00:00:06
Hey weirdos. I'm Ash. I'm Elena. >> And I'm Grady. >> And this right here is Morbid.
00:00:19
[Music] And this is a very special episode of Morbid. We have Grady Hendris on the show.
00:00:32
>> That's me. >> Thank you for coming. This is amazing. >> Oh, yeah. No, I'm I'm always happy to
00:00:38
talk. I um you know, talking is my preferred mode of existence. If I'm not talking, I'm not sure I exist.
00:00:43
>> You're really good at talking. Yeah, you're a great talker. >> Thank you. Well, I'm in the middle of
00:00:47
trying to finish a book right now, so all I do is sit in silence and hate myself. So, it's nice to talk and not
00:00:54
think about my shortcomings. >> Do you find that relatable, Elena? I was going to say that is like the best way
00:00:59
to describe writing a book. Sitting in silence and hating yourself. >> Yeah, >> I find I do that often.
00:01:05
>> I do that when I'm not writing a book. So, >> yeah. Hey, there you go. You know,
00:01:09
>> we can all be there. >> It's fun anytime. >> It is. Anybody can do it. >> Uh but like Ash just said, I mean, Grady
00:01:16
is a best-selling author, journalist, screenwriter, podcaster, and absolutely iconic public speaker.
00:01:25
>> Thank you. You really are because we went to >> You're You're incredible at it because
00:01:30
we went to your event at Unlikely Story for Witchcraft for Wayward Girls. >> Oh, yeah.
00:01:35
>> Um Yeah. Me, Mikey, and Ash went. >> It was so fun. >> That event was such a blast. It's such a
00:01:41
unique book event. If anybody has not gone to Grady's events, I strongly encourage you to cuz it's unlike any
00:01:49
other book event I think you're ever going to be at. >> 100%. Well, you know, I I just figure if
00:01:55
people actually leave the house for a book event, there should be, you know, they it should be fun.
00:02:01
>> Um, and they should be assured that that indeed I'm the stupidest person in the
00:02:05
room, not them, and they can just relax. >> That's what it's all about. Cuz it's so
00:02:10
true. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, people are leaving their house and they definitely get something out of
00:02:15
leaving their house for your events. >> Well, well, I mean, there's so much you can do in I mean, there's Netflix,
00:02:20
there's the fridge, there's snacks. There's so much more in the house. How do you like leaving it has to be at
00:02:26
least marginally worthwhile? >> Yeah, you really got to dangle a carrot. >> Yeah.
00:02:30
>> If you're going to get me out of my house, >> but also this your your event was so
00:02:35
like it struck me by how well researched that entire dissertation was. It was incredible. I feel like I learned so
00:02:44
much during that. >> Well, no, I appreciate it. You know, it's funny. When I'm writing a book, I I
00:02:49
do research, but most of my research is really nuts and bolts and logistical like, oh, you know, what was on TV in
00:02:56
1970 in this part of Florida on a Thursday night. Um, and then I do all the fun research like witches, like
00:03:04
let's go down every rabbit hole at the end when the book's done when I'm putting the show together. And that's
00:03:10
really >> kind of a reward to myself because I'm a research nerd. Yeah. Um, but that's
00:03:15
really fun to be able to just go like I don't have an end point in sight, right?
00:03:19
I'm just like I don't need like what's a cool spell or something spell like or how can I go, you know? It's just like
00:03:25
what? Okay, sure. You know, let's let's just run down this rabbit hole as far as
00:03:28
it'll go. >> That's what it feels like. It feels like just being able to just like sprint down
00:03:34
whatever rabbit hole you want to sprint down because it's true when you're researching just like the logistics
00:03:40
there has to be an end or you're cuz that happens to me sometimes like with research with writing I'll start like
00:03:46
going down a tangent then I'm like no no no stop you have to come back here >> because then I'm like three hours in and
00:03:51
I've written like four words. >> Yeah. Well, it's also, you know, the thing that's also really fun about the
00:03:56
Witch Show is I I'm sort of a history nerd and um I can't remember who said this, but someone once said, you know,
00:04:06
people like kids kids now, they think they invented sex. And so when they read something that's sort of like, you know,
00:04:14
like kind of horny from like the 19th century, they're all like, "Heavens to Betsy." And to me, being able to go back
00:04:21
to people in the 19th century or early 20th century and make them seem present and vital and not dum dums, like the
00:04:29
whole part about Sylvia Towns and Warner and writing Molly Willows and this sort
00:04:34
of boom in the 20s of women really embracing Satanism and witchcraft as these sort of like avenues for
00:04:42
liberation. Like I'm not even sure you'd find that in the 80s, you know, or the 90s. Really? No, definitely definitely
00:04:48
not. Yeah. With satanic panic and all that. >> Oh, yeah. >> Exactly. So, it's really fun to sort of
00:04:53
go back and like I don't know make these people who can often get written off as
00:04:57
being fuddy duddy dusty old people >> like alive, you know, and vital >> cuz you always see like, you know,
00:05:04
obviously there's no like pictures of people from really long ago. So, you always see these like paintings or
00:05:10
imagery of people and they always look like very serious and like >> super stuffy.
00:05:13
>> Yeah. And it's like when you start thinking of them doing like everyday human things and having like human urges
00:05:20
and it like it's such a different perspective and I think you did a really good job like giving that to the
00:05:25
audience. >> Thanks. >> You're welcome. >> Yeah. There's a there's a quote Alan Moore gave uh the guy who writes comic
00:05:32
books uh when he did this Victorian Jack the Ripper thing called From Health where he was giving an interview and he
00:05:37
said, "You know, if you could actually teleport yourself back to 1888, you would look around and it would look like
00:05:44
science fiction to you. You wouldn't be able to speak the language. You wouldn't
00:05:47
understand the measurements. You wouldn't know what people were saying to you. You would be in a completely alien
00:05:53
planet." Um, and you know, it's like one of those things where I'm always thinking, um, you know, if you go back
00:05:58
to the 18th, I mean, I would say 19th, maybe even later, everyone was drunk just pretty much all the time. Like, you
00:06:06
know, the amount of booze they were packing away on a daily basis. Like, they were just always making the worst
00:06:12
decision. >> Yeah, they were really going for it back then. >> Yeah. >> They were just like living through the
00:06:16
worst decisions as well, so they're probably like, "We might as well just be like lit through all of this." It was a
00:06:22
coping mechanism really like everything's smelly and dirty. We might as well just
00:06:26
>> not remember. >> We might as well just like Yeah, just like put a happy face on this.
00:06:30
>> Yeah, let's go. >> It's And it's You answered one of my questions cuz I was going to ask if you
00:06:36
had to do like a whole separate version of research for the events that you do for writing and
00:06:42
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. That's what I figured. It makes sense. But yeah, that's interesting to
00:06:46
hear. And we loved it. We raved about it afterwards. Um, but moving into another
00:06:52
one of your amazing works that we're obsessed with. We loved My Best Friend's Exorcism. I think so many people love
00:06:59
that book. And >> thank you. >> You are one of my favorite authors of all time. >> Very nice of you.
00:07:05
>> And we love all your books. But our listeners loved when we did My Best Friend's Exorcism for we did like an
00:07:12
audio book club episode where we covered it. >> Um, and people loved it. They just went
00:07:17
nuts about it. They loved how you were able to tell the story from like a female perspective and really get into
00:07:22
the time frame. You're a really gifted storyteller obviously and we just want to know like where did this all start?
00:07:29
Like where did your storytelling begin? Were you like a horror guy forever or where did this all start?
00:07:36
>> No, I mean horror wasn't really my thing as a kid. I I found the book covers kind
00:07:41
of gross. Like they really put me off. Um, and so like I read Clive Barker and Stephen King like anyone would those
00:07:48
Alfred Hitchcock treasury editions that used to be in every like middle school library. Um, but for me horror was was
00:07:55
movies. >> Uh, and so my friends and I would rent, you know, tapes from the video store
00:08:00
because that's I grew up in the 80s. >> I miss video stores. >> And um, and you know, watch the stuff
00:08:06
together. So it was always like a social activity. You know, to me, horror was always there was always a social
00:08:12
component. Like I think of movies like City of the Living Dead, the Faulty film or Doom Asylum or Evil Dead 2. And those
00:08:20
movies are completely in my mind linked to how I saw them and who I saw them with. And I can remember who was sitting
00:08:26
where. Not because I have some great memory, but just because those were, you know, big events for me, you know, like
00:08:32
seeing those movies for the first time with, you know, Allan and Aaron and um Adam Richards and Matt Gibson and these
00:08:38
like, you know, that was huge. Um, in terms of writing and telling stories for me,
00:08:46
I'm I'm from South Carolina and and um I think most families, I mean, people say
00:08:50
it's southern families, but I don't know, maybe it's every family. Um, no. I take that back actually cuz my wife's
00:08:57
Canadian and I'll tell stories about my family and they will say, "Oh my goodness, your family's so crazy. You
00:09:04
know, we don't have any stories like this in our family." And I'm like, "The more, you know, I've been married for 30
00:09:08
something years." I'm like, "Yes, I don't say this." I'm like, "Yes, you do. You definitely have these stories. You
00:09:12
just don't tell them or you tell them." >> I heard some of them. >> Yeah. And my family, it's funny. My
00:09:19
parents got divorced when I was about 13 and I've got three older sisters and we
00:09:24
were very much um posing in the matching outfits kind of family and then when my
00:09:29
parents got divorced it was this idea of well we're not perfect anymore and there's no way to make it look like
00:09:35
we're perfect and and this was the 80s when early 80s this was 8 four or five when you knew people who were divorced
00:09:43
but everyone wasn't divorced quite yet now it's like everyone's >> so for us, for my sisters and I, we
00:09:50
never talked about it. But it was this sort of liberation which was >> we'll say anything now. Like there is
00:09:56
literally nothing you can no story you can't tell because the alternative is really horrible. We did that. That
00:10:02
wasn't so great. Um and even though it I think it really frustrated my mom, her I
00:10:09
think she was okay with it to some extent and her way of dealing with it was just to pretend those things hadn't
00:10:14
happened. Oh, I don't remember that. Um >> that's a mom's favorite. the classic mom
00:10:19
response. I don't remember it like that. >> Exactly. And so for me, when I started
00:10:24
writing, I realized that the way to make it not sound stiff and boring was to tell it like I was telling it to another
00:10:35
person, right? And like, and I know people say that, but I'd heard that writing advice in workshops and classes
00:10:42
and stuff. And it just I guess I hit a point where I digested it enough and was like I need
00:10:48
to be writing the way I would speak, you know, and when you talk and tell a story, unless you're an idiot, you
00:10:56
generally have a pretty good idea of what to leave out. Um, you know what I mean? Like, and so it was just that was
00:11:02
really the breakthrough for me is is realizing that. And then with my best friend's exorcism, the real breakthrough
00:11:08
was realizing that I needed to go back and actually remember what high school in 1988 was like rather than what John
00:11:17
Hughes told me high school in 1988 was like. And I wrote a whole draft of the book that was just, as according to my
00:11:24
wife, a hot garbage because it was just knockoffs. It was just a bad >> That's amazing.
00:11:28
>> That's not so Canadian. >> It was She's been in the States too. you know, we've lost her.
00:11:35
>> Picked up some stuff. >> Yeah. And um and so I was just magpying together tropes and things. And so to go
00:11:42
back and really remember what it was like and and things like and really sort of buckle down and do that work. And
00:11:49
then to also, you know, put put some blood on the page. Um, that was the first time I realized that the more I
00:11:58
put in stuff that I found embarrassing and difficult, the more readers responded to it. I mean, Abby has
00:12:06
horrible acne in that because I had horrible acne in high school. Like like really bad, borderline disfiguring acne
00:12:13
where you just sort of look in the mirror and just be like, I can't I can't do it. I can't leave the house like
00:12:18
this. I look like a monster. Um, you know, the three-way calling thing. Man, I got burned in a three-way calling
00:12:25
thing so bad by this girl I had a crush on. Like, >> yeah, it's so it's awful. Um, doesn't
00:12:32
exist anymore really, but like it was bad. >> Kids don't know nowadays they don't know
00:12:37
the trauma of a three-way calling attack. All they have is group chat. >> Yeah. Oh, and I'm sure that's just as
00:12:43
traumatic. You know, when you remember when you realize someone's in the group chat and you thought they weren't.
00:12:49
>> That'll change. Oh, no. Did you really? >> I was actually at a party and I texted
00:12:59
what I thought was my wife telling her how boring the party was and how pretentious I thought everyone was and I
00:13:07
didn't realize that the two hosts were on that group chat >> and then I like found them and I was
00:13:14
like just [ __ ] April fools being a big jokester. They're like, "You will not be invited
00:13:22
back." >> And they have that unscented. >> No, they laughed it off. They were pretty drunk at that point.
00:13:28
>> Oh, there you go. That fixes everything. There you go. >> Yeah, >> that's horrifying.
00:13:32
>> Yeah, that's it. I was It was bad. That haunted me for a lot. >> That really is the greatest part of
00:13:37
being married, though, is being able to [ __ ] talk to your spouse the second you
00:13:41
the second you leave somewhere or while you're there via text. >> It's one of my favorite things about
00:13:47
being married. Yeah. But here's my question is I'm always worried we can be heard. Like I'm paranoid that like we're
00:13:55
too close to the scene of the crime. Like we need to wait longer or someone from the party or the dinner's on the
00:14:02
subway with us or what if I accidentally butt dialed the person and even though we're all the way back at our house, my
00:14:08
phone is listening. >> No, I've done that before. >> Done that in a horrible way. I'm not
00:14:13
going to go into details because the person might be listening. But I've done that before and it was really, really
00:14:18
bad. >> So now I'm constantly in fear of a butt dial to the exact person that I'm
00:14:24
talking about. >> Yep. >> When it happens to you, it changes you. >> Yeah. >> I didn't even I didn't even know it was
00:14:29
a real thing. Like, and now that you've said that, I >> return to my cave of shame and will live
00:14:36
a cautious life. >> I love everyone and have nothing negative to say about any of them.
00:14:40
>> Everyone is just so beautiful, right? If you hear anything to the contrary, it's
00:14:43
a lie. It's fake. >> I used to I still am very I I when I was young, I saw this Captain They showed my
00:14:51
my um Cub Scouts this like Captain America, you know, how to save energy. You know, conservation is your friend
00:14:59
little film strip and it was like always close the refrigerator door and like, you know, don't leave the oven on. And
00:15:05
so I have I've was very OCD as a kid, but I've sometimes like gone back blocks to make sure the oven is off or the
00:15:14
stove is off or the refrigerator door is closed. And I was always like, "This is
00:15:19
so dumb. I just need to break myself in this habit." And one day my wife left the stove on.
00:15:25
>> See, >> and I had gotten up in the middle of the night and I was like, I'm just going to
00:15:28
check on the stove. I was like, >> "This is why I do that. I feel like we might all be dead right now.
00:15:35
>> Well, and that's the thing. My takeaway wasn't, "Oh, it was on for hours and it
00:15:39
wasn't a big deal." My takeaway was >> it was on for hours. My worst nightmare has come true. The walls have are
00:15:46
listening. You know, an earthquake is going to happen. Quick sand is real happening here.
00:15:51
>> Bigfoot is in the trees. I need to live in fear. >> Sometimes you do. I do the same thing
00:15:57
with locked doors, though. Oh, locking the doors at night. I'm a psychopath about it. And my husband loves to do
00:16:03
this thing where I'll be like, "Did you lock the back door?" And he's like, "I think so." And I'm like, "That's not an
00:16:08
answer." So then I just have to I'm like, "Of course." And it's always locked every time. But I'm like, "Don't
00:16:12
say I think so." >> Yeah. You can't say. >> Why do people feel like playing on your
00:16:17
nerves is funny. It's not funny. >> Some people really do. >> I want to be safe.
00:16:21
>> Yeah. I'm like, we've been married for 13 years. You should know now that that's not a good game to play,
00:16:27
especially with >> You're going to get up and go check. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Well, going back to your writing,
00:16:32
and you just touched on it a little bit, having three sisters, >> between Abby and My Best Friend's
00:16:37
Exorcism to Lynette and Final Girl support group, I feel like every time I read a new one of your titles, I'm
00:16:43
always so impressed with how well you write women. How do you feel like you're able to create these vivid real women
00:16:49
characters? >> Well, okay. So, this is this is a thank you. I really appreciate that. No,
00:16:57
honestly, I do. Um, B, I think it's so weird that that's not normal. Do you know what I mean? Like that that's worth
00:17:04
comment because I'm like, isn't this the job as a writer? Like, you write people
00:17:08
who aren't you? And like, I get it. Like, I could not convincingly write something from a black perspective
00:17:16
because I just don't know that perspective of the world. I can make some guesses. I can definitely have
00:17:20
characters of color, but I would never want to write a book completely from a black or a Latino character's point of
00:17:26
view because I don't know how that kind of family I don't know the family. I don't have family dynamics. I you know
00:17:31
what I mean? I just would not be comfortable doing that. But >> with a woman like I grew up in the same
00:17:36
house with my sisters like you know what I mean? I'm like they're not living on another planet. They are another person
00:17:42
that's yes things are different but I can extrapolate those things. I can write a robot. Why can't I write, you
00:17:49
know, I can write a vampire? Why can't I write a And um so I always find that so
00:17:54
weird and I'm always like, well, geez, that sucks. >> So well done. I know. >> Well, I know. And thank you. But I mean,
00:18:03
that's literally the job. So it really is using I mean, this sounds so lame, but like using your imagination and also
00:18:11
like you know, I do have three older sisters. I mean, I was largely raised by my mom. I've been married for 30some
00:18:17
years. Um, so I really, you know, with my wife especially, like we got married when she was 19 and I was 20, so we've
00:18:25
really grown up together. If I don't know what almost every stage of her life is like, I haven't been paying
00:18:32
attention. Like, do you know what I mean? Like there like I'm sure there are things she keeps private, but you know,
00:18:38
it it's just a matter of like thinking it through. like, you know, I mean, to me, I'm kind of like, well, yeah, I love
00:18:47
parking far away from a venue if I'm going to see a show or something because I don't want to have to fight for a
00:18:53
parking space and I don't mind the walk, but I'm a knucklehead if I don't think it through and realize that for a woman,
00:18:59
walking alone across a dark parking lot, you know, at 1 in the morning is a very
00:19:02
different experience. Not saying it's not scary for me, but it I'm my fear is of werewolves. their fear is probably
00:19:08
something a lot more a lot more scientifically valid. Um, so there's that kind of stuff where I
00:19:15
guess that would be an easy trap to walk into, but but really it's just thinking
00:19:19
it through and not being a knucklehead, you know. >> There you go. See, men, we're not as
00:19:23
complicated as you think. >> It's true. >> Just don't want to make women I don't
00:19:27
want to make women seem simple, but it it it's I don't know. I just I I don't mean to to huff and puff on this one,
00:19:34
but yeah. Don't I I just try real hard. I mean, I'm writing a book. The book I'm
00:19:39
writing right now is interesting because it doesn't have a single female character in it. Wow.
00:19:43
>> And um yeah, it's weird. It just kind of happened accidentally. And I'm like,
00:19:47
wow, this is going really quickly. >> You don't have to ponder anything. You're just like boom.
00:19:52
>> Well, it it's also less about the pondering, I realized. Thank God because I was like maybe I've been like really
00:19:58
holding myself back all these years. But what I realized is um that uh the last book, Witchcraft, I mean it was set in
00:20:07
1970. It's a lot of research. It was also set in a home for unwed mothers. It was just a dark dark book. I really like
00:20:14
that book. I'm very proud of that book, but it was like >> But thank you. it and it was like it's a
00:20:20
book I'm so proud of and I'm so glad I wrote, but it's like now I'm writing a book like
00:20:24
>> which is much lighter and I'm like I think that's why it's going I'm just like I'm so relieved not to be writing a
00:20:31
book where everyone is not at their worst moment of their life every minute of the book.
00:20:35
>> There you go. It's like a little palette cleanser. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Exactly.
00:20:39
>> Perfect. I love it. I felt like Witchcraft for Wayward were girls is like reading it felt like you were like
00:20:44
under one of those blankets that has like the hood. >> Oh, I have like that cozy feeling to it.
00:20:49
I don't know why. It was like cozy scary. >> I'm so excited to read that one. >> No, I'm really glad. I mean, that was a
00:20:55
book that I really consciously >> went long on. I just was like, I want this to be one of those books that you
00:21:02
feel like you can pull around yourself like a blanket. It's just sort of a big book you can get lost in for, you know,
00:21:09
someone's like, "Oh, I read it in three days." I'm like, "God damn it, >> I gota
00:21:15
>> Yeah. Like, I appreciate that. I take it as a compliment, but I'm always like,
00:21:18
"But it took me two years to write." >> Um, >> like, but yeah. No, it's a book I wanted
00:21:23
to feel big and sort of comforting and all-encompassing. >> That's exactly the word for it. It
00:21:29
literally feels like it's it's its own like atmosphere a little bit. Like you feel like you're in a room. Like it
00:21:35
created a room around me that's cozy. I just really liked it was a fun experience to read it for sure.
00:21:40
>> Appreciate it. >> I just finished actually yesterday just by coincidence. Uh Southern Book Club's
00:21:46
Guide to Slaying Vampires. So good. I love that book so much >> and I I some time to read it. I didn't I
00:21:52
didn't devour it all at once. >> No, I mean it's always a compliment someone says that. I'm like, "Oh, that's
00:21:57
the point, right? I don't want you excited to finish it. But yeah, it is like there is an a really dis I mean you
00:22:03
all know this. There's such a disproportionate ratio to the time it takes to write a book versus time it
00:22:07
takes to read a book. >> Um you know so it's like I wish I could get that a little more in battle.
00:22:12
>> I know it's true. >> Well, we have we have some like kind of interesting questions that'll be coming
00:22:19
up for you. We're going to go into a game of would you rather. >> But first, I have one question that kind
00:22:25
of ties into your Final Girl support group book. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> So, if you had to be in one of your
00:22:31
Final Girls horror franchises, which one would you actually survive and how? >> Which one would I survive?
00:22:40
>> Yeah. Which one do you think you could get through? >> I mean, none. I I am very comfortable
00:22:49
knowing that I'm one of the first ones dead. Selfware like Yeah. Almost. I can't think of a single franchise I'd
00:22:56
survived. Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. >> Oh. Oh. Dead on impact. No. >> Yeah. Dead on Friday the 13th. Done. Um,
00:23:05
you know, I'm trying to think. I mean, >> what do we have? We have Halloween. >> I feel good about Halloween cuz he walks
00:23:10
and I'm not Lori. That's what you said. I would just be like, Lori's over there.
00:23:14
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. I saw her go down. >> I just saw your sister. Yeah. Um >> but yeah, I mean I really I I mean
00:23:22
Nightmare on Elm Street, as soon as you go to sleep, you're screwed. Um >> I love I love sleeping.
00:23:27
>> So >> yeah, I Yeah. And so I mean I've really It's taken me a long time, but I've
00:23:33
accepted the fact that I am a early death and all I can hope for it's a really good one that people remember.
00:23:39
>> There you go. >> That's all you can hope for. I think what do you think survive?
00:23:44
Yeah. You want to be Johnny Depp in like um Nightmare on Elm Street or Heaven Bacon in like you know Friday. Like you
00:23:52
want to be a memorable one. >> You have to cover the Roman blood. Yeah, you do. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like you have to be Tatum
00:23:58
hanging out of the garage door. >> Oh, that's exactly who I would be. Tag yourself. I'm her.
00:24:04
>> I think I could surv I I don't know. I could potentially survive Halloween just
00:24:09
because again he walks. >> I'm pretty good at hiding. >> Yeah. And I'm not Lorie Strode. There
00:24:14
you go. So I feel like boom boom. >> But this is how Michael gets you. You underestimate him.
00:24:19
>> That is true. That's valid. He's also unkillable. >> I was going to say die. >> Yeah, that is that's a tough one to get.
00:24:26
>> But it is true. I mean, you do always feel like >> pick a point, run in a straight line,
00:24:32
just go. And when you get to that point, pick another point, straight line, just
00:24:35
go. How can you go wrong? And yet, you know, and >> he'll be there. >> Yeah. >> No matter what. That's very true.
00:24:43
>> I know. Jason Vorhees, too. >> Yeah. I don't think you could escape that one.
00:24:47
>> And he's real big. He's so big. I don't love that. >> The mask would I just I don't have um
00:24:54
fright or flight. I freeze. >> Freeze. I just freeze in the moment if I'm scared of something. She does
00:25:00
freeze. >> I literally just go She just gets paralyzed in the moment. >> Yeah. And there's also one of those
00:25:06
things where I used to when I was younger be like I wouldn't want to be impaled on a farm implement or like
00:25:13
those deaths looked painful and I was like I'd rather just kill myself. And now I've come around I'm like no where
00:25:18
there's life there's hope. But back in the day I was very much like I don't want to be hung on a hook, you know,
00:25:23
like >> I want that. >> Yeah. And now I just feel like accept your fate, you know,
00:25:28
>> and just make it cool. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's really all go down in infamy, I
00:25:32
guess. >> Yeah. >> All right. So, let's let's get into our would you rathers because they are
00:25:37
pretty ridiculous. So, >> we're starting off strong here. >> Oh, good. >> Would you rather have to co-author your
00:25:46
next book with a sentient cursed book titled Sexy Spells for Sassy Sorcerers or with an Eldrich horror who insists on
00:25:56
writing everything in comic sands? >> Oh, um definitely the latter. Um the comic sands.
00:26:05
>> Yeah, I've done I mean because at the end of the day your editor it's not gonna be published in comic sands, you
00:26:10
know. >> Truth >> and and you know I've done some co-authoring before and um I'm very good
00:26:18
at working with someone. I don't always enjoy it all the way, but I I'm very good at navigating that relationship.
00:26:25
And so I feel like in Eldrich Horror, it would need me like we're co-authoring. It couldn't just
00:26:31
>> it couldn't just banish me to another dimension of eternal torment right off the bat. Like it needs me. Um and so I
00:26:39
actually think we might come to know each other and appreciate each other. Appreciate our differences. Um I kind of
00:26:45
love that. >> You know what holidays do you celebrate? Oh, I didn't know today was a special
00:26:48
day for Eldrich horrors. Um tell me a little bit about your traditions. And I think it would be interesting if nothing
00:26:57
else working with a cursed book like it's just a book. It's like, you know, there books everywhere. Cursed or not. I
00:27:06
I want the Eldrich horror. >> All right. I respect it. I feel that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Actually, and like you said,
00:27:12
it's not going to be published in comic sands. I didn't even think of that. I know.
00:27:15
>> Yeah. And and I'm not that offended by Comic Sands. >> Oh, that's where we differ.
00:27:20
>> I mean, like I don't like it. I wouldn't use it. But like, you know, if you were
00:27:24
saying, "Oh, it only works in like zap dingbats or something." I'd be like, I mean, that's an annoying step. Yeah. You
00:27:31
have to highlight it and then like Ariel, but yeah, >> that'd be a whole thing. That's a good
00:27:36
call. And I like that you would have to like get to know the Eldridge horror. >> Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a nice part
00:27:42
of it. >> I mean, I think nothing else, it would be a fun story. >> Yeah. And you'd probably get another
00:27:48
story out of it. Yeah. You don't have to co-author. just from experience. So >> yeah, although then you get a really
00:27:54
hurt text that's like I told you those things in confidence. >> I never went on the record.
00:28:02
>> Yeah, I didn't want those in a book. I assumed this character just look is based on me.
00:28:07
>> I thought we were friends. >> Thanks. I thought we like I thought we actually liked each other.
00:28:11
>> I thought we really connected during that. I didn't realize it was just work for you.
00:28:14
>> I told you about my special holiday. >> Yeah. >> No, I love that. Now that I'm thinking
00:28:20
about it, my initial feeling was I was a little on the fence about both, but I think I would also go with the Eldrich
00:28:26
Horror. I just love the idea of the book being called Sexy Spells for Sassy Sorcerers.
00:28:31
>> Oh, yeah. >> That's fun to say. They because I'm I'm like, is that book? It's sentient, so
00:28:36
it's got >> something going on there. And I and I want to know what it's about. But
00:28:41
there's also an aspect where you feel like sometimes if someone like we all have friends like this, right,
00:28:49
who they only see things through a certain lens. Uh it's maybe it's a political lens. Maybe it's global
00:28:54
warming is there, you know? So this I feel like the sassy spell book would just keep returning to sex for
00:29:01
sorcerers. You know what I mean? Like it would just keep bringing the conversation back there and it's like
00:29:06
>> to one note. Yeah. >> Yeah. Like everything would feel like a bit. That's true.
00:29:11
>> That'd be tough. >> And an Eldridge horror has just a endless >> a new adventure every day.
00:29:16
>> Yeah. A wide range of interests. >> Absolutely. >> There you go. That was I respect that.
00:29:21
>> Yeah, I definitely respect that answer and I agree with it. I do, too. >> Yeah.
00:29:25
>> So, next next question. >> Oh, let's do this. Would you rather write with a haunted typewriter that
00:29:31
types back at you with sassy commentary or with a cursed laptop that tries to sabotage your drafts by inserting
00:29:40
romance subplots at random places? >> This is difficult. >> This is a hard one. >> And and I'll tell you, I mean, you I I
00:29:50
immediately recoil in horror at the typewriter with the sassiness. You know what I mean? Like Sassy is great in like
00:29:59
a 1930s screw ball comedy, but in real life, Sassy is just kind of >> irritating, you know?
00:30:06
>> Absolutely. >> Like how what kind of romance what kind of romantics is it like inserting? Is it
00:30:11
is it sort of like um doing slash to what we're writing? So it's like, you know, it's just suddenly the characters
00:30:17
are like embracing and going off and or is it like actually inserting a completely separate narrative between
00:30:23
>> That's actually a great idea. I when I initially thought of this, I thought that they were just kind of randomly
00:30:30
forcing your characters into like a romance subplot. Like that doesn't make sense.
00:30:34
>> No, no, no. That makes sense. That makes more sense. Which would I rather? You
00:30:39
know what? I'm going to go with the type >> sassy typewriter. >> No, I'm going with the laptop. I'm going
00:30:45
with the laptop. I know. I know. Yeah. There's >> there's something about a typewriter. Do
00:30:52
either of you all write on a typewriter? I do not. >> No, I don't either. And I try to get one
00:30:56
of those uh typewriter keyboards once that like, oh, maybe this will be interesting. Yeah. Do you ever use it?
00:31:02
>> No. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Every once in a while when I go buy it, I'll touch the keys to make the sound
00:31:08
and that's as far as it goes. >> Exactly. Typewriters, I feel like, are that friend who's really into bourbon
00:31:14
and you just can't order a drink at the bar, you know, without them telling you all about it. Like there's something
00:31:21
about it. not typewriter's fault, but whenever someone's like, "Oh, I only use the same typewriter and I had to
00:31:26
warehouse, you know, parts when it got discontinued in 1978." I'm always like, "Grow up.
00:31:34
>> Go to the Apple store." >> Yeah. What's wrong with a pen? >> It's true. Yeah. I think I I I kind of
00:31:42
want the sassy commentary more than the romance subplots for me. >> Me, too. cuz I' I'd have trouble I feel
00:31:48
like then you have to write them out of it every time. >> That'd be tough >> because in my head it's like is it stuck
00:31:54
in the story now? Like I can't just erase it. I have to get them out of that. >> Yeah.
00:31:59
>> And back into line here. >> That'd be tough. >> And I feel like that's a lot more work.
00:32:04
>> It's like double editing. >> Yeah. >> Lots of work. >> And I don't want that.
00:32:07
>> No. >> Well, all of this is adding a lot more work to the process. >> Yeah. Either way, you're not wrong. The
00:32:12
sassy commentary is definitely adding because it's going to make me second guess everything I write.
00:32:17
>> Yeah, >> I feel it's a final decision. >> I'm gonna go with the typewriter only
00:32:23
because I don't want to have to write people out of a romance subplot. >> All right. I respect it and it is
00:32:28
cursed. It says a cursed laptop, so I don't know how far that curse goes. >> All right.
00:32:34
>> I don't want to enter into anything. >> Yeah, that is the full scope of >> I think I'm going sassy commentary on
00:32:40
this one. I think I could have fun. it back like let's go. >> I'm a Gemini. I'm all about winning
00:32:45
banter. So that's true. You know, >> but don't you worry that like there's a fine line between sassy commentary and
00:32:52
personally hurtful. >> It could be personally hurtful, but I can I can go scorched earth really quick
00:32:58
back at that sassy typewriter. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You dumb typewriter. >> Listen to this.
00:33:06
>> Go change your ribbons. >> Yeah, exactly. You're like, I'll do it. All right, so the next one. Would you rather
00:33:14
write your next novel in Grace Kavanaaugh's home from Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires
00:33:20
>> or This is crazy. In the creepy attic of a fan who calls you daddy horror. >> Wow. Grace's house. No question.
00:33:30
>> No question. >> Yeah. I feel there's a there's a and you all know this as well as anyone. There is not
00:33:38
just a line, but I would say a canyon between making the donuts and eating the donuts.
00:33:45
>> And I don't want anyone who enjoys eating the donuts to see the donuts being made.
00:33:49
>> That's true. >> So, I'd rather be a >> nice way to say that. >> And Grace's house is actually to some
00:33:55
small extent uh in my mind based on a house that I actually rather film rather pleasant. So, really I'm all in for
00:34:01
Grace. Yeah. >> All right. >> I like that. I think I'd go grace, too, because I agree with your donut analogy
00:34:06
and I like that a lot. >> Yeah, I fully agree. It Yeah, >> it's very misery to me and that doesn't
00:34:12
end well. So, that's a no. >> Yeah, I'm going with grace. >> All right, that one was easy. Let's see
00:34:18
if this one is as easy. >> Would you rather only be able to speak in ' 80s slang for the rest of your life
00:34:24
or have to perform an exorcism with nothing but a mixtape and some strawberry lip smackers?
00:34:30
>> Oh, 80s slang. Easy. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I don't know if I want to perform an exorcism.
00:34:36
>> I think I do if it entails a mixtape and strawberry lip smackers. >> I was going to say
00:34:41
>> I mean that sounds like a fun exorcism as far as they go. >> It does, you know.
00:34:45
>> And what's on the mixtape? >> Oo, >> that's the fun part. >> I know. Did we make the mixtape or was
00:34:50
it given to us? >> In my mind, I made the mixtape. >> Like a powerful mixtape >> for the exorcism in mind. Okay.
00:34:59
>> Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I would go I would go exorcism in that scenario then. Mhm.
00:35:04
>> I think I'm going exorcism. All right, we can do a tub. I'm going slang. You're
00:35:07
going slang slang. You can just be in the corner saying things >> like totally tubular, y'all.
00:35:13
>> Exactly. >> Totally tubularism. It'll only help. >> And I feel like 80s slang sort of made a
00:35:17
comeback a little bit, you know, like >> Yeah, everything does. >> As soon as you just said gnarly, I was
00:35:22
like, wait a second, I use that on like a regular basis. >> I say gnarly very regularly.
00:35:27
Gnarly like rad. No one says you have to sound like Spicoli and pass on to Bridgemont High. You just got to use
00:35:33
some. >> That's true. Just a dab here and there. >> All right, that might kind of be fun.
00:35:38
>> No, but the exorcism, I really appreciate you guys looking for a challenge. >> Yeah. I mean, I've never done an
00:35:44
exorcism before, so I feel like presented the opportunity. >> This is a pretty good one.
00:35:49
>> Why wouldn't you, >> you know? >> Yeah. You have to accept the challenges in life.
00:35:53
>> You do. All right. So, we're we're exercising and you're talking like a John Hughes movie.
00:36:01
>> I'm into it. >> So, moving on from exorcisms, would you rather spend one week living in Shirley
00:36:07
Jackson's Hill House or one weekend on a girls trip with the witches from Sesperia?
00:36:16
>> Oh, like like Helena Marcos and all that. >> Oh, um definitely definitely Girls Trap.
00:36:24
>> 100%. Yeah, I I I am 100%. I mean, cuz it's it's the creepy cook who doesn't really
00:36:31
talk a whole lot. The little kid dressed up as Little Lord Fontroy. There's um what's her name who runs the dance
00:36:37
academy who's great. And there's Helena Marcos just being a boss, you know, like,
00:36:42
>> you know, >> I'm all I'm all in on the girls trip. That would be a blast. >> When you present it that way, it sounds
00:36:48
like fun. >> Yeah, it kind of does. >> I kind of like >> I'm not on the girls trip to be
00:36:53
tormented. I'm there to have a good time. >> What do you think the first stop is on
00:36:57
that girls trip? >> Well, I So, I would think I would think that what we'd be doing is it'd be a
00:37:06
little less of a a road trip and more of sort of a destination, you know? So, I'm
00:37:11
thinking like a resort maybe, you know, in like somewhere allincclusive in Mexico or something and like you could
00:37:18
take day trips to explore stuff and or maybe just chill by the pool and there's like three or four pools to choose from.
00:37:24
Beach club, get a cabana. >> I like that. >> I think I'm choosing this. I think you've just talked me into my decision.
00:37:30
>> Like, well, [ __ ] And like and like everyone will here's the one thing I think it would be really important that
00:37:38
it's a resort where everyone has separate villas. You know what I mean? Like like no connecting rooms because
00:37:43
I've heard Helena Marco snore and it's really loud. Like really >> like it's really terrifying
00:37:51
>> desperate. Yeah. >> I want to get away from that. And who doesn't want their own villa anyway?
00:37:56
>> Yeah. Exactly. Or she could bring her apnea mask in which case maybe >> that changes things. Maybe you could
00:38:02
run. >> Yeah. But I also think you know like you know she comes into the pool everyone's
00:38:07
going to leave. >> That's true. >> I mean she's invisible but they'll see her outline in it.
00:38:11
>> Oh yeah that's freaky. Yeah. >> Yeah. And we'd have to have one big rule. Actually no this isn't a big rule
00:38:18
because this would be fine. It's like if you want to I was going to say one big rule. No maggot storms. But then if you
00:38:22
want to clear the beach maggot storm. >> Quick maggot storm. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So gross.
00:38:27
>> Oh, I like that. >> But the seagulls will come and eat them all. >> Okay. >> Give it 20 minutes of each.
00:38:33
>> It'll take a second. >> All right. >> And then you come out and it's nice and
00:38:36
picked clean. >> But no one's going Where are y'all coming in on this? >> Let me think.
00:38:41
>> So you you made the girls trip sound really fun. >> You really did. >> I was initially a little scared of that
00:38:46
one. >> I was too. You were like a travel. >> Now that I'm thinking I'm like it is a
00:38:49
weekend girls trip and it's a week >> in Hill House. >> A week is a long time. Yeah. What is the
00:38:56
guy's name? Jacob Crane or something in Hill House. >> Yeah. We don't want to >> Yeah. He's like a child abuser and like
00:39:03
his spirit sort of permeates every Could you really have a good time >> and for a whole week? I think that would
00:39:08
give you alone. That that vibe would be >> Yeah. >> Rancid. Yeah. Reserve us a spot in the
00:39:15
girls. We're coming on the girls trip. >> Come on. Yeah. >> Nice weekend. We'll take a villa
00:39:19
together. Yeah. Great. I like that. >> Yeah. It actually I do three ways on the villa with you guys and like split it
00:39:25
split the charges but then everyone else can have other villas. Yeah, I'm in. >> I like that. Although I do snore, but I
00:39:30
use breathe right strips. So >> we're going to do it for you guys. Yeah, we'll put it on we'll put it on the
00:39:36
Google calendar. >> Perfect. All right, we're going on the girls trip with Sesperia.
00:39:40
>> I'm in. >> So, uh, next. Would you rather have to sell your childhood home, which is very
00:39:46
haunted and also full of murder puppets, >> or live in it for a year while the puppets get to know you?
00:39:56
>> Well, >> whatever you think that entails, >> I'm going to I'm going to push I'm going
00:40:00
to I'm going to call the premise of the question into question because you have if it's your childhood home, you have
00:40:05
been living in it with the murder puppets for years. >> So maybe the murder puppets are a new
00:40:10
addition to the >> Oh, they just moved in. Oh. Um I I actually wouldn't mind the murder
00:40:16
puppets. Like >> really? >> Yeah. I'm I mean on the one hand it would be really fun to sell a home with
00:40:23
an infestation to someone and think about that and get away with it. But on the other hand, like
00:40:30
I think it would be I think it might be pleasant to share a home with a bunch of
00:40:36
murder puppets. Like >> it would be interesting. >> Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it would just kind
00:40:40
of be like, what do they get up to when they're not murdering? Like, because there's only me and if they murder me,
00:40:45
they got no more murder. So, they're going to have to be luring people into it. So, I feel like there'd be a lot of
00:40:50
a lot of coming and going, which isn't always my favorite thing. I like Quiet House.
00:40:54
>> I like But >> I mean, think there is something really adorable about a murder puppy. They're
00:41:00
puppet. They're tiny. They're cute. >> Tiny little weapons. >> Tiny little weapons. And And think of
00:41:06
their gumption. I mean, this is how I feel about Chihuahua. Like, they're so brave. Like, everything is so much
00:41:12
bigger than them. >> Yeah. Could just like drop kick them far, but they still like go out there.
00:41:19
They still put themselves out there. And I feel like movie night. I mean, so to me, heaven would be movie night. You got
00:41:28
your like blanket on the couch and you're just snuggled up with a bunch of murder puppets.
00:41:32
>> Wow. >> I mean, that sounds really fun. >> I love that. They do want to get to know
00:41:37
you. >> Yeah. I don't We would be chatting. They'd be telling about their lies. Be
00:41:42
telling them about mine. They They'd pretend to be interested. >> Yeah, of course they would.
00:41:47
>> Yeah. >> I like that. >> How would you sleep there, though? >> Yeah. I mean, sleep hygiene is tough,
00:41:53
right? I think I think I would do more of a power nap situation. >> Uh >> like really hitting those 20-minute
00:42:01
power naps. Yeah. Um, but also they're not murdering me in my sleep. You know what I mean? Like, like
00:42:08
>> that's not fun. >> Yeah. >> But there's always the chance they could. >> There's a chance they could, but jokes's
00:42:14
on them at that point. Like, they've killed me in my sleep, so I'm none the wiser. And now they don't have anyone
00:42:20
else to murder or and no one else paying the bills, so that house is going to go
00:42:24
on the market. You know, who that they might and someone just might get it for a tear down.
00:42:28
>> Yeah. And they're screwed. And they just become puppets at that point because
00:42:32
they're not murder puppets anymore. >> Yeah. >> And that's >> and I was about to say a workaround
00:42:37
might be cutting off my arms and legs and keeping me in a box or something, but >> I would still have to be earning money
00:42:43
to keep the house. So, it's in their best interest to keep me mostly intact. >> But maybe they'll make you just like,
00:42:52
you know, >> transcribing transcribing transcribing. I was like, what is the word I'm trying
00:42:56
to think of? So, you don't need your arms or legs to write, right? Because you can just say, they'll make you say
00:43:01
the story out loud. >> I see what you're saying. Yeah. >> And they'll just transcribe it for you.
00:43:06
>> I gotta say, though, I >> I'm going to take the murder puppets. I'm going to take the murder puppets.
00:43:12
Yeah. No, I mean, and you know, out of all of them, this is the one I'm the least certain about because it could go
00:43:17
a lot of directions, but I'm going to stick with the murder puppets. >> I respect that. It is intriguing. And I
00:43:22
feel like at night when you want to go to sleep, if you just did like a really quick look around of your room, like
00:43:28
have a barren room, you know, like don't have a lot of places where they can scoot under,
00:43:33
>> you could keep them out. They're little. They're not going to be able to like
00:43:36
bang a door down or anything. So, you could get some sleep, but they can hide easily.
00:43:40
>> I feel like as a dude, I'm going to double down on my decision, even if it's very poor
00:43:46
>> and cling to my position. >> Like, I'm doing it. Is that what you're choosing too, Elena?
00:43:51
>> Yeah. I kind of want to see what the murder puppets are all about. I love Puppet Master. That's hilarious.
00:43:56
>> Oh, yeah. >> So, >> and that's the problem with that franchise is the more familiar you get
00:44:01
with those puppets, the more kind of adorable they are. >> They are. That's the thing. And that's
00:44:06
all I'm picturing in my head right now are those puppets. And I'm like, "Let's go, girls. Let's hang out."
00:44:11
>> I think I'll sell the house to a contestant on that show. >> You There you go. Or you could sell it
00:44:18
to us. Or there you go. I'll sell the house to you guys. You already want it. We'll buy it. Perfect.
00:44:23
>> As someone who's currently living in an apartment with termites, so it's basically sold to me with murder
00:44:27
puppets, except the less cute version. >> Little ones. >> My opinion of you will be very low if
00:44:34
you sell me a house and I discover the walls are crammed with murder puppets. >> But you'll learn to love them. It's
00:44:40
true. >> Because they'll get to know you. Yeah, exactly. >> I will be resentful.
00:44:45
I won't actually. All right, next question. Would you rather have every writing session interrupted by whispers
00:44:52
from a ghost quoting bad Goodreads reviews or have every writing session interrupted by a witch hat, a sentient
00:45:01
witch hat who keeps tapping on your keyboard and adding the word sleigh to every sentence?
00:45:07
>> Witch hat. Um, >> yeah. >> Yeah. I don't read reviews online. I don't. >> Me neither. Neither do we.
00:45:15
>> I never have and I never will. And um it's sick. Yeah. So I'd rather witch hat. And who doesn't want to have sleigh
00:45:22
in many sentences. >> Yeah. I'll take it. You don't have to keep it there. You just go delete it if
00:45:27
you need. >> Also, this witch hat already sounds adorable. It's like a little hermit
00:45:30
crab. A little oult hermit crab. >> Yes. I was excited about it. I like the witch hat. I like that one a lot cuz one
00:45:37
a ghost would be cool, but a whispering ghost I'm not for at all. >> And criticizing it. But then whispering
00:45:43
reviews that I'm actively avoiding would be it for me. Yeah, I'd go nuts. >> Yeah.
00:45:49
>> Yeah. All right, that one was easy. >> Yeah, that was an easy one. Next one. Would you rather write your next novel
00:45:54
while a Victorian ghost dramatically faints every time you use a semicolon, or would you rather write it while being
00:46:02
interrupted periodically by the sound of groaning Victorian child ghosts? >> Oh, the first one. I almost never use
00:46:10
semicolons and so I feel like five or six fanny fits for an entire book max. >> Yeah, it's not so bad. It's pretty good.
00:46:18
>> Yeah. And child ghosts. >> I grew up at a time when like your parents were like, "It's summer. Go
00:46:26
outside." And you weren't allowed back in the house all day except for lunch. And like if you tried to see me like
00:46:32
it's really hot. My mom used to put like she'd be like, "Go drink from the hose."
00:46:37
And so and so that may have colored my attitude, but that is my attitude towards child ghost. I'm always like,
00:46:44
"Go outside. Find something." >> Yeah. >> Only boring ghosts are bored. Yeah. Go
00:46:50
play. >> Only boring ghosts are bored. >> And they're just groaning. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like what you got to groan about?
00:46:56
Like you got your whole life ahead of you. Got your whole afterlife ahead of you.
00:46:59
>> Yeah. You don't even pay taxes yet. >> That's really beautiful. You don't even
00:47:03
are dead. >> Yeah. >> Exactly. >> What do you need to worry about? Yeah, you have no words.
00:47:08
>> You want to hear You want me to give you something to groan about? Let me think
00:47:10
about these termites. >> The classic '8s parenting response. >> Exactly. >> I love the idea of a ghost like a
00:47:18
Victorian ghost just dramatically fainting when I do a semicolon. Like I would probably put semicolons in my
00:47:24
draft just like where is it? >> I think actually that's how every writing session would end is semicolon,
00:47:30
door flies open, ghost swoons in and hits the floor. >> Yeah. cuz then you're like, "Wow, that
00:47:35
chapter really s cuz you're like the end. Let's go. Send it in." I like that. Perfect. All right, so we're moving on
00:47:43
to a little horror store action here. >> Okay. Would you rather be trapped overnight in a haunted or where all the
00:47:51
furniture rearranges itself and whispers in Swedish or get a job there where your
00:47:58
manager is a demon wearing khakis and demanding team building exercises >> overnight?
00:48:04
>> Yeah% Yeah, that's just one time thing, you know, that would just be interesting.
00:48:10
>> You'd be interesting. I've worked retail before and I'm bad at it. Like I don't
00:48:14
have the stomach. Like people who work retail, hats are off to them because they are able to
00:48:21
>> do something that I find impossible. It's like algebra. I don't understand it. I can't do it.
00:48:26
>> It's a torturous job. >> Yeah, >> it really is. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I think
00:48:31
>> like I worked in a bookstore and I've sold stuff from a stand and I >> I wasn't good at either of it.
00:48:38
>> No, it's tough. Selling is hard and people are the meanest to retail people. That's why I'm never mean to retail like
00:48:45
anybody working in retail because I'm like your job is so hard. >> Yeah. Retail workers or service workers.
00:48:51
>> Yeah. >> When I was a server back in the day, I cried more than I think I've ever cried
00:48:55
in my whole life. >> Oh. Where were you a server? What kind of place? >> Just a little Irish pub.
00:49:00
>> Okay. >> Yeah. >> But they had it was a bar basically. >> Yeah, pretty much. >> Yeah. Um Yeah, that's bartending is the
00:49:08
worst. >> Yeah, it was tough. I couldn't. People say things to you there that you're
00:49:12
like, you would never say that in real life. Why are you saying that to me in this Irish bar?
00:49:17
>> Well, some so someone because my wife is a chef, so she's owned a few restaurants
00:49:21
uh and so serve. Yeah, I always my heart goes out, but I ran into this chick at a
00:49:28
uh film festival and her she like started she was back of house at a restaurant, you know, working the
00:49:35
kitchen and she had moved to front of house and she was working the hostess stand. I was like, "Oh my god, do you?"
00:49:40
So I was like, "Let's talk." So we're chatting and she was like, "Well, you know, the big thing with this job is I
00:49:48
really do think UFOs are real and that extraterrestrials live amongst us." She's like, "Because I
00:49:57
think what they do is they tell each other, oh, if you're a little insecure about, you know, your human disguise, go
00:50:05
to a restaurant. like you can just like that's where you'll really work on it and get it right and if you do weird
00:50:10
stuff they don't even notice >> and she's like because I would say at least a third if not half of our
00:50:15
customers >> they don't seem very good at being human >> and they're exper she's like and
00:50:22
sometimes I think the requests are like messing with me like just experimenting how far can I push you and I said that
00:50:28
to my wife and it's now gone around her restaurant like why because everyone's like oh yeah well that's clearly that's
00:50:33
that's >> yeah that would make you feel so much better when people are like rude to you
00:50:37
or doing weird stuff on shift. You'd be like, "You're just trying it on." Yeah. I wish I knew that back then.
00:50:42
>> Damn, that could have saved me. >> People are Yeah, restaurants and especially bars bring out the worst in
00:50:47
human beings. >> Yeah, they do. >> 100%. >> I was lucky to not to do a whole lot of
00:50:54
retail in my job Yeah. >> journey, but my favorite job was working at a um video store by far.
00:51:02
>> Oh, yeah. Cool. Cuz that's like retail but like not like everybody was pretty
00:51:07
happy at a video store I feel like. >> What video was it? Like what kind? >> It was a Hollywood video.
00:51:12
>> Oh, a Hollywood video where and like where >> it was like it was literally like just
00:51:17
south of Boston, like a little suburb. >> And it was and I loved that job so much.
00:51:24
>> That's a cool job. >> I miss video stores so much. I wish they were a thing. I didn't get to experience
00:51:28
them very much. >> It's so funny. I just did a a shoot like an interview thing and they were like,
00:51:34
"Oh, let's do it in a video store cuz I was introducing some movies for something and I had hadn't been in one
00:51:40
in a really really long time." And I was just walking around like like I'd been,
00:51:45
you know, like I was in the like, you know, the secret library of Congress or something. I was just like walking
00:51:50
around like because I realized that having grown up on video stores, that's how my brain that's like that's the
00:51:57
optimal way for me to look at movies. It's not this. It's not a streaming interface. It is like here is a wire
00:52:03
shelf and on it are all the movies directed by this person or on it are all the documentaries and and then you can
00:52:11
pick it up and read the back and look at the I was like this is how my brain was
00:52:15
wired to like >> Yes. >> interface like browse movies. >> Yes. cuz I get so overwhelmed with
00:52:21
streaming services. Like there's too much selection. Like I need it >> narrowed into like everything that can
00:52:27
fit in this one room in this store >> and like the new releases are on the outside
00:52:33
>> the perimeter for something new >> and you don't know if that there's an actual VHS tape behind the cover of it
00:52:39
sometimes because they would always have the covers and you had to be like I hope
00:52:42
there's one in there. >> Oh, that's fun. Yeah, because I mean, how many click click
00:52:48
>> like just shuffling? I've had I know I've had to do this thing where I I use letter boxed and so I've got everything
00:52:55
on there and I just hit shuffle and whatever comes up first is what I watch. Even if I'm not in the mood, I'm like,
00:53:00
"All right, that's what I'm watching." >> Honestly, this was fate. Yeah, that's the best way to do it because my husband
00:53:06
and I will get to the point where we're like 45 minutes through like just going through things on a streaming service
00:53:11
and we're like, "Forget it." Yeah. like just scream. >> Yeah, just let's go. >> Oh, I miss.
00:53:18
>> Well, and the worst is if you've had a few drinks cuz I'm a notorious like I've
00:53:21
had a few drinks and I'll get 10 minutes into a movie and be like I'm not in the
00:53:24
mood. What else is there? >> And then like four hours later I'm much drunker and I've watched 10 minutes of
00:53:30
like 40 movies >> and you're just stringing them all together. >> It becomes one giant movie that makes no
00:53:36
sense. Oh, well, speaking of, you know, a time we all wish was back. Would you rather
00:53:43
>> speaking of your drinking problems? >> Speaking of your drinking problem, I'm
00:53:47
like, it's so weird. It goes right into my next question. Would you rather be trapped inside a forgotten 1980s horror
00:53:55
paperback with like some pulpy title like Satan's Babysitter >> or forced to write the sequel to The
00:54:04
Haunted Janitor in one night while being stalked by a mop? >> Forced to write on a janitor sequel.
00:54:11
>> I'd rather do something active than passive. >> Yeah. I don't want to be stuck in
00:54:16
something. Yeah. And especially not Satan's babysitter. And being stopped by a mop sounds like an interesting
00:54:22
experience. It does. >> Yeah. >> You tell a lot of stories about that later. >> Yeah.
00:54:25
>> Yeah. No, totally. Like, is it also a haunted mop bucket on wheels? Like like
00:54:31
there's a lot like Yeah. No, I And also the I really admire sort of that sort of
00:54:37
old school pulp writing where people just churned it out. I'm like, let me see if I can do that, you know?
00:54:42
>> Hell yeah. And that's your >> I'm not worried about this being good. How fast could I go?
00:54:46
>> Yeah. Be a good test. I mean, it's the sequel to The Haunted Janitor. That's the other thing that's even better.
00:54:51
You've already got something to work with, and that's that's always great. >> Yeah. And I like And I Sometimes I like
00:54:57
like a crazy deadline where I'm like under crazy pressure. >> Sometimes it works.
00:55:03
>> Yeah. >> And I want if I'm doing this, I want my cursed laptop that puts in romance
00:55:09
subplots because there's half the book written for me. >> Boom. >> Oh, wow. There you go. Marrying the two
00:55:15
together. Oh no, now I'm sad that I picked the typewriter who's just giving me sassy commentary because that's going
00:55:21
to bog me down. >> No, but then then as long as the sassy commentary is in uncalized italics, you
00:55:28
could just be like it's metapiction. It's commenting on myself. It's like I'm a Paul Trim Blade.
00:55:34
>> I like that. I like that a lot. That's amazing. >> So I think we're all picking the Haunted
00:55:40
Janitor sequel for sure in one night. >> I love it. >> Yeah. Well, thank you so much for
00:55:45
entertaining that. That was so much fun to play. That was awesome. >> Oh, yeah. No, I thought I was like,
00:55:49
where's more? Let's go. >> We do have some B questions. >> We have some B squad questions that we
00:55:54
had. >> Oh, give me a B. Give me Give me Let's do two B Squad questions. >> Oh, awesome. Let's go. All right, which
00:55:59
ones are we picking? All right, let's see. Oh, this is fun. Would you rather have to share a haunted office with a
00:56:05
poltergeist who throws books when they're bored or one who insists on hosting dramatic table readings every
00:56:11
night at 3:00 a.m.? dramatic table readings. I am really fussy about my books. Like I don't like dinged corners
00:56:19
and stuff. So yeah, table reading. >> And that' just be fun at 3:00 a.m. >> Yeah,
00:56:23
>> that'd be a crazy table read. It really would. >> Wow. >> And I'm the same way with my books. Like
00:56:28
Ash can tell like >> I'm not allowed to borrow Elena's books. I can't cuz I hate when people fold a
00:56:34
page or anything. It freaks me out. >> I know. I'm sorry. >> Also like you know I I really want the I
00:56:39
want to know the dynamic of this table read. You know the I have to read the stage directions again.
00:56:47
>> I would love that. >> Why can't I play a part this time? >> I really like that actually.
00:56:52
>> That'd be a lot of fun. I'm definitely for that cuz you're not throwing my books. I just
00:56:56
>> All three of us can be at the table reading. >> Yeah, that would be Bring me one more
00:57:00
here. These are great. >> All right, one more. Would you rather be haunted by a ghost who won't stop
00:57:05
changing the endings of your books or one who constantly whispers plot hole plot hole while you write
00:57:15
that? Okay. One, I'm very picky about my endings and they're very hard for me. I'm not good at it. So, no, that first
00:57:22
one's out. Second off, um that's the inside of my head anyways. Yeah. Like >> it's just like echoing this draft right
00:57:31
now. And yeah, I've got a running thing down the side of everything I'm writing.
00:57:34
Like go back and fix. This is stupid. This doesn't make sense. Fix this in all caps because I feel like making it all
00:57:42
caps. >> I'll definitely like not ignore it. >> There you go. I was thinking the same
00:57:47
thing as soon as I was reading it. I was like, "Well, I don't need the ghost." Cuz my own head is being like, "That's a
00:57:52
plot hole. That's a major plot hole." >> He'll just keep you accountable. >> He will. But I'd be pissed. I'd be so
00:57:57
pissed at that. I'd be like, I got it. I know. >> So, are you going ending? >> I think I'm trying to I think I would go
00:58:03
with ending because maybe he'll have a good idea every once in a while. >> All right.
00:58:08
>> And I'll be like cuz I'm also not great with endings. I get very overwhelmed by
00:58:13
an ending. >> Yeah. >> Which is why I just like keep going through a series. >> You're like, "No, it's not over." Haha.
00:58:18
>> I'm like, "Oh, there's more." >> But so maybe he could actually end a book for me and that would be sick. I'd
00:58:24
give him credit. All right. Yeah. >> Yeah. Actually, that shows a lot of confidence.
00:58:29
>> Yeah. >> And and a lack of ego, you know, like you're getting past your own ego and
00:58:34
sort of being open to all I think that's really admirable. >> Thank you. He's kind of like, too, you
00:58:39
know? >> Yeah. He might have some good ideas. Like, who am I? >> I don't know him. I don't know his life.
00:58:45
That's the thing. >> Yeah. I haven't written a book, so I don't know about this one.
00:58:52
I guess I would go plot hole to keep myself accountable. Nice. You know. >> Yeah,
00:58:58
>> that's good. It's good that you you're like I'd probably be taking shortcuts >> cuz I have to finish The Haunted Janitor
00:59:05
2 by Sunrise. >> Yes, exactly. >> Yeah. >> Thanks. Thanks to this ghost. Although, I got to say, if we combined
00:59:14
all of these into one, it's like, you know, there's a copy of The Haunted Janitor 2 with a romance subplot running
00:59:23
through it, the word sleigh every now and then, a semicolon at the end of every chapter. Yep.
00:59:28
>> And absolutely no plot holes whatsoever. >> Yeah, I would buy that book. I think we
00:59:34
just created a banger to be honest. >> We did. >> We're on that list. TM. >> There we go. TM. No one take it.
00:59:42
>> It's a great one. Well, thank you so much for entertaining all that. What do you have to plug? Anything?
00:59:49
>> I just had a book come out, a non-fiction thing called These Fists Break Bricks, which is a history of how
00:59:55
kung fu movies came to America, which even if it doesn't seem like your thing, it's sort of paperback from hell, but
01:00:00
for like kung fu movies instead of paperback horror. And that's out now everywhere in a improved edition than
01:00:07
the previous one. as in this one's in print and the previous one wasn't. Um, and
01:00:11
>> it's improved. >> Uh, I'm getting ready for season two of the podcast I do, Super Scary Haunted
01:00:17
Homeschool. Last season took me four years, uh, for 13 episodes, I think, about vampires. Uh, this we're trying to
01:00:25
be more professional. I work with the writers and well, not writers, but I work with editors and musicians and all
01:00:31
this and actors. And I think we're going to have the first episodes out by the end of this year. It's all about haunted
01:00:36
houses. And I think it'll be done by the end of next year, but it's starting this
01:00:40
year. So, >> that's exciting. I'm excited. >> And then hopefully this first draft of
01:00:43
this new book will be done by September. And that means hopefully I can convince
01:00:48
my editors that it might be able to come out by the end of next year, which would be really
01:00:52
nice. >> Good luck convincing that. Good luck. >> Yeah, I know, right? They're like, let's
01:00:58
move it to this fall of 2027. I'm like, why did I give up my whole summer? >> Freaking know.
01:01:04
>> That all sounds amazing. And guys, um, always, always, always if Grady is in a
01:01:09
town near you, check out his book events. They are so good. I don't know if we can say it enough. Truly recommend
01:01:15
it. >> And whisper in my ear, plot hole. Plot. >> Yes. While he's signing your book, do
01:01:20
that. >> Yes. >> So guys, thank you so much for listening. We hope you keep listening.
01:01:25
And we hope you keep it weird. >> You nailed it. >> Killed it. You killed it. Thank you so much.
01:01:36
>> I got one thing right today. >> This was so much fun. No, this was a fun episode. It really was.
01:01:43
>> Bye you guys. >> Thank y'all. [Music] [Music] [Music]