00:00:00
Hey weirdos, [clears throat] I'm Ash and I'm with the band. >> And her name is Elena [laughter]
00:00:05
and this is Morbid. >> It is. >> 1980s edition. >> 1980s edition. Yeah, yeah. >> Uh what was life like in the 80s?
00:00:28
>> Um I The oldest I was was five in the 80s. So I think my life was probably pretty sick.
00:00:34
>> Yeah. >> I don't think I was with the band at that time, but >> Probably not. Well, you don't know. You
00:00:39
might have been a cool like rocker [laughter] five-year-old. >> We were both born at the end of a
00:00:43
decade. >> Um I was born in the middle of a decade. >> Okay. >> [laughter] >> Whatever.
00:00:50
If you round up, it was almost over. >> You're 1985. >> [laughter] >> I was thinking of myself mostly as 1996
00:00:57
and I was like the end of a decade. >> I want to I wanted to take this journey with you, but
00:01:01
>> You were born towards the end of a decade. >> Uh in the middle. Because you're
00:01:05
December. >> Right smack dab in the middle. >> You're December, so it's basically
00:01:08
>> The end of the year. >> Yeah. [laughter] What? I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm I'm over it.
00:01:14
>> What were you saying about Nicholas? >> I was like I was like >> [laughter] >> all right Alaska.
00:01:19
All right Alaska. >> Oh, [laughter] that was great. >> That was great. >> What were you saying about Nicholas?
00:01:25
>> Oh, I was saying I bet Nicholas is going to feel fancy free. >> Yeah. >> Because I have this like I have this
00:01:31
feeling in my in my bones that Nicholas is like a like an 1880s kind of guy. >> So where you know
00:01:39
>> 1880s or 1980s. >> Yeah. >> In the future, he just said. Why did that work so perfectly?
00:01:49
>> I wasn't I wasn't ready for such a swift response. >> [laughter] >> He's real.
00:01:57
Nicholas. >> Nicholas is real. >> Okay, Nicholas is real, you guys. >> [laughter]
00:02:02
>> If you lived in the '80s, like the '19 ones to be specific, the 1980s, how did
00:02:06
you live like this? My hair is destroyed. I tease so much of it that I >> a good one, though.
00:02:13
>> Thank you. It's actually kind of falling cuz I got hot. That's my question. When
00:02:16
you guys got hot in the '80s, like did your tease just fall? >> No, because you would use an entire
00:02:22
bottle of Aqua Net. >> Uh yeah, see, I didn't have Aqua Net, but I did use a [ __ ] ton of hairspray.
00:02:28
>> We heard you, yeah. >> Yeah. But yeah, I used a [ __ ] ton of hairspray. >> Yeah, you a whole bottle would probably
00:02:33
be used. >> Oh my god. >> you could literally like shoot an arrow at somebody's hair and it wouldn't
00:02:39
penetrate. >> Wow. That's crazy. [laughter] >> And radio was big in the 1980s. >> Oh, and then video killed the radio
00:02:47
star. >> Exactly. See, Nicholas, he gets it. >> He's into it. >> He's on theme today.
00:02:51
>> See, I don't think I would have done that great in the '80s cuz I don't feel very pretty right now.
00:02:55
>> I think you look gorgeous. >> I think you would I think you [laughter] I think you would have slayed the house
00:03:01
down boots in the '80s. >> Thank you. >> Like I This is like a little >> [laughter]
00:03:06
>> Remember when I dressed as Miranda Priestly and I was like, oh, like I think I was the like this I think this
00:03:11
might be who you are. >> if I was like old enough to to to exist >> Yeah. >> like be like a teenager
00:03:18
>> Yeah. >> you would have been unstoppable. >> Thank you. >> Unstoppable. >> [ __ ] wrong decade, I guess.
00:03:25
>> I know. >> a little earlier. >> You're still pretty unstoppable. You're just dressed a little different.
00:03:29
>> Just [laughter] a little. >> Just a bit. >> Just a little. >> Just a smidge, to be honest.
00:03:33
>> Just a smidge. >> You could wear those pieces separately and it would make sense, too.
00:03:37
>> to be quite honest. >> The pants are like butter. >> Yeah, they look nice. >> comfortable.
00:03:43
>> You could wear those to a ghost concert. >> Funny story, too, John was opening the
00:03:46
mail and he opened all the separate pieces of this and he just sent me a picture of it while we were upstairs
00:03:51
[laughter] working. And he said, "What's this about?" And I was like, "Oh." Like
00:03:56
and I said what it was. And I was like, And he was like, "To be honest, I wasn't
00:03:59
sure if you were just buying buying a lot of clothes." Like he was like I He was like the only thing that threw me
00:04:04
off was the Bodley Crew t-shirt. That'll do it. That was the only thing that he was like, "What's that about?" I was so
00:04:08
sad. I had like a really '80s um like corset thing, but it was it was going to be This would have been marked not safe
00:04:16
for work. My titties were up to my [laughter] I was like I could not go on the the
00:04:21
internet like that. Good for you though, man. Yeah. Good for you for having boobs
00:04:26
up to your chin. I mean, it's not comfortable. [laughter] So right now they're sitting nice in the
00:04:30
middle. Let's get to the tales, y'all. >> [laughter] >> Let's get to the tales. You know why?
00:04:34
Cuz this is brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you. Did they What did they say in the '80s?
00:04:40
What were like the I was like, "Let's get to the tales." But wait, I have more questions.
00:04:44
>> Cool. >> Rad. >> Rad. >> Yeah. >> Rad. >> Dude. >> Dude. >> What did they What did THEY SAY?
00:04:51
>> WOW. >> [laughter] >> MIKEY WAS ALSO like six, I think. What did they say? >> I was five, so I said, "Can I please
00:04:59
have a juice?" >> [laughter] >> Same. What did your people say? What did your people say?
00:05:06
Did they say tubular? >> Probably, maybe. >> Righteous. >> Righteous. >> All right. I just wanted to know.
00:05:15
>> Have we met? >> See, Nicholas is like, "This sounds familiar." >> He's like, "Wait."
00:05:20
>> You guys look familiar. >> righteous? >> Totally righteous, guys. >> I don't think Nicholas. I feel like he
00:05:25
wouldn't have been with the righteous. >> I don't >> I feel like he wouldn't have been with
00:05:31
the righteous. >> I don't think so, either. >> He would have been with the anti.
00:05:35
Oh. He was like, "Cuz I'm going to run." [laughter] Yeah. All right. >> We'll learn more about Nicholas as we
00:05:41
go. >> As we go, it's a learning exercise. Do you want to go first? >> Uh sure. >> I feel like you do.
00:05:46
>> Yeah. >> Always. I do. Let's start with listener tales. A ghost slept with my grandma.
00:05:52
>> That's a good place to start. >> take this jacket off soon because I am sweating.
00:05:57
>> I would take this jacket off, but again, we'd be marked unsafe for work. Hello spooky ladies, my name is Brian.
00:06:03
Feel free to use it and any other names ahead. >> Hi Brian. >> And I'd love to share the story of the
00:06:08
haunted house I lived in as a toddler. But of course, I have to start off by joining [snorts] the chorus of praise
00:06:14
for the podcast. Thank you. I've been a listener for a few years and looking forward to the next episode of A
00:06:19
Two Girls One Podcast is still just as exciting as the early days. >> Aw. >> You both managed to say so stay so
00:06:25
genuine to yourselves despite how giant the Mighty Morbid Empire has grown and I
00:06:29
wish you all the success in the world. >> nice. >> It's like really nice Brian. >> I know.
00:06:34
>> It's really nice. >> Thank you Brian. [laughter] >> Alaina, you're becoming an author partly
00:06:38
inspired me to tiptoe into the field of creative writing. >> Hell yeah. >> Run. >> Follow you he said.
00:06:46
He said Brian is following you. >> okay, yeah Brian, let's go. Like let's go running into the field of creative
00:06:52
writing. Brian, it's wonderful in there. >> Wow. >> I encourage you. Finally, writing down this listener tale
00:06:58
I've been sitting on feels like a great way to start. Hell yeah. And I'll absolutely need a change of clothes if
00:07:03
you ever end up reading this on the pod. We'll give you a second to get a change
00:07:06
of clothes. >> Ready, go. Righteous clothes. >> feeling comfortable and very cool.
00:07:11
>> And righteous. >> And very run. That said, enough with the flattery and on to the tale. So a little
00:07:18
background to start. I grew up in a medium-size shore town in New Jersey. >> I thought he said I grew up in a
00:07:24
medium-size shoe town. >> Shoe town? >> I was like everyone had You're in front of us.
00:07:30
>> High five. Cool. Okay. >> [snorts] >> Anybody feel cold? >> No. >> I don't know. I don't think so.
00:07:45
Did you say yeah? Picture your basic suburbia with strip malls, cookie-cutter houses, constant
00:07:52
traffic, but a 15-minute bike ride to the ocean. No. Most of the details in the story
00:07:59
take place while my dad was growing up in the '80s. It was the '80s, man. That's all I think of.
00:08:06
What do you say? >> Bring it. >> Wow, I think you look tough today. >> And I said no, what did he say?
00:08:12
>> That's what I I think he's like, "Fuck you." He's like, "Bring it." >> You have your shoes.
00:08:16
>> with friends, though. >> Your shoes are weapons, so >> exactly. >> Uh I always think of that though, the
00:08:21
bully episode when he said, "It was the '80s, man." >> This was the '80s, man. >> Growing up in the '80s, when the town
00:08:26
was a lot smaller and the community a bit closer. The haunted house in question was in fact my dad's child.
00:08:33
>> Plausible. >> The haunted house in question was in fact my dad's childhood home. My
00:08:38
grandparents raised their family in that house. They had three sons and a daughter, plus
00:08:44
care of their nieces and nephew for a total of eight in the small house. >> That's a lot of [ __ ] kids.
00:08:48
>> I only have very vague memories of that place, like the pinball machine in the
00:08:52
basement, and our dog at the time, Misty. I'm not attached. But otherwise, I was too young to remember any of the
00:08:58
freaky things that happened there. This story was told to me by my grandma, who I'll call Nan, probably when I was
00:09:05
still a little too young to hear it, and I'm doing my best to recount it here. Also very relevant to the story, Nan
00:09:11
considers herself to be a witch. Nan. >> Hell yeah. >> Uh that's her term, not mine. I would
00:09:17
find clairvoyant or perceptive to be more accurate. For example, she knew the moment her sister had died in an
00:09:23
accident long before being notified. >> Oh, [ __ ] >> And she always knows if she's being lied
00:09:28
to. >> Same. >> Damn. I even tested her once, and she correctly guessed a coin flip enough
00:09:34
times in a row [clears throat] to convince me that she really could sense it. >> Damn.
00:09:38
>> her a reliable source, and she had her first experience in the house the day they moved in.
00:09:42
>> Oh. >> They didn't even let you rest. After getting the keys to their new house and
00:09:47
doing a walk-through of the recently finished basement, my grandma got an intense chill and saw an apparition of
00:09:53
an older man with gray hair, a checkered or plaid shirt and jeans. >> Hate that.
00:09:59
>> Right when you get the keys and are doing the walk-through and >> It's like, "Hey."
00:10:02
>> So, you're doing the walk-through and you're like, "This looks good." Then you're like, "Does he come with it?" Or
00:10:06
you're like, "Can he go?" >> Are you guys taking him? >> He wasn't in the PMS. >> Yeah, like do we do we have to pay extra
00:10:11
for him? Are we going to We're solid. Can we sign something that says he stays? >> Oh, you want him to stay?
00:10:17
>> Yeah, let's Let him stay. >> Okay. >> his business. >> I mean, he was probably there first.
00:10:21
>> Exactly. Uh, she didn't describe it as a menacing presence, so that's >> Okay. All right.
00:10:25
>> Um, but she ran upstairs to get my grandpa for help. >> Yeah, fair. >> Naturally, after going back down, the
00:10:30
apparition was gone, but there was a persistent and oldest. Hm. >> [gasps] >> He was there first, I said. And he was
00:10:40
like, "He's the oldest." >> oldest. He's the oldest boy. >> But there was a persistent and strong
00:10:45
smell of dry dog food coming from one of the rooms. >> Ew. >> [laughter] >> That's yucky.
00:10:52
>> This was writing uh This was writing up to be a leftover or [snorts] odor from
00:10:56
the previous owners, which would dissipate in time. >> Oh my god, if the previous owners of my
00:11:01
home left it smelling like dry dog food, >> be rough. >> I would call someone. >> would call the authorities. Uh, the rest
00:11:08
[laughter] of the move-in went fine, with about half of the basement becoming bedrooms for the kids and the other half
00:11:13
as a rec room {slash} concert space for the family band. >> Awesome. >> Okay. >> Rock on.
00:11:19
>> Hell yeah. Uh, still though, my grandma felt uncomfortable being down there alone. I don't blame her.
00:11:24
>> Yeah. >> Now, the presence in the house affected each member of the house in different
00:11:28
ways. Some certainly more severely than others. My aunt, for example, would complain about hearing a metal on metal
00:11:35
banging noise in the middle of the night. I hate that. She also cried fire one night after seeing smoke drifting
00:11:41
into, not out of, the vent in her ceiling. >> [clears throat] >> There was an accident. I need you to
00:11:47
know that I thought he meant she cried fire. >> [laughter] >> And I was like, "What the fuck?"
00:11:55
And he just said she had one time fire. It was crazy. What? handling it different.
00:12:01
>> [laughter] >> That's that's really different. Yeah, that's a lot. My dad remembers one
00:12:06
night they had a party with all their friends downstairs listening to the band play during a snowstorm. The band TM.
00:12:12
You know, the band. After a few too many drinks, my dad ended up getting sick in
00:12:15
the upstairs bathroom and was gone for a while. He rallied like a true '80s teenager. Hell yeah.
00:12:22
>> [clears throat] >> And when he got out, he heard their unrecorded original songs coming from
00:12:26
the basement. But when he opened the door to rejoin the party, the lights were off and it was empty. The party had
00:12:33
ended abruptly as the storm was getting worse and everyone went home while he was upstairs. What the hell? There was
00:12:38
no explanation for the music he heard. And it's all it's unrecorded, too? Yeah. [ __ ]
00:12:46
Everyone would hear footsteps, doors would slam, the dog food smell never did go away.
00:12:52
Yeah. But nothing truly felt scary yet. That was until [laughter] my uncle woke up unable to breathe one night. That's
00:12:59
scary. Was there a graveyard on the property? Ooh, maybe. If there's a graveyard in
00:13:07
this tale, I will run. I'll fall on the ground like you did. I'm not getting up.
00:13:11
One thing about me is I'm not getting up this time. You thing about me is I'm not getting up.
00:13:17
[laughter] But he remembers feeling held down and strangled, struggling to break free and
00:13:24
being right. I am frightened, Nicholas. >> He wants to fight you. >> Why do you want to fight me, Nicholas?
00:13:32
>> He said he said I'm in front of you. Stand up and fight me. >> He did. >> I said, "Are you afraid?"
00:13:37
>> No. >> He Why is he Why are you upset today, Nicholas? I don't like your attitude
00:13:41
right now. >> Oh, she's feisty in that bandana. >> Yeah. Yeah, I am. Uh >> [laughter]
00:13:47
>> So, let's see. Struggled So, he was being strangled. He felt like he was being strangled.
00:13:50
>> Woah. >> Struggling to break free and being unable to cry for help. Whatever it was
00:13:55
that hold the um that held to over the blah blah blah blah. Whatever it was that held over him
00:14:01
released when the family came in after hearing the commotion. After the escalation and feeling
00:14:06
genuinely unsafe in the home, Nan sought the help of a medium. According to her,
00:14:11
this was the fourth most powerful medium in the country. >> Wow. >> In In parentheses, are mediums ranked? I
00:14:16
always question [laughter] this detail. >> Who knows? >> I didn't know that, either.
00:14:20
>> It's kind of like how it's like, "Oh, it's the second most haunted house in the state."
00:14:25
>> You're correct. >> He said. >> You say you're correct or incorrect? >> I think he said you're correct.
00:14:30
>> I'll take you're correct. I like that. >> Um but they agreed to come inspect the
00:14:33
house. This medium could sense the presence of a spirit, a previous owner of the home still lingering. They also
00:14:39
found out that there was a [ __ ] vortex in the basement of the house. >> Not a vortex.
00:14:44
>> As in my old house was a subway platform for all things spooky to come and go.
00:14:49
And what advice did Mr. Super Medium give? Not much you can do. Burn some sage and hope for the best. At least
00:14:55
they're generally harmless. >> Are they generally harmless in a vortex? >> I You can't be sure.
00:15:01
>> Yeah, anybody can fall through. That's like the Escape Room mansion. There's a
00:15:04
vortex in the basement. >> Yeah, cuz somebody broke the rules. >> Yeah. >> Where are you?
00:15:10
>> Where are you? >> You can hear it. >> You can hear it. I did just hear something. I don't know if you saw me
00:15:15
look over there. Yeah, and nobody else heard it. Yeah, it sounded like those um the
00:15:20
safety pins. It sounded like they shook a little. >> Oh. >> Yeah. >> Fun. >> So, that's interesting.
00:15:25
>> Okay. So, there's that. >> Um, but I like that he said, "Where are you?" >> that cuz we say that in this room a lot.
00:15:31
>> We do. >> Nan was satisfied enough with the vortex situation as the smudging did stop the
00:15:36
more violent behavior, but the resident spirit was more concerning to her. While
00:15:41
going through the attic, she came across a box of paperwork left behind. It belonged to the original owner of the
00:15:46
home and was mostly old tax docu- tax documents and such, but to her shock, there was also an old photograph. In
00:15:53
black and white, it showed a man with gray hair, flannel shirt, and jeans. Pictured [snorts] alongside a
00:16:01
faithful-looking golden retriever. >> Oh. [gasps] >> As I'm sure you've guessed, the man in
00:16:06
the photo was the apparition Nan saw the day she moved into the house. Newly armed with the original owner's name,
00:16:12
I'm going to call him Old Joe. >> I love it. >> I think that's the perfect name for him
00:16:15
and I appreciate that. >> Yeah. >> In a picture of her ghost, she was able to reach out to one of Old Joe's
00:16:20
surviving relatives. >> After meeting this relative, Nan learned that Old Joe was a blacksmith in town
00:16:26
and lived there with his beloved dog until the day he died in the house. >> Wait, what if the the person that got
00:16:33
strangled, your uncle, what if that was just a dog laying on him? Cuz I know [laughter] you feel strangled in the
00:16:37
night when your dog's >> I do. >> like lay on you. >> Sometimes I do. Um, but yeah, sometimes
00:16:43
dogs do strangle you in your sleep. Not intentionally, they love you. >> No, they're just big.
00:16:47
>> Um, yeah. >> They're just big. Golden retriever, that's a big dog. >> So, maybe he was just laying on your
00:16:51
uncle. >> Yeah. He was just laying on him. Snuggle. >> Not wanting to look crazy, Nan chose not
00:16:56
to mention that her grandpa, Old Joe, was kick- still kicking around, but instead thanked her for her story and
00:17:01
left her the documents and photograph. Knowing the story behind her spectral cohabitants and that
00:17:06
>> possible. >> and that he was really just looking out for the family in the house. The smells,
00:17:12
metal hitting metal sounds, he was a blacksmith after all. They're all just residual hauntings from
00:17:18
Old Joe's time in the house. That was until Old Joe made a move on Nan. >> He said, "Nan, you owe me."
00:17:24
>> Now we're familiar. [laughter] Somewhat absent from this story so far has been my grandpa, Gramps.
00:17:30
>> Aw. >> Gramps worked two jobs to support the family, leaving the house at 2:30 a.m.
00:17:35
to go spackle houses before clocking in for his shift at the railroad at 11:00 a.m.
00:17:40
>> god. >> Getting home around 8:00 at night. He's a hard worker. Usually, Nan told me he would sleep like
00:17:46
a rock, but often times he would roll over in bed and she would end up getting crushed and pushing him back over. Not
00:17:52
at all something I wanted to picture, Nan. >> [laughter] >> One morning, she said she was woken up
00:17:57
by this familiar feeling, but was alarmed by the but it was alarmed by the time. It was about 3:00 a.m. Witching
00:18:04
hour aside, this meant Gramps had overslept and was late for work. Instantly alert, she turned over to wake
00:18:09
him up and rush him through his morning routine, but found that she was in bed alone.
00:18:13
>> Oh my god. >> Old Joe snuck into bed with Nan was starting to get all up close and
00:18:18
personal and she was not having it. >> Oh. >> It's Mr. Steal Yo Girl. [laughter]
00:18:25
Old Joe. Old Joe out here. >> [gasps] >> Old Joe's Mr. Steal Girl. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Nan
00:18:33
could tolerate cabinet slamming shut, she could tolerate unexplained noises, she could tolerate her nephew getting
00:18:38
choked out in his sleep, but [laughter] she would not abide by a non-corporeal cuddle buddy.
00:18:44
>> That's fair. >> That morning, Nan contacted her pastor to come exorcise the house. A bit to her
00:18:49
dismay, she learned that Baptists don't do exorcisms. But to put her mind at ease, he would be
00:18:54
happy to come over and pray in each room and bless the house. >> always work. >> Reportedly, this seemed to do the trick
00:19:00
and all paranormal activity um stopped for the remaining years they lived in the house.
00:19:05
Yeah. I will not yell. She wants to go crazy [laughter] today. She's like go nuts.
00:19:11
This is very 80s. This is very 80s. Just yell. Let it all out. >> Oh my god, do you also love Tears for
00:19:16
Fears? >> love Tears for Fears? >> Do you also think they have banger after banger after banger?
00:19:22
>> Banger after banger. >> So I'd be telling everybody this. >> I agree. >> Nicholas has heard me. I love Tears for
00:19:27
Fears. [laughter] So this concludes my two year stint there. I was brought home from a
00:19:32
hospital in that from the hospital in that house, and we moved out when I was very young. It was the day that we moved
00:19:37
out of the house that it showed its face again. After the final sweep of moving day, the doors inside could be heard
00:19:44
slamming as we said our goodbyes and left. >> Oh, they were upset you were going.
00:19:49
>> Yeah, or they were like good riddance. One of the two. >> One of them. Could only be two.
00:19:53
>> As I mentioned, Nan told me this story when I was in middle school, and while
00:19:57
it had me >> Continue. >> Thank you. >> Did he say continue? >> continue. >> Okay.
00:20:02
>> And while it had me freaked out a bit at first, I'm no stranger to a ghost story.
00:20:06
Having no first hand experiences with it myself, I never really believed it. That
00:20:10
wasn't till I got to high school, and my English teacher happened to be a childhood friend of my dad's. Small town
00:20:16
perks. >> Oh, that's cute. >> First week of school I'm going to tell you, don't worry.
00:20:20
First week of school, she told me how many great memories she had. Youth group with your dad and uncle, summers in your
00:20:26
grandparents pool, and the ghost that lived in the house. >> Confirmation. >> It wasn't until years after being told
00:20:32
the story that I had it corroborated with someone outside my immediate family, unprompted. It felt like the
00:20:38
whole town knew about the ghost in my grand in in my old house. And with consistent accounts from everyone I've
00:20:44
asked, I'm convinced that my childhood home was haunted by a pervy old blacksmith named Old Joe.
00:20:50
>> I'm convinced, too. >> So that's the story. >> [clears throat] >> I come and go.
00:20:56
>> I come and go. >> [laughter] >> What did he say? >> Afterlife. >> Yeah, yeah, from the afterlife. He comes
00:21:07
and You are into >> Karma Chameleon. >> You're a Karma Chameleon. He's on point today.
00:21:12
>> No, he literally is. >> Say [laughter] I might come and go. >> Come on. >> Come on.
00:21:16
>> Only Boy George says that. >> I love Boy George. >> Who doesn't? >> I know. >> Uh,
00:21:21
>> [snorts] [laughter] >> so that's the story. If you read this far, then I don't feel bad for not
00:21:25
apologizing for the length earlier. >> Never apologize. >> you ladies wouldn't have edited it
00:21:29
anyway. >> No. >> I do apologize for any ramblings or grammatical errors though. Please keep
00:21:33
it keeping it real alongside that with a healthy dose of weirdness. Forever Spooky Brian.
00:21:38
>> Brian, that was a great story. I love your pervy old blacksmith. >> I'm obsessed.
00:21:43
>> [laughter] >> I love Mr. Stelio girl. >> I appreciate it. >> Nicholas Nicholas is expressing that
00:21:49
too. >> Nicholas liked it. >> I'm taking this jacket off before I die. Okay. >> Your shirt is also very cute. It's like
00:21:54
you're revealing another level of 80s. And they may not have seen your belt. >> It's true. Mighty like peg Bundy-esque.
00:22:01
>> I'm trying to figure out like where I could wear that. Why does he always say that? I think he
00:22:06
needs to see a specialist. >> I don't know, [laughter] Nicholas. >> That's not something I
00:22:12
>> Jizz might not be for the afterlife. I don't know. >> okay. >> He needs to figure it out.
00:22:16
>> It's all you, dog. >> Okay, tale number two. Richard Ramirez doubled down on visiting my parents'
00:22:21
window. >> Oh. >> That's Chorus? >> Dolores. >> I love that name. >> It's I thought it was almost like
00:22:29
Dolores. >> Dolores, that's my dog. >> Dolores. >> All right. >> Okay. >> It was the 80s.
00:22:34
>> This was the 80s, man. >> Parents were living in LA. Unrelated, but coincidentally quite
00:22:39
quite close to the LaBianca house. >> Ooh. >> My dad was a mild-mannered professional
00:22:44
by day, by night played drums in a rock band multiple times a week. >> Hell yeah.
00:22:49
>> Rock on, dad. >> The coolest families in these 80s tales are just like rocking out. Everybody was
00:22:53
cooler. >> [gasps] >> My mom would often go to gigs with him, but on this night she was hanging at
00:22:58
home and decided to head bed head to bed before he was back. The weather was warm, and she decided to get some breeze
00:23:04
flowing into their second-story apartment window through their bedroom window. >> Don't do that.
00:23:08
>> Which was one of the old old school ones that slid up and didn't have a screen.
00:23:13
>> Oh. >> There were windows without screens back then? >> He said, "Who needs a screen?"
00:23:17
>> What the [ __ ] >> The '80s, man. >> [laughter] >> In first hearing this story, I asked her
00:23:22
why she felt compelled to do that, and she just shrugged and said, "It was the '80s."
00:23:26
>> The '80s, man. >> My dad was still out, and she was drifting off to sleep. As she was, she
00:23:31
heard a mild commotion in the tree right outside their window. I don't ever want
00:23:36
to hear a tree commotion. >> Not even a mild one? >> No, not [laughter] not none of the above.
00:23:40
>> Yeah. >> Figuring it was an owl or a cat or some other nocturnal critter, she didn't pay
00:23:44
it much attention at first. But then it started getting loud, way too loud to be
00:23:49
an animal. In another what the [ __ ] were you thinking move, she got out of bed
00:23:53
and peered over the window sill. There, she saw a mop of black hair making its way through the branches. And
00:24:01
if the person it belonged to took one more step or two up, they'd be face to face.
00:24:06
>> No. >> I would get a pan and whack him all. >> Yeah. >> Truly, I'd grab like a weight.
00:24:12
>> Whack him all. >> drop. >> Get out of my tree. >> [snorts] >> In wild but fortunate timing, my dad was
00:24:17
just getting home, and the hall light and him asking what in the world his wife was doing sent the new mysterious
00:24:23
creep shimmeying right up into the tree away into the night. Unsettling as hell,
00:24:28
but probably an isolated event, right? >> Yeah. >> No. >> No? >> Within the next week or two, he or week
00:24:34
or so, he came back. Both of my parents were home this time and clearly didn't heed their previous experience.
00:24:40
>> Guys. >> Because yep, >> that window was open again. I will note that this was during the time Richard
00:24:46
Ramirez was just starting out his horrendous mayhem and sparking only potential serial killer buzz. So I guess
00:24:54
between that and the '80s of it all, I'll give them a teeny bit of a pass. I love that it's like he [snorts] wasn't
00:24:59
like sparking intense serial killer vibes, just like >> There was like rumors. >> Just like serial killer. If there's even
00:25:06
a whisper of serial killer vibes I'm getting a full like like purge style. Like press a button and I'm in
00:25:15
like a metal box. >> 100%. I actually would like to access to that anyways. >> I would love that.
00:25:19
>> Whenever I've seen that movie, I'm like, how do I get that? >> How do I get that?
00:25:22
>> I know. >> So, we're giving them a pass. Well, you are. >> You are, I'm not. >> We're not.
00:25:28
>> [laughter] >> Leaves rustled, branches crunched, that same dude was absolutely in the tree and
00:25:33
they were catching glimpses of his face along with that familiar hair. >> All that gross face.
00:25:37
>> My dad, who even I know, honestly, even back in his heyday was not exactly a terror-inducing individual, brandished
00:25:43
[laughter] >> That's good. >> brandished a vacuum. A vacuum. [laughter] Honestly, that might be good because
00:25:51
it's so shocking. >> Yeah, it's >> [laughter] >> shock value. >> And like >> Oh, you wouldn't think that.
00:25:57
>> So, you're just like, this guy's crazy. >> It might stop you in your tracks. That's fair.
00:26:01
>> And then you wrote, yes, really, and held it like a bat, whacking it out the window and yelling, "Hey, get out of
00:26:06
here." Good for him. Better than nothing, I guess, but you think the man would be more strapped than that.
00:26:12
>> [laughter and gasps] >> You'd think the man would be more strapped than a Hoover.
00:26:15
He defends it was the closest thing with some move to it, K dad. So again, the element of surprise dashed and the man
00:26:20
took off. This time my parents called the police. They arrived, took statements, and they did a sweep of the
00:26:25
neighborhood. Nothing resulted from that, but the tree saw no more nighttime visitors. Fast forward to the day
00:26:31
Richard Ramirez was arrested and of course his image was everywhere on TV. My parents looked at each other
00:26:38
peas >> peas >> peas >> peas >> [laughter] >> I thought you were saying like the
00:26:45
vegetable. >> I was. >> Oh, you were? But then you did this. So, he did it, so I was like, oh, that.
00:26:51
>> [laughter] >> I thought you meant peas. >> I like penis. I was going to say eight
00:26:54
carrots. >> [laughter] >> So my parents looked at each other wide-eyed and said almost in unison,
00:26:59
"That was him." Now my parents are long since divorced and didn't agree about much for years,
00:27:04
but when I recently regaled my dad with memories of this tale from my mom, he was finishing sentences and noted it was
00:27:10
something he'd never forgot. >> Damn. >> Uh my beloved mom unfortunately died last
00:27:15
year. >> I'm sorry. >> Gone way too soon, but I know she would have gotten a kick out of having this
00:27:19
story shared on the podcast. She was a true crime and dark history gal through and through and we would spend many an
00:27:25
hour chatting about different stories and trading podcast and documentary recommendations. Miss you the most, Mom.
00:27:31
I'm including a picture of me and her for you ladies to see along with a few of my dog who technically has nothing to
00:27:36
do with this story, but >> Why? >> but everything to do with everything and isn't she an angel face? Thanks for
00:27:42
reading and keep it weird, Erica. >> Oh my god. >> a beautiful photo and that dress First
00:27:49
of all, your dress is gorgeous and your mom's dress is so pretty. >> Your mom in that pixie cut is a slay,
00:27:56
[ __ ] And your hair on your wedding day, >> Yeah. >> Oh, I love that picture of you guys.
00:28:01
>> your dog does have everything to do with everything. He does. >> He's a little tug.
00:28:05
>> He has everything to do with everything. This episode is actually brought to you
00:28:09
by her dog. >> Yes. >> I love that dog. >> Absolutely. Oh, that was a crazy [laughter]
00:28:14
[ __ ] story though. >> No, I hate that he was coming to your and what kills me is that he saw the
00:28:21
husband. >> Yeah. >> Got freaked out by the husband showing up, but then came back knowing he would
00:28:26
be there and he did that several times. >> That's the thing. That's what he was not
00:28:30
scared by. >> [snorts] >> Is it because you're scared cuz we're talking about Richard Ramirez?
00:28:35
>> Sorry. >> No, but that's the thing about him. So like sorry, we do have to continue
00:28:39
talking about it. It's like kind of what we're [laughter] paid to do. He That's why he was so scary cuz there
00:28:44
was just like nothing off the wall. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I remember people said his breath
00:28:48
smelled like wet leather? Ew. He loved candy. >> Stanky chops. >> Ew. >> He loved candy.
00:28:55
>> He said didn't he eat like a lot of candy all the time? >> He loved candy. Ew.
00:29:01
>> [laughter] >> The worst thing about him. That man loved a lollipop. >> Just picture Richard Ramirez eating like
00:29:08
cabbage CABBAGE PATCH KIDS. >> [laughter] >> HONESTLY, THAT'S THE scariest thing YOU WOULD EVER [laughter]
00:29:18
I JUST PICTURED THAT. JUST GNAWING ON CABBAGE [laughter] PATCH KIDS. He would. He had like sharp teeth.
00:29:27
>> [laughter] >> Ew. I mean it. Why [laughter] did I SAY THAT? YOU JUST CREATED THE MOST unsettling
00:29:37
visual in my mind. >> [laughter] >> Oh, no. >> Somebody make that picture. >> Oh, no. I meant sour patch kids.
00:29:47
>> [laughter] >> [ __ ] >> I was wondering. I was like was he saying cabbage I don't think he was eating cabbage.
00:29:53
That was part of his problem. [clears throat] >> [laughter] >> He needed some cabbage.
00:29:56
Oh, man. >> Oh my god. All right. So, this next one is the story of a house in which a
00:30:02
friend shouted, "Get out. He's in your bedroom." And a tater tot loving ghost meet up for one hell of an 80s mashup.
00:30:09
One of these things is not like the other. What a [ __ ] [laughter] title. >> He's in your bedroom and a tater tot
00:30:14
loving ghost. >> Yeah. That's going to be me when I'm a ghost. >> I was literally just going to say I
00:30:19
think >> so heavy with a tater tot. Hell yeah. >> Have you ever had a >> a sweet potato tater tot?
00:30:25
>> Oh, yeah. >> That [ __ ] slaps. >> It really does. >> All right. Let's get tater tots for
00:30:30
lunch. Period. >> Period. >> [laughter] >> First. But first. First, I will gush, as have many before
00:30:39
me, that you two are absolute unicorns. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> You got a You got a unicorn.
00:30:45
>> Oh. >> Is that >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> I don't know, it just came to me.
00:30:48
>> I like that. >> Thank you. >> I really appreciate the compassion and care you put into each story. I feel
00:30:55
that the victims are treated with respect and dignity and that your research is tight. And hell yeah, Dave.
00:31:01
>> Dave. >> [laughter] >> Thank you for being you, Alaina. If I wasn't old as [ __ ] I would swear that
00:31:07
you are my long-lost sister because we think a lot alike. Anyhoo, keep doing what you awesome humans do. I have been
00:31:14
listening for about 3 months and I'm already on episode 219. I'm obsessed. If you choose to read my story, I've
00:31:21
changed the names and I'm providing a pseudonym for myself. What happened in the '80s stays in the '80s. What's the
00:31:27
thing that Debbie said the other day, a pen de plume? >> Oh, yeah. >> I love that.
00:31:31
>> de plume. >> Nom de plume. >> I knew it wasn't pen. >> I like nom de plume. >> Nom de plume.
00:31:36
>> The [clears throat] scene is 1982. I'm in college and >> Yeah. >> The beginning of the decade.
00:31:42
>> See, she knows where things lie in a decade. >> The '80s. >> Numbers. >> [laughter]
00:31:49
>> The scene is 1982. I'm in college and want nothing more than to not have to live at home in my small-ass
00:31:56
watch-the-paint-dry town during the summer. >> [clears throat] >> Some friends were renting a house for
00:32:00
the summer on the outskirts of our college town, somewhere in central Illinois, and I was all in. We
00:32:06
envisioned a summer of fun and mayhem. By living on the outskirts of town, we could be as loud as we wanted and not
00:32:12
bother townie neighbors. We, of course, did not think about the fact that if no one could hear us, we might be excellent
00:32:18
targets for humans who are up to no good. More on that later. >> [snorts] >> So, imagine 1982. Neither of you were
00:32:24
born yet. I'm old as [ __ ] >> You're not that much older than Alaina. >> Yeah. The hairspray alone in the
00:32:29
bathroom of that house could kill you if the hair itself didn't poke an eye out,
00:32:33
see? Uh, Aquanet, [laughter] how I miss you so. I was more of a punk myself. Hell
00:32:38
yeah, you were. But we had a whole spike we had the whole spike thing going on. So, you
00:32:43
know, still lethal weapon type stuff. >> Oh, you know, those are like Liberty spikes.
00:32:47
>> Oh, yeah. >> Those are so cool. >> Those are cool. One night we threw a particularly
00:32:52
hilarious and chaotic party that involved many of the things that the '80s are known for. I kid you not that
00:32:57
at that party someone took a mirror off our living room wall and made it snow. It really was a great time to grow up
00:33:05
before we knew how bad many of these things were for us and to have very little safety instructions other than to
00:33:10
not eat candy that wasn't wrapped on Halloween. >> Or Cabbage Patch Kids. >> No, don't eat those. [laughter]
00:33:16
Don't do that. >> [clears throat] >> Oh, no. Oh, no. The oldest is USING THE COMPUTER.
00:33:21
>> [laughter] >> I GOT TO MAKE it stop. Oh, [laughter] no. Hold on. Hold on. The youngest is
00:33:31
struggling, too. >> I was born in the middle of a decade, okay? >> The youngest [laughter] isn't so young
00:33:35
anymore. The youngest is approaching a 30. Hello. >> [laughter] >> Hello. Oh, look at that. I can see that.
00:33:42
>> Yeah, I can actually see that now. >> Yeah. Uh, let's >> it's like at the eye doctor when they
00:33:49
>> [laughter] >> I was I was actually so relieved whenever it flips. I'm like, "That's it. That's the stuff."
00:33:55
>> It's like last night, "Oh, that's good." >> That's good. >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's good.
00:33:58
>> Oh, that's good. Uh, by 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. we all crashed in our various rooms and the party goers
00:34:04
had gone home. Since I had not listened to your podcast yet because you were not
00:34:08
born and I'm old as [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> You're not that old. >> I did not know that open windows are for
00:34:13
dead people. It was a hot midsummer night in the Midwest >> It's the Midwest. >> The Midwest.
00:34:20
>> The Midwest. Where [laughter] even the mosquitoes were too scorched to do more
00:34:24
than look at us. So, yeah, all our windows were wide open. We had screens to keep out the bugs. So, we reasoned
00:34:30
that that was good enough. >> Oh, they have screens. >> Yeah, they have screens. I should give
00:34:33
you the layout of the house. There were three of us legally living there. The house was an old farmhouse with two
00:34:38
stories. All the bedrooms were upstairs. Two people shared one room at the left of the stairs. One person had the room
00:34:44
to the right, and I had the room in the middle. Back to that night. I'm awakened by my roommate, Kayla,
00:34:50
yelling at me, "Get out! Get out! He's in your bedroom!" >> You better get out. >> I
00:34:57
>> Get out! >> Right now! >> [laughter] >> Like, if I hear that, I'm just going into straight-up cardiac arrest.
00:35:04
>> Yeah, where did he go, too? >> He's in your bedroom. Who? >> Get your vacuum.
00:35:09
>> I sleepily jerk awake and look around. It's pitch dark because country, and I
00:35:13
can't see a thing. My heart is pounding in my throat, and I feel like I'm going to faint. I'm desperately thinking that
00:35:18
I might run into whoever is trying to get me if I just barrel on out of there. Then my amygdala sucker punches my front
00:35:24
lobes and says, "Run, [ __ ] run!" I should mention that my amygdala is aided by my friend still shrieking at
00:35:31
the bottom of the stairs, "Run, dumbass! He has a knife, and I saw him go in there!"
00:35:35
>> god! What? Why is your What is your friend doing? >> [ __ ] >> anybody doing?
00:35:41
>> I sprint down the stairs faster than Usain Bolt, who also wasn't born yet. I am an old [ __ ] [laughter]
00:35:46
>> Goodness, you need to be nicer to yourself. I love you a lot. >> I join my roomies on the front lawn, who
00:35:52
are discussing having heard and seen not one, but two men in our house. >> No. >> Another roommate, Maggie, says that she
00:35:59
was awakened by the sound of someone climbing through the window at the bottom of the stairs.
00:36:03
I hate this a lot. She then heard them walking around the house, opening drawers and such. She thought she had
00:36:09
heard them throwing something out of the window. >> Was it tater tots? >> I'm I'm waiting for the tater tots to
00:36:14
arrive cuz >> It's not >> It's scary. Maggie thought she should act all like she was like she was asleep
00:36:21
>> Like she acted all asleep. >> [laughter] >> They were just robbing us and would soon
00:36:26
leave. Things changed for her because honestly, as they say if they come during the day they're here for their
00:36:31
stuff. If they're here for the at the night that really [ __ ] up. If they're here during the day they're here for
00:36:37
your stuff. If they're here at night they're here for you. They say that? That's what my old
00:36:42
criminal justice professor used to tell me. And I hug on to it because think about
00:36:48
[laughter] it. Why are they in your house in the middle of the night trying to steal your stuff? You're there.
00:36:52
>> I don't like it. >> Middle of the day they're coming to get your [ __ ] >> I have an alarm system.
00:36:56
>> Middle of the night pew. Uh >> [laughter] >> you hear those dogs? >> Yeah. >> You hear those dogs?
00:37:02
>> Delores will chop your head off, so. >> Things changed for her when she heard
00:37:06
them clomping towards the stairs. We were lucky to have a phone extension upstairs, so she quietly called the
00:37:11
police. She then waited until the humans the humans went into my room, ran across
00:37:16
the hall and got the other two roomies, and they hightailed it downstairs with Kyla calling up as aforementioned.
00:37:23
>> What the [ __ ] >> waited until they went into your room. >> Hey, you got to Are you still friends
00:37:27
with them? >> a plan. [laughter] >> Like what the [ __ ] >> for you. The police showed up and went through
00:37:32
the house. The screen in the window at the bottom of the stairs had either been cut or pushed in, and the back door was
00:37:38
open. The police figured that the humans ran down the stairs after I boogied and left
00:37:43
through the back door while we were waiting for the police in the front yard. >> Many things had been moved and a few
00:37:48
drawers were open, but nothing was missing. The because they were there for you.
00:37:51
>> Yeah. >> The police tried to calm us down, but we didn't really have an answer for us.
00:37:56
They didn't really have an answer for us when we asked if they weren't here to burgle us, then what did they want? They
00:38:01
didn't want to kill you. The answer to that question was sitting like a stone in the bottom of my
00:38:06
stomach. What would have happened if my roomie had not been awakened? We wouldn't be reading this.
00:38:11
We remained terrified for a long time after these guys afterwards that these guys might come back to finish whatever
00:38:17
fiendish and evil deeds they had planned for us that evening. I don't but don't think I could have stayed in that house.
00:38:23
>> I know, I don't think so either. I don't blame you for staying there because obviously you don't always have options.
00:38:28
>> I would just drive around until morning early. I think I would become nocturnal.
00:38:32
Uh we did not sleep well and started closing the windows downstairs at least. Our upstairs windows also for dead
00:38:37
people discuss. >> [laughter] >> Yes. I literally said this to my roommate the other day. I was like
00:38:42
people have ladders. >> And we just read a story about Richard Ramirez climbing up a tree to get to a
00:38:47
second story window. >> want you they're going to get you. Yeah. >> The next weekend everyone but me was
00:38:52
going out of town. I was freaked. I invited all of my friends, especially my guy friends, to come stay at the house
00:38:57
that weekend. Until my friends arrived I sat staring at the window and the door to the basement expecting them to open
00:39:03
at any time with a knife-wielding maniac jumping out at me. I knew the basement did not figure into this story but
00:39:09
basement basements are creepy as [ __ ] so out of principle I stared at that son of
00:39:13
a [ __ ] also. Honestly, valid. >> Mhm. >> Um my friends finally arrived and we got
00:39:18
through the weekend. One problem with this situation is that one of my friends was so weird and probably on an acid
00:39:24
trip that I was most likely more in danger from him than whatever else was out there. Needless to say I made it
00:39:30
through the weekend. Fast forward to about 2 weeks later. We were having a hectic morning jostling
00:39:35
around each other as we each got ready for respective works and classes. Ma- Maggie comes into the kitchen where
00:39:41
the rest of us are. Maggie is all pissed off. Maggie ran a little grumpy anyway so she would just shrugged and continued
00:39:47
what we were doing. She says, "Who did it?" And we said, "What?" And she says, "Who ate my [ __ ] tater tots?"
00:39:53
>> Ooh, that's a crime. >> Now for more recent times I would have said Napoleon Dynamite did it and she
00:39:59
would have thrown something at me. In 1982 I starving? >> charming >> charming >> charming
00:40:06
>> He likes Napoleon Dynamite. >> think he's just like charming. That's how I took it like
00:40:11
>> I In 1982 I said, "Maggie, no one ate your your tater tots." Everyone shrugged and went life went on,
00:40:18
although tot-less for Maggie, which she continued to gripe about. >> That's fair.
00:40:22
>> A few days later, Maggie was at it again. She said, "Where's my lasagna?" Again, she's met with blank looks from
00:40:27
all of us. We're not above eating each other's food, but not this time. I began wondering if we had a ghost or a
00:40:33
poltergeist. I have been a weird weirdo spooky [ __ ] my entire life, so it was a
00:40:37
logical explanation for me. >> It was logical to me. >> Me, too. >> Once again, I was afraid of my own
00:40:42
house. A few days after the lasagna incident, some people came over who we sort of
00:40:47
know. >> [gasps] >> It made me think of [ __ ] I don't even know my own kid. >> [laughter]
00:40:52
>> I'm afraid of my own house. >> I also like that the lasagna incident. >> [laughter]
00:40:56
>> They said they had been at a party where these two guys were talking about getting really drunk a few weeks back
00:41:01
back, blay- blacking out, then wa- waking up to find a bag of tater tots and a pan of lasagna sitting on their
00:41:09
kitchen table. They said they had no idea where these items had come from. >> Wait, so they came to your house to take
00:41:15
your tater tots and your lasagna? >> Our friends asked them if they had been at a party at our address. They said no,
00:41:21
but that they used to live at our house. >> Oh my god. >> asked them if by any chance they might
00:41:28
have gone to our house in their blackout state thinking they still lived there. One of the guys said he thought he
00:41:34
remembered climbing through a window and running down a street. >> How do [laughter] you think you remember
00:41:39
that? Oh, maybe you ran down >> Maybe I ran down the street after I climbed through a win- What?
00:41:44
>> The more they talked, they pieced together what happened. >> Oh my god. >> The guys were smashed, thought they
00:41:50
still lived at our house, couldn't get in the front door, so did the next logical thing and broke through the
00:41:56
screen on the window. >> Oh my god. >> stumbled around the house, running into furniture that wasn't where they thought
00:42:04
it should be. They were hungry, so they looked in the fridge. It's funny cuz it's misspelled, it says
00:42:10
the fridge. [laughter] >> So they I don't know why that made me laugh. >> Finding not much word there due to the
00:42:17
party animals eating everything that wasn't still crawling, the fridge [laughter] was empty.
00:42:23
Oh, but the freezer contained some delectable items. They threw said items out the window. What Maggie heard,
00:42:30
ran upstairs, who knows why, were freaked out to see people were there, ran downstairs out the back door.
00:42:37
Somehow they retrieved the tots and lasagna along the way. Quite a feat for smashed college students. No ghosts, no
00:42:45
murders, just drunk guys out of their minds and craving a good tot. >> Wow. >> Maggie never did apologize for blaming
00:42:51
us. Parties continued. Ah, the '80s, keeping it weird at all times. Violet. >> Wow.
00:42:59
What the [ __ ] >> That was That I love how it came full circle, though. >> That's so '80s.
00:43:03
>> It really was. >> So, they just came back to a house they thought they lived in.
00:43:07
>> That feels like a movie. It really does. >> I'm obsessed with that. >> That was amazing.
00:43:12
>> Oh, but that must have been nice to find out in a weird way cuz you were probably
00:43:15
not afraid of your house anymore. >> no >> No poltergeists. >> No poltergeists. Just But then you have
00:43:20
to worry about these [ __ ] getting drunk again and thinking they live there. >> I know.
00:43:24
>> Like that's a little scary. >> That is a little bit scary. I'd be like, "Can you remember where you live? Like
00:43:27
write it on your hand or something?" >> You live in the dark. >> Well, I'm sorry.
00:43:32
>> I didn't say that to you. >> Uh also, Maggie, get it together. >> Yeah, Maggie.
00:43:38
You're sad. >> sad. >> Maggie's sad. Yeah, Maggie's sad. >> Maggie's sad beyond >> She said sad way of living to be
00:43:44
>> to run grumpy. >> to run grumpy. >> And to never apologize for it. I don't know if I apologize a lot, but I do when
00:43:48
I'm mean. >> You do apologize if you're grumpy. >> Yeah, yeah. If I know I'm grumpy, I'm
00:43:52
like, >> Yeah, I apologize when I'm grumpy sometimes. >> I do, too. >> You got to
00:43:57
large? That's not nice. >> [laughter] >> So. >> Damn. >> Anyway, this one is called spirit.
00:44:04
>> [clears throat] >> [ __ ] >> Did he just say [ __ ] >> He said poor. >> Oh my god, I thought he was said [ __ ]
00:44:11
What? >> I was literally drink like >> Do you say p o u r? >> No. >> Oh, like poor like you're poor. you he
00:44:19
said you broke [ __ ] >> Yeah, you broke [ __ ] >> And now he said [clears throat] inside.
00:44:23
>> Yeah. >> Po- I'm poor inside. >> [laughter] >> He said you're empty of morals.
00:44:29
>> [ __ ] >> Whatever. All right, this one is called spirit at the salon. Hi Ashalina, this
00:44:34
is Rob. >> Hi Rob. >> I want to share more light-hearted story about a positive ghostly experience that
00:44:40
helped me understand myself a bit better. >> Oh. >> Names and specifics have been changed
00:44:44
because toxic masculinity is a thing. >> Sure is. >> In the town where I grew up, I would
00:44:48
often spend afternoons hanging out at my aunt's beauty salon down the street from
00:44:52
the school while I waited for my mom to get home from work. I love that so much.
00:44:56
When I tell you it was the '80s, when you walked into the salon, you knew it. Wood grain cabinets and drawers, pink
00:45:02
painted walls, >> yeah. >> shiny linoleum tile, pink vinyl covered chairs. Oh my god.
00:45:10
Those retro salon decals on the walls, you know the ones. >> I do. >> Yep. >> The smell of perm solution soaked into
00:45:16
every surface. I hated perm week at school. And a whole row of dryer hoods along the
00:45:22
side wall. >> Yes. >> Mostly most of them usually occupied by the regulars getting their weekly roller
00:45:27
[snorts] sets. >> Hell yeah. >> Very [clears throat] Steel Magnolias. I love that movie.
00:45:31
Drink the juice, Shelby. I'd spend afternoons in the waiting room fighting the kind of extreme boredom
00:45:37
that only a small child with more than 10 minutes of unoccupied time can feel. I colored, read the same four comic
00:45:43
books on the rack that never changed, and entertained the old ladies who always told me I reminded them of their
00:45:48
grandsons. >> Hell yeah, Rob. >> And eventually my aunt put a broom in my hands and set me to work getting that
00:45:53
swe- sweet free child labor out of me. [laughter] One winter day when it was dark and the
00:45:59
salon was closed, I was waiting for my aunt to clean up and take me home. I glanced out the picture window, which in
00:46:04
darkness had become a big black mirror framed with frost around the edges. Despite the salon being empty other than
00:46:10
my aunt in the back room, in the window's reflection, I saw a lady sitting in one of the dryer chairs. She
00:46:16
had her hair in rollers and was draped in the salon's standard issue pink vinyl cape. Confused knowing the salon was
00:46:22
closed, I turned around and there was no one there. >> Oh, I love her. >> What a ghost [laughter] to see.
00:46:29
>> Forever getting her hair done. Forever doing self-care. >> Oh my god. >> Forever.
00:46:34
>> She's probably very warm though. >> Good for her. >> I thought about I thought about telling
00:46:38
my aunt, but I didn't want to say anything because I clearly just saw a ghost and saying it out loud would make
00:46:42
that real. >> Very fair. >> I saw this lady more and more over the next few years. She was always in the
00:46:47
same dryer chair, always only in the window's reflection after close. I eventually got the courage to bring it
00:46:53
up to my aunt, but she's always been a very stern woman who never tolerated any shenanigans, mischief, tomfoolery,
00:46:59
>> or >> monkey shines? >> Yeah. I've never heard of monkey shines. >> live that way.
00:47:03
>> No. Not tolerating any shenanigans, mischief, tomfoolery, or monkey shines. >> Yeah, that's nuts.
00:47:08
>> I'm all about that. >> I'm all about that, [laughter] too. >> I love tomfoolery. That's my middle
00:47:13
name. >> She told me Ash Tomfoolery Kelly. >> She told me it was just my imagination
00:47:19
and handed me some towels to fold. I've lost count of the number of towels I folded in my life.
00:47:23
>> Same. When you're an apprentice, all you do is wash, wash, wash, dry, dry, dry,
00:47:30
laundry, laundry, laundry, fold, fold, fold. And then you pay some parking tickets.
00:47:34
>> Damn. >> Oh. Now, as I grew up and no longer needed a babysitter, I still visited the salon
00:47:39
regularly, partly because I enjoyed the compliments that came along with being the resident handyman or free labor, but
00:47:45
mostly because I enjoyed flirting with the cute girls who would come in to get their hair done. And fellas, if a girl
00:47:50
flirts with you while she's got a head full of perm ro- rods and wearing a pink salon cape, then you know she trusts
00:47:55
you. >> That had stopped seeing that super valid. I had stopped seeing the ghost
00:47:59
lady and had mostly forgotten about the whole thing. But fast forward a few years and I'm home on break from
00:48:04
college. I'm on a nostalgia tour around town and I stop in the salon to say hi. At one point I glanced at the big
00:48:10
picture window and had a flash of remembrance thinking of the ghost lady for the first time since I was little. I
00:48:17
don't know where the idea came from but I thought maybe I'd join that lady for old time's sake.
00:48:23
That's adorable. >> Oh my god. >> I don't know what was more embarrassing for me. Asking my aunt to set my hair in
00:48:29
rollers or knowing that I was doing it for a ghost. >> Wait, I love that you literally did this
00:48:34
for the ghost lady. >> I'm obsessed with this. >> It's so sweet that you just felt
00:48:38
compelled to do that. >> I love this. >> I'm obsessed. >> this. >> She showed herself to the right person.
00:48:44
>> Yeah, she did. >> She was so excited to do my hair. I've been growing it out since college and
00:48:49
she clearly wanted to get her hands on it for quite a while. Soon enough I was feeling awkward with my hair in curlers,
00:48:55
was wearing a pink cape of my own and I sat myself down under the dryer right next to where the ghost lady always sat.
00:49:01
I'm going [laughter] to cry right now. I'm actually going to cry. >> Yeah, I love this.
00:49:06
>> I started asking her questions. I have years of experience talking to the salon
00:49:09
ladies so I knew what they like to talk about. I asked her about where she grew up, her family, her pets, crafts and
00:49:15
hobbies that she liked. I never heard any answers. Not that I could hear anything cuz those dryers are loud as
00:49:20
[ __ ] am I right? >> are pretty loud. >> But as I talked sitting in silence between questions to give her time to
00:49:25
answer, I felt a growing sense of peace and tranquility. >> I love this. >> I can only describe it as the feeling
00:49:31
you get when you're alone in nature quietly enjoying the view during a very pleasant walk. I don't know if this lady
00:49:36
ever was really there or if I if my keeping her company was helpful to her spirit in any way, but it certainly was
00:49:42
helpful to mine. And as an aside, my hair looked incredible. >> [laughter] >> Ladies, if you haven't tried an old
00:49:49
school roller set, you seriously got to try it. The pin up waves it gives are unbeatable and they lasted for
00:49:55
[laughter] days. I'm obsessed with you. Also, I love pin curl set. I was literally teaching Daddy
00:50:01
how to do pin curls. They were a little different this time, but Long [snorts] story long, no no place
00:50:06
feels like home uh to me as much as a quaint neighborhood hair salon and everywhere I've lived, I've always
00:50:12
searched for a friendly little salon with kind stylists and regulars who welcome me as one of their own. I may be
00:50:18
the only cishet male who has been sta- who has a standing appointment for a deep conditioning treatment and a roller
00:50:23
set. >> I love him a lot. >> I'm in my 40s and I still have a full healthy head of hair.
00:50:28
>> Yes, cuz you done took care of it, baby. >> And I like to believe that part of the
00:50:31
reason is the unnamed ghost lady is my hair guardian angel. This is my favorite story we've ever received. This is my
00:50:39
favorite story. She's watching over the hair She's watching over my hair the same way I looked out for her that day.
00:50:46
Thank you for your time. No, thank you for yours. [laughter] Thank you for being weird. Just weird
00:50:50
enough that you go to get your hair done with some old school curlers as a tribute to all the badass women who came
00:50:55
before. Rob. >> Literally. [laughter] >> Obsessed with you. That is the I just spit everywhere. The
00:51:04
sweetest tale we've ever received. >> that. >> Wow. That just made my whole day. Rob
00:51:10
forever. We're done. >> Yeah, that was it. That was Rob. >> perfect ending. >> god, I love that tale so much.
00:51:18
>> Wow. Guys, it was the '80s. I can't wait to wash my face and brush my hair. I got to tell you something, I've
00:51:24
never felt more insane in my life. >> You look great. >> I liked being Krampus better.
00:51:29
>> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> And Miranda Priestly. >> And a lot. That goes without saying.
00:51:33
It's just 2:00 a.m. >> Yeah. >> Oh, take me back to Miranda's country. >> comfortable, but I could live like that
00:51:39
with the tight [clears throat] pants right now. >> stay like that and I don't think many
00:51:42
people would question it. >> Probably not. Yeah. >> I love [laughter] it. All right. Well,
00:51:47
thank you guys so much for writing in your tales. If you have a tale and you want to write in, send them to
00:51:51
[email protected]. Make sure to say hello to everybody. And >> Entitle it listener tales and then your
00:51:58
tale. >> And if there's if there are any pictures or anything, just make sure you give us permission to
00:52:02
share or tell us that you don't want them shared. Just like tell us either way. >> Tell us.
00:52:06
>> Tell us. And I think that's it. >> Yeah. >> All right, so we hope you keep listening
00:52:11
and we hope you keep it weird. >> Not so weird that you don't go get a [ __ ] roller set with a ghost lady. Do
00:52:18
keep it so Well, don't keep it so weird that you break into people's houses and steal their tater
00:52:21
>> tots. Like that's insane. >> That's [ __ ] up. Those were mine. >> You can't be doing that.
00:52:25
>> No. >> It was the '80s though. >> It was the '80s. >> Do Yeah, don't keep it so weird that in
00:52:30
the afterlife you assault somebody's grandma. >> No, don't talk about you, you pervy old ghost, old
00:52:35
Joe. >> And do not keep it so weird as to sleep with your upstairs bedroom door open and
00:52:41
run into Richard Ramirez. He's dead now, but >> Or to be Richard Ramirez. >> Don't ever keep it that weird. Don't eat
00:52:46
Cabbage Patch Kids. >> Remember when he got the [ __ ] kicked out of him by the entire neighborhood
00:52:49
though? >> That was pretty wild. >> That was great. >> That was awesome. >> If you don't know
00:52:53
>> [laughter] >> already. >> Yeah, it was the '80s, right? >> Or was it the '90s?
00:52:56
>> That was the Might have been the '80s. Hold. >> Or was it the early '90s? >> Let me see.
00:53:04
>> I can't wait to take this tutu off. It's digging into my sides. >> Oh, he was caught in the 1985.
00:53:16
>> Oh my gosh. Okay, it was the '80s, so that's why they kicked the [ __ ] out of
00:53:19
him in the '80s. Okay. >> Period. >> Get him out. >> All right, well, >> [laughter]
00:53:24
>> we already said keep it weird, so bye, I guess. >> So bye. >> Love you. >> This was the '80s, man.
00:53:30
>> [music] [music] >> Woo!