00:00:00
Hey weirdos. I'm Krampus one. >> And I'm Krampus actually number one. Wow. I [laughter]
00:00:07
was like two. And this is Morbid. >> This is Morbid listener tales holiday edition.
00:00:22
[music] What Krampus kind of one said? [laughter] >> What does she think this is?
00:00:36
>> I'm in my Krampus vibe. >> I'm in my vibe. Careful. I'll bite your arm off. Does
00:00:42
>> you >> You do have the acrylics. >> I know. I have to acrylics and hand acrylics. I was very concerned that
00:00:48
these be in the shot. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Feet pics. >> Feet pics. Free feet [laughter] pics.
00:00:55
Well, anyways, this is brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you. And it's holiday themed obvious,
00:01:00
obviously. >> It's smelly as [ __ ] >> It's so bright. >> Let's get into it. >> Let's get into it. You want to go first
00:01:06
or you want me to? >> Yes. Um, why don't you go first? >> Okay. >> I'll let you be Krampus one for this.
00:01:11
>> Thanks. Um, can you scroll for me? >> Um, do you want the name of the tale? >> This is called Listener Tale. Our
00:01:18
neighbor was a Dollar Tree, Florida man, but make it Alabama. I'm so glad I got to read this. always make
00:01:24
>> Oh my god. At first I thought he said succeed, [laughter] >> but he actually said succeed.
00:01:29
>> Oh, he said succeed. >> Yeah, I don't know why. I like that. >> Is he telling me to succeed cuz he likes
00:01:33
you better? >> What did he just say? >> Drip. >> Drip. >> Told you a drip. >> Well, drip nowadays is pretty cool. Like
00:01:42
I got drip. >> I don't know if Nicholas is up on the on the swag. >> Are you doubting your man?
00:01:46
>> No, I just know he's an elder. >> I don't know. I think [laughter] he likes my drip.
00:01:51
>> Anyway, Florida man. You said a drip. >> I've never even heard somebody be called
00:01:54
a drip. >> Really? >> No. >> Oh, damn. >> Well, >> I'm old. >> I'm old. I mean, today we're both
00:02:00
ancient. >> It's true. >> So, my name is Andrea, and yes, you can use my name. I changed all of other
00:02:05
names in the tale for you. I'm a longtime creeper first time emailer here. I had to send in this true
00:02:10
crime/weirdass encounter that unfolded over several years ago while my family lived in Mobile, Alabama.
00:02:17
>> Mobile Alabama. >> Mobile Alabama. just makes me think you have a baby in a bar. [laughter]
00:02:24
>> It involves a sketchy neighbor, a literal water heist, a surprise home intruder, and a toddler conducting
00:02:30
inflatable inspections during a SWAT standoff. >> That's so much. >> That's a wild ass sentence.
00:02:36
>> This is a tale. >> Well, buckle up and hold on to your butts. So, let's hold them. So, let's
00:02:40
rewind. Around 2019 to 2022, my husband and I moved to Mobile, Alabama. Alabama.
00:02:47
>> Mobile Alabama. Mobile, Alabama from Witchah, Kansas. >> Oh, is it Mobile? >> Mobile.
00:02:52
>> Mobile. >> Oh, [ __ ] >> Deb. Deb just helped us out here because shout out to Deb. Holy [ __ ]
00:02:56
>> Oh, people. We've already got We've already gotten 18 years. >> Mobile, Alabama.
00:03:01
>> Mobile. >> Mobile. >> So, we moved from Mobile to W from We moved to Mobile from Witchah. That's
00:03:08
what we did. >> My face is itchy. >> Okay. >> I was already in culture shock. It's
00:03:14
going to be hard to get out of that mobile. cuz of the mobile. >> Yeah. >> And I was soon to be in a neighbor shock
00:03:19
as well. >> Oh. >> We bought our first house in a beautiful neighborhood. 1acre lots and custom home
00:03:24
builds. Go >> stone. Maybe made of stone. >> It was stone. >> Yeah, definitely stone.
00:03:29
>> He said stone walls even. >> He [laughter] said, "Watch out for the radon. Call a mason."
00:03:35
>> I felt so grown up and I was living in my dream house. We live next door to a
00:03:40
man we'll lovingly call Steve. >> Steve. >> Steve was a vibe. And by that I mean,
00:03:46
can you scroll for me? >> Oh, I was I was like [laughter] >> I was trying to tell you to
00:03:50
>> I was literally like it's like Nancy in the Christmas Bake Off, which >> What do you mean? Oh, you can scroll.
00:03:56
>> Mikey can scroll. >> Mikey can scroll. I love that. >> Do you watch the Christmas Bake Off
00:04:00
where Nancy will give you these fingers if if you do a good job? >> No, I see that part.
00:04:05
>> Sometimes like if you move Nancy to tears or like she your food just tastes so good, she does this and you got the
00:04:10
fingers. >> Damn. All right. All right. Anyway, Steve Steve was a vibe. And by that I
00:04:16
mean chaotic energy with a side of felony. >> Oh, awesome. >> That is a vibe. >> And he had people coming and going from
00:04:21
his house at all hours of the day and night. And he always seemed to be working on his fence, but only after
00:04:26
dark. Oh, and he liked to randomly rev up his motorcycle in the middle of the night, not to go anywhere, just to make
00:04:33
noise. >> That would annoy me. >> That would annoy the [ __ ] out of me. It was giving ritual sacrifice to the gas
00:04:38
gods. At this time, we had an infant, and I dared Steve to wake that baby up. This mama was running on caffeine and
00:04:45
rage. Yep. >> And I wasn't scared of prison. There were whispers that he'd been in and out
00:04:50
of jail, but things got truly unhinged around CO. That's when they got real unhinged for everybody.
00:04:56
>> Why can't I come? [laughter] [laughter] I'm going to pass. I was so excited to get another
00:05:15
disgusting and then [clears throat] it was so short-lived by why can't I come that could be seen in so many lights.
00:05:22
[laughter] How does one recover from a [laughter] question like that? [snorts] Also,
00:05:30
something made a ticking noise. Did something shut off? Just making sure. We're good. Okay. No.
00:05:36
>> Oh my god. >> Wow. I'm literally crying. Tears in my mouth. >> I [laughter] didn't know how to respond to that.
00:05:46
>> We all responded the same. >> What's happening? Like >> disgusting. Why can't I come?
00:05:51
>> I was like, I don't know, [laughter] Steve. >> It was It's not Steve, it's Nicholas.
00:05:54
>> Steve, Nicholas, I'm so stressed. >> I'm thinking about Steve. >> All right, let's get back to Let's get
00:05:58
back to Steve. >> Nicholas, [snorts] I'm sorry. So, there were whispers that he had been in and
00:06:02
out of jail, but things got truly unhinged around CO. Like most people, I started going on daily sanity walks. And
00:06:07
that's when I noticed Steve's trash was never getting picked up. Turns out our boy was stuffing his garbage into other
00:06:14
people's cans like a raccoon with poor impulse control. >> Steve, >> there was trash everywhere on the
00:06:20
sidewalk in his yard. Overflowing was an understatement. It got worse. The lights
00:06:24
stopped turning on in his house, but someone was clearly still living there. One day the gas and water companies came
00:06:30
and padlocked his utilities off. Like physically chained them shut. >> Damn. >> Jeremy, my real life Ted Lasso husband.
00:06:37
I don't know what that means. Do you watch Ted Lasso? >> I didn't watch Ted Lasso.
00:06:40
>> Debbie. >> Yes. >> What does that mean? >> Like a sweet lovely man. >> A sweet lovely man, says Deb. So, uh,
00:06:47
Jeremy and you were nosy as hell, so we kept tabs through our new security cameras. One night we watched.
00:06:53
>> I'm from here. >> You're from here, Nicholas? then you can come. >> Nicholas does have Boston energy.
00:06:59
>> He really does. You really do. >> Um, so one night we watched Steve lift the water mane lid and cut off the
00:07:07
padlock to work to turn his water back on. >> I mean, he's strong. >> He He's He's He's a DIYer,
00:07:16
>> I suppose. Yeah, >> he's he's going for it. >> That's crazy. >> So, there's that. He said, "It's fine.
00:07:21
I'll do it myself." I guess >> it's fine. Yeah. just casually committing felonies like he was brushing
00:07:26
his teeth. He ended up rigging a rain barrel on the side of his house to run into his kitchen. It was an eyesore, but
00:07:33
do what you have to do, I guess. >> Industrious. >> And then the pist resistance. I was
00:07:38
really going for that. >> I like [snorts] that. >> I left for a gym run and saw a hose
00:07:42
running from the fire hydrant to wait for it, his pool. Sir, that's not a legal plumbing choice. That's a felony.
00:07:51
So, I called up my Ted Lasso husband and I was like, "This is illegal, right?" >> This can't be good, right?
00:07:57
>> No. He reported it to the fire department and the police, and spoiler alert, it was very illegal.
00:08:01
>> Yeah. >> Now, listen, Steve's dating life was its own soap opera. Women came and women
00:08:06
went like Door Dash deliveries. Live your truth, bro. Things got wild right before Christmas 2020. Things always get
00:08:12
wild around Christmas. >> They do. >> We had just put our toddler, we'll call him G, to bed, and we're de Gun.
00:08:20
>> [laughter] >> It's your baby. >> That's your baby. >> That's your baby. Gunit was in bed and
00:08:26
you guys were decompressing on the couch when suddenly bang bang bang. Oh, more more like bang bang bang.
00:08:32
>> Oh, she she went like straight to the felonious. >> Well, we're talking about a felon.
00:08:37
>> You were you were like bang bang bang. >> Someone started yelling and banging on
00:08:40
our front door. Jeremy flipped to the security cam and there was Steve and his newest girlfriend who's trying to come
00:08:46
into our house barefoot. >> What did he say? magic >> that they needed to use magic if they
00:08:52
wanted to get in. >> He was asking for magic. >> Oh, you want magic? Have some. >> Have some.
00:08:57
>> You know what, Nicholas? Every little thing you do is magic. A >> anyway, uh so his girlfriend and him
00:09:05
were trying to get into your house and his girlfriend was wearing no shoes in shorts in winter. She's yelling and he's
00:09:11
trying to drag her home. Jeremy opens the door. Steve runs away and she says, "Can I come in?" And [snorts] you all
00:09:17
should have said, say it with me now, no. [laughter] But I'm not judging. Jeremy, saint, protector, golden
00:09:24
retriever energy, told her no. Good job. >> But offered to help. >> We're here, Nicholas.
00:09:30
>> We're here. We're never leaving you, Nicholas. >> He grabbed his phone and an old hoodie
00:09:34
for her, but when he came back outside, she was gone. She had vanished. >> Turns out she wandered around the side
00:09:40
of the house in total darkness. Jere like, why? >> I'm scared. I don't know why. My
00:09:46
immediate thought when you said she wandered around the house in total I thought you said in total our car.
00:09:52
[laughter] >> I thought that's what you were going to say. I don't know why. >> And she she walked around and she
00:09:56
[laughter] just totaled our car. Why would she do that? I mean why would she do anything really?
00:10:02
>> I don't know. So [laughter] I have like a slight uh migraine approaching. So I think I'm in like
00:10:09
weird migraine land right now. I was sitting like to the side too long and it started to hurt.
00:10:14
>> It happens. Pilates your feet. >> Thank go. Thank Thank you. >> Thank goodness.
00:10:19
>> Thank gosh. >> Thank crimp cramp. So she wandered to the side of the house to totally gone.
00:10:25
[laughter] Jeremy called the police who arrived and asked her why she tried to come in. Her
00:10:30
answer, "You have a baby. I knew you'd be nice and be home." That's very strangerscoded.
00:10:36
>> I was just going to say, I knew you would be nice and be home. Lots of mean people have babies. [laughter] Ask my
00:10:42
mom. >> And I'll be very nice to my baby and be very mean to you. [laughter] >> But I'm like, not everybody with a baby
00:10:48
is a nice person. Like, hello. [laughter] >> So, ma'am, you could have just asked
00:10:53
like a normal human. You did not have to break down our door. >> No. >> She ended up staying with her parents
00:10:58
that night and was back with Steve 2 days later because of course. >> But wait, hold on.
00:11:04
>> Did you say scream since [screaming] >> Scream girl? >> Hold on. My face is so itch.
00:11:11
So itch. >> As soon as I finished saying that, I knew you were going to go. [laughter] I
00:11:17
just knew it. I just knew it about you. >> I'm so predictable. >> You're so predictable.
00:11:22
>> So you're so Capricorn. >> So she stayed with Steve. But wait, hold on to your butts. It's now Christmas
00:11:29
2021, one year later. Oh, that's math. Steve is still up to his nonsense. arguing with girlfriends, being hunted
00:11:35
by the repo man, building what can only be described as janky murder trailers in
00:11:40
his driveway. People are still coming in and out of his house at all hours of the
00:11:44
day and night. We all probably know what he was up to, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. He has a book club.
00:11:48
>> Yeah. >> Our toddler G is now fully obsessed with inflatable yard decorations.
00:11:52
>> Gunit. >> Gunit. >> So, of course, our front yard looks like the Alabama Griswalds.
00:11:58
>> That's phenomenal. >> I love that we've got like a 100 inflatable Santa, snowmen, and elves.
00:12:03
It's a whole situation. >> Incredible. >> One evening, G and I are driving home,
00:12:06
blasting Christmas music, and notice two cop cars behind me. I'm going the speed
00:12:10
limit. I used my blinker. I'm wearing my seatelt, but I'm sweating bullets. Anyway, we've all been there.
00:12:16
>> I I am almost 40 years old, and every time I go to inside a liquor store, I'm
00:12:21
like, do I have my I'm like I'm >> Am I supposed to be here? What if they call >> get in trouble? Like, it's what?
00:12:27
>> No, I hate that. Whenever anybody asks me to go, I'm like, no. Yeah, I feel bad.
00:12:31
>> I do. I feel bad. Bad. I feel disgusting. [laughter] So, h the They drive past me
00:12:39
when I pull over. Phew. We get home and surprise, those same two cruisers are now parked in front of Steve's house. I
00:12:46
go inside and I fill in Jeremy. We pull up the cameras and see two more police cars arrive. That's four total, all at
00:12:52
Steve's. They're knocking on his door, circling the house. G asks if we can go outside to look at his flatables.
00:12:58
>> His flatables? >> Absolutely, buddy. Let's go look at those flatables. >> He will vacuum the lawn while we're
00:13:04
outside. [laughter] >> While we're out there, one officer even walks over to us and asks if Steve is
00:13:09
home. I'd be like, I don't know. >> I don't know Steve. >> I don't know Steve's life. Jeremy, who's
00:13:13
still working from home, tells him, "Yeah, his truck is just hidden behind the fence to dodge to the repo guy."
00:13:17
Because of course it is. And that Steve, >> what? >> I'm moving. >> You're moving? Congratulations.
00:13:24
>> Steve is a tough neighbor. He's like, I'm moving. >> He's like, I'm out of this neighborhood.
00:13:27
>> That's me. I'm moving. Yeah, >> that's what Nicholas said. >> I would too, Nicholas.
00:13:31
>> Good for you, Nicholas. You're really getting into these stories and I appreciate that.
00:13:34
>> You really are. >> He's like, me, the third host, I would move. >> I would move. [laughter]
00:13:40
>> So, LA, >> I love you, Nick. >> Why can't I come? [laughter] >> Why can't I come? Goes crazy.
00:13:46
>> That's wild. So, Steve had been home for at least 15 to 20 minutes. The officer
00:13:51
thanked us, radioed for and then radios for backup. >> 2 minutes later, sirens. We watch them
00:13:57
fly down the road to behind our house. When they stop, we realize there are now two cop two cop cars at the front of the
00:14:04
neighborhood. Two more blocking the end of our street and at least 10 in our culde-sac.
00:14:09
>> Huh. That's upsetting. >> Huh. >> I hate that. 10. 10 for Steve. >> Uh-oh. >> At this point, officers started pulling
00:14:19
on tactical vests like fullon SWAT gear. >> Uh-oh. Jeremy and I decided it was now
00:14:25
time to get the tiny boy in the house. Gunit is understandably upset that he had to pause his nightly inflatable
00:14:31
inspection, but we distracted him with macaroni and cheese, as one does during a neighborhood SWAT standoff.
00:14:36
>> That's all you really can do. >> We're in the middle of dinner and are glued to the camera channel on the TV.
00:14:41
After 15 minutes uh after a 15-minute tent standoff and us low-key watching the entire thing like a true crime
00:14:47
reality show, the police arrested Steve. Turns out earlier that week he had been
00:14:52
towing a friend's car with rope. The rope snapped, the car veered into oncoming traffic and a family of five
00:15:00
was seriously injured. >> Oh my gosh. >> And of course, our boy Steve fled the scene.
00:15:06
>> Steve, you got to get it the [ __ ] together. >> You can't just injure a family of five
00:15:10
like that and steal from the fire hydrants. >> You can't. >> Felonius. >> Felonious.
00:15:16
>> Yeah. See, I knew you were going to let that go either. Can't let that one go.
00:15:20
>> You're so Krampus. >> I can't do it. I'm Krampus, but I'm also a Capricorn. I can't let that go.
00:15:24
>> You said Felonius. >> Yeah, that goes crazy. [laughter] >> So that's why the SWAT team came. Not
00:15:29
because of the fire hydrant, not because of the trash crimes, not even the illegal pool pool water, because he
00:15:34
literally caused a crash and then ran. We moved not long after. I think about Steve every Christmas when I see
00:15:41
inflatable Santaas. And every time I hear a motorcycle rev after 9:00 p.m., a small part of my soul leaves my body.
00:15:47
Thanks for reading this truly unhinged tale. Stay weird, but not cutting your water padlock and filling your pool with
00:15:52
fire hydrant before getting arrested by Spot on Christmas. Weird. Love y'all like Steve loves breaking every single
00:15:58
law [laughter] from Andrea. >> I'm going to use that now. I love you like Steve.
00:16:03
>> Steve loves breaking laws. >> Every single law. [laughter] >> That was too good.
00:16:08
>> Steve is wild. Nicholas is right. >> Andrea, I hope you better move neighbor now.
00:16:13
>> Yeah, you were correct to move like Nicholas said. >> Yeah. Um, but Steve sounds like a hoot
00:16:18
and a half >> until he injured a family of five. >> Yeah, it sounded like he was just very
00:16:23
like um >> handy. >> What? >> Cursed. >> He was very cursed. >> It does sound like he was
00:16:29
>> very cursed. Cursed energy. >> Nicholas is literally on point here. I just want to point that out.
00:16:34
>> He really is. >> He's really He's here. >> He's doing the damn thing. >> He's like, he's really We were
00:16:40
struggling. We were like, he's really and he says cursed. Cursed. >> He said [ __ ]
00:16:43
>> Is that the word you're looking for? Sounds like he's cursed. >> And it was. >> It was. All right. I liked that. Andrea,
00:16:49
love you long time. >> Andrea. >> Andrea. >> That would have worked so well last
00:16:54
tales. >> It would have. Um, this next one is Listener Tales, my so-called out-of body
00:17:01
experience. >> Oo. Hello ladies. My name is Nicole and I am no longer a new listener. I almost said
00:17:09
Lou. >> A listener. >> A luner. as I started following your podcast February 2023 and it is now
00:17:15
September 2024. >> Actually, Nicole, now it's December 2025, so you're the oldest listener. So
00:17:22
old. So old. I've been sitting [laughter] on this. >> Mikey's like Mikey says, "You're not."
00:17:29
[laughter] >> He's like, "That's not how time works." I've been sitting on this email for a
00:17:35
while now. I love the show. I can't imagine how much time and effort goes into researching the stories. Thank you
00:17:40
so much. Uh, thank you for doing all the hard work so I do not have to. Although,
00:17:44
I feel like I have a pretty solid working knowledge of most things morbid. You provide so much content and context.
00:17:50
I'm ashamed to admit I was at first put off by the sideline banter >> and laughter of the show. However, I
00:18:02
quickly realized that all those giggles are the perfect palette cleanser since the subject matter can be so harrowing.
00:18:07
>> We're glad you came to the right side, Nicole. >> [laughter] >> A million apologies for not immediately
00:18:13
recognizing the artistry. Okay, I love the art. >> Half a million accepted. >> I forgive you um for not I shall never
00:18:20
doubt either of you again. And I will never doubt you, Nicole. Okay, we're friends now.
00:18:24
>> I won't either. >> We're friends now. It's okay. >> Why are you here? >> Nicholas actually wants to know why
00:18:29
you're here. >> So Nicholas isn't as quick to forget. [laughter] >> Um we'll work on him. Okay. Uh but one
00:18:36
more thing before getting into my tail. The chemistry you two have is off the charts.
00:18:41
>> She's all right. [laughter] >> Wow. [gasps] Uh, how well you know and love each
00:18:47
other really shines through. You can tell Ash is Elena's biggest cheerleader and that Elena is Ash's biggest
00:18:53
cheerleader. It's true. >> It's refreshing to hear two women who are so encouraging and proud of each
00:18:57
other. >> I almost hit you right in the face. Hold on. It's the wrong place. Hold on. Wait.
00:19:05
Wait. I'm sitting on everything. There it is. There it is. Okay, that first one was [laughter] okay, enough of
00:19:12
the ass kissing. That wasn't ass kissing. That was great. >> That was just kind.
00:19:15
>> I came here to tell a story. So, here we go. >> Tell it. >> My tale begins in the long ago year of
00:19:20
20 Oh, 2001. Damn. >> 2000 and one. >> Isn't that 10 years ago? What? I was 19. >> I won't leave you.
00:19:29
>> I'll never leave you. He was like, was I too cold? >> You're cold. It is sometimes cold in
00:19:35
this room. >> It can be tough. We'll light some candles. >> I'll get you a sweatshirt.
00:19:39
>> I was 19 years old and it was New Year's Eve. My boyfriend Alec, my sister Diana,
00:19:45
and her boyfriend Pete along with our friend Tina decided to be responsible teenagers by staying at our dad's house
00:19:51
instead of running all over town drinking and smoking weed like the rest of our friends.
00:19:54
>> Good job. >> However, it was New Year's Eve and we decided we would take some magic
00:19:58
mushrooms and watch some sort of WWE special while ringing in the new year. >> That's pretty iconic.
00:20:04
>> Yes. Hallucinogens mixed with wrestling. Don't tell me we didn't know how to get
00:20:08
down back in those early yachts. I'd love to be able to tell you that the girls and I were wearing velour
00:20:13
tracksuits and trucker hats to really help paint the picture. Alas, I cannot. A man. I remember distinctly I was
00:20:20
wearing a pair of jeans, low cut flares of course, and a loud horizontally striped shirt. You may think, who cares
00:20:26
what this chick was wearing? But trust me when I say it'll I'll bring it back before the end of the story.
00:20:30
>> It was the stripes, wasn't it? >> It was. I had taken mushrooms twice before. Each time was fun, but I may
00:20:36
have had some sort of allergic reaction the second time because the morning after I had a rash all over my chest and
00:20:42
upper arms. >> Oh [ __ ] >> The rash wasn't raised up, but my skin blanched when I pressed on it. So,
00:20:47
honestly, I didn't think much of it. I just wore a long sleeve shirt and the next day the rash was gone. At the time,
00:20:53
I didn't correlate the rash with the to the shrooms. Later, I would wish I had. >> Oh, no. A few months after the second
00:20:59
diance with the magic fun guy, my dad tells my sister and me he's going out of town for New Year's Eve or for New
00:21:05
Year's, but that we can stay at his place and party or whatever. He doesn't want to worry about us being on the
00:21:10
roads going from party to party. It was actually pretty nice. It was a nice offer. My dad had a large screen TV in
00:21:15
his basement and plenty of places for us all to crash. So, we took him up on it.
00:21:20
I'm not sure if we told him ahead of time what substances we were planning to indulge in, but I don't think it would
00:21:25
have mattered as my dad was a partyier himself. We were all just happy to have a safe place to trip out at. Finally,
00:21:31
the big night is here and all five of us eat peanut butter sandwiches topped with
00:21:34
a few mushroom caps and off we go. >> I feel like that's a frequent thing for people that do shrooms. They put them on
00:21:39
peanut butter sandwiches. I think because shroom I've never done them, but I think they taste really bad.
00:21:45
Everything. I I've never heard of that, but >> um remember that show Love? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah,
00:21:51
>> that's how they do shrooms on there, remember? >> Oh, okay. Everything starts off fine.
00:21:55
About a half hour after eating our shroom sandwiches, I feel slightly a slight body buzz, and the colors of the
00:22:01
room seem to be different than I remember. The TV also looks like it's getting further away from me. I would
00:22:06
die. >> I want to be clear about that. I would die on shrooms. Just that. Yeah, I've
00:22:12
never done shrooms, but I did once. Um, how do you can you say on YouTube? I have no idea.
00:22:20
[clears throat] >> Nicholas [ __ ] can't stand that. What did he say? Revolting.
00:22:25
>> Wow. Okay, Nicholas. Oh, people say gardened. One time I gardened and I think my gardening substance was laced
00:22:35
because I found myself inside of a VCR box. I'm for real. So, while I haven't done
00:22:42
Trooms, maybe I have >> a box. What does that mean? >> Not a VCR box. You remember those old
00:22:47
Comcast like um like it was the It came with your TV cable box and it had the orange writing.
00:22:53
>> Oh, yeah. >> I was inside of it looking out >> in my head. Really? I was sitting on a
00:22:57
couch. >> Yeah. You weren't actually in the cable. >> I also fell down the stairs at a house,
00:23:02
the house that I was at before that and they shut the lights off and I thought that I was blind.
00:23:07
>> So, like I can relate to this. Yeah, >> even though I didn't do shroomies. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:12
>> Don't do substances. >> Yeah. >> Don't garden unless it's the real gardening.
00:23:16
>> Damn. >> Yeah. >> Um, so the TV looks like it's getting further away from me. I would die. The
00:23:21
whole as if the whole room is being extended out. Seems like the trip is starting and I wait for some additional
00:23:26
visuals to hit me before anything else psychedelic happens. There's some sort of sisterly drama which happened between
00:23:32
Diana and me. >> Oh, not during shrooms. I do not remember what caused it, but I remember
00:23:36
thinking she got she got really sh really attitudy with me for no reason, and it really pissed me off.
00:23:43
>> Oh, no. >> Now, for anyone who has done hallucinogens, you know that something
00:23:47
like this can totally play with your mind. >> Hot. >> Did he say blood? >> He said hot.
00:23:55
>> Hot. >> I guess when you do drugs, it's not revolting. [laughter] To Nicholas, it's
00:24:00
hot. [clears throat] Nicholas said revolting. >> [laughter] >> Whoa. Nicholas, >> I'm just going to let you talk to him
00:24:13
from now on. I feel like he like actually talks to you. >> He does. We just had a moment.
00:24:18
>> I can do the S days and you can talk to Wait, Nicholas, do you not like me? Nicholas, am I your favorite?
00:24:44
>> He's not going to get down with this trivia. >> You just don't want to cause a fight. I
00:24:48
understand. But >> that was weird though. >> I [laughter] know that I'm your favorite.
00:24:50
>> Well, he did say correct. >> He said correct. I said we had a moment and he said correct. But yeah, that was
00:24:56
weird. >> I felt it, Nicholas. I felt it. [gasps] Okay. [laughter] Whoa, that was crazy.
00:25:03
>> Um, okay. So, where am I? This can totally play with your mind and you can go from nice, happy trip to strange,
00:25:09
scary trip super quickly. I start to internalize [snorts] things and get in my own head. And that's when things go
00:25:16
wrong. The room now seems to be shrinking in on me. I can literally feel it getting smaller and there's blackness
00:25:21
clouding my peripheral peripheral vision. It starts slowly but picks up speed and then wham,
00:25:27
>> nothing but complete darkness surrounding me. I didn't even read this before you went blind, too.
00:25:33
>> I sense this darkness, but I can't see or hear anything at this point. I'm not
00:25:37
sure how long this lasted, but I don't think it was more than a minute or two. My senses slowly start to come back. At
00:25:43
first, I can hear. My sister and Tina are crying. I can hear Alec. He's saying my name and asking if I can hear him.
00:25:50
Then, I can start to see, and I'm looking right at the drop ceiling of my dad's basement. My face is only inches
00:25:55
from it. I know this is weird because I'm not tall and I should not be this close to any ceiling anywhere. So now I
00:26:01
can hear and see, but I can't feel anything. In fact, I do not even feel like I have a body. I have this
00:26:07
sensation of just like floating in the air. I reach my arm out, touch the ceiling tile, but I can't feel it. I try
00:26:14
to turn away from the ceiling and it's difficult because I cannot feel my body. So, I'm not really sure how to move. I
00:26:19
liken this feeling to having dental work done. You know, when your mouth is numb
00:26:24
>> and you try to eat or put chapstick on, but you can't really do it because you
00:26:27
feel you can't feel your lips. This was very similar. >> I hate that feeling. >> I hate that, too. Somehow, I got myself
00:26:33
turned around and to my surprise, I can see everyone. They're all standing below
00:26:37
me. The girls are holding each other and crying. Pete is standing nervously next
00:26:41
to Diana and not sure what's going on, but or or what he can do to help her, Tina or me. The strangest thing of all
00:26:48
is that I can see myself as if it's from someone else's perspective. I'm looking
00:26:54
down at Alec. He's holding my me in his arms as if we were newlyweds, and he is ushering me across the threshold of the
00:27:00
bridal suite >> romance. >> I see myself with my head thrown back, legs dangling, and I'm confused. That
00:27:07
can't be me, can it? But it is, and I know it is because I'm looking down at the loud, horizontally striped shirt I
00:27:13
wore for the magic mushroom trip. That shirt was ugly, even for 2001. [laughter] This is wild. And I realize I
00:27:20
must be having an out-of- body experience. I can hear and see everything going on in the room, but not
00:27:25
from my own eyes. In my own body, I'm seeing this all happen as I'm floating/hovering above everyone and
00:27:31
everything in that room. This all happened pretty quickly. So, not long after my realization, something even
00:27:37
more strange happens. I can feel myself being sucked back to earth, back into my
00:27:42
own body. [snorts] Like the ceiling retreats from my view. I can feel the rush of air around me. And I
00:27:48
feel my spirit and my physical body becoming one again. It happens fast and I go from seeing everything from a
00:27:54
bird's eye perspective to being transported back into my body with a slightly jarring slam. Boom. My eyes fly
00:28:02
open. I can feel Alec holding me. Diana rushes to my side and yells, "Her eyes are open." And she's grabbing me and
00:28:08
crying all over again. All over me, hugging me. >> I bet she regretted giving you attitude.
00:28:12
>> I bet she did. As I start to come too, I can tell my friends are relieved. They
00:28:16
settle me on the couch and tell me their version of what happened. Diana knew she
00:28:20
acted like a [ __ ] So, she looked at me to make amends, but she said she could tell something was wrong right away. I
00:28:26
didn't look good. My eyes weren't focused and I wasn't responding as she tried to talk to me. Then apparently my
00:28:32
eyes rolled to the back of my head as I passed out and slumped over onto Alec. Holy [ __ ]
00:28:37
>> That's when they all started freaking out. Alex slapped my cheeks a couple of
00:28:41
times and then when I didn't react, he lifted me off the couch. >> I think the next move was to get me
00:28:46
upstairs to a car or to call an ambulance, but then I woke up. I mentioned earlier that I may have had an
00:28:51
allergic reaction to mushrooms. Well, I didn't get a rash this time, but for the
00:28:55
next 4 to 5 hours, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out. I've never ever vomited that much in my life. I mean,
00:29:02
all I could do was lie on the floor in the bathroom in my dad's basement and heave all night long. Oh,
00:29:07
>> every time I thought I was done, I wasn't. It just kept coming. But hey, at least I was on the ground not getting
00:29:13
sick from 8 ft in the air. >> That would have been so exorcist coded of you. >> So, maybe I do have an allergy to
00:29:18
natural psychedelics. And after my body ether uh ethereal after my ethereal body
00:29:24
rejoined my physical one that puke was my body's way of ridding itself of the allergens. I don't know. But I do I
00:29:30
never did shrooms again. Good job. I'm known in my circle of friends for being a bit of a bullshitter. I embellish and
00:29:37
exaggerate to prove a point or tell a good story. Iconic. But the next morning when I recounted this one to Alec,
00:29:42
Diana, Pete, and Tina, they 100% believed me. I don't know why. It's not like anything specific happened while I
00:29:48
was unconscious that I could point to and prove I was there on some level. It all just happened so quickly. There
00:29:54
honestly isn't all that much to tell, but I'm convinced of what happened. And I guess they knew me well enough to know
00:29:59
it was it wasn't a tall tale. Sometimes the truth just rings clear and people know when they hear it. Now, here's the
00:30:05
part which prompted me to write into you guys. Last year, my dad was over and we
00:30:09
were reminiscing about our younger years. Well, this story came up again. He'd probably already heard it at least
00:30:14
twice before. Anyhow, after I'd wrapped it up, my dad looks at me and says, "What if it wasn't an out-of- body
00:30:20
experience? What if you were >> sensible? >> Sensible. >> Sensible. >> Sensible. What if you were checking out
00:30:27
but then turned around and came back?" >> That's kind of what I was thinking. Like, were you dying?
00:30:31
>> Yeah. I was stunned for a minute. My own dad was alluding to the fact that I may
00:30:35
have been dying and then for whatever reason didn't head towards the bright white light, but instead plummeted back
00:30:41
to Earth. You guys, >> crazy decision. I had never thought about it like that before. And I got to
00:30:46
tell you, it scared the living [ __ ] out of me. Those two sentences changed my whole perspective on that experience. I
00:30:53
told that story 20 times over the over the years and always in a self-depreciatingly jokey type fashion.
00:31:00
Oh, look at me. The girl so allergic to magic mushrooms, I pass out and have an out-of- body experience. Now I can
00:31:06
hardly stand the thought because it isn't even very very fun to think that, as my dad so lovingly put, I was
00:31:12
checking out. Uh, maybe it was both. I mean, I suppose it's possible that I could have had an out-of- body
00:31:19
experience and then die. Or >> most people have like out of body experiences before they die,
00:31:24
>> probably. Or that you have an out-of- body experience on your way to dying and
00:31:28
then come back to life. I'm no expert on the matter. It was a strange experience
00:31:33
and I wanted to share with you guys and the listeners. Thank you for the time. Love you both and the show. Two things
00:31:38
before I go. One, I love when Ash says, "Oh, absolutely. Anytime I hear anyone else say that, it reminds me of Morgan.
00:31:45
>> I love that. Especially the Long Island Lolita show with Bailey Sarion. Ash said, "Oh, absolutely." So many times at
00:31:52
the end of that episode. Go back and check it out. She probably says it like eight times.
00:31:55
>> I was admittedly so starruck the first time we honestly the first and second time that we recorded with Bailey
00:32:02
Syrian. I probably said some crazy [ __ ] during that. >> She is one of the sweetest people.
00:32:06
>> One of the nicest people we've ever met. >> Do you And two, do you have any plans to
00:32:10
cover the Asha Degree case? Maybe you already have and I missed it. It's just totally mind-boggling. I'm haunted by
00:32:17
it. I think you guys would do a really great job covering it. Thanks, Ash and Elena. Have a good one and hope you keep
00:32:22
it weird, but not so weird you take illegal drugs in your dad's basement man cave and pass out and have an auto body
00:32:27
experience and maybe almost die. >> We won't keep it that weird. >> The Asha um case, I don't think we've
00:32:33
covered it. >> I don't think we have. >> But I do want to cover that case for sure.
00:32:36
>> Yeah, absolutely. >> Oh, absolutely. >> Absolutely. That one was scary. I think you might
00:32:42
have almost died. >> I think you did almost. >> I wonder if Are you allergic to just
00:32:46
like actual mushrooms? >> Maybe. >> I don't know what's like in magic mushroom. It's just like chemicals,
00:32:50
isn't it? >> I have no idea. Well, it's natural. >> Oh, it is. >> Yeah. Aren't they natural? They're
00:32:56
>> I think it depends like what ones you I don't know. >> No, I think mushrooms are like natural
00:33:01
psychedelics. >> Natural. Oh, yeah. Yellow jackets. >> Yeah. See? >> Huh. Wow. >> So, I don't know.
00:33:05
>> Damn. Maybe you're allergic to mushrooms and psychedelics. >> Maybe. >> I don't know.
00:33:10
>> Who knows? Next one is listener story. Anya the ghost a Christmas tale. >> I love Ana.
00:33:14
>> Should be a Krampus tail. Krampus. >> Hey Ash and Alolina. Hey. I just Hey, I
00:33:18
just want to say how much I love your show. Thank you. >> Oh my god. >> You're the first podcast I ever listen
00:33:23
to and I just can't get enough. My bff and I are obsessed and get together when new episodes come out to listen and
00:33:29
discuss. You guys have kept me going through tough days at work and in quarantine. Oh god, no.
00:33:34
>> I'll keep the fangirling to a minimum because this is sorry not sorry going to
00:33:37
be a long one. So get comfy and hold on to your butts. Hold them. To preface, this story really has
00:33:44
nothing to do with Christmas, but my neighbor has our small neighborhood over for a Christmas.
00:33:53
Nicholas said that that's idiotic. Damn. Do you think he's talking about me or the fact that this tale was called a
00:34:05
Christmas tale, but it doesn't have anything to do with Christmas? >> I don't know.
00:34:09
>> Nicholas, who are you talking about? I thought we made up. >> Can you restart from the
00:34:14
>> to preface to preface this story really has nothing to do with Christmas, but my
00:34:18
neighbor has our small neighborhood over for a Christmas dinner every year. And for the last couple of years, her
00:34:22
sister, who is also addicted to Morbid now, has requested this story. So, for the last couple of years, we've gathered
00:34:28
around the the Christmas tree and I tell the tale of Anna the ghost. First, I'd like to make that it clear that I'm
00:34:35
pretty skeptical when it comes to ghosts and paranormal stuff. This is the incident that made me change my mind.
00:34:40
And now, I'm very much of the opinion that the dead can leave an imprint on this world. Here it goes.
00:34:45
>> Let's go. >> After nine years of [ __ ] around being in and out of school, I finally
00:34:49
graduated college with my four-year degree. Don't worry, I'm actually using it now. Congratulations. To celebrate,
00:34:55
my then boyfriend, now husband and I, decided to do a six- week backpacking trip on the Colorado Trail. It's a 485
00:35:03
mile trail from Denver to Durango. Uh, I know fresh air is for dead people, but we were but we really like the outdoors
00:35:10
and sun and exercise works better for me than Prozac. Anyway, after several weeks
00:35:15
on the trail, we were about four or five days out from reaching our dest destination of Durango, Colorado. After
00:35:21
a long day's hiking, we found a nice campsite by a creek just off the trail and settled in for the evening. We had
00:35:26
just finished up dinner and Josh, my husband, and dog Sunshine. RIP sunny girl, sorry.
00:35:34
>> Uh, we were in the tent chilling for a second while sitting by the fire. Keep
00:35:37
in mind that Sunshine was the kind of dog that would bark at people for approaching her house, quote unquote. In
00:35:43
this case, the tent. It was about 8:30 in the evening in July. So, the days were long, but the sun was starting to
00:35:48
set, and it was the sort of gray dusk hour. So, there were all So, we were all minding our own business, enjoying the
00:35:55
solitude and distinct lack of people. Suddenly, and quietly, a woman comes around the corner past our campsite. Not
00:36:02
super weird until I see she's not wearing shoes, has no pack, no water bottle, no jacket, nothing except the
00:36:09
clothes on her back. Just a black cotton t-shirt and black cotton capri. It's a cute outfit.
00:36:14
>> It is. >> I think this is super [ __ ] weird. But hey, it's Colorado and there's plenty of
00:36:18
people that go in the woods and get weird and talk to trees and [ __ ] like that. I've been one of those people. I
00:36:23
don't judge. No. >> So, I think, huh, weird, but whatever. She's probably just tripping her face
00:36:27
off and is camping down the trail a little way. >> More mushrooms, >> streamies. As she's walking past the
00:36:33
campsite, she stops abruptly and looks at me and says, "Are you not Caitlyn?" I say, "Uh, no." But internally,
00:36:42
>> I also love like, are you not Caitlyn? It's like, imagine if you were Caitlyn.
00:36:46
>> I'm not a lot of things. [laughter] >> Weird that you chose Caitlyn. >> I'm not that. I'm not this.
00:36:51
>> Yeah. >> Uh, I say, uh, no. But internally, I'm super weirded out because that's my
00:36:55
sister-in-law's name. >> Oh. >> She says, "Never mind." And then continues down the trail. I'm just left
00:37:01
thinking, "Huh, okay, that was weird." And maybe the name thing was just a coincidence. At this point, Josh comes
00:37:06
out of the tent and asks who I was talking to. I explained what happened and he said, "Weird? I wonder why
00:37:11
Sunshine didn't bark." >> We chalk it up to just some weirdness and we're having a night by the fire,
00:37:16
having a night cap by the fire. In case you don't know, they make juice boxized wine and it's delicious and great for
00:37:22
backpacking. >> I didn't know that. >> I didn't know that either. So, we're hanging by the fire drinking our juice
00:37:27
box wine when who comes back, walking back around the corner. >> Anya, >> the barefoot woman. It is Anna. I bet.
00:37:33
>> I bet. She comes around the corner and says, "May I share the warmth of your fire for a moment?"
00:37:39
>> I hate that. >> I'd say, "You can make the warmth of your own fire, babe." >> It's the way she asks.
00:37:44
>> Yeah, it's a little freaky. >> I would have been like, >> "No, >> no, this is my warmth."
00:37:49
>> Nope. I [snorts] got all the warmth. >> This is my warmth. >> Can't have any of it.
00:37:53
>> Josh and I look at each other and say, "Uh, sure." So, this random lady comes
00:37:57
over to the fire and sits across from us and doesn't say a word and just stares into the fire. No. Nope. Uh-uh.
00:38:05
>> As soon as she sat down, we both got uneasy and had a bad feeling about her. >> We noticed she's pretty clean for
00:38:11
wandering around the woods with no shoes. She had no dirt on her feet or her hands, and her t-shirt and her capri
00:38:17
were both clean. >> This whole time, Sunshine is in the tent a few feet away, not making a peep when
00:38:23
normally she would have demanded to come out and meet this person. Josh and I were sort of just looking at one another
00:38:28
like, "What the [ __ ] is this barefoot [ __ ] doing at dusk with no form of supplies? Who is this barefoot [ __ ]
00:38:33
>> I like barefoot. Barefoot [ __ ] TM. >> I like that. >> So, we were asking questions and the
00:38:38
following is my recollection of possibly the strangest conversation I've ever been I've ever been a part of. Nicholas
00:38:45
says, "Neat." Me. So, what's your name? Her Anya. You're [clears throat] right. >> Uh Josh, where are you from? Anya. I
00:38:53
lived in Rico for quite some time now. Me. >> Struggle. >> It is a struggle. It feels like a
00:38:59
struggling conversation. conversating is struggling in general. Mei, where are you going? Anya looks up from the fire
00:39:05
and directly at me. Her eyes were the blackest black I have ever seen. Like there was no definition between iris and
00:39:12
pupil. It's like the blackeyed children. Oh no, >> the blackeyed onions. >> They're worse.
00:39:17
>> The black eyed peas. >> Even worse [laughter] without Fergie, forget it. She says, "If I told you, it
00:39:24
wouldn't make any sense." Okay, >> I'm already annoyed that she wants to share the warmth of my fire. Now she's
00:39:31
lacking your intelligence. >> You're like, "You know what? If I told you it would make sense." Don't assume.
00:39:35
>> Yeah. >> Don't assume I won't understand your other worldly travels. >> I'll get it, Anna.
00:39:40
>> Don't assume. It makes the ass out of you and definitely not me. >> Anya. >> Anya.
00:39:45
>> The hair on the back of my neck stood uh was on end. And inside my head, all I
00:39:49
could think was, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] Who is this chick?" And then Josh says, "Well, the
00:39:54
sun's setting." And she turns to him and says, "I'm deathly afraid of the dark."
00:39:59
I'd be like, "Then what the [ __ ] are you doing wandering in the woods?" Anna, >> you got to go.
00:40:04
>> You got to go. >> Be careful. >> Honestly, >> he's on a level this beeful. >> He's so like on like spot.
00:40:12
>> He's on it. >> Uh Josh and I look at each other like, "What the [ __ ] What the fuck?" I mean,
00:40:16
we really had nothing to say. So, we were just like, "Uh." Then just as suddenly as she came, Anna
00:40:23
stands up and says, "Thank you for sharing your fire." And then walks down the trail
00:40:29
like, "You're wel fuck." >> Again, Josh and I look at each other like, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ]
00:40:34
What the fuck?" >> And then Anya was gone. Nicholas just goes, "I'm haunted." >> Honestly, they're haunted as well.
00:40:41
>> Yeah. That night, we didn't sleep. We just laid in the tent holding our knives, listening to every sound, hoping
00:40:47
it wasn't Anya >> and listening to every sound hoping it wasn't Anya, >> honestly.
00:40:52
>> The next morning, we're looking at our map to see where she could have come from or gone to. Where did you come
00:40:57
from? Where did you go? Where did you come from? Blackeyed Anya. [laughter] >> Anya the ghost.
00:41:03
>> Uh especially since she wasn't even wearing shoes. Yeah, the town of Rico was 13 mi away by trail and in the
00:41:10
direction she left, the closest jeep road was like 5 miles. So to even get to a remote road, she would have had to
00:41:16
walk 5 miles in the dark with no shoes. So this >> she's deathly afraid of the dark.
00:41:21
>> Yeah. And barefoot >> in case she forgot. >> So this chick walked a minimum of 18
00:41:26
miles with no shoes in the remote mountains of Colorado. >> Yeah. >> Even if she made it to the jeep road, it
00:41:32
would have been another 11 miles down that road to a paved road. We thought maybe she had a campsite down the way,
00:41:38
but the next morning we saw no signs of any other human. Not a footprint, not an
00:41:42
ember in a fire ring, not a single sign Anya had ever actually existed. It was like she just vanished. To this day, we
00:41:50
believe she was a malicious spirit because we honestly sad >> and bad. >> Yeah, >> because we honestly have no other
00:41:58
explanations. There was nowhere she could have gone. And to this day, her words echo in my head. If I told you it
00:42:04
wouldn't make any sense. >> Yeah, >> maybe she couldn't tell us because she was on drugs. But I personally
00:42:09
[laughter] >> maybe [snorts] But I person my abs hurt so bad. >> What a valid what a valid little like
00:42:20
left turn. [laughter] Maybe she couldn't tell us cuz she was on drugs. I don't know.
00:42:25
>> But I personally believe she was trapped in this area between the realms of the
00:42:29
living and the dead. >> I think that is what happened. Yeah, probably. That's okay. So, that's my
00:42:35
story. Hope you weirdos enjoyed it. And hopefully me and my BFF will see you at your Denver show as soon as CO stops
00:42:42
being a huge bummer. Love you ladies. Keep it weird, but not so weird that you wander aimlessly into a super into super
00:42:48
remote mountains with no shoes and freak out poor unsuspecting backpackers. Lots
00:42:52
of weirdness. Kelsey. >> Kelsey. >> Kelsey, that was a crazy one. And you're funny.
00:42:58
>> And you will not see us at the Denver show. Yeah. >> It's going to take a long time.
00:43:03
>> Yeah. [laughter] In fact, it's still here. >> From the future, I can tell you it's
00:43:06
going to be a while. >> Alina like just had co >> It's going to be a while. Yeah. We're
00:43:09
just still up in here getting it. >> Yeah. It's never going to go away. >> Uh but I think Anya was a ghost.
00:43:14
>> I think so, too. But I don't know if she was malicious. Maybe. >> Yeah. >> Maybe she was just like, I don't know if
00:43:18
you would get it because I'm from like planet Zorg. >> I think that's probably it. And I think
00:43:24
[laughter] >> maybe she was an alien. >> I would have been a little put off by like you don't understand. I feel like
00:43:29
>> maybe she said like you you couldn't understand >> like but you're not even giving me a
00:43:34
chance. >> I know you should ask follow-up questions. >> Yeah, you should. You should. But that's
00:43:38
okay. >> I forgive you. >> I forgive you as well. Uh so the next one is listener tale. The time a crazy
00:43:44
possibly abusive [ __ ] found my holiday light warm and inviting. That's the last person you want to find your
00:43:50
light. >> Don't want that. Hey weirdos, I'd be ecstatic if you used my name. It's
00:43:54
Payton. Oh, that's such a cute name. It's my favorite Celtic. >> Pton. Payton. Payton. Below I have
00:44:00
included a 14-point double space pifa about the time a crazy possibly abusive [ __ ] found our holiday lights were
00:44:07
warm and inviting. But before we start, I have to get my fanirling out by telling you guys that you're the coolest
00:44:12
friends I've ever had. You're the coolest friend I've ever had. Uh, even though you haven't known of my existence
00:44:18
until now, I pretty much exclusively listen to you guys because something about the pitch of your voices mixed
00:44:23
with the true crime stories and the totally relatable, slightly explicit banter is the only thing that can hold
00:44:29
the focus of my anxietyridden ADD mind. >> See, Nicole, people like the banter. >> Hell yeah.
00:44:34
>> Just kidding, Nicole. I love you. >> We love you, Nicole. Also, Elena, you've
00:44:38
survived more flights than you're aware of because I've never traveled without at least 20 episode discountloaded to my
00:44:44
indecisive. So, my indecisive ass has all of the options while cruising at 35,000 feet. That actually really helps
00:44:50
me. Thank you. >> Yeah. >> And Ash, I cannot wait to drool over you and Drew's wedding photos. I know
00:44:54
whatever dress you choose is going to slay and I can't wait to see it. >> Thank you.
00:44:58
>> You did slay. >> You slayed. >> Here is the obligatory forewarning that while my analytical brain has helped me
00:45:04
complete two bachelor's degrees in in the sciences, hell yeah. It hasn't left an ounce of room for creative writing
00:45:10
unless it involves human anatomy or spores, mold, and fungi. So bear with me. >> I would call that pretty creative.
00:45:16
>> Yeah, I would say so. Lastly, this is a long one, but I promise it's worth it.
00:45:20
For a little background, my husband and I are currently currently live in the Pacific Northwest with our German
00:45:25
Shepherd Nola. A tribute to New Orleans, Louisiana, cuz that's where your girl is
00:45:29
originally from. Elena, every time you talk about your love for New Orleans, I get all 14-year-old girl in the 90s at a
00:45:35
Hillary Duff concert excited because I can totally relate. >> I love [laughter] that. That's another
00:45:39
reason you need to watch Interview with a Vampire. That's true. It's literally Nola. That's right. Uh because I love
00:45:45
that book. That's it's a new it's a new thing in this room. Everybody's watching
00:45:49
Interview with a Vampire. >> So good. >> Now I got to watch it because I loved the book.
00:45:52
>> Oh, so good. >> My husband, we'll call him C for the privacy of his job, is a green beret in
00:45:57
the army. >> Damn. >> Now, for those unfamiliar with military life, green berets can be compared to
00:46:02
the Navy Seals of the Army, except on land. In other words, he's a total badass, but I may be a little biased and
00:46:08
proud. Now, you have a right to be proud. >> And he gets to wear a fashion statement.
00:46:11
>> That's true. Let me take you back. Back. >> Come and go. >> I come and go. >> He said, "You know what? Maybe I I'll be
00:46:18
back." >> He was in a place of like the 80s. Karma Chameleon. >> There you go. I come and [laughter] go.
00:46:24
>> Nicholas comes and goes. [singing] He comes and goes. >> I like that. >> That was really quick. [laughter]
00:46:30
>> Thank you. >> It took me a second and then it really hit. >> He was in a place of like raspberry
00:46:36
beret over there instead of green beret. >> Yeah, >> he's a Prince [laughter] fan. Uh, but
00:46:41
that's honestly you can tell that I'm like um I'm pre Oh, what's that? [laughter] I have like
00:46:49
um you can tell I'm in a place of pre- migraine because I'm starting to get extraordinarily loopy.
00:46:54
>> Oh no, >> cuz you just said that and I was like >> that was a good one. [laughter]
00:46:58
>> It was literally like 10 minutes later. >> Oh no, I'm scared. We got new lights and
00:47:02
they're very bright >> and I woke up with a headache so it was really just a perfect storm.
00:47:08
Uh, so we're going to take you back in time to a week night about 5 days before Christmas. And we were just lounging on
00:47:14
our couch at 9:00 p.m., you know, watching murder documentaries to wind down so we can have a long peaceful
00:47:19
sleep, feeling totally safe and dreaming of sunny days in Flowerfields. >> And to be like that,
00:47:24
>> uh, there's a knock at the door and we both look at each other like, "What did
00:47:27
you order that requires me to talk to someone in person at 9:00 at night?" Because honestly, the best thing that
00:47:32
came out of 2020 was contactless delivery. >> Oh my god. Preach. Honestly, >> Nola starts with alert barking as if she
00:47:39
wasn't as if she wouldn't immediately roll on her back for belly rubs for whoever is on the other side of the
00:47:44
door. >> That's like Dolores. >> It's important to note that because C leaves for work for months at a time,
00:47:48
and I'm a true crime lover, I have this house locked up like Fort Knox. Sensors on every door and window, motion
00:47:54
detectors inside and outside the house, curtains on all windows, and a panic button next to the bed. But we don't
00:48:00
have outdoor cameras. >> What? >> So, because the curtains are pulled, there's no way to see who's at the door.
00:48:05
Unless we were going to creepily peek through the curtains. >> Got to get you a ring camera,
00:48:09
>> which would be the sensible thing to do, but I don't want the person that showed
00:48:12
up to my house at night uninvited to think I'm rude. I wait for C to get up and see who's there because hello, it's
00:48:19
9:00 p.m. So, I definitely don't have a bra on. >> And when he opens the door, I saw his
00:48:24
face change to pure terror as he screamed, "The [ __ ] Jeez." Not a full sentence, but hey, words are hard. On
00:48:32
the other side of our front door is a middle-aged male, shirtless with one shoe on, covered in blood from head to
00:48:38
belly button. The first words he said were, "The cops are on their way. I swear I love my
00:48:44
wife." Was your first shot thought, "Oh [ __ ] he murders his wife." Yes, ours too.
00:48:53
>> What the [ __ ] >> C now has his full body [snorts] behind the door with his just with his eyes
00:48:58
peeking out as the man continues. Help. Please help. The cops are on their way. I just need somewhere to wait. No,
00:49:05
>> no, no. >> You need to go somewhere else. >> I run and lock myself in the bathroom
00:49:09
because C has trained his whole life for this and has the situation under control, right? I proceed to call the
00:49:15
cops to ensure that they're on their way and listen to the remainder of the conversation through the door. The
00:49:20
stranger proceeds to give us his full name and address. Apparently, he lives just down the road. He says that he and
00:49:25
his wife got in a fight and the cops are coming. >> Like, why'd you choose our door? Eek. He
00:49:29
continues by saying that he does not want to run. He just wants to wait in our front yard before they arrive. Se
00:49:35
then asked the man, "Why our house? >> That is exactly your question." To which the stranger replies, "The Christmas
00:49:41
lights just looked warm and inviting." Are you [ __ ] [ __ ] I got to turn my lights off.
00:49:46
>> At this point, C shoots me a look that says, "We'll never we're never putting
00:49:49
Christmas lights up again." >> Oh, I would [laughter] be so [ __ ] angry at this man.
00:49:53
>> I'd be like, "Fuck you." >> Cuz that's that would be Drew's exact response. C assures the stranger that
00:49:59
everything will be okay and tells the stranger that they will wait for the cops together. C steps outside with the
00:50:04
stranger and locks the door behind him so that I'm safely secured inside the home. I married a literal saint.
00:50:09
>> You did. >> The cops arrive shortly after and C tells them everything he knows as the
00:50:14
man continues to sit on our [ __ ] lawn. I said [ __ ] she didn't. >> Yeah, get him off your lawn. The police
00:50:19
takes over the situ take over the situation and C comes back inside where we sit for another hour watching through
00:50:24
our window as firet trucks, ambulances, and three more police cars around. >> I would be so pissed off if somebody
00:50:30
created a stir in my neighborhood like this at my [ __ ] house. >> It's 9:00 p.m.
00:50:35
>> Just about to sit down and watch TV. >> Not home all the time is home. >> Yep.
00:50:38
>> We're about I have no bra on. We're about to sit down and watch TV. >> I'm with my dog.
00:50:42
>> I probably have a snack. >> Yeah, just made some tea. I probably am under blankets. probably had like all my
00:50:48
caps on me. >> What did he say? >> They hide. >> They hide. And this [ __ ] is out here.
00:50:56
Yeah. Yeah. >> This [ __ ] is interrupting me and now I have an entire cops episode
00:51:01
happening on my front lawn. >> And I can't not watch that. That's the thing. That's the other thing. But then
00:51:06
the next day if you take a walk in your neighborhood, everybody's going like, "What the [ __ ] happened? What happened?"
00:51:10
That's the thing. And you're like, "It wasn't even me. I >> didn't even do it. It
00:51:12
>> wasn't even me." >> Good story though. But I'd be so mad cuz it's like you sit down, you want to
00:51:17
watch the new episode of Stranger Things, and then this is happening outside on your front lawn and you're
00:51:20
like, "Well, I have to watch this." >> Yeah. >> And nothing's happening probably. It's
00:51:24
just cop cars showing up and ambulances, but you're like, "It's bright lights. I
00:51:28
got to watch it. I'm a human." That's kind of what >> I mean, at least it's some form of
00:51:32
entertainment. Recently, me and Drew watched down. Hello. sat down to watch a TV show and somebody flushed our toilet
00:51:39
upstairs and the entire thing started raining through the kitchen ceiling and we were like, "Well, I guess we're not
00:51:44
watching Righteous Gemstones cuz we had to turn the electricity off." >> And there was nothing to watch. So, I
00:51:49
would prefer this man sitting on my lawn. >> Yeah, that that is different. I will say
00:51:52
that. >> I just know that usually when like shenanigans happen on your front lawn or
00:51:57
like outside of your house and it's just cop cars showing up in the end, you're like, "Why did I sit and watch that?"
00:52:02
Nothing really happened. Nothing ever really happens, but you got to watch in case it's the one time that something
00:52:07
does happen. >> That's true. That's very true. >> So, uh, we're watching as all those
00:52:13
things arrive. Things begin to wrap up and the ambulance takes the man away and the other police officers begin to
00:52:18
leave. We barely catch the last officer before he gets in his patrol car like, "Hey, is everything
00:52:25
okay? Are we safe? Is the wife alive?" To which he replies, "Everything is okay. Have a good night." I'd be like,
00:52:31
"Uh, you're leaving my place of residence. I'm going to need a little more information."
00:52:35
>> And I'd also be like, "Do you want to talk to me? Are we safe? We good? >> You got one of the bad ones."
00:52:41
>> To which he So, he said, "Yeah, it's fine. Have a good night." I'd be like, "Go [ __ ] yourself."
00:52:44
>> Yeah, exactly. >> And drives away. C and I are left in the doorway like, "What the [ __ ] just
00:52:48
happened? Are we safe to go to bed? Is this man going to come back tonight and go full psycho on our ass? Do we know
00:52:54
too much? Is he a threat? We didn't get any sleep that night and not much in the
00:52:58
days to follow. I wouldn't either. to >> Thankfully, our backyard neighbor is an
00:53:02
officer in the jurisdiction and he was able to fill us in a few days later. >> Yeah, have those connects.
00:53:07
>> It's convenient. >> The stranger had come home from work earlier that evening and his wife was on
00:53:11
the phone with her father. The stranger didn't get along with his father-in-law,
00:53:15
so he got drunk and started a fight with his wife as one does. >> Like he she can't talk to her dad
00:53:19
>> as one does. He became so frustrated that he banged his own face into a wall,
00:53:23
breaking his nose and then called the cops himself and said that his wife hit him. Oh, you
00:53:34
[ __ ] This [ __ ] proceeded to run down the street shirtless with one shoe in 25°ree
00:53:40
Pacific Northwest weather and picked our house assuming that he looked like a victim and we would corroborate his
00:53:46
story. But he was sorely disappointed when he knocked on the door of a Green Beret whose entire life is training to
00:53:51
differentiate threats from sincerity and could see that he was a lying piece of [ __ ] that was not a victim. Hell yeah.
00:53:58
See, so there's a story. So there is the story of how my holiday lights invited a
00:54:03
crazy [ __ ] over at 9:00 p.m. on a week night. Don't worry, I have since added five outdoor cameras. Yay. To
00:54:09
complete my Fort Knox system, and I'm working on a plan on how to convince C to let me decorate again this year.
00:54:14
>> Oh, he better. Thanks for listening and I hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you get mad at your spouse
00:54:18
for talking to the man that gave them life and become belligerently drunk, breaking your own nose on a wall and
00:54:23
calling the cops to frame your spouse and run to your neighbors shirtless and shoeless in 25°ree weather to have them
00:54:29
corroborate your story but come off as a terrifying threat and keep them up an hour past their bedtime on a work night
00:54:34
while you sit on their lawn covered in blood and make them question their holiday decorating choices.
00:54:39
>> Don't keep it that [ __ ] weird. >> Don't do it. Oh, you guys are so cute. >> Look how adorable you are.
00:54:47
>> And Nola, >> you guys are adorable. And Nola, >> a >> Nola, I'm obsessed. >> Nola is Nola's a star.
00:54:55
>> What a beautiful family. >> And um and this is Nola, who thinks she's terrifying, but she's really just
00:55:01
a sound alarm and most cuddly companion of all. >> A I love that. >> I love her.
00:55:06
>> Oh my god, you guys are beautiful. >> Oh, more pictures of how adorable you are.
00:55:09
>> I love it. You know what? One thing I can say about my doies is that they're the cutest little smooshy bofins in the
00:55:15
entire world. They'll [ __ ] your [ __ ] up. >> Yeah, they're And they and they can like
00:55:20
jump like crazy. >> Blanch has springs in her back feet. >> She did it to me excitedly today, but I
00:55:26
was like, if she was mad at me and did this, she would kill me. >> Yeah. Truly. Like
00:55:31
>> John will pretend to tickle me or the girls and Blanch forgets all love she has for him and will dive from the other
00:55:37
room and bite him. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> I get it. >> But only she it's like she know they're
00:55:42
two giries so they like they keep an eye out for the men. >> Yeah, it's true. No,
00:55:48
>> I think Dooo senses the paranormal because lately she's just barking into our kitchen randomly when there's
00:55:52
nothing there. >> I like that. >> And like I check the outside cameras, no one's there.
00:55:56
>> Good for her. >> Yeah, >> you know, >> she's in touch. >> That's a real good for her moment. It
00:55:59
>> is. I love it. >> I like that about her. >> So, weirdos, merry Christmas, happy
00:56:03
Chrysler and all that stuff. Um, next week we're going to be off, but you won't know it because we're going to be
00:56:09
releasing Elena's favorites like we did the week of Thanksgiving with my favorites. December it's Elena's
00:56:14
birthday month. >> It's the holidays, you know. >> It's your [ __ ] birthday. >> It's the high holidays. Yeah, that's a
00:56:18
high holiday. >> Oh, high holiday. Um, so it's her favorites and those are going to be
00:56:21
good. And then when we get back, listener I think listener tales have been like on a couple different days
00:56:26
lately, but they'll be back to the last Thursday of every month. >> Yes. Starting in January.
00:56:32
>> So be there or be square. Krampus for life. >> And we hope you keep listening.
00:56:36
>> And we hope you >> keep it weird, >> but not so weird that you don't have the
00:56:42
happiest holiday season. [music] [music] Woo!