00:00:00
hey guys welcome along to this episode
00:00:01
of Runners only with Tom Harvey
00:00:04
um a bit different to the normal episode
00:00:06
this is a New Zealand exclusive first
00:00:08
and foremost uh yesterday in New Zealand
00:00:10
news came out that Zane Robertson one of
00:00:13
the greatest New Zealand distance
00:00:14
Runners of all time and Commonwealth
00:00:16
Games bronze medalist had been um had
00:00:18
tested positive for the drug EPO and had
00:00:21
received a seven year ban four years for
00:00:23
taking the drug EPO and three years for
00:00:25
then trying to cover it up he is based
00:00:29
in um attendant in Kenya and he spoke
00:00:31
exclusively to us on the runners only
00:00:34
podcast
00:00:35
um I normally like to do this interviews
00:00:37
face to face but Kenya's a long way away
00:00:39
so we did this online but this is Zane's
00:00:43
side of the story on Runners only with
00:00:45
dom Harvey
00:00:49
Zane Robertson so it's less than 24
00:00:51
hours here in New Zealand since the news
00:00:53
came out how are you
00:01:00
um obviously not a great day for me uh I
00:01:04
have no one
00:01:07
this news will come
00:01:10
come out and I have no one for the last
00:01:12
few months so or some since September
00:01:15
last year so it's been a pretty
00:01:17
depressing devastating day for me and
00:01:20
your phone must have been blowing up um
00:01:22
what's the sort of tone of the messages
00:01:23
is it you know mainly support from
00:01:25
people that know and love you or is he
00:01:27
like scorn from you know people that are
00:01:29
just outraged by what's happened
00:01:35
thankfully my inbox system on Instagram
00:01:39
does support me and it's only people
00:01:41
that are close to me and
00:01:44
from what I've seen 80 has been really
00:01:47
supportive and just caring about me as a
00:01:49
human first and not an athlete and a lot
00:01:52
of these people have known me for years
00:01:54
so they do understand the circumstances
00:01:56
and
00:01:57
situations that I've faced
00:02:01
um a lot of it the 20 other 20 of the
00:02:04
rest of it has been scored and just
00:02:06
people trying to shame me and make me
00:02:09
feel horrible and I tell you what I've I
00:02:12
feel horrible myself for a long time
00:02:15
even before this um drug case came about
00:02:18
yeah
00:02:20
um I suppose the the big question uh
00:02:23
it's actually a very short question but
00:02:24
it's a it's a very big one at the same
00:02:26
time
00:02:26
why
00:02:31
yeah so the the why there's many reasons
00:02:34
and it's not just one particular reason
00:02:37
and
00:02:39
and I hate it so much that um
00:02:42
you know it's it's just a one-off hit
00:02:44
and I got caught and I
00:02:48
it's it's been it's been building on me
00:02:50
for a few years frustration and anger at
00:02:54
the sport itself and at any any Elite
00:02:57
Sports I just believe the top is it's
00:03:00
not a Level Playing Field like they're
00:03:02
saying why do people like myself I
00:03:05
started to ask myself this question why
00:03:06
do people like myself
00:03:08
always have to be the ones to lose or
00:03:11
suffer
00:03:12
and in the end
00:03:14
lose our contracts
00:03:17
lose our income lose our race winnings
00:03:20
and eventually end up
00:03:23
not having the ability to have a family
00:03:25
or um live anywhere else in the world
00:03:28
from the predicaments we're in that was
00:03:30
one reason
00:03:32
the other reason well especially after
00:03:35
covert the covert era prize money and
00:03:39
races went down
00:03:40
contracts were almost dropped as well
00:03:46
after the Olympics I was told by one of
00:03:48
my companies we thought you'd run better
00:03:51
and immediate exit from the from the
00:03:54
deal
00:03:55
the other company was holding on just to
00:03:57
the bare minimum I had pressure from my
00:04:00
management I was constantly getting
00:04:03
injured in the race shoes that I was
00:04:05
trying to develop
00:04:07
and
00:04:09
nothing was seeming to just go my way
00:04:13
I had
00:04:15
a lot of background noise away from the
00:04:18
running world as well with after the
00:04:20
covert era living in New Zealand for a
00:04:23
while I spent a lot of my life savings
00:04:25
on just trying to survive and what was
00:04:27
in the savings account I was providing
00:04:30
for myself and my wife at the time
00:04:34
after the we left New Zealand we already
00:04:37
knew we were going through going to go
00:04:39
through a divorce period and it was a
00:04:43
nasty divorce proceeding
00:04:45
and some some things
00:04:47
led to led to another
00:04:50
and a lot of stress was placed on me and
00:04:53
I made it I made some bad decisions in a
00:04:56
really dark yes so so talk us through um
00:05:00
EPO
00:05:02
um most of us have no idea what it means
00:05:04
you hear EPO you think Lance Armstrong
00:05:07
and the Tour de France what what exactly
00:05:09
is EPO and and what does it do because
00:05:11
you were a bloody fast runner even
00:05:13
without it
00:05:16
yeah so it's it's a simplistic thing
00:05:19
it's even naturally occurring I've
00:05:22
learned a lot more about this
00:05:25
through my just through my recent
00:05:27
studies and everything but um
00:05:30
we have it naturally in the body and
00:05:33
when you add it synthetically apparent
00:05:35
it helps the red blood cells
00:05:37
to develop more in the body
00:05:40
and
00:05:42
that that produces more oxygen to be
00:05:45
pushed around the body so you can let's
00:05:48
say run faster for longer without
00:05:50
feeling it okay so say
00:05:52
can you try and put in some terms that
00:05:54
like regular people listening to this
00:05:55
would understand so say that the Half
00:05:57
Marathon distance for example 21.1 case
00:05:59
say there's someone listening to this
00:06:01
that um can run a half marathon in two
00:06:04
hours if they took EPO what could they
00:06:07
do afterwards
00:06:11
uh well really it comes completely it's
00:06:16
different for everyone I guess I
00:06:19
I haven't used I didn't use it long
00:06:21
enough to know the real effects and I
00:06:24
the one time I took it I did feel that I
00:06:28
could move in training like I was in
00:06:30
great shape and and clearly I wasn't in
00:06:33
great shape before it
00:06:34
it just makes you feel a lot easier
00:06:39
when you're pushing at your maximum for
00:06:42
a lot longer so I guess it could have
00:06:44
the effect
00:06:46
on training like over a long period of
00:06:48
time as well that
00:06:52
it's it's helping recovery it's helping
00:06:54
you train harder longer many more days
00:06:58
such effects
00:07:00
it might take one minute of someone's
00:07:02
time it might take zero minutes or it
00:07:04
could take 10 minutes off if they're at
00:07:06
two hours
00:07:07
it's it's probably different for
00:07:10
everyone but I'm not a scientist so I
00:07:12
can't say
00:07:16
what would you say to people that are
00:07:18
listening to this that go well you lied
00:07:20
about this why should we believe you now
00:07:26
well I have been tested over 50 times in
00:07:30
my career and after every single race
00:07:34
that I've ever competed well in I've
00:07:36
been tested before the races after the
00:07:38
races and my samples can be
00:07:42
um they are stored for the next 10 years
00:07:44
after the events so
00:07:46
um 10 years is a long time and once new
00:07:50
technology and new tests are becoming
00:07:52
available they're retested again so
00:07:55
there's been no problems with my
00:07:58
my past samples
00:08:01
and
00:08:02
I guess that's just the evidence side of
00:08:05
it
00:08:08
yeah
00:08:09
but um
00:08:12
and what's the what's the process with
00:08:15
EPO so you decide um you decide you need
00:08:18
this Edge or you need some you know some
00:08:19
sort of Advantage where do you where do
00:08:21
you go how do you start the conversation
00:08:23
with is it someone that you're trained
00:08:25
with that you know is taking it is it a
00:08:27
chat with a doctor like how does it
00:08:28
start
00:08:32
oh well
00:08:33
for my case it was very unique and it's
00:08:36
very different
00:08:38
um
00:08:39
my
00:08:40
um my ex-wife and I we started talking
00:08:43
about this thing a while like a few
00:08:46
years back because I was frustrated with
00:08:48
the sport already and it kept building
00:08:50
the more the more I just saw and the
00:08:53
more I learned and the more I knew
00:08:56
people I used to know and I still know
00:08:59
and
00:09:00
I just it's getting my ass handed to me
00:09:03
in every race and I just kept asking how
00:09:05
and how is this possible how's this
00:09:07
happening now and
00:09:10
we started talking about it a lot and um
00:09:13
one day she just showed up back to the
00:09:14
house with it and
00:09:17
and it stayed in the house for a very
00:09:19
long time and when I moved when I
00:09:21
finally did move to Kenya I I moved with
00:09:24
it I moved with some of my stuff over
00:09:26
the side and again it stayed in my house
00:09:31
for a very long time
00:09:32
and so
00:09:35
yeah I mean but but just in in general
00:09:38
in general day to day
00:09:43
I can't say too much because of my
00:09:45
situation and where I live man and you
00:09:47
you understand that it's it's a culture
00:09:50
of sport that's it
00:09:52
yeah if it is um if it is part of the
00:09:55
culture of a sport and a particular high
00:09:57
performance sport why is it that so few
00:09:59
people get caught
00:10:03
sadly
00:10:06
sadly man it's um
00:10:10
I'm not sure
00:10:12
why that is
00:10:14
I have no evidence why that is I do know
00:10:18
it's a very hard drug to detect very
00:10:21
very hard because the body produces it
00:10:24
naturally so
00:10:26
the difference between the two the
00:10:28
natural and synthetic and not that
00:10:30
difference
00:10:31
and um
00:10:33
doctors are always ahead of the game one
00:10:35
step
00:10:37
um
00:10:39
people are always you know when money's
00:10:41
involved people are always evolving to
00:10:43
make more money so sport sport is also a
00:10:47
business yeah so so you got caught after
00:10:49
a um run in May 2022 at Manchester
00:10:53
um so you complete the run then you go
00:10:56
into a testing room provide a urine
00:10:57
sample uh what talk us what talk us
00:11:01
through what happens after that
00:11:05
well once I've done that then um
00:11:09
they leave with my samples and
00:11:13
I was I was free to go just walk around
00:11:17
normal do my thing
00:11:19
I was notified last year in September
00:11:23
when I was in Sydney at the
00:11:26
to actually Pace the marathon
00:11:29
and um I obviously was in a lot of shock
00:11:33
and stress
00:11:35
and just not knowing what to do
00:11:37
so I didn't sleep all night I I
00:11:40
performed as a pacemaker there and I
00:11:43
performed poorly
00:11:45
um obviously people who know that stress
00:11:47
can lead to poor performance physically
00:11:51
um
00:11:53
I was
00:11:55
I was suffering
00:11:58
a long time before this even happened
00:12:00
but I guess I guess you'll get to that
00:12:03
so once I found out in Sydney
00:12:06
then the next proceedings were to get a
00:12:09
lawyer and see what my options are yeah
00:12:12
because your your Banning sort of came
00:12:14
in two parts this uh four years
00:12:17
um Banning for the EPO and then
00:12:20
additional years tagged on the end for
00:12:21
trying to cover it up was um the
00:12:24
cover-up idea is that something that's
00:12:25
commonly done in Kenya or was that your
00:12:27
lawyer's idea was that your idea
00:12:34
um
00:12:35
I I want to take full blame for that as
00:12:38
well
00:12:39
that was my idea
00:12:42
to me four years is the same as eight
00:12:45
it's the end of my career
00:12:47
it there's no coming back from this and
00:12:50
I knew
00:12:52
so I was just trying to save my ass and
00:12:54
I want people to think like really
00:12:56
deeply think if if that was them if that
00:12:59
invested like 16 years into trying to be
00:13:02
a professional
00:13:04
um and they were going to lose their
00:13:06
career
00:13:07
because of one [ __ ] up then I I guess
00:13:11
that I guess a lot of people would try
00:13:13
and save their ass and that's just what
00:13:15
I tried to do
00:13:16
yeah oh and I fully understand you
00:13:19
um there's a guy called um Peter
00:13:20
fitzinger I don't know if you know the
00:13:22
name but he's um the Athletics New
00:13:23
Zealand chief executive
00:13:25
um he had he had a quote yesterday
00:13:27
saying it's hard to know what would lead
00:13:29
the athlete to make us the series of
00:13:31
decisions he did
00:13:33
um how would you respond to that
00:13:39
um he's speaking from a professional
00:13:41
standpoint
00:13:42
he can't say
00:13:46
well he hasn't lived
00:13:49
in the professional running world for a
00:13:51
while and he wasn't he was a
00:13:53
professional Runner himself but
00:13:56
I mean I made a bad decision and I I'm
00:13:58
paying the price for it and I I
00:14:01
understand that this is what you get
00:14:07
try being me try being
00:14:10
um 16 years in this sport ends
00:14:14
um not having a lot to show for it
00:14:16
but also
00:14:18
realizing that you can't move back back
00:14:21
home to New Zealand ever you can't maybe
00:14:23
have a family ever because you can't
00:14:25
provide enough and if Sports you're only
00:14:29
a source of income and you're running
00:14:30
out of income options
00:14:32
covert's wiped out the prize money
00:14:35
Theory and the appearance money Theory
00:14:37
then you you what do you have left
00:14:40
um
00:14:42
I mean
00:14:45
it's it's a it's a terrible situation
00:14:48
that I was in
00:14:50
but that's
00:14:52
and there were a lot of things that led
00:14:54
up to that as well like um like my
00:14:57
depression and um
00:15:00
and it's just making me make bad
00:15:03
decisions yeah I think um
00:15:06
yeah I asked you at the very beginning
00:15:08
of this chat that your why and um I I
00:15:11
think my just following your your story
00:15:14
and your brother's story quite closely
00:15:15
over the years I think like my why would
00:15:17
be probably slightly different
00:15:19
um on behalf of you guys like someone
00:15:21
said to me yesterday why would he do it
00:15:23
my why went something like this I said
00:15:25
these guys have spent more time in
00:15:27
Kenyan than what they've spent in New
00:15:28
Zealand like they were they were they
00:15:30
were bullied at school
00:15:31
um not just by peers but by teachers and
00:15:34
stuff as well and they had a taste of
00:15:36
success in running and they sort of
00:15:37
Gateway out of this and to make
00:15:39
something of themselves so they left
00:15:41
Hamilton new zealanders teenagers went
00:15:44
to Kenya put everything on the line
00:15:46
against their parents wishes
00:15:48
um we're living on Jam sandwiches you
00:15:51
know had malaria at the same time and
00:15:53
just about died and will wake up in the
00:15:55
night in cold sweats checking on each
00:15:56
other and you do put so much into this
00:15:59
thing and get so far over so many years
00:16:02
and you're just looking for that extra
00:16:05
little Edge so even I'm not not
00:16:07
justifying what you've done because it's
00:16:09
bad and we all know it's bad
00:16:11
um but I can I can understand your wife
00:16:14
from an empathetic point of view bro
00:16:17
foreign
00:16:18
yeah I think I think that's another
00:16:21
reason
00:16:22
um our upbringing
00:16:23
my there were a lot of things that
00:16:26
weren't normal a lot of things that
00:16:28
didn't go right and I think that's why
00:16:32
when I got depressed I started talking
00:16:34
to a psychiatrist in the high
00:16:36
performance Sports system and he helped
00:16:39
me through a lot of things
00:16:41
um I wanted to die I didn't want to live
00:16:44
anymore and I didn't know why I was
00:16:46
doing the sport anymore and I think that
00:16:50
would have been just the right time to
00:16:52
maybe try and find something else to do
00:16:54
and retire
00:16:56
unfortunately we don't always make the
00:16:58
right decisions and um
00:17:01
sadly as a professional athlete we're
00:17:03
always really in the public eye and just
00:17:06
judged for these decisions and mistakes
00:17:08
that we make
00:17:09
and then um
00:17:11
called out for them in in horrible ways
00:17:14
so
00:17:17
I'm trying to deal with this in the best
00:17:19
way possible right now and I still don't
00:17:23
know
00:17:24
what that is but I'm just trying to make
00:17:26
I'm just trying to make it right
00:17:28
mentally how's your headspace at the
00:17:30
moment
00:17:33
not not good to be honest today
00:17:36
um
00:17:37
today was one of my worst days
00:17:41
um
00:17:42
if I'm gonna be totally honest I
00:17:46
coming home from my brother's place
00:17:48
today I just wanted to go and shoot
00:17:50
myself in the head
00:17:57
man that's rough
00:18:00
yeah I mean this is gonna pass though
00:18:01
this is this is going to pass these um
00:18:03
yeah
00:18:05
okay you just have to hang in there
00:18:06
right
00:18:09
have you you got yeah you've got good
00:18:11
support
00:18:16
not really
00:18:18
um
00:18:19
my brother's a little bit pissed off too
00:18:21
because I know and this was the worst
00:18:24
thing for me because I knew that it
00:18:26
won't just be affecting me
00:18:28
it will affect um it will affect my
00:18:31
sister-in-law his wife because they're
00:18:33
both athletes
00:18:35
and
00:18:38
I don't I just don't know like how to
00:18:42
how to help or how to do anything yeah
00:18:45
so this is your brother Jake who's also
00:18:47
a phenomenal Runner and I must say um on
00:18:50
all the uh media footage that's been
00:18:52
shown in New Zealand over the last 24
00:18:53
hours it's generally runs where you guys
00:18:56
are together in the black singlet so I I
00:19:00
suppose just by association he's sort of
00:19:03
being tired with the same brush which is
00:19:05
um which is unfair of course
00:19:10
it's it's very unfair I mean
00:19:15
if if one student in a classroom cheats
00:19:18
are they all cheating
00:19:20
just because they're all in that same
00:19:22
classroom
00:19:24
it's it's that's it's [ __ ] and
00:19:27
people want to do that to him and
00:19:30
they've already started posting on his
00:19:33
wall today and and it's horrible man
00:19:36
it's it's just terrible
00:19:38
yeah a bit of empathy had go a long way
00:19:40
I mean
00:19:41
um like I can see it on your face like
00:19:43
you you've made a you've made a bad
00:19:45
mistake you recognize that but you're
00:19:47
you're paying the ultimate price now the
00:19:49
last thing you need is Strangers Like
00:19:50
messaging you telling you you've made a
00:19:52
terrible mistake I think
00:19:56
um yeah yeah yeah I mean
00:20:00
I already know it and I'm I'm gonna pay
00:20:02
the price for that and and
00:20:05
thankfully I have received a lot of a
00:20:08
lot of people out there just reaching
00:20:10
out to me and and normally it's the
00:20:12
people that I have met before in my life
00:20:15
somewhere in the last 10 years or 16
00:20:18
years and I've always been real with
00:20:20
them and I've always discussed sometimes
00:20:22
even these topics with them in a real
00:20:24
way with my real opinions and
00:20:28
I think that's why they uh they really
00:20:30
understand me at this point and they're
00:20:32
telling me things like
00:20:35
um
00:20:37
just I'll always be here for you man no
00:20:40
matter what so
00:20:42
um take it easy on yourself and
00:20:44
you know I I understand where you came
00:20:47
from and it's horrible to see this
00:20:49
happen to you
00:20:51
it we know you made a mistake but we're
00:20:53
just here for you things like this yeah
00:20:55
oh that's good advice so you want to um
00:20:58
a bronze medal uh in the 5 000 meters at
00:21:01
the 24 2014 Commonwealth Games
00:21:05
um so you were completely clean then
00:21:09
yeah yes what happens with that middle
00:21:12
you don't get stripped of that that's
00:21:13
still yours for life and the title
00:21:15
remains
00:21:17
that is impossible
00:21:20
um to just strip me of that metal
00:21:23
and that was a very long time ago
00:21:28
I mean see it's nine years my sample
00:21:31
should still be there if if they want to
00:21:34
go and retest it Go and retest it Go and
00:21:37
retest all of my samples I know this
00:21:40
costs money but if they really want to
00:21:42
they can do it they can go right ahead
00:21:45
and I have nothing to hide from my past
00:21:49
from all my national records from all my
00:21:52
past achievements
00:21:54
um
00:21:56
they can they can go ahead and test yeah
00:21:59
and um you've got some other records as
00:22:01
well the New Zealand record holder and
00:22:02
the half marathon with a blistering sub
00:22:05
60 5947 you've got the marathon record
00:22:08
two hours eight nine seconds and um what
00:22:11
happens to them do they remain
00:22:15
yeah everything remains
00:22:18
um the only the only
00:22:20
drug test I've ever failed is the one
00:22:23
from Manchester and I placed 11th in the
00:22:25
race I was I was actually very sick
00:22:29
before heading to the race
00:22:33
I
00:22:34
I don't know if the guy I mean
00:22:38
obviously I'm not I wasn't myself I
00:22:41
wasn't making good decisions in my in my
00:22:43
normal headspace
00:22:46
um
00:22:47
but yeah the marathon record in the half
00:22:49
marathon record I was tested in the Gold
00:22:52
Coast after the race I was tested in
00:22:55
marugami in Japan after the race
00:22:57
immediately and I produced samples both
00:23:00
times within within 30 minutes of the
00:23:03
race so there was no delay
00:23:06
um
00:23:07
there was not nothing wrong with the
00:23:10
procedure yeah now that they they played
00:23:13
a clip on the New Zealand media uh last
00:23:15
night here in New Zealand from the 2016
00:23:17
Rio Olympics where you talked about
00:23:19
doping and it's always going to be one
00:23:21
of these things that's going to come
00:23:22
back up again
00:23:24
um you you were completely clean at the
00:23:27
time and you you absolutely meant what
00:23:28
you said back then
00:23:32
it this is where I
00:23:35
was just telling you about how I was
00:23:37
real with people when talking to them
00:23:39
about sometimes even this topic and and
00:23:42
it and it was part of my frustration
00:23:45
over the last
00:23:47
16 years in the sport like firstly I
00:23:51
didn't understand it at all and I didn't
00:23:53
know how deep it went but the more I
00:23:56
went along in my career the more I saw
00:23:59
of just how it is and
00:24:02
and it can really destroy someone like
00:24:04
it can break them down to their knees
00:24:06
and think why them why not me until I
00:24:10
just I just couldn't take it anymore and
00:24:12
and I had enough
00:24:14
yeah that's understandable
00:24:17
um and then so 33 years old now
00:24:20
um so it's career ending right so by the
00:24:22
time the band finishes your late 30s
00:24:25
early 40s
00:24:28
I I think I'll be 39 40 when it ends I
00:24:34
mean technically speaking I could
00:24:37
actually come back and run a great
00:24:39
Marathon I still think a 40 year old can
00:24:41
run two five two six
00:24:43
but um by then I hope to be in another
00:24:48
place
00:24:50
I just I don't I don't think there's a
00:24:52
there's a return from here that's why I
00:24:54
said four and eight years is the same
00:24:56
thing yeah I don't know I yeah now that
00:24:58
you mention it I mean um an athlete that
00:25:01
comes to mind is um the New Zealand
00:25:02
multi-sport Legion Cameron Brown who's
00:25:04
50 and has just retired from competing
00:25:06
at the top level
00:25:08
um I mean in Ultra marathons do seem to
00:25:11
favor you know the old the older sort of
00:25:12
athletes so I I feel it's it's entirely
00:25:15
Unwritten and it's entirely up to you
00:25:17
what you want to do
00:25:20
um I know a few 40 year olds that have
00:25:23
just or 40 plus year olds that have just
00:25:25
run under 60 for half marathon wow
00:25:28
um
00:25:29
that have just run 204 206 marathons as
00:25:33
well so
00:25:35
there is no age limit to to
00:25:38
um endurance sport which is lucky
00:25:40
depending on how you treat your body and
00:25:42
what you eat and
00:25:45
your nutrition and how you live as well
00:25:48
so
00:25:50
but it's also very it's also a huge mind
00:25:56
mental sport I guess
00:25:58
if you lose it mentally if you lose the
00:26:02
love for it and I just feel like that's
00:26:04
what happened to me I lost the love for
00:26:06
it at the professional end
00:26:09
it wasn't it wasn't the Zayn That I Used
00:26:12
to Know
00:26:13
and I still love running I still love
00:26:16
running at the club level or at the Fun
00:26:18
Runner level
00:26:21
and I still love running every day but I
00:26:24
just did not like
00:26:25
the professional
00:26:28
um event anymore
00:26:29
um just backtracking you said a moment
00:26:31
ago you hope to be in a different place
00:26:32
by the time the band ends like what do
00:26:34
you mean exactly like just in a
00:26:36
completely different sort of field or
00:26:42
um I'm not sure right now to be honest I
00:26:45
didn't think much past today
00:26:48
uh just taking it a day at a time right
00:26:51
now yeah no I understand that how's the
00:26:54
family back in New Zealand are they
00:26:56
still in waikato
00:27:01
um they're everywhere and we move
00:27:05
um
00:27:06
it's I mean a lot a lot of them have
00:27:09
heard my stories over the years as well
00:27:11
so they they really
00:27:13
um
00:27:15
they sympathize with the why and the
00:27:17
frustration and just how I've been
00:27:19
living for the last
00:27:21
the last years and um
00:27:25
they they do they do get it they
00:27:27
definitely get it yeah you you told me
00:27:30
um that this news was coming out a
00:27:31
couple of weeks ago on WhatsApp when we
00:27:32
got talking so I'm guessing your your
00:27:34
parents have known this for a while can
00:27:36
you can you take us back to that phone
00:27:38
call when you told them that this was
00:27:39
going to happen that must have been one
00:27:41
of the hardest calls you've ever had to
00:27:42
make
00:27:47
um
00:27:49
it was it was difficult but
00:27:52
probably the the hardest call
00:27:57
one of the hardest calls was um the
00:27:59
first one which I actually had to make
00:28:02
from Sydney
00:28:03
back to back to Kenya
00:28:07
um
00:28:08
and just recently as well just um
00:28:12
having to tell my brother because I know
00:28:14
most most affected from this will be my
00:28:17
family my close family over here
00:28:21
and um
00:28:23
that was probably the hardest thing
00:28:25
yeah how was he how did he take it
00:28:31
now you can you can imagine
00:28:33
um
00:28:34
because he has he has two emotions about
00:28:37
it you know he has the same frustration
00:28:39
as me
00:28:40
and the same anger as me but then at the
00:28:43
same time he he understands that this
00:28:45
will indirectly affect him as well and
00:28:49
and then he wants to feel
00:28:52
bad for me as well but he also wants to
00:28:55
hate me for it so
00:28:58
I think he's going to he's going to
00:29:01
suffer like
00:29:03
from this a little bit as well
00:29:05
um just
00:29:06
I need to give him some time
00:29:10
and um another another phone call that
00:29:13
I'm guessing I don't know if this was
00:29:14
even a phone call or an email or how
00:29:16
this works and high performance sport
00:29:18
but um you were an Essex Runner did you
00:29:19
have to tell them I'm I'm guessing they
00:29:22
dropped you as quickly as what they
00:29:23
could
00:29:28
um no actually
00:29:30
I was dropped before
00:29:33
I was dropped before this happened
00:29:36
um
00:29:37
it was actually one of the most
00:29:39
motivating factors as well that I just
00:29:42
knew and I was being pressed by people
00:29:45
in the management and people and
00:29:47
accompanying the shoes weren't working
00:29:49
for me and I hadn't been running well
00:29:52
for like three years because of constant
00:29:54
injuries I couldn't finish a race
00:29:57
without blowing my killies and my calf
00:29:59
out and
00:30:00
it was it was just all underlying
00:30:03
factors of
00:30:04
um
00:30:05
in the end like
00:30:09
which made me make make this mistake
00:30:12
yeah yeah I get like a sense of
00:30:15
desperation like you you sort of do
00:30:17
anything I guess to do the best you can
00:30:19
and preserve your career
00:30:24
I think if there's a word for it yes
00:30:26
desperation
00:30:28
um desperation differently
00:30:31
comes to mind
00:30:35
um
00:30:36
the Olympics for me was a was a big one
00:30:38
a huge one because I invested a lot of
00:30:41
my time and
00:30:43
money and my own efforts into preparing
00:30:46
for their preparing for the conditions
00:30:48
the Heat
00:30:50
um even though I was in like
00:30:53
um
00:30:54
I don't know it's not really witness
00:30:56
protection or something but um I did
00:30:59
have threats on my life
00:31:02
from the uh
00:31:05
uh threats on my life from the ongoing
00:31:07
divorce and extortion and
00:31:10
um such but that's another story and I
00:31:12
don't want to get into it
00:31:15
um it was pretty nasty so I had to I had
00:31:18
to move
00:31:20
up to my farm in the mountains and kind
00:31:22
of hide out for months and
00:31:25
uh
00:31:27
um
00:31:27
so dealing with stress and on all angles
00:31:30
again I think it just it didn't do me
00:31:34
well so as I mentioned before you've
00:31:36
spent more time in Kenya now than what
00:31:39
you've actually spent in New Zealand
00:31:41
um because you and your brother left
00:31:42
when you're in your late teens
00:31:44
um what happens now are you going to
00:31:46
stay there is Kenya your home now or do
00:31:48
you need to come back to New Zealand to
00:31:49
heal
00:31:54
I am not sure I am not sure right now I
00:31:58
think
00:31:59
I think it's a lot easier for me to
00:32:01
disappear here than in New Zealand so if
00:32:05
I can just disappear I will
00:32:08
um
00:32:10
uh I haven't put much thought to it yet
00:32:16
um
00:32:19
I think my my Visa situation here will
00:32:22
run out eventually so
00:32:25
I'll definitely need to go somewhere but
00:32:28
I'm not sure where that somewhere is yes
00:32:31
um one of the uh big questions sort of
00:32:33
that seems to be raised here is um just
00:32:36
the fear of this embarrassing New
00:32:38
Zealand on the world stage like what are
00:32:39
your thoughts on that do you think this
00:32:40
embarrasses New Zealand on the world
00:32:42
stage
00:32:44
thank you
00:32:46
I think I think uh
00:32:49
I think it doesn't embarrass New Zealand
00:32:51
I think
00:32:54
the I think all Elite Sport
00:32:59
this is like an elite athletes across
00:33:02
all sports must know this
00:33:04
and this is
00:33:05
sad sad truth it's just now become part
00:33:09
of the game
00:33:11
and I think New Zealand's reputation is
00:33:15
really at the high end of not doing it
00:33:19
um but it's like
00:33:21
it also depends on what sport you're in
00:33:24
and
00:33:25
what you're doing
00:33:27
so I don't think I don't think it's
00:33:29
embarrassing to New Zealand as a nation
00:33:31
or I think there's bigger things out
00:33:34
there to focus on in sport
00:33:37
yeah what about regrets like how do you
00:33:39
how do you get past us now how do you
00:33:40
how do you forgive yourself and rebuild
00:33:42
your life I mean you are you are you're
00:33:45
Zayn Robertson a man yeah running was
00:33:47
what you did but it's not necessarily
00:33:49
what defines you do you know what I mean
00:33:55
yeah I I think I think a lot of the
00:33:58
people who have met me over the years
00:34:00
know that
00:34:01
and they that's why they've reached out
00:34:03
to me today with in such kind ways they
00:34:06
didn't just message me with some
00:34:09
horrible things
00:34:11
um I think the best
00:34:14
way for me to move past this is by
00:34:18
staying with the people who are the
00:34:20
closest to me and just trying to work on
00:34:24
myself as well just to
00:34:27
just to realize that this was a mistake
00:34:29
and I've already done it since September
00:34:31
last year
00:34:33
I don't think I can do it anymore and
00:34:36
um
00:34:38
I mean I'm already as sorry as I can be
00:34:40
to like this to the sport to everyone
00:34:42
else who
00:34:44
probably believed in me
00:34:46
and um might still some of them might
00:34:49
might not
00:34:51
but um
00:34:53
yeah I'm not looking for sympathy I just
00:34:56
kind of wanted to tell my story and let
00:34:58
people try to understand that the
00:35:01
situation the circumstances I was in
00:35:03
wasn't so great so I'm going to work on
00:35:06
myself and stay close that's a good idea
00:35:10
um you've been sitting on this for a
00:35:12
long time as you said and in a sense
00:35:14
does it feel like a relief that it's out
00:35:15
now in the open and the band-aid's been
00:35:17
ripped off or is it still too raw to see
00:35:19
it that way
00:35:23
yeah it doesn't feel like a relief
00:35:27
um
00:35:28
it it definitely doesn't and the more
00:35:32
messages I get I just think
00:35:34
the human race I think sometimes people
00:35:37
can
00:35:39
foreign
00:35:40
to be a little bit nicer to one another
00:35:42
you know
00:35:44
um
00:35:46
just don't be so horrible to people when
00:35:48
they're dark darkest days because you
00:35:50
never know what that person's gone
00:35:51
through and
00:35:53
um what they what they still have to go
00:35:56
through
00:35:57
so like today I got I just saw some
00:36:00
things that made me like
00:36:02
almost considered just like
00:36:05
offing myself you know
00:36:08
and
00:36:09
and these people I've never met them in
00:36:11
my life but you know if you just
00:36:14
press on someone who has a dark mind or
00:36:16
a dark thought process at the time it's
00:36:18
not good yeah when you say things you
00:36:20
mean like comments on social media or
00:36:22
comments online
00:36:25
yeah things like that don't help and um
00:36:29
I'm gonna completely exit exit the
00:36:31
social media world for just a little bit
00:36:34
um
00:36:36
uh but uh
00:36:39
yeah I'll do my best have you got a
00:36:41
therapist over there or a good support
00:36:42
network
00:36:46
I
00:36:47
I was staying with one of my
00:36:50
close friends
00:36:52
um is a great um
00:36:55
is a great psychologist but we were
00:36:58
recently in a car accident and he broke
00:37:00
his kneecap and um
00:37:03
he he's back in New Zealand now so I
00:37:07
think I'll be calling him a lot yeah
00:37:09
well I mean there's always support her
00:37:11
here in here in New Zealand you know you
00:37:12
just want to be safe
00:37:14
um both emotionally and mentally so and
00:37:16
physically so whether that's in Kenya or
00:37:19
here just um yeah just know that you
00:37:20
still have like people in New Zealand
00:37:22
that love you and support you and care
00:37:23
about you even though you're [ __ ] up
00:37:28
yeah yeah
00:37:30
it's kind of hard to see through the
00:37:32
[ __ ] right now and actually see that
00:37:35
but um when I do it really it really
00:37:39
lifts me up for a little while
00:37:43
do you have a message to fans or any
00:37:45
kids or teens who look up to you and see
00:37:47
you as a role model well even if it's
00:37:49
like a message of caution or warning
00:37:55
yeah I would I would
00:37:58
I definitely would tell them um I'm
00:38:01
really sorry that I let them all down
00:38:03
um
00:38:04
and I just want to
00:38:07
um
00:38:08
I want to tell them that this wasn't my
00:38:10
whole career I mean from from my
00:38:13
standpoint I still stand the same on the
00:38:15
topic
00:38:16
and I always want to
00:38:20
um I always wanted to do my best for
00:38:22
everyone who looked up to me in that in
00:38:25
such a way
00:38:27
and I'm sorry I was going to ask you how
00:38:29
you'd like to be uh like to be
00:38:31
remembered as this chapter of your
00:38:32
career closes but I feel like you just
00:38:34
sort of answered that really in a way
00:38:39
yeah yeah I mean
00:38:42
I guess
00:38:44
being remembered
00:38:46
for um
00:38:49
not not just for the not just for the
00:38:51
running side of things not for running
00:38:53
fast not for Running Records or anything
00:38:56
like that just for um
00:38:59
kind of having a dream
00:39:01
and giving it a real shot giving it a go
00:39:05
and giving it 100 You know despite
00:39:09
everyone telling us that you can't do
00:39:11
this this isn't possible
00:39:13
so that's what I'd like to be remembered
00:39:15
for I think that that in a life sense
00:39:19
away from sport even
00:39:22
that makes
00:39:24
yeah makes sense yeah I like that well
00:39:28
Zane Robertson you're um I mean you've
00:39:30
done a bad thing you know that you're
00:39:31
already beating yourself up enough about
00:39:33
that but you're a good person and uh I
00:39:35
don't want you to forget that everyone
00:39:37
makes mistakes it's how you bounce back
00:39:38
that matters I think yeah sadly if I
00:39:41
bounce back it won't be in the Limelight
00:39:43
but um that's okay too there's a lot
00:39:45
more life than that yeah I just want you
00:39:47
to remember you're [ __ ] young on the
00:39:49
big on the big scheme of life so the
00:39:50
running the Running part of your life
00:39:52
may be over or it may not be that's up
00:39:54
to you but there's still a lot of good
00:39:55
years left okay and I want you to
00:39:57
remember that
00:40:00
oh yeah yeah definitely I mean
00:40:04
I I wanted to get back to my roots and
00:40:07
just enjoy sport for what it is like
00:40:09
actual fitness and fun and I still have
00:40:12
a lot of Runners out there who are fun
00:40:14
Runners and Club level athletes who just
00:40:16
want to do a marathon with me one day so
00:40:20
that that will become more of my age So
00:40:22
when you say like fun run Pace what sort
00:40:24
of what sort of marathon pace are you
00:40:26
talking about what's like a a casual
00:40:28
Zane Robertson Fun Run pays for a
00:40:30
marathon two and a half
00:40:34
and it's it's whatever they want to do
00:40:37
if they want to go two and a half I'll
00:40:39
go to another oh bro I I think
00:40:43
yeah I think anything below 220 starting
00:40:46
to push it oh my God I think you would
00:40:48
you would struggle you would struggle to
00:40:50
run a marathon with me at the pace that
00:40:52
I'm running at it'd just be you'd fall
00:40:53
asleep you'd fall asleep on the on the
00:40:55
on the road
00:40:58
no man you'd motivate me I'd be chatting
00:41:01
to you the whole way Hey listen you're a
00:41:03
good person and you've got a lot to
00:41:05
offer and a lot of lessons that you can
00:41:06
offer to other people and um I just want
00:41:08
to thank you very much for chatting
00:41:09
today and um and I wish you well and I
00:41:12
know the next the next you know days and
00:41:14
weeks and even months there's going to
00:41:15
be dark moments
00:41:17
and there's going to be um hopefully
00:41:19
some light moments as well but um as the
00:41:22
time passes you know the light moments
00:41:24
will get more than the dark moments and
00:41:26
um you just need to remember that it's
00:41:27
probably a message that you've uh or a
00:41:29
mantra that you've told yourself many
00:41:30
times in the dark spots of races just
00:41:32
keep putting one foot in front of the
00:41:33
other
00:41:34
yeah definitely
00:41:37
um
00:41:38
in in with the positive and out with the
00:41:41
negative right now it's um
00:41:44
I've beat myself up a lot over the last
00:41:47
months and um
00:41:49
I I don't need to I don't need to do it
00:41:51
anymore
00:41:53
um
00:41:54
I'll I'll probably have to do it for the
00:41:55
next eight years of my life
00:41:57
as it is so
00:41:59
yeah yeah thanks for chatting with me I
00:42:02
appreciate it Zane Zane Robertson and
00:42:04
Kenya um take care go easy on yourself
00:42:07
Life's hard for all of us and for anyone
00:42:09
that's listening to this or watching
00:42:10
this
00:42:11
um there's no need to go on social media
00:42:14
and tell them he's a piece of [ __ ] he's
00:42:16
already telling himself that enough if
00:42:18
anything right now he could probably do
00:42:19
with your support and your love and your
00:42:22
care Zane look after yourself mate big
00:42:25
storm
00:42:25
[Music]
00:42:37
thank you
