RETURN TO CHANNEL

Search Captions & Ask AI

He Died & Came Back to Life: Troy Hall on Overcoming Freak Electrocution Accident

June 18, 2025 / 01:27:37

Video

00:00:06

Troy Hall, welcome to my podcast. Thank

00:00:08

you, my friend. Thank you for having me

00:00:09

here, mate. It's uh so good to have this

00:00:11

is a hell of a story. Um this, I think,

00:00:14

is my favorite sort of podcast. Um

00:00:18

yeah, just just you you're just someone

00:00:21

that's um gone through this remarkable

00:00:23

adversity and you've not only survived,

00:00:26

but you've thrived. And I think um yeah,

00:00:29

most most people listening to this can

00:00:30

probably get something out of it. Like a

00:00:31

lot of people are stuck stuck in their

00:00:33

own sort of self-pity or they they've

00:00:36

created this story or this narrative

00:00:38

about themselves which may or may not be

00:00:40

true. Um and it just goes to show that

00:00:42

you can, you know, the human spirit is

00:00:44

more powerful than what we think and you

00:00:45

can get through a lot more than what you

00:00:46

think you can. Yeah, for sure. For sure.

00:00:49

Yeah, definitely. Can we start by um you

00:00:51

did this just a couple of minutes ago

00:00:52

before we started filming. Um if you're

00:00:54

listening to this, this will make no

00:00:55

sense. Um, but for the viewers of this

00:00:57

podcast, can you do the ear trick with

00:00:59

your right ear? The old the tardinger.

00:01:02

Oh, the old tarding. For those of you

00:01:04

listening, um, can I touch it? Can I? Of

00:01:07

course you can. Troy just um un Damn, he

00:01:11

just unclipped his ear. So, it's like

00:01:13

got a little magnet on the end. Yeah,

00:01:15

it's a It got drilled in. So, uh, they

00:01:19

drilled into my skull and then, yeah,

00:01:22

they they put the pieces on and then

00:01:23

they've put the rod across there and

00:01:26

then they've got magnet pieces inside of

00:01:27

it and it just clicks on, clicks off.

00:01:30

Get a little party tricks for the kids.

00:01:32

So, it's mainly just um uh an appearance

00:01:35

thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I I was

00:01:37

very self-conscious about it for a very

00:01:39

long time and um when I sort of had the

00:01:42

courage to go back into hospital again

00:01:44

and going through all of that I went

00:01:47

through the surgery. So yeah it was just

00:01:49

one step there was multiple steps

00:01:51

through you know feeling better about

00:01:54

myself and you know getting over the

00:01:56

self-consciousness and things like that.

00:01:57

So that was a major part of it. Yeah.

00:02:00

This is the first time I've held another

00:02:01

another human's ear. It's crazy. I just

00:02:03

leave it around so then people know that

00:02:05

I'm still hearing people and uh

00:02:07

especially the kids. Right. Okay. All

00:02:09

right. Yeah. We'll get into the whole um

00:02:12

the whole why you've got that here

00:02:14

shortly. But first of all um who was

00:02:17

Troy Hall before 2011 in particular

00:02:20

before October 14 2011. Well, I mean,

00:02:25

beforehand, I suppose I came from a

00:02:27

background, you know, gang culture, that

00:02:29

type of

00:02:31

circle, that type of circle of people.

00:02:34

Uh, lots of friends and families that I

00:02:36

still to this day, um, have a lot of

00:02:39

respect for. But unfortunately, we're

00:02:41

just on different paths nowadays. And I

00:02:44

was I was a guy that was addicted to

00:02:46

drugs and alcohol for a very long period

00:02:48

of that. Um, as a child I was a person

00:02:51

that was actually

00:02:53

um, I loved my sports, I loved

00:02:58

athletics, I was into all of that and I

00:03:00

was actually quite talented at it. So I

00:03:02

just sort of went down that path of

00:03:06

unfortunately when it when it came time

00:03:08

to

00:03:12

think about the childhood and everything

00:03:13

in between. I realized that being

00:03:17

separated from my siblings for a very

00:03:18

long period of time and separation of

00:03:20

parents and and all of that. I really

00:03:23

sort of came to a point where I started

00:03:26

getting hurt and and neglected. And so I

00:03:30

started joining the brothers when I was

00:03:32

around a teenager age when I had moved

00:03:34

down to Parapumu. And from that point

00:03:36

on, I sort of went down that path and

00:03:38

gave up all the sports and athletics and

00:03:40

long story short, just went down a path

00:03:42

of drug and alcohol abuse and violence.

00:03:45

And yeah, I mean, there's a lot of

00:03:49

moments that I'm not proud of, but at

00:03:50

the same time, it's probably just

00:03:51

something that's happened in my life

00:03:53

that I could go back now to the youth of

00:03:55

today and encourage them to just not go

00:03:58

down that path really, you know. But

00:04:00

yeah, that was pretty much me before

00:04:02

October 14th, 2011. So, you're just like

00:04:05

an angry young man pretty much. Yeah,

00:04:07

pretty much. Um, I still I felt that I

00:04:10

was still quite composed. I could still

00:04:11

do my thing. Um, I was actually still

00:04:13

quite a nice person. I was the black

00:04:15

sheep and amongst all of them anyway, I

00:04:17

would never partake in all the

00:04:18

activities that they would do. But it

00:04:20

was just I realized as well that I had

00:04:24

better potential than that. So a few

00:04:26

months before October, I sort of gave

00:04:28

all of that life up, gave everything up

00:04:30

and started training, getting into, you

00:04:33

know, the best shape of my life. And

00:04:35

2011 was the year of the World Cup. So

00:04:37

that's what gave me more encouragement.

00:04:38

And I was 22 at the time. So I thought,

00:04:42

I've still got what what it takes and I

00:04:44

could still have the skill and the

00:04:45

natural skill to at least play um top

00:04:48

tier rugby, you know, um club club level

00:04:51

or whatever. So I just got got into it

00:04:53

and yeah. Yeah. This is part of the uh

00:04:56

cruelness about what happened to you.

00:04:57

It's not like um this forced what

00:04:59

happened on October 14 forced you to

00:05:01

make a lifestyle change. You'd already

00:05:02

made the lifestyle change and made the

00:05:04

hard decision to sort of remove yourself

00:05:06

from that negative environment. Yeah.

00:05:08

Yeah, it was. I mean, you know, I can't

00:05:10

say that I was completely gone from it

00:05:12

because my mindset was still, you know,

00:05:14

it doesn't just change overnight, right?

00:05:15

You have to change habits and replace

00:05:17

them with others. And it was a

00:05:19

transition period, I would call it. I

00:05:21

wouldn't say that I completely changed,

00:05:23

but I got to a stage where, you know, I

00:05:26

was changing. I was

00:05:28

doing all the training. I was doing

00:05:30

everything to feel good about myself,

00:05:32

not relying on drugs and alcohol in

00:05:34

order to get that. And I was I was in

00:05:37

some really good shape um in terms of

00:05:39

physical shape. And yeah, I was ready to

00:05:41

go. So yeah, it was a bit of a like you

00:05:44

say, it was quite cruel what had

00:05:45

happened and it was unfortunate, but

00:05:47

yeah, like I say, just it is what it is,

00:05:49

I suppose. sometimes. Yeah, I read a

00:05:51

quote from you. Uh, what happened to me

00:05:53

was probably inevitable given the

00:05:55

lifestyle I lived. What does what does

00:05:57

that mean? I I just feel that it's it's

00:06:00

like a karma type scenario. You know,

00:06:02

when you're involved in certain things

00:06:04

and activities and being around people

00:06:07

that just

00:06:09

are cruel, negative, toxic type of

00:06:11

people. I mean, I was an average of my

00:06:14

top five at that stage, right? So my top

00:06:16

five people were, you know, gang

00:06:18

members, drug dealers, whatever it was.

00:06:20

So, you know, it was inevitable for me

00:06:23

to know at that time that I mean, cuz it

00:06:26

happened to all of us, you know, I had

00:06:28

lots of friends committing suicide. I

00:06:31

mean, we had a serious car crash three

00:06:33

years beforehand where we all flew out

00:06:35

at 200k. You know, there there's all of

00:06:37

these things where unfortunately my bro

00:06:39

had died and, you know, I was very lucky

00:06:40

to even survive that. So, you know,

00:06:43

there's all of these things that have

00:06:45

happened, but the more that I've started

00:06:47

working on myself and realizing

00:06:50

the things I was doing and partaking in

00:06:52

back in those days, I mean, it was

00:06:54

inevitable. It was something was going

00:06:56

to happen eventually, you know. Um, so,

00:07:00

you know, a lot of the boys or family,

00:07:03

the they're in jail, constantly in jail,

00:07:05

in and out, in and out or whatever it

00:07:07

is. I mean, it's all karma. That's what

00:07:09

I believe. if you're partaking or you're

00:07:11

around that type of environment, you

00:07:13

know, you are what you attract. So that

00:07:15

that's where I'm sort of at with all of

00:07:17

that and that's why I can't be a part of

00:07:19

it these days obviously because I'm

00:07:21

trying to change and I want to be a

00:07:22

better person. Yeah. So October 14,

00:07:25

2011. Um, talk us through that day. You

00:07:28

wake up in the morning, normal day.

00:07:30

Yeah. It was pissing down with rain. So

00:07:33

I was picking avocados on a cherry

00:07:34

picker at the time and

00:07:38

it was raining. We shouldn't have gone

00:07:39

out there. That that's the long story

00:07:41

short. You say where you and your dad?

00:07:42

Yeah, me and my father. Um and we had a

00:07:44

couple other workers that were out there

00:07:46

too picking on this orchard in Mataphi

00:07:48

up in Toadonga. And it was just your

00:07:51

typical day though. We had done it

00:07:53

multiple times before in the rain,

00:07:56

picking away as usual, just making sure

00:07:57

that we weren't, you know, being a

00:07:59

danger to ourselves.

00:08:01

Uh we got to a row of avocado trees that

00:08:04

had overhead power lines going through

00:08:05

them and they were actually going

00:08:07

through the trees themselves. So they

00:08:08

were actually going right through them.

00:08:10

And at one point in time, I was actually

00:08:13

so close to these lines, I popped up in

00:08:15

between. I remember looking side to side

00:08:16

of me and I could feel the energy of the

00:08:18

power. Um 110,000 volt power lines. And

00:08:22

I could just I remember to this day the

00:08:25

visual, you know, the visual of it. And

00:08:28

I I had the shivers down my spine, but

00:08:30

my attitude was the [ __ ] side, which

00:08:32

just oh [ __ ] you know, just, oh, I'm

00:08:35

bloody close here. And my father was

00:08:37

going nuts at me on the other side and I

00:08:39

just told him, "Oh, calm down, man.

00:08:41

[ __ ] What are you on about?" Exactly.

00:08:43

You know, so it was that [ __ ] attitude

00:08:45

thinking I'm untouchable. And it's like

00:08:47

that um there's there's a line in the

00:08:49

original Top Gun movie about being

00:08:50

young, dumb, and full of [ __ ] That's

00:08:52

exactly what it was, mate. And that's

00:08:54

what I say a lot, too. I was young,

00:08:56

dumb, and full of. Right. So that's

00:08:58

that's how it was at those times. And my

00:09:00

attitude was I was actually angry at my

00:09:02

father, so I was stay well away from the

00:09:04

[ __ ] lines and altogether. And um I

00:09:07

did I was well away from them at the end

00:09:09

of the day. Um but we got to the end of

00:09:11

the day, my father told me to drop the

00:09:13

rest of the fruit off into the bin. He

00:09:15

took off up to the top of the orchard

00:09:18

and I was about to make a phone call.

00:09:19

And then as soon as I realized that

00:09:23

there was no reception on the phone,

00:09:26

I had to go up to the highest point on

00:09:28

the machine, which is about 6 to 8 m

00:09:30

high. So about 6 m the boom. So you can

00:09:32

go up to 6 m. I remember seeing the

00:09:34

reception, made the phone call and that

00:09:37

was the last I remember. So the phone

00:09:38

call was the last thing I remember

00:09:40

seeing the visual of the trees and then

00:09:43

just blackout and um what had actually

00:09:46

happened was the power the lines exact

00:09:49

same lines that I just dodged a few

00:09:51

hours earlier had jumped 4 m and hit me

00:09:54

directly through the head on on the on

00:09:56

the right hand side and killed me

00:09:58

instantly and that was it. Lights out.

00:10:01

So, but amazingly 30 seconds later, I

00:10:03

had a second one go through my chest,

00:10:04

bring me back um but engulfed me in

00:10:07

flames and that was the visual that my

00:10:10

father had seen and and the other the

00:10:12

other guys that were there that day. So,

00:10:16

yeah, you must have spoken to your dad

00:10:18

or potentially the others about this. I

00:10:19

don't know. But, um So, did they see the

00:10:22

first the first shock or just something?

00:10:25

They just heard it. Yeah, they just like

00:10:26

my father sort of gave me a brief. We've

00:10:29

talked about it maybe once or twice. Um,

00:10:32

and he he's he just reckons that he just

00:10:34

heard a massive echo through the sky

00:10:36

like a like lightning hitting the ground

00:10:38

or something, you know, and it just

00:10:39

echoed through the whole orchard and he

00:10:42

knew exactly what had happened. And so,

00:10:44

yeah, he flew down on the tractor and by

00:10:46

that time the second one had hit and

00:10:47

then he's looking up and seeing me up in

00:10:50

flames and everything. So, it was quite

00:10:52

a traumatic experience for him to talk

00:10:54

about. I mean, like I said, he talked

00:10:56

about it very briefly for like a second,

00:10:58

you know, a few seconds and he walks out

00:11:00

of the room. So, I didn't realize the

00:11:02

impact it ever had on him or

00:11:05

other people that were there that day.

00:11:06

And yeah, I mean, especially for my

00:11:09

father. So, yeah. Yeah. I was about to

00:11:12

say it's funny. It's not funny at all.

00:11:13

But the like the I mean you you were you

00:11:15

were you were knocked out. So it was

00:11:18

probably more more like triggering for

00:11:20

you the others than for than for you

00:11:22

even though you had to go deal with the

00:11:24

whole recovery and stuff physically. Um

00:11:26

who was the phone call to?

00:11:29

It was I think it was to my exartner at

00:11:31

the time, you know, probably asking her,

00:11:33

"Hey, what's for quite tonight? It's

00:11:35

bloody cold. I'm wet. I need something

00:11:37

to eat." I think that's what it was. I'm

00:11:39

not too sure to be honest. I can't

00:11:41

remember. Yeah, I mean we we haven't

00:11:42

talked about it. So yeah. Um yeah, I

00:11:46

don't know what I rung what I called

00:11:47

for, but I do remember the phone call

00:11:49

cuz I remember the no no reception on

00:11:51

the phone. So that's why I went up to

00:11:53

the highest point and yeah, that's why

00:11:56

it happened. Yeah. So the first one that

00:11:58

kills you goes through the side and the

00:12:00

second one um restarts your heart. Well,

00:12:03

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean

00:12:06

I mean that's just the report you know

00:12:08

and my father you know so and and I

00:12:11

don't know whether the second one

00:12:13

because what what happened was when they

00:12:15

were finally able to lower me on the

00:12:17

ground and they laid me on the ground I

00:12:18

remember from the stage trying to get

00:12:20

up. So when I tried to get up and I

00:12:23

could hear my father crying and in panic

00:12:25

and all that that's when I realized like

00:12:27

holy [ __ ] like something's happened cuz

00:12:29

I didn't know what happened cuz I was

00:12:31

completely black at the time so I

00:12:32

couldn't see anything. I couldn't see

00:12:34

nothing at all. All I could all I could

00:12:36

hear was my father's voice and then I

00:12:39

heard him breaking down. And he's your

00:12:40

typical old school fellow, you know, no

00:12:42

tears, no emotion. But once I heard

00:12:45

that, that's when I knew like, [ __ ]

00:12:47

something's happen. He's like, you're

00:12:48

just being electrocuted, son. And

00:12:50

please, son, just listen. Just listen.

00:12:51

Cuz my attitude was, "Ah, what are you

00:12:53

on about that? I'm all good. I'm sorry."

00:12:55

He's like, "You're not, son. You're

00:12:56

not." Oh, were you talking? Yeah. I was

00:12:58

I was conscious through that period. So,

00:13:00

so like I say, like there was that 10 15

00:13:04

minute like from the first strike. I

00:13:06

don't know what happened, but it must

00:13:08

have been about 10 15 minutes later when

00:13:10

they were able to lower me down on the

00:13:11

ground because for like the first minute

00:13:14

or two, what had happened was the power

00:13:16

had sort of gone around the whole

00:13:18

machine because of it being arked to the

00:13:20

ground, right? So, all the power would

00:13:21

have dissipated on the ground just like

00:13:23

how a lightning strike happens. If it

00:13:25

hits a tree, anything in that area, it

00:13:28

will kill it all. That's why livestock

00:13:30

gets killed every year from lightning

00:13:31

strikes and everything over in America

00:13:33

especially. Um, but if dad went anywhere

00:13:36

near my machine at that time, he would

00:13:38

have he would have had all of that

00:13:40

200,000 volts as well go through him and

00:13:43

he wouldn't be here today. So, he froze.

00:13:45

He panicked. I reckon he didn't know

00:13:47

what to do. But he could feel the energy

00:13:49

of the power cuz he wanted to run

00:13:51

towards the machine to get me down. But

00:13:54

I'm glad he didn't run because if he did

00:13:56

run anywhere near it, um people of you

00:13:58

know, uh electricians and all that, they

00:14:00

know how it all works with um what's the

00:14:03

word? Sorry. See, this is terrible, but

00:14:05

uh electrical ground currents. So when

00:14:07

electrical ground currents are at that

00:14:09

point for those periods of time, which

00:14:12

is about up to a minute, they reckon,

00:14:13

maybe a bit longer, all that power is

00:14:16

staying around that area where it's

00:14:18

been, you know, lightning strike or in

00:14:19

this case, my my strikes from the from

00:14:22

the power lines. So he pretty much

00:14:24

stayed away from there the whole time

00:14:27

until it had all gone and then they

00:14:28

finally lowered me down. One of the

00:14:30

other workers did. They ran over to the

00:14:32

machine, lowered me down, pulled me out,

00:14:35

laid me on the ground and then that's

00:14:37

when I remember from this point on what

00:14:39

was happening from that point on trying

00:14:40

to get up and hearing all the voices and

00:14:42

hearing my father and yeah. Were you

00:14:46

were you scared or were you in pain? I

00:14:49

had no feeling. There was no pain. There

00:14:51

was no nothing. It was just I could just

00:14:53

hear voices. I could just hear my

00:14:55

father. I could hear my father actually

00:14:57

starting to get angry at a point telling

00:14:58

them to call the power company, call the

00:15:00

ambulance. He was just getting

00:15:01

frustrated. And then I could hear

00:15:04

everybody else around me panicking,

00:15:05

crying, everything like that cuz I must

00:15:07

have been swelling up at that stage cuz

00:15:10

in the end I swelled up six times my

00:15:12

size. So I must have been like a big

00:15:14

massive like a Michelin man. Exactly.

00:15:16

That's exactly it. Yeah. Exactly it. Um

00:15:20

when

00:15:22

Did you Did you pass out again after

00:15:23

that or were you So the the helicopter

00:15:26

came or the ambo or Yeah, the ambulance

00:15:28

came. They end up having to chuck me if

00:15:30

I remember. Yes, it was. That's right.

00:15:32

They put me on the forklift um of the

00:15:35

tractor and they they took me up to the

00:15:37

top of the orchard cuz it was so wet

00:15:39

down there. The ambulance wasn't able to

00:15:41

come down to where I was. So he took me

00:15:43

up to the top of the orchard and then

00:15:45

they took me in. Done your basic

00:15:49

um you know, what's your name? Do you

00:15:51

know what day it is? Whatever. Whatever.

00:15:52

And then they told me that they had to

00:15:54

put me in a coma. Cuz the severity of my

00:15:57

swelling at that stage was so severe

00:15:58

that they had to um put me in a coma

00:16:02

otherwise my body would go into shock.

00:16:04

So all I remember asking them was am I

00:16:06

going to wake up and then my father just

00:16:08

listen to them please son or I I

00:16:10

something along those lines and because

00:16:12

I was quite an arrogant fellow so you

00:16:14

know I didn't want to you know go to

00:16:16

sleep if I wasn't going to wake up. So

00:16:18

there was all those sort of factors and

00:16:20

yeah, I mean it was a [ __ ] attitude but

00:16:23

you know I just didn't want to sort of

00:16:25

go into a coma if I wasn't going to wake

00:16:27

up and that was my mentality at the time

00:16:29

and they were like no no you'll be fine

00:16:30

m okay you'll be fine and that was it.

00:16:33

So it was just complete nothing after

00:16:35

that. And you got to go easy on yourself

00:16:38

about your attitude. I don't think

00:16:39

there's too many 22 year olds that

00:16:40

aren't you know exactly that aren't a

00:16:44

bit douchy. Um, [ __ ] I can see why your

00:16:47

dad um Yeah. doesn't really want to

00:16:50

think about it or talk about it. That's

00:16:51

um [ __ ] that's troubling. Has he any

00:16:53

therapy or anything? No, just real old

00:16:56

school. He's your typical old school

00:16:57

fellow, mate. Yeah, he he just, you

00:16:59

know, he'll talk about it after a couple

00:17:01

of drinks or, you know, which is

00:17:03

probably his only way he can be himself,

00:17:05

I suppose, maybe to a degree. And I

00:17:07

understand it. I mean, it's trauma, you

00:17:09

know. Um, the more I'm learning about

00:17:11

trauma, the more I'm realizing, wow,

00:17:13

this is how people deal with issues or

00:17:15

deal with it. So, that's just the way he

00:17:18

deals with it, you know. And, um, yeah.

00:17:21

Yeah. I mean, I I mean, I wish I could,

00:17:23

you know, talk about it more, to be

00:17:25

honest. I mean, I want to know all the

00:17:27

graphic stuff. What did it look like?

00:17:28

And, you know, I want to know all these

00:17:29

other You missed the show. Yeah. I want

00:17:32

to know all the juicy bits. But even

00:17:34

even all the um even the other guys that

00:17:36

were there, they didn't even want to

00:17:37

talk about it, you know. So it was quite

00:17:39

a So it proves like it must have been so

00:17:41

severe because they they reckon that I

00:17:43

looked like cooked meat. So must have

00:17:45

been just pulsating and must have been

00:17:47

just I don't know just yeah they reckon

00:17:50

I looked like cooked meat so it must

00:17:51

have been like a dark blue color red you

00:17:54

know cooked. Um and the smell they

00:17:56

reckon the smell was so unbearable that

00:17:58

you just couldn't you couldn't even

00:18:01

picture.

00:18:03

Yeah. You could just tell that man it's

00:18:05

a [ __ ] smell and a vision I'll never

00:18:07

ever forget. and they were crying. I was

00:18:08

like, "Whoa." And you know, these fellas

00:18:10

are pretty hearty guys, you know. Yeah,

00:18:12

they're those type of fellas. Um, but

00:18:15

yeah, that actually changed them, got

00:18:17

them real emotional. And that's when I

00:18:18

started realizing, holy [ __ ] this ain't

00:18:20

just about me. It hasn't just impacted

00:18:23

me. Like, look at these guys and look at

00:18:25

my dad. And my dad blames himself for

00:18:27

the whole incident to this day. And, you

00:18:29

know, how so? Because we shouldn't have

00:18:32

been there around those power lines. We

00:18:34

shouldn't even picking that day. Maybe.

00:18:35

I don't know. I I heard it through my

00:18:38

sister. I didn't hear it from Have you

00:18:40

Have you like had a chat or said

00:18:42

anything to like relieve him from his

00:18:43

guilt? No, I'm I'm pretty I'm pretty

00:18:45

crap with that myself. You know, I know

00:18:47

I need to work on it. And, you know,

00:18:49

when you got two hard nuts that don't

00:18:51

want to, you know, be emotional or, you

00:18:54

know, uh vulnerable with each other, we

00:18:56

probably would, right? Probably could,

00:18:58

but I need to open that conversation.

00:19:01

So, yeah, in due time, I think. Well,

00:19:03

maybe if he happens to hear this

00:19:05

podcast, maybe that'll sort of open the

00:19:06

Actually, if he if he happened to come

00:19:08

across this podcast or, you know,

00:19:10

someone that knows him um happens to

00:19:12

stumble across this podcast like Yeah.

00:19:14

Maybe you could communicate with him

00:19:15

through here. Yeah, for sure. For sure.

00:19:16

It'd be a cool thing, you know. I I know

00:19:18

that would release him and it'll release

00:19:20

me a lot too. Yeah. Yeah. So, when did

00:19:23

you realize the

00:19:26

massive I'm I'm just um trying to

00:19:27

picture it. like just a massive

00:19:28

adrenaline dump. Hey, cuz I've had I've

00:19:30

had like little burns before, like a

00:19:31

steam burn from the pot or um I bent my

00:19:34

thumb once in the car cigarette lighter

00:19:36

growing up. Most excruciating thing

00:19:38

imaginable. It's awful. Um you must have

00:19:41

just had like a massive adrenaline dump

00:19:42

or it it must have been like I didn't

00:19:44

feel anything at all. There was no pain

00:19:46

whatsoever. So it must have my whole

00:19:48

body just must have went numb, you know?

00:19:50

And I think that's shock, right? Um I'm

00:19:53

not too sure. Like to be honest, I I

00:19:55

couldn't really tell you why I didn't

00:19:57

feel anything. Maybe because I couldn't

00:19:59

see it visually cuz I was completely

00:20:01

blind at that time. I mean, I'm blind in

00:20:03

my left eye, so that's what happened.

00:20:05

Right. Are you? Yeah. As a result of

00:20:06

that. Exactly. Yeah. So, you know,

00:20:09

obviously right operates left maybe. You

00:20:11

know, I haven't gone that far in my

00:20:13

study yet, but you know, right operates

00:20:15

left, left operates right from from what

00:20:17

I've heard. Um, so maybe it could have

00:20:19

been that, but the optic nerve is

00:20:21

apparently right, you know, burnt. So

00:20:24

that's why I can't see out of it. So

00:20:26

when when did you realize the extent of

00:20:27

your injuries? When I woke up, which was

00:20:30

how long? Two weeks later.

00:20:33

So two weeks just gone. Yeah. Well, I

00:20:35

just felt like I was asleep and I woke

00:20:36

back up. But for the first three days,

00:20:39

my body was using over 9,000 calories a

00:20:42

day. You know, this is from another Burn

00:20:44

Survivor. So, I would imagine this is

00:20:46

exactly how my body was at the time. It

00:20:48

was 9,000 calories a day, 230 beats per

00:20:51

minute on average, you know, for the

00:20:53

first three days, which is why I wasn't

00:20:54

supposed to survive at all. Um, but due

00:20:57

to the fact that I was training and

00:20:58

everything else in between beforehand,

00:21:00

it was probably and age as well, plus

00:21:03

the amazing technology of these days and

00:21:06

Middlemore Hospital and and um, you

00:21:09

know, the team there. I mean, it was

00:21:12

what got me through. So, yeah, fitness,

00:21:15

youth, probably a bit of luck and um who

00:21:18

knows, maybe a higher power. Like,

00:21:19

there's got to be a reason you survived.

00:21:21

Yeah, for sure. For sure. I mean, a lot

00:21:22

of people have told me that. And, you

00:21:24

know, I can't say I'm religious

00:21:25

personally, but I'm very spiritual. You

00:21:27

know, I very, you know, I'm a very

00:21:29

spiritual person. I've had a lot of

00:21:31

things happen in my life before and

00:21:32

after this that has, you know,

00:21:36

unexplained, if that's what you want to

00:21:38

call it. So, yeah. Um, yeah, I

00:21:40

definitely believe in all that too for

00:21:42

sure. So, so when you wake up from the

00:21:45

coma after after 2 weeks, are you are

00:21:48

you still paralyzed from the neck down?

00:21:50

Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't do nothing.

00:21:52

I couldn't move. Couldn't do nothing. I

00:21:54

was like a tiny little 20 kg 27 kgs or

00:21:58

whatever it was. Yeah. Actually, I've

00:22:00

got that a photo here from your

00:22:01

Facebook. Yeah. Um, yeah. How do you

00:22:04

feel like like I'm looking at this photo

00:22:06

and I'm looking at you and they look

00:22:07

like two two completely different

00:22:08

people. How do you feel when you when

00:22:10

you see that? I mean, you know, I'm

00:22:12

definitely proud of where I am these

00:22:14

days and and I realize that it's going

00:22:15

to maybe make people be aware of the

00:22:19

message I'm trying to give out these

00:22:21

days to people, you know, to be better

00:22:22

versions of themselves and look at being

00:22:25

having better attitudes towards, you

00:22:28

know, themselves and others, gratitude,

00:22:31

all of these things. So, I mean, I do

00:22:32

look at that. I'm definitely proud of

00:22:34

myself. I have a gift and a curse with

00:22:36

the type of personality and the type of

00:22:38

mentality I have. Um, you know, I feel

00:22:41

that it's never good enough, but at the

00:22:43

same time, it's driving me and it's

00:22:45

pushing me to be where I am even today.

00:22:47

Even to talk in a podcast format, doing

00:22:50

presentations,

00:22:52

being in the public eye, you know,

00:22:54

because I was very self-conscious for

00:22:56

the whole period, you know, until the

00:22:58

last year or two. It's um Yeah. in terms

00:23:00

of like like wearing long sleeve tops or

00:23:03

Yeah. I never used to hoodies all the

00:23:05

time. There was all of that. I would

00:23:06

never show any of this stuff. And you

00:23:08

know, it was

00:23:11

just what was inside of my head. You

00:23:13

know, I'm ugly. I'm this. I'm, you know,

00:23:15

all of the negative stuff. You know, I

00:23:16

try not to say it too much now cuz

00:23:18

that's like affirmation, right? But it's

00:23:21

that's just how it was for the first 10

00:23:23

to 11 years. It was suicidal on a daily

00:23:26

event. Like every day I just didn't even

00:23:29

want to be here. Even with my daughter,

00:23:30

the only thing that kept me going was

00:23:32

was was my daughter who came 3 years

00:23:34

after the accident. And I was very

00:23:36

grateful for it all and everything, but

00:23:38

it was still wasn't enough at that per

00:23:40

Well, it was obviously because if I

00:23:42

didn't, if I did do it, um, then she

00:23:45

would have missed out on her father,

00:23:47

which was a miracle to begin with,

00:23:49

right? So that's where it was. Yeah.

00:23:53

So, so what was the initial prognosis

00:23:56

they gave you? So you come to two weeks

00:23:58

after the accident from your coma. What

00:24:01

do they say? Paralyzed for life or

00:24:03

pretty much. Yeah. They said that I was

00:24:05

probably never going to walk or talk

00:24:06

again. Um and even if I did, it would be

00:24:10

very very limited and it was going to

00:24:12

take a very long time if you ever to get

00:24:14

any sort of All I heard was I was never

00:24:17

going to walk or talk again. And the

00:24:19

arrogance inside of me was no no I'm not

00:24:22

going to [ __ ] put up with this. Like

00:24:23

and it wasn't against them. is more

00:24:25

towards myself because I gave up at that

00:24:28

moment when I heard that because I

00:24:29

couldn't I couldn't move. I couldn't do

00:24:31

nothing. Couldn't move a single bit of

00:24:33

my body. So

00:24:35

why why do you say the arrogance? That

00:24:37

to me seems like the almost like um the

00:24:39

fighting spirit the fighter the warrior

00:24:41

spirit it is. But I suppose the arrogant

00:24:43

I mean in order to have that you have to

00:24:46

be arrogant to to a degree. That's what

00:24:47

I feel you know because it is going

00:24:50

against what other people are saying.

00:24:52

Yeah. Yeah. People that are medically

00:24:53

trained. Exactly. eight years at

00:24:55

university. And numbers don't lie

00:24:57

though, right? You know, I wasn't even

00:24:59

supposed to survive, let alone walk

00:25:02

again. You know, they they told my

00:25:03

parents and everyone that I wasn't going

00:25:05

to make it. So, you better come and pay

00:25:06

your final respects to this guy cuz he's

00:25:09

he's going to die. So, it was just and

00:25:12

then they were supposed to cut my right

00:25:13

arm off, my right leg, cuz I was burning

00:25:16

from the inside out like a microwave,

00:25:17

right? So, it was just constantly going

00:25:19

to this, you know, that was going to the

00:25:21

bone and then there was nothing left.

00:25:24

Like, they were like, "We're going to

00:25:25

have to cut it off cuz it's car it's

00:25:26

going to go burn through the bone and

00:25:28

everything." And fortunately for my dad,

00:25:30

he was in there saying, "There's no

00:25:31

[ __ ] way. He either dies whole, you

00:25:33

wait until he wakes up cuz he knew he

00:25:36

knew the type of person I was." Oh, he

00:25:38

he didn't want to make the decision on

00:25:39

your behalf. No, cuz if I wake up and I

00:25:41

had no [ __ ] arm and no leg, I would

00:25:42

have been pissed. I I know it.

00:25:46

I wouldn't be where I am today. I'll

00:25:47

tell you that I I wouldn't be. There's

00:25:50

no way. [ __ ] That was a good call from

00:25:52

your dad. Oh, he Well, he just knew he

00:25:54

knew me too well. You know, he knew

00:25:55

exactly the type of person I was. And um

00:25:58

you know, when they say I can't do

00:26:00

something, I'm going to go against that.

00:26:02

And yeah, we'll see. Now, obviously, it

00:26:04

was in a negative sense back in those

00:26:07

days, but it's worked out now. So, for a

00:26:10

lot of things. So, were you just

00:26:13

like on morphine the entire time or

00:26:16

Yeah, exactly. The pain must have been

00:26:17

ex like as soon as you were without pain

00:26:19

relief, it must have been excruciating.

00:26:21

Yeah. I mean, I didn't really notice any

00:26:23

of that until I dropped from the because

00:26:25

this is my very first steps that picture

00:26:27

there. So, that was my first steps. That

00:26:29

was about 6 weeks after getting told

00:26:31

that. So, you know, and then I started

00:26:34

realizing from that point, I've got to

00:26:36

stop morphine because I realized that I

00:26:38

was using it. Um, and coming from an ex

00:26:41

addiction background,

00:26:43

especially with meth and all that back

00:26:44

then, I realized that my brain's getting

00:26:47

used to this and I can't I can't this is

00:26:49

going to slow me down. It's going to

00:26:50

stop me. It's, you know, I this is not

00:26:53

good for me. So, soon as I stopped from

00:26:56

the morphine down to ketamine, that's

00:26:58

when the pain started. That's when the

00:27:00

real pain started, right? Yeah. Like I

00:27:03

started really feeling I can't even

00:27:05

describe the pains. Like it's only other

00:27:08

maybe burn survivors could relate to a

00:27:10

degree. I mean thinking about the burn

00:27:12

on your finger. I mean it's just the

00:27:13

whole body nerves. Yeah. I just people

00:27:17

say a pain barrier you know what's it 1

00:27:19

to 10? It's [ __ ] a thousand.

00:27:22

That's it. You know that's all I could

00:27:24

you know it's so unbearable. This is why

00:27:26

suicidal was daily. This is why

00:27:28

everything was daily because in terms of

00:27:30

the negative mindset because I just

00:27:32

didn't even want to be here. It's like

00:27:33

this is a punishment. This is a curse.

00:27:35

Like the [ __ ] am I even doing here? Like

00:27:39

I'm here to suffer. So that's what it

00:27:42

was like for the first few months and

00:27:44

especially when I got transferred from

00:27:46

Middlemore to W Cuttle uh hospital and I

00:27:49

was there for about 3 to four months.

00:27:52

Yeah. That's when I was the real darkest

00:27:54

moments. Yeah. It was Yeah. Why is that?

00:27:57

cuz it Yeah, it feels like you're

00:28:00

getting better slowly. But Middlemore

00:28:03

only catered to you like to a certain

00:28:05

degree like once you're considered, you

00:28:07

know, able. Um, you know, cuz there's

00:28:10

people getting burnt every day, severe,

00:28:13

you know, or not. Um, and it was

00:28:16

probably at that time where they were

00:28:18

like, well, he's, you know, getting to a

00:28:20

stage now where he's capable of, you

00:28:22

know, he's walking again, you know, even

00:28:24

though it was only four or five steps at

00:28:26

that time, but it's progress, right? I

00:28:27

was never supposed to walk and talk

00:28:29

again. So, um, the talking took forever,

00:28:32

like good few months. Oh, in terms of

00:28:35

getting your voice back. Yeah. Yeah. The

00:28:36

voice box was completely fried cuz

00:28:38

obviously the two strikes, right? And

00:28:40

even right now if I'm at a concert and

00:28:43

yelling away for a bit or at a stadium,

00:28:45

it doesn't take long for my voice to be

00:28:46

gone and lost, you know. So yeah, but

00:28:49

during that time I couldn't even talk.

00:28:53

And the amount of energy that it took

00:28:55

just to [ __ ] sound like a league player

00:28:57

from the 80s. Move the fan. Like the fan

00:29:00

was another one. My dad, he used to get

00:29:02

pissed at me. I remember these moments I

00:29:04

was in the hospital and cuz the fan

00:29:06

would be there blowing into me and I'd

00:29:08

be like, "Yeah, it feels great." Then

00:29:10

it's too cold so you'd have to move it

00:29:12

and all day honestly like hundreds of

00:29:15

times he would be having to move it off

00:29:17

and on and but but the voice that it

00:29:20

took for me to tell him like

00:29:24

and then I'd so tired just even doing

00:29:26

that. So it was just all of these things

00:29:28

that talking about it in a longer format

00:29:30

that that's what was happening. It was

00:29:31

the amount of energy it took just to

00:29:33

even talk, just to even like do

00:29:36

anything, you know, for the first 6 to 9

00:29:39

months was just it was like you're

00:29:41

running a marathon constantly just to

00:29:43

talk or just to even do a few steps or

00:29:46

move.

00:29:48

I suppose your body's still in survival

00:29:50

or healing mode. What was the what was

00:29:52

the worst pain? Not on the the scale

00:29:54

like you were talking about before, but

00:29:55

like was it like changing the dressing?

00:29:56

Was it skin grafts or changing the

00:29:59

dressings? Yeah, cuz I've had an uh this

00:30:01

remarkable woman on the podcast called

00:30:03

um Kelsey Wagghorn. She's she was a

00:30:05

guide on Ficardi White Island when the

00:30:07

explosion happened. Wow. So, she's a

00:30:09

burn survivor as well and she talked

00:30:10

about the um the the changing of the

00:30:13

dressing. Yeah. See, that's what I mean.

00:30:16

Like talking to her would be amazing for

00:30:18

myself to know that, you know, cuz it is

00:30:21

like that when you've had such severe

00:30:23

burns and then the the bandages just

00:30:26

peeling it off like the pus that just

00:30:28

covers is just

00:30:30

And it was just big massive drips of pus

00:30:33

just dropping off. It's disgusting. It's

00:30:35

disgusting. But the pain is just it's

00:30:37

unbearable. Like Yeah. I don't know.

00:30:41

Maybe she did. She How did she describe

00:30:43

it? Can you Oh, just excruciating. I

00:30:45

can't remember exactly. She was on a

00:30:47

couple of years ago, but yeah, she's

00:30:48

remarkable. Yeah, it sucks. Um, one of

00:30:53

the um I suppose good things about the

00:30:55

time this happened, it was like old

00:30:56

school cameras. We still had cell

00:30:59

phones, but there were so the photos

00:31:00

you've taken have got the date on the

00:31:01

corner. Um so there's another photo of

00:31:03

you and it looks like you got half a

00:31:05

smile here, but this was Christmas Day.

00:31:07

It was Christmas Day. So this is um what

00:31:09

like um two 10 weeks after the accident

00:31:11

happened. Yeah, about that. Yeah. Yeah.

00:31:12

What are you What are your memories of

00:31:13

that Christmas day? Um that was the

00:31:15

first time I was able to come outside.

00:31:17

So, I just wanted to get outside and

00:31:21

they they pushed me in the hospital bed

00:31:23

all the way out there and um yeah, I

00:31:26

mean

00:31:28

during those moments I wasn't happy at

00:31:30

all. So, I I can't say it was a great

00:31:32

thing. Um

00:31:35

yeah, it's hard to say to think about it

00:31:37

because it was I try and blank it all

00:31:39

out to be honest about what what it was

00:31:41

on Christmas Day. I can't even remember.

00:31:42

I know my family turned up, you know, my

00:31:46

nieces and nephews and yeah, I just

00:31:49

didn't care to be honest at those

00:31:50

moments to be honest. You know, it was

00:31:52

good to see them and my family and that

00:31:54

being there, but I just didn't even want

00:31:56

to be here. So, it was just a a [ __ ]

00:31:58

part of the whole recovery. And yeah,

00:32:02

mentally, yeah, it was just a wreck. So,

00:32:06

yeah. So, just physically and mentally

00:32:07

broken. Yeah, physically because I

00:32:10

couldn't move. I could barely move at

00:32:11

those times. Like I mean I done first

00:32:13

steps before that but just I mean I

00:32:15

slept for days after those four or five

00:32:17

steps you know those steps around in the

00:32:20

hospital and yeah I slept for days. I

00:32:23

remember that cuz it's just the amount

00:32:24

of energy it took. So yeah it's uh

00:32:27

Christmas day was good. It was good you

00:32:29

know with family and seeing my niece and

00:32:31

all that and um but yeah I just that was

00:32:35

the honest truth to be honest. I didn't

00:32:37

even care. Just didn't even want to be

00:32:39

here. So why? Yeah. With reflection like

00:32:43

why didn't you take your own life? I

00:32:46

couldn't. Oh couldn't. Yeah. I've had

00:32:51

another another dude on the the podcast.

00:32:52

This guy Brad who was a a wakeboarder.

00:32:54

Oh yes. Um and he had this this terrible

00:32:57

ramp accident and he landed on his head

00:32:58

and his neck and now he's um I'm

00:33:00

probably going to get this wrong. He's

00:33:02

either a quadriplegic or a tetroplegic.

00:33:03

And he was saying um he felt he he has a

00:33:07

great life now. He's got a great

00:33:08

mindset. But um shortly after the

00:33:10

accident, he said he wanted to take his

00:33:11

own life. But he goes, "The funny thing

00:33:12

is even if someone put a gun next to my

00:33:14

hand, there's nothing I could have even

00:33:15

done with it." And he even sort of

00:33:17

thought about ways that he could do it.

00:33:18

And he the only way he could come to

00:33:19

would be to he's got a blower thing on

00:33:21

his chair to move it forward. And he

00:33:22

goes, "If I went to like a warf, I could

00:33:25

probably blow go off the end of the warf

00:33:27

and drown myself. That would be the only

00:33:29

way." It's it's bleak when you have to

00:33:31

sit there and come up with um ideas to

00:33:34

take your own life. He he would have

00:33:36

probably been trying to plan too, you

00:33:38

know, cuz that's exactly what I was

00:33:39

trying to do. I was trying to plan it,

00:33:42

but I just I I knew I was incapable at

00:33:44

that time and no one was going to do it

00:33:45

for me. So, you know, I was on my own

00:33:48

and so I just had to face the reality of

00:33:51

my new journey, my new life at that time

00:33:53

and it was it's [ __ ] hell to be

00:33:55

honest. That's the easiest way to

00:33:57

explain it. How how did you how did you

00:33:59

get there or switch your mindset? Did

00:34:00

you did you have a therapy or anything

00:34:02

or did you read any books or um like you

00:34:05

talking about in the early early stages?

00:34:07

Yeah, I think the early stages

00:34:11

I mean I met a girl at that time a bit

00:34:14

long you know after coming out of

00:34:16

hospital and we had a daughter and it

00:34:19

was great you know that was my miracle.

00:34:21

She's my baby. She's everything to me.

00:34:23

But even during that period, I was in a

00:34:26

dark spot and it was probably unfair on

00:34:28

on her as well as my daughter. And I

00:34:32

went to a burns group. My mom actually

00:34:33

told me at the time like, "Son, you need

00:34:36

to find people that are, you know, been

00:34:38

through the same thing and, you know,

00:34:40

and so I just typed in like burns group

00:34:43

or something." And then that popped up

00:34:44

and

00:34:46

they offered me uh offered to take me

00:34:48

and my partner and my daughter at the

00:34:50

time to go up and meet um this guy Alan

00:34:53

Brezlo and Dwin um burnt survivor um

00:34:57

Allan was way back in the day and um an

00:35:00

amazing story of his and you know from a

00:35:03

plane crash and dangling and his whole

00:35:04

body just melted and he's an amazing guy

00:35:08

cuz he set up a world Phoenix uh

00:35:10

organization over in America where you

00:35:13

know every year all the burn survivors

00:35:15

all get together and it's an amazing

00:35:17

thing and they have it here in New

00:35:18

Zealand as well up in Oakuckland here

00:35:19

and I went and talked to them and for

00:35:23

those moments I actually felt normal. I

00:35:27

felt like, wow, I can talk to these

00:35:29

guys. And I felt like I was,

00:35:33

you know, actually accepted. And, you

00:35:35

know, because people were always staring

00:35:37

at me and it was just, yeah, it was

00:35:39

very, you know, cuz I had big massive

00:35:41

bandage on my head at the time. There

00:35:43

was still a hole in my head, you know.

00:35:44

This is how long after the Ah, shoot. It

00:35:47

was probably a few years afterwards.

00:35:49

Like, oh wow. Yeah. Three to four maybe.

00:35:51

I'm not too sure. I can't remember

00:35:52

exactly cuz Yeah. Like I say, the whole

00:35:55

time frame for the first 10 years was

00:35:57

just all over the show. Like I don't

00:35:59

really sort of capture I try not to

00:36:01

remember them, you know, cuz they're

00:36:03

such dark moments. But yeah, when I went

00:36:06

there, I actually felt like, wow, I you

00:36:09

found your community. Well, I just Yeah,

00:36:11

exactly. And I just felt like, wow, like

00:36:13

I'm not alone with this. I thought I was

00:36:15

alone with this the whole time. Like no

00:36:16

one can understand what I'm going

00:36:18

through and this and that. So, it was

00:36:19

really cool in that aspect. And since

00:36:21

then I've gone and done kids camps, you

00:36:23

know, Burns camps with with them as well

00:36:25

last few years and yeah, it's been

00:36:28

really cool. So that was the start of my

00:36:30

transition of starting to be a bit more

00:36:32

grateful for, you know, for the whole

00:36:35

thing as well as my daughter, you know.

00:36:37

Yeah. Yeah. And what about the rehab

00:36:40

side of things like um you know walking,

00:36:42

talking, feeding, tying shoelaces,

00:36:45

putting putting a sho putting clothing

00:36:47

on? Right. for for years I had to get

00:36:49

people to do it for me. There was no

00:36:51

other way of doing it. Um well to feed

00:36:53

myself just to even put a spoon to my

00:36:55

mouth and eat. I think what it was it

00:36:57

was like mac cheese macaroni and cheese

00:36:59

or something. That was about 9 10 months

00:37:01

in after intense rehab. But all of the

00:37:04

rehab took years. It was just pretty

00:37:06

much years and years of just intense

00:37:08

rehab and just hard grind. Yeah. Yeah.

00:37:11

Pretty much.

00:37:13

How like c can you can you pinpoint the

00:37:15

moment where you you started to come out

00:37:17

of the dark and find happiness again?

00:37:25

I wouldn't say it's happiness but it was

00:37:27

like an enlightenment like

00:37:30

okay I need to start changing my ways

00:37:32

here. I need to realize that people were

00:37:34

inspired by this or you know like start

00:37:37

feeling good about myself that people

00:37:39

were inspired by me cuz I wasn't

00:37:42

inspired by myself. So that sort of

00:37:45

happened the last couple of years. It's

00:37:47

been the last couple of years really.

00:37:48

Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was so stuck in

00:37:51

victim mentality mindset for so long. I

00:37:54

to be honest you know that that's the

00:37:56

reality of it. I mean, it was just poor

00:37:58

me, poor me, the whole way. And, you

00:38:00

know, you guys don't know what I'm going

00:38:01

through. And

00:38:03

even with the Burns, you know, group and

00:38:06

all of that, as amazing as they are, I

00:38:08

mean, I was a person that would do well

00:38:10

in those moments and stay in there. But

00:38:13

then, as soon as I was out of it, cuz I

00:38:15

was running businesses and stuff, too. I

00:38:16

jumped back on a machine, cherry picker,

00:38:18

run our own one. Me and my father, we

00:38:21

had our own machines by that stage and

00:38:24

being contractors ourselves instead just

00:38:26

working for someone. And um that's what

00:38:32

there was depression in there too cuz

00:38:34

it's business, right? Stress with

00:38:36

business. You know how it is. It's

00:38:37

running a business can be very if you're

00:38:39

if you're not uh if your mindset's not

00:38:42

right and it's not strong, you know,

00:38:43

it's very hard to manage all of that.

00:38:45

Um, so I think it was the last couple of

00:38:48

years I realized that I need to start

00:38:51

changing my ways. And yeah, the more I

00:38:54

started learning about psychology, I

00:38:55

suppose, not psychology, but just how

00:38:57

the brain works and trauma,

00:39:00

overcoming trauma, the more I started

00:39:03

realizing all of that sort of stuff, the

00:39:04

more I realized, okay,

00:39:07

I need to start being grateful for where

00:39:09

I am. I need to start being, you know,

00:39:11

proud of myself. and pretty much the

00:39:14

last couple of years, man, since I've

00:39:15

started doing podcasts and presentations

00:39:17

and Yeah. Yeah. And like with what

00:39:21

you've been through, you'd be perfectly

00:39:23

entitled and uh you know, no one no one

00:39:26

could argue that you're you're okay to

00:39:28

play a victim if you want, but it's not

00:39:30

serving it's wasn't serving you, right?

00:39:32

No. No. I was just riding the train is

00:39:35

pretty much what it was. And some people

00:39:37

that I know that have been burnt or real

00:39:39

massive trauma, the burnt uh not burnt,

00:39:42

sorry, that they've ridden the train for

00:39:44

the last 10, 20, 30 years, whatever it

00:39:46

is. And like I said, like you like you

00:39:49

said, sorry, you're entitled to it. I

00:39:51

mean, look, look what's happened. You

00:39:53

got every right to feel like that. But I

00:39:55

had to get over myself and realize that,

00:39:58

hey, you know, I got a daughter here. I

00:39:59

need to support her. I need to get her

00:40:01

going for my life uh to to make her life

00:40:05

better. She's a miracle to begin with.

00:40:07

So, hey, come on. Let's turn this into

00:40:09

real success. Yeah. And it's not even

00:40:11

financial. It's just more mental mental

00:40:13

wealth, you know? So, yeah. [ __ ] Yeah,

00:40:16

bro. That [ __ ] That's powerful stuff.

00:40:21

But you you you knew that people loved

00:40:24

like you you were judging yourself

00:40:25

harshly, but I mean you still had your

00:40:26

your your massive massive faro support

00:40:28

in hospital. [ __ ] You even picked up in

00:40:30

hospital.

00:40:32

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. As soon as you could

00:40:34

get your movement on your fingers back,

00:40:35

are you swiping? That that was some pure

00:40:37

luck. Yeah. I mean, I had hundreds of

00:40:40

messages at the time and I thought I

00:40:42

flick through and Oh,

00:40:45

who's this one? And then I remember see

00:40:47

your new priorities in order. Oh, yeah.

00:40:50

Yep. Oh, Jack went up real quick. Uncle

00:40:54

Jack.

00:40:55

Yeah. So, Oh, yeah. I remember her.

00:40:59

And then yeah, you know, yeah, I won't

00:41:02

say too much into I won't go too much

00:41:04

into it, but it was enough to sort of

00:41:06

get me uh that uplift spirit. Okay, got

00:41:09

something to go for now. And yeah. Oh,

00:41:12

good little So was that a a hospital

00:41:15

hookup? Well, you could say that. Yeah,

00:41:17

you put the curtain around. My my dear

00:41:19

friend of mine, Richard, uh and Vivian,

00:41:22

um they came in with a phone and you

00:41:24

know, they said to me, "Hey, is there

00:41:26

anything you need?" and we're going to

00:41:28

get you a phone. We're going to chuck a

00:41:29

few hundred bucks credit on there for

00:41:30

you so you can ring your family and all

00:41:32

this and that. I was and I was grateful

00:41:34

for that, you know. I was so grateful

00:41:35

for that. And I was doing all the phone

00:41:38

calls. It was great, you know. It

00:41:39

actually uplifted my spirits a lot. And

00:41:42

then I went on my Facebook and then I

00:41:44

realized, holy [ __ ] there's like

00:41:46

hundreds of messages, you know, from all

00:41:48

my friends and family and all that that

00:41:49

were just like, "Fuck, man. I hope

00:41:51

you're okay." Blah, blah, blah. And then

00:41:53

yeah, that that one sort of scroll

00:41:56

scroll. I messaged a lot of them back,

00:41:58

don't get me wrong, but yeah, then Oh,

00:42:00

who's this one? Click in, click in. Oh,

00:42:04

yeah. Terrible, man. Such a Well, you

00:42:07

you were still this 22y old kid.

00:42:09

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I just

00:42:10

testosterone. I just wanted love. Yeah.

00:42:13

You know, just wanted to feel loved.

00:42:14

Validation, I suppose. Yeah, exactly.

00:42:17

So, um Yeah. any any good memories of

00:42:21

your time in hospital? Yeah, there were

00:42:23

lots. There were lots, man. There were

00:42:24

lots. I mean, first time that I used to

00:42:26

that I went out into walking. Um, this

00:42:31

lady, Heather, took me in, she was one

00:42:32

of the nurses and she actually got me

00:42:34

out of my darkness because I was in such

00:42:37

a dark state at that time. And she's

00:42:39

like, Troy, you need to like really like

00:42:41

these nurses don't even want to come in

00:42:42

and, you know, serve you. And, you know,

00:42:44

because I was such an angry person. I

00:42:46

was so angry. I was swearing the place

00:42:48

down. And

00:42:51

I ended up having my cry and everything

00:42:53

about it. And then I realized, okay,

00:42:55

I've got to be nice to these people cuz

00:42:57

they are. They're just there to help.

00:42:58

They don't know what, you know, they

00:42:59

can't understand what you're going

00:43:01

through, but you can't treat us like

00:43:03

this. You know, it's just not going to,

00:43:04

you know, no one will want to come in

00:43:06

and help you. And so when I finally did

00:43:08

start going to the other side and being

00:43:10

nice and I'm so sorry for, you know, how

00:43:12

I was and how I am and then everyone was

00:43:15

nice to me and so I felt good. So, she

00:43:18

took me on my first trip out to the

00:43:20

warehouse to get some clothes. And yeah,

00:43:23

that was actually a real proud moment of

00:43:25

mine cuz I actually went out and I took

00:43:28

some, you know, walked around into the

00:43:30

warehouse. Obviously, everyone was

00:43:31

staring cuz I just had holes every big

00:43:34

massive bandages and Oh, who? Just kids

00:43:37

or kids and adults? Oh, everyone. Yeah,

00:43:39

everyone. Yeah. cuz cuz it was packed,

00:43:42

you know, the whole warehouse was packed

00:43:44

and I could barely walk and I was just

00:43:47

walking through and yeah, I'll get that.

00:43:49

And the amount of energy, like I said,

00:43:51

it was like a marathon. I slept like for

00:43:53

a day and a half after I came back. Um,

00:43:56

and we sat down and had a a coffee and

00:43:59

yeah, that was really cool. That was a

00:44:00

really proud moment of mine that I done.

00:44:02

And when I went down to Wellington,

00:44:05

um, lots of friends and family always

00:44:07

turning up. my brother turned up and in

00:44:10

and wau at one stage and just those sort

00:44:12

of moments and and obviously Richard and

00:44:14

Viv they were a big part of my life at

00:44:17

that stage that were always coming in

00:44:18

and also oh man I feel so bad but I

00:44:21

can't remember MV MV was his name he

00:44:24

used to come in cuz he was a burn

00:44:25

survivor he was one of the ones that um

00:44:27

was in the fire when Hamilton when they

00:44:31

the explosion um oh fruit packing

00:44:33

factory or something yeah it was

00:44:35

something like that and they opened the

00:44:36

door up and boom and you know

00:44:37

unfortunately his boss died but he did

00:44:39

it and um he came in a lot as well like

00:44:43

every week and you know that's a guy I

00:44:45

need to catch up with actually sorry

00:44:47

this is how I talk but yeah he's a guy

00:44:50

that I feel was um uplifted my spirits

00:44:53

as well so there was a lot of good

00:44:55

moments a lot of good times yeah

00:44:59

I heard you say um the accident taught

00:45:01

you self-care and selfrespect

00:45:04

the accident yeah I think the accident

00:45:06

or maybe just the whole experience the

00:45:08

whole experience I think. Yeah. I mean,

00:45:10

the accident just taught me to like,

00:45:12

bro, what were you doing? But it's all

00:45:15

about attitude, right? Back in those

00:45:16

days,

00:45:18

the car crash that happened, the amount

00:45:20

of times that I'd been involved in

00:45:22

situations that I probably shouldn't

00:45:24

have and we came out the other end and

00:45:26

in that world, you know, um I was

00:45:30

untouchable. You just can't dwell on

00:45:31

these these um these things and you know

00:45:34

just like sit there and you know sit

00:45:37

with the mistake like the the only way

00:45:38

is forward. You can't go back. That's

00:45:41

right man. And and I suppose that's what

00:45:43

it was right. That's why nowadays with

00:45:45

the attitude adjustment that I'm trying

00:45:47

to have I'm realizing it is important.

00:45:50

It's important to not look back and look

00:45:53

forward.

00:45:54

Yeah.

00:45:56

What are some everyday things that you

00:45:58

still struggle with that the rest of us

00:45:59

might take for granted?

00:46:05

Interesting. Um I think

00:46:08

so you got full movement, full range of

00:46:10

movement. Yeah. I mean, you know, I

00:46:12

can't I can't move any of the stuff, you

00:46:14

know. I can only go certain can't go

00:46:16

back. Can't do any sort of movements in

00:46:19

terms of with the arms especially.

00:46:22

Um

00:46:25

yeah, really it's just yeah a lot of

00:46:28

physical Yeah, physical stuff, physical

00:46:30

inabilities at times.

00:46:34

But yeah, I mean

00:46:36

even even tying my shoelaces and doing

00:46:38

all those basic things, it hurts. I

00:46:40

mean, just getting down cuz I want to do

00:46:42

like, you know, get fit ass and do

00:46:44

burpees and stuff, but just even getting

00:46:46

down doing all that sort of stuff. gym

00:46:48

workouts really, you know, um even

00:46:51

though not everybody goes to the gym,

00:46:52

but if they could, if they wanted to,

00:46:55

then they can do everything that I can't

00:46:57

really, you know. So, there's a lot of

00:46:59

that aspect. I haven't really thought

00:47:01

about it to be honest because I don't

00:47:03

use as an excuse the majority of the

00:47:05

time. I mean, I still play league in the

00:47:06

masters for Fitzy Tada. So, you know, um

00:47:10

blinding my left eye can be a bit of a

00:47:12

frustration at times cuz especially when

00:47:15

you're playing league and stuff, you

00:47:16

can't see anyone coming from the side

00:47:17

and take you out or you drop the ball

00:47:20

and oh, let the team down. Oh, butter

00:47:22

fingers over here. [ __ ] Don't pass it

00:47:24

to him. We just pass to you from the

00:47:28

right hand side. Yeah. A doesn't matter.

00:47:32

[ __ ] cabbage at times. It's because

00:47:34

of fatigue, you know. So, yeah. I'm not

00:47:37

too sure. Um yeah, maybe maybe even

00:47:40

cardio. Cardio is quite a hard thing for

00:47:42

me to always constantly um run for long

00:47:46

periods of time. Why? So do you do you

00:47:49

sweat through this? No, I sweat just

00:47:52

here. Just in the head. I mean I got no

00:47:53

sweat glands or nothing. So nothing

00:47:55

sweats underneath. It's probably

00:47:57

probably good actually cuz back in the

00:47:59

day I used to have the mass bo. So it

00:48:01

was pretty bad

00:48:03

in the day. Oh, dripping. You know, the

00:48:06

old links edge, you know.

00:48:09

Yeah. How do you how do you feel about

00:48:11

your body now? Like when you stand in

00:48:12

front of the mirror like Yeah. What do

00:48:14

you say? I don't I don't do it enough. I

00:48:16

need to do it more often. Yeah. Uh I

00:48:19

don't do it. I mean, I need to and be

00:48:21

proud of myself. And

00:48:25

I'm still stuck in that victim mentality

00:48:27

mindset when it comes to that stuff.

00:48:29

Like looking in the mirror, I don't like

00:48:30

what I see back at the moment.

00:48:33

Yeah. Yeah, it's just it's a hard one to

00:48:35

explain cuz I am I am proud of myself

00:48:37

and I do look some days I go, "Oh yeah,

00:48:39

yeah, you're actually looking good,

00:48:40

bro." But most days um yeah, I don't

00:48:44

know. I just

00:48:47

expectations maybe, you know, just just

00:48:49

that stuck in the old ways and that's

00:48:53

why I'm working on getting better at it

00:48:55

and and it's going to take time. like

00:48:57

it's taken 13 years already, but I must

00:48:59

admit it's only been the last couple of

00:49:01

years that I've finally really like no

00:49:04

excuses, you know? I I don't want to

00:49:06

have any excuses of

00:49:09

mate, people are inspired by you. People

00:49:11

are proud of you, people are this,

00:49:12

people are that. So So you should be

00:49:14

like that towards yourself and stop

00:49:15

being so hard on yourself. And the

00:49:16

amount of people that tell me that,

00:49:19

it's it's it's finally coming through.

00:49:22

It is. It's inspirational, Troy. It

00:49:25

really is. How how did we connect? I

00:49:27

think I read about you somewhere. Did I

00:49:28

Did I friend you on Instagram? No, it

00:49:31

was I think it was the Latelli David

00:49:33

Latelli. Um it must have been because it

00:49:35

happened not long after he posted cuz I

00:49:37

was on the butterbean motivation

00:49:40

um app and all I done was obviously I

00:49:42

wasn't trying to lose weight or nothing

00:49:44

but it was more about a mindset thing

00:49:45

and that's why I put the post up just to

00:49:48

encourage people to just hey guys you

00:49:49

know this is my journey and what I

00:49:52

believe is important which is attitude

00:49:54

and just never give up and always have

00:49:56

good people around you all of that. That

00:49:58

post was what he seen and then he posted

00:50:01

on his page and then I think that's

00:50:03

where you seen it because because I

00:50:04

think you're tied in with him. Yeah. I

00:50:06

love Dave. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's

00:50:08

a great guy. Does so much for so many.

00:50:10

That's right. That's right. So So the um

00:50:12

the scarring where is it? Everywhere.

00:50:14

Front and back. Yeah. It's um pretty

00:50:15

much all my whole body. Um you got a

00:50:18

little bit like a normal skin there and

00:50:20

then skin here and stuff. But that's how

00:50:22

thick our skin is, right? You know, so

00:50:24

that's the difference cuz there's

00:50:25

nothing there. And then that's all

00:50:27

that's your seven layers, you know. So,

00:50:29

six, seven layers, whatever it is. And

00:50:31

so, um, yeah, I mean, and my legs got a

00:50:35

bit on my legs here. Uh, got no ass.

00:50:39

That was the first strike. Went through

00:50:41

there, came out there. So, lucky.

00:50:44

Came out the ass, bro. Oh, god. If only

00:50:46

someone had on video. Oh, mate. Yeah.

00:50:49

But So, it literally went like right

00:50:51

through your W bang bang.

00:50:54

And then the second one went bang bang.

00:50:56

So see the circle there? That's that's

00:50:58

where it came out. The second one. So

00:51:00

wait, you you say no ass. What do you

00:51:01

What do you mean?

00:51:04

So it exploded the whole [ __ ] thing,

00:51:06

mate. Yeah. So have you got like a like

00:51:08

a a colostomy bag? Yeah. Oh, no. No, not

00:51:11

a bag. No. No. So you've still got like

00:51:12

um it's it's it's How would you say it?

00:51:15

Um

00:51:16

there's no cheeks. It's just like a

00:51:19

buttock. Yeah. No buttocks. Where do

00:51:21

they do the skin grafting from? legs or

00:51:24

No, I think what they done is they

00:51:25

thinged it on my back and they just

00:51:27

flopped it down and just, you know,

00:51:29

Yeah. Let's just say it's not a

00:51:31

convenient manner in the toilet these

00:51:33

days.

00:51:36

So, that's Oh, that's probably something

00:51:37

that Yeah. the genuine everyday person

00:51:40

don't need to worry about. Yeah. You

00:51:42

What do you What do you mean? Can you

00:51:43

elaborate on that or not? I don't really

00:51:45

No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. People are

00:51:47

like, "Oh,

00:51:50

yeah. It's um Yeah, it's just a

00:51:52

different way of having to wipe it.

00:51:56

Yeah. Okay. Enough said. Enough said.

00:52:00

Well, thanks for being so open about

00:52:01

this. What What would you like um like

00:52:04

anyone that's listening to this or

00:52:05

watching to watching this? Like what

00:52:06

what should we know about burn

00:52:08

survivors?

00:52:11

It's all about like the insecurities

00:52:13

that a burn survivor already has about

00:52:15

themselves. And I mean people are just

00:52:18

staring out of curiosity a majority of

00:52:20

the time. You know I know that but at

00:52:22

times it can be quite intimidating.

00:52:26

Um and I suppose the thing that I do say

00:52:29

is that you know it can happen to

00:52:31

anyone. You know for me personally

00:52:35

overcoming

00:52:37

all of this has been a a definite

00:52:40

journey

00:52:41

and we've all got issues. We've all got

00:52:43

problems. We've all got stories that I

00:52:45

believe is

00:52:48

very traumatic. You know, it's just a

00:52:49

lot of people hide behind the mask. See,

00:52:51

mine is visual, so that's the

00:52:52

difference. You can see mine. A lot of

00:52:55

people you can't see. And so, I think I

00:52:57

I think really what it's about is just

00:53:00

be kind to each other. Um, always work

00:53:03

on

00:53:04

having a good attitude, gratitude

00:53:08

having a good circle of people around

00:53:10

you that uplift you and, you know,

00:53:12

always motivate you to be the better

00:53:13

version of yourself as opposed to

00:53:16

putting you down when you do something

00:53:17

wrong or laughing because there's a lot

00:53:19

of that going on these days, especially

00:53:21

social media and and all that sort of

00:53:23

thing. So, I think personally it's it's

00:53:25

highly important to just have a good

00:53:27

attitude. M um it's something that I

00:53:30

encourage in my conferences and health

00:53:33

and safety presentations that I do these

00:53:35

days. It's just to attitude is

00:53:38

everything. That's pretty much my main

00:53:40

three words. And I realize that when

00:53:43

I've had a better attitude, I look at

00:53:45

things differently. If a problem comes,

00:53:47

I look at it like, okay, it's not a

00:53:50

problem. There's the solution to the

00:53:51

problem. and people that I've been

00:53:53

around um come and gone throughout the

00:53:56

years, they've given me encouragement.

00:53:58

They've given me um advice to be where I

00:54:01

am today to take the knowledge in and

00:54:05

just realize that if you're always

00:54:07

looking to grow, it's never ending, you

00:54:09

know, it's never ending progression.

00:54:10

There's always something new to learn.

00:54:12

There's always new things to learn from

00:54:14

other people and

00:54:17

just be around good people. M that's

00:54:19

pretty much really where I'm sort of at

00:54:21

nowadays is I've got to be around good

00:54:23

people at all times to keep my mind

00:54:26

focused on the positives as opposed to

00:54:28

the negatives of of everything. Yeah,

00:54:30

that's true. It's like you something you

00:54:31

said before, we sort of touched upon

00:54:32

this. It's like you are the product of

00:54:34

the four people you spend most time

00:54:35

with. So if you're hanging out with four

00:54:37

vapor, you're going to be number five.

00:54:39

You hang out with four pot smokers,

00:54:40

you're going to be number five. If

00:54:42

you're hanging out with four uh people

00:54:44

that go to the gym every day and have a

00:54:45

growth mindset, you're going to be

00:54:47

number five as well. Exactly, man.

00:54:49

Exactly. Well, when you're in hospital,

00:54:50

did um did any of your old um you know,

00:54:52

sort of like your gang mates come and

00:54:55

visit you? Of course. Of course. I mean,

00:54:56

that was during the whole, you know, I

00:54:59

got to be honest, like that was probably

00:55:01

a big reason as to why I survived too.

00:55:02

The amount of people that turned up at

00:55:04

the middle more like everyone had to get

00:55:06

turned away and taken. It was just too

00:55:08

many. So it was something I probably

00:55:10

believe at that time spiritually you

00:55:12

know cuz I was unconscious throughout

00:55:14

the whole time but I probably seen all

00:55:16

that and then going wow [ __ ] people do

00:55:19

care and yeah cuz that whole time I

00:55:20

thought no one cared and I was stuck in

00:55:23

that victim mentality again you know so

00:55:25

it was maybe during those periods that's

00:55:27

why I survived as well you know it

00:55:29

wasn't just youth wasn't just my

00:55:30

physical

00:55:32

um form at that time and you know even

00:55:34

just the warrior could have been all

00:55:36

that too who knows

00:55:38

But it was just as time went on and I

00:55:41

started realizing and and and realizing

00:55:43

that man like we're just not on the same

00:55:45

page anymore. Like we just don't relate

00:55:47

like we used to. And a lot of that's cuz

00:55:49

I've grown into a different person. And

00:55:52

I want to find positive people, not

00:55:54

people that are always blaming others or

00:55:57

blaming their their background or their

00:56:00

childhood or whatever it was that

00:56:02

they're using to justify their actions

00:56:05

of doing negative or like very serious

00:56:08

crimes. And yeah, I I suppose I had to

00:56:11

get myself away from it because like you

00:56:13

said, you're you're top four, top five.

00:56:15

It's just that's exactly what was

00:56:16

happening. I was stuck in that mindset,

00:56:18

too. So yeah, the brain's incredible.

00:56:21

Like you can come up with any you can

00:56:23

you can convince yourself or come up

00:56:24

with any narrative you want, you know,

00:56:26

and it'll be believable and no one can

00:56:28

hold it against you if you wanted to be

00:56:29

angry and bitter with the world, but

00:56:31

it's not going to Yeah. It's not going

00:56:33

to serve the world world any good and

00:56:34

it's not going to serve you any good in

00:56:36

particular. Yeah. Well, well, the way I

00:56:38

look at it too is that you can focus on

00:56:40

yourself, right? So you can focus on

00:56:42

what you do but you can't focus what's

00:56:44

outside you know um other people your

00:56:47

family you know friends that you really

00:56:49

want to change but they just don't want

00:56:51

to and and I used to get really um

00:56:53

invested in it and it used to really

00:56:56

hurt me or used to get I used to get

00:56:58

really emotionally involved and it used

00:57:00

to annoy me so since I've let it all go

00:57:03

and realized no no it's something I

00:57:05

can't control it's out of my control

00:57:07

like I can't focus there I have to focus

00:57:09

here since I've been doing that which is

00:57:10

the last year or two especially I've

00:57:13

realized that it's

00:57:16

life is getting a lot better like it

00:57:19

it's it's becoming a lot more I get a

00:57:21

lot more courage to do these sort of

00:57:23

things cuz I get [ __ ] scared of all this

00:57:25

stuff like anxious and you know I'm a

00:57:27

god like you know I don't want people to

00:57:29

judge me and whatever it is the old

00:57:31

school mentality that I had so

00:57:34

yeah it's just been it's been a lot of

00:57:37

growing and there's been a lot of

00:57:38

lessons learned and I'm still learning

00:57:40

to this today. Um, but all in all, I've

00:57:44

got to be proud of where I am at this

00:57:46

stage in my life. Bro, you should be so

00:57:48

proud. Um, that makes it um makes me all

00:57:50

all the more stoked that you wore like a

00:57:52

a tank top in here today. Yeah, I done

00:57:54

it intentionally. I did. Yep, I did.

00:57:56

Yeah, cuz I mean, if you were covered

00:57:58

from um Yeah. like neck neck down, no

00:58:02

one would know there's there's anything

00:58:03

wrong with you. And that's how I wanted

00:58:05

it for the first 10 11 years cuz it was

00:58:08

easy to hide, you know. Um, but yeah,

00:58:11

that that's the thing. Like nowadays I

00:58:12

have to do it not just to show people,

00:58:14

but just to show myself, you know, that

00:58:16

hey, you're not scared anymore, Troy.

00:58:18

You're not scared anymore. And and I'm

00:58:21

not I'm not scared anymore. But how do

00:58:23

you mean scared? Scared of people

00:58:25

looking and staring and, you know, cuz

00:58:27

they do. I mean, to this day, I see it

00:58:29

all the time. You know, I might only

00:58:30

have one eye, but I can still see

00:58:32

people. Yeah. I can still see you guys.

00:58:35

That's what I say. Half you guys. I can

00:58:36

see half of you guys. Yeah. especially

00:58:39

to my right. You know, I can see you

00:58:41

still staring and some of some of them

00:58:43

are terrible. They're just standing and

00:58:45

following like, "Oh my god." Could you

00:58:48

be any more obvious? What do you do? How

00:58:49

do you handle it? I I I just carry on

00:58:51

walking. I mean, see, this is what I

00:58:54

mean. I I know some burn survivors that

00:58:55

are amazing. Like, cuz I walk up, hey,

00:58:58

you know, do you want to know what

00:58:59

happened or you know, and I'm like, "Oh,

00:59:02

I just don't have the courage to do that

00:59:04

yet cuz it's anger still. I've got to

00:59:06

get over that." Yeah, I've still got a

00:59:08

lot of anger inside of me. People might

00:59:10

not think that because I, you know,

00:59:12

showcase, but deep down inside there's

00:59:14

still a lot of anger. Um, I get it. It'd

00:59:17

be [ __ ] frustrating. It It is a

00:59:19

little bit, you know, especially if it's

00:59:20

women and and all that, right? So, yeah,

00:59:22

it piss me off. It does. And it's like,

00:59:24

you know, can you just come and ask me

00:59:26

like what happened maybe or just don't

00:59:28

stand there and stare or point or like

00:59:30

it's just all of that. It's it's a bit

00:59:32

frustrating. Kids, I don't mind. Kids

00:59:35

are okay. They don't know. They've got

00:59:36

no filters. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah.

00:59:39

What What about your daughter? Like if

00:59:40

she brings like How old is your daughter

00:59:42

now? She's 11. Yeah. Yeah. So, I say

00:59:45

she's at intermediate age now. So, so

00:59:47

when she was younger, like when when

00:59:49

Yeah. How how was the She obviously grew

00:59:51

grew up with that. So, that's all she

00:59:52

knew. But what about when she brought

00:59:53

friends home? And Well, I mean, you

00:59:56

know, like all she would notice is when

00:59:57

I'm in um like we're in a big heavy

01:00:00

populated area, you know, when she was

01:00:02

younger anyway. Not so much now cuz

01:00:03

she's used to it, but she would always

01:00:05

go, "Dad, everyone's staring at you."

01:00:07

And I'm like, "Honey, it's all good.

01:00:09

Don't worry about it. I don't like it."

01:00:12

And I'm like, "It's all good, honey.

01:00:13

Don't worry about it." But see, that's

01:00:15

exactly what I knew. I knew it in my

01:00:17

head. I knew that that's what was

01:00:19

happening. Like I said, even though I

01:00:20

only had half vision, but I knew you

01:00:23

It's almost like you can feel the energy

01:00:25

of eyes staring.

01:00:27

And

01:00:29

you know, maybe you know, a friend of

01:00:31

mine had a really good outlook on it,

01:00:32

you know, good analogy. He's like,

01:00:33

"Mate, they're just curious, you know,

01:00:35

they're just curious.

01:00:38

If if you were walk to walk over to

01:00:40

them, they would have went, "Oh, I'm so

01:00:41

sorry." No, I'm just wondering what

01:00:42

happened. You know, and I've done it a

01:00:44

couple of times.

01:00:46

And I'm going, "Hey, mate. How's it

01:00:47

going?" Oh, oh, good mate. Good. Good.

01:00:50

Hey, if you don't mind me asking you

01:00:52

cuz, you know, so I've got to be that

01:00:54

person. See, I must feel dark energy as

01:00:56

well. Maybe to some people that's why

01:00:58

they don't want to come and ask cuz they

01:01:00

feel that I'm going to snap at them and

01:01:03

and I I'm an angry person, right? So,

01:01:05

not deep down, not not not sorry, not on

01:01:08

the outside, but deep down I am. And

01:01:10

maybe they can feel that. So, they don't

01:01:12

want to ask cuz they feel that it's

01:01:15

gonna, you know. Yeah. That's [ __ ]

01:01:18

heartbreaking about your daughter. thing

01:01:20

about her, even though she she's young,

01:01:23

just being, you know, being aware that's

01:01:25

how blatant it is. Yeah, that sucks. It

01:01:27

does suck. It does. But hey, you know,

01:01:29

um

01:01:31

it's why the kids camp was quite good at

01:01:33

one stage cuz there's some kids that are

01:01:34

fully severely burnt head to toe. So,

01:01:37

it's you and God, it used to annoy me

01:01:39

cuz we're walking in a big group and one

01:01:43

guy, one young follower in particular

01:01:46

and and it's grown people. Like, that's

01:01:48

what really annoys me. It's like older

01:01:50

people and it's like, you know, some of

01:01:51

them are in their 50s, you could tell

01:01:53

and they're staring like and it just

01:01:55

really But that's just a negative me,

01:01:58

right? I've just got to realize that,

01:01:59

hey, you know, people are people,

01:02:02

they're probably curious. They're

01:02:04

probably, oh my god, what happened to

01:02:06

him? But to me, it looks like a look of

01:02:08

like, ooh, you know, and that's probably

01:02:10

the negative

01:02:12

outlook on myself where it's not like

01:02:15

that. It's they're just curious. Yeah.

01:02:17

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and and

01:02:18

they're just like, "Oh, you poor thing."

01:02:20

Or whatever. But I suppose it's just

01:02:22

it's

01:02:24

that's just how it is for me, you know.

01:02:25

I'm just still I'm transitioning, you

01:02:28

know? It's going to take time for me to

01:02:29

lot to deal with. Yeah. What is your

01:02:32

relationship with um like therapy? Have

01:02:34

you like Have you had like professional

01:02:36

therapy or anything? Like like you mean

01:02:38

psychology, psych psychiatrists and

01:02:40

stuff? Um the the only problem with them

01:02:42

was they were always turning to me to

01:02:44

take a pill and and that's just not me,

01:02:47

you know, personally. I know that that

01:02:49

was probably the best thing to do at

01:02:50

those times because they thought you

01:02:52

were clear. Yeah. Anti-depressants and

01:02:54

stuff. And as soon as I heard that, no,

01:02:56

I don't I don't even want to talk to

01:02:57

anyone cuz I cuz I'll let everything

01:02:59

out. And that was the problem, right?

01:03:02

Cuz it was it was mass depression.

01:03:05

There's no easier way to explain it

01:03:06

apart from just depression and I just

01:03:09

hated life and this and that and

01:03:10

anti-depressants probably would have

01:03:12

worked, but it just I've seen so too

01:03:15

many of my friends and family go down

01:03:16

that path and then they can't get off

01:03:18

them and then it's just even worse. It's

01:03:20

it's a drug addiction. That's my my

01:03:22

thoughts on it. Um and I just overcome

01:03:25

meth addiction and you know it's the

01:03:27

last thing I wanted to do is take

01:03:29

another drug. You introduce something

01:03:31

new just Exactly. Exactly. What about um

01:03:34

PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder?

01:03:37

Yeah. What's your relationship like with

01:03:39

that? I haven't studied it, so I can't

01:03:41

tell you exactly.

01:03:43

Probably got it probably probably

01:03:45

diagnosed massively. Probably got it

01:03:47

mass. I don't know. But I I mean, it's

01:03:52

probably enough to be like, "Yeah, I've

01:03:54

got it."

01:03:58

a friend of mine like a Richard the guy

01:04:00

I was talking about earlier he's got it

01:04:02

through his war times you know when he

01:04:04

was a colonel in the South African army

01:04:05

and he knows he's got it and it I can't

01:04:08

say I have flashbacks of like the day or

01:04:11

anything know it's just and even during

01:04:14

the recovery process cuz cuz I'm pretty

01:04:16

good at blacking things out you know I

01:04:18

can just shut it out and not worry about

01:04:21

uh you know yeah I don't go back to my

01:04:24

darkest moments if that's the word for

01:04:26

it. So maybe I've got a strong mindset

01:04:28

for that because if I went back to those

01:04:30

times I'm just going to put myself into

01:04:33

a big whirlwind of darkness and I'm

01:04:36

scared I'll never get out of it. So I

01:04:38

think it's that negative cycle. Yes.

01:04:41

It's like sitting in front of you today

01:04:42

like we've been chatting for an hour

01:04:43

now. Like it seems to me like I would

01:04:45

think this guy's this this guy's done a

01:04:47

lot of work to get where he is today.

01:04:48

But it feels like you've just done it

01:04:50

all sort of internally.

01:04:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I can't say that

01:04:54

I've gone out and you know I I've just

01:04:57

I've listened to people like the Tony

01:04:59

Robbins and all that sort of stuff and

01:05:01

I've got really good friends of mine who

01:05:03

are NLP got NLP degrees and my mate

01:05:06

Shane up in Tonga and he was the first

01:05:09

one to sort of introduce me into going

01:05:10

into this path of like finding yourself

01:05:14

and you know and Tony Robbins was the

01:05:16

first guy really to sort of make me

01:05:19

think about it at least and then

01:05:22

you know say again a bit deeper and bit

01:05:24

deeper and then I'll go backwards and

01:05:25

then I'll come back and you know so it's

01:05:27

been up and down the last 5 years but

01:05:30

the last two I've finally just got to a

01:05:32

stage where I've realized like no this

01:05:34

is this is the best path look at the

01:05:37

people you've met since look at the

01:05:40

opportunities that have opened up since

01:05:42

look at the people that want to talk

01:05:44

about it or talk to you about it like

01:05:45

yourself and you know he's listen to you

01:05:47

on the the edge radio you know you and

01:05:49

JJ and that and it was just it was cool

01:05:51

like to get to talk to people like

01:05:53

yourselves and and then Dave, I've been

01:05:54

following him the last couple of years

01:05:56

and his progress and what he's been up

01:05:58

to. So I think I look at it now in a lot

01:06:01

better positive aspect of hey look at

01:06:04

all the things that have opened up since

01:06:06

you've been to the darkness. Yeah, it's

01:06:08

definitely a journey I would never wish

01:06:10

upon anyone in order to find themselves

01:06:12

and get to this level or to this stage.

01:06:14

But you know um when you have a when you

01:06:17

always go to the new level there's

01:06:19

always new devils. So that's the way I

01:06:20

look at things is this is all the new

01:06:23

level for me, right? But overcoming

01:06:26

my self-consciousness to myself that I

01:06:29

can do this and I can talk to people

01:06:31

like yourselves and confidence and talk

01:06:33

about my story and confidence,

01:06:36

you know. Yeah, I'm still challenging

01:06:38

myself to that cuz yeah, like I say, I

01:06:41

set standards too high and a lot of

01:06:43

people tell me I'm too hard on myself

01:06:44

and

01:06:46

but yeah, to to a degree that's probably

01:06:48

got me to where I am today anyway with

01:06:50

having this high standard, you know.

01:06:52

Yeah, having like um I don't know like

01:06:54

an extreme growth mindset or

01:06:56

perfectionism complex or whatever you

01:06:58

want to call it. It's a blessing and a

01:06:59

curse. It's exhausting. It is. It is cuz

01:07:02

you climb a mountain and then it's like,

01:07:03

"Oh [ __ ] no, there's another mountain."

01:07:04

Exactly. Um, what was that saying before

01:07:06

about levels and devils? So, new levels,

01:07:08

new devils, you know, I just sort of

01:07:10

look at it like I'm always trying to

01:07:12

progress to the new level, right? But

01:07:14

then I'm facing something that is

01:07:18

and it's it's very uncomfortable. It's

01:07:19

it's an uncomfortable feeling. It's

01:07:21

something that I don't want to do, but I

01:07:23

know I have to do it in order to grow

01:07:25

and get to that new level. So, I Yeah, I

01:07:28

heard it once and I was like, "Oh,

01:07:29

that's a cool one. I like that. New

01:07:30

levels, new devils." I love um I love a

01:07:32

good quote e I'm a quote dispenser. Are

01:07:35

you? Yeah, I I need to take them more

01:07:37

take them in more. But yeah, it's good

01:07:39

for speaking. Yeah, you're good for your

01:07:41

keynotes. Yeah, we'll use that one.

01:07:43

Yeah. Yeah. Um um maybe not necessarily

01:07:47

like um identical to what you went

01:07:48

through, but what advice would you give

01:07:49

someone going through a traumatic

01:07:50

experience? Reach out. reach out to

01:07:54

reach out to anybody that is willing to

01:07:57

not so much listen but

01:08:00

if you don't have a good environment of

01:08:01

people around you you need to go and

01:08:03

reach out to people that you might not

01:08:06

know at all or you know it could be um

01:08:09

counselors it could be all of that sort

01:08:11

of stuff especially if you don't want to

01:08:12

talk to the people around you because

01:08:14

they might not be the right people to

01:08:15

talk to at that time I just sort of look

01:08:17

at it like it's important to reach out

01:08:19

to others

01:08:21

about your issues and and and things

01:08:23

that you want to change. Um, always look

01:08:27

for information that's going to

01:08:30

make you better. I mean, if you know

01:08:32

you're struggling with trauma, like it

01:08:35

we got Google, we got YouTube, we got

01:08:37

all this stuff nowadays. We got

01:08:39

information at the palm of our hands to

01:08:40

be able to

01:08:43

like get the information, you know? How

01:08:46

do you deal with trauma? It It's as

01:08:48

simple as that. Like that's how I look

01:08:50

at it. That's all I done. M um how do I

01:08:53

become a better version of myself and

01:08:55

then

01:08:57

you know I mean chat GPT is there

01:08:59

nowadays simple and then you read it and

01:09:01

you're like uh yeah true I didn't think

01:09:04

of that I mean I do meditation these

01:09:06

days most mornings cold showers gym

01:09:12

um I run you know I do lots of walking

01:09:15

most of the time I do anything to keep

01:09:17

myself active because the mind

01:09:19

especially my mind is So it's going a

01:09:21

million miles an hour that if it's in

01:09:23

depression mode, the only way I can

01:09:25

overcome it is by running or just doing

01:09:27

something physical to keep my mind

01:09:28

focused and keep it away. So all I could

01:09:31

encourage people to do is reach out

01:09:33

first exercise

01:09:36

just just try and find a good

01:09:38

environment of people good support

01:09:40

network uh reach out to to any you know

01:09:43

and and don't be afraid to to take on

01:09:48

new challenges you know especially if

01:09:49

it's going to better yourself you know

01:09:51

taking that walk around the block or

01:09:54

um you know reaching out to a counselor

01:09:56

and speaking about the issues that you

01:09:58

have or you Just even talking to family,

01:10:01

man, that like family might be the worst

01:10:03

or they could be the best cuz they know

01:10:05

you better than you know yourself

01:10:07

sometimes. So if you talk to them about

01:10:09

it, then they might be able to give you

01:10:11

the advice. So

01:10:14

So the the the 20 I'm talking to now um

01:10:18

so 14 years say after the accident are

01:10:21

you um yeah how do you feel that it's

01:10:22

taken you 14 years to get to this point?

01:10:25

Like could you have accelerated the

01:10:27

process or do you think everything had

01:10:28

to happen? massive massively like I know

01:10:30

I know deep down that I could have

01:10:33

overcome this very quickly. I was stuck

01:10:36

in that victim mental and it was because

01:10:38

I never reached out you know I never

01:10:40

reached out and then and then even when

01:10:41

I did reach out and I was part of the

01:10:43

burn support group and that was great

01:10:44

but I was never continuing with it. It

01:10:47

was just little burst little burst

01:10:49

little burst. Oh yeah, feel good now.

01:10:50

I'm fine now. Carry on. And then boom,

01:10:53

hit another rock, hit another wall, hit

01:10:57

another mountain. And instead of

01:10:59

reaching out, I was just climbing it

01:11:01

myself. Now that's taught me resilience.

01:11:05

But the process could have been so much

01:11:07

quicker if I just reached out. That

01:11:09

that's what I know now is now that I do

01:11:12

reach out, you know, I sound like a

01:11:14

howling dog to my friends these days.

01:11:16

I've only got a couple of people, but

01:11:17

it's enough for them to go, "God,

01:11:19

another issue, Troy. Come on." But they

01:11:22

don't say that. But I know deep down

01:11:23

they think again. It's all good, Troy.

01:11:26

You know, it's um but you know, what's

01:11:28

your next best decision or whatever,

01:11:30

whatever. And it's, you know, it's good

01:11:32

things like that. It's good positive

01:11:33

attitudes. I've got a friend of mine,

01:11:35

Dave Ernie. He's he's a good man. He's a

01:11:37

good man. He he helps me. And I've had a

01:11:38

lot of really good friends, too, um in

01:11:40

the past that have got me to these next

01:11:42

levels of just acceptance and just being

01:11:47

positive. So, I've got to reach out to

01:11:49

the old circle that I had too in terms

01:11:51

of um my friend Shane and Richard and

01:11:54

all of them, but I just feel that yeah,

01:11:57

it's uh I'm still getting over that

01:12:00

feeling [ __ ] m feeling shy and

01:12:02

embarrassed and I haven't talked to you

01:12:03

for ages, but can I talk to you like I

01:12:06

used to? And they'll do it in a

01:12:08

heartbeat. I know that. But it's just my

01:12:10

that first step. Yeah. What's what's

01:12:13

your relationship like with

01:12:14

vulnerability? Like are you good at are

01:12:16

you good at talking about talking about

01:12:19

things like with Have you got a partner

01:12:20

at the moment or no? No. Or like you

01:12:23

your your tight group of friends like

01:12:24

are you good at talking about things and

01:12:26

communicating or No, you just sort of My

01:12:29

circle is pretty small nowadays. It's

01:12:31

quite small in terms of every day. Yes.

01:12:33

Yeah. I I think it's just because I know

01:12:35

what I want in terms of I I don't want

01:12:37

noise. Don't want negativity, toxic

01:12:40

people. So my daytoday life I only

01:12:43

really want to sort of but a lot of it

01:12:46

too you know talking about it is that

01:12:48

I've actually got an amazing circle of

01:12:51

friends and and support and faro and all

01:12:53

that but it's my own insecurities you

01:12:56

know it's just bringing people into the

01:12:59

circle and then being burnt you know not

01:13:01

not physically but you know what I mean

01:13:03

emotionally and metaphorically.

01:13:05

Metaphorically that's the word. Yeah.

01:13:07

And so, so, you know, you just, you're

01:13:09

just scared of bringing people in.

01:13:11

You're scared of bringing people in. Um,

01:13:13

the bro Nick, um, he sort of talks to

01:13:16

me. We talk every week about these sort

01:13:18

of things. Just

01:13:20

having values, having values in your

01:13:23

life. Mine is integrity, pride, um, and

01:13:27

knowledge. You know, these are some of

01:13:29

my values that are whole key now. And

01:13:31

it's hard to stick to these values at

01:13:33

times because you got to live your life

01:13:34

to it as well. you know, you want good

01:13:36

people with integrity in your life as

01:13:38

well, you know. So, there's all of those

01:13:40

sort of things that come into play, but

01:13:43

yeah, it's just the reaching out is is,

01:13:46

you know, I'm telling others to reach

01:13:48

out, yet I struggle at the best of times

01:13:49

doing it myself. So, I don't want to be

01:13:51

too hypocritical. No, but I think if you

01:13:53

can be aware of it, you know, it's

01:13:54

something that you need to work on. Yes.

01:13:56

Um, it's quite funny though, like on a

01:13:58

on a on a platform like this where um

01:14:01

thousands of people will hear it. You

01:14:02

know, you can sort of open up your one

01:14:04

anyway especially. But it's hard it's

01:14:06

hard to have these conversations

01:14:07

one-on-one with people that um that are

01:14:10

like, you know, rooting for you and want

01:14:11

you to succeed and have your they're in

01:14:13

your corner and they have your best

01:14:14

interest. It's [ __ ] that. It's probably

01:14:16

maybe it's Do you think it's like a

01:14:17

hangover from you like your upbringing

01:14:19

in the early years and staunch

01:14:21

mentality? It is. How old are you? What

01:14:22

are you? I'm 37 now. Yeah. Yes. I'm 52

01:14:25

and I still battle with it. Yeah. Yeah.

01:14:27

The vulnerability piece and just being

01:14:28

open about things. Yeah. I got walls up.

01:14:30

I think it's a generational thing. Yeah.

01:14:32

But but see, you must you must realize

01:14:34

too yourself, right? Going through, you

01:14:36

know, doing these podcasts and stuff,

01:14:37

you open up a bit more about yourself or

01:14:39

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I know I know

01:14:41

how important it is. Yes. Yeah. But it's

01:14:43

still, you know, that vulnerability is a

01:14:44

strength and not a weakness, but it

01:14:46

still it doesn't make it any easier to

01:14:47

start start sharing with other people.

01:14:50

Well, people people would look up to you

01:14:51

too, right? So that's what I'm sort of

01:14:53

thinking in that aspect. If you're

01:14:55

opening up about your vulnerabilities to

01:14:58

the podcast, then people would be like,

01:15:00

"Wow, I didn't know that about you, you

01:15:02

know, cuz you wouldn't think that at

01:15:04

all." Just like people think like that

01:15:05

about me. Yeah. I'm the most insecure,

01:15:09

vulnerable guy you could probably think

01:15:10

of at the time, you know. Oh, everyone's

01:15:12

got insecurities though. And the older

01:15:14

you get, you realize that. And and also

01:15:16

another thing um a perk of getting

01:15:18

older, you realize um you you worry so

01:15:21

much about what other people think, but

01:15:22

everyone's just thinking about

01:15:23

themselves. Exactly. No one cares about

01:15:26

you really at the end of the day. No one

01:15:28

really does. So, how did you how did you

01:15:29

get into the um the the keynote speak

01:15:31

the public public speaking sort of

01:15:32

arena? Is that just sort of recent? Uh

01:15:35

yeah, that was about a year and a half,

01:15:36

two years ago. So it's quite funny like

01:15:39

a week before

01:15:41

I took the first one on cuz I was very

01:15:44

you know I didn't I was always scared of

01:15:45

taking opportunities you know I was a

01:15:47

contractor avocados and I was doing all

01:15:49

that and I was scared of you know taking

01:15:52

on big jobs or whatever it was and I

01:15:54

said no no no from here on in Troy the

01:15:56

next thing that gives you a good

01:15:58

opportunity in life you're going to say

01:16:00

yes and then that popped up and I was

01:16:02

like oh [ __ ] because I was in front of

01:16:05

400 people and I'd never spoken thinking

01:16:07

about it ever about my story at all.

01:16:09

[ __ ] Were you [ __ ] bricks? Oh,

01:16:11

mate. The whole time I was reading it. I

01:16:13

just read it

01:16:15

October 14

01:16:18

and I was looking up every now and then

01:16:19

and like, you know, and then people were

01:16:21

just like looking like, "Oh my good."

01:16:22

Cuz they'd see the photos and [ __ ] and

01:16:25

and yeah, I got through it. But jeez, it

01:16:28

was the most one of the most scariest

01:16:30

moments of my life. And I've been in

01:16:31

some very scary situations in my life in

01:16:34

terms of, you know, the lifestyle back

01:16:35

in the day. And you know, it could have

01:16:37

gone either way, but that wasn't a life

01:16:39

or death situation, but that was still

01:16:41

like a very like it felt like I was

01:16:44

going to die. So, oh yeah, public

01:16:46

speaking is um yeah, they do list of

01:16:49

people's fears. Public speaking is

01:16:51

always in the top three for most

01:16:52

people's you biggest fears. It's they

01:16:55

say 80% of people I think the biggest

01:16:57

fear is public speaking, speaking in

01:17:00

front of big crowds. Yeah. But with with

01:17:02

with anything like that, um you start at

01:17:05

level suck and you you get better and

01:17:07

better and you get better very very

01:17:08

quickly. Yeah. So you're doing that now

01:17:10

and your your own avocado business. Uh

01:17:12

yeah, I'm not so much doing that now. I

01:17:14

run a um I run a like fruit stall at the

01:17:17

moment doing you know summer fruits and

01:17:20

stuff like that. Uh crispy a we call it,

01:17:22

you know, from uh bit of dark humor

01:17:24

behind um you know the crispiness. So

01:17:27

yeah, Mr. Krispy they call me. So yeah,

01:17:30

there's a bit of that going on, but bit

01:17:32

of dark humor. But yeah, I mean really

01:17:34

I'm I'm still transitioning more into

01:17:37

wanting to to do the public speaking or

01:17:39

health and safety arenas like um

01:17:43

consultancy maybe or something like

01:17:44

that. So that that's sort of the

01:17:45

direction. So I can go across industries

01:17:47

because I feel that my message about

01:17:49

attitude covers everything. It's not

01:17:52

just like a building thing or you know

01:17:54

farming or whatever any industry. It's

01:17:57

all about our attitudes towards hazards,

01:18:00

towards safety, towards our own lives,

01:18:02

you know, um to be better versions of

01:18:04

ourselves. So that's why I feel attitude

01:18:06

is the most important thing. Yeah, man.

01:18:08

Oh, super inspiring. Um

01:18:11

yeah, if you could go back in time and

01:18:15

change anything about that day,

01:18:18

would you? You wouldn't get on the

01:18:19

cherry picker. We would have We would

01:18:21

have just been No, we're not picking

01:18:22

today, Dad. Yeah. You know, I don't

01:18:24

care. Yeah. he might have got angry and

01:18:25

ah we'll be all right so no I don't care

01:18:28

I'm not going to do it you know I

01:18:29

wouldn't have gone uh and especially

01:18:32

with the power lines um the power lines

01:18:35

going through the trees and that row

01:18:38

wouldn't have touched them wouldn't have

01:18:40

touched them at all not leave that row

01:18:41

completely we go to the next row and we

01:18:43

just finish off I mean you know because

01:18:46

attitude back then was I wasn't scared

01:18:48

of anything so that's just how it was

01:18:51

just wasn't scared of anything at all So

01:18:55

yeah, if if if that hadn't happened on

01:18:57

that day in October 2011, how would life

01:18:59

look like now?

01:19:01

I would had to think to be honest. Um

01:19:05

well obviously I had changed my ways. So

01:19:08

I wanted to change but I was doing this

01:19:10

a lot. I was doing well for a few months

01:19:12

and then bang back on the pipe or back

01:19:14

on the drink and cuz I missed the the

01:19:18

action or whatever it was. And so who

01:19:21

knows? probably the the camaraderie as

01:19:23

well and well the brotherhood. It was

01:19:24

cool to be in a group of brothers that

01:19:26

you know who all had each other's back

01:19:28

and you know and that was what I was

01:19:30

missing most of my life was that type of

01:19:32

so but the problem is is like a lot of

01:19:34

my friends and family that are still in

01:19:36

that world unfortunately they're either

01:19:37

still hooked or they're always in jail

01:19:39

or even worse you know so not here

01:19:42

anymore and

01:19:44

that's just how I sort of see the

01:19:46

reality of probably what my life would

01:19:47

have been still I probably would have

01:19:49

gone back maybe who knows but I'm glad

01:19:52

that I'm not you My daughter has been

01:19:55

worth the whole journey. That's that's

01:19:57

how I look at it cuz she's my bundle,

01:20:00

mate. She She's the one that keeps me on

01:20:02

track when um I'm in deep [ __ ] in my

01:20:05

mindset, you know? She sort of rings me

01:20:07

daily and keeps these uh I don't know.

01:20:10

We She's just very witty. She reminds me

01:20:12

of my younger self back in those days.

01:20:14

Just the girl version. Yeah. So that's

01:20:16

nice. But that that's a it's a big

01:20:18

burden for a young kid. Yeah, it is. It

01:20:20

is. But she doesn't she doesn't know

01:20:22

like I don't sort of throw it on her

01:20:23

like that. She it's just at times I'm

01:20:26

having a bad day and she's ringing me

01:20:28

and I'm like, "Oh, hey honey." You know,

01:20:30

acting like everything's all good. And

01:20:31

then I don't know. She just says, "I

01:20:33

love you, my dad." You know, whatever.

01:20:35

It's just little things like that. I'm

01:20:37

like, "See, this is why you're still

01:20:38

here, Troy." You know, so it keeps me on

01:20:40

track and it even pushes me to do things

01:20:43

like this. Yeah. Um, anyone that's

01:20:46

listening to this or watching this, if

01:20:48

you could leave them one key message

01:20:49

about resilience, what would it be? One

01:20:52

key word about resilience. One key

01:20:54

message. One key message.

01:20:57

I suppose it's just just never give up

01:21:00

and always reach out. I mean, it's the

01:21:02

same thing really. I suppose um

01:21:04

resilience,

01:21:07

it's a mindset really. That's what I

01:21:09

believe anyway. Resilience. You just

01:21:11

have to somehow find a way to overcome

01:21:14

the adversity that you're facing at the

01:21:16

time. And

01:21:18

I mean, it's hard for me to say cuz it's

01:21:19

different for everyone. Um, but at the

01:21:22

same time, like that's why I always base

01:21:23

it on attitude. I mean, you just got to

01:21:25

somehow try and find gratitude and

01:21:27

everything that you have. I mean, in New

01:21:29

Zealand alone,

01:21:32

you know, we've got food, water,

01:21:33

shelter, you know. I mean, we got all

01:21:36

these things that 90% of the world don't

01:21:38

have, even more maybe nowadays. It's

01:21:40

probably even worse. So, that alone you

01:21:43

should be just grateful for.

01:21:45

Um, resilience is just Yeah, it's a hard

01:21:48

one cuz it's

01:21:51

Yeah, it's that warrior spirit, right?

01:21:53

You're always fighting and it's hard out

01:21:55

there, man. It's very difficult out

01:21:57

there financially, like just living.

01:22:01

social media pressures if you,

01:22:04

you know, consume yourself in it. I

01:22:06

mean, you know, social media is probably

01:22:08

a big thing. Like, if if if it's that

01:22:10

bad, I mean, you're probably doing

01:22:12

scrolling all day every day and watching

01:22:14

other

01:22:16

people succeeding and you're not. And,

01:22:18

you know, that's not resilience in my

01:22:20

mind. You know, if you if you want to be

01:22:22

one of those guys, you got to realize

01:22:23

that you have to go through the darkness

01:22:25

in order to see the light. M you know

01:22:27

you have to like if you want to get fit

01:22:29

and strong well you have to go through

01:22:31

the darkness of running and training and

01:22:33

going through the times that you don't

01:22:35

want to do it to come out the other side

01:22:37

and actually look good and feel good you

01:22:39

know um everything takes challenge you

01:22:42

know it's like you say you know it's

01:22:45

just overcoming it that's really

01:22:47

overcoming the adversity and facing it

01:22:49

head on yeah that's cool if your

01:22:53

daughter was here today um and I asked

01:22:55

her to say three words to describe dad

01:22:59

and his character and the sort of person

01:23:01

he is. What would she say? She wouldn't

01:23:03

say anything. She too shy.

01:23:05

She wouldn't say anything at all.

01:23:09

What would she be thinking though?

01:23:13

Um I would like to think that she thinks

01:23:17

dad's cool. He's the coolest dad. He's

01:23:19

she says it enough. So yeah, I think

01:23:21

that's what she'll say. Dad is cool.

01:23:23

[ __ ] That's awesome.

01:23:25

Dad is the coolest. Um

01:23:29

Um

01:23:32

Yeah. Strong. Yeah. Dad's strong. And um

01:23:36

he makes lots of money, which I don't.

01:23:39

It looks great though. When you're a

01:23:41

kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see money

01:23:42

from the roadside, which is lots of

01:23:44

money, Dad. That's lots of money, honey.

01:23:47

Trust me. That's why I need you to learn

01:23:49

maths, cuz once business comes in and

01:23:52

Yeah. You see all this money goes that

01:23:54

way. So you get left with this cool,

01:23:57

strong, and rich.

01:24:00

I wouldn't say. Yeah, it's not bad.

01:24:01

That's not bad. That's um from an

01:24:03

11year-old. We we actually joke about

01:24:05

it, you know. She's like, "You say

01:24:06

you're always poor." And I'm like,

01:24:08

"Yeah, well see." And that's that's what

01:24:10

I'm working on, right? Dad's poor. He

01:24:12

can't afford to get this and that. And

01:24:14

but yeah. So And are you proud of

01:24:17

yourself?

01:24:18

Getting there? Yes, I am. I am. Of

01:24:20

course I am. I I say it enough in the

01:24:22

mornings. First thing I say in the

01:24:24

morning is I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm

01:24:26

an inspiration. I'm motivation. I'm

01:24:28

motivational to others. So, I do all of

01:24:31

these things intentionally

01:24:33

uh just to channel it in the brain cuz

01:24:36

the subconscious is saying all the old

01:24:38

crap which I need to get out, flick it

01:24:41

out, and put new stuff in. Um but I am I

01:24:44

I I am proud, you know, deep down I am.

01:24:48

I just need to get in the forefront as

01:24:51

opposed to it being in the background.

01:24:53

You know, I look at all the problems and

01:24:55

not realizing the the actual realities

01:24:58

of how far I have actually come in in

01:25:01

the last 13 years especially, but

01:25:02

especially in the last two. Yeah. So

01:25:05

that that mantra before that you just

01:25:07

recited off the top of your head. So you

01:25:09

you stand in front of the mirror and do

01:25:10

that or just when I wake up first thing

01:25:13

when you're lying in bed. Yeah. Yeah.

01:25:14

Yeah. Especially if I'm feeling really

01:25:16

negative like or tired. But other days

01:25:18

where you don't feel like doing it.

01:25:20

Well, cuz I'm in bed so it's easy,

01:25:22

right? So, no, no, no, no, no, Troy.

01:25:24

Troy, cuz you know, some mornings you're

01:25:26

like, "Oh, man. I'm tired." No, no, no.

01:25:29

I'm powerful. I'm strong. I'm, you know,

01:25:31

I'm motivational. I'm inspiration to

01:25:33

people. You got to get up. You got to

01:25:34

get up. And then, you know, I do some

01:25:37

meditation, affirmation meditations.

01:25:40

Just have it, you know, on the phone and

01:25:41

just chuck it on. and then do some

01:25:44

situps and press ups and then straight

01:25:46

into the shower, moisturize, and then

01:25:50

that's usually my daily routine there.

01:25:52

Well, I make the bed obviously and then

01:25:54

my daily routine and just that's how I

01:25:57

usually start most days. So, that's my

01:26:00

new routines that I've been doing the

01:26:02

last

01:26:04

year especially.

01:26:06

Yeah. Inspirational.

01:26:09

Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool, mate.

01:26:10

There's going to be Thanks so much for

01:26:12

being so Is it hard to talk about? It is

01:26:14

actually. Yeah. Is it? It is. Yeah.

01:26:16

You've been really cool today. I think

01:26:17

you've been like really really open and

01:26:19

I think there's going to be so many

01:26:20

people that get so much out of this. Oh,

01:26:21

that's great, man. That's the main

01:26:22

thing. E that's the main thing. Yeah.

01:26:24

Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. Troy

01:26:26

Hall, I'm so pleased we finally

01:26:27

connected. Appreciate you, my friend.

01:26:28

You're a good man. Thank you very much.

01:26:30

Yeah. Yeah. I hope you're proud of

01:26:31

yourself because you bloody deserve to

01:26:32

be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's

01:26:35

it's a work in progress, but yeah. I I

01:26:37

would say I'm about 50 60% of the way

01:26:39

there. M. So if any publishers listening

01:26:41

to this, give the man a [ __ ] book

01:26:43

deal. Yeah. No, I've had a few people

01:26:45

hit me up about a book and have you not

01:26:48

keen? Um just just going through it, you

01:26:50

know, cuz it's slow process. So yeah,

01:26:52

cuz I would have to go through like, you

01:26:54

know, we've done an hour and a half.

01:26:56

Jeez, it would just be Oh, hour and a

01:26:59

half at a time and it'll be only little

01:27:00

sections and that's how I feel anyway.

01:27:03

I'm sort of putting anxiety in front of

01:27:05

it. So yeah. Yeah. But if you have these

01:27:08

opportunities, you know. Yeah. Oh, [ __ ]

01:27:09

I'm not going to tell you what to do,

01:27:10

but you could jump at them, though.

01:27:12

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Hey. Hey, I'm

01:27:15

here. I'm here.

01:27:17

Oh, Troy. Hey, thanks so much for coming

01:27:18

on the podcast, mate. Appreciate it.

01:27:20

Thank you.

Words per Minute Over Time