Dr Lucy Hone: The Science of Surviving the Worst Thing That Can Happen

We are so lucky to have Dr Lucy Hone in New Zealand.

She is one of the world’s leading voices on resilience and grief. Her TED Talk, Three Secrets of Resilient People, has been viewed more than 9 million times and is one of the most watched TED Talks in the world.

She’s also a mother who endured the unimaginable loss of her 12-year-old daughter Abi in a car accident in 2014.

In this episode we talk about Abi- who she was, what she loved, the life she might have lived… but we also go much deeper than that.

We talk about how people survive the things they think will destroy them. Why grief isn’t something you just “get over.”

And why the famous five stages of grief might actually be doing more harm than good.

Lucy also opens up about forgiveness, parenting through trauma, post-traumatic growth and the reality of rebuilding a life after everything changes. This is a conversation about loss. But it’s also a conversation about living.

And I’d like to think it is a tribute to the life of Abigail Anne Hone. A life that was cut tragically and painfully short.

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Massive thanks to my long‑term podcast sponsor, Generate.

Your KiwiSaver account is one of those things that’s easy to set up and then completely ignore whilst you’re hoping it’s all working out in the background.

I had a chat with a Generate KiwiSaver adviser when they came on as sponsor, and it genuinely gave me clarity on what it means to have a KiwiSaver plan, and whether mine was actually set up to perform over the long-term.

Generate is an award‑winning KiwiSaver provider with a strong track record of long‑term performance. You can check out their latest returns online, or book a no‑obligation chat with one of their advisers at generatekiwisaver.co.nz/dom.

No pressure, just clear advice to help you feel confident you’re on track. The issuer of the scheme is Generate Investment Management Limited. To see their PDS and Financial Advice Provider info see generatekiwisaver.co.nz/disclosures.

Past performance does not guarantee future returns.

And remember, I’m not a financial adviser, so this is just general information. I recommend getting expert advice before making any financial decisions.

*** 0:00 Introduction 1:12 Welcoming Dr. Lucy Hone 1:40 Introducing 'How Will I Ever Get Through This?' 5:57 Post-Traumatic Growth vs. Stress 7:23 Moving from intrusive to deliberate rumination 9:39 The emotional toll of public speaking 14:55 Remembering Abi 21:37 Recalling the day of the accident 26:05 Choosing not to blame the driver 27:41 Parenting through trauma 32:26 What to do with a loved one’s bedroom 41:13 Dealing with grief comparison 58:51 Moving beyond the 'five stages' of grief: Oscillation Theory 1:00:39 Honoring the legacy of Nigel Latta 1:03:26 Thoughts on the afterlife 1:06:40 Creating a co-legacy 1:09:03 The story behind the 9-million-view TED Talk 1:13:34 Finding hope in hopeless situations 1:21:12 Pet loss and disenfranchised grief 1:31:17 Proactive grieving 1:32:05 Defining 'living losses' 1:39:24 No regrets: Loving while they are here 1:40:56 The five regrets of the dying 1:43:12 Defining healthy emotional expression 1:46:27 Moving from writing to public speaking 1:47:40 Final thoughts and takeaway