00:00:08
Oh my god, you guys, I love this show. She's a True Blooder. I'm True Blooded. I'm True Bleeding.
00:00:14
>> It is such a hugely different vibe than Buffy, obviously, for >> Massively different.
00:00:21
You know what? It has UPN vibes. >> Oopon. Oopon. It is Oopon times two pon. >> it's HBO. We're We've moved on from
00:00:29
Oopon to HBO. Yeah. We're We're home box office right now. Home box office. Here's the thing. Yeah. We're never
00:00:36
going to not be Southern while talking about this show. >> to shift out of it. >> I love a Southern accent.
00:00:42
>> that. And just wait until you hear me say bill and in my accent. Also, they're never going to be good Southern
00:00:50
accents. >> No. No, we're we're not trying to offend anybody. We love your accents. But you
00:00:56
have to know that they are the most fun accents to slip in and out of. >> That's the thing. They just feel right.
00:01:01
>> Yeah. And all of our all of our all of our manses are going to hate us. >> Yes.
00:01:08
John hates when I just won't stop Southern accenting. >> Southern. When I just keep going.
00:01:14
Sometimes it's hard. You know, sometimes you just fall into it. >> Let's get into it, guys. I'm so excited.
00:01:19
I know. I'm very excited to say from the Morbid Network, I'm Elena. I'm Ash. >> And I am Mikey. And this is the
00:01:26
rewatcher True Blood. This is season one, episode one, Strange Love. Love is strange in this episode, huh?
00:02:36
>> Isn't it? It is. Speaking of love, our [ __ ] theme music >> It's so good. Come on.
00:02:42
>> I've been so excited for everyone to hear that. >> It's so good. >> Yes. We have been sitting on that for
00:02:50
a long time at this point. >> weeks and weeks. Mhm. When we first heard it, we all screamed.
00:02:55
>> Yes. We were like, this is perfect. >> in the car and I almost swerved off the
00:02:58
road. >> Yeah. We literally screamed. I was so excited. It's so good. Andrew was so
00:03:03
amazing for making us that. >> Andrew McMahon. And he just Andrew McMahon just That's not his name. It's
00:03:08
Andrew McMahon. But it was really fun to say McMahon. >> so great when we asked him to do it. He
00:03:12
was just like, yep. Let's go. Yeah. We and he just That was first try. First try.
00:03:19
>> By the way, he went into If you listen to Something Corporate, Jack's Mannequin, Andrew McMahon in the
00:03:23
Wilderness, he's got like different vibes going on in those three different bands. But even this song is such a
00:03:28
different vibe for him. Like It's such a different vibe. >> can do anything. >> Yeah. He's versatile. Versatile.
00:03:34
>> Andrew, good job being versatile. >> Thank you. >> True. We appreciate you. >> Thanks. Many thanks. Another
00:03:40
collaborator that both kicked ass is you know, none other than Ryan Murray and freaking Matt Murray from Black
00:03:49
>> Veil. It is like our new key art is slapping. >> They are the best. >> We love Matt and Ryan. Yeah. In the key
00:03:58
art, I'm Sookie. You're Sookie. Yeah. You are. Who are you? You haven't met me yet.
00:04:03
>> I haven't met you yet. I said, you know what? I'm a fang banger. Yeah. You're a
00:04:07
fang banger? I guess. You are. Yeah. Oh, girl. >> a reluctant fang banger. You look a
00:04:12
little scared. You look a little reluctant. Uh but no, Matt and Ryan are amazing. If you're ever in Salem, go to
00:04:18
the Black Veil. There's two locations. >> Yeah, go get some cool [ __ ] Get tatted.
00:04:22
And get tatted. >> That's who does all of our tattoos. They're amazing. They did our merch for
00:04:28
our live shows for Morbid. They did the the um key art for this. It's They're amazing. So we
00:04:35
>> we'll have some merch for you for True Blood now that we own this [ __ ] show
00:04:39
free and clear. I think we will. And maybe we'll have some for Buffy as well. >> Please don't forget. We'll do backup
00:04:45
merch. Trust me, we tried. Some retroactive merch. Yeah. Uh cuz it's still fun. >> We'll get her done now. So yeah, we've
00:04:51
been able We've had a lot of really good collaborators between Andrew, Ryan, and
00:04:55
Matt. It's been We We've We've come up come up aces. We really have. Two thumbs up, wonderful homies. Yeah. Two thumbs
00:05:03
up, 10 out of 10, would would recommend them. Mhm. As homies. But they're our homies and not yours.
00:05:09
>> You can't have them. I get protective. I'm just kidding. They can be your homies. You're my friends,
00:05:15
too. It's true. Listener. Uh so this is going to be really fun. I'm excited. We've gotten to watch Ash watch the
00:05:22
first episode now. Something I've been waiting to see for a long time cuz I just needed to see her reaction.
00:05:28
>> years got shaved off of my life and then somehow added back to my life. The thing
00:05:34
that was the most hilarious is like we were literally eating lunch while we started to watch it cuz we're just like,
00:05:39
let's throw it on while we're eating so that way it can cover up the noises of us eating, you
00:05:44
>> Yeah. And we got to be like, stay And then we're just hearing like sex slapping. It's like
00:05:49
You have just asses clapping and Ash is like, I'd rather hear you guys chew on food. I'd rather hear you guys chew. I
00:05:55
have a comment about ass clapping later. >> She has a great comment about it later.
00:05:59
Cuz she made it and I was like, you better tell them. >> it down. >> You better let them know.
00:06:03
>> She said, write that down. I said, write that down, girl. Oh, by the way, happy
00:06:07
[ __ ] Halloween, everybody. >> Oh, happy Yeah. Mother This comes out on Halloween. Yeah. Not the day of.
00:06:12
Halloween. >> days before. Happy almost Halloween, [ __ ] I hope you guys have the safest
00:06:17
time. Yeah, and the funnest time. >> And the funnest. The spookiest. >> And it was kismet. We, you know, we
00:06:23
released this the week of Halloween. I always get so sad though when Halloween is like almost here because I'm like,
00:06:29
no. I'm not ready for October to be over. No, I literally get like a depression that's coming because I know it's going
00:06:36
to be over. I always get like post-holiday depression like Christmas, my birthday, but Halloween hits
00:06:41
different. And I will not be taking down my decorations anytime soon. I also I didn't go nearly as hard as I wanted to
00:06:48
this year. I've been busy. We've been I've been busy. That has nothing to do with
00:06:52
anything. Happy Halloween. Let's get into the show. >> Yeah, let's go. So, we start off on the dark ass streets
00:06:58
of Louisiana Mhm. with the most early 2000s dressed couple you can possibly imagine, Brad and Kelly. Brad and Kelly.
00:07:06
And also the names are just perfect, Brad and Kelly. >> It's so early 2000s. >> Just makes makes sense. Kelly's driving
00:07:12
while her douchey looking boyfriend Brad is having a little passenger princess nap. But not for long because she wants
00:07:18
to get frisky. No, never in my [ __ ] life have I ever wanted to give a hand job ever.
00:07:24
>> Yeah, no. Certainly not in a car. >> No. Not in the car. Certainly not in the
00:07:28
road trip. Like, no. >> for me. >> No. I don't want I don't need carpal tunnel. You do not. And I'm driving. No,
00:07:36
my Driving is me time. And I'm sitting there. I'm listening to my music. I'm zoning out. Here's the thing. I'm having
00:07:44
my thoughts. I'm not driving, that's for sure. You'll never find me in the driver's seat. It won't be happening.
00:07:50
I'm just like expecting like when I'm driving on like 93 to see like a thing that's like, don't give handies.
00:07:57
Distracted driving's banned. Distracted driving. Distracted driving is banned. >> Mikey said this is the first indication
00:08:06
that we're in a fictional world. >> It's 100% true. Cuz there's no way. There's just no way. So, she's giving
00:08:13
full passenger prince treatment though until mid-stroke Brad sees a sign for True Blood and probably finishes early
00:08:19
with the excitement of it all. It was kind of wild that she's literally in the middle of giving him a hand job and he's
00:08:24
like, wait, I want that blood. >> Come on. That That That is the second indication that we're
00:08:29
in a fictional world. What man I know. Tell me. That's the thing. It's like, wait, I would like
00:08:35
that drink. Hold on, I'm thirsty. >> Yeah. Kelly slams on the brakes and skids into the liquor store where they
00:08:41
have a small TV showing a talk between Nan Flanagan of the American Vampire League and Bill Maher of Bill Maher.
00:08:50
of Bill Maher. >> Bill asks about Nan's race. So, we realize she's a vamp. And he's like,
00:08:56
don't you guys have kind of like a sorted history of feeding off innocent people? And Nan tells him Three points.
00:09:02
Number one, show me documentation. Doesn't exist. Number two, doesn't your race have a
00:09:09
history of exploitation? We never owned slaves, Bill, or detonated nuclear weapons. And most
00:09:15
importantly, point number three, now that the Japanese have perfected synthetic blood which satisfies all of
00:09:20
our nutritional needs, there is no reason for anyone to fear us. Honestly, she made valid points there.
00:09:27
>> She did. She ate him up. >> She ate Bill Maher without even eating him up. I also love that we have a new
00:09:34
Nanabob. Nan. Nan. Nan Flanagan. Oh my god. Nan Flanagan. We can just call her Flanabob. Flanabob.
00:09:43
Flanabob. We got Flanabob, everybody. And it makes sense with the accent now. Uh and there you have it. True Blood is
00:09:53
a drank for vamps so they don't have to feed off of humans anymore. Like Nan says, they just want to be part
00:09:58
of mainstream society, guys. That is cool. So, I didn't know like going into this like I just thought True Blood was
00:10:04
called True Blood because it's >> It's about vampires. I didn't realize it's a drink. And I think that's really
00:10:09
cool. >> I know, I love that. >> And that like vampires are now I didn't know that was the whole premise is that
00:10:13
they're trying to get into mainstream society. Yeah, integrate. >> Yeah. It is I like it. I like it a lot.
00:10:19
>> is really cool. >> It is. So, Kelly and Brad are stoked about this and they ask the very goth-y
00:10:24
vamp-looking cashier if they've got any vamps in the store now that they're selling True Blood. And the guy's like,
00:10:29
"Hell yeah, brother. You didn't even know that New Orleans is the Mecca for vampires?" And Brad assumes that all
00:10:35
vampires would have drowned in Hurricane Katrina, but the cashier's like, "Are you an idiot?"
00:10:41
He's like, "Vampires can't drown because" and this is when he changes to first person. He says, "We do not
00:10:47
breathe." >> We. Realizing he's talking to a vamp now, Brad backs off a little and is like, "Oh
00:10:53
[ __ ] sorry, dude. We're just drunk and stupid." But the cashier vamp doesn't mind. He tells Brad he could use a
00:10:58
cocktail. He said, "I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you." Kelly starts to cry and Brad which is like honestly
00:11:04
the appropriate reaction. >> Yeah, I know. I'd cry on him. She's like, "I used my
00:11:08
last 5 minutes of my life >> in the car. >> hand job and get carpal tunnel. >> And he made me swerve into this here
00:11:14
store to give him a half handy on the way here. Unbelievable. But Brad definitely shits himself, but
00:11:22
the cashier vamp just starts cracking up. Got him. He's not a vampire. He was just [ __ ] with them. And Kelly which
00:11:28
was like shocking. I was like, "You You radiate vampire." He does. I like what they do here.
00:11:34
Kelly's like, "Not cool, dude. Not funny." And Brad does not defend his lady and is like, "Nah, that was
00:11:39
actually pretty funny." But the gentleman behind them in line who looks nothing like what you would assume a
00:11:45
vampire looks like. >> what they do here. He agrees with Kelly and he says he didn't think it was funny
00:11:49
either. He looks like he's about to go hunting. And he he looks like he's about to go hunting. He looks like he came
00:11:54
here in a big old truck. >> Yeah. He looks like he's got his dog next to him. Like he looks like he looks
00:11:58
like he wrote a good old boy. He looks like a good old boy. He >> does. He's wearing a hat, a flannel. He
00:12:03
just looks like a regular dude. >> Yeah. And I love that they flipped it on its ear and the cashier is the
00:12:09
stereotypical and he's like, "Nah, I'm not." Yeah. This guy. This guy. So good. So, Brad So, he says he didn't think it
00:12:16
was funny either. Brad tells him they don't care what he thinks which I was like,
00:12:19
>> I think he also calls him like Billy Bob or something. >> Yeah. And turns back to the cashier to
00:12:23
see if he knows where they can score score some V-juice. Kelly is not interested though. She says, I knew this
00:12:29
girl who knew this girl who did vamp blood during Greek Week. She like clawed her own face off.
00:12:34
>> The guy in line behind them isn't having it either. He tells them they need to
00:12:37
leave. And Brad turns around and says, "Fuck you." But he regurgitates that real quickly when the man says,
00:12:43
>> [ __ ] me. I'll [ __ ] you, boy. I'll [ __ ] you. And then I'll eat you. I'm sorry. The
00:12:51
[ __ ] The wrong turn of it all was just like, "I'll [ __ ] you." And then I'll eat you. I was like, "This is my
00:12:59
favorite thing I have ever seen." Like that is so >> the moment where I said, "We made the
00:13:06
right decision." He said, "I am in." I said we I never had another suggestion about what we
00:13:11
should cover and I'm glad I did. You don't see that coming. You don't see that guy being the vampire.
00:13:17
>> think he's just grabbing beer. And then the when he is gets like real I'll [ __ ]
00:13:22
you. I'll [ __ ] you. And then I'll eat you. I was like, Oh. And he like the fangs shoot out and they're so big.
00:13:29
>> Yeah. They're so long. Scary. It's so scary. >> Uh the giant fang shoot out. Brad and
00:13:34
Kelly run the [ __ ] out of there and then the real I mean, the real vamp, the real
00:13:39
Slim Shady. He stalks up to the cashier and tells him if he ever pretends to be a vampire again, he'll come back there
00:13:45
and he'll kill him. And he grabs his True Blood and says, "Have a nice day. Have a nice day."
00:13:50
On account of the fangs and all. I love it. Have a nice day. Have a nice day. And then we get her intro music.
00:13:59
When you came in filled up with doubt. I don't know the words yet. >> We have not figured out what we're
00:14:15
We're workshopping that. That was us going into it saying, "I bet our collective energy will just know what to
00:14:20
do." And it didn't. Spoiler alert, it did not. >> try. That's fine. We'll figure it out, babes.
00:14:26
We will figure it out. I think we just need to pick one line and all say it together.
00:14:34
There you go. I think every week we should all just start wherever we feel is fit. It can
00:14:39
just be a cacophony every time. It would just feel like it'd be like the intro in assault. Yeah, the intro
00:14:46
assault. And then by the like the the third season, Mhm. we'll somehow all start on the same road. You know, we'll
00:14:53
get there. We'll sister sync. Yeah. I think the intro to this is so perfect. >> just going to say there's so much going
00:15:00
on in the intro. So, it's like Buffy where you try to watch it. It's It's very different, but it's like you try to
00:15:05
watch it and pick up what you can about the season. >> But it's It doesn't seem like clips from
00:15:10
the show this one. This seems more like themes. >> Like Louisiana. It's Southern Gothic. And it's cool. I think
00:15:18
that that's one of the coolest parts about this is like Buffy had its own vibe, but they set their vibe with I
00:15:25
with the music that they select because all of the music that they use in this is pitch perfect.
00:15:30
>> Yeah. Um like a spec like even when we meet, you know, people in the future. Like I feel like everything they choose
00:15:37
is super appropriate, but I love their soundscaping because there's so much just like crickets chirping and cicadas
00:15:45
and like they set >> Gothic of it all >> mood. is perfect. >> You You can taste it.
00:15:52
>> It's like your books. I just feel like especially like Southern Gothic for sure, but like in New Orleans
00:15:57
specifically, New Orleans becomes or like Louisiana becomes a character. Yes. It's like True It's like uh True
00:16:03
Detective, too. I didn't see that. >> Like the first season No, the first season. You saw it.
00:16:08
Oh, True Detective. I was like you you just watched it. Yeah. It's so true. Like Louisiana is
00:16:14
the character in this. It Something about that place just is wild. >> It is. Yeah. It's magical. It's wild.
00:16:21
>> It's energy. It's got It's palpable. I really love it though and I miss when I
00:16:25
feel like shows don't do these kind of intros anymore. I know. I agree with that.
00:16:32
>> like you don't get as many of these. >> It's always animated now and stuff like
00:16:35
that, but like Every now and again you get a good one. I love a good intro. I love a good vibey one cuz True
00:16:41
Detective was like that, too. It had those those those uh scenes that weren't in the
00:16:46
show, but they gave the vibe. Like the thematic >> Yeah. Vibe, yeah. Yeah, but it's we're
00:16:51
like we're in every single section of society. We're like They have like, you know, like a like Baptists like, you
00:16:58
know, people getting baptized, revival. Like There's wolves. There's like, you know,
00:17:03
some lady grinding up like on somebody else. >> People just hanging out at a bar. Yeah,
00:17:08
like it's just it's so cool. >> everything that you're potentially going to be a part of during this show.
00:17:15
But when we start, we pull up to Merlotte's now and inside we meet Sookie. Sookie. Sookie. Anna Paquin.
00:17:22
Yeah. We love Anna Paquin. She's such a good actress. I think she is stunning. >> She's beautiful. Like she is like one of
00:17:29
those that you go Like you know, like when you see her, it's like Her eyes are just
00:17:34
>> Yeah. ridiculous. She's just gorgeous. >> I love a gap between teeth. >> You love a gap tooth. I love it. I want
00:17:41
one so badly. I love it. I think it's so It makes somebody look so [ __ ] cool. It does. It's true. I love it.
00:17:48
>> like everybody who has a gap between their teeth um that I've seen is always somebody that I really really like and
00:17:55
they're like I'm drawn to them. I agree. Like their personality always is awesome.
00:18:00
I don't know what it is. So, if you got a gap tooth, send energy. You're pretty great.
00:18:04
Uh but yeah, we see that she's a waitress and she has the gift of telepathy. Gift? The gift.
00:18:11
>> I say that question mark. I say that uh tentatively. >> Yes. The gift. I remember too that this
00:18:17
was on when I was in school like high school. Cuz I remember it being a very big Halloween costume is Sookie's
00:18:23
waitress outfit. Really? Yeah. Must have been college. Uh it must have been college then. 2008. Yeah. Then it was
00:18:29
that It was college cuz I I just remember it being a huge Halloween costume. >> So, she hears one guy bargaining with
00:18:37
Jesus to just let him have one beer and then give him a strength to say no to beer number two which honestly broke my
00:18:42
heart. >> cuz he was so a sweet-looking man. >> was trying so hard. And a woman sitting
00:18:46
with her husband thinking to herself that he better not [ __ ] on her for eating fries after the disgusting acts
00:18:51
they committed last night in their bedroom even if she kind of liked it. And finally a teenager who thinks the
00:18:57
music in this bar is [ __ ] and that he can't wait to get out of this podunk town. And Sookie hears this obviously
00:19:03
and tells him, Well, make sure you do and before it's too late because every year you wait, you just get more and
00:19:07
more stuck here. Believe me, I know. And she's like, "Oops. My bad." Cuz she's like, "Excuse me?"
00:19:15
And she's like, "Oh, I'm sorry." cuz the whole family just stares at her like, "What the fuck?" So, she dips from the
00:19:19
table and kind of like centers herself as she walks away to turn off the noise of everyone's thoughts. Which is such a
00:19:26
cool way of introducing her character. >> way. Because it's like not it Everybody
00:19:31
thinks like, "Oh my god, it'd be so cool to read other people's minds." No, it wouldn't be.
00:19:34
>> so loud. >> It'd be [ __ ] awful. >> It'd be so Oh, I would hate to read other people's minds. That is like my
00:19:40
worst nightmare. As the episode goes on, too, you could see what a burden it is for her. Like oh. Being around men in
00:19:47
particular. Yeah, no thanks. No, thank you. I know. I would not want that. No. Um so next we head to Super Save-a-Bunch
00:19:55
and we meet Tara who is a [ __ ] queen. I love Tara so much. Running theme. I love Tara. Love Tara. Love and Tara
00:20:04
everywhere we go. I know. Very different Tara vibes. Very different Tara. Like total opposite of that. Yeah, like total
00:20:11
end of the spectrum. >> know what? Exactly. Spectrum of awesomeness. Yes. Spectrum of Tara.
00:20:15
She's just on a different spectrum of it. >> And actually from the fun fact, so from
00:20:19
the pilot to this episode, they actually recast her. Oh, really? Yeah, so there was a different actress that played her
00:20:26
in in the thing. I think she was the only part that was recast. I'm not really certain exactly why, but I love
00:20:32
Rutina. She is I'm just saying cuz they found a sister. She's She was so good. >> She's so good.
00:20:38
>> role 100%. Mhm. And she's just so talented in everything. Like she's been in The Last
00:20:44
of Us and stuff like that. She's just an amazing actress. >> She has a lot of duality. Like I love
00:20:48
how she can like tell a [ __ ] off and like read somebody to filth, but also she cares so deeply for Sookie. Oh,
00:20:54
yeah. For Sookie. And I love their friendship. >> And she clearly She has a big crush on
00:20:58
Jason and when she when he comes in and she just gives like a She might like a soft smile. It's like a real cheese
00:21:05
smile. Like And then she turns into a badass immediately afterwards. It's awesome. I just love the way that she
00:21:11
[ __ ] with people. It's incredible. Oh my god, I love her. But she's just chilling on some patio
00:21:17
furniture at Super Save-a-Bunch. She's reading a book. She's always reading a book. Always reading a book, which I
00:21:22
love. Yeah. Uh when a rather tall woman with an affinity for purple comes in and
00:21:26
asks her where she might find some Dexter Kill Room tarp TM in the store. Purple lady doesn't know what it's
00:21:32
called, but that's what she's describing and Tara tells her they don't have that.
00:21:35
Maybe they she should try some Home Depot. But the purple lady starts uh going full
00:21:40
Karen about that how she's already tried there and that Super Save-a-Bunch's website said they have everything. She
00:21:45
drove an hour and blah blah blah. And Tara tells her that if she looked at the store's website, she should have
00:21:50
seen the phone number and maybe should have called to see if they had Dexter Kill Room tarp TM before driving an hour
00:21:55
for absolutely [ __ ] nothing. But then she guesses that maybe this lady was just looking for an excuse to wear those
00:22:00
ugly ass clothes. Purple lady is appalled and asks to speak to a manager who almost falls off
00:22:07
a ladder when Tara calls for him. I [ __ ] love the way that she does. She's like, "Fine. Waylon!"
00:22:14
And like Fine. Purple lady almost like a little tiny droplet of a turd just like
00:22:20
rolls out of the bottom of her [ __ ] purple pants cuff. It is hilarious. Waylon!
00:22:26
Waylon! The woman tells her and Waylon, uh the manager, how rude Tara just was, but Tara interrupts and says, I'm not
00:22:34
saying rude. This is uppity. That's what patting my ass too much. I'm going to get my baby daddy just got out
00:22:43
of prison to come and kick your teeth in. Jesus, Tara, please don't do anything like
00:22:48
>> I'm not serious, you pathetic racist. I don't have a baby. Damn. I know y'all have to be stupid, but do
00:22:56
you have to be that stupid? Oh, [ __ ] this job. The fact that he calls over She just
00:23:02
slaps. And then she says that she's going to get her baby daddy who just got out of
00:23:08
prison. And then she's like, "You [ __ ] racist." I don't have a baby. I don't advocate for workplace violence
00:23:15
except in this one instance. >> that's for patting my ass too much. Waylon, it's too handy.
00:23:21
>> He touched her, so I'm touching you back. It might not be the same way, but I'm touching you.
00:23:26
>> self-defense. Now, Waylon. So that's that's our introduction to Tara and we all said
00:23:32
soul. >> Queen. >> Yes. I said soul. Yes. I said that's my girl. Back at Merlotte's, the
00:23:36
owner/bartender Sam gets a call. It's Tara and she needs to talk to Sookie and she tells Sookie that she
00:23:42
just quit her job and she's coming over because she needs a margarita, a [ __ ] huge margarita. Sookie can't believe
00:23:48
Tara quit another job, but Tara's like, "Sorry, dude. I can't work for assholes." #relatable.
00:23:55
Sookie agrees, but tells her that everyone works for [ __ ] Not all the time. Not now.
00:24:00
>> Sookie that Sam is not an [ __ ] and actually that he happens to be in love with her. And Sookie is scandalized by
00:24:07
that because gasp. I I was going to actually gasp, but I couldn't get a breath in.
00:24:12
>> "What do I do?" I said, "Should I actually gasp?" Because Sam is her boss. That is my boss.
00:24:20
>> That is my boss. He's my boss. My man My employer. My employer. He employs me. He's my boss.
00:24:31
Tara tells her to lighten the [ __ ] up, but it'll probably be a minute before Sookie does that because when she gets
00:24:36
off the phone, she hears the news that two of the town's finest delinquents are about to sit in her section, Mack and
00:24:42
Denise Rattray. They're [ __ ] They make you They're slamming. hate this couple immediately.
00:24:49
So deliciously cuz you are just like, "When do they die?" Like immediately. Yes. They're so Oh, they're grimy as
00:24:57
hell. She heads over to their table to ask what she can do for them tonight and hears nasty Mack think, "You can wrap
00:25:03
your sweet lips around my slim reaper. That's what you can do." And then You can
00:25:08
>> Slim reaper. Can we just Can we pause on that? Slim reaper. >> Here's the thing, I've never paused on
00:25:17
that. I've passed go. To To try to make a funny reference of like Grim Reaper, Slim Reaper. No my
00:25:26
god. Uh-uh. No my god. No. No my god. >> No. No. >> Uh-uh. Slim reaper. What? I hate it.
00:25:36
Uh but then he adds in, "And you can hop aboard the Mack Express and ride it all
00:25:41
the way to hell." All right. >> I would say are is he okay, but he's not. We know that. We don't need to ask.
00:25:47
We knew on impact that he was not okay. And we find out a little bit later why. Yeah. Yeah, so. Sort of. Yeah.
00:25:55
There's no excuse to be like this. Now, obviously Sookie looks disgusted and hella uncomfortable hearing that. And
00:26:02
nasty Mack's gal Denise thinks to herself that Sookie looks real weird and says as much to nasty Mack. Although she
00:26:07
has a different, less eloquent way of saying it. >> That aged like a human. Yeah, very much.
00:26:14
In the kitchen, we meet one of the cooks, Oh my god, I love him. >> I was waiting for you to meet
00:26:20
>> him. Lafayette. >> I love him. >> The minute we decided to do True Blood like halfway through Buffy, I was like,
00:26:27
"But when does Ash get to meet Lafayette?" >> No, I'm so excited. I think he If anything ever happens to him, I will
00:26:34
riot in the streets. I need you to know. I know. No, just the actor passed away.
00:26:40
Oh, he did? >> Yeah, the actor is no longer with us. >> Oh, I hate to hear that. He's so good.
00:26:46
>> He's amazing and it's like literally like in all honesty watching this like show originally like
00:26:53
that he was one of the actors that I would have loved to have met. >> Yeah, absolutely. Oh my god, can you
00:26:58
imagine? You had a friend who I looked at you and I didn't even know your friend very well. I just knew him
00:27:03
through stories and I literally was like, "Alaina." You were saying that he embodied that.
00:27:09
My friend David passed away right after me and John got married. And he is Lafayette. Like he is
00:27:17
>> Based on stories you would share and everything, I could like feel the essence shining through. Like Lafayette
00:27:23
calls everyone through with love. Hooka. Hooka. That's David. Like David called you the most
00:27:31
insane names, but it was like love. >> Out of love. And he was also someone if you walked
00:27:36
in, he'd be like, the second my roots were shitty, he'd be like, "Girl, What are you doing?" He's
00:27:41
like, "What the [ __ ] is going on here?" Like he wasn't just like, "Hey, you should touch your roots up." He was
00:27:46
like, "This is disgusting and you should fix it." >> about it. Everybody needs a friend like
00:27:50
that. And I loved him for it. Iconic. I love If I came in to see like cuz he used to work at this coffee shop and
00:27:57
when I would come in to see him, if I was wearing sweatpants, he'd be like, "You go outside like that?"
00:28:02
Like he was like, "What?" Do you know what? Dave Dave does that. >> That's Dave.
00:28:06
>> He'd be like, "Don't What are you doing? Like what's happening here?" I love him
00:28:10
a lot. Love him. I miss David. >> I totally As soon as I saw Lafayette like the first couple of lines he
00:28:15
delivered, I was like he sounds just like your friend David. It's true. That's why I love Lafayette so much cuz
00:28:20
it's it's like watching David. So we meet Lafayette who tells Sookie, Ooh, Sookie. Chica chica brow ra
00:28:45
You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You got a date? That's That's also very David.
00:28:54
She tells him nah. She just gets bigger tips when she wears makeup and acts like
00:28:57
she doesn't have a brain in her head. >> I remember those days. When she's just herself, everyone seems to be afraid of
00:29:02
her. And Lafayette tells her they aren't afraid of her. They're afraid of what's
00:29:05
between her legs. >> The power of the [ __ ] Sookie is not here for that nasty talk.
00:29:10
But one of the other waitresses, Arlene exclaims asking if he even knows what's between a woman's legs. Another server,
00:29:17
Dawn, comes over and talks about how great her ass is, which she is correct. >> Yeah, great ass. Before walking away.
00:29:24
And also Arlene, is it Arlene who goes, "Peaches and cream, baby." Peaches and cream. And like bounces her boobs in her
00:29:30
head. And he's like, "Coco." Or like something like that. I'm like, "Coco. Coco." And
00:29:34
Sookie is just like, "Oh." Sookie is me in that moment. >> Well, fun fact about this this scene, it
00:29:41
was completely improvised. >> Holy [ __ ] really? >> good. Let me tell you something, working
00:29:47
in a restaurant, it's real. That is a legit scene. I have experienced that exact moment.
00:29:53
Well, Sookie is not about this life. All that nasty talk had her looking almost as uncomfortable as Ash did when the
00:29:59
next scene started. Blink, blink. And that's because we join Maudette Pickens in her living room
00:30:05
where she sits butt ass naked with Jason who's just going to town downtown, passionately, I dare say.
00:30:13
>> Yep. Before he stops abruptly when he sees two puncture wounds near her downstairs mix-up.
00:30:19
She says that they're just mosquito bites, but Jason's like, "Fuck you, damn girl. You [ __ ] a vampire?" And she
00:30:24
tells him that she went down to a vampire bar in Shreveport and that a vampire paid her a thousand bucks to let
00:30:28
him bite her. And Jason says he read in Hustler that everyone should have sex with a vampire
00:30:33
at least once in their life and asked what it's like. Maudette tells him it was scary and even
00:30:38
though she likes it rough sometimes, it was a little too rough for her. And Jason is a little taken aback that she
00:30:43
likes it rough, but Maudette tells him, Yeah. Why not? He's not just going to kill me.
00:30:51
And if it does, well, then I won't care, will I? He seems uncomfortable at this admission.
00:30:57
He's like shocked. I Okay, thank you. >> see him later, >> did Ash. She was like sitting there and
00:31:02
she was like, "I don't feel safe here." It was more just the fact that like titties out, she was like, "I yeah,
00:31:08
yeah, I like it rough, but if I die while my titties are out and I'm getting it rough, I don't even care cuz I'll die
00:31:14
happy woman with these titties out." You know what? That's so Maudette Pickens. You know. It is. It's very her.
00:31:21
It's just so I was also just shocked though that he he is like upset about it. >> I was like, "That's weird."
00:31:26
>> And he starts to get his shoes on to head out, but Maudette is clearly not ready for this spicy evening to come to
00:31:31
a close and admits that she actually videoed her vampire sex sexpede and she says, "You want to watch You want to
00:31:37
watch my sex tape?" Luckily, we go back to Merlotte's and Tara is lamenting about her life to Sookie and nursing her
00:31:43
previously mentioned big margarita. Sam interrupts them to ask how Sookie is doing.
00:31:49
Here's the thing, I the the actor that plays him, all I can think of every single time that I see him is that he
00:31:57
looks like Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh. Oh my god. >> And he gives off those vibes. Why does
00:32:02
that make so much sense? What the [ __ ] >> He not only kind of looks like that,
00:32:07
like he doesn't look like a rabbit, but he looks like that character. >> was a rabbit, he would look like that.
00:32:11
That's what it is. That's a perfect way to say it. And he does have those vibes.
00:32:14
>> Yeah. And for the record, I don't like him. She don't like him. And I don't think I ever will. No.
00:32:21
I wow, I'm very shooketh. Yeah, that's that's a stupid It's all I can think when I see
00:32:27
him. >> It's so weird. >> Even now, like even now, especially now that he has gray hair, it's like forget
00:32:32
it. He is Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh. I do. Shut up. You just trail off. I love Winnie the Pooh.
00:32:39
>> Let's cover that next. She tells him she better she had better nights and he asks what he can do to
00:32:45
improve this one, clearly looking for an in. When the music gets kind of serious
00:32:49
and sexy all at the same time and a dark-haired stranger walks in. Everyone turns to look at this man's,
00:32:56
but he and Sookie are the ones who share a real moment. They lock eyes. I love the way that they do this because they
00:33:03
dim the lights like in the rest of the restaurant and they focus in and it's literally just the two of them. It's so
00:33:09
theatrical and like it's like on stage and I just love this little moment that they did because like literally he took
00:33:16
the air out of the room. >> He very much did. And it's so like in like it's so close to the way that it
00:33:22
happens in the book because the the first season is pretty faithful to the first book of the
00:33:29
the Sookie Stackhouse thing. I think it's called Dead After Dark. Um >> I didn't even know it was a Yeah, so
00:33:35
it's a whole entire series, but the it's so faithful to it. Like they obviously embellish like certain characters and
00:33:42
all that stuff like Tara wasn't that big of a part >> Okay. Um like you have to do when you
00:33:46
adapt to the screen, but like uh they caught this moment perfectly. >> You can hear like a buzzing. And like
00:33:54
it's not there, obviously, but it's like you can hear it. Well, the the actors who play Sookie Mhm. and a pack when and
00:34:02
the actor who plays the vampire who we shall not name yet, they met on the set of True Blood, I'm pretty sure.
00:34:08
>> Yeah. And they like fell in love. >> Yeah, cuz they're married now, right? >> I'm pretty sure they're still married. I
00:34:14
don't know. I think they are. I'm pretty sure they are. I'm I I'm trying not to Google too much.
00:34:18
>> Their Mikey's going to look it up, but their chemistry palpable is out of this world in my opinion. Like
00:34:26
you can see it right here. They locked each other. I love their scenes together. Like when it's just the two of
00:34:32
them interacting, I love their scenes. Yep, they're married still. Oh, they're going strong. They've been married since
00:34:39
2010 and they got two babies. They got two babies. I love that. That makes this even
00:34:44
better. >> That's beautiful. It really does. Come on the show. >> Come on the show together. I know. Um
00:34:49
please come on the show. Now we start the come on the show. Yeah. So we'll start campaigning.
00:34:55
>> we're just going to have to do it every single time a new character comes on the
00:34:58
thing and it's going to be like, you know, Rutina, come on the show. I have one holy grail.
00:35:03
I know. Who? Listen. Who shall be coming Here's the thing, I know that Alexander
00:35:08
Skarsgård is a part of this and Alexander Skarsgård, come on the show. >> your official invitation. This is all
00:35:13
hand deliver it. Let's go. Come on the show. Please. Alex. All right, so uh Alexander
00:35:21
Skarsgård, come on the show. So she tells him Or no, it gets real sexy and everything.
00:35:25
They lock eyes and all that. The moment eventually breaks when she turns around filled with absolute glee and announces
00:35:31
to Sam and Tara that she's pretty sure Merlotte's just got its first vampire. I feel like they should have like a bell
00:35:36
that they ring. Sam agrees and Sookie asks, Can you believe it? Right here in Bon Temps?
00:35:45
I've been waiting for this to happen ever since they came out of the coffin two years ago. Since they came out of
00:35:49
the coffin. It's Bon Temps, right? >> Bon Bon Temps. Bon Temps. The Bon Temps. It's like a little you hit the P like
00:35:55
slightly. >> Bon Temps. Just a little tiny bit. So like if there's an S at the end of a
00:36:00
French thing, >> It's silent. that no then you you'd say the the thing slightly before it. So if
00:36:07
it was just Bon like if there was no S, you'd just say Bon Temps. But because there's the S, you say Bon
00:36:13
Temps. Oh, I see. >> little tiny bit of a Bon Temps. Got it, got it, got it. You don't have to
00:36:18
include that. Um I think you should. That's French. That's French. That's so French. That's French with Michael.
00:36:25
Oui, oui. Uh she heads over to take his order and kind of clumsily flirts with him. Unfortunately, they don't have True
00:36:32
Blood at Merlotte's because Sam ordered some a while back, but no one ever ordered it and it went bad. She informs
00:36:38
him that he's their first vampire. And he wonders if he's really that obvious and Sookie tells him she knew
00:36:43
that he was a vamp as soon as he came in, but she doesn't think anyone else noticed.
00:36:47
>> he is so [ __ ] like pale. >> He's a vampire, period. He's from a different time. Like he's clear. Can I
00:36:54
just get something off my chest? He's a vampire that needs to wash his greasy hair.
00:36:58
>> He does need to wash his hair. It is It is like He does. >> so Can I get something off my chest?
00:37:04
It reminds me of like in Scream 2 when they have like fake Billy Loomis and Tori Spelling talking in the middle of
00:37:11
the hall, it's like his hair is like that. >> Yeah, you're not wrong at all. It really
00:37:16
is. >> Real bad. Oh, I want to watch Scream 2 now. Same. Uh but yeah, he's like, "Oh
00:37:21
my god, did someone else notice?" And she's like, "No, not at all. You just look like you're from the Civil War, but
00:37:24
it's cool." Uh Since they don't have True Blood, the vampire asked for a glass of red so he
00:37:31
can have a reason to be here. Sookie tells him whatever the reason, she's glad he is. And she's really
00:37:36
shooting her shot here, it seems. Like there is a lot of chemistry brewing between them, but of course nasty Mac
00:37:43
has to interrupt and tell the vampire that Sookie is crazy as a bed bug. >> Don't mind Sookie. Don't mind Sookie.
00:37:48
>> She's as crazy as a bed bug. But they do be crazy. They do. Bed bugs do be. Uh he introduces the vampire to Denise
00:38:01
and let me tell you, honey, we knew they were up to no good. We done knew. We said, "Oh, no." But before we find out,
00:38:08
we go back to Maudette's sex dungeon, I mean, living room where she's rubbing all up on Jason as he's watching the
00:38:14
vampire sex tape. Now, I just have to say, watching Ash watch Jason watch Maudette get tenderized like a slab of
00:38:25
beef by account or [ __ ] was a life-changing moment for me. It was life-changing for all of us. Really,
00:38:33
it meant something to me. Like she went from like pink to red to mauve to like like literally the colors should be
00:38:43
like replicated by Mel by Bailey Sarian. Please They're going to be the Pantone colors of the of the year. Honestly,
00:38:50
please do like a True Blood rewatch like shades of red for us. Oh my god, absolutely.
00:38:58
At Melt Cosmetics, honey. I actually we have a water cooler that doesn't have a view of the television
00:39:03
and I did walk over there for a quick minute to myself. >> a water cooler moment.
00:39:07
>> had to regroup. >> She had like a catatonic moment. >> And it makes sense. It makes sense
00:39:11
though. >> the But it wasn't even that. I hate that. It wasn't even like cuz like account or [ __ ] It's more like
00:39:21
No, his his [ __ ] is like a [ __ ] TheraGun. It's just like It is It is just like
00:39:28
like tenderizing that muscle cramp, baby. It's like a TheraGun. It is like a TheraGun. That is the perfect way to
00:39:37
describe it. >> cramp, baby. It's like a construction site. It's getting rid of her vaginal
00:39:42
wall. I'm like, "What is going on?" She And also that vampire is so icky. He's so gross and the sound is like
00:39:55
It's like I hate it. You sound like Donald Duck right now. What are you doing? He looks at the camera too and
00:40:00
he's like It's the worst. Call you something. Call or call Do you like call or call?
00:40:11
>> No, no, no. I was going to say I was going to walk out of this room, baby. He looks like a guy that I went to
00:40:17
hair school with. Okay. That's nice. You ruined it all the part I was saying. That guy you went to hair school with is
00:40:25
like [ __ ] you. No. No, I think that's kind of the look he went for. He's going for that look.
00:40:31
He's probably happy. He's going for that I could fair gun you to death. I mean not
00:40:39
Goodbye. Oh my god. >> watching that [ __ ] He seems to realize that he's sitting pretty much exactly in
00:40:45
the same spot where Maudette was getting tenderized because he looks up and sees
00:40:49
the hook that she was tied to. This boy is getting ideas, folks. Shit's about to
00:40:53
get somehow even weirder. Now at Merlotte's, the vamp has joined Nasty Mack and his wife Denise at their
00:40:59
booth. Sookie and Tara watch them chat and Sookie thinks Denise is such a [ __ ]
00:41:05
What a [ __ ] I [ __ ] love how she's immediately territorial. She's like mm. [ __ ] that [ __ ] She's like that's my
00:41:11
vampire. And honestly good for her because I too would immediately get territorial. So First of all, you have a
00:41:17
husband already or a man. >> Yeah. And this is my vampire. We have chemistry. Exactly.
00:41:23
>> And they're trash. Like she's had said that they're gross and they have proven
00:41:27
it with their minds. >> Oh and they continue to prove it. Yeah, they're disgusting. Because you
00:41:32
know she and this vampire are really vibing before Denise and Nasty Mack had to butt their dumb asses in. And Tara
00:41:38
thinks it's wild how many people are [ __ ] vampires nowadays and how scary it is that a lot of those people just
00:41:43
disappear. And Sookie knows that this vamp isn't the type of vampire who's just looking
00:41:48
for his next victim though. Even though she only talked to him for about a minute and a half. She caught his vibe
00:41:53
and doesn't think he's scary at all. And besides there's true blood now. She caught his vibe.
00:41:57
She didn't catch his vibe. Oh my god. I don't mind if you give me a second. Like Hey, I asked what
00:42:11
what did you what what vibe? She didn't catch his sweet vibe, baby. with the southern
00:42:16
accent. Caught his vibe. It was the extent vibe. It was the extent vibe. She caught his vibe.
00:42:27
Baby, are you ready for the ride? Oh my god, I'm laughing like Eddie Burphy again. Stop it, lady. Oh lord.
00:42:37
Oh, so she caught his vibe. So at the Nasty Mack table, Denise is all over the vamp telling him she
00:42:45
understands how hard it is not to be able to be what people want you to be. Caught his vibe.
00:42:51
They're like stop laughing. But I can get you guys like really laughing. It's my favorite thing. With a southern
00:42:56
accent with the like I don't know why but you like this is not going to make any sense. This is a
00:43:05
this is a caffeine thing but you sounded like a fly to me. I like that. It was like
00:43:14
Sookie goes over to see how they're doing and that's when we see what the Nasty Mack squad is really up to. Sookie
00:43:20
hears Denise thinking Not that big but he still probably got 11 or 12 pints and I'm holy [ __ ] that's
00:43:25
almost 200 oz that we could get 500 oz in Dallas. [ __ ] me that's $10,000. Sweet Jesus. She's good at math. Damn, I
00:43:33
know I was going to say I could just doing the ounces and grams I'd be I'd be like yeah, I don't know how much that
00:43:38
is. >> Maybe she's a drug dealer. I know they're good at math. I'm like damn that's like real good
00:43:43
though. >> That's how you know if somebody's [ __ ] you over or not. Like well like
00:43:47
we heard earlier with Kelly and Brad, people do vampire blood as kind of a drug. So there's good money to be made
00:43:52
in selling it. Sookie panics and announces abruptly that she's going to go get them all a free round of beer and
00:43:57
makes it a point to tell the vamp not to go anywhere. She runs to the back to tell Tara what
00:44:02
the Nasty Macks are up to and that they need to help the vamp before he gets hurt. But Tara says no, ma'am. She isn't
00:44:07
getting involved in anything vampire related. Sam overhears and tells Sookie that Tara's right and a vampire should
00:44:13
be able to take care of himself anyway. Sookie can't believe how small-minded they're all being but she doesn't have
00:44:18
time to get into it with them because when she turns around she finds the Nasty Mack booth empty.
00:44:23
No. She's like I told you not to leave you [ __ ] She rips off her apron and runs outside and Sam tosses his apron to
00:44:30
Tara and tells her to figure out how to bartend so he can stop Sookie. Outside Sookie listens to the
00:44:35
environment and tells her and uses her telepathy skills to tune into where the Nasty Macks are at. She runs that way
00:44:41
but stops at a truck. >> them Mack Attacks. >> Mack Attacks. The Mack Attacks. She runs that way but stops at a truck
00:44:48
and grabs a chain before heading slowly into the woods. We have a [ __ ] resourceful queen on our hands.
00:44:54
We [ __ ] love it. Now back at Merlotte's, I have to say I really hope she stocked up on cranberry juice,
00:45:00
y'all. It's been hours and this girl is still getting railed. >> I know. Jason is really whipping up her
00:45:06
cream. Damn. Aw, if we only had video for that reaction. Ash's eyes just went huh?
00:45:17
She just looked off into space like woah. She said I got to go. >> I really am here. She said I'm getting
00:45:21
paid for this. What a cool life. Now her hands are tied and hooked up like they were with the
00:45:28
vampire sex tape and Jason is just going to town from behind. >> Mhm. He's uh fair gunning her. Yeah. As best he can.
00:45:36
No, he's he doesn't have that really fast >> have that ability but he's trying. Yeah.
00:45:40
He's trying, you know? That's all that counts. >> gun when it runs out of battery and it's
00:45:44
just kind of like thump thump. The lowest the lowest I don't like the dick. I don't like the dick. I hated I don't
00:45:51
like an ass clap. It was never really romantic what they were doing before but now it's gone decidedly feral I would
00:45:58
say. Yeah. Jason has taken on um what Ash referred to as a kind of a dom role. I just picture her like sitting in like
00:46:07
an like a a fancy overstuffed armchair with a book in her hand just taking another glass of wine. Um I just think
00:46:15
that he's kind of taking on a bit of a dom role. We're taking turns writing this now so I
00:46:22
wrote the script for this one. And figuring out how to describe this moment was one of the toughest feats
00:46:30
I've encountered. Guys, I can't wait for my week. It's going to be so gross. Terrified. I'm so scared. You take the
00:46:38
word tenderized out of your vocabulary. So so like Ash said, he's he's taking on
00:46:42
a bit of a dom role here. And he starts to choke Maudette but like in a sexy way? Quite frankly his dirty talk would
00:46:49
hurt my feelings. Very nice. That's mean. I'd be like hey. Hey. I don't think you'd be in this situation with him but
00:46:58
you know. >> I can I can tell you with 100% certainty I would not be in this situation. You
00:47:04
can stand 10 toes down. 10 toes down, honey. I might have found myself in a situation similar many many moons ago
00:47:09
but not these days. But not damn. Similar to this. Holy [ __ ] Not to that. I was like I was like we missed a part
00:47:15
of your history. Not to that but you know I was more reckless. Now before before we have the joy of
00:47:20
escaping the scene, we see that Maudette has a video camera tucked away recording
00:47:24
their entire tryst. Recording their entire tryst. And it is next to the creepiest [ __ ]
00:47:31
doll I've ever seen in my life. >> didn't even see the doll because I was so emotionally scarred.
00:47:36
I was emotionally scarred by the doll. See, Ash she wanted you to be. Now in the woods, the Nasty Macks, the
00:47:42
Mack Attacks have the vamp captive and they've laid a silver chain across his neck and his wrists which is apparently
00:47:48
excruciating for a vampire. And it's like eating into his skin. >> Oh, it's like melting it.
00:47:52
>> It's melting it and like the special effects are really [ __ ] good. Denise has his arm all tied up and
00:47:59
is draining his blood into pouches while she and Mack argue. Mack says he needs some V juice real bad but it doesn't
00:48:05
look like he's going to have some anytime soon if Sookie has anything to do with it. And this explains why he was
00:48:10
such a horn ball before and he was like sitting there and wanted him to hop on his uh slim reaper. Yeah. Does V juice
00:48:16
make you horny? Yeah. Oh. >> you going. I see. Um she sneaks up behind them, Sookie does, and whacks
00:48:23
Mack in the back with the whacks Mack in the back. It's like it's Whacks Mack in
00:48:28
the back. Whacks Mack Mack Attack. Oh my god. This is whacking Mack in the back with the chain she took from the truck.
00:48:34
Bam, [ __ ] went down. Sookie, super [ __ ] Uh unlike Gail Weather's though, Mack
00:48:39
has a dagger in his back pocket which I wish Gail Weather's also had a dagger in
00:48:43
her back pocket cuz that would have made for a different scene. Yeah. Uh he whips
00:48:46
it out and tries to use it on Sookie. Uh he whips it out. He whips it out. Not his slim reaper. No, thank god. Uh
00:48:53
before he can get her, she whips the chain at him and it wraps itself around his neck choking him. It is magical.
00:48:58
This was very interesting to me. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz obviously like Sookie has telepathy like Yeah. But later on the
00:49:07
vamp like we'll see he keeps asking like what are you? What are you? And I do feel like she has a like more she has
00:49:14
more supernaturalness to her than just the telepathy. What Ash, is that your first wooden stake
00:49:20
stab? >> That's my I'm not sacking. I'm not sacking. I'm not sacking. But that that is my first wooden stake stab. I
00:49:28
love it. Uh so yeah, it's pretty it's pretty rad how it all shakes out here. It's just
00:49:34
the way that it like wraps perfectly around his neck like very clearly very tightly. Yeah. And Denise tries to grab
00:49:40
the dagger which fell in the scuffle, but Sookie's quicker than that and grabs it first. Denise is like, "Honey, the
00:49:45
lamp." Actually no, she says, "Honey, do you have any idea who you're messing with? You don't want to be on my bad
00:49:51
side." And Sookie tells her, I'm not so sure you even have another side, you know, count backwards trash. Denise
00:49:58
couldn't care less about the name calling. She just walks over to the vamp and tries to take the blood she was able
00:50:03
to get from him before Sookie interrupted. Oh well, Mack is straight up choking. By the way, she has not
00:50:08
removed that thing from his neck. >> uninterested in not lending him a hand. And good. And Denise is so uninterested
00:50:15
in the entire thing. She just wants the blood. And when she goes to get the blood, Sookie is like, "Hell no, girl,
00:50:20
you got to get out of here and you're not taking any of that." I feel like she has no idea what she's gotten herself
00:50:25
into, but our girl Sookie is being very mega brave right now. Yeah, she's like me when I have a tummy ache. Yeah, but
00:50:31
she's being very brave. >> Being really brave about it. >> Denise will probably shank her later.
00:50:35
And she pretty much says as much while she packs up her purse and storms off with Mack choking behind her.
00:50:40
Uh Sookie tends to the vamp and slowly pulls the silver chain off his wrists and neck. This is where we get the
00:50:47
gnarly special effects though. It makes my skin crawl. >> It's peeling his skin off at the same
00:50:52
time and there's all these tiny phrase of skin. It's like a gnarly mozzarella cheese pull.
00:50:57
>> That is exactly what I thought. >> soon as I saw it, that's what I thought. I thought of a triple dipper. Yes, a
00:51:02
triple dipper. >> And I will never look at a triple dipper the Guys, I'm doing a formal thing.
00:51:08
Please never mention uh mozzarella cheese pull and ruin that for me. Please and thank you.
00:51:14
>> I'm sorry. I couldn't think of a single other thing. >> what it looks like. >> If I could, I'd fire you, Ash.
00:51:20
>> I'd shank you. Maybe you can We'll give everybody the power to fire him. So, Denise and presumably Mack, who
00:51:29
knows if he even made it to the car, speed by and almost run Sookie and the vamp over while Denise shouts that
00:51:34
she'll get Sookie for this and her little dog too. She doesn't say the dog part, but a random dog does appear and
00:51:40
just barks and licks Sookie's face for a minute. >> random. >> Yeah. This dog is so cute. Uh like Emmy
00:51:46
Award >> Adorable. I love the dog. Give this dog an award. Kind of reminds me of the dog
00:51:51
from Good Dog. Oh, yeah. >> bit. I haven't seen Good Dog. Mhm. I've seen the the uh previous like the
00:51:57
previous for it. It's not I could not watch it. >> It wasn't for me. Aw. I will not be watching
00:52:02
>> so random though. I'm like >> He's very random. I did not expect this. >> Yeah. All of a sudden he's just like,
00:52:07
"Woof." And he's so [ __ ] cute. >> sweet though the way he just like licks her face. And she's so adorable in this
00:52:13
moment too. She just giggles while he licks her face. >> And the vampire says the pup must be
00:52:17
checking on Sookie, but Sookie's like, "I don't know. I think he's just a random dog that lives around here." And
00:52:22
she says it seems like the vamp isn't too happy about being saved by a woman and then takes a minute to try to tap
00:52:28
into her thought hearing abilities. Try as she might though, she can't hear this
00:52:32
man's at all. And interestingly, she's pretty excited about it. I mean, it's probably one of the best moments ever.
00:52:38
Yeah, she literally runs over to him and grabs his face with both her hands saying, "Oh my stars."
00:52:43
>> I love that. >> I love that so much. I that says oh my stars. >> Oh my stars.
00:52:49
And he asks her if she's afraid to be out in the middle of the woods alone with a vampire because they're kind of
00:52:53
known to turn on people who are too trusting. But Sookie tells him humans do that [ __ ] too.
00:52:58
>> I love that response. >> true. >> It's so valid. >> While she tells him this, she wraps the
00:53:02
silver chain around her neck to make sure he can't bite her. >> Yeah. But he tells her that there are
00:53:06
other arteries, even juicier ones. In fact, his particular favorite is in the groin. See, I think this is That's the
00:53:14
kind of chemistry I'm looking for. Brown chicken brown cow. Just a little bit of spice. Just a
00:53:19
little bit of spice. That is my genre. >> Yeah, they go a little bit of a little
00:53:23
bit of spice. I do like I like the sexual tension. >> Yes. >> That's the That's my favorite part.
00:53:29
>> And if we know one thing about Sookie, she so far it's that she will not have
00:53:33
this sexy talk so soon into their relationship. She tells him, You just shut your nasty mouth, mister. You might
00:53:39
be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am. I love her so much.
00:53:44
>> She's a bad [ __ ] for that. >> And the vampire continues to test her though and asks if she wants to drink
00:53:49
the blood Denise got from him, and Sookie doesn't. Even when he tells her that it makes humans feel more healthy
00:53:54
and adds to their sex life. Little does this guy know, Sookie is as healthy as a
00:53:58
horse and she doesn't be [ __ ] on the reg at all. So, she doesn't need his vampire blood. She's like, "I don't
00:54:03
fuck." Not a problem. >> I think she literally says, "I have no sex life to speak of." Yeah, she's like,
00:54:08
"So, I don't care." And she tells him she wouldn't touch it in fact, wouldn't even want to sell it. He's confounded by
00:54:13
this and just by Sookie in general. And he gets up and moves over to her in a flash like Edward Cullen. That was
00:54:19
upsetting. And asks her what she is. And she's obviously nervous cuz he's all up
00:54:23
in her space, but she's like, "Little old me? I'm just Sookie Stackhouse, waitress extraordinaire. And what's your
00:54:29
name?" Now, y'all, this is when we find out that this mythical creature of the night is named
00:54:36
Bill. His name is Bill. His name is Bill. It's Bill, but we are never going to say
00:54:42
Bill. >> His name is Bill. I refuse to say it any other way except Bill. Bill. It's Bill.
00:54:47
It's [ __ ] Bill, guys. Bill Compton. And Sook Sook our girl Sookie, she has the most appropriate
00:54:55
reaction to this. She goes, Bill? I thought it might be Antoine or Basil or or or like Langford maybe, but
00:55:07
Bill? The vampire Bill. Oh my I love how she's like, "Oh my god." I like what she says, "Vampire Bill."
00:55:19
And I love that she's like Antoine Langford. Like Langford goes crazy. Did she also say Basil or Basil? Does
00:55:27
she say Basil or Basil? I can't remember. I don't know. But she trails off a bit, then asks about the silver of
00:55:32
it all and tells Bill she thought that was only a werewolf thing. And he tells her not to share that information with
00:55:37
anyone about what silver does to vampires because they don't really love their weaknesses being made public now
00:55:42
that everyone wants to score their [ __ ] blood. >> Mhm. She tells him she won't and that
00:55:47
she's got to get back to work. And then she just saunters away from that steaming counter unwrapping the silver
00:55:52
chain from her neck as she turns her back on Bill. I love that little detail that she's turning her back on him, but
00:55:58
clearly trusts him. Yeah, I love that. >> She runs into a worried Sam on her way
00:56:03
back in and tells him for his information she's fine and that not all vampires can take care of themselves.
00:56:09
She loves a I told you so moment. Oh, honey, I know she does. Now, inside Merlotte's closing up for the night and
00:56:16
everyone's packing up and Tara's wiping down the bar. Sam thanks her for helping
00:56:20
out and offers her 20 bucks, but she's like, "Honey, I will not be working here for 20 bucks a night a night. You got to
00:56:25
be kidding me." Sam tells her he doesn't really want her to work there all the time at all. It
00:56:29
was kind of just did not offer you a job. You don't work here. It was kind of just a one-time
00:56:34
deal in in a pinch sort of thing. He doesn't need her going off on customers after all. And Tara tells him she only
00:56:40
goes off on stupid people. And he's like, "Yeah, exactly. Most of my customers are stupid people."
00:56:45
But Tara has a point to make. She says, Yeah, but I can help you keep an eye on Sookie.
00:56:51
You see the way she was looking at that vampire? That is just trouble looking for a place
00:56:55
to happen. She means too much to both of us laying thing happen to her. >> And with that, she's hired. Sam says,
00:57:02
"Okay." >> Okay. Now, in walks Jason, post-coitus. He looks like guilty as hell. Yeah, I
00:57:09
was like, "What just happened?" >> This is when we find out he's Sookie's brother and he's looking for her. Sam
00:57:14
tells him that Sookie already went home. So, Jason takes a seat at the bar and Tara gives him a beer and a hello. And
00:57:19
that's when she does the like Sookie Sookie Sookie like smile. It is so cute. >> She's so good at it. Like she goes right
00:57:26
into it. He barely looks up and it clearly annoys her. She's like, "Hello, I've been your sister's best friend for
00:57:31
years, Tara." And he tells her he knows who she is and she's like, "Good, you better."
00:57:36
Then Dawn interrupts the chat and it's clear that she and Jason have a thing. Tara looks on as Dawn plays a game of
00:57:42
cat and mouse before ultimately telling Jason very spicily the one place she really, really wants to go. And it's
00:57:50
home. She goes, "Is home." >> It is home. You can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason. You can go shave all we have
00:57:58
to have you can go shave your back now. You can go shave your back now. We'll provide you with that clip, y'all.
00:58:08
Tara speaks for the viewer and tells Jason he's just one big parody of himself and he throws her a tip before
00:58:13
running out. We get an outside perspective of Sookie returning home like someone's watching
00:58:33
her from the bushes or something. It's pretty creepy. She tells her grand hello and then we actually go inside with them
00:58:38
as the viewer and she tells grand that a real vampire came into the bar for the first time tonight. Grand is the cutest
00:58:44
thing that has ever existed. I She's precious. need to tell you right now that if anything happens to grand again,
00:58:50
I will riot in the streets. I I get it. >> I love her. She's everything to me. I
00:58:55
love her. She's such a excellent matriarch and fun fact, she's also reading Last Scene Alive by Charlaine
00:59:02
Harris who is the writer of the Sookie Stackhouse series. >> cool. I love that. That's fun.
00:59:08
She's sitting there reading a book with a big old cat on her lap. That cat also is the most adorable cat. I love a gray
00:59:15
cat. And you're like, "I'm saying it right now. If anything happens to that cat, I will riot in the streets." I will
00:59:20
riot in the streets. Now, grand wants all the details. Did he have fangs? Did he bite anyone? Did you like him? And
00:59:26
Sookie feels, you know, she decides not to fill grand in on all that like really
00:59:30
intense sexual tension of her first encounter with Bill and just settles on the word interesting to describe him.
00:59:36
You know, Bill is interesting. But Gran is a girl's girl and she can read between the lines. Sookie obviously
00:59:43
thought he was a fine ass gentleman. I love Gran just has this like knowing smile. Okay, [ __ ] She's like okay,
00:59:51
girl. He's interesting. Now Sookie heads to bed and proceeds to have almost sex dream about Bill.
01:00:00
She sees him looking all old-timey and like you know, she she's into it. Oh yeah, she thinks he is she thinks he is
01:00:06
sexy. Sexy. Bill is so sexy. Bill is looking sexy. Standing below her bedroom window. And she runs out there ready to
01:00:14
claim her prize, but he's gone. Or at least she thinks he is until he suddenly appears behind her. And she turns and
01:00:19
sees him unbutton his shirt and tells him I never thought I'd be having sex with you.
01:00:26
At least not so fast. I mean, do you say what you feel, girl? Just in her dream like,
01:00:33
damn, we going to [ __ ] right now? Why is everyone in Bon Temps so damn horny? >> I know. I know. I mean, Bon Temps means
01:00:39
good times. >> there you go. So maybe that's why. >> the blood. >> There you go.
01:00:44
>> DNA. Yeah. I just love that she was like, I I never thought I'd be having sex with you. And then she's like, I did
01:00:50
actually, just not so fast. I guess it's all right. It's like, I didn't think about that. She's like, editor's note.
01:00:57
But Bill, he isn't here for sex. Uh he's here to weirdly lick his fangs at her, which
01:01:04
Hot? Hot? Here's the thing, I'm going to put this right out here right out right at right
01:01:11
out of the gate. Bill isn't Bill is not my Excuse me. He's not my thing. This character is not
01:01:17
my thing. I love their chemistry. Love them. Root for them. Love them. Love them. And I love him as a character. I'm
01:01:26
not into him. >> Yeah. Like I'm not just like Bill. You wouldn't have sex with him about Bill.
01:01:31
No. He was not in a sex dream. >> No, he would not be in my dreams. Um Someone might be. Someone's coming
01:01:37
later. Someone's coming pretty soon, actually. That would be >> Hey, oh. Uh just saying.
01:01:44
But yeah, so she's like, hot. Suddenly I'm sorry. You need to back it up. It's just the way that Bill licks his fangs
01:01:51
at her. He's so strange. Like I don't know if that was meant to be sexy or scary.
01:01:56
>> think it's supposed to be both. Okay. I think it was supposed to have like that
01:01:59
little danger element. But she's also like, hot. All right. Yeah. Suddenly Sookie wakes up and just plops back down
01:02:07
on her bed like, damn, that was weird and hot, but ultimately unsatisfying. The scene transitions to Sookie laying
01:02:14
back on a lawn chair outside getting her tan on. She looks so beautiful here. She
01:02:19
has such a like vintage girl vibe. She does and she kills it. I love it. Jason pulls up and tells her he heard all
01:02:27
about her scuffle with the nasty Max the night before and local friend Hoyt Fortenberry, which is a just the name of
01:02:34
the century. Hoyt Fortenberry. Hoyt Fortenberry told him all about it at work that morning and said that Denise
01:02:40
was so mad she pulled up to the house like she wanted to kill someone and then made Hoyt drive Max to the hospital the
01:02:45
next town over before she would sell him any weed. Hoyt is just Hoyt sounds like
01:02:50
like a sound effect. >> Yeah. Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt. It sounds like the thing you do in
01:02:56
football. >> Yeah. Hoyt. Hop hop. Yeah. Hoyt. Yeah. Hoyt, I get it. I get it. Now Jason offers to kick Max's ass once
01:03:06
he hears that he pulled a knife on Sookie, but he's also wondering why the hell she was messing with them in the
01:03:10
first place. And she tells him Well, did you know that in addition to dealing drugs that the rats also happen to be
01:03:15
vampire drainers? Yep. One of my customers last night was a vampire and they were draining him out
01:03:22
in the parking lot. I couldn't have that. Jason doesn't want her getting mixed up with any vamps, but
01:03:27
she's like, listen, even if you don't like them, you can't just go around letting people drain their blood and
01:03:31
leave them to die in the woods. She's like, I have a moral compass, thank you. >> Yeah, come on. All of a sudden Jason
01:03:36
gets super weird though and wants to know what the vampire looked like. And Sookie says he was handsome in an
01:03:41
old-fashioned way. And Jason clearly thinks it's the vamp from Maudette's sex tape. And he follows up with bald,
01:03:46
tattoos. And Sookie's like, nope, not Does he make this sound? Does he sound like Donald Duck? Does he
01:03:58
do that? Does he get really bad leg cramps? Stop it. She's like, no, he has good hair
01:04:05
actually and no tattoos that she could see. I the way she says that. I know, she's like, not that I could see. And
01:04:11
luckily Gran comes around the corner and beckons Jason to hug her neck. She's like, hug my neck.
01:04:18
Hug my neck. Goes crazy. And he doesn't. Around the midsection. I swear I was a southern nana in a past
01:04:27
life. >> You come here and hug my neck. I'm going to say that to the kids and see how they
01:04:31
react. Hug my neck. Come over here and give TT's neck a hug. Uh In the kitchen of the Stackhouse
01:04:41
residence, Jason and Sookie are enjoying some fried chicken for lunch when Gran walks in and hangs up the phone. She
01:04:46
tells them she just got off the phone with Evelyn Mason and that Maudette Peckins, all these names. So good.
01:04:52
>> Perfect. >> all these characters is like the author. She was found dead in her apartment that
01:04:58
morning strangled to death. Sookie can't believe it. She went to high school with Maudette.
01:05:03
>> Did she? And we were like, yeah? Was Maudette a senior? But Jason you times. Maudette say what? Wow.
01:05:14
But Jason says it's not that crazy that there's been a murder in Bon Temps now that they have vampires in town. Sookie
01:05:20
gets defensive. Not all vampires. But Jason tells her that fangbangers go missing all the time in the surrounding
01:05:26
areas. Vamps kill them and then dispose of their body bodies. Gran is shocked by
01:05:30
this and asks, "What's a fangbanger?" Sookie tells her it's They're men and women who like to get bitten. It's a
01:05:36
kink of sorts. But Sookie doesn't realize didn't realize Maudette was a fangbanger and more importantly, she
01:05:41
wants to know how Jason knew that. He overreacts obviously, slamming his fists on the table and telling them that he
01:05:46
does. He just does. The same way that Sookie just knows things sometimes. And he tells them There's also
01:05:53
hookers who specialize in vampires. They drink true blood to keep their supply up. And they keep a bodyguard
01:06:00
there in case the vamp gets a little too frisky. Gran thinks that's disgusting. She says, "What kind of woman would do
01:06:06
that?" That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Sookie thinks that's [ __ ] that they
01:06:11
get paid a thousand dollars for that when she busts her ass on her lawn for much less.
01:06:16
Jason gets up to head out and thanks Gran for lunch, but Sookie can tell something's up and follows him out the
01:06:20
front door. She grabs her his shoulders and tries to tap into his thoughts. And she succeeds and probably hears more
01:06:27
than she bargained for. His inner monologue is guilty as hell. He literally thinks this can't be happening
01:06:33
to me. How could I lose control like that? How could she But before Sookie hears even more, Jason loses it and
01:06:38
tells her I don't want that with me, goddammit. I'm your brother. Then he's out the door.
01:06:44
At a construction site he's a quote unquote working at, Jason's just sitting around shirtless in a lawn chair talking
01:06:50
on the phone with Dawn. He's trying to talk her into some sexy time, but Dawn is a hot girl TM who knows her worth and
01:06:55
she's more than just Jason She has more than just Jason to have a good time with. Luckily for her, the long arm of
01:07:01
the law shows up and cuts the phone call short. Sheriff Dearborne and Detective Andy
01:07:07
show up and want to talk to Jason about Maudette's untimely death. I realize it's Louisiana and all, but Jason is
01:07:14
sweating. Pop the Molly, he's sweating. >> he's flipping, he's flopping around like
01:07:19
a fish when it comes to his answers. He's like really not good at being a potential murderer.
01:07:25
>> No, not at all. He's just not. Um And first he tells them he really only knows
01:07:30
Maudette from the Grab It Quick store. Grab It Quick. It's literally spelled g r a b b i t k w i c k. Grab It Quick. I
01:07:38
was looking at a transcript. I was like, wow, Grab It Quick. >> Yeah, she used to work there and that he
01:07:42
didn't know she was murdered. Then he tells them actually he did know she was killed because Gran told him at lunch.
01:07:47
Then the sheriff and detective are like, yeah, you were in her apartment last night, right? And this [ __ ] acts
01:07:52
like he would never touch Maudette with a ten-foot pole one second and then the next second he's admitting that yeah,
01:07:58
they [ __ ] I think oops. That's different. So dumb. He's so dumb. >> dumb. So dumb. That's so Jason.
01:08:10
I would say that's putting it lightly that they [ __ ] In fact, I I'm like, you do know each other. Yeah,
01:08:15
biblically. Yeah, on many levels. The officers ask him to characterize the sex, but before he can
01:08:21
assault us with that, they tell him that Maudette was taping the whole thing and
01:08:25
they've seen the tape and that he needs to come down to the station with them. Jason realizes he should have known
01:08:30
Maudette was taping the whole thing. And before getting into the back of the sheriff's cruiser, he hands the job off
01:08:35
to his coworkers Rene and Hoyt. He he is all like he has a a 24-hour erection, so it totally makes sense that
01:08:44
he is uh this you know, brain powered. Yeah, yeah, it's all going to one place. It's all going to one place. It's true.
01:08:51
Um I have a confession. Rene who's working this uh I almost said who's working this crime scene. Who's working
01:08:58
this construction site? I think he's really attractive and I just want to get that off my chest. Thank you.
01:09:04
>> that to us earlier. And I said >> She shook her head at me. I said, I knew it. You did. I saw you look at me as
01:09:10
soon as he came on I saw that man and I looked over at Ash and I was like, just say it. He he's very attractive.
01:09:17
>> I also love his accent, but you were telling me he got a lot of [ __ ] for that
01:09:20
accent. >> Yeah, it's not real. Damn, it's a put on accent. >> it was so good. I know, it's the real
01:09:25
one of those accents is really cool. I know, I love like the like Cajun accent. It's very pleasing to the ear. So, yeah.
01:09:32
The confession thing. >> Renee was your thing. Uh but but he can be your thing. I don't
01:09:37
know what to tell you. I also don't know anything about the character, so stop judging me.
01:09:41
>> Yeah. No no problem. Now, back at the back of the house, Sookie is getting ready to head into work when Gran comes
01:09:48
in wondering how old vampire Bill is. She's hoping he remembers the Civil War and thinks that if he does, it would be
01:09:53
so wonderful to have him speak to the Descendants of the Glorious Dead Group. Where do I join? Descendants of the
01:09:59
Glorious Dead is amazing. Sookie thinks that that might be tough to get Bill to go to the public library at noon on a
01:10:06
Thursday on account of him being the living dead and all, but Gran thinks maybe he could come talk to her
01:10:11
personally when he's able to and she could record it and share it with the group.
01:10:15
>> Cuz she wants to [ __ ] Bill, too. She's like, Bill. I just pictured her saying, "This is the
01:10:20
skin of a killer, Gran. This is the skin of a killer, Gran." Uh Sookie promises to ask him next time
01:10:25
he comes into Merlotte's and Gran is just de-fucking-lighted. We [ __ ] love Gran. She's adorable.
01:10:31
Now, speaking of Merlotte's, we are so back. >> Yes. And so is Tara at the bar. Hell
01:10:35
yeah. She's got her nose in a book again, straight-up ignoring a customer. Lafayette can't believe Sam hired her.
01:10:40
He does not think she should work a job where she has to interact with people, which limits her.
01:10:45
But honestly, she's kind of the perfect bartender. Mhm. The customer snaps to get her attention and she tells him
01:10:50
right the hell off. She says, >> Uh do do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara.
01:10:58
And ain't that funny, a black girl being named after a plantation? No, I don't think it's funny at all. In
01:11:04
fact, it really pisses me off that my mama was either stupid or just plain mean.
01:11:09
Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight. >> I'm so obsessed. I'm obsessed with her.
01:11:15
>> That like mini monologue goes crazy. I love when she's like, "Funny, right?" No, it's not funny. My mama was
01:11:22
mean or dumb. And he's just like, He's shocked. He's shocked into submission in them overalls. Then he
01:11:28
apologizes and gets his drink and then Lafayette chimes in wondering if Tara's heard from Sookie and if Sookie knows
01:11:34
that Jason was arrested. >> Oh, no. >> Tara's shocked and wants to know what Jason possibly could have done to get
01:11:40
arrested. Lafayette isn't totally sure, but he does mention that Maudette Pickens was murdered.
01:11:45
>> Mhm. Tara sticks up for Jason. She doesn't think there's any way he could have killed someone, but Lafayette picks
01:11:50
up on a little something in her tone. She's got a thing for Jason, doesn't she? Mhm. She brushes it off and
01:11:56
Lafayette moves on to flirting with the big dude at the bar, telling him he can be a Santa Claus. At one point, he says,
01:12:02
"Look at that belly." I [ __ ] her. Look at that belly. And the guy is like, you can tell actually if
01:12:09
you watch that scene back, the actor who plays like the guy at the bar is closing
01:12:13
his eyes trying not to laugh. >> not to laugh. >> It is hilarious. They are like Tara and
01:12:19
him are made from the same stock, him and 100%. I love them. >> like Lafayette is literally terror They
01:12:27
are terrorizing the customers. >> good. >> And it's phenomenal. I love it a lot.
01:12:32
Before he heads back to work, he tells the guy to look him up in the phone book. I [ __ ] love Lafayette. I love
01:12:36
who he is. >> In the back room, Sookie is now the last to learn about Jason's arrest and Dawn
01:12:41
breaks the news saying that Arlene told her that Renee told her that Jason got arrested and then Lafayette joins the
01:12:47
chat and confirms that he was there and saw it, too. Poor Sookie. She's like, "Why am I the last person to hear about
01:12:52
my brother's arrest?" >> Mhm. Dawn says that all of them just kind of assumed and then she trails off
01:12:58
and Sookie asks, "Assumed what?" And Dawn's like, "Didn't you just know already?" And Sookie yells, I am not
01:13:06
psychic. And then storms the hell out of the main area where Arlene, Renee, and Hoyt are
01:13:11
playing pool. She wants to know the details and how everyone is so sure that Jason was
01:13:15
actually arrested. Renee says she has a point. It's not like they took Jason away in cuffs or anything. And Arlene
01:13:21
tells Sookie she's so sorry. Arlene is so drunk. She is, but Sookie stands up for her brother. Again, they didn't
01:13:28
actually arrest him and maybe this whole thing is just a big mistake. Hell, they
01:13:31
don't even really know what the sheriff was talking to Jason about. Hoyt hesitantly agrees and can barely say the
01:13:36
words in earnest that, "Yeah, Jason's a real stand-up guy." And Sookie replies, No, he's not, Hoyt.
01:13:45
He's selfish, egotistical, and a complete horn dog, but he is not a killer. Uh real real speak real. That's a sister.
01:13:51
Suddenly, she gets distracted and looks a little confused like something hit her
01:13:55
out of nowhere and she turns and Bill is standing there. Bill is standing in the
01:13:59
middle of the restaurant. It almost feels like there's a magnet between them as they slow as she slowly walks over
01:14:05
and hears everyone's thoughts on her way over. And this is when you see that it would not be a pleasure to have
01:14:10
everybody's thoughts in your head. 100%. And I love again the soundscaping. They
01:14:15
do the same exact thing where they they do that like old-timey piano music and it just like feels so deep southern kind
01:14:23
of Yeah, like the lighting kind of shifts a little bit. It's just it's They create a
01:14:29
mood. >> Once they sit down, too, it's like kind of like a sexy rock song. Like you're
01:14:34
just like, "Ooh." >> Yeah. Ooh. Ooh, sexy rock song. Sexy rock song. Oh my god. I think he's taking on a dom
01:14:42
role. Oh my. He's a He's a bit of a dom. It's a bit of a sexy rock song. Kind of
01:14:47
a sexy rock song. Uh so Tara is in her monologue is displeased. Sam wants to protect her.
01:14:55
Gran does at the bar worried and thinks she's not being a good Christian girl. Lafayette just thinks looks like she
01:15:00
likes some tall, dark, and dead. She finally sits down at the table with Bill and he holds out his hand and when
01:15:06
Sookie places her own into his, everything goes quiet and she also low-key looks like she touched the
01:15:11
orgasm wall from Buffy. She tries to just take his order like she's not screaming the words to Nine
01:15:17
Inch Nails Closer in her head. But Bill has questions. He says, "Wait a minute." Uh he asked
01:15:28
her again just like the night before, "What is she?" Mhm. And she tries to tell him again she's just a waitress,
01:15:33
but he stops her and says, No, you're something more than that. You're something more than human. He's
01:15:39
confused, but he continues saying, Sookie. It's not your usual name, Sookie. Is it short for something else? The way
01:15:46
he says Sookie. Sookie. Like he doesn't so good. >> Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse. Sookie Stackhouse.
01:15:53
How he says like Sookie. Sookie. It's like he's like grunting. Yeah, he just says like, "Sookie."
01:15:59
He says He's just like letting out a breath. He's like, "Sookie." Sookie. Y'all, let me just say that when Bill
01:16:06
says her name, the orgasm wall from Buffy retroactively exploded and that's now canon. It's not there anymore.
01:16:15
The sexual tension in this scene is unrivaled. It is unrivaled. I was like, "Oh my god." I
01:16:24
know. I said, "Oh my stars." Oh my stars. I know. Sookie tells him, "Nope, just plain Sookie." And he's like,
01:16:29
"Cool. Can I come to your house sometime?" Wow. >> all old-timey. He says, "Can I call on
01:16:35
you?" Which also I love that. >> it. I love that. >> me of Donnie Darko when he asked
01:16:40
Gretchen, uh "Do you want to go with me?" >> Do you want to go with me? She's like,
01:16:42
"Go where?" Sookie's like, "Hell yeah, brother. Anytime. Actually, my grandmother wants
01:16:49
to meet you." And immediately, his face is like, He's like, "Oh." That's why you
01:16:53
want me to come to your house. Like, "Damn." She's like, "I actually need a favor." He's like, "Can I eat her?"
01:16:58
Yeah, like, "Damn." Way to kill the vibe, Sookie, talking about your damn granny when shit's all sexy. When some
01:17:04
sexy rock music playing. But Bill, he's sweet. He tells her that he's in her debt after she saved him, so
01:17:09
of course he'll help her. She wants him to meet her out back when her shift is over and he tells her he
01:17:14
can do that, but he also wants to know if she feels the 40 sets of eyes staring at them.
01:17:18
And she thinks everyone is just staring because of what's going on with Jason, but Bill is like, "I think it has more
01:17:23
to do with the fact that I'm a vampire. You're mortal. Our faces are 2 in apart and we're low-key I [ __ ] each other
01:17:29
right now at this very table." True. Sookie doesn't care what the onlookers think, though, but Bill, he does because
01:17:36
he wants to make this place his home. >> I like when he says that. He says like,
01:17:39
"I intend to make this place my home. I'm going to stay here forever." And with that, he says he shall see her
01:17:45
at 1:30. This is the kind of sexy scene for me. This This tickles my fancy. Yeah, this is
01:17:53
where it's at. I like to have, you know, a little chemistry sans ass clocking. Yeah.
01:17:58
You know, maybe later more will come. Quietly. Quietly with no ass clocking. >> need it. I don't need to hear that. He's
01:18:04
like, "Please come quietly." All of this is valid. Now, as Bill walks away, Sookie starts
01:18:13
to hear the voices of all these judgy McJudgersons around Merlotte's. Some people people think Bill has her
01:18:18
hypnotized. Some wonder if he's she's going to let him bite her. Which she >> Some [ __ ] is like, "I'm telling my
01:18:24
reverend." How about you mind your own damn business, everyone? And speaking of people who need their
01:18:32
mind their own damn business and their hands, apparently, Sam comes storming over and grabs Sookie rather roughly by
01:18:39
the top of her arms, drags her to the back of the restaurant, and yells at her that she's being a very stupid girl.
01:18:45
Hello, HR? I'd like to file a very massive complaint. I have a tall order of complaints. He just screamed in my
01:18:51
face, called me stupid, and also grabbed me. He bruised my arm. My arm is going to be bruised literally.
01:18:57
Rick grabs her from the table and drags her to the back. You have a crush on her, babe? Yeah. Why
01:19:02
don't we settle down? Sam, this isn't really doing what you think it's doing, man. You have not slipped into that
01:19:08
little dom role. No, that is not a dom role. That is a rude role. >> That's abusive.
01:19:13
>> Sookie tells him that she can take care of herself and he's like, "One, the Nasty Maax could have chopped you up
01:19:17
last night with a dagger knife and two, now you're making dates with vampires? Do you have a death wish or something?
01:19:23
She does and she doesn't and she thinks it's wrong how everyone is so judgemental about around here. But Sam's
01:19:28
not having it. He says he won't let Sookie put herself in or the bar in danger. And she thinks she's getting
01:19:33
fired. And Sam literally screams directly in her face, No! But next time you think somebody's being
01:19:41
harmed in the parking lot, pick up the phone and call the police. Do not go out there alone like a god damn vigilante!
01:19:47
>> Poor Sookie just starts to cry because there is a grown ass man spitting all over her god damn face while yelling
01:19:55
directly into it. Yeah. And then Sam just starts [ __ ] hugging her? It's all very overwhelming.
01:20:00
>> I said, "Oh my god." I said, "Get your filthy hands off of our queen." I would
01:20:05
have been like, "That's valid." >> my dagger knife. Like, "That's That's so valid." Like, "What's What's happening?"
01:20:10
>> Hit him in the entrails. >> Like, [ __ ] don't touch me, [ __ ] As he's hugging her, he
01:20:15
says he couldn't stand to lose her. And then she hears him thinking, >> Sookie, I couldn't stand to lose you.
01:20:19
You feel so warm. I can't help it, but I want you. Damn, you smell so good. I love the way you smell.
01:20:24
I love you, Sookie, and I always have. And I wanted to tell you before Sam, get your
01:20:30
[ __ ] boners away from me. Even his thoughts are so crazy. >> are so good. I want you.
01:20:38
>> Listen, if you loved her, you're grown as adult. Tell her. >> Yeah, grow up. A long time ago. But
01:20:44
also, now that I've seen how you treat her, I'm glad you didn't. >> Mhm. I don't like what he says. Feel so
01:20:49
warm. >> Feel so warm. Like, what the [ __ ] Now, before she can call him out for being a
01:20:52
[ __ ] mega creep, Tara storms in and starts yelling at her, too. She tells Sookie that she means too much to her
01:20:58
for her to just step aside and let her be vampire food. We're not mad at Tara because she's just being a protective
01:21:03
best friend with no ulterior motives. But damn, can everyone just give Sookie a [ __ ] break?
01:21:09
Tara takes a moment and starts thinking randomly how Sookie and Jason have the same sweet eyes and that Jason could
01:21:14
never kill anyone. But Sookie yells at her that Jason will never care for her the way that kid Tara cares for him.
01:21:22
Tara tells her to get out of her head. And Sookie She's like, "You promised you wouldn't do that." But [ __ ] is so heated
01:21:27
and it seems like Sookie just can't turn off her telepathy in this moment. And Tara and Sam are staring at her and
01:21:32
their thoughts are just blaring in her head until she finally yells, Shut up, the both of you, and stop bossing me
01:21:37
around. I am a grown woman and I'm the one who decides what I do. Not either one of you.
01:21:43
Which is true. She storms past them out the back room and Tara tries to go after
01:21:46
her, but Sam stops her. Now, later on after her shift, Sookie heads out in the parking lot, obviously
01:21:53
hoping Bill will be there. Sam comes out, too, and asks her she wants him to wait with her until
01:21:59
but she doesn't even let him finish the sentence. She tells him, "Go home." And thankfully, I think, he listens. It
01:22:06
seems like Bill is a no show and Sookie's just about to get in her car, but she hears something and goes to
01:22:12
investigate. And suddenly, Jump scare. Mack comes up behind her, shoves her to the ground, and then he and Denise just
01:22:19
start kicking her over and over again in the stomach, in the face, in the head, beating the [ __ ] out of her.
01:22:25
>> It is so gnarly. >> but to the point where she is hurling blood. >> Yes. Like,
01:22:32
hurling blood. It's all over her. And then they just end the episode there. And them kicking the [ __ ] out of
01:22:38
her on the ground. >> I screamed. I said, "What is going to happen? Is Sam going to hear this and
01:22:42
run out? Is Bill going to show up and save her? Return the favor? I don't know. Is it a series wrap on Sookie's
01:22:47
Stackhouse this soon? I don't know because I'm not psychic. I'm not psychic. I don't know."
01:22:55
But here's what I think. Here's what I think. Here I am. I'm not psychic. But I think that Bill is going to show up and
01:23:01
save her, for sure. But I do think it's [ __ ] that Sam can obviously hear this. And I also
01:23:06
think he better run out there. And I almost feel like maybe he will run out there to save Sookie. And then Bill Bill
01:23:11
and him will have like a weird standoff cuz you know, they're they're protecting
01:23:15
Sookie and they both love her. Yeah. They love her. I think I think somebody better get their ass
01:23:21
there real quick. They better. And here's what I also think. I don't think Jason killed Maudette. I'm saying it
01:23:26
here right you were You said that right away. >> I don't think he did it. I think they're
01:23:30
making it too obvious and I think he's not capable of murder. I think he's too dumb.
01:23:38
You got a little I like that you got a little Savannah You went, "I don't I don't think he's
01:23:43
capable of My southern accent knows no bounds. It travels various states. I like it. I
01:23:50
like it a lot. >> notable, you know, fashion things that happened in this episode for you?
01:23:56
No. No, I'm kidding. Actually, Sookie when she's tanning. Yeah. Sookie when she's
01:24:01
tanning. That's a great outfit. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. I love her waitress outfit, too. Yeah,
01:24:08
so her outfits are so good. It's so It's like simply beautiful. >> Yeah, the Merlotte's t-shirt. It was
01:24:14
such a And I remember people That was like a thing people had the t-shirt. >> Oh, that's fun. I want one. I would wear
01:24:19
one. And Oh, I got to get True Blood merch. I had Bon Temps merch. Like that I bought. I loved Lafayette's
01:24:25
scarf. I love like >> like I like his outfit. He's gorgeous. He is gorgeous. Like, when he is like
01:24:31
working out the like with the road crew, I'm like, "Ooh." You're like, "Oh, Bill."
01:24:36
>> for a second I didn't know if that was him or not. >> Yeah. I was like, "Damn." Lafayette
01:24:39
versatile. Okay. Look at Lafayette. Fashion out for that lady's purple pantsuit in the Yeah, fashion out. Yeah.
01:24:44
For that. Yeah. Especially when the little turdlet just rolled out of the bottom cuff. Yeah, that was so weird.
01:24:49
That was pretty crazy. We're still working on some of our superlatives cuz we want to like as we watch them to come
01:24:56
a little naturally. Yeah. Uh but we'll have them soon. Well, I mean, who sucked Yeah, I mean, someone sucked. I mean,
01:25:02
vampires are always sucking. Mhm. Um Mack Obviously, Mack and Denise sucked. Yeah.
01:25:08
>> And Sam. Yeah. And Sam. They all sucked. The rat trees The rat trees won it for
01:25:13
me. Yeah. I mean, they definitely won. >> They won. Sam is first loser. Yeah. Yeah. I would say so. Yeah. Yeah, I
01:25:20
loved this. I thought I thought it was great. They did such a good adaptation of like the first couple chapters of the
01:25:26
book, which is so freaking cool. >> I love that. Yeah, and I don't know. I'm really excited about this journey.
01:25:33
Hell yeah. I'm excited. Well, the blood may be synthetic, but the drama is real,
01:25:39
y'all. True Blood is hosted and executive produced by us, Ash Kelley, Elena Erkhardt, and Mikey Selroy. Our original
01:25:54
theme song is written and performed by Andrew McMahon. Edited by John Ross. For the Morbid Podcast Network, Mikey Selroy
01:26:01
is our senior producer and executive producers are Elena Erkhardt and me, Ash Kelley.