00:00:00
Oh, when the full moon turns well, that's when [singing] I'll come home. That's such a [ __ ] banger. It is a
00:00:09
banger. >> [laughter] >> Should we just start the episode like that? >> like we should.
00:00:14
Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. >> And I'm Elena and this is Twilight Morbid. >> [music] >> Yeah, this is our bonus episode.
00:00:38
Guys, we're going to be talking about Twilight today. >> Oh my god, re-watching this for Okay,
00:00:42
first of all, the I feel like this all started like around Halloween. I came over to record something late night and
00:00:50
I was like, "Yeah, thanks a lot for making me come over here late night because I was just watching Twilight."
00:00:55
And Elena stopped dead in her tracks and she goes, "Why were you watching Twilight?" And I was like, "I I just
00:01:01
wanted to watch it." And she goes, "No, earlier I was watching Twilight for no [ __ ] reason either."
00:01:07
>> reason it just hit me. I was like, "I want to watch Twilight and just I want to watch that camp classic again."
00:01:12
>> Like why on the same day did the Like it wasn't in a movie lineup. I was just
00:01:17
like searching through movies or you know what? I was probably searching for like Halloween movies and it was in
00:01:21
there and I was like, "A Halloween movie? Twilight?" Yeah, I was like, "What But I was like, you know what? I'm
00:01:25
going to [ __ ] watch it." >> Let's put on some Twilight. >> we were talking about it and on the pod
00:01:30
you guys were there. And you guys said, "Do it." >> came through in a big way. Yes.
00:01:36
>> way. I have we've been knee-deep in Twilight. I'm really hoping that you guys dig this
00:01:43
episode because I'm really hoping that you will allow us to do the rest of the movies and the
00:01:52
rest of the books because it's it's going to be fun. Even if you guys don't like this, I'm just going to
00:01:57
pretend that you did and we're still going to do the rest of them. [laughter] I think you're going to be down for it.
00:02:01
>> going to love it. Uh we've been knee-deep in it. I mean, there's so many things to watch on Tik Tok about it, so
00:02:06
many interviews with the cast and then there's this book. I had followed this person on Tik Tok. Her name's uh Sarah
00:02:14
Elizabeth Gallagher. That book is >> It's amazing. >> It's a gold mine. >> The book is why we love and hate
00:02:21
Twilight, the highs and lows of the Twilight saga. I had followed her on Tik Tok cuz she organically came up on my
00:02:27
feed and was just talking about something. I think the first thing I saw was her talking about how like uh it's
00:02:34
real weird that like Stephanie Meyer has like an illustrated guide to Twilight and wrote in that illustrated guide.
00:02:40
It's not weird that she has a guide, but it's weird that she wrote that like and
00:02:44
we'll get into it that all the pigment get gets leached out of your skin when you become a vampire and was very clear
00:02:50
on the fact that you are white no matter what ethnicity you are. Yeah, I would classify that as big [ __ ] weird.
00:02:55
>> that popped up on my feed, I said, "I'm interested in it." I immediately started
00:02:59
following. >> Tell me everything, sister. >> So right off the right off the bat,
00:03:03
she's a great follow. She's very interesting. She's really deep in it. And this book, Why We Love and Hate
00:03:08
Twilight, we'll link it in the show notes cuz it's a really fun It's a quick read. It's a fun read. She goes into the
00:03:15
book. She goes into and all the books, the whole series, all the movies. Like she has some really funny takes in here.
00:03:22
Highly recommend it, but also a gold mine for anything you really if you start wanting to just go down the
00:03:28
rabbit hole cuz let me tell you I don't even think we got to go all the way down. We went so far It's been like a
00:03:34
few days that we've spent just in the Twilight in the trenches rabbit hole and I could go for like eons longer.
00:03:41
>> get we'll do the other movies and we'll go even deeper, but I can't wait. >> If you're really interested, definitely
00:03:46
check out cast interviews because holy [ __ ] >> Robert Pattinson in particular >> just going to say [laughter] Robert
00:03:54
Pattinson [ __ ] hates these movies. His interviews are >> [laughter] >> wild. He hates the book. He
00:04:02
He literally was like, "When I first read it, I felt like I was reading like Stephanie's diary and I was like, "This
00:04:07
is really [ __ ] weird." >> was like, "I shouldn't be reading this." >> think anybody should read this.
00:04:11
>> It's wild and so that's interesting. And then Stephanie Meyer has had and maintained a website throughout the
00:04:17
process even before the books were published where it's it's a treasure trove of
00:04:23
interesting things. I mean, It's like an archive. updates. Yeah, it's all archived. There's like
00:04:27
fan casting that she wanted for the movie for the movies, which is very interesting. It's still up there. Um she
00:04:34
wanted Henry Cavill to play Edward really bad. Not for me. >> Um she wanted that so bad. I said he was
00:04:41
just born 40. He can't play a 17-year-old even in 2008. [laughter] I feel like the picture of him as 17,
00:04:48
he's looks younger. He just isn't what I pictured. >> He's not what I pictured at all.
00:04:51
>> But like But also we were just like >> Transparently, it's embedded in our heads that it's Robert Pattinson.
00:04:58
>> not even because transparently for me, I love Robert Pattinson. I think he's wildly handsome and I really like him. I
00:05:06
remember watching the movie and when he first came on, I was like disappointed. That's not what I pictured.
00:05:12
>> And I wasn't disappointed cuz he's ugly or something or like unattractive. >> Yeah. He just wasn't what I pictured in
00:05:17
my head. Yeah. And so I was like I was like, "Damn, that sucks. Like that's not what I thought." He became more Edward
00:05:25
to me as it went on. >> Yeah. But like I remember being like pretty da And actually John, shout-out
00:05:31
to John, he went to the first Twilight movie with me cuz he's a real one. >> Yeah. And I remember just looking at him
00:05:37
being like, "That's not who I thought Edward was." And he was like, "What?" >> "I'm sorry."
00:05:42
>> [laughter] >> I feel like we must have had such a different experience reading these for
00:05:46
the first time because you read these at 22, which must have been like quite the
00:05:50
adventure. Well, no, the books came out at in 2005. 2005, so >> So I was just out of high school. Well,
00:05:56
I I think I read them like when the movie started to come out because Yeah, I read them ahead of time. Okay. It
00:06:02
started to be like a craze. I read them when I was like 12. So even just like the age that you were when you read
00:06:07
them, I mean, like it must have been so different for us because Cuz I was like 18 or something.
00:06:13
>> I was >> 19. >> I think I was like prime [ __ ] age for these books because I thought they were
00:06:19
just next level. Next level. And I mean, like props to her. These books, they hooked everybody.
00:06:26
>> Yeah. So that like I'm not I'm not out here saying like these are They're I want to reread them because I think it
00:06:32
would be a very interesting total reread. I know. I wish I still had mine. >> I still have mine. Do you really?
00:06:38
>> Yeah, they're floating around. So like I'm definitely going to be rereading them and like props to her for She told
00:06:43
the story that everybody that and that's what you that's what everybody wants to
00:06:48
do who wants to like be an author or be a storyteller. You want to tell a good story.
00:06:51
>> And she did. >> She told one. Told a good ass story. >> Where I think she might have dipped into
00:06:55
some issues is where she went a little too far into explaining. Yeah. >> and the backstories. Sometimes I think
00:07:02
you just, you know, you don't need it. Sometimes it Sometimes I don't need it. >> It's like when you overegg a pudding.
00:07:08
That's the thing. Sometimes it's like I think just letting the the readers and the fans come up with their own head
00:07:14
canons and kind of take things from little bits and pieces you give them >> is the best way to do it.
00:07:19
>> Mhm. Because then it becomes their story and it's like they can kind of be But
00:07:23
when you're giving them too much, you're putting a little too much of your own personal likes and dislikes into the
00:07:30
story. >> Yeah. And that can get hairy. >> And weird as it does here. I [laughter]
00:07:34
mean, we just told you the the hairiest it possibly gets. >> pretty hairy. >> Yeah.
00:07:39
>> Uh so this is the movie came out in 2008, the first movie. Like I said, the books the first book was published in
00:07:44
2005. According to her website, I'm pretty sure she like wrote like First of all,
00:07:50
she had a dream. That's where this all came from. The dream is very interesting to me. I'm
00:07:55
not I'm not like sitting here questioning her reality, but she said what happened was she had a dream
00:08:02
and the dream was was she was watching two people in a meadow. Like she just The dream was two people that weren't
00:08:07
her in this meadow and they were talking, you know, they were an impossibly beautiful boy and a very
00:08:12
average-looking girl. >> Which like damn. >> What I which I was like Okay. And >> [laughter]
00:08:18
>> sure. And they were talking about how in love they were, but how it was going to
00:08:22
be hard because he was a vampire and all this [ __ ] and she just was like, "I got
00:08:26
to know what's up with these two?" That's interesting and I'm not I'm not here to Maybe other people dream this
00:08:32
way. I never dream where I'm watching a movie Or I'm part of the dream. I'm not like watching two people have a
00:08:39
conversation ever. Like I'm always part of I'm I'm in the mix in my dreams. >> Like I'm always
00:08:44
part of what's going on. Like even uh like cuz The Butcher and the Wren, my first book, I I had a dream when I was
00:08:51
pregnant and I was being chased in the dream >> Yeah. Like you were the wren. Like I was
00:08:56
being chased and I was like, "Who the [ __ ] is that guy?" Right. I was actively
00:09:01
in the dream. I And again, that's just how I dream. I don't know if other people dream and I would be curious to
00:09:07
hear you guys. Do you guys ever dream where you're watching other people exist and you're just no part of the dream?
00:09:13
>> Yeah. Cuz if you I'm very interested in it. >> I'm sure people probably do because
00:09:17
dreams are so [ __ ] weird. Even people like that write in their stories to us about their dreams in general. They're
00:09:22
always [ __ ] crazy. But I always say I'm always involved in mine, but maybe it's different. But she this is that's
00:09:29
how this started. She wanted to know these two people. She wanted to like flush out the story. Which is cool. Very
00:09:34
cool. Especially when you get a part of the story in the dream and you're like, "Well, now I want to know more. Like why
00:09:39
can't you be together? What's that about?" So she I think she said that she did all of this, dreamt it, wrote it,
00:09:46
edited it, published it in like 6 months. That's >> Which is crazy. >> Beyond my wildest imagination.
00:09:54
>> a pretty solid length. >> It's a thick ass book. And it's How many pages is it? How many
00:10:01
pages is it? >> Holy [ __ ] Uh >> It varies by edition, but the original hardcover had 544
00:10:08
pages and the paperback had 498. Yeah. That's a big old book. >> That's a big beefy book. So it's like
00:10:15
that's really that's wild. I just remember walking around like 6th and 7th grade and everyone in the hallway had
00:10:21
one [ __ ] part of that series in their hands. I was always reading that [ __ ] Yeah, I remember I vividly remember
00:10:29
tearing through these books. Yeah. Which is funny because I've been trying to get
00:10:34
back and I've been on a like such a horror and thriller kick, which I love. I will stay horror thriller forever.
00:10:39
>> about to say something that I was thinking about the other day? I'm interested I was so involved in these
00:10:45
books that I'm like >> I should give some of these kind of books a chance more like the Like you
00:10:50
know >> fantasy kind of thing. >> Yeah, like more fantasy stuff cuz I love that stuff.
00:10:53
>> It's so funny. I started a thriller the other day and it's not bad by any means,
00:10:57
but I was just like I can't get into this. And it's not the book cuz it's been like a couple times lately that
00:11:02
I've picked up some thrillers and I'm like I think I need a genre switch. >> Yeah, sometimes you get trapped in a
00:11:07
genre. >> Yeah, like I love I'll never get sick of horror. No. >> Like I will say I can read a horror book
00:11:12
every day for the rest of my life and I'll be happy, but in like thriller I love too and like I love those, but I do
00:11:18
think Sometimes you need to like switch it around. >> Well, this going back to this made me
00:11:23
remember how obsessed I was with this series and wanting to know what happened next and like being very involved in it.
00:11:31
>> rules of like vampire world and like Yeah, and just liking the lore and liking like this whole like fantasy
00:11:36
world that there was going on. >> And then even when you get into like like and hopefully we can get into it
00:11:41
next time more, but like when you get into New Moon and you start to learn like Jacob's tribe like all those rules.
00:11:47
>> being brought in, which also is like a wild thing that she kind of like found
00:11:53
this Quileute tribe and it's like a little bit of like their legends and Yeah. Turning it into what she wanted
00:11:58
to. >> Yeah. But you know, here we are. Uh but there's a lot there's a lot to this and
00:12:04
that one of the things that she like Stephanie Meyer like readily admits is that she was like fully in love with
00:12:10
Edward. Like fully obsessed with the character. >> Yeah, we got to link some of the
00:12:15
interviews cuz he did an interview with E! The interviewer looked like he wanted
00:12:22
his chair to swallow him whole. >> cuz it was for the Twilight film. Like Twilight is like right behind [laughter]
00:12:27
him. It's like a press junket. And he's asking him about a [ __ ] >> And Robert Pattinson is like, "Yeah, it
00:12:33
felt when I read the book, I was kind of like I feel like I'm reading Stephanie's
00:12:38
journal and she like and he literally says like sexual fantasies about this this Edward character.
00:12:45
>> character. And he's like and he's like, "And I thought this woman's mad. Like
00:12:48
she's in love with her fictional character." And I was like, "Oh my god." >> Yeah, he really he called them out 2020
00:12:53
if you remember. It was and this he's he's Edward. Like he's Edward. >> Long term, babe.
00:12:59
>> Like that is >> No switcheroo. wild. It's wild. And he says he was like, "This just felt like"
00:13:05
and he even said it felt like she is Bella and she saw herself as Bella. >> Well, and I think she has kind of
00:13:10
admitted to that. Like she that like pieces of her are Bella. >> Which like makes that you inserting is a
00:13:16
very normal thing for an author to do. It's just you you do that naturally sometimes.
00:13:21
>> going to say you probably do it without even thinking cuz I know like even when
00:13:24
you wrote Butcher and Wren, you didn't set out to make yourself Wren, but like you're pretty much Wren.
00:13:28
>> pieces of me are there and then I always say like pieces of what I I aspire to be
00:13:32
are Wren. >> Yeah, that makes sense. >> And but like with Bella, I think she said
00:13:37
like she that it's not her. But Bella's physical description is literally her. And then I think that we read something
00:13:43
on her own website actually that said um Cuz one of the [clears throat] frequently asked questions is why is
00:13:48
everybody so obsessed with Bella? Which is a very valid question. Because it's like the way she describes her like
00:13:54
she's a very average-looking girl like she's pretty, but >> Yeah. you know, not like remarkable in
00:13:58
any big way. And she moves to Forks and men are falling at her feet. >> Literally every single man and boy in
00:14:09
that place is falling over themselves for her. >> It's crazy. A boy crashes his car for
00:14:15
her. Like it's not >> Literally crashes his car. Not really for her almost at her, but
00:14:19
still he's he losing it. >> He is and they all are, but she said that that was basically modeled after an
00:14:27
experience that she had in her life where I think she said she went to high school in Scottsdale, Arizona and then I
00:14:34
think it was Utah that she moved to for college. Like I think she said I think it's Utah. And uh
00:14:40
in college she had this experience where like all these boys became obsessed with
00:14:45
her and like it was a great experience. And she was saying like I think it's like relative to where you're at.
00:14:51
>> Yeah. >> Like you know, who falls at your feet. >> Yeah, like she was like, "Oh, I just
00:14:54
became like a 10." She said she was humble. She said she became an eight. She became an eight, excuse me. I said
00:15:01
Stephanie. I was like, "Damn." >> 10, girl. >> Be a 10. Be a 10. that you feel you are.
00:15:05
Yeah, she's a 10, she's a demon. >> It was it was a wild it was a very like shocking answer to the question cuz it's
00:15:11
just like, "Why is every boy falling all over themselves for Bella?" And she's like
00:15:16
"Because they do it for me." And it's like, "Whoa, all right. Here we are, I guess." [laughter]
00:15:21
Damn. Go to the website, please. >> Um I we're just going to go through and kind of talk about all the things that
00:15:28
we noticed while watching it. >> Yeah. Talk about a little a little bit about the books. Um one of the first
00:15:34
things I thought of and I remembered it when I saw it somewhere when I was like looking around. I was like, "Oh my god,
00:15:39
I forgot about this." Was that in the book? It doesn't happen in the movie, but in the book Bella straight up passes
00:15:45
out during their first kiss. Yeah, I also forgot that. >> chaos. during their first kiss.
00:15:52
Peace out. She said that was so [laughter] sick. Bye. Bye. Can you imagine how [ __ ] embarrassing that
00:15:57
would be? Well, and also it's interesting because as like Sarah Gall Elizabeth Gallagher points out in her
00:16:03
book and on like TikTok and stuff, in the illustrated guide, which you can get on Amazon, Mhm.
00:16:09
it's like Stephanie Meyer's like official illustrated guide. It's her look at this whole thing. In the
00:16:15
illustrated guide it says that like there's this whole section that says like what are the
00:16:22
what are the vampires like bodily fluids essentially? She says venom, right? Venom-based fluids.
00:16:30
Facts. She doesn't go deeply into what these venom-based fluids are, but they are
00:16:35
every fluid in the in the vampire's body. In their stomach, in their mouth, their saliva is venom-based. Their eyes
00:16:43
are lubricated with venom-based fluid, but they don't cry tears. What? They cry but it's just to allow
00:16:49
their eyes to like move around. Okay. And then like between their cells is venom-based fluids. It's everything.
00:16:55
Just venom everywhere. Not even blood. They when they drink blood, they just absorb it into their body. Everything
00:16:59
else is venom. >> Okay. So their saliva is venom. So they also don't have fangs like chill
00:17:06
like regular fangs. Their teeth are just sharp. Like the edges are just really sharp.
00:17:11
>> Wait, why don't I remember that? They don't have fangs. >> They don't have fangs. I did see one
00:17:15
like a few people say like when we were looking at TikToks that she didn't write
00:17:18
vampire, she wrote fae. Honestly, valid. Cuz these aren't like traditional vampires.
00:17:23
>> created created her own like monster. Yeah. >> quote unquote. Because their teeth are
00:17:28
indestructible and just really sharp. What I would [ __ ] give What all of us would give. What I would give for
00:17:34
indestructible teeth. But the thing is when Bella and Edward kiss for the first time
00:17:41
and when they kiss in the future after that, it has to be closed mouths. Yeah. Because if she opens her mouth, saliva
00:17:49
comes in that's venom-based that would turn her into a vampire. Right. Cuz that's how like you give the venom like
00:17:55
they have to like take it. She So when she passes out after that first kiss, it's from a tight-lipped
00:18:03
closed-mouth kiss. So she just really [ __ ] excited? I girlfriend Was she just super into him
00:18:10
before? >> before. It's just wild. >> Yeah. >> That cuz you really have to think about
00:18:17
that they're just furiously mashing their mouths together. That's deeply upsetting. It's like a seventh grade
00:18:24
like that is something to really think about. >> It's actually not something to like
00:18:28
super super think about. >> to think about it so hard. >> I I don't subscribe to that. Another
00:18:35
thing off of that is that they're supposedly like made like they're like stone. Yeah. Like
00:18:41
porcelain. Yeah, yeah, I know where you're going. >> where I'm going. Oh, I got to hide for
00:18:45
this one. I'm going to my sweatshirt. Edward does all the things if you will notice.
00:18:51
>> so many hobbies. >> so many hobbies. Like he can play the piano, he knows languages, he can paint,
00:18:56
he can read, he can >> all of this [ __ ] Like he just he's real good. >> boy. And the way he got so good at that
00:19:03
because at one point and it's later it's in one of the later books in one of the
00:19:07
later movies after they [ __ ] Uh After they [ __ ] >> So it's got to be Breaking Dawn then.
00:19:13
Yeah, when they break the bed. Fell exactly. Bella is like, "Hey, how are we ever going to stop fucking?" Though like
00:19:18
and then she was like, "You know, your family seems so normal. Like how do they do it?"
00:19:23
>> aren't they having that conversation like while they're still [ __ ] technically?
00:19:27
While they're still connected, yeah. Yeah. And >> That's how Sarah put it. He basically is
00:19:32
like "They you haven't seen them at night." And he's like, "Why do you think I'm so
00:19:37
good at so many things?" Yeah. And when you really like Sarah pointed this out, she was like, "Just to
00:19:42
be clear, that means that they're just [ __ ] all the time." Mhm. And remember they're
00:19:47
made of like stone porcelain. So she has two balls. >> balls and just clinks them
00:19:54
>> [laughter] >> That's so upsetting. And then points out that, remember, he can read everyone's
00:19:59
thoughts. So he can hear what they're thinking during this. >> you just leave? I would like go fly
00:20:04
about the trees. Go go fly about the trees. >> Cuz one thing about Edward is he is the
00:20:08
tree by himself. >> Truly. He is sitting in trees. He is one with the trees. He is trees.
00:20:15
>> Fly about the trees. Like get out of there. >> My child. Don't don't learn I mean, it's
00:20:20
cool that you learn skills while everybody was [ __ ] but like go to the library and learn them. Just do
00:20:25
something else. >> Oh. Like what the [ __ ] >> Get out of there. >> And it's like your weird siblings, but
00:20:30
they're like not your sibling. No, okay. Can we talk about that a little bit because it is [ __ ] weird and that's
00:20:35
pretty much like like the very beginning of the movie. Like Jessica is explaining to uh
00:20:43
I almost just said Kristen Stewart >> [clears throat] >> Bella that Dr. Carlisle like adopted all of
00:20:49
these kids. >> Yeah. And then they all paired up. I'm like >> Yeah. If someone told me in high school
00:20:54
that all these foster brother and sisters just [ __ ] each other in their foster dad's house, I'd be like I feel
00:21:00
like somebody should get called about this. >> Somebody should call someone. >> Like that's
00:21:04
>> [laughter] >> They're all just coupled up. He's running a brothel essentially.
00:21:08
>> is. >> Hello. And what's crazier is he like when you go into that illustrated guide
00:21:12
Yeah. >> There's so I'm begging you. I need to get that. >> Go into it cuz she she describes that
00:21:20
like um first of all, Esme met Carlisle Esme the mom Yeah. >> quote unquote met Carlisle when she was
00:21:29
a child Oh. and was like really sick or something and he was the doctor that was
00:21:34
called to take care of her and she became infatuated with him. And so later when he comes and like turns her they
00:21:42
get together romantically. That's [ __ ] up. >> He knew her as a child. >> Yeah, that's [ __ ] up.
00:21:49
>> obsessed with him as a child. Remember, this is not me making this up. This is
00:21:53
in Stephanie Meyer's illustrated guide in which she willingly handed us the backstories of [laughter] these
00:22:00
vampires. That is beyond fizzy fizzy [ __ ] >> that. There is always that. There's
00:22:08
that. >> hell? And then there is uh Rosalie or so there's Edward. So he changed Edward. Edward was like 17.
00:22:17
>> Okay, wait. Can I interrupt you there? >> Sure can. [ __ ] problem already with
00:22:21
that because they say I I don't remember if they say it in the books. They probably do. But they say in the movie
00:22:27
that Jasper is like the youngest member of the family and that's why he's so bloodthirsty. That's just simply
00:22:33
incorrect because um for everybody who forgot, Jasper's a [ __ ] Confederate soldier.
00:22:38
>> to get into that. Don't worry. And Edward got turned during the Spanish influenza. Which was after the
00:22:44
Confederate like war. >> So she that is explained a little bit. >> Is it? She's not the youngest. He's the
00:22:52
most He's having trouble still with the whole vegetarian thing. He has been a vegetarian
00:22:59
technically Yeah, like a vampire vegetarian. Like they only have animal blood. He's been doing that with this
00:23:06
family for 50 plus years by the time we see him and he's still just like is having trouble dealing with it because
00:23:13
his whole backstory which Let's get You know what? >> [ __ ] up >> Before I get to Jasper's backstory, let
00:23:20
me get to Edward's. So I'm sorry I interrupted you. >> Edward is turned and he's you know, kind of Carlisle sees
00:23:27
himself in Edward essentially. Carlisle is only supposed to be 23 by the way. He's 23 when he was turned.
00:23:32
>> That's not true. >> 23 Shut up. >> uh So he kind of sees this like Edward he sees like he kind of they they bond
00:23:39
really like a lot. >> Also, I'm sorry. This [ __ ] 23-year-old foster dad with a bunch of
00:23:44
17-year-old kids [ __ ] paired off and [ __ ] in his [laughter] house. >> going on?
00:23:49
>> Like so many authorities would There would be a FBI raid at this foster home.
00:23:54
>> Like but go continue, please. >> He wants to find him like a partner cuz he's like I want you to have someone you
00:24:00
love cuz I guess the whole idea is that um Do they like mate for eternity? >> They mate. Like they have a mate. And
00:24:08
also if you're like uh vegetarian vampire essentially, you are more likely to form bonds because you are not like
00:24:17
tainted by killing someone. That's kind of funny. >> Like there's more humanity. What's also
00:24:23
like touched upon in the last uh episode of True Blood that we covered. >> Yeah.
00:24:27
Which we'll get to that later. >> kind of like vampire lore. And so he wants him to find somebody. So he turns
00:24:33
Rosalie initially >> for Edward >> like oh, she's for Edward, but they end up not
00:24:40
>> that. Like digging each other. They just like each other as like brother and sister.
00:24:44
>> Oh my god, you're like unlocking my memories. I hyperfixated on this so we're going to
00:24:49
get into it. >> love your hyperfixations. >> But and he changed like Rosalie's story
00:24:52
is that whole like you know, she was the prettiest girl in all of New York >> I'm sorry. Rosalie's backstory [ __ ]
00:24:57
wins. >> It's pretty great. It's the best. >> [laughter] >> too. >> Like what because of her vengeance?
00:25:01
>> She gets like paired off with like this wealthy banker's son. >> Royce? >> Royce. And he and his friends one night
00:25:09
when she's coming home from her friend's house literally assault and rape her and
00:25:12
leave her for dead on the street. >> Yeah. And so she comes back and it's like saves her. And then she comes back and
00:25:19
literally kills them all, like tortures them all, and then shows up to Royce wearing a wedding dress last.
00:25:25
>> And it's in the movie which we don't see it in the first movie so I won't go too
00:25:29
far into it cuz I'm trying to stay with Twilight. >> it's in Eclipse. uh It's iconic.
00:25:33
>> Yeah, we'll get to that. But so there's that and then there's Alice and Jasper. Alice was in like um an
00:25:40
institution because she had seen visions already and they thought she was crazy.
00:25:44
Um so she ends up becoming a vampire cuz one of the people in the institution changed her.
00:25:49
And then Jasper Let's get Let's get into Jasper. Honey. So also, Rosalie's name was originally
00:25:57
going to be Carol. Listen, there's nothing wrong with the name Carol. Like that's a beautiful
00:26:02
name, but >> [laughter] >> Carol Carol Cullen Hi, I'm Carol. I'm Carol Cullen. And then Jasper was
00:26:08
originally Ronald. I don't even hate that. Ronald and Alice is kind of cute. >> But he's Jasper now and uh I'm not past
00:26:16
Carol yet. >> [laughter] >> You didn't give me enough time with that. Give me that. Rosalie's name was going
00:26:22
to just be Carol. >> [laughter] >> Okay. It went from Carol to Rosalie. [laughter]
00:26:29
Like they're both beautiful names. Very different names. Vastly different. >> [laughter]
00:26:34
>> Carol Like imagine I don't get it. >> [laughter] >> I don't get it. I don't know why that's
00:26:41
so funny. >> I don't know why it is. But let's get into [ __ ] Jasper for a moment. [laughter]
00:26:45
>> Yeah. Everybody's waiting with baited breath. >> Everybody take a [ __ ] seat.
00:26:51
>> [laughter] >> I feel like they're on the edge of their seats. Jasper's defining quality
00:26:56
is that he's a very proud Confederate soldier. >> [laughter] >> Like and that's not funny.
00:27:04
>> No, it's just that she did this with her whole chest. And is it one of the things
00:27:09
too that you I don't Where did you read it at? >> much. >> Okay, go go. >> Oh, I'll
00:27:14
That Yeah, so one of the things exactly [laughter] what you're talking about. >> can't change. So
00:27:20
for Ja So she is Stephanie Meyer's Meyer is very open about the fact that she does not like research.
00:27:28
That becomes abundantly clear because also Carlisle's backstory is that he was just chilling around in the sewers of
00:27:35
London in 16 something. Yeah. Sewers were not invented or created [laughter] in London.
00:27:43
So like there wasn't even which like mistakes can be made. Okay. >> that can't be found to like copy and
00:27:49
paste. That's the thing. I'm like that's a pretty big one. >> That's hundreds of years.
00:27:54
>> only egregious like okay, [ __ ] happens. Like you missed one thing. >> People would let it go.
00:27:58
>> That's fine, but there's a lot of things. [laughter] But she's very open. She says I don't like
00:28:04
research. I don't like to do a lot of research for it because she's creating a fantasy world and this is her world and
00:28:09
she's going to make it which like more power to you. >> Yeah. uh But she and she says and this is a quote
00:28:15
the only time I really did any research on vampires was when the character Bella
00:28:19
did research on vampires because I was creating my own world. I didn't want to find out just how many rules I was
00:28:24
breaking. Get that. Totally get that. >> Yeah. But one thing she did do research
00:28:29
for is Jasper's name. And for Jasper's name when he when she was like Ronald isn't working for me, she said she
00:28:36
searched roll calls for the Confederate Army in Texas and found Jasper. So that's the one she she rooted in
00:28:45
reality was was that Confederate soldier's name. Yeah. uh which which is not great.
00:28:52
>> everybody comes to us and like gets really angry at us and says you know, like not all Confederate soldiers were
00:28:57
racist. >> Oh, I have an answer for you for that. >> Go ahead. Go ahead, girl. Cuz yeah,
00:29:00
totally. Absolutely. Sure. Why not? Living that. Um but uh Jasper really [ __ ] wanted to be a
00:29:08
Confederate soldier. >> Jasper sought this experience. >> Here's the thing. He did. He very much
00:29:12
sought this experience. >> Jasper worked with a travel advisor for the Confederate War. So you're talking
00:29:18
about the people that are fighting for the Confederacy that were forced into it. Like forced into it at a young age,
00:29:24
like didn't want to be part of it. >> happened to live there and had to fight for that side. Which like what the [ __ ]
00:29:30
Uh but Jasper literally lied about his age to become a fed Confederate soldier and said he was so [ __ ] excited about
00:29:38
it. >> He talks about he is the youngest captain in the Texas Cavalry all the time. He was rising the rank like he was
00:29:47
Confederate soldiering to the highest order. >> And like I think in Eclipse he really
00:29:53
starts cuz they have to like fight the army and we'll get there when we cover it. But he gets real
00:29:57
>> so into it and he like heads part of the training and it's like you have a Confederate soldier training you. That's
00:30:05
an issue. And what makes Here's more added on to it. So there's that. He talks about it all the time. Like he
00:30:13
that's his thing. He's very Not in the first >> movie. You don't hear about it in the
00:30:16
first movie of the first like it's it comes later. But just to know his character going
00:30:20
forward, again, he's been drinking animal blood for like 50 plus years but he's still
00:30:25
feral as [ __ ] and it's because he was like a [ __ ] monster when he was a pri- and he like killed a lot of people
00:30:32
and then when he got turned into a vampire, he the whoever turned him, I think it's like somebody Maria maybe,
00:30:38
turned him >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> him to like hunt newborn vampires and
00:30:43
after they couldn't use them anymore he had to kill them. So he was just killing
00:30:48
like killing killing killing killing killing for like almost the entire time he was alive. Essentially he's a
00:30:53
psychopath. >> So 50 plus years of drinking animal blood, he's still not It hasn't
00:30:59
busted out that killer instinct of him which makes sense. But she did this thing
00:31:05
where she gives some of the vampires special abilities. Only some of them. Oh. So some of them don't have them.
00:31:11
Alice, she had a special ability when she was a human. She was like kind of psychic. She could see things happen.
00:31:16
>> like translated. Edward, he can read minds. But like Rosalie doesn't have one. Like
00:31:21
the a few of the other ones don't have one. >> Yeah. Jasper has one. And it's that he is wildly empathetic.
00:31:28
He can literally feel what other people are feeling. And not once does she have him say
00:31:35
"And you know what? I think I was on the wrong side." Yeah. Not once. He can literally feel
00:31:41
what someone else is feeling. He's He's >> He still has not come to the conclusion
00:31:48
that maybe it wasn't that sick that he was a Confederate soldier. Yeah. That's just crazy.
00:31:55
>> low-key trying to conform him to like good vampire side but he was born to be
00:32:01
a terrible murderer vampire. >> And it's just weird to like cuz I'll like you could have had him fight for
00:32:07
the Union. It's the same time period. Like if you really wanted to do that. Or you didn't even have to involve that. He
00:32:12
didn't have to be a soldier. Yeah. >> it's like or have if you want to make him a redeemable character, then have
00:32:18
him come say with verbalize "I" cuz also in the Illustrated Guide again, go look
00:32:26
at it. In the Illustrated Guide she says that he has like cuz they all have like
00:32:29
a million degrees cuz they've been around for like 100 years. He has degrees in philosophy and history.
00:32:35
And not once has he said out loud, "I think I [ __ ] up. I think I was on the wrong Imagine having to take
00:32:42
>> Imagine having to take a course learning about that time period and still knowing
00:32:45
that you were on the wrong side. But he doesn't. >> Yeah. >> That's the thing. It's like and you
00:32:50
didn't Why didn't you make him a redeemable character of him being like, "Wow, I was educated and I learned that
00:32:55
like I have a lot of making up to do because I was on the wrong side of history."
00:32:59
>> Wouldn't that like kind of poke a hole in her own lore though because you were
00:33:03
saying when we were talking about it the other day that part of it is that they don't change.
00:33:08
>> That's it See and that's that's where her lore kind of like [ __ ] itself. >> That's where why revealing too much of
00:33:14
the lore kind of backed her into a corner a few times because it's like the whole thing is they get frozen when
00:33:20
they get turned. Frozen in their likes and their dislikes, all that. But they can still be educated. Yeah.
00:33:28
>> And you can still I think like form a different opinion from being educated. >> But frozen in their likes and dislikes.
00:33:35
>> Well, that's the problem. It really [ __ ] hits here. And it really [ __ ] this whole thing because it's like he
00:33:40
can't be educated. But technically he should be able to be educated. Yet it's >> You know, it just doesn't make a lot of
00:33:46
sense. >> a lot of sense. Um but yeah, it's really Jasper is is a real [ __ ] a real [ __ ] problem.
00:33:55
>> [laughter and gasps] >> He really is. And then like Alice is just like, "Took you two like took you
00:34:00
long enough for me to like I've been waiting for you." And it's like you you were just waiting around for your
00:34:04
Confederate soldier, Alice? Yeah, it doesn't >> to be our our pixie girl. >> It doesn't really jive.
00:34:11
>> There's a lot The Illustrated Guide will really open eyes to a lot of things.
00:34:15
>> I'm so excited to get it. Um and that's where we come into the whole like pigment being leached out of your skin
00:34:22
when you turn into a vampire. Uh because that's in the Illustrated Guide. It's part of the whole like it's under
00:34:28
like pallor I think is the section. Like the pallor. >> Why would you need that to be a thing?
00:34:34
Yeah, that's the thing. And it says despite your ethnicity, you will become white.
00:34:39
That's really really really bad. >> And it's like That's part of the whole thing too is become you become the most
00:34:47
beautiful creature. I'm going to go ahead and need you to leave that silence in.
00:34:54
>> Yeah. Leave it in. Uh also freckles, tattoos, beauty marks, they all disappear. I would be so [ __ ] pissed.
00:35:00
>> Which as soon as I saw freckles disappear I was like, "Oh, is it not beautiful?" Freckles [laughter]
00:35:04
disappear? Rude. And also all my [ __ ] tattoos. Did you know how much money I've spent curating this? I would be so
00:35:11
mad. >> I would go out and get them again. >> Well, also like come on. Vampires like
00:35:14
have to have tattoos. Are you kidding me? >> Like let's go, girls. Vampires do have
00:35:19
tattoos because James has one. Yeah? On his hip bone. So lore ruined. >> Lore ruined cuz I think they I think
00:35:27
they spent so much of their CGI budget on Edward flying. >> Absolutely. And like I I think that's
00:35:33
actual fact that they couldn't then remove the tattoo because it was like going to take too much.
00:35:38
>> too much. Yeah. >> [music] [music] >> Well, you might be sitting here saying, "Well,
00:35:55
in the movies Laurent." Yeah. Not the best [ __ ] vampires. >> Played by Eddie Gathegi. Uh-huh.
00:36:01
>> And he's [ __ ] phenomenal in that. >> And he is stunning. [snorts] >> He's stunning.
00:36:09
>> I mean stunning. stunning. >> Like truly that man when he shows up on the scene you just go
00:36:16
Yeah. >> Like he's one of those. So like missed >> a French ass name. I said that's a
00:36:20
French ass [laughter] name right there. And that's the thing. So missed opportunity first of all cuz it's like
00:36:26
look at that man. >> Yeah, you could have done that many times. >> have had a few more [laughter] vampire
00:36:30
>> diversity. Yeah. It would have been and Catherine Hardwick, the director, actually wanted a lot more diversity in
00:36:36
the cast but got pushed back from Stephanie Meyer because she said, "I created this world. This is how I see my
00:36:43
vampires. This is how I've created the lore." >> This is how I whitewashed them. And
00:36:48
finally agreed that Laurent could be darker skinned but only because he's described because she also says that if
00:36:55
you have like olive skin then it will you'll still go white but you you'll be maybe a little darker.
00:37:03
I think we just didn't really need to touch on that >> I think Laurent is described as having
00:37:08
like a little more olive skin so she agreed to let him be a black man. And of course Yeah. Yeah, it's a There's
00:37:16
too many implications with that. It's a lot. >> There's too many implications with that.
00:37:20
>> is that Edi Gathegi is one of the best parts of that movie. >> Yep. I think he's phenomenal and I think
00:37:26
he is gorgeous. >> In the second movie too. He's like a huge part of that >> too. Yeah. And he's so good. He's so
00:37:32
likable. I just think missed opportunities abound there. >> Yeah. But um Yeah, so that's all in the Illustrated
00:37:39
Guide but like just going back to like the actual movie cuz we sat down and watched it and went through Yeah, should
00:37:44
we go through like all of our thoughts on this? >> go through our thoughts. Um The Oh, the book was originally named
00:37:51
Forks. Yeah, that's hilarious. I understand that Forks like Forks, Washington. >> But like I I hold on. I said Washington
00:37:58
so dumb. Forks, Washington. Forks, Washington. But to name it Forks would have been
00:38:03
diabolical. [laughter] >> This What's the What's the sequel staff? Spoon? >> Spoon. Sporks.
00:38:10
Once they get Renesmee it's sporks cuz it's like a combo of the two. Yikes. >> Um
00:38:15
>> [laughter] >> Yeah, it's it's a wild one. One thing about the movie that was a
00:38:20
real moment for me and I still get it but when it was happening it used to happen all the time is the vampires the
00:38:27
the eye color. Yeah. Used to happen all the time that people would be like, "Oh,
00:38:32
you have Ed- you have Cullen eyes or like are you wearing Cullen contacts?" And I was like, "No, that's just my
00:38:37
eyes. Apparently I'm just a vampire." [laughter] I think you are. >> I'm Stephanie Meyer's vampire
00:38:41
apparently. Um but contact lenses would actually dissolve in their eyes because venom
00:38:46
because venom. So they just their eyes get gold? >> So even if cuz like apparently it's like
00:38:52
if if a vampire drinks animal blood then they get golden eyes. If they've just recently fed and had
00:39:01
animal blood they have golden eyes. If they've just recently fed and off human blood and are satiated they have bright
00:39:07
red eyes. >> when they meet Laurent he has bright red >> all the other vampires they have super
00:39:13
red eyes. That's fun. If they were trying to hide the red eyes they could do so with contacts but they would
00:39:18
dissolve in their eyes eventually like after a few hours. So they can't >> a few hours out of it but it would
00:39:23
dissolve. Okay. So that's interesting. >> That's in the Illustrated Guide? That's
00:39:27
in the Illustrated Guide. >> How did I know? How did you know? But the vibe of the movies are the best.
00:39:33
>> They're just good. >> The vibes. >> It's like honestly the color palette. You got You've really You've really
00:39:39
taken me to a place of color palette. It They're it's so cozy with like the greens and the rain.
00:39:45
>> a blue tint to things. >> And one thing about these all of these movies I'm pretty sure soundtrack
00:39:50
>> the soundtrack is especially for the first one and the second one. Wow. Such banger. Banger after banger. That when
00:39:58
it first starts When the full [singing] moon turns bright, that's when I'll come
00:40:04
home. [singing] And then [laughter] um when she's like when they're driving into Forks. There's so many movie spoofs
00:40:12
that we have to talk about. Oh, yeah. >> When that big logging truck passes by >> god, and there's no one driving
00:40:18
>> driving it. No one's driving the truck. How did that even happen? How [laughter] did that even occur?
00:40:25
They're pulling into Forks. And I'm like, what? It's an 18-wheeler that no one is driving.
00:40:31
>> did you guys like CGI him out of there somehow? Like Please tell me what happened. What's going on? Also, this is
00:40:39
the movie where we get the I think that's like right before Bella gets hit by the car, right?
00:40:47
>> it's or almost. Perfect. When it goes I'm like, ah. Like it just [laughter] gets you.
00:40:56
Oh, I love it so much. >> something with that. >> Yeah. I also Supermassive black hole.
00:41:02
>> on my hatch alarm every morning and then it starts the and it great way to wake up. I got to
00:41:12
get one. I'll tell you it's really great way to wake up, but yeah, I soundtracks like you said
00:41:18
supermassive black hole. >> Oh. I mean the spotlight song when they find >> [laughter]
00:41:26
>> We're about to get sued by like 15 different bands. >> No, we we love you, okay? So we're
00:41:30
singing your praises literally. Uh but it's so good and there's I think she did a good job of
00:41:38
stylizing it. Yeah, cuz the books are very um like the books have that like have way more repression it feels like
00:41:49
weaved within. Yeah. And the movie kind of Let's go. >> more like more like like they're dressed
00:41:57
better. Yeah. [laughter] And like it for the most part and it just all feels a little more like I can
00:42:04
I can go along with this. >> It's so funny watching it now though because I remember like when I watched
00:42:09
it when I was like 12 or 13, I was like, I need to start dressing like Bella and
00:42:13
wear headbands in my hair like Bella does and I need to be Bella because boys will love me. Yeah. Bella dresses like
00:42:19
[ __ ] [laughter] Bella dresses like [ __ ] I I I watched it when we watched it recently, I was
00:42:26
like, what the [ __ ] is she wearing in every scene? >> What She's wearing like bowling shirts
00:42:32
over There's a lot >> It's horrible. Um a couple of her shirts I was like, okay, I would have probably
00:42:38
worn that. >> There wasn't one shirt that I was okay with. >> that I was like, I feel like I would
00:42:42
wear that unfortunately. Her hair She has great hair. >> Great hair. Great hair. I remember being
00:42:48
like that's how I pictured Bella's hair. Not in the I can't remember if it's I think it's the third movie Kristen
00:42:53
Stewart had just done um [ __ ] um the rock the rocking Oh, uh the rocking the Joan
00:43:01
>> Joan Jett Yeah, she had just done that so she had to cut her hair like obviously in Joan Jett's hairstyle so
00:43:05
she has one of the worst wigs of all time in that movie. There's some egregious wigs.
00:43:11
There are some egregious wigs. >> Yeah, like there's some Rosalie's wigs Rosalie's wig she had to wear because
00:43:17
they [ __ ] her hair up so bad after the first movie. Which if you look at her hair in the first movie, she has
00:43:22
beautiful hair, but it's fried. >> Yeah, you can tell and we'll get to that when we do the other movie.
00:43:27
>> Yeah, we will. Um but yeah, it's I thought the outfits they're very of the time. Yeah. Um I
00:43:34
remember Edward I loved his outfits. I thought he looked great. >> His peacoats. Loved his peacoats.
00:43:40
>> Honey. Loved it. I especially love I think we were when we were watching it there's a scene when Mike is like trying
00:43:47
to ask Bella to prom and Edward is just standing in the back. Um one thing I loved is what an absolute dick Edward
00:43:55
was. >> Yeah. It set us all up. >> We've been here before. We we you know, like this is this is who I am, okay? And
00:44:02
so I love that he's literally laughing in the background like this guy. >> Cuz he can also hear Mike's thoughts and
00:44:09
Bella's answers, too. And her thoughts. So he's sitting Or not her thoughts, he can't hear her thoughts. But he can hear
00:44:14
like her answers from Mike's thoughts. And he's sitting there laughing in the background and you know he's sitting
00:44:19
there being like I got a [ __ ] peacoat. >> [laughter] >> You're going to lose. >> What you think you're going to prom with
00:44:23
her? Get a peacoat. Like get a gray peacoat, my friend. >> Poor Mike. Let's go into We got to talk
00:44:30
about Mike and Jessica. They make Jessica They do make Jessica the ultimate villain especially for Jessica.
00:44:38
Like in this movie she definitely gets villainized in New Moon. Oh, yeah. They turn her into like a [ __ ]
00:44:43
>> And it's not fair because Bella is a [ __ ] Like she's a [ __ ] when she goes into school. Everyone is
00:44:52
being nice to her. People are trying to be like Jessica's one of the first people to talk to her and welcome her
00:44:58
here and like talk and it's like she's like villain and Bella gives no one the time of day and acts like she's annoyed
00:45:04
that anyone's being nice to her. I don't know why they all keep trying. And then
00:45:09
the thing with Jessica is it's like Jessica's a teenage girl. She immediately befriended Bella, tried to
00:45:14
integrate her in. And then she gets jealous that the guy she likes is obsessed with Bella the second she meets
00:45:21
meets her. That's just normal [ __ ] >> Yeah, that's normal teenage girl [ __ ] I
00:45:24
would be if the guy I was like crushing on was obsessed with the new girl. >> And I think that she said something like
00:45:30
she's they've all known each other since like kindergarten. >> Yeah, so it's like that sucks. And it's
00:45:34
like and they make her such a villain. They do. And it's like she's not. No. She's like and she even she even asked
00:45:41
Bella at one point if it's okay that she goes to the dance with Mike. Yeah. And she what the [ __ ] does she have to
00:45:47
do that for? >> Yeah, she's been around forever. You don't have to ask but she does. Just to
00:45:51
make sure there's no like weirdness. I'm like they villainized her. It's not cool. And they also try to make Bella
00:45:56
like more likable by her being like, oh you should ask Jessica. >> Yeah. But it's like
00:46:00
it makes Jessica look like Well, they make and I mean it's how Bella is also written. She's like that girl. Yeah, I'm
00:46:07
not like other girls. >> Yeah, I'm not like other girls. It's like I'm going to wear leggings under my
00:46:12
dress. Oh my god, when we get to that, we're going to get to that. But I think Anna Kendrick is the perfect Jessica.
00:46:19
She really is. >> it. As soon as you see her you say Jessica. Yeah, Jessica. >> in the movie Yep.
00:46:24
And I think uh Mike is a great cast. And I think Mike is super endearing. Yeah. He's a teenage boy.
00:46:32
>> You can honestly the whole friend group I feel like is very like believable. Like Angela, Mike. They're all really
00:46:39
well done, I think. Like they're likable. They are. They're super likable. And they're like I don't know.
00:46:45
They're just sweet. They're like throwing Twizzlers at her and [ __ ] They eat so many Twizzlers in this movie.
00:46:49
>> so many Twizzlers. It's just brought to you by Twizzlers. I will say it really
00:46:53
was. I will say I don't like that they have everyone like falling all over themselves about Bella. Like that's very
00:46:59
unrealistic and also like kind of weird and gross because at one point like while she's sitting at
00:47:04
the table Tyler runs up behind her and is like, my girl and kisses her on the cheek. Yeah. And is that Tyler or is
00:47:11
that Eric? That's Eric is sitting next to her cuz he had said something like like Bella's my girl. Yeah. Like
00:47:17
basically and I was like, what's happening? Like what is And you can tell Jessica Jessica literally is like, oh my
00:47:23
god. >> [laughter] >> I forget what she says. I forget what she says. She's like, you're the new
00:47:27
shiny toy. Like but she's like, oh my god. Yeah, she's like this is disgusting. >> You can tell she's like, what the [ __ ]
00:47:31
is going on? >> Also the way he kisses her at lunch I said, inappropriate. Inappropriate.
00:47:36
>> they're so mean to Like the boys are so mean to Jessica and Angela. >> Oh my god, Eric like shits all over
00:47:43
Angela. Yeah, and I'm like, the feature is dead. Don't bring it up again. And then just leaves [laughter] and she's
00:47:48
like, damn. Do you guys just not want to be friends? What's going on here? Like what the [ __ ] But this is
00:47:55
also where we get the Cullen entrance. They are 32-year-olds walking into this cafeteria.
00:48:02
>> all wearing white. And most importantly Emmett is carrying a bag a bag full of
00:48:09
at least a dozen hard-boiled eggs. And I have never noticed it, but we all got into a discussion the other day when we
00:48:17
were talking about like the weird spoofs in this movie and Elena was like, the eggs. I was like, the eggs?
00:48:21
>> The eggs. I never saw that before. You'll never unsee it. >> You'll never unsee it.
00:48:26
>> And a fun fact that was just Kellan Lutz's lunch. He was just who as who plays Emmett.
00:48:31
>> Yeah. You know, you just got to eat some eggs. I love a hard-boiled egg so I'm
00:48:35
not one to I love a hard-boiled egg. I could not eat 12 minutes of eggs. But he's he's like a He's a big guy. I can
00:48:43
eat one and then I'm like, damn. Yeah, honestly. But that and I like them my one with some soy sauce or some hot
00:48:49
sauce, you know, I can't just I just can't do that to the face. >> just [laughter] raw dog eggs. I can't
00:48:53
raw dog a hard-boiled egg like that. Yeah, as you should not. But um and we their entrances are just wild cuz it's
00:49:00
like Alice gets like Jasper the Confederate soldier just twirls Alice. >> [laughter]
00:49:05
>> Yeah, they just runway into this cafeteria like it's nothing. And um and that's when we see Edward for the
00:49:13
first time of course and this is where I had my initial disappointment. >> I can't believe you experienced
00:49:19
disappointment in this moment. I think this was my sexual awakening. >> And that's I again I say it was not
00:49:25
because I thought Robert Pattinson was not attractive or ugly or whatever. >> Do you remember?
00:49:31
>> I think I just pictured like I'm trying to think of exactly what I pictured in my head.
00:49:39
I probably pictured more of I'm trying to think of I don't know. I think he was like not
00:49:53
I don't know what I I'm trying to think of my head. I'm trying to like picture it. Sometimes it's hard to describe the
00:49:58
picture that you have in your head. >> trying to think of anybody who fits that picture. I think what I think um Hayden
00:50:04
Christensen was one of the ones that was going to be cast. >> Yeah, or it was in talks I think or like
00:50:09
fans wanted him to play >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was very much a Hayden Christensen
00:50:15
girly when I was younger. I loved him. Very, very good-looking man. >> And I think he's more along the lines of
00:50:22
what I pictured, but I don't even think he is the thing I picture. I think he's just a
00:50:26
little closer to what I pictured. >> Okay. Um I think he I think I pictured him like
00:50:32
very ethereal-looking. And I think it's hard for a human being to fit into that.
00:50:38
>> I I see what you're saying. Like it's a difficult one to cast I think. >> Yeah.
00:50:42
I think he looks I think he is like the perfect Robert. >> He's the perfect Robert. [laughter] The
00:50:46
perfect Edward I mean. He was the perfect Robert as well. He really was. He's like, "Don't say that. I hate that
00:50:52
so much." >> totally started fitting it for me. And I think I saw like his interviews and
00:50:56
[ __ ] I just ended up loving him. Like I thought he was awesome. So I was very into it then.
00:51:01
Um but we get that weird like staring thing that he does. When he walks by, he laughs because he can hear Jessica being
00:51:10
like Oh, yeah. >> I think she says like, you know, like he would just I guess none of us were good
00:51:15
enough for him. Like every girl in school wants to date him, but we're not good enough for him.
00:51:18
>> Yeah. And he laughs when she when he walks by and can hear that. >> And then we go into the biology class
00:51:24
where we get one of the cringiest scenes that I have ever seen committed to film.
00:51:29
>> I literally wrote down I would not survive this interaction with Edward. I would jump out of the science lab window
00:51:34
and I would board the next flight to Arizona. [laughter] I literally said this would send me
00:51:38
packing. She walks into science class or biology class in front of a fan in front
00:51:44
of the fan and wafts on over to Edward and he acts like she smells like hot garbage liquefied.
00:51:50
>> He does this body roll of revulsion. >> He has a full retch. >> [laughter] >> And then and he literally like like
00:51:59
slides something over to her with his knuckle. Like he won't even touch it with his face. He's just like, "Get the
00:52:04
[ __ ] away from me." >> like holding his face away from her. >> But also staring at her as she's looking
00:52:10
straight ahead and she's like, "Oh my god." He's just like, like staring at her like she's like the most putrid
00:52:15
thing to ever live. I would not survive this and also what the [ __ ] Bella? Cuz halfway
00:52:20
through that class I would have been like, "Can I [ __ ] help you?" Like how are you not turning to that boy and
00:52:26
being like, "What the [ __ ] your problem?" Like I confront him. >> Yeah. Cuz it's not like he's like
00:52:31
actively trying to get away from her. He is, but he's also staring at her. He's he's like studying her like like a
00:52:37
monkey. >> just staring. Yeah. Like how dare she >> turn around and just like stick my
00:52:42
finger in my nose [laughter] and be like, "What?" Like what Like Bella needed to get a little more assertive
00:52:47
with that [ __ ] >> Yeah. Well, she's Bella's so baby girl-coded. >> She is so baby girl-coded.
00:52:53
>> baby girl. >> But at the [laughter] same time he's not safe with her at some point. At some
00:52:58
point she gets so aggressive that I was like, >> [laughter] >> "You should leave."
00:53:01
>> It took me a minute to like process what you were saying. Like she gets really aggressive at the
00:53:05
end of the movie. We'll get there. >> [laughter] >> But that interaction just [ __ ] me up.
00:53:10
>> And then when they she like they go into like the administrative office after
00:53:15
and he's like, "Okay, fine. I guess I'll just endure it. I guess I'll have to endure it." Like cuz he wants to switch
00:53:20
classes. He flies by her and she had come into the office and then just leaves. Yeah. I don't know what she was
00:53:26
going to do. >> And she does that like lip-sucking thing that she does. She do be
00:53:30
>> Here's the thing. She do be making some weird faces. >> is a great actress. She's a great actress. What the [ __ ] was
00:53:36
she doing in this movie? Lots of faces. >> do that face all the time. Like it's a
00:53:40
her doing the like I wish >> Like sucking sucking in her lip. And I said I wish you could see that and in
00:53:47
fact you must see that. So I will video it for you right now. Live videoing. All
00:53:53
right. Am I doing it? >> Yeah. Go go, girl. >> [laughter] >> And we'll be And we'll be posting that.
00:54:01
That's it. She literally like does this that weird like I'm just like [laughter]
00:54:05
Eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm not going to eat my lip. And then she just leaves and
00:54:08
you're like I'm not going to eat my lip. Final decision. I am not going to eat my
00:54:13
lip. >> Okay, wait. So like that happens. Edward doesn't come to school for a few days.
00:54:16
In the interim she goes to the diner with her dad. Pause. Charlie? Yeah. Everybody pause for Zaddy
00:54:26
Charlie. >> Charlie. Worst [laughter] worst father not of the year, but like one of the
00:54:32
worst dads. Not a good dad. >> In the book he's far worse than he is in the movie. In the movie you at least get
00:54:37
the sense that he cares. He's just awkward. >> Yeah, he cares and he's awkward, but
00:54:41
like later on he also just lets her leave his home. >> does. And like he's a police officer.
00:54:45
He's like the police officer in fact. >> he's the chief. >> [laughter] >> We'll get there.
00:54:51
But he's hot, so we'll take it. >> He is so hot. >> Yeah. Watching Twilight as an adult is
00:54:56
realizing that you're not team Edward or Jacob. You're team Charlie Swan or bust.
00:54:59
[laughter] Totally. And I need to be clear with who Stephenie Meyer wanted to cast
00:55:09
as Charlie. >> You better be. John C. Reilly. >> [snorts] >> And here's the thing. Hello.
00:55:17
I love John C. Reilly. >> I think he's hilarious. Imagine if he was Chief Charlie
00:55:25
>> If he was Chief Charlie we get Billy Burke. >> And I am for Billy Burke in this movie.
00:55:31
Billy Burke is A+ behavior in this movie. >> [laughter] >> He's like A+ I don't even care what he
00:55:36
does. >> And he looked there's like a familial resemblance between him and Bella for
00:55:40
sure. >> He looks like the age fits. The familial resemblance >> John C. Reilly would have been a wild
00:55:46
choice. It would have been honestly I I would like him to like can they remake the movie with John C. Reilly?
00:55:52
>> of the lines and like dress as Chief Swan and just like give us that. >> I'm going to need one of the late-night
00:55:59
hosts to have him on and make him read those lines. I'm going to need that. Like I'm going to need that.
00:56:03
>> Although his lines are pretty basic. They are. That's true. But in this scene like
00:56:09
aside from Charlie Swan just being super hot uh there's a ketchup bottle. And Kristen Stewart, Bella, takes the
00:56:20
ketchup bottle. Limp wrist action. >> Limp wrist. Just blops it on her plate, but nothing comes
00:56:26
out. And then the scene is shot from a different angle. This is a squeeze bottle.
00:56:30
>> And she just does this like shaky shaky and then puts it down. Nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out of that
00:56:36
bottle. And it's not even one of those bottles where like you have to hit the 57 for it to come out or like the 52
00:56:41
whatever it is. It's a squeeze bottle. >> Mhm. And she's not squeezing it. She's
00:56:45
simply limp wrist flicking it. It's the weirdest She does this with a few other things cuz later
00:56:53
she gets a glass of water she pours a glass of [laughter] water. >> No, the water might be I think the water
00:56:57
might take the ketchup right out. >> full glass of water out of the fridge, puts it back puts the jug back.
00:57:04
>> Yeah. Stands in front of the sink, takes one sip of water and then just flips the
00:57:08
water over and dumps it all out of the But the way she flicks it is so just like
00:57:14
And it's one sip. Whole glass of water. One sip blip right into the sink. >> Wasteful.
00:57:21
I was like, "What the [ __ ] was the point of that?" Also and we'll get into it a
00:57:25
little bit more, but just because we're talking about weird mannerisms. When Edward sits down at the table the first
00:57:30
time we see him, he just places like two fingers on the table. >> He does this weird like finger thing
00:57:36
that he's always like just delicately touching. They're >> They're like pageant hands. They're like
00:57:42
praying mantis hands. Like he's just like deep deep deep deep. >> Yeah. Like he barely touches surfaces or
00:57:47
like things in front of him. It's very creepy. I think they were all just like really uncomfortable filming this.
00:57:53
>> Everybody seems very uncomfortable. Uh Anna Kendrick likened it to a hostage situation. She said they were all
00:57:59
trauma-bonded because it was like a hostage situation. [laughter] >> sense. And Emmett better for it. Kellan
00:58:06
Lutz almost didn't come back for the last two movies he said because he was just standing around on set so often.
00:58:12
>> Cuz he doesn't have a lot to do. >> That's the thing. He said he was like falling out of love with acting.
00:58:16
>> Oh, man. >> Yeah. So >> [laughter] >> I can't imagine the vibe on the set was
00:58:19
like super awesome. Well, we get like another scene. Like you were just pointing out the scene at
00:58:24
the table where she he has the fingers. And Rosalie just takes a little carrot and she's just staring at Bella. And
00:58:32
she's dead eyes in her white outfit and her white hat. And she just takes that carrot. She
00:58:37
places it within her lips. And then it's almost like a kazoo that she's just like
00:58:43
>> [laughter] >> Not a carrot kazoo. It's like she's treating it like a kazoo. And she just
00:58:50
places it there, but doesn't ever take a bite. And it's because in the illustrated
00:58:55
guide >> [laughter] >> No. they don't eat food. If they have to eat food like to
00:59:00
to blend in >> they don't digest food. So what happens is they eat that food, it sits in a ball
00:59:06
somewhere inside of them and then they hack it up like a cat hacks up in a hairball later. They will literally
00:59:12
regurgitate it later. >> That's not good. >> That's not hot. That's not hot at all.
00:59:17
If my man is having a hairball And like I'm sorry. You're you're making my vampires so that they're just like
00:59:23
regurgitating food later? Yeah. >> like that. I don't like that at all. >> like it either. Another thing I don't
00:59:29
like is when she walks back into biology class and I think it's Mike who says, "How you liking the rain, girl?"
00:59:35
>> Oh my god. What [laughter] he says is the most egregious It's such a weird line.
00:59:41
>> egregious greeting. He not only does he scream, "How you liking THE RAIN, GIRL?"
00:59:47
[laughter] BUT HE ALSO shakes his [ __ ] umbrella on her. >> on her. I'd kill him with that umbrella.
00:59:54
There's so many lines There's lines in future movies like uh "Bella, where the hell you been, loca?" that just send me
01:00:01
into orbit. >> I think honestly, "Bella, where the hell you been, loca?" is such a good line,
01:00:06
but like it's so good that people forget how good it is how good how good [laughter] "How you liking the rain,
01:00:12
girl?" That's such a weird [ __ ] line, but I and I [laughter] hate it, but I love it. There's so many lines like that
01:00:18
near though like we're going to get to them and I will yell them loud and proud on the
01:00:23
>> [laughter] >> There's so many. I will yell them loud and proud. Wait, so then
01:00:28
after "How you liking the rain, girl?" >> [laughter] >> But he sits down at the table after
01:00:33
Edward just left for days cuz she smelled super [ __ ] putrid. He's [laughter] sitting there and he
01:00:40
acts like everything is A-okay and he says to her, "HELLO." >> [laughter] >> HE GOES,
01:00:48
WHY IS HE SWEDISH? When he says, "Hello." She sits down and he goes, "Hello." >> [laughter]
01:00:57
>> He sounds almost like >> [laughter] >> the wandering Oaken in Frozen where he's like, "Hoo-hoo."
01:01:04
"Summer sale." "HELLO." >> MY BLOWS." >> [laughter] >> LIKE WHAT? THERE'S HE'S AND OBVIOUSLY LIKE
01:01:15
Um [laughter] Robert Pattinson is like British, right? >> is. So obviously like his accent comes
01:01:20
out sometimes, but this isn't even his accent. It's a Swedish accent. >> [laughter]
01:01:25
>> "Hello." "Hello." It's the way he says it. And there's another part I'm trying to find exactly
01:01:34
how he says it. Oh my god. >> Cuz there's another uh moment where Robert Pattinson slips
01:01:41
into like a weird Scottish >> Oh, I wrote it down. Hold on. Oh wait, here it is. Oh, he says, "So you're
01:01:46
worried." >> [laughter] >> "So you're worried." "So you're worried." And then he just goes right
01:01:51
into his regular accent. full Scottish "So you're worried." >> [laughter] >> He's like, "Hello." "Hello. So you're
01:01:56
worried." I love the Swedish. >> It's [ __ ] crazy. >> very Norwegian. I like it.
01:02:03
>> they just like have this cute interaction about like science. >> is Bella's first moment of He's like,
01:02:10
"So are you liking the rain?" Cuz they've never met. They don't talk to each other. You're going to [ __ ] talk
01:02:15
to me about the goddamn weather? And she does She literally He says that. He's like, "So are you How are you liking the
01:02:21
rain?" And she literally goes, >> [laughter] >> lets out this like shaky like And she she goes, "Uh
01:02:30
>> [laughter] >> You're going to ask me about the weather?" Like it's just like, "WHAT THE
01:02:35
MY [laughter] MY WATCH JUST TOLD ME THIS is a loud environment. >> [laughter] >> Your watch is like, "Calm the [ __ ] down,
01:02:43
bitches." We hit 90 decibels. 30 minutes of this could We're giving you guys temporary hearing I'm sorry for that,
01:02:49
but it's worth it, okay? Cuz she says She's like She literally She's on the She's on the edge.
01:02:56
>> In that moment she's on the edge. And then it's like, you want You're trying to talk to me about the weather? I'm
01:03:00
like, "What do you want to By that By that she's such a [ __ ] She's like She wants him to talk dirty to her. Like
01:03:06
it's like you She's like, "Why are you talking to me about the weather? I'm literally on the edge of glory here."
01:03:11
>> "I want to [ __ ] on this [laughter] here lap table." It's so weird. The like
01:03:15
response I know she was trying to do her like cuz it's supposed to be that she's
01:03:19
like enamored with him right away, but it's like You don't need to I don't know. It was
01:03:23
just the way it came out. I was like, "That's a lot." It's wild. So um I think there is um
01:03:31
a moment when she's talking during like during this part when she talks to her friends where they're like, "Oh, you
01:03:35
going to come to La Push with us?" >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And she's like, "Am I supposed to know
01:03:38
what that means?" And it's like, maybe you are because that's where like your best friend growing up, Jacob, lives.
01:03:45
Like I'm Yeah. La Push is like kind of his beach. So it's like, I don't Why wouldn't you know that? And it's like
01:03:51
also like she's just so [ __ ] rude to these people. >> says things. "Should I know what that
01:03:56
means?" Yeah. I Yeah, probably cuz like you're friends with Jacob. But we get also around this part the apple,
01:04:05
the book cover moment. >> and then before that he had saved her from the crash. >> Yep. And she meets Carlisle. Yep. She
01:04:11
meets the whole thing. paleist doctor that has ever lived. >> I loved Carlisle. I was I was not a
01:04:17
Carlisle girl. But I was 12 when this came out, so I was not meant to be a Carlisle girl.
01:04:22
>> He's I love of of you know, light-haired You do. >> dead-looking men. Yeah, we'll be talking
01:04:28
about that in True Blood later. We will be. Uh that's the cover of the book and Stephanie Meyer said that it's supposed
01:04:34
to be the illusion of like the like forbidden fruit. >> fruit and like it is tied to the Bible
01:04:39
with like you have a choice. Are you going to take the apple and ruin everything or are you
01:04:44
going to not take the apple? And I was like, "Interesting." >> Um but he does When he does the little
01:04:50
like presenting like the I was like, "Wow." Also I'd be like, "You just kicked that up. So not only did you get
01:04:55
germs on my apple, but you also bruised it. Yeah, you [ __ ] asshole." I'm surprised she didn't say like, "I
01:05:01
can't believe you just [ __ ] kicked my apple." >> God. Not to him. You're going to hit me
01:05:04
that apple. Anyone else she would. Yeah. But when they go to La Push and they see
01:05:08
Jacob and his friends and they mention that like um Bella had asked Edward if he wanted to come, but
01:05:14
he was like, "No." This is where Jessica's a little bit of a [ __ ] because she's like,
01:05:19
"Bella asked Edward, but he didn't come." And he's not here. But I think she's also trying to be like, "Hey Mike,
01:05:25
she invited Edward. Like she doesn't like you." So please >> She's just a little bit like lusting
01:05:29
after her because I like you. I think it's teenage girl [ __ ] >> But when And then [laughter] that kid
01:05:34
goes, "The Cullens don't come here." Yes, cuz like Jacob and his friends come and that's when he does, "The Cullens
01:05:39
don't come here." period And Bella's like, "Whoa." And then they go on a walk on the beach and she's like,
01:05:45
"So what did your friend mean when he said the Cullens don't come here?" And Jacob goes, "You caught that, huh?"
01:05:50
>> [laughter] >> It's like, "What the [ __ ] do you mean?" The kid locked eyes with her and
01:05:53
screamed it at her face. Of course >> [laughter] >> I got that. He launched it directly at me. I had no
01:05:59
choice but to cut and catch that. Like damn. >> [cough] >> I love that. I love that.
01:06:07
>> also trying to like flirt with Jacob to get information out of him. And Bella
01:06:11
Swan flirting is the funniest [ __ ] [ __ ] you'll ever see in your life cuz she kind of just like leans her head a
01:06:16
little bit closer >> [laughter] >> and like and it's like looks up at him, but it's menacing.
01:06:20
>> does this weird like head shake thing where she's like, "I I want to know." I'd love
01:06:25
>> shakes her head a lot. It's almost like she thinks that the like eyelash fluttering is actually like head
01:06:30
shaking, so [laughter] she does that. It's a lot. It's something. Later like cuz she finds out like there's a you
01:06:36
know, the legend the Quileute tribe has of like the they descended from wolves and there's these like the cold ones and
01:06:42
the treaty. All that stuff. So she later she goes on and Googles and she Googles
01:06:47
about you know, legends of that tribe and one of the books that comes up is called Legends of the Slapping Beaver.
01:06:55
I just need to point that out. It's not a real book. I looked it up. >> We tried to find it.
01:07:00
>> But my god, I love that they put that in. Um And then she ends up going dress
01:07:05
shopping at one point with um Angela and Jessica. >> They invite her. Like you're new and we're inviting you
01:07:13
into our shopping trip to have a girls' night. That's some like not That doesn't
01:07:17
happen to everyone. >> No. Like you've been a new kid. I was a new kid. I was lucky enough
01:07:22
>> I was pretty lucky. >> [laughter] >> I got to say on my first day at my new high school I made friends like the
01:07:26
first day and they were they were like, "You want to come hang out tonight?" And
01:07:29
I was like, "Fuck yeah, I do." It's like that doesn't happen for everyone. I came
01:07:31
home and Elena was like, "Are you I literally I was like, "Do you think Mom would let me go out tonight? Like I made
01:07:36
friends." And Elena goes, "What? Are you [ __ ] kidding me?" >> [laughter] >> I was like, "What do you mean you made
01:07:41
friends already, you bitch?" Like but yeah, that doesn't happen for everyone. >> a better experience at my second high
01:07:46
school than I did at my first. >> Well, Bella is being integrated into this group very quickly and very nicely. Like
01:07:55
really Are you [ __ ] kidding me? >> Are you [ __ ] kidding me, Bella? Like god. And she treats them like [ __ ] She
01:08:01
bailed. They are trying on dresses. She's not even looking at them. She's like in her own thing and then she just
01:08:07
gets up and bails. Like doesn't even pay attention to them. I was like, "Why are
01:08:11
you trying to be friends with her?" I'd be like, "Fuck this girl." >> Yeah. She's like, "I have to go to like
01:08:15
a bookstore. I have to go to a bookstore." And she goes to the bookstore to get the the legends book.
01:08:20
>> And it's also like, "Could you not have just been like, 'Hey, when we're done
01:08:22
trying on When you guys are done, like will you come to this bookstore with me?'" That's how friendship works.
01:08:27
>> No, she just decided to bail on them. rude And that's what She's just going to
01:08:31
obsess over Edward for the rest of her life. She doesn't need friends. Yeah, it really is so toxic when
01:08:36
>> toxic. And this is really where it becomes like so bad. ridiculously insane >> Because she ends up getting like running
01:08:44
to into these like drunk guys who are like She just walked down a [ __ ] alley. What are you doing like that for?
01:08:49
And these drunk guys are gross and disgusting and they like are going to assault her essentially. And Edward
01:08:55
shows up in his Volvo. He is. >> And like growls at them. When he I'm sorry. When he this I would have been
01:09:02
the most toxic woman. >> [laughter] >> When he growls at them and then he's like, "Get in the car."
01:09:09
And he's like, "You didn't know what they >> [applause] >> And then he's like, "You didn't know
01:09:12
what they were thinking." >> [laughter] >> And she's like, "You did?" >> I'd be like, "Save me every night."
01:09:16
>> And they like they end up going to dinner and like but Jessica and Angela are like, "Hey, where have you been? We
01:09:22
had no [ __ ] clue where you were. We've been calling you." Like what What Like lost you. They're all like, "What
01:09:27
the fuck?" >> even in that moment they're still rooting for her. >> rooting for her.
01:09:31
Go to dinner. Like have dinner on us. Like it's cool. Yeah. I was like, "Damn, you really lucked into these girls and
01:09:38
you should hang on to them and treat them better." But she And so she goes to um dinner
01:09:43
with with Edward. Edward. And his song is playing in the background. >> His song is playing. That like
01:09:49
It's the Exactly. That's what I said. >> [laughter] >> That was exactly what I said.
01:10:00
>> [laughter] >> I mean, can you tell the difference? You mean you can't. >> Thank you. Uh but
01:10:07
>> [laughter] >> She They talk about like you know, what like that Basically what's going on. Like that he's been
01:10:14
stalking her essentially. >> She's literally like, "How did you know I was going to be here?"
01:10:18
>> He's like, "I was following." And he says like, "I was following in case anything happened to you." Which is
01:10:21
sweet in theory, but you like think about it as an adult and you're like >> stalking her. Uh what?
01:10:28
>> want to be followed by you. Like >> No, like I can take care of myself, but that's the thing about Bella. That's
01:10:33
where she's like baby girl coded cuz she doesn't want to have to take care of herself. No. And there's a reason for
01:10:39
that though that makes sense cuz when you look at her parents, her mom, we didn't even touch on her mom. Her mom's
01:10:44
a [ __ ] >> Her mom sucks. Her mom sucks. >> [ __ ] you, Renee. >> the reason she went to Forks is cuz her
01:10:49
mom is together with a minor league baseball player named Phil. >> Phil. And she's unhappy that she can't
01:10:54
travel around with him and that she has to stay with her child. >> And Bella picked up on all of that.
01:10:59
>> "Do you want me to leave so you can do that?" And she's like, "That'd be sick."
01:11:03
>> That's it. She's an [ __ ] >> Yeah, she sucks. >> Her mom's like a total like hot mess
01:11:07
[ __ ] She's not like a cute fun like, "Oh, I'm just like a Lorelai Gilmore kind of like, you know, messy mom." She
01:11:14
just sucks. Yeah. And then also like in the book, Charlie is very Yeah, and And in the book, she
01:11:20
had to take care of her mom essentially, like parentified child. And then she had
01:11:24
to take care of her dad in the book, too. >> Yeah. Like she cooks him all his meals
01:11:28
and [ __ ] Like he's just always like working or fishing. >> Yeah. And so like she really did I think she looks at this
01:11:35
as like [ __ ] take care of me then. >> take care of me now. Yeah. So I think she was This was like learned toxic
01:11:41
behavior, unfortunately. That she was like searching for something. Um Which is also like weird because then
01:11:48
like her boyfriend becomes her dad. Yeah, it's very weird. >> also like when Jacob or when like we'll
01:11:54
get into it in New Moon, but like Edward leaves and then like Jacob steps in and like she There's also like so
01:12:01
much imagery of her being carried around all the time. >> Yes. And it's like really weird.
01:12:07
>> Yeah, it is. >> Yeah. And the In this conversation, he's saying how like he can read minds, but
01:12:13
he can't read hers. And I was like, "Oh, so you read the Sookie Stackhouse books?" Yeah.
01:12:20
>> That's Cuz that's literally True Blood. Like that's just True Blood. And the Sookie
01:12:24
Stackhouse books were out at the time. So like maybe that would just interested her that they could read
01:12:30
minds and maybe one person can block it. >> Yeah. It's definitely reminiscent of it.
01:12:34
There was a few things, too, and I can't think of them now, but like if you go back and listen to our Rewatcher
01:12:39
episodes for Buffy, I was like, "Oh, >> Yeah. That's where she got that." >> definitely I think Stephanie Meyer was
01:12:44
definitely like um >> inspired. She was She was absorbing a lot of this kind of material, so I'm
01:12:50
sure like bits and pieces of it just came into her lore. >> Yeah. But this is one that I was just
01:12:53
We're watching True Blood right now, so it just like stuck out to me. I was like, "Oh, the one person whose mind you
01:12:59
can't read." It's like flipped around. >> Yep, yep, yep. >> [music] >> Now, and then we get the [ __ ] scene
01:13:18
where he pulls her into the cuz she figures out he's a vampire. Yeah. And he pulls her into the [ __ ] woods at
01:13:23
school. >> This is No other movie has touched me in a moment quite like this. This He's so
01:13:31
aggressive in this moment. >> Say it. out loud. I know what you are. And she's standing with her arms in
01:13:39
front of her, which is a very awkward stance. >> [laughter] >> She's essentially doing like the
01:13:43
Wednesday Adams when the sun goes down [laughter] and the moon comes up. But she's just doing it while she's a
01:13:51
teenage Google mug. >> [laughter] >> She does turn into a teenage Google mug. >> [laughter]
01:13:59
>> woods, Bella was a teenage Google mug. She's a teenage Google mug. >> [laughter]
01:14:08
>> That is for sure. I can't do it. That is for sure. And he's just standing behind
01:14:13
her like Say it. >> [laughter] >> He's like, "Oh my god." vampire vampire vampire It's Tom like
01:14:25
>> [laughter] >> Tom like come on the show. Oh wait, you did. >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's a Rewatcher reference. Go
01:14:34
listen to the Rewatcher from the beginning. Do it. It's a >> Hey. Um but yeah, he's so aggressive though.
01:14:39
He grabs her arm and literally drags her through the forest and up a mountain. >> Is this when he screams As if you could
01:14:46
OUTRUN ME. >> OH, WE'RE NOT THERE YET, BABY. [laughter] We're not there yet cuz first
01:14:51
>> One thing about me One thing about me is that I'm always there. [laughter] I'm
01:14:55
always in a place of As if you could outrun me. But first we have to get to a place of
01:15:01
I'm sad and sparkly. So first he has to go up there, rip open his shirt, and show that he just looks a little sweaty.
01:15:07
I love it. And like he just looks a little sweaty. >> I love it. >> he says, "This is the skin of a killer,
01:15:12
Bella." The best. And There's so many good lines. So many good lines. This is the
01:15:17
skin of a killer, Bella. And then he starts zooming around. He like He gets the zoomies. He crouch He literally
01:15:25
huffs and puffs and like hunches over and says, "As if you could outrun me." >> [laughter]
01:15:30
>> I told you he's the Tree Miser. He's crouching. And then he just starts crouching in
01:15:37
trees, which goes crazy. And she's just looking up at him and he's like, "Aren't
01:15:41
I a hot vampire?" And I'm like, "No." [laughter] I don't even think he's trying to convey that.
01:15:45
>> mimbly bimbly from tree to tree. And I need you to get down. >> [laughter] >> But then she becomes very aggressive cuz
01:15:52
she's like, "No, I want it. I love it. I think I want to marry you. I love you."
01:15:56
And he's like, "I've killed people though and I've wanted to kill you from the second I laid eyes on you." And
01:16:00
she's She's like, But I love you. I'm fine with it. And even Edward Or no, Robert Pattinson later was like,
01:16:07
"Something's wrong with her." He [laughter] was like He was like Edward literally says to her, "I've wanted to
01:16:12
kill you since the moment I met you." And she's like, "But I love you." I'd still hit it. She says to him, I don't
01:16:18
know if it's in the woods or if it's when they're at dinner. She says, "I don't have the strength to stay away
01:16:23
from you anymore." >> Yeah. Like what the Or did Wait, does he say that actually now that I think about
01:16:27
it? >> He probably says it. >> that. >> way, they've been They've met each other
01:16:31
4.5 seconds ago. >> Yeah, it's not okay. >> to be real about that. >> okay. Um but he's so up front about how
01:16:36
much he wants to kill her and she's like, "It's cool." Yeah. >> You've let me know, so thank you.
01:16:41
>> Thanks for letting me >> it. And she's like, "All right, I guess we put that on paper, so there's that."
01:16:44
She's a temptress. She is. And this is when they decide that they're going to be together cuz they
01:16:50
lay in the meadow and he's sparkling and it's real weird. >> I think her foot's gone in the CGI.
01:16:55
>> is gone. [laughter] In the CGI, they take her foot out by accident. >> it happens. You know, sloppy. Yeah. Uh
01:17:01
But then they end up going to school the next day and they show up together and this is when Spotlight plays.
01:17:09
And this is when he says This is when he says I'm going to hell anyways. This is what bothers me cuz
01:17:15
he's like, "Since I'm going to hell." And he puts his arm around her and like pulls her in. And he says this a couple
01:17:20
of times, like the hell comment. I'm like, Where does it say that? Well, it's also
01:17:24
like you're dead. >> it. Well, and it's also like that's not part of the Like it's just a weird I don't know. It
01:17:29
doesn't like since I'm going to hell. >> I think he has like this like He has like a self-hatred quality about
01:17:34
him because he like hates that he's a monster. Yeah. In his own >> I'm just like, "Says who? Who says
01:17:39
you're going to hell?" >> him. Like what? >> Yeah, but it it's weird. But when it And
01:17:42
then like he explains his origin story to her and he does so well it's pouring rain and he is staying outs like out of
01:17:49
the cover of the rain, just getting [ __ ] soaked and she's just sitting there dry. And then a minute later he's
01:17:56
bone dry. Yeah. And crouching >> with his hands again. >> fingers walking in front of him.
01:18:02
>> [laughter] >> It's so strange. >> It's very salad fingers ask of him. It is. It's a lot. Um And then she goes to
01:18:10
This is when she goes to meet his family, too, and when he's like, "Are you worried?" Like that's when he gets
01:18:15
really Scottish. >> Yep, yep, yep. Uh but this is when Rosalie breaks the bowl cuz she's just
01:18:20
pissed. Oh my god, wait, before that, is that when um uh Billy Black, Jacob's dad, and Edward
01:18:27
pass? >> off. >> a stare off. You can see the crew. >> You can, yeah. And And Edward's well
01:18:32
built. >> [laughter] >> Well, then >> [snorts] >> I think Rosalie also gets kind of a bad
01:18:37
rap. I think she does. She's pissed. Because if you think about Think about it logist
01:18:42
I I'm thinking of it bare bones. >> Okay, hit me. >> You are a family for all intents and purposes.
01:18:49
>> Yeah, yeah. For hundreds of years you've been a family. You've had this plot like
01:18:53
plan. You have a thing together. There is a literal law among your species that says you cannot let humans know who you
01:18:59
are or what you are. And if you do, then your whole family is going to be in jeopardy. Yeah. And then
01:19:06
he meets this girl and 5 seconds later tells her everything about your species and way of life,
01:19:14
Yeah. breaking every law, endangering your entire family, and then brings her over and is like, "Treat her nice."
01:19:22
Treat her nice. [laughter] I would have broken a [ __ ] bowl, too. I would have been like, you dumb [ __ ] Are you
01:19:27
kidding? She's right. Yeah. So, when you guys stop making googly eyes at each other, we're all going to have our heads
01:19:33
ripped off and be burned? That's fair. >> Like, really? It's fair. Is it worth it,
01:19:36
[ __ ] Like, and she sharted eight. What the [ __ ] >> I was just going to say, that's what
01:19:40
really does Rosalie in is they're preparing this beautiful meal for Bella. >> Yeah. And And Edward He also not even
01:19:46
Bella. Bella's like, oh my god, like you didn't have to do that. Thank you. And he's like, sharted eight. Sharted eight.
01:19:51
I'm like, you dick. And also when Rosalie like smashes the bowl, that's why the actress is wearing gloves in
01:19:56
that scene. She cut her hand when she was when she had originally smashed it. >> love I thought the the gloves were just
01:20:01
fashion. >> Yeah. She I mean, she's very fashionable. >> But, I get everyone's like, calm down,
01:20:05
Rosalie. No, I get it. Can you talk about >> mad. The khaki skirt. Oh my god. So,
01:20:12
she is apparently described as wearing a long khaki skirt in this scene. And like a blue blouse, which Edward
01:20:20
ends up becoming obsessed with. Cuz color blind. Also, if you want us to cover Midnight Sun, which is Edward's
01:20:25
point of view of Twilight, >> I've never read that. happily do that for you. >> We will do that. So, cuz there's a lot
01:20:31
in that. Is there? Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm actually going to buy it >> buy it right now as you talk.
01:20:36
>> So, maybe we should do that. But, he's obsessed with the blue blouse. But, the
01:20:39
long khaki skirt and Stephanie Meyer later said that during her time of writing this and growing up, a khaki
01:20:46
skirt was like a staple wardrobe piece. >> Which is diabolical. I don't remember that time
01:20:51
period, but I don't know how old Stephanie Meyer is. Let me look. She's 51. So, she's older
01:20:58
than I am. So, I don't know. Maybe it was, but I thought thinking of Bella standing there
01:21:04
wearing a long khaki skirt is really throwing me, especially with Rosalie standing there looking like a
01:21:11
[ __ ] snack. >> Yeah. In her gloves and everything. And you know she's looking at her being
01:21:16
like, you khaki skirt >> Edward >> Are you [ __ ] kidding me? You have no idea. danger our entire family for this
01:21:22
khaki skirt wearing [ __ ] This khaki skirt blue blouse [ __ ] >> This with a ponytail? A ponytail?
01:21:29
>> Uh-uh. Yeah, it's very she's all that. >> Yeah. Um but, yeah. I thought I thought
01:21:33
she I was like, you know what? Justice for Rosalie. She's been through a lot. Yeah. We skipped over too that Edward
01:21:39
watches Bella when she sleeps. >> He does. He does He does that a lot. We think for that. I mean, there's not a
01:21:44
lot to say about that. >> I just wanted to make sure it was in here. Yeah. She He watches her while she
01:21:48
sleeps. He's been doing it. >> We thought that was like top romance. >> Yeah. When it came out, I mean, at least
01:21:52
I did. I was Oh my god. Oh my god. I hope that happens to me someday. >> I hope some guy watches me sleep.
01:21:58
>> my worst [ __ ] nightmare. >> Yeah, that's we talk about that [ __ ] all the time.
01:22:02
>> Yeah. >> good. It's bad. It's never good. It's the worst. And then they go up to his room
01:22:08
and he's like, yeah, she's like, where's your bed? And I was like, all right, Bella. Calm down. Like, you're not going
01:22:13
to [ __ ] here. Yeah, she One thing about Bella is she stays. >> She stays horny, Bella.
01:22:20
Um she's horned up all the time. >> [laughter] >> And she's always trying to [ __ ] him.
01:22:24
>> She's really repressed. With the way he's described when you're like a teenager, I'm sure I would be all over
01:22:29
that, too. Um but, [clears throat] >> [snorts] >> I love it cuz like he got you know, he's
01:22:34
got all these books and you know, Claire de Lune is playing or and he's like, you know, like that's I'm
01:22:40
just listening to Debussy, you know, like no big deal. And she's like, Claire de Lune is great. And it's supposed to
01:22:45
be that like See? She's so different. >> that, too. Yeah. And I couldn't help it.
01:22:50
I was like, my kids have several books that Claire de Lune is in. >> [laughter] >> Like lullaby books. If I played Claire
01:22:56
de Lune right now, I'm pretty sure my youngest would be like, Claire de Lune. Like, [laughter] she would know.
01:23:00
>> Great stuff. Like, it's but they make it like this this highly highbrow highbrow thing that like Bella's not
01:23:06
like other girls. I'm not like other girls. I'm like, well, you're like my 6-year-old.
01:23:11
So, [laughter] you're you're not that you're not that like quirky. >> Like, sounds like you had the same
01:23:15
lullaby books, Bella. Like, you had that book. So, but, yeah. Um This is when I literally
01:23:21
was like, Edward is not safe. Yeah. Because she's like, can we [ __ ] Like, you can tell she's
01:23:27
So, where do we [ __ ] in here? He was like, how about I just take you outside? [laughter] He's like, how about we go
01:23:31
flying? Let's go flying. Hold on tight, spider monkey. And this is the spider monkey. Hold on tight, spider monkey is
01:23:36
diabolical. And the visual of when he jumps from tree to tree. [laughter] All limbs and wobbly. It's like he he's
01:23:45
in this weird position and also is just like, oh, like looking forward [laughter] Looking all over the flies
01:23:51
through the air. It's the least hot thing I can imagine. Yeah. And then he's climbing up the
01:23:56
tree, but barely touching it and he just looks like how a bear would climb up a tree.
01:24:01
>> Okay, that I'm not mad at. The flying, I'm with you. I'll sign off on that. >> mad at the climbing up the tree? I'm
01:24:06
not. Damn. I want to climb up the tree. I It's the way he look He's like, hop hop
01:24:12
hop hop like I mean, how do you climb up a tree? >> I don't climb up trees. So, this would
01:24:15
not do [laughter] it for me to begin with. I'd be like, I'm not climbing up a tree. You know what I mean? I would want
01:24:19
to climb up the tree. Uh but, yeah. It's it's a lot. Yeah. Um and at one point Mike tells Bella that he was like, this
01:24:27
Edward thing. Yeah, and I'd be like, I don't give a [ __ ] Mike. >> When he goes, he just looks at you like
01:24:31
you're something to eat. And I was like, that is quite possibly the worst writing
01:24:36
So heavy-handed. >> It's such a clunky line. Yeah. >> It's so clunky. Like, somebody should
01:24:42
have heard that and been like, Too much. Yeah, like too much. Subtleties, look it up. And that's when
01:24:48
they go they go and play baseball and we get we get Charlie. So, Bella's like, hey. Um So, Edward's
01:24:57
outside and he's taking me to play baseball and he's like, what the [ __ ] >> This is honestly so real.
01:25:01
>> Yeah, and she's like, he wants you to meet him and he's cleaning his shotgun as he does and he just flicks it closed.
01:25:08
>> Send him in. And he's like, send him in. Hot. And I said, holy [ __ ] Yeah. I
01:25:12
don't know why, but I was like, Charlie. Charlie. >> [laughter] >> It's being like it's that dad thing,
01:25:18
too. Cuz I was like, woo. Okay. Uh but, I'm into it. Um but, they go to play baseball and this is the
01:25:24
supermassive black hole, the very classic baseball scene where they play during a thunderstorm, so no one can
01:25:30
hear it cuz they hit the ball so hard. I wonder is it in the Illustrated Guide what
01:25:35
happens if a vampire gets struck by lightning? I don't think it's in the Illustrated I didn't see it in the
01:25:39
Illustrated Guide. >> Update it. Update it. Uh at one point Rosalie when Emmett climbs up a tree to
01:25:44
get a ball, he says, my monkey man. And I said, Oh, family's got a big thing for
01:25:49
monkeys. >> on here? Spider Hold on tight, spider monkey. My monkey man. The way Nikki
01:25:54
Reed delivers her lines as Rosalie, I think she's pretty she's really good in the first movie.
01:25:59
>> Cuz when she says that, that is the gnarliest line to have to deliver, but I believed it coming out of her
01:26:05
mouth. Yeah. >> When she said it, I was like, yeah, Rosalie did say that. >> Her and Emmett have a very cute
01:26:10
relationship together. >> like obsessed with each other. >> Yeah, but then she does say at one
01:26:14
point, I don't know if it's in the movies or if it's in the books that she would give every that she would
01:26:18
give him up to like be human again, I think. Oh, yeah, cuz So, now to Rosalie, back to the Illustrated
01:26:26
Guide when they go back to her backstory. Rosalie's one dream in life was to get married and have a child.
01:26:32
Right. That's all she wanted to do. And like, grow old with this person, have a normal life. And so like, she was robbed
01:26:38
of all that cuz she can't have a child. And Which also doesn't make any sense. >> you think about how Bella gets pregnant.
01:26:44
Holes poke in the lore all over the place. Um but, I guess when Emmett was turned, it was mauled by a bear. Oh,
01:26:52
[ __ ] I didn't even know that. Uh yeah, and and Rosalie finds him and thinks he's like
01:26:58
so beautiful and loves him. And but, it's said in the Illustrated Guide that when Rosalie was human, she was
01:27:06
jealous of only one person and it was her best friend. Uh Vera, I believe her name was. And it's because Vera was
01:27:12
married, had a husband who loved her and a little boy named Henry. Okay. And that
01:27:16
was what she wanted. Um I feel like things are about to get >> so weird. They're going to get so weird
01:27:21
because they always do. Yeah. Uh she said that her fa his face reminded her of like Henry. I [ __ ] knew you were
01:27:28
going to say that. >> a child. I [ __ ] knew you were going to say that. >> was in love with him. I hate it. That's
01:27:33
so weird. >> was like, seems like a good enough reason. >> [laughter] >> No. I'm telling you, you
01:27:43
take a peek through that Illustrated Guide and it will change your life. My I think you just changed my life in that
01:27:48
moment. Not for the better. >> your goddamn life. I have been changed forever [laughter]
01:27:54
changed. for bad. for bad. I've not been changed for good. But, they do love each other. Yeah, they do.
01:28:01
>> that. I also love in the baseball scene when Emmett and Edward like collide. >> Yeah. And they like roll around and
01:28:09
giggle. And if you look closely, he Edward flips off >> he? Emmett. Yeah. He also does that like
01:28:14
snap thing like, oh, man. Yeah. Uh but, yeah. That's when we meet like Laurent and Victoria.
01:28:20
>> Victoria. Uh what a [ __ ] disservice. >> Yeah. We got to talk about >> Victoria
01:28:27
played by, excuse me, uh Rachelle Lefevre, I believe it's pronounced. I had my French guy on on pronounce names
01:28:36
tell me. >> Lefevre. Um Rachelle. Oh. Listen, nothing against Bryce Dallas Howard.
01:28:43
>> No, I love Bryce Dallas Howard. She's great. She's great. She's not Victoria.
01:28:45
>> She's not Victoria. Uh Rachelle killed it as Victoria. first two movies, especially in New Moon cuz she like and
01:28:53
you know, we're going to cover that. She's back with the vengeance. She is just That scene in New Moon where she's
01:28:59
jumping through the trees as they're like doing the search party or like the investigation.
01:29:05
I think that was another sexual Truly. Like, she's amazing. >> good. And then Bryce Dallas Howard is such a great
01:29:12
actress. Like, I'm not saying anything against her in that way. She doesn't have the energy that the first Victoria
01:29:18
had. That like villainous like Something about lioness. >> That's what it is. It's like a predator.
01:29:25
Yeah. >> had that predatory like >> Yes. And I don't it just she killed it. Like I
01:29:31
thought she was so [ __ ] good. >> Mhm. And this is when we kind of meet them all.
01:29:37
And this is after they've killed Waylon. Yeah. And she's wearing Waylon's shirt.
01:29:42
Oh [ __ ] I didn't even catch that. Good call. >> wearing like some like It had a shamrock
01:29:46
on it and she's wearing it. That's iconic. I'm obsessed. >> Which makes it even cooler.
01:29:49
>> And she's got that big [ __ ] fur jacket. >> I love it. She just looks so [ __ ]
01:29:54
cool. Her hair is awesome. >> They all look cool. And she's really good at that like animalistic look that
01:29:58
she gives. Like she just Like you said like predator. >> She's really predatory.
01:30:02
>> Mhm. Um but they of course James ends up smelling Bella. Because also They put
01:30:08
her hair down. He and he Edward makes her put her hair down. It was up in a ponytail and she could have just like
01:30:13
stuffed it into her jacket. >> I don't know if it was masking like her neck and stuff. Like masking her like
01:30:19
arteries. her skin. >> just because the wind blew that it kind of like wafted over to him.
01:30:23
>> Yeah, just seemed like a bad plan all around. >> he's tracking her and he's not going to
01:30:27
stop until he gets her. >> He's like obsessed with this. >> He's obsessed. This is just what he
01:30:31
does. He's a tracker. >> Mhm. So they have to get her out of there really fast and like you have to
01:30:35
tell Charlie something cuz you have to leave your house cuz he's not safe. And Bella says, "I can't hurt him." Yeah.
01:30:42
Literally says I can't hurt him. And she looks at Edward and says, "What do I tell him? I can't hurt him." And
01:30:46
Edward's like I don't know. Just shrugs and walks away. I was like, "Thank you for the help."
01:30:49
>> And he like jumps out the window. And so she basically goes with, "I hate him.
01:30:52
I'm breaking up with him. I'm leaving the state." And Charlie's like, "No, you're not leaving the state cuz you
01:30:57
broke up with your boyfriend." And he And he says he's like, "Did he hurt you?" >> Yeah. And he's like, "No." And she's
01:31:01
like, "I hate him. He sucks." And he's like, "Okay, let's just like just sleep on it." He's like, "Fuck, like this is
01:31:06
teenage girl shit." >> Yeah, and he even says sleep on it and if you still felt the same way I'll
01:31:10
bring you to the airport. >> Like that's let's just talk about it tomorrow. And then she ends up use like
01:31:15
she's literally like "What? So we can just sit around at the diner every day and like do this and like
01:31:20
>> Watch baseball on the flat screen. >> I'll just be stuck here like mom was." And then like leaves She is so nasty to
01:31:26
him after saying I can't hurt him. >> I thought you weren't going to hurt that man.
01:31:30
>> him. Slits his throat. >> standing at the doorway completely dejected. It's like the worst. Yeah. And
01:31:37
she And she ends up saying that she said to him what her mom said when she left him. Yeah.
01:31:42
>> Which I was like, "That's so [ __ ] up, Bella." Yeah, it's like Like you're not
01:31:46
a good person. >> No, she's really bad. On a on a much smaller scale, she's also like, "I'll
01:31:52
pull over and like stop at a motel if I'm tired." I'm like, "You can't stop at a motel. You're a minor."
01:31:57
>> years old. >> can't just travel the states. >> Like hello. >> What are you talking about?
01:32:02
>> It doesn't make any And the fact that Charlie just like lets her go eventually
01:32:05
cuz obviously he's like, you know, frozen because she hurt him so bad. But I'm like,
01:32:09
"You got to get in your car, Charlie, and like follow her." >> I mean I guess we don't know what he did
01:32:14
after she left. True cuz like they kind of speed off. But Also when she's going in her room during this scene to like
01:32:20
pack her [ __ ] Edward is just creeping by the door. Yeah. Like just right there. You can
01:32:25
>> Like not even behind the door. >> there. Like next to the hinge. But while they're driving away, there's this big
01:32:30
bang on the car. And they're like, "What was that?" And he's like, "It's just Emmett."
01:32:35
For some reason that made me laugh so hard cuz he's like, "It's just Emmett." I would be so [ __ ] angry in that
01:32:41
moment. >> kill him. >> I'm being hunted by a like deviant vampire who wants to rip open my
01:32:47
arteries and you allow your buffoon brother to just buffoon brother [laughter] >> onto the back of this truck. Any minor
01:32:55
inconvenience that happens to me or anything like that, I'm just going to say it's just Emmett.
01:32:59
>> [laughter] >> It's just Emmett. It's just Emmett. >> Don't worry about it. Anytime If my kids
01:33:03
are like, "I think I there's a monster out there." I'll be like, "It's just Emmett. Don't worry. Like don't worry.
01:33:07
It's just Emmett." >> [laughter] >> They end up going to therapy later being like, "And then she told me about this
01:33:12
man named Emmett outside my room. We still don't know who he is." We don't know who Emmett [laughter] is.
01:33:16
We watched Twilight. We're not sure if it's Kellan Lutz. >> get it. Why is it Kellan Lutz?
01:33:20
>> [laughter] >> Why was Kellan Lutz outside my bedroom? >> day I can't drive an open bed truck. So
01:33:24
it ends up that they have to get away. Um and you know, James lures her to her old ballet studio.
01:33:31
>> an old phone or like an old home video of her mom being like, "Bella, Bella, where are
01:33:35
you?" >> Like couldn't find her. Um cuz he tells her he's going to kill her mom if she
01:33:39
doesn't show up. So of course she shows up. He She gets the [ __ ] kicked out of
01:33:43
her. And uh She should have died cuz when he throws her cracks her She cracks her head on that corner.
01:33:50
>> Yeah, he literally yeets her into the corner of like a banister and there's blood. I'm like, "You just Your skull is
01:33:55
sticking into your brain right now." And like Edward can't handle it. Alice can't
01:33:58
handle it. Carlisle cuz like she gets a bit by James. Before she gets bit and when they show up, Emmett, Alice, and
01:34:06
Jasper show up as like a trio and they just slowly They [laughter] slowly fall down and
01:34:13
it's like the Spy Kids movie the way they descend to the floor. They're just like whoop whoosh.
01:34:18
>> [gasps] >> Like they just [laughter] end But they can't None of them can handle
01:34:21
the blood. Especially like, you know, Especially not Confederate Jasper. He's He's all upset.
01:34:26
>> "I want to eat her alive." But James has bit her. So now the venom is going to
01:34:31
start turning her if he if Carlisle doesn't If Edward doesn't do something. Drink
01:34:37
suck out the venom basically. >> the venom. I think that's what it is. And when she when he does,
01:34:43
Bella's eyes go cross-eyed like several times and it is one of the funniest things I've Cuz she's just like she's
01:34:50
dying. She's dying. That was actually the funniest way. Hold on. We got I got to film that. I'm filming it for you
01:34:56
guys. That's perfect. And go. >> [laughter] >> That was perfect. That's what she does.
01:35:06
It's perfect presentation. And oh, and he broke her leg, too. So like he like crunches her leg.
01:35:11
>> Oh, you were also very angry. Rightfully so. >> cuz um Carlisle Also Carlisle's like,
01:35:17
"Her femoral artery is severed. She's only got a few minutes." And that was after she's been lying there for a
01:35:21
couple minutes. One, not enough blood. >> She would have been dead. >> Femoral artery, you have like two to
01:35:26
five Five Five minutes is like You have a guardian angel. >> be a superhero. Like that's just like
01:35:31
part You're bleeding out. Like it's gone. And this takes a long time. When he says it's severed, Yeah. that would
01:35:37
have been like Like that would have been blood [snorts and laughter] everywhere. It would have been like
01:35:41
should have happened to the KETCHUP BOTTLE. I WAS LIKE, "YOU didn't have to go there, brother."
01:35:46
>> take so [ __ ] long discussing this. I'm Yeah. While her femoral artery is severed.
01:35:51
>> dying right now. But they do save her and she wakes up in the hospital and you
01:35:55
know, like Edward's been there. >> oxygen mask is literally upon her eyebrows. It's in her eyebrows. Like
01:36:00
it's just crazy. >> And when her mom leaves and Edward just walks up to her and is like, "Bella, you
01:36:06
need to go to Jacksonville, Florida and you need to go with your mom and like Before that even.
01:36:11
Cuz we talked about how shitty her mom is. >> Oh yeah. She wakes up in the hospital,
01:36:15
Bella, and she says, "What happened?" And her mom is like, "Oh my god, you were at the Cullen's house and you're so
01:36:20
clumsy, you crazy [ __ ] You tripped and you fell down two flights of stairs and
01:36:25
through a [ __ ] window." >> Through a window. And we don't know what the bite on your wrist is all about.
01:36:31
>> No. But I'm sure it wasn't your boyfriend who you were trying to leave the state about.
01:36:36
>> us are questioning domestic violence. You're just a clumsy gal. Guys. Like no one's questioning.
01:36:43
>> you're a [ __ ] police officer. Excuse me again, the police officer. >> Chief. She has a bite scar on her
01:36:50
[ __ ] wrist. Like and she was literally in this massive fight about to leave the state and you just believe
01:36:57
that she tripped and fell through a [ __ ] window. >> a window. I don't know, guys.
01:37:01
>> know about that. >> you shouldn't have had a child. I don't think so. >> you're really bad at this.
01:37:06
>> think they're great at it. >> But now Jacksonville. But yeah, that that's when Edward's like, "You should
01:37:09
just go to Jacksonville." Like "We shouldn't do this anymore." Like breaking up with her while she's on
01:37:14
oxygen. >> [laughter] >> He's like, "I can't endanger you anymore." And she flips the [ __ ] out. Yeah, she codes.
01:37:20
>> And she's like, "We can't be apart. We can't be You can't leave me. You can't
01:37:23
leave me. We can't be apart. You can't ever be away from me." And I was like, "This is the most toxic [ __ ] I've ever
01:37:29
seen in my life." She literally says, "You can't say You can't say stuff like that to me. Ever."
01:37:34
And then he said And she's like, "So you're not going to go Like you're not going to leave me." He says, "Where else
01:37:38
am I going to go?" Woof. >> And I said, [snorts] "Stephanie, I don't think that was the line that you thought
01:37:44
it was." Because if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, "So it's lack of options? That's You know how people say
01:37:49
there's like peaks of romance? This is like the doldrums of romance. That's quite a valley,
01:37:54
>> [laughter] >> I would say. This is That's hell. That is hell. >> That's hell is your beautiful man
01:37:59
looking at you and saying, "Where else am I going to go?" I don't have any other options, so I'm here. [ __ ] Damn.
01:38:04
That'd be a humbling moment. >> But it's not for Bella cuz they go to prom together. And she wears leggings
01:38:10
under her dress. And a cardigan over her dress. >> Not even just like a cute cardigan
01:38:14
either. Like a grandma cardigan. Yeah, it's just awful. But what's fun is you It's like Monte Carlo themed. And when
01:38:22
you get there, there's like a big roulette wheel or like a big wheel. And standing next to the wheel, if you look
01:38:28
back on it, is Victoria in a prom dress with an updo. She's like, "Hi." And you can just just see her in the background.
01:38:34
You don't notice until later. >> Yep. Um but it's This is when they dance in the gazebo.
01:38:40
>> But before that, Jacob shows up at prom. >> that he shows up. Jacob shows up at prom
01:38:45
in the most diabolical outfit. >> And he's just wearing like his best his Sunday's best. [laughter]
01:38:50
His like untucked white shirt and like two shorts. >> Just a floppy tie. Floppy tie, exactly.
01:38:55
And he is essentially there because he's like, "Hey, my dad really wants you to break up with your boyfriend. So
01:39:00
>> me 20 bucks to come and tell you that. >> Here I am at your prom." And he's like,
01:39:04
"All right. Bye. See you later." Like that was it. Okay. He's like, "All right."
01:39:08
>> [laughter] >> And so they dance in a gazebo and she's like, "I really want you to turn me
01:39:13
because, you know, like you're going to stay this way forever and I'm going to get old and die. And he's like, I don't
01:39:18
know about that. And then he's like, you want me to do it? You want me to do it right now?
01:39:21
And he starts She like leans back her neck and it looks like he's about to do it, but you're like, he's not going to
01:39:26
do it at your prom, dude. >> That's the thing this got me when I was 12. >> about them not showing people Yeah. who
01:39:32
they are. >> drink at prom and you also can't turn into a vampire at prom. >> happens when venom enters your body?
01:39:37
You're going to convulse on the floor for 3 days. Like it's not going to be Yeah. pretty. She was ready. So he
01:39:43
doesn't and he's like, maybe we'll talk about it later. And she's like, fine. And then the last thing we see
01:39:49
is somebody watching out the window and she turns around and it's [ __ ] Victoria.
01:39:54
>> takes the pin that's holding her chignon. >> and she's got tears rolling down her
01:39:59
face because remember her mate was James. >> Yeah. And to back up >> for life. I forgot to tell you that when
01:40:05
when James bit Bella, they ripped James to pieces. Oh, they ripped his head off.
01:40:10
>> off and burned his body cuz that's the only way you can kill a vampire. Yeah.
01:40:14
And you see it. Like it's actually awesome cuz Alice literally hops up on him and just twists his head off like
01:40:20
pop. >> Yeah, it's like a Barbie doll. >> amazing. Well, like Jasper and Emmett are holding his arms. Like it's gnarly.
01:40:26
>> That poor dance studio. But that's I know you're not going to really come back from that.
01:40:31
>> No. Uh but that's her mate. So like she's and she has the tears running down her face and her face looks like you I
01:40:38
remember seeing this and being like, oh, [ __ ] >> oh, we're getting a sequel. And she just
01:40:43
walks away. It's a great ending. It's so good. I think it's such a fun, campy, [ __ ]
01:40:51
weird ass movie. >> It's the rindomest movie of all time. >> And I love >> liking the rain, girl? How you liking
01:40:58
the rain, girl? >> Next time it rains, I'm going to come in here and scream at [laughter] everyone.
01:41:03
I love it. >> you could outrun me. This is the skin of a killer, Bella. Like you can't and then Hello. This is not
01:41:10
even talking about New Moon. I can't We touched on it a couple times. >> But barely. I can't wait.
01:41:17
>> Let us talk about New Moon, everybody. >> New Moon is reckless. Please allow us.
01:41:21
>> It is. It's so reckless. >> You loved this and if you didn't >> You loved this. And if you didn't, you
01:41:24
did. You loved this. I said it. >> [laughter] >> Uh it's so much fun, though. I love it.
01:41:30
I think it's so much fun. I hope you guys enjoyed this really big deep dive that we thought was going to be like 30
01:41:35
minutes and ended up being like 4 days. It's great. How long is it, Mikey? Like 2 hours. 2 hours and then I'm going to
01:41:40
die. Oh my god. I'm obsessed. >> [laughter] >> All right. Well, we have to end this
01:41:44
here because Mikey has to edit it. >> So we love you guys. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you
01:41:50
>> keep it twilight. twilight. Bye. The skin of a killer. Weirdos. Hello. Hello.
01:41:59
>> [laughter] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music]