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Dai Henwood on Surviving 28 Rounds of Chemotherapy & Not Losing Hope – Living with Incurable Cancer

November 17, 2024 / 01:23:58

This episode features D Hinwood discussing his cancer journey, the impact of his documentary series "Liv and Let Die," and his personal growth through adversity.

D shares his experience of being diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and how he coped with the diagnosis. He talks about the legacy he wants to leave for his family through his book and documentary, which resonate with many who are facing similar challenges.

The conversation touches on the emotional reactions to the documentary, including the support from his wife and family. D reflects on the importance of vulnerability and sharing his story to help others.

Throughout the episode, D emphasizes the significance of hope, the reality of living with cancer, and the lessons learned from his journey. He also discusses the role of humor in coping with difficult situations.

Listeners gain insight into D's mindset, his approach to treatment, and the importance of community support during tough times.

TL;DR

D Hinwood shares his cancer journey and the impact of his documentary "Liv and Let Die" on himself and others.

Video

00:00:05

D hinwood welcome to my podcast hi it's

00:00:08

a pleasure to be back it's actually been

00:00:10

a while it has it's been like a a yeah

00:00:12

last time we had you on was the um early

00:00:14

in

00:00:14

2023 uh shortly after you went public

00:00:17

with Jackie Brown on um the project

00:00:21

about your cancer diagnosis and I was

00:00:23

all a bit nervous about about being sort

00:00:25

of public with things and one I'm stuck

00:00:27

I'm still here feeling good and and

00:00:30

looking okay and uh also you've grown as

00:00:33

well so it's pleasure to be back oh it's

00:00:35

great to have you and when not only are

00:00:37

you still here like since then um you

00:00:39

see you've gone from being diagnosed

00:00:41

with cancer in 2020 spending the first

00:00:44

sort of three years of your diagnosis

00:00:45

and the sort of Darkness I I suppose

00:00:47

just coping with it since then you put a

00:00:49

book out which focus on it focuses on it

00:00:52

and a three-part documentary series

00:00:53

which is just gone to here yeah they

00:00:55

they were both two things that um I

00:00:58

really wanted to

00:01:00

I suppose on a selfish level give to my

00:01:04

family leave as a legacy whether I'm

00:01:06

here whether I'm not and also to be able

00:01:10

to to help with the public people who

00:01:13

are going through a similar thing people

00:01:14

who know people who are going through

00:01:16

cancer or chronic illness cuz once I'd

00:01:19

done that interview with Jackie Brown on

00:01:20

the

00:01:21

project and people contacted me and they

00:01:24

I was like [ __ ] actually this is

00:01:26

resonating with people and sharing my

00:01:28

story a few things I've learned my

00:01:30

perspective was resonating with people

00:01:32

and and since the Dockers started going

00:01:34

to air I've been contacted by patients

00:01:37

and even by people who whose family

00:01:40

members have passed away and said

00:01:42

watching this gave me a frame of

00:01:44

reference for what they were going

00:01:46

through um they might have been people

00:01:49

who who you know weren't articulate I'm

00:01:51

blessed of this as my job articulating

00:01:53

my feelings is my job so being able to

00:01:57

put it out there and and help people is

00:01:59

so atic and that selfish thing of sort

00:02:01

of by helping other people you you help

00:02:05

yourself yeah so we're recording this on

00:02:07

a Wednesday so the the final episode of

00:02:10

Liv and Let Die goes to Air Tonight on 3

00:02:13

so by the time this podcast comes out

00:02:14

anyone that hasn't seen it you got to

00:02:16

watch it it's on three plus it's it's

00:02:18

it's masterful actually just before we

00:02:20

we came here for the podcast today I was

00:02:22

in a the cafe down the road and um

00:02:24

you're on the front page and there's a

00:02:26

big review in the entertainment section

00:02:27

and it's a great review but I'm

00:02:28

wondering like even if was a [ __ ] review

00:02:30

would that bother you no what this is

00:02:33

the weirdest thing I've done you know I

00:02:36

I think back to probably one of the more

00:02:39

nervous shows I had going to air was

00:02:41

when I did Family Feud like I'd moved to

00:02:44

because people were investing in a 5:30

00:02:46

game show I was a late night comic no

00:02:49

one we had a bit of cultural cringe so

00:02:52

you know like the second the ratings

00:02:54

come out how how are we doing oh God I

00:02:56

don't want to look at the reviews with

00:02:58

this it's like I don't really care what

00:03:01

the ratings are like and you'd you'd

00:03:03

have to be pretty Savage to give it

00:03:05

a rough review like like it's it's a bit

00:03:09

easier it's a bit easier to give my

00:03:11

comedy a rough review than this so but

00:03:14

but then I was just reading someone sent

00:03:17

me a review I think it was The Herald

00:03:19

Review or the spin-off review and just

00:03:23

the beauty that people have have written

00:03:25

about it have made me feel so blessed

00:03:28

and also

00:03:30

I let it all hang out like I let it all

00:03:32

hang out my rule to myself was I'm going

00:03:35

to just live and do everything and I

00:03:38

don't care what I look like and I'll

00:03:40

Trust these people who are making the

00:03:43

show to not make me look good but to to

00:03:48

carry it with some

00:03:49

sensitivity and Justin Hawks who

00:03:52

directed it was masterful uh Dom Freya

00:03:56

who shot it it's just beautiful

00:04:00

it uh my wife watched it which um I I

00:04:04

sort of that that was the person I was

00:04:07

most worried about about seeing it she's

00:04:09

very private person um and obviously

00:04:12

she's been the person who's really been

00:04:14

wearing this diagnosis with me and she

00:04:18

she really liked it and and it it

00:04:21

touched her and she said this

00:04:25

conveys the heaviness of what being in

00:04:29

treatment is like and this conveys this

00:04:31

roller coaster of of emotions and plus

00:04:35

everyone's reached out on Insta and

00:04:38

emailing me and I've tried to get back

00:04:40

to everyone and and it's just been

00:04:43

beautiful so thanks to everyone who's

00:04:45

watched it yeah it's an outpouring of

00:04:46

love I mean it's just it's it's [ __ ]

00:04:49

sad to watch because it's just a it's a

00:04:51

a reminder that you know [ __ ] things

00:04:53

happen to good people and you you are a

00:04:55

good person I was going to ask you about

00:04:56

your wife yeah because she had your

00:04:57

mom's very prominent in it um and we'll

00:05:00

get into your mom what a delight oh yeah

00:05:03

um but your wife yeah and your kids are

00:05:05

in it as well to to a degree but um not

00:05:07

your wife was that so it's very

00:05:08

interesting cuz it was like

00:05:12

um it was a conscious decision my wife

00:05:15

not really being in it she's in a small

00:05:17

FaceTime in it and then it was like oh

00:05:21

is it like conspicuous that if she's not

00:05:23

in it like is everything okay with you

00:05:25

guys sort of thing but then it was like

00:05:27

no this is our life she is a private

00:05:30

person I'm a I'm a public person and I

00:05:34

think it conveys both in the book and in

00:05:37

the in the doco how much I love my wife

00:05:40

and how how amazing she has been for me

00:05:44

but also she's a different person and I

00:05:46

I need to respect her her sort of

00:05:48

boundaries and and her wishes around it

00:05:51

too so when when did you first get a

00:05:53

copy of the uh the show to watch when

00:05:54

did you get the Vimeo link did did did

00:05:57

you watch it with your mom and your wife

00:05:58

or it was

00:06:00

so the weird thing was I made this with

00:06:03

friends right so everyone it's well I

00:06:05

mean it's like you know working in this

00:06:08

industry long enough whether it be radio

00:06:10

or TV you meet people they become your

00:06:12

mates and you end up sort of working

00:06:13

here and there with them so when it

00:06:16

first was edited I remember going out to

00:06:19

South Pacific pictures who I produced it

00:06:22

with and sitting in a little theater

00:06:24

there just me and the um directors it's

00:06:27

very different to when you make another

00:06:29

show I say let's get some beers some

00:06:31

pizzas we'll get people around we'll

00:06:32

watch it have a watch party this is like

00:06:35

[ __ ] this is pretty heavy bro let's just

00:06:38

have two of us yeah and watched

00:06:41

it

00:06:43

and it was so

00:06:46

emotional but

00:06:48

also so uplifting for me cuz I was

00:06:52

like so nervous about what it was going

00:06:55

to be and then I was like this is

00:06:57

exactly what I wanted it to be

00:07:00

and then my best friend Mikey Carpenter

00:07:02

graded it which is like

00:07:04

making colorizing it so giving it a

00:07:07

flavor and and an even color and all

00:07:09

that and I had to go in and watch each

00:07:11

episode separately with him CU he he's

00:07:13

the guy who drives me to every chemo and

00:07:15

stuff so it was hard and huge for him uh

00:07:20

to do it so watching it was tough and

00:07:24

then um got the Vimeo link then of

00:07:26

course always nervous cuz I'm like okay

00:07:29

now Mom M's got to watch it I hope she's

00:07:31

happy with how she comes across yeah

00:07:33

it's very personal and then Mom was

00:07:35

really happy with it and Mom's a super

00:07:37

proud person and so so she was awesome

00:07:41

and um I was just sto my daughter was so

00:07:44

cute in it as well I and your son he

00:07:46

seems geez the Apple doesn't fall far

00:07:48

from the

00:07:50

tree um yeah there's some light moments

00:07:52

in there like you mentioned Mikey

00:07:53

Carpenter um so he drops you off to

00:07:55

chemo and he's gives you a hug and says

00:07:57

have a good one um just kind of what

00:08:00

you're saying weird you you don't think

00:08:02

about that till after right yeah and

00:08:04

then there's like Brenan love grve like

00:08:05

having a Dary in front of you like okay

00:08:08

you just mentioned my favorite part the

00:08:12

whole he has to be the only one in a

00:08:14

cancer documentary smoking a cigarette

00:08:17

was that was that for comedy so it

00:08:19

wasn't

00:08:20

in number two he's smoking

00:08:24

inside which hasn't happened since like

00:08:27

the two 2000s the best part is it's not

00:08:30

in the Doo we're standing the gigs about

00:08:34

start he gets his name gets called he

00:08:36

hands me a cigarette so I'm holding a

00:08:38

cigarette he storm runs off then he

00:08:40

comes back and oh [ __ ] [ __ ] uh this a

00:08:44

cancer dog I've just given a go cancer

00:08:45

or cigarette um uh just

00:08:51

H so from a personal point of view

00:08:54

that's my favorite moment in it but the

00:08:57

awesome thing is cuz I've got the the

00:08:59

comedy element of it and it it it traces

00:09:03

me building up for the show at the state

00:09:05

opera house it's a nice tool to bring a

00:09:09

bit of levity and just a change of pace

00:09:13

from the the heaviness of sort of the

00:09:16

chemo shots and then um a lot of the

00:09:18

stuff that happens in Japan is so

00:09:20

emotional as well so the comedy is a

00:09:24

nice vehicle in there and also it's a um

00:09:27

it's nice to show how your work material

00:09:30

from a tiny little place in devonport

00:09:33

through to a a sort of big 1 and a half

00:09:36

thousand Ceder down in Wellington yeah

00:09:39

and and that was special I'm getting a

00:09:40

standing ovation at the end oh that that

00:09:43

was that that theater so special to me

00:09:46

that standing ovation

00:09:49

was the most emotional part of my comedy

00:09:53

career

00:09:55

and what was the the absolute cheery on

00:10:00

top was that that standup show I was so

00:10:05

proud of on a creative level so it

00:10:09

wasn't like hey these people are

00:10:12

clapping me for my body of work and for

00:10:17

the entertainment I've done over the

00:10:19

last 20 years the show was awesome like

00:10:23

the hit rate of laughs for that whole

00:10:25

show was huge the um Samantha hu warmed

00:10:28

up for me and Justine Smith were amazing

00:10:30

so it was an awesome show as well so

00:10:33

it's cool having a show you're super

00:10:34

proud of plus the outpouring of emotion

00:10:39

and this whole thing has shown me and

00:10:41

I've I've since done that show up in

00:10:43

Oakland and I did it went down to Christ

00:10:45

Church and did it and it's cool you know

00:10:50

in this world now that's quite feels

00:10:53

quite divisive with you know everything

00:10:57

that's going on in the Middle East

00:10:59

America to to an extent New Zealand but

00:11:02

thankfully not as much but you know

00:11:05

political parties feel more divided

00:11:07

people feel more

00:11:09

divided seeing everyone come together

00:11:12

and have a laugh and then I'm meeting

00:11:14

people who are from completely different

00:11:17

walks of life might have completely

00:11:18

different political views but we're all

00:11:20

just having a laugh and that's like [ __ ]

00:11:23

humanity is good souls are good and and

00:11:27

it's it's been a bit of a tonic for me

00:11:30

just seeing how many beautiful people

00:11:32

there are out

00:11:33

there yeah but I mean that yeah that's

00:11:38

that's sort of a community that you've

00:11:39

built by because you know you you um you

00:11:41

radiate love so I suppose it comes back

00:11:44

to you and it's uh it's welld deserved

00:11:46

and that's that's the thing is I love

00:11:50

and and positivity and there's a fine

00:11:53

line though

00:11:55

between positivity and sort of toxic

00:11:58

positivity if that makes any sense like

00:12:00

there is a bit in the um spiritual sort

00:12:04

of community or um I almost call it

00:12:08

conspirituality

00:12:10

online there's also sort of a sort of

00:12:13

conspiracy spiritual element of people

00:12:16

who are selling snake oil and that there

00:12:18

can be quite a lot of toxic positivity

00:12:20

of no you've just got a smile it's going

00:12:22

to be okay and just gen General

00:12:25

positivity I have [ __ ] times I cry I

00:12:29

deal with anger and all the same

00:12:31

emotions everyone does but I've just got

00:12:34

to a place where I can realize that

00:12:38

that's just part of my sort of climate

00:12:41

if you will and it changes anger comes

00:12:43

and goes like rain does and happiness

00:12:45

comes and goes and and I've got a little

00:12:48

toolbox of how to how to keep myself

00:12:50

happy in hard

00:12:51

times yeah when did you last cry there's

00:12:54

there's a lot of lot of Tears in this

00:12:56

documentary a like it's the most Raw and

00:12:59

vulnerable and open and honest I've

00:13:01

never cried I I have never cried in

00:13:04

front of someone before and then I went

00:13:06

well I certainly have Chang i' certainly

00:13:08

changed that is this your first time

00:13:10

crying on TV on any yeah yeah yeah yeah

00:13:13

yeah um

00:13:16

I I I mean as weird weirdly the only

00:13:20

time I used to cry in front of people

00:13:23

was um when I was a PID and you get a

00:13:26

bit emotional at the end of the night

00:13:29

if you're on the

00:13:32

J and

00:13:34

um this I didn't plan to cry and I had

00:13:40

some of the biggest cries I've ever had

00:13:43

but what this this whole diagnosis has

00:13:45

taught me and um and my wife sort of

00:13:49

taught me as well is [ __ ] a big cry can

00:13:54

sort things out oh it's cathartic isn't

00:13:56

it so like just when you feel it

00:13:59

building up and now I'll get to a point

00:14:02

where I've been having a lot of tension

00:14:04

around scans or like um I'll go back to

00:14:08

this but [ __ ] [ __ ] got a lot worse for

00:14:10

me after that documentary on the cancer

00:14:12

side of things

00:14:15

and when stuff's going bad I can feel it

00:14:17

building up and I'm like oh right a cry

00:14:20

is coming I just need to get sort of get

00:14:24

home and just let it happen and um some

00:14:29

with same with my wife and it's

00:14:30

something I've learned now is going oh

00:14:33

no if someone's having a big cry my

00:14:36

partner's having a big cry I don't need

00:14:38

to make them

00:14:39

better which is a very I think it's

00:14:42

quite a guy thing is we need to solve

00:14:45

problems we need to fix things I just

00:14:48

need to be there for her so and then

00:14:52

that same with me is I've just got

00:14:54

to cry and get it out what are they are

00:14:57

they like frustration tears sadness

00:14:59

tears gratitude tears at times um it's

00:15:04

sadness and anger a lot like um so after

00:15:10

the doco finished I got back from Japan

00:15:13

Japan was sort of the last major part of

00:15:17

the doco that we we shot and then I got

00:15:20

back and my breathing got really bad and

00:15:23

just before Christmas I went and saw my

00:15:26

oncologist and saw that um I had a tumor

00:15:30

sort of on my Airway that was starting

00:15:31

to to to close off my right lung and so

00:15:36

I went back into chemo and that knocked

00:15:38

it back but not quite

00:15:39

enough and then um I had a little break

00:15:44

from chemo and then my lung collapsed um

00:15:47

cuz the the the right lung got cut off

00:15:50

so the top of my right lung collapsed

00:15:52

and so then I went into hardcore

00:15:54

radiation and then I just recovered from

00:15:57

that and now I'm back into to Cho my

00:15:59

breathing's a lot better but so the

00:16:02

tears come

00:16:03

from the reality of things and just the

00:16:08

can I just get [ __ ] have a break like

00:16:10

can I just get a break cuz it's like

00:16:16

every appointment is bad news it's not

00:16:19

it's like can I

00:16:21

just once go along hey things are going

00:16:25

pretty good at the moment we're stable

00:16:27

let's just step some time off you know

00:16:30

it's like no right get back in the

00:16:33

trenches I've just finished round 28 I

00:16:36

think it is of chemo which I worked out

00:16:38

means in the last four years I've been

00:16:41

I've done basically a year straight of

00:16:44

chemo CU it happens in two week Cycles

00:16:47

so between that and then when I TI it

00:16:50

all off of like six major surgeries

00:16:53

and countless days of radiation and that

00:16:57

I'm like [ __ ] the time what I've gone

00:17:00

through in the last four years

00:17:02

considering I was a I consider myself a

00:17:05

healthy person pre cancer right I'd

00:17:07

always go to the doctor for checkups but

00:17:11

I didn't have a lot of serious ailments

00:17:13

you know and then now I've definitely

00:17:17

got my oncologist on speed dial yeah

00:17:21

yeah I got I have got a good context

00:17:24

list of Specialists tell you there yeah

00:17:26

you were you I remember like we used to

00:17:28

I used give you Kudos on straa like

00:17:30

pre-diagnosis you were building up your

00:17:32

running um you'd come in for interviews

00:17:34

when we were on the radio and you're

00:17:36

obsessed with Cups of Tea like you were

00:17:38

very um yeah you were very Zen yeah I

00:17:41

was and i' sort I've sort of embraced

00:17:43

that and

00:17:45

um there's a runner actually who's

00:17:48

become an inspiration for me who's been

00:17:51

through some serious cancer stuff um

00:17:53

Tommy rivs I think oh yeah yeah I know

00:17:55

Tommy like an ultra marathon he's

00:17:57

incredbly incredibly handsome and a a

00:17:59

beautiful aesthetic on his Instagram

00:18:01

page as well oh um how he's one of those

00:18:03

guys I looked at his Instagram page and

00:18:05

you know you go well I've been doing

00:18:06

this wrong you know what you go he's

00:18:09

thought his entire every post so col

00:18:13

matches and but so he he had like a Ser

00:18:16

he's only got like something like 20%

00:18:19

lung

00:18:20

capacity and and he's back Runner these

00:18:25

huge um things and as people like that

00:18:28

were I

00:18:29

just he's someone who just grabs life

00:18:32

you know and it's people like that and I

00:18:36

I I look at people like him and that

00:18:39

as as mentors in a way I've got lots of

00:18:42

mentors who I don't know you know

00:18:45

because now with the the beauty of

00:18:48

podcasts of social media you can

00:18:51

actually get to

00:18:53

learn about people and they can become a

00:18:56

mentor without having to meet up with

00:18:58

them if you know what I mean you can

00:19:00

take inspiration from them yeah pick

00:19:01

their brains sort of vicariously yeah

00:19:03

yeah um yes so the physical stuff so you

00:19:06

touched upon the six major surgeries and

00:19:08

as we saw on the TV a massive massive

00:19:10

back Sky yeah massive um yeah you you

00:19:15

you you show everything and it's

00:19:16

incredible yeah cuz I didn't want

00:19:20

to I suppose I didn't want to gloss over

00:19:24

anything and I didn't want to dwell in

00:19:27

anything I just wanted it to be pretty

00:19:28

straight up and honest yeah I've got

00:19:31

these scars I got one that's sort of

00:19:33

like half an angel one cuz I've had

00:19:35

three lung surgeries one they went

00:19:37

through my back the other went they went

00:19:39

through under my right Peck and

00:19:42

um on the other ones on the other side

00:19:45

so I got two uh two different surgeons

00:19:48

did them and it was interesting cuz when

00:19:49

I got the second one she was the um she

00:19:52

goes I bet you I can see you up better

00:19:54

than the they had a little rivalry and

00:19:57

then when I went to see a me un nailed

00:19:59

that like just fan yeah and she's look

00:20:03

look at that so A

00:20:05

buter and yeah

00:20:08

that that was what I was nervous about

00:20:10

is I got the got the call from Justin

00:20:12

and he's hey how do you feel about sort

00:20:14

of being naked in the studio and we film

00:20:17

your

00:20:18

scars and you know of course that's like

00:20:22

oh

00:20:23

I'm want to be in good shape and then

00:20:26

I'm just like actually I'd just be just

00:20:29

be me

00:20:31

and I'm stoked I did that and it's also

00:20:35

it's a reminder for me as well when I

00:20:38

watched it of going wow you've gone

00:20:42

through all that and you got a smile on

00:20:43

your face so that's Primo yeah you're

00:20:48

man you're so you're so

00:20:49

resilient um so where are things at now

00:20:51

with the chemo you're you're on chemo at

00:20:53

the moment yeah so so I did last week

00:20:57

chemo

00:20:59

so basically say like I'll do it on a

00:21:01

Wednesday it takes two days to infuse it

00:21:05

4 hours in the hospital and I take away

00:21:07

a little baby bottle that's in a little

00:21:10

um Lululemon bum

00:21:12

bag erotically the best no this is this

00:21:16

is the funny thing right so I um go do

00:21:19

like the colon cancer Reddit and I'm

00:21:22

like right cuz cuz every every cancer

00:21:24

has different type of chemo right some

00:21:27

people just do it one day for a certain

00:21:30

cancer then you'll go back for for bowel

00:21:32

cancer you typically take it away for

00:21:34

two days in a baby bottle so I'm like

00:21:36

hey what's the best like bum bag for

00:21:41

these and then so many replies and

00:21:43

they're like okay you got to get the

00:21:45

small Lulu Lemon one I think they only

00:21:48

sell it out of the store in Canada but

00:21:50

it fits the bag it fits the bottle

00:21:52

perfectly ordered it it's the best thing

00:21:55

my God and oh you're walking around

00:21:58

you're around um the chemotherapy where

00:22:02

hey where' you get that that's perfect

00:22:05

size wasn't endorsement yeah so so it's

00:22:08

amaz I don't know if the when they

00:22:09

designed it they thought that that was

00:22:11

the exact perfect thing for it and

00:22:15

um and so you build up like this sort of

00:22:18

toolbox of things so yeah I take it away

00:22:21

for two days and infuses for 48 hours

00:22:24

plugged into my chest um and then I'll

00:22:27

go back so so start on a Wednesday go

00:22:30

back on Friday get unplugged then the

00:22:33

real hard time start cuz you're off the

00:22:37

sort of intense drugs that keep you

00:22:40

pepped up and everything going so you're

00:22:42

detoxing from the drugs and your body's

00:22:46

detoxing the chemo cuz it's like if

00:22:49

you're on a bender on the piss for two

00:22:51

days and your body's just trying to get

00:22:52

rid of the poison so everything's

00:22:55

working

00:22:56

overtime and then by Sunday I have

00:23:00

usually sort of

00:23:02

come right for me I have

00:23:06

found when I'm in my sort of chemo time

00:23:10

and that if I'm fasting and sort of

00:23:14

there's some interesting science now

00:23:17

around keto and carnivore sort of

00:23:20

stuff and its positive effects around

00:23:23

chemotherapy and and so forth so I've

00:23:25

been investigating that and I found for

00:23:27

me I cannot for anyone else everyone's

00:23:29

journey is different for me that has

00:23:32

massively helped me get out of the The

00:23:36

Fog quicker and then by Monday I'm sort

00:23:38

of okay on Sunday I'll

00:23:41

start hitting ice bath and sauna to get

00:23:45

my

00:23:46

blood going in and out and for me I

00:23:49

found um in my for my

00:23:52

brain when I get depressed or start

00:23:55

spiraling with mental

00:23:57

health I'm I need to change my state so

00:24:00

I need to get in cold or really hot and

00:24:04

that just shakes me and um I don't know

00:24:09

any of the science around ice baths and

00:24:11

that but for me it makes me mentally

00:24:13

feel good so I do it and yeah it's that

00:24:16

it's building up the toolbox and because

00:24:18

I've been in this game now for 4 and a

00:24:20

half years the toolbox is getting

00:24:23

better yeah that's a lot of chem said 28

00:24:27

28 29 yeah 20 I think I I think it's 28

00:24:31

I've just done my 28 so you do it then

00:24:34

you have a break then you do it again

00:24:35

and you it's like a s but done you've

00:24:38

managed to do all this work as well like

00:24:39

with half your calendar block you know

00:24:41

blank out yeah I've just looked and

00:24:44

somehow during the next four rounds of

00:24:46

chemo I'm doing a seven days

00:24:48

tour uh I'm better at booking things now

00:24:51

around it so I do it in

00:24:54

six

00:24:55

six uh chunks six um chemo chunks which

00:25:00

is roughly 3 months right so I was

00:25:03

like I wanted to start sort of September

00:25:07

and then get through to December and the

00:25:10

beginning of December I'll do my last

00:25:12

round so I could then just take a break

00:25:15

over Christmas and New Year and then

00:25:18

gauge how things are and it is that the

00:25:21

plan is

00:25:22

just to stay on the road until there are

00:25:26

some more advancers m M

00:25:29

and things are moving in the cancer

00:25:33

space

00:25:34

weirdly AI

00:25:36

is actually this is cancer is one of the

00:25:40

things AI is going to massively help

00:25:43

because it can just the computational

00:25:44

thing is it can just

00:25:46

run run all the different models of

00:25:49

drugs and it can sequence genes heaps

00:25:52

quicker and that and the the aim I

00:25:54

suppose talking to a lot of cancer

00:25:57

researchers is in a way not trying to

00:25:59

cure cancer is trying to get cancer to a

00:26:02

point like diabetes where it's a chronic

00:26:05

illness but you can manage it so they're

00:26:09

trying to find a combination of

00:26:11

potentially drugs that are out there

00:26:13

that already exist that you can combine

00:26:15

to take to just keep things

00:26:18

stable so like how are you today like

00:26:21

you see you seem good you look good

00:26:24

you're articulate you're sharp that's

00:26:25

the thing

00:26:28

that that question there is what people

00:26:31

need to ask people with cancer not the

00:26:33

big so how are you more like how you

00:26:38

doing this morning man cuz today I'm

00:26:40

great you know if You' asked me that on

00:26:42

Saturday oh was [ __ ] I was in bed today

00:26:45

I'm great we had planned a a trip to to

00:26:49

see some family over in Sydney tomorrow

00:26:51

I'm going to the Grand Final NRL Grand

00:26:54

Final with my wife and two kids so it's

00:26:58

cool I've got some excitement to look

00:27:00

forward to but then I land back in New

00:27:03

Zealand Tuesday afternoon and I go on to

00:27:05

chemo Wednesday morning

00:27:07

so my timelines are so different now and

00:27:12

that's often where tears come

00:27:14

from is from

00:27:18

jealousy of

00:27:20

seeing like you know like a

00:27:23

mate a mate would text um like like like

00:27:27

Bryce Casey is good mate he texts hey do

00:27:29

you want to play golf and then he's like

00:27:31

oh I can't I'm in chemo and that's for 5

00:27:35

days you know and then so it's just

00:27:38

those little things then I'll be sitting

00:27:40

Kemo going oh he's just left working

00:27:43

sunny out there and he and and I suppose

00:27:46

that that jealousy

00:27:48

thing

00:27:51

of seeing

00:27:53

people just living everyday lives and

00:27:56

that gets Amplified

00:27:58

by social media because Instagram is the

00:28:02

highlights of everyone's day so I have

00:28:05

to be very careful like for

00:28:08

instance I'm going to turn off my email

00:28:12

turn off delete Instagram off my phone

00:28:15

and so when I'm on holiday I'm just in

00:28:17

the moment creating my own memories with

00:28:20

my family and then when I'm in chemo I

00:28:22

try not

00:28:24

to look at Instagram and that cuz it

00:28:27

just Sparks you know fomo yeah the the

00:28:31

worst kind of fomo not the fomo where

00:28:33

you're just at home and you're not at

00:28:34

the party the

00:28:36

fomo you're having chemo and everyone

00:28:39

else is rocking he said cho fomo cho

00:28:42

fomo ion Bryce case he probably knew and

00:28:44

he thought oh this is a chance to like

00:28:46

beat

00:28:48

D yeah do you go all right do you go all

00:28:51

right with the

00:28:52

golf for how long I've been playing

00:28:55

definitely not definitely not th hey

00:28:58

this is a this is an example golf's one

00:29:01

of them and ukulele is one of them for

00:29:03

me right I reckon everyone should have

00:29:07

something that they do as a hobby that

00:29:10

they're [ __ ]

00:29:11

at that they never want to do publicly

00:29:15

right I love performing I love playing

00:29:18

the ukulele and I'm so bad at it and the

00:29:22

I would never want to do it on stage but

00:29:25

I love doing it by myself someone

00:29:27

everyone should have a hobby for them

00:29:29

that's just for themselves paint it

00:29:33

doesn't matter if you're [ __ ] at

00:29:34

painting and for me that's a good outlet

00:29:37

and I don't know why I still play golf

00:29:40

I've been the same level of [ __ ] for

00:29:44

like 10 years but I really 10 years oh

00:29:48

oh you've done your 10,000 hours I've

00:29:50

done oh you're going to drop it son look

00:29:52

I am living evidence that Malcolm

00:29:54

Gladwell is a liar

00:29:59

oh it's enjoyable though isn't it I

00:30:01

reckon I played very little golf but you

00:30:03

know you can have like a hundred [ __ ]

00:30:04

shots and then one where you just

00:30:06

connect and it doesn't hurt and it makes

00:30:08

that sound and the ball flies where you

00:30:10

imagined it was going to fly and that's

00:30:12

enough to get you back yeah and that

00:30:14

that is what I do it and also I do it

00:30:16

because unfortunately with a lot of the

00:30:19

the lung stuff like for me my meditation

00:30:23

exercise thing was like running and as

00:30:27

you know when you step out of running

00:30:30

say for 3 months that first run is like

00:30:33

hold on how do I used to just bang out

00:30:36

20ks 3ks is feeling pretty rough you

00:30:40

know and for me now with the lung stuff

00:30:42

it's like oh

00:30:45

actually this is not a push through

00:30:47

moment this is a you know this is a look

00:30:50

after yourself moment so I'm aware how

00:30:53

important for your mental health and

00:30:55

your physical health getting some

00:30:56

exercises so for me like

00:30:59

golf is sort of slow exercise but I'll

00:31:03

go and walk for 4 hours you know now now

00:31:06

I'm sort of more I'll walk the dogs and

00:31:09

do and do bigger walks and now I'm

00:31:13

starting to to breathe a bit better I'm

00:31:15

looking at sort of getting into the to

00:31:17

the runs and like my um my son's liking

00:31:21

a bit of running so we want to first

00:31:24

goal is to try and do you know do a bit

00:31:26

of training do a park run

00:31:29

together the little 5K cuz I discovered

00:31:33

Park runs when I was sort of trying

00:31:35

to not drunk get off the piss slowly and

00:31:39

as a tour and comma cuz like oh I'm in

00:31:42

Melbourne look at a park run Edinburgh

00:31:45

there's a park run you know and then you

00:31:47

could have these things that you could

00:31:48

just keep track of all around the world

00:31:50

and then oh there's one in Western

00:31:52

Springs you know so and it's cool cuz

00:31:56

5Ks is a 5Ks I believe is a great

00:32:01

distance for an amateur runner cuz it's

00:32:05

that it can either be a real challenge

00:32:07

if you're getting into it or if you're

00:32:09

in the Rhythm that's something you can

00:32:12

really push for you to B A

00:32:15

Time yeah no it's great anyone that

00:32:17

hasn't done a park run I recommend you

00:32:18

do it um yeah they have them all around

00:32:21

the world it's free logs your times it's

00:32:23

pretty brilliant and there's also I

00:32:25

noticed it's really a real cool crew of

00:32:30

people show up to those things it's neat

00:32:32

it's a tribe he yeah it's a tribe um so

00:32:36

yes so the chemo does it get any easier

00:32:39

you know how most most things you do in

00:32:40

life like say you're scared of a bungee

00:32:42

jump you do a bungee jump by the time

00:32:43

you've done 28 29 bungee jumps you know

00:32:46

it's is is that is that how us with

00:32:48

chemo or no is it

00:32:50

difficult the so the first nine rounds I

00:32:54

did um was the heaviest Kemo done and it

00:32:58

was this drug uh I'm probably not

00:33:01

pronouncing it correctly it's oxy

00:33:03

plantin and it gives you neuropathy so

00:33:06

where um any change in temperature feels

00:33:10

like electric shock so I was wearing

00:33:12

gloves to get milk out of the fridge um

00:33:16

an

00:33:17

amazing thing is that's the chemo Dean

00:33:21

Bara was on and I was talking to him

00:33:23

about it and he was Bloody training for

00:33:25

the America's Cup while doing it so he

00:33:27

like heated gloves and stuff while he

00:33:29

was out on the water because it gives

00:33:32

you this um this

00:33:35

neuropathy then I moved on to one that

00:33:38

is what I'm doing now is

00:33:43

slightly easier in terms of it doesn't

00:33:45

have that side effect but it doesn't get

00:33:48

easier some rounds are easier than

00:33:50

others

00:33:52

but that has no Rhyme or Reason like

00:33:56

I'll sometimes I'll be [ __ ] I'm not in

00:33:58

the zone for this I'm just going to

00:34:01

struggle then I don't find the round

00:34:03

that hard and then other times I'll feel

00:34:06

like I'm dialed in and the round will be

00:34:11

epically hard so n unfortunately it does

00:34:15

never gets easier because in this

00:34:17

documentary you say it's um chemo is a

00:34:18

5-day punishing hangover hardest thing I

00:34:21

voluntarily done I suppose you to

00:34:23

continue that analogy you know sometimes

00:34:25

you can you can drink and you wake up

00:34:26

the next day feeling fine other times

00:34:28

you have like three beers and you wake

00:34:29

up with their hangover no it's

00:34:30

completely like that yeah when you're

00:34:32

like oh I didn't even drink that much

00:34:34

why do I feel you don't drink that much

00:34:36

and you're like [ __ ] this is lingering a

00:34:38

couple of days or no it's it's exactly

00:34:41

like that and I just liken it I think to

00:34:44

booze because it's your liver

00:34:47

processing poison when you drink too

00:34:50

much alcohol and but the sad thing is

00:34:52

you don't have any of the the good times

00:34:56

around it and I've also buil

00:34:58

up I use the term toolbox a lot like I

00:35:02

now have

00:35:04

found there's a drug like a a sort of

00:35:07

anti-anxiety drug called lorazapam that

00:35:10

that people might be familiar with I've

00:35:13

found that now I take

00:35:15

that a small dose of that before I go

00:35:17

into chemo a small dose of that at the

00:35:20

end of the first infusion and it's

00:35:22

almost like a bit of an amnesiac it

00:35:24

helps me sleep it takes away uh cuz you

00:35:28

get associative nausea with chemo so

00:35:32

I'll get nausea pulling into the car

00:35:35

park before I've even got the chemo

00:35:38

because your body's like this is where

00:35:41

this is where it goes down that that

00:35:42

helps with that I I sort of only

00:35:45

discovered that around round 20 so you

00:35:48

know and then once I had that I was like

00:35:50

oh wow this is a game changer and it

00:35:52

also combats the um you have a drug

00:35:55

called dexamethasone which a give you

00:35:58

which is the drug that um Donald Trump

00:36:01

took when he got

00:36:02

Co and he took so much makes you quite

00:36:06

crazy he took not that he needs more of

00:36:09

that he was crazy before that and he

00:36:11

took a heavy dose of that right and he

00:36:13

ordered a Superman suit sent to the

00:36:15

hospital cuz he wanted to walk out of

00:36:17

the hospital rip his normal suit off and

00:36:20

he had a Superman suit on underneath at

00:36:23

his eyes there's a great New York Times

00:36:25

article on this at his eyeses

00:36:28

intercepted the suit and managed to talk

00:36:30

him down cuz this it's almost like

00:36:34

methampetamine

00:36:36

like it you feel so it's a heavy steroid

00:36:40

so it's what helps is antor it keeps all

00:36:43

your organs going but

00:36:46

um coming it means it's very hard to

00:36:48

sleep this lorazapam sort of helped that

00:36:52

um medical marijuana alongside that so

00:36:56

you do get you do figure out and you

00:36:58

also find out your limitations you know

00:37:01

of going when I need to lie down when I

00:37:04

need to rest what food makes me feel

00:37:07

[ __ ] what food makes me feel good you I

00:37:09

mean before before the cancer you were I

00:37:12

think quite in tune with your body I

00:37:13

guess you're even more so now but do you

00:37:15

have like how do you how do you get up

00:37:16

for each round like you um from a mental

00:37:19

perspective the hardest thing is after

00:37:22

so

00:37:24

now I'm going say weake out from doing

00:37:27

another one

00:37:28

but I'm still in the phase where I if I

00:37:31

think about it I'm like I can't do it I

00:37:34

can't do it but then I find a couple of

00:37:37

days out I'm like

00:37:39

oh I think I can do this and

00:37:43

then it's

00:37:46

inevitable it's just there and then I

00:37:49

break things down into chunks

00:37:53

of okay just got to get home and have a

00:37:56

rest you know know I plan a few shows

00:37:59

I'm going to watch I take it

00:38:02

easy and um then I come out the other

00:38:05

side and then it's that mental thing of

00:38:07

okay I've done three out of the six and

00:38:11

because you can only do chemo if your

00:38:14

Bloods have come back to a level because

00:38:17

it kills so many of your healthy blood

00:38:21

cells right so you have these things

00:38:22

nutrifil and you need them above a

00:38:24

certain level to do the chemo so after

00:38:27

I've done four rounds of chemo I have an

00:38:30

extra week break so I have two weeks in

00:38:32

between rather than one week so now I'm

00:38:34

like right I'll get to that fourth one

00:38:37

now I got two whole weeks you which to

00:38:40

most people are like two weeks but to me

00:38:42

I'm like two weeks man that's huge what

00:38:45

am I going to do I'm might write another

00:38:47

book definitely not writing books is

00:38:50

very H do you think um when would it get

00:38:53

to the point where you think n that's it

00:38:55

I'm done no more chemo I'm I'm just done

00:38:58

can't face another

00:38:59

round you're talking the dock about

00:39:01

thing called cheemo resistance like do

00:39:04

yeah you I'm sure you'll get to that

00:39:06

chemo resistance point before you you

00:39:09

give up yeah so well I mean I an example

00:39:12

is I I do chemo alongside a drug called

00:39:15

a vastin which um mck with a blood

00:39:18

supply to tumors

00:39:21

and this chemo is working less than it

00:39:24

did at the beginning and then I've got

00:39:27

enough drug chemo and it's not chemo but

00:39:30

it's administered alongside chemo that I

00:39:33

can move on

00:39:35

to and then I think that might be the

00:39:38

last drug I can the last option I have

00:39:42

in that on that sort of toolbox that

00:39:46

that Arsenal so

00:39:48

I at the moment I can do it because for

00:39:51

me three month blocks is manageable

00:39:55

right six is manageable and then have a

00:39:59

have a breath recalibrate get everything

00:40:03

back as as sort of healthy as it can be

00:40:07

and then and then go again and then I'm

00:40:10

constantly researching I'm constantly

00:40:14

looking you know I'll

00:40:15

spend I'd reckon I'd average an hour to

00:40:18

two hours a day reading medical papers

00:40:21

researching

00:40:22

things you know

00:40:25

um I've become uh

00:40:28

huge cat GPT guy just how good is that

00:40:33

just

00:40:34

for you know I'll get 10 PDFs on a

00:40:38

certain thing around cancer put them all

00:40:41

into chat

00:40:43

GPT analyze what are the what are the

00:40:46

commonalities between these things and

00:40:49

i' I've

00:40:50

found AI when you're actually when you

00:40:53

are giving it a corpus of data so it

00:40:56

can't hallucinate by going on the web

00:40:59

and making things up it's it's it's

00:41:01

amazing and it's a great leveler because

00:41:04

it means it can interpret a three page

00:41:07

scientific

00:41:08

PDF I'm not qualified to read and it can

00:41:12

put in layman's terms then if I see

00:41:15

something interesting from the outcome

00:41:17

I'll will go and double check it and all

00:41:19

that and for

00:41:21

me I'm a I'm a curious person so that

00:41:26

helps me and I'm always keen on

00:41:29

trying new things trying diet

00:41:33

interventions trying maybe some offl

00:41:35

label drug

00:41:36

interventions that as long as they're

00:41:38

not conflicting with my standard of care

00:41:41

and I run everything past my

00:41:43

oncologist I'm I I'll do it cuz I then I

00:41:47

feel like I've got some agency over it

00:41:49

I'm actually advocating for my own

00:41:52

health and is it is shown that people

00:41:55

who people who buy into their own thing

00:41:58

and become active

00:42:00

patients have better

00:42:02

outcomes rather than just passively

00:42:05

doing what they're told I sort of do

00:42:09

what's recommended but I like to cheuck

00:42:11

on my own to Cent I think that's the

00:42:14

right thing to do as well like it's a

00:42:15

there's a quote from I think Socrates

00:42:17

that um you know you're a fool if you're

00:42:19

not your own doctor yeah um and the

00:42:22

information's out there so you should

00:42:23

explore it 100% And also it's that thing

00:42:25

of

00:42:28

don't people shouldn't be scared of

00:42:29

things I'll

00:42:31

read stuff like something might might be

00:42:35

considered snake oil or there might be

00:42:38

it might be an off Lael drug that people

00:42:40

are using and then everyone's like why

00:42:42

no that's all conspiracy it's all

00:42:44

[ __ ] and then I'm like well why are

00:42:47

the why is this huge community of people

00:42:49

using it so then I'd like to investigate

00:42:52

that and it's keeping an open mind on

00:42:56

everything

00:42:57

I think cuz you don't have to do it but

00:43:00

you may as well investigate it giving

00:43:03

yourself every possible chance for a

00:43:05

successful outcome isn't it yeah

00:43:08

and for me it's doing something it feels

00:43:11

like

00:43:12

I'm I'm not just sitting there I'm

00:43:16

actually making an effort and I do I do

00:43:19

try things and

00:43:21

and if they work they work or if they

00:43:23

make me feel better they make me feel

00:43:25

better and it is just being in

00:43:28

tune with your body being in tune which

00:43:32

I I was but I wasn't at the same

00:43:35

time oh I think yeah pre-cancer I think

00:43:38

you probably

00:43:40

were you probably weren't compared to

00:43:42

how you are now but compared to most

00:43:44

people you definitely were yeah which re

00:43:46

which is also a bummer in its own its

00:43:48

own way and it shows how something can

00:43:52

just creep up and that's the freaky

00:43:56

thing about I I I was contacted a couple

00:44:00

of days ago by someone marathon

00:44:03

runner clean

00:44:05

eer smoo in their face off they're in

00:44:08

the same situation as me right they

00:44:12

didn't have your history of boozing as

00:44:15

much as I did that they were your glass

00:44:18

of wine at a wedding person you know and

00:44:21

they're in the same situation at me so

00:44:23

it is a leveler you know and it's

00:44:27

worrying I have no answers as to why

00:44:30

this is but it's really worrying how

00:44:34

prevalent cancer is

00:44:36

amongst people under 50 and I mean who

00:44:41

knows there's no cancer does not have

00:44:44

one

00:44:46

cause unless you're sort of asbestos

00:44:49

related or something like that it seems

00:44:51

to have multi causes and then you go who

00:44:54

knows seems to be quite prevalent in

00:44:56

this Gen X sort

00:44:58

of

00:45:00

uh you know but then when I look back at

00:45:03

the amount of weird Tupperware we were

00:45:05

putting in the microwave and

00:45:07

stuff there's probably no

00:45:10

surprises yeah yeah [ __ ] it's a lot mate

00:45:14

yeah that's a [ __ ] lot when when did

00:45:16

when did your last cry it's actually

00:45:19

been a

00:45:20

while for me weirdly when I'm in when

00:45:24

I've started chemo

00:45:28

I feel quite

00:45:30

resilient it's

00:45:33

almost um almost so I either read Zen

00:45:37

books or books about SAS dudes going

00:45:40

hard out

00:45:41

and so I love too there's no middle

00:45:44

ground like reading your Mitch RS and

00:45:47

your Jo yeah Jo just all these sort of

00:45:51

hard out

00:45:52

guys and um I liking it a bit like that

00:45:56

like it feels like when I'm in

00:45:58

chemo I've put my kid

00:46:01

on and we're flown in and I'm on a

00:46:04

mission you know let's [ __ ] go let's

00:46:07

[ __ ] go let's get through this this

00:46:10

is the end zone then when I get to the

00:46:13

end that's when I deal with a PTSD of it

00:46:16

all and well that's that's

00:46:18

understandable that's cuz you're broken

00:46:20

right yeah and then I can have a cry and

00:46:22

sit back but also it's a cry of like I

00:46:25

did it m got through it like my tumor

00:46:30

markers were high you know like like an

00:46:34

an example of how perspective

00:46:37

changes for bow cancer they monitor a um

00:46:41

thing called

00:46:42

CA and um for different people it reacts

00:46:47

differently but for me when my CA is

00:46:50

high

00:46:52

it means the tumor's growing like I've

00:46:55

proven the link for for my body and then

00:46:58

I'm like for

00:47:00

me couple of years ago High I'm like

00:47:03

[ __ ] it's 40

00:47:05

right now it's like 260 and I'm like

00:47:09

well that's hot like so getting changing

00:47:12

that perspective of going I was at 40

00:47:15

and I so in a normal a person who

00:47:18

doesn't have bowel cancer you you'd

00:47:19

probably see three or

00:47:21

less um and for me I was like oh 40

00:47:26

right I'll try

00:47:27

get through chemo and get it down to

00:47:30

10 and then it was okay I'll try and get

00:47:32

it now it's like I'll try and get it

00:47:34

under 100 so it's that thing of moving

00:47:38

goalposts yeah the moving goalpost and

00:47:40

what

00:47:41

is what is a win for me now would have

00:47:45

felt like a massive loss you know a year

00:47:48

ago is it just constantly being prepared

00:47:51

to like adjust and change your mindset

00:47:53

yeah and also not to live and die by the

00:47:56

numbers and the scans to actually live

00:47:59

and die by in the morning I'll get up I

00:48:04

like to go and stand on the lawn and

00:48:06

bare feet and just listen to the birds

00:48:08

do a bit of sort of chiong or meditation

00:48:11

and that's when I check in and do the

00:48:14

how am I

00:48:16

feeling how am I feeling right now and

00:48:19

there's a um uh amazing uh person I

00:48:23

think she's from Harvard called Ellen

00:48:25

Langer um

00:48:28

who they're saying if people check in on

00:48:32

themselves more regularly you actually

00:48:34

find you feel better cuz I'll check in

00:48:37

on myself four or five times during a

00:48:40

day and I will go I know I'm you know

00:48:44

four out of those five times I'm might

00:48:45

go I'm actually feeling good and then I

00:48:47

can go no I'm feeling good today it's

00:48:49

like an advanced mindfulness really

00:48:51

isn't it yeah and she she was a she's

00:48:53

done a lot of studies around the

00:48:57

impact words have right which is a lot

00:49:01

why they now don't sort

00:49:04

of work around

00:49:07

timelines telling someone they have 6

00:49:09

months to live influences whether they

00:49:11

live six months or

00:49:13

not you know if you had the same cancer

00:49:17

at the same stage and a doctor tells

00:49:20

person you're you got 5 years mate at

00:49:24

least and goes no you've got six months

00:49:27

that actually influences the

00:49:29

outcome yeah understand language because

00:49:32

people get the Mind Body is all one

00:49:36

thing and how we talk to ourselves and

00:49:38

all that so she she became quite she's

00:49:43

done some amazing studies not just

00:49:46

around cancer on all these uh uh

00:49:48

different things and that's a beauty now

00:49:51

of

00:49:53

information and podcast and I would

00:49:55

never have heard of her M back in the

00:49:58

day but she just stumbled across my

00:50:02

algorithm and completely changed my

00:50:05

thinking gez you you're doing some

00:50:07

phenomenal work in the space eh yeah you

00:50:10

must be like a I mean it's it's

00:50:12

accidental and uh you wouldn't wish it

00:50:14

upon anyone but um you know you're

00:50:17

you're the right person for this uh for

00:50:19

this role at this time what's so weird

00:50:22

is if you saw my school results

00:50:27

you know I would not have thought I'd be

00:50:30

studied looking at scientific papers and

00:50:33

being able to um potentially help people

00:50:36

and stuff and

00:50:39

it's it's the example of the right

00:50:43

person for the right time

00:50:45

never underestimate who you are because

00:50:49

that can change you can become someone

00:50:53

else don't under sell yourself don't

00:50:58

CU I am a better person now I am a

00:51:03

happier person ironically now than I was

00:51:07

when say family few for instance when

00:51:12

I now I've lost so much work over the

00:51:15

last four years I've lost so much money

00:51:18

due to this for having to turn down

00:51:21

projects combined with the fact that the

00:51:23

media Landscapes just changed so much

00:51:25

it's not really a lot of TV projects out

00:51:28

there

00:51:29

but my family few time I was on TV five

00:51:33

nights a week Gigan everywhere earning

00:51:36

great

00:51:37

money having a great

00:51:39

time I'm H I'm ironically happier

00:51:43

now and I have stage four

00:51:47

cancer than I was then because I know

00:51:49

who I am now and I'm happy with who I am

00:51:54

and I'm proud of who I am

00:51:57

I'm proud of who you are too who who

00:51:59

would have thought the kid that um was

00:52:00

obsessed with that sex B in your parents

00:52:03

Library How well thumbed was that oh my

00:52:06

God oh my God do you um yeah yeah we'll

00:52:10

get back to the documentary for a bit so

00:52:12

you you do things like that you're play

00:52:14

playing it up for the camera a little

00:52:15

bit afterwards you're like oh God why

00:52:17

did I do that yeah always why did I

00:52:20

sh and also I saw that again it was um

00:52:23

there's this book sex in the movies that

00:52:26

had some good boobies in it and now I'm

00:52:29

thinking back like wow before the

00:52:32

internet just one picture of boobs went

00:52:35

a long way it did a lot of hard yards a

00:52:39

lot of heavy lifting for many years yeah

00:52:43

God you're um yeah that's in your your

00:52:44

family home which your mom has um

00:52:46

downsized um God what a special lady

00:52:49

yeah I I um yeah I thought thought about

00:52:52

her a lot after watching that so she's

00:52:54

um 78 Dame Carolyn hwood yeah um court

00:52:58

judge so she she lost her her husband

00:53:00

your dad a couple of years ago um now

00:53:02

she's been dealing with this and I'm

00:53:03

sure she's a strong stoic lady but [ __ ]

00:53:06

it's a lot to endure it was for a mom of

00:53:08

one it was huge

00:53:11

because 2019 I lost my dad 2020 I was

00:53:15

diagnosed in the 18 months leading up to

00:53:18

his passing he had dementia

00:53:20

so you basically dementia is but when

00:53:24

someone's in the throws dementia that is

00:53:28

grieving for someone while they're still

00:53:31

alive so we went through

00:53:34

that had

00:53:37

a buried him sort of

00:53:40

August

00:53:43

2019 then you move into summer Co me

00:53:48

being diagnosed April right at the the

00:53:51

beginning end of the co pandemic

00:53:54

and we were separated for that right so

00:53:57

the only time we saw each other

00:54:01

was like a catch up in a car

00:54:04

park um and

00:54:08

Mom's she's been a lawyer and a judge

00:54:12

and what was so

00:54:16

Primo is being able to have her on my

00:54:18

medical team so she'll FaceTime in when

00:54:20

I'm with my oncologist and it's great

00:54:22

cuz when he's talking to me I'm the

00:54:24

patient so I'm like

00:54:27

my head's just swirling trying to

00:54:29

process oh [ __ ] what does this

00:54:32

mean what's that lung thing that whereas

00:54:36

she's a bit more

00:54:37

critical so then she can answer the

00:54:41

questions ask questions sorry and then

00:54:45

also it means when I come out of the

00:54:46

meeting I'm not trying to ring her and

00:54:49

relay what happened you you're you're a

00:54:52

creative as well and I suppose she's

00:54:53

more of a like an analytical no and

00:54:55

she'll be asking me like so what did he

00:54:57

say what was his tone there and I'm like

00:54:58

oh uh I think he cuz also words matter

00:55:02

so much in those yeah things because an

00:55:05

oncologist will never sugarcoat anything

00:55:08

for you they cuz they can't give false

00:55:11

hope right so you cling to what they say

00:55:15

and and having her part of my medical

00:55:18

team is awesome she's an amazing

00:55:20

grandmother she's an amazing

00:55:22

mother-in-law

00:55:24

and we're such a a tight

00:55:27

unit because I'm an only

00:55:31

child she had three siblings and they've

00:55:33

all

00:55:35

passed

00:55:36

um my dad had three brothers and they'

00:55:40

all passed and my dad's passed so we're

00:55:42

a small family you know I've got

00:55:44

beautiful cousins

00:55:46

luckily uh

00:55:49

and it's a small unit so having her

00:55:53

there and it it was big selling family

00:55:56

house cuz we never moved they bought the

00:55:59

house just before I was

00:56:00

born and I grew up in that

00:56:04

house and then Mom luckily sold it

00:56:08

downside to a small place in Wellington

00:56:11

and got a small apartment close to us in

00:56:13

West ockland and it's cool cuz now we

00:56:16

see more of her um she

00:56:19

can sort of be be around and and she was

00:56:24

massively helping me while I was came

00:56:26

over this the previous summer and has

00:56:31

brought us very close cuz

00:56:34

it's honest and she's like me she's

00:56:37

optimistic but also as it goes on you

00:56:41

got to be optimistic but then the

00:56:43

reality of of it all starts to at

00:56:47

home yeah has has she always been good

00:56:51

at showing vulnerability with you and

00:56:53

vice versa like you talk about your dad

00:56:54

in the documentary and um I suppose he

00:56:56

was a he was a loving dad but a product

00:56:58

of his generation so he you you knew he

00:57:01

loved you through actions rather than

00:57:03

words and your mom after he got

00:57:05

diagnosed with dementia she she made him

00:57:08

uh go and like say the things that he

00:57:10

had never never said was she like the

00:57:12

the loving one the one that expressed it

00:57:15

with words she did express it with

00:57:18

words

00:57:20

uh the frame of reference for dad was

00:57:23

he's a Welshman who

00:57:26

was bombed his house was bombed to

00:57:30

Smither when he was a kid you know they

00:57:33

were CU When the Germans hit Britain in

00:57:36

World War I the Welsh Town Swansea where

00:57:40

we're from was one of the first towns

00:57:41

bombed where it's where the planes came

00:57:44

in so that got leveled you know and so

00:57:47

they took kids and the kids went and

00:57:49

hidden the forest and [ __ ] while um the

00:57:52

adults were in bunkers and things so

00:57:57

you can't

00:57:58

underestimate the mental trauma that

00:58:01

that causes people even even as young

00:58:05

kids so yeah we would talk rugby and

00:58:10

we'd talk about

00:58:13

performing and love came through in that

00:58:16

and I always knew he'd loved me

00:58:19

dad you know he loved me to bit and but

00:58:24

Mom was probably the you know the more

00:58:28

Huggy she pardon me she was the more

00:58:30

Huggy lie with me when I'm sick and that

00:58:34

sort of carry on yeah it comes through

00:58:36

it's a special relationship well even

00:58:38

and yeah vice versa with you to to her

00:58:41

like there's a card um that she still it

00:58:43

on the wall unit that you wrote when you

00:58:45

were 21 which is really really um really

00:58:48

well written like it's really poetic so

00:58:51

I hadn't read that since I was 21 and I

00:58:53

read it in the docker and I'd never real

00:58:56

realized why it was up there it was

00:58:58

profound and then when I I was like oh

00:59:00

my God and I

00:59:03

was super

00:59:05

stoked

00:59:07

that I managed to articulate how much I

00:59:11

love my mom as a young kid because I

00:59:15

don't think a lot of people do and I

00:59:19

used to like to

00:59:21

write

00:59:23

poetry um when I was younger and sort of

00:59:26

um that was a creative outlet for me and

00:59:29

I've always liked to express my emotions

00:59:32

and cards and I've always been pretty

00:59:33

good at telling

00:59:36

people how I feel about them so I think

00:59:39

it's really important to tell if you

00:59:42

love someone tell them and tell them why

00:59:45

you know yeah absolutely like yeah

00:59:47

you're born with a like a a limitless

00:59:49

supply of compliments like it's it's not

00:59:51

going to run out no you can don't use

00:59:53

them sparingly no just just dish them

00:59:55

out and it is it is

00:59:58

amazing

01:00:00

how you can change someone's day I think

01:00:05

it was um it got emphasized to me when I

01:00:09

was it was years ago actually and it's

01:00:11

was like an in a CF or something and I

01:00:13

remember the person in front of me

01:00:15

talking to the server

01:00:17

going [ __ ] you look good in that top not

01:00:20

as like it wasn't like a pickup line or

01:00:22

anything it was just sh you look good at

01:00:23

that top and then when she was serving

01:00:26

me I was like she is beaming you know

01:00:29

like they just but

01:00:31

like if you think it just say it yeah

01:00:34

it's guessing someone up and it's like

01:00:36

you pump someone's tirres up and then

01:00:38

everyone and it's that thing of it's

01:00:40

that idea

01:00:41

of if you do something nice for someone

01:00:45

and you don't tell them or you don't try

01:00:46

and take credit you just do something

01:00:48

nice for someone they think the universe

01:00:51

is a better place than it is or they

01:00:54

that well as it is they think the

01:00:56

universe is a better place so then they

01:00:58

do something nice you know like just you

01:01:01

can just do nice things and and do tell

01:01:05

people you love them because you never

01:01:07

know when you're going to

01:01:10

um you never know when something's going

01:01:13

to happen you're not going to see

01:01:15

someone we had we had someone in our

01:01:16

wider Community recently who's younger

01:01:19

than me just pass

01:01:22

away like that right yeah no no

01:01:27

signs and that made me go right I've

01:01:30

been dealing with this for 4 years it's

01:01:32

constantly there what what's this sort

01:01:34

of what could this timeline be like this

01:01:37

person's just taken and you you hear

01:01:40

about that happening and it makes you

01:01:43

go what what are the things that people

01:01:47

wanted to say you know would you regret

01:01:50

not just taking five minutes

01:01:53

to text that person like should I love

01:01:56

you man you thanks for helping me out

01:01:58

with that or so so share the love share

01:02:00

the compliments and love is one of those

01:02:02

things the

01:02:05

more that gets out there the more there

01:02:07

feels there

01:02:09

is yeah and so how old are your kids now

01:02:12

11 and eight God they're cute kids

01:02:14

aren't they they are and I make sure I I

01:02:17

mean I'm the opposite words wise of my

01:02:20

dad I tell them I love them all the

01:02:23

time I I I'm very open

01:02:27

I'm very open with that and

01:02:31

um

01:02:32

I think it's important and and

01:02:35

it's you know parenting's not easy I we

01:02:39

have our ups and downs but I'm super

01:02:41

proud of them I'm super proud of

01:02:45

how they've sort of

01:02:47

processed this all without I

01:02:51

obviously don't flood them with info the

01:02:54

doco is not

01:02:56

appropriate for them to watch I'll sort

01:02:58

of clip out the bits that they're in and

01:03:00

show them but that's all they want to

01:03:01

see anyway yeah but the emotion and the

01:03:06

message is a bit too much for them at

01:03:09

present uh but I'm stoked it's there is

01:03:12

a

01:03:13

resource for later life when um who

01:03:17

knows I could still be rocking it and

01:03:19

they can look and

01:03:21

go Dad dealt with the heaviest [ __ ] in

01:03:25

his life

01:03:26

life with his head held high and he

01:03:29

dealt with

01:03:30

it in a good way

01:03:34

and I hope that they realize that that's

01:03:37

in them as well cuz I I tell them I'm

01:03:40

proud of them I know who they are I know

01:03:43

who they're going to be when they're

01:03:45

25 I know they're going to be good

01:03:47

people cuz I know who they are and

01:03:50

that's not going to that's not going to

01:03:52

change and I make sure they know that

01:03:57

they're humans and humans are made out

01:03:58

of Stardust man you know we got iron

01:04:02

running through our blood where do you

01:04:03

get iron from the only place you get

01:04:05

iron from is a collapsing star so we're

01:04:07

made out of Stardust and I make sure

01:04:09

they know that and know that the

01:04:11

universe is a better place with them in

01:04:13

it cuz I think if you instill

01:04:16

kids with not a self-importance but just

01:04:21

man you are special and when I say

01:04:23

you're special I don't mean you you need

01:04:25

to be a flash lawyer or an Entertainer

01:04:29

you could be special just by being a

01:04:31

hippie who sits on the Junes and watches

01:04:34

sunsets I don't care what you do as long

01:04:37

as you find what your internal happiness

01:04:40

actually

01:04:42

is that's so cool that's

01:04:47

wonderful oh man that's some heavy [ __ ]

01:04:49

you've been dealing with EH that never

01:04:52

ceases to amaze me I do I I was texting

01:04:56

with a mate who texts me and he goes

01:04:59

um I um I've just been overseas I'm

01:05:02

going to watch I'm going to catch up

01:05:04

with a doo when I get back and I just

01:05:07

text him back go

01:05:09

man when you've watched it let's not

01:05:12

talk about it let's get together and

01:05:13

just tell some dick jokes man you know

01:05:17

there's plenty of dick jokes in well but

01:05:19

it's just

01:05:21

like it's also I'm in this Jer position

01:05:24

of through the book through the doco I

01:05:29

preach that I'm living with cancer and

01:05:31

to live in the

01:05:33

moment and then I'm like I've actually

01:05:36

got to start doing some of that you know

01:05:39

cuz I've been documenting it and and so

01:05:43

now I I'm really proud of what I've got

01:05:46

out there and now I'm just going to live

01:05:50

and be the best version of myself I can

01:05:52

and where I can help people I I can and

01:05:55

to any anyone who listens to this who

01:05:57

reaches out to me I honestly try and get

01:06:00

back to every um person there's a

01:06:04

there's a there's an amazing human is

01:06:06

nam is Derek

01:06:08

cers um he's sort of done the podcast

01:06:10

round he's a um

01:06:14

he he's an amazing he's sort of someone

01:06:17

I look at as a mentor American guy then

01:06:20

find out he lives in Wellington which

01:06:21

was very weird just and um he answers

01:06:26

every email right I emailed him and he

01:06:29

answered me and I was like I try and

01:06:31

answer every email and I really

01:06:34

appreciate it and I am reading what what

01:06:37

people send me and it it might take me a

01:06:39

bit of time to to get back but thank you

01:06:43

to everyone I'd just like to say thank

01:06:44

you to everyone thank you to yourself

01:06:47

man and like so many people have have

01:06:51

showed me kindness in my life and I

01:06:54

think that's also so where I've I've got

01:06:57

the kindness from yeah it's reaping what

01:06:59

you say though isn't it yeah completely

01:07:01

yeah hey I mentioned on Instagram you're

01:07:03

coming I've got some questions should we

01:07:05

in with some Instagram questions let's

01:07:07

some Instagram questions

01:07:09

um you went to see a b cancer specialist

01:07:12

2 to three years before your diagnosis

01:07:14

how do you find peace with that this is

01:07:17

a huge one this is something maybe I've

01:07:19

found peace with more than my family

01:07:22

have um so it wasn't strictly about

01:07:25

cancer specialist so I had bleeding from

01:07:29

the bum right huge symptom of colon

01:07:33

cancer doctor thought it was potentially

01:07:36

a um anal Fisher it didn't fit the bell

01:07:40

curve of what needed for a colonoscopy

01:07:42

but I went to a bow specialist who did a

01:07:45

short um a short sort of colon mini

01:07:50

colonoscopy I don't know exactly what

01:07:52

it's called and they didn't find

01:07:54

anything but thought yeah it's probably

01:07:55

an anal Fisher that's 2017 right and

01:08:00

then 2020 I'm diagnosed with bow cancer

01:08:03

so it's

01:08:05

like would that be the difference

01:08:07

between

01:08:08

um had one surgery and a bit of chemo

01:08:11

and I'm clear now because Bale cancer

01:08:14

out of the cancers if you do find it

01:08:16

early you it's you got a pretty high

01:08:19

rate of being okay yeah I've had Dean

01:08:21

Barker and Alex pler on the podcast same

01:08:24

thing caught it relatively early

01:08:26

both Legends been in contact both of

01:08:28

them and they beautiful humans

01:08:32

and I so I had to park that right that's

01:08:36

something you could hold on to and get

01:08:38

bitter around but that's not going to

01:08:40

help me the way I reconciled

01:08:44

it none of it was done maliciously

01:08:48

right both of those doctors wanted to

01:08:51

help

01:08:52

me they've both gone over the nightes

01:08:55

and

01:08:57

you know that's just what happened so I

01:08:59

have to just park that up as that's what

01:09:02

happened you we we talked before about

01:09:04

our love of like SAS guys and there's

01:09:06

this guy um Joo willing he's got a book

01:09:08

oh no Joo willing his Instagram's just

01:09:10

photos of his bloody watch 4:30 why are

01:09:14

you in the

01:09:15

gym but he's he's got a book that I

01:09:17

really like called um extreme ownership

01:09:19

and I was trying to figure out on my run

01:09:22

today how that applies to you because

01:09:24

it's it's basically just saying own

01:09:25

everything like blame no one else for

01:09:27

anything you know extreme ownership and

01:09:30

but you kind of did that's a frustrating

01:09:32

thing no also what's the frustrating

01:09:34

thing is I did

01:09:36

everything they tell you to do you're

01:09:39

worried see your doctor I was worried I

01:09:41

saw my doctor my doctor didn't know the

01:09:44

answer sent me to a

01:09:46

specialist so you know it's like what

01:09:48

more could you have I literally owned it

01:09:50

and I literally did but but then you

01:09:53

want to put a positive spin on that I

01:09:55

didn't have health insurance in

01:10:00

2017 and then I did and health insurance

01:10:04

has made this path for me a lot easier

01:10:07

oh thank God

01:10:09

so yeah yeah so I mean pros and cons

01:10:13

yeah uh is there anything you wish you

01:10:15

did

01:10:18

differently not really I do wish the

01:10:22

biggest thoughts for me are the dark

01:10:26

thoughts around you know was it I was

01:10:29

drinking too much did I party too much

01:10:31

is that what gave me bow

01:10:33

cancer you know did I not figure out how

01:10:36

to manage my anger properly you know

01:10:39

like um I was a bottle up passive

01:10:41

aggressive bottle up well yeah I never

01:10:43

saw that I I suppose I I never really

01:10:45

saw you on sort of like interview

01:10:46

circuits and stuff yeah and I I never

01:10:49

like no I when I say anger it's not like

01:10:53

I were're getting fight yell at people

01:10:55

people argue with my misses and that it

01:10:57

was internal anger

01:11:01

um

01:11:03

and

01:11:04

then when people reach out to me like

01:11:07

the the person I mentioned before Who

01:11:09

marathon runner clean living and so

01:11:11

forth then I'm like actually

01:11:14

no I know people who still party way

01:11:17

more than me who are still getting on

01:11:19

the bloody gear and and dance parties

01:11:22

and they they're older than me and

01:11:25

they're fine so

01:11:27

no I had to park all that stuff cuz you

01:11:32

have to figure

01:11:33

out what's healthy for your brain and

01:11:36

what's not Emy raking stuff over the

01:11:39

coals of

01:11:41

regrets

01:11:43

misdiagnosis that ain't helping me

01:11:45

moving

01:11:45

[Music]

01:11:47

forward cancer has taken away so much

01:11:50

has it given you anything good yeah it's

01:11:52

given

01:11:54

me that honest happiness that uh I was

01:11:57

talking about it's given

01:12:01

me it's fast tracked my spirituality

01:12:05

it's fast tracked my

01:12:07

mindfulness it's been this

01:12:10

um massive kicking the nuts and a wakeup

01:12:13

call I'm a better husband I'm a better

01:12:15

father I'm a better

01:12:18

person but then it's that thing of um

01:12:21

there's a phrase I heard which I don't

01:12:23

necessarily

01:12:26

agree with the whole of it it's cancer

01:12:28

is a teacher and when it has taught you

01:12:31

what you need it will go I don't I don't

01:12:34

agree with that but it's an interesting

01:12:37

idea right cancer is a huge teacher

01:12:40

anyone who's had cancer will tell you

01:12:42

it's a teacher and I'm not saying it's a

01:12:44

good teacher or a bad teacher but that's

01:12:48

the thing is I I feel I've learned

01:12:50

enough

01:12:51

now how long how long is this degree

01:12:53

yeah exactly

01:12:55

um how different would your life look

01:12:57

now if you had not been through

01:12:59

this you probably stressing about losing

01:13:01

all the TV projects yeah that that'll be

01:13:05

that's interesting

01:13:07

cuz I don't know how my life the the

01:13:11

arony is like

01:13:13

um is I my cancer happened at the

01:13:17

beginning of Co so I was dealing

01:13:20

with um the beginning of chemo and all

01:13:23

these surgeries through Co so to me I

01:13:25

was like why was anyone talking about Co

01:13:29

what do you mean you're stressed out cuz

01:13:31

you're at home and you're drunking too

01:13:32

much wine you know that's not an issue

01:13:36

bro so so to me and then then I suddenly

01:13:39

went then I realized because people come

01:13:43

up to me a lot and go oh man I'm B da D

01:13:46

having these issues but it's nothing

01:13:47

compared to what you're going through

01:13:49

and then I go no it is man cuz before

01:13:52

cancer

01:13:55

an issue seem just as big as cancer does

01:13:58

so to other people their issues are just

01:14:00

as big to them as cancer is to me and it

01:14:02

made me realize that problems are just

01:14:04

problems issues are just issues everyone

01:14:07

has them and your brain gives them this

01:14:10

high this hierarchy that they're all so

01:14:12

important but it's not until you

01:14:16

actually unfortunately stumble across

01:14:19

something like cancer that now I went oh

01:14:22

wow these problems are nothing you know

01:14:26

the the stuff I was worrying about is

01:14:28

nothing and that it

01:14:31

all changes and it all moves and time

01:14:35

passes so

01:14:38

I've I feel

01:14:41

I'm I'm a a better person I've I feel in

01:14:46

in a sort of Pokemon sense I've

01:14:49

evolved I've evolved into my into my

01:14:53

best iteration

01:14:56

yeah I love that are there any

01:14:57

misconceptions about living with

01:14:58

incurable cancer that you'd like to

01:15:01

address yeah there is all I knew about

01:15:05

cancer was from

01:15:07

TV and that

01:15:10

people St you know clutching onto the IV

01:15:14

stumbling through the hospital and sort

01:15:17

of gaunt GA and frail and and

01:15:21

unfortunately the Bold thing is with the

01:15:23

chem I'm on thankfully I haven't lost my

01:15:27

my hair but the Bold thing is a regular

01:15:29

occurrence just cuz a lot of the chemos

01:15:32

kill your fast growing hair celles but

01:15:36

then when I was in when I'm in there I

01:15:38

look around and go oh some people are

01:15:40

smiling they they're like I'm like I

01:15:42

wouldn't have guessed I wouldn't have

01:15:44

guessed 90 sure there are a lot of

01:15:46

people who are in that

01:15:49

frail because they're just getting

01:15:51

hammered by this appalling disease

01:15:55

but there's a lot of people out there

01:15:57

who might

01:15:59

have incurable cancer that you don't

01:16:01

know because they're like

01:16:04

me where they're going through tough

01:16:08

[ __ ] but they're lucky enough to sort of

01:16:11

look normal so you don't know what

01:16:14

people are going through

01:16:17

and incurable cancer

01:16:21

is always there for people who have it

01:16:24

but you don't have to always talk about

01:16:26

cancer with people who have it just hit

01:16:31

them up man if if you if you know

01:16:34

someone and

01:16:35

go do you want to talk about it or

01:16:37

should we just forget about it today

01:16:40

yeah if you go out for a game of golf

01:16:41

you mentioned um Bryce Casey before one

01:16:43

of your golfing Partners um yeah it's a

01:16:46

long time on the golf course do you do

01:16:48

do do your friends actively avoid

01:16:51

talking about it in those environments

01:16:53

um no the good thing is I've sort of got

01:16:56

a WhatsApp thread with a crew of

01:16:59

people that that's where

01:17:02

I it's called Little D with a big c

01:17:05

that's where I'll check out how I'm

01:17:08

feeling [ __ ] today I need my tires

01:17:10

pumped up I'm going so that's where I

01:17:12

sort of have a lot of the cancer related

01:17:14

chat and then when we're out

01:17:18

there no often I'm just with mates or

01:17:22

Comics who just want to talk some

01:17:25

rubbish and that that's what I love yeah

01:17:29

um what does hope mean to you now and

01:17:31

has the definition

01:17:33

changed

01:17:35

hope hope Falls in there

01:17:39

with when you've got a breath there is

01:17:42

still hope that's how I I feel and I say

01:17:45

to myself it's an old saying who I

01:17:48

forget the the name of the woman who

01:17:50

first said it that is I sort of say to

01:17:52

myself every day and every way I'm

01:17:54

getting better and that's my little hope

01:17:58

Mantra

01:18:00

and yeah I got hope and hope is

01:18:04

everything I've got hope for the world

01:18:07

you know I've got Hope For Humanity I've

01:18:09

got hope for the climate nothing's

01:18:12

hopeless so hope is huge

01:18:17

and hope is

01:18:19

important and you don't rely on Hope but

01:18:23

why not there's no harm in it

01:18:25

yeah I saw a therapist a few years ago

01:18:27

and I had this tendency to almost like

01:18:31

cont um catastrophize things or look for

01:18:33

the worst case scenario and she was like

01:18:35

it's only fair if you look for the worst

01:18:37

case scenario that you have to also like

01:18:39

entertain the best case scenario as well

01:18:41

mate that's exactly what I do

01:18:45

I

01:18:47

cuz humans I think go negative right but

01:18:50

that's cuz you know [ __ ] someone's going

01:18:52

to what's the worst they could well like

01:18:54

a lion attack us you know so we got to

01:18:56

set up we're setting up camp right

01:18:58

what's going to what's going to [ __ ] us

01:19:00

up but I'm the same I'm like hey I've

01:19:04

been thinking about all the worst case

01:19:06

[ __ ] what if this all works out you know

01:19:10

and sometimes it's weird you know when

01:19:12

you actually flip that script a bit and

01:19:14

do think about the best case now you do

01:19:17

swell a bit in terms of like positivity

01:19:20

and you do feel a bit better absolutely

01:19:25

and you start to think it's possible

01:19:27

it's possible that this could happen

01:19:29

yeah the um the the documentary is this

01:19:32

the body of work that you're most proud

01:19:33

of yes 100% 100% but I as I mentioned at

01:19:38

the beginning I let it all hang

01:19:40

out the the people I trusted with my

01:19:43

story told it exactly how i' want it to

01:19:46

be told

01:19:48

and yeah I couldn't ask I couldn't ask

01:19:50

for anything more it's definitely my

01:19:52

most proud moment uh in terms of things

01:19:56

I've I've put on the screen or stage

01:19:59

it's incredible I um yeah I mean it's

01:20:02

not an easy I the thing I love about

01:20:03

where we are with um TV and media now is

01:20:06

it lingers around yeah um so people can

01:20:08

go on 3 plus and watch it whenever they

01:20:10

whenever they want so I feel like it's

01:20:11

going to be I don't know what TV ratings

01:20:13

are these days but I feel like this is

01:20:14

going to be one of these um things that

01:20:16

gets consumed you know for years to come

01:20:18

my um end game for this is I want to we

01:20:25

we're looking at cutting it down to sort

01:20:27

of a festival documentary size putting

01:20:31

the three three of them into more one

01:20:33

sort of hour and a half thing because I

01:20:36

I think I don't think you need a frame

01:20:39

of reference for me as a person to get

01:20:41

something out of this so I'd like to to

01:20:44

sort of get it out to a wider audience

01:20:47

as well and leave the bit in there where

01:20:49

you talk about [ __ ] the plug hole

01:20:53

maybe there little a little teaser for

01:20:56

anyone who hasn't seen it watch that oh

01:20:59

God honestly ws and all The Good the Bad

01:21:02

and the Ugly hey um yeah uh can you

01:21:04

remember what your last words were in

01:21:06

the documentary the very final words

01:21:08

it's a real poyant quote I think so

01:21:12

this in a way I think if it's what you

01:21:15

you you're referencing this is the most

01:21:17

poignant thing I've ever said and it

01:21:19

just popped into my head and it is um

01:21:23

when the fear of death is gone all it

01:21:26

remains is the joy of living yeah and I

01:21:30

think that that is so true and people

01:21:34

see at the end of this I did a Tadashi

01:21:37

ceremony which is a a Japanese departure

01:21:40

or death

01:21:41

ceremony and that took away my fear of

01:21:44

death

01:21:46

and I think everyone needs to face death

01:21:50

in the Western World we

01:21:52

don't um we're scared of it we hide from

01:21:56

it it's going to happen to all of us so

01:22:00

it also is a great way of crystallizing

01:22:02

how awesome today is and that thing of

01:22:07

realizing that we're all going to die

01:22:09

with a to-do list so don't freak out too

01:22:12

much about all the minutti [ __ ] you've

01:22:14

got to do just enjoy the day and I think

01:22:18

when the fear of death has gone all it

01:22:20

remains is the joy of living and if

01:22:23

people were to take away anything from

01:22:25

the doco I'd want you to take away

01:22:28

that what a place to end it thanks very

01:22:32

much D mate thanks so much I'm so proud

01:22:34

of you oh mate I'm so proud of you like

01:22:37

I I mate I had tears streaming down my

01:22:39

face watching it had real weird moments

01:22:40

too like just um seeing the dynamic of

01:22:43

the relationship with your mom for

01:22:44

example um yeah the Japanese death

01:22:48

ceremony moments my wife said said this

01:22:52

to me at the end of the death ceremony I

01:22:55

had a hug with the

01:22:57

Monk and my wife goes [ __ ] that looked

01:22:59

like a really good hug and it was an

01:23:02

amazing hug for anyone watching it look

01:23:05

at the hug I have with this monk it's a

01:23:07

cracker of a hug yeah after he was kind

01:23:10

of mean to you as well um you have to

01:23:12

write down the names of three people

01:23:14

dear to you so you've got your two kids

01:23:15

and your wife and you're like oh can I

01:23:17

throw on my mom as well like a fourth

01:23:18

and he's like no no cuz that was the

01:23:20

hardest I was saying I've got a small

01:23:21

unit that's my unit right so I was like

01:23:25

yeah sorry

01:23:27

M hey you're an absolute Legend mate and

01:23:29

um whatever the future may bring for for

01:23:32

you I I just wish you all the best I

01:23:35

love you mate hope to be on here in

01:23:37

years to come going this is how you get

01:23:39

rid of cancer

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Episode Highlights

Living with Cancer
D Hinwood shares his journey with cancer, discussing his diagnosis and the impact on his life.
“I'm still here feeling good and looking okay.”
@ 00m 27s
November 17, 2024
Creating a Legacy
D discusses his book and documentary as a legacy for his family and a source of support for others.
“I wanted to give to my family, leave a legacy.”
@ 01m 04s
November 17, 2024
Emotional Moments
D reflects on the emotional weight of his experiences and the catharsis of crying.
“A big cry can sort things out.”
@ 13m 54s
November 17, 2024
Building a Toolbox for Healing
Discovering personal strategies and tools to cope with chemotherapy and its effects.
“It's building up the toolbox.”
@ 24m 18s
November 17, 2024
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Chemo
Navigating the ups and downs of chemotherapy and its impact on daily life.
“Chemo is a 5-day punishing hangover.”
@ 34m 18s
November 17, 2024
Finding Agency in Cancer Treatment
The importance of being an active participant in one's own health journey.
“People who buy into their own thing have better outcomes.”
@ 41m 55s
November 17, 2024
Facing Cancer with Resilience
Despite the challenges of chemotherapy, the speaker finds strength and resilience in the journey.
“Let’s [ __ ] go, let’s get through this.”
@ 46m 04s
November 17, 2024
Changing Perspectives on Health
The speaker discusses how their understanding of health and cancer has evolved over time.
“It’s that thing of moving goalposts.”
@ 47m 38s
November 17, 2024
The Importance of Expressing Love
The speaker emphasizes the need to tell loved ones how much they mean to you.
“Share the love, share the compliments.”
@ 01h 02m 02s
November 17, 2024
The Teacher of Cancer
Cancer is a teacher, revealing what truly matters in life.
“Cancer is a huge teacher.”
@ 01h 12m 28s
November 17, 2024
Hope and Positivity
Hope is everything; it’s important to entertain the best case scenario.
“Hope is huge.”
@ 01h 18m 19s
November 17, 2024
Facing Death
Confronting death can crystallize how awesome today is.
“We’re all going to die with a to-do list.”
@ 01h 22m 07s
November 17, 2024

Episode Quotes

Key Moments

Legacy Creation01:04
Emotional Reflection13:54
Chemo Journey20:51
Perspective Shift46:37
Family Support54:16
Expressing Love59:42
Health Journey1:09:39
Emotional Hug1:22:59

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

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01:40:14

A truly inspiring chat with Dai Henwood || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

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October 30, 2024

02:08:09

The Voice of NZ Rugby - Tony Johnson on Eden Park, Working with Paul Holmes, Prostate Cancer & More!

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02:12:16

Alex Pledger Opens Up - Battle with Bowel Cancer, Basketball Legacy & NZ Breakers Dynasty

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September 29, 2024

01:36:53

Nigel Latta on Shocking Cancer Diagnosis, Outliving 6-12 Months' Life Expectancy, Managing Adversity

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02:14:05

EXCLUSIVE: Detective Inspector Scott Beard’s New Cancer Diagnosis, Reflecting on Grace Millane Case

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01:31:35

What a Cancer Diagnosis Actually Feels Like

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October 05, 2025

01:37:23

Nigel Latta: What Really Matters When You’re Told You’re Dying

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01:16:03

Dying an Assisted Death - Tracy Hickman on Deciding to Die, Cancer Journey & Message for Others

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August 28, 2024

01:06:11

Fighting Stage 4 Bowel Cancer - How Runner Jackie Robertson was Diagnosed with No Symptoms

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October 27, 2022

01:16:33

Nikki Kaye talks candidly about her cancer diagnosis || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

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October 21, 2022

01:09:34

Josh Koman talks about beating cancer twice! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

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September 24, 2025

01:51:52

Why I Got My Best Friend On The Podcast…