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[Music]
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[Music]
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Runners only with dom Harvey and Josh
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Coleman g'day mate how you going Don
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going fantastic it's so good to have you
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here in my motel room in Christchurch
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nice city no nice location to Hagley
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Park mate but it's something an absolute
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privilege to be here today and have a
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chat is that so yeah thank you very much
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yeah you've got some wonderful gifts on
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your podcast yeah Barry McGee Arts
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Shelly listen to them fantastic humans
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yeah the old dogs yeah it's nice to
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bring out these stories too and hear
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what they've got to say yeah and it's
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great to have you here because you've
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got a hell of a story it's my
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responsibility to be able to share my
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story we now so hopefully other people
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who do go through hard times can have
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some perseverance or some encouragement
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or some inspiration from myself yeah
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that one go forward yeah yeah first
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things first mentally and physically how
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are you now how are you today oh I mean
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if you compare me to the runner that I
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was you know I'm talking about maybe 50
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but from where I was being in a hospital
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hospital bed in a coma I'm fantastic
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mate yeah great awesome great I can walk
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I can talk I can breathe do a bit of
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running do a bit of sports some things
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you know I never thought I'd be able to
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do and um here I am very grateful oh
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that's good oh let's go let's go all the
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way back so first of all you're um
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you're like an 800 meter Runner the
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fastest in New Zealand yes and um on the
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cusp of um like Commonwealth Games yeah
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oh I mean it's hard to say I mean I had
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a fantastic year in 2011 I only had one
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race but I had a great build up I had
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two New Zealand silver medal 800 meter
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races and I finished second in both of
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those races and finally in 2011 I had a
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great off season
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um it was fantastic I've got some K's on
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the leg and 2011 was my year it was the
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year that I was going to win this gold
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medal at a national level and then it
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was going to be the
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um pedestal going forward
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um who knows what would have happened
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but unfortunately I didn't get to
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compete in that 2011 national champs and
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I had the fastest time 800 meter time
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until I got diagnosed so yeah what was
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the time what sort of times what was
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that 151 I mean it's fast
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it is fast in this in the essence of
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someone from the outside but when you're
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in that competitive realm it's not that
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fast
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and no it is it is by anyone's standards
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it's bloody quick so what would you do a
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kilometer on if you keep going for
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another 200 meters yeah early twos yeah
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oh my god mid-220s oh wow that's insane
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yeah ridiculous okay so man there's some
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there's so much ground to cover with you
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and so much to unpack first of all
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you've got a super bottle you're sipping
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on that what what's the reason behind
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that
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um I don't really produce it
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um
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had a lot of radiation and this um I had
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a transplant I got the Scarface host
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disease and it's tacked all the attacked
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the endothelial cells in my body like
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the skin the fascia the ligaments and um
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inside my arteries as well so I
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struggled to produce saliva yeah okay so
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so you're a coaster you're from
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Greymouth Greymouth what's it like there
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magic place is it yeah Magic Mike we've
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got some we've got some amazing people
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on the coast good hearty Souls soul to
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the Earth
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um a fantastic community and going
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through what I went through I had
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fantastic support around there yeah
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tough bastard say is that where is that
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where the grit and determination to be
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an 800 meter Runner came from do you
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think definitely I ran with a guy called
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Eddie gray on a Sunday he was 65 when I
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first met him and he was hard he was a
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former cross-country New Zealand
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cross-country champ and a 10K champ
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and you got food at the Wilton 1969 at
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the world cross country yeah and he was
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hard as Nails mate he would go out
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running his pants on a 30 degree day
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running over the pepperella hills and I
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really admired him because he was had
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this pure tenacity about him and I
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adopted that that was my method of
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running no matter how hard it got I'd
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still continue on and um Eddie really
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um signified that yeah and what was life
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like growing up what were your parents
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like parents were great I had a great
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mum
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um my dad we didn't have a great
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relationship he was hard at work but I
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didn't really understand my dad
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um he had a very very tough childhood
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and through my diagnosis we actually got
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to know each other a lot better but I
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had a fantastic childhood all in all my
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mum was a really loving caring mum
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yeah but Dad was great he was always
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working he worked at the coal mine he
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was trying to provide us kids something
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that he didn't have and I really respect
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that now was he just not um not a great
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communicator what do you mean or was he
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just a hard strict he was tough but he
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was fear um he was always working and he
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was tired and exhausted yeah
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um and he had strict disciplinary
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actions with with me being the oldest
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but that was that was fine but his
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background is 10 times tougher than what
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I had it I'm away in what way that he
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come my grandfather come from post-war
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Holland okay so he set up a farm in
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wataroa and his mother his wife sorry my
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granddad's wife passed away when Dad was
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two and he get got sent to an orphanage
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got physically abused and things like
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that all right and came back to a
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dysfunctional household yeah and they
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lived in pure poverty back then as well
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so he had it tough he didn't have the
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parenting skills to bring me up at my
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mom she was soul to the Earth
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but my dad's an amazing man from what he
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knew and what he had he created did a
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fantastic environment for me to be able
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to thrive do you think it's just from
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that generation where
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I don't know where it's you know you
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just didn't show any sort of
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vulnerability or yeah absolutely I never
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saw my dad cry until I was diagnosed so
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that's why I got to know one another
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yeah yeah and I was always seeking for
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my dad's approval but he was he was
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never there and I I got a lot of other
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Role Models within my community yeah
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such as a man called Glen Gibb he was a
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former International kiwi rugby player
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he lived next door he'd always take me
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running or doing physical activities
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mountain biking and things like that
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yeah I love my dad dearly yeah I'm not
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not discreeting my dad whatsoever he's a
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great man yeah we're great mates now we
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really are that's good are your parents
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still together yeah are they yeah yeah
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yeah yeah yeah all right Jesus I can't
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wait to talk about your mum we'll get
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into that later because um I've heard
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you on some other podcasts talk about
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her and it seems like just a a wonderful
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relationship oh mate yeah she's she's my
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she's my light she's yeah did you always
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always have that close connection with
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her or is that something about strength
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that strengthened over the years with
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the illness uh no no I've always had
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that close connection my sister teased
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me a lot that I'm the mummy's boy
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so yeah I've been the oldest I mean I
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think you have that closer connection to
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your appearance as well because you've
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got that time by yourself yeah yeah
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you've been around longer than the other
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yeah so I've always gravitated to mum
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and and I absolutely love it yeah that's
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great yeah okay so um so so you're
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running you're in the form of your life
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um you had a job as well though right
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yeah IE was a qualified line mechanic so
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I left school when I was 16 17 become a
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line mechanic and it was a hard physical
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job so I worked physically hard and I
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trained hard that's all I knew work hard
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train hard so that was my kind of
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philosophy back then and it was great
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for me to get to where I got to
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especially coming from Greymouth and
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training by myself and the likes of
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Eddie gray and Ruth Croft but a lot of
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that was solo training it gave me that
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perseverance to kind of be accountable
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for myself yes but it also
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hindered me in the way that I pushed
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myself far too far far too far where I
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probably was a
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correlating factor to how I got sick
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really because you think so because you
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just trained so hard trying so hard but
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I I didn't eat well but for me I worked
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10 to 12 hours a day sometimes six days
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a week after that the boys would drop me
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off I'd run 20K home you know I had a
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good bit of time in the day I go off and
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get a load of firewood cut it up back in
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you know it was ridiculous young what's
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the saying young dumb and full account
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yeah yeah that was me yeah I thought I
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could do anything and then once I
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started drinking I'll go crazy because I
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couldn't really handle my drink yeah
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right and I just go crazy you know I got
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arrested twice for indecent exposurement
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did you I did whereabouts what were the
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circumstances in Greymouth
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I am oh I just that was just me I never
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got angry or anything like that yeah um
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like flopping your [ __ ] out oh no I took
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my clothes off one day and said to the
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police give them the burden I said you
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can't catch me you can't catch me but
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the thing was
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they did because they knew who I was all
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right right yeah it's a small town it's
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a small town I went back to the pub I
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was with my mates told them the story
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they're cracking up my mate saw me and
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then the bouncer come up put his hand on
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my shoulder goes oh someone wants to see
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you outside cuffs on the back way to go
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yeah oh that's crazy it's a bit of a
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loose cannon especially when I drank
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yeah and I worked out but I just
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couldn't handle it was it just yeah just
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because you were that physically fat all
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it took was a couple of beers
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didn't take much yeah okay so when um
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I I I'm quite familiar with your story
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and it sounds like you were you were
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very very sick before you even got help
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and it sort of reminded me when I heard
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you a story of um like Lance Armstrong
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in a way when he got testicular cancer
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like he was he was so fat and so used to
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being in pain
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um that has his nut was getting gigantic
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and he just didn't even do anything
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about it he just sort of persevered
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through yeah parallels to you parallels
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yeah yeah I can really relate to that I
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mean I took me probably about a month
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before I mean I had to collapse at the
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sink before I got taken to hospital to
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the Intensive Care Unit what were the
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what were the warning signs say oh there
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was heaps mate so we're sitting outside
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Hagley Park I tore my
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um tore my ligaments there and chipped
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the bone
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in the body wouldn't heal it just
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wouldn't heal it was unusual for me I'd
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normally bounce back from an ankle
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sprain quite easily
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um and then I that's for the New Zealand
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Champs and I moved home I decided I've
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got to get get away travel but I got
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sicker and sicker
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um I entered in a bike race around
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Brunner it's 130k race yep and I
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collapsed halfway I was up with the
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leaders and I collapsed and like what
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the heck's going on
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um what do you mean you collapsed I just
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fell off my bike yeah really it's got so
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dizzy and I fell off yeah yeah so I
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thought what's going on maybe I'm just
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low in sugar so I pushed my bike for
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half an hour to the lake Runner store I
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walked in staggered and I need a I need
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some chocolate I need
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I sat there for another two minutes gone
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finished the [ __ ] race man just
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finish the race because that was my
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mindset coasters mentality get the job
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done yeah so I picked off little places
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where I biked through and I was
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struggling and struggling and then
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finally the last person to overtake me
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was a guy who I knew and he'd he'd had
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cancer and about maybe a k 2K away from
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the Finish Line I said even a [ __ ]
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cancer patient can overtake you finish
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the line collapsed I'm never riding a
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bloody bike again and I slept for about
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maybe a week and really just fatigue
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just fatigued I was done and I just had
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low hemoglobin just low red blood cells
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oh yeah yeah why why did it take so long
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for you to seek help you must have not
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how old were you at the time I was 23.
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you did you have like a gut instinct
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that something was wrong I think you
00:11:14
were just ignoring it or what no I put
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it down to the fact that I couldn't
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compete at the um New Zealand Champs
00:11:20
that year and that was my year to show
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everyone what I was capable of and I was
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in denial I didn't want to be sick I
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knew I was sick but I didn't want to be
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sick and that's the big thing I wouldn't
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I wouldn't reach out for help because I
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didn't know how to yeah it was obviously
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my own man I knew how to I knew how to
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control my own environment I could do it
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all by myself I was about to learn I
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couldn't and I was soon going to learn I
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had to reach out for help so it took me
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to the point of death to basically
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collapse at the sink my brother picked
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me up none took me to hospital and then
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the next day I got diagnosed with acute
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myeloid leukemia right how did you look
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at that stage like had the weight been
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dropping off you did you look ill I
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looked ill yeah people people so I
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looked a bit different but no one really
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said anything too much
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um but it just comes back to being young
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dong I just keep pushing I I didn't want
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to know about it I didn't want to be
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sick yeah I was I had a trip planned
00:12:13
overseas and I wanted to go over to
00:12:15
Southeast Asia experience a bit and come
00:12:17
back and give the running a go again
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yeah yeah so that was a plan I just
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wanted to go overseas and just reset
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yeah because not competing at the New
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Zealand Champs out here just just
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devastated me yeah yeah of course yeah
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of course and also listen no no judgment
00:12:30
from me I had a mess of tumor growing in
00:12:31
my gut for like 10 years and I ignored
00:12:34
all the warning signs as well yeah I
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ended up collapsing during the Auckland
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Marathon so no no my my health Journeys
00:12:41
but it doesn't have anything on yours
00:12:42
but same sort of thing just just dumb
00:12:44
not listening to your body yeah why why
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didn't you listen
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oh no I just thought I thought I don't
00:12:51
know I thought I was just getting older
00:12:52
and I don't know I started running again
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I felt a little when I when I'd run and
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I thought it must just be because I'm
00:12:56
old and I was like 30 at the time it was
00:12:58
just dumb yeah it's dumb dumb yeah yeah
00:13:01
okay so you're in you're in the hospital
00:13:03
uh what do they say when you go in there
00:13:05
they like how do they break the news to
00:13:07
you oh it was it's probably not most
00:13:10
professional way that day it was it was
00:13:12
a day like this it was dark and gloomy
00:13:13
clouds out and I woke up in the morning
00:13:16
feeling a bitter I had a blood
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transfusion and I was on an IV
00:13:20
my mum and parents my mum and dad no my
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mum and uncle walk in with this
00:13:24
concerned look on their face and then
00:13:26
the doctor come in and he just said
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you've got cancer
00:13:30
and my mum just burst out crying and I
00:13:32
was just so confused and then there was
00:13:33
this old guy in the bed across from me
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and he said my brother-in-law died from
00:13:39
can't you know talent and I was like
00:13:41
what the heck is going on so the doctor
00:13:43
pulled your curtain it should have done
00:13:45
it should have been done a lot more
00:13:46
proficiently in an office somewhere
00:13:48
Friday and then my mum was crying my
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uncle threw his arms up in the air said
00:13:52
no no no and I was like what the heck's
00:13:54
going on why am I causing so much pain
00:13:56
in my family yeah and that was just and
00:14:00
then I couldn't fly overseas
00:14:02
had my first series of blood
00:14:04
transfusions at Greymouth hospital then
00:14:06
I got sent over to Christchurch to the
00:14:07
South Island bone marrow unit where I
00:14:09
was about to understand my diagnosis
00:14:11
understand my cancer and understand the
00:14:13
treatment protocol
00:14:16
when you think back now
00:14:19
um about how you were told and stuff
00:14:21
does it does it make you angry or no no
00:14:23
no no no I'm not angry about that I was
00:14:26
I was just so caught up and being
00:14:29
diagnosed with cancer and not being able
00:14:32
to fulfill my dream of representing New
00:14:34
Zealand yeah I had been completely taken
00:14:36
away and I became so angry how could I
00:14:38
get cancer I I was one of the fittest
00:14:41
fastest in New Zealand and then it was
00:14:42
like how how the heck did I get this and
00:14:45
I got so angry real Angry really angry
00:14:48
at what just just your circumstances
00:14:51
you put all this hard work into
00:14:53
something you work 10 to 12 hours a day
00:14:56
you save your money you go away to races
00:14:58
you're training you have this goal
00:15:00
sitting on it and my my vision was so
00:15:02
narrow because I only had that gold
00:15:04
medal in sight and I wasn't really
00:15:06
appreciating what was around me that the
00:15:08
ability to be able to run yeah yeah yeah
00:15:10
and I didn't see that I just thought my
00:15:13
life was completely taken away because
00:15:14
that's all I knew working running it's
00:15:16
all I knew and um at that time did they
00:15:19
say it was a terminal or did they what
00:15:22
was the chance of survival that was
00:15:23
given to you
00:15:24
um so I I went to the Christchurch bone
00:15:26
marrow unit and it took a few days to
00:15:29
understand my prognosis and where I was
00:15:31
so it started off as a good prognosis
00:15:32
and then by the end of the week I was
00:15:34
about I got given 10 to 30 odds of my
00:15:37
cancer I had so I got put in the poor
00:15:39
prognosis bracket it was never terminal
00:15:41
yeah yeah yeah 10 to 30 is not great
00:15:44
though not great but um I thought I'll
00:15:48
Trust the doctors don't know what
00:15:49
they're doing I've got no idea so I said
00:15:51
I'll just sit here and take what I've
00:15:52
got it's a bit of chemo maybe it's just
00:15:54
like an ice pack on my ankle it'll heal
00:15:56
that's my mentality but I didn't
00:15:57
understand what chemotherapy was going
00:15:59
to do to me yeah what does it do to you
00:16:01
I Strip Me Apart first round of chemo
00:16:03
obviously I was about to understand what
00:16:05
real pain was first round my stomach
00:16:07
lining got Stripped Away and just shrunk
00:16:09
to the size of a walnut and I was in
00:16:10
hysteric pain that first week and the
00:16:14
nurse on she was an older nurse she was
00:16:16
about to retire and she was coming in
00:16:18
with big bolus as a morphine injecting
00:16:19
me into the stomach it always just
00:16:21
started school I don't want your [ __ ]
00:16:23
morphing just you know it was not me I
00:16:25
don't swear it is just not me and I'm
00:16:27
having all these things coming out and I
00:16:29
actually wrote her apology letter and
00:16:31
she actually came up to me the next day
00:16:32
and she goes don't worry love I've had
00:16:33
way worse than that some stuff goes on
00:16:36
in here yeah yeah yeah that's probably
00:16:39
worth um highlighting at this point
00:16:41
um so you're an 800 meter Runner so
00:16:43
you're used to putting yourself in
00:16:44
uncomfortable situation so I'm guessing
00:16:46
you've got quite a high pain tolerance
00:16:47
so when you say it's [ __ ] painful
00:16:49
it's it's [ __ ] painful it was
00:16:51
terrible yeah I I hadn't I hadn't
00:16:54
physically experienced that bad pain
00:16:55
yeah I love that good pain you know
00:16:58
going out getting a load of firewood
00:17:00
lifting it on sweet running down my face
00:17:01
you know that that um feeling of it's
00:17:04
like a meditative Freedom running
00:17:06
pushing myself I loved it because I knew
00:17:08
it would in some stage I didn't know
00:17:10
when this pain would end I had no idea
00:17:13
um so was it just continuous yeah it
00:17:16
just it just landed so I knew I was that
00:17:18
was my first round of chemo and then I'd
00:17:20
have to have five more rounds
00:17:23
that's just Relentless and then I had I
00:17:25
had the leukemic cells in my central
00:17:27
nervous system so I had to have these
00:17:29
lumbar punches and through the equal
00:17:30
chemo into my central nervous system
00:17:32
what's that like lumbar patches that's
00:17:33
like a big needle in your bed yeah so
00:17:34
it's a big needle into my um spinal cord
00:17:37
and they inject it in there to um mop up
00:17:39
their leukemic cells within my central
00:17:40
nervous system and then I also had to
00:17:42
have these bone marrow aspirins once a
00:17:44
month to understand what the cancer was
00:17:46
doing because the cancer was derived
00:17:48
from a hemopoietic stem cells these stem
00:17:50
cells that live in our bone marrow that
00:17:51
basically create your immune system yeah
00:17:53
so they had to suck out a bit of bone in
00:17:56
my hip through this big needle and it
00:17:58
was it was just painful I was on the
00:18:00
nitrous oxide gas oh the noise yeah how
00:18:03
good I loved it mate doing it for pass
00:18:06
out I'll just be sucking hard on it and
00:18:07
like just set this needle in but I had
00:18:09
this really bad experience with it it
00:18:11
didn't work and the doctor just mucked
00:18:12
it up it took them four goes to get it
00:18:13
to suck this bit of bone out so it was
00:18:16
just this continuous cascading of
00:18:17
physical demeaning pain
00:18:20
for how long does that last for so the
00:18:23
treatment protocol for that first eight
00:18:25
months was a month in isolation locked
00:18:27
in isolation I'd have a week to 10 days
00:18:31
of chemo depending on what was the dose
00:18:32
was when you say in isolation what is
00:18:34
what does that mean exactly so basically
00:18:35
a little room maybe quarter the size of
00:18:37
this with a little kitchenette okay and
00:18:39
there's a double ventricle door air
00:18:40
pressure door so only the nurses and
00:18:43
family were allowed in and some friends
00:18:44
now and then so it's a very small room
00:18:46
with the bed you drop your line and a
00:18:49
little kitchenette where you could um
00:18:51
cook some toast or get a bottle of water
00:18:53
and it's literally isolation yeah yeah
00:18:56
visitors real loud in yeah we had
00:18:57
visitors but um you're locked in a room
00:19:00
by yourself but I had a beautiful view
00:19:02
of the park heavy Park next door which
00:19:05
um kept me saying right yeah because I'm
00:19:07
guessing for a like a fit active dude in
00:19:09
his 20s that must have just been like
00:19:12
mentally like torturous it wasn't that
00:19:15
was the hardest part about it and when I
00:19:16
talk about real pain that was the
00:19:19
compounding pain with that physical pain
00:19:21
and then I had that mental pain my whole
00:19:23
life got taken away and I basically was
00:19:27
in despair I disconnected myself from
00:19:29
everyone because I thought my diagnosis
00:19:31
was killing everyone around me because
00:19:32
everyone was so sad and I thought I've
00:19:35
done something bad to everybody else
00:19:37
um why did you think that
00:19:39
everyone was so sad Dom I thought yeah
00:19:41
that's not it's it's like you know you
00:19:44
can't you can't hold any uh like guilt
00:19:46
or Shame about that like at the time I
00:19:48
did though yeah because I was a man I
00:19:50
was supposed to be helping other people
00:19:51
and that's what I thought because I
00:19:53
always helped out other people that's
00:19:54
who I was and I just didn't I just
00:19:57
didn't like seeing my mum in such
00:20:00
distraught seeing me and I didn't know
00:20:02
how to handle it and I looked at myself
00:20:04
once you see your physical change in the
00:20:06
mirror and you saw yourself from
00:20:09
hey
00:20:12
from who you used to be yeah you know
00:20:14
you fit strong and healthy that's what
00:20:16
you love working outside all the time
00:20:18
and you're locked in an isolation room
00:20:20
with your own thoughts I didn't know how
00:20:21
to control it I just didn't know how to
00:20:23
control it I really didn't I didn't even
00:20:25
know how to talk to people I didn't want
00:20:26
to talk to people I didn't even know the
00:20:28
words to say hey can you help me so what
00:20:31
did I did I thought gee because when I
00:20:33
was out
00:20:36
sorry mate
00:20:38
I thought
00:20:39
I can't control these thoughts I can't
00:20:41
control this cancer
00:20:43
the only way I can in this is taking my
00:20:45
life so I really thought about it
00:20:47
and I was up on this balcony
00:20:50
and
00:20:52
so I'll get through this
00:20:55
that's all right take your time and
00:20:58
I just couldn't contain a Dom and I put
00:21:01
a league over and I thought all right
00:21:03
this would be a good way to go because I
00:21:04
couldn't control anything maybe I could
00:21:06
control my situation by making a choice
00:21:09
and in that moment as I was thinking
00:21:11
about it this bit of wind tap the right
00:21:13
hand side of my face and I still feel it
00:21:15
vividly and I turned around and I saw my
00:21:16
mother's cup of tea
00:21:20
foreign
00:21:23
cup of tea
00:21:25
it just hit me in the heart you know
00:21:28
it hit me there
00:21:30
and I said to myself I can't put the
00:21:32
pain I'm feeling inside my mum I just
00:21:34
can't do that it would be worse it'll be
00:21:36
worse for her than for me what I'm going
00:21:39
through right now so I I stood away
00:21:42
I said I've got to get some help mate
00:21:44
yeah desperate man
00:21:46
this was using my strength mate
00:21:49
this was me using my strength now so
00:21:52
luckily in New Zealand we have amazing
00:21:53
foundations and there was a canteen her
00:21:56
name was Sarah and I said listen I need
00:21:58
to get some real help can you give me a
00:22:00
psychologist and she got a psychologist
00:22:01
on board and
00:22:03
I managed to be able to have some bit of
00:22:04
an outlet someone to talk to we offered
00:22:07
a therapist um earlier than that like
00:22:09
getting diagnosed I had to collapse at
00:22:10
the sink before I could give treatment
00:22:12
yeah I was on the edge I had my foot you
00:22:16
know
00:22:17
how high I would have it was four
00:22:20
stories up I was on the fourth okay
00:22:22
right yeah I would have done 15 meters
00:22:24
maybe geez what awful way to go yeah I
00:22:26
it's tough to think about now and I
00:22:28
think holy heck what were you thinking
00:22:30
was it just to was it you you I mean you
00:22:33
didn't want to die did you just want to
00:22:34
escape the pain is that what it was I
00:22:36
just wanted to escape the pain in my
00:22:37
mind because I didn't know how to
00:22:38
control it I wanted to escape the
00:22:40
physical pain and I didn't think there
00:22:42
was a life ahead of me I couldn't see it
00:22:44
I was so blind because I was focused on
00:22:46
this pain that I was in right now I was
00:22:48
just blind I was like in this closed
00:22:49
closet and I hated being in isolation I
00:22:52
hated being sick I hated having cancer
00:22:54
and I perceived myself as this weak
00:22:56
loser pathetic man that had no control
00:22:58
of his life I really did and it was
00:23:00
silly it was just really we were like
00:23:02
embarrassed I was I was yeah that is so
00:23:05
[ __ ] up and from with the benefit of
00:23:08
hindsight now from where you are now you
00:23:09
can you can see that can't you yeah it's
00:23:12
just a silly mindset that I had it was
00:23:14
ridiculous because I thought it was a
00:23:16
man
00:23:17
I can control everything but it wasn't
00:23:20
until I got real help I managed to talk
00:23:22
to someone and understand that this was
00:23:24
okay
00:23:25
that these thoughts are normal
00:23:27
that I finally got out of that dark hole
00:23:29
yeah yeah and I also from that it was a
00:23:32
real pivotal point I got help and he
00:23:35
basically told me it's not you Josh
00:23:37
Coleman that wants to die it's just the
00:23:39
pain in the situation you know and he
00:23:41
assured me this which this will soon
00:23:43
pass so I went back into the hospital I
00:23:46
got given this book it's called man's
00:23:47
foot search for Mania I know that Victor
00:23:49
Frankel yeah concentration camper
00:23:51
incredible my favorite book in the world
00:23:53
yeah and I read read a passage in there
00:23:56
and Victor Frankel went through a whole
00:23:58
heap and suffered horrendously you know
00:24:00
he made a choice to stay with his family
00:24:02
in Austria and he got captured by the
00:24:04
Nazis and put in Auschwitz he said in
00:24:07
there the last of the human freedoms you
00:24:09
know when everything gets taken away the
00:24:11
last of the human freedoms is to choose
00:24:13
to make a choice to choose One's Own Way
00:24:15
yeah so in that moment I made a choice I
00:24:17
made a choice to myself and I made a
00:24:19
choice to God and I said no matter how
00:24:22
hard life gets or not choose to do what
00:24:25
I've decided what I thought I would do
00:24:27
to take in my life no matter how do we I
00:24:28
would put the pain inside myself I would
00:24:30
talk to people and I would carry on and
00:24:33
I made that choice well from like from
00:24:36
your Athletics as well I mean you've got
00:24:37
that that sort of warrior fighter
00:24:39
mentality don't you yeah but I had to
00:24:41
get that from that other story because
00:24:43
Victor Frankel went through a horrendous
00:24:45
amount and I thought if he could get
00:24:46
through what he went through then maybe
00:24:47
I could get through what I'm going
00:24:48
through which was nothing compared to
00:24:50
that nothing compared to Auschwitz yeah
00:24:52
yeah
00:24:54
we always religious or did you um did
00:24:56
you find a religion or God or whatever
00:24:58
you want to call it through this journey
00:24:59
that's an interesting question I mean my
00:25:01
dad was religious my mum and I didn't
00:25:04
like church it was in denial all about
00:25:07
it but something really grabbed me when
00:25:09
I was in hospital especially being able
00:25:11
to take my life um like in the hospital
00:25:14
yet you get a Bible in there and I
00:25:16
actually opened it after I started
00:25:17
reading the book I started reading and I
00:25:18
opened it to a passage it was in Joshua
00:25:21
I just open to Joshua because my name
00:25:23
resonated with that first thing I read
00:25:24
and I read in the first verse um Joshua
00:25:27
1 verse 9.
00:25:29
be strong and of good courage do not be
00:25:31
afraid nor dismayed for the Lord God is
00:25:33
with you and that just sunk to me it
00:25:34
just really resonated with me and then
00:25:36
from then on I had a belief in God so
00:25:39
that's that's where I really found it in
00:25:40
that moment
00:25:41
I suppose when you're going through what
00:25:43
you were going through you you need that
00:25:45
belief in God you need to have that
00:25:47
feeling that there's something on the
00:25:48
other side yeah something on this other
00:25:50
side but someone keeping you accountable
00:25:51
too you know because you read it and
00:25:54
basically you know how jesus carried the
00:25:55
cross and carried his burdens and
00:25:57
sufferings it was like well
00:25:59
I need to go through what I'm going
00:26:00
through because this is life and being
00:26:02
in that hospital environment Dom you
00:26:04
were young kids they were adults and I
00:26:05
got to see everyone else's pain everyone
00:26:08
was going through something it just
00:26:09
wasn't me yeah yeah so I thought maybe I
00:26:12
could get through this and then I can
00:26:13
encourage other people to get through
00:26:14
their own hard times right so so how
00:26:17
long all up does it take you to get
00:26:18
through this um this um leukemia so that
00:26:21
that bout was was eight months yeah
00:26:23
eight months in hospital in and out and
00:26:25
um after that
00:26:26
yeah suicide thing I really got myself
00:26:28
right I started diary writing writing a
00:26:30
lot of diary visualization was big I did
00:26:33
that when I was running visualizing
00:26:34
myself running and being happy again
00:26:37
um you know I did a lot of pre a lot of
00:26:39
meditation and I started talking to a
00:26:41
lot of people people that I trusted I
00:26:43
don't want to talk to everyone but diary
00:26:45
writing writing my thoughts down was
00:26:46
fantastic I allowed myself to cry when I
00:26:49
needed to cry that's something the
00:26:50
psychologist gave me so I locked myself
00:26:52
in the toilet cry to myself and just
00:26:54
open myself up a bit more to people who
00:26:56
I trusted yeah yeah so um yeah you've
00:27:00
got a book out called um the wind at my
00:27:01
back is that is that made up from your
00:27:03
diary entries or your journaling at the
00:27:04
time or was this just a book that you
00:27:06
wrote specifically so it was made up a
00:27:08
bit about my diary because it helped me
00:27:09
recollect the thoughts that I had back
00:27:11
then but it wasn't until I was getting
00:27:12
treatment in Melbourne that I really
00:27:14
started writing this book because um
00:27:15
there was another time where I got in
00:27:17
deep depression as well yeah so I
00:27:19
started writing that thinking maybe my
00:27:21
life's gonna end not by me taking it but
00:27:23
by the disease that I had and um maybe
00:27:25
it's just email for my family or my
00:27:28
nieces and nephews yeah it's a hell of a
00:27:31
story yeah a hell of a story okay so so
00:27:34
you survived the first bout is that is
00:27:36
that where you got it when you go to
00:27:37
Nepal so I get out of the hospital and I
00:27:40
recover remarkably right yeah so I was
00:27:43
quite confused then I really couldn't
00:27:44
associate myself with a lot of my
00:27:46
friends in Greymouth so I kind of
00:27:48
disassociate myself and I just went
00:27:49
surfing mate I was out in the surface
00:27:51
what do you mean it had just something
00:27:52
changed and you know I was just
00:27:54
searching for the meaning of life and
00:27:56
what's gone on you know beforehand I was
00:27:58
out partying taking my clothes off
00:27:59
running around doing all that stuff and
00:28:02
I thought there's more to life than just
00:28:04
doing that yeah I had I had I
00:28:06
experienced so much in that eight months
00:28:07
yeah and I was understanding who I was
00:28:09
and what was going on and what's this
00:28:11
pain and suffering on going on in life
00:28:13
and also too I just love being by myself
00:28:16
I really did I enjoyed it it was
00:28:18
different this time it was just just me
00:28:20
and I was praying I was thinking and I
00:28:23
was out in the surf and I just love
00:28:24
being out in nature just connecting just
00:28:26
connecting myself back out back yeah
00:28:28
yeah so I was out in the surf and then
00:28:31
um friend good friend Ben Wallace rang
00:28:32
me up and he said hey bro do you want to
00:28:34
go down Nepal to Kathmandu and I said no
00:28:37
[ __ ] off you were joking I just I just
00:28:39
mean we we well enough to travel at that
00:28:41
point no no no
00:28:44
but on your life for short Don yeah yeah
00:28:46
and it was like you knew that you needed
00:28:48
to take opportunities because something
00:28:50
can be taken away from you so quickly
00:28:53
so I've rung him back and I said to you
00:28:55
mate let's do it I was out in the surf
00:28:56
one down and I just slapped my hands
00:28:58
down and I said you mate you just got to
00:28:59
do it so I spoke to my doctor he said
00:29:02
yep good as gold go do it
00:29:04
and I got on the plane arrived at
00:29:06
Kathmandu and it was just overwhelming
00:29:09
just been it was my first overseas
00:29:11
experience so oh is that right yeah
00:29:13
actually yeah I've been to Australia
00:29:15
right yeah it doesn't really count yeah
00:29:17
it doesn't really count you know
00:29:18
Aussie's similar to New Zealand yeah
00:29:19
going over there I mean you land you go
00:29:21
you get out there and there's just all
00:29:23
these people talk talk and the smells
00:29:24
and the senses and seeing everyone
00:29:26
around but this trip really changed my
00:29:28
life in a in a huge way it gave me a
00:29:30
real good perspective of how good I did
00:29:31
have it in my hospital room it's a very
00:29:34
poor place isn't it very very poor I
00:29:36
think it's in the top five right all
00:29:38
places in the world but go to my talk
00:29:39
talk and he's taking me to the backpack
00:29:41
as we were staying I was driving along
00:29:43
and just in awe of where I was and I saw
00:29:46
these kids you know BFF similar couple
00:29:49
of men no tops and they're playing in
00:29:50
this rubbish and they got up and they're
00:29:52
waving at me with these smallest on and
00:29:54
I thought holy heck how good did I have
00:29:57
it to suffer in such good conditions no
00:29:59
I had my mum I had a beard I had the
00:30:01
treatment I needed and I had good food
00:30:03
yeah you know I had everything I needed
00:30:05
to suffer in such good conditions that
00:30:07
these kids had nothing and I thought
00:30:09
holy moly yeah some perspective it was
00:30:11
it really was so it really fulfilled me
00:30:13
then that I didn't have it so bad I
00:30:16
really didn't have it that bad
00:30:18
um and I thought no just go out and
00:30:19
enjoy what you do have yeah yeah
00:30:22
well yeah so um what you did there is um
00:30:26
something I'd love to do one day you you
00:30:27
walked to base camp yeah
00:30:29
it's tough how long does that taste it
00:30:32
took us
00:30:33
13 days return I think 13 days right I
00:30:36
can't recall the exact number off the
00:30:37
top of my head but yeah it was about 13
00:30:39
days return was it is it tough everyone
00:30:41
or is it just tough for you because you
00:30:42
were recovering no it was it's tough for
00:30:44
everyone yeah I think there's about 40
00:30:46
of people who decide to go there going
00:30:48
to get there I meet a lot of people who
00:30:50
got flown out
00:30:51
um I did get altitude sickness spent two
00:30:54
nights uh tingle Tingle show spent two
00:30:58
nights there recovered got to Everest
00:31:00
Base Camp then climbed up to this
00:31:01
mountain called Mount kalipatar it's
00:31:03
just under 20 000 foot and got to watch
00:31:05
the um
00:31:07
um sun sunrise over Mount Everest mate
00:31:09
and I call these small perfect moments
00:31:12
you know I just capture them and put
00:31:13
them into my heart and hold them there
00:31:14
tight because no one could take that
00:31:16
away from me and I knew how special that
00:31:17
moment was you know I set myself on a
00:31:20
goal and I achieved it with a good
00:31:21
friend and I saw the sunrise come over
00:31:23
and it's like holy heck last year you're
00:31:25
in hospital wanting to you know what we
00:31:27
spoke about and here you are Mount
00:31:29
Everest you know where Siri it was yeah
00:31:31
I was going to say it must be an extra
00:31:33
special being there as a New Zealander
00:31:34
it was it was really special you know we
00:31:36
went to the Edmond Hillary School we've
00:31:37
got some coloring books and gave some to
00:31:39
the kids and the kids and it was just it
00:31:41
was just really really wonderful
00:31:42
experience yeah life changing
00:31:45
so then um you come back home is that
00:31:47
when you start skydiving yeah so what if
00:31:50
what were you up to you wanted to become
00:31:52
like a skydiving instructor it was over
00:31:54
the two things that I wanted to do in my
00:31:56
life right even when I was running go to
00:31:58
Mount Everest Base Camp and become a
00:31:59
skydiver and I knew there was a high
00:32:01
chance of my cancer coming back I knew
00:32:03
that yeah really what what did they say
00:32:05
yes because I was in a poor prognosis
00:32:07
yeah
00:32:08
um they thought they'd try this
00:32:09
treatment just the chemotherapy and if
00:32:11
it did come back then I had to then I'd
00:32:13
have to have a allergenic stem cell
00:32:14
transplant so that was a backup option
00:32:16
so I thought we'll have the chemo first
00:32:18
and see what happens
00:32:20
um so I come back from Nepal and I
00:32:22
enrolled outside of Mifflin the New
00:32:24
Zealand diploma in commercial skydiving
00:32:26
it was just absolute matchup mate how
00:32:27
many jumps did you do I ended up doing
00:32:29
about 200. [ __ ] yeah wow but that's
00:32:32
nothing you know my instructor had done
00:32:34
20 000 jumps yeah so you were you're
00:32:37
you're at the point where you where
00:32:39
you're like in charge of your own um
00:32:41
Paul cord and stuff like that yeah I was
00:32:43
responsible yeah and I was filming
00:32:44
people um 10 and people I was filming
00:32:46
them
00:32:47
special experience that the most freest
00:32:50
I've ever felt in my life yeah yeah it
00:32:52
was wonderful I met some amazing people
00:32:54
too and some good friends here too yeah
00:32:56
yeah no close calls or anything no apart
00:32:59
from my very last jump
00:33:02
my very last jump I jumped with a good
00:33:03
friend Ivan and we went up to 16 000 no
00:33:06
18 000 feet and I got hypoxic and I
00:33:08
started seeing six of them as I jumped
00:33:11
out of the plane I was like what's
00:33:12
hypoxic hypoxic when I've got um low
00:33:14
oxygen people I've got a low saturation
00:33:16
of hemoglobin so the oxygen can't bind
00:33:18
to the hemoglobin hemoglobin
00:33:21
so I got got real Dizzy and I've seen
00:33:24
six of them whoa started spinning around
00:33:26
and he's like waving at me like what's
00:33:27
going on and then I just pulled my shoot
00:33:29
at 10 000 feet and just got down to the
00:33:31
ground and you know I was really dizzy
00:33:33
and obviously he goes hey bro what was
00:33:35
going on and I knew what was going on
00:33:37
because the same thing happened prior
00:33:38
when I fell off that bike I looked at my
00:33:41
hand too and I saw these purple spots
00:33:43
that was a sign of low platelets
00:33:45
platelets are anti-coagulants that kind
00:33:47
of clot our blood and I just saw that
00:33:49
and I thought oh I know what's going on
00:33:51
it's back it's back and um so I rang up
00:33:54
my mum and dad and I said I know what's
00:33:56
happening
00:33:57
come out for a Skydive and go for a jump
00:33:59
together so I can film you as well have
00:34:01
a family but I was more accepting this
00:34:03
time I understood well yes I've had
00:34:04
peace with it I was yeah I really was
00:34:06
I've found what I needed in my heart
00:34:08
right and I made the choice that no
00:34:10
matter how hard this would get I'd
00:34:11
continue on with what I had
00:34:13
and you yeah you knew what was uh when
00:34:17
you'd been there before and you knew how
00:34:18
hard it was and you had to do it all
00:34:20
over again yeah but this was going to be
00:34:21
way physically harder but mentally I've
00:34:24
got the tools in the toolbox now right I
00:34:26
could handle that yeah I could handle
00:34:27
that and
00:34:29
um I had my mom and dad and I had the
00:34:31
people in my corner and I trusted them
00:34:34
and I was open to talk to them and yeah
00:34:36
so I was mentally prepared but
00:34:38
physically what I was about to go
00:34:39
through was going to be something else
00:34:40
yeah and it was didn't
00:34:43
disappointed
00:34:45
a little bit harder than the 800 meter
00:34:48
Raceway wow well I suppose that's the
00:34:50
thing like um whatever distance you're
00:34:52
running you're putting yourself in pain
00:34:55
but the pain stops as soon as you stop
00:34:56
so you can decide to end that pain yeah
00:34:59
it's your choice yeah the sort of um the
00:35:02
sort of pain that you're going through
00:35:03
with this these Cancer Treatments
00:35:05
there's no escaping it yeah no escaping
00:35:08
you just got to get the job done yeah
00:35:10
yeah so why was the uh why was it so
00:35:13
much worse the second time around so
00:35:14
this time I'd had to have what I
00:35:16
mentioned before an allergenic stem cell
00:35:17
transplant so basically what that means
00:35:20
I've had to have um these hemopoietic
00:35:22
stem cells these hemopoietic stem cells
00:35:24
live in our bone marrow and they
00:35:25
basically the factory cell of our immune
00:35:28
system so going to create a whole new
00:35:30
immune system for me yeah so I'd have to
00:35:33
get these from a young girl in Germany I
00:35:35
didn't know she was a girl at the time
00:35:37
but they were coming from Germany so it
00:35:39
was a mismatch it wasn't a um it was a
00:35:42
it wasn't a complete match so there was
00:35:44
this wrist which graft versus host
00:35:45
disease
00:35:46
so I was going to get Graphics host
00:35:48
disease from it so what the protocol
00:35:51
looked like was two months of
00:35:52
chemotherapy and then I'd have to have a
00:35:54
break in between of another two months
00:35:56
to get myself get myself right before
00:35:58
the treatment before a transplant now
00:36:00
the treatment before a transplant is
00:36:02
absolutely horrendous they kill your
00:36:04
whole immune system basically like
00:36:05
Roundup times 10 just spray it so it
00:36:08
doesn't grow back and need these other
00:36:10
cells to come in so they can grow a
00:36:12
whole new Garden whole new immune system
00:36:13
right yeah does that make sense yeah it
00:36:15
makes perfect sense cool and so I had
00:36:17
that two months of chemo and after the
00:36:19
second round of the chemotherapy I got
00:36:21
put in on I got neutropenic sepsis and I
00:36:25
got put into life support and I had this
00:36:27
big tube down my throat and the doctor
00:36:28
said to my mum and dad this is probably
00:36:30
a good chance you won't wake up from
00:36:31
this
00:36:33
and God willing I did after 10 days
00:36:36
um God that must have been a healthy
00:36:38
appearance it was yeah yeah it
00:36:40
absolutely was but there's a silver
00:36:42
liner I'll tell you the story my sister
00:36:43
tells it better than I but um apparently
00:36:46
when they were putting me in a coma
00:36:47
everyone was in there and mum's crying
00:36:48
Rachel's crying and dad walks in and
00:36:51
he's like oh yeah all right see you
00:36:53
later son Ben's over he's got that
00:36:55
Builders crack coming out lets out this
00:36:57
massive fart mate
00:36:59
and you've got five specialist doctors
00:37:01
in there like oh yeah he's about to say
00:37:04
goodbye to his boy was that what he was
00:37:06
doing so like saying because he
00:37:08
literally thought it was going to be the
00:37:10
last time I'd see your life especially
00:37:11
for my dad yeah but I must mention
00:37:14
earlier before I got when I had got
00:37:17
cancer that first time that's when I
00:37:18
really got to know my Dad yeah when he
00:37:20
first when I first got to see him cry
00:37:22
yeah we understood one another we
00:37:24
connected on a different level so um
00:37:26
yeah he put his hand on my shoulder you
00:37:28
know I said goodbye did that we laugh
00:37:30
about it now mate you have to don't you
00:37:32
yeah the doctor said you know he may not
00:37:34
wake up and you know I did so as I said
00:37:37
before you got two months off that last
00:37:39
round of chemo I only had two weeks
00:37:41
because the person who could donate the
00:37:43
stem cells they only had two weeks to do
00:37:45
it in this period because she was going
00:37:46
away on holiday right yeah so I got out
00:37:49
of this coma mate I couldn't talk I
00:37:51
couldn't walk I was in a wheelchair I
00:37:54
had to ride on this little white board
00:37:55
to you know I was skinny I was like a
00:37:57
little alien what what do you weigh now
00:37:59
and what were you weighing then
00:38:00
it's about 52 kg when I got out of there
00:38:03
I weigh about 61 to 63 now right so 62
00:38:06
around there yeah so I was skinny weak
00:38:10
yeah and um I had to have this
00:38:13
transplant so I had that high dose Rat
00:38:15
full body radiation I had this high-dose
00:38:17
chemotherapy that inoculate my immune
00:38:20
system wait for the transplant to come
00:38:21
feed into my bone marrow start
00:38:23
regenerating this new immune system
00:38:25
and for that month I was in there just
00:38:28
like in the semi comatose state
00:38:30
but as I said before this small small
00:38:33
little special moments that happen and
00:38:34
sustain you through it you know and I
00:38:36
just looked outside to Hagley Park a
00:38:38
place that was quite special to me and I
00:38:40
used to see the boys running past and I
00:38:42
just visualized myself running with them
00:38:43
yeah yeah and then my mum would come in
00:38:46
and give me this sparkling water you
00:38:47
know with the carbon dioxide bubbles in
00:38:49
and I couldn't swallow because I had
00:38:52
um Graphics host disease in my stomach
00:38:54
and that's just popping my mouse mate
00:38:57
it would just give me this joyous smile
00:38:58
and it's just little things that sustain
00:39:00
me for the day that I just really hunt
00:39:01
on to right I was in a hospital room my
00:39:04
mum was here and I had these sparkling
00:39:05
bubbles so it's just small things that I
00:39:07
held onto yeah so what'd you do you just
00:39:09
like sort of swish it around in your
00:39:10
mouth and then spit it out just held it
00:39:12
there and just felt fell to go pop up
00:39:13
and just yeah it just scammy it was
00:39:15
where you smile right set it back out
00:39:18
and then um chose to woke up for another
00:39:20
day right
00:39:22
and when did you when did you realize
00:39:25
you were out of the woods was it was
00:39:28
there a moment where you're like okay
00:39:29
I'm good yes so it normally takes 100
00:39:32
days 100 day period to kind of see if
00:39:34
the transplants accepting your body and
00:39:37
I was having a whole heap of
00:39:38
complications so basically I spent a
00:39:40
year in Christchurch back and forth
00:39:43
um going in and out of hospital with
00:39:44
many many complications you know I had
00:39:46
heart issues and body issues but finally
00:39:49
they got the level of immunosuppressants
00:39:52
and steroids to kind of balance
00:39:53
everything out and I I got in the I got
00:39:56
in the clear of it you know I was good
00:39:57
to go home after that year in hospital
00:40:00
so it was basically let's see how you go
00:40:03
let's see what what happens with this
00:40:04
grass graft versus host disease and
00:40:07
hopefully it doesn't flare up and then
00:40:08
slowly taper down the medication because
00:40:11
I couldn't be on high steroids and high
00:40:13
immunosuppressants all the time because
00:40:14
that would cause more damage going along
00:40:16
in the future especially being so young
00:40:19
so I moved to Nelson just recovered
00:40:21
there I try to recover
00:40:23
and then I got this email so I got a bit
00:40:25
of a part-time job at Skydive much
00:40:27
awaker just driving the van now and then
00:40:29
for the Frozen yeah I got this email and
00:40:32
from the receptionist at Skydive watch
00:40:34
Waker and this email said hey do you
00:40:36
know a guy who's recently had a
00:40:37
transplant he's apparently a skydiver
00:40:40
because I got to write a thank you
00:40:41
leader to my donor but the names get
00:40:42
crossed out so I wrote this thank you
00:40:44
Knitter and she's email me back and she
00:40:46
knew I was a skydiver so she emailed all
00:40:48
the Drop Zones in the south island and
00:40:51
it turned out that she was my donor so I
00:40:53
got her email address we started
00:40:55
emailing back and forth and I thought oh
00:40:57
yeah I gotta go make this skill I gotta
00:40:58
go say thank you yeah and this is not
00:41:00
allowed this wasn't allowed why why is
00:41:02
it not allowed because a lot of people
00:41:03
in the past have taken advantage of the
00:41:05
situation how do you mean yeah yeah no
00:41:08
good question
00:41:09
um so some people have had the
00:41:10
transplant they said well you owe me now
00:41:12
oh okay gotcha right yeah right you owe
00:41:15
me and and there's a lot of missing
00:41:18
counters that have occurred from it so
00:41:19
that's why they kind of keep it separate
00:41:21
yeah so I told Ellie the transplant lady
00:41:25
and she said I will keep it on the delay
00:41:26
you know I said yo I know her name was
00:41:28
but this is another funny thing I just
00:41:31
spontaneously called her Hannah when I
00:41:33
got this first letter from here because
00:41:34
we were writing but we didn't know the
00:41:36
names and I just called it I just called
00:41:38
it Hannah and her name was Hannah mate
00:41:40
h-a-n-n-a-h her name was Hannah Boyer
00:41:43
yeah
00:41:45
wow that was just a name that I gave you
00:41:51
yeah so it was special so I thought I've
00:41:54
got to go see this girl
00:41:57
and you're still friends well you just
00:41:59
want to see her once just for that thank
00:42:00
you moment I went over there no his
00:42:02
sister her younger sister's been out and
00:42:03
stayed with us for two months lived with
00:42:05
us I've been over there met her family
00:42:08
um yeah
00:42:09
we're really good friends yeah really
00:42:11
good friends and I so I went over to
00:42:13
Germany went to Berlin stayed there and
00:42:16
I met her and I was just in awe of a you
00:42:18
know no words could justify how I felt
00:42:20
no words could do it and I was just I
00:42:22
broke down in her arms and she said
00:42:24
Thank you thank you multiple times but
00:42:26
it was a harsh winter then it was the
00:42:28
end of the year of 2014.
00:42:30
and I ended up getting put in Berlin
00:42:32
hospital I got pneumonia I was coughing
00:42:34
up blood you know I wasn't strong enough
00:42:36
to go into such a harsh winter got
00:42:38
flying back to New Zealand
00:42:40
came back here and this Graphics host
00:42:42
disease we were talking about you know
00:42:44
it started to flare up and um our body
00:42:47
was starting to glue itself together and
00:42:48
I got you know I was I was deteriorating
00:42:51
my body was deteriorating basically my
00:42:53
body was starting to kill its own self
00:42:55
it started to eat itself I was getting
00:42:57
glued up my fascia my ligaments and my
00:42:59
collagen were gluing itself together you
00:43:00
can see my face now you know it's all
00:43:02
pigmentated threw it around
00:43:04
my eyes were getting dry and bloodshot
00:43:06
and this is when the saliva wasn't
00:43:08
getting produced properly properly
00:43:11
so maybe again I decided to do this walk
00:43:15
to Saint Angela's Hut to the Blue Lake I
00:43:18
wanted to go to the Blue Lake and I did
00:43:19
this walk
00:43:21
and this was going to be my New Year's
00:43:22
resolution you know started for a year
00:43:24
but my body was slowly deteriorating but
00:43:26
the medication was holding okay me and
00:43:28
my donor Got Back
00:43:30
so I did this walk and my body just
00:43:32
started cramping up on the first Hill
00:43:33
cramping up and walking up I didn't know
00:43:36
why I didn't know why because of the
00:43:38
disease but I didn't I didn't want it
00:43:40
I fell on the top of that top of the
00:43:43
hill just locked up like a dead sheep
00:43:45
mate you know how did she look it is
00:43:46
silly isn't it yeah yeah just near Saint
00:43:49
Angeles Hut and this guy Jeremy from
00:43:52
Switzerland he picked me up took me down
00:43:53
the hill I was in hysterics again and
00:43:56
from then on my body just deteriorated
00:43:58
um my face fled up red bright red I got
00:44:01
sent to Greymouth hospital they thought
00:44:03
I had shingles and I said no it's not
00:44:05
similar to Christchurch and I got this
00:44:07
pain called trigeminal neuralgia and
00:44:10
trigeminal neurologist described as the
00:44:12
worst pain known to man it's also called
00:44:14
the suicide disease because about 20 of
00:44:16
people who get this commit suicide just
00:44:18
to escape the pain mate to describe the
00:44:20
pain
00:44:21
it's like a cheese grater behind your
00:44:23
eye or someone's burning your face while
00:44:25
they're stabbing your stabbing your side
00:44:27
of your face it was horrendous I was on
00:44:29
every pain medication you could think of
00:44:31
and I was screaming down that bone
00:44:32
marrow unit just screaming my head off
00:44:34
yeah
00:44:36
so but that pain does it like come in
00:44:39
bursts or is it just there continuously
00:44:41
no no it was there in birth it was it
00:44:43
was flaring like it was hot like burning
00:44:46
but then you'd have these severe burst
00:44:47
of pain it would just grab me and it's
00:44:49
like yeah light me up what the heavy one
00:44:53
obviously not enough of whatever they
00:44:54
were giving you yeah I was on morphine
00:44:56
fentanyl ketamine Gabapentin
00:44:59
yeah and then finally I got sent up to
00:45:01
the Intensive Care Unit
00:45:03
I got given lignocaine infusions which
00:45:05
is an anesthetic a IV and it numb the
00:45:09
nerve down the trigeminal nerve on the
00:45:11
left side of my face and um I was
00:45:13
pain-free
00:45:14
yep but it's still numb but I can still
00:45:17
feel it where I'm pointing now it's
00:45:18
still numb there how's your vision is
00:45:20
your vision all right I've had both my
00:45:21
cataracts done so yeah that's okay but
00:45:24
not the best
00:45:25
yeah so I had that and then this gvhd
00:45:28
was out of control mate I was the body
00:45:30
was eating itself together it was and
00:45:32
the treatment that immunosuppressants
00:45:34
and the steroids weren't doing the job
00:45:36
so they'd had to they had to simulate
00:45:37
Melbourne to get some treatment yeah
00:45:40
wow she said
00:45:42
how can you have faith you know how can
00:45:45
you believe like there's there's a God
00:45:47
when you've had such a rough [ __ ]
00:45:49
hand yeah that's a good question but the
00:45:52
thing is there's been so much worse
00:45:53
stuff happened to me and I thought why
00:45:55
why then why not me so I made that
00:45:58
decision that I carry the burden on my
00:46:00
back no matter how hard it got that was
00:46:02
the decision I made yeah yeah FM Why Not
00:46:04
Me Why Not Me Maybe I'm taking the pain
00:46:07
away from somebody else maybe if I get
00:46:09
through what I get through maybe my
00:46:10
story could help someone else that's
00:46:11
going for something because I know
00:46:13
everyone out there is going through
00:46:15
something it doesn't have to be so
00:46:16
significant as me but I know a story can
00:46:19
help someone yeah absolutely so I've had
00:46:21
people come into my ward and have a chat
00:46:23
and say hey I've been here and I've got
00:46:25
better you know I've been to many many
00:46:27
places you know thinking about taking my
00:46:30
life and things being taken away from me
00:46:31
but I've managed to hold on to that
00:46:33
self-belief within myself that things
00:46:35
would get better yeah and they really
00:46:37
have yeah we're not there yet
00:46:40
we haven't even got on to the heart
00:46:42
attacks yet yeah that's coming up
00:46:47
someone's got it in for you unbelievable
00:46:51
um yeah we'll get to that but your
00:46:52
health now it's it's good it's so good
00:46:54
yeah compared to where I thought it
00:46:56
would be yeah it's it's incredibly good
00:46:58
yeah I can't even fathom that I'm in
00:47:00
this position and I'm just so grateful
00:47:02
to be alive and doing what I'm doing
00:47:03
yeah and what are the chances of the
00:47:06
leukemia coming back or any of that
00:47:07
coming back I haven't asked for the
00:47:09
statistics yeah and personally I don't
00:47:11
think it's going to come back yeah um I
00:47:13
think I'm in my mind I'm stable I'm good
00:47:15
I'm healthy I'm strong that's how I see
00:47:17
myself yeah brilliant yeah hold on to
00:47:18
that yeah right so yeah so the the heart
00:47:22
complications
00:47:23
did this come as a result of the
00:47:25
leukemia or anything or completely
00:47:26
random no this was a basically a result
00:47:29
of the graphics yeah so we got sent over
00:47:32
to Melbourne to get treatment I'm away
00:47:34
from my family and friends but my
00:47:35
brother's with me at the time and God
00:47:37
bless my brother he's an amazing boy he
00:47:39
was he's seven years younger than I and
00:47:41
he took it on his back to fly over with
00:47:43
me get myself sorted cook my dinners do
00:47:45
everything like that and set himself up
00:47:47
in Melbourne just to help me out mate
00:47:49
incredible young man seven years younger
00:47:50
Harold was he at the time like late
00:47:51
teens early 20s yeah it would have been
00:47:53
about 18 yeah yeah yeah so he went for a
00:47:56
heck of a lot but amazing young man for
00:47:58
what he did he took that burden on put
00:48:00
his hand up and he was responsible for
00:48:02
me when I was responsible for him back
00:48:04
in the day but yeah he took me over
00:48:06
there and I started getting this
00:48:07
treatment it's called extra Corporal
00:48:09
phototheresis so it's basically down
00:48:12
regulating these T lymphocytes my body
00:48:14
these tea lymphocytes were sending
00:48:15
signals to other cells to attack my body
00:48:17
creating this graph versus host disease
00:48:19
effect
00:48:21
um so this hopefully this treatment
00:48:22
would just down regulate these these um
00:48:24
pro-inflammatory cytokines and and
00:48:26
things like that
00:48:28
and it started to work it was great you
00:48:30
know my body was freeing up a bit but
00:48:33
these cramps that I talked about my body
00:48:34
would just lock up I got locked up down
00:48:37
at the corner of Burke Street and just
00:48:39
I'm in pain mate I'm on the ground again
00:48:41
my brother had to come and pick me up
00:48:42
put me on the shoulder carrying it home
00:48:44
the body was slowly getting better with
00:48:46
the treatment I was getting it three
00:48:47
times a week I was living in Melbourne
00:48:48
for six months but then I was away from
00:48:50
family I was away from friends and I got
00:48:53
that negative thought am I ever going to
00:48:55
get better this is seven years now since
00:48:57
I got first diagnosed that's a journey
00:48:58
it's a journey mate and I just winners
00:49:00
are going to get better when is it going
00:49:01
to get better but just carry on just
00:49:03
carry on and you know every day I
00:49:05
thought about jumping in front of a tram
00:49:07
or doing something silly like that I
00:49:09
thought about it but it was that
00:49:10
conscious choice of not doing it just
00:49:12
carry on keep calm and carry on why did
00:49:14
you why did you think like that just
00:49:15
because it was like you just had enough
00:49:17
or you exhausted or yeah I was just
00:49:20
utterly exhausted I couldn't produce
00:49:22
tears I'd go walk down and it was just
00:49:24
like barbed wire in my eyes and I had
00:49:27
this constant pain on my body would just
00:49:29
spontaneously lock up my arms and feet
00:49:31
and everything would just lock up it was
00:49:33
just
00:49:34
it was a nightmare it really was but I
00:49:37
held on to hope that I would get better
00:49:40
I did hold on to that hope
00:49:42
treatment started to work I was getting
00:49:44
a little bit better but that graft
00:49:46
versus host disease as a it was
00:49:48
attacking the indoctilia cells in my
00:49:50
skin but also inside my arteries
00:49:55
so
00:49:56
I went
00:49:57
to this Wim Hof Retreat I went to this
00:50:00
one hops Retreat because I was trying
00:50:01
out the wormhof method and I was
00:50:03
starting to feel a bit good inside
00:50:04
myself yeah I was having these cold
00:50:06
showers and I was doing the slow
00:50:07
breathing yeah for anyone that's I'm not
00:50:09
familiar with Wim Hof which is probably
00:50:11
not many people uh the Dutch Guy this is
00:50:14
a cold shower day keeps the doctor away
00:50:16
absolutely so yeah how did you get on
00:50:18
the Wim hofbuzz just like a an audiobook
00:50:20
or you read a book or no no a friend um
00:50:22
Matt Walker he sent me the link of this
00:50:24
voice documentary of Wim Hof saying he
00:50:26
could help his immune system decrease
00:50:27
inflammation in the body do all these
00:50:29
miraculous things I thought I'm
00:50:31
desperate I need to just try anything
00:50:32
you know I'm willing to try anything to
00:50:34
get myself better yeah the doctors were
00:50:36
doing a wonderful job of getting me
00:50:37
better credit to them and the nurses
00:50:39
amazing people but I needed to take
00:50:41
responsibility for myself and try and
00:50:43
help myself a bit you know push myself
00:50:44
along and I I changed my diet I was
00:50:46
doing a whole group of things and I
00:50:48
thought I'll try this method yeah and I
00:50:49
had my first cold shower and I felt a
00:50:51
little bit good you know you know it's
00:50:53
invigorating it is it's amazing you know
00:50:55
we increase dopamine levels by 250 by
00:50:57
getting into a cold shower you know I
00:50:59
did feel a little bit good so just give
00:51:01
me a bit of purpose for the day and in
00:51:03
the culture feel good yeah I'm in a [ __ ]
00:51:05
situation go have another cold shower so
00:51:08
it gave me that outlet
00:51:09
and then I went to a retreat because
00:51:11
when Hof was doing this Retreat so I
00:51:12
thought so he was actually there he was
00:51:14
there and I got to meet him in
00:51:15
Federation Square and he said come come
00:51:17
and do the retreat man he's full of
00:51:19
energy I'm like wow this guy's amazing I
00:51:21
want what he has I just want it
00:51:24
so I signed up for his Retreat and the
00:51:27
first day I didn't even get to attend I
00:51:29
woke up and had a massive heart attack
00:51:30
now this is before everyone got to meet
00:51:32
each other massive heart attack because
00:51:34
this graphic disease was attacking these
00:51:37
my arteries in it and they yeah so it
00:51:39
was clamping down on that left main
00:51:41
artery
00:51:42
got sent to Geelong hospital had another
00:51:44
two heart attacks got sent to Peter
00:51:46
McCullum Cancer Center always getting
00:51:47
treated had another one there who
00:51:49
finally got sent to the Royal Melbourne
00:51:52
cardiac unit I was in there for 24 days
00:51:54
where I had another 12 heart attacks how
00:51:56
did you not die yeah is it your Fitness
00:51:58
they got you through I'd say I had a
00:52:00
great Fitness on the you know great
00:52:02
Foundation yeah yeah a heart attack's
00:52:04
not Cardiac Arrest we've got to remember
00:52:06
that too okay what's the difference so
00:52:07
basically that's when Cardiac Arrest is
00:52:09
basically when blood flow stops to the
00:52:11
heart I was just getting restriction of
00:52:13
blood flow to the heart so that's
00:52:14
basically what a heart attack was and I
00:52:16
get this extreme pain it's just yeah you
00:52:18
couldn't move
00:52:19
and you can see the ECGs just flip
00:52:21
upside down and they didn't know what to
00:52:23
do with me because my skin and all my
00:52:25
collagen and all of those ligaments are
00:52:26
glued together they didn't know whether
00:52:28
to give me a heart bypass or just stint
00:52:30
the left main yeah so they didn't know
00:52:32
how to go about me I was pretty special
00:52:35
and they so I wrote the doctor a letter
00:52:37
I wrote him a letter and um
00:52:41
I said I don't care what you do if I die
00:52:43
that's fine just make a decision and
00:52:45
learn from me as a patient just I wrote
00:52:47
him a letter Next Day heart attack he
00:52:49
went in the cat lab stint to my left
00:52:50
main artery and I was out there oh two
00:52:53
days later yeah but then this gvhd fled
00:52:55
up mate
00:52:56
and I'll become a mess I was an absolute
00:52:59
Miss I remember I remember
00:53:01
um my friend Matt Walker coming into my
00:53:03
coming into my room and um Royal
00:53:06
Melbourne Cartier unit and he had all
00:53:09
these bubbles going on and I was just in
00:53:10
the corner just crying my head off mine
00:53:11
just crying like when will it end
00:53:15
but it was just holding on to that face
00:53:16
that it would just holding on at night
00:53:18
it's just crying man
00:53:21
yeah
00:53:22
sheer exhaustion
00:53:24
yeah I don't know if I had much more
00:53:26
left but I had my mother's love and I
00:53:27
had hope you know I found God and found
00:53:30
a purpose and I was responsible so I had
00:53:32
to keep carrying on yeah
00:53:35
yeah so I got got more treatment and
00:53:39
then I finally got to go in my first ice
00:53:41
bath
00:53:42
now a lot of people would be questioning
00:53:44
this I've just had a stint in my left
00:53:46
main artery and I was going to go in a
00:53:48
nice bath
00:53:49
I was severely depressed mate a
00:53:51
cardiologist probably wouldn't advise it
00:53:53
I wouldn't think yeah he didn't advise
00:53:55
it okay so so that's your first ice bath
00:53:57
so you go from um
00:53:59
so you didn't even do the one half
00:54:01
Workshop because you yeah I didn't get
00:54:04
to party in that okay I went there
00:54:06
everyone said hello to each other we had
00:54:07
dinner and I went to bed and I woke up
00:54:10
in the morning that's when I got taken
00:54:12
away oh for [ __ ] sake so you you so um
00:54:15
okay so you go from having cold showers
00:54:17
to the ice bath
00:54:19
um how did you how did you learn about
00:54:21
like the breath work and stuff like that
00:54:22
just on his online course 13-week course
00:54:24
yeah I was doing that but then someone
00:54:26
recorded a podcast of the retreat and
00:54:29
they sent it to me because they were
00:54:30
wondering how I was and there was this
00:54:32
guy Dave O'Brien talking he had the
00:54:34
establishment called Fifth Element
00:54:36
wellness and he was talking about gut
00:54:39
health and supplements and excess all
00:54:41
this wonderful stuff and I thought I
00:54:42
gotta go check this out and I walked
00:54:44
into this room and I saw this man called
00:54:46
Mark cluer a wonderful man he's become a
00:54:48
great friend and he's just like this um
00:54:50
basically I describe him as a pirate who
00:54:53
found his treasure he was just full of
00:54:54
life he had this big beard he was tough
00:54:56
tattoos down his arm he's like Josh eat
00:54:58
mate yeah
00:54:59
picked me up I'm like who the heck are
00:55:00
you would be wondering how you are so he
00:55:03
invited me to come and do this ice bath
00:55:04
and you know I was scared I was [ __ ]
00:55:07
[ __ ] myself mate but as I said I was
00:55:09
desperate and I wanted help shutting
00:55:11
yourself because um you what you thought
00:55:13
you might have had a heart attack yeah
00:55:15
yeah I did I didn't know what would
00:55:16
happen yeah but I just I knew that this
00:55:18
exposing yourself to cold science had
00:55:20
validated what it could do for your
00:55:22
immune system your Cardiology logical
00:55:24
system and your neurological system
00:55:26
especially for depression yeah I went in
00:55:29
there and I was so scared
00:55:32
and this was a big change for me because
00:55:34
I really wouldn't talk to anyone
00:55:35
beforehand or anything like that
00:55:37
and I was so disconnected from myself in
00:55:39
a way
00:55:40
and I got on the ice
00:55:43
and I just breathed through it closed my
00:55:44
eyes the boys like breathe Joshy and I
00:55:46
overcome something that I didn't think I
00:55:48
could and I got out mate after how long
00:55:51
I was in there for five minutes it's
00:55:52
about two degrees
00:55:54
and I got out and I felt absolutely
00:55:55
incredible like amazing yeah and I felt
00:55:59
this connection within myself again I
00:56:01
started to pick my head out and
00:56:04
foreign
00:56:06
it's hard to describe the feeling
00:56:09
I I finally felt like I had myself again
00:56:12
I had that
00:56:14
running was like a moving meditation for
00:56:16
me it was my outlet it was somewhere but
00:56:18
now I could physically overcome
00:56:19
something that I didn't think I could
00:56:21
and I felt it inside myself and I was
00:56:24
just
00:56:25
Blown Away mate and it became my daily
00:56:27
practice yeah yeah and you teach it now
00:56:30
yeah yeah I teach it now
00:56:32
yeah at ice Studio here in Christchurch
00:56:34
and around at home
00:56:36
um and Greymouth yep and it's just been
00:56:38
an absolute privilege to share something
00:56:40
that's had a profound effect on me
00:56:41
especially with my mental mental state
00:56:43
of things yes okay so for anyone that um
00:56:46
is curious about it or intrigued like
00:56:48
how how would you start how do you start
00:56:51
um you can look up the Wim Hof method
00:56:52
yeah um get his teamwork course
00:56:55
um but basically the method is just deep
00:56:57
diaphragmatic breathing breathing from
00:56:59
the diaphragm hyperventilating yourself
00:57:00
and just doing
00:57:02
um slow breath holds
00:57:04
and then we just expose ourselves to a
00:57:06
culture adapt ourselves to cold and then
00:57:08
slowly we get into an ice bath and it's
00:57:10
just learning to be comfortable in that
00:57:12
uncomfortable situation so combining the
00:57:13
breath with the ice we can control our
00:57:15
breathing and that's you know this is
00:57:17
what I call full mindfulness when we're
00:57:19
in there we've only got to focus on
00:57:21
ourself and where we are right now just
00:57:23
breathing slowly
00:57:25
getting it all under control and just
00:57:27
learning to be comfortable in that
00:57:28
uncomfortable situation and that's what
00:57:30
happened for me mate that's what really
00:57:31
happened for me yeah
00:57:33
wow
00:57:35
this yeah but there's always a silver
00:57:39
lining so once I had that ice bath you
00:57:41
know I started to feel a bit better I
00:57:42
started to communicate with people
00:57:44
and my story is just another story of so
00:57:47
many other stories it really is that is
00:57:49
always you know the light at the end of
00:57:51
the tunnel so after eight years of
00:57:54
getting that treatment I was on a plane
00:57:55
back to Melbourne getting treatment and
00:57:58
I managed to sit next to this um young
00:58:00
girl
00:58:01
and her name her name was Sybil and I
00:58:04
and I said hello to her you know I
00:58:05
wouldn't talk to anyone on a plane
00:58:06
before I'd shy away and I just said
00:58:08
hello how are you really why would you
00:58:09
shine away ah just a loner or oh you
00:58:13
look in the face and I was just I was
00:58:14
embarrassed about who I was and what I
00:58:15
was doing I didn't really want to share
00:58:17
too much about my treatment and stuff I
00:58:19
really didn't
00:58:20
I'm looking at your face in front of me
00:58:22
now there's there's definite um
00:58:23
pigmentation stuff going on but um it
00:58:25
looks I've said I've seen you on TV
00:58:27
interviews and stuff in the past
00:58:29
um it's it's definitely looking a lot
00:58:30
better now than what it has in the past
00:58:31
so much better than what it was yeah
00:58:33
yeah for sure but at that time when I
00:58:35
was getting treatment it was a lot worse
00:58:37
right yeah I was in a lot worse
00:58:38
condition
00:58:39
and you still didn't know you looked out
00:58:42
yeah I looked really ill bloodshot eyes
00:58:44
all the time yeah you know I sat next to
00:58:47
I said hello she said hello back and
00:58:48
she's gorgeous mate she's absolutely
00:58:50
gorgeous and I said where you're from
00:58:51
she said from Switzerland I said what
00:58:53
have you been doing she's been packing
00:58:54
around New Zealand had a great time now
00:58:55
she's going over to Australia and I said
00:58:58
oh cool and then I asked oh what do you
00:58:59
do for a job
00:59:00
and um she said I'm an oncology nurse a
00:59:03
cancer cancer specialized nurse what are
00:59:05
the chances what are the chances mate so
00:59:07
I don't recommend this for a pickup line
00:59:09
but I said oh I actually going over to
00:59:12
Melbourne to get this special treatment
00:59:13
it's called ACP and she goes oh I've
00:59:15
never heard of it so I said to her do
00:59:17
you want to come and check it out
00:59:20
you're on a backpacking holiday around
00:59:22
Australia yeah mate I'm like what what
00:59:24
was she thinking so here I am didn't
00:59:27
think she'd turn up the next day I told
00:59:29
him my hotel meet me at the front at 10
00:59:31
o'clock and to this day it's the first
00:59:33
time my treatment got delayed normally
00:59:34
it was at 10 o'clock it got delayed to 1
00:59:36
pm so we unfortunately hours yeah we got
00:59:40
we got taken we had to spend that
00:59:42
afternoon that morning together and we
00:59:44
had a lot in common we really did and
00:59:46
she was just a wonderful person do you
00:59:48
think um do you think she
00:59:50
um in this may have even been a
00:59:51
discussion that you've had since then
00:59:53
like was was she legit interested in the
00:59:56
treatment or did she just like you
00:59:58
no I think she was more legit interested
01:00:00
in the treatment
01:00:03
three hours late maybe in a blessing
01:00:04
because it was a chance for you to charm
01:00:06
that yeah yeah I didn't really really
01:00:08
know what to say because I've just
01:00:09
talked about my last seven years eight
01:00:11
years I mean it wasn't much to say but
01:00:13
she was really intrigued and she was
01:00:14
just a generally nice person but the
01:00:16
beautiful thing about her is she didn't
01:00:18
see my physical self
01:00:19
yeah she saw inside me and who I was
01:00:21
yeah
01:00:26
man that's cool yeah man
01:00:29
she you know you talk about health so
01:00:32
it's fundamental key people like her who
01:00:34
just saw me for me yeah a lot of people
01:00:36
shied away from me
01:00:39
a lot of people shied away from me and
01:00:41
that's why I didn't want to talk to
01:00:42
people before because I knew how scared
01:00:43
they were when they looked at me you
01:00:45
know I thought I was a monster how I
01:00:46
look but she saw right into me man
01:00:49
sorry
01:00:51
no apology not accept it and um she saw
01:00:53
me and we spent the week together
01:00:56
and at the end of the week mate we had
01:00:57
it we had a nice moment we had a kiss
01:01:04
I yeah you've got so much gratitude
01:01:06
don't you like I mean these are tears of
01:01:09
gratitude
01:01:10
yeah nothing more you know it's just the
01:01:12
people in your life that sustain you
01:01:14
mate you know I had my mum and then
01:01:16
I had Subs I met here and and she
01:01:19
decided to fly over to New Zealand come
01:01:21
and see me when I flew back
01:01:23
and this is how special she is yeah I
01:01:25
was living at home with my mum and dad I
01:01:27
had no job I was getting treatment for
01:01:30
gvhd and I had no income nothing you
01:01:34
should come over and hung out with me
01:01:35
for two weeks and that was it in stone
01:01:38
now we're married mine and we've got a
01:01:40
kid on the way
01:01:43
I'm gonna get onto my mind
01:01:47
you know it's so good
01:01:49
and let's let's show we sent some of the
01:01:51
story you know I'm not 100 of what I was
01:01:54
when I was that Runner but I've got so
01:01:56
much more than what I had
01:01:58
and your appreciation for life eh and
01:02:00
the people around me mate you know those
01:02:02
wonderful people that went behind my
01:02:04
back you know they were the ones pushing
01:02:06
me along and I finally got my gold you
01:02:09
know sibling
01:02:10
you know we I froze my sperm 11 years
01:02:14
ago and we the doctor said you know
01:02:16
there's a good chance your sperm won't
01:02:18
work but we'll give it a go and it's the
01:02:19
first egg got fertilizing it was an
01:02:22
absolute Miracle mate because I know how
01:02:23
many people struggle having IVF babies I
01:02:27
really do and it was the easiest medical
01:02:29
procedure I've ever been a part of we
01:02:31
deserved it
01:02:33
myself and um and uh my ex JJ yeah we uh
01:02:38
after I had that tumor taken up that I
01:02:40
told you about um yeah we were on the uh
01:02:41
the IVF treadmill for a number of years
01:02:43
I think we ended up having like seven
01:02:45
failed rounds or something before we
01:02:46
gave up but um I mean you yeah you
01:02:49
deserve you deserve that that that lucky
01:02:51
shot and you've had no no no I don't
01:02:54
accept your apology at all man the stuff
01:02:56
that you've been through like you
01:02:57
deserve some good luck and some good
01:02:59
news and that was it yeah I was just
01:03:01
waiting and holding on to that that's
01:03:02
something would change yeah so simple's
01:03:05
over here she's got four weeks to go to
01:03:07
she gives birth and uh amazing you know
01:03:11
it'll be a dad
01:03:12
have I've got this wonderful woman by my
01:03:14
side and you know I've got something to
01:03:16
really look forward to every day I mean
01:03:17
yeah isn't it funny how everything
01:03:19
happens for a reason everything happens
01:03:21
for a reason if you hold on to face yeah
01:03:22
what are the chances of you you know
01:03:25
sitting being seated next here on a
01:03:26
[ __ ] plane right oh chances are
01:03:29
surreal I mean you know there's too much
01:03:31
luck in my life to say it's luck you
01:03:33
know I'm very blessed on I really am
01:03:37
and to be here today to have a chat with
01:03:38
you mate in a park across the road from
01:03:41
where everything started falling out of
01:03:42
control you know it's an absolute
01:03:44
privilege mate it really is to be able
01:03:46
to share my story with you and I just
01:03:48
really hope that what I've been through
01:03:50
and what I've got out of it is so much
01:03:52
more than what I ever could have
01:03:54
fathomed yeah maybe it could help
01:03:55
someone in such a dark situation because
01:03:57
I know what it's like to be an athlete I
01:04:00
know what it's like when you think
01:04:01
everything's been taken away yeah I
01:04:03
coach kids now and it's just wonderful
01:04:06
that I can still give back in a way I
01:04:08
can't run like I used to no way I can
01:04:10
only run for about 10 minutes but seeing
01:04:12
these kids develop and sit in some Good
01:04:14
Foundations in their life you know
01:04:16
that's me giving back and that's me
01:04:17
being a part of running again and it's
01:04:20
so fulfilling but how can you say you've
01:04:23
had so much luck like anyone that's
01:04:25
listening to the story will be if
01:04:27
anything you've been unlucky yeah for
01:04:30
sure but
01:04:31
it's a glass half full going out
01:04:34
I think so many life is about suffering
01:04:38
it really is there's so much hard stuff
01:04:39
out there and I think we're accustomed
01:04:41
in life to think it's all good and
01:04:43
glossy and I thought that beforehand
01:04:45
before I was 23 going into that hospital
01:04:47
room I was I saw young kids two years
01:04:49
old getting chemo I saw young boys you
01:04:52
know they didn't wake up the next day I
01:04:54
saw Dad's with young kids passing away
01:04:57
you know I went to Nepal and saw these
01:04:59
kids with nothing I've seen people
01:05:02
suffer if you want to see something go
01:05:04
into the bone marrow unit you'll see
01:05:06
real suffering and everyone's going
01:05:08
through something everyone is and it's
01:05:10
my responsibility just to go through my
01:05:12
suffering and hold on to Hope and Faith
01:05:14
that something good would come and it
01:05:15
did yeah and it did and that's what I
01:05:18
just share to other people just hold on
01:05:20
to those small perfect moments hold on
01:05:22
to that love something special in your
01:05:24
life knowing that things will change
01:05:25
that things will change for the better
01:05:27
because I know they will
01:05:30
yeah yeah I think you're gonna be a
01:05:32
great dad too you I mean you'll
01:05:34
definitely be um you know more more open
01:05:37
and more willing to display love than
01:05:40
what your own dad was I guess yeah but
01:05:42
he showed love in a different way yeah
01:05:43
you know I mean to say I'll be a good
01:05:45
dad my dad was a great dad yeah because
01:05:47
he didn't have the tools that I'd I had
01:05:49
now of course and he was a great dad in
01:05:51
his own way because he was trying to
01:05:53
provide money
01:05:54
for my for us to provide opportunities
01:05:57
that he never had and I respect him for
01:05:59
that yeah yeah oh that's great yeah geez
01:06:02
you're one of the most great people you
01:06:04
really are man and um your book The
01:06:07
Window by back how can how can people
01:06:08
find that how can they buy it if people
01:06:10
want to hear more of your story
01:06:11
um you can go to www Josh coleman.com
01:06:14
there's a link there to buy it um I
01:06:15
think it sells it with calls and Paper
01:06:17
Plus
01:06:18
um yes you can order it through there
01:06:19
yeah but yeah that's that's the link to
01:06:21
the book but um
01:06:23
thanks for being so open with your story
01:06:24
and uh I have to be honest he's key in
01:06:27
this life and yeah you know there's too
01:06:28
much mistreuce going on and I'm honest
01:06:30
as I can be for people and that that's
01:06:32
what happened
01:06:33
um I'm lucky for my suffering I really
01:06:35
am really pleased about it because it's
01:06:36
made me a better person it really has
01:06:38
yeah man I'm just so thankful that when
01:06:41
you are standing on that balcony that
01:06:42
day that there was that that breath of
01:06:44
wind breath of wind yeah Perfect Analogy
01:06:47
breath of winds took me around and I saw
01:06:49
my mum and that love hurt me eh yeah was
01:06:52
she right there was she yeah because she
01:06:54
was looking after me yeah so she went to
01:06:55
the supermarket that day so she was
01:06:57
staying at ranui house our new house is
01:06:59
amazing facility they have in
01:07:00
Christchurch for long-term patients
01:07:01
where family members can stay and
01:07:03
support them so she was staying there
01:07:05
and those times I'd have that month of
01:07:06
treatment then come out for a week so in
01:07:08
that week she was looking after me she
01:07:10
went out to the supermarket yeah I
01:07:13
thought yeah that's when I made that
01:07:14
kind of incorrect decision I mean yeah
01:07:17
had you done it and let no one no one
01:07:20
could be mad at you no one could you
01:07:22
know you'd be perfectly entitled to but
01:07:24
[ __ ]
01:07:26
yeah I would no I mean it's hard to
01:07:30
think what I was thinking in and to be
01:07:32
honest I wasn't thinking you know I was
01:07:34
just in complete despair yeah you know
01:07:36
life was meaningless I felt powerless I
01:07:38
felt hopeless I had no purpose and I
01:07:41
connected myself to death that's that's
01:07:43
just what I connect myself with
01:07:47
well let's hope the second half of your
01:07:50
life is better than what the first has
01:07:51
been oh every day's been amazing since
01:07:52
I've met sibs you know it really has you
01:07:54
know in those days of hardship too have
01:07:55
taught me a lot Don yeah they really
01:07:57
have taught me a lot and we can go
01:07:59
through so much you know we've all got
01:08:01
it within ourselves to overcome the
01:08:03
obstacles that that present themselves
01:08:04
we all have it there and everyone
01:08:06
someone wants to help someone and that's
01:08:09
the strength right there reaching out
01:08:10
for help you know we we spoke about it
01:08:12
earlier in the conversation you know I
01:08:14
was too young dumb and fully come to do
01:08:16
it it's silly it was absolutely silly
01:08:19
yeah yeah we all need a bit of help we
01:08:21
all need a bit of wind at behind our
01:08:24
back and I'm just so thankful for every
01:08:26
person that's come into my life doctors
01:08:28
my Greymouth Community the the running
01:08:31
community that I had prior to that
01:08:32
everyone's been absolutely amazing and I
01:08:34
love them and appreciate them all and I
01:08:36
just love what you're doing Dom you've
01:08:38
got some great great people on this
01:08:40
podcast and you talk about some heavy
01:08:42
hitting stuff and really get that true
01:08:44
authentic person out and they get to
01:08:46
speak some true meaning and life and I
01:08:48
think you're doing a wonderful job mate
01:08:49
thanks mate yeah it all depends on the
01:08:51
willingness of the person to share their
01:08:53
story and be um you know open and raw
01:08:55
and vulnerable and you've definitely
01:08:56
been all those things today man and I'm
01:08:58
so appreciative that um you shared your
01:09:00
story with me I thank you thank you very
01:09:02
much thanks mate yeah no seriously
01:09:04
cheers Josh Coleman love you mate love
01:09:06
you too mate thank you Don