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This is what we do for eight minutes
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before each show.
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Try to
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I'm not making a sound effect. That's
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just me. I'm actually going to a
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bodywork guided.
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>> Let's start with ailments.
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Welcome to
00:00:22
>> even stars have ailments.
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>> Can an AI do this?
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>> Oh yeah.
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>> You know what they told me? If you're
00:00:29
ever talking to an AI, like in an alley,
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I don't know where they think I'm
00:00:32
talking to an AI, but
00:00:33
>> they can't do certain things, so you
00:00:35
have to quiz them.
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>> I think it's like if you're on a Zoom
00:00:38
with an AI,
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>> think the person's fake.
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>> Yeah,
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>> I saw them act it out.
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>> Then the guy goes, "Great." I think it
00:00:44
was a job interview. And he goes, "Well,
00:00:45
everything seems to be in order." And
00:00:46
then at the end, he goes,
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>> "Real quick, can you just put three
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fingers in front of your face?" And the
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guy goes,
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he goes, "Well, look at this." And he
00:00:54
goes over and he goes, "This is a
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diploma I have." from this. He goes,
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"No, no, just put put your fingers in
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front of your face." And the guy goes
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like this.
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And he goes, "Three fingers." And he
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goes, "This is a little weird. I don't
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want to do this.
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>> I'm not buying you."
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>> And then he goes, "Put it in front of
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your face." And he goes, "I think
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there's some stuff I just shouldn't do
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because it just sounds weird." And the
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guy goes, "Well, you're everything's
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riding on us." And he didn't do it. And
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he goes, "Thank you." Click. They can't
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go like this for some reason. I don't
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know.
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>> Should we ask AI why AI can't do that?
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Whoa.
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>> There's lots of ways to get rid rid of
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AI. If you suspect you're talking to an
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AI, just slowly you put your fingers up
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and you go.
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What does it do? Scares
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>> and the AI will look down and freeze and
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then disappear. Just go like this. Put
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your fingers up and breathe heavily.
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>> Boom. Gone.
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>> I go like this. Go like this.
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>> You know the other way to get rid of AI
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on your computer? Just close the thing.
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>> Is that the other way? That's the That's
00:01:53
the simple hack. Just close the [ __ ]
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lid of the [ __ ] laptop.
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>> So, we are here the day after the Chris
00:02:03
Rock interview we did at the Netflix is
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a joke
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>> shootout at Oreium Corral.
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>> Yeah. We went to the Oreium Theater in
00:02:13
uh downtown LA. Terrifying. And uh
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>> way downtown,
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>> super far. And
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>> lots of oneways. We made it as hard as
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possible for Chris to come and have fun
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and be in a good mood. And the crowd was
00:02:25
just every everyone that got in was
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like, "Fuck, are we here yet? My god."
00:02:30
>> Parking mayhem. Random strangers uh in
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the intersection. You get the drill.
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>> Knife and neck, needle and leg.
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>> Hey, how who Hey guys. Hey Netflix is a
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joke festival. Got 500 shows. We got one
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with Spade and Carvy. Um let's bury it
00:02:47
here. about uh Wednesday at 6. Wednesday
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at 6 fol
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like go away. You're almost almost
00:02:54
Arizona. Just downtown. Well, that won't
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be good. I mean, they couldn't sell
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tickets on a night like that. Probably
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be a dead audience. Wrong.
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>> Wrong.
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>> Wrong again.
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>> Nice try, Netflix.
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>> I wanted to say, listen, a lot of our
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audience work. Well, some some people
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work that are
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>> Well, there's a few people.
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>> It would be difficult to get to
00:03:15
basically another state at 6:00 on a
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Wednesday. The tennis is not moving.
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>> Mort borderline redonkulous, but we got
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there. Chris showed up. We I haven't
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seen Chris in a while. We did have a
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great time. He always brings it. He
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didn't walk through it. He was very
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funny. It was very lively fun.
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>> Uh the crowd was very lively. We got on
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a roll setting Chris up asking Chris
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questions and he had a lot of very funny
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rejoinders. I don't want to give it
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away. It is hard to think of stuff to
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ask like a friend because a we've
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interviewed him before. B
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>> you just don't want to sound like a trit
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idiot of like when did you get your
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first break? You know that kind of
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stuff.
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>> So we sort of meandered into comedy and
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>> jokes and then people he's met, things
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he's done and then of course it just
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kind of rolls from there. We just jump
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on it. But it worked out really well. I
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thought I thought it was really good.
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>> Check it out. This is good. The timing
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works.
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>> That's coming up this week.
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>> Yes. They tried to stop us and it didn't
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work.
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>> Yeah. They tried to do everything again
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against us to make it not work and it
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worked.
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>> We're not victims, but
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>> there's like 5,000 shows. If you had
00:04:24
money for There's a great comedy
00:04:26
festival is Netflix. It's too much of a
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good thing.
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>> I think it's like literally they have to
00:04:32
sell 200,000 tickets in a week. Yeah. uh
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to fill all the places. So there are
00:04:37
very famous comedians playing arenas and
00:04:40
stadiums where it's like not it's hard
00:04:43
to sell it out. I mean, look, I never
00:04:46
Netflix is a joke. Always struck me. I'm
00:04:48
going to suggest
00:04:50
that they kind of modify it.
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>> Mhm.
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>> Like next is Netflix is such a joke, you
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know, or kind of a joke, you know.
00:05:00
Netflix is such a joke festival. Could
00:05:02
you think of any, David, right now as I
00:05:04
set you up for a
00:05:05
>> No, I was trying to think.
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>> Can you think of something? You're
00:05:08
usually very fast.
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>> No, I'm slow today. I was thinking of
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just canceling it all together. No, I
00:05:15
think if they have 140 shows, I think
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they mentioned last night and you've got
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Shane Gillis and Melany and Theo
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>> Chappelle, everybody.
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>> I mean, you can't think of anyone's not
00:05:26
doing a show this week
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>> or a podcast or this or a Kill Tony
00:05:31
>> and they all individually do well. But
00:05:34
if you smash them together and if let's
00:05:35
say you only have a million dollars to
00:05:37
spend on tickets,
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>> you're can only see 10% of the shows.
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>> Yeah. You can only see
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>> 40 shows.
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>> But I people at Netflix in the inner
00:05:47
sanctum, I mean, they're well intended.
00:05:48
They're very excited about the festival,
00:05:51
but that you can get a little too
00:05:52
exuberant. Hey, Ziggfrieded,
00:05:55
shall we go to 300 shows? Oh, I like it.
00:06:00
Yes. I'm going to say something crazy to
00:06:03
you, Groford. Make up the names.
00:06:06
>> Yeah. Could we go to 500 shows? Yes.
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>> 500 shows.
00:06:13
>> Well, they had a golf tournament to
00:06:15
start it all off Monday, so I went to
00:06:16
that and uh that was fun seeing a bunch
00:06:19
of comedians out of their element and a
00:06:22
few football players.
00:06:23
>> Did someone put a camera on this? Well,
00:06:26
Fortune Feamster was there on Whole Six
00:06:29
with Tom Papa and they interviewed
00:06:31
everyone before they went on. We had to
00:06:32
sit in chairs. It was kind of fun.
00:06:34
>> Fortune Feamster and Tom Papa. I like
00:06:35
these names.
00:06:36
>> Yeah, these are uh they have a Netflix
00:06:39
>> uh podcast.
00:06:41
And so I played with Santino, Bert
00:06:44
Chryser. They just randomly threw
00:06:45
everyone together. It was pretty fun.
00:06:47
>> Mhm.
00:06:48
>> I saw your Bill Burrs, your Will
00:06:49
Ferrells, your uh your random Devontto.
00:06:52
>> He's a great golfer. I mean, seriously.
00:06:53
I think
00:06:54
>> anybody
00:06:54
>> I think Santino, the one I played with I
00:06:57
think so. Whiskey ginger.
00:06:58
>> Yep. I played with him before and he's
00:07:00
very good. He's very serious.
00:07:02
>> He's getting a card. Go. It was a little
00:07:04
I'm like, "Let's relax. Let's
00:07:05
>> Hey, you're slow and play. Okay. Pick it
00:07:08
up."
00:07:09
>> Yeah. Exactly.
00:07:10
>> He never said that.
00:07:11
>> And then and Bert and I were just like
00:07:13
kind of medium, so we're just doing it
00:07:15
to screw off. But Oh, Michael Pñena won.
00:07:19
Not a comedian.
00:07:21
Great actor. Not a comedian. What's
00:07:23
going on?
00:07:24
>> Getting wasted in nightclubs every
00:07:26
night.
00:07:26
>> Fixed. Rigged.
00:07:28
>> Rigged.
00:07:29
>> Right.
00:07:29
>> Uh-huh.
00:07:30
>> Yeah.
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>> H.
00:07:32
>> So, that happened.
00:07:34
>> Anything else happened? That's it.
00:07:35
>> Is it listed anywhere? I can't get a
00:07:37
hand. Like, are we in the festival right
00:07:39
now? Is this technically Are we part of
00:07:41
the festival or is this outside the
00:07:43
>> No, this is outside.
00:07:44
>> Okay.
00:07:44
>> Are we Is it weirder that we're doing it
00:07:47
like this and not on Zoom? Do you think
00:07:49
anything's different? Well, yeah, cuz
00:07:50
normally I just look at you on the Zoom
00:07:52
and I go, "Hey, like this." So, now
00:07:54
we're just uh you know, that's why I'm
00:07:55
going to a chiropractor at 4:00 today
00:07:57
because of
00:07:58
>> Oh, yeah.
00:07:59
>> Well, David
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>> Dana's got a little bit of the spade to
00:08:02
>> one of these days. Let's get a table and
00:08:04
we'll just go across the table.
00:08:05
>> I would like that.
00:08:06
>> Joe Rogan does it. Maybe it works.
00:08:09
>> Yeah.
00:08:10
>> Call me crazy, but why not do a Joe
00:08:12
Rogan? He has 70 million and we only
00:08:16
have 65 million.
00:08:18
>> He's right. We have a table here from Z
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Gallery.
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>> Seriously,
00:08:23
>> I know this table is kind of
00:08:24
>> Yeah, our necks have to be saved. We
00:08:26
have to do it orthopedically at this
00:08:28
point.
00:08:28
>> Just going like this. Do you know why my
00:08:30
neck hurts? Cuz last night going this to
00:08:31
Chris Rock. I'm like this. I'm like,
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>> "Yes, Chris. Interesting. Chris."
00:08:37
>> Oh, yeah.
00:08:37
>> That's for an hour and a half. And I try
00:08:39
to look over this way once in a while.
00:08:40
Then he
00:08:41
>> starts again. I'm like,
00:08:43
>> "Yeah, I was hoping he'd go real quiet
00:08:46
and I could save my neck and go over
00:08:48
like this." and kind of go to you. But
00:08:49
no,
00:08:50
>> I know you didn't look at me once. You
00:08:54
were like this with me.
00:08:57
>> Talk to the fist.
00:08:58
>> Our guys are here going, "Hey, we don't
00:09:00
there's no we got no skin in the game.
00:09:01
What do you want to do? Put them on top
00:09:02
of each other? I know. Just tell us what
00:09:04
to do. We don't care.
00:09:06
>> We But we had a good time." And anything
00:09:08
else? What was your week like other than
00:09:09
this allconsuming?
00:09:11
>> Oh goodness. The cows and the horses and
00:09:14
the nature.
00:09:15
>> Your horse is going to have a baby. I
00:09:16
don't want to give a spoiler. July and
00:09:18
um we're with real authentic rancher
00:09:21
people. I said, "Is it going to take
00:09:23
them to a birthing place or anything?"
00:09:24
That would be ridiculous. They'll have
00:09:26
it right here in the field. But what if
00:09:28
something goes wrong? I mean, I've seen
00:09:30
all creatures, great and small. I mean,
00:09:32
if you get a picture, you see me and and
00:09:35
I'm like here up into the horse trying
00:09:38
to pull the baby out.
00:09:41
>> That's what my fear is. That's my joy.
00:09:44
>> But that's that's what happens. Do you
00:09:46
need me up there for that?
00:09:47
>> You just go and see the meat. What?
00:09:49
>> Do you need me up there to help you?
00:09:51
>> Oh, yeah. I've got a room all set up for
00:09:52
you.
00:09:53
>> Heather can film it.
00:09:55
>> Yeah.
00:09:56
>> You go elbow deep.
00:09:59
>> I've done it before.
00:10:01
>> You have?
00:10:02
>> Where? How?
00:10:03
>> And with who?
00:10:05
>> I'm talking about man to animal.
00:10:07
>> Oh, yeah. Not with an animal. I don't
00:10:10
know what's I I don't even want to put I
00:10:12
don't even want to think about this. So,
00:10:15
um, yeah, I just came down to LA,
00:10:18
checked in on a hotel.
00:10:19
>> Let's see if I have anything interesting
00:10:20
to talk about.
00:10:21
>> I, uh, ordered room service.
00:10:23
>> Oh. Oh, yeah. Do you want to talk about
00:10:25
your room service? Is there anything
00:10:27
there?
00:10:27
>> I don't have a real chunk on it. It's
00:10:29
just, uh,
00:10:31
>> you know, I'm always trying to just be
00:10:33
mellow. I mean, I'm not like, get the
00:10:35
food in here now. Get out. You know, I
00:10:38
go into nice guy mode and I don't even
00:10:40
want them to carry the tray. And there
00:10:42
was this young woman who came twice
00:10:44
yesterday and she was uh really strong.
00:10:47
I kept I'll take that for you. He goes,
00:10:48
"Oh, don't worry about it." So I realize
00:10:51
>> it's not that he's that strong. It's I'm
00:10:53
that weak. You know, it's like cuz
00:10:54
they're like 40 lb trays.
00:10:56
>> Yeah. She just goes, "I'm okay." Yeah.
00:10:59
>> Not a problem. And I go, "I'll get the
00:11:01
door. You don't have to.
00:11:03
>> Okay." So I like when they put the
00:11:05
little cork in the door. They put the
00:11:07
little holder. They got a whole system.
00:11:09
Stay out of my way, please. I got this.
00:11:11
I'm like, I can handle the lemons if if
00:11:15
they're in little cutlets.
00:11:18
>> Yeah. I I always try to fake help. I do
00:11:20
a lot of this. Do you want me to? Then I
00:11:21
clear the way a little bit and Yeah.
00:11:23
Literally doing nothing.
00:11:24
>> Well, I just try Do you want this? Do
00:11:26
you want shrimp sauce? Do you want No,
00:11:27
no, no. Fine. Fine. Do you want anything
00:11:29
else? No. No. Fine. Fine. I just make
00:11:30
sure, you know, we stay in hotels a lot,
00:11:33
folks. It's it's uh just we do. And
00:11:35
that's why most of our bits are around
00:11:37
travel and hotels. And what are you
00:11:39
going to do? I have a big question for
00:11:40
you.
00:11:42
I don't mean to break the internet, but
00:11:43
when you get your toast,
00:11:45
>> ah,
00:11:46
>> is it too squishy? Because they wrap it
00:11:48
in plastic.
00:11:49
>> No. Well, what hotel? Where are you when
00:11:51
you tell us anywhere?
00:11:53
>> The problem is they don't leave it open.
00:11:55
So, you get it. And the point of toast
00:11:57
is the toastiness. And so, I never throw
00:12:00
a fit,
00:12:01
>> isn't it?
00:12:02
>> Well, for it to be toasted, not
00:12:05
>> or just give me bread because it's toast
00:12:07
and they wrap it up. Now it's going to
00:12:08
be trapped in its own steam and it's
00:12:10
[ __ ] squishy
00:12:13
>> and I I I call down.
00:12:15
>> Well, there are places I've worked and
00:12:18
stayed in the middle of West Virginia.
00:12:20
That's we don't we'll cut that. But
00:12:22
anyway,
00:12:24
no. Where um room service, please? Oh,
00:12:27
we don't have any room service, but
00:12:29
there's a menu and as a pizza place like
00:12:32
three miles away. I don't have a car, so
00:12:34
I just hike over.
00:12:36
Let's talk for just a quick second about
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upgrading your energy game because
00:12:41
caffeine doesn't have to be boring.
00:12:45
>> No. Five. Our energy shots are changing
00:12:47
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00:12:52
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tastes
00:12:57
like I'd say a vanilla cake. Buttery
00:13:00
confetti style notes.
00:13:05
celebration in a bottle and somehow you
00:13:08
get all that flavor with zero sugar, no
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cake, no guilt.
00:13:13
>> So it's So it's all cake, no guilt.
00:13:18
>> On top of that,
00:13:19
>> but you're not eating a real cake.
00:13:22
>> You're not eating a real cake. It tastes
00:13:24
like cake. On top of that, you're
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00:13:59
or Amazon today. I have a story that's
00:14:03
cold off the presses. The Met Gal,
00:14:07
the Met Gala, it's been so far away from
00:14:10
the time this airs. But I will tell you,
00:14:12
oh, but it'll never end in our minds
00:14:14
>> because I asked Rock last night. I go,
00:14:16
"Do you go to the Met Gala or did you
00:14:17
not have anything stupid enough to
00:14:18
wear?"
00:14:19
>> And he said he went last year. But oop,
00:14:21
spoiler. But when I was watching some of
00:14:24
the people, and here's my question.
00:14:26
>> Why is that a spoiler?
00:14:29
>> He said he went last year. Spoiler.
00:14:31
>> Yeah,
00:14:32
>> it makes no sense.
00:14:33
>> But still, listen, I just gave money.
00:14:35
Okay, I gave the whole podcast away.
00:14:37
>> So, when I see people and they go
00:14:40
through the outfits and they go through
00:14:42
who's had a few nips and tucks, I want
00:14:44
to make a petition for Margot Robbie to
00:14:46
never touch her face. This is someone
00:14:49
who has such I was watching Weathering
00:14:51
Heights with a W with the Wu. Everyone
00:14:54
says Weathering Heights and I go like
00:14:56
this. I saw it. Weathering Heights. No.
00:15:00
Weathering.
00:15:01
>> Thank you.
00:15:02
>> Weathering Heights, right?
00:15:04
>> A remake. Doesn't mean it's not a good
00:15:06
movie, but we've seen it before,
00:15:08
>> right?
00:15:09
>> It was shot a little bit like Young
00:15:10
Frankenstein.
00:15:12
>> He always looks a little bit like a
00:15:14
Frankenstein. He's very good-looking,
00:15:16
great actor, but look, he always I
00:15:17
always see a Frankenstein when I see
00:15:19
him.
00:15:19
>> He's a stud. And then when you ever hear
00:15:20
him really talk, I go, "Oh, that's your
00:15:22
accent." Cuz I'm like, he's always
00:15:23
sounds like on Euphoria.
00:15:25
>> Yeah.
00:15:26
>> Sounds like the
00:15:26
>> Well, here's my question for you. So, in
00:15:29
movies now, it's cause celeb. It's what
00:15:31
you do is you've got the the uh the male
00:15:34
star and the female name but might be
00:15:36
married whatever but then they floated
00:15:38
out like hey there's some
00:15:40
extracurricular activities happening
00:15:42
happening in the trailers during the
00:15:44
shoot and they did it with Margot Robbie
00:15:46
and Jason got out. What's his name?
00:15:48
>> Jacob Allerti.
00:15:49
>> Jacob Alerty.
00:15:50
>> And they they make it like it's always
00:15:52
right when the movie comes out.
00:15:53
>> Are they hooking up? And it makes you go
00:15:56
oh I wonder if I can see the movie if I
00:15:58
can tell if there's any chemistry. Well,
00:15:59
that's what makes you see the movie. Are
00:16:01
they Is this simulated sex and pretend
00:16:03
or they like get these cameras out of
00:16:05
here kind of thing?
00:16:06
>> I heard they started the movie with one
00:16:08
boner and then after that nothing.
00:16:10
>> Did he have the boner?
00:16:12
>> I did not know that. I just said someone
00:16:14
was By the way, they put it in an
00:16:16
interesting situation to turn people on.
00:16:17
The guy was getting hung like killed.
00:16:20
>> Yeah.
00:16:21
>> And he gets a boner and I'm like that's
00:16:22
where you throw it?
00:16:23
>> Yeah. That was when I knew this was my
00:16:25
kind of movie. The first scene a guy
00:16:27
gets hung and m
00:16:29
And then they show that he's he's
00:16:31
excited.
00:16:32
>> Why was he excited?
00:16:33
>> Well, you know, the wiener wranglers,
00:16:35
what they call them, wiener wranglers,
00:16:37
did a prostesis, but I guess you know,
00:16:40
you
00:16:40
>> you went to where was it? Arizona State.
00:16:43
>> Yes. When you are affixiated, you get
00:16:46
vis aroused. Now, some people do it like
00:16:49
in a closet and then they they come to
00:16:51
or something. No pun intended. But um
00:16:55
yeah, that was uh So anyway, it was
00:16:56
good. But after that, I heard there
00:16:58
wasn't enough sex.
00:17:00
>> They wanted runchy sex. That's the way
00:17:02
it was.
00:17:03
>> I'm maybe I'm oldfashioned, but
00:17:05
>> yes,
00:17:06
>> I'll just say this for filmmakers and I
00:17:08
this I don't know if this is a hot take.
00:17:10
>> More boners. What is it?
00:17:11
>> No, it's more the unrequited and they're
00:17:14
using it to a point, but we don't. It's
00:17:16
just that they really want to have sex,
00:17:18
but they can't have sex. It's all about
00:17:20
that tension. you know, the actual sex
00:17:23
is is not as interesting as a film as
00:17:26
>> Oh, yeah. I fast forward to that
00:17:27
>> for more more tease and more, you know,
00:17:30
>> so when this movie weathering, was there
00:17:33
a lot of tease and that was good or
00:17:35
they're not enough?
00:17:36
>> There was I mean, the whole book and
00:17:37
everything is about that cuz they he's a
00:17:39
he's adopted and he comes in the house
00:17:41
and they just have this tomboy kind of
00:17:44
relationship and then they realize they
00:17:45
grow up and they're all hormonal and
00:17:47
horny and then they're both good. marry
00:17:50
your brother, get out.
00:17:52
>> I I saw a clip the other day. I was
00:17:54
watching it for a little bit and I was
00:17:55
like I didn't get what was going on. So,
00:17:57
he had come back and he's her brother.
00:18:00
>> Well, like not not by birth, I believe.
00:18:03
>> We're going to get letters.
00:18:05
>> No, I don't know. I mean, listen, she
00:18:07
Anyway, the point was gorgeous.
00:18:10
And I know at some point someone's going
00:18:12
to get to her and go, you should do a
00:18:13
little bit of this. Nothing. Do nothing.
00:18:16
Um she was extraordinary in a movie that
00:18:19
wasn't a hit. I think it was called
00:18:21
Babylon.
00:18:22
>> Oh yeah, Babylon. Is that with Brad?
00:18:24
>> And her performance in that was like
00:18:27
>> next level.
00:18:27
>> That starts with like an orgy, right?
00:18:30
>> Yeah. It's just it's a wild movie. I
00:18:32
don't know. Maybe audiences didn't quite
00:18:34
connect to it. It like comes in the
00:18:36
middle of the movie like just this
00:18:38
crazy sex craze intensity around the
00:18:42
early days of film.
00:18:43
>> Was it Baz Lurman or who did that one?
00:18:45
Yeah,
00:18:46
>> it was.
00:18:46
>> Yeah. Or his brother, Edward Lurman.
00:18:49
>> Okay.
00:18:49
>> One of the Lurman brothers.
00:18:51
>> That whole family. Um,
00:18:55
>> oh, here's I didn't like. And oh, by the
00:18:57
way, the in political news, there's a
00:18:58
big mayor race here in town.
00:19:01
>> Spencer Pratt.
00:19:02
>> Spencer Pratt is getting a lot of
00:19:03
chatter here in town because uh for
00:19:06
better, for worse, there's
00:19:08
uh there's the old guard of mayor Karen
00:19:12
Bass.
00:19:12
>> Yeah. And if people aren't happy, they
00:19:14
look to someone else and they're like,
00:19:16
"What about Spencer? What does he know
00:19:18
about this?"
00:19:19
>> And he makes some good points.
00:19:20
>> Well, his platform is a little out
00:19:22
there. He wants to
00:19:25
clean up the streets, lower crime, and
00:19:28
help the homeless get elsewhere. Um, he
00:19:33
wants to lower taxes, and have a
00:19:34
financial boom. And he wants it to
00:19:38
become kind of a a jewel of the world.
00:19:43
What's that about? Are those goals
00:19:45
anyone would really want?
00:19:46
>> I don't like that angle. Also, his only
00:19:48
caveat is any
00:19:50
>> he can't run on a platform or clean up
00:19:51
the city and make and make it become a
00:19:54
jewel of the world.
00:19:55
>> Yeah. And he says everyone will get
00:19:57
their own reality show. He doesn't need
00:19:59
to add that.
00:20:00
>> He wants to rename LA the hill.
00:20:03
>> No, I think he makes some good points.
00:20:05
Can he come through? I don't know. But
00:20:07
at least he's getting attention by
00:20:10
talking and saying some things you like
00:20:11
to hear, which happens around this time
00:20:14
of year before election. But I do think
00:20:15
that if he's he seems serious about it,
00:20:18
he was caught in the fires where they
00:20:20
burned his house down and uh like like
00:20:22
this did he's like coming back saying
00:20:26
>> you wronged me because they none of the
00:20:28
money seems to be going to the victims
00:20:30
of the fire, Aladena or
00:20:32
>> Palisades,
00:20:34
>> right? And there there are what they
00:20:36
call secular trends that are not really
00:20:39
related to politics in a sense is that
00:20:42
we give our public employees um
00:20:46
pensions.
00:20:47
>> In the olden days, you get your pension
00:20:49
and you were kind of going to the stars
00:20:51
in about five or eight years. Now you
00:20:53
get your pension at 53 and you live to
00:20:56
102.
00:20:58
>> Yeah.
00:20:58
>> And there's inflation bumps. So it's
00:21:00
happening in Japan all over the world
00:21:02
that people just don't want to check
00:21:04
out. They're liking it so much and
00:21:06
they're getting government money and
00:21:08
then it goes for three decades instead
00:21:10
of two two years. Does that make any
00:21:12
sense?
00:21:12
>> So some so you start to run out of money
00:21:15
the government
00:21:15
>> and then the p then what you can't get
00:21:18
the money for clean up the city or fight
00:21:21
crime or or the money to do forest
00:21:23
management around fireprone areas. That
00:21:26
costs money to have guys go in there
00:21:28
with a rake. You got to pick and choose
00:21:29
your fights on those. Uh I I did I do
00:21:32
think it was
00:21:34
>> crazy that
00:21:36
>> Oh, who just
00:21:38
apologized to the
00:21:42
Oh, a judge apologized to the guy that
00:21:44
tried to shoot Trump
00:21:47
>> cuz the conditions or the way he was
00:21:49
being held.
00:21:50
>> I mean, but come on. I mean, like my dad
00:21:51
said, don't go to jail. It's not fun.
00:21:55
Good thing about jail is that's where
00:21:57
bad guys go and it's not great.
00:21:59
>> Yeah.
00:21:59
>> Not supposed to be. Right. So
00:22:01
>> when you do a crime,
00:22:02
>> I get it should it should all be enough
00:22:04
to be like humane. Of course, but
00:22:07
>> I I don't like doing one of these sort
00:22:10
of numbers where you're running in with
00:22:12
a gun shooting and then they're like,
00:22:13
"Hey, sorry. It was it was a total
00:22:15
hassle for you and you got arrested."
00:22:17
>> Um yeah, a judge just shouldn't say
00:22:20
that. Just say, "Here's my judgment.
00:22:22
This or that." Don't throw in that.
00:22:23
That's a weird weird thing. It's like
00:22:25
when Mandami someone tried to stab
00:22:27
someone and got shot and then he went to
00:22:29
the hospital and apologized to them.
00:22:31
It's like
00:22:31
>> well it all comes from this one
00:22:33
basically too soft idea is that all
00:22:35
people are good and all people are born
00:22:37
good and so if someone's behaving badly
00:22:39
they were let down by society. So the
00:22:42
the oppressor and the oppressed are the
00:22:44
same. the victim and the perpetrator are
00:22:47
the same or in some ways the perpetrator
00:22:50
gets is people feel more empathy toward
00:22:54
because wow what made him do that cuz
00:22:55
he's a great person she
00:22:57
>> right it's all in my book how to solve
00:23:01
everything
00:23:01
>> I know
00:23:03
>> by Dana Flaro
00:23:05
>> yeah it is just sometimes that rubs me
00:23:07
the wrong way I don't know about anyone
00:23:08
else
00:23:09
>> you just you just really you think about
00:23:10
a city if you're going to go visit a
00:23:12
city what's it like and you can hear a
00:23:13
thousand things if you hear uh it's it's
00:23:16
clean and safe. Oh, let's go there.
00:23:18
Yeah.
00:23:19
>> So, you every city needs to work toward
00:23:21
that.
00:23:22
>> Try to get back to that.
00:23:23
>> Get back to it's a clean safe city that
00:23:25
you want to visit and then the business
00:23:27
comes in, tax revenue rises. It's all in
00:23:31
my book. Hey everybody, I know what to
00:23:34
do.
00:23:35
>> That is a good name. Hey everybody, come
00:23:38
to me for the answers.
00:23:39
>> Which comes about this catchphrase that
00:23:41
that I it's not a catchphrase. It was
00:23:43
something Mike Tyson said. So last night
00:23:45
being silly in the car on the way to the
00:23:47
gig,
00:23:48
>> which I just told the story of Tyson,
00:23:50
who I love the clips of him. He's on
00:23:52
with some radio DJ and the radio DJ
00:23:55
says, "So you're voting for Trump?" And
00:23:57
Tyson with this goes, "Yeah, I I vote
00:24:00
for Trump. I'm voting for Trump." And
00:24:01
then he goes, "What are you going to do
00:24:03
about it?" And then the guy gets scared.
00:24:06
He's like, "Well, I just kind of saying,
00:24:07
"No, what are you going to do about it?
00:24:08
I'm voting for Trump. So what what are
00:24:10
you going to do about it?" So, I just
00:24:11
thought, "What are you going to do about
00:24:12
it?"
00:24:13
>> It's funny because the guy was like,
00:24:14
"Well, I don't know if you should vote
00:24:16
for him because this is He goes, "Yeah,
00:24:17
but what are you going to do about like
00:24:19
how are you going to stop me because
00:24:20
I'll knock you the
00:24:21
>> Right." But he does he's seated, but he
00:24:23
does the thing of like you go like this
00:24:25
like like make your move. What are you
00:24:27
going to do about it? What are you What
00:24:28
are you going to sit over there? What
00:24:29
are you going to do about it? I'm vote
00:24:31
for Trump. What are you gonna do about
00:24:32
it? I just think what are you going to
00:24:34
do about it, you know, is a funny answer
00:24:37
because also it could when you're with
00:24:39
another guy and especially Mike Tyson,
00:24:41
guys in line at the bank, you bump into
00:24:43
someone. I don't I don't know if we've
00:24:45
talked about this where with with women
00:24:49
banks don't exist anymore.
00:24:50
>> Like if you're in line at the bank, it's
00:24:52
a normal thing. I'm in touch with
00:24:53
reality. When you're on the bread line,
00:24:55
>> okay, you're not on your online account.
00:24:56
>> When I'm buying milk for 10 cents a
00:24:58
gallon or whatever it is,
00:24:59
>> yeah, you get in a scuffle,
00:25:00
>> right? and someone bumps into you, there
00:25:02
is a chance any time in the day as a guy
00:25:04
you can get in a fight or beat up.
00:25:06
>> And I think with women, it's not it
00:25:09
doesn't always cross their mind. But
00:25:10
with me, every time you're in a car road
00:25:12
rage, if this guy cuts me off and gets
00:25:14
out of the car, he's going to beat the
00:25:15
[ __ ] out of you.
00:25:16
>> So that can happen. So when Mike Tyson
00:25:18
says to you, "What are you going to do
00:25:19
about it?" You know what he means? He's
00:25:20
like,
00:25:20
>> "Fight me right now.
00:25:22
>> It's not going to change my mind, but
00:25:23
what are you going to do as a man?"
00:25:25
Yeah.
00:25:26
>> It's It's so funny. I got pulled over
00:25:27
for a little bit of speeding ticket. And
00:25:29
I was just thinking of Tyson in that
00:25:31
moment. He goes, "Oh, you're going as
00:25:32
fast as I go."
00:25:33
>> Yeah. So, what are you going to do about
00:25:34
it? Well, I'm going to give you a
00:25:36
ticket. Yeah, but what are you going to
00:25:37
do about it?
00:25:38
>> Yeah, I was going over speed limits.
00:25:40
What are you going to do about it? I
00:25:41
went over. What are you going to do
00:25:42
about it? And I should stop that.
00:25:45
>> Are you going to I think it means are
00:25:47
you going to physically stop me from
00:25:49
doing something? And you're not,
00:25:50
>> right? It it's helpful if if you're 220
00:25:53
pounds of solid muscle with giant giant
00:25:56
lethal hands that could kill you with
00:25:57
one punch. That is helpful. Um I may not
00:26:00
have the size to be physically
00:26:03
threatening, but anytime you say, "What
00:26:04
are you going to do about it?" Hey,
00:26:05
you're in the wrong line at the bank.
00:26:07
You're supposed to start. I went over
00:26:09
this line. You know, what are you going
00:26:10
to do about it?
00:26:11
>> Well, you're in the wrong line. Yeah,
00:26:12
but what are you going to do about it?
00:26:14
>> That's that's a better one. But what are
00:26:16
you going to do about I'm do nothing.
00:26:17
What are you going to do about it?
00:26:18
>> Why are we talking? So why are we even
00:26:20
wasting time? Because you know you're
00:26:21
know you're going to do nothing.
00:26:22
>> I do love it.
00:26:23
>> Yeah. So that's the new catchphrase. You
00:26:25
can use it at home with your friends.
00:26:27
Try not to get in trouble with it. But
00:26:29
it's kind of a fun thing if you in a
00:26:31
positive sort of strong posture in life
00:26:34
>> because Tyson, he hasn't fought for
00:26:36
what, 20 years. And everyone knows that
00:26:39
that guy could kill me
00:26:40
>> in two seconds.
00:26:42
>> Yeah. I he was the first
00:26:46
heavyweight
00:26:48
boxer, you know, champion that I met and
00:26:51
then shook his hand and it was like it
00:26:56
was like just it weighed about 60 lbs. I
00:27:00
go, "Your hand is so heavy." He goes,
00:27:02
"Yeah, what are you going to do about
00:27:03
it?"
00:27:04
>> Yeah, exactly. What are you
00:27:05
>> Well, no, I'm just saying it's a very
00:27:06
heavy hand. I know, but what are you
00:27:08
going to do about it?
00:27:08
>> You always say, "What are you going to
00:27:09
do about it?"
00:27:10
>> He said, "What are you going to do about
00:27:11
it?" I go, "Nothing. Nothing, Mike. I
00:27:13
No, you It's perfectly great. Sure. I uh
00:27:16
you know, no, it's a terrific hand. It's
00:27:18
just But uh the point is that
00:27:20
>> brittle bones.
00:27:22
>> One punch. You would not be happy.
00:27:25
>> All right, let's show you a video I saw
00:27:26
on Instagram. You know, when we uh
00:27:28
sometimes they pull sound from movies.
00:27:31
This is funny sound. Tell me who these
00:27:32
people are.
00:27:33
>> Mark Zuckerberg.
00:27:34
>> We got to go to Milan.
00:27:35
>> Milan? What? Italy. What's in Milan?
00:27:39
Was
00:27:41
that your voice?
00:27:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Funny.
00:27:42
>> Isn't that funny?
00:27:44
>> Well, did someone do that or
00:27:45
>> There's a Tik Tok trend that I didn't
00:27:47
even recognize my own voice where they
00:27:48
go, "This is you." And it's people and
00:27:51
that other part. Play it again. Is it
00:27:53
too late?
00:27:55
The other part's Sandler. This part
00:27:58
>> we got to go to Milan.
00:27:59
>> That doesn't even sound like
00:28:01
>> What's in Milan?
00:28:03
>> It's Grown-Ups. Yeah, it's from
00:28:04
>> Oh, okay. So they took those from
00:28:06
>> there's a scene in Grown-Ups where we're
00:28:08
at uh Woodman's and uh Sandler's
00:28:10
embarrassed cuz Salah's wife says, "You
00:28:12
can't hang out with these guys next
00:28:13
week."
00:28:14
>> Yeah.
00:28:14
>> You know what we're doing? And I go,
00:28:15
"Why? What are you doing?" He goes,
00:28:17
>> "We got to go to Milan." I go, "Melan,
00:28:19
what? Italy? What's in Milan?" And then
00:28:21
he goes, "Fashion show." And we're all
00:28:23
like, "No way, dude. You're leaving?"
00:28:26
And he's like, "Yeah, but I think it's
00:28:28
funny. They pull it for that." And then
00:28:30
everyone does the same thing. They pan
00:28:32
>> to these all these places in Italy.
00:28:34
So, it's sort of a slice of life.
00:28:36
Grown-ups is trundling around in the
00:28:38
culture. I think I'm going on out on a
00:28:41
limb, but maybe you guys should make a
00:28:42
third one.
00:28:43
>> I think people I think there's what they
00:28:45
call demand in the marketplace for that.
00:28:48
>> Yes, TBS channel is asking. They go, we
00:28:50
need that thing.
00:28:51
>> Does TBS still exist?
00:28:53
>> I think we're keeping the lights on over
00:28:55
there with grown-ups and Joe Dirt and
00:28:56
Benchwarmers. Oh, Blended is on Blended
00:28:59
of all movies.
00:29:01
>> Blended every day.
00:29:04
Huh?
00:29:04
>> Oh [ __ ] Uh,
00:29:06
>> okay.
00:29:07
>> I'm going to see Chris Rock cuz we're
00:29:09
meeting in Milan this summer. He's going
00:29:12
to take me on a boat. He said,
00:29:13
>> "Really?"
00:29:14
>> Yeah.
00:29:15
>> So, that was arranged last night. You're
00:29:16
going to go to Milan and go on a boat
00:29:18
with him.
00:29:18
>> It's not a big talk. Yeah. I I'll go.
00:29:21
Huh?
00:29:21
>> What are you going to do about it?
00:29:24
>> I already worked it in. Uh, all right.
00:29:27
Let's see.
00:29:27
>> What are you gonna do about it?
00:29:28
>> Yeah. Well, no. I'm just saying you're
00:29:29
in the wrong light.
00:29:30
>> Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Don't push the
00:29:32
action yet.
00:29:33
I don't know what this is. Let's play
00:29:35
it. We'll figure it out.
00:29:36
>> All right, we can see it.
00:29:36
>> This is how F1 drivers reacted to my
00:29:38
really high back flips.
00:29:39
>> I have one of the highest standing back
00:29:41
flips.
00:29:41
>> That is that real? That's a really high.
00:29:43
>> Rate it 1 through 10.
00:29:46
>> Holy [ __ ]
00:29:47
>> That's insane.
00:29:48
>> Like,
00:29:49
>> well, they're kind of shorter anyway. F1
00:29:51
drivers.
00:29:51
>> How did you even tell the viewers, but
00:29:53
it's because I'm black.
00:29:56
>> What are you going to do about standing
00:29:58
back? Okay, I'm ready when you are. It's
00:30:01
definitely higher than I picture it.
00:30:03
>> Well, he's got a big vertical and then
00:30:05
he pulls his legs way up. He's got that
00:30:08
vertical
00:30:09
>> really high back flip. I want to have
00:30:09
you. Okay.
00:30:11
>> All right. Just stay right there. No,
00:30:12
you can come closer. You don't got to
00:30:13
sit back. You come closer.
00:30:14
>> This guy's tall as [ __ ] too. Seems like
00:30:16
it.
00:30:17
>> Two.
00:30:18
>> One.
00:30:20
>> Holy.
00:30:20
>> It's really easy for him.
00:30:22
>> It's so easy.
00:30:23
>> Now, Dana, you know my neck hurts cuz I
00:30:25
did a back flip and I landed short. Is
00:30:28
that Is that what happened? Get rid of
00:30:29
that.
00:30:30
>> It was an injury. That's how it
00:30:31
happened. I didn't know that. I was
00:30:33
doing back flips for a uh show in high
00:30:36
school, like a talent show, and I was on
00:30:37
the hardwood, and that day I was with my
00:30:39
buddy uh Dan, I think, and I go, "Hey."
00:30:42
>> Yeah.
00:30:42
>> We at the pool, and I go, I got to do a
00:30:44
standing back tonight. So, I was also in
00:30:46
gymnastics. A lot of red flags here. Uh
00:30:49
in gymnastics. Hey. And we were doing a
00:30:51
dance number that night. Uh oh. Uh oh,
00:30:53
ladies.
00:30:55
And so I go in the daytime and I was in
00:30:57
the pool and I was barefoot and I go in
00:30:58
the grass and I go, "Hey, let me
00:31:00
practice one before tonight because we
00:31:01
have to do at the end of this thing.
00:31:03
>> We're doing sketches and stuff."
00:31:04
>> So I do it and he flips me around. I go,
00:31:06
"What happened?" He goes, "You weren't
00:31:07
going to make it." I go,
00:31:08
>> "No, no, no. I I I can do these. I got
00:31:11
to do it tonight." So that night I went
00:31:13
in and I uh was backstage and the crowd
00:31:16
is coming in and I go to the other guy.
00:31:18
It's pitch black back there. I go, "Hey,
00:31:19
uh, on that black hardwood, I go, "Hey,
00:31:23
flip me around." I go, I'm gonna do back
00:31:25
flip. And he flips me around. And then I
00:31:27
go, okay, don't spot me on this one. He
00:31:29
goes, okay. And I went and I came out
00:31:31
short and missed my feet and land on my
00:31:33
face and I bounced off my head and I go
00:31:36
and he goes, "Are you right?" And I go,
00:31:38
"Not at all." And I walked away and this
00:31:40
tooth was loose and it was pouring blood
00:31:42
and my nose is pouring blood and I had
00:31:43
black paint on my teeth in the stage. So
00:31:46
I got backstage and they called my mom
00:31:47
out and a doctor from the back. And is
00:31:51
there a doctor in the house? For real?
00:31:52
>> Wow. And he goes, he goes, he's a little
00:31:56
rattled. I mean, by the way, this is I
00:31:58
had a I didn't know who anyone was for
00:32:00
an hour.
00:32:01
>> Use this to illustrate it. Like you're
00:32:03
you go okay, you go up. Yeah.
00:32:05
>> Okay. Let me see. I mean, I'm standing
00:32:07
there like that.
00:32:08
>> And you're supposed to go up and land
00:32:09
like that.
00:32:10
>> Yeah. Full rotation
00:32:11
>> and land short. You go wham.
00:32:13
>> But wouldn't you be on your back?
00:32:14
>> No. You're coming on your feet.
00:32:16
>> Okay. These feet show up.
00:32:18
>> Yeah. And so I just basically did a back
00:32:20
dive and all the weight went on my face.
00:32:24
>> Okay, here's your face.
00:32:28
All right, buddy. And then Hey, buddy.
00:32:32
>> Yeah, it didn't go far enough.
00:32:33
>> Like I put my feet out, but they
00:32:35
>> My feet need to go all the way around
00:32:36
like that.
00:32:37
>> It is hard to explain.
00:32:38
>> And you went I know you went, "Hey
00:32:40
buddy, I got this. How
00:32:41
>> bad I could [ __ ] this up. It's hard to
00:32:42
expl." And bam. You didn't rotate in. So
00:32:46
you didn't get enough lift. So it
00:32:48
cracked my and and my jaw and so
00:32:50
>> Well, you could have been paralyzed.
00:32:52
>> Yeah, cuz it was, you know, I see these
00:32:54
fails on TV. It's like, haha, another
00:32:57
fail. They go and I'm like, each one of
00:32:59
those I go,
00:33:00
>> that guy's [ __ ] for years. Because
00:33:02
some of the So anyway, I'm backstage.
00:33:05
>> I don't know who anyone is for a full
00:33:07
hour, right?
00:33:08
>> They should have choppered me out,
00:33:09
everyone on one knee. But instead, I'm
00:33:11
just backstage staring. And then my
00:33:13
mom's, I don't know who she is. Doctor's
00:33:15
like, "He's a little shook up and he's
00:33:17
rattled." All these old It's like, "Oh,
00:33:18
all those little things. He's a little
00:33:20
banged up."
00:33:21
>> And my They go, "Get but we don't have
00:33:23
insurance, you so get him to the
00:33:26
hospital." And she's like, "Oh my god,
00:33:27
right away." And then my mom's like,
00:33:28
"Davey, do you want to go to the
00:33:30
hospital or Pizza Hut?" So, I stayed I
00:33:34
got my memory back about halfway through
00:33:36
the show, went out and did a couple of
00:33:38
my numbers and then afterwards we went
00:33:40
to the after part. I never got it looked
00:33:43
at and it started to get worse and then
00:33:46
I got out of high school and got to uh
00:33:48
>> started to do stand up and then the
00:33:50
stress combined with the never fixing
00:33:52
it. The neck and jaw was just [ __ ] up.
00:33:54
And to this day, that's why it's still
00:33:56
>> Did you ever get a, you know, MRI to see
00:34:00
>> I've had every
00:34:01
>> Well, what happened? Are there muscles
00:34:03
are now kind of damaged?
00:34:04
>> Everything's like smashed down and uh
00:34:07
>> it's the muscles are the most pain. So
00:34:09
muscles are tough because any muscle
00:34:11
relaxing and knocks you out, you know?
00:34:12
So,
00:34:12
>> right,
00:34:13
>> obvious it's really the guys like just
00:34:15
you're so [ __ ] tough as [ __ ] man.
00:34:17
It's like unreal.
00:34:18
>> Well, huh.
00:34:21
>> Pizza was good. How? And the floor was
00:34:23
okay. I thought you'd ask about the
00:34:24
floor. The floor was fine.
00:34:26
>> Yeah, I had a neck thing. That was fun.
00:34:28
But what was Pizza Hut like?
00:34:29
>> Pizza Hut. I think it was more shakies,
00:34:31
but uh they have a salad bar. That's why
00:34:35
I like all these old trashy places. Like
00:34:37
>> closest I came to that was that and I've
00:34:39
told it before, but I was doing um a
00:34:41
flip on Saturday Night Live,
00:34:43
>> SNL.
00:34:44
>> SNL on Friday pre-tape.
00:34:47
I was playing Vice President Dan Quail
00:34:49
as if he was Dick Van Djk in the old
00:34:52
Dick Van Djk show. And in that thing for
00:34:54
you boomers, he goes and there's an
00:34:56
Ottoman and he does a flip over it.
00:34:59
>> Fake trip. It flips.
00:35:00
>> Yeah. Straight. And
00:35:01
>> it's hard to It's hard to do it right.
00:35:03
>> Right. And I don't think there was no
00:35:05
stunt coordinator there. There was just
00:35:07
the ottoman and it might have been teeny
00:35:10
carpet or something like that. There
00:35:11
wasn't like a soft landing kind of
00:35:13
thing.
00:35:13
>> Oh yeah. So the first time I did it
00:35:15
like, oh, I didn't fully rotate and I
00:35:18
landed here. There's a bump here. And
00:35:21
then I was just stupid. I kept doing it,
00:35:24
>> of course.
00:35:25
>> So then it's completely separated. Grade
00:35:27
three. I found out later I'm walking
00:35:29
around 8H like this and Mary Tyler
00:35:31
Moore's husband is there who's a doctor.
00:35:34
He goes, "Hey, come here. I think you
00:35:35
got something."
00:35:36
>> Oh. So he says, and yeah, yeah, the
00:35:38
husband said, "Whoa, I'm going to have
00:35:41
to call the doctor." So I said, "All
00:35:45
right." So they checked me out and they
00:35:46
said, "It's probably non-surgical." So
00:35:48
the next night I had to do the show with
00:35:50
all the quick changes.
00:35:52
>> Mhm. Anyway, that's my story.
00:35:54
>> No, I'm not even joking. That still
00:35:55
hurts.
00:35:56
>> After that on Schiller Vision, my neck
00:35:57
was already [ __ ] at SNL and uh and I'm
00:36:00
so thirsty to be in the show
00:36:01
>> short film.
00:36:02
>> Tom Schiller says, "You want to be in
00:36:03
this short film that no one will see or
00:36:05
care about?" I go, "Yep." So, I go to
00:36:07
the park by the water over there on the
00:36:10
west end with Victoria. We're playing
00:36:11
old people
00:36:12
>> and we live our whole life and then a
00:36:14
bomb drops on us. So,
00:36:16
>> they're on a ladder about 10 feet above
00:36:18
me and keep dropping this bomb and hits
00:36:20
me in the head and I fall down
00:36:22
>> and it jams my neck so bad. I go, "Oh,
00:36:24
it kind of hurt." He goes, "Okay, well,
00:36:25
let's get it again." I probably did it
00:36:26
seven times
00:36:28
>> and it jammed my spine every time. It
00:36:30
should have been illegal. We needed at
00:36:31
least an intimacy coordinator on there.
00:36:34
Um because I was getting [ __ ] on the
00:36:35
deal.
00:36:36
>> Why? After Okay. You do it three times.
00:36:38
Ah. When did you think to say I'm not
00:36:41
gonna do it? And he would say you'd have
00:36:43
to do it. And then you would say what
00:36:45
are you going to do about it? I'm not
00:36:47
going to do anymore.
00:36:48
>> Because I don't want the word get back
00:36:50
to Lauren that I didn't got.
00:36:52
>> And I didn't want to be in this dog [ __ ]
00:36:53
threeminute that was played at 5 to one.
00:36:56
>> So I remember going to and I was trying
00:36:58
to think of who I could go to. I went to
00:37:00
acupuncture and we have no time. No. So
00:37:03
there's no time except a Sunday to go to
00:37:05
any doctor and I have my scrape pennies
00:37:07
I make on the show.
00:37:11
>> Uh other than that, all right, let's go
00:37:12
to another video. This has been sad sad
00:37:15
feelood story of the year.
00:37:17
>> I [ __ ] ding that.
00:37:18
>> Can we edit that and bring it on the top
00:37:19
of the show?
00:37:20
>> When I go like this, I go he goes do I
00:37:22
go I don't want to do it again. What are
00:37:23
you going to do about it? He goes beat
00:37:25
the [ __ ] out of you. And I go that
00:37:26
backfired.
00:37:28
>> Yeah, you got to be menacing with that.
00:37:30
So they
00:37:30
>> Oh, this is interesting. Danny, you
00:37:32
might think this is interesting.
00:37:34
>> Maybe.
00:37:34
>> In 19 Can I read this? This is the big
00:37:36
part. In 1965,
00:37:39
>> archaeologist in Peru unearthed ceramic
00:37:43
jaguar vessel when they poured water in
00:37:46
it, it roared 2,000 years ago.
00:37:49
>> Incas did something.
00:37:51
>> Modern engineers can't precisely
00:37:53
reproduce. That I love old things that
00:37:55
you go, are there aliens? Where did
00:37:57
these come from?
00:37:58
So, they make these so precise that when
00:38:00
they pour them, they whistle a different
00:38:02
whistle. Let's see it.
00:38:08
>> Isn't that cool?
00:38:15
>> Isn't that cool?
00:38:15
>> How old were the When were
00:38:17
>> When did they make those,
00:38:19
>> dude? 2,000 years ago. When you're
00:38:21
>> Well, I think it's clever, but imagine
00:38:22
how much free time they had. I mean I
00:38:24
mean it's like
00:38:26
>> there was no distractions at all.
00:38:29
>> They had they had lots of time.
00:38:31
>> Well, what happened was in in very olden
00:38:34
times humans would eat snails and snakes
00:38:36
and anything they could and we were
00:38:38
incredibly healthy.
00:38:39
>> Then then we the uh agricultural
00:38:42
revolution came in wheat. So, we're just
00:38:45
eating wheat, but it was enough to we
00:38:47
could put it in a silo and then feed
00:38:50
guys to think of how to make weapons
00:38:52
because usually everyone's hunting and
00:38:53
gathering. They had no time to make a
00:38:54
weapon. Finally, that had guy's eating
00:38:56
tons of wheat and they're going, "Hey,
00:38:58
what about this?" And then the whistle
00:39:00
workers were right next to them.
00:39:02
>> I got
00:39:04
I make a bird whistle high. Make a
00:39:08
turtle.
00:39:08
>> That's a good location back then. This
00:39:11
is a Mayan accent from 1218 from
00:39:14
Emperor's New Group.
00:39:15
>> I can't believe I nailed it. I don't
00:39:16
know. You know,
00:39:17
>> you nailed it.
00:39:18
>> You know, I heard during like the Civil
00:39:19
War and there Wars, all they had was
00:39:21
Luna Bars to eat.
00:39:23
>> They just had protein bars. No real food
00:39:25
around.
00:39:26
>> Well, in World War II, they call it
00:39:28
heart attack, I think.
00:39:29
>> Yeah. World War II. Then they had like
00:39:31
those neutrorain ones.
00:39:34
>> Yeah.
00:39:35
In the straighter hormuse on the ships,
00:39:37
they have suzie cues. those little
00:39:39
>> straight her moose.
00:39:42
>> What is it with Trump or or Biden?
00:39:45
>> No, it's the old actor.
00:39:46
>> Oh, Kirk Douglas up on in in the movie.
00:39:50
>> Why is this funny?
00:39:50
>> He's like, I'm going to call it the
00:39:52
straight of Hamoose.
00:39:55
Excuse me. I told you and I want to tell
00:39:58
you again. From now on, this body of
00:40:02
water is going to be called, wait for
00:40:04
it, the straight of Hamoose.
00:40:08
What do you think, Bert? I think it's a
00:40:10
fine night of home.
00:40:12
>> [ __ ] we've gone this long already.
00:40:13
>> Straight to homes.
00:40:14
>> All right, let's do another story.
00:40:17
>> This is for the 90 year olds watching.
00:40:19
>> I know. We We've been [ __ ] yapping,
00:40:21
dude.
00:40:22
>> Okay. Oh, this is our second hour.
00:40:24
>> Oh, Heather, this is one I said is like
00:40:26
you when you get news. So, he's giving
00:40:28
his fiance Come over here and look
00:40:31
>> here. Pause it for a second.
00:40:32
>> Surprising my fiance with a puppy after
00:40:35
two years of begging. She does a classic
00:40:37
Heather thing.
00:40:41
>> Just open the gift.
00:40:42
>> Is it a joke?
00:40:45
>> I'm scared.
00:40:46
>> Just open.
00:40:50
>> She thinks so.
00:40:51
>> I swear.
00:40:54
>> No, it's not.
00:40:57
>> Look at this.
00:40:58
>> I'm going to pass it out.
00:40:59
>> It's going to be a snake or something.
00:41:01
No, it's a little puppy. It's cute. Oh,
00:41:02
she's overwhelmed with joy.
00:41:06
She's so excited. A sweet,
00:41:08
>> it's too much. Isn't it cute? Look at
00:41:10
the puppy's. So cute, too. Hey, mom.
00:41:13
>> She can't even deal with it.
00:41:17
>> Jeez. I'm so glad she got a puppy.
00:41:19
>> I know. Me, too. I wish I I get a puppy
00:41:22
for everyone here.
00:41:23
>> That is life. Like, everything's
00:41:25
straightened out.
00:41:29
>> I need something cold.
00:41:31
>> You can't breathe. You got to do it.
00:41:33
>> Look at that little puppy. Hey, see
00:41:36
that's the feeling one.
00:41:38
>> All right, that's enough. It's
00:41:39
>> Did you see the sequel? There's one like
00:41:41
goes two weeks later and there's puppy
00:41:43
[ __ ] all over the rug and she goes, "You
00:41:44
clean it up."
00:41:45
>> And the puppy's like, "Oh, mama."
00:41:49
I've been holding that one in in the
00:41:50
box.
00:41:51
>> Okay. Um, how many different raspberries
00:41:54
do you have?
00:41:58
>> Okay. What's this? Let's see. This is
00:42:01
>> That's us from last night's show.
00:42:04
Oh, he's skateboarding king to Batswana.
00:42:11
You know what a good crowd,
00:42:14
>> dude. Let's bring that crowd on the road
00:42:16
with us.
00:42:16
>> Wow.
00:42:17
>> That was us last night with Chris Rock.
00:42:20
Look at how great they are. They're so
00:42:22
excited
00:42:24
to do one skateboard trick. They think
00:42:26
it's magic. It's
00:42:27
>> I love it. How did When is the age where
00:42:29
you kind of lose that kind of unbridled
00:42:31
joy over time with ice cream? I can't
00:42:35
believe it.
00:42:35
>> Dude, I saw a guy doing he's like a
00:42:37
magician. He had like a puppet.
00:42:39
>> Mhm.
00:42:39
>> And every time he turned around, he's
00:42:41
got like a bunch of like, you know,
00:42:42
six-year-olds and he goes, "I can't feed
00:42:45
the puppy yet. Let me see what else I
00:42:46
have." And the puppy bites it. AND THEY
00:42:47
ALL GO BECAUSE THEY CAN'T believe the
00:42:49
puppy ate, you know, the fake. They
00:42:52
scream and laugh so hard. And he goes,
00:42:54
"Whoa, what happened?" And they're like,
00:42:56
even
00:42:57
>> the dog he ate it. It's so funny.
00:42:58
>> I know.
00:42:59
>> Yeah, that's the best time. And then
00:43:00
everyone, you know, who needs him?
00:43:02
>> I'd say, you know, 20 to 25 before life
00:43:05
gets you by the scruff of the neck.
00:43:08
>> Laugh a lot.
00:43:09
>> By the short and curies.
00:43:11
>> I don't know. What are you talking
00:43:12
about?
00:43:13
>> They used to say that when people had
00:43:14
short curies. Now they don't.
00:43:17
>> Okay, let me just take a sip.
00:43:18
>> Hey, man. When the going gets tough, the
00:43:20
tough get going. These are uh winners
00:43:23
find a way to win. Losers find a way to
00:43:25
lose. These are high school cross
00:43:27
country posters.
00:43:29
Um, and what which one would you have
00:43:32
been? Going gets tough, the tough get
00:43:33
going. Winners find a way to win. Losers
00:43:36
find a way to lose.
00:43:37
>> Um,
00:43:39
I I had ass, gas, or grass. Nobody rides
00:43:42
for free.
00:43:44
>> Is that was that
00:43:45
>> That's when you're trying to give a girl
00:43:46
a ride.
00:43:47
>> Phoenix Junior High or something.
00:43:48
>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I No. At
00:43:51
Mojave Elementary. Uh, masked mannequin
00:43:55
scares car burglars, which Oh, leads to
00:43:57
a shooting. This might not be as fun as
00:43:58
the other.
00:43:59
>> Oh, I love these. It's perfect. Right
00:44:02
after the puppy. Wow.
00:44:05
What's going on?
00:44:11
He gets broken into constantly, like all
00:44:14
the time. So, u I was just kind of
00:44:16
getting tired of it, but it backfired
00:44:18
obviously. Oh, he put a fake Oh, he put
00:44:20
a fake mannequin in his car to deter
00:44:23
people and then they like a scarecrow
00:44:25
for thieves instead of just walking
00:44:26
away. They just many times.
00:44:29
>> Oh, that's what happens.
00:44:30
>> There like that's terrifying.
00:44:32
>> They would they would
00:44:32
>> What if he was just sitting in there
00:44:34
bullets that went through the back of
00:44:35
the seat?
00:44:35
>> They thought he goes I'll just put a
00:44:38
mannequin. I'm getting robbed too much.
00:44:39
They'll think someone's home. And then
00:44:40
they just gunn down the mannequin.
00:44:42
>> And they just kill the mannequin.
00:44:43
>> And he's like goes that supposed to
00:44:45
deter them. It kind of backfired.
00:44:47
>> Yeah, it didn't. It seemed to increase
00:44:49
the uh amount of violence they unloaded.
00:44:53
>> Yeah, cuz the mannequin goes, "What are
00:44:54
you going to do about it?" And they shot
00:44:55
him.
00:44:56
>> Okay. Six. What are you going to do
00:44:58
about it? Okay. Let him shoot the
00:44:59
plastic man. As long as the earth
00:45:02
for so long, almost an hour. Is that
00:45:04
true?
00:45:05
>> This podcast is so good.
00:45:08
>> People were listening going, "You could
00:45:09
have lpped off 20 minutes and we
00:45:11
wouldn't even notice.
00:45:13
>> I was not funny at the beginning." I'm
00:45:14
getting there. These are at the comments
00:45:16
or for this episode.
00:45:18
>> Yeah,
00:45:19
>> this is my comment.
00:45:20
>> Shut up, Danny. They're in person now.
00:45:22
They're in the same room. No, they're
00:45:23
not. They always do it over Zoom. Shut
00:45:26
up, Danny. They're in
00:45:27
>> Everyone's going to be like, "Run in
00:45:28
here. Look at YouTube. They're in the
00:45:29
same room. Run in here."
00:45:30
>> Yeah.
00:45:32
>> But they can't look at each other.
00:45:33
They're kind of tilted. Their necks are
00:45:34
a little stiff.
00:45:36
>> We're both
00:45:36
>> You've watched the show too much, Danny.
00:45:40
>> The har virus. Yeah.
00:45:43
>> Transmitted over saliva or
00:45:46
>> No, I'm scared of the haunt virus. Haunt
00:45:49
virus.
00:45:50
>> Is that the rat virus?
00:45:51
>> The rat one that they said today is
00:45:52
taking over and the new corona
00:45:54
>> and I'm scared to death.
00:45:57
>> I won't be able to go to Milan.
00:45:59
>> So, what does that say? The people who
00:46:01
got it, what did they do?
00:46:03
>> They went.
00:46:04
>> No, but they're saying they're going to
00:46:05
maybe stop people from traveling. This
00:46:07
is the beginning. This is the beginning.
00:46:09
>> Uhoh. mean a lockdown on cruise ships.
00:46:12
>> Yep.
00:46:13
>> You heard it here. I heard on three
00:46:15
different newses this morning. I go,
00:46:17
"Shut the f up. You cannot."
00:46:19
>> Well, this will be all the patrol cards,
00:46:21
the government officials, and the Apache
00:46:22
helicopters. We are a cur. The princess,
00:46:25
USS Princess is officially quarantined.
00:46:28
Please leave the boat. No. There's one
00:46:30
man right at the gang place. Sir,
00:46:33
>> sir, please get out of the way so we can
00:46:34
board this boat. We are taking control
00:46:36
of it.
00:46:37
>> No, they're off it. What? What are you
00:46:39
going to do about it?
00:46:39
>> Oh, all that for that.
00:46:41
>> Oh, yeah. The Cuz I wanted it to be a
00:46:44
surprise.
00:46:45
>> It was That's not I interrupted.
00:46:48
>> No, but I mean, what are you going to do
00:46:49
about it? What are you going to do?
00:46:50
>> Is that Is that the Haunt Virus talking
00:46:52
or is that the person? No,
00:46:54
>> that was
00:46:55
>> Here's the Haunts
00:46:57
up because I'm here to kill you. Go,
00:46:58
what are you going to do about it?
00:46:59
>> Yeah, the Hunter virus learned to do an
00:47:01
impression of of Tyson and it scares
00:47:03
everyone. I
00:47:04
>> scares the vaccine.
00:47:05
>> Hey, I don't want to I don't want you
00:47:06
inside my body. Ha virus. Yeah. What are
00:47:08
you gonna do about it? I'm I'm just
00:47:09
getting in there. What are you gonna do?
00:47:11
Exactly.
00:47:11
>> You're gonna get a fever, you know.
00:47:12
Well, I don't want that. I get away.
00:47:14
What are you gonna do about it, though?
00:47:16
>> See,
00:47:16
>> this is the theme.
00:47:17
>> This is the theme of the show.
00:47:18
>> This should be on the YouTube. What are
00:47:20
you going to do about it?
00:47:20
>> Do it.
00:47:21
>> If I get a hold of a rhythm, it's like a
00:47:23
song in my head and I can't stop. And
00:47:25
I'm sorry.
00:47:26
>> Next week I'll have something else. But
00:47:28
this is the what are you gonna do about
00:47:30
a week because I just love that.
00:47:31
>> I wonder if by Monday when this is on,
00:47:34
everyone will be talking about the haunt
00:47:36
haunted virus or whatever it's called.
00:47:37
haunt virus and they said they're
00:47:39
tracing people's because they got off
00:47:41
the boat now where did they go where did
00:47:43
they come from now they're starting to
00:47:44
do that again the beginnings of like we
00:47:47
got to find out where people were stop
00:47:49
them from going somewhere else maybe
00:47:50
slow down on travel and I'm like no no
00:47:53
no no
00:47:53
>> let me please help me understand like
00:47:56
who wants to go on a large
00:47:58
>> giant sweaty with all these people the
00:48:01
toilets don't really work everyone's
00:48:03
drunk people are falling over and then
00:48:05
there's tidal waves Someone always dies.
00:48:07
Every story, Daily Mail, once a week,
00:48:09
someone dies every time.
00:48:10
>> What about this?
00:48:13
Good news. I saw this morning. Madna
00:48:15
already haunt the virus vaccine.
00:48:18
>> Oh boy.
00:48:20
>> Do not. Yes. To the rescue.
00:48:24
>> Going to make a little
00:48:26
stock by
00:48:27
>> Yeah.
00:48:28
>> M O D E R N A. Okay. Good.
00:48:31
>> Um, that's what I heard. I'm just
00:48:33
telling you what I heard.
00:48:34
>> Undisclosed amount. I guess we should
00:48:36
wrap up. We have Let's do another Let's
00:48:38
do one more.
00:48:39
>> Thanks for Oh, good.
00:48:40
>> Why not?
00:48:43
>> Oh, this kid. I like this cuz this kid
00:48:45
can recreate a logo with a with a
00:48:49
>> What about uh
00:48:51
>> Kleenex was good, right?
00:48:53
>> Clorox.
00:48:53
>> Oh, so he's memorized the the font and
00:48:56
everything, right? That looks good. You
00:48:57
can't see it, Heather, can you?
00:48:58
>> Dude, that looks just like it.
00:49:00
>> What about Fabreze?
00:49:03
>> Fabreze. He's Why did you sound like
00:49:06
you're mad?
00:49:06
>> I'm not
00:49:07
>> for breeze.
00:49:08
>> Campbell.
00:49:09
>> Campbell.
00:49:10
>> I mean, this kid's pretty gifted if he
00:49:12
can recreate.
00:49:13
>> This is cool. I like this.
00:49:16
>> Dang.
00:49:17
>> I can't think of any.
00:49:19
>> Walt Disney.
00:49:21
>> Big big. Yeah, there you go. Oh, the
00:49:24
circle. Oh, the S, too. Good job, kid.
00:49:27
And he's also working in this
00:49:29
>> and he's in a tight in a limited square.
00:49:32
>> Yeah. What about?
00:49:34
>> Give him one more.
00:49:35
>> Cadberry.
00:49:36
>> [ __ ] Cadberry.
00:49:37
>> He never stops. He really gives it a
00:49:40
gripper.
00:49:43
>> Got some Crocs on. He's chilling.
00:49:46
>> He's uncomfortable now.
00:49:47
>> That was pretty good though.
00:49:48
>> That was cute.
00:49:49
>> Yeah, we've had some cuties today.
00:49:51
>> Mhm.
00:49:53
>> Yeah,
00:49:53
>> except the haunted virus. Wait, what was
00:49:56
the next one? That sounded [ __ ]
00:49:58
rough.
00:49:59
>> Finish. I don't even know what dance to
00:50:02
fake asylum
00:50:04
seekers not to abuse European women. It
00:50:07
seems like a joke, but it's not.
00:50:08
>> Wait, let's see it now. It's too late.
00:50:15
>> My no place, Heather.
00:50:17
>> Oh,
00:50:19
there.
00:50:22
>> Can you see him dancing? It's so
00:50:24
hysterical.
00:50:25
>> Now, is that one more time for Heather
00:50:28
or is that real? This is real.
00:50:38
Is it squared on there? I never look and
00:50:40
the lights are off.
00:50:43
>> Well, I'm sorry.
00:50:43
>> She goes square and I'm like, are they?
00:50:46
>> They're singing this to this guy and the
00:50:47
guy goes, you know, what are you going
00:50:49
to do about Sorry, you set me up, right?
00:50:51
That's a good wrap up. That was
00:50:53
intentional, right? It had to be because
00:50:54
that was the ultimate
00:50:55
>> That was a good wrap-up.
00:50:56
>> No. What What are you going to do about
00:50:57
it? Um, it's uh,
00:51:00
>> well, this has been sort of the show
00:51:02
>> and we did a pretty good job. It had
00:51:04
some dead spots on my end.
00:51:06
>> D is always bringing it, but uh,
00:51:07
>> uh, I I I don't I just felt silly. I
00:51:10
felt a little uh,
00:51:12
>> summarizing spacey from the whole
00:51:15
whoop-doo yesterday two-hour drive to
00:51:17
the gig downtown.
00:51:19
>> I'm going to this Netflix brunch.
00:51:22
>> Yes.
00:51:22
>> I'm going to go with Nikki.
00:51:24
>> Mhm. And daytime parties are a little
00:51:26
odd for me because I'm a little bit of a
00:51:28
recluse.
00:51:29
And so
00:51:31
I'm a little bit
00:51:33
>> a little bit of a prude. I'm a little
00:51:35
shy in crowds.
00:51:37
>> So, but once I see that buffet,
00:51:40
>> you're a wallflower.
00:51:41
>> Yeah. So, I'm going to do that and then
00:51:43
you're going to drive back after you
00:51:45
>> go.
00:51:45
>> I'm going to go get a little adjustment.
00:51:47
I will be sitting different.
00:51:50
>> Um, probably in 10 days, I will get sort
00:51:52
of a haircut. I want people I don't know
00:51:55
if you have your calendars out or if you
00:51:56
just
00:51:57
>> alert.
00:51:59
>> Um,
00:51:59
>> got it.
00:52:00
>> And uh, other than that, I'm gonna go to
00:52:04
New York and then I'm going to go to
00:52:07
Miami.
00:52:09
>> Then you're coming back here cuz we're
00:52:10
doing one in person.
00:52:11
>> Yeah. Then coming back here for our
00:52:13
friend Brendan Frasier, ladies and
00:52:15
gentlemen. And you will be going to
00:52:18
brunches and parties,
00:52:19
>> clicking my heels around here, going to
00:52:21
the grove,
00:52:22
>> doing laps around your house,
00:52:24
>> worrying about the haunt virus.
00:52:26
>> Haunt who virus? What?
00:52:27
>> Punching rats in the stomach.
00:52:29
>> Is it from rats?
00:52:31
>> We had a rat infestation at our house
00:52:34
once.
00:52:35
>> Is it from your farm?
00:52:36
>> No. No, it was another house, David.
00:52:39
>> What if they trace it back to your farm?
00:52:41
But here's the thing. They go, "Oh,
00:52:42
don't be afraid." And they all show up
00:52:44
in hazmat suits. They're all just like
00:52:46
down. We're coming up, you know.
00:52:49
>> And then
00:52:51
>> we catch rats. They're like a foot long.
00:52:53
You're like, you have to go down. They
00:52:55
they've been smashed by the trap and you
00:52:57
got to handle them
00:52:59
tight. I was allergic to this story.
00:53:03
That's all that's all my rat story. I
00:53:05
don't really I like I'm not a rat guy. I
00:53:07
mean, I knew a guy had a pet rat and
00:53:10
loved his pet rat. I just don't I don't
00:53:12
get it. Did you notice that my leg is
00:53:15
showing more as the episode went on?
00:53:16
>> Yeah, people are already lighting up the
00:53:18
comments.
00:53:18
>> I got to get a 32 inseam or something to
00:53:21
cover up cuz
00:53:22
>> Are you growing out of your pants?
00:53:24
>> Well, my legs have gotten a little
00:53:25
longer recently. I don't know what it
00:53:27
is. It's some kind of hot virus side
00:53:29
effect. Make a stop.
00:53:31
>> Inhalation of virus particles from
00:53:34
infected rodent urine droppings or
00:53:37
saliva is how it spreads.
00:53:39
>> I'm not eating any more rat poop. You
00:53:41
know what? At least for a while.
00:53:43
>> That's anti that's anti-ro man. I'm not
00:53:46
comfortable with that kind of thinking.
00:53:47
Like the bad guy.
00:53:49
>> Yeah. They're not the bad guy.
00:53:50
>> I think that's prejuditial in a sense.
00:53:53
>> Blame it on the rat.
00:53:54
>> That's an easy one to blame it on.
00:53:56
>> Yeah.
00:53:56
>> Everyone hates rats. All right. Thanks
00:53:58
for coming, guys. Thanks for being here.
00:54:00
Next week, we'll see you again on
00:54:02
another edition ofoop.
00:54:09
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:54:11
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00:54:21
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00:54:25
>> Fly on the Wall presented by Odyssey, an
00:54:27
executive produced by Dana Carvey and
00:54:29
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00:54:31
Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:54:34
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00:54:36
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