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Our Guest today is Chelsea Handler the One of a Kind Chelsea Handler Chelsea
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Handler friend of the show I've known him for a while uh I used to see her out been to her house we had a friend's
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night over there once she's very well I would say quite wealthy yeah I think that's a safe I would say so she started
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potentially she started this sort of genre Chelsea Lately on E her with like
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five comedians that are not famous at that moment and they do become famous from the show and she leads it so that
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she's kind of a I'm going to call her a Trail Blazer whoa okay she's a pistol
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she says what's on her mind she doesn't hold back very true she's traveling
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comedian also she does a lot of things but she sells out some big venues and uh
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when she goes in the road I think I saw at Caesar's uh Palace years back and uh
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does a good job also has a book out I'll have what she's having she also has a
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special out the feeling yeah oh also I gave her
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an idea for her next special a title we talk about how to name specials we talk
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about her dating life um she's pretty easy about answering anything she's she
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is a oh so single doesn't want to get married but she does we will talk about
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a uh her current boyfriend who she described as a mountain man who lives in the mountains and she goes and visits
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her mountain man that was an interesting possible boyfriend I'm not sure how she yeah yeah describes it but a guy she
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does hang out with and uh this is a world of people hang out with people world and this is what you're gonna hear
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us hanging out with Chelsea and we well not that way but yeah our over talk rate was pretty decent three four per 10
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seconds of chatter but per milliliter yeah we did pretty good on that uh mhm
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and uh I think you'll enjoy it let's get her [Music]
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going oh my God penises hi my two penis face buddies I don't
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know I saw Chelsea recently Dana at a little backyard get
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together oh remember I came over here on the couch I said hi uh was it at Ted's
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house it was at is our manager oh yes yes yes yes that was a really fun party
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apparently I left that party too early I heard it went all night long and that you got on stage and sang No you know
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what that was the idea there was it was going to be people would sing but by the
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way I got there at seven because everyone was a little older so I got there at seven going oh no no one's going to be there yet and then people
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are leaving I go wait guys this is I'm the old guy but I wasn't the oldest guy
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there for once and uh and then Dana I don't think you went to that one but
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after about 9:00 it was kind of slowing down and then I goes are they gonna sing
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and they're like no they did a birthday cake and then they go and then his daughter sang Remember That Chelsea yeah
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yeah love Lovely song and then I said I guess that's it and they go no Eddie's not gonna sing and I go Oh I thought
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we're all gonna sing okay so I leave and then about two hours later s Sandler's
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like you're up and I'm like I'm up I'm in bed I don't are we doing this and did you go back no he's too far away it was
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an hour right exactly there was a lull in that party at after about two hours and that's when a group of people left I
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didn't know that we were supposed to stay and things were gonna you know there was going to be an act too so I
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also I was we may as well have left together David David like we've done so
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many nights of our lives so many times and I liked it because the party was fun but it felt like a long party and it
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felt like there's a cake and we weren't really bailing out it was just like I thought they were trying to say scoot
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you know because there's probably 30 people left also I feel like gunte if that was a sneez Dana I I also feel like
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I feel like La is so lame you know what I mean like no one is out at till 9 I
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mean that's what time everyone goes to bed every party ends earlier it's just there's it's almost
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like it's so hard to even go out because the scene is kind of just just so subdued so many people are sober it's
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it's just not what it used to be I'm going to just throw that out there throw that out there to talk explain to me as
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a fellow human being why anybody in their right mind would go to a Hollywood
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party no isn't it the most hideous I mean I I give me I like four people at
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your house for dinner I'm not gonna book it that would be nice five one
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conversation's happening but the small talk uh Derby what's up with have
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Chelsea what's going on oh yeah you know God I don't know how you guys deal with it well when it's hours of that and you
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keep walking to the same people all night you don't know what to say the eighth time you see them and yeah and it's also like you have to question why
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you're at parties like what what's your motivation why are you why am I here like am I promoting anything like am I
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why am I going to an Oscar party I'm not nominated for an Oscar why am I at the party like I always am like no it's a
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you know you got to show up once in a while to like refresh people's memories but um I find LA to be I wish I I want
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to I want to have that place in New York that's going to be my my goal I think that's a little bit it's too unhealthy
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like I'm becoming almost elderly in this lifestyle whenever I'm here which isn't frequently I come back home and like
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last night I was supposed to go over for friends for dinner which W the kind of event you're describing or dinner you're
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describing Dana which is actually sounded really nice but even getting in my car and and and I am in a compromised
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situation because I I just had some surgery so you know it's not fun I can't drink I can't really do anything but I
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was gonna get in my car and go over there and I was like I don't think so I don't think I would rather just sit here
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and watch mindless television and sleep as much as I can I think I overheard one of you lesbians is saying that you slept
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for 11 hours last night I did yeah wow wow did you masturbate to get
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yourself to sleep no but I I I woke up and I completed the task and it was like what the [ __ ] was I
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dreaming yeah you can do it in your sleep oh yeah so who started that what I meant was the movement from in the
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standup world with women females whatever you prefer and it seems to me
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that Joan Rivers made a turn where she really was more incendiary than the 60s
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Joan and then there's this Continuum of female standups just saying what they
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want and I put you uh in that you know you're like the leader kind of in a way
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there's younger ones coming I don't know I mean when did standup term for women
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where squirting jokes and stuff like that could come out you know who who anything goes yeah I don't know I think
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it's like a rush of it's like a wave if you will no pun intended of a wave of
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sorters talking about scorting and women you know the more listen all talking
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about the same stuff when you break down standup comedy you're talking about your personal life your relationships your relationship to drugs and alcohol you
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know it's all the same pitter patter of idea ideas and it's just like how does
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your execution vary so I guess if you it's you know the more women that are up talking about this the more accepted it
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becomes by nature and there are more female comics than there have ever been but I don't know when it started I mean
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Jones certainly paved the way for all of us I could say that um I didn't really
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realize that until she was dead you know like I I I was like no I paved the way for myself I had an arrogance about my
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own success like Joan Rivers wasn't somebody I had looked up to and then you know when I did my homework and grew up
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a little bit I realized how how what she went through and like you know going to
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the comedy clubs like women didn't even get on stage without being like you know they would get on stage as characters
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like housekeepers or you know Maids or or like you know was kind of a
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yeah right and Joan was like being herself and dressing up and going to these gross comedy clubs andan we all
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know how gross comedy clubs are they are that's where all disease begins and I
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where the disease in my shoulder probably began and it's just it's just presenting now um but yeah she was a
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Trailblazer of course which is an annoying word for some reason I find that annoying I don't like when people call me a Trail Blazer either because
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I'm not out there with you know blazing Trails but I I think that uh it's just
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good to see women succeed it's good to see women being taken seriously it's it's like the idea that women aren't
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funny is just so dumb and I know both of you know that but like you know for so many men out there who really think that
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men that comedy is just a men's game it's it's it's been so insulting for so long that you just kind of turn off that
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noise like you know when I was doing for instance my first talk show Chelsea Lately I didn't pay attention to any of
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that because it didn't I didn't go home at night thinking what was it like to be the only woman in late night those were
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just comparisons that everybody else made and I feel like if you spend too much time thinking about that aspect of
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it you're it's taking away from your creative Outlet anyway you know what I mean you should be creating you should be doing your thing and not looking
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around to see what your your competition is doing because I certainly didn't look at David Letterman and think I was in competition with him you know what I
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mean I wasn't I was on the E network you know um so that's what I think I have to
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say about that making making a buzz on the E network even though he's making he's on network but e you're helping e
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get wider and more looked at which is interesting also when I go to The Comedy Store every you don't even blink every
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other comic is a female I mean everywhere you go it's not even like oh
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you're not one of the comedians you know how it used to be you'd be like wait there's a female
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comic on the show tonight it would be like Rita rudner or something when I you know Paula Poundstone and uh but now
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there's so many so it's great I mean listen it's all if you got some game and there's they don't mention there's also
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bad male comedians so it's not like all lots of them lots guy ones are good and
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the females are bad it's like if you're good you're good and so you see a nice mix um I've seen some on Instagram that
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are funny just popping my feed so you know I when I was growing up yeah it was like a the female comedian was referred
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to as they they wouldn't say David Letterman the guy and that was more prevalent this woman comedian and woman
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woman i' I see less of that more than just comedian and one thing's kind of cool about you is you produced a show
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for Whitney right I mean you you do a lot of producing of things and for other
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people so yeah I did at that time well yeah Whitney's show didn't really last
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too long but we tried and then we produced a show for Ross Matthews he was really a production Powerhouse at the
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time I was there so it was really hard to get we did after lately David you were on that show with us which was like
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a satire of Chelsea Lately where I was just like in a really exaggerated version of you know the the C that I am
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but we we did we did so much like uh
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what was I what was I where was I going with this we did so much proding Whitney oh yeah it was really hard to get
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anything done in at e with them being behind anything like they were just trying to assuage me because we had a
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hit show so they'd be like oh you want to produce this great go ahead and then they'd be like oh it's not getting the numbers or whatever but you know it was
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hard to get anything going on E I mean the Kardashians in my show were like you
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know and I don't know saving sunset or whatever it's selling Sunset saving Sunset I think that was later you were
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really you paved way for shitty uh flip shows yes yeah he really took a hit
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after I left and the Kardashians left like and actually I know this is probably coming out later but I'm about
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to host the critic's Choice Awards which brings me back to e this next Friday night which is a full circle I'm going
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back to my birthplace I love that show when I first saw that show uh with you and the comedian stuff it was one of the
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first like lowii shows because cable was still coming up and stuff and so it
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there are shows that do do that now but you know usually it was the band and the you know so it was very cool how low
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fire it was and Casual it was very casual if you're just funny you don't
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need much you need a camera and then you got and then people like oh you don't need all this other noise because some
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of those shows there's only just this much comedy and there's little pieces but those are harder what you're doing
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because it's just like turn the cameras on let's just talk and we'll find things talk about and and it just blew up and
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that's why I I agree when you left it was a big hit on there but also so you know like it it was so much fun because
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you guys are from SNL so you know about like Ensemble but what was so much fun about that show was that the the C the
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casualness of it allowed us to like just book my friends on the round table you know so many Comics that I didn't even
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know that I discovered on my own show whose careers have blown up like you know fortune fster or Joe Koy like Kevin
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Hart used to be on the round table like all these people so that and it was so unique in the fact that like at the time
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anyway because everyone's ripped off that show now too I mean David you've even ripped it off but like you and I
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don't believe ideas can be ripped off so I don't care anyway but like putting Comics together when you know you become
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a comedian essentially to stand on a stage with a microphone alone like it's
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the most probably narcissistic you can be and so to put to have Comics to have four comedians on a round table at the
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same time sharing space and actually having to listen to each other and riff
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off of each other was a joy and also kind of unexpected because you don't see
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comedians interacting that much no Carson would in the early days he'd have
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people stay out there so you might seen Bob Hope and Don Rickles getting a fight or something you know but that went away
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and it was one guest one out and then highly highly organized with an outline
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of what you're supposed to get to in the commercial breaks and so since your thing was I hate this one of my Le
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favorite words was just authentic that when the comedians were riffing you knew it was happening real time there wasn't
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a rehearsal it's not a set up it's just pingpong which made it really pop so I
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see why it went on seven years you can also do when I was doing David lately um
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which was not a ripoff when I was doing Davey lately they um the part of
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the fun hosting is kind of hard but if you're dishing off you're not doing all the lifting anymore so you give someone
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a subject and now you're just tagging what they say on their jokes and then
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someone else jumps in now you're like oh [ __ ] these if you get good people in there that can just [ __ ] like that
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then people just like to see like they're at dinner just you're just bullshitting basically yeah and that's what's you know you hang out with Co
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Comics all the time like the best things that happen are never being filmed so you're like oh wouldn't it be great if
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we could film these conversations which is essentially what that show became right The Green Room basically you know
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bring it out bring it out front so what um I guess we should mentioned before we
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going away is you have a you have a book right coming out I have a book A book is called I'll have what she's having that
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comes out February 25th on my 50th birthday and then my special is called the feeling and that comes out on
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Netflix on March 25th which is a month after my birthday so I don't know when this airs but you can just piece it
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together however you like but yeah so the feeling is Netflix so
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which because I remember I came to see is it possible I came to see you at Caesar's Palace once years and years and
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years ago did you ever play Cesar yeah I do I actually yes I used to play
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Caesar's Palace now I do a residency at Vegas where I perform once a month which is how much time I'm willing to spend at
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Vegas I perform once a month at the Cosmopolitan at the Chelsea Theater so I
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I perform inside myself but I was at Caesars many years years and years because I think it was
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during maybe your show and I think Brad Wallock those guys were there I think I think I think uh how many specials have
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you done which one is this I don't know actually four four or
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five four or five probably five how did this one feel because I think it's very hard I did a couple they sucked because
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I just I when you know you have one there was a technical issue and you have one shot and you kind of worked on the
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stuff in the little clubs and now you're in a barn with 1400 seats and three balconies so how did this one feel like
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your experience of the other ones what you want to land is like a feeling basically of how you're authentically
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your best self on stage right not shooting a special in a sense well you're well no I think you do treat it
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like you're shooting a special but you're supposed to not you're supposed to shoot two in a in a row David D uh
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Dana sorry David nap I'm too I'm too weak old to do T well I mean I guess so
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because that's how you don't screw it up if you don't get what you want in the first set then you know to get it in the
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second set so um somebody should have definitely told you that no it's it's
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all or you can do two shows in two nights more expensive but you can do yes right of course you could do that then
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topic wise or material wise is there is there something that is a little surprising for your fans this is just me
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asking off the top of my head like are you stretching the envelope further in terms of honesty because it's sort of
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your brand of like oh I'm always honest I'm always you know even more honest
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well yeah I mean these are some personal stories I have some I have a really great Andrew Cuomo story in this special
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a personal Andrew Cuomo story because I was trying to get penetrated by him during the pmic I remember that trending
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that you were gonna try to [ __ ] anding it was gonna be a live stream I know I
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wanted to to also live stream it and I wanted to do it for my country because he just felt so um like we had
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leadership at a time where we were so dehydrated for it but I have a really good story in there about that I have a
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great George W bush story going to Kenny bunkport compound like on 40 milligrams of THC and having to interact with the
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president on a pickle ball court the former president so there's a little um there's
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a lot of sharing the feeling is actually a reference to something I did as a child to like at the jungle gym at
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school to get a certain feeling around my Pikachu area that a lot of 9-year-old girls did and so that's a reference to
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that I take you from my youth into my adulthood and kind of telegraph the fact
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that I've always been this way but yes the special felt great you know I'm at a point where I've done this for so long
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I'm very capable and confident in what I'm doing I don't have um I don't I'm not worried you know about it I I I I'm
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like you get to a certain point think in your career as I hopefully the two of you can also attest you know what you're
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you got you're still here because you got yourself this far so like you know what you're doing you don't have to be
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in your head about it anymore at a certain point you realize that's just such a wasted energy and that you're
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successful because of you so just keep doing
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[Music] you no I agree I I just I'm a I have a
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self-critical side of my brain and I if I do stand up in a club one night from
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the other can be completely different if I get into a character or some idea I like I like it to be kind of riffing
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parse material riffing right but very hard with like 19 cameras I don't know why they need that many um and then I
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get locked into doing my outline like okay I've got to get to this next bit but if I was live I go oh I'm gonna go
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over here and do Anthony fouchy for 10 minutes so oh yeah yeah you can't do that during a special riffing it would
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be very difficult to capture because you don't know unless you did 10 nights unless you did a lowii crew and did 10
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nights but um so more crowd work that's tough on ESP well yeah one thing I was
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just curious out your take on this hot take that this era of Netflix special
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and comedians playing stadiums and Arenas and multiple nights at Madison
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Square Garden I don't know exactly when it started but it's a phenomena and I don't know if one of our great female
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Comics sorry to put it in that box has made that leap to Arenas or Madison
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Square Garden or has someone done that because that yeah Amy well I've played
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Madison Square Garden but not the I think I did the theater at Madison Square Garden I've definitely done Radio
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City for multiple nights Amy Schumer Played Madison Garden I believe 20,000
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18,000 yeah that's a big one that's going to happen I mean I Amy did Arenas I did an arena tour you know at some
00:22:02
point in my career I don't do Arenas now I do like usually three to 4,000 Cedars but like I mean it I think it's gonna
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happen you know there's so many people coming up Taylor Tomlinson you know she sells tons of tickets U oo um I mean
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there's a ton so yeah I think it's also a choice you know some Comics don't want to move to that level like it's there's
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a there's a level of intimacy I remember dating Joe Koy and Joe Koy does um
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Arenas and I would go and do guest sets at his shows and I'd be like this is too many people like how can you I I have so
00:22:37
many facial expressions and like subtleties I how can that be captured in such a big Stadium or Arena and I
00:22:44
remember getting off stage being like Oh it easily so like you kind of have this attitude like oh I gotta keep it inate
00:22:51
but then when you're exposed to that kind of audience you're like Wella this is [ __ ] awesome if they lock in it's
00:22:57
okay yeah you need screens I yeah there's always large screen okay that works a lot of my jokes are very small
00:23:03
they're not even jokes actually it's not funny none of my stuff is funny and so it's harder to play any room that is
00:23:10
difficult for for you David as a comedian to not have funny material Andor be fun of yourself it's a deficit
00:23:17
you do so well under with all that um those those problems of not being funny
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and not having funny material I've been sometimes I do actually not on my own but when I play the bigger rooms with
00:23:29
Adam or something same thing it's it's harder because you see guys like in the in the hallways where you're like it's
00:23:35
like at a concert where you see those guys there guys selling beer over here there's always someone talking there's
00:23:40
always people drifting off not everyone's ever focused at once but if they're locked into you like if it's
00:23:46
your crowd I see I always say Nate Bazi his crowd he plays big places and they're just waiting for like throwaway
00:23:52
jokes setup jokes They're laughing at setups and they're just like so intently listening I go that's the dream just get
00:23:58
people like waiting for every [ __ ] thing you say instead of the big swings you're like yab daa do you know you got
00:24:05
to really sometimes to get everybody at once you go bigger I don't
00:24:10
know yeah no I don't think you do know David I don't think you I don't even know what's going on right now so what
00:24:17
you're a busy uh human being entrepreneur i' like the word entrepreneur even though I have have no
00:24:24
business correction I have five books now book do really why should people go buy
00:24:31
this book I'll do good great question um I you know what if you're into me and
00:24:36
you're into my stories and you're into my humor go buy the book If you're not skip it like uh this is my seventh book
00:24:43
i t and my fifth or fourth stand up special to be determined we still haven't figured that out and um I don't
00:24:50
know I'm I'm a I like to be I like to hustle you know what I mean I like to do
00:24:55
my own thing and I don't really like Direction from uh people so as long as you are an
00:25:01
entrepreneur you're in charge of your career you're not a you're not someone for hire you do the hir right right like
00:25:08
I don't like to be I I have been hired for jobs but you know historically I work best when I'm My Own Boss so I do
00:25:15
my podcasts I do my specials I do my books I do my like you know TV stuff but I try not to have a long-term position
00:25:22
where anyone is giving me notes on anything I would say the only time I've really not enjoyed show business is when
00:25:27
I was working with people with different sensibilities and they had power over me yeah that's the worst feeling um you
00:25:34
know they're offering I just want some advice for a sec like they're they're asking me can I write a book just that
00:25:41
you don't have to answer this in long form but what's your advice someone writing a book I mean did you talk into
00:25:47
a tape recorder did you have a a writer's assistant do you just start throwing stuff at the wall or how how do
00:25:53
you do it didn't you you have a book Dana I think I have your book don't you
00:25:59
I don't think no I didn't oh maybe I'm thinking of your book David my book would be too dark I mean no one would
00:26:05
believe it as the problem you know because I I you know don't have that image but you know well I think it's
00:26:12
pretty I mean listen I think as long as you're honest for me I just think Honesty is a commodity there's a lack of
00:26:19
it people are a little bit scared of honesty and like conflict and uncomfortable things so I like to like
00:26:26
kind of goe like head bur into that stuff and that's works for me and it's
00:26:31
like whatever your point of view is I think anyone can write a [ __ ] book especially like in our industry and
00:26:37
everybody does so that should be your first you know barometer that you you can do it and your stories the reason
00:26:44
why they're yours is because they're not believable like everyone's stories you could say that about so I would say I
00:26:50
don't use a no I don't use a writer's assistant when I write my books I do it all by myself and I just start writing I
00:26:56
sit down computer yeah I type everything on the computer and then I have an editor look at it and then when it's
00:27:02
like shaped and it's in some sort of form I'll start sharing it with people but usually I don't I don't like too
00:27:08
much feedback like I have like three or four people whose opinions I respect and then based on on that I'll be like okay
00:27:15
like I'll go to them from the cover or the title or um you know like my editor named this book I'll have what she's
00:27:21
having I was like I'm not naming a book I'll have what she's having about myself that's so stupid and she's like no
00:27:27
that's how you feel after reading the book I'm telling you you want what you're having and I was like okay and
00:27:33
then I had to think about it because usually I was like that's a little but then I was like yeah you're right I want people that's what I want to inject
00:27:39
people with it's like a little bit of optimism in in in sad dark times what
00:27:44
about When Harry Met Sally where she says I'll have what she's having did was there any conversation of maybe not
00:27:50
referring to a famous romantic that's part of the famous no that's part of the
00:27:55
reference yeah so this what you have to learn about books it's kind of like a you know we have a lot to learn DAV uh
00:28:03
Dava yeah yeah we're we're that we're that tight we we go by one name Dava but
00:28:08
uh thank you the only thing I'd be interested for you is like you're very honest but then you'll get to a chapter
00:28:15
or a point or a story where you You're Gonna Hurt Somebody maybe um and you
00:28:22
like them or you don't like them do how do you navigate or you just you know do
00:28:28
you just navigate that a little bit it's a judgment call should I bury this person at the party where they were
00:28:34
drunk or keep it in stuff like that well you have to legally shroud people's
00:28:39
identity unless they're a public figure so like if I my story about Andrew Cuomo which happens to be in my standup
00:28:45
special and in my book there's a crossover I it's two kind of different like there's way more room for detail
00:28:51
and everything in the book but he's a public figure so I tell like one version of that story in the book and I tell I
00:28:58
mean it's the same version but you know different storytelling styles for standup For books but like for him I
00:29:03
don't have to ask permission because everything I'm telling is true for a friend of mine that I'm writing about
00:29:09
who I like who isn't a public figure that I'm saying something embarrassing
00:29:15
or bad about like I have to shroud her identity so that no one will read it and
00:29:20
recognize who you're talking about so sometimes it's like I I'll make up a character I'll make a guy a girl or make
00:29:27
a you know make them a different age a different part of the world they live in and blah blah blah just to kind of shroud their identity but that's what
00:29:33
you have to do when you write books also I've gotten all I need today thank you I
00:29:39
have a question this is your motivational this is your motivational talk for you guys this morning for both of you daava I have a question about
00:29:46
your um you don't like bosses at work but do you like when you date someone do
00:29:51
you like to be bossed around a boss in the bedroom I mean I would have I like being sexually bossed around I mean no
00:29:58
one's really going to boss me around because that's just not going to happen you know what I mean I don't have time for that but I do like sexually when
00:30:05
somebody kind of tosses me around and tells me to shut up or like pushes my head down you know like playful sex I
00:30:12
like that into the wall did Joe Koy do that um probably when I asked him to you
00:30:20
know you gotta kind of tell guys luckily these days that you want that and that you want to get like you know so yeah
00:30:27
I'm sure joeoy was a little bit you know trying to throw me around I'm sure well also you call him Jo yeah you go hey
00:30:34
joeoy during sex all the time I would go oh my God Joe Koy Joe Koy oh my God Joe
00:30:41
Koy are you in what's happening I've never heard anyone just call him Joe I think it's always Joey I didn't know
00:30:47
that he didn't know how to spell Joe Koy I thought joeoy I thought J KO y was
00:30:53
like his birth name and his name is actually Joe and then Koy is a madeup
00:31:00
name so and then he combined joeoy Joe Koy so I don't know worked yeah yeah so
00:31:07
that was actually difficult when I was writing the book because there's a chapter about I talk about my relationship with joeoy and I I I'm a
00:31:14
real big on spelling and grammar like I find it to be a turn on when also people
00:31:20
pay attention to spelling and grammar and so I he spells his name j o KO Y and
00:31:26
I had to spell it J OE and then k y n space I did I couldn't spell it the way
00:31:33
that he wants people to spell it just out of respect for myself it's not an
00:31:40
actual name in the English language j o associated with a female well that's
00:31:46
right women are who are named Joe it's Jo and he's spelling his name like a
00:31:51
woman so I had to respect him because I know he doesn't present he doesn't identify as a woman so I to spell his
00:31:58
name correctly just by chance he might see it and learn how to spell his own name yeah well Jo yeah has it's
00:32:07
whimsical a little bit you know I don't know Joe you know Joe's like a Joe guy you know Joe Joe
00:32:15
artistic I wouldn't do it just because it's a female name like I would change maybe he doesn't maybe didn't know that
00:32:22
Joe from Little Women you're talking yeah there's not that many comption like
00:32:27
you who's the better standup on their best night you or Joe KY oh I would well Joe's a great standup I would never say
00:32:34
that I'm a better he's great I mean he is very good at what he does so it would
00:32:39
help if you said you were better I would never say that about any comic I don't need to say that he's powerful
00:32:47
definitely he's physical uh he does a lot of uh voices of other
00:32:53
yes people around different Comics you'll say that that's actually good completely opposite ends of the spectrum
00:33:00
exactly it would like it it' be like comparing an apple to a pineapple to a
00:33:05
tyer than yeah to a tyrer to a Dyson it would like be
00:33:12
comparing a a clean air what is this called an air doctor We All Get Air Doctors right after the fires it would
00:33:18
be like comparing an apple to an air doctor I think uh be like comparing a
00:33:24
pretzel to the lunar module yeah yeah yes that's right David it would be like
00:33:31
oh um I don't have any of the good ones of that but I was saying that maybe Chelsea the chemistry between the two of
00:33:38
you is palpable we've and I think the chemistry between the three of us is very intriguing as well so pal palpable
00:33:47
is good palpable is yeah something you can almost you can feel it and you can touch it
00:33:53
almost when you D guy do you feel like you're a little intimidating or guys scared to ask you out you think I think
00:34:00
men are very disturbed by me yes I think that they is not what I said I think
00:34:06
they find me off footing and um some men really love me and that's nice but I
00:34:12
think as men in general straight guys above a certain age are a little bit put off by me I'm not trying to be
00:34:19
intimidating or to turn people off I just have that Essence about myself it
00:34:24
doesn't seem like you're out trying to turn them on either you're not like thirstily going going after guys you're just when was the last time you had sex
00:34:31
oh uh just a few weeks ago I have a I have a mountain I have a mountain lover
00:34:37
I have a I have a mountain man that I have sex with in my Mountain House in Whistler Canada where I ski so right now
00:34:44
I'm in LA and usually in the winter time I have sex with a mountain man and does
00:34:50
the mountain man have a big Burly beard and really husky what is it l of getting
00:34:55
at yeah he he has a big he has a beard it's not Burly like what you're envisioning but he has a beard he
00:35:01
definitely looks like he's from the mountain you know what I mean is it Bert Cher it is not Bert ker no no he has
00:35:09
never been on top of me inside of me I don't think he's been on top of anyone except for his own wife so that's
00:35:14
probably for the best that's sweet yeah that is we're gonna spin that sweet well
00:35:19
we have a mountain man in a cabin you've got a bestselling about to happen dial it in you got a you got a special I mean
00:35:26
what don't you have right now a baby I don't have a baby thank God so that's
00:35:31
there's that you know I think about all the things that I don't have that I'm grateful that I don't have like a husband I never wanted to be married I
00:35:39
just find that idea I can't believe you've never gotten married David did you get married one time I don't think
00:35:44
so good for you like for making that decision Dana what about you have you been it's hard to make that decision to
00:35:49
be honest look weird born to be married I've been married for 42 years oh wow
00:35:55
congrats on that that's nice I guess so that's why Dana and I have all the sexual tension between I just had a
00:36:02
really weird childhood and I just uh I would get the walls would close in on me over time uh if I was just alone too too
00:36:11
much you know so right right if you when you when you've had a great boyfriend and he's not you're not married to him
00:36:18
and you're watching TV and you're having fun and you have your separate career and life that's fun right because that you get to share stuff it's fun right
00:36:26
you don't have to get marriage yeah no I'm with David I mean David and I probably have some similar
00:36:33
um dating habits I like just to have an open field and even if I am dating someone it's it's very clear like this
00:36:40
is not you know this is nice and everything but there's not gonna be any sort of long-term commitment made ever
00:36:46
and that's not the way I roll I don't think I've ever had that great it's harder for guys to have that
00:36:55
conversation Bill Mah always says to me everyone wants me to get married I go no one wants you to get married you know think nobody cares we don't married
00:37:02
people don't think that you've all got to be married so um especially Bill Mah
00:37:07
like who's worried about Bill Maher getting married who who no one says he says
00:37:14
exactly dude I go to Chelsea at things just to go laugh because she's always gonna say something snipy and funny
00:37:20
about somebody it's [ __ ] always funny um you're always good to uh I think I've
00:37:26
even been to your house I don't know if it's that house no this is a new house you know whose house I [ __ ] bought
00:37:31
RFK RFK JR's house is the house he and Cheryl Hines I bought this house I
00:37:37
didn't know that they own the house when I bought it which would have been a huge take out the wait room why do you I mean
00:37:43
I hav an I've had an infection ever since I moved into this house and I believe it's from him he's supposed to be Health guy and you got
00:37:51
in look at this is from look at this bruise it's from my IV I have to have a daily intervenous yeah like I thought
00:37:58
that was a rough up session with mountain man with yeah congratulations me
00:38:09
[Music] too I did a benefit for the
00:38:14
cardiovascular whatever and I think Ryan Street Crest was on it but it was a horrible environment and I went out
00:38:21
there and was pulling a tractor and I bombed and I came outside and I think you might have been smoking a cigarette
00:38:27
I don't even know if you smoke but you seem like incredibly cool and confident and you sort of you sort of went how
00:38:33
many of these do you do like you basically in my mind you were saying to me why would you do this and I had the
00:38:41
disease to please and say yes and so that's how I remember you and I thought you were very cool oh well that's cute
00:38:48
yeah it was cute yeah Chelsea part of her her attraction is she's she very pretty but she's very like kind of a
00:38:54
tough chick that you have to you everyone feels like they have to win over because she's not easily like she
00:39:00
doesn't she we're referring to you now CH yeah she doesn't suff she doesn't suffer fools I would
00:39:07
not say you got to throw something at her that's decent because she's not GNA she's GNA see right there's a hurt little girl in there somewhere and a
00:39:14
vulnerable person behind that Dennis there's aoey
00:39:21
sentimental um cries real softy I think everyone has by the way I like that she's texting during this anyway we're
00:39:27
giving you all these compliments and you're like I'm just texting the I'm texting the police you're going You're Going can we wrap this up I have two
00:39:34
question is going to be on theck okay I have to say here's two names for your
00:39:39
next specials right okay okay one is more honest that's not bad oh that's
00:39:47
not bad I like that actually more honest always because you're always honest but you have another special
00:39:53
you're like got one okay I've got the balls okay okay and here's one more so those
00:40:00
are two suggestions one of them I don't have a baby thank God that's right it's not a bad one
00:40:08
because people are like oh I want to hear what that shit's all about you can never feel like yeah I feel like I've
00:40:13
said that so many times that I like more honester though that's a good one I'm actually GNA put that in my notes
00:40:18
section David two words yeah three two words three syllables
00:40:24
mine was intentionally I was going for the worst title ever ever so his is actually good I think you know how about
00:40:31
just Chelsea with an exclamation point how about she's already done that
00:40:39
oh she's already done that I've done it everything is name SP that name I've used that name up I need a new [ __ ]
00:40:46
name you know what's funny Whitney and Chelsea like there's a lies a lot of the
00:40:52
female Comics you know them by one name you don't know me by D you know what I mean you well you everyone knows you by
00:40:58
Spade everyone goes by you guys go by last names well some of the girls guys go by last yeah it's
00:41:04
true Sandler Rock Spade we even call each other that yeah yeah you do that's
00:41:12
right speaking of Hollywood parties are you going to um gu siries house tomorrow night
00:41:17
David oh I'm not because I have a [ __ ] casino game oh dear well I would
00:41:23
love it that's fun I would like to see you there know just gonna say if you wanted go with me on my plus as my my
00:41:29
plus one but you're I can't believe or as you're you know if you were going but
00:41:34
um well those are fun because he never says who's going and I never ask I just go I'll just go and see what's going on
00:41:40
but I I were shoot I'm shooting this indeep pendent right now film and this
00:41:46
is my first day off in a while and I definitely wanted to do this with you because we it's been hard to sort of
00:41:51
organized but then tomorrow I have to go do a m a show I had booked before I did this so I am going to miss it I would
00:41:58
like to do that it's a fun night well I hope you have a great time at your Casino gig what what what city is that
00:42:05
in no one knows it's um exactly Goos are pretty tricky they're fun though and
00:42:12
when you get there're is it with Nikki with Nikki Glazer no no no we do a Vegas
00:42:18
thing sort of like Chelsea sometimes and um those are fun too at least Vegas you
00:42:23
can stay up late Chelsea yeah I like to gamble I like to play with like lots of money and gamble I so I I do my show
00:42:30
usually I have a bunch of friends or family or whoever like they come and they get a block of rooms you know we hook them up they come out fly out with
00:42:37
me and then we Gamble and I you know I love gambling I love Blackjack I love
00:42:43
supplying everyone with money to gamble for people who don't have money to throw around and I always start with a certain
00:42:50
number and I always leave and I always always walk out with more money like I am so lucky with gambling and I have
00:42:57
made that casino I believe luckier what what do you play Blackjack what are you playing yeah Miracle Ear I
00:43:04
just [ __ ] said it know well I have a fever I'm on antibiotics I'm also on
00:43:11
antibiotics with a fever just FYI okay so stop your complaining I apologize I'm perf you're on
00:43:17
antibiotics yeah intervenous look at this you guys I have a pick line in my arm [ __ ] I have like a massive infection
00:43:25
Amy Wine House look at no I know it's embarrassing I'm like falling apart at
00:43:30
the seams but I mean I'll be okay just like you'll be okay Dana Carvey once you get car the whole name
00:43:39
ller I have a question be okay M Handler is the toughest one Chelsea man Handler
00:43:47
that's the special that's what George Bush called me when we met at his at Kenny bunk board he kept calling me m
00:43:54
Handler like to really enunciate the like for my to represent my like loose lifestyle M like this this unmarried
00:44:02
helan he likes harl guy W harl yeah he
00:44:08
makes yeah well you would know Dana I mean you played him for so many years that's your guy I'm you mean Bush senior
00:44:16
oh right didn't you play him too no I'm talking about Bush Jor you junor just in
00:44:21
my standup but will frell did him on SNL but I played him everybody does he's a
00:44:27
funny funny
00:44:33
character my podcast is called dear Chelsea people call in for real life advice and it's yeah so it's not like
00:44:40
anything you guys would ever listen to you take phone calls from fans and
00:44:45
from real people no not fans people who have [ __ ] problems and they call in and I consider myself like the a medical
00:44:52
doctor yeah I'm I'm pretty smart about giving advice to people I'm really good at it I'm really a good like motivator
00:44:58
like go get your [ __ ] together and get you know make a good life decision so yeah I I have a podcast called dear
00:45:04
Chelsea and I'm really excited actually guys to be spending this it feels like a Saturday morning today doesn't it it's
00:45:10
Friday but it feels like a Saturday morning I swear I thought it was Saturday this is the earliest we've done
00:45:16
one I don't think we've in history G earlier y okay well maybe I like that I
00:45:21
get up early so I like this so do so do I I always get up early wherever I am in the world said you have to be at the
00:45:27
Beverly Center at 10:00 so we'll let you go I guess you the Beverly Center I [ __ ] hope not my God that's what they
00:45:33
told us they go I [ __ ] hate malls I grew up in New Jersey as you know Livingston New Jersey which you
00:45:39
mentioned previously and I have had my run and fill of shopping malls so please
00:45:44
don't mention any shopping mall to me again because I'm I'm wrapped well where are you going to go to Lady Foot Locker
00:45:50
they just have them on the street well don't you love food court don't you love a good food court though you mean brro
00:45:57
yes I do aw pandaw now now we're talking finally no Panda Express I do not like
00:46:04
Panda Express I would like to put that out there on the record put it out there for future dates Spade's gonna get a
00:46:10
Wendy's hamburger at some point today are you I do still eat that once in a
00:46:15
while yeah yeah I I used to like Wendy's chicken nuggets but you know those that's not chicken and I had to come to
00:46:21
terms with that even though they were like my favorite [ __ ] snack I just had to eventually just be like what am I
00:46:28
putting in my body you know I put so many chemicals in it already does it really need these chicken nuggets to put
00:46:34
me over the top yeah yeah yeah that doesn't appe to me Chelsea I think we'll
00:46:39
let you go you did a great job and uh I just want to say lastly you did use the word ass is that what you said earlier a
00:46:46
a great I wrote it down good job I learn I learned I think you learned a few
00:46:52
words today quite frankly by the way when I text I got a if I ever text you I have to be less like yo yo yo cuz I talk
00:46:59
like a rapper so I have to probably I'll do all the spelling stuff for you okay well don't worry I don't think anyone's
00:47:04
confusing you with a rapper make sure you change that wrap after we hang up as
00:47:11
change your wrap on your arm oh yeah Chelsea let's get you choppered out of there things aren't going well yeah it
00:47:19
always been like this you guys I'm I'm this is my life for the next week so it's okay don't worry you perfectly
00:47:26
Charming on here thank you for doing it thank you nice hanging out and uh I don't know who said this to me but we'll
00:47:31
see you around campus which we'll see around campus okay great goodbye Dana
00:47:36
David swe goodbye this has been a presentation of Odyssey please follow subscribe leave a
00:47:44
like a review all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your podcast fly in the walls executive
00:47:51
produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss bman of Odyssey and Heather Santoro the show's lead produc producer
00:47:57
is Greg Holzman
