Neuroscience Educator Explains: Why Daycare Is Bad For Kids Under 3

Nathan Wallis grew up around alcoholism, violence, abuse and foster care. He was homeless at 15, became a father young, went to counselling at 18 and somehow found his way into teaching, counselling and eventually a career helping people understand how our brains develop.

For parents, this episode is jam packed with good useful advice: We talk about the importance of the first 1,000 days, tantrums, anxiety, daycare, discipline, screens, teenagers, social media, are today’s kids snowflakes, and why asking a kid, “What were you feeling?” can sometimes tell you far more than asking “What were you thinking?” (which, by the way, is the title of his brand-new book)

But this episode also gets into Nathan himself- the man behind the job. We talk about the childhood he survived, the people who saved him, meeting his biological father shortly before he died, and the parts of himself he’s still trying to understand.

This episode needs to come with a warning. Nathan speaks openly about some of the trauma of his own childhood including alcoholism and physical and sexual abuse. It’s not an easy listen in parts, but it’s an important conversation. Listener discretion is advised.

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Massive thanks to my long‑term podcast sponsor, Generate. Like a lot of Kiwis, I spent years saying, “I’ll look at my KiwiSaver account later.”

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0:00 Introduction to What Were You Thinking? 2:15 Understanding the adolescent brain 3:25 Flipping the script on self-perception 10:05 The significance of the first 1,000 days 26:37 Childhood memories and family dynamics 34:21 Connecting with his biological father 36:18 Navigating trauma and the legal system 44:03 Finding a path to neuroscience 46:52 The reality of parenting and guilt 54:18 The importance of attachment (The Diad) 58:00 Phrases parents should stop using 59:00 The impact of screens and technology 1:03:34 Childcare and developmental needs 1:12:43 How to handle toddler tantrums 1:14:47 Views on discipline and parenting styles 1:35:08 Building resilience through scenario planning 1:37:25 Perspectives on social media for teens 1:40:58 Advice for parents feeling they've "stuffed it up" 1:46:27 Legacy and the goal of parenting 1:47:32 Lessons learned and self-reflection