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die Foster welcome to my podcast it's
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bloody good to be here it's um I feel
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like I know you um intimately really
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yeah r r about 3 months ago um I I'm not
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saying this um yet to be an [ __ ] or
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anything I but I I had never heard of d
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foster okay and and I've got the skill
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called Bella that started working for me
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and uh doing some guest booking and she
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suggested you and G gave me a list of
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names of people and yours was one of
00:00:31
them and then i' since then I've been on
00:00:32
a die Foster Wormhole and uh like I
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don't know I don't know how you did not
00:00:37
come onto my radar soona like I found
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like a podcast of you with Lisa T going
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back to like 2018 or something yeah yeah
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I spoke with her at an event that's how
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I met her yeah oh my goodness yeah
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that's it's an incredible story and I
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just I can't I I feel like a fool that I
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I hadn't heard of you
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soon hey Dom here again apologies for
00:00:56
the interruption um I just need to let
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you know there was some technical
00:00:59
difficulties during this podcast so
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right at this moment just after the
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introductions the camera equipment froze
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meaning a few minutes of the
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conversation went missing so we will
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pick the podcast back up now where D is
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31 years old and had just undergone a
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myectomy operation after a breast cancer
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diagnosis it was hard you know it was
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hard to look at myself in the mirror for
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a long time I took mirrors out of my
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house was that because you didn't like
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what you saw oh it's pretty rough you
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know being one breasted and so I
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remember one day looking down at my face
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feet and thinking there is nothing wrong
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with that big toe that is one beautiful
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big toe and then the next day I thought
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there's a toe next to it and it's
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perfect too I really like my feet you
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know and I went round and I just loved
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the [ __ ] out of my body and you know
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like my dad had always said that you
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know girls with our our tree trunk
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thighs didn't do ballet or didn't do
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this and we were always a bit chunky and
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I was like you know what they've got me
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to weever I've wanted to go so maybe
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I'll just love the [ __ ] out of my legs
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even if they're not as perfect as they
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could have been and I just literally
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fell in love with myself when I had done
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the hardest thing which was change the
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way I led and I was like above all else
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you know I get to live with myself at
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24/7 if I don't love me who is going to
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like if I'm not so comfortable in myself
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it's hard if you don't like yourself
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like you you can't escape other people
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can have a break from you you're St
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yeah wherever you go there you are I
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think that's a confuscious quite that is
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so true and I think your question was
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you know what was I like you know in my
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before I had cancer I was quite intense
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you know I used to say that I sleept for
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at least eight hours a day to get away
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from myself I was very very hard on
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myself I was really hard on myself I
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didn't particularly like myself I was in
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a relationship we um you know I'd gone
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through life thinking that if I take all
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the boxes one day I'll wake up kep happy
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and I woke up and I thought I'm more
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miserable now than I've ever been so I
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left that relationship and I left that
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almost like I left my life the way it
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was and I just started again and then as
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soon as I did that um I got alopecia and
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I ended up bolded and then I got breast
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cancer and then the universe it felt
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like was trying to teach me something
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I'm not sure I believe that now I think
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that given those things happened I
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taught myself stuff yeah [ __ ] that's a
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lot to take on yeah um yeah the next
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point on your key note um how to shift
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your perspective
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yeah I'm going to be dead one day that's
00:03:38
pretty much how spoiler alert exactly
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what's the only certainty isn't it yeah
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exactly for all of us and I think that
00:03:45
through my journey I've been like really
00:03:48
got at one with the fact that um one day
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I'm going to be dead and it's like
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doesn't matter you know so it's like it
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puts everything to perspective so you
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know even in thinking about coming here
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today you know it's like you might have
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some apprehension but we just go through
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the thing you know will it matter in in
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5 years probably not will it matter in a
00:04:10
year probably not will it matter in a
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week you know it's just just put it into
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perspective one day in something like a
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hundred years none of us are going to be
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here you know like we're all going to be
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dead so does it really
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matter yeah that is that is so true and
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everyone ends up being forgotten he like
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even say
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Taylor Swift 200 years from now no one's
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going to the relevance level is zero
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yeah so yeah you got to make the most of
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what you got um does that TI to the next
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one on your keynote live a good life in
00:04:41
pursuit of a good death yeah I for me I
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realized at some stage that I was quite
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afraid to die and you know like I really
00:04:49
thought about that and I talk about my
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angel of death and I realized that
00:04:53
actually it's none of my business when I
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die and hopefully one day I will go with
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her with ease Grace and Flow
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but I'm obsessed with having a good life
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like my in in the pursuit of wanting to
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have a good death the only way I can
00:05:06
think of doing that is by having a good
00:05:08
life so instead of thinking about the
00:05:11
thing that I'm not in charge of or that
00:05:13
I'm not in control of the day I die I
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will double down on the thing that I
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have absolute control over which is
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today and how I do today and what I do
00:05:22
in
00:05:23
today and um the next point on your
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keynote goal definition entertainment is
00:05:29
that just goting bit self-explanatory or
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it is and it isn't because I think that
00:05:34
quite often people will say what they
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want but then their life satisfaction
00:05:40
and the events that have happened in
00:05:41
their Liv so their life satisfaction
00:05:43
will determine how smooth their life
00:05:45
goes and then the bit round the outside
00:05:48
of the direction that their life goes is
00:05:50
based on the events that have happened
00:05:52
the stories they tell themselves about
00:05:54
it their beliefs and values their
00:05:57
thoughts and then ultimately their
00:05:58
actions again which then produce new
00:06:02
events and so if on a daily basis your
00:06:05
actions are going in that direction but
00:06:07
you're wanting to go over here you need
00:06:10
to kind of bring them together and that
00:06:12
is generally through the stories that
00:06:14
we're telling ourselves and the beliefs
00:06:15
and the thoughts and that type of work
00:06:18
and then um point five on your Keynotes
00:06:20
um live
00:06:21
authentically yeah I kind of love and
00:06:24
hate that word but you
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know it is a 2024 buzz word isn't it
00:06:29
everyone else is
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taken there is only one person that I
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can possibly be and that's myself and I
00:06:37
think that you
00:06:39
know you know it's been a long time for
00:06:41
me to absolutely love my life and love
00:06:44
myself and I think that the more I turn
00:06:47
up as myself you know the more the more
00:06:51
both I'm appreciate and there's people
00:06:55
that double down on thinking she is not
00:06:58
the vibe for me but you can have both I
00:07:00
think that you know I'm I'm I'm happy
00:07:02
with it do they who who would who would
00:07:04
think you're not the vibe for them
00:07:07
oh really really I'm a lot you know I'm
00:07:12
a lot in the best possible way though
00:07:13
right but you know you're a lot you are
00:07:16
not everyone's Vibe I I don't know if
00:07:18
you got the memo but you would not be
00:07:20
everyone's Vibe cuz you're a lot no I
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know I know that but you you bring
00:07:24
nothing but good to the world so no we
00:07:27
are equally balanced in
00:07:30
yeah I bring Challenge and support and
00:07:34
not everyone wants to be challenged you
00:07:37
know you think about it if you've lost
00:07:38
somebody to cancer and then old bubbly D
00:07:41
turns up and she was diagnosed with
00:07:43
terminal cancer and now she's here and
00:07:45
she's happy and she's skipping through
00:07:47
life some people I imagine will want to
00:07:49
punch my lights out because that is just
00:07:51
challenging in itself that seems really
00:07:54
unfair to them and I get it well as an
00:07:57
as an oh good for you you beat it you
00:07:59
this is your experience but this isn't
00:08:01
my experience exactly you know even to
00:08:03
the extent that every now and then
00:08:05
someone will talk about fighting you
00:08:06
know like the battle and I'll be like
00:08:09
you know have you thought about this and
00:08:11
honestly they just they they don't want
00:08:13
a bar of it because that's their story
00:08:15
that they're telling themselves that's
00:08:17
their experience and you know I'm over
00:08:19
here on my experience and the story that
00:08:21
I'm telling myself
00:08:23
yeah okay well let's get into the cancer
00:08:25
stuff so um so you you so you grow up
00:08:28
with um health some blood blood issue
00:08:31
and yeah I've got an IGA I've got no IG
00:08:34
right and I've got too much IG yeah and
00:08:36
then and then um at 31 you you get
00:08:38
diagnosed with breast cancer which
00:08:39
you've touched upon and you have a
00:08:40
myectomy y and then um and by all all
00:08:43
accounts that's brutal like the
00:08:44
treatment's brutal and you you promise
00:08:47
yourself that if you get cancer again
00:08:48
you're not going to have chemo now just
00:08:50
I just want to if you have that thought
00:08:53
then go back and stop being attached to
00:08:56
the fact that you might get cancer again
00:08:58
if I could have my time again I would
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have stopped and said die why would you
00:09:03
ever think you were going to get cancer
00:09:04
again and what can you do to prevent
00:09:06
that happening because lo and behold
00:09:08
seven years later I end up with cancer
00:09:11
again well oh do do you sort of think
00:09:13
you sort of like manifested it in a way
00:09:15
or well I think you know someone I've
00:09:18
done a bit of NLP and someone said to me
00:09:20
once you men neural linguistic
00:09:22
programming so the basis of Tony Robin
00:09:24
stuff and so the point is is that he
00:09:27
said to me you know You' manifested did
00:09:29
everything and I thought well maybe
00:09:31
that's true but it's not flopping
00:09:34
helpful so I don't know do we manifest
00:09:37
everything I'm not sure I don't think
00:09:39
that things happen for a reason I think
00:09:41
we can find reason and things that
00:09:43
happen otherwise it just when the big
00:09:46
stuff happens it's too much or it's just
00:09:48
too weird you know if you lose somebody
00:09:50
or you know it's just it's too confusing
00:09:53
so I have a tendency to just think you
00:09:55
know get on with it and you know and
00:09:58
then so 38 um it comes back in the worst
00:10:02
way imaginable are are you feeling sick
00:10:05
or what yeah yeah so I had just met um
00:10:09
the love of my life Steve and i' just
00:10:12
moved to Christ church and we'd gone up
00:10:14
to stay at his dad's place and I said
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I'll stay there as long as I don't have
00:10:18
any cats inside and they had a cat and
00:10:20
we stayed there and I ended up getting a
00:10:22
hell of a chest infection and I then had
00:10:26
just moved to Christ Church to be with
00:10:27
him and I just for that Year got
00:10:30
repetitive chest infections and couldn't
00:10:32
get on top of them and the problem with
00:10:34
the medical system is that because I
00:10:36
didn't have my people there because I
00:10:38
just moved up from denan I sort of said
00:10:40
to them look don't worry about how to
00:10:42
get rid of the chest infection we need
00:10:44
to have a look at why I keep getting
00:10:46
them because that's not usual I I'd been
00:10:48
really good at monitoring my own health
00:10:51
and so they just couldn't get their head
00:10:53
around it so I went away for the
00:10:56
Christmas holidays came back and thought
00:10:58
right I'm going to get really healthy
00:11:00
this year my second year in Christ
00:11:01
church I'm going to get really healthy
00:11:03
and I went to karate and I got a really
00:11:05
rough punch to the chest and I just
00:11:08
remember thinking what w that is there's
00:11:12
something not right and within about six
00:11:15
weeks I had a fully collapsed lung and I
00:11:17
remember ringing um our head instructor
00:11:21
saying I've got a problem and and I
00:11:24
don't know what's wrong and I can't get
00:11:26
anyone to listen to me and luckily he
00:11:27
put me on to um a quite a famous sports
00:11:31
doctor and um he got me the diagnosis
00:11:34
which was fantastic cuz that's what I
00:11:36
needed I needed someone to take me
00:11:37
seriously and go and get the test done
00:11:40
and unfortunately I was diagnosed with
00:11:42
terminal cancer so breast cancer
00:11:44
metastasized in my lungs and I had a
00:11:47
fully collapsed lung I had a very large
00:11:50
mass on the top of my lung and I had
00:11:52
activity in about 75% of my lungs and so
00:11:55
um my prognosis was that there was a Zer
00:11:59
perent chance of lasting sort of longer
00:12:02
than 12 months and absolutely no chance
00:12:05
you know if I did get just on that it
00:12:06
would be no chance I'd be there in 18
00:12:13
months yeah it's quite fible I mean it's
00:12:16
crazy that you're here and it's
00:12:18
perspective do you know what I mean but
00:12:21
I mean um I so is that is that was that
00:12:24
in person that you got that news or was
00:12:25
that on the inter I read someone was on
00:12:27
the inter island of Fury no uh the first
00:12:29
time I was diagnosed with breast cancer
00:12:31
I was on the fury and the doctor rang me
00:12:33
cuz I was moving from napia back to
00:12:35
denen so that one was on the FY but this
00:12:39
one was in person so we'd been to
00:12:41
respiratory with my sister I'd been to
00:12:43
respiratory and they said look we can't
00:12:45
do anything for you you've got cancer
00:12:47
and then um Steve and I went to oncology
00:12:49
and that's when they gave me the
00:12:51
diagnosis and the
00:12:53
prognosis what happens at that moment is
00:12:55
it like the room starts spinning like
00:12:56
you like or are you you quite post about
00:12:59
it or do your ears start ringing what
00:13:01
happens you I already knew that I had
00:13:05
secondary cancer like a hunch well no
00:13:07
cuz I'd been to respiratory and they'd
00:13:10
done all these lung tests and they said
00:13:11
you've got cancer and they'd done a
00:13:13
biopsy so you know you've got cancer
00:13:15
you're going to oncology for the how bad
00:13:18
version and I was probably a bit woo woo
00:13:22
you know like I'd been you know like I
00:13:25
um I had known that there were other
00:13:27
ways of doing things and and so I
00:13:30
believed that you know words have energy
00:13:33
and energy has power so I could tell
00:13:36
when they were about to get to the
00:13:37
prognosis part and I asked my partner to
00:13:40
leave the room because I didn't want him
00:13:42
to hear it I didn't want him to know
00:13:44
that I only had a year to leave live I
00:13:46
wanted him not to feel sorry for me I
00:13:48
wanted him to just I wanted him to take
00:13:51
every day as it came with me so I asked
00:13:54
him to leave the room and before the
00:13:56
prognosis was mentioned what just like a
00:13:58
hunt
00:13:59
oh you can tell it's coming they say
00:14:01
this is what we found and this is what's
00:14:03
happening and then there's sort of a bit
00:14:05
of a space and I knew that I wanted to
00:14:08
say just give me an idea of how long and
00:14:10
I just quietly said to my partner can
00:14:12
you just leave the room for two seconds
00:14:13
and he goes yeah sure and he left the
00:14:15
room and I just said to them how long oh
00:14:19
I want you to and they said well there
00:14:21
there is no way you'll be here in 18
00:14:23
months more likely 12 it's not leaving
00:14:26
any hope is there no there was there was
00:14:29
zero chance there was no you know and
00:14:32
they offered me pallative care chemo but
00:14:34
because I'd already done surgery chemo
00:14:36
and radiotherapy I was just like Pala of
00:14:40
care does not give you any longevity
00:14:43
they were hoping to reduce my symptoms
00:14:45
and if there was ever an a moment that I
00:14:48
was arrogant it was in that moment where
00:14:50
I thought H I'm pretty sure that I can
00:14:53
reduce my symptoms through a whole lot
00:14:56
of natural therapies and do that rather
00:14:59
than literally feeling sick for the next
00:15:01
year where did that Cockiness come from
00:15:03
like they literally gave you no no
00:15:05
chance zero chance well you know if I'm
00:15:08
if the big guy upstairs wants me to
00:15:11
listen then sending the message in a
00:15:13
funny little long colleges that has
00:15:15
1970s Roman sandals forn walking socks
00:15:19
beige shorts and a matching big
00:15:22
polyester top is not going to be the bit
00:15:25
that gets my
00:15:26
attention and so I think what I reckon I
00:15:30
can get 5 years on my terms I just had
00:15:33
this I was like I don't know I'm a bit
00:15:35
competitive like a challenge yeah 100%
00:15:38
he said 12 months I'm going for 5 years
00:15:41
that's and I did I left going I'm going
00:15:43
to live my way for 5 years and I think
00:15:46
that's where the if not now then when
00:15:48
comes from because in that moment I
00:15:50
thought I have not been living exactly
00:15:53
the way I want to I'm not waiting any
00:15:55
longer now's my
00:15:57
time yeah
00:15:59
it's like the um there's a line from um
00:16:01
do you know sha Shank Redemption yes
00:16:02
like get busy living or get busy dying
00:16:04
yeah um yeah sounds a bit like that but
00:16:07
you um you you um you you did do some
00:16:10
sort of bucket list stuff like uh
00:16:12
Jessica Benjamin and sha your yeah your
00:16:15
niece and nephews you you made a point
00:16:17
of like connecting with them and taking
00:16:18
each of them on a trip which to me feels
00:16:20
like okay even though you thought or
00:16:23
hoped you'd live longer than the
00:16:24
diagnosis um you were obviously like
00:16:28
that was when I first got breast cancer
00:16:30
oh the first time around okay so the
00:16:31
first time I got breast cancer I thought
00:16:33
I really want to get my black belt and I
00:16:36
want to see those kids in their 20s I
00:16:39
want to know who they are and that was
00:16:42
my reason for living that was back when
00:16:44
I was 30 and then this time it was it
00:16:48
was just around living each day the best
00:16:52
I could so got really granular like the
00:16:55
one thing that's really hard to
00:16:57
understand about this is you asked what
00:16:59
happens you know I was
00:17:01
feeling the the world didn't spin
00:17:04
nothing happened except that the world
00:17:07
got really really
00:17:09
bright like the green got Greener you
00:17:13
know the ear got crisper I could just
00:17:16
feel everything on a really micro
00:17:18
granular level and it was just like
00:17:21
everything slowed
00:17:23
down and I just thought if I can live
00:17:27
each day more present then I will live
00:17:30
an entire lifetime in this one
00:17:34
year
00:17:36
yeah and does the calendar take on more
00:17:38
significance like the days and the
00:17:40
months no no the opposite so what I went
00:17:44
home with is I woke up the next day and
00:17:45
I didn't say I've got 364 days I thought
00:17:48
I've got one more year so six months
00:17:51
down the track I have one more year it
00:17:54
never changed I always think I've got
00:17:55
one more year I [ __ ] like more than that
00:17:58
but yeah yeah yeah you're not going
00:17:59
anywhere um read um you thought you
00:18:02
thought 5 years after the diagnosis and
00:18:04
then um 96 uh 96 years old that was uh
00:18:08
like the plan Plan B I guess um yeah
00:18:10
when you get to 95 you are you going to
00:18:14
reevaluate or you think you'll be ready
00:18:17
ready to go by
00:18:18
96 I reckon I'll still be one more day
00:18:22
I'll still be living day by day and oh
00:18:25
so um yes so you get that news as the um
00:18:27
is the is the delivery
00:18:30
it was quite was it quite gentle or
00:18:31
quite
00:18:32
cold look I think the really interesting
00:18:35
thing is we get really obsessed with how
00:18:37
it was delivered and what what they said
00:18:41
I'm not in control of that so I don't
00:18:43
know and I don't care all I know that
00:18:46
I'm in control of is how I receive it so
00:18:49
if it was cold then I warmed it up if it
00:18:52
was warm then I called it down you know
00:18:54
like it's my responsibility what I do
00:18:56
with that information you know they're
00:18:58
just doctors and when did you tell Steve
00:19:01
so you kicked Steve out of the room so
00:19:02
he knew that I wasn't well you know he
00:19:04
knew that things he knew that it was
00:19:06
terminal he didn't know how long that
00:19:10
that bit was so he comes back in the
00:19:12
room and credit to the man you know like
00:19:14
full credit to the man never once did he
00:19:17
ask what was said when he wasn't in the
00:19:18
room wow he trusts he is so comfortable
00:19:23
in his own skin and he's so comfortable
00:19:26
with how he does things and he just
00:19:28
trusts me like this is my life and he
00:19:31
trusts me to live
00:19:33
it it's interesting because I'm try just
00:19:37
trying to probably projecting here and
00:19:38
imagining if I was in his shows and I
00:19:40
think the the the responsible thing for
00:19:43
me to do would be like to try and get it
00:19:44
out of you what the what the news was
00:19:46
but then I suppose he knows you well
00:19:48
enough to respect your your wishes you
00:19:49
didn't want him in the room so you know
00:19:52
it's up to you what information you
00:19:53
share with them it's incredibly
00:19:55
respectful I think it is and but that is
00:19:57
what you are not you and I would not do
00:19:59
that we would be like we want you got to
00:20:02
tell me I need to know like so I can
00:20:03
help you yeah but he and that level of
00:20:07
trust was like gold you know like I
00:20:10
remember saying to him once I said do
00:20:12
you realize that I'm the love of your
00:20:14
life and he said yeah I do and I said
00:20:16
well you know like when I'm gone there's
00:20:18
no point you dating anybody I been a bit
00:20:21
naughty you
00:20:23
know I ha you and he said to me um if
00:20:27
you want to say and who I you have to be
00:20:30
here in other words you just worry about
00:20:33
living and you be here and I'll be here
00:20:36
with you and I remember I laughed and
00:20:38
laughed and thought you [ __ ] [ __ ] I
00:20:41
love that answer like the man is
00:20:44
interesting you know when we first
00:20:46
started dating he said you know checked
00:20:48
in it a couple of months and said are we
00:20:50
are we happy you know are you good and I
00:20:52
said I haven't figured out if you're
00:20:53
cool enough for me and I was dead pen
00:20:56
serious like you know I'm not cool but
00:20:58
I'm way cooler than my husband like I
00:21:00
mean you know like you know there's no
00:21:03
doubt about it you know and he quietly
00:21:05
said I guess you'll figure it out and
00:21:07
what I did figure out is that he is one
00:21:10
of the coolest people I know because he
00:21:12
is so comfortable in his own skin so the
00:21:15
thing that you and I have probably
00:21:16
struggled with in our life and being
00:21:18
comfortable in ourself my husband is
00:21:21
just and now my son you know I live with
00:21:23
two men that are so incredibly
00:21:25
comfortable with themselves
00:21:29
well you you attract those people into
00:21:30
your life though don't you yeah yeah and
00:21:34
like I'm I'm just one I'm a little bit
00:21:36
more you know like I'm always trying to
00:21:38
improve myself and do this and do that
00:21:41
and you know but it is a little bit
00:21:42
contagious the fact that they're just so
00:21:45
incredibly comfortable in their own skin
00:21:48
and they're very obliging with me like
00:21:49
they'll go along with what I say for 99%
00:21:52
of the time but man on that
00:21:55
1% you can't budge them there's no
00:21:58
movement yeah so so you've talked about
00:22:00
this um the story and this um 0% chance
00:22:03
of surviving prognosis and podcasts and
00:22:05
on keynote speeches and stuff so Steve
00:22:07
must have heard about it by
00:22:08
now first time he he heard it four years
00:22:12
four years and after right yeah four
00:22:14
years after I went and said to um well
00:22:17
Le's run back a bit so I've gone off and
00:22:20
I've doing natural therapies I didn't
00:22:23
turn my life into a wellness taskas I
00:22:26
created this huge amount of space and I
00:22:28
withdrew myself from the medical system
00:22:31
because I felt that I didn't want my
00:22:34
life to be taken over with appointments
00:22:36
so I said look thanks for your help I'm
00:22:38
looking for fruit and veg and you're
00:22:39
offering me candy I'm in the wrong store
00:22:42
so I just wanted to take some control
00:22:44
back in my life and I wanted to study
00:22:46
Wellness so I studied people that either
00:22:49
had had miraculous healings or that were
00:22:51
just beautifully naturally well people
00:22:54
so instead of studying cancer and
00:22:56
disease which is what the doctors do I
00:22:58
studied how to be well and how to make
00:23:01
the most out of each and every day that
00:23:02
I did have and so that's what I did I
00:23:05
just really focused on that and about 14
00:23:07
months after I was diagnosed uh the
00:23:10
lovely Steve said to me um you are
00:23:13
seriously a pain in the ass again he
00:23:16
said I think you're well and I said yeah
00:23:18
I think I am too he said cuz God you're
00:23:21
you're seriously a pain in the ass and I
00:23:23
said I think I am too and he said what
00:23:24
do you want to do with the rest of your
00:23:25
life you know with the rest of our lives
00:23:27
and I said
00:23:29
well I've done the
00:23:30
math I want I'm not having children
00:23:32
after I'm 40 just no chance I'm just
00:23:35
once I'm 40 that's it I'm not trying and
00:23:38
he said you know we've been through 5
00:23:40
and a half thousand earthquakes we've
00:23:42
relocated two of our businesses we will
00:23:45
relocate one of them again we're living
00:23:47
at your sisters we don't know if their
00:23:48
house is still standing do you think
00:23:50
it's a good idea to have a child the
00:23:53
timing's not quite right yeah the timing
00:23:54
is not right and I said well I've worked
00:23:56
it out and you've got six weeks and then
00:23:58
you know our first wedding anniversary
00:24:00
will come up and if I'm not pregnant by
00:24:02
then I can't have a child by the time
00:24:04
I'm 40 you know at 39 and he said well
00:24:06
there's no action happening at your
00:24:08
sister's house what what are we going to
00:24:09
do and I said well I've booked a weekend
00:24:11
away at araroa you've now got three
00:24:13
nights do your
00:24:15
thing let's just say that Port dark
00:24:18
chocolate and taking care of business
00:24:20
was the only thing that happened that
00:24:21
weekend and then
00:24:23
order do matter my business not of my
00:24:26
business if it works it doesn't matter
00:24:28
how I mean this seriously this is a man
00:24:29
that you check for a pulse you
00:24:31
know happy face sad face there is no
00:24:35
different poker face poker face yeah and
00:24:38
um you know but I learned something
00:24:40
about him that weekend you know he does
00:24:43
perform exceptionally well under
00:24:44
pressure give him a task time frame
00:24:47
three weeks before my 40th birthday I
00:24:49
gave birth to our one and only child
00:24:51
Jackson James Foster yeah who's 13 now
00:24:54
14 13 in December yeah so so cool 14 and
00:24:57
a half years ago was when I was
00:24:59
diagnosed yeah um yeah it's so
00:25:03
incredible the story it's remarkable the
00:25:07
um yeah that that year was when you get
00:25:09
told that diagnosis even though you're
00:25:11
confident you're going to flip the
00:25:12
middle finger to the oncologist um why
00:25:15
why don't you do some bucketless stuff
00:25:17
like just in case you know what I mean
00:25:19
yeah I do things that you always wanted
00:25:20
to do why why didn't
00:25:25
you your world gets real small
00:25:29
you know like I can't I couldn't have
00:25:31
walked up those
00:25:32
stairs you would have had to have held
00:25:34
my hand and I'd take three steps and i'
00:25:37
need a break like I sounded like Darth
00:25:40
Vader like I was real sick
00:25:43
on like your world just shrinks down to
00:25:46
you know it's a good day if I can get
00:25:48
dressed feed myself and go to work for
00:25:51
two hours and
00:25:54
so the most impactful things on
00:25:56
ourselves are usually the the little
00:25:58
list of things you know I said to you
00:26:00
before you said what changed what
00:26:02
changed was the grass underneath my feet
00:26:05
felt like the biggest privilege in the
00:26:07
world each day just felt like a
00:26:09
privilege I didn't need to go and prove
00:26:11
anything to anyone else I was just
00:26:14
trying to get up and just make the best
00:26:16
of every day I had and so instead of
00:26:18
trying to push myself to do things that
00:26:22
I physically did not feel capable
00:26:24
of I just wanted to appreciate and be
00:26:27
present in every day I had because you
00:26:30
know like what there is nothing better
00:26:33
than the gift that I have given
00:26:35
myself and yet quite often we are
00:26:38
consistently going out there to get
00:26:42
external validation and you know think
00:26:45
that doing something big and audacious
00:26:47
that that everyone else can see is more
00:26:49
important than the fact that I'd sit and
00:26:52
have a green tea and feel like I was the
00:26:54
luckiest girl in the
00:26:56
world a thank you so much much for that
00:26:59
explanation it makes so much sense I
00:27:01
suppose I'm thinking of like yeah the
00:27:03
movies where someone gets a diagnosis
00:27:05
and suddenly they're going to have all
00:27:06
this energy and cram as much as what
00:27:08
they can but yeah Instagram versus
00:27:10
reality right yeah and like the the the
00:27:13
best thing well the best thing I could
00:27:15
give myself is like just time with
00:27:18
myself like that is ultimately what I
00:27:20
wanted was just to you
00:27:22
know the you know having a great life is
00:27:25
the antidote to to death you know but
00:27:28
it's also just being present in in
00:27:31
yourself and in your life but you know
00:27:34
like my 20s I just rushed it I was
00:27:37
always trying to be further ahead than
00:27:39
what I was you know and I wasn't
00:27:41
particularly happy and when my life got
00:27:44
so incredibly small and I figured out I
00:27:47
liked my big toe and then I fell in love
00:27:49
with myself it's like what what other
00:27:52
what bucket list item could be better
00:27:56
than
00:27:56
that m
00:27:58
yeah the thing about your 20ns is that
00:28:00
saying youth has wasted on the young
00:28:01
totally so true so true yeah so true so
00:28:06
when um yeah I know you you you weren't
00:28:09
focusing on the calendar or the days but
00:28:11
when it must have been in the back of
00:28:13
your mind like when D-Day came around
00:28:15
like the 18 month Mark or whatever um
00:28:18
yeah do you remember that or no got no
00:28:20
significance it's got no significance I
00:28:22
knew that it was around the beginning of
00:28:24
the year but I had to go back 5 years
00:28:27
later and find my notes to find out what
00:28:29
day I was diagnosed unreal I do not hold
00:28:32
on to anything that I don't need to and
00:28:34
you don't need to hold on well I didn't
00:28:36
need to hold on to that it was
00:28:37
irrelevant because I was so happy loving
00:28:39
in each day it's like why why would I
00:28:42
hold on to We Hold On To The Past like
00:28:44
it means something and if I held on to
00:28:47
that date then I'd be holding on to what
00:28:48
he said as if it was going to be true I
00:28:51
didn't I let that [ __ ] go yeah and I let
00:28:53
the diagnosis go with them well that
00:28:56
probably answers the next thing I was
00:28:57
going to um touch upon like have you
00:29:00
gone back and spoken to the like
00:29:02
oncology team or the person that
00:29:03
delivered that news and asked them how
00:29:05
they could get it so [ __ ]
00:29:06
wrong like that's um they basically gave
00:29:10
you an incorrect death sentence no they
00:29:12
didn't they did they did
00:29:15
not I gave myself my
00:29:18
life they gave me their best educated
00:29:20
guess and that's all they can ever do
00:29:23
but my life was not his to give me it's
00:29:26
mine
00:29:28
so he never took anything away from me
00:29:31
he just said given what we can see this
00:29:34
is what we would predict and I turned
00:29:37
that round as a little bit of a
00:29:39
challenge he didn't get it wrong he just
00:29:42
said in his educated opinion what he
00:29:45
thought was right and I decided that my
00:29:48
gut feeling was worth way more than that
00:29:51
why are you defending him I'm on your
00:29:52
team
00:29:53
here no no you've got a great way of
00:29:56
framing it like exactly it's uh and it
00:29:59
is I know and I know that's the point
00:30:01
you want people to take from this it's
00:30:02
all about the framing of it it is
00:30:04
because I see people so angry with the
00:30:06
medical profession I'm like take some
00:30:08
[ __ ] responsibility for yourself I
00:30:11
think that everything is my fault it's
00:30:14
my fault I got cancer it's my
00:30:16
body you know I take High how how do
00:30:19
sorry how do you mean it's your fault
00:30:21
well my body created
00:30:23
it it's not not your fault though well
00:30:27
it is my resp responsibility though okay
00:30:30
I don't you know but but if I think it's
00:30:32
my fault then I take greater
00:30:34
responsibility for it I don't actually
00:30:36
think it's my fault but then maybe maybe
00:30:39
I do think it is a little bit my fault I
00:30:41
knew that I had low I knew that I didn't
00:30:43
have IGA I knew that I'd had too many
00:30:46
antibiotics as a kid I knew that I had
00:30:48
alopecia and my immune system wasn't
00:30:50
great but I was still driven to you know
00:30:53
like in my 20s I was very driven in my
00:30:55
career you know so I still drove over
00:30:57
things I never quite looked after myself
00:30:59
the way I probably should have that's my
00:31:02
responsibility yeah okay the fact that
00:31:05
everyone else beside me can get away
00:31:06
with it is not the point the point this
00:31:10
is my body my responsibility yeah um
00:31:15
I've heard you say in interview can
00:31:16
cancer is the least interesting thing
00:31:18
about me it is so the least interesting
00:31:20
thing yeah what does that
00:31:21
mean look it's the reason I'm sitting
00:31:24
here with you and if the only thing you
00:31:26
took away from our conversation is that
00:31:29
this chick beat cancer which I would
00:31:31
never say I would say I journeyed with
00:31:34
it um that is you know you would you
00:31:37
would be missing a great opportunity to
00:31:40
see how somebody
00:31:43
can can reframe the [ __ ] out of
00:31:45
everything in their life to be sitting
00:31:48
here I mean you said to me when we first
00:31:49
arrived how are you is life good and I'm
00:31:52
like hell yes you know and you see what
00:31:54
does that mean means that I get up every
00:31:56
day and I'm so grateful to be alive it
00:31:59
means that I get up every day and I get
00:32:01
to do work that I'm really really good
00:32:04
at and that did not happen by accident I
00:32:08
have been working away in the background
00:32:09
trying to figure out the [ __ ] for a long
00:32:13
time and just the fact that you know you
00:32:16
like what feels like the rest of New
00:32:18
Zealand has only just heard about me now
00:32:20
doesn't mean that I haven't been like
00:32:23
I've known This Moment's coming I just
00:32:25
didn't know what it was going to look
00:32:27
like or how I was going to get here but
00:32:28
I knew it was
00:32:30
coming it's a story that deserves to be
00:32:32
told and you you said just before um
00:32:34
you're only here because of the cancer I
00:32:37
I don't know if that yeah there probably
00:32:39
is an element of Truth to that but I
00:32:41
think like you're from the research I've
00:32:43
done you're like you're a remarkable
00:32:44
woman and you do some incredible stuff
00:32:45
but I think the the the cancer and the
00:32:47
diagnosis that you were given and the
00:32:49
fact that you're still here and you're
00:32:50
thriving um it just gives you like an
00:32:52
extra level of credibility in a way I
00:32:54
think yeah I mean I just think you can
00:32:55
walk the walk and talk the talk 100% see
00:32:58
cuz here's the thing I got asked
00:32:59
recently is if there was a button here
00:33:02
that would take both of my diagnosises
00:33:04
away you know and I would never have had
00:33:06
cancer would I push
00:33:08
it and straight away I said absolutely
00:33:11
not I would never push that button cuz I
00:33:15
love who I am I can't think of anybody
00:33:19
else I'd spend want to spend the rest of
00:33:21
my life with 24/7 than me that's how
00:33:23
much I like who I am now I am only this
00:33:27
person
00:33:29
because I've had two cancer diagnosises
00:33:32
like I'm only this person because I have
00:33:35
an incredible family like I'm only this
00:33:38
person because of my wonderful husband
00:33:41
and you know my first husband even
00:33:43
though it didn't work out I'm still only
00:33:45
here and in this space loving exactly
00:33:47
who I am because of all of those things
00:33:49
that have made up my life and have
00:33:52
turned me into this person that I am so
00:33:55
you know it's like I know that I
00:33:57
wouldn't be here without the cancer
00:33:59
story but it's also and and I think that
00:34:02
everything in life is a dichotomy yeah
00:34:04
you know it's like you know even you
00:34:06
know you said oh it's a bit embarrassing
00:34:08
it's taken me 51 years to start working
00:34:10
on myself you know it's like well yeah
00:34:13
but you know if you've had some [ __ ]
00:34:15
happen we try and avoid that [ __ ] as
00:34:17
much as we can because it [ __ ] hurts
00:34:19
you know but then on the flip side I
00:34:22
don't know that you'd be doing this if
00:34:24
you hadn't have been through some of the
00:34:25
things that you've been through I know
00:34:27
that you wouldn't be doing this if you
00:34:28
hadn't have had the life that you've had
00:34:30
yeah I'm not suggesting it's it's easy
00:34:33
but it's it's
00:34:35
simple you are the sum of these
00:34:38
things yeah that's true and
00:34:40
it yeah there's probably parallels with
00:34:43
you and me and like the same in my 20s I
00:34:45
was trying to like bang down doors now I
00:34:47
understand like the right door you you
00:34:49
know you want to work hard and keep
00:34:51
putting one step in front of the other
00:34:52
but the right door will open when it's
00:34:53
supposed to yeah we probably knocked on
00:34:56
about 10 best drive straight through
00:34:59
them you yeah and you know we just
00:35:03
needed to quietly put the right one and
00:35:05
slop thr it yeah or just except knocking
00:35:08
it's supposed to open it'll open
00:35:10
yeah notely yeah
00:35:14
yeah there's got to be a way in exactly
00:35:17
I'm the slowest learner ever you know
00:35:19
it's oh same here and I'm I'm um this is
00:35:23
a real weakness weakness of of mine I I
00:35:26
have to learn through my own mistakes
00:35:28
like you could say to me don't touch the
00:35:30
fire really I'm just can't find why
00:35:33
shouldn't I touch the fire yeah um tell
00:35:35
me I just got a question for you um you
00:35:37
said it's a real weakness of yours tell
00:35:39
me what your greatest strength
00:35:43
is I don't know if I could tell you yeah
00:35:46
but if you could what would someone else
00:35:47
say about you I
00:35:49
don't probably that I'm um P persistent
00:35:53
and stubborn maybe
00:35:55
and I think I'm maybe more more
00:35:57
resilient than what I give myself credit
00:35:59
for sometimes yeah and so what if I told
00:36:01
you our greatest strength is our
00:36:03
greatest weakness so how has your what
00:36:05
does that mean well my greatest strength
00:36:09
I can I've got so many of them what am I
00:36:13
to begin I don't know but that also
00:36:15
means You' got lots of weaknesses as
00:36:17
well yeah 100% so if I pick on I haven't
00:36:19
got that many just tasing right if I
00:36:21
pick on something like one of my
00:36:23
greatest strengths is my ability to
00:36:26
question my curiosity it is also my
00:36:29
greatest weakness cuz I'm really
00:36:30
freaking
00:36:33
annoying and if you live in the vicinity
00:36:35
of me I will not let you away with
00:36:38
anything is this is this the the work
00:36:41
you is this with your work head on or is
00:36:43
this just
00:36:44
die you know people say to me you know I
00:36:46
just the work version it's like oh no
00:36:49
sweetheart there's just one version so
00:36:51
this is this is you at home with Steve
00:36:53
and Jackson oh my God yeah so you know
00:36:56
I'm really easy to love with like really
00:36:58
easy to live with until I'm not and then
00:37:01
I'm just
00:37:03
like you know so they love me and then
00:37:06
my son will be like yeah Mom jog on you
00:37:10
know you know so so my point is is that
00:37:12
I just won't leave things alone you know
00:37:14
like I'll just be like you know a bit
00:37:16
fixated on it you know you said your
00:37:18
tenacity and you know the fact that you
00:37:20
know you'll just keep going and it's
00:37:22
like yeah it's our greater strength and
00:37:24
by God we're painful but how is that a
00:37:26
weakness
00:37:28
well how can your greatest strength be
00:37:29
your greatest weakness well it always is
00:37:31
so you know when people are really
00:37:33
really good at detail it's their greater
00:37:35
strength and they get stuck in the
00:37:38
detail and they don't pull out to look
00:37:40
at the big picture people that are
00:37:42
really really good at Big Picture stuff
00:37:44
forget all the detail and it's a
00:37:47
nightmare for them at times so it's not
00:37:49
about the fact that it's right or wrong
00:37:51
it's just self-awareness yeah you know
00:37:53
the work that we talk about doing is
00:37:55
just about knowing Who We Are
00:37:58
and not you know not having to pretend
00:38:00
that we're any different so you know I'm
00:38:02
really happy to tell you all of my
00:38:04
weaknesses cuz I'll also tell you all of
00:38:06
my strengths and I'll [ __ ] own
00:38:09
them how good that's so good we
00:38:15
yeah was was cancer sort of like the
00:38:17
reset you needed to become the person
00:38:19
you are today I reckon the reset that I
00:38:22
got was when I left my first husband
00:38:25
that was the hardest thing I've ever
00:38:26
done in my life and my only time in my
00:38:29
life where I've really regretted my
00:38:31
behavior and how I handled that
00:38:34
situation how' we how long were you
00:38:35
married for I was only married for 3
00:38:37
years but we had been together 10 years
00:38:39
okay when was this late late 20s early
00:38:41
late 20s okay 28 yeah so the the Whole
00:38:44
Health Journey started after that yeah
00:38:46
what what why how how did how would you
00:38:48
act differently what did you do wrong I
00:38:51
did not act towards my own gold standard
00:38:53
Behavior okay in order to leave I needed
00:38:56
leverage because I would have the easy
00:38:58
thing would have just been to go back
00:39:00
and in my heart I knew that I needed to
00:39:02
leave and so you know sometimes we
00:39:04
create situations where we've shifted
00:39:08
ourselves and done things that are not
00:39:10
quite right um in order to just move on
00:39:13
so we don't go back and you know I could
00:39:15
justify that I could say well you know
00:39:17
technically we were separated and you
00:39:19
know but it wasn't my gold standard
00:39:21
Behavior you know I started a
00:39:23
relationship before I had tidily
00:39:25
finished that one and that's it's not
00:39:27
okay for me that's not my own God
00:39:29
standard
00:39:32
Behavior yeah well it's good if you to
00:39:33
admit that it's a hard thing to admit I
00:39:35
mean it's very easy to in a any
00:39:37
relationship breakdown like there's um
00:39:39
yeah a therapist said to me once um with
00:39:41
any situation you should look at you
00:39:44
know what your role in the situation was
00:39:47
I feel like this is kind of what you're
00:39:49
saying with everything you do as well
00:39:50
yeah but it be very easy to pass I mean
00:39:52
obviously shame on you for the overlap
00:39:55
um but it's also very easy you could
00:39:56
easy say oh he was an [ __ ] or he
00:39:58
didn't do this or he and Shine the torch
00:40:01
on his role and the demise yeah exactly
00:40:03
and you know like we have had those
00:40:05
conversations and his part you know of
00:40:07
what what what had happened and things
00:40:09
but I think ultimately when I look at
00:40:12
that situation I in my 20s I didn't have
00:40:16
the voice that I have today I didn't
00:40:18
have my own voice I was saying I wasn't
00:40:21
happy and he just was brushing over it
00:40:25
but now I would be like yo
00:40:28
back here not happy leaving you know
00:40:31
take you know it's like there's no you
00:40:33
know there's
00:40:34
no you sometimes my boys say to me at
00:40:37
home um are you
00:40:41
sure when have I said anything you know
00:40:45
like like why would you ask me then you
00:40:49
know yeah so you know I just think now I
00:40:52
don't you know it's not that I go around
00:40:54
and I think I have to tell everyone what
00:40:56
I think but my point is is that if if
00:40:59
we're going to leave the room and I
00:41:01
think you should know how I feel then
00:41:02
you will know exactly how I feel not in
00:41:04
a horrible way just in a really you know
00:41:07
I just believe that we can do great
00:41:09
things with we can do hard things and
00:41:10
still do it with love yeah you know I
00:41:13
just I look back there you know in my
00:41:15
twin as 28 and think oh Bliss I just
00:41:17
wanted to be loved I did I just wanted
00:41:20
to be loved and I ended up with somebody
00:41:22
that you know just wanted me to be so
00:41:24
independent and to be so strong he
00:41:27
thought that not loving me exactly the
00:41:29
way I was was going to do that yeah you
00:41:32
know and that was never going to work so
00:41:34
so you look back now on reflection of
00:41:36
that first marriage um was that your
00:41:38
gold star standard at the time or is you
00:41:40
just look back now with embarrassment
00:41:42
from the perspective of the person you
00:41:44
are now oh I knew at the time yeah I did
00:41:47
I was disappointed with myself and I
00:41:49
think the hardest thing is that you know
00:41:51
for me leaving that marriage was not
00:41:54
about like I never missed the person
00:41:57
leaving my husband was not difficult
00:42:00
admitting to society that I'd failed in
00:42:02
marriage was devastating to me like I
00:42:06
really really struggled there to the
00:42:08
extent that I thought maybe I'd just
00:42:09
stay so I never had to tell tell anyone
00:42:11
that I'd failed because I had quite a
00:42:14
quite a harsh Persona in the fact that I
00:42:17
was right everything was black and white
00:42:19
and I think after that everything just
00:42:20
got this gorgeous shade of gray I was
00:42:22
just very forgiving of other people and
00:42:25
of myself you know that we always get it
00:42:28
right and in some ways that was probably
00:42:31
um even though you didn't know it at the
00:42:33
time it was probably like you know one
00:42:34
of the steps to prepare you for the
00:42:36
battle that was about to about to come
00:42:38
in the next decade of your life 100%
00:42:40
yeah yeah um I've heard you say like you
00:42:42
you talked to your cancer rationally
00:42:44
like uh you know a lot of people have
00:42:45
like a you know a [ __ ] cancer [ __ ]
00:42:47
cancer t-shirts and stuff but you were
00:42:49
like um you sort of made made friends
00:42:51
with it in a way I guess well it's my
00:42:53
body yeah you know like imagine hating
00:42:56
your body imagine been going through
00:42:57
life hating your body and I and I had
00:42:59
hated my body at times and I was just
00:43:02
like actually if we're going to live
00:43:04
together let's just have a chat and I
00:43:06
explained to my cancer that if it kept
00:43:08
growing at the rate it was it was going
00:43:10
to kill me and I'm the host and
00:43:12
therefore it was going to die so I was
00:43:14
kind of having this negotiation with you
00:43:15
could have killed both of us you could
00:43:17
have killed both of us it's like it's
00:43:18
not a good plan you know through think
00:43:21
it through exactly I was like think it
00:43:23
through because I think that there's an
00:43:25
energy to anger and to hate into Fu
00:43:28
cancer that I wasn't interested in I was
00:43:31
a little bit more of holy [ __ ] you know
00:43:34
you haven't always loved yourself so
00:43:35
let's just give yourself a bit of a hug
00:43:37
now I know this is not ideal but
00:43:39
actually let's find a way and move
00:43:41
forward with it CU I'm just don't I'm
00:43:44
I'm exhausted and I don't have the
00:43:45
energy to hate myself anymore well and
00:43:48
it worked for you um obviously like
00:43:50
genetics and DNA and stuff play a part
00:43:51
in it but um I have really high
00:43:54
inflammatory markers so I've had my DNA
00:43:58
tested and I have really really really
00:44:01
high inflammatory markers which means
00:44:03
that I'm quite sensitive to foods and
00:44:06
things like that not allergic but just
00:44:08
you know sort of high inflammatory
00:44:09
markers yeah yeah I mean anyone that's
00:44:11
got a terminal diagnosis I suppose like
00:44:14
you're doing what you know following
00:44:15
your blueprint it can't do you any harm
00:44:18
right well it absolutely there's a book
00:44:22
that's been written called radical
00:44:23
remission and it talks about the key
00:44:25
factors that are involved D in healing
00:44:28
so she studied uh Dr Kelly Turner she
00:44:31
studied a thousand people and um it just
00:44:34
so happens that I had intuitively done
00:44:36
all of them some of them weren't
00:44:38
important to me like and others I did
00:44:41
very very well like one of them that I
00:44:43
think I doubled down on was reducing all
00:44:46
negative emotions so you know I reduced
00:44:50
like I went right through my life and I
00:44:52
just went um you know do I who do I need
00:44:56
to forgive do I need I need to forgive
00:44:57
myself do I need to forgive somebody
00:44:58
else how do I look at the situation and
00:45:01
make it and and reconcile it in my own
00:45:04
head that it was okay you know that that
00:45:06
I don't need to drag all my baggage
00:45:08
through life I decided that if I was
00:45:10
going to die I wanted to die with this
00:45:12
little baggage as possible and in doing
00:45:14
that I think that I got to really really
00:45:17
focus on you know like I say the Grass
00:45:19
Grows Where you grow where you water it
00:45:21
and then so I really doubled down on all
00:45:23
the good things in my life so the
00:45:26
baggage thing you're talking about I've
00:45:27
heard you say you you want to have a
00:45:29
really good death Y is that sort of what
00:45:31
what does that tie in with that yeah
00:45:32
100% cuz I just want to be able to on
00:45:35
the day I meant to go just 96 years old
00:45:38
that's the one I think he knows more
00:45:40
about me than I know about
00:45:42
myself yeah um what advice would you
00:45:44
have for anyone listening that's got a
00:45:45
terminal illness or that knows someone
00:45:48
that that has and they might pass this
00:45:50
you know link on to
00:45:51
them I think it's the same advice that I
00:45:54
would give anybody I wouldn't you know
00:45:57
the same advice or the advice that I'd
00:45:59
give anybody is you
00:46:02
know you know what's right for you you
00:46:05
know that if it's your time to do your
00:46:07
work you know if you know you're living
00:46:09
your best life and now it's time to
00:46:11
double down you know the areas of your
00:46:14
life that you've been avoiding and
00:46:16
you've been trying not to think about
00:46:17
and for anybody that's supporting
00:46:19
somebody else um the greatest gift my
00:46:22
sister gave me Joe was um when I had my
00:46:26
first diagnos and I was just about to go
00:46:28
and get my right breast lobbed off um
00:46:31
and I S I sat down with her at lunch and
00:46:33
I said this is
00:46:34
rough and she said yes it is and I said
00:46:39
this is really unfair she said yeah it
00:46:41
is I was 30 years old I hadn't had
00:46:44
children and I was lo you know and I
00:46:46
just sat there for 20 minutes and I
00:46:48
complained about everything and she said
00:46:50
yep and never once did she say come on
00:46:53
die you know she just pull your pull
00:46:56
your socks up y she just let me wallow
00:46:58
in my own self-pity and then by the 20
00:47:00
minutes I was so bored with myself I
00:47:02
said okay let's go she goes good girl
00:47:04
off for you oh so you just needed to
00:47:06
vent was it quite cathartic oh somebody
00:47:09
that can hold space for you and let you
00:47:12
when you've actually got a serious
00:47:14
situation where you just want to tell
00:47:16
them everything that you feel and
00:47:18
complain about your life and just go
00:47:21
this is [ __ ] you know this is unfair why
00:47:24
is this happening to me you know blah
00:47:26
blah blah and they just hold the space
00:47:28
for you to just let that all out it was
00:47:31
like this enormous weight had been
00:47:33
lifted off me and that is that is a very
00:47:37
difficult thing to do for somebody and
00:47:38
I'm forever grateful that she allows me
00:47:41
to do that and allows that space for me
00:47:44
to do
00:47:45
that yeah just all this I know the
00:47:48
cancer is the least interesting thing
00:47:50
about you and we've been talking talking
00:47:51
about it for half an hour but it's um
00:47:54
move on there there's just so many good
00:47:56
um like takeway way and and insights and
00:47:58
I I genuinely believe you when you know
00:48:00
you when you wake up every day and you
00:48:02
appreciate it I I believe it but it' be
00:48:04
very easy to you know to survive that
00:48:08
grazing you grazing bullet or whatever
00:48:09
you want to call it and and then yeah 5
00:48:11
years down the track go go back into how
00:48:13
you were before and take life for
00:48:15
granted and and I have in some respects
00:48:17
I think there's two things that come out
00:48:19
of that you know I went on and head
00:48:21
Jackson and man your life gets real
00:48:24
small in another way and you know and
00:48:27
then I found myself you know being a mom
00:48:30
and trying to work and doing all this
00:48:32
and then going through Pur menopause and
00:48:34
for a while that was quite hard you know
00:48:37
like I thought cancer was hard and I
00:48:39
thought leaving my first husband was
00:48:40
hard but holy [ __ ] men P menopause and
00:48:43
menopause is like next level freaking
00:48:45
bat [ __ ] crazy hard um
00:48:48
warning um so I did find myself in that
00:48:51
place you know where I was just like
00:48:53
there's a lot to I I needed to find my
00:48:57
balance again and that was hard but the
00:49:00
one thing that I'd say just when you say
00:49:02
you know like I you know like you know
00:49:05
wake up every day and I'm happy and
00:49:07
everything's great if you're listening
00:49:09
to this and thinking how does she do
00:49:12
that Dom's right I do wake up every day
00:49:15
and I'm grateful but that doesn't mean
00:49:17
that it's quite as rosy as I make out it
00:49:20
to
00:49:21
be but what I do do is I go back and I
00:49:25
retell myself a story
00:49:27
because if I told you the really really
00:49:29
hard bits of what I went through if I
00:49:31
told you the bits of you know like when
00:49:33
I had chemo and a mate came over and was
00:49:36
weeding the garden and he was telling me
00:49:39
about all the wonderful things that were
00:49:40
happening in his life and when he took
00:49:43
two steps out I was in the toilet and
00:49:45
the entire neighborhood would have heard
00:49:47
me like from the depths of my soul
00:49:50
vomiting out everything in my body and
00:49:52
then of course he took off and never
00:49:54
came back and weeded the garden [ __ ]
00:49:56
hell Terry what were you thinking you
00:49:59
know like but that is such a great
00:50:01
example of that was a really really
00:50:04
rough time but then I'll tell you
00:50:06
[ __ ] hell Terry what were you
00:50:08
thinking because I just retell my story
00:50:11
to myself so that it's palatable for me
00:50:14
to live with you know it was not easy it
00:50:18
was it was really tough at
00:50:21
times but again instead of focusing on
00:50:24
that so if I had a day and there were
00:50:26
five things that happened and four of
00:50:28
them were tough I would only tell you
00:50:29
about the one thing that was
00:50:31
amazing cuz that's in my control even
00:50:34
the retelling of my story is in my
00:50:40
control [ __ ] you've done the work hey
00:50:42
I've done the work
00:50:44
sunshine sunshine I have done the work
00:50:48
you you've earned the right to call a
00:50:50
51y old man sunshine I you have you call
00:50:52
me whatever the [ __ ] you want I will
00:50:54
call you whatever the [ __ ] I want so so
00:50:57
let's Okay um we'll talk about Young D
00:50:59
for a bit so yeah it seems like you got
00:51:01
an incredible relationship with your dad
00:51:03
is both your parents still alive yeah
00:51:05
yeah yeah that's still together or yeah
00:51:06
yeah yeah yeah definitely yeah so what
00:51:08
what are you like are you would you say
00:51:10
you're 50% your dad 50% your mom or is
00:51:12
there more in terms of character
00:51:15
traits
00:51:16
uh when I'm authentically myself I'm 75%
00:51:21
dead and CAU a mom when I'm playing when
00:51:26
I when I was living to society's
00:51:28
expectations I was 50/50 cuz I was
00:51:30
trying to be a 1950s housewife and then
00:51:34
bloody work and bloody build assets and
00:51:36
do all that [ __ ] at the same time now
00:51:38
I'm just like and actually the more I
00:51:40
lean into the life that I've got now
00:51:43
then I'm probably 95% my dad because um
00:51:47
you know like recently when I was in
00:51:49
Europe with my family um yeah we were we
00:51:53
were in Paris at the same time this is
00:51:55
April we were seen each other it was
00:51:57
very funny um when I was in Europe I
00:52:00
said to the boys I said um I said
00:52:03
Jackson have I been a good mom you know
00:52:06
like do you know who I am and you know
00:52:08
like you know who I am and you know who
00:52:10
you are have I been a good mom and he's
00:52:11
just like Mom you're like the best and I
00:52:14
said cool and I milked it for a bit I
00:52:17
said Steve you know have I been a good
00:52:19
partner and he goes oh my God you're
00:52:21
amazing I was like milky keep going guys
00:52:24
yeah keep going come on just look at for
00:52:26
the love here and um then I said you
00:52:29
know I said I'm so pleased cuz you know
00:52:31
like you know I've put my career on hold
00:52:34
and I've done these things and I've
00:52:35
purposely not really ranked things up
00:52:37
and and that and I said look I'm so
00:52:39
pleased that you know that that you feel
00:52:42
this way because in two weeks when we
00:52:44
get home that [ __ ] [ __ ] is over I am
00:52:48
done I am done putting my life on hold
00:52:52
because I'm petrified that my little
00:52:53
child's not going to know who I am and
00:52:56
at the same time he was asking me about
00:52:57
achieving a goal he had and he was like
00:52:59
how do I do this and how do I do that
00:53:01
and my son's a little bit resistant at
00:53:03
times but then he does listen and I said
00:53:05
to him sweetheart I could tell you all
00:53:07
of this information till I'm blowing in
00:53:08
the face I'm just going to show you so
00:53:11
when I stepped off that plane from
00:53:13
Europe I was like I'm going now let
00:53:16
Jackson let me tell you what my goals
00:53:18
are and I'm going to show you how I'm
00:53:19
going to achieve them and you can ask me
00:53:21
any question on the way and I'm just
00:53:23
going to show you I'm going to explain
00:53:25
to you what I'm doing where I'm doing it
00:53:27
and why I'm doing it but I'm going to
00:53:29
show you how to How I Live this next
00:53:31
phase of my
00:53:33
life what were those goals what are they
00:53:36
I would like I am going to be I am going
00:53:39
to be an international speaker I'm going
00:53:42
to share my story but also share my life
00:53:45
philosophies on International stages and
00:53:48
I am going to be an author and I will
00:53:51
continue coaching
00:53:53
because cuz I'm really good at it and
00:53:56
cuz I love it yeah actually you've got
00:53:59
the the same sort of
00:54:01
um same sort of tone of voice on your
00:54:03
website it's like um you know hi I'm D
00:54:05
and I'm really good at what I do sort of
00:54:07
thing which is um it's so un unwi um but
00:54:12
it's I think it's something that as new
00:54:13
zealanders it's not a not a good thing
00:54:15
that it's un kiwi you know what I mean I
00:54:17
think um I think it's a powerful thing
00:54:19
and it's one thing you know like I could
00:54:21
probably speak in New Zealand for the
00:54:23
rest of my life but I think that um
00:54:26
markets abroad will be far more
00:54:28
receptive to to the way that I think
00:54:31
yeah if kiwi are listening to this which
00:54:34
I imagine there might be a couple um you
00:54:36
know and they think oh good lord she's
00:54:38
so up herself it's like you are
00:54:41
absolutely right and by God I've done
00:54:44
the work to get here cuz I did not
00:54:46
always love myself you know I've been
00:54:48
really hard on myself so yeah also
00:54:51
anyone that says that that like that's
00:54:53
kind of that's kind of it's that tall
00:54:55
poppy thing like crabs a bucket whatever
00:54:57
you want to call it it's yeah it's like
00:54:59
that's cool yeah yeah yeah if that's
00:55:01
going to make your day better by
00:55:02
bringing someone else down go ahead cuz
00:55:05
you know me loving myself just makes my
00:55:08
life easier it actually doesn't affect
00:55:10
you you know like seriously like the
00:55:14
fact that I'm really comfortable living
00:55:16
my life and living in my own body it's
00:55:19
like what business is it of anybody
00:55:21
else's you know like literally what
00:55:24
business is it of anybody else's whether
00:55:26
you know it's just weird but I reckon
00:55:29
there's that um I don't know I'm making
00:55:32
up this percentage but say there's 25%
00:55:33
of people at at that want to bring you
00:55:35
down and think oh this this this checks
00:55:37
up herself but then there's the top end
00:55:39
that'll go yeah [ __ ] yeah good for you
00:55:41
yeah I'm rooting for your die do you
00:55:43
know Lisa O'Neal she's a good speaker
00:55:46
around New Zealand she's bloody funny
00:55:48
she's um she said and she wrote a book
00:55:51
about it and it's called lickable third
00:55:54
and she says that if you walk into any
00:55:56
room and there's like 90 people there 30
00:55:59
of them are going to love you like love
00:56:03
you you know a third of them are going
00:56:06
to just it will not matter what you do
00:56:08
you are not their people and a third of
00:56:10
them are going to take or Leave You Now
00:56:14
interestingly I reckon that my husband
00:56:16
is like 10% of people love him 10% of
00:56:18
people hate him cuz he's not polarizing
00:56:21
I reckon you and I are probably way
00:56:25
closer just splitting the room I quite
00:56:28
yeah I quite like it though and yeah a
00:56:30
Slither of um indifferent people in the
00:56:32
middle yeah that are just oh know I can
00:56:35
see that with me because I've I've been
00:56:36
on Commercial radio for many years but
00:56:38
you who would yeah I don't know I can't
00:56:41
imagine anyone would would feel that
00:56:43
negative towards you when you only bring
00:56:46
good into the world really do you want
00:56:47
me to give you their
00:56:49
names there's quite a few yeah it is
00:56:53
what it is you know and what I've
00:56:54
noticed especially in the last last year
00:56:57
is that um me just living my best life
00:57:01
is annoying the B Jesus out of a few
00:57:03
people I'm not I'm not you know like
00:57:06
literally um me just living my best life
00:57:09
is annoying the [ __ ] out of people
00:57:11
because they've known me for a long time
00:57:13
and they have their own opinions about
00:57:15
me and you know like people prob
00:57:18
possibly think they know me if they've
00:57:19
known me for 30 years well I would say
00:57:21
that the last you know 12 years have
00:57:25
been a mom I'm quite a different person
00:57:27
than I was when I was 14 you know like
00:57:29
14 years ago yes mainly because I've I
00:57:33
wouldn't say I'm Different I'd say I'm
00:57:35
unapologetically myself
00:57:38
now oh good for you just sort of
00:57:40
Reaching Your
00:57:41
Potential and and you know that just I
00:57:44
the we bit of sick just came up in my
00:57:46
mouth when you said that it's like you
00:57:48
know I don't know what the [ __ ] is
00:57:50
potential it's like you know just living
00:57:53
a good life no just just being you being
00:57:55
everything that you know you can be yeah
00:57:57
and I just think I'm I would I would
00:57:59
phrase it as I'm just leaning into it
00:58:02
I'm just leaning into the opportunities
00:58:04
that I have and I'm just loving it yeah
00:58:08
and as I said to you before I have
00:58:10
always known that I would end up in this
00:58:11
position yeah you know like if I look at
00:58:14
my some DMS this week I'm just like I I
00:58:17
tell my sisters I'm like gu who DM me
00:58:20
the we it's like you know cuz we all
00:58:22
think I'm hilarious like you know if you
00:58:24
want to be grounded here two sister like
00:58:26
mine um you know and it's do you know
00:58:28
what I mean it's just like and they they
00:58:30
just absolutely cheer me cheerlead me
00:58:33
and also tell me you know when if I sort
00:58:35
of pull a Swifty on Mom and try and get
00:58:38
some sympathy for something they'll be
00:58:39
like yeah that cancer card's done die
00:58:42
your history you know you just it's old
00:58:44
news that was like day two you know it's
00:58:47
like yeah no you can't do that [ __ ] so
00:58:49
you know it's just I don't know I could
00:58:50
you so yeah your go before International
00:58:52
speaker and you said you want to um be
00:58:55
an author um you're you're in the middle
00:58:57
of writing a book at the moment I've got
00:58:58
it sitting on my desk really yeah what's
00:59:01
what's it called or what's the theme of
00:59:02
it one more year it's just my life it's
00:59:05
it's what we've talked about and
00:59:07
interesting one of the things we've
00:59:08
talked about today around my ending of
00:59:11
my first marriage is actually in there
00:59:13
and it's the first time I've talked
00:59:14
about it today I've never talked about
00:59:16
it before Oh thanks for talking about
00:59:18
that yeah it's it's um it's funny every
00:59:21
single person has flaws and
00:59:23
vulnerabilities and we don't we don't
00:59:24
like to talk about them you know but
00:59:26
it's um yeah it's just human and I'd
00:59:29
love to think that uh you know for me
00:59:32
the only mistake I'd make is not
00:59:33
learning from them and not taking those
00:59:36
not knowing myself would be my you know
00:59:38
would be a real sad thing for me as if I
00:59:41
didn't take the opportunities to lean
00:59:42
and to get to know myself and you know
00:59:44
double down on that yeah absolutely and
00:59:47
um oh a big part of the work you do on
00:59:50
your website you you work with um I
00:59:52
found this line really strange
00:59:54
accidental business owners yeah what
00:59:56
what what does that mean exactly well
00:59:58
what's an accidental business owner do
00:59:59
you own your own
01:00:02
business well I suppose kind of yeah
01:00:04
yeah and did you wake up at 15 and go
01:00:08
I'm going to own businesses or did you
01:00:10
hone your craft and then find yourself
01:00:13
in a position where you're like oh I
01:00:15
have to do these busy things now yeah
01:00:18
the the letter yeah that's an accidental
01:00:20
business owner so people that are so
01:00:22
good at their craft quite often they do
01:00:23
it as a side hassle but sometimes it's
01:00:26
just I would say accidental Business
01:00:28
Leaders which is you know people that
01:00:30
work for somebody else but people that
01:00:31
work for themselves they've they've
01:00:33
honed their craft that much and they've
01:00:36
accidentally fallen into business so you
01:00:38
know at the age of 12 I was talking
01:00:40
about business with my dad so the
01:00:43
language of business everything around
01:00:45
business we were talking about right
01:00:46
through my teenage years so I always
01:00:48
knew that I was going to be in business
01:00:51
you you must a weird K where did that
01:00:53
come from weird I mean in the best
01:00:56
possible way so the Tony Robbins thing
01:00:58
reading awaken the giant within as a
01:01:00
teenage girl when do you know why though
01:01:02
I read that because my dad had aspects
01:01:06
of his upbringing that were particularly
01:01:08
difficult yeah I heard about this so um
01:01:11
you you never got to meet your nana on
01:01:13
your dead side she she took her own life
01:01:15
this this was a generation a long time
01:01:18
before mental health was even a knowing
01:01:20
yeah sort of thing yeah so you know that
01:01:23
and there's a lot around that in terms
01:01:25
of the way she did it and the fact that
01:01:27
my dad actually found her and so you
01:01:31
know there is the that was really
01:01:34
difficult for him and that was holding
01:01:36
him back and dad and I had started this
01:01:39
conversation about how do you move past
01:01:40
something like that and I was a weird
01:01:43
kid in the fact that when I get a gut
01:01:46
feeling that's when the the bum
01:01:50
glue do you know what I mean and I'm
01:01:52
like that's going to happen and so you
01:01:54
know Dad and I would talk about it and
01:01:56
I'd go I'm going to find an answer to
01:01:59
that yeah but as a teenage girl where
01:02:02
did that sort of emotional intelligence
01:02:04
come from well I've always
01:02:08
been no but you know what I mean that's
01:02:10
a lot all your friends at the time would
01:02:11
have been reading [ __ ] I don't know Enid
01:02:13
bighton or the babysitter's club or
01:02:15
whatever and you're reading Tony Robbins
01:02:17
yeah and weirdly I'm dyslexic and that's
01:02:19
probably the second book I read and it's
01:02:22
like this thick yeah it's massive it's
01:02:24
massive but give me something I'm
01:02:26
interested in and I'll read it you know
01:02:29
um look I don't know I don't know I just
01:02:32
was who I was awkwardly so but you know
01:02:36
I had a desperate desire to be loved as
01:02:39
a teenage girl you know like I really
01:02:41
struggled with it I think that
01:02:45
um I I I did struggle with it and I
01:02:49
think that's probably why you know I got
01:02:51
married and you know thought that I'd
01:02:53
just be happy and then it was like I
01:02:55
think when I I left my first husband I
01:02:56
was like oh [ __ ] I took the problem with
01:03:00
me the problem is me yeah I need to love
01:03:03
myself and I think that's where that
01:03:05
whole journey came from yeah God I think
01:03:07
I still have elements of that now that
01:03:08
desperate need to be loved yeah you know
01:03:10
that people pleasing tendency but if but
01:03:13
if you can be aware of it I figure
01:03:14
that's uh one step closer to and and I
01:03:17
with clients and stuff I've always
01:03:18
talked about this it's like that thing
01:03:20
that you want and expect you know how we
01:03:22
talked before about high standards low
01:03:24
expectations I don't expect anything
01:03:26
from other people I I would say that I
01:03:29
have one of the best marriages cuz my
01:03:30
there was no expectations on my husband
01:03:33
high standards highest of Standards but
01:03:36
low expectations I don't expect him to
01:03:38
make me happy I don't expect him to ever
01:03:40
notice I've had a haircut cuz in 16
01:03:43
years he never has yet um I came home
01:03:47
with a pink once and he still didn't
01:03:48
notice you know but it's like you know
01:03:50
people go well I got married and I
01:03:52
expect that they'll do this and I expect
01:03:53
that they'll be this way anything that I
01:03:55
want life I expect of it of myself I
01:03:59
will go and get it myself now not always
01:04:02
that way but it's like you know I fill
01:04:05
my own cup you know I make sure that I
01:04:08
love the [ __ ] out of myself it's like am
01:04:10
I happy with my life and my situation
01:04:13
and where I'm at before I'm looking at
01:04:15
anyone else to
01:04:17
say you know I didn't expect that from
01:04:19
you you should have done it differently
01:04:21
[ __ ] that's such a high level of
01:04:23
accountability it's really powerful yep
01:04:26
it is that's what I mean imagine loving
01:04:28
with
01:04:30
that that's what I mean no it's good but
01:04:32
it's good like I suppose um you know
01:04:35
there's that saying that all boats go up
01:04:37
in a rising title you like it's you're
01:04:39
not you're not yeah you're putting the
01:04:41
pressure on yourself and I suppose by
01:04:43
that like Steve and Jackson their
01:04:45
standards immediately raised to try and
01:04:48
you know not not compete yeah keep up
01:04:50
keep up yeah yeah yeah yeah you know but
01:04:53
again if that's one of my greater
01:04:55
strengths one of the downsides to that
01:04:57
rather than calling it a weakness but
01:04:59
one of the downsides to that is purely
01:05:02
um it's exhausting no it's not
01:05:04
exhausting um but you know like I do
01:05:07
lose friendships you know like you know
01:05:09
because I'm moving in a certain
01:05:11
direction so if you're not moving with
01:05:13
me then you know you'll go and do your
01:05:16
own thing so I don't have you know like
01:05:19
if I look back over time I've kept a
01:05:22
number of friends like I but I I'm quite
01:05:25
select in who is around me I'm very very
01:05:28
select in who who's allowed to get in my
01:05:32
ears and speak to me and have an
01:05:33
influence on my life yeah but as you get
01:05:35
older you understand the sort of cycle
01:05:37
of friendship so there's that saying
01:05:38
about yeah people coming to your life
01:05:39
for a reason a season or a lifetime and
01:05:41
it's it's very true like so true some
01:05:43
people are there for a just just a
01:05:45
reason and you get what you need from
01:05:46
each other and then you part your
01:05:47
separate ways y 100% yeah like if I look
01:05:50
at um your photos from you know when I
01:05:52
got married to my wife um my ex-wife 20
01:05:55
years ago it's like there's so many
01:05:57
people there that I'm I'd still call
01:05:59
them friends but I haven't seen them in
01:06:00
years and you just sort of drift apart
01:06:01
cuz you're not working together anymore
01:06:03
or you move cities it just happens and I
01:06:05
also think that because I do enjoy my
01:06:08
own company a lot more you know if I'm
01:06:11
not working and if I'm not with my
01:06:12
family then I'm very happy to be on my
01:06:14
own you know and I I was not like that
01:06:16
in my
01:06:18
20s yeah that's awesome and so the um
01:06:21
you the business coaching you do what
01:06:23
are some of the biggest um success
01:06:24
stories is there anything that anything
01:06:27
that stands
01:06:32
out I
01:06:34
think there's there's a whole range of
01:06:36
things that I'm incredibly proud of and
01:06:38
I think some of them are the smallest of
01:06:40
things you know some of them are just
01:06:42
about people that generally my clients
01:06:45
will come to me and the first thing they
01:06:46
say is I don't really have a problem um
01:06:50
I'm not really sure why I'm here um I
01:06:53
just know that I don't want to be in
01:06:54
this situation in a Year's time and and
01:06:56
it's not necessarily that they're doing
01:06:57
badly or anything like that it's just
01:06:59
that they they they've become aware that
01:07:02
life is short and they just want to go
01:07:05
to the next level so it's everything
01:07:07
some of the ones that I'm really proud
01:07:09
of is just reframing their life so that
01:07:12
they can step forward and then of course
01:07:14
there's more public people that I coach
01:07:16
that have been very vocal about that and
01:07:18
you know Dave wood would come to mind
01:07:20
you know he is over in pea and he is oh
01:07:23
um yeah has team three sh me I'm doing a
01:07:26
podcast with him in I think next month
01:07:28
oh classic yeah so Dave um you know
01:07:31
stress medication or stress breath work
01:07:34
coach with um Israel aandra you know
01:07:37
like real interesting guy and you know
01:07:40
our relationship is quite unique and
01:07:42
quite special you know and I'm super
01:07:44
proud of the work that I've done with
01:07:45
them you know and that's probably been a
01:07:47
little bit more from a real business
01:07:49
point of view but also um I guess the
01:07:53
thing that I'm proudest is I don't
01:07:55
separate the business and the people you
01:07:57
know people come to me and it's like you
01:08:00
know if we talk about the business well
01:08:02
the problem with the business is
01:08:03
generally the person like they're
01:08:05
generally always the problem so to
01:08:06
separate them you know there are
01:08:08
business coaches that really do the nuts
01:08:10
and bolts of business and that's awesome
01:08:12
that's just not what I do because I just
01:08:14
can't leave the person behind I just
01:08:16
want to you know I love people and I
01:08:18
just
01:08:19
want I'm just one of those people that I
01:08:22
get more joy out of somebody else doing
01:08:24
exceptionally well than being driven to
01:08:27
you know you know I like a mom on the
01:08:30
sidelines 100% which is so weird because
01:08:32
do you want to know who my like my
01:08:34
clients are generally between 35 and 45
01:08:39
males it is so weird to me when I first
01:08:42
started coaching I was like surely
01:08:43
there'll be women of my age and I do
01:08:45
have about 25% of you know wom but 75%
01:08:51
honestly staggers me and I think it's
01:08:53
like it's like the Auntie you know it's
01:08:55
like oh she's she's done quite a bit on
01:08:57
life she you know oh you we've got to
01:09:00
zoom with d we better do the homework us
01:09:02
that's exactly what happens be like I
01:09:05
did that this morning oh god um and have
01:09:07
you um this might be an outright no but
01:09:10
like if you were to like fire or part
01:09:13
ways with any of your clients like this
01:09:14
just oh really yeah like this just isn't
01:09:17
working um oh look I don't believe that
01:09:20
I have to be that blunt I you know I am
01:09:23
blunt but I just I don't know you can
01:09:25
just naturally let things shift you know
01:09:29
yeah I wouldn't even say You're Fired No
01:09:31
actually that's not true actually Dave
01:09:33
Wood I said to him if you don't do that
01:09:35
by Monday I'm not coaching you anymore
01:09:37
you can go jog on and he was like oh
01:09:40
Jesus she was serious was very funny it
01:09:42
was you know we have an amazing
01:09:44
relationship what was it what was the
01:09:45
thing I have no
01:09:46
idea I don't hold on to anything I don't
01:09:49
need well
01:09:50
um what would be three words to describe
01:09:53
you or say your funeral the rip old age
01:09:56
of
01:09:57
97 one year more than what three words
01:10:00
would you like um like people in the
01:10:02
room to like commonly agree are three
01:10:04
words to describe you I would love it if
01:10:07
they said that I was as challenging as
01:10:08
[ __ ] I challenging as [ __ ] yeah that's a
01:10:11
good bumper sticker as well challenging
01:10:13
yeah yeah yeah 100% because I think I
01:10:16
believe in equally challenging somebody
01:10:19
in supporting them so nobody is going to
01:10:22
come to me for coaching if they don't
01:10:23
want to be challenged they would would
01:10:25
not walk nobody would even pick up write
01:10:27
an email to me unless they wanted some
01:10:30
sort of reflection back at them yeah you
01:10:33
know like I yeah and so I would love
01:10:36
them to say that I was
01:10:37
challenging um I would love them to
01:10:45
say I would just want there's a feeling
01:10:49
that
01:10:50
um you know when you meet people like
01:10:53
say we never ever ever saw each other
01:10:55
other again and someone said to you my
01:10:57
name and you just had this feeling like
01:11:00
of how you felt when you were here with
01:11:02
me that's what I would want people to
01:11:04
remember is I just don't believe people
01:11:07
will either remember what I say or what
01:11:09
I do but I firmly one of the most common
01:11:12
things people say to me is I remember
01:11:14
how I felt when I first met you or when
01:11:17
I've you know like they remember that
01:11:20
and I I would want them to remember that
01:11:22
and the only other thing that I would
01:11:24
want them to remember
01:11:27
as that I loved my son with all my
01:11:30
[Music]
01:11:32
heart it's so
01:11:35
cool and I you know like I that get that
01:11:38
gets me more emotional these days when
01:11:40
I've reflected on the fact that I put my
01:11:43
career on hold for 12 years not like I
01:11:46
kept it under a tight handbrake until I
01:11:50
felt that we were ready as a family for
01:11:52
things to
01:11:53
change yeah oh good on you it's
01:11:55
inspiring to watch J you're um have you
01:11:58
always been quite emotional or you find
01:12:00
you got more emotional like post cancer
01:12:02
or is it just like a middle-aged thing I
01:12:04
find I'm getting more emotional as I get
01:12:05
older I have always allowed my emotions
01:12:08
to suit this you know you asked before
01:12:10
about being emotionally intelligent I
01:12:12
would say that I you know I can remember
01:12:14
in my 20s um when there was a situation
01:12:17
that happened at work and my uncle said
01:12:18
to me you know you just you just cry at
01:12:21
the drop of a hat and then the situation
01:12:23
happened and he it was like really
01:12:26
painful for him because he couldn't get
01:12:28
the emotion out and he said to me I
01:12:30
think you were right all along he said
01:12:32
you just process it cuz I I can go from
01:12:35
feeling that to then letting it go like
01:12:38
I don't have to hold on to it you know
01:12:40
and so I I allow myself to move through
01:12:43
emotions because I don't think we're
01:12:45
meant to just be happy or all the time I
01:12:48
think we're meant to feel all the things
01:12:51
you know like I want to feel that my son
01:12:53
means a lot to me and it brings tears to
01:12:55
my eyes and I just you know like I just
01:12:57
want to love the [ __ ] out of life I
01:12:59
think that would be the thing is you
01:13:01
know I want to be remembered for
01:13:04
living just simply
01:13:09
loving I think it's a good place to end
01:13:12
it I can't think of like anything more
01:13:14
powerful than that [ __ ] yeah um as I
01:13:17
said before like yeah you know you walk
01:13:19
the walk and you talk the talk and um
01:13:21
you've got the scars to [ __ ] back it
01:13:23
up as well yeah I have do I fost we've
01:13:26
been going backwards and forwards for
01:13:27
yeah a long time now and it's it's
01:13:30
wonderful that this finally um has
01:13:32
happened I'm yeah I'm humbled it's been
01:13:35
great to be in your presence it's been a
01:13:37
pleasure to meet you I was apprehensive
01:13:39
about today really why so
01:13:42
um because I'm a lot and when I see when
01:13:46
I see things in people sometimes I I
01:13:49
find it hard not to say something and so
01:13:52
I have a couple of questions for you oh
01:13:54
God Jackson stop recording no no no yeah
01:13:58
yeah go ahead you can
01:14:02
C I have only watched one of your
01:14:05
interviews and it was Israel Sandra's
01:14:08
therapist oh Janet Redmond yeah thank
01:14:10
you did you do her course oh no no I
01:14:14
haven't done it why
01:14:17
not I
01:14:19
um I so she came to Oakland it was going
01:14:22
it was a group course um and I had like
01:14:26
sort of like a bit of anxiety about it I
01:14:29
I feel I feel bad about this but I'm
01:14:30
going to be completely honest with you I
01:14:32
I I sent her a text saying um I was down
01:14:34
with the flu I wasn't feeling 100% but I
01:14:36
was definitely well enough to go so it
01:14:37
was a [ __ ]
01:14:38
excuse um yeah you could work with her
01:14:42
privately
01:14:44
though yeah yeah I must do that I need
01:14:48
to do that but it was um it was it was a
01:14:51
great chat it was yeah it was it was
01:14:52
very um cathartic but yeah you realize
01:14:55
how how close to the surface those
01:14:57
emotions are like we're only a few
01:14:59
minutes in before I started like boiling
01:15:01
my eyes out like really ugly crying um
01:15:05
yeah she's no she was a great guest
01:15:07
sometimes I have a really strong sense
01:15:09
about things I think we've touched on
01:15:11
that today and I watched that interview
01:15:14
and I only had one question for you is
01:15:15
have you done it why not and when are
01:15:18
you going to because um that emotion
01:15:22
that's just sitting there you will not
01:15:24
know your once you move through that and
01:15:27
it is going to stay there until you
01:15:31
address it yeah and I want to meet that
01:15:34
Dom so I'm only asking you to do it for
01:15:37
me but I want to meet him [ __ ] you're
01:15:40
not even my business coach and you're
01:15:41
giving me
01:15:42
tasks yeah no I will I found you know so
01:15:47
I sent you this text saying I'm under
01:15:49
the weather I'm not going to be to make
01:15:50
it and then she replied something like
01:15:51
oh oh okay blast maybe next time I felt
01:15:54
like piece of [ __ ] cuz I I knew I was
01:15:57
you know kind of lying to her and kind
01:15:59
of lying to myself don't worry about
01:16:01
lying to her yeah it's only lying to
01:16:03
yourself that's a problem cuz you have
01:16:05
to go to bed at night and sleep with
01:16:08
yourself that sounds weird but you know
01:16:10
what I mean yeah yeah yeah I love myself
01:16:13
so that's no no actually I don't I don't
01:16:15
love myself but I'm working on getting
01:16:17
there I know yeah and and that's what I
01:16:19
mean like I just think I think it's
01:16:21
closer than you realize and I think your
01:16:24
resistance and doing the work is what
01:16:27
what there's a a a saying that's the
01:16:29
magic you were looking for is in the
01:16:31
work that you're
01:16:32
avoiding I like that and I knew with
01:16:35
100% that you hadn't gone and done
01:16:39
that I did think for a split second
01:16:41
about lying to you no and I would have
01:16:44
gone
01:16:45
[ __ ] there's no [ __ ] way that
01:16:48
you've done that I knew when you said it
01:16:50
I thought oh yeah he's he knows he needs
01:16:52
to go but he hasn't gone yet yeah yeah
01:16:55
it's it's it's ter like it's the worst
01:16:57
sort of procrastination like doing work
01:16:59
on yourself isn't
01:17:01
it should be yeah but we do it cuz it's
01:17:05
hard and do you know how many people
01:17:07
never do the work you know like let's
01:17:10
not be too I'm not trying to be hard on
01:17:12
you I'm just trying to invite you into a
01:17:14
space that I think that you're going to
01:17:17
love yeah I I know and I'm aware there's
01:17:20
a lot of people that never do the work
01:17:21
like I'm thinking like you my parents
01:17:23
generation and beyond that that it was
01:17:25
just even even a thing but we know that
01:17:28
um there's resources and tools now and
01:17:31
it's up to us to use them if you want to
01:17:33
be the best version of yourself that you
01:17:34
can be
01:17:36
yeah anyway get your own [ __ ]
01:17:39
podcast you you're a guest on mine well
01:17:41
it just so happens that I
01:17:44
have actually we released it yesterday
01:17:47
uh on Wednesday business in between oh
01:17:50
oh with between two beers yes Stephen
01:17:52
chers yeah you've been on their podcast
01:17:54
you do a bit of work with them yes so I
01:17:56
have but lovely guys they are they do a
01:17:58
great job but we've actually um got a a
01:18:01
new channel called business in between
01:18:03
and that is some serious live coaching
01:18:07
stuff going on so they are very generous
01:18:10
in the fact that they open up and we
01:18:12
have some pretty interesting chats and
01:18:14
you know if you want a better
01:18:15
explanation of what accidental business
01:18:17
owners are we talk about there's a whole
01:18:19
series that we're doing on accidental
01:18:21
business owners you know because it's
01:18:23
just it is such a big thing and you
01:18:25
because we are really good at doing side
01:18:26
hustles and all of that sort of stuff
01:18:28
and people quite often um just literally
01:18:32
find themselves in that situation so
01:18:34
yeah I did I went and got myself a
01:18:36
podcast fantastic good for you good for
01:18:38
you what's it called business in between
01:18:40
business in between between okay all
01:18:42
right I'll be sure to check it out yeah
01:18:43
those those guys are great I've um we've
01:18:45
connected a few times yeah that's one
01:18:47
thing um if being from a radio
01:18:49
background radio's got a real um
01:18:50
scarcity mentality I don't know if it's
01:18:52
if it's changed now but for my 30 years
01:18:54
and radio it was it was like that it was
01:18:56
like if someone's listening to a station
01:18:58
that you're not working on then they
01:18:59
they're the enemy basically but the
01:19:01
found the the whole podcasting sphere
01:19:03
very very very open and accepting and
01:19:06
welcoming community in terms of
01:19:07
exchanging ideas and things yeah cuz you
01:19:09
you had Luke on the other day didn't you
01:19:11
yes yeah came from keep the change yeah
01:19:13
yeah yeah yeah so we were having a we
01:19:15
chat and he said something oh he must
01:19:17
have said something about um time and I
01:19:20
said what's the time debate you know and
01:19:21
he was like like I was like 2 hours yeah
01:19:24
I was like damn
01:19:26
it I'm just far more efficient with my
01:19:29
words L that's why also also the quality
01:19:32
over quantity yeah exactly loving that
01:19:35
Dom all right hey d foster so wonderful
01:19:37
to connect pleas um it's been the first
01:19:39
time it definitely won't be the last I
01:19:41
look forward to it cheers