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Hey weirdos. I'm Elena. >> And I'm Ash. >> And this is a mini morbid. >> Mini morbid. [laughter] We like it.
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>> We didn't plan that. >> Unplanned. [music] >> I went rogue, if you will. >> Unsolicited. Morbid. [laughter]
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So yeah, welcome to the uh it's kind of like a mini morbid episode. That's what our second episode of the week will be.
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Yeah, >> from here on out. I think >> these are going to be faster and looser and there's not going to be any
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housekeeping or anything. So we're just going to dive right into it. >> Let's go do it.
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>> Um our first episode happens to fall during the holiday season. So, we decided merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah,
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>> merry Quanza, >> happy winter solstice. Uh, all that stuff. >> Yeah. >> Happy holidays.
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>> Happy holidays. Uh, so we're going to be hitting some creepy ass holiday traditions. And
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tonight we are going to be talking about not Santa Claus, but his dark ass helpers.
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>> The dark ones. Now, I'm just going to come out and say Europe has some scary ass Christmas traditions.
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>> Yeah, they do. >> I respect it because they are all about teaching kids to be good or they're
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going to be like disembowled or eaten or beaten with branches. Like, they don't [ __ ] around.
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>> That's why American kids are just such [ __ ] We don't get scared into not being [ __ ] We don't have enough
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demons that are in our like holidays to scare our kids. >> You know, it's where we went wrong. It's
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one of the many places we went wrong. >> One of the many places. [laughter] >> Uh so basically, uh what's interesting
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is most of these traditions that we're going to talk about, they're kind of earlier pagan traditions that have just
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been adapted to modern use. So they kind of change throughout the years. a lot of
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them get less scary. Like they started out way scarier and then they kind of turn into something better. Which I
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think Santa Claus himself, which we're not going to cover tonight, maybe we'll cover him in another one. But Santa
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Claus himself started off as like super scary and [ __ ] up [laughter] and >> he sees you when you're sleeping and he
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knows when you're awake. >> Yeah, that alone is scary. So yeah, >> like why I don't even get the point of
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that. Why does he need to see you when you're sleeping? >> I know. No, cuz what do you do when
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that's bad when you're sleeping? >> You're just chilling. >> Yeah. So, that's kind of [ __ ] up.
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>> Yeah. Santa, get away. >> Santa, calm down. >> Santa, why don't you have any chill?
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>> Yeah. He's like pulling a nightstalker. >> I was just thinking that. [laughter and gasps]
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>> So, most of these traditions, like we said before, they really focus on making
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your kids behave. That's the main the main focus for it seems European households during Christmas season.
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>> #German parenting. >> Yeah. It's just to scare the [ __ ] out of your kids [laughter]
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to make them behave. Hey, I respect it, man. So, the first one I'm going to hit tonight for Santa's Little Helpers is
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arguably the most infamous, probably the one that a lot of people know about. >> Krampus.
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>> It's Krampus. Good old Krampus. >> Krampus. Um, Krampus' roots actually don't really have a lot to do with
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Christmas. Now we've turned him into a Christmas thing, but um, [clears throat] they dated back to pre-Germanic paganism
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in the region. So his name was was originally Krampen, which means claw. And basically the legend was that he was
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the son of the Norse god of the underworld, hell. >> Fun. >> It's like literally like just hell,
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which he kind of is. [laughter] He still is. During the 12th century, actually, the Catholic Church tried to banish any
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Krampus celebrations or any kind of like having him to do with anything because they said he was basically the devil.
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>> Oh, and actually in 1934, as recently as 1934, Austria's conservative Christian
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Social Party also tried to have him eradicated, but none of these things have held. And Krampus has lived on.
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Krampus lives on. He lives on. So, he traditionally is seen visually to have a long like gross tongue.
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>> Jean Simmonsesque. >> Yeah, literally. And it's it's like a forked long tongue. It's like creepy.
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>> He's kind of he's like half demon, half goat. >> Same. >> Me, too. [laughter]
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>> Same. And he's also seemed to have one human foot and one cloven hoove. What?
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But I couldn't find anything to like why that is weird. [laughter] I don't know if it's just to make him
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even creepier. I don't know. In a 1958 article about the Krampus legend in Syria, which is a state in southeast
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Austria, they said that Krampus would deliver gold painted bundles of birch sticks to children. These things, these
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gold painted bundles were actually smaller versions of the switches that he uses to beat people with. So
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>> Oh, you know, typical. >> Yeah. And what the families would do of these children once they would get these
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little bundles of, you know, birch branches, they would hang these birch branches in their house all year round
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as decoration to remind the kids to stay in line >> or you're going to get your ass beat by
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Krampus. >> Yeah. Like he was like, "Hey, remember when Krampus brought us his beaten
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stick? That's going to stay on our wall all year. >> That's a heavy metal >> to stay in line." Um, so Krampus himself
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comes around on the night of December 5th and he comes around with Staint Nick, but again, he's like the anti-
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Santa. >> Um, excuse me. >> What? >> Today is December 5th. >> Holy [ __ ] >> Whoa.
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>> Did not plan that. Did not realize that. Hope we've been good cuz Krampus is coming to town.
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>> Krampus is coming to town. It's not so catchy. >> He's bringing a branch. He's beating you
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twice. He doesn't give a [ __ ] if you've been naughty or nice. >> No, he does though. He gives a huge
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[ __ ] >> I don't think he does because he's just going to beat the kids anyways. I don't
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think Krampus cares if you've been good. >> Oh, I thought it was only the bad kids.
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>> Well, I think that's kind of like supposed to be it, but he seems like he's just kind of an [ __ ]
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>> Oh, well, go [snorts] on. So, um, so while Santa is, you know, handing out candy, because in a lot of these
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countries, kids will put out shoes on these nights so that that's where their goodies are left in. It's just like a
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tradition. I don't have a shoe big enough for all the [ __ ] I want. [laughter] So, Staint Nick will put like candy in
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the shoes of kids that were good. And I guess in Austria they'll do um and I think in Germany, I'm not sure, but some
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of our German listeners can tell me if this is this happened there before or if they do it now.
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>> They'll leave birch twigs in the shoes of kids that are bad. Blesca, tell us.
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So So that's what the Saint Nick just leaves like, you know, twigs in your shoes and it's like, you've been
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naughty. Here's a twig. But Krampus is like, "Oh, you've been naughty. All right, I'm gonna take you out of your
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bed. I'm gonna beat you with this birch branch or with this [ __ ] it's called a switch, which is basically like a whip
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made out of branches. And then he's also going to take these kids and he's going
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to stuff them in a sack that he has. And then he's going to haul their asses off
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and he's either going to take them straight to hell or he's going to dump them in a body of water along the way to
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drown our asses. >> He stuffs them in a sack. Yeah, >> that's [ __ ] up. >> I like that all you got out of that was
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stuff them in a sack when it finished with and takes them to hell or drowns them.
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>> Well, drowning would suck. I feel like hell would just be like, you know, >> I love that you were like, "Wait, he
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puts them in a sack?" [laughter] >> I mean, like, that's [ __ ] up. >> That is [ __ ] up. He just throws them
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in the sack. What the hell? [laughter] >> Oh, I love it. So, um, so also on December 5th they celebrate Krampus
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Night, which they call Krampus Knocked, >> which is really cool and metal sounding.
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[laughter] But, um, Krampus Night is crazy. It's like public celebrations. People dress up as Krampuses. So,
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there's just a [ __ ] ton of Krampuses walking the streets. >> That sounds awesome.
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>> And like German dudes in Krampus costumes. And they don't just walk around and it's not like this
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celebration that everyone's like, "This is so fun." No, they literally beat bystanders. Like these Krampuses walk
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around and they hit people with branches. Like they literally beat you. >> Is that allowed?
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>> Yeah, >> it's legal. >> It's Yeah. And >> so it sounds like the purge kind of.
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>> It kind of is except So I read a couple of like um people who have gone to these
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things and have come back and been like, "No, seriously." like they will beat you, like you will be beaten. And I
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guess they they mainly go for your legs and your shins, but they literally beat your legs and shins with branches and
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they will chase you into places to try to beat you with branches. >> What? Like this is legit.
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>> I'm not I'm not interested. >> Yeah, it's a lot. And um so because of this, there have been injuries and
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people obviously getting terrified and like traumatized. I mean, >> so because of this, they've kind of had
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to reform it a little bit. And there's sometime there's some places that require all Krampuses to wear numbers so
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they can be identified in case some violent behavior. [laughter] >> Krampus number 612 hit me in the face
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with that branch. >> Krampus number 53 was the one who struck my shins. >> Settle down. Settle down.
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>> Krampus 4, you're you're on the edge. Krampus 4. >> Keep it together. >> Keep it together. God, Krampus.
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>> So, yeah. Uh, [laughter] and I guess it's called like a Krampus run where they just [ __ ] run.
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>> It's a [ __ ] 5K. [laughter] >> It's like a turkey trot. >> Hey, is your family running in the
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Krampus knocked? >> Yeah, the the Kramp is knocked, you [laughter] know. So, uh, and of course
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the next day, so tomorrow is I'm going to butcher. We're both going to butcher a lot of these pronunciations just so
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everybody knows. By all means, if you are Icelandic, German, Austrian, any of these, and you want to correct us,
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correct our asses because we will totally listen and we will correct it. >> We just got
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>> But we're doing the best we can. So, the next day, which is tomorrow after the uh
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Krampus knocked, is Nicholas Dog, which is St. Nicholas's day. Um, and this is that tomorrow is the day for like
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presents and joy and like happy little girls and boys, but it's really just the ones who haven't been beaten to death by
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a Krampus. >> Well, yeah, they got to celebrate something. >> Yeah. I mean, after that. So, um, so
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yeah, that's Krampus. >> He's, uh, he's something. And if you look, like a lot of the, uh, any visual
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you see of him is usually him. I mean, it's it's literally like half demon, half goat, the big long tongue, the
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crazy eyes. He's always holding a sack, usually full of screaming little kids in
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the visuals. >> That's [ __ ] up. >> And he's got like chains around him. He's got the big birch switch. He always
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looks pretty stoked though. >> Oh, he is always raging. Like he is so happy to be murdering children. It is
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like everyone. He's got the tongue out, but he's got this like crazy like Yeah. >> He's kind of He kind of just looks like
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coked out. >> He does. That's exactly >> Coked out Krampus. >> Coked out Krampus. I'm I'm saying. So,
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yeah, that's Krampus. The next one I'm gonna talk about, I mean, this one's going to be a rough one to pronounce the
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uh the actual word for it, but uh it's Jolurin, which is not how you say it at all, but
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in English, it's u cat. >> The u catat, which sounds delightful, right? >> I don't really like cats.
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>> I don't like cats either, but I feel like a ule cat just sounds like it's like I'm the u cat. Like I feel like
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he's wearing pajamas and he's just like >> jams. >> He's got a song to sing. He's got a
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story to tell. He's ready to give me a lollipop. I don't know. >> What does Ule cat remind me of? It
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reminds me of that video online that's like that the cat with like the rainbows coming out of its ass. [laughter]
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>> Do you know what I'm talking about? >> I was thinking of that one or I was thinking of the one with the cat playing
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the keyboard like it's just like like it's just banging on the keyboard [laughter] in his pajamas.
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>> That's all I thought of. >> That's awesome. Unfortunately, >> it's none of those.
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>> The ule cat is not like that. [laughter] Um, so this is an Icelandic tradition.
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He's not an ice cat. Ule cat will eat you. >> So be feral. >> So that's a thing. So he's tied with an
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Icelandic tradition that basically says that everyone who finishes their work on
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time, like servants, kids, anybody, um, they receive new clothes for Christmas. That's like a big thing.
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>> The people who don't finish their work on time don't get new clothes for Christmas. So now, as we're going to
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see, Ule Cat is very fashion forward. Like, he's very conscious of the latest trends and he's going to know if your
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ass is not wearing brand new clothes and he's going to be pissed. So to encourage
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children and just workers in general to work hard, parents tell the their kids that Ucat would be able to tell who the
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lazy kids were because they wouldn't have at least one item of new clothing on on Christmas and these kids would be
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sacrificed to Uleat was literally. So, there's a poem written about Ucat, like a famous poem. Um, and it ends with and
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and this is kind of nice. At least they say it kind of ends with a suggestion that children should help out the needy
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by giving them new clothes so that they can have protection from being [ __ ] devoured by Ule Cat. Jesus. So, it's
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like, hey, it's a nice like charity thought, but it's also like or a Ule cat is going to eat you. [laughter] So, it's
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like what? Be nice to the less fortunate or you will be eaten by a cat. [music] So the whole thing, you get new clothes,
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you're safe, and it meant you worked hard. You don't have new clothes, Ucat's going to eat your ass. And that's just
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the way it is. Like there's no gray area here. So, nobody really knows the true origin of Ulecat. It's kind of unclear,
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but from what I could tell, the oldest known writings date back to the 19th century. So, pretty recent. He's not
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that old. >> Okay. >> Um, there is that poem that I was talking about um is by Johannes Cotlum
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and it goes into detail about the Now, apparently, Yukat is gigantic. It's not like this tiny little house cat that
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just like nibbles you to death. It's like a big old [ __ ] terrifying cat. >> Oh god.
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>> It has sharp teeth. It has glaring yellow eyes. And it's here to punish your ass. That's what you is all about.
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>> It lit. It's like a fisher cat from hell. >> Awesome. >> A fisher cat that's like that that cares
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what you're wearing, which is even scarier. >> It's like a Dolian Gabbana fisher cat
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from hell. >> Yeah, basically. And um I might post this poem because it's like really
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terrifying. >> Hold on. Wait. What? It's Joan Rivers reincarnated in cat form from hell.
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>> Whoa. >> You're welcome. >> You just busted this case wide open. That's the origin of Ucat.
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>> There you go. You're welcome. Thank you for listening. Hope you keep it weird.
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Bye. Joan Rivers. >> RIP. >> RIP Joan River/ulecat. [laughter] That's terrifying. So, the ule cat is
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going to connect with a couple of other ones that I'm going to mention. There's like basically what we're going to see
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at the end is there's this big old Icelandic child murdering family that works around Christmas time.
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>> Oh my god. So, yeah. So, that's the ule cat. Basically, a giant, you know, >> fashion conscious cat. The next one I'm
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going to talk about is called Fraal Pera. So Fra Pera is an ancient legend in Eastern Europe, but her story was
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popularized by Jacob Grim, the brothers Grim. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Um he referred to her as Fra Burcha and
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she was the female counterpart to Birtold, which is the leader of quote the Wild Hunt. Now, the Wild Hunt is
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just this big old procession of elves, fairies, and demons just running around doing evil [ __ ]
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>> Hell yeah. Where do I sign up? >> Which is awesome. Yeah. And basically, so what they say is seeing this wild
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hunt in passing, which can you [ __ ] imagine seeing this in passing? [laughter]
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>> It was thought to be an omen that would indicate great misfortune, which is like
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no [ __ ] It's an omen letting you know that you are losing your damn mind because you're seeing a procession of
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elves, fairies, and demons just [ __ ] up [ __ ] >> Congratulations. You've lost it.
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>> Like, wow. So, um, Fra Burcha or Fra Pera, um, she flies around the sky with an army of lost souls around her, which
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is pretty metal. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> To say the least. >> That's badass. Among her army of the
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night are apparently supposed to be the souls of unbaptized children. >> Heyo. Whoops. [laughter] So,
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>> here I am. >> Just ashes floating around. [laughter] Come and get me. >> Uh, now the legend also says that if you
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hear the wind and thunder like rumbling around the m the mountains on the birch till nights, which I'm not sure exactly
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what nights those are, what you're really hearing is not thunder. It's the [ __ ] sounds of the wild hunt. So it's
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like all these demons and percha fra percha just tooting around doing evil bad [ __ ]
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>> Oh no. >> Which would be awesome. [laughter] Um so the physical descriptions of Fraal
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Bert Percha kind of vary. There's a lot of different legends. Um some describe her as being actually kind of
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Krampuslike. Um while other ones say that she's a tall white robed lady, basically old
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lady. >> Um sometimes, weirdly enough, she's portrayed with one extra big foot, [laughter]
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>> casual, >> which I guess this is supposed to mean that she's a shape shifter that can take
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any form she likes. That's what it's supposed to indicate to you. Uh that wouldn't indicate a lot to me. It would
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just indicate that she had a club foot. >> I'd be like, why you got an extra foot?
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>> Yeah. Why you got to go? Why you got an extra foot? So, um, in Germany and Austria, they sometimes portray her as a
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witch named Fra Percha, how she I originally said her name because it's Burchda and Percha. And she basically
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just hands she will hand out rewards for good kids, but she'll also hand out some
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pretty severe punishments for bad kids like all of these do. Uh, it's during the 12 days of Christmas, which is
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December 25th through Epiphany on January 6th. She I she's possibly best known not for her rewards that she
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gives, but for what she does to the bad kids. And what she does is if you're not
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awesome, she will [snorts] disembowel you >> and replace your organs with hot garbage.
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>> Wow. That's something that just sticks with you. I think >> it sure does. >> Um, and on the tw This all kind of
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happens on the 12th night of Christmas, which is the feast of epiphany. That's when she'll creep into homes and she'll
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either disbel your ass or she'll leave a piece of silver in the shoes of children
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and servants who have been good. >> I'd take that. >> Oh, and she also cuts kids tongues with
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glass if they lie. [snorts and laughter] Hey, >> so like you better [ __ ] with Ral Pera.
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>> Um, now there is a slightly different version of this uh legend and it's according to Linda Radish, which I
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probably said her name wrong. She's the author of the old magic of Christmas. Now she says that Fra Pera was also
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known as Berta like the original legend says or Bertha and she can also be referred to as spin stuben fra or
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spinning room lady. >> I see the transition there. >> Obviously she in this one she's often
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depicted having a like beak nose that is made of iron. >> Wow. >> Which sounds kind of like a plague mask.
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Like a plague doctor mask. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's what I pictured, >> which is terrifying. And uh she's
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dressed in like super shitty like ragged clothes and she's usually carrying like
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a cane or a staff and she just looks like a decrepit old lady in this one with a [ __ ] beak nose.
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>> Damn. Now in this one, she's a judgy [ __ ] to be honest to She's just she's real judgy. Like she's going to look at
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your house and she's going to tell you whether it's [ __ ] and which she doesn't
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have the right to because she's dressed in rags and has a beak nose but she's going to tell you when in the mirror
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perched Bertha >> seriously take a long hard look in the mirror. >> So this one says that you'd better get
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all your flax spun by 12th night which is January 6th. >> What's that even mean? Uh, it says,
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quote, "For when the Christmas season was over, it would be time to set up the big upright loom, at which time you must
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have enough thread to warp it and start your weaving." So, if you didn't do this
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[ __ ] apparently, if you didn't start your weaving, then the lazy ladies in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland would
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either have their looms trampled or they would be set fire to by Fra Pera. And if
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you really pissed her off, like if you didn't weave your [ __ ] and your house is
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a mess. Oh, and that was the other thing. If your house was a total mess and you were supposed to leave a
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traditional bowl of porridge out for her on this night, >> then she got to have her porridge.
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>> Like I think you cannot do one of those things and she's probably just going to
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like set fire to your loom, which honestly is the best case. [laughter] And if you didn't do any of this, well
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then she was gonna probably set fire to your loom and then she's going to come into your bedroom and that's when she's
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going to disembowel you, but she's going to fill your insides with rocks and straw.
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>> Okay, that's like the dopest would you rather question ever. >> Would you rather be disembowled and
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filled with hot garbage >> or would you rather be disembowled and filled with Roxson's straw?
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>> I mean, I'd say hot garbage because it might have a soothing feeling. The heat.
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>> Oh, I'd say rocks and straw because I'm not trying to put no garbage in my bod.
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[laughter] >> Are you sure? >> No, not hot garbage. [laughter] >> Taco Bell is kind of hot garbage.
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>> Taco Bell is something that >> given to explainable. [laughter] >> It is not garbage.
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>> It's not. >> You're hot garbage. >> I am. I am hot garbage for saying that about Taco Bell.
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>> Yeah, how dare you. We lost a sponsor. >> Well, [laughter] that'd be awesome if we got sponsored by
00:24:28
Taco Bell. >> Well, it's not going to happen now. So, man, >> you [ __ ] up. >> Burn that bridge. Uh, [laughter]
00:24:35
well, the moral of this one is no matter what, she's definitely going to gut someone and fill their thoracic cavity
00:24:42
with hot garbage and rocks one way or another. So Fra Pera doesn't play. >> There's no pleasing Percha.
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>> Yeah, she does not play. So her story is thought to have come from a um legendary
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alpine goddess of nature which does not compute >> sound like that >> but and this legendary goddess of nature
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tended to the forest most of the year and then just dealt with humans just during the Christmas time and the
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holidays. uh in the modern-day celebrations of Christmas, Percha or like close relations to her because of
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course there's always variations of these people will show up in processions during Fastenaut which is the Alpine
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festival just before Lent. >> So that is Fra Purcha. Now, these next two are kind of together because they
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are uh a f they're a mother and her many many sons and they are the people who own Ule Cat. So, it all kind of
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>> Ucat lives with them. >> Ulecat has an owner and the owner is just as big a dick as Ucat.
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>> Well, they get to live with Joan Rivers. >> Yeah, they do. [laughter] So, these ones
00:25:53
are kind of fun. like kind of weird but also kind of I think you're gonna appreciate these. Ash is gonna
00:25:58
appreciate these. I just feel it. So, these next ones are called the ule lads. >> Oh, I feel like I've heard of this.
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>> These sound delightful. They're also I'm going to attempt the other way to say
00:26:09
them. Uh Jolosar, but I'm going to say u lads. So, the u lads are 13 Icelandic trolls. They each have a distinct name
00:26:20
and they each have a distinct personality kind of like Snow White's dwarves. Now, back in ancient times,
00:26:27
apparently they just kind of caused trouble and mischief during Christmas time. So, they were used to scare
00:26:34
children into behaving like all of these are kind of like the Ule cat because they were like, "The u lads and the ule
00:26:39
cat are going to come and they're going to [ __ ] your world up, kid. Don't keep
00:26:41
doing that." So now Icelandic children do get to enjoy 13 nights of Father Christmases.
00:26:50
Technically, >> that's nice. >> The Ule lads come for these 13 nights. One of them on each night. They're
00:26:57
apparently now known as like very merry and mischievous. Like they're like they're almost like elves now instead of
00:27:04
trolls, I would think. Like they're just like they're getting they got much more
00:27:08
chill. So on each of these nights, children will place shoes on their windows sill. And for the, you know,
00:27:15
good boys and girls, whatever ule lad comes, they'll leave candy or like little treats in the shoe. If you're a
00:27:22
[ __ ] then they're just going to leave you rotten potatoes. [laughter] Rotten potatoes,
00:27:29
>> which just so just straight up garbage for bad kids. They're like, "Here's here's some rotten garbage.
00:27:35
>> Enjoy." Um, but I guess it's way better than being eaten or beaten or disembled.
00:27:41
So, kids are like, "That's fine. I'll take it. >> I'll take these rotten potatoes."
00:27:46
>> Um, so apparently the uads used to be way creepier than they are today. But in
00:27:52
1746, parents were officially banned from actually using u lads to scare their kids. Like, what would happen if they
00:28:03
found out that you did? Well, and I guess in this in this whole like banning of the ule lads and everything, they
00:28:08
also banned like using Krampus to scare your kids using any of these because like they were legit using like you're
00:28:14
going to get eaten and kids were scared to go outside during the [laughter] Christmas time cuz they were scared they
00:28:19
were going to get eaten or disembowled or beaten or taken away and drowned. Like
00:28:23
>> what a different like time of year than we have. >> What a time to be alive, [laughter]
00:28:28
right? So, the National Museum of Iceland has a list of the 13 U lads and their names
00:28:37
and what they do. And I'm going to read this off to you because it's pretty great.
00:28:41
>> Oh god, >> some of these are amazing. So, the first U lad is called Sheep Coat Claude. What
00:28:48
he does is he basically just bothers your sheep and tries to suckle on the sheep in farmer's sheds.
00:28:58
>> So, I hate the word suckle. >> Yeah, never say it again. >> Such a bad bad word. The next one is
00:29:05
named Stubby and he's short and steals food from frying pans, which to that I say same.
00:29:13
>> I was [laughter] going to say, we have that in common, Stub. >> Me too, Stubby. So, the next one is
00:29:21
called Spoon Liicker. >> And I'm gonna let you guess what he does. >> He hides your forks. Exactly. No, he
00:29:30
licks your spoons. >> That's [laughter] gross. >> The next one is called pot scraper or
00:29:36
pot licker. And he steals unwashed pots and licks them clean, which >> I mean that sounds helpful to me.
00:29:43
>> I was just going to say, which I'm like, thanks. Thanks, Pot Licker. >> The next one is called Bull Licker. He
00:29:51
steals bulls. And this one's kind of weird. I say this one's kind of weird like none of the other ones were. I'm
00:29:57
like, hang on tight. We're going to get weird. Uh, so this one steals bowls of food from under the bed, which
00:30:03
apparently back in the old days, Icelanders used to sometimes store bowls of food under their bed, which
00:30:11
that's seems unhealthy, but okay. And he, this bull licker would steal the bowls of food from under the bed and
00:30:17
lick them clean, basically. >> Okay, >> next one is called Door Slammer. [laughter]
00:30:22
And he just stomps around and slams doors and just keeps everyone awake. >> Sounds like Papa when I he was trying to
00:30:29
wake me up and when I was in high school. [laughter] >> It sounds like my kids. >> Yeah, it does.
00:30:35
>> The next one is called Skargobbler or Sky Gobbler. I'm not sure how to pronounce it, but basically he eats up
00:30:42
all this kind of Icelandic yogurt that's called sky sky or I'm not really sure. Somebody will tell
00:30:50
me. But basically, he eats up this Icelandic yogurt that's made with like I think it was like milk and sugar or milk
00:30:56
and honey. >> So, he just eats up all the yogurt. So, the next one is called Sausage Swiper.
00:31:02
[laughter] >> What the [ __ ] >> And it's not as dirty as it sounds. He just loves sausages.
00:31:10
>> Hey, [laughter] you know, >> don't we all? So, I really mean sausages. >> [laughter]
00:31:18
>> Oh yeah. >> Where your head? [laughter] [music] [music] The next one is called window peeper and
00:31:41
he sounds off-putting. He just creeps outside windows and then he So he creeps outside, looks in windows and then he
00:31:48
steals [ __ ] >> So he's just a thief. The next one is called door sniffer [laughter] and he
00:31:53
has >> door sniffer. >> Door sniffer. >> He [snorts] just sniffs your door. >> He has a huge nose and apparently has an
00:32:01
insatiable appetite for baked goods. >> What the [ __ ] Same, >> right? I relate so hard to these guys.
00:32:10
These are just all my different personalities. [laughter] >> These are all my like
00:32:14
>> personality traits of me. >> Yeah. Next. This one's weird. This one's called meat hook. [laughter]
00:32:23
>> What? [gasps] >> And he just snatches up all your meat that's been left out. >> Oh, I feel that.
00:32:28
>> And he especially likes smoked lamb. >> That's same. >> The last one is called candle beggar.
00:32:35
And he just steals all your candles, which that would that's just rude. That would piss me off. Do you know how much
00:32:40
a Yankee candle? >> Especially back in the day, those were useful. >> Yeah. I mean, I'm just mad because I
00:32:46
want my sugar cookie candle. So, >> you ever heard of uh Yankee candle candle stealer?
00:32:51
>> Yankee candle. Candle stealer. So, yeah, those are the ule lads. And what they're
00:32:56
what I'm doing is I'm going to connect them to the last person I'm talking about because the last person I'm
00:33:00
talking about is their mother. >> Oh god. >> Yeah. The these dudes have a mother. Her
00:33:05
name is Griia and she's their mama. She actually predates them in Icelandic legend as an ogris who kidnaps, cooks,
00:33:16
and eats children that don't obey their parents. So, she originally was just used like, "Hey, obey your parents all
00:33:23
the time or she's going to come down anytime during the year and just take you and cook you and eat you." But she
00:33:29
became associated with Christmas in the 17th century because they had the u lads
00:33:35
and they were like, "The Uleads need a mom." So they just associated her with them. So
00:33:40
>> I love that. >> Yeah. They were like they need a mama. So according to the legend, G I'm not
00:33:46
saying her name right. Ga or Griia had three different husbands. Get it, girl? And she had 72 children. What?
00:33:56
[laughter] [gasps] Now when we talked about the Lawson family and they had eight kids,
00:34:03
we were like, one might say that's too many. 72 children is far too many. >> 72 that you That's a problem,
00:34:11
>> girl. Even the Duggar stopped before that. >> They did. I did. They or are they still
00:34:16
on their way? >> No, I think they stop. >> I think they're trying to get there now.
00:34:20
All these 72 children ranged from just being kind of mischievous to just straight up murdering people,
00:34:27
>> which if you have 72 kids, there are bound to be a few hooligans and murderers among you. That's just math.
00:34:36
statistics, >> science. Yeah. It's just the way it is. >> So, I'm not going to judge her for that.
00:34:41
Out of 72, you're going to get a murderer or two. >> Yeah, of course. >> Now, the U cat, like I said, lives with
00:34:48
this whole clan. So, she's the mother of these 72 kids. She's the mother of the 13 U lads, and their house pet is the U
00:34:56
cat. She was first said to send her 13 Ule lads down to town to snatch up bad kids so they could cook and eat them.
00:35:04
But again by 1746 I Icelandic kids were so scared of this that the government stepped in and put
00:35:13
the ban on using this lady to scare kids too. So she was part of this whole thing
00:35:17
like you can't do this. Now later it changed again because of this whole thing and now she's said to send her 13
00:35:25
boys, her ule labs down to town during the 13 days of Christmas where they just spread cheer and are just mischievous
00:35:33
and [ __ ] you know, just stealing your meat, stealing your candles, slamming your doors, not eating you,
00:35:40
>> murdering and eating you. >> Yeah. You know, now just to end this, uh, the Onion, so apparently she's like
00:35:47
a huge, like people know who this Ogris is. So the Onion blamed her for the 2010
00:35:53
eruption of the I'm going to try to say this volcano, but it's the Ahaf Jala Jacul volcano. I butchered that,
00:36:04
but basically she got blamed by The Onion for a 2010 volcano. So that's how B. So that's how well known she is in
00:36:10
Infamous. And that is Gorilla, the ogris who will eat your kids. She has way too
00:36:16
many kids. >> Yeah. That's just like you don't need to be eating other people's kids. You could
00:36:20
probably just eat some of your own. >> Yeah, just some of [laughter] your own. >> You have like 70 to spare.
00:36:24
>> You do. You have way too many to spare. >> That's insane. >> Those are those that's my my dark clan
00:36:31
of Santa's helpers. >> Wow. Well, I also have a couple that I can't say any of them. So, this should be fun.
00:36:40
>> I have faith in you. >> My first one is Bell Snickl. >> That is my favorite name.
00:36:44
>> Um, that's actually what I'm naming my firstborn. Bellic. >> Good. Cuz it sounds wonderful. Like, he
00:36:49
sounds just delightful. >> It kind of just reminds me of Snickers. >> Like, hey, Bell Snickl.
00:36:54
>> Okay, so Bellnickle is a man from southwestern German lore. >> Always Germany, man. Germany has the
00:37:03
best dark Santa's helpers. >> Yeah, they I feel like that's where they're all from.
00:37:07
>> They're cornering the market. >> Yeah, for real. But he traveled to the United States and he lived on in
00:37:15
Pennsylvania and Dutch customs. >> Yeah, cuz I was going to say I know that name.
00:37:20
>> Or Pennsylvania Dutch. Is that a thing? >> Yeah, the Pennsylvania D. So, he comes
00:37:24
to children sometimes before Christmas and he wears like old clothes and like raggedy fur and he carries a switch kind
00:37:32
of like a Krampus to frighten the kids. >> Always a switch. >> But he also has candy.
00:37:38
>> Oh, well at least he has candy too >> to reward them for their good behavior.
00:37:42
So, if you're like a little [ __ ] he's going to hit you with a switch. [laughter] And if you want candy, he'll
00:37:47
give you some. >> I bet that's a poem somewhere. If you're a little [ __ ] he's going to hit you
00:37:51
with a switch. [laughter] probably um in modern day like retelling of the story, the switch is only used for noise
00:38:01
to warn the kids that they have to be good before Christmas. So he'll just >> That's more appropriate. I feel
00:38:07
>> give it [laughter] a little witch but scare me into line >> just on like the wall or something.
00:38:12
>> Yeah, just that. >> Yeah. Um >> and the kids can get candy from him if they're polite about it. Um,
00:38:21
>> I don't really want Belle Snickles candy. [laughter] >> Well, it's either candy or the switch.
00:38:27
So, you pick. >> Yeah, >> you got to pick if you want the Switch or the candy. >> I'm going to take that candy and just
00:38:33
put it somewhere. I'll be like, "Thank you, Bellnickle." And then just be like, "I'm going to put this over here. I'm
00:38:38
not going to eat that candy." >> And then Krampus is going to watch you and think that you're unappreciative.
00:38:42
>> And then he's going to drown me in a river. >> No, the worst. He's going to stuff you
00:38:46
in a bag. He's [laughter] Yeah, that's the worst. >> I hope he drowns me in the river. I just
00:38:52
hope he doesn't put me in a bag. >> I mean, if you weren't in the bag and he dumped you in the river, you could just
00:38:58
swim down the river and have yourself a merry old time. >> I think he You know what? I think part
00:39:03
of it though is that he chains you up with his chains cuz he has chains all around him. So, I think he chains your
00:39:10
ass up so you can't move. >> Wow. He's wild. >> He's a lot. He's He's very extra.
00:39:17
>> Damn. Um [laughter] I'm going to try to say these names, but I'm going to say first
00:39:26
>> and Nect Rupret are similar. >> Now I can't even say the word similar. I'm like they're similar.
00:39:36
>> Hold on. I got Try again. Net Ruptretch and Rclaus are similar characters to um
00:39:42
Bellnickl and they're also from German folklore and they also dole out beatings to bad kids [laughter]
00:39:51
so I can't even read at this point but [laughter] >> I love it. [gasps] >> My other one I have three. So, my second
00:40:01
one, Hans Trump. He's like the anti- Santa. >> Hans. >> Hans. Like Hans ass man. [laughter]
00:40:10
>> Like Hans ass man. >> But I mean Hans ass was probably the [ __ ] anti- Santa.
00:40:15
>> He did it. Yeah, he did it. >> But Hans Trap hands out punishments too to bad children in the Alsace
00:40:26
and Lorraine rages. [laughter] Oh my. You don't say. >> I just said ragens instead of regions.
00:40:33
[laughter] >> The ragens. >> Can you cut that out? We're going to start again. >> Cuz I love it. Cons trap um hands out
00:40:41
punishments to children in the is it also >> Elsace [laughter] Al als [laughter]
00:40:59
>> I love how American you are. You're like Alasi. >> H people are going to hate us. America.
00:41:08
>> Uh, the legend says that Trap was an actual real man. He was rich, greedy, and evil and worshiped Satan.
00:41:15
>> Whoa. >> So, I mean, whatever. And he got excommunicated from the Catholic Church,
00:41:21
which I think happens pretty easily. [laughter] >> Um, so like he was pretty chill overall,
00:41:27
but he got sent to live in the forest. >> So far, I don't see the issue. >> Yeah. I don't know. So they made him go
00:41:33
to the forest where he prayed upon children and disguised himself as a scarecrow with straw jettting out from
00:41:40
his clothing. >> Ew. >> Yeah. One day he was about to eat a boy he captured, but he got struck by
00:41:47
lightning and was >> I hate when that happens. >> Yeah. You know, I hate when I'm about to
00:41:52
have a good snack and I just get struck by lightning and die. [laughter] >> A good little little child snack.
00:41:58
>> Yeah. Seriously. Um, so yeah, he died, but still he [laughter] lives on and he
00:42:04
visits young children before Christmas dressed as a scare scarecrow still to scare them to be good. So he's
00:42:11
[laughter] So this dude is legitimately the ghost of like a rich Satan worshipping
00:42:20
[ __ ] scarecrowd dressing [ __ ] who died by getting struck by lightning and now he's
00:42:27
>> whilst eating a boy. while eating a boy. And now he's just back >> doing the damn thing
00:42:34
>> with [laughter] >> with a brand new set of wrapping paper. [laughter] >> Oh, I love it.
00:42:43
>> I love it. >> My third one is >> gonna sound really shitty when I say it. And I bet this isn't how you say their
00:42:51
name, but here we go. Pierre Fu Fuatard. Flip >> flipard. >> Just throw like a on there.
00:43:03
>> So he's French and his name translates into father whipper. So we'll just call
00:43:09
him that. >> Yeah, just call him father whipper. >> So the legend begins with an evil
00:43:13
butcher who carved children to eat. >> You know, as most legends do. >> As most [ __ ] butchers do, you know.
00:43:20
Have you ever seen Sweetie Todd? Yeah. >> Um, but him and his wife lured three boys into his butcher shop.
00:43:27
>> He was a barber, by the way. [laughter] >> What? >> He was a barber. >> A barber.
00:43:32
>> Yeah. No, the Sweetie Todd. >> Oh, I was like, no, he's a butcher. >> You're like, no, I'm looking at it right
00:43:38
now. [laughter] >> I was like, I did this. >> No, I meant Sweetie Todd. >> Oh, well, I haven't seen many musicals.
00:43:44
>> The demon barber Fleet Street. >> Well, he's a butcher, too, cuz he butchers the peeps.
00:43:49
>> Yeah, >> he puts him in a pass. Put some in a pot. >> He be in the kitchen cooking pies with
00:43:54
this baby. Y >> what just happened? >> You're not going to get that because you don't listen in a rap.
00:44:01
>> I do not. >> There's this rapper called Fetty [ __ ] and he's like, I'll be in the kitchen
00:44:05
cooking paws with my baby. And so is Sweeney Todd. Okay. It's where the actually that's where they got it from.
00:44:12
>> That is I'm sure >> it's not. But anyways, >> it's not >> Futard and his wife lured the three
00:44:19
boys. Father Whipper and his wife. >> Father Whipper and his wife lured three boys into the butcher shop. He killed
00:44:27
them. He chopped them. And they sprinkled some salt on them >> because you must season your meats.
00:44:34
>> Yeah. Yeah. But Saint Nick came to the rescue, resurrected the boys, and >> Oh. Oh. So he's a necromancer now?
00:44:43
>> Yeah. Staint Nick is everything. >> Oh my damn. and he like just like [ __ ] up Mr. Father Whipper.
00:44:52
>> Like he was just like, "Fuck you." >> Um, and he became St. Nicholas's servant. And now his job is to dispense
00:45:01
punishment to bad children on St. Nicholas Day, just like all these other peeps.
00:45:07
>> Wow. >> As if they didn't have enough people to deal out punishments. And well, and I
00:45:10
like that he was like, "So, you took it a little far with butchering these three
00:45:16
kids and trying to cook them up with some salt." >> Yeah. >> But now I think you are good for this
00:45:23
position I have opened up >> where you can do >> just some light punishment to children
00:45:30
[laughter] instead of >> quick punishment >> like wow he was lucky to get that job.
00:45:37
That is very metal. So metal this whole thing. >> I feel like yours went a lot better than
00:45:41
mine did, but you know what? I tried. >> Yours went amazing. [clears throat] >> So basically, I mean, America has kind
00:45:50
of made Christmas and the holiday season this like jolly, you know, super chill time where you just get anxiety about
00:45:59
buying presents and material things. And then over in Europe, they're like keeping things metal as [ __ ] and they
00:46:07
are just like, "We're going to keep it real. This [ __ ] started dark as [ __ ] and
00:46:12
we're going to keep it that way." Which >> I think I'm going to stay here for the
00:46:15
holidays. >> But I kind I love that they like kept it in the straight up like this like the
00:46:21
holidays are scary. [laughter] >> I don't >> like I like that they they just went
00:46:25
with it like they lean. >> The holidays are supposed to be magical. >> I I'm mean they are magical over there.
00:46:31
in a totally different >> in a totally different way. [laughter] >> And honestly uh for our international
00:46:38
listeners, we would love to hear any of you know if any of you remember hearing about these stories or anything that you
00:46:48
guys celebrate like this, like totally tell us because this was fascinating to hear because it's just so different from
00:46:55
what we do over in America. >> So, so let us know. We'd love to hear and I know we have some international
00:47:02
listeners that probably have some rad stories. So, by all means, we love hearing them. Uh, so this was our first
00:47:09
little mini episode. We hope you dug it. We've been getting a lot of messages lately and we're trying to answer them.
00:47:16
So, if we haven't answered one of your messages, I just want to let you guys know that we are going to get to it. So,
00:47:21
don't feel like we're ignoring you. >> We promise. >> We love you and we love our messages. We
00:47:26
love reading through them. So, we'll get to everybody. I promise. And we hope you
00:47:31
dig our little second min episodes of the weeks. So, >> and we hope you keep listening to them.
00:47:38
>> And we hope you >> keep >> keep it >> weird and happy new year. >> Ding ding.
00:47:55
>> [music] [music]