00:00:00
It was Caesars with Nikki Glazer. We had such a blast. >> She's She's good, right?
00:00:05
>> You know what? She's um Is she good? She's good. >> Yeah.
00:00:11
>> I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays. I flip
00:00:16
around. >> I hit it and then you can do rewind on Direct TV where it starts in the
00:00:21
beginning. Sydney Sweeney is quite as as my mom would say, she's got huge boobs.
00:00:28
Well, Scoob, the straight of hormones is still closed. If it doesn't open up
00:00:33
soon, gas prices are going to stay high, and that'll be tough on the midterms for
00:00:38
the Republicans. Here's guitar, man. You're supposed to say rut row. Rutro.
00:00:51
The sailor shirt is uh Yeah, you can explain it. Well, first of all, yesterday I got a summer cut. And I
00:00:58
suggest you get a summer cut. >> Summer cut. >> You can tell it's shorter. It's a summer
00:01:03
cut. And this is sort of a summer shirt. >> Oh. Oh. >> So, I'm ready for summer. Are you ready
00:01:12
for summer? I'm just going to say probably not ready. >> I didn't know you're going to flip this
00:01:17
back on me so quickly like this. >> Well, I mean, for I said summer cut, summer shirt, summer's coming. And then
00:01:23
I see you and I go and with all empathy and compassion, this guy is not ready for summer.
00:01:31
>> I'm not. I have a black shirt and a black sweater on. >> In a black cave.
00:01:35
>> I'm in a cave. I don't It's so black. But my hair is still lit up from the
00:01:40
back. That was a happy accident. Uh you look nice. >> Every single one. Yeah, I do. I agree.
00:01:46
you wore stripes some recently and someone told me you looked nice in them and then I just said, "Oh, great." Then
00:01:53
I deleted the comment. >> Any any uh praise you get? >> I love the honesty. I remember some,
00:02:00
"Boy, that Dave's bad guy is really funny." >> And I and I said, "Really? You think
00:02:04
so?" And then I walked away. >> Right. When they go, "Dana's good." I
00:02:08
go, "Dana Plato from Different Strokes or do you mean Dana Carvey?" >> They say to me, "Spad's good." And I go,
00:02:16
"At what?" And then I And then I walk away. They go, "Spad's good." And you
00:02:21
go, "The cards? What are you What are you talking about? >> What are you talking about? Good. They
00:02:25
say spades funny." I know, but is it in a good way or a bad way? >> You know, it's all in how you answer
00:02:33
because my friend was married and and people and he talked to these girls and they go, "Are you married?" And he goes,
00:02:42
"Yeah." I go, "This is not how your wife wants you to answer that. You should be
00:02:47
like,"Of course I am, and I'm crazy about her." But he would go like this.
00:02:51
First, he'd buy time and go, "Am I married? Am I married? >> Are you married? Are you married?"
00:03:00
>> Um, sure. Sure. >> I mean, >> yeah, >> I guess. You guess. It's sort of
00:03:08
>> if you go by the laws and if you go by the justice owe the peace. >> Mhm.
00:03:15
>> But yeah, and that was a good way. I go, "How much time are you buying by
00:03:20
repeating the question? Are you married?" She's like flirting and he goes, "Am I married?" Um, and I'm like,
00:03:27
"There's one, two, three seconds." Then ultimately, you're going to get to yes.
00:03:32
>> Are you married? Who wants to know? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yes. But it's not serious.
00:03:38
>> Yeah, we're taking a little break and so um I have a hall pass. >> The break is always
00:03:46
>> Yeah. >> Uh by the way, something happened in Vegas. I was in Las Vegas this weekend.
00:03:50
I don't do not want to >> was it was it don't I was it Caesars or >> Yeah.
00:03:55
>> Okay, I understand. >> It was Caesars with Nikki Glazer. We had such a blast.
00:04:00
>> She's She's good, right? You know what? She's um Is she good? She's good. Yeah,
00:04:08
>> I can't even jokingly do it about her. She's great. The hardest part is I
00:04:12
usually follow her because, you know, we flip-flop, but >> we flip the coin.
00:04:18
>> You're the senior in the class. >> She's she's a freshman,
00:04:22
>> right? And she I will safely say she's hard to follow. Uh >> so anyway,
00:04:27
>> wait a wait wait wait a minute. Wait a minute. Say that again. >> She's hard to follow.
00:04:33
>> Really? Oh, I didn't see that one coming. >> Sorry, I was just just coming back.
00:04:40
Okay, so continue. >> No, you go. Why? >> Oh, the act. Oh, okay. Mhm.
00:04:48
>> I know. Well, she wears these heels and if you follow her, you might fall over.
00:04:52
Is that what you mean? Is that what you Is that it? Is that what you're talking
00:04:55
about? >> By the way, she is slightly taller than me already. And then she has
00:05:01
heels that can only be last used on the Kiss Destroyer album cover where they're
00:05:08
on sevenin heels and um I know I know well everyone's done bit people have done bits about this but you go to
00:05:16
security you're going to your suitcase is up there and you take your shoes off
00:05:20
and all of a sudden the women go you know I've never felt taller than when the women take their shoes off at
00:05:26
security. That's all I'm saying. you know, that is where I hang out. Uh, but
00:05:31
>> really >> to even the playing field just for like an hour before my flight.
00:05:37
But my buddy Bobby Miamoto says he asked a girl out and she goes, >> "But I'm taller than you and I want to
00:05:44
date a guy that I can wear heels around." And she goes, he goes, "I think
00:05:48
it's you shouldn't assume I'm going to take you somewhere you're going to have
00:05:52
to wear heels." That was his way out of it. >> That's pretty good. He says it better.
00:05:57
Thank you. I got into that joke and I'm like, I don't remember how this pays
00:06:01
off. >> But it actually kind of a smart rejoiner. Well, why do you why are you going to have heels on
00:06:09
when you're in my bedroom, >> right? When you're at Taco Bell. >> Bobb's a He's a
00:06:16
>> He's got some sneaky bits. >> He's got some game, too. That guy. He's
00:06:20
a women. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. All right. >> He does a good job. Oh, if you say so.
00:06:26
>> By the way, speaking of Las Vegas, >> Bobby, >> back at Caesars in September. But that
00:06:32
aside, >> tickets now. But that aside, >> okay, just give us the >> What else they did this weekend there
00:06:39
was I just saw this in the paper. The enhancement games. What are they then? >> Uh, that's where it's the athletes can
00:06:49
juice any way they want. HGH, TRT, whatever they want to do. They can be guinea pigs. Yeah. Peptides, tides, out
00:06:57
of >> Yeah. >> And then they compete and they smash world records. >> HBO
00:07:03
>> and TBS. >> Yeah. Yeah. Uh family and friends on HBO Max. >> It's all there. Right. So they they
00:07:12
There's a guy. >> I just saw one clip. >> It's kind of a funny idea.
00:07:17
>> Well, is it on Can I watch it today? >> I don't know. Oh, I only saw a picture,
00:07:20
but it was I All I heard was 25 million in prizes. That's a lot. >> Yeah, there's only two guys competing.
00:07:28
>> I think people could get into it if it gets some traction because one guy did
00:07:33
100 push-ups. Now, >> it's not a lot for me and you, but for most people
00:07:39
>> that's doable. But he did the kind which you know and I know because we're
00:07:42
athletes. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> but two guys standing there like this and he does them on their hands, so it's
00:07:48
kind of wiggly. >> Oh, >> and that's harder. >> Definitely. It's really hard. I did um
00:07:54
77 push-ups in seventh grade. >> Dana James Carvey. >> Look, you know, I like to say strong in
00:08:02
the upper body. You know, they'd call me my nickname in eighth grade was PD push-up, but actually I did 40 pull-ups
00:08:10
when I was 12. Lie one. No, here's the explanation. >> I used to say to me,
00:08:18
>> they allowed you, you didn't have to go like this. You could do this swinging
00:08:21
gymnastics motion. And a guy, I held the record in the school for like an hour. And then this guy was like had a beard.
00:08:28
He's like an hour. Let me try it. And he did like 52. Buy it. Go ahead. So, what
00:08:35
else happened? So, that that hurt your ticket draw or what? >> No, I'm just saying it was also
00:08:40
interesting. I played golf in the boiling heat, but it wasn't that boiling this weekend.
00:08:45
>> Uh, overall it was super fun and uh nothing huge to report. >> Well, what's the vibe? I What time is
00:08:52
your show? Okay, inside baseball alert. What time does the show start? 8. >> Starts at 8. Thank god.
00:09:00
>> Not bad. Do you have a >> in case I ever need you, Dana? It starts
00:09:03
at 8 because Dana Carvey did me a favor once and covered for me with Ray Romano at the Mirage.
00:09:11
>> Ray, wonderful guy. Hilarious guy. >> Wonderful. I love I don't give Dana one
00:09:16
tiny bit of information. The show starts at 10:00, which is an eternity. Eat dinner around 6:37,
00:09:24
you're dying on the vine. And then the show starts. And at 10, they always go,
00:09:29
we're going to hold it a little bit till it fills up. Okay, now we're at 10:15.
00:09:34
Then someone goes up first. Now we're at 10:30. Q Dana. And he gets off. That's
00:09:40
late. But I went back for more punishment. We've talked about this. >> Well, I booked it in July without
00:09:47
thinking. So it was 120 flights were cancelled. Half the hotel was empty. And they held and held and held. And I the
00:09:54
crew guys were so so nice. so nice. But as I was playing it, I I just said to them, "Well, I I I'll never do this
00:10:02
again because I have farmers, so I can be, you know, I can do an 8:00 show fine, but for me to get up at 7, wait 19
00:10:12
hours in my room, and then get on stage kind of at 11. I mean, it's not I can't
00:10:17
even I don't can't do the math." But the guys were like, "Really? You're never
00:10:21
coming back?" But I I don't know why, but they closed the whole hotel after
00:10:24
that. turned into something else. >> That was saying I shut it. >> That was a tiny bit of it.
00:10:30
>> I saw them rebuilding the Mirage. It's now the hard rock and they have a
00:10:34
>> a huge guitar. >> They ripped out that beautiful volcano. I thought that was so cool. But
00:10:39
>> I thought they Go ahead. Sorry. >> They just put a huge guitar and the
00:10:42
guitar >> bottom of it is rooms >> and the neck is going to be like laser
00:10:48
beams for strings or something. >> Well, I like that. I mean, I just think
00:10:50
it's kind of weird that what the actual name when it opens because they had a
00:10:54
hard rock and now this they're calling this harder rock and I thought that was
00:10:58
an awkward thing to do, but it actually the final name will be the harder rock. >> Yeah, I stayed at the soft rock. What
00:11:04
the hell? >> You even smile. >> Oh, no. You're already thinking of the
00:11:10
next. >> Yeah, I know. I was like harder rock. Okay, what can I do with that?
00:11:12
>> The softer rock. >> Yeah, soft rock. Hey, we got the soft hits. You're on fotw
00:11:21
fly on the wall. It's fly. It's 10:21 on Fly on the Wall. 10:27 on the Dane Rock.
00:11:28
>> Do you consider us soft rock podcasting? >> No, I love I love um Metallica. I like
00:11:37
heavy metal a lot. >> But just our vibe is more softer rock than like a I guess Rogue. I don't know
00:11:43
what shows we could compare it to. Well, it's, you know, I mean, I just answer
00:11:48
that for a second, David. Are we soft rocker? We could be. We could be. >> Yeah.
00:11:52
>> I'm not. Yeah. Come on. I'm not kidding around here. >> Let's get serious. Let's get some
00:12:00
serious folks. >> Right. And here's Linda Ronstat with Midnight Blue. >> It's not hard rock.
00:12:10
>> His cooling the gang with gangy cool. I'm trying to 70s. >> I do this in my act. Cool in the gang. I
00:12:16
go, here's one for the virgins. >> What was it? >> Celebration. No, I said celibate. Celibate. I'll
00:12:28
never lose it. That was not cool again. That was a different one. >> I love really bad puns.
00:12:34
>> I love >> I love song parodies that are [ __ ] wrong. Yeah, I'm working on I may debut
00:12:42
it because I just for fun was working on some guitar stuff for our gig in Saratoga June 14th. Tickets are going
00:12:51
fast. >> Low ticket warning. >> I just thought Neil Young has this song
00:12:57
Cinnamon Girl, so I I I might do a thing. It'll give away the joke. Cinnabon Girl. The premise is that he
00:13:04
sold his catalog and now they're making commercials. I wanna live with a Cinnabun girl. I mean, that's gonna be
00:13:11
the audience is gonna stand up. Wow. >> And then at the end, the voice over goes
00:13:15
Cinnabun at your local mall, strip mall next to Panda Express. >> Then I've got Neil Young from
00:13:21
McDonald's. Well, I dreamed I saw the golden arches in the yellow haze of the sun. There
00:13:30
were burgers frying and I ate lion. And the pickle hit the buns. That's good
00:13:38
ending. >> I know. >> Yeah. >> Uh I can't believe I finished that now.
00:13:43
I can't do it at Saratoga. >> No, you can. They want >> I have the guitar detail.
00:13:47
>> They want to hear the hits. Give them the [ __ ] they like. >> Isn't that special? Don't be a girly
00:13:51
man. Got to do it. >> They like this one cuz they just heard it and they go, I hope he does one with
00:13:56
Pickle and I hope Spade comes out and does the tomato popping out of hamburger. Well, you better bring it. We do
00:14:05
Saratoga. You better bring it. >> Are you going to bring it? >> No, I got a new one. Here's
00:14:11
>> I'll bring it. >> Okay, good. I just >> But I'm working on the pickle because
00:14:17
he's a little greasy and he slides out like this. >> He slides out because he acts like
00:14:23
nothing's going on. >> Oh, this is a followup to your tomato flying out of his
00:14:27
>> coming out of the of the cheeseburger. He slides out like this, but he acts
00:14:31
like he's not leaving, but he's just like slowly inching back. Then he onto
00:14:36
your car seat. >> Here's a pickle. Because they have a they have a gun. They shoot the pickle
00:14:41
into the bun. This is a pickle coming out of the gun just sitting there. Yeah. How you doing, man? What's up?
00:14:53
>> I Okay, >> we've reached new heights. No, we are going to get to stories sooner than
00:14:58
later because we have so many of these new stories, but I don't have much to
00:15:01
report on my >> weekend and my life. Nikki was great. So, we'll say that she stayed for the
00:15:07
AMA awards and no doubt and I I cruised. Oh, that's right. That was on last night.
00:15:17
Who won? >> The AMAs aren't quite as >> Well, I'm not I'm not against them. I
00:15:25
just I was watching Doc, you know, doctor show. >> Oh, I was watching Euphoria.
00:15:33
>> I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays. I flip
00:15:38
around. >> I hit it and then you can do rewind on Direct TV where it starts from the
00:15:43
beginning. Sydney Sweeney is quite has, as my mom would say, she's got huge boobs. No, my mom says very busty. and
00:15:53
she busted them out last night. But I do like Zenia's story better. I think I've
00:15:58
said this. It's very controversial that I picked that side, but they really The
00:16:03
old Euphoria, it's not like that. It's really just following these two mega
00:16:07
stars. >> Okay. And they're just going >> and Jacob Allorti. They're two separate
00:16:12
stories, but Jacob Allorti is a >> Oh, J is in it. >> Yeah. >> Oh, okay. I didn't know.
00:16:17
>> And uh the girl that plays Maddie, I don't know her name, but she's actually
00:16:20
the sleeper of the whole thing. She's great. Really cute girl and she's really
00:16:25
good in it. So I get um it's a little rougher on the edge. A little uncut gemsy because there's way
00:16:33
more going on than the old Alexa Demi. Yeah. Well, I tried to get my wife to watch it. So I read the by
00:16:40
line. Hey honey, it's a show. I don't know. Sydney Sween. Here it is. Sydney
00:16:44
Sweeney on all fours wearing a dollar a dog collar finds out her true love is actually
00:16:52
I couldn't read the rest of it on on this show but >> no we we went to a housing show people
00:16:59
searching for homes in Venice >> you're like um we took a walk to the pumpkin patch on our farm to clear our
00:17:08
heads >> now we go out and feed the horses we're really connecting to the horses
00:17:14
and they jump around with joy and we give them carrots and little horse cookies and they're just
00:17:19
>> You could do an Instagram about your horses and people like it. They like to
00:17:24
calm down in life. >> Well, horses calm you down. I mean, they're not the sharpest knife in the
00:17:30
drawer. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag, but they're adorable. And
00:17:35
one is going to have a baby in July and I'll be out there and my Instagram's
00:17:39
going to blow up. You wanted action? Here's a baby. Fourth of July baby. They're not the brightest bulb on the
00:17:46
strip. >> What's the best way to say someone's not very smart? >> I like brightest bulb on the strip
00:17:52
because there's so many light bulbs in Las Vegas. >> I like this one because it doesn't
00:17:55
totally make sense. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag. >> I like it. Yeah.
00:18:01
>> Like what would we say about Heather? >> I'm very crisp. >> She's super crispy. Yeah.
00:18:07
>> Good call. >> Heather's got game today. I can tell she's a little,
00:18:13
>> you know, >> speaking of chips, when I went to get my uh >> $32 chips out of the mini bar, I noticed
00:18:19
that they said they were healthy. Did I already tell you this? >> What kind were they? Were they baked?
00:18:25
>> Well, first of all, it only has three ingredients. And I was like, that's good
00:18:30
because mine have 75,000. So I said, three is healthier. And the only ingredients, you tell me. Okay.
00:18:38
>> Potatoes, salt, cancer. So I'm like most >> I don't like the third one. I'm just
00:18:43
going to go out. It's a hard take. I'm going to go out on a limb. I don't like
00:18:46
the third one. I like the first two. It has potatoes, salt, lug gerri disease. >> I'm like most of them are good for you.
00:18:55
I don't >> salt facial paralysis. >> Yeah. >> I don't like it.
00:19:00
>> Yeah. Potatoes are a vegetable. >> Mhm. >> Salt. You can have some salt.
00:19:05
>> But let me ask you a question. >> Yeah. Which Jerry Seinfeld hated when I
00:19:09
say that. Don't ask me a question. Don't say us. That's why I'm here.
00:19:13
>> I know. Love, Jerry. Uh, so you're kind of like you're going to
00:19:19
the hotel and you I'm not going to harvest the mini bar. I'm not going to
00:19:21
harvest the mini bar. I'm going to leave it alone. Sometimes I try to get it
00:19:25
cleaned out, but a lot of times it's there. It's waiting. So, you have a
00:19:29
13-hour travel day, a delayed flight. You're we're going to like chop all
00:19:33
that. By the time you get there, all that promise to yourself goes out the window. You're in the corner with just
00:19:41
your underwear on with a Snickers bar, a Heineken, and some Lays potato chips crying.
00:19:48
Has that ever happened to you or >> I'm literally just chewing it out of the
00:19:52
mini bar because I'm too I don't have time to grab it. >> I know. Well, they line up all the It's
00:19:59
It's really It's every kind of hedonistic thing you could have. The chips, soda, booze, just vodka. I don't
00:20:06
touch any of that, but >> Yeah. like you do. >> They've got also it's mostly where my
00:20:14
friends just say, "Oh, there's some free candy." And then they just load up like
00:20:19
a Halloween. They put it in a pillowcase and I go, "I think I pay for this." They
00:20:23
go, "Well, you do." Yeah, free me. >> I know. They >> But then I go I go, "Let's go out in the
00:20:31
hallway to the maid cart or as I call it, the gift shop." And then I go, I'll
00:20:38
take a little shampoo, a water, a towel. >> Well, I ordered a large bottle of
00:20:46
sparkling water. Guess what? It was >> $47. >> $5. >> No. What?
00:20:52
>> It was over 30. Yeah. >> I love I wanted to under guess to make your story really pop.
00:21:00
>> Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid-sentence and think, "Wow, maybe I
00:21:04
shouldn't have had that extra coffee this morning." Mhm. >> Yeah, you have.
00:21:08
>> Yeah, >> I have too. Or that time I realized my flossing game was more of an optional
00:21:12
hobby than a routine habit. It's funny how little things in your mouth can make
00:21:16
a big difference in how you feel about yourself. And that's exactly >> why I love what Smile Generation does.
00:21:22
They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand
00:21:26
the connection between oral health and overall health. Because what happens in your mouth doesn't just stay there. It
00:21:32
affects your heart, your brain, and your overall well-being. Oral health issues have even been linked to long-term
00:21:39
conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and Alzheimer's. So, >> caring for your smile really is caring
00:21:45
for your whole self. And there's a special confidence that comes from being proactive. Regular exams and screenings
00:21:52
can catch potential concerns early, sometimes before you even notice symptoms. >> Yeah. To learn more about the connection
00:22:00
between oral health and overall health, visit smilegeneration.comfly. That's smilegeneration.com/fly
00:22:09
to learn more about the mouthbody connection and find a trusted provider near you. I want to do something right
00:22:16
now because I I just thought it'd be fun to do it as more of a reoccurring. This
00:22:19
is Scooby-Doo uh Scooby-Doo News and I'll start and David's going to play Scooby-Doo and I
00:22:25
I'll play uh what's this guy the guy's name? Shaggy. >> Shaggy.
00:22:30
>> Well, Scoob, the straight of hormones is still closed. If it doesn't open up
00:22:35
soon, gas prices are going to stay high, and that'll be tough on the midterms for
00:22:39
the Republicans. Here's Qar, man. You're supposed to say Rutro. Rutro. Scooby's getting smarter. He's really
00:22:53
thinking things through. >> I know. He's wondering one of the other countries how they feel.
00:22:57
>> Heather, give us another news story. >> And you're going to do Scooby news?
00:23:01
>> Yeah. >> Oh boy. >> Any story? >> Uh, David's not allowed to turn off the
00:23:07
AC in his hotel rooms ever. >> Oh, I couldn't turn off the AC in my hotel.
00:23:12
>> Well, geez Scoo comedian David Spade isn't allowed to turn the air conditioning off in his
00:23:19
hotel rooms. >> Rut row. >> There you go. Bye. I got it. >> I'm like 76.
00:23:29
>> No, just that's that's your that's your punchline. >> Oh, it is.
00:23:34
>> Yeah. >> I will tell you now that we're getting into this. I did not want to get into
00:23:38
this. >> Oh, boy. >> These are big problems. >> When I went to bed, have you ever had a
00:23:46
light you couldn't turn off when you're on the road and you can't figure it out,
00:23:48
so you go to sleep by light on in your room? >> Yes. Or curtains you can't close. Right.
00:23:53
Sure. Sure. >> So, I had all those things plus I usually get it wired by the second
00:23:58
night, but I'm usually gone by the second night. So, my AC, for some reason, I can't find the off switch. And
00:24:05
Nikki has the same kind of room like Nikki. Nikki, help me. She said, "Mine
00:24:09
has an off switch." I was like, >> "It doesn't have an off switch,
00:24:14
>> right? Or I can't find it." >> Well, where did she tell you where to
00:24:18
look for it? >> No. I was too embarrassed to go out back for a second. She's like, she probably
00:24:24
got off the phone and goes, "This [ __ ] doesn't know how to find off on the, you
00:24:30
know, AC." So, I left it at that. I don't She looks up to me like I'm some
00:24:35
tough guy, you know, so I got to keep that rep. >> I know. I know. >> Everyone does.
00:24:38
>> Yeah. So, I call down the maintenance guy comes up >> and he goes, "Oh, yeah. We can turn this
00:24:45
off. We do it from an iPad." Why is that peculiar to me? H >> yeah, I'm living in Nazi Germany.
00:24:56
>> That's the problem. Those big fancy suites. Yeah, because you can't just
00:25:01
open the curtain. There's all kinds of code and everything. >> Yeah. So, it's like opening a safe.
00:25:07
Anyway, god forbid I even remember to bring my key to my goddamn room. It's a
00:25:11
22,000 step trek to the front desk. Have you done a two-mile trek and you get your key, you're done the gig, you're
00:25:19
exhausted and it doesn't work. >> It doesn't go and you got to go down
00:25:24
>> or you you find a phone in the hallway, you excuse me. Excuse me. That's just
00:25:29
room seven. >> Have you tried tried tried opening the door? They never believe you. Have you
00:25:35
tried turning the knob? >> Uh, we'll have security up there in 44 minutes. I'm always like laying on the
00:25:41
carpet when they come in. >> And that's been Road Stories. I'm trying
00:25:48
to brand our segments, but I want to bring up a subject because it's been I think you might have a hot take on it.
00:25:54
The the the increasing use in the media of the word slop. Slop has always been around, but have you noticed
00:26:06
in the last 10 weeks it's just ah that's slop, this is slop. >> Um,
00:26:13
what do you think slop means? >> Uh, you know, this is a good question and I wasn't ready for it, but I have to
00:26:21
say I have caught myself seeing that word and going I didn't think it was catching on, but I think it is.
00:26:29
>> Oh, I see. I did. If you use it in the sentence, >> just tell the viewers like a weird,
00:26:34
that's when I go, is this something people are saying now? >> If you see some kind of live streaming
00:26:41
show or something, oh, that's just slop, you know, that's just slop. Yeah. You
00:26:46
see a comedian >> not put together well. >> Yeah. Just his new material is just
00:26:52
slop. It's nothing to do with you though, just at you. Yeah. nothing to do with you
00:26:58
>> because everyone at the show this weekend said my act was slopp and I thought it was flattering.
00:27:04
>> But this this offends me because actually in olden days in cowboy times,
00:27:08
you know, you'd have like they'd put all this whatever they had left and just
00:27:13
serve like beans and rice and corn and a carrot or two and they would call it slop.
00:27:21
>> Now they're applying it to media. >> We loved it. And we loved it. In my day,
00:27:28
we didn't have flame retardant sleepwear. If you went to bed sw smoking, you woke up engulfed in flames.
00:27:36
WHOOPDEED DO. I'M A BURNING CORPSE AND I love it. My day flaming hot Cheetos. We swallowed
00:27:44
red ants. Just so people know, this is the grumpy old man, an old guy who just loves the past. And I'm I'm working on
00:27:54
one where he's going to talk about, you know, social media and Bluetooth and
00:27:57
stuff. Okay. But >> there was a time when David, this guy David Spade, >> wrote for me a little bit. And you wrote
00:28:06
a grumpy old man joke that still works. >> Yeah. Was something about in in my day, we didn't have latex
00:28:17
condoms. You took a rabbit skimmed AND TIED IT off with a bungee cord and you USED THE SAME ONE OVER AND OVER again
00:28:26
and we loved it. I think that I think that was your joke. >> That's right. Bungee cord is a funny
00:28:31
term to put in. >> Bungee cord and a rabbit skin. >> Mhm. >> Over a bunch rabbit pilt.
00:28:39
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Well, I like flaming hot Cheetos. We had We chewed up fire ants
00:28:47
and we loved it. Then we were helicoptered out. That was the turn. That was Bob Odkirk's turn with that
00:28:53
because we were all sitting around riffing it, you know, coming up with it. And the turn was that the guy talks
00:28:59
about how bad it was, but they loved it. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. >> That's it was we loved it.
00:29:04
>> Yeah. The turn is that we love it. We don't complain. We're complaining, but
00:29:08
then we say, "No, we love it." >> But, you know, I'm going to do stuff
00:29:11
like >> You're going to go, "We didn't have AI. We didn't have cell phones. Wait, look
00:29:17
at me. I've got friends. I had one friend. I wrote him a letter once a year and I and I never met him. He lived
00:29:26
three miles away, but that's the way it was. And we liked it. >> You liked it or we loved it.
00:29:35
>> I could go either way. I'm not. But >> you know, you should like like it on
00:29:39
your closer. We loved it. Yeah. And it's all about the show. We didn't have
00:29:44
comedians on stage struggling to land a joke before they get off. We petered out
00:29:50
to silence and random booze and that was the way it was. And we liked it. Wait, we loved it.
00:29:57
>> Yeah. We didn't have comedians. We had one random guy would light himself on
00:30:04
fire. We laughed and laughed. >> Yeah. We didn't have a comedian in town.
00:30:10
We had a GUY WE CALLED SMARTASS. His name was Smarty Ass. And he was the funniest guy around.
00:30:19
>> So, we're done with that one. >> No, I just run out of jokes.
00:30:24
>> Yeah, I know. >> Should we go to stories? >> Let's Let's go to stories.
00:30:28
>> You have it in you. >> We got a big day ahead of us. Oh, by the way, would you on the beach, would you
00:30:33
rather have David Spade shows his jaw-dropping physique or David Spade flaunts his incredible abs if you were
00:30:42
at the beach and got got on Daily Mail? >> Oh, it's better than busty display. I'm
00:30:50
taking seriously. I don't want any picture my shirt off. I'll never take my
00:30:53
shirt off at the beach again. Do you ever not Did you ever notice how guys who lived in the gym, no matter
00:31:00
what, their shirt's coming off. Hey, look, the cloud went away. >> Look, it came back. Comes off anyway.
00:31:10
>> No, they touch the sand. >> Yeah, we'll never know what's beneath
00:31:17
that. >> I don't know. I'm too scared. I've gotten bad pictures on the beach. I
00:31:20
don't like it. >> Uh, okay. Here we go. Sam Elliot. One of your favorites, Sam Elliot.
00:31:25
>> Love him. >> Did something I didn't know he did. >> Okay.
00:31:29
>> Know you were Smokeoky the Bear. >> Well, apparently you do. >> Laughs too hard.
00:31:36
>> Only you can prevent wildfires. >> You know what was interesting is I've
00:31:41
been doing that voice for a long time. Not the commercials that they're doing
00:31:45
now. Now he's very talkative. He's >> like he talks too much. He's got
00:31:49
something to say. >> I'm just amazed by his voice. We were born I was born
00:31:54
>> on the same day and year that that campaign began. >> Wow. On the exact same day.
00:32:01
>> On the exact same day. >> When was that? >> Alien intervention.
00:32:06
>> Wow. Unbelievable. >> Yeah. >> 1944. >> Um 44. So he's
00:32:13
>> 28 years old. Okay. >> Um he I like you know what he used to say? Only you can prevent forest fires,
00:32:23
>> right? And now >> it's wildfires. >> Oh, wildfires. And now it's like only you can prevent
00:32:32
climate change. >> Oh, yeah. What about this one? >> Ace is a place with the helpful
00:32:39
hardware, man. Well, that's kind that's nons. We're moving on from Smoky the Bear to to our
00:32:48
>> Ace is a place with the helpful hardware folks. >> Ace is a place with the careful hard on
00:32:55
man. >> Ace is a place where the helpful hardware people that are employees, but
00:33:00
we don't want to offend you. >> I gave you a sex joke and you didn't
00:33:02
even go for it. >> I know. I don't like wiener jokes anymore and I don't like when you do
00:33:06
them all the time. Okay, let me make a note because I won't remember. >> No, I switched it around on you. No, I
00:33:13
do a lot of weird jokes. >> I almost said that the the mini bars have like
00:33:19
>> blue chew, Viagra, and boner pills. They have a lot of stuff in there that
00:33:24
you >> Oh, they have an intimacy kit. Some of these hotels, a little box with just
00:33:28
intimacy toys. >> I know. Intimacy. >> I've never opened it. Can you tell me
00:33:33
what's in it? I like when the hooker says, "Is there anything for intimacy
00:33:38
when we make love?" In a minute. Is there anything in here for not gagging when we make love? Is there any
00:33:45
intimacy gags and whips? There's Yeah, they have a whip, but it's only It's only this long, so it doesn't
00:33:53
really do much. >> Can you grab me one of those intimacy butt plugs? Okay, that's far. Too far.
00:34:00
>> Oh, wiener and butt plugs. We have now Ding ding ding ding. started it and then
00:34:03
I went back. I said, "Oh, open season. >> I just won $300,000 on Polyar." I bet
00:34:09
that you would say we >> Why don't we get sponsored by them? We could think of the dumbest bets
00:34:14
>> that you would say we above plugs during this exact episode within 3 seconds of
00:34:19
each other. So, for that, I say thank you. >> I say thank you. >> Whereas Gar would say
00:34:27
thank you. My name's Gar. >> My name's Gar. Do you Where's the Gar
00:34:33
wig? I was just saying that. >> Where's the Gar wig? I have a Joe Dirt
00:34:37
wig. >> You know what? >> The original original I don't know where
00:34:43
it is, but >> you know, funny funnily enough. >> Mhm. >> G would never get a summer cut, by the
00:34:51
way. >> No, Gar is like Batman or Superman. He's got a uniform. It's the flannel, the
00:34:56
t-shirt, that hair, and those glasses. >> Look at his face. I know. Look how buffy that is. That's
00:35:05
>> I know. Bufonteism. I like it. >> That's a terrible buffonte. Heather,
00:35:09
what would you like Gar to say to you? >> You looking good, Heather. >> Hey, Heather. Hope you don't mind me
00:35:16
saying this, but you're looking good. >> Sexual harassment. >> Swing. Swing. Swing.
00:35:22
>> Swing is harassment for sure. Yeah, this is this podcast is so funny. I love it. I love it.
00:35:34
>> Oh, that's a new one. I like that he's mid laugh in that photo.
00:35:37
>> Yeah, it's it's a very happy. Hey, David Spade, nice to see you again. How many
00:35:42
push-ups can you do? >> That guy did a 100 cuz he's a baby man. >> Yeah. And back when I was in my prime, I
00:35:49
do six million push-ups and my pectorals would be like garbage can size. You should see my romboids.
00:35:58
Now all I do is wear a tuxedo. Every day I put on my tuxedo and that's what I
00:36:04
wear. David Speed, in case you guys need me for the podcast, David Speed, I could
00:36:10
very easily take your little chicken arms and make a make a little chicken stew out of them.
00:36:17
Chicken stew. It doesn't make sense. >> I like it. >> You do? >> Yeah, I do like that.
00:36:24
>> All right. All right. We're talking about >> All right. Next story.
00:36:28
>> Next one. Then I'll come back with a puppet. >> Oh, hang on. Okay.
00:36:33
>> Good girl, Kiki. >> Oh, cute. >> Oh, it's a dog and a little a little
00:36:39
lamb's in a little cart. Mary had a little lamb and he had a >> Oh, and he can steer.
00:36:45
>> Is Kiki doing it? Is he steering the cart? The little [ __ ] Kiki. Yeah.
00:36:51
>> Jeez. It's >> good girl. >> Let's see if she can parallel park.
00:36:59
Solid hype, man, too. I think it's a a lamb on a platform. >> You turn it. Turn.
00:37:06
>> Oh, Kiki. I'm jealous people with all that land just to [ __ ] around.
00:37:10
>> That's a good girl. That's a good girl. >> Then you would be jealous of me.
00:37:14
>> I I am jealous. >> Whoops. >> Turn, Kiki. You're going to kill a
00:37:19
rabbit. >> What if she flipped and exploded? >> Kiki, get away from the gas truck.
00:37:30
>> Kiki. Kiki, fly like you did yesterday when I dropped acid. Kiki, please fly.
00:37:38
What was I going to say? Something with the new house. >> That's when people have a lot of spare
00:37:41
time. What do you think we should do today? I don't know. Maybe put Kiki on some kind of put some wheels under
00:37:46
there. Little electric thing we control it with. Just have her go around the whole property.
00:37:50
>> Kiki can't walk. Is that the problem? Or Kiki's just having some fun?
00:37:56
>> What do we think? >> Kiki. >> Legs don't work, bro. >> No, I think Kiki was just napping up
00:38:01
there and they could remove it around. >> I don't think Kiki was steering it. I
00:38:05
don't think Kiki knows what was going on. >> Kiki, don't lose that number. All right,
00:38:09
let's uh try another one. >> Okay, come on. >> We did good. >> Kiki was interesting.
00:38:14
>> I don't believe that that um that goat nuke anything's going on.
00:38:20
Goodbye. >> Tell me if you would do this. Hold on. Let's see. >> Mhm.
00:38:25
>> Is that what you like? Stuff about a goat on a cart. >> Is that like I like different things.
00:38:31
>> Go ahead. >> Okay. Sorry, this is bungee. >> Would you do this other?
00:38:40
>> All right, so keep your head nice and tucked in. Keep your legs nice and
00:38:43
relaxed. >> All right, you ready? Three, two, ONE. >> Would you trust it, though?
00:38:54
>> Well, wait a minute. It's supposed to go down and then come back. It's
00:38:57
>> No, there's no bungee. >> Oh, there's no bungee. Let me see it
00:39:01
again. and hoping they hit that [ __ ] mini [ __ ] >> Not a chance. >> It's all dingy and a little bit of wind
00:39:12
cuz everyone's got diarrhea when they hit. >> All right, you ready? >> Three, TWO,
00:39:23
>> HEATHER. Heather takes her yes back. Now it's a no. >> She She's done. Have you ever jumped out
00:39:32
a plane, Dana, or no? >> Jumped out a plane? No. I'm >> scared. >> I'm nervous in the plane. Why would I
00:39:38
add to it? Jump out. But >> um would you go on that ride at Six Flags where they bring you up and then
00:39:46
they, you know, then you just free drop? >> No. >> I went there with Harper once and she's
00:39:50
like, "Let's go on the car crash." It's like you you go 90 miles an hour and hit
00:39:54
like a telephone pole. I'm like, "What? People are calling lawyers. You're like
00:39:59
on this. They put pick you up off the wheel. That's what I want to do. I went to a go-kart place in
00:40:07
Montana and it was kind of these rednecks. Okay, here's your guy. Get in your go-kart. And then they joined us in
00:40:13
the go-kart. Me and my friends. So, suddenly they're challenging us. They were just running the cash.
00:40:20
Suddenly they're going racing us. >> So, I got real competitive. It was a I
00:40:25
had a friend next to me. So, it was a tooth thing. And I went around. And I swooped him and I go, "The hunter
00:40:30
becomes the hunted." >> Now the teachers become the pupil. >> Whoops. The students become the
00:40:36
principal and then maybe will become the county controller. >> Now the city comproller becomes the
00:40:44
>> comproller. I couldn't think of another stupid one. >> I know.
00:40:51
>> By the way, the city of uh Newport might blow up. No. City of uh >> what is it this time?
00:40:56
>> In Orange County, there's a not a reactor, but there's something that was so full this weekend
00:41:04
and hot. They said, "We're just going to casually evacuate 40,000 people."
00:41:11
And that's probably Here's the trick, though. It's 10 miles away. >> Well, from LA, it's probably 30, 40
00:41:18
miles, right? >> Mhm. They said in a 10 mile radius you have to get out. You know what they
00:41:25
didn't clear out? >> Mhm. >> Disneyland. >> Whoa. Whoa. What? So 40,000 citizens
00:41:36
taxpayers has to be shephered out in shitty buses. >> Go wherever you want.
00:41:41
>> We don't give a [ __ ] Just leave. >> But if you're in a teacup and there's a
00:41:45
wall of toxic mud coming at you, you just spin around. It smells funny. M. >> I know when it happened though because,
00:41:53
and I'm not making this up, but they changed the theme song to that little cave ride. They go, "It's a stinky world
00:42:00
after all. It's a chemical world that you're breathing." >> I I didn't get the
00:42:07
>> I can't think. I know. It's >> It's a poison world in this radius.
00:42:14
>> It's It's a poisonous world after all. Please exit to the right and get out of
00:42:20
here and don't wake up. >> Yeah, the sewage hut will be waiting for you. And after that, the plastic
00:42:26
punishment room. >> That's good. It's uh it's something chemical. And they said over there's
00:42:32
three of these. Did you hear about this or not? There's three. >> No, I did, but not in detail. I didn't.
00:42:38
>> The biggest one that was going to blow up. They sent a fireman in over the weekend
00:42:43
or a couple and they found the the thermometer. I'm hearing only goes to 100. If it goes over 100 or how much it
00:42:51
goes is bad. It stopped but it hit 100, >> but they don't know how much higher. So
00:42:55
that's >> because it might explode at that point. >> Yeah. >> Oh,
00:42:59
>> and then they found >> good news, Danny. You wouldn't think it
00:43:02
cuz you're dumb, but there's a crack. >> And so they said that's actually letting
00:43:08
some of the air out of the balloon. >> Oh, okay. >> Now poison air, but it's also saving it
00:43:15
from going flyback. So, they said it might still break and spill over the parking lot and
00:43:24
be chemical poison, but they're trying to tone it down. These are the things
00:43:29
you just never think about and then you're like, why isn't >> Well, did you kind of work at a chemical
00:43:34
plant or something? You seem to have comprehensive knowledge about this. >> I've seen Silkwood.
00:43:39
>> Yeah. >> You've seen Silkwood and you've met Sher? I've seen Silkwood and I've taken
00:43:44
a naked shower and scrubbed myself with a steel wool brush like Merryill Street.
00:43:49
>> Oh yeah. You remember that scene? Oh yeah. Isn't it like this? Like cuz she
00:43:53
got nuclear waste or as Trump would call it dust. We got to get the dust. We need
00:44:00
the dust. >> It's going to blow up. >> Going to blow up straight horses.
00:44:05
>> Straight horos. He's he didn't go to that wedding this weekend.
00:44:10
Did he have more better things to do than go to the wedding? >> I mean, I think I think optically you
00:44:16
can't go to a wedding. >> Right. >> I don't think so. >> Looks bad.
00:44:22
>> And they moved the wedding from the White House >> to somewhere else, but
00:44:28
>> Oh, that was his his son getting married, right? And um Baron didn't
00:44:35
didn't go to the wedding. Everyone watched it. >> Was he too tall? Yeah, I knew there was
00:44:40
some. I don't know. And I don't know if it's true, but I love to gossip. No one
00:44:43
gives a gut. Oh, no. I'm I was doing Billy Bob for >> where? What are you doing? You
00:44:51
>> No one gives a godamn >> No one gives a [ __ ] about sewage. Godamn
00:44:55
it, lady. You can either suck my dick or step on my dick, but make up your [ __ ] mind.
00:45:01
>> Is that what he says in Land Man? >> Land Man. And he says some stuff like,
00:45:05
"No, but yeah, I love it when sewage, you know, belongs in a container. When
00:45:10
it gets out, I know I get nauseous, you know, because no, you're a wonderful
00:45:15
chemical alchemy. My poisoning is not my favorite activity. I'd rather be dryly
00:45:21
humping in the next room." You >> I like the sewage belongs in a container.
00:45:27
>> Yeah. Okay, >> that's very true. >> Um, >> next one. Next one. Next Sewage on the
00:45:33
loose is not a good thing. >> Sewage talk. >> Mhm. >> All right. You know about fire energy.
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00:46:57
All right. Oh, an older rhino >> wandered into a town. >> I like rhinos.
00:47:04
>> It's an older rhino who loves to walk into town. >> In my day, we didn't have food trucking
00:47:12
5,000b beast. >> And they decided, >> you know, I'd probably stay out of his
00:47:18
way. Let him roam. >> Yeah. >> Just Oh, he picked up the pace. >> Yeah. No.
00:47:28
Oh, there's another rhino. >> Oh, they're they're they're mating.
00:47:32
That's that's flirtation. >> That's how I flirt. >> Yeah.
00:47:37
>> Yeah, that's Nikki Glazer finding >> who's going to go on first.
00:47:43
>> Yeah, exact like this. Someone just go on enough. They're just playing, daddy.
00:47:59
>> Oh, the dog is going. >> I'm used to rhinos just spinning their
00:48:02
tail up. We got a squirter. Woo. >> I hope they're making >> This is about a woman. They're fighting
00:48:12
to see who gets to mate with the female. >> [ __ ] >> It's always about a woman.
00:48:17
>> I thought it was just about a rhino roaming around at first, but >> I would have just said I don't think I'd
00:48:22
bother me. Yeah, I don't mind the love games you're playing, but uh maybe you
00:48:26
could, you know, quiet it down just a wee tab because uh you know, my hearing aids just exploded.
00:48:34
>> Why is that so funny? I love it. >> Oh, something about Woody Allen.
00:48:38
>> You know, um I do like the the way the dirt kind of builds up in the cracks in
00:48:43
your skin. I guess it's because he was one of I guess the first to kind of claim that
00:48:50
sort of complaining the way he would leap at it like no you're great but uh you know I'm allergic to Pablum. I just
00:48:58
my my analyst doesn't think I should have a bowl of Pabum in the morning but
00:49:03
>> please let's not let's not drive straight into the oncoming traffic.
00:49:07
>> Six. You got you got 300 cardboard cutouts in that closet of yours. >> I love Dennis. sees the show, he goes,
00:49:14
"What the [ __ ] happened to these two?" >> Yeah. Just uh I guess they used to call
00:49:20
it jumping the shark, but it's a little past that. I think it's it's arm
00:49:24
wrestling a blue whale. I think we're getting to that level. >> Even the shark took off.
00:49:30
Not for me. >> All right, another story and then we'll get out of here.
00:49:35
>> Yeah, let's get I got >> We always have to get out of here. We
00:49:37
got so much. >> Let's make it nice and sweet for the people. Okay, this is I don't know what
00:49:47
>> when people fall. >> So he's playing that and on a ski lift. >> He just waits till people fall.
00:49:53
>> So people fall and he plays that. >> That's kind of funny. >> That's, you know, it's kind of like what
00:49:58
are you going to do today? You know, I don't know. Well, maybe I'll do that. W
00:50:03
>> Did you bring your trombone on? >> Yes. Yeah. Can you do the negative like
00:50:07
someone just [ __ ] up or fell down? You mean w >> here's Dana. This is easier to just
00:50:14
carry on the lift. >> This is Dave. This is my audio representation of your set at Caesars.
00:50:20
Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade. >> Then you hear my theme song come out.
00:50:29
>> What is What >> song do you come out to? >> I do different ones. All I For a while I
00:50:34
got on Suspicious Minds. I don't know why. >> Oh, that's right. because it makes me
00:50:38
laugh. You come on. >> There was a big screw up where we had suspicious finds and it wasn't coming
00:50:43
out for Dane or something. Oh, it was at the live podcast. >> They brought it out for Chris Rock
00:50:50
instead, I think. >> Right. I just came out. >> We were already out there. It was some
00:50:55
Yeah, >> but you know, they're trying to do the right thing, but >> we have here's a song they'll get mad if
00:51:02
they don't play when they come out. We're just like, pick some dopey song. I
00:51:05
have in Vegas live my home in Virginia down 249. It's Elvis singing Promised
00:51:11
Land. >> Oh, really? Elvis, too? We're both doing Elvis. >> Well, sometimes if the music is too
00:51:16
cool, like I would do Inter Sandman by Metallica and it was so intense and then it would
00:51:23
cut off and be like I felt like I was a squeaky little freak up there. Hey everybody. And then the second before
00:51:30
you just want that to keep going. It's like tonight and then you go, "Well, I'm
00:51:35
Dana." Yeah. Was a great heavy metal band, you know, decibb. And now I'll I'll do my soft shenanigans
00:51:44
for an hour and a half. The silence left my hearing in the room. >> No, it's a perfectly good song. It's
00:51:51
just that, you know, I'd like to something I can follow, you know, but yeah, you don't want to be too much.
00:51:57
Louis Cage just walks out, I think. Does Nikki have a theme? Nikki Glazer. >> She does, but I can't remember it. She
00:52:04
intros me. >> Oh, she does Good Girl by her. >> Well, that's her. Wasn't that the name
00:52:12
of her special? Good girl. >> Yeah. And then she has a song she wrote for it.
00:52:15
>> She wrote a song and they and they made put music to it and everything. That's
00:52:18
kind of >> She wrote a song. Yeah. She She's actually a good uh guitar playing
00:52:22
musician. >> Really? I got to write a song. >> Just before that it was always Taylor
00:52:26
Swift. >> Oh, it's always Taylor Swift. And you know what happened? One of the nights
00:52:30
they mixed up and put Taylor Swift's Good Girl because >> she loves Oh, was it Carrie Underwoods?
00:52:36
>> Yeah. >> Oh, they put the wrong one because >> Oh. >> Oh, I just got it.
00:52:43
>> There's,238 songs recorded and released with the title Good Girl. >> Well, Nikki's is great. I'm going to
00:52:50
start to uh she gives me good intros though. I have to say Nikki gives a good intro.
00:53:00
Well, I tried to do the whole, you know, sort of um UFC thing, David Sp. >> Oh, yeah. You know that
00:53:11
>> I try to sabotage you. I go, "This next guy, whatever, Dane. I don't know."
00:53:15
>> Yeah. Some guys think he's funny. Just It'll be over in 45. I'll be back.
00:53:20
>> I go, "Just be nice, you guys. Be nice." >> Yeah. He's a beginner. Do you ever have
00:53:25
find this? It's like you're in the hotel room, you got the gig that night, you're
00:53:28
looking at your notes and all of a sudden you start going, "God, this needs
00:53:32
a tag. This needs like this." And you start writing a lot of jokes right before you go on.
00:53:37
>> Scary, but yeah. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. >> I did something new at Vegas that night
00:53:42
cuz the crowd was so good the first night. >> When they're good, you can think more
00:53:46
and you go, you know, I bet I could squeak this one in and they wouldn't punish me because they're really on the
00:53:51
vibe. And sometimes like at the comedy store last week, I was going to try three things and after the first one I
00:53:56
go, "Nope, they were not buying." >> I know. It's the energy rides it. Like I
00:54:02
have this two tags or one tag I'm that I like. It's It's the bit about um
00:54:08
>> Tonaltra. Does your tongue seem smaller than it used to be? >> I do like this.
00:54:13
>> Side effects include elongated torso, thick matted stomach hair, and sudden
00:54:18
anal closure. And then I wanted to do one. Do you Do your hands sp It's diseases that they
00:54:24
feel like they're making up. You see the commercial. Do your hands contort spontaneously into offensive positions?
00:54:32
You may be suffering from flip off. Hey honey, want to go to the beach? Um, sure.
00:54:42
It's like Tourette's. >> Uh, right honey. Do you do the raspberry thumb thumb down sign spontaneously in
00:54:51
embarrassing moments? Hey honey, want to go to the beach? >> There you go. It's hard to explain.
00:55:00
>> Honey, guess what? Today is our anniversary better. It should be something
00:55:08
but it's like you're trying to stop it. >> Oh yeah, >> it's our anniversary.
00:55:12
>> Oh, that's great. Honey, you might be suffering from raspberry thumb down.
00:55:19
>> But it's like it's a disease, you know? >> I used to do this.
00:55:25
>> What was that about? >> You hit the You hit the button. >> Want to go to a concert?
00:55:32
Let's do it. >> Okay. But these are things you don't want to happen.
00:55:36
>> No, I know. This is different. >> Okay. One more then I have one more to
00:55:42
go do nothing. >> I'm going to go hike up a mountain. >> Okay. >> Only to say I'm rich. I can do what I
00:55:52
want >> masterass. >> A couple days ago this 37y old man was throwing
00:55:59
>> in danger by the community. A local recorded it confronted him. This is in Hawaii where
00:56:05
you don't throwing rocks at us is a large part of the reason he went viral. So some
00:56:11
internet said, "Okay, if a fine won't hurt you, we'll just broadcast your
00:56:15
name, phone number, address, and the name of the business," which I can imagine has been quite the
00:56:21
headache for him. But the law started a manhunt for him and served him a bit of street justice before his vacation
00:56:27
ended. He's now also under a federal and state investigation and is looking at a
00:56:32
fine of up to $50,000. >> And he's being hung by his nut sack in Time Square.
00:56:38
>> Well, for throwing a rock at a sea lion. Was that's what he did? >> Well, he changed his story a little bit.
00:56:45
Uh he said he was trying to scare it off or something. He thought it was a shark.
00:56:50
But anyway, I think the beating was enough. But then they go, "We went and beat up his wife and kids also."
00:56:59
>> But in Hawaii, they don't play around with that. If you're >> We kidnapped him and flew him to
00:57:03
Cambodia. >> Yeah. >> And we strung him up under a hula tree where the local natives threw rocks at
00:57:09
him for seven hours. >> We covered his newborn baby with fire ants. >> He learned his lesson. We had that. We
00:57:16
called the seal and the seal was waiting for him and hit him with a rock. >> Uh sea lion, you know the difference
00:57:22
between a sea lion and a shark cuz those things are once they get out of the water they're just like a thousand
00:57:27
pounds of >> What's the difference between a sea lion and a seal? Go five, four, three.
00:57:31
>> Sea lions are larger and they sometimes that lion lion sea lions are in the
00:57:35
circus cuz they're lying >> through through their teeth. >> Oh, they're lying through their teeth.
00:57:39
>> Sea lion. Hey, the best I could do on short notice. Yeah. >> I don't want to hear in the comments how
00:57:46
many times I interrupted Dana. I already know. >> Uh, is that is that what they say that you
00:57:52
interrupt Dana Coffee? >> Mhm. >> Is that what the comments say? Well, why
00:57:55
do you keep reading the comments if they just make you feel bad? I'm Pierce Morgan.
00:57:59
>> People would say, "Well, why don't you stop interrupting him and there won't be
00:58:02
comments?" I'd be like, "Oh, you got me." >> Now, our Chris Rock episode did really
00:58:08
well. That was a really fun one. >> Uh, Chris was great. His stuff was good.
00:58:13
That's That's just fun. >> Who's coming up? We got Nean's coming
00:58:17
up. We got Hannah Burner. We've got >> Who else we done that we haven't had
00:58:21
that's not on yet? >> Who was I thinking of getting? >> I saw an ad, a TV ad for Pressure with
00:58:29
our friend. >> Oh, Brendan. That's right. >> Yeah, looks >> I'm gonna go see Pressure.
00:58:34
>> I think it's going to do well. >> I want to see it. You know what's
00:58:37
killing it is Obsession. Where' you see Obsession? This is our last subject. Where'd you see Obsession?
00:58:42
Give me the by line. What is it again? It's a horror film. >> A girl and a guy. I didn't see it, but
00:58:48
he's in friend jail with this girl and he says, "I just wish she would." He
00:58:53
gets a wish from like a fortune like whatever. That's a good hook. >> Yeah.
00:58:57
>> She would love me more than anyone. And then >> she loves him too much. I think the
00:59:02
poster she loves him too much. >> Well, that's very much a Twilight Zone.
00:59:06
Be careful what you wish for. Irony. >> Wishing is good. I like that. That's a
00:59:11
good hook. Yeah. Should have been called Wishing. >> Should have been called Wishy Washy. And
00:59:16
she also works at the laundromat. >> Yeah. Should have been called I Dream of
00:59:20
Genie Part Two. >> Yeah. What the [ __ ] >> They would have cleaned up. I'm just
00:59:24
saying titles mean something. Hollywood. >> Except Yeah. I Dream of Genie. Um, we
00:59:30
talked about Las Vegas dice. Oh. >> Oh. >> But Major Healey wanted nothing to do
00:59:36
with Genie. Sweeney in a bottle >> and you're like she's like hey want to
00:59:42
act out any scenes from Euphoria and he's like oh no Gina I have so much paperwork to do
00:59:48
>> yeah we need a remake of I Dream a Genie starring Sydney Sweeney it'll be
00:59:52
>> that would be good actually >> a hard R. >> Yeah, >> you know I'm a huge fan after that
00:59:57
movie. What's it called Heather? Housemates housekeeper >> Handmaid's Tale Housemaid's Tale. No,
01:00:03
>> it's definitely the something. >> The housemmaid, I think, because it's a
01:00:08
term I don't use every day. >> The house. >> The housemmaid. >> Whoops. I guess I predicted it. I
01:00:15
Whoops. I think it's past 300 million. >> It's good. They have a sequel coming.
01:00:19
And we were good because we also had Paul Feige, the director. I would love to have Amanda on, but I don't know if
01:00:24
she's She hasn't been on, right? >> Amanda Pete. >> Amanda Sigfrieded.
01:00:28
>> Oh, >> yeah. She's crazy. brilliant in that. >> Yeah, she's good in a lot of stuff.
01:00:35
She's all the way back to Mean Girls. >> She's great. Let's get Let's get her on.
01:00:41
>> We should read the ones we want to get on and then we'll see if they'll come
01:00:44
on. >> Yeah, but we'll >> That'd be awesome. And Paul Feige be fun
01:00:48
to have him on this and just talk about the success of that movie for 10 minutes.
01:00:53
>> He did. He came on talked about Oh, you know what? It wasn't >> now. Yeah, it wasn't.
01:00:57
>> Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Um, >> okay Dana, it's been lovely having you.
01:01:02
>> Thanks for coming on. >> Yeah, >> hope you'll come on next week if you can
01:01:06
if you're available. You This has been the Dana Carter podcast with David Spates.
01:01:11
>> And uh I'll see you next week. >> See you next week on >> Sign Sucker.
01:01:16
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