di- I dreamed that my friend Diane was in her car following Jack and others and got into a head-on collision with
00:37:56
another vehicle while turning across the highway. Like, "Can we chill?" Though we
00:38:00
are known >> [sighs] >> [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] What the What >> [laughter] >> I say to you.
00:38:16
>> [screaming] [laughter] [screaming] >> Everything in me needs to see [laughter]
00:38:24
that I'm okay. >> [snorts] >> You got a front row seat to the >> [snorts] >> Oh my god, my stomach hurts.
00:38:34
>> [laughter] [laughter] >> I'm crying. Oh my god. I I was going to yell into the camera like, "What?" But then you
00:38:48
just fell. Leave it all in. >> [laughter] >> Leave all of that chaos in. Did you see my wig fall off?
00:38:56
Robbed? Yeah. >> [snorts] >> Oh. Oh, Nicholas, did you trip me? Is the wig on? >> say?
00:39:04
>> [laughter] >> The wig is on. Did I lose my wig? >> you just say, Diane? No. I know all
00:39:08
[ __ ] names. >> I know. I tell you. Wow, I was freaked out and then I fell. >> [panting and sighs]
00:39:16
[laughter] >> Damn. That was crazy. Let's see. All right, let's go up here. All right, [snorts] so
00:39:24
Ooh, though we're known for our cloverleaf turns, there were still some highways that had left turn lights.
00:39:30
Since cell phones were yet to be even close to what they are today, mostly for the well-to-do and celebrities, I had no
00:39:37
way to call to see if my dream was simply that that or something more sinister. The sense of dread that I felt
00:39:43
spurned me to jump in my car and head to the bar I knew they were going to be at.
00:39:46
You're a good friend. I know. On arriving at the bar, both Jack and Diane were there along with our other friends
00:39:52
and everything seemed to be okay. I recounted my dream to them and while the guys just kind of laughed it off, the
00:39:57
ladies seemed to give my tale more credence. >> Cuz we're empaths. We're witchy. A
00:40:01
little while later, it was decided that the bar was no longer the place to be at
00:40:05
and we started off for another venue for libations. Since most of us had brought
00:40:09
our own cars, there was almost a funeral procession of us headed out. At the particular intersection I dreamed about,
00:40:15
I was in front and Jack behind me, and Diane a few vehicles behind him. Jack and I made the light and turned, leaving
00:40:21
the rest of them behind at the light, and headed to the next bar. Jack and I arrived and waited for Diane
00:40:26
and her friends. While some of our other friends showed up, [snorts] Diane never
00:40:30
did. After 30 minutes, I started to get worried. I played out in my mind that she probably stopped for gas, caught a
00:40:36
little traffic. It is pretty heavy to think that someone's going to die. Caught a little
00:40:40
traffic, etc. After an hour, I started getting panicky. I'm not the one who gets panicked. I'm usually the one who
00:40:46
remains calm during stressful situations. Probably due in part to my time in the US Marines. Yeah, I would
00:40:52
say that's it. Uh when one of our friends I'm going to stay right here, but I appreciate that. When one of our
00:41:00
friends, who I knew to be behind Diane, finally arrived, I asked what happened and where was Diane. He said there was a
00:41:05
terrible accident. The car in front of Diane was hit nearly head-on at the intersection. While he didn't know the
00:41:13
extent of the injuries to the person that was hit, he did say that Diane was so rattled, she ended up just going
00:41:18
home. >> Oh, [ __ ] Whoa. Jack ended up going over to her house to see if she was doing
00:41:23
okay, as he lived not far from her. She was a bit shaken, especially after my dreaming of what could have happened had
00:41:29
it not had I not been there to possibly be another car in the line that instead would have put her at the intersection
00:41:35
at the wrong time. >> Yeah. >> That's exactly what happened. Yeah. Turns out this is what started a
00:41:40
relationship between Jack and Diane. >> Aw. They're still married with two kids to this day, and the reason I was made
00:41:46
godfather to their firstborn. >> Aw. I had never had a similar experience since.
00:41:52
>> Yeah, that was a divine [ __ ] message. >> That's [ __ ] crazy. >> That's nuts. You can't explain that.
00:41:57
>> No, you really can't. >> Like Casper and friends The next one is chapter two. Casper and friends go down
00:42:03
to the shore. >> I'm obsessed. This story takes place during the marriage to my second wife,
00:42:08
known as she who shall not be named. And for the sake of brevity, you may refer to her as Lilith. She nearly sucked the
00:42:14
life out of me. >> Or nor. Quick note, this was a rebound marriage after the failure of my first
00:42:20
marriage when she had decided after being married for 5 years that she did not want to have children. She was a
00:42:24
school teacher, too. That's bleak. >> Damn, that's tough. Lilith's birthday was the 19th of
00:42:29
September and we had decided spend it down to at the shore and Neat. >> Neat. Uh at the picturesque seaside town
00:42:37
of Cape May, New Jersey. September at the Jersey Shore could be hit or miss with the weather depending
00:42:42
on how soon Mother Nature wanted fall to arrive. But we decided that a little chill at night wouldn't keep us away. We
00:42:49
had rented a room at the somewhat famous Peter Shields Inn. Fire bliss. Fire bliss?
00:42:56
Fireplace. Oh. I'm glad we both heard that. What? >> fireplace, then he said be careful.
00:43:03
Oh. Okay. Okay. He said okay. >> He's like, okay, you got it. >> got it. Thank you.
00:43:09
Nicholas? I'm going to make sure that Drew is making sure that he cleaned out our
00:43:15
fireplace. >> Yeah, there you go. Just in case. We were going to hire somebody to do it.
00:43:19
Yeah. [snorts] >> [clears throat] >> Nicholas, did you What What fireplace? Mine or yours? What are you talking
00:43:25
about? Let me know. Wait, what if something with the fireplace happens in this story? I will
00:43:32
I yeah, I think you should fall again if that happens. Okay. >> [laughter] >> We arrived late Friday for the weekend
00:43:38
and were spent from the drive, about 3 hours. We were lucky because we had made reservations in advance and there was a
00:43:44
wedding that was happening the next day and the hotel was booked. The inn [clears throat] was a classic shore
00:43:49
Victorian home with rooms on the second floor and restaurant banquet hall on the
00:43:52
first floor. There's a grand staircase Find out >> what will happen. Ooh, crazy. Uh
00:44:00
so exciting. Uh there's a grand staircase that leads up to the second floor. There were nine rooms and the
00:44:06
landing on the second floor was U-shaped with our room being at the base of the U-shape. In order to get to the other
00:44:12
side of the landing to the other rooms, you had to pass our room and a fireplace. Thank you for these photos.
00:44:17
That's helping me understand this. >> it's also really pretty. That night we had heard other guests arriving, some
00:44:23
some to be very late in the evening and thought nothing of it and went to sleep.
00:44:26
Sometime after midnight, I woke to find to to someone knocking softly on our door as if not entirely sure that they
00:44:32
wanted to wake anyone else up at this hour. I went to the door and quietly asked, "Who is it?" No answer. I opened
00:44:39
the door slowly but saw no one. Thinking I had imagined the knocking, I closed the door and went back to sleep.
00:44:46
The next day we enjoyed the Indian summer weather at the beach, took a trip to the Cape May lighthouse and spent
00:44:51
time on Diamond Beach. We had dinner that night at the inn while a wedding went on the on at the banquet hall. Now,
00:44:57
while I can drink, I often did not around Lilith because she can often drink to excess. She often drank to
00:45:03
excess, which inevitably led me to either [clears throat] helping her walk or carrying her home. Or in this case,
00:45:08
up to our room. Reason number one why the marriage ended, but that's the different horror story, I imagine.
00:45:13
>> Yeah. Again, it was after midnight when this time I heard a child or children
00:45:18
giggling and running up and down the hallway outside our door. I tried to pay no mind to the noise, but I did think it
00:45:23
was very late for kids to be up. But that was parenting in the '90s without a sitter. I guess it was a kid or kids
00:45:29
from the wedding party that were up because their parents were still partying. Again, great '90s parenting.
00:45:34
Again, I could hear giggling and running up the and down the hall. This time the
00:45:38
ruckus, yes, I can describe the ruckus, sir, was enough to [laughter] awaken Lilith from her drunken slumber and
00:45:43
nudge me out of bed to take care of them. >> She's like, "Kill those kids Kill those
00:45:47
kids for me." That's why That's why I don't want them. >> And he's like, "That's why the marriage
00:45:50
ended." So, I got up, dressed as I expected to and dressed as I expected to have to
00:45:55
have confront these kids and perhaps the parents about being so disruptive at such a late hour. It sounds like they're
00:46:01
literally just outside my door, and when I open it, nothing. Nothing and nobody is out there. At first I thought maybe
00:46:07
they had made it to their own rooms, but there was no way they could have done that without at least me catching the
00:46:12
door closing as the nearest door to the next room was more than 15 ft away. >> Yeah. I asked out into the emptiness a
00:46:18
faint, "Hello?" with no response. Puzzled, I turned back to go into the room, and as I closed the door, I could
00:46:24
swear I heard the faintest giggle. >> I'm obsessed with that. >> Chalking it up to me being too slow, I
00:46:29
went back to bed. The next morning as we came down for breakfast, I had struck up
00:46:33
a conversation with the hostess about the wedding and the noises that happened. She apologized for the wedding
00:46:38
being a bit rowdy and said it was okay as a wedding is a party and people should have fun or I said it was okay. I
00:46:44
was like, "She said that to you?" I was like, "Fuck that. Rude." And I said [snorts] it was okay as a
00:46:48
wedding is a party and people should be having fun celebrating. I only um I then mentioned that even so, keeping
00:46:55
kids up that late and letting them run around and really wasn't being respectful to the other guests. And
00:47:00
that's when the banter became awkward. The hostess said that there were no children staying at the inn this
00:47:04
weekend. >> Ew. I asked if she was certain and she said the wedding was an adults-only
00:47:08
wedding and that there were definitely no children. >> [laughter] >> She looked uneasy and excused herself
00:47:14
and came back momentarily with a manager. The manager asked me what I had heard and I recounted my experience. The
00:47:20
hostess and manager looked at each other and began to tell me the tale of Peter Shields Inn. She said that while they
00:47:25
don't advertise or like to make it known, there were rumors that the inn was haunted. Haunted by a fifth the
00:47:31
15-year-old son of Peter Shields who had died from an accidental hunting accident. Apparently,
00:47:37
Earl had asked to go hunting with a friend, but his parents forbade him to go. He went anyway, and on his return,
00:47:43
he was climbing out of a boat, and while using a rifle as a crutch to get out, the gun discharged and shot him in the
00:47:49
head. Holy [ __ ] >> He allegedly feels guilty for disobeying his mother and has never left the house.
00:47:55
That's so sad. >> was flabbergasted. Lilith was shocked as well. As I stated earlier, I don't
00:48:01
believe in such things, but I know what I heard, and I will swear to you up and down to this day that what I experienced
00:48:06
was real. I believe you since you don't believe in that. >> Yeah. Uh since we were checking out that
00:48:13
day, we didn't feel the need to yeet out of there, but well, I have been back to
00:48:17
Cape May so many times. I have never stayed there again. >> blame you. >> you have it. I hope I haven't been too
00:48:22
long-winded, and I've attached some extra pictures of us cos playing at the New York Comic Con. As my wife usually
00:48:28
makes all of our costumes, and they thought you'd get a kick out of them. >> Aw.
00:48:31
>> That's amazing, and she's a badass. >> Aw, and your family is beautiful. >> the cutest little kids.
00:48:36
>> cute. >> Keep up the great work, and keep it weird enough that even though you don't
00:48:39
believe in premonitions, that when you do have one, it saves someone you love, but don't keep it weird enough to be
00:48:44
kept up at night by kids who aren't your own. >> [laughter] >> Damn. >> Damn. Wow, these costumes are awesome.
00:48:52
>> She's wildly talented, and you guys >> Oh, it's Willow, show us and tell them.
00:48:56
Oh, you guys are so cool. >> I'm like, look at that. Oh, you guys are cool as hell.
00:49:01
>> Oh, I love these. >> Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god, Spike. Holy [ __ ] >> What the helly? You and James Marsters.
00:49:09
P.S. I had every intention of sending this in before my wife and I took a trip up to Salem, but the ADHD ADHD kicked
00:49:16
in, and I got lost in the shuffle. We understand that. I totally get that. That was awesome.
00:49:22
>> That was such a good tale. Holy [ __ ] for real. Damn. Aw, so spooky. >> I believe that you heard ghost children.
00:49:29
>> 100%. >> And I believe that you had a premonition that saved your friend's life, and it's
00:49:33
so that your friends could get married. I think so. Because the the whole thing was you had to have
00:49:38
gotten in line to push Diane backwards. >> Right, exactly. >> That was the whole thing, so you weren't
00:49:43
going, and something in the universe was like, [ __ ] get up. Yeah. I believe that completely. Oh, that's so
00:49:49
spooky. >> I've seen that happen to people we know, where they'll be like they weren't going
00:49:53
to go to something or they have a dream about something they tell them and it ends up being this crazy thing. I
00:49:58
believe in that [ __ ] I fully believe in that stuff. I think we get messages for
00:50:01
a reason. Who knows from who or what, but But I also think your message of like you can believe what you want to
00:50:06
believe and I won't [ __ ] on you for it. >> Is an awesome message and more of us
00:50:10
need to have that. >> 100%. All right, last tale. The time my brother's little man on the crib turned
00:50:16
into a demonic poltergeist that knew my name. Wow. That's crazy. What a title. Hey Ash and Elena, my name is Would you
00:50:23
say Alesha or Alicia? Alicia. Alicia. >> Alicia. Go ahead and use that bad boy. >> Alicia. Alicia. Allow me to start my
00:50:30
email like every other fan girl that emails you rad gals. I am a huge true crime gal. In fact, I am watching I
00:50:37
Survived a Serial Killer as I type this. >> Wow. Some sort of true crime is always
00:50:41
playing in the background. I discovered your podcast last year and have been hooked ever since. Naturally, I started
00:50:46
on episode 400 and whatever and worked backwards. Doing things backwards is kind of my thing.
00:50:52
Eventually, Oh, you said bass-ackwards is kind of your thing. Eventually, I wisened up and
00:50:57
started at episode 1. Oh, man. >> Wow. Yes, the episodes where Ash claimed she sounds like she's underwater.
00:51:03
>> We both do. Yeah, I was going to say It's It was a different time, Nicholas. >> Nicholas. Knowing that the sound gets
00:51:09
better eventually, I pushed through them and bam, crystal clear. You guys have gotten me through many a car rides for
00:51:14
that work for work. So, for that, thank you. >> You're welcome and thanks for hanging
00:51:19
in. >> Yeah. You know, random side note, there will probably be a few hundred of these
00:51:22
throughout my email because let's face it, I'm a mom of two energy siphoning tiny terrors that not only sucked up all
00:51:27
the energy from my body, but every last damn brain cell that I've ever had, so I
00:51:31
can't stay focused and I can't keep my thoughts straight. Neither can Nicholas. >> is like, I feel it.
00:51:37
>> Yeah, but I digress. I own both of Elena's books and I cannot wait to read them, Thank you.
00:51:43
>> Again, tiny terrors, reading is slow. >> It's okay. Pre-order the third one. Catch up and pre-order the third one and
00:51:48
you could enter the chance to win that bookmark. >> Yeah, I get that. It's such a good book.
00:51:51
Keep your receipt. So good. Let me first [clears throat] say that I absolutely love true crime, gore, etc. I cannot
00:51:58
handle the paranormal though. Interesting. In fact, I've only seen Paranormal Activity 1
00:52:04
and I don't even know how it ends because I buried my head in my then boyfriend's shoulder because I didn't
00:52:08
want to see the demon's face. Honestly, Paranormal Activity is scary as hell. I've actually never seen any of them.
00:52:15
I tell you every time I tell you that, that's the face you make. >> That's the next Scream movie. All right.
00:52:18
Watching Paranormal Activity. >> It's your choice, actually. >> That's my choice. I'm actually really
00:52:22
afraid of those. >> it here first. Period. Uh I also refused to sleep next to the door that night
00:52:28
because let's face it, if anyone is getting dragged down the hallway to hell by some demon, sure as [ __ ] going to
00:52:33
be me. Hell yeah. I also made it clear that I would make no effort to save my then boyfriend. Give me a morbid
00:52:39
mutilation any day of the week. You can keep that paranormal [ __ ] It's for the
00:52:42
birds. You know how much John hates birds? That's how much I hate paranormal stuff.
00:52:46
>> [laughter] >> He hates birds a lot. >> I love birds. [snorts] In fact, there was so many birds in my
00:52:51
yard yesterday, but we don't have our bird seed out and I was like, "Drew!" >> You're like, "I could feed you."
00:52:55
>> to feed my children. >> [snorts] >> I've never been a huge fan of Halloween or anything spooky. Please don't hold
00:53:00
that against me. I'm a chicken [ __ ] and I hate being scared. Okay. All right. Okay. How are you watching this?
00:53:06
>> It really hurts. >> Your intestines are coming out and your face is bleeding.
00:53:09
My What if we scared you? Boo. My family, however, lives for it. We're your family.
00:53:15
Uh I can remember my birthday I can remember my birthday sleepover in sixth grade where we watched The Sixth Sense.
00:53:21
That movie [ __ ] me up and I haven't watched it since. >> Honestly, that movie [ __ ] me up.
00:53:25
>> That movie is [ __ ] up. Same thing with White Noise. I haven't seen that one. I
00:53:28
haven't seen that. And I like White Noise, so I don't want to ruin it for myself. But my entire family thought it
00:53:33
was funny to [ __ ] with a bunch of preteens and tap on my window or throw a mannequin head in the middle of our
00:53:37
beds. That's funny. My dad used to dress up as a werewolf. Picture black trench coat, fuzzy hands, all of it, and chase
00:53:44
my friends and and random trick-or-treaters. Your dad sounds amazing. Now that I think of it, I'm not
00:53:49
sure how I even had any friends after all his [ __ ] shenanigans, lol. My mom and her family used to run a little
00:53:55
haunted house in the town where I grew up. What a cool family. >> True Oh, this next part. My grandma
00:54:01
actually played Lizzie Borden and sat at the entrance in a rocking chair with her
00:54:05
hair all teased up and powdered, picking raisin spiders out of the web above her eyes. She recited the now
00:54:14
debunked rhyme. That's so badass. >> Grandma forever. >> I want to be that grandma. I You're
00:54:20
going to be. Damn. >> Period. Period. I have only ever been to one haunted house in my life, and it was
00:54:25
one of those cheesy haunted houses at Six Flags Fright Fest, where the spookiest thing that happens to be the
00:54:30
name, which was a brutal which was brutal mountain or some [ __ ] like that. Real spooky when I was seven. I guess
00:54:36
the fact that I grew up in a real haunted house makes up for that, right? I would say
00:54:40
>> so, and also I literally need haunted houses now. I know. It hurts. >> We need to do better this year, which we
00:54:46
do say every year, but we did really poorly last year. >> We got to do better for haunted houses
00:54:52
this year. >> Let's go crazy. Let's go nuts. So, onto the story. As I said, the house that I
00:54:57
grew up in was like a hundred years old and is haunted as [ __ ] >> Love that. >> When you walked in the door, there was a
00:55:02
small foyer, which opened up to the living room, dining room, and kitchen. One partial wall separated the living
00:55:08
room from the other two. A long hallway ran horizontally to the main rooms and connected the three bedrooms and
00:55:13
bathroom. Thank you. My room was right smack dab in the middle of the house where there were no
00:55:18
windows. The only window had been boarded up and turned into a bookshelf when my dad built our laundry room back
00:55:23
in the day. Or in the back. I was okay with considering the shadows for that. I just
00:55:28
I just make things up. >> [laughter] >> I was okay with the with this considering the shadows from the trees
00:55:33
outside scared me if I was in my parents' or my brother's room. I told you I'm a chicken [ __ ] The hallway had
00:55:39
that old 90s wooden paneling and a single light picture of and a single lighted picture of Jesus
00:55:46
hung on the wall right across from my room. It served as a nightlight for my scaredy ass. The way you said it, from
00:55:52
my room. >> From my room. [laughter] Jesus across from my room. Paneling and a like lighted picture of Jesus and
00:55:59
you're like Right outside my room. Right outside my room. My parents' room was on one side of me
00:56:04
and the bathroom was on the other and my brother's room was on the opposite end.
00:56:08
I hated his room. It was always freezing. Dun dun dun. We all know what that means. Oh. And my mom told us later
00:56:14
she used to see a noose hanging in the doorway. What? What? >> [laughter] >> What?
00:56:23
There was also >> What? What? What? >> that so casually. >> to fall again. >> [laughter]
00:56:28
>> There was also a small basement crawl not a crawlspace right under my room that could only be accessed from the
00:56:35
outside. I hate that so much. >> Board that up. What the hell, E? [laughter] What the hell, E? Don't board
00:56:41
the window. Board that. >> Yeah, board the crawlspace. Bye. >> Jesus. My mom used to tell people this
00:56:46
in the hallway. What? >> I said Jesus. >> In the hallway. I'm only saying Jesus in
00:56:50
the hallway from now on. Godric and Jesus in the hallway. >> Oh my Godric. Oh my Godric.
00:56:56
Oh, Jesus Christ in the hallway. >> Hallway. My mom used to tell people the story of
00:57:01
the time my brother woke her up giggling. She got up and asked him who he was talking to and he replied he
00:57:06
replied a little man on the crib, mama. My mom asked him what he looked like and
00:57:11
he told her that he was his size, red eyes, horns, you know, the normal type [ __ ] a tiny person uses to describe
00:57:18
friends. Keep in mind my brother was two and oh, my brother is two and a half years older than me.
00:57:23
>> What? Fast [snorts] forward a few years and I came along. I was around three and
00:57:27
running up and down the hallway with Jesus in it. >> With Jesus in the [laughter] hallway.
00:57:30
>> Laughing and giggling with Jesus. My mom came and asked me who I was playing with
00:57:35
and I >> said Jesus. >> [laughter] >> And you said I'm playing with Jesus. Hello. Uh,
00:57:40
but I said the little man on the wall, Mama. Jesus. He's [laughter] the big man on the wall.
00:57:45
>> Jesus. No, he's the big guy. She got very still and asked what the little man looked like and you said long
00:57:51
hair, kind of zaddy like. >> [laughter] >> White robe. Nah, she didn't say that.
00:58:00
He's always coming for me. He's always coming for me. Why is he always coming for me?
00:58:06
I I I'm He's not allowed in my pod lab. >> [laughter] >> I'm going to get my own ghost in my pod
00:58:11
lab who likes me. >> Anyways, I told her that he was my height, had red eyes, and horns.
00:58:18
>> Oh, no. >> Hello, deja >> I love [laughter] this. Deja vu. Even though she was freaked the [ __ ] out
00:58:24
that both of her children were playing with some tiny spawn of Satan that [laughter] had visited us from the
00:58:28
playful parts of hell, if such a place exists. >> Playful parts of [snorts] hell.
00:58:32
>> She chalked it up to my active imagination and life carried on. One night when I was seven or eight, I'm
00:58:37
not sure of my exact age because I've slept since then. >> [laughter] >> I was sound asleep in bed. I heard a
00:58:44
rustling at the foot of my bed. [laughter] >> In bed. I heard rustling at the foot of my bed.
00:58:52
Desolate. >> hope your bedroom wasn't desolate. [laughter] That's awful. Uh, and suddenly I opened my eyes, but I
00:58:59
didn't see anything. I was that child that believed if you laid perfectly still that the monster would just be
00:59:03
like, "Hmm, gosh, she's not there." That's what I saw, but whatever. I literally still do that. And just leave.
00:59:08
[clears throat] >> [laughter] >> Wrong. No. I heard my name. I was still coming from
00:59:15
the Undecided. You're undecided about what? Me, probably. Nah, I think he actually is
00:59:22
decided. He's like, "Fuck that bitch." I heard my name. >> [laughter] >> It was coming from the foot of my bed. I
00:59:28
opened my eyes again, but this time when I looked down, I saw bright red eyes and
00:59:32
horns. >> Ooh. The little man wasn't so little anymore. So, I did what any 7- or
00:59:37
8-year-old would do, and I screamed bloody murder. As you should. >> This woke my parents. My dad's side of
00:59:42
the bed was further from the door than my mom's. She describes his exit from the bed as Superman. [laughter]
00:59:47
She said he flew out of bed >> right there. >> legit. He flew out of bed and landed in
00:59:51
a straight-up belly flop on [laughter] the floor. That is so dad. He jumped up and ran straight to my room, beating her
00:59:57
there. Uh I was inconsolable and struggled to tell them what I saw. Needless to say, I
01:00:04
was wedged tightly between them in their bed for the next week. >> Oh man. The next day, my mom called our
01:00:08
pastor and had him come over to bless the house. He went from room to room reciting scriptures and flinging holy
01:00:14
water, you know, like they do in the movies. He got to my room and said he could definitely feel a presence in it.
01:00:19
He couldn't tell what it was, but it did not like him being there. He made his way down the hall to
01:00:24
Sorry, he made his way down the basement crawl space and said this was where he felt the biggest darkest presence.
01:00:30
>> Of course. Just in case you forgot, my room was right above the [ __ ] basement.
01:00:34
>> Oh, I remember. And the Jesus is outside of her door. So, I wonder if that added
01:00:39
to it. Like they were not liking that. Yeah. >> Uh I never saw that little man or
01:00:44
whatever the [ __ ] was at the foot of my bed after that though. My mom later told
01:00:47
us that all this strange happenings had been occurring in that house for years. Like the time they left the house and
01:00:53
came back to find the oven turned on to 400° and all of my mom's pots melted in it.
01:00:59
>> Oh [ __ ] >> She was a stickler for making sure the stove was turned off and her curling
01:01:03
iron was unplugged. Typical '90s mom [ __ ] Or the time we were having a sleepover
01:01:08
in the living room and she saw our dog lying amongst us sleeping kids. She called his name to get him to move when
01:01:14
suddenly the dog came walking from behind her. >> Woah. When she looked back at us, the
01:01:19
hellhound was gone. I guess poltergeists have pets, too. Who knew? I don't know why that one freaks me out.
01:01:24
>> Yeah, I hate that. >> just like, "What?" Just walking from behind them and you're like, "What the
01:01:28
fuck?" >> want an unfamiliar dog in my house. >> We moved out during the summer between
01:01:32
5th and 6th grade. My parents rented the house to some of their friends. Damn, friends? Are you sure? Turns out they
01:01:38
were seeing [laughter] spooky [ __ ] too. Like a woman walking up and down the hallway. Was Jesus still there?
01:01:43
Probably. The little boy that lived there collected angel statues and would find them randomly moved or broken.
01:01:50
Guess old polty's taste and decor was a little darker. I've driven by it a few times and wondered if the current owners
01:01:55
ever experienced strange paranormal happenings like we did. From what I've heard, the poltergeist hopped from house
01:02:01
to house playing with all of us kids that lived on the cul-de-sac. >> Oh, [ __ ] We all knew him as the little
01:02:07
man on the insert whatever wherever he played here. Damn. >> dreams about it. Yeah.
01:02:13
I have dreams about it all the time. It's always haunted in my dreams, too. My dad was actually going to rent it to
01:02:19
me before the other family. And the night before I was going to tell him, "Sure." I had a dream it was still super
01:02:25
duper freaky deaky haunted and I decided, "Nope. I'll pass on the nightmare. I'll pass on that nightmare."
01:02:31
I've also had a recurring dream where a bunch of us are in the house and a little dead girl is walking up and down
01:02:36
the hallway. All of us can see her except for one person in the room. And as long as one person doesn't see her, I
01:02:39
have the dream again and again and again. Eventually all of my dream buddies got on the same [ __ ] page and
01:02:41
saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. Eventually all of my dream buddies got on the same [ __ ]
01:02:43
page and saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. >> Oh. Eventually all of my dream buddies
01:02:47
got on the same [ __ ] page and saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. Thank goodness she
01:02:52
>> she all saw her. I know. So, there you have it. Sorry, I know it was long and
01:02:56
even in even though I'm going to tell you that you can shorten it or omit anything unnecessary, I can already hear
01:03:01
Elena saying, No. [ __ ] no. >> Keep being the beautifully badass [ __ ] you are. One of these days You
01:03:08
too. You do that. One of these days I'll get caught up on the podcast and by then
01:03:12
there will be a hundred new episodes to listen to because let's face it, people be peopling way too much and murder's
01:03:18
going to keep on murdering because humanity is [ __ ] >> Unfortunately true. >> Facts. Maybe one day I'll send in the
01:03:24
story about my dad and how he worked at the building in St. Louis, St. Louis, where they kept the real-life boy from
01:03:31
an exorcism and how no one was allowed on the floor where they kept him or how the only way to get to and from the top
01:03:38
floor of the building was in a coffin elevator. I think you should probably share that
01:03:42
with [laughter] us. >> I I We're going to need that right away. Or the time some neighbor kids saw white
01:03:46
figure walking down our driveway while we weren't home, but we couldn't find any footsteps. Who knows? I do. You're
01:03:52
going to send those in. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed my paranormal tale and hopefully someday I'll hear it
01:03:57
on listener tales episode 2,347. Until then, keep it weird but not so weird that you are walking through your
01:04:04
home and you see a whole bunch of dead things in the hallways and a little man on the wall and on the crib. Yeah.
01:04:08
>> Cuz that's spooky. Unless it's Jesus. Yeah. [snorts] You know. Zaddy. Like you
01:04:13
said. Zaddy. Jesus is a zaddy. [laughter] I got it. All right. Well, that was crazy.
01:04:18
>> These were some good '90s tales. >> the '90s. >> wood paneling, we had car phones. Lit up
01:04:24
Jesus. Cell phones that lit up Jesus. >> Happy Meals with collectible toys. >> We had it all.
01:04:31
>> Yeah. We We did have it all in the '90s. >> I know. I want it back. >> Cuz I'm having like a This is like the
01:04:36
perfect thing for us to wear because lately I've been having such like brutal nostalgia for the '90s.
01:04:41
>> has. Like brutal. I have it. >> It's It's painful. I have it even though I didn't experience it very much. I want
01:04:47
it so bad. Wanting something that you never had. >> it. It's It's excruciating. Let's all go
01:04:53
back there, okay? >> We got to go somewhere. Where we going? This timeline? I think we're all going
01:04:58
back there a little bit. I mean, the fashion's coming back. >> like we're The fashion's coming back. I
01:05:02
think people are realizing they don't want to be connected to their phones 24/7. Like they were like I want to be
01:05:07
sick to not do that. >> these bad boys. >> those back. I want a flip phone. Yeah. Hit me up. Yeah. Limited minutes.
01:05:15
Oh, yeah. >> Whoever came up with unlimited texting, what? Yeah. Sorry. Oh, sorry I didn't
01:05:19
get back to you. I ran out of texting. >> out of texting. >> excuse. >> I loved that. I'm going to start using
01:05:24
that. >> You should. Even though it's Sorry, I don't have unlimited. >> Sorry, I'm out of minutes. I'm obsessed.
01:05:29
Sorry I didn't answer your call. I don't have any minutes left. Well, sorry this has to be over. We're
01:05:33
out of minutes. >> Yeah, we're out of minutes. Sorry. We hope you keep listening and we hope you
01:05:37
keep it weird. But not so weird that you throw off your wig at the end of the tail. [laughter]
01:05:42
Bye. >> [music]